Dear Hank & John - 88: Hank's Profound Graduation Speech

Episode Date: April 10, 2017

Why do rich people like golf so much? What color is the sky on Mars? How much do I need to fact-check news before I share it? Where are bird ears??? And more! Email us: [e-mail]

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. There's a further thing if it dear John and Hank. It's a comedy podcast where me and my brother John, we answer your questions, give you a big advice and make you all the weeks news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon. How are you John? I'm terrible. My family is covered in flu.

We got our flu vaccines. We were responsible citizens and we got the flu vaccine, but it has failed. It has failed and my child, one of my children threw up on me last night and I had a very long night. Also, it's partly the fault of the throwing up on me and like I thought, honestly, at this point, I thought maybe we were past the era of my children vomiting on me. And so that's a bit of a bummer because I feel like it's just progression. And also I stayed up way, way too late last night

in addition to the sick child thing. I was listening to the new podcast, S-Town. Are you familiar with this? Oh my God, it's incredible. I've heard of it. I know that it is the podcast from the makers of cereal. I feel like I should know. But there's so many podcasts, John, and there's so many good ones.

Why does anyone listen to ours? I don't know, but this podcast, S-Town is more like a Faulkner novel than it is like Dear Hank and John. It is closer to Nobel Prize territory, whereas we are closer to Darwin Prize territory. So yeah, how are you? I'm good, I know that Eston is a big deal, you know how I know? It's because I've started to see hot takes about it.

People who are like, Eston is a great podcast that should never have been made. And I'm like, oh yeah, there we are. There we are, straight up in the cultural relevancy of today. That's what happens when you get famous enough. Everybody starts to tell you how great you are while also telling you you shouldn't exist. Yes. Hahaha.

It is, I mean, it is kind of true that if you make it even for a little bit to the White Hot Center of American Popular Culture, it's sort of a terrible experience because people, they just hate you. Like, they go from liking the stuff that you made to just thinking it's terrible. I thought Estelle was great and I don't care that it's popular.

I have stopped being one of these people who says, like I only liked Nirvana's early work. Like, I just wanna like stuff. It's so hard to find anything in this world that you can just love and I love Deston. I thought it was fantastic and weird and great and I'm also very tired because of this flu issue. Would you like a short poem?

Yeah, okay. All right, this is from Dorothy Parker. Once when I was young and true, someone left me sad, broke my brittle heart and two. And that's very bad. Love is for unlucky folk. Love is but a curse.

Once there was a heart I broke, and that, I think, is worse. Mm. Ah, Dorothy Parker. Yeah, see. She knew how to twist the knife in that last line. heart I broke and that I think is worse. Hmm. Ah, Dorothy Parker. Yeah, see. She knew how to twist the knife in that last line. That's what short poems should be, John.

I'm all for that. I understand what Dorothy Parker's talking about. I so rarely understand what a poet is talking about, or I'm not quite sure, which is maybe the point, but I just want to know, just tell me what you mean. I'm sorry, it's been a while since I've complained about short poems, or poetry in general on the pod, because you know, that gets old, but I just wanted to thank Dorothy Parker

for doing it the way that works for me individually. Dear John and Hank, my biggest claim to fame is now and probably forever will be that when you Google image search a certain chicken breed, quail and twerp Belgian Bantum for reference, I am the first non-chicken to show up. I'm obviously pretty proud of this, but my question is how do I casually work this into conversations? Pumpkins and quail and twerp Belgian Bantums, Lauren. Well, I think I've hit myself onto a picture of Lauren here unless Lauren was lying.

And I assume that she's this person holding the chickens and not the chickens themselves, because she said that she was a non-chicken, right? Well, she actually says in the question, Hank, just to be clear, that she's the first non-chicken result. And I have also found a picture of Lauren. This is fantastic. Look at all the prizes that her chickens won. They have very successful chickens. It's amazing. I mean, I don't blame

her for wanting to share this news. Yeah, so I guess the way that I would do it is when ever somebody asks, so what do you do? I'm just judging from your picture, Lauren, I think that you're probably a student. So I would, I would, but I wouldn't say I'm a student. I would say I raise quail, antwerp, Belgian, bantum, chickens, and I'm actually the leading human in the field. Like, according to Google, I am the leading human. I'm the lead human. John, right now, I'm scrolling through the results for Hank Green to find out who the first non-hank green person is, who comes up, and you'd think I was assuming, like it wasn't gonna be interesting,

so I wasn't even gonna mention it, that it would be you, right? I would have thought it would be me too. It's not. Who is it? It is Ashley Clements in the first episode of The Gosey Bennett Diaries. Well, I think that's great. She's much cooler and more interesting than I am. Can we get back to this quail antwerp Belgian-Bantom chicken thing? Because actually, what I find most amazing is that if you scroll through all the Google image search results, literally thousands of them, you don't come across any other humans. Lauren is the only human in the quail antwerp Belgian

bantum chicken world. Well, you don't even see a human hand. There's, yeah, this is amazing. This is the longest I have scrolled seeing nothing but chickens in my entire life. There's some eggs. There's some eggs, there's some chicks, and there's also a number of non-chicken.

There's some quails, which is not what we were looking for, but still, not humans. I see a horse and a cat. I saw some people's feet. This is a great bit. No wonder that we're being compared to Estown. Some people say that this is the Estown of advice podcasts. Lauren, you just need to get a t-shirt and say, I would just print the picture on the t-shirt, actually, because then people will ask you about your t-shirt, and you can just say, listen, as it happens on the leading quail antwerp Belgian bantum, human being on Google. Well, sometimes I think it's best to have those things in your back pocket for not leading

with. Like, if I had been in like it, like for example, I've done some cool stuff, and I don't tend to like start off with like my supreme achievement. I start off with like, and then let it work in and people are like, oh, that's a neat thing, but you're not totally like, you haven't let that seep into you so much

that it's like all about who you are. You have this cool thing about yourself that that comes up later in the conversation and then people think it's cooler. So like what you hold back is that in 1998, Winter Park High School voted you best dancer. Right, you can't lead with that. But when it comes up,

then it's like, oh, he knows this about himself, but he's not like putting it on his t-shirt. Though I do kinda wanna put it on my t-shirt, now that I've said that. I think what you need is a lot of chicken trivia. Like, you need more than just this. You can just sort of like, you know, this is clearly it's become a big part of your persona,

so you just have to run with it. Lean in and say, sort of like, you know, this is clearly it's become a big part of your persona, so you just have to run with it. Lean in and say, hey, like, did you know that there are more chickens in America than humans and et cetera? Is that true? Yes, but that's like the only chicken trivia I have, Lauren. So you're gonna have to work on the rest of it yourself. John, I've got another question.

All right, give it to me. Dear Hank and John, not that I wanna bore you with even more questions about rich people, but something that's been gnawing at my mind lately. Why do rich people like golf so much? What is it about golf that appeals to them over all other sports?

Four, Isaac Lawton. Hank, do you know that a chicken's body temperature normally runs between 100, 103 degrees Fahrenheit? So a chicken essentially always has a human fever. So if you surrounded yourself with chickens, you'd be like toasty, like too hot. Yeah, it's almost like going in a hot tub. Yeah, it's like a bath temperature.

So you could you heat a bath with a chicken? Or enough chickens? Yeah, it's something I never want to find out. Go back to the question. Yeah. Isaac just simply ends his question for Isaac. So, to rich people, do you yell for? Is that a thing?

Is it or is that like just a trope that like BB up Scotty? Hank, I have no idea. Like I know people who play golf. My best friend plays a ton of golf, but I don't know anything about it. My theory is, well, okay, I don't know is the short answer.

Yeah, okay, me, yeah. Because I used to bowl a lot, Hank, as you know, like I used to bowl every day for several hours a day. It was like, for about a year, it was a really intense fascination of mine. And what I loved about bowling is that you're essentially trying to do the exact same thing over and over and over again,

but it's impossible to do over and over and over again. Like you can't quite do the right thing every time and that's just fascinating. It's pretty amazing. Yeah. Yeah. Golf has a little bit of that element, but then you always have to do other things because you have to change clubs and sometimes you're putting.

It just seems to me like a nice walk. Well, I think there's a John Feinstein book called A Good Walk Spoyled, and it's always seen that way to me. Like, why don't you just walk nine miles with your friends? Well, just... Yeah, I mean, it is... It's a thing that you can do while you're having a meeting, and you can do like, it's a way of... I also never go off to be clear.

This is a guess. It's a way of having a social experience with people who are colleagues and mediated through this activity that then, but there's lots of time for talking about, forgetting to know each other, but then you have this great opportunity where 90% of the time can be getting to know each other and then 10% of the time can be actually like.

So how much is the minimum order quantity for your manufactured product, colleague, business person? Right, but I feel like bowling is the same way. That to me, you could do that with... Could be, yeah. With any sort of like, chess sport. Basically, we don't know.

It's one of the great mysteries of the human species. Why all rich people are drawn to golf, like mods to the flame. It's also a very expensive sport. So maybe it's a way of establishing sport. Yeah, it's a bit of a establishing, a sort of class system, I don't know. I don't know either.

I think it's become a little bit of less with an expensive sport, but like, it's designed to take up a bunch of class system, I don't know. I don't know either. I think it's become a little bit of less of an expensive store, but it's designed to take up a bunch of space. Like you can't play golf without a lot of space. And the more space you have, the better your golf is. So I think there's a certain amount of, this is something that is not accessible to other folk. And so it is appealing in that way.

And I don't think that's conscious, to other folk, and so it is appealing in that way. I don't think that's conscious, but there may be some kind of subconscious thing there. I don't want to move on from the question too soon, Hank, but I would argue that we're actually moving on from it too late. Did you know that chicken sperm can survive in a hen for up to 32 days?

What? That is distressing to me. There's something like that upsets the germaphobe part of me. Hank, I have another question that comes from Cornelia who asked, dear John and Hank, since people are for some reason planning on going to Mars, it got me thinking, what color is the sky on Mars?

The picture I have in my head is that it looks just like the night sky with the exception of one giant star instead of very many small ones. Is that true? Surely it's not the same color blue that we have here on Earth because of the differences in our atmosphere or something. I love that or something.

It's just perfect. I couldn't agree with you more Cornelia. Hank or something? Yeah, it's different color. Weird, it's weird. So you'd think that we would know the answer to this question. You'd think we'd know the answer to this one, John. You would.

And we kind to do? We kind to do, but we kind to don't. Because look at your sky, what color is the sky on earth? It's a bunch of different colors. Sometimes it's black, sometimes it's blue, sometimes it's a dark blue or a light blue or like a purple or an orange. This guy is a bunch of different colors and it is the same way on Mars, but even weirder

and more confusing making than that, you've seen like the dress, right? And everybody's like, it's yellow and gold or white and gold or blue and black. Our brains, when we see like they like we have like a sort of auto white balance system in our brains, when we see, like we have a sort of auto-white balance system in our brains. So that when we look at a color, it doesn't look like a different color depending on where the light is hitting it. And so we know that's red, and that entire tablecloth is red, despite the fact that one side of it doesn't have as much light on it, and the other side has more light on it, and there's lots of wrinkles. And so like you know though that the whole thing is red.

And so there is some speculation and when we take pictures of Mars, we kind of have to guess what our eyes would see. And sometimes we balance it more to what like what it would look like if it were on Earth with Earth's atmosphere. And sometimes we balance it more to like what we think we would see, but on Earth with the Earth's atmosphere, and sometimes we balance it more to what we think we would see. But at the same time, there's this unknown quantity

to what the sky on Mars looks like that we will not really know until we have a human there to look at it. So, I'm not a scientist, but just a quick question. Couldn't, you know you got that minivan on Mars right now? Mm-hmm. What if you just turn that little mofo up and had it look up at the sky and took a picture? I mean we've done this. Oh really? Did they already thought of that? The thing is you have to you have to white balance it.

You have to like decide like what white is on that. I mean, did we not get a good camera up there? No, but like we have to choose what white is. Just like when I take a picture with my camera, I get to choose what white is. They have to choose what white is and it's not entirely clear what white would be for a person who is standing on the surface of Mars with a very different, uh, with very different sunlight and with very different atmospheric composition. Now, we have a pretty good idea.

I've said all of this now, and I can say that, like if you were on the surface of Mars, you would look up and on the majority of days at like not sunset or sunrise. You would see something like a sort of brownie orange even like a, like a brownie orange, even like a, even sometimes maybe kind of a yellowish color, but there are also times depending on how much water,

like my son's vomit. Which water is it'll go on. How much water, like ice is in the sky that you would see more of like a blue gray. And they think that, despite the fact that like the color is more like a dark sort of orangey brown, you, your mind might perceive that more as a gray because your mind is like getting ready to see a different,

like it's expecting colors to be a certain color. It's just, it's weird. Like colors are weird, which we have discovered with the internet getting really obsessed with address and what color it is. You know what else is weird? Chickens, is it chickens? There are 25 billion chickens.

That means that chickens are the most successful bird species on earth. There are more chickens than there are any other bird. And ever have been. That is an impossible number of birds. It is, that is nuts. Are there more of anything than of chickens? Uh, yeah, there's more, uh, krill. Oh, that makes sense.

That makes sense. I totally buy into that. Plankton, all that stuff. How did, did you know that, like off the top of your head, or is that in the article you're skipping from right now? Oh, no, I know all these chicken facts, but even I'm not at an article. This is just, this is just stuff I know.

I've got by the way, I'm just getting started. If you thought like, oh, this was a little bit of a good bit and it's over, no, wrong, it's just beginning. Hank, do you know where the world chicken population is the highest? What nation has the most chickens on earth? Is it the United States of America? No, the United States is second

with 1.7 billion chickens. Is it China? It's China with 3.6 billion chickens. What? They got like double-barred chickens. They have, and you know what? This is something that we never talk about. Like everybody says, oh, we need to be worried about our trade imbalance with China.

What about our chicken imbalance with China? I mean, this is an issue of national security. We are almost two billion chickens behind. Ha ha ha. Okay, John. This question comes from anonymous. A not what did I just say? Who asks? This is a kind of a chicken related question, John. This question comes from anonymous. A not what did I just say? Who asks?

This is a kind of a chicken related question, John. Why can't we see bird ears? Where are they? Great question. I mean, by the way, I tell you anonymous for not signing that one. Yeah, you don't want it. Seriously, what is the, what's the concern? I totally understand your desire to remain

an unnamed source in this story. A bird's have ears. They are under their feathers. They're little holes on the sides of their heads. It's interesting to think about ears as like a functional thing, rather than a physical thing. So I think of an ear and I picture like the thing that Vincent Van Gogh

cut off his head. If he actually did that, I don't know. And it's the cartilage that is hanging off the side of your head. But functionally, an ear is just the thing you used to hear with. And so for other animals, there is the thing that they used to hear with doesn't actually have external physiology. Birds just have a hole in this side of their head. And I like reptiles have those too. I don't know what they're called if there's like a different name for ears that don't have ears, but...

Years, years. What, do you know how many pounds of chicken the average American eats in a year? It's distressing. Well, I probably eat, I don't know, maybe, maybe two to five pounds of chicken a week. What? So I'm gonna say, what? You eat five pounds of chicken a week? I don't know, John, maybe.

That's crazy. You're telling me that you have on average, like 10 to 12 chicken meals per week. That's not possible. Respectfully, I don't agree that you eat five pounds of chicken a week. That's ludicrous. I bet I can do it.

I really like chicken. I'm sure you could in an emergency. I'm saying that in the average week, you don't choose. There's three meals a day, John. I mean, there are three meals a day. One of them, I mean, I guess eggs are kind of chicken. It's one of the great questions. But I'm just talking about it.

I'm talking about sandwiches and an egg a chicken. No, actually, you know what, it's 84.9 pounds a year and I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it.

I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it.

I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it is a Mercator projection. Should I tell him about all the inaccuracies and problematic sociocultural viewpoints associated with the Mercator projection, or would it be unfair to ruin his forearm for him forever? Yours, etc. Shane.

Well, first of all, it's on his forearm, so he could just turn it upside down and see it the way like the way that if the world was the other way around. And so you can see like, right, a bit like, like, hey, look, it doesn't have to be North, it doesn't have to be the top of the map. It can be audio, yeah. So you got that going for it.

Yeah, South could be up. I don't think that's really the issue though. I mean, I think the argument is that the projection just makes countries look the wrong size, you know? Yes. All maps have their problems, but as that is the most famous map, its problems are the most famous problems. Yeah, obviously Shane, the time to have this conversation with your friend was like the

hour to 30 years before the tattoo, and I think now is probably not the time to have the conversation. But John, if it comes up at some point, I think you can share your opinions, but I feel like you probably don't want to start that combo. So, but so you said all maps have their problems. Yeah. But the globe, a globe is a kind of map and it does not have that problem. And that like all the things on a globe are the right shape because the earth is round You don't have to flatten it out

So like you get a beach ball and you put a go put a map on it and you're pretty good What body part well what body part? Yeah, you don't have a spherical body part to tattoo a globe. You do You got no you don't well Well, it's close, your whole head. No, that's a terrible idea on several levels. You're gonna have to cut Antarctica because then you have a neck. But everything else, you could get it much better than any flat-mat projection.

So you're gonna like, talk. Yeah, I mean, I agree it would be better than any flat-mat projection, but it comes with its own set of problems. You'd have to, like, you'd to like, top. Yeah, I mean, I agree it would be better than any flat map projection, but it comes with its own set of problems. You'd have to, like, you'd have to, largely, I think the biggest issue is that you would have to shave your head all the time. Well, how do people do that? Otherwise, you're going to be like really biased against one hemisphere or the other.

And so that's going to look like, I mean, you wanna talk about Euro-Centrism, if you choose to put Europe on your forehead. Yeah. You know, I mean, that's the other sentence. That is, well, what you gotta do is, you gotta put the Pacific on your face, so you don't have too much face tattoo happening. Cause the Pacific is huge.

Yeah, just like the way. The other is Hawaii. The Hawaii, maybe like Japan over one cheek. I mean, I guess that's a good, I guess that's a good call, Hank. It's an interesting theory. I guess my biggest concern with it is that you're probably gonna have Australia on your job bone, no matter what you do,

even if you put the Pacific on your face. And then on the other side, really your whole right cheek is going to be the Americas. And I think I feel like that's going to look that's going to look America centric, that's going to look like you're privileging the Americas over Afro-Iraja. And in the end, like nothing against the Americas, but Afro-Iraja, historically, is where most of the action's been. I, I don't know about that. The point is that unless you can spin a map in a globe form, it's very...

And even then, you're putting North up instead of North down. So it's just, I think it's very hard not to have some level of bias. And I would argue that I look, I'm all for face tattoos, you know, but I think... I don't know if that's the face tattoo to get. I'm looking at pictures of maps tattoos on people's forearms right now and they're cool. What one? This one's pretty good.

Greenland isn't too huge. Africa looks substantial. I'm in it. I'm into it. I'm into it. Hey, Hank. Are you finding yourself thinking more about getting a tattoo because I am?

You know I am? I don't know when that started, but I totally am. Me neither. I know, it's happening. And I don't know if it's a midwife crisis thing. I think I'm a bunch of things that are happening to me or midwife crisis thing,

so it's totally possible. But, or if it's just that tattoos have been so normalized that now I think like, oh, maybe I will get a tattoo. But I've made it, you know, probably about half my life without one. And I feel like it's also the time when a tattoo would look best on me is probably fast. Right. A little bit of that, yeah. Yes, I agree with you.

So I don't know. But there's so many cool tattoos and people, and I think that the techniques are getting better. Like tattoos seem to look cooler now than they used to. Yeah, they don't all look like Ryan Gosling's like cactus hand. Yeah. Yeah.

This guy has a bunch of country flags tattooed on his head and face. So that's great. That's something. That's good. But I don't see any. I haven't found anybody who's tattooed the globe onto their head and face. Unfortunately, so you could be the first.

Oh my God. I mean, it's really, it's hard to even tell the difference between this and S-town. Yeah. Alright, this question... I mean no wonder Blue Apron won't sponsor us. We're crap! That's disgusting, comes from Natalie! Who asked Dear Hank and John, I recently had a few teeth removed, an operation which required

I be put to sleep with whatever drug they use for that sort of thing. Anyway, whatever I was high on made me cry uncontrollably. I didn't feel sad. I just felt the need to cry. My mom claims that my reaction to this drug lets her know how I'll act when I've had alcohol. I say those are two different types of intoxication. As John is very familiar with dental operations, I was wondering if you would agree. Hank, I'm not ignoring you. I just don't know if you've ever been anesthetized. Hi, on life and painkillers, Natalie.

Yeah, I mean, this is one of my areas of expertise because I've had a lot of oral surgeries in which I've been anesthetized in many different ways. And I've also had a reasonable amount of alcohol in my life. And I would say that your mother is dead wrong about this. Yes, because I do not think that when you have two glasses of wine, you will find yourself uncontrollably weeping.

No. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's my suspicion. You know, they have, there's this thing about like, oh, this person's a happy drunk. This person's a sad drunk. I don't, I don't know about that, man. I've definitely had both. Definitely been on both sides of that coin.

Yeah, definitely, I've definitely experienced both sides of that coin. It's really about what you bring into the experience. But I think actually uncontrollable crying is a pretty common side effect of some of the it is. Yeah. It's conscious sedation stuff that they do

for oral surgeries these days. I prefer just to go with Novakaine and maybe if I'm uncomfortable or scared a little bit of the laughing gas. I don't really, I don't need to go all the way and do a twilight state. I like to know what's going on, you know? I actually like to watch the little screen

where I can see them going inside my tooth, looking for the secret root canal that failed or whatever, God if I hate that, I hate that. I don't wanna, I mean, I just, I'm sorry about your face. I just hate it. I was talking, so I've been in Estatia. Most recent was from my colonoscopy where they give you that sort of like waking sedation

and that the nurse was telling me that, that like a fair number of people get really sad, a fair number of people get really happy and giddy and then there's like a not insignificant people who become entirely like super belligerent, like mean and nasty and like, they like yell and they try to get away and they fight people, and like they have to tie them down basically.

And I got super happy the last time, to the point where I was like, I could definitely see myself abusing this drug. Don't let me have this, don't even tell me what it's called, because this is a fun thing, and I had a real good time and I didn't remember any of it afterwards. But Catherine shares me that I was having it,

a good, good old, high on whatever it was. Yeah, so they've stopped using that drug in the last year, Hank. I'm also an expert in the field of colonoscopies. And increasingly, they use a different drug that you don't have the memory loss from, but you also don't have that sweet, sweet feeling of demoral coursing through your veins. So that's just an update, just an update for you. Well, now I've, no, I used to like, after that experience, I was like, well, I'm not gonna,

I'm kinda looking forward to my next colonoschost, but I guess now not so much. Please, please steer clear of Demarol. It is the bad path, the difficult, it's a difficult path to fall down. All right, I think we got a question from Tess, who writes, dear green brothers, my name is Tess and I'm a senior in high school. Are you trying to be the new Ryan Tess?

I'm the class president, and I'll be expected to give a speech, my graduation ceremony. Whenever I sit down to write, I just get angry at myself for not being as eloquent and profound as I wanna be. At other times, I listen to podcasts, and I'm odd as you give some of the most profound statements as easily as one would read a street sign.

Tess, I believe that you may have written to the wrong podcast. I think that you are trying to talk to S-town, and they do, they are doing a great job. Do you have any advice on how to be more profound? Also, what would you say to a class of 51 graduates, hold up. I was so impressed with the test for being the president of a class. But it turns out that she had like a 2% chance of being the president of a class. There's only 51 people

Oh, I guess I read a class of 52 and I sure as hell wasn't the president of my class. So Also, what would you say to a class of 51 graduates is they enter a world that at times seems more malevolent than benign. Well, that's the lovely sentiment right there. Any advice to the audience who's appreciated don't let the bastards get you down, Tess. You got to start out with like, hey, I know that it sometimes seems like the world out there is more malevolent than benign, but I'm Tess.

Mine is Tess. And I'm here to tell you what John and Hank Green told me to tell you, which is that they have students give the graduation speeches because the adults have heard it all before and so they won't say it because it sounds trite to them. But it doesn't sound trite to us because we're new we're young. We're ready. We're fresh fresh and so clean and Just say exactly these words And you might

You might think that the sky on Mars is red You might think that the cameras on Mars can tell you what that sky color is, but S-town is the best podcast John has ever heard. His children's puke is a yellowy color and he hates oral surgery and I'm out! I mean, did you have a colonoscopy between this question and the previous question? So, yeah, I mean, basically that. So, I think, Tess, I think Hank started out on the right track with, I know at times, the world seems more malevolent than benign. But I think that after you say that, you should just say, and you know, it probably is

slightly more malevolent than benign, and then I think you should just sit down. I'm tired of these hopeful, optimistic graduation speeches that everything's gonna be okay. No, it's not. No, I mean, it's like, the best years of your life are ahead of you, tests. And I always think a good graduation speech is one that acknowledges that high school

was not like merely awesome, you know? Like I always disliked the graduation speeches where they would be like, and won't we have wonderful memories of prom? Well, I like maybe, maybe some of us will have good memories of prom, others of us will have terrible memories of prom, and furthermore, I feel like if you're doing it right, high school isn't the best. You know, hopefully the roller coaster at some point will reach a higher peak than it did at prom. That's what I think about the life in American high schools. I think it's very easy to romanticize it and we have a strong culture of romanticizing it that many would tell you I have participated in

despite my best attempts not to. And yeah, it's going to be, you know, like it gets harder, but it also gets more interesting from there. Don't you think? Well, I definitely do, John. I had a mix of high school experiences, but the first few years were real bad. So, yes. Yeah, yeah.

I also had kind of like two high school experiences of which the first was the worst and the second was better. And also, I would say pretty good. But I don't look back on that time as like the happiest time of my life or anything. I look back on it as like a really complicated time. Oh yeah. You know, like pretty much every other time. I've had a few years in my life that were pretty great, like that I could look back to and I think, well that was a pretty

great year. But most of the years in my life have been complicated. Um, well speaking of which, John, I have to tell you, we got to hit our sponsors for the day. This podcast brought to you by Terrible Memories from Prom. Terrible Memories from Prom. Yeah, probably. I don't, I, by the way, I went to like three different proms and I had three different,

but all really interesting cool experiences. Today's podcast also brought to you by Estown, Estown, so much better than this podcast. Podcasts also brought to you by the quail and twerp Belgian bantam, a chicken, I think. Oh, it is a chicken. Yeah, no, it's a chicken, but it's most important and famous human representative is Lauren. And lastly, today's podcast is brought to you by that minivan on Mars, that minivan on Mars,

not great at setting the white balance apparently. It's just complicated, okay? It's complicated how our eyes work. I believe you. I just think it's a little stupid that we don't know what color. I don't know. I believe you.

You're a much smarter person than I am. I'm sure that you're right. Let's answer one more question, Hank, from our listeners. By the way, sorry for all the questions we didn't get to. I feel very bad. Ah. All right, Hank, we got a question here from Bastion,

who writes, dear John and Hank, recent events have made me extremely paranoid about the news I'm consuming. There seems to be so much misinformation going around. Really? You think that I feel the need to sign typically fact check everything I read before sharing all my friends and family. But I simply don't have the time for that.

How much fact checking and cross-referencing do you do before you share what's happening in the world? And when do you feel confident to share and engage in any discussion? Some dubious advice would be appreciated greetings from Germany. Oh, Bastion. Ah. Is there any way we can send Angela Merkel over here? And not, I don't mean for a visit.

I mean for good. We mean someone with a PhD in physical chemistry to lead our country. We've got Justin Trudeau right there. He's right there. He could just come. I don't believe Justin Trudeau even went to graduate school.

It's true. Yeah, Merkel has a lot going for. Bastion. Here's what I gotta say. Like if you're looking at a tweet, if you're looking at some like thing that got like sent to you through social media, you gotta fact check that stuff.

It's just, but if you're looking at an article that's published by a reputable news organization that is actually about the news rather than about hot takes about the news or about whether or not what someone said was true or not, then you're safe. And so what we generally are talking about, fact checking everything before you send along, is whether like, is like the discussion of controversy and scandals, which to me is seeming less and less like news and more and more like entertainment.

And so like, yes, it's almost as if it doesn't really matter whether that fact is true before you, that's not really so much what you should think about before you send it on though, do do that. But whether or not that fact is actually helping people understand the world better or it's just making them feel a way that they enjoy, which tends to be a way that in which they are blittling the people that they dislike. I think it's also a question of like, is this closer to information that is being,

you know, like carefully reported and vetted, which I will say, I think right now, large media companies do a better job of than internet loan wolves, including by the way, Hank and John Green, or as I've ever think of them, John and Hank Green. I also think that you have to consider, is this closer in content to information about the ongoing famine in Somalia, or is this closer in content to information about Kim Kardashian's marriage to Kanye West?

Because I actually think both of those are important, and I understand why people wanna be informed about them, both, but I think the level of fact checking that you have to do for one is different than the level of fact checking you have to do for the other because I just think that. Yeah, let's like you said Hank, we are sharing a lot of what we're sharing is not really about the news. It's really about, yeah, trying to find out who we identify with and trying to establish who we are. Which is important, it's just not news. There's a certain amount of, like what I think the news has become, and I think this is not an immediately new thing.

But a lot of it is about like, okay, we need to try and convince a group, like, a larger group of people to be on the right, I'm using air quotes, side of this conversation. And so the things that we choose to share are the things that influence like what you're like, that have a higher chance of influencing someone's opinion, rather than just what is the most news worthy event of the day. Because, and I totally get that, because when I'm sharing stuff on the internet,

I mostly want to share stuff that's like, look, we need to make better decisions, and we need to have more people who agree that these are the things that are important, and that those things that we don't think are important aren't important. And so it's almost like we should, like there is a much bigger part of what news has become now

that's about, that's just purely about politics rather than about being informed about something. And when the world is as complicated as it is, being informed is very difficult. And it's much easier to sort of have a world view and then just accept whatever content fits within that world view and share that content. But I think that it is really started to serve us very poorly.

By the way, this is something that Hank and I both struggle with. Like, we are not the... Oh, yeah, I do this all the time. Yeah, we are not the, the wise or the joker. We are the, we are the, we are with you. We are in this. We are the problem. We are the problem.

Yeah. It's something that we struggle with a lot. In the interest of fact checking though, Hank, I just want to note that Justin Trudeau started a master's degree in environmental geography, but then gave it up and sought public office and now is of course the prime minister of Canada. One of his principal advisors is named Gerald Buffett. John, you let you, I feel like that's not super relevant, but it's just another thing that I know. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. No, I wanted to move on to the Gerald Butts issue, which I feel like is one of those things that we're ignoring because we're only paying attention to news about the current political scandal in the United States, rather than paying attention to the news of who is the 14th most powerful Canadian, according to a McLean's magazine piece in 2014. Gerald Butts is the 14th most powerful Canadian.

All right, it's time for the news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon. I'm going to start off with the news from AFC Wimbledon because we lost two nil to Port Vale in League 1. The League 1 season is wrapping up, and I wouldn't say that AFC Wimbledon is firing on all cylinders at the moment. However, we won arguably our most important game of the second half of the season against the franchise currently playing its trade in Milton Keynes and 41 games into the season with five games to go.

We are sitting on 54 points, which in the world of League 1 is known as enough. That is enough points to stay up. So yeah, so I don't know that we really we really have much to play for at the moment, except for pride. Of course, pride is very important, but not important enough to beat Port Vale. Well, congrats on the enough, John. What else can we ask for in life than enough? That's all right. No, listen, if AFC Wimbledon finished 12th in League 1 after getting promoted last season. I am delighted. That's great news. What's the news from Mars?

Well, there's a bit of a spat, John. You know, you don't know necessarily that there's drama in the Mars world because, well, I mean, we can't have long debates about what color this guy is, but indeed. So you know Elon Musk, and you know Neil deGrasse Tyson. And I actually, I actually literally know both of them. I have met both of them. What?

When did you meet Elon Musk? Yeah, I have. I have not to brag, but I've texted with Elon Musk. You are totally, first of all, bragging, second of all lying, right? No, I'm not lying. What, you have his phone number? He came up to me at a party and he said

that he really liked my, who said it, Charlie Sheen or Moamar Gaddafi video. Oh my goodness gracious, why don't I know this? I don't know, I can't believe I've never told you that before. Anyway, yes, I have met both Neil deGrasthais and Elon Musk. Are they in a, are they in Elon Musk. Are they in a war? No, they are in a minimum of spat, maximum. Oh, is there any way that I could be brought in

to mediate, because I'm retin- Yeah, I definitely could sit on that stage at the space con. Space con, a thing? Space con should be a thing. Anyway, Neildegrasthais, Oh my God, just what we need to take with another business idea. Neil deGrasse Tyson was doing a Reddit AMA

and was asked if he would take Elon Musk's SpaceX trip to Mars and he said he had a condition, which he said, quote, I really like Earth. So any space trip I take, I take, I'm double checking that there's sufficient funds for me to return. Also, I'm not taking that trip until Elon Musk sends his mother and brings her back alive. Then I'm good for it.

Neil! I mean, I think that's perfectly charming. I think that it's charming, but I think it's a little unfair. Maybe not mom. Maybe somebody who's a little bit more physically fit than Elon Musk's probably quite aged mother. I mean, yeah, Elon Musk has a brother. So maybe, yeah, but I'm just saying like in general,

I get the, I don't know, I get his point. I am also a huge fan of earth. So maybe I'm A little bit a little bit biased here. By the way, Elon Musk's mother is not that old. No, she's also gorgeous She is rather gorgeous. She's a South African Canadian model and dietician according According to Wikipedia and she was born in 1948. So she could still go to Mars. Oh yeah, she could totally go to Mars. She looks like she may have been there already. This picture is amazing.

Yeah, no, she definitely photographs amazingly. Yeah. Yeah, well, you know, Hank, we can't all be Elon Musk and we can't all be Elon Musk's mother. Uh, what else did we learn today? Oh, we learned that John knows Elon Musk. And he didn't tell me. It's true.

How the whole thing. It's true, we learn that chickens sperm can survive for more than a month inside of a chicken. And we learned that chickens in China, outnumber chickens in America, one of the greatest national, could frickingly, chickenly, chickenly, take any tack.

What happened to me? I don't know. It was like, uh, it's like you were a robot that broke down. I've long suspected that you might be an artificial intelligence. Yeah, I was just a seeker in child and thought that everybody was fake except you. I did. I did think that when I was a child. And by the way, I have never heard a particularly compelling argument about why I was wrong. I now believe that I was wrong and that every other human is also a human, but just to be

clear, I believe that because I think it makes me a better person, not because I think that it is provably true. And lastly, we learned that the podcast I was telling is truly fantastic. You should listen to it right away. Okay, well I'm worried because I heard the hot take that it shouldn't exist, so now I'm worried that you're wrong. I mean, you know what, maybe that's right.

And like I've missed something terrible and I'm promoting some horrific podcast and I'm gonna get a lot of flashback. But I enjoyed it very much and as someone who has lived at times in small town Alabama not too far from where this podcast is set I found it fascinating and and quite compelling. Hank thank you for podcasting with me. It is now our job to go and do this week in Ryan's which is available this week in Ryan's. It's available to anybody out there who wants to go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash deerhankinjohn. You can get a little mini podcast every week and

uh yeah I think it's gonna be I think it's gonna be a good thing but you don't have to go it's not that good. But thanks for bonding with me. Thanks to everybody for listening. You can email us at Hank and John at gmail.com. Hank, you won't do the credits. Dear Hank and John is produced by Rosieanna Holtz-Rohos and shared in Gibson. Our editor is Nicholas Jenkins. Victoria Bontz-Jornaal is our head of community and communications and our music. It's by the great Gunnarola. As they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome.

So.