Dear Hank & John - 89: A Rich Guy with an Affinity for Bats

Episode Date: April 24, 2017

Is Batman a superhero? How do I claim an island as my own? Is there a "no politics" rule in dating? And more! Email us: [e-mail]

Hello and welcome to this here episode of Dear Hank a John. It's a god of the podcast about- Oh, sorry, I forgot about you John. Usually I get to come in there. What did you want to say? Forget it. It's a comedy podcast about death worth me and my brother John. We answer your questions, give me a DB advice and bring you all the week's news for both bars and Nancy Wimbledon.

How you doing, John? I mean, I was doing all right until I didn't get to say my line. Now I feel like I've been left out. I feel like I got picked last on the playground. Actually, you know what, Hank, it's not so much a question of how I'm doing. It's a question of how I'm smelling and the answer is fantastic. And do you want to know why? Oh, oh, make sure. Yes, go. It's because I've acquired a new sponsor, Hank. Did you get 378 of something? So I, you may remember that I got 378 Snickers bars after telling the

nice folks at Mars that I love their work at VidCon Anaheim. I'm no dummy. So when we went to VidCon Europe, Hank, I sought out all of the sponsors whose products I enjoy, and I was sure to let them know about it. Are you serious? Including this happened again. Am I gonna be really mad? Including Lush. What?

The makers of fine bathballs. Hank, I don't know if you know this about me, but I am a bath person. I don't take showers, I think showers are just terrible. It's a form of assault. You're basically agreeing to be assaulted by droplets of water coming at you at a high rate of speed. They're kind of like slow water bullets, is how I think of showers. And so I'm a bath taker, and I've always loved Lush's bath balls,

and I'm not just saying that because they're not my personal sponsor. But I was, so I met the people from Lush, and I was like, obviously, I love your work. It's cruelty free, it's organic, it's great. You make some wonderful soaps and shampoo's, all kinds of stuff. I love it.

And sure enough, four days later, what shows up at my office, but a metric craft ton of bath balls. Ah, okay. John, okay, okay. So first of all, that's, I am happy for you. I don't know why this is happening.

I'm so excited. I've already know why this is happening to you. I'm so excited. I've already had two bath ball baths and they're wonderful. But I do have to, I do have two things to say. First of all, I have received from not sponsors, but fans of the pod, two different 378s. I have received 378 pennies from some there to well who can go find a hole to crawl inside of

and be ashamed of themselves. But I have also received and my office has been very pleased or certain members of them. From a bunch of fans of the pod, 378 of a snack, candy snack thing of a snack, candy snack thing, from Philadelphia called O'Rhyans. And they are quote, Irish potatoes, which is a weird thing to say because potatoes are kind of already Irish potatoes. But they are kind of like a coconut ball dusted with cinnamon and they are not my bag. But lots of people in my office like them, so we've got them up and they're getting gone through pretty quick.

So I did receive that sponsorship from Orion's, even though Orion's didn't pay for it. So if you live in Philadelphia and you wanna try something that's the mostly coconut, check out Orion's Irish potatoes. Their candy question mark. Hank, you know I don't like to be pedantic, but I would just like to point out that potatoes are not Irish.

Potatoes are a new world food that only came to Ireland after the Colombian exchange. I know, but they were very important in the history of Ireland. We think about potatoes as an Irish thing, just like we think about potatoes as an Idaho thing, even though they're also not from Idaho. I think they actually might be from Idaho. They're not. They're from South America.

Only South America didn't they travel north? I mean, they have now. I'll be potatoes for everywhere now. There's anything from, in the end, point being Hank Lush makes wonderful bath balls, and I've just learned as a result of this gift basket that I was given, also excellent soap. That's wonderful. You know, I know that we're still talking about this and that it's been 10 minutes of potting already.

It hasn't. I also, I did do the thing. I tried to do the thing and I reached out to Pocky on Twitter, the makers of the Pocky candies, and they got in touch with me and they sent me a Pocky gift basket, but I feel like it didn't quite count because I was expected 378 boxes of Pocky and what I got was maybe 378 individual Pocky sticks. If I didn't really count, but that doesn't seem like it to me, because it's like saying, like, oh, I got you a rice sponsored

your podcast with 378 individual grains of rice. That's... Well, hey, here's the thing. I mean, you're good at a lot of stuff. Obviously, like, you're really good at planning and executing VidCon, which I personally appreciate, because it allows me to have sponsors. But what you're not good at is talking to corporations

and corporate representatives in a way that makes them want to send you free stuff. And like, that's why there's two of us. We have you to organize the conferences and run the businesses and all that boring stuff. And then we have me to look dead into the eyes of the person who runs Luscious Marketing and say, I love your bath balls.

And to say it so sincerely that they cannot help but send me amazing high quality A number one bath balls. By the way, it came in a huge variety of bath balls too, and I'm just having the best time. God, I mean, I don't, can you explain to me before we get to questions from our listeners really quickly why anyone Who has the choice to take a bath would ever take a shower? I have the choice and I take maybe a bath a year Maybe oh my god. Oh my god like you could have a relaxing

Quiet you focused experience or you could have a relaxing quiet, you focused experience, or you could have these water bullets attack you. John, I don't have time to have a relaxing quiet, me focused experience. And if I'm gonna have one, it's gonna be me alone in my office working, which I enjoy quite a lot. That's my bad, John. That's my bad, John.

That's your bad, John. I feel bad for people who think they don't have time for baths because if you don't have time for a bath, what do you have time for? Nothing. In the end, if you're not taking care of yourself, you're not taking care of anybody. I have taken care of myself.

I'm taking nice, relaxing baths in logistics, John. In. Y'all right. Let's get to some questions from our listeners, Hank. All right, this one from Emmy, who asks, dear brothers green, my name is Emmy. It happened again. And well, this problem will probably not be an issue for me for a few years yet. It's bothering me.

I have this intense desire to see the world from Thailand to Machu Picchu to Paris. At the same time, I care deeply about the environment. I know that traveling has a lot of significant effects on the environment. So how do I keep my carbon footprint low while seeing this big world? Is it even possible penguins and pollution, Emmy? It's not really possible. It's not really possible. Ah.

No, I mean, I guess you could get really good at rowing. There are some people who like row across the Pacific Ocean. Sailboats, just get a sailboat. Just get powered by a wind. Yeah, but I mean, I feel like there's a lot of carbon that goes into the building of a sailboat. Where did you get like a little kayak? And you just, you just row that guy across the ocean. You could see most of the world that way. Most of the cool parts are connected to the oceans. I can

say that because of course I live in Indiana. I mean the problem is that there is a lot of ocean that is not connected to cool parts. It is just connected to other ocean. That's a great point Hank. That's a great information. I've actually never, I've actually never been more than about three miles offshore. So, but a casual glance at Google Earth does confirm some of those concerns. Yeah, I mean, I once, so I have the same problem. I once investigated whether or not I could just like hitch a ride on like a barge that was already

carrying a bunch of stuff. Because like of course barges are always going across the ocean. And they and you can book passage on a barge and you can stay on the barge along with the barge crew who makes the barge function. Yes. And you can get like a cabin. And it's pretty miserable and slow and it takes a long time and it is not a nice experience. But it also, and also additionally, you get that not great experience

and it is more expensive than flying. I don't know why, but maybe because there is a certain type of person who does this and they are people who hate planes, but also really need to get to Europe a couple times a year and don't mind spending a month doing it. So don't try that one. Well, you can do that on me.

So there you go. If you have a ton of money and also a ton of time and also a desire to hang out on a container ship, now we've got your passage to Europe. It's done. You can always buy carbon, you can always buy carbon offsets and those do function. It feels a little bit like cheating to me, but you know, that is, you know, the people who use carbon offsets to do good things, they rely on people to buy carbon offsets to do good things, they rely on people to buy carbon offsets

in order to do those good things, whether that's protecting forest land in South America or planting trees here or making wind power or solar power less expensive in America. So carbon offsets are always a thing that's available, but you will always, there is no way to get around the world without Pumping out that CO2. I will say that per passenger mile 747 is not that inefficient. It's just that there's a lot of miles that go into international travel

Right. I mean But this this goes back to something we've talked about a number of times on the podhank, which is that there is always going to be attention in contemporary life between values and lived experience. And I do not know, I have no solution for that problem. It is complex. And the more you look at it, the more you realize, wow, I should do like, you know, like live in extraordinary luxury while people die. And there's no real way to get around that.

Yeah, no, I mean, you could definitely spend all of your resources on malaria and it would be a better use of your resources than probably whatever I'm buying, except for, of course, lush cosmetics. I'll get that set. Which are cruelty free and everybody involved in the company's beta living wage. Let's move on to another question from our listeners.

I am such a good advertiser, Hank. I'm just trying to, can you imagine if Diet Dr. Pepper had had the good sense to get on board with me? I mean, my God. I would have talked about Diet Dr. Pepper, it had the good sense to get on board with me. I mean, my God. I would have talked about diet, Dr. Pepper, and instead they're relying on this prince-like spokesperson called a little sweet.

This is one of the strangest marketing campaigns I've ever seen and also one of the least effective. This question comes from Natalie, dear John and Hank. My friend and I recently had a heated discussion about whether or not Batman is a superhero. Oh no. Why did you highlight this question? We've already had this discussion. You highlighted it. I didn't do it. You've experienced the wrath of Batman fans, John, so you'll know that they defend him to the death.

However, I would argue that he isn't a superhero. I say this because to me a superhero is a hero who has super human abilities. Excellent point Natalie. I think superheroes don't exist outside of comic books. So it does a superhero have to be able to do things other humans physically never could like fly or possess super strength, etc. Can they be people who just have great abs and some cool technology? Batman's a hero for sure, she said dubiously, I just don't think he's super. Sharker Pellet and Sidekicks, Natalie, great question. I would argue that Batman is not a superhero

and furthermore, that Batman is not a particularly impressive member of the Justice League. I also want to argue that Batman also does not exist outside of comic books. So just like first things first, take care of that point, makes it sound like Batman's real, not actually. But there is definition of superhero both in Wikipedia and whatever Google is parsing.

It says, a benevolent fictional character with superhuman powers, such as Superman. So you're right. Batman is not a superhero, at least according to the definition that popped up first when I googled what is useful. Yeah, and you can tell that Hank has been a lot of time researching the question as well. I don't think Batman's a superhero.

I also just don't, while I understand that I got a lot about Batman wrong in my video where I criticize Batman, I still think you want to talk about like effective use of resources. I still don't think Batman is using his resources particularly effectively. Now, I'm happy to admit that I am not either, right? Like, if I were distributing resources efficiently toward altruistic ends. I probably would not sponsor AFC Wimbledon. But I also don't expect to have like comic books written about me and what a great guy I am. And that's the thing that's always bothered me about Batman.

Is that like in a way Batman is like a celebration of a billionaire, mostly for being a billionaire. It is a weird thing. And I think, you know, I feel you, I feel you, and I think that we're both right on the Batman issue, John. I think that you could, like, that there can be nuanced positions that seem initially contradictory,

but are in fact in agreement. And that is how I feel about our Batman debate. I think we have really come to a place where it makes a lot of sense, initially contradictory but are in fact in agreement. And that is how I feel about our Batman debate. I think we have really come to a place where it makes a lot of sense. And we understand Batman in a fuller way than previously could have been possible without the songification by the Gregory Brothers, which every argument deserves. I agree. They're amazing.

They're my favorite brothers on YouTube, and that's really saying something. This is another question. It comes from Vienna who asks, do your green brothers? If hypothetically I took a boat out into the ocean and discovered a either-to-unknown island, what steps would I have to take to claim it as my own? Is it enough to just land there and set up a colony in the Greek British tradition? Do I have to have some kind of military to defend it? Please respond as I feel it important to have a plan for this contingency Pimento Quarry. Pimento Quarry.

Vienna. I didn't get that until I set it out loud. I mean, I've got good news and bad news for Vienna. And the bad news is that there are no hitherto unknown islands. And based on the trend in sea levels, none will be appearing anytime soon. I mean, the government of China would disagree with you. They seem to be very good at discovering hitherto unknown islands. And setting up military bases on them.

That's true. They're doing a great job with their dredges at building new islands. And if Vienna is in possession of a extremely large scale industrial economy that will allow Vienna to build islands out of the ocean, all the South China Sea or what's happening in the Persian Gulf, then that's great. But if not, this is irrelevant.

If so, it seems like in order to claim an island as your own, mostly you have to convince the international community that that island is your own, and you need to get them to acknowledge it, which is something that China has kind of struggled to do. Well, you know, they're still working on it. Now, John, it's possible that Vienna does have, you know, a fairly large industrial economy. Is Vienna the city of Vienna? industrial economy is Vienna, the city of Vienna. I would argue even if so, which is it's possible that the city of Vienna

wrote into our podcast to check on the sitch with regards to colonizing Hither-to-Unknown Islands. It's unlikely, but it's possible. I would argue that the city of Vienna, based on the one day that I've spent there, is not really in a position to be building new islands. They have a lot of history to take care of just in their city. And as I recall, Vienna is not on an ocean.

No, in fact, it is in a country that does not have any access to an ocean, or even a sea. There's a link. Not direct access. I think you can get there via the River Danube in an emergency. But it takes a minute. My guess is that if you got in the River Danube, you would eventually reach the sea correct.

Yeah. Hank and I are experts in geography as you can likely tell? I am following the Danube down to the ocean right now. Oh wait, back up. Back up, back up, back up. There is an island. There is a huge island on the river Danube. Wait, where? In Vienna, like downtown Vienna, based on this Google map search that I'm doing right now, is essentially divided by an island. Let me see if there's people on it. I see it. Yeah, it's a nice-looking island.

It's got, oh, it's a beautiful park. It looks like it's mostly just parkland. I don't, Vienna, I don't think you're gonna have trouble claiming this park as your own, especially since there's a, there's a festival, it seems to be some kind of music festival in it called Rock in Vienna. So just the language of that would make me think that that's yours.

So I think you're good on this one river island. I don't know if you'd be good on like a... Yeah, this river island... It's nice looking island, actually. Yeah, it seems to be that Vienna has already claimed this river island. It seems that this river island is very clearly already Vienna's. So Vienna, just, you've got it right now. I kind of, I mean, this makes me actually want to go back to Vienna so that I can go for a jog on this massive and

beautiful river island. It's a good river island. It looks very nice. And no, yeah, it's completely uninhabited. It's just a public park. It's like Central Park, but in the middle of the river. And bigger than Central Park. Oh, well, I mean, have we settled that one or what? I mean, we really nailed it. It has a beach even. For families with in parentheses, small children, the 250 meter long family beach offer safe and child-friendly bathing fun.

Why do your children have to be small? What if I- Yeah, my children are like, what do they want to find my grown children 45 and 32? No, what if I want to bring my like medium size seven-year-old child? Do I have to, is there like a, if you are taller than this, you can't visit

the family beach thing? Okay, this place is actually called Danube Island and according to the government of Austria, which admittedly does have a dog in the fight, it is a recreational paradise. For one thing, it has the world's biggest trampoline center at the Danube jumping complex in the immediate vicinity of the Reichsbrook,

young and old jump closer to the sky, and all in front of Vienna's wonderful skyline. We're talking about the world's biggest floating trampoline center, with 40 individual jumping areas. Trampolineing is a unique combination of sport and fun. The adults should also have a go. Hold on, is it outdoor? I love it. I can't wait to go to the Dan U-Bylan. This place looks amazing. It's an outdoor trampoline center? They also have one of those high ropes courses where you learn teamwork.

I mean, of course, because the Austrians, they love teamwork. Also, this rock festival that is going on in the Google Maps version that we're looking at right now, you can camp on the island. There's a bunch of camping happening. And I think I'll stay in one of Vienna's stately old hotels and just visit the island during the day.

But yes, I understand that there's a lot of opportunities. Point being, what Hank and I really need is not like sponsorship from another corporation. What we really need is visas to almost any European country that will just allow us to stay there and get that sweet, sweet healthcare and contribute meaningfully to society. Well, I mean, yes.

Is that a kind of brand deal? Like, is that a brand deal that's available? Like, instead of getting like- Oh my god, you know what a great idea for a brand deal. Stickers bars, it's just like, you come, live, and get free health care. In art, like you now, it's like the Veeza, like the brand deal Visa.

And just immigration. It's the ultimate brand deal. Yes. You're basically, you're agreeing to cast your personal brand with Australia or New Zealand or Austria, or whomever it is that comes up and makes the deal. That would be the best brand deal ever. And I, if they came to you and they were like,

listen, if you live in Australia for the next 20 years, we will give you that sweet, sweet free healthcare. And in addition, maybe like a stipend, a small stipend. Right, where you had this like a department, like here, maybe on Danube Island. Get me an apartment on Danube Island. I'm the only person who lives there. Yes, and then I just like go around Austria

and I'm like, you should vacation in Austria. Austria, it's beautiful mountainous. I know nothing about this place. There's salt mines. Are there salt mines? For some reason that's the thing I know about Austria. Yes, they're, they're, they're, they get this place called Saltsberg.

Is that right? And they do have salt for yeah. Because they're salt there. I, so during the one day that I spent in Vienna, of course, all I did was go to the catacombs where there's like thousands of dead bodies underneath the churches, and I walked around, so like tunnels have been sawed,

the like thousands of skulls and everything. And I was very impressed. It was one of the better catacombs that I've ever seen. And I definitely emerged from that catacom experience thinking, I could live here. C'mon. C'mon. C'mon.

C'mon. All right. Well, they seem to have Alps. They seem to have a good number of Alps in Austria. It just looks like a real nice place. All right. So we figured it out. As long as it comes with that healthcare.

I'm sorry, what was the question? Vienna, you already have an island. Oh God, my God, we have traveled a far distance from the original question. Let's move on, let's recenter ourselves, Hank, with another question. Focus one move on. Let's recenter our sales tank with another question. This one comes from David who writes, dear John and Hank, I live in Tuding, South London.

My God. Can we just stop the question for a second? And I realize we have not answered a lot of questions today, but that's not really a place. Is it Tuding? Tuding? Rosiana? Is there really a place called T tooting in England? There is

There's also tooting back she says this is How can a country with like 18 people have so many place names anyway? I live in tooting south London not far from Wimbledon Ye team I recently discovered that there is a Langston Hughes close in Brixton, which I thought you'd be pleased to learn, and I am, although I don't know what a close is. You already have a fictional space in Nerdfighteria, but would you like to have a real-life road named after you? Where would it be? What would be on it? And what would you go with? Street Avenue, Road, Close? I guess Close is a kind of road.

Lane or Way, acknowledging that even this attempted immortality would decay in time, David, thank you for the acknowledgement, David. Ah, would it just be called like Hank Road? Is that the idea? Or it would be like, I assume it would be like, Hank Greenway, and it would be somewhere in Mizzula, like somewhere in downtown Mizzula,

like they'd rename Fourth Street, Hank Green Street, and everyone would be annoyed, andizzula like somewhere in downtown Mizzula like they'd rename fourth street Hank Green Street And everyone would be annoyed and they would continue to call it fourth street for the next 40 years But eventually people would just start calling it Hank Green Street. Would you be into that? Not really. I feel that I feel like that's weird. I feel like Rhodes should be named after presidents and and book characters and Birds and trees like any normal place. I don't know. I'd be kind of into it. So there's a writer, a local writer here named Dan Wakefield. It's a great writer and just been a part of the Indianapolis literature landscape for like 50 years

and he just had a park named after him like, all that I always drive past Dan Wakefield Park. And I do, I would be cool with that. I would be cool with a park, but I would not be cool. I'd also be cool with a school You know that's that's super cool if you can get a school named after you've really done something I'd be very right or very wrong But I don't know yeah I also wouldn't feel right about a road because I feel like people resent roads that are named after people. Well, I feel like people resent roads kind of like nobody really loves a road. You know, like, boy, this thing that takes me to the place I want to go is a place in itself.

No, it's just a place that it takes you somewhere. And for the most part, it's like sort of fallen apart a little bit rubbly and there's always under construction and it's a bad, I don't know. I also just feel- On the other hand, there would be children growing up on Hank Green Street and they like later in life when they were thinking about their childhood,

they would think about Hank Green Street, the way that you and I think about our childhood street, which we're not gonna say the name of because it's involved in both of our passwords. Um, You know, like, there's something cool about like forever being a bunch of people's password because they grew up on Hank Green Street. So their passwords like Hank Green, you know, 61. Dang it.

You ruined it. You ruined it. I've given people everything they need now to get into my Twitter. Our whole lives are going to be taken over. I don't know. I often feel like, and I know that this is kind of wrong because we need stories and we need to focus on people who we need to connect through humans, but I always feel weird about like extra recognition being focused on people unless they are sort of truly remarkable.

I mean, even if they are, I'm like, all people are necessary. Like the people that we choose to name things after are only representations of the thousands or millions of people who worked to accomplish the thing that that person is getting credit for. And-

That's so true. And I like, and I know that this is dumb. And I know that it's like a dumb, like, way to see the world. And I should, and I'm wrong. But I, you know, I feel like recognition, like, individuals don't deserve recognition. Humanity does. And I don't know how to solve that problem. And I don't deserve recognition, humanity does. And I don't know how to solve that problem.

And I don't think it's a real problem. I think I'm just sticking them on. Well, I mean, you know, they've done a good job of solving that problem in many communist countries where they just name everything after the workers or the proletariat. But then they started, you know, doing the animal farm trick of saying that all animals are equal, but some are more equal than others, and they started naming stuff Lenin grad and Stalin grad and all that.

I agree with you, though, Hank, we should name every street, thousands or millions of people contributed to this street, street. And then when people need directions, they'll just be like, what you do is you turn left at thousands and millions of people's street, and then right on thousands of millions of people need directions, they'll just be like, what you do is you turn left at thousands and millions of people's street

and then right on thousands of millions of people's street and you'll get there in no time. That's why I think we should name all the streets after birds and flowers and trees, John. All right, that's fair. I did a terrible job of answering that question. I feel like such a curmudgeon right now, but I have another question for you. Well, I think it's nice. I feel like such a curbudge in right now, but I have another question for you.

Well, I think it's nice. I think it's, you know what Hank, there are not enough hardcore communists who believe that everybody should have an equal number of streets named after them. And I appreciate that you are standing up for that worldview. This question is from Linda who has-

I totally agree with you, by the way. I mean, I think you're absolutely right, that it's ridiculous that we slather individuals in praise as if individuals are the center of the human story. But go on, what's the next question? This question is from Linda who asks, dear green brothers, I'm in a wonderful relationship with an amazing guy.

And while I love him and his family, I harbor a dark secret. I hate his mom's cooking. That would be fine, but we eat dinner with his family at least once a week where we eat the most flavorless, disgusting food I have ever had. I mean, honestly, stroganoff should not be orange.

I feel like that was too much information, Linda. Now everyone knows who you are. I know that this is the first world problem if I ever heard one, but I just don't know how much longer I can keep eating this food. Should I eat before and then go, should I eat before I go over? Will they notice if I never eat in front of them?

Can I ask for salt? Or is that considered rude? Boyfriends and boys and berries, Linda. It's a hard one. It's a legit problem. Yeah. Well, you know, you know who had this problem was our mom. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, she did.

She did, like, they would open the cans and empty the beets onto the plate in my dad's house. Yeah, and my mom was just absolutely horrified by the way that my dad's family cooked. I don't think there's any problem with asking for salt. I don't think that's weird at all. I mean, I would argue it's, obviously there's a bunch of culinary problems in this family, but it's weird not to have salt on the table as an option.

Like, I don't think it's weird to ask for salt. I don't even think it's weird to ask for salt. I don't even think it's weird to ask for some Tabasco sauce so that all you taste is hot instead of having to taste the orange stroganoff. I do think- What I'm seeing is a possibility of an assassin's creed kind of thing where you've got instead of your hidden blade up your sleeve, you've got just a bottle of chalula and you're just like, you're like screw the, and it's like dribbling out through your sleeve, and then you're just like, put the cap back on. Yeah, I mean, you can bring your own salt.

And you know, maybe you can't work. That's, I could totally agree. Bring your own salt and just palm it. I do think that you have, it's like on your pocket, your pocket is just full of salt, and you're just like reaching in there, just like a handful. That's good, just good idea. There's nothing else in your pocket, your pocket is just full of salt, and you're just like reaching in there, and just like a handful.

That's good, just good idea. There's nothing else in your pocket that you might actually get accidentally getting your food at all. The reason I think you do have to choke it down, or at least try to choke it down, is that somebody has worked hard to make food for you, and I always feel like in that situation,

unless you feel like your health is at risk, you have to choke it down, or at least I, that's the obligation I feel. But I have to say, just for the record, in case they're listening, my mother-in-law is an excellent cook, and I am very grateful to her. Never have this problem. I would never have that problem. Yeah. I feel like I then immediately have to say the same.

Hank and I are both terrified of our in-laws. No, seriously. Okay, actually, let's move on, Hank. Let's move on. I love my in-laws so much and I don't want to ever make any trouble. This question's from Nervin. Never make any trouble. Just don't make trouble't want to ever make any trouble this question's from never never make any trouble Just don't make trouble. Why you you know what?

Why are you making trouble stop making trouble? No trouble Discussion comes from more than who asked dear John and Hank my name is more than don't worry about mispronouncing it You wouldn't be the first I'm a 17 year old sixth former from England recently I received an unconditional offer from the University of Nottingham to study chemical engineering. I think I don't know what that is, but it sounds very impressive. I've never received an unconditional offer of any kind. Except I guess Lush. Lush sent me an unconditional offer of bath balls, but I felt obligated to mention it on the podcast, so it wasn't that unconditional. Naturally I was overjoyed as unconditional offers are very rare. However, as I've been telling more people my good news, more people have been saying that I have only received an unconditional offer because I'm a girl, and the universities

want more girls to help with their gender statistics and engineering. I think the noise that Hank made actually would not be a bad answer to the question. Hank, do you want to just make that noise again? Yeah, I share your noise feeling. I assumed at first that the offer was because I was just a strong candidate, but now I'm starting to question every academic achievement I've made. How much truth do you think these claims have? How do I stop second-guessing myself and reclaim my confidence? How do I maintain the validity of my achievements going into a male-dominated course in

profession, where my gender will always be the first thing that people judge me on. Oh, and just for fun, John seems terrible at pronouncing the names of English towns. So he should try saying mine. I live in... I swear to God, the word appears to be soil-hole. Oh, so... wait, I... So... So-a-hole- So- So- So- So- So-

So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So-

So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So-

So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- So- It's amazing. That's congratulations. You know nothing about Sully Hold John. Hold it.

I'm googling it right now. Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. Hold it.

Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. Hold it.

Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. Hold, I can actually say that one. They have a soccer team. And I'm looking at it. I'm on Google Maps now. Just out, you know, it's a suburb of Birmingham, John. It has a population of 200,000, which is pretty shocking to me

because I didn't even think there were 200,000 people in England, but Hank, let's answer the question. I wish that I had a better answer for you. I'm sorry that your confidence has been taken away in this frustrating way. But you did great. You deserve this thing. And the fact that anyone's first reaction is,

I bet you don't deserve this thing. Means that they suck. Is that okay to say, not in everything. But in this thing. I mean, they may not suck, but they are wrong, deeply wrong. And I'm really, I also, I share that feeling. It's just really, it's distressing. Like, you know, if you had that thought, why would you say it out loud?

Like why are you the kind of... Because you're jealous and you're resentful and you feel like an opportunity that ought to belong to you has been taken away from you. But that's just dead wrong. It's just dead, dead wrong, more of it. And like you did not receive an unconditional offer because you are a girl. You received an unconditional offer because you are obviously a very talented

student who the University of Nottingham is going to be lucky to have and desperately wants to have. And you're going to be a great chemical engineering student. And you are going to have to live in a world in which you're unfortunately, yeah, you're going to be judged by your gender. It's inevitable. And it's part of the world. But that's also part of why you deserve this. The odds are stacked against you in so many other ways.

You absolutely 100% deserve this. Hank, can I tell you something about Sully Hall? Oh, I cannot wait because we had such a good time in Vienna. It's the hometown of Nick Drake. Who is a superhero or an actor or a famous Oh my God. Nick Drake. Nick Drake. Nick Drake. Nick Cardinal. Like a Cardinal. Nick Drake was an amazing singer-songwriter. Also Craig Gardner. You know Craig Gardner. uh... also crag gardener you know crag gardener and the

west bramich albian yeah football player what about will grig you know what we're rig the engineer the inventor of flash memory nope nope former player for uh... the franchise for applying its trade in milton keens former player for the franchise currently applying its trade in Milton Keynes. Yeah.

Did you know that there is a health and dental center in Solahul called the Bupa Health and Dental Center? Bupa. That's fun. I didn't, I didn't. But the point is that more than you rule and anybody who tells you that you don't rule because of your gender is just a jerk face,

just the worst, that's very disappointing to hear. I tell you what, John, Solohol has a terrible looking roundabout. This thing is terrifying and I never want to go over here. Really? Wow. I can't possibly be as good as Swindon's roundabout, Swindon's roundabout is a roundabout for the ages. In fact, every time I talk to people from Swindon, they're always like, have you seen our roundabout?

And I'm always like, yeah, yeah, no, I have. I've also been to the train museum. So I think we don't have. I think we should put the Swindon roundabout on a t-shirt because it is impressive. Like, it's a cool thing. It's a hell of a roundabout. Yeah, no, no doubt about it.

It's great. Wow, I just Googled Sully Hurne, Sully Hall. Nobody knows how to pronounce it. That's the point. Rosieanna, how do you pronounce Sully Hall? Sully Hall. Am I saying it right? Sully.

She said I'm saying it sort of, right? There's not a ton to do in Sully Hall. Like, one of the number seven attraction in the town is a factory tour called the Land Rover Experience, where you get to tour the Land Rover Factory. Oh, that's pretty cool. I do that. Yeah, it's got a nice park, but it's not a river island park.

Let's move on because this has not been a good episode of Deerhank and Jeff. I think we're not gonna die on a park, dude. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm right now, I'm gonna spend the entire rest of this episode clicking around the cello hole around about. Just going around in a circle on Google Street View. It's great.

It's beautiful. So green and lush. Yeah, actually, to go back to Emmy's question earlier, why do you need to travel anymore when you can just go to Google Earth? It's so good now. It is getting better and better. They just did an update, it's freaking amazing.

It is, it's like going to the city. I was doing Venice yesterday, and I was like, why don't we ever know to go to Venice? And also, we've got this now for when Venice doesn't exist anymore in 40 years, this is great. Yeah. Well, I will say Hank, as somebody who's been to Venice a couple times and had a total of zero fun,

it might be better on Google Street View. I did have one interesting experience in Venice, which is that, well anyway, that's move on. Actually, I'm not gonna tell that story right now. I'm not in the mood for it. You got it. Ah. Ah.

Ah. I got a question from Henry. And Venice was the first time I was ever, I was ever struck by ice falling from the sky. So I also went to Venice one time. That was my experience. You know, Google Street View in Venice is more like a, it's more like Google Sidewalk and

Canal View, which is fascinating, because there's no streets. Yeah, not a lot of cars. Did the guy with the Street View camera go down this alleyway? Oh, he did. It's pretty good. Anyway, John, what are we doing? What's this podcast about? Oh, I have no idea. This question comes from Megan who writes, dear John and Hank, I am a 22 year old female who has recently gotten interested in politics within the last few years. As is expected with growing up, I found that my social and political views, as well as

the issues I'm passionate about, have drastically changed since graduating high school. I was wondering what the best way to navigate the dating world is now that things like intersectional feminism, LGBTQ rights and minority rights are such a strong presence in my life. I don't mind differing political opinions, but I do want to make sure I'm dating someone who also finds these things important. Should I just come out and ask future partners their feelings on all these issues first, or should I abide by the never-discussed politics rule? Thanks in advance for the most dubious advice, pumpkins and protests.

Is there a no-politics rule in dating? Like no, no, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, you feel about these issues? You know, but I think that like, absolutely, it should be on the list of conversation topics. What else is there to talk about these days? Oh God, it's kind of true. I do think that there, so I know a couple of married couples, and that wasn't a great sentence grammatically,

who have very different political views from each other. And they share other values, they share a lot of deep core values and stuff. But I look at their relationships, the way that, to me, it's completely alien. I have no idea how I would navigate that if that were the case with Sarah to me, it's completely alien. I have no idea how I would navigate that if that were the case with Sarah and me, because I count on being able to turn to Sarah

and say, can you believe this S on a pretty regular basis? And if I couldn't do that, it would be really bad for our marriage. If I was like, can you believe this S and she would be like, I know it's awesome. That would be a big problem for me. Like, to give you an example, if I was like, you know, I just feel like it's really weird how Vladimir Putin has become a somewhat popular figure in American political discourse.

And if Sarah responded to that by saying, I don't know what you're talking about, Vladimir Putin is awesome. It would be a big problem for me in our day-to-day life. I agree with you. But that's not to say that there are no things that I disagree with my wife about in terms of how the world should be. Sure, yeah. Yeah, definitely have disagreements about worldview

and about politics, but like, and that's fine, but they're like, I think that any good relationship has to be based upon some shared values, and I think that our belief about how the world should be, which is kind of what politics is in some ways, is should definitely be on the table for discussion, and that's a really good indicator for what values people do have, and you have to figure those things out so

that you can have good and productive relationships with people and if you think that you have to compromise that in order to have a good relationship, you don't. And you shouldn't. I agree. Although have you ever voted knowingly for a different candidate than Catherine voted for? I don't know if you guys discuss your votes, but Sarah and I do. And we have voted on a couple of occasions

for different candidates. Mm-hmm. Yes, we have. And whenever we have, I have always been proven wrong by time. And then I have to endure a certain amount of, I can't believe you voted for this jackass for governor sort of things.

Yeah, I mean careful what you say there because because now people know that you voted for a certain jack ask for governor. Well, I mean, at some point in the last 20 years, they don't know which jack ask I think. I lived in Illinois for a while. They had a, they had a string of jack ask governors. I've lived in Indiana for the last 10 years. We've had some good governors. We've had some really poor governors, one of whom is now serving in a different office.

So yeah, they don't know exactly. You didn't vote for that Jack Asgovuner, right? I did not vote for my offense. No, no. But yeah, but in the case of me in Catherine, it's always been like local offices. And it generally turns out that for like, you know, the comp troller of Mizzula County,

one person's gonna be better, but not so much better that it's gonna be a huge problem for anyone. It's true, it's true. Which reminds me actually, Hank, that today's podcast is brought to you by sharing values with your partner. Sharing values with your partner,

it's not something that you can really buy and sell, so it's not heavily marketed, but it is valuable. This podcast is also brought to you by the technical definition of superhero. The technical definition of superheroes, it's available on, but if you search on a search engine and then you're like, okay, yeah, I guess Batman doesn't count. And most importantly, this podcast is brought to you by Austria,

Austria, or possibly another country with universal healthcare, now offering visas to third-rate podcasters. Hopefully. That's absolutely... I mean, this is... We have hit upon something, John, and if we can't figure out how to monetize it, then we are failures. And lastly, this podcast is brought to you by Intercontinental Barge Travel.

Get yourself a little room on a working vessel and which people will be like, why did you make this peculiar and bad decision? All right, Hank. It's been quite a journey with you. We tried to answer a question about islands. We visited both Tuding and Sully whole England. It's been an adventure. Let's answer another question and then get to the all important news from Mars and Anci Wimbledon. The stuff that people really come to this pod for. All right, John.

This last question comes from Elaine who asks, dear Hank Adjana, working in library as an intern and a huge part of my job is alphabetizing authors in order for them to be shelfed. I was doing this the other day and I got to think, who came up with the order of the alphabet? Is there any particular reason that A is first in Z is last, et cetera? I can somewhat understand that we need

a specific order of the alphabet, somewhat. You're a librarian. You obviously need to, you need that. But I cannot fathom how they decided what letters come and what order any answers dubious or not would be appreciated, Bemento-Mari-Elaine. Nobody knows. Yeah, I mean, this is the second question that we are answering today that we have discussed previously in a vlog-breathers video, which makes me think we have made too many vlog-breathers videos.

But I made a video about this called, why is the alphabet an alphabetical order? And the answer is, nobody knows. And in fact, the weird thing about this is that the alphabet has been an alphabetical order for longer than any individual word has existed. Yeah, also that the alphabet has sort of been an alphabetical order since before it was the alphabet. Like since before it was the English alphabet.

So. Oh yeah. Nobody knows. Yes, so for longer than English has existed. For longer than any language currently existing on Earth has existed. Yeah. That's weird.

What a cool, like weird thing. And it's like, somebody did that. Yeah, it kind of points to the possibility. And this is something that I think about a lot and that really makes my head hurt. But there's a relationship between thought and language that is so deep and profound that you really kind of can't separate the two of them. Like, thought without language is very different.

It looks very different. It feels very different, I think. And the few people that we've, you know, encounter to don't have language and who later acquire it in adulthood, talk about thought differently. And it's just weird and overwhelming. And I'm just grateful for the alphabet.

Yeah, well, I mean,'s an indicative of the great lineage of humanity. These are things that continue and that progress and that they're just a useful tool and they were useful every single generation for since language existed. We have continued to use that tool and had no reason to refine it. And so we still have this tool that is the order that the letters come in, that stretches back pretty much, you know, farther back than we can see. And whoever did that, you know, whatever group of people did that, they had a tremendous impact on, you know, humanity

over the years, and we will never know who they were or what they were thinking. And that's fine and great. Yeah, it's also why we need to name every street thousands and millions of people street. Okay. Hey, before we get to, we got a couple corrections before we get to the news from Mars and AFC Wimbledbleton uh... first off we've talked a lot of smacked

about uh... russia on this podcast apparently and to tell you wrote in to say dear green brothers you've probably heard about the mass protest that happened all over russia last week my family and i live in russia and are strong supporters of the russian opposition and i've always been frustrated with the fact that people outside of russia often judge the whole country by its leader i'm not saying that that no one in Russia supports Putin and despises the liberal values that most people in the US believe to be essential, like freedom of speech. I'm not sure that most people believe that to be essential in the tallya, but your point is well taken. But there are people like me

and my friends that desperately want change and spend a lot of time trying to make it happen. I see so much surprise are the fact that there were mass protests in Russia yet hundreds of people have been doing so much in the last couple of years. I just wanted, and she signed off, I really want to be free in Natalia. And I just wanted to underscore that because it's very easy to imagine countries monolithically and it is a mistake. And the people who are fighting for a freer Russia are doing so at great risk to themselves and to their families and they are real heroes in a way that I cannot imagine.

So I just wanted to read that. And then I also wanted to have a couple quick corrections, Hank. Most importantly, from Austin. Do you wanna read this one? Right, yeah, I mean, that seems dubious to me, but I am gonna read it. It's a bit of a shift from the last correction. John just highlighted one word on this list

that it made me laugh. So anyway, in a recent podcast, a quote sponsor told the listeners to pee anywhere except in a toilet. My correction is, please don't. I have a very close friend who made the terrible mistake of peeing on a bonfire. They felt safe being several feet back. However, the intense flames superheated his urine stream and burned the inside of his urethra. Yeah, that does seem a little dubious. I don't know how that would happen.

Yeah, I don't think that it's not that good of a conductor of heat, just a stream of pee, I don't think would be. But I can see getting a burn. I can see like the steam flashing back and getting a burn around that area. But I have a hard time seeing how the pee is gonna Get so hot to burn the inside of the urethra, but I'm not saying you're wrong. Austin, did you go to the hospital or? I would like to know more with this friend or is this a story that your friend told you because my

feeling is maybe like Unless you were in the hospital room where the diagnosis occurred I think that there may have been a little bit of exaggeration in this story. And I say that as somebody who's pretty experienced in the field of exaggerating stories. I do want to say that there are lots of dangerous places to pee where you shouldn't pee. For example, we were just in Amsterdam where a number of men are found dead in canals every year.

And the vast majority of them have their flies down because they were peeing into the canal. And then they fell in and the canals have sheer walls that are very hard to climb out of. Yeah, don't get drunk and pee in a canal in an afternoon. And unless there is a murderer who is going around unzipping people's flies and then pushing them into the canals. It's a really good that's a really good premise for a mystery novel,

but I suspect that you want to know what the title of that novel is, John. I desperately because is it called because of but you're a horse. As a throwback to a very old episode of The Pod. Yeah, no, John, this was not my joke, but I can't remember who made this joke, but it was made on the canal in Amsterdam, it did gun Jack the Zipper.

But what were we talking about? Okay, Hank, it's time to get to the news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon. Let's start news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon. Let's start with the news from AFC Wimbledon. Hank, AFC Wimbledon have gone on an amazing, amazing run. And by amazing, amazing run, I mean, they have not scored in one, two, three, four games. They have scored zero goals in four games. And their last two games against Peterborough and Swindon Town were both nail-nale draws,

which is very impressive in one sense. We haven't kept that many clean sheets this year, but slightly less impressive in the sense that, we haven't scored in 360 minutes of football, which is a lot, even for soccer, even for soccer, that's not enough goals. Yeah, that sounds like a lot of sitting around for this. Well, I mean, you know, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the

only question at this point is will the wambles somehow finish above the franchise, currently applying its trade in Milton Keynes in the end of season table. Currently, we're down by two points with two games to play, two games left in the season. So it's possible, but there is no chance of being relegated, Wimbledon are now mathematically unrelegatable, and that in and of itself is a massive success for this season. Getting promoted to League 1 this year and being able to stay in League 1 is awesome. So it's been a successful season, even if the last four games have featured zero goals. Well, John, some folks at Purdue University have created a device and the point of,

the goal of this device is to basically have a small scale, simple food processing system that can take things like soybeans or grains and make it into food more like food than just the soybean. So like we take soybeans and we make a lot of stuff out of it, but we usually need very large scale equipment to do that to like make soybean oil from soybeans, and then take whatever the product,

end result of that is, and then you take all that stuff that isn't the soybean oil and you make stuff out of that. So this is all very important. If you're thinking about how to set up a group of people to survive on another planet for a substantial amount of time, ideal if they could be taking raw materials

and creating foodstuffs that aren't just those raw materials. And so these Purdue University scientists made this thing that separates the stuff using like heat and vacuum and et cetera, a bunch of different techniques, separates oils from grains or from soybeans or other things, and creates stuff that can be then used for the manufacture of other kinds of food. Now, they did this, and it's sort of like a first test of the kind of thing that it would need to, like, that NASA would need.

It's too big, it's too heavy, but it's definitely the first thing of its kind. It's, I would say that like basically the size of a microwave oven, which is much smaller than how you would normally be, like the kind of equipment you would normally need to do this kind of stuff. It's not the shape of a microwave oven.

It looks for all the tense purposes like a piece of a lawn mower. But it turns out that this technology is also very useful in places where we are still doing a lot of manual labor and when I say we, I mean humans, in order to convert food into things that can actually be eaten. So you might grow stuff and then you have to slam it together and then boil it to make a porridge that's actually edible.

And that's a lot of labor goes into that. And in places where you now live in a city but still you're in somewhere in the developing world, you don't have time to do all that labor to get your food ready to eat. And so oftentimes people then purchase food that has gone through an industrial alteration somewhere far away and then has to be shipped back. So that food might have started out in the country where you are, gone all the way to another country, then come back processed, and then you have to pay

for all of that. And so they're realizing now that they could be using this kind of technology to have smaller scale distributed food processing that was designed originally for NASA and for Mars, but could actually be used to help people turn the food that they grow in the place where it's grown into the kind of food stuff that people would want to consume and help in like, in live in those economies and also free up some time that people

would otherwise be using to prepare their food, which I thought was pretty cool. Yeah, and you know, that's happening in my home state of Indiana. That's great to hear. It's nice, and you know, by the way, you know who the president of Purdue University is? No idea. Former Indiana governor, Mitch, what's his name? Mitch Daniels. Mitch Daniels.

There you go. So, just a little bit of information for you. That's all being headed up by Mitch. The billboards for him always said, my man Mitch, which I just thought was. Thanks, thanks, my man Mitch. So Indiana, but yeah, thank you, Mitch, for providing more food possibly to the world

and certainly to the future people on Mars. Hank, what did we learn today? John, we learned that there is no politics rule when it comes to that swiping, dating thing that the kids are doing these days. We learned, of course, that there is a place in England called Tuding. We learned that Danube Island is a recreational paradise

without the largest outdoor trampolining available on planet earth. And of course we learned that if you really cannot stand your mother-in-law's cooking, just hide a couple salt packets in your palm. This is like, get really good at magic. And then use your magic skills to salt your food. It's the first step one in most

to your Hank and John answers. Get really good at magic. Alright, John, thanks. That's a pardon. That's such good advice, Hank. It's so important, a step one. Always get good at magic. Hank, thank you for potting with me. We are now going to make this week in Ryan's, our new podcast, which is available at our Patreon. It's like a five to ten minute bit where we talk about a Ryan every week If you go to patreon.com such dear Hank and John you can find out more and get free information on lots of Various things related to the pod, but thanks for podding with me

You can email us at Hank and John at gmail.com That's the place to send questions and on at gmail.com. That's the place to send questions. And do your hankajan is produced by Rosie on a house real hot sun shared in Gibson? This is what you were gonna do, John. Yeah, do that. Our editor is Nicholas Jenkins. Victoria Banger was our head of community and communications

and our music is by the great Gunnarola. And as they say in our hometown. Don't forget to be awesome. Sorry, I didn't kill that one. But to be fair, you didn't do very well on the intro.