Dear Hank & John - 93: Nothing Fits on a Bumper Sticker

Episode Date: May 22, 2017

Can a writer mess with science for poetic purposes? If you enjoy Narnia, would you enjoy The Fountainhead? Is there a right social construct to teach? And more!

Hello! Welcome to Dear Hagen John! Now is that for a thing with Dear John and Hank? It's a comedy podcast about death! Where, me and my brother John, we answer your questions, give you DB Supplyson, bring you all the weeks news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon. Hey John! Hi. Hi. How are you?

Uh, you know that part in Rushmore, actually you don't, because you're not familiar with Rushmore. I can't believe you haven't seen Rushmore at least 12 times. How could you even claim to be my brother? Anyway, there's this part in Rushmore where one of the characters says, I ain't even here, Sergeant, I'm in Cheyenne, Wyoming. That's how I am. I'm not really here, to be honest with you, I'm in Cheyenne, Wyoming. That's how I am. I'm not, I'm not really here, to be honest with you. I'm in Cheyenne, Wyoming.

I'm just like, I'm working a lot and I am in grossed in my work. And I am not really capable of thinking about anything else. How are you? A good, how do I get you here? I need a brother for my podcast. No, I have to stay in Cheyenne, unfortunately. I have to stay in Cheyenne, Wyoming as long as possible because it is the closest that I really ever come to pure happiness or actually it's not like happiness, but pure like fulfillment or engagement or whatever., you know how you spend your whole entire life

like stuck inside of the prison of yourself and there's no escaping it and it's sort of like a horror movie in that like you live inside of a consciousness. Stop trying to make me uncomfortable with the prison of my body, John. I wanted not recognized. I don't want to think about it. Yeah, no, yeah.

No, and lots of people, lots of people are able to very successfully not think about it. And I actually think that is the correct strategy. So we can just move on to the short poem, if you'd like. Well, first, I have to say that I got a comb on an airplane and it's falling apart in my hands. And I'm like, why do they even give me this terrible comb? Why do they make it out of something

that is incapable of holding its cominess? Second, I have to say, John, how are you feeling about podcon? I'm very excited about podcon, but if we can briefly return to the issue of your comb, I just want to note, Hank, that there are first world problems and then there are the free comb I got for sitting in business class on an international flight did not live up to my expectations problems because I know a lot about air travel and so I know how you get those free coms and if

you ever complain about that again I'm disowning you. I guess I was complaining about it. I've had it for a while and I've been using it. And I guess I've been fidgeting with it too much. And now it's missing a number of times. Well, life is hard in full of disappointments. I'm very excited for PodCon. For those of you who don't know,

there is a podcast conference coming up, planned by my brother, Hank, and some other people. It's in Seattle, and it's gonna be lots of fun. I'm gonna be there. Tons and tons and tons of people are gonna be there. Yeah, we have, I decided to reach out to two of my friends in the podcasting world, Travis McElroy and Joseph Fink of Welcome to Night Vale.

And they were like, yeah, yeah, that is the thing that should exist. And then we got together with the rest of their teams and with the rest of my team, who's here on this podcast with me right now. And we're doing an Indiegogo campaign for it. And it's going well. Yeah, you can attend remotely if you don't want to travel to Seattle and or can't travel to Seattle.

But you can also attend in real life with your physical body in Seattle. And it'll be just like listening to podcasts only, you know, like instead of spending the time that you listen to podcasts in that sort of like nonsense or your place where audio can take you, you'll have to be with your physical body in a room with a bunch of other people with bodies. So I mean, upside upside, the downsides. Ha, ha, ha. And there will be many amazing and weird things happening. But for remote backers, we'll be sending out all of the stuff that happens in audio form, but for the people

who are gonna be there in real life, it is nice to do things with your real physical body, right, Joe? Yes, absolutely. I like real physical body. Unfortunately, even though it hurts. You have no choice. It hurts. Sometimes you do have no choice. That is a bit of a, that's a bit of a, you have no choice. It hurts sometimes, you do have no choice.

That is a bit of a, you know. I don't like, like, isn't it nice sometimes to not have a choice? Cause I hate choices. So I would like, if it was like, what body do you wanna be in this morning? That sounds like a lot of work, like stress. I have to think about that now.

It's hard enough picking pants. Yeah, no, for me, the ideal situation would be if it was like, do you want to be in a body today? And I'd be like, nah. Just no body at all. Yeah, I'm going to take the pleasures of the senses and just, get rid of them completely. That's not true.

You're right. No, it's much more complicated than that. Can I read you a short poem? Okay, sure. Everything is more complicated than you want to make it. Nothing fits on a bumper sticker. So we got a short poem suggestion from Crystal. She wanted me to read a poem by Rupi Coward.

So I'm going to, this one is very short. I am water, soft enough to offer life, tough enough to drown it away. Just a good short poem, Hank. Good short poem about water, toughness, and softness. You know, I did think for a tiny bit that the poem that you were reading was about what Canon cannot fit on a bumper sticker.

And I was like, oh, that one was interesting. I guess actually that's a pretty good poem. As poems that fit on bumper stickers go, that was a pretty good poem as poems that fit on bumper stickers go. That was a pretty good one. Hey, should we answer some questions from our listeners? Sure. Let's do that. This one is from Grace. I thought that it was interesting because Grace has a pretty cool job, but is also worried about it. Dear Hank and John, I'm about to complete my first year working in a somewhat well-known online website covering politics that shall apparently go unnamed. I don't want to do anything else besides the job I'm about to complete my first year working in a somewhat well-known online website covering politics that shall apparently go unnamed I don't want to do anything else besides the job I'm doing

But I'm struggling with the current war on the media. It seems like the media in quotation marks is such an undefined character What is the media am I part of the media am I as culpable as the makers of Dredge report? How can I handle when friends or families blame the media for how they receive their news? And most of all, how can I, a fairly low down on the food chain, but still with a platform to express my views to others, make a difference in a fairly stubborn political bubble. News and newspapers, and this is news, G-U-N-S.

Nope, GNUS. Oh, God. The G-N- S is just guns. I mean, what's a new? Is it like some kind of animal? It is exactly like, it's not just like some kind of animal. It is some kind of animal. I found it, it's some kind of animal.

Yeah. Anyway, news and newspapers grace. Yeah, I mean grace, the good news that, hopefully you knew when you were getting into this job, what you were getting into, because people have hated the media since time immemorial. Like, there's been a lack of trust in newspapers since they were newspapers. Yeah, it feels a little like we had a brief moment

of everybody was like kind of on board with it. And then, and now it's like moved back into the being like everything is fake. And if it doesn't, I don't think people think everything is fake. I think people think that everything is shaped by us and that they can't trust any facts. But I also think that's largely because people and to an extent, news media organizations

aren't doing a good job of differentiating between reporting and analysis. Yeah, it has become very clear to me that even I don't have a really great grasp on that. I know that the difference, I know what the difference is, and I know that collecting and disseminating information is extremely valuable, and without that, there would be no conversations worth having. But I mostly don't consume, like here's what happened, I consume what does this thing that happened mean.

Yeah, I think the great risk, Hank, and we've talked about this a lot, is that in general, a lot of times when people are trying to contextualize the news or present themselves as trying to contextualize the news, what they're really trying to do is to frame the news, to meet your expectations or to fulfill the confirmation bias of a particular group or whatever. Like, it's not about context, deep down, it's about framing. And people like frames, they want to look at the world through the frames that kind of confirm what they already believe to be true. And so I understand why that stuff works, but it isn't news.

Right, but it is the thing that you can, you get views on, and that, like, that's how we're at. you get views on and that's how we're at. We, there's this problem where if we are looking at what we should be consuming is different from what we want to consume. And so when it comes down to like, okay, should I read the Wikipedia page on this controversial topic, or should I read what my feed is throwing me about the take that makes me feel good

about the way that I feel about the world and most confirms my worldview and my understanding of the people who I like and don't like. I'm going to go with that second thing because reading a Wikipedia page is boring. Yeah, but also because going with the second thing allows your mind to indulge exciting and surreal conspiracy theories. And that feels good, right? Like, there's a reason that everybody believes in me, by the way, believes conspiracy theories that if they were proven to be true, would be great news for them. It's because like, it's an incredibly attractive thing. It's like gossip on the largest possible scale. I mean, we have this tension between what

is good for us and what feels good in the moment, not just when it comes to news, right? Like, I have it all the time when it comes to McDonald's. I think we live in a world of abundance. We live in a world of abundant information, or at least those of us who are blessed to live in the parts of the world that are defined by abundance. We live in a world of abundant information, abundant food, abundant this, abundant that, where it's not about how much stuff you can have

because you can have a lot of stuff. You can acquire a lot of combs, relatively inexpensively. And we, I feel like we have to get better as a species at understanding that more is not always better and what feels good right now is not always what we actually want. Yeah. So what would I say to Grace? I would say we all, especially the people in media

and whatever that is. And of course, like the great thing about blaming the media is that, of course, whenever you say it, you mean the media that you don't like, and so you could say it. Yeah, so it's not about you, it's about people having opinions about something that they saw, but trying to find ways to get information across that is both accurate and is new and is contextualized and but also entertaining and so it's like figuring out ways to do that that's what's important and

And doing that without resorting to how can I write a headline that sounds misleading so that people will click on it? Because I have gotten really frustrated by this new trend of having really great articles that have really bad headlines because 90% of people only read the headline and so 90% of people come away with an inaccurate point of view on the situation.

Yeah, so don't do that. Well, I think it's hard and I think it's complicated and I have to say that it's very difficult to go against human nature or the whims of the market forces. So let's move on to another question. Okay, sorry Grace. Yeah, I don't think we have any good news on that front Grace. We both feel a little discouraged.

This question comes from Heneen who writes, dear green brothers, my name's Heneen and I'm a big fan of the pod in both you guys. So recently in our Arabic class, we were discussing a poem in which the poet was praising a certain king, saying that he built his kingdom to reach higher than Gemini, and our teacher explained this choice of constellation, aside from it rhyming with the rest of the poem, because, quote, Gemini is the highest constellation. I was taken aback by this statement, is that true? Can a constellation even be high? Aren't they all a bunch of stars floating in endless space?

And also it made me think does a poet or a writer have the right to mess with science and actual facts just for the sake of making their work sound beautiful and poetic? PS sorry for any grammatical mistakes English is not my native language as you may have probably noticed. I might die at any moment. Haneen. First up, I just want to say that this email has fewer grammatical mistakes than almost any email we've ever received. Yep. You're quite good at that. Also, excellence sign off. Excellent sign off. It's true. You might die at any moment. Hey, so I like this question because it kind of has questions for both of us. Does

a writer have a right to mess with science and actual facts just for the sake of making your work sound beautiful? A question that I know a thing or two about. And then secondarily, is there such a thing as a high constellation? Well, in terms of distance from the earth, all constellations are, well, for the most part, are made up of stars that are very far away from each other. So they appear close to each other in the plane of the sky, but they are varying distances away. There are some exceptions to that, where some star clusters in constellation are actually part of a grouping in space, but mostly that is not the case.

But they are also, you know, so certainly the higher, like the higher stars, like the further away from it is, for the most part, that means it's farther away from us. And so the really high constellations are the ones that are made up of stars that you can't even see. Wait, no, but I think it's not that stars near the top of our sky are necessarily further away than stars near the bottom of our sky. No, well, indeed, a star, like where a star is in the sky changes all night long and also depending on where you are on earth.

So there's no star that is at the top of the sky. First of all, because the sky is a dome and so the top would just be like, whatever happens to be right above you at the moment, I guess, because it's not like what's on the north side. No, but that's gonna change anyway. Like all that stuff moves around.

Moves around all night, because the Earth is spinning around. It is a matter of perspective. Correct. And then, yes. So I don't know if there is... But I don't think about constellations, so I cannot tell you if there's something

particularly high about Gemini. Maybe there's something. Nor can I tell you anything. However, I can tell you anything however uh... i can tell you that the stars in o'rion's belt there's a very visible constellation from indiana i don't know how visible it is in the rest of the world o'rion uh... the hunter

there's these three stars that look like they're in a complete like line and they're very bright in the Indiana sky and they are literally hundreds of light years apart from each other. Like they are further away from each other than they are from us. Yeah. It's so mind blowing to think that.

They look inches apart and they are so, so, so far apart. As for the second question. Nice visualizations you can experience. There's actually a kind of game that it's more of just like a simulator thing where you can download this software and you can like go around, like you can go from the earth

and you can move off and see what the sky looks like from other places, and it's very cool. That sounds cool. We'll put a link on the Patreon.com slash to your Hank and John, and you don't have to pay to get this. Yeah.

Yeah, all the things are free, but you can pay. We won't get mad. The second question though, I think is a really interesting one because there are times when I think it's okay to mess with facts, but you've got to know that you're messing with them. So, or that's my theory anyway. I did this in the Fault in Our Stars where I wanted, there was a line I liked that some infinities

are bigger than others, which is true. But the way that Hazel talks about that is untrue. And I liked the tension of that. I think looking back, I would have made it clear that Hazel was wrong somehow, because I think a lot of people walked away from that thinking that there are more numbers between zero and two than there are between zero and one, which is not true. And I wish that I had not accidentally misinformed a large swath of a, you know, like a generation of American teenagers about infinite cardinality, but I did. So no getting around that.

I think in general, like, you have to work with the world as you find it as a writer, and part of that is trying to be honest about science. But there are also times in my work, and lots of people would say this is a bad thing about them, where I've taken things that are true in science and tried to apply them to other things in life where they may or may not be true. Like, you know, like the idea that energy isn't created or destroyed, well, that is not an idea that you can scientifically apply to the human spirit. Yes. Yeah, I think that that is a common thing that happens where we try to appeal to

the things that we know about science, the realities of science, and we try to apply them to things that don't aren't actually affected by them. But in general, if you, like, I feel like that, if you, like, certainly, it has to be internally consistent. So one of the great things about writing is that, like, you don't have to write inside of our universe with our universe's rules. Like, there are other universes you can write inside of. But if your stuff exists inside of this universe, you're gonna get called out if you are creating like a thing that does not exist. But if it's magical realism, do it. Do it up. That's one of the great things about fiction

is that we can see, like we can imagine universes that are different from ours. sometimes those things are going to be resonant in ways that aren't like beyond just how you know it affects the story and like you know beyond just creating a cool world, there's also truths that can be told that way but it is also it can be very It can be a dangerous tool, because especially if you're trying to do more than, like create more than beauty if you're trying to create ideas,

and you're appealing to ideas that, like, you're creating truths that aren't actually true, then that's a really good way to sell an ideology that isn't accurate. And I often see that in discourse, more than in fiction, where people are like, well, I know that this particular example of this thing is made up, but it's indicative of a larger truth. I know that what I'm saying right now,

I understand that I was caught lying or citing something that was fake, and I didn't realize was fake, but it's indicative of a broader truth, and it resonates with people because they see that this is basically true, even if all of the examples we can find are not accurate. Speaking of which, we have another question from Sarah, who writes, Dear John and Hank, on my flight tonight, the person sitting next to me noticed I am currently reading The Chronicles of Narnia. I told him I'd never read them as a kid and thought I'd give them a try now. He said he loves CS Lewis and proceeded to discuss the books with me at length. At the end of our conversation, he asked if I'd ever read Ein Rand, because

quote, if I like the Chronicles of Narnia, I would really enjoy the fountainhead, especially if you've only read two books. Is this true? Would you consider enjoying the Chronicles of Narnia a solid basis for someone to enjoy the fountainhead? Sarah. No. No, Sarah, I would not. You know John, I've never read the fountain head. I got 16 problems with this guy sitting next to Sarah on the airplane. Number one, get a list of out all goodness. You never, ever, ever interrupt somebody when they're reading a book to tell them that you have also read that book. The only exception to this and it is a

Questionable exception is if you have written the book in question. It is sometimes only sometimes acceptable, I think to say FYI I wrote that book so yeah, I Did want to see someone reading the thought in Our Stars in a bookstore and I was like, nope, nope, not gonna do it. Yeah, I gotta do it. Nope, no, and that's probably the right call. I mean, what would I have done? Hey, my brother wrote that book, look at me. I would have been like, no, I mean,

I might have walked out to the bin, said, like, that's a good one, you should buy it. You know what I go into Barnes and said, I said, that's a good one, you should buy it. Ha ha ha. You know what I go into Barnes and Noble? I do go to your section and I turn them facing out. Cause it's just a spine, you don't knock it in as much shelf real estate. So I go rearrange some stuff so that your books can face out.

I hope you appreciate that. I do appreciate that. But I also always feel like it maybe hurts somebody else who's probably a nice person, but I do appreciate it anyway. I will, name like five other books that person has read. Probably some Robert Heinlein, Heinlein, however you pronounce his name. I bet he's read the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Probably read the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I suspect he's read 1984, but like not in a way that really took it to heart. You believe me? Oh, um.

Fahrenheit 451. I don't know if you know this, Hank. A word of the flies. I don't know if you know this about me, but I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, the fountain head. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I hate it. I know a lot of people listening out there right now,

don't hate it and I'm sorry because I probably am making you feel like not great and I'm sorry. I don't want to make you feel that way but it's just, I just hate it. I just, I think the world would be better if it didn't exist and I think the ideas in it are a vintage example of what you just described where you create a fictional world in which a bunch of things that are not actually true are true. And then because people feel like it reflects something true about their experience that is based on the idea that they are somehow special or unique

and the world is aligned against them, but it's not aligned against other people. It's just I got a bug, I was wrong. Uh huh. against them, but it's not aligned against other people. It's just, I got a bug, I was wrong. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I, uh, yeah. I've got another question, John. It comes from Becky, who asks, dear green brothers, I mean you. The third thing I don't like in this situation. John, can you skip the like the middle, uh,

the middle 13 things and skip straight to 16? Yeah, but I'm starting a spin-off podcast called Issues I Have with the guy sitting next to Sarah. Well, I'm also excited to hear that. This one is from Becky, who asks, dear, greed, brothers. I'm a US citizen working in Mexico for the year with an NGO and I've recently come to my attention

that my Mexican colleagues were taught and firmly believe that there are five continents, Africa, America, Asia, Europe, and Oceania. And I, on the other hand, I and the other US citizens in the office were taught and believed until recently that there were seven continents, Africa, Asia, Europe, North America, Oceania, and South America. Although this was an earth- earth shifting discovery for me, I can appreciate that continents are... That was only six.

That was only six. What, I didn't say all of them. You didn't say all of them. But it's kind of better that way, because it points to how made up continents are, so just go on. Although this was, although this was an earth shifting discovery for me, I can appreciate the continents are

social constructs in my question, is this, is there a right social construct to teach? Yes. Oh, there is? Yes. First off, I think it's crazy that we differentiate between Europe and Asia when they are clearly obviously in arguably one continent.

It's, yeah, the, I mean, it's interesting that the Mexican colleagues also think that Europe and Asia are separate continents. I think that there's really only one argument to be made, John. In my opinion, yeah, there is one continent. No. There used to be one continent, I agree.

But now there are two continents. I am willing to accept two, because there are two really big up, but if you look from the top, all that stuff's really close together. Yes, but we don't look from the top because nobody lives up at the top because it's so cold.

I mean, it's getting warmer every year, but it's still fairly cold. I'm to say, and I just flew from America to Europe, and I don't think I saw the ocean the whole time. I'm gonna just go ahead and call BS on that one. Maybe it was a cloudy day, but you flew over the ocean, I promise. There are-

I flew over some limited swaths of ocean. So the two continents just to be clear. The two continents, this is like my argument that everything is essentially a shade of brown. That's why I feel like there's one continent. I mean, I'm concerned that I'm undermining my authorities so much that a bunch of people are going to go out and read the fountain head or alternately that I hate the fountain head so much that it's going to make people want to read it. Maybe I should just ignore it, because actually the opposite of love, Hank, is not hate, it's apathy, anyway.

Mm. Uh, anyway, there are two continents. There is Afro-Iraza, which is obviously one continent, and then there is the Americas, which is obviously one continent. Now I realize this leaves out a bunch of places like Hawaii, Australia, New Zealand. Those places are not, they just don't count.

Well, no, it's not that they don't count. Do you have to be on a continent? No, Greenland. No. Nobody argues that Greenland is a continent, but it is a large land mass that contains people. Iceland is not a continent, neither is Australia slash. I mean, I understand the ocean of arguing

because you want to include all the people, but you can't include all the people because we're talking about weird social constructs. There's two continents, Afro-Eurasia. Okay, there's three continents. Afro-Eurasia, Oceana, I'm backing down on Oceana. Oceania? I don't even know how to say it. It's such a made up idea that I don't even know how to say the word. I'm back. Okay, Yes. I'm back. So, but there are, let's, let's establish, are there people who are not on continents? Yes. Yes. Hawaiians and astronauts. I'm pretty sure actually Hawaiians technically part of Oshiania. But Oshiania, it's just like, it's all inclusive of the oceans. I think it might include some, I think it might include Madagascar. Um. Yeah.

Oceania, Madagascar, Hawaii, and Greenland. Well, that's Swatochean. Yeah, Madagascar. Yeah, definitely Greenland is in Oceania. I don't think you'll find any disagreement about that. The question is, are the Caribbean islands in Oceania? Like, what about Bermuda? Bermuda is, I've never been to Bermuda, but I was like, I was thinking maybe it would be fun to go to Bermuda.

I would like to go on a beachy vacation. And so I was like looking on Google Maps, all, you know, just like South of Florida where all the Caribbean islands are. And I was like, man, I cannot find Bermuda anywhere here. That's because it's nowhere near there. It's all like South Carolina. Yeah, it's up there where the Rita Triangle is First off, I have no I I mean, I thought the Bermuda Triangle was just south of Jamaica. Nope. It's up by Bermuda I'm pretty sure the okay first off Just not to correct you Hank, but the Bermuda Triangle, one point of it is in Bermuda. The other point is in South Florida, and the third point is in Puerto Rico. So in fact, a number of Caribbean islands are inside the Bermuda Triangle.

I'm not as much of an idiot as you would like to have me believe. However, Bermuda itself is like, basically, it's basically one of like mains outer islands. I mean, it is much closer to Canada. It's weird. Yeah, it sounds like when you say Bermuda, you're like, oh yeah, this has got to be, but I mean, I think it is fairly warm and tropicaly because it's in the middle of the ocean

and it's really far off the coast. It's a weird thing. It seems like one of the locations that would have been mentioned in the classic beach boys song kokuma indeed bermuda is the first one in the list of it is it is mentioned bermuda jimic a girl i want to take out believe is that i don't know that i just by late car no it's not doesn't it's brim you know that the hammer come on pretty mama is that's the second

of the second one. The second one. Okay, there's no, no, it's, it begins a rumba. Jamaica, who I want to take you. To Bermuda. Bermuda is third. It's in the second stand. And then Kilargo, Montego, baby, why don't we go? Is there really a place off the Florida Keys called Kokomo because there's a place

about 40 minutes north of me called Kokomo in Indiana. And I would not describe it as tropical. I don't think that there is a real place called Kokomo in the, uh, there's a, there is a sand, uh, sandals K is a privately owned island in, in Jamaica that was formerly called Kokomo Island. But I think after this song, uh, there's a, there's a, you think so? I think, I think, I'm gonna check, formerly called Kokomo Island, it was originally named after the song. That was not written by the Beach Boys, just performed by them. The inspiration

for the song was a poolside bar and Ila Morada in the Florida Keys So co-wrote the song John Phillips Mike Love Terry Melcher and Scott Mike is in the beach Mike love is in the beach boys Okay for the record. Well, what about Terry? I don't know is is John Phillips of Isn't John Phillips in like Peter Paul and Mary or something, probably not in Peter Paul and Mary since he's not named Peter Paul or Mary? No, he was in the Beach Boys and also the Mamas and the Papas.

The Mamas and the Papas, I was close, okay? I was close, all right. So he was just associated with the Beach Boys according to this Wikipedia page. His name is not Ryan, so I don't know why I'm on his Wikipedia page right now. Yeah, anyway, the best part about this whole bit, Hank, is that literally nobody who listens to this podcast remembers the Beach Boys song, Kokomo, except for you and me, because it

came out in 1989, so like, and also I don't think it was that big of a hit, I think our parents just liked it a lot. So sorry to everyone who's listening. I cannot, first of all, I cannot believe that it came out in 1989. I always assumed that it was much earlier than that because most of the beat-boy stuff was much earlier than that.

Second, it was me and my girlfriend in third grade, it was our song. Was it really? It was. That's pretty cute. Yeah, I gotta say, that's pretty cute. You know, my first song, my first song with a girl was that Tiffany song I think we're alone now. I think we're alone now. I don't know vinyl. Oh, yeah, probably not

Yeah, I know that was a cover. I own that on vinyl my first two vinyl records were Michael Jackson's thriller Which is a properly good album and Tiffany's I think we're alone now, which does not hold up that well. I do remember you owning that record. John is not making this up. Do you remember what my first vinyl was, John? I 100% know what your first vinyl was. I don't know if you know, but I'm 100% positive.

Do you want to say it at the same time? Sure. Okay. Three, two, one, the Chucky Cheese Sure. Okay, three, two, one, the Chucky Cheese album. Oh, you're right. It probably was the Chucky Cheese album. It was 100% Chucky Cheese 45

that played like Happy Birthday on one side. It might have even been to show this pizza. It played Happy Birthday on one side. But it wasn't the usual Happy Birthday song. It was da da da da da da da da da. I think it's your birthday. Yeah, yeah, that da da da da da. I think it's your birthday. Yeah, yeah, that one. Uh-huh.

I think it's your birthday, is that what they say? I was thinking that it was the Supergirl's album, but that was later, which was like a collection of a bunch of girl rock bands from the 60s and 70s on two LPs. Yeah, that was actually pretty good. It was good. It was.

I think that Pop-O got it for me off the time life, time life subscriptions. Quick, quick follow up question. What question is this really true? Really for people who were born significantly before 1980. Like we've really made this, really for people who were born significantly before 1980. Like we've really made this, we've limited the scope of our audience dramatically with this last conversation.

But there is one continent and Kokomo is not on it. Oh, that's how we got here. The continents. Oh my God. Oh my God, I wish I could get a diagram of the series of sentences that led to this moment. Well, we'll work through it. Do you want to move on or can we just admit

that continents are made up idea? Before we move on, I just have to quickly say that today's podcast is brought to you by Sandals. Sandals secretly sponsoring this podcast. Can we maybe get 378 free Sandals days Hank? No, thank you. Honestly, I do not have the time or interest For any Sandals to is this podcast is also brought to you by the media the media You don't like us for some reason.

Hey, I'm just gonna stop you right there and say that I love a good, all-inclusive vacation and I do not like you talking smack about them. And I suspect when your kids get older, you'll like it too. And of course today's podcast is also brought to you by Oceania. Oceania, a word that John is trying to learn how to pronounce. And finally, this podcast is brought to you by Sub-Park Comes. They're not very good. But they were free.

Yeah. All right, John, I got one more question for you. It's about me. Yeah, I hope that's okay. Sure. This question comes from Lily who asks, Hank, what are Amber lamps? I love your song, Amber lamps,

but it's so relaxing, but I had absolutely no clue what it was about, so I looked up what are Amber lamps. And I found a very odd meme. Did you write an entire song about a meme? The meme was created in 2010, so it's entirely possible that your album, Elin Hardcastle, which came out in 2011, could have a song about a meme.

I'm very confused and would like an answer forever confused in some books, Lily. Yep. That's all I gotta say. That is where the... Yep, yep. It is a nice calm, soothing song that is about a meme. Yeah, Hank wrote a song about a meme.

It's not even really his first song about a meme. I would say it's like, it's, it's one of the lesser known memes. And it's also one of Hank's lesser known songs. It is. Yeah, I mean, honestly, I was finishing that album and I was like, I really feel like there should be one more song in this album. And then I was like, like, okay, well, I guess there's something strikes me. And then it struck me and I recorded it, and I put it on there, and I did it all in an afternoon by myself. So it's a bit of a departure on that album. It's like, suddenly, what are we doing now?

But yeah, it's about a meme. Yeah. Yeah. All right, speaking of, what are we doing now? It's time for the news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon. Hank, do you wanna go first or do I mean to go first? Oh, the news from Mars. It's bad news from Mars, John.

So you'll remember that Donald Trump, our president of my country, said that he wanted, he would like to see and he was rooting for and was excited about getting astronauts on Mars during, quote, during my first term or at worst during my second term. So NASA has responded. They're not gonna do that.

That's basically the, NASA's officially a sad news. Like the official nasser responses. Yeah, yeah, they have said, the White House asked us to look at the plan that we have today and see if we can keep going on that current plan, said the Acting Administrator Robert Lightfoot, who is what an amazing name for an administrator of NASA. They have asked us, they have not. They have not asked us to go to Mars by 2024. Stereoval news for me, John.

But it's confirmed that Donald Trump was like, all right, jump over this 50 foot high building. And NASA was like, can we have, like, I don't know, a trillion dollars. And they were like, that's not how this works. And they were like, well, have, like, I don't know, a trillion dollars? And they were like, that's not how this works. And they were like, well, no, we cannot unadded jump over a 50-foot tall building. Yeah, I mean, that's not a huge surprise, Hank, that Donald Trump said that he was going

to be able to do something that he's struggling to execute. It's kind of been a theme of the presidency so far. The news from AFC Wimbledon, well, Hank, it's the silly season, as they call it. It's the off season. We've got two long brutal, actually more like three long brutal, horrible months of this. However, the silly season kicked off an earnest earlier today, Hank, when a news report came out in which Wimbledon manager Neil Ardley said that today, Hank, when a news report came out in which Wimbledon manager Neil Ardley said that he, quote, might have to do some wheeling

and dealing in order to improve the squad. There's not a lot of money at AFC Wimbledon. It's not a particularly well-funded team owned by its fans, as I might have mentioned a few times, not owned by some billionaire. So it's gonna be difficult to improve the squad, but it's obviously also necessary to improve the squad due to the lack of a goal of the month in April, but due to no goals. So that might mean some selling,

might mean some players will get sold. That is at least the takeaway that a lot of people on Twitter have is that players might need to get sold in order for other players to be bought, which would be a shame because I really like the current AFC Wimbledon squad, but I'll tell you what I also like, staying in League 1. Yes, me too. You weren't listening, but that's okay, I'm not mad at you. I think what have we learned today?

Oh, we learned that Gemini is so high. It's so high in the sky. We learned that Bermuda, Jamaica, Madagascar, Australia, New Zealand, Greenland, and Antarctica are all in the same continent. Of Oceania. We also learned that Hank and John don't ask us about the fountain head. Yeah, just don't bring it up. And lastly, we learned that Hank's first album was a 45 from either Chuck E. Cheese or show his pizza. It was definitely show his pizza

because we didn't have a Chuck E. Cheese back then, John. It was all show business. We grew up in different times, guys. It was hard out there. That's right. And we listened to the Beach Boys later hits. Alright, it's time for us to go record our weekly podcast this week in Ryan's, which you can get over at patreon.com slash deerhankajon. Don't feel obligated, you're not missing much, but if you want to, you can sign up at patreon.com slash deerhankajon. Don't feel obligated, you're not missing much. But if you want to, you can sign up for it.

We appreciate it. And it helps us fund complexly shows, like SciShow and Crash Course and the Art Assignment and Sexplenations and lots of other stuff. So thanks to everybody who donates through the Patreon. Thank you. Thanks to all of you for listening. And I think Hank is going to read the credits now.

Yes, this podcast is edited by Nicholas Jenkins. It's produced by Rosiana Hals-Rohas and Sheridan Gibson. Our social media manager is Victoria Bonjorno. Our music is by the great gunnerola. You can email us at hankinjohnatgmail.com. We're on Twitter at Hank Green and at John Green. We love to see your tweets. And as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome.

And as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome.