Dear Hank & John - 8: Dear Hank and Grace (w/ Grace Helbig!)

Episode Date: July 27, 2015

How do you adjust to a new culture in a new town? Do I have to study at an Ivy League school? Should I keep chasing my dream? Grace Helbig and Hank Green have all the answers! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at [e-mail] us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn.Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. Or as I like to call it Dear Grace and Hank. This is the weekly podcast where I Hank, Green and Usually John Green, but this week the amazing Grace Helbig answer your questions, give you dubious advice and bring you all the weeks news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon, but first Grace, do you have a poem for us? Yes I do. Here we go for us? Yes, I do. Here we go, ready? It's an original. Leavon sells cartoon balloons in town.

His family business thrives. Jesus blows up balloons all day. Sits on the porch swing watching them fly. And Jesus, he wants to go to Venus, leaving Leavon far behind, take a balloon and go sailing while Leavon slowly dies. So, there's a lot of symbolism. It's, I wrote this in like third grade. This is actually, yeah, this is an excerpt from my diary.

I had a crush on this kid named Leavon, and I really, he didn't like me back, so I wish that he would die. And there's something about balloons. You liked balloons then too. Yeah, I was at a kid's birthday party. It got complicated. Leavon just didn't want any of this.

It would be, it would actually, how wonderful would it have been if you could have actually found, I should have people do that. Bring on your childhood poetry. Oh my god. You have an air bye. No I have this that you can't see in this audio podcast but it's a papuce hanging on my wall that I made in fourth grade when we were studying in Americans and social studies well I take that back. My dad made it on my behalf for a project in fourth grade in which my

teacher instantly knew that I didn't make it. Yeah, no, I would not have said that that was something a fourth grader did. No, not at all. But it has lasted till now. I'm 29 years old and I think I was eight. And you just didn't, you've got that just in case you have a baby shows up. Yeah, that's my baby Bjorn. It's just the pilot sticks on the wall with some burlap straws. And we in a yellowed piece of paper with typewritten text on it. I'm sure it says something very sentimental. Absolutely. And there's so many spelling mistakes in that thing, but it was at the time where you wrote everything on typewriter. So you didn't want to go back. Yeah. Like, this day is this is just how try to spell it without any on the end.

Trib. Trib. it's a great trip. Everybody, if you don't know who Grace Helberg is, that's a surprise. But she has her own podcast here on whatever platform you're using to listen to this podcast. It's called Not Too Deep With Grace Helberg. It's a lot like this podcast, except nothing at all, like it. Because we talk about existential crises and death and

dealing with grief and leaving your friends behind. And you specifically have titled your podcast in a way that if anything like that happens, you can quote the title of the podcast and turn it right around. I mentally eject myself from those situations. Yeah, this podcast is essentially everything that gets repressed on my podcast. And I started my podcast as a based off of Retten Links podcast because Ear Biscuits, their podcast is so deep. Yeah, they're like, so tell me about your family. Yeah, they say in a dark room, they make you feel too comfortable and then they ask you all your secrets and insecurities

and you just tell them because they trust them. And they have such soothing voices. And they play good cop, bad cop, but even their bad cop is still kind of a good cop and so you just trust. And so I left that podcast feeling very vulnerable. And so I wanted to make a space on the podcast area that made people not feel vulnerable. That was just full of dumb. Yeah, my favorite thing.

I like dumb too. Thanks. It's one of my favorite ways to describe something in a complimentary way. If I say like, that's so dumb. I'm like, that's really great. Yeah. Turn it around.

It's like how hot's cool. Hot's, oh yeah. Wow. What? How being hot is cool? No, like the word hot and the word cool mean the same thing. Dope. This is just us aging ourselves in an audible way. On fleek.

Am I in fleek right now? I want to make a video about on fleek. I'm fascinated by on fleek. Anyway, it's just another, I have a whole series of thoughts about not just on fleek, but every word that means cool, of which there are in every generation dozens. Yeah. I guess. And they last for such a small amount of time, but they also sort of of stick around a lot, like hip and groovy. Groovy? Yeah!

I try and use tuna, saying that as it means to say cool. I said that's tuna, because there used to be, I don't know, it might still be on this reality show called wikid tuna. It was about these Boston tuna fishermen, and it's what's called wikid tuna! And so I used to say things that were cool, were wikid tuna. And then I just shortened it to tuna. And it hasn't caught on the way like fleek has. But you just need to get the viners to get on your tuna tread. I know, goddamn.

That's where all the trends start now and vine, isn't it? Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Good to know. My favorite is this is sort of like 20s slang, and it was particularly when a show went really well, that Revira would say, or like, the press would say that it was Baffo, B-O-F-O. Baffo, I've never heard that before.

Yeah, and it sort of for a little while became sort of like to mean awesome in general, but only for a tiny bit, and having watched a bunch of old movies Occasionally I will hear or see the word Bafo and I'll be like this word. Where did it go bring it back? It sounds like a child with a speech impediment trying to say bravo Might it might be where it comes from I wish that there's just a Italian little boy that started this Bravo!

It sounds just like it. Yeah, words I never know. People are living for everything now. I live for that. Yeah, people live for that or they die. So I don't understand. It's just like happy and hot and cool. Yeah, they know. It's just extremes. We're just all extremists, I guess. Either we live for it or we die. Yep. That makes sense. Yeah. It's very Shakespearean of these days.

Very Shakespearean. All right. Do you want to answer a question? Yes. Kendall asks, dear Grayson Hank, if you were to create a hybrid of two animals, what would the two animals be and what would you call your new species, Smileyface and Motocon? Oh, a hybrid of two animals.

What about a scorpion? No, already vetoed. An antipelican. Can you imagine a scorpion in front and a scorpion back? But like a scorpion. A scorpion, a scorpion. So basically we were just shipping animals right now. What's happening?

No, well, I guess, because you do have to get them together to make the hybrid thing. To mate, and so yeah, we are shipping animals. Would you want the pelican size like scorpion tail? Isn't that where the poison is? Yeah, no, I wouldn't. I don't, does it, if you were to create, it doesn't mean that I want to have one in my life.

Oh, you just want to see it. Okay, I get this game now. Um, yeah, what would I, what would I, okay, I think I'd want like an elephant seal, which, you know, maybe I say that's kind of our spirit animal every now and then an elephant seal probably mixed with like I want to say like an eagle Elephant Seagull an elephant Seagull. No, that's a Seagull now darn it. That's just a mix of an elephant and a seagull. No, no, that's a seagull now. Darn it, that's just a mix of an elephant and a seagull.

That's just a giant seagull. We just created a giant seagull. I know, that's true. An elephant seagull is essentially an elephant and a seal already come together. So I'm trying to make a hybrid of what is already a hybrid. So it's wrong, I have to make something pure, okay. Oh no, an elephant seal is pure.

You can't just because we thought that they looked like those two things. I don't mean to offend all of you elephant seals that download this podcast on the basis. I don't, I sincerely don't mean to polarize you. Okay, let me think of something that's like more, more of a pure. This is where I'm like, what are animals? What animals exist? Oh, well, hmm. Okay, see, hmm.

Okay, see, I keep choosing, like, I wanted to say a sea otter, but then I'm like, that's already a hybrid. That's a seal on a dog got together and they made a sea otter. It's just like my favorite animal, also. Well, well, yeah, so you don't. You want a seal on a dog to get together and make an animal just to just happen that that's already happening. Yeah, I think maybe this is just leading me to believe that all I just want to see other in my life at some point. Okay, what about a ladybug and a giraffe?

So it'd be like the teeny-tiniest little giraffe of all time. With like a carapace in it can fly. Yeah, that sounds great. A lady breath. A lady breath rolls off the tongue. Yeah. A lady breath. Yeah, that sounds great. I'm into it or a jaw bug.

Jaw bug. Jaw bug. I was thinking of gerbil when you said gerbil. I was like a bug gerbil. A bug, yeah, and then I started thinking, what could you put a gerbil with and make it more interesting? Does it make me like, what animal could you add to an animal to make it in more interesting or more useful animal?

Yeah. This could go on for hours. So we can, we just make an animal into something that would be a very nice mattress. We could get enough animals combined so to be like a nice warm living mattress that just wouldn't bug me and I could sleep on it. Because I'm very tired right now.

I can tell. Yeah! No, you want a living mattress? I don't think I... I mean, that's a water bed. No. I mean, there might be like things living in the water bed, but hopefully... Are you glad to have a water bed? I've been on a water bed, but I've certainly never slept on one regularly. No, I don't think I've ever slept on one. I've like laid on one, but I don't think I've ever slept on one. I've laid on one, but I only have every sleep on one.

I think I slept on one at a sleepover once. Yeah, that was like childhood dream when I first found out that a water bed existed. I was like, oh, and then I heard some crazy possibly made up story that someone drowned in their water bed. And then I was like, no longer want, or need. Verdeezer, that was made up.

I know. But you never know. Jersey kids, so you had to do something to occupy our time. Okay, we got a question. Yes. This is from Aaron who asks, dear Hengen Grace, I've recently moved to a small town for a job where it seems like I don't have much

in common with the locals. I'm a huge nerd and so far everyone I've met seems to only enjoy sports. I've been invited to many more basketball games than board games. In addition, I suffer pretty bad with social anxiety and I am an introvert and so I can't seem to muster up the courage or motivation to do something I just won't enjoy. How can I meet like-minded people with similar interests? There's a thing called the internet. I think that might be a helpful

solution. Just never leave the house. Yeah, I think one, this isn't bad. Like this is not a bad problem. And I've only recently resigned this in my brain for myself over the past couple of years that I used to think being an introvert was a bad thing. And it's not. It just means that you gather your energy when you're alone

rather than socializing with other people. When you socialize, it depletes your energy. And there are people that are extroverts that gain their energy from being around other people. And so I think acknowledging that you're an introvert is great because then you have like now a- Data. Yeah, on yourself.

And you can figure out how to manage yourself in situations and knowing that you don't enjoy sports matches are great. This is, I think this is really good deductive reasoning to get to the thing that you don't enjoy sports matches are great. This is, I think this is really good deductive reasoning to get to the thing that you really want to do that you will enjoy. It's like when I look to order food and I don't know what I want,

I start thinking, what do I not want? And then I mark all those things off and to land up with, it's always sushi. It just always wants sushi all the time. Yeah, you mark off pizza before you get to sushi. I do the cheese. I can't do the cheese. I can do the cheese. You know one time I used to dumpster dive in college.

I used to eat a lot of food out of dumpsters and I... Is it like a personal choice or like a money saving thing? It was like a money saving thing. But also a personal choice. Okay. And I could have made it work with buying food. I was like, yeah, ramen is very cheap. One time I was in, is that the pizza hut dumpster?

Okay. I think it was pizza hut. Sure. And I found, oftentimes there would be like whole pizzas. Oh, yeah. But I found just a huge like 10 pound ball of melted and then re-congealed cheese. Oh my god! Like they had put the bag of cheese too close to the oven and it all melted and then it couldn't

sprinkle it on the pizza and so they just threw it away. So it just looked like a rubber band ball? No, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, But doing things sometimes I surprise myself that I enjoy them. And you sort of get to see, what is it about this thing that people enjoy? Right. And there are lots of different, like I go to baseball games in my little town, where there's, it's like the farm team for the farm team. It's not very good at the sport, but they're much better than me and they're all teenagers.

Sure. I, and like, you know, you go and there's hot dogs, and there's, you know, it's like- Fresh air. Yeah, you're outside and there's people. Yeah. And mostly it's a social experience, like, and it's sort of more social than going to a movie or something because there's a lot of sort of down time.

Oh, yeah. Not too much has happened, especially in baseball. It's like, what is this? Why does this keep throwing it and nothing happens? I know, I do enjoy baseball games, but every time I go to one, I think, why? Why? Why isn't this thing?

This is just, it doesn't have that much going for it. No, not at all, not at all. I also think, yeah, when you, if you try to think about a situation from a different point of view You like you said can surprise yourself on what you might enjoy about it Even if you start to find one small like hmm for just a hotdog I go to baseball games and I'm always almost always think to myself. Well, I'm gonna get a hotdog Yeah, so that's not that's not gonna be bad exactly

And it's always good to remember no matter what, whether you are going to a board game night, or you are going to a soccer game, is to stay positive and open-minded. This is something I have to remind myself all the time because I'm also very socially anxious and introvert. So when I go out, I already have like my radar up that I'm going to have a moment that I don't enjoy, and I have to catch myself because that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So if I think about things positively, you can, like people have said, you can choose happiness, you can choose to be optimistic about the way you experience your life. And it changes a lot of things. Also, if you talk to some of those people that love sports, you might find out that they also love the nerdy things that you are interested in as well. People can have a lot of different things that they like. Totally. Turns out. And if there's a game store in your town, I know that this is terrifying. The idea of this is probably terrifying. It would certainly be terrifying to me. Going to a game store

and being like, hey, so anybody play games, I could just introduce me to some strangers and we can play some board games together. I would never do that, but it is a thing that exists. It's the possibility. People do do that. I have friends who do that. Like they move to a new town and they go to the game store and they're like, hey,

and imagine the gathering tournaments and I'm like, I'm just not talking to the total stuff. So, but I will say that because something is scary, doesn't necessarily mean that your body is telling you not to do it. Right. And I, you know, oftentimes the scary things end up being the most interesting and the most fun and where I learn the most about myself and about other people.

Yeah, I live by the philosophy, follow your fear. It's an improv philosophy because, you know, doing improv on stages inherently very terrifying. Yeah. Because you have no idea what's about to happen. And so you follow your fear because fear comes from a place where you're feeling this thing about something because you care about it. If you didn't care about it, there would be no feeling about it. But fear usually comes from a place of care.

And so when you follow it, it's really interesting to see where you find yourself. Sometimes it's not where you want to be, but sometimes it is. And so a chance. You'll only live once. We're all gonna die someday. Yay! You're getting the hang of it right away. Mortality is looming around all of us. Should I read Isaac's question? Yeah, please. Okay, Isaac asks, dear Grace and Hank, I want to study physics in college. However, I am quite sure that I will not get into Harvard or Yale or any really fancy school Do you think it's still possible to make contribution to the scientific community? parentheses, this doesn't apply just to physics and parentheses without going to an incredibly challenging slash expensive university question mark. Thanks Yep, yes, the answer to your question is yes

Most physicists didn't go to Harvard or Yale or any fancy school. Yeah, most people that do really interesting things in a variety of fields didn't go to the greatest school for the thing that they've done something cool within. Yeah, I mean like it's, there are advantages to going to fancy schools with big reputations and like, you know, it's nice to be able to be like Ah, Harvard physicist and people will be like, yes, you are legit and that is clear to me from that From those two words put together. Yeah, but there are lots of Lots of schools were I mean I went to I got my chemistry degree from a tiny liberal arts school where there were in my year four

Chemistry graduates. Wow, really? Yeah. Jesus. And I got a great education. I learned a lot. I did applied research. I, you know, I, like, you know, smaller schools, you can get a lot more attention.

And really, until graduate school, it doesn't ruin that much. If you're gonna be a physicist, like, you know, it can, but like, you know, establishing yourself, like, there's a lot of different ways to do that and a lot of different ways, like, in undergrad to, and yeah, it is not about what school you go to.

No, not at all. I, when I got my communications degree from a small liberal arts college, and when I first went my first semester I was like so bummed by the school and you know it had no notoriety behind it that I started filling out transfer applications to NYU and to you know to Titian all these schools in New York City that I thought were more legitimate and by default would make me a more legitimate communications major.

And then I ended up staying at my school because I got a scholarship there and nope that's a good reason to stay. And I realized that the study, the individualized study that I got because it was such a small school was so much more meaningful in the long term of my career in world and trajectory than me being one of a billion kids at NYU trying to be a communications major. So yeah, eat NYU. Just kidding! Also, you can just buy the sweatshirt and no one will know that you didn't go to Harvard or Yale. So it's okay, they sell those shirts everywhere. Elizabeth asks, dear Hank and Grace, I just recently graduated from college, and I'm feeling highly anxious at the realization

that I'm never going to live near all of my closest friends again and at the prospect of making new friends and acting like an adult. So I've gotten so comfortable with my friends that I feel really uncomfortable around new people. Do you have any advice for dealing with the real world making of new friends slash starting your new life as a quote unquote real person?

Whoa, wow, just resign yourself to it. It's gonna be terrible. Oh, it's funny, this question has a specific element, which is I have to make new friends and a non-specific element of I'm terrified of life. Yeah, well that's story of know, a story of my life. Both of those things are real issues. Well that's, I lived for so long,

and I wrote about this in my book, okay, book plug. I lived for so long believing that you could not make friends as an adult. I just could, I thought that. I thought that you made your friends in like your formative, like years and those with the friends that you just carried through life and I didn't have a lot of friends when I was in you know middle school and high school and college and so I would get really anxious and upset that I wasn't gonna have friends for the rest of my life. And then I got involved in activities like improv comedy and like YouTube and started becoming parts of communities. And within those communities, finding like-minded people that had my sense of humor and were interested in the same things that I was interested in and me, you know, making a point to be open to having relationships with these people led me to some of the best friends that I have in my life right now.

So it's terrifying. It means you put yourself out there. I mean, every day you could make a best friend. It's like finding a relationship, like finding a romantic relationship. You have to be open for it to be in your life. Yeah, it's funny because we have all this infrastructure around finding romance and like all of this cultural stuff and baggage and like the procedure of dating and apps and just all of these cultural institutions, but we don't really have that for friends. No, no one teaches you how to make friends.

No, it's either like, it's this person who's next door to me in my dorm or the people who were on my track team in high school. Yeah. You know, and also like, I had one of the crazy rewarding things for me about having a higher debunk of young people to help edit video and run businesses for me,

is that like I've just watched them all become buds. Yeah. And they're like, go out and do stuff. Play board games and I'm like, I just like, I like, I did this. I just put my head in. Yeah, I'll put my head in. It'll be like seven o'clock at night

and I'll be leaving work. And I'm like, why are there still people here? And I'll put my head in there. It is like in the studio. Like they've got the board, like the table set up in this huge board game. And I'm like, what are you nerds doing? And they're like, dad, get out of here!

Stop embarrassing us! Yeah, it's, it's, yeah, there's so many, I think I've learned, this is so sad. When I was in college, I remember freshman year of college, I had such a bad adjustment to college and I didn't make like any friends and I was so like depressed and sad and anxious and I remember going to the like I guess just a general area where there's all these bulletin boards and clubs put up their flyers everything because I remember the night before laying in bed thinking to myself on a very sincere level how do you make friends like how how would you break level, how do you make friends?

Like how would you break it down? How do you do that? Give me the right words to say. Exactly! I'm like, what is the process? And so my thinking and like trying to analyze it led me to to believe that I should put myself in clubs where there are people that could potentially be friends. And so I went the next day and stood in front of the Bullton board

and looked at all these like clubs and thought to myself like which would be make the most sense for me to join. And I joined one like volunteer like activism ish type of club. I don't remember what it was. And I showed up and there were like three people there and they were all just doing it so they could have this club on their resume. And I was like, well, this totally failed. And then I would go back to my drawing board in my dorm room and be like, now what do I do? Oh, I guess I should get some hobbies and a job. A job you make friends that you have fellow coworkers.

And so I got a job. Yeah, you just have to constantly put yourself out there. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I'd say that most of my friends I made in made in school like even now because I went to grad school in the place where I currently live and so so a lot of my grad school friends still live there and yeah God it's so like and when I look at how those friendships formed it had a lot to do with like one or two really like intentional people who were like we're gonna

become friends we're gonna do activities and two really like intentional people who are like, we're gonna become friends. We're gonna do activities and like really like gilting people into doing stuff. Because we were all like, I just wanna sit at home. And also being like, look, I'll pay. I'll like, it'll be my car, I'll get the gas. Like really like lowering and like, I'm so thankful to those people.

And like, you can't like intentionally find one of those people, but you could potentially, intentionally become one of those people. And like if you can find a group of people who are like just like you or they're like sort of be like, look let's go karaoke, it's gonna be dumb. Right and it's an activity. We don't have to talk to each other the whole time. We can like ease into this friendship and getting to know each other.

Right, sit around and just watch other people make fools of themselves. You don't even have to do it. Exactly, it is true because they're being friends with someone is, is work. Friendships are work. I'm one of those, I'm a beta personality. So I'm not an alpha.

I don't take charge and plan things and organize events and like rally people together, but I make really good friends with alphas because of that factor that I need someone like that to do that for me. But there have been times in my life where I've been like, I really like that person. Grace, just ask them to hang God, what if I ask them and they say no, it's like then they say no You continue both living your lives and you ask again at another point. Yeah, it's weird I remember so at once I had once Catherine and I were pretty well We weren't married yet, but we were real real close. Yeah, we were on in that trajectory I think it was clear by that point We went out and like we met a couple of new people

who were friends of friends. And like we went home and we were like, I really like that. I know. When you like couple days. Yeah. It was like, what's like, is the, this seems like I feel like I have a crush on the couple. Yeah exactly. And it's like looking at this, I'm like, what a nerdy, 27-year-old thing, like, stable relationship thing to feel. I know. We can watch old movies with them. Right, we can do activities together. But then you think, oh, we have conversations like this,

because we both had those feelings that think about every other person that's having the same feelings. And someone else that's waiting on the other end of the line hoping that you will ask them to hang out. And like, you'll be surprised. It's like, these all kind of have like a running theme of like putting yourself out there

and following your fear into a place that might be really beneficial for yourself. Offer to cook them dinner. Oh, that's a good one. It's a really good one, because then they come over to your place and you're comfortable there, but you're doing them a favor,

so they feel like they kind of, it's okay to get out of their comfort zone a little. Oh, totally. Or make them cook you dinner. Okay. Just be like, hey, that's a good dinner. Hey, I think you're great. Would you cook me dinner

so that we can become best friends? Yeah, when there's something like that, I think you're great. Would you cook me dinner so that we can become best friends? Yeah, when there's something like that or even if it's like like a couple wanting to hang out with another couple I Think activities like you know a taco night or something where everyone can be involved in doing something While having conversation and like eating, drinking, whatever, being social, it's always helpful to just have an activity So that people don't feel totally uncomfortable with themselves. Which is why board games exist. Yes, that's true This is why nerds love board games so much and so that we can hang out with people without interacting

I don't like game Okay, I'm gonna go to Rosie because I skipped her go to Rosie. Yeah, okay Rosie asks dear I'm gonna go to Rosie because I skipped her. Go to Rosie? Okay, Rosie asks, dear Grace and Hank, I am an aspiring writer and filmmaker, but it seems as if everyone I meet was aspiring to do those same things

are more talented and better situated to succeed. Should I keep trucking on or do I attempt to find a more sustainable career path that might not be my quote unquote dream? Any advice? How did you motivate yourselves when you were starting out? Hoof. Hoof.

Woofie doofie. Wowie's out. We. I, uh, yeah. I feel like all things that you could be doing with your time are training for being a writer and filmmaker. If you want that thing, you can be doing anything. Because writing is all about empathy, understanding people, understanding

yourself, and being able to like, like put downwards that other people will enjoy, and that you will know that they will enjoy it without having them look at it first. Yeah. And also, there's, I can say that I have constant self doubt that I'm not good at what I'm doing and everyone else around me is much more suited for this so I should be doing something else. At the end of the day, you have to analyze what it is that you're doing

and does it make you happy? Do you enjoy it? Does it financially, you know, does it, can you're doing and does it make you happy? Do you enjoy it? Does it financially, you know, does it, can you make money during it? Can you be it? Support yourself. Yeah, can you have a stable life with this both emotionally and financially? But if it doesn't, if you actually think this is, because there's been moments in my life where I thought my dream job was something. And then when analyze it I realize no I actually that's not my dream.

I've always said that that's my dream but it's really not. So this might be a moment in which you analyze this and you don't want to do writing or filmmaking or you do. And if you do you just keep going because I always say when I get asked about making web videos and like building your brand online that it's consistency over time and you really have to be dedicated. And for me it's taken a long time to realize that not having overnight success is the most beneficial thing. Because that's such a stressful thing.

So hard. I mean like I always say kudos to Jenna Marbles for really truly being able to you know build off of a viral video and create and sustain a brand, but it's so hard to do that. And it doesn't happen very easily. Yeah, and it can be really emotionally awful. Like it can be such like you don't know what is like it can be so such like you don't know what is You don't know what your goals are. It's just this thing that's happening to you And then there are lots of people who are trying to turn you into something yeah valuable for them Absolutely, which was life is really nice to have a nice slow uphill Yeah, it makes you appreciate it because you have you have Moments of minor success that make you appreciate bigger successes in your life so much more.

And I always think that it's really, it's good to not believe that you're the absolute best at something. Oh God, does anybody think that? You know, that always makes when someone is, you know, like, I'm number one on this, and it has that kind of a lead to mentality. I get so anxious for them because my parents have really instilled a level of humility in me as a human being, and I feel like if I ever begin to believe that I'm the best at something, I need to stop doing that thing because I will become a monster. And so thinking that you're not the greatest is kind of good to keep your balance. Oh, I don't know anyone who really feels that way. I think some people may be project that in order to like,

not be crushing it. Yeah. But I think, you know, nobody thinks that they are, like I have always, like I was just at this, you know, YouTube conference for educational content creators. And I'm in the same with like the Jim Henson company and Sesame Street and all, you know, like really old school brands that make really amazing things

that I'm so enamored of. And like, of course, I kind of look at it and I'm like, what am I doing here and why I'm even trying, like I should be working for one of these companies, not trying to do my own thing, like if that's even possible. And but at the same time, it's like, I like the thing I do, and maybe,

and like they seem to think that I am good at it. I think Kermit's the frog just showed up next to you and he's saying over the rainbow. Yeah. So I think everybody always feels like a little bit of a faker. I've always felt like a little bit of a faker. I've always felt like a little bit of a faker. Yeah, because none of us actually know what we're doing in this whole universe with everything.

But the thing that is great about, you know, what Rosie's thinking about as a career is that creating is really valuable whether or not it's your career or not. And I know a lot of people who are able to and are really rewarded by the things that they make despite the fact that like you know this isn't something that they make money off of. No it's and I've always kept myself in check in that am I doing this for only financial reasons right now? If I am I can go wait tables and make money. Like, what am I doing this for? Am I doing it because this is something I'm actually

passionate about and really enjoy and proud of the content that I'm creating? In terms of her asking about motivating yourself when you're starting out, I think there's a couple different ways that I motivate myself. And one is when I'm feeling not inspired, not the best feeling like a poser,

feeling like I'm not good at what I'm doing, I submerge myself in people that I think are doing it really well. I remember starting out and watching Colleen, do Miranda sings, and just feeling this like inspiration of this is the funniest thing. I want to do stuff like this, and let that inspire me and infuse into like the way I make videos and every time that I

start to have on those dips are like I'm creatively tapped out right now. I'll just go and watch videos or movies or read books about from people that I think are really creative and are at the level that I hope to be at someday. I also create in other areas. Like, I'm supposed to be writing my second book right now, and I'm so hitting a wall with it that I just went and bought some shirts and some transferable paper and some paint pens the other day, and I made myself some t-shirts all day the other day. And I felt really good after that, because creativity kind of lends itself

to other forms of creativity. And so it sounds like you're a creative person, and maybe you will get re-inspired by kind of doing something else that's creative, that gives your brain a second away from the writing and the filmmaking. Get some beads, make some bracelets, see what happens. Here's a really awful thing about me.

Uh-oh. Excuse me. I, uh, so I've made a lot of stuff in my life. Okay. And sometimes when I'm feeling like I suck, and I'm not good at anything, I'll go and watch old me videos, or old, and like read old Hank essays, and be like, that was funny.

Yeah. That's a funny guy. He's pretty, so I feel like if you make stuff you can like at least like, I mean, and of course sometimes I watch an old hang video and I'm like, that was awful. Oh yeah. What the heck was going on that week? Uh-huh. But I'm really, you know, like if you, the more stuff you make, the more stuff that you make that you actually end up being proud of. And if you can be proud of something that you made, it's a lot harder to get down on yourself about it. Yeah, I'm, I mean, I'm awful too. I do that same thing. Yeah. Because there's a handful of videos and a handful of like live performances that I've done in my

life that I'm really, really proud of and think like, good job, old me. Yeah. Really, we're creative. And I don't know where that came from. Who is that person that's being so free and clever and interesting and so it's also really motivating. And you can't cultivate those things and you can't have those special moments where you like sort of exceed your expectations of yourself unless you try a bunch. It's going to be 10% of the time that you actually make something that you're like, you know, years later you'll be like, wow. I know. Am I that good?

Can I really, can I write that well? And then when you're done with your existential crisis about who you are based on who you were, maybe you'll find some sort of inspiration there. Yeah, it's never too deep here on dear Hank. No, we're all gonna die someday. I thought I answered every question. That's also how I motivate myself a lot of the time. It sounds so insane, but we were on set. Hannah Hart and I were on set shooting an electron with Diana Girl, and we had a couple of days where we had to do some really intense scenes with each other and

we would like Hannah was having trouble one day doing this really intense fight scene that we had to do with each other and I Literally right before the take just whisper to her. We're all gonna die someday So why not try something interesting this take and then like walked away and after it She was like dude that really helped. I just was like, yeah, screw all these people watching me. Like, we're all gonna be dead. So I may as well try to do something that I think is really interesting and totally cool and free out of my brain.

Then to like, I mean to quote the great philosopher Drake. Yeah. You only live once, yeah. Cassie asks, dear Hank and Grace, what TV show would you go back in time to be in? Hmm, what do you have one? No. No, not at all, or any time to think.

Oh, yeah, mate, yeah. My instinct, like my initial response is friends. Mm, because. You'd be so great on friends. Oh my God, that makes me sad just thinking about it. Well, one, for a practical reason, because they got a two-bedroom apartment in the lower east side, and they were both broke.

And that doesn't happen in New York at all. So they lived in some wonderful, beautiful fantasy place. Two, I think that Phoebe is one of the funniest female characters on TV that's so underrated. It's so funny when I watched Friends as a kid, I hated Phoebe. Right. Going back, she's the only character I actually like that I would like one to hang out with. The rest of them are kind of awful. Yeah, the rest of them are very narcissistic.

Yeah, super, yes. The only one who's not, she's a bit of a narcissist. She's but she's completely self-aware about it in this bizarre floaty like hippie erythral thing, but she's um yeah I think she's one of the funniest TV characters especially as a female that you look back on and they all were great like that's the show. Yeah that show is fantastic. I watched we I just recently rewatched the whole thing and I was like oh that's why this was so popular. Exactly.

You can watch any episode at any time without any context before, after, of the storyline, and laugh within 30 seconds at someone. It's, I, so that's my initial answer. So would you want to be a main character on Friends? Do you want to, like, just show? I think it'll be like a Gunther. Yeah.

Yeah. They're all the time. It's just, like like in the background, it has a couple like moments that get to like have craft services in between takes. Yeah. Yeah, I think something like that. I was, my, I would love to have been

on the Star Trek the next generation. Mm. I just like put me in Firingi makeup and, and make me a spout about capitalism. I would love that. That was Wuppie Goldberg on that? Yeah. Yeah. I watched. I was there. She was like the Gunther of Star Trek Animation. Yeah. Well because she asked. She basically asked for a part on the show. She told it to Hannah when Hannah interviewed her in New York. She was like, it's Lovar Burton that's on there. Yeah, that he was saying, you

know, or she was, they were having a conversation about there wasn't enough African Americans in the sci-fi genre. And so he was like, why don't you just ask? And so she called up the creators and was like, give me a part. And they were like, what do you want to be? And she was like bartender. Sure, why not? Which I thought was so cool.

And you're like, God, you've just always been powerful. Haven't you, whoopie? Seriously. And I was the, but when the question, when you first looked at me and said, do you have an answer for this? My thought was Twin Peaks. Oh, see, I've never seen Twin Peaks.

Oh my God. I am sorry, out the window. What? I need that window. Here's my, okay, here's my association with Twin Peaks. When I was in college, the first friends that I did make freshman year were the Bulgarian transfer students that lived on my floor. They were all

Computer science majors and they lived there all year round because they didn't go back home to Bulgaria and they were Obsessed with 20 Sitting the common lounge and watching on TV altogether because none of them had TVs in their dorm room and it was hilarious They loved it so, so much. Um, but yeah, I know. You should watch it's on Netflix now. There's only two seasons, right? Yeah, it's like one and a half.

Oh wow. The first season is a master. Like, it is one of the best things that ever happened on TV. It's amazing. Have they tried to bring it back? Yeah, there was an effect that may be coming back, but Lynch. You heard it here first. Had to back out because of like some drama. So like the guy who created it isn't working on the reboot right now, which is... Well that's the bummer. Disappointing. You know

what to show that I would love to be on? Mystery Science Theatre 3000. Wow, that would be fun. Can you imagine? Just you and a bunch of robots? Those guys are like super active in the nerd community. I'm like, I'm like very, that's. I don't, I don't think I've ever hung out with any of them, but I'm hang out with lots of people who hang out with them. So if you ever wanna hang out with them.

Oh my god, my brothers would like, they're, yeah, they're very funny people. They're very youth culture, they would. Live for that. I, yeah, that was one of my first like four years as a little girl into comedy. My older brother used to watch Mr. Science Theatre 3000 and he would put it on and we'd all have to watch it. And I didn't understand it at all, but I'd laugh whenever he laughed.

And then as I got older, I was like, oh, that was really funny. That concept is just such a ridiculously absurd concept. There's a YouTube show called Welcome to the Basement, which is like Mystery Science Theater, except it's sort of bookended by more serious commentary about the movie, but they watch old movies. And like then in the middle, they sort of like just take clips from the movie

at like the funniest moment. Sure. They're funniest moments, not the shows, but it's like a distilled mystery science theater. It's great. It's so fun. I'll give you the link. Please do.

Yeah. There was a question that, wait, let me see how long we've been going. Oh yeah. We've been going for 1,400 measures. Whoa! I don't know what that means. Uh, okay, yeah.

I, there was a question that I didn't put in that, that mostly I just want to ask you this question. Uh-oh. It was such a good question, but it felt very sort of vain. Okay. Uh, because it's sort of just a question that I want to talk with you about that I don't necessarily think that other people would necessarily care about. But how do you decide what opportunities to take? Because lots of people come and knock and, knocking. And I imagine there's a number of those that come out of the mouth of the hellbug.

Well, I come from the comedy world background where YouTube wasn't going to be my job. I was auditioning for TV film. So you learn a sense of hustle that you say yes to everything because you have no idea which friends pilot or which, you know, co-workers, web short is going to be seen by who and then lead to what. So, you and also the general rule and improv is to say yes and. And so, I've only recently

learned about saying no being okay. I have for so long been the person that says yes to everything and then freaks out that I can't do everything and then deals with my internal anxiety of having to potentially let someone down by not doing something. And now I've learned that it is much better for myself and for that person if I just say no outright then yes but in the long run. So I now the way that I measure I still have a lot of that mentality of wanting to be able to do everything and help everyone it probably comes from just like a deep seated emotional place of just wanting everyone to like me. But with opportunities, I've also never had a plan. I've never had a five-year plan, a one-year plan.

I've been thinking about it. Six-hour plan? Yeah, I live in like 15-minute time frames. And I've been thinking about getting a plan, but I don't know if that's just my style. I don't know if it works for me. So I say yes to things based on a lot of good reaction. I think about, I really, really really, and have since day one of making web videos put myself in the audience's shoes,

is this book I'm writing, is this movie we're shooting, is this video I'm making, something I would want to read or watch or share. And so if it is, then that's a no-brainer. A lot of times I have to really think about it and really try and separate myself. And so if it is, then that's a no-brainer. A lot of times I have to really think about it and really try and separate myself. And are the people involved in this good people? When we were making the television show, my biggest kind of grounding philosophy on hiring people was no dicks. I just, I didn't, I can't, I'm very passive and I just wanted to work in an environment with People that said yes people that liked what they were doing people that were actually having a good time and so that's kind of my gauge What's yours?

Yeah, it's a gut thing for me mostly. It's like since I live in Montana, right? It's like I a default no, Montana, it's like a default no, which I think weed's out a lot of people from even asking. Well, that's good. But I have a lot going on. Like in the studio, I have to be doing social and crash course all the time.

Right. And I have people relying on me to run the business and to make the content so that they can do their jobs. And so that is a huge limiting factor. So I basically don't say yes unless I think it's a good thing for the world or if it's going to make me make it's going to make me do something really cool that I wouldn't have done otherwise. Oh cool. Or, or it's gonna make me feel really good. Like, it's gonna, like if, like I had, I had an asteroid mining company be like, do you want to promote our Kickstarter with Brent Spiner from Star Trek the next generation?

And I was like, yes, I, I will. I want to do that. I do want to do that. Yes, I want to be the word. Yeah, yes. Can you give me a certificate saying I did that? And, uh, like at an errands-based museum, it was like a live stream from under a giant airplane.

It was amazing. That's cool. So it's kind of like I'm a little ashamed for it to be about, is this gonna be a really super cool experience? Right. We go to France with Gathering and like, is this gonna be a really super cool experience? Right. We're going to France with Gathering and like, yeah. Yeah, I mean, that's when, you know, Maimri Hart and I did this travel series

at the end of last summer called Hey USA. And it was a series that just developed out of a really organic idea that we travel so much, we should have a sloppy travel show and just happened to offhandedly mention that in a meeting with a company about something else and they love that idea and it just developed in front of us and then we both said yes to it because of the experience now looking back on all the things that we did in the time stressful because it was so much travel in a short period of time But in hindsight the experiences we had would never have happened to us otherwise. Yeah, and I was jealous watching that show You guys looked like you had a lot of cool experiences There might be a thing to mind that we tried so hard season one to get them to send us to Montana So that we can hang out with you. I remember. Yeah, and then they were like, so we realized we can't do an entire episode

where you just hang out your friend Hank's house all weekend. They're stuff to do! I know, it's like a take you out for pizza! Oh, you could go bowling! My question to you, is there something out there that you haven't been asked to do yet? That you really like hope? Is there like oh? Kind of yeah, I like to give talks. Oh cool. I and But I only like to give talks like I don't like to be paid sure that makes sense

But I think of course all of these ears perk up I'm like you like to give talks without financial gain That makes sense. That makes sense. Thank of course. All of these ears perk up. He likes to give talks without financial gain. Well, we have an auditorium for you. But I'd never have time to do it. I've been asked to give commencement speeches several times and I've always wanted to, but never can. It's cool.

I mean, I saw, I watched yours. Yeah, that was a thing that came up That I was afraid of that I was like no, I should just do this this sounds and I didn't get paid for it And that was the thing online everyone was like I'm pretty sure she got paid for it And I was like absolutely not that was my college that I went to and it just seemed like such a Cool honorable thing to do yeah, yeah, and so I I always like, so like sometimes like make like, I'll like get that bug out to like make a video to the people who are graduating. I've done a several times now. And, and so I, but I kind of would want to like, I give, I've given a couple

of sort of Ted style talks, which I really enjoy doing. And, and I also like, there's a part of me And I also, like, there's a part of me that wants to host a science series, whether that's like mini-docs or a TV thing, but like, I would, I just, like, some of my favorite things in the world are like nerds talking about science and being excited about it, which is what I do on the internet a lot. Right, right.

But doing that in like a high budget situation would be really cool. That's a huge amount of work. Because I would not let that be like, you write all the words down and then I say them. Right. Like, I have to be something that I just. You'd want to be really involved.

Yeah, that sounds really cool. It feels like that couldn't be something that happens in the future. Yeah. Who knows? Who knows? Thoughts are things. It's now in the future. Yeah. Who knows? Who knows? Thoughts are things.

It's now in the universe. So if the secret really works, it's gonna happen. So my mom's told me. Thoughts are things. Is that a phrase that I've just never heard? Thoughts are things. Thoughts are things. I think that's in the secret a whole bunch.

If you think it and you put it out there, then it exists. And it grows into something in the universe. My mom tried to make me listen to the secret on tape with her one time and it's just so many gong noises that I checked out. Yeah. That's not, I don't think that's my bag. All right, that was our last question, Grace. Oh my god.

Time is an illusion. I'm getting on. You're really good at this. I know, I'm just getting on all of my deep f*** right here so that I can go back to my podcast and talk about pants pooping stories. Oh God, I'm so sad that I'm not going to be on not too deep this time because I want to tell you my pants pooping story.

Next time, don't save it. Save it. I've got it already. Oh, I can't wait. So I just time for the news now though. Do you have any news from AFC Wimbledon? Blah blah, deep blue, football, bloopy, striker, the dance. Duh! AFC Wimbledon, that's the um, the thing over in Europe.

Is it the football? Yeah, it's just a sponsor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He talked about it when he was on the television show. And he said that, because I asked like, how was the team doing? Where are they in the ranking? And he said you guys moved into another league? Something like that and then Don't think once once upon a time they moved into another league. They didn't do that this year. Yeah, okay, but they are They are not leaving this league which is a weird thing about English soccer, which I never like this doesn't matter at all Sure to you or anyone.

Okay. As far as, but, there are a bunch of different leagues. And unlike in American sports where a player just sort of rises the ranks, a whole team can rise up the ranks. So if you were in like the top three spots of League 2, then the next year you're in League 1, and then if you're in the top two or three spots, and that league then you rise up again. Oh, yes. But if you're in the bottom two or three spots and that league then you rise up again. Oh, yes.

And if you're in the bottom two or three then you drop leagues. Right. And that's a huge deal. Because you lose a bunch of money, you lose a bunch of sponsorships. That's a big thing. You aren't in the game FIFA anymore. Oh my god, Danabekum looks down on you. He does.

He does that anyway. He does. He's so tall. Yeah, I don't know much about European football, but I went and saw my first like real real match Two years ago or a year ago, and I loved it the environment I mean talk about the antithesis of a baseball game. Yeah, so much fun Everyone knows these cheers and they know so many of them. I think I watch Carthage play. Oh I don't remember the name it will come to me later but they the

the fans were going nuts. They're standing the entire time. How they all knew it was probably like 20 or 30 original chairs that they're in there. It felt this entire match. And the kids are doing it. It's like a lot of dads and sons, and it was really, really fun. I want to see this like a sociological study of the evolution of a football chant.

Right. Somebody has to come up with that. I know. But then it has to spread around. And so they're like, you're like, I want to see like the guys at the bar who are like, okay, the guys name that we want to make the chance about.

His name is Jeremy Williams. So what rhymes with Williams? I know, what, yeah, exactly. That they're all on rhymezone.com. Try to come up with their cheers. I was like at the bar on their iPhones rhyme, so. Yeah, I would love that. But there's one guy that just goes home every week

and tests out new cheers That'll be so great. All right, so what is the news? The news from Mars is that it looks like Mars might have been a lot more ice-heat than we previously believed According to a new study that used atmospheric models to study how water would have moved between Mars's surface and its atmosphere Lead investigator Robin Wordsworth ran a number of models at different temperatures, and the model that most closely modeled the eroded features of Mars was the cold model, where all the surface was ice water, icy, where all the surface water was ice. And that many of Mars' surface features are better explained by ice than by running

water. Though there is other evidence showing clear signs of liquid water, this is a sign that Mars may have spent more time as a snowball than as a water world. Wow, they watched the movie Frozen on Mars and it got trendy. Maybe it was Elsa. Ah, that's where Elsa lives. It's probably a... Oh, that makes so much sense.

Right? Because there's that weird snowman guy, which probably couldn't have happened on Earth. He's probably actually a Mars native species. He's probably a native species of Mars. It now it all makes sense. Frozen is just an educational tool about the solar system. We're learning so much.

So that's it for this episode of Dear Hank and John. A guest hosted by Grace Hillbig without John. Sorry, John, you've been replaced. Grace is the creator of YouTube.com slash, it's Grace and a wonderful podcast not too deep available here wherever you're listening to this, also of Grace's Guide, available wherever books are sold, and also the Grace Helbig show on E is that coming back? I can't talk about it. I can't talk about it, I can't talk about it. It's in a hiatus mode right now. So it's sleeping.

We'll see if it wakes up. It's in a coma. It's asleep. It's asleep. It's the way it does. It's the way people should have watched. You should get off your damn computers. That was it.

That was talking about real lesson in the way the media is going. You guys listen to this podcast. it's really hard to get you guys to turn on a television. I can't be upset because I don't do it either. Yeah. And also, a number of other amazing things that you just are always doing. Always doing things.

Can't go to a H.U.S.A. H.U.S.A. Collapping with every single YouTuber. Electro-Mondyne girl. Electro-Mondyne girl. Yeah. Yeah, a lot of really cool, exciting things. Many, many things.

Our theme music is our theme music. Our theme music is by Gunnarola. The podcast is edited by Nicholas Jenkins. If you have any questions for us, you can send them to hankinjohnetgmail.com. And as we say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome. That felt very powerful. wonderful.