Dear Hank & John - 92: Cewebrity

Episode Date: May 15, 2017

Should I contact the guy who owns the plane on which I was born? Are art and content different? Does it matter that the guy I'm dating has a six pack while I eat a lot of tacos? And more! PodCon! https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/podcon-podcast/x/1883440#/ Email us: [e-mail] patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

Okay, exciting thing. On December 9th and 10th in Seattle, Washington, we're gonna be holding the first pod con, a convention and conference of podcasters and people who love podcasts. We're doing it in partnership with Joseph Finken, Jeff Reakranor from Welcom to Night Vale, and Alessas and Dead, and the McAroy brothers of lots of different podcasts. John and I will be there doing a bunch of stuff, including a live deer hank and John, but in order to know the full extent of what we can afford to do, we're launching it with an Indiegogo crowdfunding campaign. You can find that right now at podcom.com, there are several different ticket levels, and also a bunch of perks for people who can't attend,

including an audio collection of absolutely everything that happens at the event. PodCon, for people who love podcasts, coming to Seattle in December, I hope we will hear you there, and also see you there. And now on with a pod. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Hello, and welcome to Dear Hank and John. There's a for Think of a Dear John and Hank.

It's a comedy podcast about death, where two brothers give you advice that is dubious. And see your questions in Bring You All The Weeks News from both Mars and day of C. Wimbledon. I'm Hank. This is John. How are you, John? I'm all right.

You know, Hank, I have to tell you the honest truth, which is that there is a little bit of me that wishes that in addition to having like opted out of Twitter, I could just not have my daily thoughts consumed so much by certain political leaders in the United States, but this is the reality that I'm living in right now and I'm just trying to make a go of it here at Grover Cleveland High School. Do you get that reference? I don't.

I do not. It's to the best movie ever. I can't believe you've never seen Rushmore. I have seen it, I think! Oh my God. Even the idea that you don't know whether you've seen Rushmore is deeply upsetting to me,

that's honestly worse than if you just hadn't seen it. I accept that that is the case. Do you know you wanna know what's happening in my life, John? I do, very much. A young man who lives in my home, he's six months old, has learned how to grab my glasses and throw them across the room. Oh yeah. So that's yeah, he he'll put them anywhere in his mouth. If there's poop nearby, he'll try to get it in that. And so I basically, I'm getting ready for needing multiple pairs of glasses. This podcast unfortunately is not brought to you by Warby Parker, but there may be some dealings

with them in the future, and by dealings, I mean, I'm gonna maybe buy some glasses from them. I don't know that like having 17 pairs of backup glasses is the best strategy. I think you just got to keep your face out of your kid's mall. That's impossible. He is too cute for that. He has, it's a, it's a ma that needs a face in it.

Alright, I don't have any, uh, I don't have any short poems for today because I want to leave plenty of time at the end from the, for the incredibly exciting news from AFC Wimbledon. So let's just jump right in to questions from our listeners, Hank. All right, this one is from Amanda, who asks, Dia Hank and John. It's DEAH, so she wanted me to say it that way and I did. I'm currently a private tutor and elementary age kids, and some of my students don't even have grammar instruction, but those who do tend to struggle with it.

Many ask why they need to know it. I tell them that it is important to understand how English works as a language, because it will make their reading and writing feels better, but honestly, I'm mostly just trying to get them focused on their work. My question is this, I'm skipping some stuff. How does technology change what grammar,

and for that matter, spelling and writing instruction look like in schools, and how do I convince my students that it's important? Yours, Amanda. I think that grammar is important because what we're trying to do, and we communicate with each other, is communicate clearly. And technology can help with that, but it can't construct a sentence for you yet. There's something about a really well-constructed clear, concise, transparent sentence that is just absolutely magical and makes you want to do whatever the sentence tells you to do. And that, to me, is the secret

of language. In this world, if you can write a good email, you can get a lot of things done. I definitely think that, yes, I think that that is 100% and I think that when I'm looking to hire someone, I'm looking at writing skills, even when the job is not, involve a lot of writing, and I'm reading a cover letter, like I'm looking at that and I know that is important. But I don't know that it's necessary for me to know, like, to be able to diagram a sentence

for me to be able to write a good one. I don't know that it's necessary for you to be able to diagram a sentence, but you do need to understand what different parts of sentences do and how they do it and why they do it. And until that stuff is just kind of like deeply ingrained and it is second nature, you do have to think about it. You know, like I was talking with Henry yesterday

about verbs and I was like, so what is a verb, Henry? And he said, a verb is something you can do. And I thought that was an interesting idea, but then I was like, all right, so what's the verb in the sentence, Henry is awesome. And he was like, well, I was like, all right, so what's the verb in the sentence, Henry, is awesome. And he was like, well, I don't know. And understanding like what is, what is does as a verb and what it doesn't do, I think is actually kind of important.

Yeah. I agree that, look, when I was an elementary school student, I thought that grammar was the stupidest thing in the world, second only to algebra. But I use it now, and I think a lot about it now, and not only because I write books, but also because I write emails and love letters and lots of other things. Yeah, and you gotta know where that comma goes,

and if you understand where the clause is, then that really helps with where that comma goes. All right, Hank, I can't believe you didn't ask the following question first, because it is obviously the most critical question we received this week. It's from Alicia, or Alicia, or Alicia. I don't know how to pronounce your name, I apologize.

I'm just gonna call you Ryan, dear green brothers, I was born on an airplane, and before you asked, no, not a commercial airplane, but rather a small passenger plane, specifically a Piper-Ceneca 3. This is the only sentence in the email, Hank, that specifically seeks to explain the circumstances in which this birth happened, which I find fascinating. I'm looking at pictures of Piper-Ceneca 3s, John, and I got to tell you, there's not a lot of room to have a baby on there.

Okay, the other thing about a Piper Sinica 3 Hank that really struck me is that it doesn't have that big of a range. Like, it's not like you can get in a Piper Sinica 3 and fly around for five hours. So like, when the person who birthed you got on that plane, were they already in labor? Like, was that the goal?

Was it an incredibly short labor? Or alternately, were they already in labor and they were trying to get somewhere, like maybe, for instance, a hospital where you could have had a safer delivery, but in the end it all went down in the PiperCentica 3. Like the PiperCentica 3, it's a very, very small plane. Yeah, so I've looked up the performance specs

for the PiperCentica 3. It has a range of about 1,000 miles and a cruise speed of around 216 miles per hour. So we're talking about tops. You could be in that plane for five hours before it had to land. So you're never going to be more than two and a half hours from an airport.

So if your mother went to the labor right in the worst possible time, you would have had, like, you turn around and you could go back or you could go all the way to the final destination, it happened fast. This was a fast and this happened sometimes. Sometimes you're like, oh, my water broke and then you're like, there's a baby head coming out of me. It's unusual and it's a good thing, usually when it happens, but usually you're like, ah, there's a baby head coming out of me. Like, it's unusual and it's a good thing, usually when it happens. But usually you're not on an airplane at the time.

So I think we've gotten, for the most part, to the bottom of it, it was a quick labor. It was a quick labor, but I do have a follow-up question, which is that this plane only seats five passengers. If five. Five. Five. And but it landed with six. I was gonna say, I feel very strongly about plane safety

as you know Hank, and I feel very strongly that you should follow the rules of plane safety, even if those rules don't necessarily make sense. And I would be freaking out if we started with five passengers, and for the last hour we had we had six because I would be like that is that is the piper centa-cate-three is not it is not designed for this six this new creature I did not sign on for a flight with this thing all right anyway for a few years now I've been trying to find the plane that I was born on as it is one of my

life goals I haven't come very close until about two months ago when I received more information about it. The info I got was the plane's tag number, which you can search up online and you can find out where it is now. Here's my problem. The tag number I got says the plane crashed a year before I was born.

Oh, cre... Which, she then dismisses immediately by saying, obviously, that's not possible seeing as I was born on it. But wait. Or is it? Unless. Unless it's totally possible. And you're living in an alternate timeline,

and things just got really weird. Or, or, or, sometimes plain crash and then they fix them. Sometimes it's not like it's like a Sometimes it's not like a car crash. Sometimes it can be okay. Yeah, one of my other rules when it comes to plane safety is that I do not get on previously crashed planes. So, John, let me tell you a quick story. I know there were still in the middle of this question,

but when I was in Haiti, I got in an airplane. It was about the size of a hypersynica six, or three, it might even have been one and but I think smaller even and I got in the plane and I was like, hey, what's up pilot man? And I was like sitting in the passenger seat because like that's how small this thing was So just doing my best to not touch anything because like I had a steering wheel in front of me. Terrifying. Yeah, and and I was like bantering with the pilot and I was like, so how long he been doing this?

And he was like, you know, decades. And I was like, and obviously like never crashed. So I shouldn't worry about anything. And he was like, actually, and I was like, no, don't say actually, don't do that. And he had, his plane had crashed like two weeks ago. And he had that plane, not that plane, but the plane that he was flying.

And like he showed me the missing teeth in his mouth that had been knocked out in the plane crash that he had recently been in. And I was like, well, was it a stormy, tell me all the reasons why that day is different from this one. Like all of the, and oh, it was a fine, it was turned out to be a very beautiful and comfortable flight that I did not puke

on at all. Anyway. I'm looking at the interior of a Piper Sinaka 3 and Hank, let me tell you, I would not want to give birth inside of this aircraft. Oh man, we're going to have to put up a bunch of pictures on the Patreon, aren't we? On the other hand, it is a nice plane. Now, I personally do not believe in flying twin planes with two propellers. It's just, it's not in my, it's not one of my, it's just not in, I don't, I actually, I don't even want to talk about this anymore. Let's move on.

Okay. Upon more searching, I may have possibly found my plane, but it is now owned by an elderly man, and I found him not via the airplane tag number search, but through creepy Googling. Should I contact this man and ask him about the plane and explain how I got his phone number, or is that too weird, just trying to find my plane, Alicia.

First off, Alicia, as far as I could tell, the one thing that we know for sure in this story is that this is not your plane. That's definitely the case. It is an old man's plane. It's either an old man's plane or it is a plane that's in like, lost in the mountains of Alaska.

That you were born on six months after it was lost. I suspect that it is the old man's plane, and I am not an old man myself, he said, hopefully, I don't know how old this elderly man is, you didn't explain, it's possible that you're 16 and you think 39 is elderly. But if I were the owner of a Pipe Ascentech III, which is one of the things I hope most in life

never to become, I would be absolutely delighted if a child who was born on my aircraft wanted to come and see the plane on which she was born. But if you do that, I have one piece of advice which is to bring a portable handheld blacklight so you can maybe find some amniotic fluid and see exactly the spot where you came out. Oh, I mean, we were having so much fun and then you made it really gross. I think that'd be fun. I think it'd be really interesting. No, it is, I mean, don't show the man what you find.

I hear I don't think, I show the elderly man what you find. Here's, I don't think, I think the elderly man is gonna be psyched about this 99 times out of 100, and then like the 1% of the time, it's just like a crotchety old person who was gonna be miserable about whatever you mentioned to them. I wouldn't necessarily bring up the creepy Googling part. I would just be like, I, you know, I've found that, I notice you have my plane. And then if they ask, you can just be like, I, you know, I've found that, I notice you have my plane.

And then if they ask, you can just be like, oh, I was just searching on the internet. Old people don't really know what the internet is. So you don't have to worry about that. Totally, yeah, it's not gonna know how creepy it was. You'd be like, yeah, it's the internet. I just looked you up on, and then make up a name of a website. Cobbular.

That's a pretty good name for a website is that is copular.com taken. If not, it could be, it could be home for our new Google, our new search business. Copular.com is available, Hank C.O.B.U.L.A.R. dot com, copular.com, the hot new website from the green brothers. It's where you can find all the year lost planes.

Copular.com is a great idea for, I mean, that sounds like a proper made up company. Well, I'm pleased. What does Covular mean in Spanish? Must be nothing or else it would be taken. What about Covular? I have a guess at what Covular means in Spanish. I'm gonna look it up.

It's copulate. It's to copulate. Okay, well, this is Cobb UR, which is a completely different company and is a made-up word. Like, you know, Uber. Or Lyft with a Y. It's just a made-up company name. Cobb UR. It's our exciting new e-commerce project that we can't tell you about just getting it redirects to dftba.com.

Boom! This is a pissed question comes from Drew who asks, Dear Hank and John, this June, I'm marrying the love of my life. However, we're having difficult finding great items for our registry. What are some amazing items you wish you had on your registry when you got married? Also, why does DFTBA not have a registry option? Thanks for bringing up our e-commerce systems

and by DFTBA, I'm sure you mean, copular.com, thousand cows drew. What do you like? What do you like? What are the things that you got for your wedding? Are there any of them that when you look at them, What do you like? What do you like? What do you like? What do you like? What do you like? What do you like? What do you like? What do you like?

What do you like? What do you like? What do you like? What do you like? What do you like? What do you like? What do you like? What do you like?

What do you like? What do you like? What do you like? What do you like? What do you like? What do you like? What do you like? What do you like?

What do you like? What do you like? What do you like? What do you like? What do you like? What do you like? What do you like? What do you like? terrifyingly close to a thing about me that I'm not super proud of, which is that I don't really think about things enough for, after, you know, 10 years of marriage to have any connection, to any of the items that I was given for my registry, including the ones that you purchased for me.

I have no idea what I got. You don't feel weird about that. But do you remember, like, are there things that you got for your wedding that have proven useful to you? Or do you not even know what you got at your wedding versus like what you just bought at Target six months later? I know that I got my silverware and my plates for my wedding. And we do use those all the time.

I don't know who bought them, but I am glad to have them. And they've lasted us a long time. Things have broken, but not so much that we don't have a good and full set. And they were purchased at Macy's and we had a registry at Macy's. And I believe that's where our knives came from as well. I will say a very good knife is something that I didn't get for a long time, including for my registry, and I wish I had gotten on my registry.

My most used appliance in the house is my soda stream, time including for my registry and I wish I had gotten on my registry. Yes. My most used appliance in the house is my soda stream which turns regular water into carbonated water so they don't have to buy carbonated water. And I would suggest- Don't tell that to our future sponsors, Lucroy. Yes, well, you get the excellent Pomplemous flavoring if you can't get that without Lucroy. Okay. And that's what, that's their new tagline.

If you have a soda stream, you're never gonna get Pomplemous without LaCroix and brought to you by LaCroix, everyone. It's surprising to me that you don't work in advertising, but okay, so I do, I do work in advertising. I just do it badly. All right. I agree, not your like silver silverware,

if you're a fancy person with actual silver, like that, in my experience, you never end up using. But your everyday cutlery, your everyday plates, if you don't own that stuff already, you can register for that stuff. People will be happy to get it for you probably, hopefully, if you do own that stuff, then you might be in a situation

where you don't actually need to register for that much stuff in which case maybe you could just raise money for your honeymoon if you wanna go in a nice honeymoon. Yeah, or raise money for a charity that you care a lot about, like have people donate, you know, like farm animals through Heifer International or something like that. I've known a lot of people who do that

and I think that's really cool. The gift that I received I received tank that has meant the most to me through the years So Sarah's got an uncle uncle backs uncle backster and backster is an amazing guy and We received these monic we didn't register for them We just received them one day These monogrammed highball glasses that you drink like mixed drinks out of. And I was never a person who like, I never even knew what a highball glass was. You know, like when I wanted to make a mixed drink, I drink it out of my Alvin in the Chipmunks glass from 1986, just like a regular American.

But when I got these monogrammed highball glasses that have like our shared initials S and JG on them. And by the way, I should add that Uncle Bax did not get us like four monogrammed highball glasses or eight, he got us like 40, and I'm not exaggerating. In fact, I've broken a lot of them over the years. And the great thing is that there's this box that essentially has an infinite supply. In our basement, there is a box with an infinite supply of monogrammed highball glasses. And every time I drink a glass of scotch or something, I'm like, man, Uncle Bax, he knew the person I was going to become before I did.

I like the idea of an infinite supply of something. Like something that might not, and you're just like, look, you never have to worry about this again. You're just, you could break one of these every day, just like, like, Thor, your drink every time. I'll have another, and then that. Well, you don't wanna Thor your drink every time.

I mean, we would run out of them if we did that, but yes, I understand. You're correct in theory. Um, you know what occurred to me is, like, what if I just, what if I just registered for his stuff on Amazon pantry, like paper towels and baked beans? Like the things that I really need.

No, because the whole idea of the wedding registry is that it's stuff that lasts. Like stuff that you buy once in your life. Anyway, that's my understanding of it. Like, I really like that. Although I have to say, we just got rid of our plates that we've had for 10 years because I had to photograph my food every day for 100 days.

And by like day 98, Sarah was like, we're getting new plates. And I was like, why? And she was like, our plates are horrible. Why? They were, they our plates are horrible. Why? They were, they were kind of horrible. So we've got all new plates. Hank, I've got a new question for you. Okay.

It comes from Sam. He writes, dear John and Hank, what are your thoughts in the word content in reference to internet video? I've heard a lot of people dislike it, but I'm not totally sure why. Is it because it commercializes art? Are art and content different?

Jenga, Sam, what a great sign off. It is Jenga something you say while playing Jenga, like every time you put the thing on the top, you're like, Jenga, like Uno or something, or is that just a... I'm not totally sure, it's been a while, I got a confessing, it's been sometimes since I played Jenga,

and it's been even longer since I played Jenga by the official Jenga rules. Jenga is a really great made-up word, like, like, copular. It's not as good as copular. Maybe copular will be our version of Jenga. But it's made out of corn. Oh, that's pretty good. It's not great, but it's headed in the right direction. Maybe copular will just be a place where we sell high quality sweet corn year round. Yeah, it's like corn of the month club.

Copular. The corn of the month club and copular.com. Oh, you're gonna get corn from every country in the world. You're gonna get artisanal heirloom corn. I mean, and it's gonna be so sustainable. It's gonna be so sustainably farmed. And then the only part of it is that's not sustainable is the part where we put on a plan. And I'm afraid it to you. And ship it to you overnight in a totally unsustainable package. Yeah, yeah. But this was

farming part will be completely organic. It was in Kazakhstan. It was organically very sustainably farmed in Kazakhstan. And then we put it on a plane in Florida America We put it on another plane and food to your house. That's Oh my god, cob you were calm. I'm the quorum of your corn of the month Hank. Finally, we have a business that's gonna not lose money Sorry, what was the question? I don't remember oh content Yeah, I don't know. So I just think that it's a commodification, which people don't like to have their work commoditized, which is something that we are finding out more and more when you get commodified.

Yeah, sure. I believe you. When you take something and you're like, this was one, something that you worked really hard on, and now it's like, now put it in a box with a thousand of that look exactly the same. You're like, oh, I guess I'm not that important. Like, I'm just, I'm just like a cog in this machine and that is kind of what content sounds like. And you hear about content farms where people just sort of just churn out words that can then be advertised against for the lowest price possible so that, so that we can try and keep this economy going

on the internet, which is a hard place to make an economy work. But it is content. I just think that it's kind of come to mean a slightly different thing, and that can give people a bad feeling. I don't mind it. Yeah, my feeling is that, well, I always think about,

whenever I think about the word content, I try to hear it for the first time, and if I were hearing it for the first time, I would be like, oh my God, barf. And because I remember when I first started dating Sarah, I knew nothing about contemporary art. I, you know, like read a couple of books to try to look like I wasn't an idiot when I was hanging out with Sarah

because she worked in an art gallery and all of her friends were, a lot of her friends were art people and I knew nothing of that world. It was totally foreign to me. And when I would hear them talk, I noticed that when they were talking about an individual work of art, they would always say this piece, and I would just be like, well that's dumb. Why don't you just say like this artwork or this thing or this work of art? Why is it always this piece? And then when they were talking about like an art, like a group of pieces, they would say like this artist's work, and I would just be like, oh come on, like the distinction between work and piece is so annoying and weird and gross and particular and like, it sort of exists to create a group of people that are inside

and a group of people that are outside. And yeah, so I totally get it because when I hear the word content for the first time, or if I can sound, if I can like put myself in the mindset of hearing it for the first time, I would be like, ooh, but now I'm so used to saying it, you know, that we make like content online. Hank, what do you, what, what, what is that noise in the background? I don't know, I think it's just on the phone.

I don't think that it's on the recording. I sound like you're shuffling cards in my ear. Yeah, I hear it too. I don't know what it is. Okay. Are you shuffling cards? Nope, I'm just sitting here. Because I'm trying to, like, I, I'm wondering, are you playing with me right now? Are you playing aling cards? Nope, I'm just sitting here. Because I'm trying to, like, I'm wondering,

are you playing with me right now? Are you playing a game with me? Do you think I'm just f***ing with you? I think I'm just like, you might be just f***ing with me. Is this like the thing where, to f*** with her, Alicia's parents made up a tag number of a crashed plane and said that that's where she was born? I don't think so, John.

I hear too, I don't know what to say. You're gonna have to do some bleeping. Okay. I don't know what it is. You know what, I'm gonna try not to call what I make content anymore. I'm just gonna call it... Well, like of the things, of the lingo of my industry that is not the one that bothers me so much. Like, I hate influencers so much more.

Yeah. And I hate industry, actually. I really hate like my industry. Like what, you just mean like, you're the little pond in which you think that you are a big fish because the pond is so incredibly little. Ha, ha, ha, eat it. Boy, I also like, there was a while when people were using the phrase web-lebrity

and I was just like, okay, I'm gonna leave and never come back. I'm not gonna come back. If that's all right with you. I don't like web-lebr I love Sowebriety. I mean, I am a internet sensation, so, sowebriety. I mean, just the idea, like, so what do you do for a living? Well, I'm a Sowebriety.

I'm sorry, did you say that you're a Sowebriety? No, I did not. Unfortunately, I would like to be a celebrity when I grow up, but right now I'm just a celebrity Today's podcast is brought to you by so webberties so webberties just just trying to harvest some content in this sweet sweet industry Five guys is also brought to you by the PiperCeneca 3, the range of 1,000 miles in a truasing speed of 216 miles per hour. It is possible to go with the labor and also have a baby before you land. And today's podcast is also brought to you by cobular.com, cobular.com.

Your number one source for the corn of the month club. And finally, this podcast is brought to you by an infinite supply of high ball glasses. An infinite supply of high ball glasses supplied by Uncle Bax. Oh man, have you, you've met my Uncle Bax haven't you? I think it's possible. Yeah, he's great. All right. Oh man, have you you've met my uncle back, so haven't you? I think it's possible He's great. All right Hank let's get to a couple more questions

Geez Louise you really got me going there. Oh, yeah, I'll never get I'll never get off of so we're pretty I I feel like we have hit on something very special So I by the way, I have to I just really quickly I have to have to say, I did not coin the word sowebreti. I don't want to be credited with it. I wish that I were that genius, but I don't know, I don't know where it came from. I don't know how it came to me, but I know for a fact that I did not think of it. I am not nearly clever enough to think of sowebreti.

So just to be clear about that, all right. Hank, I want to move on to an extremely serious question because we've had enough jockey, jockey questions. Uh-oh, okay. Okay, ready? Yes. All right, Hank, this question comes from Maggie, who writes, dear John and Hank, I'm 25

and I need dating advice, and who else do I turn to? But two married men in their late 30s. Late 30s, I'm 37, oh gosh. Yeah, you're in your late 30s buddy. I mean, the issue, actually the surprise to me in that question was not that I'm in my late 30s, but that I have a younger brother in his late 30s.

I feel no alarm whatsoever being in my own late 30s, but the thought that you're in your late 30s is upsetting to me. I've gone on a few dates with this guy and met online. I guess that's how people meet now. And we've had a lot of fun and I like him, and I think he to me. I've gone on a few dates with this guy and met online. I guess that's how people meet now. And we've had a lot of fun and I like him and I think he likes me. But he's super fit and I'm not. He has a six pack.

Who even has a six pack? I don't know. That's not even real, right? I agree. It's taken from a guy who just exercised for 100 days in a row. It is not even real. He has a six back and I eat tacos like all the time. I mean Maggie, I hope that those things aren't exclusive. I know, I know. Also, I hope she's exaggerating slightly. I mean, if she's eating tacos like all

the time, that is a bit of a concern. A lot of tacos. Well, you want to make sure you bit of a concern. Like a lot of tacos. Well, you wanna make sure you get a balanced diet. Like sometimes you gotta have a burrito. I generally feel good about myself and my body, but this has caused me to develop a complex of sorts. Do you have any advice to help me get over myself and just have fun dating?

Hopefully not forever alone, Maggie. Maggie, judging from your email, I think the reason that you're getting along well with this dude is that you're incredibly charming and funny and Yeah, and you should own that and that's awesome. I I have very rarely been more impressed by an email Get a lot of them too I yeah, I It's interesting to think that like

That being fit might be a detriment to some relationships. If you're too hot, people are going to be like, this is going to work out. I'm sorry. There's clearly something that's, there's a difference here and I'm out. I'm a taco fan, so I'm just going to go. Also, Hank, I mean, I am totally coming at this question from the perspective of a guy and also like an old guy who's been married for a long time, but like, the question presupposes that there's only one kind of hot.

Yeah. That there's only like one sort of attractive and like that's just not true. Like, there's all kinds of different attractives and for different people, you know, and so, like, I think you kind of got to let go of it. I understand, like, I think probably the, if you're having, like, I think it comes from the outside social order, right? Like, the social order is so specific about what constitutes hot and, oh my god, six packs, they're so rare and hot and wow, a six pack. But like, you know, not everybody likes six packs, hopefully.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Not everyone requires six packs at least. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Yeah, we can say with certainty that not everybody sees a six back as a prerequisite. Yeah. Well, yeah, I think that is an interesting question, and I'm glad that we've answered it, and I feel like Maggie, don't let it get in the way. Don't let that wall of abs interfere with this productive relationship that you're having with a nice young man. This question comes from Doug who asks, dear Hank and John, my six year old told me

that he wants to have a dudes day. And I'm excited that he wants to have a father Sunday, but the problem is that we seem to have different ideas about what exactly we should do on a dudes day. My idea is to spend the afternoon teaching him how to change the oil on my Jeep. We can bond while I teach him an important skill that my father taught me A pair like when you were six

They're not when you were six man his idea is suspended day playing games and eating pizza in the company of a giant Rottened what should we do come on man? Doug Come on, I mean here. Yeah, the answer I mean, here, yeah, the answer of course is that you gotta change that oil. I mean, that's a, to no brainer. Yeah, and... Chuckie Cheese is a, it is a contaminant nightmare.

I mean, it is, you wanna talk about places that I don't wanna see a black light applied to. Uh, ha ha ha ha ha ha. Just, you, uh, You want to talk about places that I don't want to see a black light applied to. Uh... Just... You turn the black light on and it's Chuck E. Cheese and you're at a rave. Yeah, Patient Zero for every plague is Chuck E. Cheese. Like that animal. Yeah, I mean...

So, Doug, I get it, man. Like, I have to take my kids to Chuck E. Cheese a lot. And... Like, the people who work to Chuck E. Cheese a lot. And like, the people who work at Chuck E. Cheese are really nice and I think they have a hard job. And so, I don't wanna say anything bad about Chuck E. Cheese, but it's, I mean, the like, the number of stimulants, the number of like,

just things that are happening at Chuck E. Cheese per minute. I was actually recently at Chuck E. Cheese Hank, and you know what I was thinking? I was thinking there is absolutely no analog for this in the natural world. Like before, like 70 or 80 years ago, no human being had ever experienced what I'm experiencing right now. It's like kind of like a casino because there's a lot of noises happening. The carpet is dirty and very colorful.

And then there's like a lot of just like sort of like blank-faced people staring into games, hitting buttons over and over again, except instead of it being gamblers, it's children. And they're just trying to win enough tickets to get some sweet tarts. I was trying to think maybe, like, did a human being before about 1910 ever experienced anything like being inside of a Chuck E. Cheese ever.

And maybe like once somebody was swimming and like a huge number of swordfish swam around them and sort of like attacked them all at the same time and then disappeared. And maybe that was like a brief moment of like Chuck E. Cheeseness, but like there is no analog for it in the actual lived world pre-1920.

And I think that says a lot about how stressful it is for a lot of people, especially like definitely stressful for me. So I get it. So what you have to do is you're gonna pretend, your kids gonna pretend to be interested in changing the oil for an hour. You're gonna like try to teach them,

they're not gonna learn anything, and then the whole time they're gonna be like, is it time yet, is it time yet, is it time yet? And you'll be like, no, we've gotta finish this. And then when you finish it, then you have to take them to Shaky Cheese. It's a both-and situation, not an either-or-or-situation. I mean, definitely, like the idea

that you would do either of these things without pizza is just ludicrous. Actually, the pizza, Chuck, you choose is pretty good. Yeah, so like, even if you, like, you gotta, even if you're changing the oil, you should do that while eating pizza in the company of a giant rodent. I don't know where you're gonna get the giant rodent,

but obviously that's an important part of the childhood experience, so get one. That's terrible advice from somebody who has a six month old. Yeah, I mean, he's basically kind of like a giant rodent now. Your kid? Yeah, he's a very big, no, he's not as like actually, you know, skilled as a rodent.

No, I would argue though that he's also much larger than any living rodent. Well that is like, that is demonstrably untrue, John. There are many, very large rodents. Please don't, I don't, I actually, you know what? I have no desire whatsoever to learn about rodents that weigh more than 10 pounds ever. Period, end of story with we've on to the next question.

This question comes from Olissa, who asks, dear John and Hank, this is more of a question for Hank, but if there is an earthquake on Mars, would it still be considered an earthquake? Oh, so that comes to the question of whether we're calling the ground of Mars Earth in the way that we call the ground of Earth.

Yeah, which we already have discussed on a previous episode of the pod. We have discussed this. We've made too many of these things. So, but no, I think you would, I know for a fact that there are earthquakes on the moon and we call them moon quakes, so I imagine that earthquakes that take place on Mars are called Mars quakes. Boo, it's over.

All right, man, we're going to get through all the questions. Ah, it seems unlikely. Okay, John, final question. Before we move on to the news from Mars and AFC, Wimbledon, his question is from Ryan, an actual Ryan who asks, Dear Hank, John, my name is Ryan. I have enrolled and will attend my state university in the fall and a few of my friends from high school

are also going. I plan to be roommates with my best friend, Ryan. For God's sake. Oh my God, that's amazing. I don't know if I believe it. My question is, do you think I should try to maintain my circle of friends or start over and try to meet new people in college?

Don't forget to be Ryan. Ryan. It's such a Ryan way to write an email too. He put five Ryan's. Very Ryan. He said in Seemail. Yeah, I mean, obviously if your best friend is named Ryan and you're going to be roommates, like you're doing a pretty good job of figuring out who your friend should be.

You're crushing it on the Ryan front and I would say that you probably just wanna keep going trying to meet as many Ryan's as you can and make it into a thing. Like, maybe you guys could form some kind of like fraternity or social organization. Like, well, Ryan's specific. Ryan's, yep, there's a lot of you guys.

I will say like, it can be easy to get sucked into and stick with the same like comfortable social group, even if like you are aware that you aren't seeing the full possibility or having the full range of human connection that you might be having at a college and that it is good to try and connect with people who are in the same program as you or in the same classes as you or into the same things as you. But managing that is hard. Managing multiple friend groups and having an established one and then sort of like how much time do I spend with my old friends versus my new friends?

And that's like it's a legit thing that you will struggle with and I just say like know that it's a struggle but it's worthwhile to do. Yeah, I didn't know anybody. There was one guy from my high school who went to my college and we stayed friends but it was only one guy so it wasn't uh... Wasn't your best friend Ryan? It was not. No, it was not a Ryan. Hank, before we get It wasn't your best friend, Ryan? It was not. No, it was not a Ryan. Hank, before we get to the disremarzen as you will

then very quickly, I just want to read this amazing email from Jennifer who writes, dear John and Hank, after hearing the story of Emma and her dilemma, that was a woman whose name is Emma, but with three M's because of a typographical error made by a careless county clerkksome where I needed to share. My brother is named Benjamin, not Benjamin, Benjamin. As his big sister, I've often been asked why this is. Our mother had the flu when she gave birth and our father was at work.

So an ill mother gave my brother his name and he has never changed it. Benjamine! Benjamine's actually a pretty cool name. It's much, I have to say, Benjamine is much better. That seems like particular and specific in a way that emma just seems like a mistake. I don't know, man. I don't know. I remain on the side of keeping that third M because what else do you have? You have presumably the rest of your life. Okay, Hank. First, first, let's get to the news from AFC Wimbledon

because it's extremely important. AFC Wimbledon, Hank, as you will remember the last time that we recorded a podcast together, AFC Wimbledon had not scored a goal in the month of April. And they had one game remaining against old them. And it didn't matter from the perspective of staying up because they'd already secured enough points to stay up all they need. But they did want to score a goal in April because otherwise it would have been impossible

to have a best goal of April celebration on account of how there were no goals in April, despite playing one, two, three, two three four five six games in April But what happened instead of scoring a goal is a nil nil draw Yes I have see wibble didn't super exciting Complete the month of April worked it up. I have seen well to complete the month of April goalless that up. AFC will complete the month of April goalless, heroic and extremely rare feet for a football club to play six games with no goals. That means that for the last, I believe 540 minutes of AFC will then season no goals, but it doesn't matter. AFC will then staying

up in League 1. It's an incredible accomplishment. They finished the season 15th in League 1, just below middle of the table, a really extraordinary accomplishment for a team with one of the smallest budgets in the league. And the smallest stadium in the league. So I am happy and excited and excited to move forward into the off season. We call this the silly season Hank because it's when all the trade rumors start happening and it's very, very exciting. Well, I, yeah, I mean, I don't know if you listened to last week's podcast, but Mai, I'm had a bunch of information on some players that you were definitely losing,

which hopefully will free up some capital for the acquisition of new folk. Yeah, yeah, no, I think the big one is the goalkeeper, James Shay, yeah, but it's, it's, it's, it's, What was that about? Why are you getting rid of James Shay? Money, I think it's about is it too too expensive or I I well, I don't know I listen

I really don't know and they didn't say but from everything that I've heard he is a Consumption professional and extremely well-liked and and a really great guy and hopefully We'll land on his feet somewhere. It's like the nature of football, though, man. It is really hard to stay at a team for a long time these days. What's the news from Mars? So you know how on the surface of Mars, there's a lot of radiation

because it doesn't have a magnetic field to protect the surface from the sun's harmful race. Oh, yeah. Well, there are some places here on the surface of Earth that also have a lot of radiation. And we are looking at those places to see how things manage to live there despite the tremendous, not just a despite, but also have evolved to live in places where it would be very difficult to live if you didn't have some kind of protection from radiation.

Those places being former nuclear reactors that went critical. So Chernobyl and the one in Fukushima, which I almost forgot the name of. It's okay. So Chernobyl and Fukushima are two places where you're like life should stay away from that. But there are some species that have evolved to be able to live there and seem to have

some, have evolved some traits that make them resistant to radiation, particularly a fungus. So this is true of bigger, of complex organisms like mice too, but this fungus, it seems to even prefer to be around radiation. And we don't know if it prefers it or if it's just that the niche is open, and so it moves on in because it's capable of dealing with it. But there was just a year-long experiment on the ISS looking at this mold and some other fun guy, sorry, I have a cold, had a cold, I'm getting over it.

So there was just an experiment on the International Space Station looking at a bunch of different molds that have evolved to do well in the presence of a lot of radiation, one, to see how they might function on the surface of Mars, two, to see what kinds of adaptations life on other planets that don't have a strong

magnetic field might need to have, and three, to maybe help get the powers of those molds either into people or helping people. And that might be in the form of a long time from now genetic modification, or in creating some kind of thung-jai-based sunblock to protect humans from the harmful effects of long-term exposure to radiation, which they would undergo both on the surface of Mars and on the way there and back.

So you would slap yourself in fungus to get ready for your big Mars trip? Yeah, and the fungus would be awesome, hit me with that radiation, man. Wow. I mean, that makes me want to go to Mars. So one of the things that they're thinking about doing is radiation-resistant genes. This is what the scientists said. Can be incorporated into yeast cells that produce beer so that humans are willing to go to space.

They will have better beer to drink, and that might even protect you from radiation. Well, actually, cancel them back in. All right, Hank, we have to go record our bonus podcast this weekend, Ryan's. But what do we learn today? Well, before we get to that, I just want to say that if you want to subscribe to this week in Ryan's, you can do so by supporting this podcast. $5 a month, help us stay real sponsor free just kidding.

We're desperately waiting for those real sponsors to come on board. But over at patreon.com slash deerhank and john every week we talk about a Ryan Hank, who's our Ryan this week? Are we ruining it? Are we ruining the surprise? No, it's not a ruin of the surprise because the listeners to this week and Ryan actually get it slightly

before they get deer hank and John. Oh, okay, this week's Ryan, I think John is gonna be Ryan. That's brilliant Hank. It's, I mean, it's your greatest work. It's your magnum opus. It's your cobbular.com. I mean, of this week in Ryan's.

All right, what did we learn today? Well, of course, we learned that cobbular.com is totally a thing that you can go to right now and totally buy stuff on. We learned that you can eat a lot of tacos and still have a boyfriend with a six pack. Uh, and of course we learned that, uh, you, you too, when you grow up, if you work hard and play your cards right and get a little wucky, might end up a suwebriety. And finally, we learned that John really does not want to know about the existence of 200 pound rodents that live in South America. They're copy barra, John, they're super cute you should check out.

There is not a 200 pound rodent on this earth, is there really? There's a bunch of them. Oh, goodwill or save me. Thanks for potting with me, Hank, and also for doing that thing that I specifically asked you not to do. Yeah, I'm a bad. you not to do. Yeah, I'm a bad. This podcast is edited by Nicholas Jenkins. It's produced by Rosiana Halter-O-Hoss and Sheridan Gibson. Our social media manager is Victoria Bon Giorno. Music is from the great gunner role. You can email us at Hank and John at gmail.com

where we will answer your questions. John and I are also on Twitter at Hank Green and at John Green and other places on the internet. We are always excited to see you. If you'd like to support the podcast and also get this week in Ryan's, which is our short Ryan-based podcast, you can do that at patreon.com slash here at Hank and John. And as they say, an hour home town. Don't forget to be awesome. you