Dear Hank & John - 95: Lawn Care Vigilantism

Episode Date: June 5, 2017

What should my fun fact about me be? How do Christians and non-Christians get along? Am I too old to listen to this podcast? And more! Email us: [e-mail] patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

[♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Hello! And welcome to Dear Hank and John! Nor is I for the sake of a Dear John and Hank. It's a comedy podcast, which hasn't been very funny lately. Or was it ever funny? It was never funny, Hank. Trust me. ...

In which we answer your questions. Give you dubious advice and bring you while the least news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon John! Hey. Hi. You know what's happening in my life right now? I gotta tell you something. I thought you usually ask how I was doing and I have a whole bit prepared.

Okay, well you go first, then how you doing? I'm doing well, I don't know if you've ever seen the movie Rushmore Hank. It's a great movie. Ah, there's a moment in Rushmore where the character played by Bill Murray says to a teenager, what's the secret max and the teenager replies? I guess you've just got to find something you love to do and then do it for the rest

of your life. For me, it's going to Rushmore. And often in the last 10 years, Hank, I have felt that I have unlocked that Max Fisher's secret to life and, unfortunately, that it is not attending one particular high school. But at the moment, I'm a little bit jealous of Max and his singular focus and his ability to understand precisely what he wants from his life. I would also love a singular focus. Do actual people have a singular focus? And also is it a key to happiness?

Well, I'll tell you what, I think the guy who made Rushmore Wes Anderson does have a singular focus and it's making Wes Anderson movies. And I think he kind of wakes up in the morning and that's what he wants to do. And he doesn't like, sometimes in the afternoon, while he's filming a movie, he doesn't like drift off and think, maybe I'll start a convention about podcasts.

Speaking of which, there is very little time left to back the podcon, Indiegogo, if you go to podcon.com. If you're listening to this, you just like one or two days left, or possibly zero. But there still will be tickets available after the Indiegogo ends, just they will be more expensive

and not all of the same things will be available. So there are a number of things that are only available. Anything over $125 is not available after the convention, all those special Indiegogo things. But John, that's not the thing that is exciting me right now. Certainly, it's something I'm working on, and I am excited about it. But, not as exciting as the fact that I just got a microscope.

Oh, I have a microscope. It do you? Oh, it's amazing. So good. Dude, when you look up close at the world, it looks totally different. It's all so, I got really obsessed with fabric recently, John.

And I wanted to know everything about it. And so I've been doing a lot of research about fabric, but one of the problems is like, I wanna know how things feel different and why they are different. And one shirt feels different from another one in your pants, feel different from your sheets and all that stuff. And so I've been doing a bunch of research, but it's like there's just not some, like you

can't do it all until you actually get to look at it. Like there's like reading about it, but then looking at it and a lot of the stitching is so fine these days that you can't really look at it without a microscope. So I got a microscope specifically just to look at Fabric and I feel like this is my singular focus. This is my going to Rushmore and all I want to do is look at Fabric and talk to people about how textiles work. This is probably not going to surprise you Hank, but when I got a microscope, the very

first thing that I did was prick my finger and look at the blood. I did do something that Randleman Roe of XKCD suggests you never do, which is look at the undersides of your fingernails, which I did, and I agree, don't do that. Oh, that sounds disgusting. No, I found looking at my blood very helpful though, because I was looking at like, you know,

these millions of cells, or I don't know how many, in a single drop of blood, like as I move the slide around, and I just remember thinking like, I bet these cells all think that they are important and interesting in precisely the same way I do. That is not the case, John. I can guarantee you your blood cells don't have, don't know anything.

They're not even, they're not even... I'm gonna find out, John. I don't think you can actually guarantee that. Let's get to a question from our listeners. I got on a short poem for the day. This question comes from Joey. It is very important and we need to get to it quickly. Joey writes,

I came home from work today and my front and back yard had been mowed. What should I do? Should I be freaked out? It was a little tall with some weeds and things, but not to such a degree that I should be on the receiving end of some kind of lawn care vigilantism, right? Yours in discomfort, Joey.

Don't go in my yard with your, yeah, I have a story. I have a story too. You go first. I may have told the story on the podcast or somewhere before because it, oh my goodness. So I used to live in a house that was a rental and there were three units and one day my landlord was hanging out and he was like, hey, did you pull up the flowers that were back behind the fence?

And I was like, no, I didn't pull up any of your flowers. No, I don't do like voluntary yard work. And then another of my neighbors, like, came out into the back porch area. And he was like, hey, did you pull up the flowers that were back with the fence? And the guy was like, those weeds. And my landlord was like, no, the flowers that were back by the fence and the guy was like those weeds. And my landlord was like, no, the flowers that were back there. And he was like, there was some weeds that I pulled.

And my landlord was like, well, they were wildflowers from seeds that were thrown at my wedding. Because he had previously lived in this house before he started renting it out. And the guy was like, I don't know what you're talking about, but I pulled up some weeds, yeah. And the landlord was like, I don't know what you're talking about, but I pulled up some weeds, yeah. And the landlord was like, well, they were flowers and at, you know, will do the yard maintenance,

like that's on me, the landlord, not on you, the tenant. And the guy was like, well now you're just making me feel bad. Well, I mean, I don't know. It sounds to me like those two awkward people. Here's my story. When I first moved to Indianapolis, I was so excited to have a lawn. I've been telling, we'd been living in New York.

I've been telling Sarah for months that when we moved to Indianapolis, I was gonna buy a lawn mower and be a person who mows their lawn every Saturday. And it was gonna make me so happy. And at the end of mowing my lawn, I was gonna drink, I don't know, Miller High Life or whatever it is,

the proper normal Americans in the middle of the country drink, and I was just gonna buy all in on being a lawn guy. And about, we'd give there for about six weeks and I was mowing the lawn one day and I mean, it's just hell. I don't, it's, It's just as close to hell as I've ever come. To mo a lawn, and then to have the grass grow again, and then you just think,

man, I haven't walked on that lawn since the last time I mowed it, and now I'm gonna have to walk on it again only to mow it all summer long. So anyway, I m mo in the lawn, there's like this ditch between my yard and my neighbor's yard and my neighbor only mows up to his end of the ditch, even though he has a writing lawnmower and I like have this like, you know, this push thing that's battery powered because it's better for the environment or whatever, but it's just not even very good lawnmower.

And the guy comes up to me, my next door neighbor comes up to me, puts his arm around me. I turn off the stupid lawnmower, puts his arm around me and he says, you know, when the cowfmens lived here, this was the best lawn in the neighborhood. Oh. And you know what I said to him, Hank? Something I'm sure very nice. I said, listen, buddy, unless you want to be Joey's neighbor doing some lawn care vigilantism, back the F off.

The coffins don't live here anymore. You got the green family. There's some things we're good at. Art. Writing for teenagers. Pretending that you were pink colors. And then there's some things that we're not good at. Like, mow in the lawn. Oh, I was so mad. And I'm, I mean, here's the thing, Joey. I ultimately, I think you should be grateful. And then the other thing I think you should do

is definitely do not mo your lawn for a couple of weeks because it's possible that this lawn care thing will be a regular occurrence. Like maybe somebody really loves mowing their lawn and they love it so much that when they're done mowing their lawn, they look over and they think, you know, Joe is lawn could use a mowing and then they just go over there and do it and then they drink their Miller High Life and they're so happy. So why would you make them unhappy by telling them that they can't mow your lawn anymore?

I have a backdoor neighbor who snowblows off my car. So when this, when like a bunch of snowfalls, he has a snowblower like a leaf blower basically. And he's doing his car and then he goes, it does my car. And I've never told him to do it. I've never asked him to do it. But I have thanked him for doing it. And it just happens and it's not. And I it just happens and I think he dislikes it. He also, like, he is, in fact,

a lawn care professional that guy. And he has a billboard, and I see him on the billboard, and then I see him in my backyard, and I'm like, there he is, that guy. I forgot his name. I mean, I remember a joey possibility, Hank. I guess. Only remember who the dog's name is. Never their actual name, just the docs.

A professional lawn care service has begun mowing Joey's yard. And in a couple of weeks, Joey is just going to get an invoice. And in that situation, Joey, I would recommend that you pay that invoice and continue to enjoy lawn care for the professional. Yeah, it's nice that you didn't have to set it up just sort of automatically happened. Though if you don't want to pay for lawn care, you don't have to, just because someone has

mode your lawn without you asking, my goodness, my goodness. This question is from Sarah, who asks, sometimes I find myself in a position of having to share a quote, fun fact about myself. I find the prospect of sharing a single fun fact about myself to be somewhat intimidating, since it's often the first impression I make to a group of people, is it better to attempt

to use my fun fact to come across as funny and interesting or should I try to make the fun fact as forgettable as possible so that I get I try to make the fun fact as forgettable as possible so that I get an opportunity to make a first impression later on? Tell us a fun fact about yourselves, Sarah. I mean, I just, I hate that question so much. Not that not Sarah's question, but tell me a fun fact about you. Right, I hate being asked to tell a fun fact about myself.

Yeah. I, John, you know what? I'm actually really good at the fun fact of Roundtable. What is, Hank, tell me a fun fact about yourself. I invented 2D glasses. And in 1998, I was voted Winter Park High School's best answer. I mean, that's true. It's not the world's fault that most of us

didn't invent 2D glasses. And most of us were not Named best dancer at Winter Park High School in 1998. I mean Hank has a huge advantage in this topic because he is He is the subject of so many incredibly fun facts That's nice of you to say that makes me feel all warm. I actually just to be be clear, I'm not totally sure that's a compliment. I actually, the most recent time I did this was in like birth class, and I actually did a really bad job.

I wanted to try out something new, so I like, instead of saying like a fun fact about myself, I kinda just talked about like what I was into. Kind of in the hopes that I would find somebody else who was into the same things. So I said like, I'm really into hard science fiction, and I don't know that everybody in the room knew what that even was, but definitely.

That's not a fun fact. No one in the room was also into hard science fiction. I was basically looking for some other dad who's gonna have a kid, the same age as mine, first kid, and we're gonna be like besties. But alas, it was a bunch of Mizzoula, Montana, Hiker, and Snowboarder, folk, because that's who, that's who lives here.

But yeah, so here's what I wanna say to Sarah. I have a Sarah thing, so first thing you gotta know is that if you go first, or second, like nobody's gonna hear what you say because everybody is way too busy thinking of their own fun fact. That's true. And in fact, everybody behind you, maybe you wanna make it,

if you, maybe you wanna make sure that you go first or second so that no one will remember your fun fact and then make it just an outrageous lie. So it could be like, my fun fact is that on the set of the movie La La Land, I had a brief but extremely intense affair with Ryan Gosling.

We aren't seeing each other anymore, but for those 48 hours, I have never felt so loved. Who's next? Oh God, my fun fact is that my great, great, grandfather designed the penny. That's great. Oh my God. I don't even know if that's, I think for all I know, that's true. And we have the same great great great

Very well be true Yeah, yep, we have several we have I mean I mean if you put another great on there. There's like 35 potential people. That's good. Okay. Let's all let's actually You know what Hank? Let's all just agree to use that fact no matter what so that way you'll know if you're ever in a fun fact situation, you'll know if you meet another listener of Dear Hank and John, they'll be like, my fun fact is that my great great grandfather designed the penny, and then you'll be like, you listen to Dear Hank and John,

and then they'll be like, oh no, no, no, my great great grandfather designed the penny. I don't know what you're talking about. My great grandfather loves Abraham Lincoln. He put his own face on the penny. I don't know what you're talking about. My great great grandfather was Abraham Lincoln. He put his own face on the penny. My great great grandfather Abraham Lincoln pressed the side of his face against a huge piece of copper. And what resulted from that was a coinage that ought to not exist. It was once useful and no longer is. I can.

I can. How long have we even had the penny for as long as we've had a dollar because like, how have we had this thing for so long through so much inflation? Let me explain how long. Let me explain you how long we've had the penny. Hank, let me tell you how long we've had the penny. Do you want to know how long we've had the penny? How long? We've had the penny so long that when the penny was first became the smallest piece of coinage available. It was

worth more than today's quarter. Wow. What I'm telling you is that 130 years ago, they survived with the lowest, lowest coin available being worth a quarter, and the world did not fall apart, and the economy did not suffer, and nothing terrible happened because pennies and nickels and arguably dimes are just not good. They should not exist. We should move on to another question. This one is from Addison, who asks, Dear John and Hank, John, you frequently state that you are a Christian. I wouldn't say I frequently stated, but okay, if you believe that one's faith has eternal consequences as most Christians do, then why are you so okay with Hank's lack of faith? Hank, how do you get along so well with a brother who has such a different worldview from you? One foot in the grave, Addison. Um, I mean, so am I gonna go?

I mean, we're laughing and that might be disrespectful and I apologize if it comes across as disrespectful. Yeah. Yeah, so I'm not totally sure I agree with the assessment that most Christians believe that one's faith has eternal consequences, partly because the Catholic Church has been pretty... what's the technical term for it? I think wishy washy on the subject of whether only Catholics go to heaven. And I think at this point, after Vatican II, it's pretty clear that the Catholic Church does not hold that only Catholics go to heaven.

As for me personally, like I often say that I think the question of whether God, like quote unquote, really exists, is one of the least interesting questions in religion to me and also like one of the least interesting questions in my own personal faith. I also am not very interested in the question of whether there is an afterlife or what that afterlife would look like or who would include or exclude. But I am not in any way worried about Hank's eternal soul. It's just not my theology, I guess. It's just not the way that everybody I mean, everybody constructs a certain theology that hopefully to them like makes sense and is consistent and can be applied in all situations and doesn't have, you know, huge gaping holes in it. And I've worked hard to kind of build

a faith that I think works for me on that front, but I am not worried about Hank Sol. I think Hank is a good person, and I think he's good. I think he'll be fine. Yeah, I mean, I appreciate you answering this question. When I saw it, I was like, I would like to hear John's answer to this question, but I also of course didn't want to point you in like,

say like, ha, you have to answer this now. But thanks for asking it. I send a thank you to John for answering. I do in general like like as a person who does not have a faith, I often find it weird how focused we get on these questions that seem to me kind of, I don't know, I don't want to say pedantic, but a little like just a little bit like there, there is a much bigger set of questions here about how to be a person. And getting focused on the places where we disagree,

when we agree on what I think are much more important things, that's how I get along with people who have, quote, a different worldview for me, because we don't have a different worldview. We have a different understanding of like the nature of the cosmos a little bit, but in terms of how to act and be a person, I think that we agree on more than most people

I have ever met. So that is how I get along well with my brother. Yeah, I mean the analogy that I use, and of course always be suspicious of analogies, especially be suspicious of analogies when it comes to religion. But the analogy that I use is imagine that someone is screaming your house is on fire. In that situation, I am not very interested in who is screaming my house is on fire. Like maybe it is God, maybe it is a fireman. The relevant issue to me is that the house is on fire. My religious faith basically comes from a belief that I have been informed by God

through holy scriptures that the house is on fire. And I'm trying my best to respond to that, what I would call like revelation. But I also understand that lots of people wouldn't call that a revelation. And if they're interested in responding to the house being on fire situation, I welcome their input and assistance. You know, like I don't think we should sit here I welcome their input and assistance.

I don't think we should sit here and have like how many angels can we fit on the head of a pin conversation. I think we should have a conversation that begins like, hey, what are we gonna do about the fact that the house is on fire? Yeah. And I, yeah, in the specific situation of the afterlife, I don't tend to be affected too much by how what what people think is gonna happen to my, me, whatever I am after I die because of course in my worldview, nothing will happen for a long, long time, just like nothing happened for a long, long time before I existed.

And it's just as sad that I wasn't around for all those billions of years that I won't be around for the next billions. But so that's a bummer. I don't think it's all sad though. I mean, I, like, I would, I would, I would, I, I mean, I agree with you. I totally agree with you. But, but like, I just, I feel like I've gotten to see so many amazing things happen in the short little blink that I've been alive. I'm gonna, and I like, it's sad to me

that I'm gonna miss so many amazing things that are gonna happen in the future and that happen in the past. And also that are happening right now and that I'll never know about because I don't speak the right language or I don't live in the right place, or I don't know about the,

like I don't have the same cultural background to allow me to enjoy it in the same way. There's just like, we miss out on everything. That is like the definition of being a human is missing out on stuff, but the side effect of appreciating the things that I'm really into, whether it's microscoping my pants or hanging out with my brother,

is that I feel like I will be missing out on things after I am gone. So I wanna read you this quote by Tony Morrison, and I agree with you. At the end of his life, Maurice Sendak, the author of Where the Wild Things Are, said in an interview, I have fallen in love with the world,

and I think that there is something really magical about falling in love with the world, because you miss this or you miss that and you miss almost everything, but you don't miss everything if you can fall in love with the world. But there's quote from Tony Morrison is something that I think about a lot in that context.

I think it's a she wrote, at some point in life, the world's beauty becomes enough. You don't need to photograph, paint, or even remember it. It is enough. And speaking of that, John, I have a question.

It comes from John, who asks, Dear Hank and John, how does one get into the ice cream truck business? That is right on topic. Because the ice cream business is also a way of following in love with the world. Maybe. Maybe. So the first thing, of course, that you have to do is you've got to require an ice cream truck. And a lot of ice now. Like you also like, well, you don't, I don't think you even need ice cream truck, John. You just need a cooler strap to your bike,

but you do need ice cream. And you need ice cream, and you need some way of keeping it extremely cold. Pretty cool, yeah. Because nobody's gonna buy, you know, a Chaco Taco that's half melted. Or all melt. I just like, yeah, nobody's gonna buy ice cream

that isn't ice, it's just like sweet milk. It's gonna be hard to sell. Alice, my daughter might buy that actually. She'd be into it. It's like warm sweet milk. Yeah, Hank, how much do you know about the ice cream business? Is this one of like an area of expertise

I'm gonna be surprised to learn about? Well, I do wanna say, so John also asked about a number of technical, do you work for someone else when you have an ice cream trucker or they're all independent and it's a variety. There are some people who own a bunch of ice cream trucks that usually this starts by someone having one and then expanding their little empire and hiring people to run them. But most ice cream trucks are independent businesses. They are sometimes franchises.

So you can get a franchise license for an existing ice cream truck business and they'll help you figure out your business model. There are also places where you can just look up online to see like what's the business model of an ice cream truck and how does it work and how do you know if yours is going to be successful or not. But yeah, for the most part, they are independent businesses and it is not a way to make a killing. Like you're not going to get wealthy as an ice cream truck person,

but you might work for yourself and make enough to go and do it just fine. But you do need some startup capital and that's the barrier in most business. Like you need enough money to buy an ice cream truck, and to get those speakers on the top that play the music, and to get a good ice cream supplier, which there's a number of ways to do that as well, to get an inexpensive wholesale ice cream. But, yeah, so you can, it's possible.

It's a thing that people do and can do. I don't know if it's a thing that is a growth field though. Does it feel a little bit like people don't trust ice cream trucks anymore? Maybe a little bit, but then I don't think people trust most of the major institutions. Like, I'm concerned about people not trusting ice cream trucks as much as they used to. I'm significantly more concerned about people not trusting democracy as much as they used to.

Speaking of which, Hank, we got a question from Jethro who writes, by the way, Hank, thank you for that really interesting introduction to the business of ice cream truck sales. I was not something that I thought we would ever get into around here. Dear John and Hank, you were both lucky enough to interview and in one case meet former president of the United States Barack Obama. If you were given the opportunity to interview and meet the current president, would you take it and what would you ask? Tinkety, talk old fruit and down the Nazis, Jethro.

PS, apparently, this is how the Queen Mother used to sign off her correspondence. Oh, God, what do we need to do to become British again? Brentrants. Hashtag Brentrants. Oh, well, you know, they've got a similar set of issues to us. It turns out, I wouldn't say that similar. That I wouldn't say that similar. For a little bit of context, Hank, there are a number of people in Britain who have

I heart the NHS tattooed on their bodies. I would ask you very sincerely, is there an American with eye-heart the American healthcare system tattooed on their bodies? No, but I do feel like maybe that is a future, like something that appeals to me a little bit, like getting my positions just tattooed on my body somewhere, like climate change is real. That's not true. All right, but to the question.

To the question. To the question. To the question. What was the question? Would you interview President Trump and what would you ask? Right. I forgot what it was because I didn't want to answer

the question. I don't think that I would. Yeah. Like in all honesty, like I think that there's a funny answer to this question that I didn't go to, but it's hard for me to be funny around the topic right now. But I don't think I would.

Like if I got into a headspace where I wanted to, I feel like I would probably only ask him one question and I would ask it over and over again. And I don't know what it would be, but it would just be a number of any of the things that he says all the time that it is just patently untrue. Like, like, over and over again, he said, it's very difficult for a Republican to win with the Electoral college in place. And I just want to know what he means by that because it's not true. It is more difficult for Democrats to win because Republicans are overrepresented by the

electoral college. Like rural areas are overrepresented by the electoral college. And I'm not saying that like that, you know, rural areas shouldn't like represent the, you know, the physical space that they are in and get some extra representation because of how states, this is the United States of America, but I'm not arguing into the Electoral College, I think that there's a place for that, we don't need to do that right now. I just want to know what he means.

What does he think he's saying? Whenever he says it, it's just like there's so many other things to argue about that are much bigger. Like it's just over and over again. I just like want to be like, can we just get to the point where we're like, you're like, okay, yeah, no, I get it. I'm just saying stuff that I'm making up. Just making stuff up because it sounds good.

Well, so I actually think that that's part of a strategy to get you to ask questions like that instead of to engage on other topics. And so it would sort of be a win for him. Right. And probably like he would just, like the strategy seems to be to be like, well, you know, like get a little bit flustered and be like, well, if you don't

know what I mean, then I'm not going to tell you. And so yeah, I mean, I am legitimately curious about some things, but I think that you were right that I just don't think that it's productive because they're just isn't, like they don't, like it was amazing. Like I asked Barack Obama about his position on legalizing marijuana, like over, and like the next day, his answer was news. It was like, like he said something that he hadn't previously said that was like insightful

and was sort of a path forward and like an understanding of like the slow process that we have to go through in order for this to eventually happen. And I was like, what a, like news was made rather than just being like, well, we can't really, like it doesn't really matter what this guy says because he says something different the next day.

Yeah, that's one of the reasons I would choose not to interview the president. The biggest reason honestly is that it would stress me out and it would not be that fun and I don't think that it would. So I would spend a lot of time worrying about it, but I don't think that it would move the needle in US political discourse in any way. I don't think there's anything that I could say that would move the needle because we're all to quote Robert Penn Warren just bubbles on the tide of empire. And so why stress myself out for three weeks about something that won't matter?

And when I had the chance to do it with President Obama, I kind of felt the same way, but I also felt like there were a couple of questions that I could ask that would be meaningful to me, and that and he responded, I thought ask that would be meaningful to me. And that, and he responded, I thought to both of them quite thoughtfully. Let's answer a couple more, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, what, what, what, what, what, what, I've just received an email. Oh, that's weird that you're looking at your email right now.

It's from the American quarter. Oh, from the quarter, from the unit of currency. Today's podcast is brought to you by a brand new sponsor, one American quarter, the last coin that should exist other than maybe dollar coins. I have completely think dollar coins should exist and I appreciate this sponsorship and I assume that they sent us 378 quarters

which is not a poultry sum, John. It's, yeah, it's not poultry. I wouldn't say it's poultry. It's definitely not a poultry sum. This podcast is also brought to you by Lawn Care Vigilantism. Lawn Care Vigilantism, not technically two words that are words, definitely one of them.

I think it's Vigilantism. It doesn't matter. We read the sponsors however they come in, Hank. If they wanna be lawn care vigilanteism, that's fine. And of course today's podcast is so. It's true, I did not mean to judge lawn care vigilanteism. Today's podcast is also brought to you by Hank Sol,

which is just fine. What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? And finally, this podcast is brought to you by John's ice cream truck business, an independent source for all of your delicious warm sweet milks. I think the only thing, just to go back to a previous point, I even in saying that I think

your soul is fine. I fear that I might have offended you by implying that you have a soul. So I'm sorry if that hurt your feelings, but I do think that you have a soul. And that is probably something that we do disagree about, but it's not a big deal to us. But I apologize for implying that you have an actual soul. I do not mind. Do you think I have a soul? Like this is not a thing that bothers me. Great. I'm gonna keep thinking it.

I'm one, I don't know exactly why it doesn't bother me. But lots of people think things that I don't think that don't have a negative effect on me or the world. I don't know. Yeah, I think that's great. I think it's good. I like that we don't agree about everything, but I actually think that that is one of our less interesting disagreements. We've got really good proper disagreements

about, for instance, whether the movie Rushmore is important to see tomorrow. I do, I will watch Rushmore, John. In fact, I would like to watch it with you, if that's ever possible. I think that that would be fun. Be great. I would love to watch it with you, but it's going to be a little annoying because I'm out the every line of dialogue as it happens. All right, this question comes from Diny, who writes,

dear John and Hank, I don't know what's happening, but whenever Gunnarolo kicks in as I'm listening on Overcast, I get a smile and pep up. I can't wait for the poem of the day. Oh, I'm sorry to disappoint you, Dini. Get news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon and listen to the rest of dubious advice that you two dull out. In short, your podcast is a highlight of my potting week. The problem is I'm almost 60 years old. Not your target audience. Does this mean I'm going through a midlife crisis? Quick pause. Nope. Now, let's finish the question before I deliver the hammer. Should I just stick with NPR and I'm going through a midlife crisis. Quick pause. Nope. Nope.

Now let's finish the question before I deliver the hammer. Should I just stick with NPR and act my age? Should I buy a Ferrari? Dead pan's and dead pan's, didn't. Right. Nice one. That's a great sign off. Dead pan's and dead pan's.

I mean, that's, like, not since the Queen mom have I heard a sign off of that fall? That's a one question. I can only guess that Diny is British, just like I desperately want to be again. What's the hammer, Johnny? What are you gonna crush down? I think it's a little late to talk about midlife crises. As you know, Hank, I feel very strongly

that the term middle aged has been inappropriately hijacked by people who are not middle-aged. I am middle-aged because if you double my age, it is an acceptable, if not ideal, life-span. I will continue to be middle- aged until I'm about 47. At which point I will become, and this is a phrase I have just made up, I hope that it catches on, young old. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's like young adult, but young old person. Right. Instead of being a young adult, which I was when I was 17, when I'm 50 to 68, I will be young old. Then from like 68 to 80, I'll be old.

And then from 80 to hopefully 136, you'll be dead. And then after 136, you will also be dead. No, after that, they're gonna use the cryogenic technology to bring me back and I'm gonna be better than ever. Well, I do wanna say to Diny, some people have lived to be 120 years old by which I mean one person ever has lived to be 120 years old.

Actually, you know what, maybe that's a good point, Hank. Maybe Diny is middle aged. I take it back. Diny, good news, your middle aged. Maybe Danny is middle aged. I take it back. Danny, good news. You're middle aged. Don't buy a Ferrari. It's just not a good use of your resources.

I mean, quick pause to note that if you can afford to buy a Ferrari, you can probably afford that over to patreon.com slash deerhank and john and throw this podcast some times. You want to have your midlife crisis on Patreon, really? Like that's the... Yeah, if you're going to spend a Ferrari level money on something, we can get you some amazing perks. You can get access to this week in Ryan's. Actually, that's it.

I mean, for a Ferrari, I will make you your own podcast. Hank, I desperately want you to own a Ferrari. And I want you to own a Ferrari that you are not allowed to sell. Oh, that is the first thing I would do with a Ferrari. And that you are not allowed to transfer to any other human being, and also as a condition of you owning this Ferrari, I might buy it for you.

As a condition of you owning this Ferrari, it would be the only car you would be allowed to drive around the streets of Missoula, Montana. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, God, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no And like it makes me realize that when I look at people who drive cars like that, like when I'm in Beverly Hills and I see like Aston Martin's driving around like I look inside those cars and I'm like I don't judge people super harshly all the time, but right now you are dirt to me like this is a disgusting choice I just believe that like I have a very hard time imagining people spending Just believe that. No.

Like I have a very hard time imagining people spending $250,000 on a car for any other reason than being really hung up on these weird ideas of wealth and also wanting to just throw it out there at other people and what could possibly and how disconnected do you have to be from reality to spend that, to evaporate all of that power that you have. A couple of things, Hank.

This thing that serves you in no way commensurate with its cost. Okay, a couple of things. First off, please stop alienating our most likely big dollar sponsors, Jesus. Get your head out of your behind. Please stop alienating our most likely big dollar sponsors Jesus Get your head out of your behind

We need those people We need them when it comes project for awesome time I know when it comes time to sponsor a new series of crash course Hank yeah Hank the weird rich people are the people we depend upon the most. I believe we're the people of our future. I believe we're the people of our future. We're the people in love. They're already leading the way.

Whenever I see one of those cars, I try to tell myself, okay, is it not possible that this person has one singular, tremendous passion, which is the magic of automotive engineering, and they are trying to push it forward through this purchase, and it is so important to them, and it is the thing that gets them up in the morning, the way that I love AFC Wimbledon,

which I also waste a ton of money on. Well, I wouldn't say waste, I would say, invest. Like, is, might it not be their AFC Wimbledon, a thing that gives them joy and structure and meaning in a place where they really struggle to find it? And so I try not, that's how I try not to judge them. So I'm just saying, Diny, if you wanna buy a Ferrari,

which is, by the way, it sounds like you don't. See, and this is really really way off the question. If you've wanted via Ferrari, you know, just have a good long think about it. But it sounds from your question, like you definitely don't. The question is, is it socially acceptable to be a 60 year old fan of dear Hank and John? And the answer is overwhelmingly unambiguously. Yes. Yes. Yes. Thank you. year old fan of Dear Hank and John and the answer is overwhelmingly unambiguously, yes.

Yes. Yes. Thank you. Thank you. I think that is awesome. It made our day. That's why we read your question and had a fight about expensive cars. And I definitely don't feel like there's anything about this podcast that's particularly youthful, and did right? No. In fact, we devoted half of an episode to Coca mode, the Beach Boy song. By the way, Hank, we might have gotten 500 emails about Coca. Everyone has heard Coca mode. We apologized to all the people who felt less than human

because they felt excluded because we thought that they didn't like or listen to Coca mode. That is our bad. Our bad. We're sorry. A pair of like Coca mode has had many lives in many forms since it was first released. And so in a lot of children's media, especially,

like there's a chipmunks coca-mode, there's a Muppets coca-mode. So there's lots of coca-mode for people to consume as children, whether or not they were born in the 80s. Speaking of which, we need to get some corrections real quickly before we get to the news from Mars and AAC Wimbledon. We have some vital corrections this week. We got at least one vital correction.

We have three vital corrections, and several others that we're not going to get to because of time. Kevin wrote in to say, my son and I were listening to your pod. He's a pilot in training. He tells me that when planes crash, their tail numbers can be reused for other airplanes But all crashes are still tied to that tail number

So that likely means that the young person who was born in an airplane Was born in an airplane that that had not crashed which is probably it's good news for her We are not in a sliding doors multiverse situation also Kevin and Christiana Saliga point out that the steering wheel is not called a steering wheel on an airplane. It is called a yoke. Also, I received an email from Beto who wrote Dear Brothers Green in a recent episode of The Pod. You talked about rodents and at some point John mentioned how there were no rodents larger

than a baby at which point Hank corrected him saying how wrong he was. And then, of course, I freaked out and just kept saying nope and stopped telling me about these rodents. Now, Beto points out I was born and raised in Venezuela. And as a proud Venezuelan, I cannot let this slide. The biggest rodent in the world, the Capibara is native to Venezuela and Brazil and is in my opinion one of the cutest freaking animals there are with all that is happening in my country. I believe we have enough bad rep as it is.

I mean Hank is laughing but Beto seriously I am deeply sorry and deeply concerned about what is happening in Venezuela right now. And then Beto sent three amazing pictures of these rodents that they look nothing like rats They look like lovable, huggable Dogs with rodent faces and I have completely fallen in love with them And I just want to stay safe entirely for the record. I was wrong. I was wrong I was wrong. We're gonna post these to the patreon. They're very cute. Oh my gosh Hank, do you want to read the Star Wars one because it was fascinating? Yeah, so our final correction is from anonymous

who does not want to let everybody know who they are. Do you're Hank and John, big fan of the pod, and a recent episode Hank discussed various clothing, clasped mechanisms of Star Wars, and how they appear to have all the same technologies that we have here on Earth. However, I have worked with the Star Wars license, and I have even had the privilege of creating characters

that occupy the expanded universe. This is very cool that this person listens to the pod. During this process, we actually got a lot of notes regarding concepts, phrases, and items that don't exist to the Star Wars universe. Examples include the term refresher instead of bathroom, and the conspicuous absence of ordinary paper products. Do they also not have paper products in the bathrooms?

Because do they have the three C shells? Because I still want to know how those work. At any rate. There are no bathrooms, Hank. Oh, just, yeah, they just wear, they just have like... Refreshers. Right, sorry, sorry, no toilet paper in the refreshers. At any rate, I'm here to inform you that in a galaxy far far away, there are no shoelaces. During the development of our product, we were instructed to alter a particular character's combat boots to remove any trace of bootlaces and replace them with straps. Since one can find the occasional cord in a Star Wars garment. I am given to imagine that the restriction is largely limited to aglit technology. So that's the holes that the laces go through.

So while I find it hard, what? That's not what an aglit is. Oh, what's an aglit? An aglit is the little thing at the end of the shoelace. Oh. That's super weird. Somebody hasn't watched every episode of Phineas and Furb. Okay's super weird. Somebody hasn't watched every episode of Phineas and Furb. Okay, go on.

So while I find it hard to imagine, so while I find it hard to imagine a more truly trivial piece of trivia, there it is, costumes and cannons, anonymous. That was fascinating. And now we all know. I mean, that is an epic piece of trivia. Don't be surprised if that pops up in something

that I write someday, because that is an epic piece of trivia. Speaking of epic hank, what's the news for Mars? On the surface of Mars, John. Yeah. There is a fish. What? Really? I mean, that is, I've got finally some proper news from Mars.

I was just, I was checking to see if you were listening and you totally weren't because you just said, mm-hmm. And then like, no, it took me a second. It just took me a second. So there are, so there is a paper that just came out about what they are calling halos. And they are basically these areas of lighter geography around fishers in an around-gale crater, which is this ancient lake bed that definitely had water in it for hundreds of thousands of years consecutively at the beginning of Mars' history,

and then was all gone by about 3.5-ish billion years ago. So that's where Curiosity Rover is at. And so they're getting lots of very good, interesting, I said hundreds of thousands of years, I think. I meant to say hundreds of millions of years consecutively. So this is like the like fairly new information that curiosity has given us that this was a lake bed for a long, long time, long, long time. But by 3.5 billion years ago, it seems like all that was gone.

But these halos are indicating that while it was no longer a lake bed, there was at times flowing water that was laying down these silica sediments, which is what causes the light color. And that would have been ground water seepage. It may have been precipitation running down in rivulets, but probably it was ground water related. And that ground water would occasionally come up to the surface

and then leave behind the silica on the surface. And that was happening for much longer. Now they haven't made any super statements about how much longer, but we're talking a significant extension of Mars's sort of habitable period where there would have been liquid water, either on the surface or very near the surface that biology could have continued existing in. So it's fairly, it's a new paper, it just came out and it's exciting stuff. That is cool. I mean, it's still not quite the same thing

as a fish on Mars. No, no, there's not a fish as far as we know. But if there was a fish, it would not be on Mars. It would definitely have to be somewhere in. Because just dead could just be a like somebody just threw Through officially hard and it hit Mars. I mean really hard tank. Do you know where I was when you're a go today? Were you at the Indianapolis 500? No, I wasn't at the Indianapolis 500 Because I had already left the Indianapolis 500 to fly to London to attend the playoff final between AFC Wimbledon and, I don't know, Plymouth. Plymouth, Plymouth, our Gilefoot Buckleb, who by the way, Hank got promoted this year from League 2.

So even though they suffered heartbreak at Wimbly a year ago today, they have since gone up, which is wonderful wonderful news very happy for them uh... but of course uh... we're here in the winbledon fan community we have all been re-living that magical day where wildtailer the uh... the messy uh... for months are at the christiano renaldo of the Caribbean uh... scored a vital goal uh... to put the dawns one nnilup and then out of biookin fennel with the last kick of his a fc winaldon career score to penalty to secure a two-nil victory

uh... a fc winaldon went up to league one where of course they finish fifteen this year having not scored a uh... league goal in april uh... which when you combine those two facts and it's pretty impressive and uh... on the topic of not of not scoring a league goal in April They they have just signed a new striker who's also kind of an old striker He used to play on loan for for aFC Wimbledon and his name is

Quessie apia or apia. I actually don't know how to pronounce it But he had a good loan spell for AFC Wimbledon when he was last with the Dons and I'm very excited and hopeful. And it is very likely that he has signed because word on the street is the Tom Elliott with the most successful striker for this season's AFC Wimbledon is likely headed to the championship. He is going to be headed

to a team that just got promoted from League 1 up to the championship, which is great news for him, but because he's out of contract with AFC Wimbledon, Wimbledon won't get a fee. I don't think for that move, which is unfortunate, but it is good news for Tom and Wimbledon want to be the kind of club where people are so successful that they can play in higher leagues, although of course we would have liked to hang on to him. So that's the update. It's been a wonderful, amazing year for AFC Wimbledon.

And hopefully, with this new signing, it will be one more step toward an even better season next year, although frankly, any staying up would be a victory next year. So. Well, that's, that is exciting. Did you, did you hear that, that there were some game-worn clothes from that final thing being sold on AFC Bay? Do you know about AFC Bay?

No. Oh, what is AFC Bay? Is that like an eBay site that they do? Yeah. It's an eBay site that they do, and they have a bunch of stuff, and I recently got something. It wasn't from that Playoff game,

but I did get a pair of AFC Wimmelden shorts, or you, that have the logo on them, or worn by Lieltaylor in a game, because I thought that that would be. Oh, that's great. Thanks, man. That was nice of you. I'm excited to very excited to frame those shorts.

Yeah, it's pretty cool that we got that DFTTPA going on them and then we get to actually, I'm excited to actually see them. I haven't seen them in my life. So, they're pretty great in real life. I can't wait to take you over to England for a game. I know it's harder now that you've got the kid and everything, but yeah. John, I wanna thank a couple people.

I wanna thank Roxana for getting the $25 remote attendance perk for PodCon. And I want to thank Brett for getting the $90 actual attendance in Seattle perk. And also I want to thank Parker for getting the $150 level, which includes a swag bag and also a magical thumb drive that has a bunch of things that the founders of PodCon are creating and also a collection of some of our very favorite podcasts that have ever existed. So thanks to those folks,

if you want to support PodCon in the final days before we end, we end it on Tuesday. So this goes up on Monday. So Tuesday, after this goes up, that Indiegogo will be ending, and then podCon.com will become a website where you can get slightly more ending and then podcon.com will become a website where you can get slightly more expensive and more limited tickets

Until we actually have a podcon which will happen December 9th and 10th in Seattle and I'm looking forward to Live dear Hank and John from there and also doing a bunch of other weird interesting fun and cool things Hey John. Yeah, what do we learn today? Well, we learned that Hank knows a surprising amount or pretended to anyway about how to build an ice cream truck business. I just, I always obsessed with, I really want to make like a ice cream truck

but it's donuts. So I thought about it a little bit. That's a good idea. Because here in Montana, there's not a lot of call for ice cream all year round. We also learned that the penny was designed by Abraham Lincoln just linking, just smooshin' his face into a giant metal plate.

Oh yeah, that is, I believe now a historical fact. That's how facts happen now, Hank. You just repeat them over and over again and then they historical fact. That's how facts happen now, Hank. You just repeat them over and over again, and then they become fact. And of course, we learned that if somebody is mowing your lawn, just roll with it, man. And finally, we learned that if you are 60 years old, there is a very small chance that you will reach the age of 120

and you will at 60 be be middle-aged, which is pretty remarkable that that has ever happened to be clear only one person ever. Yeah, but I believe that it's going to start happening all the time. We're on the very brink of curing aging if Silicon Valley weirdo billionaires are to be believed. We also learned that Aglit has nothing to do with the holes in the shoes. It's the thing that wraps it up. And when I googled it, Finneuse and Furb was the second thing after Wikipedia that comes up.

Well, they've got a whole song about it, Hank. And after you listen, you will never forget what an Aglit is. Thanks, everybody, for listening to our podcast. You can find us on Twitter at Hank Green and John Green. And you can email us your questions at HankandJohn at gmail.com. We always welcome your questions and are very grateful for them. We apologize to all the ones we didn't get to. Also, if you can't get enough dear Hank and John,

we have a new supplemental podcast called This Week in Ryan's, where every week we talk about a different Ryan. You can find out more about that at patreon.com slash deerhankajon. This podcast is produced by Rosiana Halsey-Rohas and shared at Gibson. It's edited by Nicholas Jenkins. Our social media person is Victoria Bonjorno, who also helps that with the patreon at patreon.com slash deerhankajon. The music that you hear now and at the beginning of podcast is by the great gunnerola. And as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome.

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