Dear Hank & John - 80: Life Is Hard and Also Has Good Things

Episode Date: February 6, 2017

What are the top ten kinds of spoons? Why do boys kiss like dying fish? What would happen if we lost gravity for fifteen seconds? And more! NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: www.nerdconnerdfighteria.com/ Email your questions: [e-mail]

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. You got the count from Sesame Street? I'm hungry. I can't think of our podcast as Dear John and Hank, by the way. It's a podcast full of comedy and talking about death in which we answer your questions, give you the Debian suffice and bring you all the week's dudes from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon. Hey John, you're my brother, how you doing?

I'm doing well. Missy Elliott has released a new single, Beyonce is pregnant with twins. The world is full of hope. I don't know what you're talking about, that things are dark. Everything's great. Beyonce's having two kids at once.

That's wonderful. I didn't know that, that's really exciting. I love being able to break news to you. Just wait till we get to the news from AFC Wimbledon, Hank, unless you're a hardcore follower of AFC Wimbledon, you probably haven't heard it. I very, very likely have not heard it. In fact, I haven't even heard the news from Mars today.

I'm gonna have to try and pull some out really last minute here. I apologize for not being great at podcasting. That's all right. We've come to expect it. No, I'm just kidding. You're way better than I am. I am good. I'm good. You're way better than I am. I am good.

I'm good. You know the other day, John, a car broke down on the side of the road and I was helping them push it out of the road. And the person was like, I'll be honest with you, I just ran out of gas. And they were driving of all the 240 and I was like, you know, I've run out of gas in that very car. I remember when you ran out of gas in that very car. I remember when you ran out of gas in that very car because I remember mom coming home after picking you up

and she was in tears because of how gothy you look. Uh, was I mean, was that it? Was that why I would love to talk to her about it now? Cause she was so mad and I think maybe, maybe it's because I ran out of gas and was being irresponsible. But maybe it was also because I had a bunch of makeup on. I don't know. I don't know.

Would you like a poem for today, Hank? Yeah, hit me with a poem, John. All right. It's appropriately short. This is actually a recommendation from Julie and longtime nerd fighter. Nerd fighter for 10 years now, actually, who recommended this poem by Aisha Sayed. It's called Broken English and it's by the daughter of a refugee. When my mother struggles to spell a word in English, I want to break the entire language into little pieces so the edges of these

letters will stop cutting her. Pretty good. that's a nice short poem. Pretty good. That is a short poem. Yeah, for the moments we are living in. Life is hard and also has good things. Let's try and have a little bit pepier dear Hank and John today than last time. God be right now, we're pretty low energy to quote the current president of the United States

low energy exclamation point. Oh. Okay, I found my Mars news, it's excellent news. Hooray. That's a, that's a, Hicks for Preparing. That's a, let's do some questions, John. I've got a really pressing one that I really want to hit.

It's from Jay, and I want to make sure we get to it so I'm going to start with it. Jay asks, dear Hanken, John, I'm very overwhelmed by the variety of spoons for sale. Would you please rank the top 10 types of spoons every aspiring gentleman should own? Jay. Sure, yeah, of course.

I don't actually have 10 types of spoons. I only have six types of spoons. How many types of spoons do you have? How did you count? Did you go count? I do well, I got on like some people. I prepare for this podcast. It depends on your definition of a type of spoon. I definitely have more than 10 spoons,

and like they all are different from one another in varying ways. Some of them just have like different manufacturing defects and scratches from years of use, but are otherwise very similar. And some are in made of entirely different things in very much different sizes. So it's hard. Hank, do you just, you don't have like a, you know,

a system of cutlery where it's all the same shape and everything and you got all the cutlery from your wedding, like normal people. I think you did, because I actually bought you some of it. No, yeah, I do for the, like the main ones, like my knives and forks and spoons. Right.

But what is a type, like two spoons, even if they are from the same set They're gonna be slightly different from each other and so are they? No, they're not there's you don't need you know no. He's asking about types of spoons Okay, like how many types of spoons do you need and the answer is six? You need a regular spoon for everyday spoon use you need the larger version of the regular spoon for when you are Especially hungry, especially with ice cream. You need a soup spoon, which is more of a circular spoon.

Harry Potter's glasses kind of spoon. Now, strictly speaking, you only need the first two types of spoons, but you can get that circular spoon, a nice soup spoon. I actually find that eating soup with a soup spoon is harder than eating soup with a regular spoon, but if you're going to be particular about it, there is a soup spoon. Then you've got your fourth type of spoon, which is your teaspoon, you know, for when you're a... Oh man. You know, just when you're teaspooning, and then you have your tablespoon for when you don't

want to count up like four teaspoons or whatever is in a tablespoon. And then the sixth type of spoon you need is you need a spoon for your children because children for whatever reason cannot use any of the previous five spoons. They are super hardcore about needing their own spoons for their own little hands with a little mini versions of spoons. So you need six spoons.

There's no need for 10 spoons. That's incredible to even think about. John, you've completely left out an entire category of spoons, which is spoons used for cooking. You need a ladle, which is kind of like a type of spoon. You need a regular, large serving spoon, possibly more than one large serving spoon, so that you can, when you are having people at the table,

you can put the serving spoon in, so they don't have to like very slowly, one little spoon full at a time, put the food on their plate, and then you need a slotted spoon for I don't know, something, there's a reason to have a slotted spoon, and then if you have non-stick plates,

you also, because you, or non-stick pans, you can't use those metal spoons in that, because you'll scrape off the non-stick, which is bad, so you need wooden or plastic spoons in that because you'll scrape off the nonstick, which is bad. So you need a wooden or plastic spoons in addition to that. So we are above 10 now. You're right, you do need 10 spoons

if you count all the cooking spoons. So there you go, Jay. I mean, people have often said that this podcast is completely useless and a waste of their time, but now you know the 10 spoons you need to acquire to have a successful adult life. Really, I would say you could get by with two spoons. of their time, but now you know the 10 spoons you need to acquire to have a successful adult life. Really, I would say you could get by with two spoons. One large spoon for your pods and serving and one regular spoon for literally everything else, although it is nice to have a tea spoon and a

table spoon because there's a lot of baking. It's hard to make cookies if you can't table spoon. Hank, I have a question that comes from Christine who writes, Dear John and Hank, why does every boy I kiss kiss like a fish opening and closing his mouth while kissing me so that I can't get my tongue in his mouth? Have I learned it wrong? I know in movies they kiss like this, but when I was a teenager I read this book about how to do stuff as a teen girl and it said you should just let your tongue play with their tongue. How do boys learn to kiss anyway if they don't have teenage girl books or magazines? Note, this didn't happen with the only girl I kissed, making that the best kiss I've ever

had. Love from the land of bitterball and Christine. I feel unqualified to answer this question. But I do remember when I was young that there was a lot of like quick opening and closing of the mouth like a struggling afraid fish and I do remember thinking like this doesn't seem right even though it is what I've seen on TV But it seems wrong and I think in retrospect it it probably was wrong. Is it not just excitement? It's just like I know how to eat. Is it like eating? I've tried eating on this person's face.

I've had a lot of experience with kissing as it's not very much like eating. No, it's, well, I mean, it felt like a smoothie maybe. It's like eating a smoothie. Oh, ah, ah, God. Just, yeah, I got it. That's what they should say in the boy books. Okay, boys, just pretend like you're really enjoying

some blended up beef stew. That's what a kiss is, do that. Oh, I mean, all I can say, Christine, is that it's important to communicate with your partner. And maybe be like, hey, I know that you think that the best way to do this is to and maybe be like, hey, I know that you think that the best way to do this is to be a fish out of water but my preferred way is to just be like two little eels

interacting with each other. I don't know, Christine, I mean, I guess I, I don't wanna, I don't, we gotta move on. We gotta move on. We gotta, and I'll say different people kiss different ways and it's not totally down to gender. So you might end up finding different boys kiss different ways even if the ones you've kissed so far are a certain way.

I've got a question from Michelle and I really wanna ask it because this is gonna lead me to talk about some stuff that I've been wanting to talk about for a while. Dear Hank and John, the other day I began having a crisis about the classification of belly buttons. Do belly buttons count as scars? I mean they're basically closed holes. Isn't that what a scar is? Do scars have to be unique to a person and or be the product of some sort of injury? Please help solve my dilemma as it's keeping me up at night best wishes Michelle. Mostly I want to talk about this question because I would talk about belly buttons because I have a baby now and the belly button thing happened And I didn't really understand how belly buttons happened and wow

Wow, that's weird. Yeah. How did belly buttons happen? Yeah. What placental mammals are so strange. Whoa, whoa. I did not understand how belly buttons worked, John. Oh yeah, no. Anyone with a child can tell you that belly buttons are definitely scars.

Yeah, also, yes, also, it's not, so I just, I pictured that like, you had the baby and then they cut the cord and then like at a relatively, like, recent, relatively, like, close to that point moment, they just cut the cord close to the belly button and then it just sits there for like weeks. This like weird, keratinous scab on the, your child's belly and you have to like work around it and like it doesn't smell good. It like, it's no. It's we, it's like got a real funky scent

and sometimes it gets bad and then like it gets infected and it smells really bad and you have to take them to the doctor but that didn't happen. And so they're like like it gets infected and it smells really bad and you have to take them to the doctor but that didn't happen. And so they're like, they're like, if it smells funky, that's okay, but if it smells bad and I'm like, I don't know what's the difference between funky and bad. It smells pretty bad. But apparently if it smells bad, you know, you know it smells bad. But anyway, that doesn't seem right. And then it slowly starts to peel off. And it's like, it's like a fingerna a fingernail like it's like connective tissue

That's been dried out. It is so Fricking weird. It is weird and I love my son very much and I like and like fine like it's beautiful and like magic magical but weird and Yes, it is a scar and it has like like a one of a kind scab that happens. And I just wanted everybody to know that because nobody told me before, I experienced it myself. I'm okay though, John.

I might seem like I'm not okay, but I'm okay. Okay. You seem to be processing some pretty deep stuff right now. So I'm all right. But also just like, oh, so here's the thing. I get how milk happened. It's just like, it's another way of sweating basically. It's like you sweat more with more oils and proteins and stuff.

And like, like, like, platypide, platypuses, they like, instead of having nipples, they just have like areas of their body that sweat milk. And so I can see that, I can see how that could evolve. But like belly buttons and placentas and like, where, how, that's real weird that that happened at all. And I understand why it's way better, like it's a way better way to make a mammal than like like marsupials are kind of like the intermediate stage. And I like

get why placenta was better. But man, I was, hmm, I, it made me, it made me think harder about placental mammals and like what a remarkable thing we are. But I want to know more about the evolutionary development of the placenta now. Well, I think that's a good bit of homework for you, Hank. I want you to come back next week having prepared your Mars News in advance, and also with more information about placental mammals. Okay, I'm on it. We're all trying to reach harder into a brighter future and that is going to be your contribution. Hank, this question comes from Joshua, who writes, dear John and Hank, my last name is a problem.

It was probably wollened originally, but after my ancestors came to America, it was changed to wooly hand. Wooly hand is not a great last name, especially since my family has quite small, hairless, entirely unwouly hands. And since we changed it from our original actual surname, the new one has no meaning. I was wondering if you could make a more badass meaning in history for my family name than

the real it used to be Wolland and then changed when we ventured to America. Best Joshua Ryan Wolleyhand. First off, at least you've got the best middle name possible. And secondly, I think that it is, I think that's cool. I mean, as long as you can move past it and be like, this is weird, this is a weird thing that I got. That's part of me.

I think it's good to have weirdnesses. No, he's not looking to change the weirdness. He's looking for an opportunity to have a better backstory. And I think that that's easy. I think you say like, my great grandparents had extremely woolly hands. Like not like Maryhands. Their hands were literally made out of wool.

My great grandparents were wool workers who had a magical encounter with wool that resulted in them having hands made of sheep's wool. And then you just people won't ask any questions after that, I promise. No, maybe, maybe, his great grandparents were in an accident. They were in the Arctic and they were digging for gold and they came across a fully frozen, woolly mammoth and then there was, but also there was a bunch of weird raw plutonium that probably came from a spaceship and it mutated their hands, not into woolly hands,

but into woolly mammoth hands. And so they had woolly mammoths hooves for hands, and then their friends would call them woolly hands, and then that stuck. But it wasn't genetic, it didn't stick around, so it wasn't everybody, but those two of them did. Yes.

It's like both the worst superhero you could possibly do and the worst possible superhero origin story. Like what's your superpower? Oh, as you can see, I have miniature willy-man myths for hands. And is that useful? Not particularly. I'm certainly very jealous of my friend Wolverine.

I do have tusks, but they're not like adamantium tusks and I can't like pick things up, so. That's a bit of a drawback. I thought it was gonna be like a horse with human hands except it was a person with with woolly mammoth hands. Like it just had hooves, but you went to like their hands are woolly mammoths, which I like. I like that better.

All right Hank, let's move on to another question. All right, this one is from Megan, who asks, dear Hank and John, me and my friends often throw around obscure questions that will never be useful. I love you and your friends already, Megan. Recently, my friend asked what would happen if Earth lost gravity for 15 seconds before getting it back. I had absolutely no idea.

Obviously, things would start flying around, but what about things fastened to the ground? Like trees and concrete, would they move it all? Would we go straight up or just sort of float around? Would the rotation of the earth make it seem like we were traveling diagonally away from the ground? I hope that you could provide some insight.

I'm a big fan of the pod. That's interesting. I think that maybe if you were at the equator, it would affect you more. You would sort of float away from the ground a little bit. Well, and if you have 15 seconds of floating away from the ground, when the gravity does return, it could be a pretty significant impact. I don't think that, no, I don't think so. I don't think that you would rise that far enough off the ground for it to be a big deal in 15 seconds, but I could be wrong. What if I happened to be like jumping

to rebound a basketball in the moment that gravity was a risk? Yeah, that could be a bigger problem for you. 15 seconds of like the speed you're going at the moment you jump could be enough to break a leg, especially if you were at the equator and had the extra effect of that. But I had to do math, man.

And as I said earlier, I did not prepare for this podcast as I previously have by doing it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Good side is. Wouldn't not having gravity be a big problem in re the Earth's rotation. Like wouldn't the Earth continue to like, I mean, is gravity not existing in the entire universe or only on Earth, I guess, is the first question?

Yeah, well, I mean, if it was the entire Earth, we would float a little bit away from the sun for a bit. But then it would just like, we just have a slightly larger orbit. I don't think that it would break the earth. I'm a little worried about what would happen to the atmosphere. We might lose a fair, like a bit of the atmosphere in that moment. It would by get far enough away

that it would then be blown away by the cosmic winds from the sun. But I don't know how much. I mean, I think it seems to me like this is a question that requires basically a short book to answer. Like a good XKCD, what a fixploration. And I think that it, I think we might be surprised by,

like for example, if you were close to the Arctic, you would float away much less than if you were close to the equator. And so it might be that people on the equator actually get much more seriously hurt than people who are closer to the poles. And that's an interesting effect. And I'm pretty sure that would,

but I don't think that it would be a huge effect. It might be so minuscule that you would barely even notice. The short answer is that Hank doesn't know, but he's willing to hazard a guess because that's how we both built our careers. We have a new question. This one comes from Dahlia, who writes, dear John and Hank, as a conservative who's followed much of your content for several years, you might even call me a nerd fighter, it concerns me that so much of your audience is not being exposed to conservative or non-liberal

ideas. It's very easy to create a bubble around oneself on the internet so that you only see political ideas that align with yours. One of the reasons I watched your channel and listened to your podcast is so I can understand the beliefs of many liberals. In doing this, I've come to the conclusion that Nerdfighteria is very much an echo chamber of leftism, as you're both liberal. I'm really, really not. But I mean, I guess I, I guess as the Republican Party has moved in my opinion a lot to the right in the last 12 to 15 years, maybe I have, I feel like I've stayed the same.

Anyway, your comment sections are dominated by those liberal views as well, and it seems like your podcasts tend to align with your ideologies, too. Although diverse in terms of race, sexuality, and nationality, Nerdfighteria seems to lack the most important kind of diversity of ideas. Does that concern you?

That's interesting that that's the most important type of diversity. I mean, I think that part of having diversity of age and diversity of gender and where you're from, that results in a diversity of ideas. I hope. And I also, I honestly don't know what to do about that. Like, I believe these things. I think that it is important that we recognize that global warming exists and deal with it,

because I think that it's going to be a huge challenge that we faced in the next 50, 100 years. I am certain that we need to respect the rights of people who are in love with people of their same sex. There's no reason why you shouldn't be allowed to get married because you happen to love someone who has the same sex organ as you. Like I just, I believe these things and I'm pretty dang sure I'm right. And so I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do about that. Right. I mean, I, I work really hard to listen to

voices that I disagree with in my, like with in my life and in my reading and in what I look at. But I think one of the challenges is that it's really, really hard right now to empathize across the aisle because I think a lot of people feel like, especially the, you know, putting aside, putting aside the specific issues, the approach to the issues that's being seen in the Trump administration is worrying to a lot of people and it's really really hard to take the responses to that seriously like the executive order on immigration and refugees for instance, it's just not a good document, like it's not well written, it's self-contradictory, it wasn't, it wasn't, and in some cases still isn't clear what the law now is.

It does appear that in at least two places, the executive order violated existing law, which isn't possible, which isn't supposed to be possible, and is only possible because the government, the parts of the government that are supposed to review that law didn't have a chance to review it before it was released. And so it's just, I am, the answer to your question, Dalian, is that I am deeply concerned that NerdViteria is an echo chamber, and that the Nerdfighteria is an echo chamber and that the entire social internet is an echo chamber and that nothing that gets said on the social internet does anything to change anyone's views because everyone has already decided what

they believe in an incontrovertible way. I am very concerned about that in my own life and I'm very concerned about it in Nerdfighteria and I'm very concerned about it on the internet in general. But I also agree with Hank that I'm sure that global warming exists and I'm sure that it's one of the biggest challenges faced by the world and I'm sure that if we pull out of the Paris Climate Accord it's a catastrophe for the world.

And I don't know what to do about the fact that I'm sure about those things, but I'm sure that I'm right. And that's what makes it hard right now. What I have tried to do is make it about the things that I believe and care about, but not about the people who oppose me. And so I don't wanna make content that's like,

here is what the idiots on the other side are saying, aren't they idiots? And I don't want to make content that's like here is what the idiots on the other side are saying aren't they idiots? And I don't think we do that right I try not to do that I do it sometimes on Twitter But I don't I try not to do it on vlog brothers. Yeah me too. I try not to do it outside of Twitter But I and I hate that I don't Twitter That that is Yeah, like that is, that is a way that like it's not, I understand that it's not a diversity of ideas, but hopefully it's not exclusionary to the ideas because it's not like I'm, like I think that it's so easy to take the most extreme voice and say, look at what the other side is saying, they're literal Nazis. And like some of them are,

but most of them aren't. And so that really tears everything apart. And it makes it impossible to have useful conversations. And it makes it impossible to, like it makes it worryingly difficult to have a country together. Um, yeah, especially because like, like, once you have sort of an ideology put in place, like if all you ever hear is the most extreme stories from the other side, then it does seem like you're fighting a battle against evil. And hopefully, like I don't wanna feel like

I'm fighting a battle against evil, I wanna feel like I'm having a argument about how to correctly proceed and make the world better for the most possible people. Though also, I think there's, there's, well, but not everybody agrees that that kind of utilitarianism is even the goal. I mean, I think it's what I find interesting is that I'm able to have most of my closest friends in real life are, I guess would probably be considered conservatives or most often vote for Republican candidates for state and national office. And I'm able to talk

to them about politics a lot. It's been hard the last five months, six months, but it's not, it hasn't been impossible for the vast majority of that time, even though, like, you know, I think the Republican Party has changed a lot in very disturbing ways in the last 15 years. Now, look, there's always been problems with both political parties in the US. I don't want to make it sound the one way or the other. But point being, I'm able to have those conversations in real life. I'm able to seek common ground and find it and at least have, and it figure out what we disagree about and understand what we disagree

about and not think that the other person is evil or an idiot. And I really do struggle with that online and I really, I feel like a lot of times online, the way people talk to people and I don't exclude myself from this. Imagines that those you disagree with are idiots. And, and I, I do think a lot of times like, I, I really believe that in the Republican party right now, there are a lot of people who are saying that certain people do not deserve the full rights of equal protection under the law. I think that's what voting, the voting restrictions amount to. I think that's what the refugee, the refugee and immigration ban amounts to, especially when it seemed until late in the game that it was going to be applied to legal

permanent residence in the United States. And those are big, big problems to me because I think equal protection under the law is the foundational idea of American democracy. So it's really hard to have a calm conversation about that because it scares the crap out of me. And because I also feel like I have to stick up for the people who are being systematically disenfranchised in this conversation. Yeah. Anyway, we don't know. Also, I really quickly want to note one other thing, which is that while answering this question,

Dalya, I changed your name to Delia, and that was my bad, I'm sorry. As if things weren't bad enough, I went and did that. But thank you for listening to this podcast, and thank you also for trying to keep the lines of communication open, because it has never been harder than it is now and we really appreciate it and we want to try to do the same. Yeah, and I apologize for the moments in which we dehumanize people who disagree with us.

It's too easy these days and I want to endeavor to try to not do that as much. This question is from Fletcher, who asks Dear Hankin John. I'm trans, and I'm about to embark upon the legal process of changing my name. I've already cited on Fletcher as my first name, but I'm feeling conflicted when it comes to my middle name. On one hand, my father was called James, and I know it would make him happy to choose it.

He puts so much effort into choosing my birth name, which I now am no longer responding to. What's more, I quite like the name James, so I wouldn't be forcing myself. So I wouldn't be forcing myself to have a middle name that I despise for all eternity. On the other hand, the name Balthazar is cool as heck, and it would make my initials FBI. I would like your inputs on whether I should choose a normal sentimental name or a cool name that would be a talking point best wishes, Fletcher or possibly, Fletcher Balthazar or Fletcher James. Yeah, I mean, I think the solution here is pretty obvious

Hank. Do you want to just say it on three or do you want to try to hash this one out? I may have deeply disagree with you on this one, John. But you go, let's do it on three. Okay, one, two, three, James. I don't know what was I thinking, of course, Ryan. I mean, look, let's go. It's obviously Ryan. There's only one way forward here. You're in a moment of uncertainty.

That's the kind of moment that only Ryan can solve. I do like this thought process and I'm glad you're thinking of it and trying to be inclusive. I do a little bit think Balthazar might be a mistake. Yeah, I mean, I really like, I love names that honor important family members, but I love the name Ryan even more. What a terrible mistake, Hank, we both made naming our children something other than Ryan. I could have two kids named Ryan. Of course it's thinking. And how cool would that be?

It would be like, hey, my name is Ryan. This is my sister Ryan, or my name is Ryan. This is my brother Ryan, which Alice would never say. All she would actually say is, my name is Ryan, this is my brother Ryan, which Alice would never say, all she would actually say is, my name is Ryan, give me water. Where's my water? Okay. Okay.

Daddy, I like ice in it. She's thinking a little bit demanding. She's three. But yeah, she's a little bit demanding. The other day, the other day, she said, daddy, daddy. Daddy. That's how she says daddy.

Yeah, daddy. I want ice in it and I was like, Alice, there's ice, there is ice. Look at that, like you can literally see, daddy, I want it all ice. And I was like, no, you don't. You can't drink it if it's all ice. This podcast is brought to you by all ice,

all ice, the delicious refreshment of the future. Only Alice Green truly understands the nature of the wonderful beverage that is all Iced. You know what I just realized? All Iced is very, very similar to Alice's actual name. That's true. That's true. In a way I should have said something. I like to say something to her.

All Iced. So maybe I shouldn't complain. Today's podcast is also brought to you by people who kiss like dying fish. People who kiss like dying fish. Not recommended. And also this podcast is brought to you by all 10 types of spoons. All 10 types of spoons necessary for the life of a true gentleman. And lastly, this podcast is brought to you by Gravity. Gravity, you know, I think we could whip without it for 15 seconds.

Do you think? Well, I mean, the thing is like Hank and I both know an equal amount about that question, which is nothing, but Hank is able to talk as if he does know something about it, so... That's true. It's true. I just typed in 15 seconds without gravity into Google and I didn't find anything useful. Well, that's good. That's probably good news.

Yeah, what I do want to say is just, in, just in general, be very careful about when you jump because you never know when gravity's going to turn off and you're just going to go flying away. That wouldn't be a bad way to go in the scheme of things. Hank, this question comes from an anonymous short spouse. I'm not sure why this person didn't want to be identified, but they didn't, and we'll respect that. So, hello, green brothers.

My husband's birthday is coming up, and he is also tall. We like a lot of the shirts on dftba.com but they are not made for tall people. How do you get tall person shirts? Can I buy tall person shirts from you? Best wishes, short spouse. So first off I'm 6-1 and those shirts fit me fantastically. In fact I only wear shirts from dftba.com, your number one source for shirts on the internet. I mean, I'm wearing one right now. I wear them all the time. And I also am one inch taller than John and I'm also a six one. So I... You know, you always say that. Yeah, I have to stop you right there. And I do not like to stop you in the middle of a commercial for dftba.com, your number one source for internet merchandise.

But I have to stop you right there, because you've gotten into my head so much about this, you being one inch taller than me and you being six one thing, that like I've started to think that maybe I'm only six feet tall. And so I went to get, when I was doing all this stuff for 100 days, like I had to get a cardiac stress test and get weighed and get my height done and everything, and like all these EKGs and whatnot.

They measured my height and they said I was like six, one, or like one quarter inch less than six, one. So I think that either we are the same height and you are just creating some kind of like visual thing that makes you look an inch taller than me, like you've just like, like you're like gas lighting me about what I'm actually seeing or alternately, you're actually, you've been six two this whole time.

Oh my God, it's crazy to think that I might be six two. That sounds so tall to me. Well, anyway. That's weird. That's why it sounds like six two. The shirt's still fit. They do fit me and I'm six two. But if, I mean, if he's like six eight,

I understand that that might cause like midriff problems. Yeah, but that's the solution. You've actually just answered the question. Right. Just go with the midriff. Yeah, your husband needs to bear his midriff to the world. Like, he faces a stark choice. Don't wear dftba.com t-shirts or rock the bear midriff.

And I think, you know, option B is overwhelmingly the best choice. You know, John, I've been working with a lot of onesies these days. Yeah. And there's a nice thing about wearing a onesie. So the onesie, a baby onesie, it can be a long sleeve shirt, and then it wraps around under the diaper and buttons. And then you can put pants on over that. So the legs are still totally out.

And it's just like this little thing that buttons under the crotch. And the legs are out and then you put pants on. But then the shirt never comes untucked because it's just like this little thing that buttons under the crotch. And the legs are out and they put pants on, but then like this shirt never comes untucked because it's connected. Like it's around. Like why isn't that an adult thing? What, like can't I have like a nice button down shirt

that then like wraps around underneath my underwear area and then like in some way facins so that it never has any chance of ever coming, like never getting loosened and jostled out of my tuck, of my pants tuck. I don't know whether to treat your question seriously, but I will say that I think the history of fashion is fascinating. But if you're being serious, it's because it takes too long to pee. I think you're right.

I haven't thought of it. You're a tiny baby child. You have somebody who changes your diapers for you and so it doesn't matter that you're wearing diapers. Right, okay. In fact, the exact moment at which children stop wearing onesies in my experience is when they stop wearing diapers at night. Ah, interesting. Okay, I'm in.

I feel like I'm just like, I feel like I'm just ahead of you on this one particular curve. Like you're smarter than me and almost everything. But I know just a little bit more about children. Oh, well, that's, yes, definitely that is the case. I've got another question, John. It's really important. I want to make sure we get to it before we get to the all-important news from Mars and AFC

with him and it's from Jillian who asks, Dear Hank and John, I just bought a new Jigsaw puzzle. When I opened the box, some of the pieces were already put together. Am I morally obliged to break up the pieces and start from scratch? Is it cheating if I don't? Can you cheat on a jigsaw puzzle

if you're the only one puzzling advice on this pressing issue would be greatly appreciated kind regards, Jillian. Jillian, the only person you're cheating is yourself. Mm-hmm. You know what this makes me? You're gonna be cheating yourself out of the opportunity to build that entire jigsaw puzzle from scratch. Or there is a person, this is true, at the jigsaw puzzle factory, who takes the jigsaw puzzle that

has been printed out on a piece of cardboard and stamped with that jigsaw puzzle stamp breaking it into a bunch of pieces, who then takes that, breaks it all up very carefully as to make sure to not lose any pieces and puts it in a bag and then puts that bag in a box. And that person, sometimes they leave a few pieces put together and there may be, that person is thinking to themselves, I've done a little favor for my friend,

the purchaser of my jigsaw puzzle, so that they will not have to put together. They'll see these three pieces, these five pieces maybe, that were left together, I did that for them so that they would have a good starting point. Maybe. I like it. I love it.

I agree. You should let them be because of the person and or machine that did that for you. I do, I actually have no idea if it's a machine or a person and I would like to know. I mean, I'm going to bet at this point it's a machine. There's only about four jobs that have not been automated yet, Hank. Real quickly, we need to get to some corrections. We had some some really important corrections from last week's pod. Ben wrote in, for instance, to say, respectfully in a recent podcast, Hank stated,

you can't see Mars from Mars, but to quote, Les Misarabla, look down. That is good. It's real good. I did have that same... I saw that correction and was like, yes, very good. I love it. Ben also wanted said, PS, feel free to shout out my amazing girlfriend, Jazz. I don't know if that's the same Jazz, who's Jazz and Claire who played Angela in the paper town's movie, but it spelled the same way.

So maybe I hope so. If it is, you just assume that Jazz, you're awesome. If it isn't, I'm sure you're also awesome, Jazz. Second correction, real quickly, from Anisa, she wrote in to say, dear John and Hank, I am a former space physics major while I completely understand your desire to study the physics of space. That is not actually the topic which space physics major. While I completely understand your desire to study the physics of space, that is not actually the topic which space physics refers to.

Space physics has more to do with atmospheric physics and satellite stuff. The type of physics that you are probably thinking of is astronomy and astrophysics. Satellites not spaceships, Anisa, current computational mathematics major. I mean, Anisa, I'm gonna level with you. I did not understand any of the words in that correction,

but I did my best to read them in order, so that we could be technically correct. It's corrected now. And I'll be honest with you, I was watching a how it's made video on puzzles and can confirm that it is the machine who has done you the favor, not a human being. I'll put the link to this video in the Patreon description of the video. Uh, boy, that was definitely done by a machine.

Yeah, I kind of figured. Um, Hank, what's the news for Mars that you looked up 12 minutes ago? Uh, let me try and. The tap. All right. I'll just tell you the news from AFC Wimbledon. Hank, so this is a little confusing, but in soccer, in England, you can only sign new players during certain periods. There's the summer transfer window, which ends on August 31st, and then there's the January transfer window, which ends on January 31st and AFC Wimbledon traditionally don't do a lot of business

In the January transfer window because that's kind of it's sort of for like richer clubs Plus AFC Wimbledon is in the middle of the table and it's not clear You know what what they have to to fight for at this point, you know, I mean obviously the job is to stay up. And it looks likely that they will stay up, although actually they're down in 13th now. So maybe there's still a little bit of work to do. Only 10 points clear of the drop. Point being on the transfer deadline day, AFC Wimbledon did sign a new player, a 30 year old player named Tom Sores. Sores. I don't know. Nobody knows how to pronounce his name.

It's like Gillingham, but the point is he is now playing for AFC Wimbledon and Neil Ardley, the beloved manager of AFC Wimbledon, said the following about him. Tom is very powerful, has good aerial ability, and I think he is in his prime now. And I just wanted to say that is what I would like to be known for. I wish that someone would say that sentence about me. John is very powerful, has good aerial ability, and I think he is in his prime now. I just want someone to say that I'm in my prime now. Anyway, congratulations, Tom, on becoming a member of AFC Wimbledon

and leaving your former club, Barry or possibly Barry, nobody knows how to say town names in England. Okay, what's the news from Mars? Well, first I wanna say, you gotta be careful about that aerial ability, John, because you never know when gravity's gonna turn off, but additionally, let's just say that, Mark Kelly, you know who Mark Kelly is, right, John?

No, astronaut. Yeah, good job. The astronaut that's been a year in space, twin brother Scott Kelly, so that they could have like a twin experiment with space stuff. Mark Kelly has released a editorial talking about why he would... He says that we should get to Mars, the United States needs to have people on Mars by 2033 for the good of the nation.

Now, I have one big problem with this, John. Yeah. It's five years too late. No, I think it's the perfect timing. Definitely five years too late. He gives three main reasons for why we should get to Mars by 2033, the first being, I'm going to go and reverse order. He says that the United States cannot lose its dominance

in space. I don't know what that means. I don't really feel like it's a great reason. Who needs to dominate spite space? It's a really big. It's a big old place, and I don't feel like anybody can dominate it. Really, it's almost all of the places. It is the vast majority of places. But additionally focusing on... That really hurts. ...is a vanishingly small portion of the universe. Just very yes, it is the least of the places.

Focusing on Amars, mission additionally would jump start our economy, which I do think would be the case, and I think we would learn a lot about our capabilities as a nation and as a technical species by focusing on this. But lastly, the just increasing chance that we are going to find alien life. And Mars is the easiest place to find it. It might not be the most likely place to find it. Probably one of the water moons of Jupiter or Saturn

would be a more likely place to find it, just because there's so much water. But the, the, the, it's easy, much easier to get to Mars, much easier to get to the watery parts if there are watery parts. And just what we could learn about the universe by discovering life for a second time. Yeah, no, I agree. I think that would be really, really cool. I could, I mean.

And I mean, is a man to mission to Mars the only way to get to discover life? No, but it is so much easier. It's so much, like humans are so much more versatile and able to do things that robots can't do. Curiosity isn't even designed really to look for life. And additionally, microscopic life is difficult to parse out what's alive and what isn't.

Like even viruses were kind of like, I don't know, does that count? And if it's very different from what life looks like on Earth, if it's not based on the same chemistry, if it's not based on, like, certainly, if it isn't based on the same biology, now it might be based on the same biology. If life spread from Mars to Earth or from Earth to Mars, and that would also be a very interesting thing to discover that that's possible and a thing that happened. But it could be based on entirely different biology, like different

methods for storing genetic information, or like no genetic information at all, or who knows? Who knows? It could be much more like what life was on Earth when it first formed, which of course, we don't even know what that was. But understanding the chemistry of that is going to be really difficult to get to the bottom of and it really makes it a lot easier to have people who are working in the field as it were. Yeah, and I have to say, Hank, I think that just getting all of our ducks in a row and just getting human capacity to the place where we needed to be. And just there's, I think it makes great sense to just say 2033, that's the goal.

We're gonna focus on that date. We're not gonna consider any dates sooner than that. There might be delays. You never know, but we're gonna plan for 2033, maybe it'll be 2035, 2037. Maybe things will get done really fast. It'll be 2031, maybe it'll be 2035, 2037. Maybe things will get done really fast. They'll be 2031. Maybe it'll be 2029.

You know? I would even, if the pace of innovation suddenly jump starts and we end up on Mars in 2029, I would say that wouldn't be such a bad outcome. Oh, God. The important thing is that it's Dear Hank and John now and it's gonna be Dear Hank and John in 2027, and we're gonna hold on to that for at least 10 years,

and I'm proud of that. Well, I mean, what do you mean you're proud of that? You just, you named our podcast when we started because you were the person filling out the iTunes info. That's not what, what is there to be proud of? You know what else I did though, John? You know what else I did? I John? You know what else I did? I made a bet that required the outcome of the bet

to not change until the bet date was reached, which means I have secured the podcast name at Dear Hank and John for 10 years, which is, if I do say so myself, a masterful piece of deal-making. I mean, some people would say that you should write a book called The Art of the Deal. I mean, just on the topic of how to make sure that a podcast has your name first for a whole decade. I mean, I'm really something else, John. I gotta say. You are. You are. There's no question about that. Hank Green, Colin, something else.

All right, John. What did we learn today? Well, we learned that Hank doesn't actually know what would happen if gravity stopped on Earth for 15 seconds, but he pretended to, but then eventually he had to acknowledge that he didn't. I, yeah, which is, you know, really most of the conversations I have these days. We also learned that shoot.

We also learned that if you have the opportunity to change your middle name, you should probably go with Ryan. It's hard to beat Ryan. Hard to beat Ryan. We learn that belly buttons are definitely scars and that when they start out they smell a little bit funky, but not not bad you can tell the difference. You can double tell the difference if they smell bad you should go see a doctor and finally finally we learned that the very worst superhero with the very worst origin story is grandpa

and grandma willy mammoth hands. Oh Hank thank you for potting with me. If you want to email us, please email us your questions at Hank and John at gmail.com. You can also use the hashtag gearhankinjohn on Twitter where I'm Hank Green and nope, nope, I'm not Hank Green. I'm John Green and Hank is Hank Green. Oh, I'm having a crisis of self-hank. Dear Hank and John is produced by Rosie on a halls for a halls and shared in Gibson. Our editor is Nicholas Jenkins, Victoria von Jonas, our head of community and communications.

Our music is by the great Gunnarola. Thank you again for listening and as we say in our hometown. Don't forget to be awesome. Awesome.