Dear Hank & John - 75: The Nutrient Coconut Milk of Sin (w/ Katherine Green!)

Episode Date: January 3, 2017

Who does my cat think I am? Is listening to music a waste of time? Should we get a new coconut? And more! NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: www.nerdconnerdfighteria.com/ Email your questions: [e-mail]

Hello and welcome to the year Hank and John. Or as John likes to call it, dear John and Hank. It's an advice from comedy podcasts where we give you dubious advice and dubious comedy. What else do we do? Talk about death and the chipmunks. Yep. Apparently. And John isn't here today.

No. So, I am filling in and I'm Catherine. This is Catherine my wife Catherine hangs wife. That's how you Designate me And do we also bring you all the week's news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon though I don't know that we're gonna get any AFC Wimbledon news today. Eh Are they doing anything interesting? I bet, sure, maybe. I just, I often Google League One table

and I see if AFC Wimbledon is, ooh, I just did that. That's good than it was the last time I did it. Okay, well, there you go. If you're interested in... But we'll get there at the end of the podcast. We're gonna talk about that yet. But then I ask how you doing, Catherine?

Catherine is okay. I just noticed that my computer has 13% battery. So I'm doing better than my computer. But I'm currently growing a human. Yes. Outside of my body now, after having done it inside of my body for, don't let them tell you it's nine months. It's nine and a half, sometimes 10. And it's

draining. Let me tell you. Yes, literally. The whole thing. Yeah. It's just from, stop, you know, start to finish draining and then there's the person. Yeah. They come out and they still need you. Need you literally, like, you know, I mean. It's still subsist on your body. Yes, it's different. Yeah. I wouldn't say I love it.

You love him? Yes. But the thing of like having to be his only... Uh-huh. It's weird. Well, it's going okay because he keeps getting bigger. Oh, he's huge. He's big. He's big, oh. Um, which is fine. I, I am... please, then proud to be doing it. Yeah. I guess enjoying it because it's this crazy experience that is like nothing else. Yeah. But it is not easy. Yeah. And it is not 100% joy all the time you guys.

No, this whole man, there's so many. There's so many things that you will read. And we were, there are the hall man. So many things you will read that will make it seem like some, I don't know, maybe this is the case for some people, that it is this like or like almost physically joyous thing at every step of the way. And maybe that is the case for some people. Yeah. But those are, those people gotta be rare.

Yeah, I think it's the minority. And I think that it's hard. And I think that that's fine. Oh, totally. I just, I, I, I'm not, I'm not. Don't like the idea that people try to sugar code it. Well, yeah, I mean, you don't do things because they're easy. Right. All the things that people try to sugar code it. Well, yeah, I mean, you don't do things because they're easy.

Right. All the things that are worth doing are hard. Well, I mean, whatever. Except for Patrick's question. If we just want to jump right in. Sure, let's talk about Patrick's question. Does it have some questions? Yeah, it has a great take on what I just said.

Maybe not being true. Patrick says, dear Hank and John, yesterday I received an email that is semi troubling. Spotify sent me a year-in-review email that revealed several facts about my consumption of music on their platform, the main fact being that I spent over 27,000 minutes listening to music in 2016. That's 19 full days. I can't help thinking that while I enjoy the music I listen to immensely, it has been a waste of time. Again, I would like to say that I love the music that I listen to,

yet I can't help but think that of all the things that I could have done. How much time I could have spent with friends or how much I could have written. I think one I'm asking is how can I, for the new year, try to put more thought into what I consume or find a better balance? Well, I wouldn't, before I answer that question, I want to go back and say that if you find joy in a thing, wonderful. So, no, there are many things that are worth doing that are not hard. Just because you enjoy them. Yeah. Also, like 19 days, isn't that large a portion of the year? Yeah I mean I spent 19 days doing boring or things then listening to music. Probably. I wish yeah probably. I wish that I spent time, that much time listening to music. I love listening to music myself. I think that it gets you in touch with a human thing

that is very sort of visceral. And I miss having the time to spend lots of time listening to music and discovering the music. And also, I will say that Patrick, you probably did other things while you were listening to that music. Well, that's my question. When he's listening to music,

is he just listening to music? Even if I feel like that is not what most people's experience of listening to music is. Even if you are just sitting there with your headphones on. Sure. And that's all you're doing. Your eyes closed, got blindfold on. Yeah.

Headphones on. You're immersed in a tank. You can sense no other sensations. You're still doing other stuff. Sure. Like, you're listening to that music, you're thinking about your life. It's reflective, contemplative time. Yes, and it's giving you time to become a more of a person. Yeah.

Whatever. I don't think you should be worried about this at all. So, I mean, you say that for the new year, I want to try to put more thought into what I consume or find a better balance. Again, Catherine said, 19 days in 365 isn't actually all that many. Yeah, that's not, I don't think you're having a trouble with balance. No. But I do think that you should put thought into into what you consume.

And I also do think that spending time creating stuff is also really important. A thing that I can get trapped in sometimes is I can consume a lot of content that's very very good. And I feel like I will never make anything that good. And so I won't even start. And forgetting that of course everybody who created something that I really love, their first song they ever wrote wasn't a master work, you know. Sure, yeah, yeah. And also, with songwriting, sometimes I feel like it is that way. Well, I can't. The first song they write, I'm like, what?

This is your first album? Stop, leave, go away. Well, it probably wasn't the first song they wrote, though. Right. They probably wrote those songs in middle school that nobody gets to hear. Oh man, what I love to hear. Yeah. Some juvenileia from like Adele and... Right. Well at the same time like Taylor Swift, what is she? 14? She's writing amazing stuff. She's a child. She has help. Let's probably have some. Let's be honest. Anyway, the thing about making stuff is the more you do it, the better you are at it generally.

Yeah. Or at least you'll find more joy in it or you'll find a better direction. I think if you're having a good time listening to music, do that. Do it. Definitely do that, Patrick. Have a good time. Alright, we got another question. It's from nobody. I didn't write down the name who says,

Dear Hank and John, don't know who they are. As I was celebrating New Year's Eve with some friends, one of my friends said that they, in quotation marks, added a leap second to the end of every year to match up with the Earth's rotation, which is slowing down over time. Who is they? Is there an international time society that decides what time it is across the world? How would that decision have been made? Yes. This is a fantastic question because you don't think about the fact that somebody decides what time it is.

This is important because it is New Year's Day when we are recording this. Yeah, well it also, we should have started the podcast by saying Happy New Year, it's the first podcast of 2017. Probably should have started the podcast by saying that. Happy New Year, it's the first podcast of 2017. 47 Noise maker Good all right, well we got that done with But yeah, so there is a thing we didn't plan this We did my plan very well. There is a thing. So who do you think? Cares most in the whole world what exact time it is. I started but you want to stop. The stock market. They care, but not as much as. Some sort of

international monetary fund. It's not the money people. The money people are it's not an extract. Oh, okay. It is then give me a hint. It has to do with space. Silence. It's the satellite people. Oh, yeah. I went a lot of places. Yeah, it's the, yeah, it's okay. It's the telecommunications people. Oddly enough. So the International Telecommunication Union does a bunch of different things. They define a bunch of different things. They help create standards for telecommunications in a bunch of different ways. But one of the things that the International Telecommunication Union does, which is a probably based in Geneva, Switzerland, I'm guessing, they decide what time it is. they decide what time it is. And that is very important for things like GPS,

for cell phone, for cell phone, like when the towers are gonna be working and when the satellites are gonna be working and figuring out. So it's not so much about where the satellites are in space. And it's about where, you need to know exactly where they are. Okay, so it is. So you need to know when the locations. Yes, yes. You need to know where where they are. Okay, so it is. So you need to know when they are.

So there are locations. Yes, yes. You need to know where they are in time and space. Oh. So yeah, they also divide up like the bands of radio frequencies and stuff like that. So there's this organization, and they just, yeah, they are in Geneva Switzerland.

No, they're in Bern. No, they're in Geneva. They are in Geneva, Switzerland. No, they're in Bern. No, they're in Geneva. And they have existed since 1865. And they're kind of now part of the United Nations. And it's sort of amazing to me that like everybody agrees on that. Nobody has a different time.

We have different distances. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We have different years even, but we have the same time. We have different distances. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We have we have different years even, but we have the same time because it was a relatively late addition to our like to to the metrics of the world. I think kind of though, but like in China, they have the same time, but it's not like actually relevant depending on where they are. They have the, well, I mean,

depends on who you are. Time might not be relevant to you. Just out you mean? I don't know. I just, it seems like, hmm, I don't know. It seems, I mean, it's arbitrary, obviously. But. Yes, totally arbitrary.

But it's important to be able to keep perfect time. Okay, so what was the question? Who are they? Who are they? They are the International Telecommunication Union. When we all agree to allow those people to decide for us what time it is. Well, because we're tacitly without having any idea that they exist. Right. So I just want to say thank you to the people of the International Telecommunication Union for doing all that hard work. And it is interesting because you always hear like, we're adding a second, but like who is we? Who is they?

Who is your end? They are them, they have done it. Indeed. Do you want to read a question, Catherine? Yeah, I'm looking for one. Here's a question from Olivia. My family has an odd Christmas tradition of putting a coconut under the tree.

That originated when my grandmother was a child. Oh neat. We haven't replaced the coconut for several years and simply store it with our other decorations. I was wondering what happens to the milk inside the coconut. Does it dry up as my mom guessed? Does it turn into coconut cheese? How would said cheese taste? Oh god coconut cheese. Should we get a new coconut? I you know I wish I knew the answer to this question, but I certainly do not I think it tries up. I didn't I did not do any

Investigation into this question. Well, then we're just gonna say it turns into coconut cheese. I mean Coconut cheese it is Coconut Jesus definitely You should get a new coconut. I don't think so if it's not bothering you if the coconut does not seem to be turning into something you don't want to keep around it. Yeah, does it smell? Does it smell like coconut cheese? Then keep the coconut. Definitely. It's not the coconut. Who needs more than one coconut? Yeah, no. Where do you even get? Why real question is? You can you get coconuts in the grocery store? I have no idea. My question is why? I know. That's the real question right for me what you can't just the coconut symbolizes it like an allegory for the baby Jesus of course it is

it's a seed of yeah I don't like I full of the nutrient milk of his forgiveness how do you at ease in an email to somebody be my and sin we have a with the nutrient milk and sin We we have a tradition we keep a coconut of the tree dates back to my grandmother I'm not gonna tell you anything else about it though. Splend. Do you even know? Yes, Blaine? Maybe it's just But it's not it's not a super old coconut. It's just a fairly out like no. It's not like her grandmother's coconut It's just that this coconut has been around. I don't know. Maybe it got lost in the war coconut. It's just that this coconut has been around. I don't know. Maybe it got lost in the war. Sometimes you have to leave your important things behind. It's true. It's been a long time.

I, you know, maybe... You have to turn what happened to the coconut. They had refugee crises and they had to leave Hawaii. We're wherever else they had coconuts. Oh, well I bet. I thought that everybody has their own... I think everybody should have something special that's their own Christmas tradition. Sure.

I don't really feel like we have one of those. Us? Yeah. Just shuffling the walk, feeling nauseated, which I have for the entire time since Christmas. Still going. Still feeling nauseated. I have this collection of Santas that I'm putting together, but it's not that's not like a specific to me kind of thing. I have like the put together the metal earth laser cut thing I've been doing for you for years. Yeah, like oh Christmas morning. I get to put together a metal earth laser cut thing. I've been doing for a few years. Like, oh, at first this morning I get to put together a metal earth,

they've been capping on me. I get to be frustrated for three days. Give myself a headache. It's my fingers hurt. Like I'm just sitting there and I'm just like, oh, are you serious? That now? If you don't know what I'm talking about, Google metal earth These tiny They're so cool and and I just scream for a day and Catherine's like this is really what you want to be doing I'm like yes exactly This is called fun. This is the best thing because it's you know you work hard at it It's a challenge, but then the end you've done the thing. Yeah, there's that thing you did and you never look right at it never perfect

No, but it it is the thing you did it is the thing you did we got under the question This one's from Megan who asks dear Hank and John As I was out on the time with a few friends for new years we keep up with the question Is there a specific name for the clothes someone is buried in? We tried googling it but to know a veil. I'm a huge fan of the podcast, but when we couldn't find an answer, we knew that you were the ones to turn to. Please answer my question, Megan. Well, you came to the right place.

Really? Yeah, do you know what burial clothes are called? Um, should I? Well, there's a thing called the burial shroud. Yes, sure. We don't use that anymore. I know about the shroud. So there's the shroud and there's a thing called the burial shroud. Yes, shroud. You don't use that anymore. I know about the shroud.

So there's the shroud and there's also, I think, what else do they call it? It's like the winding cloth. So it's like a big long sheet that they are lined around a body. Sure. So we don't have those anymore. We have regular clothes, mostly that we bury people in.

Yeah. And that is called the grave clothes. That's the actual technical term for the clothes that you wear when you go into the grave or, or it doesn't matter, you don't have to be being buried. If you're cremated and them there, also still your grave clothes. My question is,

because we haven't talked about this. Yeah. If you die, what do you want your grave clothes to be? If I die? Yeah. Um. Like, because the thing is, I feel like if I died, you guys would hate you, somebody would have to get me a new suit because don't bury me in that one that I have. It's not very nice. It's too big. Okay. Um, I think, I think

it's too big for me, but boy, I can't seem to muster any any real care right But about that specifically so like whatever you freaking want to dress me up as if you Princess Leia Not the bikini, okay, that's the first thought No, like that's a bad idea Like the white first outfit that she comes out. Right, the white. The princess Leia outfit. Sort of a shroud. Not the slave leia outfit. Right. Got it. But not really. I mean, I don't have, I don't, I don't care.

Do you want to be comfy? Do you want to wear like a hoodie? I'm demented. It doesn't matter. I don't, you're gonna burn up my body anyway, so who gives? You don't burn? So put me in something that when it burns causes the least amount of... Do you want any like, like any items, a book or... Don't do things at my funeral for me. Right, right.

Do things at my funeral for the people that are still around. Right. Well, sometimes I feel like it's good to have specific instructions so people don't get into arguments and then they spend the next 10 years being like, I can't believe you're very dad and that. Okay. That is a good point. That is the only reason that I would care about these things. Yeah. All right. Well, let's talk about it in like 30 years. Well, I mean, sure. How old am I?

30 years. Maybe 20. Who knows how long? Who knows? Who knows how long? I'm feeling real tired these days, Hank. That's not okay. I got another question for us, Katherine. Oh, God. This question is from Celeste who asks, dear brothers, I am 13. And Kat sit in my building regularly for my neighbor.

She has forgotten to pay me for my last couple of gigs, but made it up this weekend. I noticed that she gave me $20 more than I am due. I would normally give it back to her, but it came in a holiday card and maybe a little bonus because of the season. Should I keep the money? But or not squash and flamingos. Celeste and NYC. Okay, you can't just put two weird things together. That's like pumpkins and penguins. I get it. It's a squash

and it's a bird. Sure. Squashes and birds. So I have a concern, which is that this is 100% present and 0% payment for previous gigs. Yes, exactly. I'm wondering if there was actually an arrangement to be paid for cat sitting ever. Oh, really? by this neighbor. I mean, a lot of times. Well, it seems like sometimes they were paid and sometimes they were.

Yeah, it does seem like. But I think that, I mean, it's difficult because you're 13, so it's like, you're not really an employee, but you're doing a favor for some reason. You should get paid if it's the thing that they said you're gonna pay for. Yes. That is not as number one. You should probably, if you're doing this regularly and you're doing a good job,

make sure that you get paid every time. But this is definitely not back payment for missed previous. You don't think it's possible that it's back payment plus a little extra? Because I feel like there's a chance that it's one and a chance that it's the other. There's a chance that it's back payment plus a little extra at chance that it's a hundred percent present. I think it's present. You think it's a hundred percent present? Yeah, because I mean, but it may be present with guilt associated.

Right. Because they realize they forgot to pay you those other times. Maybe, well yeah, I mean, the only way to settle it is to ask, but I will say that it's definitely not accidental extra money. Exactly. You got a bonus.

Yeah, don't give it back. But make sure that you, but make sure that also, if somebody has an extra, like, it gives, like puts an extra 20 bucks in your That's a tip. Yeah, they didn't do that accidentally. Yeah But I wouldn't I would have before this happened been like Mrs Stefanopolis Stefanopolis

I was trying to go with the name that was not definitely one particular nationality and totally did that. I didn't want to be like the cheap Greek in your building. Oh my God, that's not even where I was going. I know it's also not even a Greek stereotype. I don't think. I wouldn't know. The only stereotype I have about Greek people is that they make excellent Greek food. Is that good? Yep. Yeah, they seem very nice. They're having a

little bit of trouble with their debt. That's what I know about Greek people. So yes, you got to be like Mrs. Lady, pay me. Like you got to have it come up before Christmas time and then suddenly, but you're 13, I understand that might be weird. But if you do the thing, you should bring it up. Maybe just leave a note. It's just in your building.

Maybe if you just happen to see her or him, said lady, I think. Yeah, I think it's a just neighbor. It was gender neutral. I just deleted the question. So it's gone. We don't know any of that. Because we're done.

We're done with that one. Usually, I'd say, I don't know. I do it, but OK. Yeah, well, there's too many things in the document. So I had to have to do it with them. Anyway, yeah, so I think this is definitely not an accident, so don't give it back. And in the future, maybe just a little reminder,

when you schedule these things. Yeah. Okay, so three days, that'll be, that'll be however much it is per day, you know? Just a reminder. Or like when you leave a note at the end of the sitting if there wasn't money, when you just be like, you can drop that off

at my apartment anytime. Yep. This is my apartment number. Yeah. Here's my phone number. Just slide it under the door. I'll really love it. Or knock down or whatever.

You know, I can use that cash for Pokemon cards. I really love noodles, noodles the cat. Really sweet cat. Yeah, yeah. Where's much money? All right, we got another one. We gotta go, we gotta move on. That question's not even in the dock anymore.

Juliana asks, dear Hank and John, what is the best way to be empathetic toward your partner's insecurities? I love my partner very much, but I find myself often not being able to relate in the way that they need, and I say the wrong thing. I want to protect their feelings, and I also want to be honest. It's a good question for Catherine, and I answer, because we're different. That's real hard.

We're different folk. Sure. Sure, sure, sure, sure. Empathetic towards. That's real hard. We're different folk. Sure. Sure, sure, sure. Empathetic towards your partners in securities. It sounds a little bit... it almost sounds condescending just in the question. I'm a little chubby. Yeah. But I understand what you're trying to say. And that's yes. And you have to think about these things and consider it well. Yes. Which I think you're doing a good job of doing already. What is the best way to be empathetic toward your partners and securities? How are you empathetic toward my insecurities, Dr.?

I'm not trying to think of any. I gotta say, I'm really often not because I feel like they're... Do you I need some? Yeah, give me a couple of extra insecurities because he doesn't have enough. I mean the thing that is coming to mind right now is just like your competitiveness with John. I am not competitive with John. In his success? No.

Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. Well, there you go. Just bring him up. Ha, ha, ha. Um, acknowledge them. No, yeah, acknowledging them. Yeah.

Without judgment, obviously. And allowing, I have a hard time doing this, but I, like, I want to create good situations and spaces for you to talk about things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And just like that, it like, get you speaking words. Because in addition to that, not always needing to offer a solution right just just having the conversation I have like it's happening

yes and and like you're talking about it I'm understanding it you're understanding it it's out there now because I think like like you're not you don't have to like fixing no no you know you're not you don't have to like fixing. No, no, you know, just understanding. Yeah, you don't have to be like, okay, great. What do we do about this problem you have? Right. Because that's not, that's not your role. No, not really. Probably you shouldn't have to be your partner's therapist. No. I think that there is like therapeutic action to conversing. Sure. Yes. It can be very helpful for everyone involved to have a good like hearty conversation. And I think we don't have enough of those opportunities these days. And there's a lot of like feeling isolated and lonely now.

Yeah, because it's easier to just watch another YouTube video or something. Yeah. But creating some space and whether that's like going out to dinner and being like in a place where you're not gonna feel okay Looking at your phone or if it's a scheduled time Where you be like okay, we're gonna have like next Tuesday Catherine can we have some like phone free Conversation yeah, and not have that be like because like Because there's a big problem happening in our life or because there's a money thing or just being like we're like scheduling this for the future. Creating space for those conversations to happen. Not trying to

solve problems as you see them. Maybe just reframing like even just how you're thinking about these things. Not as problems but as challenges. I don't know what I'm trying to say. Yeah. I think I think you say you love this person. Yeah, I think reframing from problems to just understanding. Like in the way that Mr. Darcy loves Elizabeth Bennett because of all her quirks, right? Not in spite of them and so like like loving a person in that way that that like encompasses all of their like the things that you kind of don't like about them and

I guess like you have to understand that they're gonna be things that you don't like about them. And I guess like you have to understand that there are going to be things that you don't like about your partner. But so you say you also want to be honest. Yeah that's... That is a little bit of a worrying word. Because why? Like what is it about being honest that you feel you need to express some like is it because you want them to change? Is it because you are worried about how

these are how this is impacting them. Yeah. You know, like, is it on an unhealthy behavior that you're trying to get them to recognize? Right. What is the honesty? Yeah, because it's... Or is it just because you're like, I don't like this about you. Yeah. And so, you gotta look into that. Yeah, and sometimes I have found in my life. You can't just walk away and keep talking. I know. You can walk away. Sometimes I have found in my life that what I see is someone's problem is just them living in the way that they want to live that is different than the way I want to live.

And I'm like, you're not productive. And it's like, well, yeah, Hank, you praise that highly. Like, that is the thing that I'm into. Right, but it's maybe not there. But not for it's not for everybody. It's not the same for Catherine. Oh, yeah, no. Ha ha ha ha ha. I mean, I do stuff, but I don't like it.

But it's not like the way that I get really obsessed with like, maximizing productivity. Right. And then like, if I'm then like, you know, if I have this, like sort of hang up on one particular like aspect of like how to live a good life. Right, right. And I'm not hung up on some other stuff. Like, that doesn't mean that you aren't living you are perfect you know your best

life just because you don't have all the exact same anchors that I do. Yeah I mean the thing is you are living with a person who's not you. Mmm-hmm. Juliana. Yep. This is you gotta just... But you know? If it's unhealthy and if it's like yeah, it's if it's something that's making you uncomfortable like then

You know, it's a challenge That that is a challenge that you either have to work through and let and have them recognize the way that it's affecting you And if they aren't willing to move beyond having an effect on you that's making this relationship unpleasant for you, then you might also find comfort and solitude. Right, yeah. Anyway. Yeah.

Yes, this is an advice podcast by two extremely unqualified people. Two beers. This is an advice podcast by two extremely unqualified people. Yeah, too, be as. I'm gonna answer a question that is less important. Okay. This one's from Carrie who asks, Steerhank and John, I was sitting at my desk at work the other day

when a highly distressing thought occurred to me. I know my cat's name. He clearly knows his own name. Mm-hmm. But does he know mine? No. I live alone and don't generally refer to myself in third person, so it's not like he hears it that often.

Who does my cat think I am? Am I just an anonymous conglomeration of smells and features to his brain? Well, okay. It's not that your cat knows his name either, anyway. But it's just like that's a word that you say. That means hey you. Yeah, I don't know. Attention. Right. Like if that was my cat's name, my cat's name would be... That's the thing that works most of the time. Yeah, it's or kitty or cameo in a specific tone of voice.

Yes. The other thing that I'm worried about, Carrie, is that you think that you are your name. Yeah, and also, if your cat doesn't know your name, then your cat doesn't, then you cat, like, who does my cat think I am? Does my cat think that I'm some other person? Because I'm not Carrie?

No, your cat thinks you're you. Yeah. Doesn't think of you as your name, by your name. Then say you as that thing that lives in my house that very large cat without the fur who provides me with food. Yeah. Mommy cat.

That's your cat, thanks. Yeah, I don't know. I think that, yeah, that it's a funny question. I did think it was funny. Am I just an anonymous conglomeration of smells and features to his brain? Isn't that what we all are to everyone? We're just anonymous conglomeration of smells and features to each other's brains. Well, as humans, we are extremely into naming things.

We do love naming them. And categorizing them. categorizing. Girk. Oh boy, dad joke in full effect. So sorry. Um, so yeah, you know, you can't, doesn't think like you take. You can't does not think like you think you can't does nothing click you think it is hard to figure out exactly how

Right cat's right That's the moral that's the moral cats right I was just watching that video of all the cats getting brain freeze again this morning what cats getting brain freeze It's so good. They're like licking real cold yogurt or something and they all just have this moment where they freeze and spaz. Yeah, pretty much like that. And then at the very end there's just this one and he's like, Yeah! It makes a noise! Oh, there's a whole compilation of it. Yeah, this is the one.

This is to one. This... Ah! They don't like it! They don't like it! We'll put this up on the Patreon. Ah! They don't like it! They do that thing where you're like... It got it...

Ah! Ah! It got paws and like... Clench off my muscles. Well, this is happening. Anyway. Anyway. Cats, right?

Cats, right. Here's another question. I don't know if you can count this as advice, but anonymous asks, you're hanking John. Why are commercials so loud? Or is it just me? It's not just you commercials are loud because they want you to pay attention. No, I'm going to be completely honest here.

Commercials are loud because television is ending and they're trying to squeeze every last cent out of it before it implodes. It's the same reason that when you watch television now, all of the commercials are terrible for things that are embarrassing and probably just like oftentimes fraud television. I watch some TV the other day. There's so many ads, there's like 300 ads per minute. It's so much I can't handle it. And they are only for people like over 60

who still watch TV the way that TV used to be. That's why they're so loud because a lot of those people are hard of hearing. And it's like, hey, hey. You need this button to push when you fall down. Ha, ha, ha. You need this button to push when you fall down. You need this button? Oh, man. Get this button.

I don't like, I really wish we could have based our content ecosystems on something except ads. Yeah, I mean, and this is to say that the content is ending. No, no, no. Television the way that it has existed. Right, and to be clear, I don't watch TV at the moments when good advertisements are happening. I don't watch the walking dead. I'm sure if I watch an episode of the walking dead

or some other like... The Super Bowl. Add supported piece of content that lots of people actually watch. But usually when I watch TV, it's like... it's like I'm stuck in a hotel or something. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, yes, yes. And it's nighttime and I'm sad and alone and looking for connection and it's just like here's a, here's, here's the world's top 10 air disasters. Right, and it's like, you know, local stuff.

Yeah, local stuff. Stuff that is not relevant to you and also has just very low production value, which is fine, whatever. Not everybody can get written link to make them like commercial. No. I got a response here. It's not a question. It's from Amanda Amanda who asks,

Dear Hank and John, excuse me John, this question is for John, I'm gonna take it though. Oh, this is excellent because he's not here to defend himself. But you expressed in the recent pod recording at NerdCon Stories that you aren't allowed to name your dogs similarly to the names of your family members. I would just like to point out to you that your dog's name is Willie and your brother's name is William. Would you maybe like to rethink your terrible mistake? Oh, this is a... Oh, somebody got called out!

So Willie's name is Wilson, not William. Yes, it's Fireball Wilson Roberts, that they call him Wilson, not Willie. But when everyone is used, we were looking at baby names. William was always gonna be high on the list because my name is William, and my grandfather's name is William. And I, I'm not saying that Willie's existence affected that but yes

but it did a little bit did it? No not really. No it didn't. It was mostly that I didn't want to name my son directly after me. Yeah. It seems like a weird thing to do. But anyway we just wanted to let everybody know that John was a hypocrite and made a terrible, terrible mistake in his dog naming or and or in his criticism of other people's dog naming. So it's one of those two things. Definitely one of those two things. Yeah, I mean, yeah, anyway. That the situation, as you said, is a little more complicated than Anna.

Is it? Oh, who asked that question? Thanks, Miranda. Thanks it was. But also, don't name your animals after your children, or unless that's what they want to call, I guess. Yeah, it's fine. Do whatever you want to do.

Sure, right. Sure. Yeah, there you go. There's, that's the right answer. It's a pet. I say, name it after some food. Just like I say, there are an infinite number of pet names available. So don't go for a human pet name because you could name the pet, Panatoni, and it would be great. Sure, yeah, that's a great name. You could name it Oreo. Yeah, or pairs.

Pairs, you could name it noodle, like that cat earlier in the podcast. You could name it, Gayer Raid, that's fine. All pet names are pet names, like you could that's fine sure yep two by four sure why not absolutely yeah you call it tooby lamps I love lamps yeah who doesn't yeah yeah yeah Yeah. Yeah. Um.

And it says there's just infinite number of names available to pets. Yeah. I mean, so... So why give it a... Why give it a human name? That's how I feel, but also do whatever you want to do. I have an Amazon employee who has written in to me. Oh, okay.

I would like to hear about this. So in our last episode of the pod, John and I intentionally tried to activate people's Alexa's and their Google Homes and Richard says, I'm a computer science student in a university and the same time where Amazon is, so it's not an Amazon, the same time where Alexa was developed. Naturally, at some point I came into contact with an employee who was on the Alexa team. They were telling me a fun story that during Amazon's big Super Bowl commercial, when Alec Baldwin and company asked Alexa to do a thing, there was a massive spike in Alexa queries due to people's Alexa's in their living rooms being triggered by the TV. Yeah. They also said that this wasn't a surprise to the Amazon employees

as someone had actually thought of this beforehand and they had provided extra servers and employees to deal with this bike. So, it is a known phenomenon and the question is, can I buy a television commercial and steal a bunch of stuff from people by activating their Alexa's and making them send me things with my very loud television

commercial that I put on some television show. Mill Hank Green. Yeah. 900 Snickers. Snickers. I was thinking something more valuable and easy to sell just like like can you get Alexa to send me everybody wants a gold or So what?

Yes, everyone knows it's so easy to buy gold on Amazon right just set up small amount of gold Send it to this address and then I'll just I just get it and I'll run away and I'll finally have no. I'm worried, I'm worried about Alexa hacking and some weird like, oh yes. It's something that like walk up to your back window with and like scream at the Alexa to make it do stuff. Yeah and you should be. I don't feel good about those things. We have one, I know. We got it for free. Google sent it to us. Sure.

They were like, you're a YouTuber here, have Google Home. Okay, Google, can you wanna say something podcast? I like your style. She likes her style. Yeah, she said, I like your style. Oh, she said, I like your style. Oh, okay guys. I like your style too, honey.

Tssss. I don't like how, okay, Google doesn't have a name. Yeah. She's like, you can call me Google Assistant. And she just said something. Yeah, she just said, okay, Google again. But like, yeah, with, I asked her what her name was and she. But like, yeah, give what Esther what her name was and she said, yeah, yeah, we couldn't wouldn't let us

rename. Yeah. But there's probably complicated reasons why that is why they can't rename it easily. But I don't like I would much prefer to call it the name of a thing. Yeah, instead of having to say, okay, Google all the time. Okay, Google okay, Google, Google, Google, I'm just around. Just like, oh god, I understand. I mean, I realized that you want me to say Google, I'm sorry, I'm wrong, but I don't want to. I don't. Can I please just call her pizza? Lady, lady pizza. Lady pizza? Can you play me the news? I want to be the future. I don't want, I'm not saying that everybody should be able to rename their Google Homes

anything they want, but I think that you should at least be able to choose between OK Google and Lady Pizza. That was to be the two choices. Alright. Give us another question, Hank. It's from Sarah who asked, Dear Hank and John, I was recently watching a vlogger whose video entitled,

Why Are Fewer People Studying Science in Engineering? And I started to feel guilty. I have a STEM degree. I have a BS in Mathematics. Post-College, I accepted a job at an industrial supply company and while I do not use my degree every day, I do use the problem-sol solving skills my degree has taught me but I still feel guilty Have I turned my back on my fellow STEM comrades?

Should I get a job utilizing my degree more? I'm happy where I am But I still feel like I'm not living up to my potential that I am doing disservice to the world because it taught me all of this skill And I chose another path and he do be a advisor to be welcomed not a Ryan Sarah. Don't be silly. It's so it's so interesting what we can get caught up on and and feel guilty about and get like feel like we have this obligation to, like, what we used to want or what the world needs. But like, obviously, the world needs someone to do your job or no one would pay you to do it. And if you like it, then that's great. And also, you probably, like, as you say, use your problem solving skills, but you probably also use all kinds of the skills that you learn in your STEM

degree. And probably that degree helped you get that job in a number of different ways. So yeah, if you have a, also if you have like an abstract mathematics degree, it's not going to get a job doing abstract mathematics unless you're teaching it. Like I, oh wow, we're having a weird blizzard outside. Well, it's just a very windy and the is very light, so it's blowing around. So I don't feel guilty and also I'm worried now that that video is making people feel like they should feel like less of an American or less of a person if they didn't study or work in those fields. The reason that a lot of people are trying to get more people into those degrees is because

it helps you get a job. And if you got a job, then good job. You did it. You achieved the goal. It's also because, of course, you can solve problems and make the world a better place, but you can do that at all kinds of different jobs. You do that one year, a writer, you do that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no other, there's, yeah. I don't know. I don't know. And working in service, like people, your job doesn't have to change. That we're all, though. Yeah, you do that one year, like,

are helping people, whether that's making them food or making them healthier, People in every level. People in every level. People in every level. People in every level. People in every level. People in every level. People in every level. People in every level. People in every level. People in every level. People in every level. People in every level.

People in every level. People in every level. People in every level. People in every level. People in every level. People in every level. People in every level. People in every level.

People in every level. People in every level. People in every level. People in every level. People in every level. People in every level. People in every level. People in every level. People in every level. People in every level. People in every level. I don't think that. Right. Yeah. It's not like you are you're like this is a better job than that other job. Yeah. Though I think there are a lot of people who feel that way and and people know that. There there certainly are that pressure. But um so I see you, Katherine, that you are looking at absolutely. I was a little quiet in that episode and that answering that question while you're

answering that question. Yes. Well, I was a little quiet while you were answering that question while you're answering that question. Yes, I was a little quiet while you're answering that question because I was trying to find some interesting news from the AFC Wimbledon. It does seem like it's time to do that already. It does, well yeah. Well, I'm just going to watch these cats getting brain freeze as well, you do that. Okay. Oh God, I cannot watch the Brain Freeze video though. Okay. Let's see. So what happened with AFC Wimbledon? I don't know. But I'll read you the most recent article on the AFC Wimbledon news.

Okay, do that. David Fitzpatrick played a stirring role on New Year's Day for Torque United. I'm not sure how to say that. The name of that place. No, that's fine. The New England. They're not real places, is it? And I mean, I even know where it is, but I couldn't tell you how to say it.

I'm Sirgit John, and his thing is mispronouncing words wrong. I mean, mispronouncing... wrong. I mean mispronouncing wrong. Can you mispronounce something wrong? Saying words wrong. Mispronouncing them. Anyway, oh here it is, David Fitzpatrick, apparently a sports player. Sports player for the sports team. Torque Way United. I've seen Wimbledon. Oh he's for upstairs. Yeah. Played starring role on New Year's Day for Torque Turkey United in a 10 goal thriller at National League title chaser's forest green rovers. So many words in there that I do not comprehend. The Don's Winger scored and set up four goals in the game of the day. That's a lot. A 5-5 draw

at the new lawn, which is apparently the name of the stadium because everything is. I think this article was written. You perp free kick from Fitzpatrick had to put Torkey 5-3 up before for a screen hit back to salvage a share of the spoils. Meanwhile, George Oakley also continued his prolific season after returning from serious injury with another girl during his lone spell at Welling United. Why are these characters being being loaned to other teams. I don't understand. I'm also super confused. This is an article of, oh, he's not even playing for the... Well, yeah, he's playing for their team.

He's currently on loan to other teams. They're doing quite well. Sure. Here's some players that are playing for a little dinner. They're doing good at other places. I gotta say English football is a, it is dense. It's dense. It's difficult to penetrate the...

Yes. We will never really know. We will never truly understand. No. Well in Mars news, thanks for that weird update on Wimbledon Catherine. Sorry. They lost a couple games.

That's what I heard. And some of their players did well on other teams. Good job. In Mars News, China's going to Mars and by going to, I mean, not their bodies by 2020, they say. China is aiming to have a robotic mission to Mars by 2020, they say. China is aiming to have a robotic mission to Mars by 2020, which is quite soon. It's 2017 now, officially. So that's just three years from now. That does not leave a ton of time

for planning this, but that's exciting. And they also want to be ascending a robot to the dark side of the moon in 2018. They have been doing a bunch of, a bunch more, a bunch more stuff. I heard about this news and it made me curious how collaborative all of these plans are. Like, do they follow the same standard eyes practices of like making sure there isn't any earth stuff information biology yeah on these things You know and like watch the goal. Do they share what they find there? Or are they going to be super

proprietary about it like I'm just curious about how that works with because I know that there are like Chinese people on the International Space Station. Yeah. So... Well, back in the day, it was everything was open and it was very collaborative. Like all the stuff we had, they could have, Russia could have, anybody could have in terms of what NASA was doing. What is back in the day? Until 2011 when the Congress was like stop sharing our military secrets with China. Basically. Okay, but like, how about back before that day when there was like space race and stuff? Well, yeah, not talking about the 60s.

Okay. So, yeah, so during the like, you know, space shuttle era, you know, 80s, 90s, 2000s, there was a lot of collaboration and a lot of like, the idea of being like, we can work together in these scientific enterprises and it will, you know, even when we are arguing about stuff. I don't want to put all of this. I don't want to put all of this. Yeah. The scientific data has still been shared.

So when we go to Mars and like all the stuff that curiosity gets, like it doesn't control by the US government. Okay. The data can be, like what tends to happen is like an instrument. Data is shared, but technology is not, is that what you're saying? Yes. Data will often come through the people who design the instrument. So, curiously, we'll have 25 different things on it.

So, the data will come through whoever created the instrument and knows how to take the data in. But then hope the idea is that then anybody can look at that data and do research with it. So hopefully that will happen in opposite directions as well and we can compare and contrast. And probably we will, but it is not so much the designs for how to build these things. But we do still share that information with some of that information with Russia and with Europe. I think to some extent with China too, just to increase the ability.

But there's a lot more concern now like China is trying to build systems that might Be bad for our national security whatever that means There's not something that I find myself to be tremendously concerned about but others have You know congress and stuff so Catherine. What did we learn today? We are tired. Yeah, we... And it is the new year, hooray! hooray, hooray, hooray! Welcome 2017 and...

and beneficial, um, probiotics to you all. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! And of course, we're just gonna have to think that we learned. So we learned that, and we also learned that time is decided by people in Geneva, Switzerland. I sure do. They make that call. Those folks.

Those folks. And if one day they decided to just change time completely, just add 15 minutes and mess us all up, what would we even do? Go along with the dudes. I think we'd re-bell. No. I think we'd storm the castle.

No, we'd go along with it. Yep. We also learned that your cat doesn't need to know your name. It loves you anyway. Yeah. Or whatever it is that cats feel. And of course, we learned that television commercials are so loud because my brother, John, is a hypocrite.

Wait, I think I got my wires crossed on that one. Ah. Yeah. Yep. Well, Catherine, thank you for joining me on this podcast. Thank you for going to get my baby. He's not crying anymore. Good job.

He isn't. He's happy to be here. Thank you for having him on the podcast for this last moment. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. We spoke too soon. This podcast is supported by our patrons at patreon.com slash deerhankinjohn. You can send us questions at hankinjohn.com or with a hashtag deerhankinjohn on Twitter.

We are here to answer your questions and give you to be as advice. As always, this podcast is edited by Nicholas Jenkins. It is produced. Rosy Hanna, House Rohass, and Victoria. Bom Jorna. Bom Jorna helped us pick out questions. Yes, and Gunnarola does our theme music, and I don't think I forgot anybody. I don't think so either. And so, as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome.