Dear Hank & John - 94: Pocket Conspiracy Theories (w/ Matthew Gaydos!)

Episode Date: May 29, 2017

Is Hank a reptilian-human hybrid? How do I grieve and also be there for my students? What do you do when you do something terrible by accident? And more! Email us: [e-mail] patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. Or as I like to call it, Dear Matt and Hank. Hey, Matthew Gatos is here. I'm here. Ah, this is a comedy podcast about death where we dispense dubious advice to usually me and my brother, but sometimes neat and a special guest. We also will bring you the news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon. Matthew Gatos, yes. How are you, but also who bring you the news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon. Matthew Gatos. Yes.

How are you, but also who are you? The better question. Who am I? Why are you? Why? Why am I? Why? I am Matthew Gatos.

I am a producer at your video making company, Complexly. And you've been a video making person for a long time. Yeah, and people know you from your internet things. Yeah, I make YouTube videos on my own channel as well, but I get paid to make YouTube videos for explanations and animal wonders and the financial diet. Yes, well thank you. And we've been friends for a long time.

Yeah, it's been about four years since I moved out here. Yeah, yeah. And we knew each other before then. Little bit. Internet friends. Yeah, well thank you very much for moving to Mizzula. For initially a bad, not a fun job. Yeah, I was just packing some t-shirts into some bags and sending them out to the people who are listening to

this who ordered pizza John shirts. Yeah, thank you for doing that. No problem. But now new job. Yes, new job producer. So you're also I just I just heard that you want to be a podcon. Have you got your podcon ticket? I have not actually I'm planning on doing that whole indigo go a podcon. Have you got your podcon ticket? I have not actually I'm planning on doing that whole indigo thing soon though. What? So explain me why you've waited so that I can understand the psychology of people who haven't immediately bought their tickets.

For me, it is a budgetary reason that it's like for this month's budget. It's not listed right there. So I'm gonna wait until payday and be like, hey, right now I can write it into next month's budget. Nice. So, are you taking this advice from the financial diet, the YouTube channel you help reduce? Or it's been every week when I'm editing financial diet,

I'm like, oh, I should be doing that. Like I should have already been doing this thing and I'm not, and then later on, they'll make another video being like, you know guys, we already made a video about this thing that you should be doing by now, and I'm like, I'm not though. So ashamed of me if they knew.

You're getting on top of your stuff. I'm trying. That's good. Yeah, I appreciate you considering your own budget first before the budget of my convention. That is the way it should be. But then I'm getting the swag bag one. Oh yeah, so you're saving up for it. Yeah, you're doing like the 125 tier, whatever.

Yeah. Because yeah, that seems like a I think the 125 tier whatever yeah, because yeah That seems like price will go up after the indigo go lands. Oh man. I gotta get in there So just so you know All right, well did you bring a short poem for me? I did kind of bring a short poem is it just the lyrics from a Green Day song no, but you're not that far off No, but you're not that far off. This one, I'll just read it first and then tell you who it's from. Dig through the graveyard, rub the bones against my face. It gets real nice around the graveyard once you've acquired the taste.

And when the clouds do clear away, get a momentary chance to see the thing I've been trying to beat to death, the soft creature that I used to be. Ooh. That's uh, off the new album Goths by the Mountain Goats. Oh my god, of course we should only do John Darniel lyrics as dear Hank and John poems. I was like looking up like Walt Whitman things and all this other stuff and I was like, oh what should I do? Yeah.

And then I realized all I've been listening to this week was the new Mountain Goat's record. And I was like, well, clearly, there's gotta be something on there. It's pretty much, like, all poetry, what that man does. I find that I sing a lot of Mountain Goat songs to my son as he's going to sleep because they're good lullabies. Most of them are okay. Most of them are okay.

You don't know the what the words mean. That's also helpful that he's young enough to not really understand them. Like, like, singing love, love, love, love, love has like a really sort of sweet, like, refrain, but then it's all about really bad stuff. And you don't wanna see like no children to your child, especially when he starts

understanding what the words mean. Yeah, yeah. Well, I find that most of the songs that I sing to my child would not be good for him to be listening to. When do you feel like you can- Like, every- so I listen to pop music, so all of the happy songs I know are fast and upbeat and not good lullabies. And all the lullabies songs are about death and breakups and car crashes and suicide. And it's just like, well, I guess that's what I'm singing.

When do you think you have to stop that? Like what age? I'm gonna start to comprehend the tone maybe before you start to... Well, the tone is lovely. Yeah. There's like a Paul Simon song. It's like the, and like the lyric, like, don't cry, maybe don't cry, is in there, and I feel like that's really... Right. It's a wonderful song. It's born in the bubble. And like the lyric, like, don't cry, maybe don't cry is in there, and I feel like that's really, it's a wonderful song, born in the bubble. And, but like the first, versus about a suicide bombing.

And you're like, okay, well, that's what's happening. I mean, yes, to learn sometime about the horrible things that exist in this world. And so what better way than Paul Simon? Yeah, well, yes, and that's how I learned. That was my first exposure to the past. Yeah, at least it. And probably that very song.

I think a lot of us learn awful things through the music we listen to. Yeah. And maybe how to deal with and process things as well. But I fear the day when I have to sing Baby Baluga to my child, because I like good music and I think the most big music is not good. But he's no longer entertained by the things

you are entertained by. But it's love, like the majority of the songs I think to my song, that was hard. They might be giant songs and they actually have kids music. Yes, which is extreme, like super-loose. Let's say you can like find those artists too, you really like who have also done kids albums like Kimi Dawson and other people like that.

Totally. That's what I'm gonna have to do. Yeah, and I think I'll be okay. He will not hear baby Beluga until he's like 42. Like what is this song? I've got her. For my father. Yeah, who's Rafi?

And Catherine also really loves Sesame Street and like Jim Henson's stuff. So like that's already up in the house, even though like he has no idea what's going on. There's lots of badness happening. That's nerdy happening though. And I'm a's nerdy happening. I'm a Burton nerdy fan myself.

I'm more of a grover man myself. Oh. Really? Yeah. What do you feel about Elmo? Elmo's all right. Yeah, I feel like Elmo is obviously very appealing to kids because he is an infant, like his character, whoever or who he actually is.

I don't want to break any walls here. Well, part of my distaste for Elmo comes from others documentary called I Am Big Bird. It's all about Carol Spinney, who is the voice and performer of Big Bird and has been since like day one. And towards the end of that documentary, it gets kind of sad because they start talking about that, like the fact that Big Bird has been the person of Sesame Street since like day one. Right. Kids think about Sesame Street, they think about Big Bird has been the person of Sesame Street since like day one,

right. Kids think about Sesame Street, they think about Big Bird, he is their favorite, and then Elmo comes along and starts to be the new favorite because he appeals to a slightly younger audience than Big Bird, and so Big Bird feels like pushed to the waist. It's not a- I mean, there is nothing more sad than sad Big Bird. Yeah. Like, like, any, like there are many sad things in the world, but like, picturing Big Bird's sad. Yeah, like his real tall head just drooping a little bit.

Oh God, stop! Yeah. Don't do it. I'm gonna cry right here. I would avoid watching that documentary if you don't wanna see a lot of sad Big Bird talk. There are a lot of sad Big Bird. We're just Carol Spinney's had an interesting kind of hard life

at some point. And so it's a, yeah, it's a little sad. Well, I think I think it might be worth watching anyway. It's on twice. It sounds like it's great. Oh, wow, okay. I feel like we should start with a sad question. Oh, okay.

This one keeps your ring rolling. Yeah, who asks, dear Hank and Matt, I'm a teacher this week a colleague, friend, and mentor suddenly passed away. Two days later, a different former colleague also passed away. I want to be there for my students, but I also very much am struggling on my own right now. How do I best support and care for my students when I feel crippled by my own sadness at this loss? Thanks for any advice, Josh. Starting out on the highest notes. Yeah.

First Big Bird is sad. Now Josh is also sad. And also has to be there for it. This is a hard thing when you have a responsibility to people who exist in the world. I think it also, but like, you, yeah. The context we don't have is how old the students are. It's true. Well, I mean, it matters a lot.

My question is, are the students dealing with this loss as well? I think it's just some of his job's life. So I don't think, I don't know necessarily that the students are dealing with this, but maybe they are. Maybe it was a person at the school who died. I had that experience in college, where a professor of mine, she was married to another professor

and he had passed away and none of us knew about this until she came into class one day, very distraught obviously and told us all while she was crying. Like that has happened and I feel like maybe there's another way to deliver that news. Well I mean, but it was personally for me me I felt like she was being very open and honest and raw with us and Mm-hmm. It seemed like this is what she needed to do. Yeah, I'm not saying that it's like a the wrong way to deliver it to you I'm saying like maybe it would have been easier for her to not have to do that, but maybe not yes I don't know. Yeah, but like I yeah, I think that there is definitely an age thing if it's like hey kids Hey third graders.

Hey third graders, I'm dealing with a lot of death right now. Yeah, oh you don't know what that is, let me teach you. And I'm struggling with that. So I had to appreciate if you imagine me as a human being. And that's like the other thing is I never, until college, ever considered my teachers to be humans. Yeah, I think most adults don't seem like humans when you're a kid.

Like they seem like these all-knowing people who just spent all of their life working towards one course of knowledge. Right, right. Like my Spanish teacher was just a Spanish teacher and she'd never existed outside of Spanish class. Yes. But yes.

Yes, she had complicated things going on in her life. You imagine, or did she? Yeah, definitely. She was doing online dating and all this stuff and having troubles and like, who knows what she was doing? I don't, because I didn't think she was a person. Man, I tell you what, my friend, she was definitely not doing online dating

because that didn't exist. Good. There was some form at that. There's AOL chat rooms. They're probably, first of all, she was happily married. So hopefully she wasn't doing any of that. Well, but I don't know how happily married she was. That's the thing.

I did have a bit of a crush on her. So you were like, I was aware of her personal situation. Yes, because you wanted to be, like you didn't need to be, they shouldn't bring it up, but you were like, Hey, see you, Susan, are you married? Are you seeing anybody right now? Yeah, that's not a weird question. Yeah, no.

Anyway, yeah, in general, though, having, like having to deal with your own issues while there are other people relying on you, can be either just crippling and anxiety inducing or it can help you sort of like say, I have to work through this and I have to be the person that this person needs me to be right now. And so that gives you a chance to sort of either distract

yourself or find ways to get through it. And so like in some ways like, if there's a way to find strength in the need of your charges to need you to be something, that can be really good. It can get you out of bed when you will otherwise don't want to get out of bed. Yeah, and I'm sure you've dealt with this

being like in a managerial type of position, having like being a superior to other people at jobs. Like I've been a manager to people at jobs and there are days you come into work and you don't feel like working. You don't feel like being happy or leading a meeting or something like that. And you want to still have your coworkers

and colleagues doing the job they need to do and feeling inspired and you don't wanna bring everyone down around you. So it's, yeah, there is a somewhat of a strength to trying, like, motivating those other people. And sometimes putting on the brave face actually makes you brave. Sometimes you're like, motivating those other people. And sometimes putting on the brave face actually makes you brave. Sometimes, you're like, I'm lying to myself

and I hate it and I can't handle it. And then it's impossible. And then it's impossible. You have to just deal. You have to find ways to do it. You have to find professional to talk to. And like, grief is like the number one reason people go talk to, people who professionally

help people work through problems. And so that's absolutely a suggestion and an option. And a lot of jobs, I mean, I wouldn't say necessarily a lot of jobs, but hopefully a lot of jobs out there, if you go and talk to a supervisor or a colleague or something, they may be able to facilitate something where you could take a day off, take a half day, and deal with this on your own if that's what you need. Yeah, absolutely, and hopefully the people that you work for, the administrators at your school, will be understanding of that.

All right, this next question, dear Matt and Hank, you may be aware of the conspiracy theory believed by 12 million Americans, which posits the presence of an ancient alien race of reptilian humanoids hiding amongst controlling humankind. According to the theory, there are countless reptilian human hybrids going about their daily lives who may not even be aware of their true heritage. Among the characteristics purportedly present in these hybrids are one, a tall stature, a love of space and science, a desire to seek wisdom or knowledge, and a compassion for the fate of mankind. Really?

It's very specific. Reptilians also often have jobs which place them in the public. My question is for Hank. Are you aware that you may be a reptilian human hybrid? Thanks from Bethany. I thought the question was going to be, are you aware that Rhett of Rhett and Link is definitely a reptilian human hybrid? You could both be a reptilian in hybrid.

It's true, but Rhett could fit several reptiles inside of them. He's like six, eight. He's just two reptiles in a man suit. This is where I'm at, agar suit. Well, first of all, I don't know. And I think that's interesting. I think that's interesting. I think I have cut myself and I have lead,

human looking blood. I have had surgery. People have, like I had a hernia repair, I had a colonoscopy. And they were never like, you know. Yeah, they never come to you up and they were like, where's your diaphragm? Yeah.

Like, you don't have a spleen. There's eight hearts in here. None of that happened. That's good. But you never know how accurate these reptile people things are. And I also, but I would say that it seems like it's not a bad rap.

So like, you're tall. You love space and science. You seek wisdom and knowledge. You compassionate for the fate of humankind. And you have a job in the public eye. Aside from the whole controlling humankind thing, this is a pretty positive. Hey, I would be like, I try to control humankind.

That's one of my goals. That's right. I would like a positive way. Right. I think what they are worried about. I have compassion for the fate of mankind. I think, yeah, but anytime I've seen the reptilian conspiracy, I haven't heard that part of the reptilian conspiracy

that they're kind of here to help. Yeah, I thought. Because if they're here to help, I'm totally down for it. Come inhabit our bodies reptiles, get us through this very difficult period in our species survival. Does it say that it's easier now to pick out who's not a reptile?

Right, if they're not compassionate, not for the fate of mankind. Yeah, clearly not a reptile. Yeah, I don't know that that's actually part of it, but if it is, like, maybe they were trying to cater this a little bit more towards you. Yeah, maybe.

But if that's the thing, like, I'm super down for it, and also like, I'd be okay finding out I'm a reptile. Right, I don't want to find out I'm a sly line and I'm here to destroy humans. No, there's a secret code that's been inside of you the whole time that suddenly you can just flip a switch. And it's like, oh no, now you're a jerk. Right, yeah, I don't want that.

No, that'd be bad. If as soon as you hear some classic rock song. Yeah. Yeah, I think if I'm not, I'm as close as you can get. Based on this description, yeah, you're pretty much like, you're definitely tall. Love, space, and science. Yeah, it shows about both of those things, which puts you into the public eye. Yeah, I mean, I, I hope that there are reptiles doing this on Earth. Is that okay?

I hope that this exists. This is one of those Wikipedia wormholes I've definitely fallen into. Yeah. Like those conspiracy theories. Yeah, and different ones flatter than all this stuff where you fall into it. And you want to try and understand the people who believe this and why they believe this. And I think this is one of those where it's explaining away these people who are held to a higher regard

and are out there in the public eye or in politicians and celebrities and they're like, well, clearly, they must be repped to the end. What's the reason it happens? Alien race. How else would Igea Azalea have gotten popular? Clearly an alien. And Australian rapper, no, alien rapper.

With a Georgia accent. Yeah, what is happening? Nope. Oh, definitely, alien. I sort of have a hope that someday there will be a system that exists that is external to humans, that gives us some ability to not have to make all of these very hard decisions that we are suddenly all tasked with, and maybe it already exists in the form of these reptiles. I love freedom.

I love freedom. I'm a huge fan of freedom, but sometimes there is too much choice. And like Netflix. I love freedom, but I just want somebody to tell me where my wife and I are going for dinner tonight. And for that to be a compassionate, nice choice. Yeah, yeah. And tell her just like, double-bell.

I got you. I love Taco Bell. I want to give you some of those nacho chips that are made out of chicken. Mmm. I haven't had one yet. I'm so excited. I love Taco Bell. Taco Bell is great.

I don't know why, but yeah, shows like through them under the bus. So I don't know. And the end, I have no idea because that's part of the conspiracy theory. Is that apparently people aren't sure? Yeah, I don't know. I feel like that's most conspiracy theories. Right.

Is that people aren't too sure, but they really want to believe. Are there any conspiracy theories that you are kind of like? I mean, besides that, no. I mean, are there. I don't know, I feel like you and I are like a similar skeptical brain and. There's probably something that I'm like, but I don't, I haven't walked onto it at the most.

Yeah, there's like, oh no, of course reptile people and flatter and all this stuff, but maybe this one. Like, I'd like to get one. I'd like to have a pocket conspiracy theory that's harmless and that I'm into. I want to believe in Bigfoot. Well, the thing is there have been actual conspiracies. Yes. Like Watergate was a conspiracy. You know, there's like the human experiments with LSD and, you know, giving American citizens diseases because they were not white and we wanted to do research on them

and those conspiracies really existed and then they were uncovered and like, so they're probably our conspiracies that have not been uncovered. So you're saying there is a big foot? No. I bet I wouldn't, I'm totally down for aliens to have visited Earth.

Okay, I could be there for that. I'm not saying it's happened, I'm not saying it's likely, but like I'm also not saying it's impossible. Yeah, there are a lot less UFO sightings now that we all have cameras in our pockets surprisingly. Well, that's the thing. I don't think that it's, I don't think any of the current crop of evidence

that there were UFOs are make sense because I think that alien races, if they are able to travel through interstellar space at manageable speeds, have technology advanced enough that we wouldn't be like, hey, they scratched their ship on a planet, something went wrong. No, yeah. Yeah.

I used to be really obsessed with a lot of conspiracies when I was like 11 or 12 and would just like watch endless VHS documentaries about these things. At the end of the day, come to no conclusions and like not decide which side I'm on, which I feel like is maybe the good way to do that? Probably, yeah. To know about them,

but not necessarily just dive in and believe all of them. Oh, yeah. I mean, I think like, yeah, it can be very seductive. And also like destructive. Oh yeah. Because a lot of times the conspiracies now are, like conspiracy is, like this reptilian one, for example, is tied up inside of, you know,

a fear of other people or certain groups of PS. And it's like, oh, like, I knew the Democrats were evil. They're space aliens. Yeah. That's, you don't want to go there necessarily. I have a question. All right, it's from anonymous. Who asks, dear Hank and Matt.

So I've been dating this guy for about three months and he has snakes and he went on vacation and he asked me if I could water them. I like the idea of her watering the snakes. Just like with a watering can. Just spritzing. I know, just like wet them down. So I did very carefully with her watering the snakes. Just like with the watering can. Just spritzing. No, just like wet them down. So I did very carefully with the venomous ones.

How many snakes are there and why are there any venomous ones? Anyway, but I accidentally left one container open and the snake escaped and I felt very bad and guilty. Eventually he found it and it was all right. But I basically felt like I killed someone's puppy. Of course, I already apologized. But what do you do when you do something terrible by accident? And you do be as advice, and be greatly appreciated, anonymous. What do you do, Matt?

Ah, well, first of all, I want to say, accidentally letting a venomous snake out of a cage is very different from killing a puppy. Yes. So don't- Don't, though, it could result in the death of a cage is very different from killing a puppy. Yes. So don't, don't, though, it could result in the death of a puppy. It could. That snake could have got a hold of Rex. And as long as there's no puppies in the house.

Yeah. It is different, but I understand, for sure. Like, there are mistakes you can make that are much bigger than the mistake you made. Like for example, if we take this to a different level and say your friend asked you to feed their cat for a week and you forgot, that's bad. Like that's like, but it's not an impossible mistake to make. No.

Which I will say, piece of advice to the world, if you do that and you ask your friend to feed your pet, text them the first or second day and be like, how's Spotlight doing? That's a good name for a cat. That's not bad. And then like, it just minimizes the chance that a small mistake that will have a tremendous friendship ending result does not occur. Especially.

And it's weird to call this a small mistake because it is a huge mistake. But it could have been, I guess the mistake itself doesn't feel big to me because yes, it got out, but everything ended up falling. Well, no, I'm saying the cat, like if you don't feed a cat. Oh yeah, yeah, the cat one's bad.

Yeah, but like it's kind of still a small mistake in that it's something that just might happen and it's not malicious and it's not like it's not something that's like an everyday activity that everyone is expected to do. It's just you spaced and you killed a cat and that shouldn't be possible. I went to a weird place with this.

That's all right, but it reminds me of a time that you asked me to feed your cat. Yeah. And a thing happened while I was feeding this. Uh-oh. Yeah, you know about this. It's not a surprise. And that's bringing this on you here in the podcast.

But I was going upstairs to get the dish, to get the food in. And as I was bringing it back downstairs, I tripped a little bit coming down the stairs, and I dropped the food dish and broke it. Yeah. Into a few pieces. I remember this. And then you went to Petsmart and you bought the dish that looked as much like the dish you broke as possible, which was way overboard.

Right, but in my head I was like, what if this was like a weird birthday gift for care me of like, a cat heirloom? Yes. It's a path down for four cat generations. Yes. Like a weird family like heirloom for your cat That was really important and I was like I broke the one cat heirloom they have and so I literally like went to the store And I couldn't find the exact same one But I found one with like a similar pattern and I remember texting Catherine and being like hey I'm sorry. I broke the cat dish,

but here's this thing, I bought it, it looks similar, I'm sorry. Yeah, I remember that. And she was like, it's not a big deal at all. It's not a big deal, we have another one. Yeah. Yeah, but two anonymous questions. Yes.

Now that we've gone in lots of bad directions. When you make them, I think that the only thing you can do is feel real bad and it sounds like that's what you're doing. So sometimes people are like, I don't wanna have a bad feeling because it's bad and I shouldn't have to have bad feelings. I think that you should have. Yeah, you definitely need bad feelings

from that of time. Yeah. And I think that like understanding what you did wrong, well the other thing I wanna say anonymous, you are afraid of these snakes. Yeah, you were maybe not the best person to ask. Well, also, how, if you're afraid of a snake, do you make the mistake of not keeping it under control?

And if there's like a bunch of them and they're venomous and you don't like them, that is a thing that first on the list should be make sure they are securely in their case. I had a snake when I was a kid, just a garter snake that we found. Okay. And like it became our pet snake.

And we had a friend who when they came over, we had to cover the snake up so that she couldn't see it. Which I always thought was very weird because you want to be able to see the snake. You want to know that's where it is. Yeah. So you don't want to have a magic trick of pulling off that cover and to be able to see the snake. You want to know that's where it is. Yeah. So you don't want to let the magic trick of pulling off that cover and being like, oh, the snake's gone.

I don't know where the snake is. Is it inside your pants? Maybe. Oh, anyway. I think that you handled it well. Yeah, and I think just in that case being honest with the person is the first thing you have to do and be like, oh, I think this happened.

There's a missing snake. It's in your house somewhere. And sure, they may not ask you to watch their snakes again. Yeah, right. Well, in general, not even the bigger question of being, what do you do when you make a small mistake that could have had big consequences? Yeah, and you feel really bad about it.

And sometimes terrible bad things happen. And you have to move on in a different way with your life and sometimes in this case it doesn't seem to have like it just because it might have had a severe consequence doesn't mean that it did. Right and you can't undo it. Yeah. So at the end of the day like being honest with the person telling them what you did, then you're sorry for what you did but that like you'll try your hard is not to do it again. That's right.

Is uh yeah. Yeah. But that like you'll try your heart is not to do it again. That's right is Yeah, yeah, I don't know what to it's hard because When you make those mistakes you feel like the worst person. Yeah, and like they're never gonna forgive you and That you'll never be trusted. Yeah, and I like it's it's it's somewhat times telling like if you've had this done to you How did you respond and like I've definitely had times when people have made big mistakes in my life. And you know, sometimes I find it easy to forgive them and sometimes I don't. And it sort of like it becomes up to them, and you can continue feeling bad about it, but it seems like the decision has been made, you are forgiven. Good work. Our next question comes to us from Riley, who says,

dear Matt and Hank, I work with a relatively small number of people and today a coworker told me and some other co-workers that she was expecting a baby. At the end of the day, I was talking to a different coworker and then I said something like, oh, isn't so-and-so's big news exciting? Only to find out that they had not heard it yet.

Yeah. I had assumed that the woman was telling everyone at the office the news, but then I wasn't sure and didn't want to spoil it So I awkwardly said something about how they would probably find out soon Now I feel bad about having said anything What is the proper office baby news etiquette as fathers who were formerly expecting children? Oh, this was for you and John

As far as I'm it's like I am not a kid. I do not have a kid is what I'm not a kid. I'm not a kid Or doing it have a kid As fathers who were formerly expecting children, your dubious advice is welcomed. Well, I will try my best to help. Well, I mean, so first of all, there is some etiquette that falls on the teller, and I think that that you can do it however you want, obviously. But if you're going gonna tell the office, I wanna tell the whole office. Like if it's gonna be known. And probably you're fine.

Probably it was intended for it to be public news. Yeah, unless they said, hey, don't tell anyone. But I don't tell, I try. I've let baby news slip before and I feel terrible about it, but I try to just never tell anybody about anybody else's pregnancy.

And I'm in a place where I've now experienced about 8,000 friends getting pregnant, because I'm old. And a lot of my friends are family types. And I, yeah. And so like my rule has become, just don't bring it up unless they're like, nine months pregnant.

It's like the same rule for like asking whether or not a person is like saying, what are you doing? You ask that question when there's a baby coming out. Yeah. Like when, when, like, and it's a girl sign next to their very large nine month belly, that's when you can ask.

Yeah, there should be like a decal that people can put on that says, yes, I am pregnant, just to be clear. Just on any item of clothing, you just slap that on. Yeah, just a little sticker, the clothing sticker, is that all it works? Or maybe just a, probably a tattoo is a bad idea because it's a temporary situation.

Because you're not always pregnant now. You don't, it's not like once you are, you are forever. I don't think that's how it works. How did you deal with this when you were telling people though? I don't remember anything. The sleep deprivation of the last six months has made it impossible to remember anything longer than two days. All right.

So I don't know. I think that we did like a, and this is the thing. Like we did a big announcement email at some point. Like we told people like our best friends early on, and then when it was the time when they say like, the chances of miscarriage have gone way down. So it's like, you know, maybe aren't gonna have to explain if something bad goes wrong to as many people.

It's not as likely that that will happen. So then we did a big announcement email. And of course, no matter how long we thought about who was on that email, we were leaving out people who we knew like later, we were like, oh, of course we should have had that person on and then they'd feel like we're not important. I should probably mute my computer. they feel like we're not important. I should probably mute my computer.

Of course we're not important and I'm so sad. Yeah. But like the course I didn't say that, but I felt very bad for not. Yeah. And especially if they find out in a weird way and they come back to you and they're like, yeah, I had to hear it from Tammy. Like, yeah, Tammy mentioned just offhand, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You off-hand, yeah. Yeah, you know, you're gonna hang a gathering?

Yeah. And that's, and so like it, it's always going to be somewhat, a grapevine thing and that's fine. I was just hanging out with a friend of mine who said, we hadn't seen each other in a while, they said, the last time we saw you, we were pretending we didn't know you were pregnant. Because they had found out through someone

they shouldn't have found out from. And they were like, we were hanging out with them and they were like, I guess we shouldn't congratulate them. They haven't told us yet. They haven't told us. Yeah. So they were like, we knew and they weren't even telling us.

I remember you told the office kind of an all at once deal in a big meeting, you're like, hey everyone. This news. That was exciting. Yeah. And then like a day or two later, there was a guest in from out of town to work on some side show stuff with all of us. And we were all out having drinks

and you and Catherine were not there. And this person asked the group, like, oh, do you think Hank and Catherine were gonna have kids? And all of us just stopped, looked at each other and went, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, and I like turned out like, I don't know. Okay, the first one was like,

yeah, I think it was very clear that in that moment, there was some information they were not being given. And to be fair, I think you like probably told this person during that week, but at that time, I did not think they knew, and it was very clear when they asked that question that they did not know, and none of us reacted well in that situation. The question is, did I have a baby, or did I have a human reptilian hybrid? Oh no.

Well, it's gonna be like a quarter reptile. I don't know how it works. Well, because Katherine's not reptile. She's not super tall. Yeah. She's compassionate and fairly in the public eye, though. So who knows? Yeah, compassionate for mankind. I don't know how, I don't know how it works. Maybe the original question asked you can write into us and let us know if they think

Catherine's are up tile. Or am I baby, too? Oh yeah, that's important. Yeah, we wouldn't know, it's like, so you can know how to raise him. Does he need like a heating lamp? That should I water him? Yeah. Can we hire a question asker from before to come water-orin for you? Don't leave us cage open. Yeah, he's venomous, maybe.

Maybe? I've been bit by him several times. But if your reptile is gonna affect you. It's true. He should bite you when we'll see what happens. I'm okay with not doing that test. You're probably a reptile too, anyway. Oh man.

Probably. Hope so. We don't have friends who are reptiles. I also want to be a reptile. We don't have anyone on the podcast, it's not. Oh, well good. It's one of the things. Well, I'm a figure, what is it called?

I don't know. It's at the top of my resume. Reptile, video maker. That's good. It's important to distinguish yourself from other candidates when submitting a resume. Yeah, putting Reptileon on there. Especially if you're applying to a place that is led by Reptilians. Matt, do you want to answer a really hard question?

Sure. We're going to go to a place that is led by reptilians. Matt, do you want to answer a really hard question? Sure. We're going to go to a place. All right, we started off with a super dark dead one, so let's go super deep. Dear Hank and John Sashmat. When I read Sash Imagine characters, I imagine them as white, unless they are specified to be otherwise. Is this personal bias or is it racism? Hoping it's the former Maggie. Well, first, I don't. Boy, are the definitions of these words not good enough to cover all of the things.

Yeah, we're not just gonna say one or the other and then walk away from this question. So while back on dear Hanger-Jun, we had a listener who wrote in, who was from somewhere in Africa, and who said that, in a weird way, they weren't black until they moved to America. Because in their old country, they had the default complexion, and then in the new country, they suddenly were not that, and they had to sort of live in, like, come to terms with not being the default.

And in my culture in America, which is basically an extension of Western European culture, white is the default race. And that's like this idea of a default thing is kind of hard to get your brain around, but once you look at it, you see some things. So the racist part, the racist is a strange, and difficult word, let's talk about it.

So when I think of a white person, the most important part, like the most, like the identifying characteristic of them, the thing that stands out, isn't their whiteness. It's not the color of their skin because like, that's what I'm expecting. It's some other identifier that they have probably applied to themselves It's like they're like a hipster or they're a hippie or they're a bro or they're a nerd like you like look at them And you see a thing that's like they're like like an identity that they have Like oh look at that white dude who's a hipster right you yeah, yeah, you are you first see something It's not the first thing you see you see something else and usually it's something that they've kind of chosen for themselves

Yeah, and it's not always the case so there are other things that can other people like disability or Stuff like that Size is also one where like it can can suddenly be the first thing you see about a person But that's not like often for people of color, people who aren't white. They're like, because that is a non-default thing, it's the first thing you see about them. So instead of seeing an identifier that they constructed themselves, you might or I might see a black person or an Asian person, like as the first thing I see, like their blackness or their Asianness, and then then immediately just sort of like take the set of stereotypes for that thing,

their skin color rather than the set of stereotypes for their, like, just sort of collection of their aesthetic and clothes and haircut and whatever, that we are really good at recognizing that pattern. Because that's what we're good at, we're good at recognizing patterns. So there's this difference, like it's not racist in the I hate people who aren't like me or who have a different race than me, because that's what we're good at. We're good at recognizing patterns. So there's this difference. It's not racist in the I hate people who aren't like me or who have a different race than me kind of way. It's racist in the humans or pattern recognition machines and skin color is much more likely to be a dominant variable

in your pattern recognition when it's not the default color kind of way. So it's not a manufactured flaw that you have built and created and has been created by your culture necessarily. It's more of an eight flaw, like more of it, like a thing that is wrong with you that's just sort of that all people have, like, like, it is just a kind of laziness. I would say some of it feels like it's built up by a culture around you though, because

it is depending on where you live, where you grow up, who you're surrounded by, your defaults are different. Definitely, yes. And I feel like I've definitely had this, and sometimes it slaps me in the face when I realize that I'm doing it, similarly to the question asker, where you're reading something,

and then five chapters in, they'll describe a physical feature that you did not anticipate in a might be skin color, it might be height, it might be size, and it might be gender often too. Yeah, and you're like, Oh, you hear the word doctor, and then the picture in your head is of a white man.

Right, and if you say a teacher or something like that, or a nurse, people, a lot of people defaultly, will picture women. And it's a thing that I think you're doing the right thing, question asker, and acknowledging it, and realizing that it is an issue. And a lot of people aren't aware or capable of doing that because they are fine with their default being white or male

and hearing the word doctor and going like, oh yeah, white guy. Right. And a lot of people are, and just we're not fine with it, but just don't question it. Don't like just, yeah, but even when they have it pointed out to them, some people are like, well, yeah, that's what I think that's what that's my default. The other thing is that like I, so there's this thing that some some writers think like, oh, I'll just won't point

out what race anybody is, and that solves the problem of me writing or racist way. It does not. Because if, as long as you're writing for a Western European-ish audience, there's always going to be the assumption that all of the people in your books are the default race.

But I also like pointing out when someone is white, because it then says, hey, it's not like you have to tell me one way or the other. Yeah, especially when some clue. If it's a white author who is writing like Sans race, expecting people to just assign a race, it's like, well, you're writing from a white person's point of view about these characters.

Like, you can't just expect people to apply. Yeah, the idea that there's like this, like this, that, that, like there's no, like, because race matters. Like people who are not white in America experience their non-white, like, I'm, like, so I am a white dude, so I'm talking about what I've heard

from my non-white friends. Like, they experience their non-whiteness daily in a way that I very rarely experience my race. Yeah, it's completely eye-opening when you just talk to someone about this and you realize how much they have to think about this every single day, every hour, every minute. And again, as a white dude, I don't think about this stuff ever. And it took me a long time to my life. And it's interesting, like, at the moments when I do how, like, kind of, defensive and attacked I get. Yeah. And I'm like, wow, it must be interesting to, like, feel that way all the time. Yeah.

And, I mean, I think I think especially, I forget defensive because I don't experience that often. And so when people are like, why, like, frickin' white guys, I'm like, well, not, oh, I just did it. Oh, no. I did the thing. Because your default is comfort

and being the top of the totem bull, well, kind of thing. And it's just, yeah, it's good to have those things pointed out to you. And like how you react to them is very important. And acknowledging that you could be wrong. Oh yeah. And you probably are wrong about a lot of this stuff.

Hey, speaking of being wrong about stuff, I want to read you this, just this, this is a question, it's just a statement. So a couple episodes ago and this didn't come up in the last episode just because we recorded that one too fast to have gotten comments. We were back awgging so that John could go on a writing vacation, which is why he's not here today. This is from Ashini. I don't know, I saw a picture of the Indianapolis Motors Speedway on Instagram. That's an important inspiration. It's gonna be hard to write with all that noise going around.

Hey, green brothers, but mostly Hank, because John wasn't there. Good, well John isn't here today either. In a recent episode, someone asked a question about women of the Islamic faith who covered their heads and how this is a symbol of oppression, and that made me feel a little icky. While I am not Islamic myself, and therefore,

not exactly qualified to address this debate, neither were we, to be clear. This semester in sociology of women, we read two articles that explained how covering can be an expression of choice, liberation, and control for Muslim women in Western society, as well as an assertion of their right to belong in the community. I've attached them to this email because I think they're worth the read, while there are places in the world where women are forced to cover. That does not mean that the hijab is a symbol of oppression for all Muslim women.

And I think it's harmful to Muslim women and other rising to make that sort of blanket assumption. Victory for the forces of awesome Ashini. And we will put those articles on the Patreon if you want to check them out. They are both helpful and understanding that the source of a tradition is not necessarily the meaning of a tradition anymore. Yeah, and I think they really got the point that at the end there were, they'd say it's harmful to make a sort of blanket assumption. Yeah. And that's pretty much true about everything. Yes.

But especially in this case, unless you have to talk to this person and understand why they are doing what they are doing, making any assumption about the reason they're doing it. Yeah, there was another person who wrote in, who made a really good point, I think it may have been on Twitter, who was like, it's interesting to me, so the question was from someone who was not Muslim,

who wrote in to be like, is it okay for me to be okay with this system that seems very patriarchal to me and that cast patriarchal roots because I'm trying to be understanding of someone's faith or or and a person on Twitter made the case like, why are you writing into a podcast that is hosted by two non-Muslim dudes about that? Why don't you ask someone who is Muslim? Yes. And try to find information from somebody who is like making this choice in a that. Why don't you ask someone who is Muslim? Yes. And try to find information from somebody who's like making this choice in a world where they aren't being forced to make the choice.

They're expressing themselves in the way that they want to. They're dressing themselves in the way that they want to. Which is a good point. And which is why I probably wouldn't have taken that question on if I wasn't being co-hosted with a person who's from a faith that has similar rules. Right, yes. Yeah.

I really feel like talking to, I mean, not obviously going at someone and being like, why do you wear that? That's not the way to go about it. But if you have a friend, if you feel comfortable having that conversation with. Right. Or like there are like sources on the internet of Muslim people who have talked about this and maybe going looking for those sources or you know maybe going to like look for people who are advocates like who are Muslim people who are vocal advocates. Yeah. And have conversations and answer questions.

Which I think is important because they're absolutely, like, they're absolutely, we do need to have complex discussions about this stuff. Because just saying, oh, well, they're different from us and they can do whatever they want, because they're different from us is not a good policy and everyone knows that. Because if you take that to its logical conclusion is bad. But saying like they're different from us and I'm not sure that I like this. And then saying like, so maybe somebody can explain it to me

is a better way than saying, so let's talk about this with a bunch of people who don't have any of the context. Right. I think that happens a lot when you'll bring stuff up with a group of friends who you're asking about something like this, like hijabs or other things, and you'll ask your group of friends who none of them are Muslim and none of them have insight into this question. But you all start to discuss it and form opinions and have ideas, and then hopefully at some point you realize maybe we're not the best people

to be figuring this out. Maybe, yeah. Maybe we should reference some outside sources and take their word on it. Yep. All right, Matthew, I've been going for quite a while now. Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, this podcast is brought to you by questionable assumptions.

Questionable assumptions among friends who have no idea what they're talking about. Driving forward confusion for hundreds of thousands of years. This podcast is also brought to you by Taco Bell. Not that bad. If you're reptile, overords tell you to eat there, just so you know. Uh, this is, this podcast is also brought to you by

Escaped Snakes. Escaped Snakes. Possibly your reptile overlords. We're not sure, but also make sure you water them so that they'll grow. It keeps them happy and they will rule and they have your way. It's correct.

This podcast is also brought to you by the feeling of accidentally killing someone's puppy. Oh my God. Not that bad unless you actually do it. So, the feeling is fine. The feeling's bad. I will give you that. It's not great.

But it's a lot better. That are actually doing it. All right. Oh, well, we've got one more question before we get to the news from Mars and AFC Wimmelden. It's got to be a long podcast, Matthew. I hope that you don't have anything else to do today. I had a lot to do, but it's okay.

Go on. That's not true at all. I was playing video games before I came here. Okay, good. This one's from Anonymous. Oh, man. We hit a lot of it. We're gonna hit a lot like this is gonna be

mostly serious questions today. Yeah. Oh my. I'm gonna ask one, okay, we're gonna two questions, two more questions. Two more questions. We'll end on a lighter one than this. Gotcha. Dear Hank and John, I'm Ann Mat.

I'm 17 and I've been a homeschooled my whole life. I'm graduating high school next year and I feel terribly uneducated. My mom stopped teaching me and giving me things to do years ago and is too busy with her new full-time job to help me with anything now. So my education has almost entirely fallen on me. I've been trying to educate myself,

but I'm really struggling. I'm very behind in math, history, writing, and science, like years behind. I really want to go to college, but I don't know even how to write a paper. This causes a lot of stress and anxiety in my everyday life. I'm ashamed and embarrassed of how little knowledge I have and often feel like it's my fault for being so behind.

Is there any hope for me? Can I get the education I deserve? Are there people that I can reach out to to get help from? Sick of being unprepared and behind in life, anonymous. Ah, I just made maybe a little bit mad. Yeah? Yeah, because at mom, yeah. If you like got too busy to continue

this tremendous responsibility you have taken on, there is an institution available for free to take it on for you. That's the reason it's called school. It's called the normal default option. Yeah, the home schooling, I feel like it's some nice people who feel like they can do it better. Yeah, if you can do it better. But if you're clearly not doing that, maybe don't. And what? So, so I don't want to psychoanalyze your mom too much. But a thing happens and it's happened to me, happens to everybody where you are in a situation where things are getting worse every day. But recognizing that you are, have to like face up to it is so upsetting that and also time consuming and also shame inducing that you don't want to recognize that it's

happened. And in a longer version of this, anonymous goes on to say that they're not blaming their mom and that they like their mom a lot and that their mom is great. But it, this seems to me a situation where your mom got in over her head and, yeah. And, and does not want to face up to, or this. Acknowledges it to herself and thinks about this a lot and it maybe it does weigh on her. Yeah. And she doesn't know what, because it's a pretty big deal about it. Do you know?

I have to tell you like anonymous this is a is a, you would, they is not hopeless. Absolutely not. There is a plenty of hope for you. But it's a pretty big deal, the situation you've been put into. And it is also an opportunity. And I'd hate to say this this way. But like, if you think about it as like,

what are you gonna write in your college admissions essay? Are you gonna say, I love my mom very much, but she dropped the ball. And so I had to do x, y, and z, like two really big adult things where I took charge of my life so that I could get back on top of this. And I was 17 years old and I wrote into this dumb podcast where they get bad advice. And I decided to take charge of my life and be kind of the adult that my mom wasn't being. And I called the school system, I called school administrators and I was like, I decided to take charge of my life and be kind of the adult that my mom wasn't being. And I called the school system, I called school administrators and I was like, I need to get into school.

I know I'm a little old, but maybe I can start junior year and so that I'm not too behind and maybe I'm going to be a little older. And maybe I'm going to have to work harder, but I'm going to do it. And or like I decided to take some writing classes and to really dedicate myself to those, to take a GED class, and to really knock it out of the park and make sure that I got like 100% on the GED exam. And so that I could move forward in my life, despite the fact that this thing kind of happened to me, and then I had to push through it. And that's a good college admission story. Like they're looking for people who have taken the reins

in life a little bit, and not just sort of like are falling and tumbling down the path of the thing that happens to you as a child, but like a college bound child. Yeah, trying to get in and be like, yeah, this thing happened to me. I'm not where I should be, but help. Like isn't necessarily showing that you took the initiative,

whereas you have that opportunity now to take a year, take some courses, either getting into a school or taking some private classes somewhere that you can get into, or a GD program, or something like that. There are plenty of resources out there. Yeah, and ideally, you'll be able to have a good talk with your mom about this, where you can say, like, hey, in your email, you seem very adult, you seem very connected to

how this is making you feel. And so, I have a lot, like, I have nothing but hope for you. I think that you're going to be able to get on top of this You seem to be a good writer already like this is a well It was a well composed email and it was it was thoughtful in a way that makes me feel like you you know You're smart you're on top of things. So I think that you need to have like a pretty serious talk with your mom And be like I need to get like I can't I can't just self-motivate myself I can't just watch Khan Academy videos and be done. And while I think like I have never like,

personally known someone who's gone through this, I know that this person is not the only one. Yeah, it is. There are communities out there I'm sure online of people just like you who have been through this exact same experience. And I'm sure it's been going on since homeschooling has been a thing where people feel unprepared.

Right, I mean, I did a little bit of research and there's like, there's a huge scale of how this might go. There are people who come out of homeschooling illiterate. And so like, I can tell that you're not there. Right. You are. And there are people who go to college who are tremendously unprepared

who have gone through public school. And that's why placement tests exist and they can help you. Like even if you end up deciding to go to a college instead of like taking GED courses and stuff like that first, a lot of colleges will work with you and shape your curriculum around what you are prepared for. They're not just going to throw you into something. If anything, college advisors will tell you, hey, maybe you shouldn't do all of these courses or this heart of a course in your first year. They are there to help you and to try and get you the best education possible. Yeah, so I will say that you might not be as far behind as you think you are.

There are a lot of people who are pretty far behind when they go off to college. But I would also say, be ready to work more than the rest of the people. And that's gonna make a huge difference. And people will know your professors and your teachers will know when you're working harder because you have some stuff to make up for. And don't be afraid of that because working hard is the best skill you can develop.

And I think talking to those other people who have been through this, if you can reach out to them, and you can find some, it'll make you feel less embarrassed about this because you won't feel like the only person who's ever gone through this. Because you definitely are not. Definitely not. All right, our last question, it comes from Casey,

who asks, dear, John and Hank and Matt. I was talking with a good friend of mine of six years when we stumbled onto the idea of space travel to Mercury My argument was along with several obvious facts that Mercury is too close to the Sun But my friend proceeded to raise his voice calling me an idiot because you would just go in the middle of winter and at night The Sun would be like 80 degrees Do you have any advice for what to name my dog when I moved to Canada to avoid my former friend from Casey? That took a turn.

It's not exactly right. I was thinking that question to end. I did have to read it twice before I understood the implication. Like you had to make sure that someone didn't accidentally delete half of the questions. This is the same person asking the same question, okay.

Yep, yep. So first, there's two things happening. You think your friend is an idiot because they don't understand Mercury. Your friend thinks you are an idiot because they are wrong about how Mercury works. I'm gonna be the third person and tell you that you're both idiots because you're both wrong. Mercury is hot on the on the side that's

facing the sun, but during the time when it's not facing so it's it rotates. So there is a like the whole planet does occasionally experience. The tremendous like iron melting heat. Well not great for travel, not tremendous, like iron melting heat. Well, not great for travel, not great. But on the side that's dark, it is winter. But like, very cold. Right, like, like, deathly cold. Not really degrees.

Not even out. But I will say that if one side is hot and one side is cold, somewhere on the planet, it's 80 degrees. You just have to stay in that spot. You just have to follow it around. Yeah. Because it moves. You're gonna need a real fast mercury car.

And in science fiction, there is an idea of like a train that goes all the way around Mercury, and the train has a city on it, and the city moves along that area of Mercury that is neither in the sun or in the dark. Well, it's in the dark, but it's close enough that it's still cool. And if it stops moving, everything catches on fire. So let's not go to mercury probably.

Right. It's complicated. But what I want to say is that everybody in this situation, me, Casey, and Casey's friend, all assumed that the person was an idiot and dumb and wrong. This is true. And so friendship should end then, or should both Casey and Casey's friend and me think maybe it's more complicated than I think it is.

And I do agree, Casey, that this is frustrating that your friend got mad at you for being an idiot, but you should not be frustrated as your friend for not knowing something, because that is the joy of living on earth is that we are all always learning and knowing more things. And clearly, this dog's name is going to be Mercury. That's a good dog name.

Like, that's your only choice at this point. Is there, so Pluto is a dog? Yeah. Is there another dog named after a planet? You're an ass. Goofy? No, Goofy, I don't think we've discovered that planet yet. I bet there's a planet named after Goofy.

Not a planet, but some like, some astronomical object. I don't know, we always name them just weird number of combinations now. Series is a dog. Is it? I think so. Series is a dog. Is it? I think so. Is there a dog named Series? I think so, I'm googling it. I'm going through all the planet names now.

I mean, people have definitely named their dogs, like Venus or Neptune. Neptune's not a bad dog named either, but this case, I think to really stick it to your friend since you're gonna move away because of him. Right, Mercury. Yeah. Series is Mercury. Yeah. Uh, series is not a dog series.

Was is the goddess of agriculture and grain crops, fertility and motherly relationships. Originally, the central deity in rooms so-called plebian or aventine triad. So if you have got a real motherly dog, yeah, name it series. It's good. I don't know why I thought series was a dog. Cerberus, maybe Cerberus, you know. Cerberus, that's probably where you're going.

Uh, yeah, so that's just what I wanted to say. Matthew Gatos, do you have some news from AFC Wimbledon? I do have some news from AFC Wimbledon. Is it good news? Eh! Eh! It's a, I decided to not go with the scores or the trades during that that. I wanted to bring a little bit of a twist to the news from AFC Wimbledon

here. So it has been a year since that magical night in Lincoln and Shire. We're that I'm probably pronouncing 100% correctly. But this was a dramatic win against Akronton to mark the occasion, AFC Wimbledon on their delightfully named Auction website, AFC Bay. Is it really? No, it's a link to eBay, but they call it AFC Bay. Go visit AFCB.

They're auctioning off some items. Okay. That benefit the club. Because, like, you know, AFC Wimbledon is like, oh, and by the fans. And get something for John. Well, you have two great options that I'm going to tell you about right now.

One is a pair of shorts from that game that were worn by the Montserrani Messing Lyle Taylor. Oh! These are the shorts, I don't know if they've been washed. Not sure. I hope not. But they are currently going for 52 pounds on AFC Bay. Okay.

How long is the, how long is the, it goes through May 28th, I believe. So if anyone out there is interested in getting wild Taylor shorts, you have very little time because this is going to come out on like the 27th. There you go. If you don't... I don't know when it will. I don't know.

If you are of a slightly larger stature and would like a different pair of shorts, they also have a pair of autobiography of Offenwa's shorts. Wow. So you can go pick those up, which are actually currently going for a higher 56 pounds. Okay. With nine bids. So nine people have already bid on his shorts. There are also things like sign photographs of first team players, coaching staff, you can get programs, sign posters, DVD box sets.

There's lots of options, but they're having a cool option going on right now to benefit AFC Wimbledon. And I will say, this is great. This is what good AFC Wimbledon news, Matthew. Come if we go, there is a Twitter that is just the AFC Wimbledon eBay Twitter. Is it at AFC Bay?

It is AFC Wimbay. eBay Twitter. Is it at AFC Bay? It is AFC Wimbay. That's not as good. Because apparently AFC Bay was taken. I assume, let me look and see what AFC Bay is. Probably something with absolutely no tweets, but that is how Twitter works. AFC Bay tweeted, oh never. Oh, they can give that.

So I don't know why they don't use AFC Bay, you guys. I do love that at the bottom of this article, talking about all the auction items, it says there are plenty of other non-football items that you can also bid for, including sign footballs. Maybe they're actually like American footballs, until like it's non-related. It's a different kind of football. It's a different kind of football. It's a different kind of football. Yeah. Oh my goodness.

So do you have some good news for us from Mars? I have a little bit of Mars news, yes. So Mars, as we now know, was once a wet place. Right. Some scientists have done some science. That's what they do. As they are want to do. They have to, like every so often, to keep up that title.

And have determined that using basic physical principles to understand the relationship between the atmosphere, raindrops size, and rainfall intensity, we have shown that Mars would have seen some pretty big rain drops. How big? They would have been able to make more drastic changes to the surface of Mars than earlier fog-like droplets. How big? An atmospheric pressure equivalent to that of Earth, for example, Martian raindrop would

likely have maxed out about 7.3 millimeters. So about one millimeter larger than current earth drops. Which doesn't sound like a lot, but you would notice it. So this is a thing that like, there is, there, like, you know this, but it kind of is a little counterintuitive that raindrops have size. Is that wrong?

It's not the thing I've ever thought about. Yeah, but they do. Yeah, there's big ol' fatty rain. Yeah, and in Florida, you walk outside, you hit like eight raindrops and you're soaking wet. Yeah. Here, you can walk all the way to work. It's raining the whole time, and you're like, I was at a barbecue yesterday, and it rained for like an hour,

and none of us went inside, because it was fine. Yeah, it's just very dry here, but the rain does fall out of the sky, because it is heavier than air, and the largest recorded raindrop on earth was about an ancient diameter. That's big. It's a big drop on Earth was about an ancient diameter. It's a big, big, brain drop. That's like a, that's like pow.

I just, I'm hurt. It's like a hail. Where did they measure it? Like how? Right, yeah, out of the pan. Because I feel like, I think that couldn't have been the one and they just happened to be waiting there with a little measurement tool.

I'd be like, oh good to get it. Just like holding up a little ruler. You know, I think what happens is the guy diving next to the rain measuring different hand drops. I think that's not even how you want to do it, though, because you don't want to measure up there, because they're going to be biggest when they hit the ground. But yeah, I think what happens is they're looking at how many raindrops are falling and then they measure the amount of water that's collected and then they infer from that how big the drop would

have been. Right. That makes more sense. Rather than using a high speed camera or something that's like got a ruler behind it. Get the slow-mo guys. We gotta find out what probably these raindrops are. Yeah. But, quote, there will always be some unknowns,

of course, such as how high a storm cloud could have risen into the Martian atmosphere, but we made efforts to apply the range of published variables for rainfall on Earth. It's unlikely that rainfall on early Mars would have been dramatically different from what's described in our paper. Our findings provide more definitive constraints

about the early history of water and the climate on Mars. So they're doing scientific analysis, making models of how the rain would have happened. Because it's interesting, like, on a planet with less gravity, you have more up like the, like, if you have the same amount of atmosphere and more in less gravity, then, like, all that stuff sticks around amount of atmosphere and more in less gravity, then like all that stuff sticks around up there for longer. Because what happens with rain drops is they get blown around, and that's like, as long as they're getting blown around

in the cloud, they're picking up more water, and then when they fall out, that's like, that's as big as they're gonna get when they get heavy enough to fall, that's when they fall. But if there's less gravity, then they aren't, it takes a little longer for them to get heavy enough to fall. Hmm.

Which affects not just how big the raindrop is, but the geology of Mars. When you first said they were slightly larger or they were larger than the Earth's, I was picturing like a fist-sized raindrop, just like pound in Earth. It's ready to be like, ah! Yeah, it's like, we can sky! We can sky! I'm glad we were not on Mars then. Oh, goodness gracious. What have we learned today, Matthew? Well, I want to know Hank, have you ever seen the rain?

You know, I made that joke. Yeah. On an episode of Holy Freakin' Science. I know, I was there, that's why I brought it up. Because we were the only two who knew that song. of Holy Freakin' Science. I know, I was there, that's why I brought it up. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Cuz we were the only two who knew that song. Yeah. Uh, I learned that Hank and maybe me, who knows, might be a reptile. I learned that Matthew Gatos felt really bad about breaking my cat.

I felt so bad. I learned that while Mercury maybe isn't the best place to visit for a vacation, maybe is a great name for a dog in Canada. I think that's like also, it's not so easy to move to Canada as you may think. Yeah, just running away from your friend, you can't just bolt across the border with your dog in hand. I'm seeking asylum, we had an argument about Mercury. And I learned that gotta be careful

with those baby announcements. Yeah. Gotta tell everybody at once or you're gonna cause an awkward situation. Or don't tell anybody ever and just let it happen. Yeah, people will be like quietly eyeing your belly or your wife's leg. Like, what are they pregnant?

I don't know. They should have told me. Yeah, that're belly and your friends like being like what are they pregnant? I don't know they never told me. Yeah, now that's a good and then and then and then Not even tell them after the kids born and people be like that yours. Yeah, I'm not telling I feel like you should have done that now like you should have like not told anybody about orange and then like in 12 years I was like, oh yeah, that's my son. He's like, what's up? years. Oh yeah, it's my son. He's like, what's up? That would have been difficult. Very difficult. I would have been really hard to justify the paternity leave. Thank you for listening to this episode of Dear Hank and John. Thank you for joining me Matthew. Thank you for having me. It was great. Good. Let's go to Taco Bell. Yeah. Can I get some of those

naked chicken chips or whatever they are? Yeah, how is it naked? They're just, it's not like they're fried, so they're not even naked. And they're not even chipped. And they're not even chipped. And they're not even chipped. Inbred. There's only one way to find out. We need to do the science, like the scientists do, and eat some of these nonchips. This episode of Dear Angerjana is produced by Rosiana Holtzro-Hossam, shared in Gibson our editor is Nicholas Jenkins.

Victoria Bonjorno is our head of community and communications. Hey, John, for being produced by Rosie on a Hulse Raw Awesome shared in Gibson or Editor, is Nicholas Jenkins. Victoria Bonjorno is our Head of Community and Communications. Hey, thanks, Victoria. And our music is by the great Connor Roller. As they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome. you