Dear Hank & John - 85: Stay Gold, Potaterson

Episode Date: March 20, 2017

What should my motto be? What vegetable is happiness? When is enough really enough? And more! Email us: [e-mail]

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. Nor is I prefer to think of it dear John and Hank. It's that kind of comedy podcast time where we talk about comedy and death and answer your questions and bring you all the week's news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon. How are you doing John? Not great, not brilliantly to be honest with you. The biggest problem I have in my life right now, Hank, and this is gonna come as a huge surprise to you,

is that I had an oral surgery yesterday, and it was complicated and painful, and it's just, it's not my favorite thing. I don't love dental pain, but I have it a lot. I also don't love dental pain, and I don't have it a lot. You... Well, in general, I find you to be a very lucky person and also right now, if you brag about another dental pain, I am going to reach through the ether and strangle you.

We did the Patreon chat just before this and you told the story of why you are having your current dental pain and I just want to tell everyone just in case John doesn't want to tell that whole story right now it's real bad and you and I'm so sorry. I'm not going to tell the story again but it is really bad. I'm not going to tell it mostly because it would lead to a not insignificant number of our listeners vomiting. I mean when you have like 100,000 people, you tell a story like that.

You know somebody's gonna get a little bit of something coming up. Whew, well. Yep. It's a beautiful day here in Missoula, Montana, by which I mean it's gross. But in comparison to other planets, I mean perfect outside.

It's so true. I mean, just the fact of having weather is really excellent. I mean, actually, most planets have weather. They have a significant weather. And in fact, I would say more weather than we have here on Earth. Just like Jupiter is weather basically would take your skin right off.

So I mean, Venus is weather would even faster. You'd basically be- That sounds lovely. You'd basically be cooked, but in a way that would be inedible if you lived on Venus. Delicious. Would you like a short poem for the day? Short, John. Too bad, I don't have one.

Let's move on to questions from our listeners. Do you want to do the one that I posted on Twitter earlier today? Uh, Hank, I don't know if you know this about me, but I am no longer on Twitter. I know, so you don't know about this wonderful poem I wrote. Oh my God, you tweeted so many times today. What is it like? I tweeted two times. To feel that the world needs to hear from you multiple times today. Actually, that's not fair fair because I tweet all the time as Leon Mus.

Leon Mus is not on social media, I hate this. Nope, no, no, just because I quit Twitter doesn't mean that Leon Mus also quit Twitter. Is it the one about water? Yeah. I dreamt of dozens of glasses of cool fresh water. When I woke, I was still thirsty. This is a dream that, a poem that I wrote inside of a dream after waking up from a dream in which I found a bunch of

glasses of cool fresh water because I was really, really thirsty. I mean, that's inception level stuff right there. Somebody was planting something inside of your subconscious. Yeah, Hank, I want to ask a question from our listeners. Okay, John. That subject in verb did not agree. So first, I want to apologize to our listeners for my terrible grammar. And then I want to ask this question. It comes from Michael who writes, dear, John and Hank, I've been thinking a lot about

Mottos lately because I want to design a tattoo with a coat of arms. And the best ones, coats of arms, I mean, not tattoos. Always have Mottos. I've mostly settled on above all compassion. with a coat of arms and the best ones, coats of arms, I mean, not tattoos, always have models. I've mostly settled on above all compassion, but I was wondering if either of you had better ideas for a motto. Do you have a personal motto? Should I translate my motto into Latin?

Misedified by Mottos, Michael. First of all, I gotta say, John, the way that you said above all compassion, did not feel like the comma was where it should be. So it's above all compassion. Not you are, I am a, is that a little like, I'm above all compassion? Yeah.

So I'm sorry, my math is. I'd say memento mori. That's a pretty good, it's a pretty good motto. Question mark? And it's also true. I have actually composed a list of like my top 10 Latin motto, tank. Oh, oh, oh my goodness.

I might have over prepared for this podcast while I was suffering from some dental pain. So my wife's grandfather had a huge coat of arms in his house, like a massive, probably seven-foot tall coat of arms, and beneath it, in Latin, in like fancy script, it was written, illegitimized known car barundum. Do you know what that means? No. It means don't let the bastards get you down That's that's my number one Preferred motto

You've also got on here a homo hominy lupus John man is a wolf toward man. Is that that one man is a wolf to man It's true and it's funny not really funny, but it's a wolf to man. It's true and it's funny, not really funny, but it's true. Sick transit Gloria, glory fades. Glory saves. You've got Carpe Noctum, which I know as sees the night from the live-action role-playing game Vampire that my friends played back in college. No, we've got Tempest Edax rerum, which means time, the devourer of all things. I'm not sure if that's referring to time, the idea, or time-warner, the company, but based on the quality of my cable subscription, it might be both.

You've also got on this list Draco Dormian's Ninh Quam Tilan Dis, Tittilan Dis, never tickle a sleeping dragon. Yep, good advice. And also a good wife motto, ultimate foresand, which means perhaps the last, which is often also translated as it's later than you think, and appeared on a lot of clock faces back in the day.

To remind you every time you were looking up the time that you were also one minute or five minutes closer to death. Oh, yes. John, I have to say about never tickle a sleeping dragon. I have never had an opportunity, nor do I imagine I will, to tickle an actual sleeping dragon. However, I do find myself occasionally tempted to tickle a sleeping baby. No, that's a terrible idea. Super cute baby. And I'm like, I just wanna give you a little bit of,

and then it's in there. I'm like, why? Why? Why have I made this terrible decision? I now have to deal with this. I just wanted to touch a baby. And now I've got this thing. It was so good when it was sleeping.

No, yeah. That's really what it should be. Baby, dormians, Ninhwam, Titolondus. I don't know what Latin for baby is. Yeah, I like above all comic compassion, but to me, it's no illegitimate non-coborundum. That's right, John. illegitimate non-coborundum.

That's just, that's to you. And by illegitimate, I mean your teeth. This question is from Kato, who asks, dear Hank and John, recently my friend, Carrie, who calls me Potato, informed me that the rocks and general terrain on Mars are putting holes in the wheels of the Curiosity Rover. Apparently the rover has been driving backwards for some time now, in an attempt to make the wheels last longer.

This upsets me how much longer can Curiosity continue to give us gifts of discovery until it can no longer move? Once it's stationary, can it still do research of any importance to us? Will we have to wait for astronauts to land on Mars to find out more about the planet? Is Hank's actual Mars news at risk? It's true, John. I do rely on Curiosity for Mars news. And if we run out of Curiosity, we're gonna to have less, though certainly not no, Mars news. Lots of Mars news still, but less Mars news. So yeah, that is a problem.

And the Mars 2020 rover, which we are developing right now, is going to have a different wheel design for this very reason. But at the moment, it's a concern, and we are much more careful about how we drive the rover now. Now that we know that these wheelholes are a thing, but it's a heavy rover and it's got, it's wheels are built to be lightweight because everything is built to be lightweight

and it turned out that they were a little less durable than we had hoped. The Curiosity Rover does have a lifespan that is more determined by its power source, that it's wheels, but even once it is no longer mobile, it will become a stationary science experiment on Mars and it will continue giving us good data possibly for 10 years or more as the opportunity rover has shown,

which is still operational on the surface of Mars after having had a planned life of like six months, it's 10 years later and it's still going. So more than 10 years. And very, very, testament to how fantastic NASA engineers are at making things that can live the test of time. Hank, I think that you failed to address the most important part of this question. So I just want to stop you if I can.

Did you or did you not point out that this person's name appears to be Kato Potato Sin? Oh. Hmm. Hmm. Is there a... Is Potato Sin. Oh. Hmm. Hmm. Is there, is Potato Sin a real last name? Well, I mean, it is the name that they signed off with. Oh.

And you guys, Potato Sin, and yeah, it's a thing. If there is a person in the world named Potato Sin and there do appear to be several, judging from Facebook, specifically by several, I mean, three. Um, that's the best. How have I gone through life so long without knowing that I could use Patatorson as a last name in one of my novels?

Well, I worry, no. Margot Roth's Speegelman could have been Margot Roth Patatorman. You know, my guess is, John, my guess is that this person's last name is Peterson, and that they have added a potato into a portmanteau of their name and have made themselves Potatoeson. Because I clicked on Jeffrey Potatoeson, the only Potatoeson on Facebook, and it is just a picture of a person drawn onto a Potato. That is true. Also, I'm now reading Jeffrey Potator's status updates and they do seem to be

potato centric. For instance, some people like me loaded and some people like me plain. I think that is a bit of a double-on-tondra. And then previously, there's one that says, this is a picture of my parents. I know it's a bit inappropriate but it was the only picture I had of them and it appears to be two potatoes situated in such a way that they are simulating the what not And also Jeffrey Patanus and has has posted just got out of the oven so baked right now I mean just I have not added a friend on Facebook in like literally seven years until today.

I just sent a friend request to Jeffrey Petaterson. I will let you know if he gets back to me. Yeah, I mean Jeffrey Petaterson has a bunch of friends, 10 of them, and started high school at Burnsville High School on May 5th, 2011. So I don't really know how that worked, but hasn't updated since January of 2012, John. So we'll see how that goes. I'm gonna go ahead and add that friend as well.

All right, our next question comes from Benjamin, who writes, dear John and Hank, when I first started going to my hair stylist, I gave the phone number for my dad's membership card and when she said his name, I just confirmed. And since then, she thinks that that's my name. I've been going to her for many years now, but I don't have the heart to tell her the lie that we've been living. I don't want to admit the truth, but haircuts should be built on trust, right? What do I do, DFTBA Benjamin?

You just gotta live this lie. In fact, you might wanna change your name completely and let everybody know that you, and not let them know why, and the only person that you're not letting know about your name change is your hairdresser. Right, that's one strategy. I think another strategy is to go into your hair stylist

and when they're like, so half things been going the last six to ten weeks You say you know the biggest thing that happened in the last ten weeks was that I went to the courthouse and I decided to change my name to Benjamin and now I am a Benjamin for the rest of my life and it's a new thing It's a fresh start for me. I've always kind of wanted to be a Benjamin and now I am one. And your hairstyle will be like, cool. So should I start calling you Benjamin and you'd be like, I mean, that'd be great. Yeah. It's my name. It's good. I like it. Are you solved the whole problem? It's totally solved. It's totally solved. I don't have an any. It's so rare that we're able to actually fix people's problems. That feels great.

Yeah, can I ask you, John? Is the phrase hair dresser a weird phrase? Because they don't like dress. It makes me picture two things. Either they're putting clothes on your hair or they're putting salad dressing in it. That is the only things that I dress. I definitely prefer hair stylist.

So I talk to David about this, who's my hair stylist, and he prefers hair stylist. But I think different people use different words, and it's mostly about listening to your hair professional on what they want to be called. Yes, just like your hair professional, should listen to you Benjamin about what you want to be called. This question is from Cole, who asks,

dear Hank and John, what I have to go number two, I've noticed that the sensation sometimes comes in waves. In some moments, I feel that I need to run to the bathroom and then moments later I feel as though nothing is wrong. And then soon after, it feels as though I will have to go at any moment. I'm hoping I'm not the only person who experiences this. Wouldn't it be easier for my body to tell me when I have to go badly, when I end what I don't have to go badly?

Why does my body do this? An avid pod listener on the throne, Cole. Hmm. What do you know about poop and John? Not much, but I am familiar with that phenomenon. I call it contractions, which Sarah takes exception to. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Yeah, I actually do know something about this. I think both because I am a bit of an aficionado of pooping, but also I know about how the human body works a little bit better than the average person.

So you have basically a spot on the inside of your rectum that when it experiences pressure it's like, now's the time to go. And it actually creates a little bit of a positive feedback loop where it will open and that will allow for more pressure and that will open it more. And that's why it could be hard to not poop. And that, and the reason that that spot will be experiencing pressure is because the rectum is not empty. But also because your body, all the way from your mouth

on down, has these muscle contractions that go in waves. And it's almost like imagine it like you're milking a cow. You take the other and you squeeze in it down. And that's what's happening. That's what forces food and stuff through your digestive system. And at the end there, when you're getting one of those waves, that's when you feel, oh, I'm feeling the pressure now,

and that spotted erectum is saying poop time, and then that wave will stop because it comes in waves. And then you won't be experiencing that pressure anymore and things will be able to go back up a little bit. But I will say that if you've felt one of those waves, you can usually intentionally make one happen by going to the toilet and it will happen automatically. Even if you don't feel like you have to poop at that moment,

if you've had one recently, you probably will go. Wow. But that's why that happens. Interesting. Well, it wasn't really a funny answer, John. I didn't know that I'd come to this party to learn about that, but I'm glad I did. I'm sure.

I'm sure. We've got another question Hank comes from Leanne, and this is kind of up your alley. She writes, dear John and Hank, our solar panels designed to work with light from any star or just our sun. Like if Tony Stark invented a solar powered suit and was then transported to a different solar system, would he still be able to charge his suit?

Thank you for the answers, the poems, I'm sorry about the lack of poems, Leanne and the news. Sorry about the lack of news, Leanne. Not a descendant of Beyonce, Leanne. You're not yet, but the good news is Leanne that your descendants will be someday. That's right, that's absolutely right. John, no, solar panels that we make are optimized for our sun, optimized for the wavelengths

that come off of our sun, and also the wavelengths that make it through our atmosphere. So at least the ones that we use on Earth are. So our atmosphere scatters certain wave lengths and so the light that makes it to the surface of the Earth is mostly light that we in what we call the visible spectrum. And the solar panels that we design are made to absorb light in that spectrum. And other stars, brown dwarfs, red dwarfs, red giants. And there are some wider stars out there, some bluer stars, they would, like certainly our solar panels

would be able to work in those places, but you could design better solar panels for those stars. Quick, quick follow up question, Hank, what are solar panels work well on Mars? Yes, because well, first we've developed solar panels that work in space, and they're basically the same thing. But it's mostly the light that is being emitted by the star that matters.

So our solar panels would work just fine on Mars. And indeed, in outer space, what's they do right now? Well, I guess that's encouraging for those of us who think that it's a good idea to go to Mars Which I don't I think it's terrible idea. I think I think I think there's a right time in a wrong time for everything in Human life and the right time to go to Mars is in 2028 or later. All right John This question. Okay. I have another question Hank. Oh, you know you go. You're right. You get this question It's from Caitlin who asks dear Hank and John, why does cookie dough taste so much better

than the cookies after they've been baked? Is it the texture, the temperature? Any answer for this would be appreciated. Stay Gold, Pony Boy, Caitlin. Oh, that's a fantastic sign off. Stay Gold, Pony Boy is in my top 10 all time dear Hank and John sign us. I don't know what it's from.

Is it from something? Oh my God, what is it like? Oh no. To be able to know so much about pooping and not no stay-gold pony boy. Did you never read the outsiders as a child hank? No. I didn't. Are you kidding? Someone gave me a copy of the outsiders at NerdCon Nerdfighteria and it is sitting on my kitchen island. Well it will take you two and a half hours to read and it is a really great novel. They also made a very good movie out of it that you could just watch the movie if you want. It's like a classic YA novel. It is one of the founding novels of the YA genre. It comes from a Robert Frost poem that I'm surprised I've never read to you because

it's so short, I'll read it to you right now. It's one of my favorite Robert Frost poems. Nature's first green is gold, her hardest hue to hold, her early leafs of flower, but only so an hour, then leaf subsides to leaf. So Eden sank down to grief, so dawn goes down today. Nothing gold can stay. Ah, nothing gold can stay. But stay gold gold pony boy. Oh God, it's so good.

I gotta say John, that was better than the poem. We started out with today. I feel like just a little bit better. Yeah, you know I have a good friend who said that Robert Frost never wrote a poem that a reasonably intelligent fourth grader couldn't understand. But I kind of think that's a compliment. So yeah, anyway, why does cookie dough taste better than cookies? You know, I'm not sure that it does.

No, I prefer cookies. I think that it tastes different. Yeah, I, I, there are times when I want both. Like, you know what's real good, John, is you take a cookie, like a cooked cookie, cooked chocolate chip cookie, and then you spread cookie dough on it, and then you chocolate chip cookie, and then you spread cookie dough on it, and then you eat it like it, and then you put another cookie on top of that,

and then it's a cookie dough cookie sandwich. Boom! Mm. Five stars to Hank Green. I'm selling those from now on. That's, nobody's take that idea, it's mine. Oh, did you, I mean, you couldn't possibly have invented that idea.

I don't care. I definitely did just invent that idea. I'm Googling it though. It's a great, I mean, I have to say, it is a really, really good idea. I don't know that it's safe because I feel like cookie dough might have some salmonella implications.

That's why I always mind. Yeah, I mean, you can make cookie dough without, without, you can't make cookie dough without that. Make it without raw eggs. It's hard to imagine how you make cookie dough without eggs. You would have to use a egg substitute, John, which sometimes those egg substitutes are made from eggs, but they've gone through a process that sterilizes them.

So it's like the cookie dough that they put in, like Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Like that cookie dough doesn't have raw eggs in it. Really? I always thought I was taking a risk with a, with chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, but it's good to know that I'm not. Yeah, I like it.

Yeah, no, you're good. But there is something to it, and I can't tell you, I don't have the science there, but I know that from my personal preference, sometimes I want one, sometimes they want to. It's a really, really good idea, Hank, for a frozen treat that's like, you know those frozen treats that you can get where it's two chocolate chip cookies in the middle, it's ice cream. I can't remember what they're actually called, but if you just...

Yeah, a chip, which? Sure. If you just put frozen cookie dough in that middle, you could have some magic on your hands. That's an interesting concept. I'd like to see you take it to market. Our next question comes from Lucy, who writes, dear John and Hank, I'd greatly appreciate some dubious advice. I'm 19 and I've been best friends with a girl for three and a half years.

I am also a girl. And we are incredibly close. About two months ago, we started making out. I didn't know if I liked her, so we decided to kiss. I felt I probably wanted to kiss her because we were so close. About two months ago we started making out. I didn't know if I liked her so we decided to kiss. I felt I probably wanted to kiss her because we were so close. Now we've been doing it for two months and enjoying it a lot, as well as seeing each other almost every day. I can't imagine my life or future without her. We don't know if we're in love though. I've always heard that you just know when you're in love,

but I feel like my situation might be different. How can you tell if you're in love with someone when you already love them deeply as a best friend? Is it easy to mix up romantic love with friendship love plus sex? How would I break this news to family and friends who would be extremely shocked to discover our relationship is not platonic? So many questions. Beatroot and polar bears Lucy. Is that an office reference, like very abstractly, beats and bears and battle star galactic? I don't know, I don't get, I didn't get the joke.

I'm not, you, you, you, you, this is another place where our world of references does not have a ton of overlap. Like I get jokes about the outsiders. Like I get jokes about the outsiders and you get jokes about the office. So it's good. We compliment each other anyway. Yes, Hank How do you know the difference between romantic love and friendship love and how do you know that you're in love? I I don't know like the I'm

It definitely when it starts as friendship. It's a different thing and And maybe like you you have a little bit less of that, like heart and your throat kind of feeling, where it's like, this is really happening and oh my God, and I love this person likes me, and it's so much, and it's like this positive feedback loop of affection and infatuation, that is the thing that is like being in love,

and which is a wonderful feeling, but not necessarily the most important feeling that you're ever gonna feel. But to me, it's like a friend that I wanna hook up with, like somebody who I care really deeply about and also wanna have relations with. Like that's kind of, is that love? Ask the 36 year old man?

I don't know, I think that's why I wanted to ask the question because I think it's complicated. I kind of agree with you that there is a culturally celebrated idea of being in love where you just know and it clicks all at once and there's no doubt in your mind that you're in love and it's instantaneous and overwhelming and the candle is burning at both ends and will not last the night and etc. But like, I have found that the most fulfilling romantic relationships I've had were with people I cared really deeply about as friends. Like when Sarah and I started dating, we were really liked each other as people

before we ever started kissing. The attraction, the initial attraction was definitely an intellectual friendship attraction rather than an intense romantic attraction. But when the romantic attraction came, it was powerful and an important part of our relationship, obviously. So I mean, I think you've got to, Lucy,

when you say like you've heard that people just know, I don't think that, I've said this before, but I don't think that love is like a station on a train stop or something. You know, it's not like a place you arrive at and then stay in for a certain amount of time or forever. It's more of like a seat for me at least like it's more of a process than an event if that makes sense. Uh-huh. Yeah, definitely. I think most things are more processes than events though. Events are so overrated and processes are so underrated.

Yeah, I mean it's hard to, it's hard. It's that thing, like there's a moment and you can celebrate a moment. We have this problem all over our society and even all over my life where like you, in a way, societies, like the reason we create ritual is to give the significance of an event to the reality of the process. And like marriage to me is that same thing. Like marriage isn't, like, it's not like a binary switch where you're married and then you're not married.

That's how it is legally, but we've made it that way in order to give significance to the process of becoming a committed couple. And so you've got, and things like birthdays are a little bit that way, and coming of age ceremonies like graduations are that way where you've, and in a way, sometimes they can cheapen the process by making it all about this one moment.

And so like the four years of high school become all about this one moment of graduation, when in fact, they were about every moment in which you became a better and smarter and you know, more full human being through the process of learning about the world and how to do stuff and how to interact with people. Right. Yeah, no, and then you end up being really focused on the event of a wedding rather than on the marriage. I see that all the time where you just get so into planning the wedding and making sure that the wedding is perfect

and the wedding is successful. And like, really, when I look back at my engagement, by far the most important parts were the parts where we were talking about what our marriage was gonna look like. Yeah, not what your wedding was gonna look like. So we were talking about which flowers were gonna be at our wedding or not the part that I look back to 12 years later and think like, boy, I'm glad we had that conversation.

Well, I mean, I don't know that that helps particularly with Lucy's question, but we're way off the rails, Hank. I don't really know, but I think that if you like this person a lot and also like the romantic relationship you have with them. Then think about the now of it and appreciate the now of it. Do you have to like fit this relationship into the tropes of how we talk about relationships, or can you find a way to appreciate it for exactly what it is and understand it from your own perspective rather than from the perspective of how everybody else thinks about romantic love.

All right, Hank, let's move on to another question. This question comes from Grace, who says, I've been thinking about this one problem, or idea, or situation, pretty much my entire life. Also, hi, I'm Grace, longtime nerdfighter, big fan of the pod. When is enough really enough, particularly with money? I've been thinking about John's comment on how he was pretty much anthropologically studying rich people, and he has witnessed that while we think we will be more generous and useful when we have money, we really aren't.

In general, because we're human and our desires grow right along with our wallets and almost as a rule always outgrows them. So how do we measure our necessary money-slash wealth and to determine how much to donate or give away or use for not us-centered things? Oh, John, this is a good question and I think about this a lot as well, Grace. It is a thing that is constantly on my mind and a little bit makes me uncomfortable because I'm thinking about other people and how they should do things. Maybe more than I'm thinking about me and how I should do things.

But I... So rich people really do donate less of their money percentage wise to charity than people in the middle class. And I am fascinated by this phenomenon where people who make $50,000 a year don't think twice about pledging 10% of their income to charity or to their church or however they give back, but people who make $5 million a year think like, well, you can't give $500,000 to charity. And so it really is true that people in upper income brackets give a much smaller percentage on average

of their wealth to charity than people who are in lower income brackets. And I think that is because it genuinely never feels like enough. There is always one more thing that you want to have. I mean, in this email, Hank Grace goes on to talk about how for a long time, she was living in a car with her partner in order to save money and still felt a lot of guilt about the money that she was spending.

So, when I'm hanging out with people who belong to country clubs, the level of cognitive dissonance is overwhelming, but the level of cognitive dissonance in my own life is also overwhelming, right? Because I do all kinds of things and buy all kinds of things that are ridiculous and completely unnecessary.

And that are very hard to justify. So I have no idea where the line is, I don't think that I draw it well in my own life, but I also don't want to be looking to make more money because in my own life, I think I have known that it doesn't make me more happy. Yeah. It made me more happy for a while, but then I hit a wall after which it didn't really increase

my happiness much. Yeah, I mean, I think it's worth noting that there's just a weirdness to economic inequality and people don't think in terms of percentages, but the world operates in terms of percentages. So if you have $500,000 and you invested in the stock market, and the stock market goes up 10%, then you made a lot more money than somebody who had, you know, $5,000 in the stock market, and that's how that works. And when you have more money, you can make more money. But it also seems like, well, shouldn't we all kind of give the same amount in terms of absolute dollars because like $500,000 to charity is a lot.

I don't even know how to do that without messing up a charity's finances. If the charity is too small, you could, and you wanna give them a one-time gift, you could mess stuff up. You almost have too much power in that responsibility becomes scary, or you don't know how to wield it properly,

or you start to convince yourself that people aren't gonna do as good a thing with that money that you would do. You also start to feel like it's yours, you know? I mean, there's a weirdness to, that's something that Bill Gates said to me when I visited Ethiopia with him, not to drop names, that was the worst name drop

I've ever done in my life, but this is this is true You know he he never talks about giving money away He always talks about giving money back as if it really isn't yeah, you know his now that noted Bill Gates lives a very nice life You know, I mean I don't think Bill Gates is wanting for any of the material joys of the world. But I do appreciate that lots of people who have billions of dollars don't give back because they think that the money is truly deeply theirs. And I just, I don't feel that way. So I guess I don't know. I don't have a good answer to this grace. I think it's really hard and complicated. And I am trying in my

life to give more back and take less. Yeah. I also think that as, you know, there's just percentage wise, there's a lot like a fairly large number of people who listen to this podcast who have a lot of money because in the last 10 years, we've all heard that the majority of the economic gains of the recovery went to the rich. That means that a lot of people in the last 10 years have gotten pretty wealthy. More and more people are having to deal with the fact that they have the ability to have an outsized amount of influence and that maybe they're feeling even guilty about the money that they do have and don't know what to do with it.

And so I've been thinking about, and I also am in that situation. And so I've been thinking more about like, how do we structure society in a way that actually allows those benefits to not just affect such as a tiny number of people? And I feel like it's such a big question though, that it needs like a, it needs several books to deal with it. And I hope that people are writing this books right now, because I want to read them.

Yeah, I mean, I think wealth inequality is the biggest, the biggest, or one of the biggest problems facing the rich countries in the world right now. I mean, wealth inequality is one of the biggest problems facing the rich countries in the world right now. I mean, it's, wealth inequality is one of those things that really is getting significantly worse.

I think a lot of human life is getting better, but wealth inequality is getting much worse. And that's not just bad, I think that's bad morally, but if you just put aside the ethical questions, the moral considerations, it's also bad for economic growth. It's bad for economies to have so much unfairness built

into the system where some people get huge legs up because they have access to educational opportunities and unpaid internships and all kinds of other opportunities. And that doesn't end up making an economy where everybody has equal opportunities and where lots and lots of people can be maximally innovative. It ends up creating this really unequal economy.

And yeah, that's a big concern to me. Which reminds me, John, that this podcast is actually brought to you by huge legs up. The plural of huge leg up. Possibly, is it huge leg ups or huge, you know, you're not entirely sure, but huge legs up, fighting to be the plural of huge leg up. And of course today's podcast is brought to you by Jeffrey Pate Anderson. Jeffrey Pate Anderson, Facebook's only Pate Anderson.

Additionally, this podcast is of course brought to you by Hank Green's brand new Chocolate Chip cookie dough. Jeffrey Pateyerson, Facebook's only Pateyerson. And additionally, this podcast is, of course, brought to you by Hank Green's brand new chocolate chip cookie dough cookie sandwiches. Cookie two cookies with cookie dough on the inside. It'll make you squeal with heart disease. Cookie dough cookie sandwiches by Hank Green. I think you might want to work on the branding a little bit there, Hank. I'm on it. People don't like, okay, yeah, good idea.

All right, and lastly, today's podcast is brought to you by Time. Time, really, not a very good cable provider. And also the devourer of all things. I mean, it's so true, it's so true. Okay, Hank, I've got a question for you and you won't understand why I'm asking it for like the first two-thirds or so of the question, but then you will understand.

This question comes from Alice, and who writes? Okay. Dear brother's green, although she said that in French, and I don't know how to say stuff in French, so I just translated it. I am an English professor who's been teaching Charlotte Bronte's novel, Villette. I might have said that wrong. In rereading the book with my class, I came across my favorite line from the book again. The main character, Lucy Snow, has been suffering from what I think we would today call depression. She calls it despair and a fever of the nerves. That's actually a really good phrase, fever

of the nerves. I can, I can, that resonates. Her friend slash doctor tells her that the cure is to quote, cultivate happiness. In response, she thinks, no mockery in this world ever sounds to me so hollow as that of being told to cultivate happiness. That's a very mean. What does such a vice mean? Happiness is not a potato to be planted in mold and tilled with manure. So my question is, if happiness is not a potato, what vegetable is it?

Also, can happiness be cultivated? Your dear reader, Allison. I just thought this was an important question to ask given the discovery of Jeffrey Pateyterson, and in general, our own orientation toward trying to cultivate happiness, Hank, what vegetable is happiness? For me, it's a cauliflower.

Mmm, cauliflower. I mean, I don't know, John, of the highs. It seems like a pretty bland vegetable for happiness. Do not ever again say that cauliflower is a bland vegetable. Okay. I will not ever again say that cauliflower is a bland vegetable out of respect to my brother, John Green. Good lord. Cauliflower is delicious and amazing and it's one of the world's healthiest foods according to world's healthiestfoods.com.

So shut your mouth. I'm sure you looked that one up, John. I did. I did. I was googling cauliflower to try to learn some things about it really quickly so that I could defend it against your accusations that it's bland. Hank, do you know that cauliflower was Napoleon Bonaparte's

favorite food? No. I don't know that that's true. It's a speculation on my part. I am making a guess, but it's an educated guess because cauliflower is delicious, so it's totally possible. Do you know that there's such a thing as purple cauliflower? I have heard of this.

John, John, how do you... So I would say that purple cauliflower is the vegetable that you have to cultivate like happiness. So that's my final answer. So if you can cultivate happiness as a cauliflower, how do you cultivate that cauliflower happiness? Hey, can you name the three nations that produce the most cauliflower?

I'm going to go with the United States of America. Third. And two other countries, India and China, second and first. In fact, probably, yeah, should have gone for India and China. Makes a lot of sense. China produces nearly half of the overall world cauliflower. So I guess the first thing you want to do if you want to cultivate happiness is move to China

because that seems to be the number one place to cultivate cauliflower. Yeah, that's a great question because happiness is not a potato. You know what, I'd think John happiness is a sugar snap pea. For me, that's what it would be. Oh, so bitter.

You, oh, you just, you have not had good snap peas, John. Oh no, and they've got that, like, they've got that line that goes through them that sometimes gets stuck in your teeth. No. Oh, man, you gotta, you gotta get some good snap peas. I'm sad for you. Move out here to Montana where we make them good.

Hank, do you know the three leading cultivators of sugar snap peas? Is it the United States? No, I don't know the answer. It wasn't a rhetorical question. I was good. I just wanted to point out that I know more about cauliflower than you will ever even know about sugar snap peas. That's definitely true.

I even tried to Google it and failed. Hank, have you ever read any of the iTunes reviews of our podcast, Dear Hank and John? So many of the iTunes reviews are like, I really like Hank, but John is so annoying. And I always think, like, oh, that doesn't make any sense. I'm so incredibly fun and cool and great. And that's not nice.

But then like, that joke was a total example of me being tremendously annoying. So I want to apologize. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. I've been having a hard time listening to anything this podcast because I have this giant Google image search up on my computer of cookie-to-cookie sandwiches and it is so beautiful that I can't think

about anything else. Let me look, cookie. It is, by the way, John, a thing that many people have done, at least in their own homes. Oh, yeah, you did not invent this. This has been developed, oh extensively, my God, all of those were delicious. There is not an image on this Google image search

that I would not greatly enjoy eating right now. I think it's good. Good, good. How long do I have to scroll down before I find something I wouldn't eat? Wow, that is magnificent. Well, that man, I wouldn't eat. Wow. That is magnificent. Well, that man, I wouldn't eat him.

I don't know why there's just a man here. Well, I'm glad you scrolled down to the part where you just start to see humans. Hank, let's get to the news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon because it's so important. And I know that it's the real reason why people come to this podcast. So what is the news from Mars this week?

The news from Mars, John. So you know how Mars does not have a magnetic field. I do. Oh, that reminds me, though, that the magnetic fields have released a really great new album. So everybody check that out. Okay. And the primary way the magnetic field of Earth helps us is not just in figuring out which way is North, but also in protecting us from the radiation that is being thrown

out by the Sun and form of the solar wind. And if you were on the surface of Mars, you would not be protected from that radiation, and it would hurt you, and eventually you would probably get cancer and die. So one solution to this problem is to just have all the houses on Mars be underground, which is kind of a sad solution because you'd have to live underground. And people like not living underground. And also it would be, you know, you'd have to spend some time not underground. So an alternate solution to this problem, which could also potentially be used in outer space vessels, and could also, John, you will love this, potentially be used to protect the earth from an apocalypse

causing high-level solar flare that would knock out all electricity in the whole world. Would be to create a thing that is not on the planet, but sits out in space and creates a high-level magnetic field, probably with two very strong magnets spinning around each other in some way. And I'm not entirely sure about how this works, but it's a thing that they are actually trying to figure out right now. And to be used in those three situations, one to be sent out to protect the Earth from a high-level solar flares, to be used in spacecraft to protect astronauts from the radiation in an interplanetary space, and to protect potentially a future Mars colony by basically protecting the entire planet.

So it would be out in space and it would be, like if it was on the planet, it would block a smaller amount of the radiation, but if it was out in space, it would give it sort of like a cone that could move out from there and widen enough to protect the whole planet with a much smaller device. Cool.

And I think that that's super cool. And NASA is legitimately looking into how to create these things, both to protect astronauts that might go to another planet, but also to protect Earth from this thing that happens sometimes, and that hasn't happened really since we started relying so extensively on electricity to maintain our lifestyles and could potentially prevent straight-up apocalypse.

So I had some good news for you, John. I almost called you Mars. And I hope... Yeah, thanks for calling me Mars. Made me feel like Bruno Mars for a second. I felt great. Also, it's like I care about you and the way that I care about a planet.

Well, the news from AFC Wimbledon is not quite so bright, Hank, which is that AFC Wimbledon's captain, Barry Fuller, who's a great guy, I've hung out with him a couple times, I hung out with him after the league to play off final and we were both very happy. I think we, he might have even been happier than I was. It was just an incredible moment. I got to meet his kids.

I got a picture with his kids and his lovely spouse and he's just a great guy and a real asset to the club in terms of his leadership. And unfortunately, he is going to miss the rest of AFC Wimbledon's season because he tore a pectoral muscle. He had to get surgery, actually. And that just sounds so, everything else aside, that just sounds astonishingly painful.

So, we're sending our best wishes to Mr. Fuller and his family, and it seems that he'll be out for several months, but hopefully, back at the start of next season. Although I think even that might be a challenge. So we're wishing him well and hoping for the best. I'm sorry to hear about that, John,

but the good news is that NASA is working on a tool to protect him and also the rest of humanity from high energy solar flares. That is encouraging. There's so much to be hopeful about. What did we learn today, John? Well, I think most importantly, we learned that cookie dough, cookie sandwiches are both a thing and a thing that I need to make tonight.

We learned that you can dress three things in the world, you can dress people, you can dress hair, and you can dress salads. We learned that there are many excellent models, especially if you're good at Latin. And finally, we learned that the reason you feel like you got a poop is because there's this wave of muscle pushing stuff down into your rectum. That wave of muscle, by the way, is called peristalsis.

And I'm so glad we got to go back to that. You can just Google that on up and find out more about it. Thank you, John, for potting with me today. Yeah, no, thank you. That's it. What, how do we end the podcast again? If you want a recipe for a cookie dough cookie sandwich, we're gonna put that up on the Patreon

when this goes live. Yeah, so please check out our Patreon at patreon.com slash deerhanktonjohn. deerhanktonjohn by Rosie on the Halls of the House in Sheridan, Gibson our editor is Nicholas Jenkins, Victoria von Schorner, is our head of community and communications. Our music is by the great gunnerola. You can email us at hankandjohnatgmail.com or find us on the Twitter. I'm John Green and hank is hank green. I don't really tweet anymore, so probably your best bet is at Leon Mus for Earth. That's number four Earth. That's right. Hank. Thanks for thanks for you know

Leon Mus for Earth has been listing his favorite Mars is lately Hank Mars the candy bar of course Bruno Mars There's a Mars in New Mexico that Leon Mus is quite fond of. I'll tell you, I don't like to brag, but Leon Mus has some incredible social media presence. All right, John. Thanks for potting with me. Thanks to everybody for listening. And as they say, in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome. you