Dear Hank & John - 98: An Army of Burrito Children (w/ Dodie Clark!)

Episode Date: June 26, 2017

How do you deal with the dissipation of your future plans? Should I tell my parents I met my boyfriend on Tinder? How do I succeed if I'm not a go-getter? And more! Email us: [e-mail] patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. Alright, I prefer to think of it. Yeah, dirty. Hello, Dody. This is a comedy podcast about death. We're me and my brother John. Sometimes guest guests. Answer your questions.

Give you the advice to bring you all the weeks news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon. But maybe not AFC Wimbledon today. Sorry about that. But you're so close, you could just go buy and check. I know, but I still have absolutely no idea. I literally had to Google what it was. I'm sorry to add to the stereotype that I have no idea how to sport, but that's me.

Sorry. Well, I mean, it's not like you have no idea about sports that are like a big deal in your country. You probably do, but this is, I mean, it's not like you have no idea about sports that are like a big deal in your country. You probably do, but this is, I don't, to be clear, have any idea about sports that have our big deal in my country. But I have to say, woman, it isn't like Manchester United. Yeah, I still wouldn't know anything about that.

Honestly, that's just one of the things I step away from in life. It doesn't have any importance. Right. Yeah. It stresses me out too much if being involved with sports. Like it gets, cause like they always lose eventually. Like it's just so extremely unlikely that your team is gonna win all the way.

Yeah. Like it's always gonna end up in disappointment. And except for that one time when it doesn't and the next year it will. Why? And that's how it works. And unless you're the Yankees and then you win all the time

because you have all the money. There are probably a lot of people who are very angry about your pessimistic viewpoint of sport, but honestly I would agree. Oh no, well you know they're not probably, I hope they're not angry, I hope that they just have a different opinion and I respect their different opinion. That would be nice. Okay. How are you doing, Dodie? I'm good. I'm just really busy. I've just been doing far too much. I kind of like my past self was just very unimpostatic. I went, here you go. Here's everything you can handle it. And now I'm done. Thanks. Thanks. Well, when you said yes to doing this podcast, I said, never mind, I know how busy you are. let this be the thing

that you don't do. But you did it anyway. I know, because I wanted to, because I enjoyed them, and also, because I was meant to be done with a lot of big things. I was like, oh, they are my free time, but I see a space for a calendar and I fill it, and then I'm like, why would I do that?

But I enjoy it, so why not? I know, I do the same thing, and I have taken on too much as well, but the recording of Dear Hank Adonis, one of the things that I look forward to throughout the week, and whenever I see it on my calendar the next day, I'm like, oh, thank goodness,

that will be a nice hour of hanging out with either my brother or someone else I like and uh and it doesn't feel like work which is why I do it. I cannot believe the amount of things that you take on. It's unbelievable. I was listening to one of these and you were just listing everything that you do and it was just like what? So much. Well I mean like I think you do more than I do. I just have more help. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Mike, so maybe this should be like some like group therapy time.

Like, how do you, what do you need to get past this difficult time where your former self has been un-unpeethic to your current self? This would be it. What's services, what humans, what help? Because it's out there. And it can be very hard once you're busy to fix your busyness, because you're too busy to put any time into fixing it.

Everyone's always like, just say no, and it's okay to say no, and you need to prioritize your time, and it's like, this will very well, but when I'm in the point when it's happening, and I and you need to prioritize your time. It's like, that's all very well. But when I'm in the point when it's happening and I haven't done that, now what? You just have to keep going. You just have to keep going through.

That's the only thing that's said. And like, you can do it. I'm like, I don't wanna do it. Yeah, it's not like you can, not like you can hire an assistant in the moments when you're working 80 hours a week because hiring an assistant takes time like you have to yeah, but these are all lovely problems to have do you do you want to know another

lovely problem to have dody what is that when when you signed into the podcast questions document where we've got all our questions Yeah, you weren't logged in so you're just instead of a picture of Dodie. It's a picture of a cute little otter You're just the anonymous otter Because that's how Google Docs handles it. It like it signs you a random animal and you got the best animal of all Good except possibly armadillos Thank you for being a little otter on this episode of dear Hangin' John. Do you have a short poem for us? I do! It's actually the ending of a poem because I was thinking through my friend Savanna's books, Savannah Brown, she has a poetry book or graffiti and I found this on a page by itself and I thought it

was just one poem but it's actually the end of it but I think it's perfect and it sums up what I've been thinking about recently. Okay shall I read it? Yes please. Okay nothing is too pure to avoid being sliced away slowly by each passing second. There's a comfort in knowing that there is an end to each elation and tragedy. There is an end and I think that is the only thing we can be sure of. Very dear Hank and John. Right. Of you.

Bye. And yes, you can look at it and be terrified by it. But I think there's so much beauty and comfort in that. I think it was just really nice. It's been, it's like, I've been thinking a lot about how in, about time and like the happy moments, I just want to hold onto it because it's like, I've been thinking a lot about how in, about time and like, the happy moments, I just want to hold on to it, because I'm like, no, I don't want it to end, but it's also like, appreciate it in the moment. But then, also in the terrifying, horrible

moments, there's an end. Indeed. Indeed. Well, we now have to move two questions from have to, want to, must, excitedly move to questions from our listeners. I don't know, there are so many weird and great and also heartfelt and scary and big ones. I'm not even sure where to start. I guess I'll start with this first one from David, who asks, dear Hank and Dodie. I was reminiscing the other day about my youth and I came across a stunning realization. It's pretty troubling, and I wonder if you could shed some light on it. I could certainly understand why Shoddy would wear the Apple-Bottom jeans and the boots

with the fur, especially if she wanted to look nice at the club. However, why would Shoddy wear Apple-Bottom jeans and the boots with the fur and baggy sweatpants let alone the re- boots with the fur and baggy sweatpants, let alone the Reeboks with the straps. Isn't this overkill? Who in their right mind with where two sets of pants and two sets of shoes? Does Shorty have four legs? Is Shorty a centaur? This would explain why the whole club was quote looking at her because centars don't frequent nightclubs. But if this is the case, why would she be called Shoddy? Centars are usually pretty tall.

And the explanation would be helpful, this is completely shaken my entire world of you sleepless and disturbed, David. I don't know that you've left a new room for us to have a good time, David. It seems like you explored the bit pretty fully. Do you have the, what are you thinking? Um, look, maybe they're cold, maybe they couldn't decide,

I'd change up my outfit sometimes, you know, keeping some spare shoes in the bag. Yeah. Yeah, maybe she got, maybe the jeans got tight and she like, so like, between that first section of the, of the chorus and the second section of the chorus, she goes to the bathroom and changes. Because the, the, yeah, she wanted something a little more comfortable. And so she's changed into the baggy sweatpants in the re-box with a strap. What are the bottom jeans? I don't actually, I don't think I ever knew.

Just, yeah, go ahead and Google it. I don't know if I can tell you without feeling like dirty man. Okay, what are apple bottom jeans? They're like jeans that make your butt like an man. Okay, what apple bottom jeans? There's like jeans that make your butt like like an apple. Oh and sometimes they actually have an apple on them. I just like, hold up images. Oh, that's a lot of butts. That's what I'm looking at. Alright, okay. Interestingly, one of the selections, so you know how when you go on Google search and there's all the things that are like extra, you can add this search term, it's like, oh, that wasn't what I was looking for.

One of them is horse, so maybe horses do wear apple bottom jeans? Oh. No. My goodness. Oh my gosh, this is my new Oh my gosh. This is a meme. Does that question wear it like where would it wear the pants? Would it wear it like you know I'm talking about. I know you're talking about the dog wearing pants. Yes. There is a horse meme, apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur and it is a furry,

footed horse. And we'll put it on the Patreon for you so everybody can see it. I'm going to put in Apple Bottom Jeans horse. I clicked on horse. Oh, there it is. Apple Bottom Jeans horse. Yeah, there you see it. Wow, that's all.

So my question, so I'm pretty sure that Shady is not a centaur because she turns around and she gives her big booty a slap at one point in the song. And I don't know that a centaur could reach their own butt. Yeah, yeah. And that, so that, unless like just a really long torso short horse-parted centaur, which now that looks really weird in my head. This song is gonna mean something very different than I saw by this interview. Wow. Yeah. David. I do like the image of a Centaur getting low, just sort of like, like, sacking down with the

song until it's like, got its knees bent all the way. Is it both, is it all's front, is it both, is it all four legs or is it just a back where it's front legs are like sitting up, like it's a sitting like a dog with a butt going, I don't know, let's not, I'm, I feel weird about objectifying this horse woman now. This is just a strange image

that's happening in my head right now. I'm enjoying it. Good, good, I'm glad I've done that to you. Oh, do you want to ask another question? Dear Hank and Dirty. The person I had thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with recently decided that they are just not in love with me anymore. I've mostly been dealing with this by crying, drinking and really listening to all of dear Hank and John. Any other tips for dealing with heartbreak and dis- participation of the majority of your future plans from Melissa. Wow. Well. Yes, I've

been thinking about it for a recently. You have? Yeah. I have definitely thought about this a lot in my life. Luckily, I haven't been thinking about it a lot recently. Yeah. But yes, when there is this thing that you have, like this is the thing that I'm doing, and like here's the path that I'm on, and suddenly it's like, sunk. No, you're not. Yeah, that must be so difficult.

I have a mistake. It's a lot to reconstruct. Yeah, I can't even imagine, because I've been through breakups, but there's never really been that sort of, this is it, this is my life, this massive plan ahead of me, so I can't imagine what that feels like to have your timeline sort of disrupted, but there is a book that my friends have lent me a few times and it's called It's called a breakup because it is broken and I think that really kind of helps to like sum up

There is a reason for why this has happened and if you can't find it yet, you will find it in time but what I can say is for now, so Yeah, and as far as moving forward sometimes it's impossible to but I in the past, have tried to do new things and try new things. And listen to music I wouldn't have listened to before. And do things I wouldn't have done before, which kind of gives me the feeling of like, oh, well, there have always been infinite paths ahead of me. And there was never just one. Hi.

And now maybe I'm going to find one that is different. Maybe it's better, maybe it's equally good. Maybe it's worse, but it is a path. And like sort of breaking the hold that the old path had on me. And that's not a thing that you can do immediately, but it is a thing that comes, and that you can, with intention, sometimes speed along a little bit.

Yeah, and as soon as you start to sort of get that closure from yourself and start the processing process, just so you know, you'll feel better. And God, that's gonna be hard to do for a long time. Oh, oh, oh. No. I'm sorry, Melissa. Write a song about it too.

Yes. That's what Dode does. Heck yeah, although a lot of my friends say, oh, it's gonna be good for your art when something hurts and it's not what you need yet, but yes, in time, make things. Uh, yeah. Uh, this next question is from Anonymous.

Uh, actually, at the bottom it says Anonymous Squirrel, which is interesting because we're here with Anonymous Otter. Dear Hank and Doaty. I've been dating... I've been... But no, Centaur is completely Anonymous. Everyone knows. She's got a whole song about her.

I've been dating my boyfriend for over three years and we're very happy. I feel like bad answering this question after the last minute. We're very happy in my, sorry, and my family members now regard him as part of our family. I'd never told my family that he and I met on Tinder. Frankly, I wasn't even sure if they knew what Tinder was. Well, recently, they've been making jokes about how they think Tinder is gross and creepy. I have just sat there awkwardly when they say such things. Do I have an obligation to tell them how we met? Part of them feels like I'm keeping a secret from them, but another part of me feels like it's necessary for them to know, especially if the... Oh, but another part of me feels like it isn't necessary for them to know especially if they have already formed a negative impression of the app

Do you think I should tell them and if so how? Momento Mori anonymous squirrel. I'm glad you're so anonymous good otherwise. I don't know does your family listen to the pod? Yeah, and then they would they would know they This is certainly not a situation other people have ever been in. Oh, no, that would be a bad idea Just just get them to listen to whatever we're about to say. Which is. I don't think you have an obligation to tell them. And I think that making fun of Tinder is a fun thing.

I think saying it's creepy is another thing, because it's basically saying that people are put off by the idea of people looking for relationships in a certain way or looking for certain kinds of relationships. And that's a thing that we do, but it's a little bit discouraging that it's something that your family might do. But Tinder is a perfectly legitimate way to meet someone

and if you like them, continue to date them. Like, it's not just, yeah, it's, yeah. And it's easy to have a bad view of Tinder if you don't know very much about it. Just for the first two years that I was using Snapchat, everybody was like, who are you sending nudes to? And I'm like, oh god, it's getting old. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, I definitely agree. Yeah, this sort of immediate reaction. Yeah, I agree that there's no obligation to do whatever. I mean, the fact is that you're very happy and everything's all great. But I don't really know. Let me see.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, just, yeah. Eventually, somebody would be like, like, how did you meet? And you just say, like, oh, internet dating app. Yeah. Internet dating service. Yeah, you can twist it.

You didn't say the name. Yeah. Or you will eventually come to embrace it and be like, Tinder, I thought we were just going to maybe smooch a little bit at a turned out that we fell in love. Or maybe I was there for love and I found it. I don't know. I haven't used Tinder.

I don't know what it's like. I'm old and I've been married for decades. I haven't used Tinder in a while. Should I? No. I don't know. I guess you can find love. Okay.

All right. Moving on. It's, I definitely, like, I, I, so I have several friends who are, uh, single and have internet audiences, and it can be a little weird to use dating services that put your face on there. Yeah, I've been- Because you never know when people are going to be like, oh, swipe, I know that person

from YouTube. Yeah, there's this other app for quotation influences, but you have to get a reference for it. And what, what, there's an app for dating internet people? Yeah, or like influences. I think it's like for people with, I don't know, for people who have a free, guys called me. You're freaking joking with me.

There aren't enough people. I mean, I guess I live in a small town. I know all the people who have internet presences in my town. It's like me, people that I work directly with, and this one guy who has a farm blog. Like. Yeah, I mean, I guess it's for like, but I guess in London.

Yeah, yeah, I don't know, but it's just really funny to see like all of my friends going, oh, it's no one have a reference for this app. And it's not just like oh I'm lonely in Singapore. If anyone is listening has a reference for the myro app do let me know. I feel like you get one. Oh my god, lonely and internet famous. Oh yeah. Oh God. Weird, weird world that we're in. What's like a... just funny. That's a funny thing. Like the contrast. Yes.

That's the position. Hey, I'm so popular. And not at all. Please help. So popular. I can't get a reference for the internet dating app for people who... Oh man. That's really... Oh wow, there's an app for everything I guess. Dear brothers of green, I'm not a brother of green, but I hope that can help. I have trouble keeping conversations going and recently I have tried to be better than just letting the conversation fad off and we both look at our phones. Do you have any trusty conversation starters? You could lend to a novice like me. Panic anxiety, Mary. Ooh. Yes. How do you talk to people, Daryl? Wow. Well. Firstly, put your phone away. I've noticed like whenever, sometimes I talk to friends and their phone lights up

and immediately like it's like, oh you're not listening. So if that happens, turn Like whenever sometimes I talk to friends and their phone lights up and Immediately like it's like oh, you're not listening. So if that happens turn your phone over or put it in your bag Okay, let me see trusty conversation starters. Oh, I have a friend called Tom Risenthorne He's great at these you just have to be working Yeah, let me see oh my friend Sammy okay my friendship group has a great way to start a conversation just play would you rather but make it really weird okay here's one here's one for you heck would you rather would you rather have a hand that is made entirely of delicious ham and You can eat from it. It doesn't hurt you. It's just never ending and it's just wonderful

Or would you rather have an armpit that excreats Suncream and you can use it whenever you need it. I Mean you talk about These things as if they're both pluses. Like, would you rather always have a delicious ham hand or always have a ready-supply of sunscreen? But I'm imagining it like, well, first of all, I don't want to not have a ham. Like, I need both of them. And second, I also don't want to have sunscreen.

This is such a dividing question. Honestly, like the amount of people. Yeah, generally, some people like, well, obviously, this one. And then it's like completely different to what you would think it would be. This is, there you go. Here's your conversation starter. You're welcome. Is my hand a functioning hand?

No. Or is it just a bunch of hands? It's just, you'd have all of the complications that would come with having a hand. No. Or is it just a bunch of hands? It's just, you'd have all of the complications that would come with having a hand, a hand hand. Right, so it doesn't have like muscles in it. It's not like, so yeah, I wouldn't lose use of my hand just so I could have ham all the time. But you can solve all the time, you'd never be hungry again. You'd never have to pay for food.

Wait, could I wait, Dody, did you say could I solve world hunger with my hand? Maybe. Is it that infinite? Could I just keep chopping and like, there would always be more ham? Yeah, absolutely. Okay, well, if it grows ham at like an infinite rate

and I could actually feed the world with it, then maybe. But otherwise, I'd have to go with sunscreen, but I wouldn't like that either. But these are very good. You've started a very good conversation. Yeah, how long have we been chatting? It's been a while.

There you go. I'm having some sun cream on bits. I mean, I have, so at my age, you end up with several distinct friend groups. You got my friends from high school, my friends from college, my friends from work,, my friends from college, my friends from work, and my friends from internet, and friends from other. So I have a friend group that has been having a,

like, I don't know, five, six-year-long conversation about whether they would rather eat chocolate flavored poop or poop flavored chocolate. Oh, my God. Oh. And it, like, whenever I see them they're like okay new modification to the chocolate flavored poo question and like I know that we've all got our positions but what if we added an additional condition? Like

years have gone by and and it has not been settled. Wow. Wow. Well, there you go. Would you rather have talked to other people? No, I don't know. Oh, goodness. Okay, let me think. Oh, God, it would have to be poop flavored chocolate. It's like when you eat those jelly beans that are different flavors, would you rather have a vomit flavored jelly bean

or jelly bean flavored vomit? I don't wanna eat vomit. Oh no! No! No! No! Yeah, we come on on different sides of this. I would rather eat chocolate flavored poop

because how would I even know the difference? There are so many different textures of chocolate. It's just me knowing, it would be knowing that that's what's happening. That would mess me up. You know, I kind of feel the same way about black sausage, that stuff you have in the UK. That's why I don't eat it. I literally cannot eat that stuff. Yeah, like...

Black pudding, yeah. No, I'll eat it. I will eat it and I'll be like, this is so delicious and I don't like it. It's just blood. I just can't do it. No, I can't do it. I had eggs this morning and halfway through them. I was like, oh no, I don't want to think about what I'm eating.

No. Grace. Oh yeah. I don't have a problem with eggs. They're not like a baby animal. They're just all of them. I don't know. No, but I think it's the kind of.

Don't tell me reasons to be upset with eggs because I love eggs. I know, I love eggs too. If you make me weird about them, I know. I just block out. Have a good life. I somehow have a bloody to block that out. Well, there you go. Talk about it.

But yeah, it is good to have things like this in your pocket. Another thing you can do, and this is totally sanctioned, as long as your friends don't listen to do your handkerchief. Take one of the questions from do your handkerchief and say, like, make it a hypothetical or make it into something that your friend is going through or like, and be like, like, hypothetically,

what would you do if and then take this next question that I'm about to ask about burritos because I thought it was amazing, it's from Logan. Who asks, dear Hank Adodie, I am 12. I am composing a menu for my burrito bike. This is where I will go around town on a bike that has a cooler on the back. And in the cooler will be burritos.

I am currently trying to come up with a menu. What is the style of Doritos that you like? Example, what do you like on them? What type of shell? What type of sauce? What type of meat? Et cetera. Don't forget to be awesome Logan.

Wow. So help. So like now everybody in the table is like, okay, we got to help out this 12 year old kid, hypothetical 12 year old kid Logan, who is starting up his Dorito bike business, which I love. Yeah.

I wish there was a Dorrito bike in my town. Oh my gosh, I would totally get that. That's amazing. Yeah. So I do have a couple of questions for Logan. One is the burrito cold or warm? Yes. It's the cooler to keep them colder,

is it to keep them warm? That's why I made you keep. That's why I made you keep. I was like, I made you keep burritos warm. But I'm not totally opposed to cold burritos. I'm not even opposed to lukewarm burritos, honestly. Right, yeah, you do, I mean, I'm a little opposed because I wanna know that they're at the temperature,

they're supposed to be at, and they haven't just been sitting there for a day. Because I, it's like pro tip Logan, not everyone's gonna trust you because you're 12. And that's not no fault of your own, but you just haven't, you don't know all of the things that everybody knows. You can find cupcakes.

So people are gonna be a little skeptical. Yeah, from like, back sales, it's a bit, okay, well, nice. No, don't know, did you watch your hands little buddy? Ooh. A dirty little baker man. Sorry, they's good. I mean, I feel like maybe going simple is the way to go. And just doing like, have it say like bean and cheese burritos,

and there's a certain simplicity to that. And also like, I don't necessarily, like there's not, like when I, like a really good burrito is gonna have some hot ingredients, but like, but like re-microwaving a burrito, one, you're gonna get it a little bit soggy, two. Then you're like the salsa and the guacamole is hot, and I kinda like for those ingredients to be it there,

like not like soup, like salsa, that shouldn't necessarily be hot. Yeah, I do. So, the, yeah. So if it's gonna be reheated, you gotta take that into account. And then also I'm thinking like maybe vegetarian just because there's a little less chance of food poisoning for your reed of like. Gosh, I love this is it. But I love your entrepreneurial go-getter attitude, Logan.

I miss being in age when these things all seem so possible. And like, why doesn't everyone do this? This is gonna be my life now. I'm gonna be a burrito biking guy. Yeah. Well, yeah, I mean, what if there was just an army of burrito children who were all over your town at any time and you could just like push a button on your app

and they'd be there in three minutes. The pressure that's cold, like Uber Eats. So you're saying Uber but for food, Hank. I think there might be a thing that's called Uber but for food. I like the idea of that being 12 a little bit. I mean, I like the idea of eliminating the choice from it. So instead of being like, I have to like pick what restaurant I'm going to get food from,

it's just like, like, there's one choice. Delivered to me a 400 calorie bean and cheese burrito with some sauce on it. That's not going to be great, but it's not going to be bad, but it's going to be here very fast and and it's gonna be delivered by a child named Logan who's helping to pay for his class trip to Louisiana. I love this idea. That's right, a movie about it. Slash, make it happen. Yeah.

I like making a movie about it better. Once upon a time, and this was when I was after I had graduated from college, I thought, why don't I start a thing, because I lived in Orlando, Florida, where there's lots of traffic in the stoplights. At like areas where there's like highway and or changes, the stoplights can be three or four minutes long. It's crazy, like you just sit there.

I was like, why don't I just like set up, shop at one of those and sell people sandwiches and coaks? That's great idea. That's a great idea. That is a good idea. I'm pretty sure that it's illegal, one. But in a second, it also kind of feels like the kind of thing that somebody who doesn't have a biochemistry degree would do with their time.

I don't necessarily know that it would be like a super lucrative enterprise, but maybe. You are allowed to do everything. You are allowed to do everything. Ding ding, ding ding, coaks and coaks and sandwiches, ding ding. And people just stop to be like, oh, that'd be nice. I wouldn't have to stop on the way home.

I could get home faster and I could have a coke or a coffee and boom. Well, if you got run out of it. Instead, I became an internet personality. Yeah. Yeah, sure. Why not? But you could always turn it around. But instead, I became an internet personality. Yeah. Yeah, sure, why not? But you could always turn it around. It could have been any time.

I never know. That's true, that idea is still there. It's great, exactly. Okay, let's see. This question comes from Clara, Dehan and Derry. Yesterday, I hit flight in my room because it was noisy and I wanted to sleep. When I was a small child and afraid of flies,

my parents told me that all flies were my friends and called Anton. because it was noisy and I wanted to sleep. When I was a small child and afraid of flies, my parents told me that all flies were my friends and called Anton. Anton is not moving anymore and I should see me as dead. I feel bad about it. I also need sleep. Am I a monster? Should I at least give him a proper burial? Do I have to inform the other Anton's any devious advice would be appreciated?

Of course. Oh, Dittorio also is strategically avoiding all of the Latin sign-offs that people are sick. Oh yeah, I can't read that. Like I said, not knowledgeable. No idea. I cannot read that. Most killer, vegan.

I mean, I just have to Google them. Everybody is being very, yeah, I think that that means your death my life. Oh wow. Which is like something maybe soldiers say to each other on the battlefield and I don't know if she's talking to Anton or to us. Because hopefully to Anton. Probably. As a little upsetting thing maybe us.

Do you ever feel abnormal amounts of empathy for things that you normally wouldn't like just the situation? This is not a good question. Like usually. I mean such a great question. I mean, I am, yes, yes. Like, for example, Sammy, who we were talking about earlier, has this funny joke where he'll he'll say, look, there's a little rabbit on my hand. There's a little rabbit, look it in.

And then obviously my brain goes, there's a rabbit on Sammy's hand and feels immediate empathy towards this tiny little imaginary creature. And then he'll like pretend to throw out on the floor or something or like describe on Sammy's hand and feels immediate empathy towards this tiny little imaginary creature, and then he'll pretend to throw out on the floor or something, or like describe his horrible death and he's like, no! No! So, yeah? Yes indeed.

That's awful. Why is that so upsetting? I know! That's fascinating. Like, why play this game with your friends? But the thing is, why play this game with your friends but the thing is this game and create and make a sadness occur I usually don't feel any empathy towards flies or bugs especially spiders my goodness You never know what like you you'll never want to know what I've done the spiders

But the moment you name it like if I called every fly Anton I agree I'd have to give them all burials and sign off in Latin with meaningful points. Yeah, I believe we've had a question on Dear Hank and John before about like a about beat murder. And so it's not even new ground we're treading here. I feel like we still have to explore it though because it's a strange thing. I occasionally, this is almost upsetting, Lee Dumb. I occasionally will be walking down the street

and I'll kick a rock. And then I'll kick the rock again. And then I'll kick the rock like a fourth time. And I'll be like, well, now I'm kicking the rock. Now this is a thing I'm doing. And then I'll accidentally kick it into the grass and I'll be like, oh, now I have to find the rock. And so I like look for the rock and I get the rock.

And like, to be clear, there's a thousand other rocks around every identical to the one that, but I find the one that was my rock and I put it back in the street and I start kicking it. And then I arrive at home and I'm like, well, now I have a rock. What do I do?

Do I take it in? Do I can take it? This is, yeah, if this is now a rock. What do I do, do I take it in? Do I can take it? This is, yeah, this is now my rock. Like I now have an emotional connection to this rock and I'm like literally have several of these rocks in a flower planter in the back of my house. Oh, you definitely have rock in the back of the house. Well, I can't just get rid of you.

I'm connected to this, like I had a whole, like now I'm not anymore, like I could throw them away now, but like at the moment I can't just like leave it in the road. This is honestly heartwarming, I think I might share the tea. Oh, you have like, gone up several levels in my mind. That is just the most adorable thing ever. Okay.

Oh, God, to some, I'm sure I've gone down and to others I've gone up. No. But has for Anton. Oh, yes, back to the... Anton was gonna die in one way or another. And you needed your sleep Clara I'm gonna I'm gonna go longer than you think actually yeah

I really how long do flies live? I think it was like a like a month yeah I think a picture of it and I hate it oh gross gross 28 days that's that's quite a long time for a bug that's alright I wonder what the longest, like, longest bug life. Internet, how long can a bug live? There is at least one species of long-horned beetle

that beats out the cicada with its ability to survive in larval form in deadwood for 35 to 50 years. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Wow. Whoa. That's horrible. That's a bug that lives as- wow. Wow, you got a red-ass red.

This is good stuff. That's a pet. Oh, but- oh, there's more. There's- whoa, okay. Oh, my goodness. Can I just point out, like the moment anyone There's whoa, okay, oh my goodness. Can I just point out like the moment anyone talks about bugs, I feel like my entire skin is crawling with everything.

Like I have to be like, I'm itching my elbow right now. I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no, no. No. Um. You just, you just have a fun reason to talk about. It's something. Well, okay, I'm just reading,

I'm just reading on this page that in fact there are some termite queens that live longer than 60 years. That's... What was that little noise dude? I just didn't like this conversation at all. I hate it. Okay, let's move on.

Let's move on to another question. That's not about bugs. All right. to another question that's not about bugs. All right. Make sure this one isn't about bugs. Okay, this one isn't about bugs. This one is good. I think this is interesting. And I think that we might be good people to talk about it.

This is from Mani who asks, dear Hank and Dodie, I need some help living as a human. As I think I've missed out on some crucial instructive material. Unfortunately, I'm going to graduate from uni soon, and I'm not a go-getter. Not like Logan selling burritos on the street. How do I succeed in life as a non-go-getter?

There are classmates of mine who are go-getters, and it is clear they are going to be successful. Hank is a go-getter, and I understand that this is the ideal way to live life. I'm air quoting now. That's just what this person is saying. I'm not confident and self-assured enough to put myself out there and hunt opportunities down, but this is what I need to do or I can't be a satisfactory people.

I am scared. I think my question is, can I change my ways? Is there a manual I can read on how to put myself out there and hunt down opportunities and sell burritos on the street. I don't know if I can be an artist, if I continue to only do things people say I should do. Are there any careers that don't require go-getting for success? Any dubious advice would be appreciated, scared, and confused, and momentoing morey, manny. I have so much to say about this. I thought you might, I want to start out by saying,

I totally, like the thing that you talk about there in the middle, Manny, where you just have done the things that other people have told you to thus far in life, that was 100% me until my 30s. It's everyone. Everyone is lazy. No one is a go get get and naturally I assure you. If they are, they are the best.

Except for Logan and his burritos. Oh yes of course. Oh yeah Logan's like a living life. Yeah but pretty much, honestly, I think everyone secretly thinks that they're lazy. Isn't there like a name for that? What is that? It's like oh there's like a pastor syndrome. Yeah, yeah. It's like, oh, when's everyone

going to find out that I'm secretly the lazyest, most incompetent person ever. And yeah. Yeah, yeah, I literally have employees whose job it is to tell me to do things, to make me do stuff. And without them, I wouldn't. I wouldn't. And my secret. Yeah, I would. At this point, I would. But that took me a while, and it took a kind of insecurity to make me do it.

Not I wasn't a go getter because I was naturally a go getter. I I think maybe very much like many. I was a go getter because I was afraid that like otherwise I wouldn't be satisfactory people as many puts it. And but like you will be satisfactory people without being a go-getter. Like, to me, what a much more important, and I know that I say this from a place of having had a lot of success,

that like visible success and less visible failures that no one really knows about. It's not so much about the success, it's about the success that are about the confidence that success gives you or the confidence that like, like people knowing and saying good things about you and for example saying that I'm a go-getter here. And like, that is not the only way to get that confidence.

And finding that security in yourself is really what it's about. And of course, the first step is to find security and life and food and shelter and healthcare and all that stuff. But beyond that, finding security and it like, simultaneously with that stuff, finding security and who you are does not require you to

like, to like, be Steve Jobs. Yeah. And if you are thinking that, in order to feel valuable and feel confident that you have to like, match up with some imagined future you or some some hero that you have, which is what I did for many years, then what you find is that you of course never get there because because there's always somebody who's more amazing than you are. Like especially inside of your own mind because that's what your mind is trying to do. It's trying to find, I could just trying to find reasons that you're not as valuable as you think as you are.

I don't know why, but that is the thing that brains do. Yeah, yeah, you said a lot there. That's so true. Like, I am definitely guilty of comparison. And the moment, like, I was naturally lazy, I was definitely like, I am not a go-getter, I am someone who cannot like get up and do anything. But I did little things and then I got preads from it. People would go wow I can't even do that, why are you working so hard?

And then my brain went oh maybe I'm not lazy and the moment I had that thought I wanted to do more and then I defined myself as a go getter. Even though there's like this deep like knowing that I'm actually not that kind of a person. But I think you can like you said, you can find that in other ways. Yeah. Yeah. And a lot like a lot of the ways that I've that like I think that I have found it and that most people find it is that they like get signed up, or they sign up for responsibilities, where people require them to do things, and they do those things, whether that's taking care of a child, or whether that's little things and big things, whether that's doing the job that you have been hired to do, or helping a friend that you care

about and are loyal to, all of these things are the opportunity to say, like, I have a responsibility to create the responsibility, and that's what gets you out of bed. Nothing, it doesn't just being, then there are people like this, I think that they are in the minority, but there are people who just get up and go, and it's all about to them having the most productive day possible because that's the thing that they love. But for the rest of us, it's about signing up for responsibilities and having to fulfill those responsibilities.

Yeah. I think it is. Which now is like Doty and I have both made the mistake of signing up for too many responsibilities because we were trying to motivate ourselves to do stuff. Right, but we have done, we have done, we have done, we have done, we have done, we have to undo it. Yeah. We have to undo this stuff.

Yeah, too much faith in ourselves. This podcast Doty, it's time for responses. It's brought to you by getting out of bed in the morning. Getting out of bed in the morning. You don't do it because you want to. This podcast was brought to you by getting out of bed in the morning. Getting out of bed in the morning. You don't do it because you want to. This podcast was brought to you by Sammy's Rabbit. Rest in peace, all of the imaginary rabbits were dead, and also to all of the Anton's.

All of the Anton's podcast is additionally brought to you by Ham Hands. Your hands are now made of hands, and they will solve world hunger. Slice them up, send them around. This podcast was also brought to you by Apple Bottom Jeans, which apparently makes you look like an apple. I think you have to have a certain bottom to pull. I don't think that I can have a bottom that looked like an apple dodi. Hank, everyone can have an apple bottom gene. Apple bottom, I was like, why? Apple bottom gene, I don't know. Try to be able to sing. Thank you. I am not ashamed of my butt at all.

I think I have a fine butt. Let's do like one or two more questions before we get to the news from Marzena F.C. Wimbledon. If that's okay with you, this question is from Mary, who asks, dear, Hank and Dodie, but mostly Hank. You recently said on the pod that there are nine missions on Mars right now, which got me thinking, do any of the rovers or orbiters ever catch one another? Like, do we ever get an image back from an orbiter in which a rover is like randomly photobombing in the corner? Are they ever bump into each other? Well, I recognize I am completely anthropomorphizing the robots crawling around on Mars.

It's something that I need to know desperately. Please help me the force be with you, Mary. Wow. Kind of definitely happens where, and not unintentionally, but an orbiter will take a picture of a rover. And sometimes it just sort of like happens to happen. And other times they're like,

we want to take a picture and see where it's at and see if we can like also take a picture of where it's parachute landed and stuff like that. But they are far enough away from each other that they are not gonna run into each other on the surface. Yet, though the Mars 2020 mission, sorry, I'm boguiding this question, George. I know that you want to tell us all about Mars. The Mars 2020 mission, sorry, I'm bogarting this question, George. Yeah, I know that you want to tell us all about Mars.

The Mars 2020 mission will have a thing where it collects samples, and then the idea is that a future mission will land near there, and then go visit it, and then pick up those samples, and then shoot the back to Earth, potentially. Or it will be visited by an actual human being who will collect those samples. So... Uh... Thank you, I never happened to put it in. potentially, or it will be visited by an actual human being who will collect those samples. So, uh, you've never had a brother. They're all little friends. Yeah, and we really, I said, like, they were not all alone for, like, forever.

Hey, stop it. Don't do this. They're all alone. They're all alone. They're all alone. Oh, no, here we go. I'm just like the rabbits. Yeah, it's, I't do this. I'm still feeling empathy towards it, but oh no, here we go. I'm just like the rabbits. Yeah, it's funny, because like the 2020 River

will literally be like picking up rocks and holding onto them, but not for any definite reason. Like maybe someday we'll be able to go pick up those rocks, but like mostly it's just like, I just thought like I liked this one, and I like spent a lot of time with it, so I decided to keep it. Oh my gosh they're you. Just like me. It's just like that's me. Mr. Rover man. Yeah Mars and that's there's there's a

little bit to do with that that I'm gonna talk about in today's Mars news but before we get to that one more question Dori we have so many good ones this week and we got to a lot. This was a really good questions per episode rate for our, for, for, dear Hengajana, I feel like last, last uh, time we got to like three. So our last question comes from Kessa, dear Hank and Dori. On Hank's Snapchat today, he posted a video of the movement activated sync that kept being activated without there being anyone doing so. Hank's animated joke about it being a ghost with dirty hands.

Bad jokes aside! This got me thinking! Would a ghost theoretically be able to activate things with movement sensors like some sinks or those lights that turn on when someone enters the room? Or would they not recognize the ghost since he's either is not technically made out of mass. How did movement senses work? Do they apply to ghosts? So are they creatures made out of mass only? Moment of glory, desert. Whoa. Also, where does that say? What? It wasn't an airport. I was in an airport and it was just like, it didn't like like it wasn't on all the time

It would just be like off and then it would be like And I was like what's that like what like it's okay if you're like on and you're broken and you're just on But if you're on and off and on and off and nobody's standing there like definitely a Airport goes Standing there like definitely a Airport ghost. That's a bad joke. That's funny. I love that Thanks, thank you, Doty

the So first of all, I don't know that Tessa I don't know I don't know that I like the Tessa is just assuming that ghosts have no mess. I'd like maybe they do oh Maybe they maybe they, they seem to interact with light some like the, for the most part, stuff that interacts with light or can interact with anything has mass itself. So it seems like ghosts would have mass unless there's some kind of non-neutonic, non like Einstein, non like standard model physics happening here. But I do know how the sensors work. And so it would depend on the kind of ghost it was.

If it was a hot ghost, then it would work. So there's different categories. There's hot ghosts, which are when they're in the room, they'll touch you and it'll be like, that was a weird hot ghost hand. And then there's cold ghosts, which they give you cold feelings. And then there's wet ghosts, which will make you wet. And then there's sand ghosts, and they just like leave sand around and then there's

just there's air ghosts that are just sort of like collected air and there's pure pure water ghosts which are made out of they're only underwater and they're just like more dense water and then there's fly ghosts which are made out of a bunch of flies. Oh yeah. And so but so it depends on the kind of ghost they are. If they're a fly ghost, definitely, like gonna activate that sink. But those motion activated sinks are actually, not motion activated, they're heat activated.

Oh wow. So it would have to be a hot ghost to turn it. Is that why sometimes they don't work? My hands are cold. That's crazy. Maybe it's because your hands are cold. I never thought about that. But I'm always like, come on, do the thing!

Like, move my hands around. Even though it's not about the movement, it's about the heat. So you actually want to keep it in front of there. But I feel like if your hands are like room temperature, it's not gonna turn on. There you go. There you go.

And like, if you just happen to be a cold person, what a disaster. I love the time hot ghost. That is so great. Hot ghost. You don't like flag ghost? No, absolutely not. Again, now my entire skin is cooling.

No, moving away from buds. There's actually, there's a two kinds of hot ghosts. There's the ghosts that are warm, and then there's the ghosts that are just very attractive. Ah, there you go. Hey, hey, oh, bad just a sign. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, We got some news about former AFC Wimbledon and Southend man joins his good friend at Leatherhead. So that happened at some point in the history of AFC Wimbledon. I wonder if I could try.

Have you ever noticed that like the towns in your country have weird names? Excuse me, what do you mean? Oh, Leather. I don't know, I guess down is everywhere have weird names. Just all, when I was in London most recently, I was looking at the subway stops. I was on the tube. I was like, yeah, that's the stops. The tube stops, I guess.

Oh, yeah. And all of the names of the places where it was stopped, it was like a weird feeling of nostalgia, because they all, I'd never heard of any of the places, but they all seemed like such English words. And I live in a place where we speak English, but a lot of the places are named after things that are not in English, like they're named after Spanish things, or French things, or Native American words. And Montana obviously is not an English word, it's a Spanish word. Florida, the other state that I'm

front is a Spanish word. Muzula, the city I'm from, is a Native American word. So, but this weird connection to like, oh, these places were named by people who have been living here, from here, not like came and conquered and took over this area and got rid of the people who were living here, but living here,

and all the places, a weirdly, just the names of the places made that more clear to me. And I just wanted to say that. Good, I'm pleased. I always forget. That's the number one thing American people always talk about when I come over here that like it's so old. It's so cool. I'm so used to you know seeing a building that's like 500 years old and I'm like yeah. Yeah sure. Well in in Mars news. Oh yes, do let me know.

So you guys know that you guys, you Europeans, I'm still calling you Europeans in England for the time being at least you had a Mars craft that was headed to Mars and earlier, like last year in 2016, in October. It got to Mars and then it just crashed into the surface of Mars. Oh. Sad face. Oh no. So the report of what happened has been concluded. And here's what happened.

So when these crafts have on them a bunch of, just like in your phone, has a bunch of accelerometers that will tell you what direction your phone is facing. So if you turn it sideways, it's like, oh, I know that I'm sideways now and I'll take a sideways picture. And they also can kind of tell how fast they're moving.

Well, the space probes obviously have those as well. So they could tell how fast they're moving. Well, the space probes obviously have those as well, so they could tell how fast they're moving, how fast they're spinning, whether they've stopped or whether they're still moving. And what happened was a bunch of those instruments got overloaded when I think that Kraft is called the Chiaparelli, I don't know exactly how to pronounce that, but the Chiaparelli. I don't know exactly how to pronounce that, but the Chiaparelli at a crucial moment

for not very long, for like less than a second, it spun very fast before it corrected itself. And in that moment, when it was spinning very quickly, as it entered the Martian atmosphere, because that's what happens when you hit atmospheres, sometimes you spin. And it's for example, the reason why that guy who jumped out of that red bull like face balloon,

he pulled his rip cord early because he started to spin. And he was spinning so fast that he, you know, if you spin fast enough, you will die. So in a similar way, this thing was spinning so fast that all of its instruments got overloaded, and then suddenly it thought it had landed already. And it sent back a report basically and it was like, I'm on the surface of Mars and then it stopped existing shortly thereafter and they found a giant crater that had crashed

into. So it thought it landed but it was wrong and so it didn't do all the things to prepare for landing and instead just crashed. So that's what happened. No, that's good. But the good news is, the good news is that she ever really wild and interesting and useful instrument, a lot of what it was doing was testing out to see

if the ESA's landing systems were good enough to put on their much more expensive rover that they're sending in 2020, and we discovered that they worked. Why not? So this problem will be fixed. Okay, good. Well, there you go.

That was that one, Handy. Handy to know. Yeah, handy to know. So that is the news from Mars Doty. What did we learn today? I learned what Apple bottom jeans are. I've never heard of them before. Well, I've never Googled it before. I've never had them before. Well, I've never Googled it before.

I've had it a many a time, but now I know that it's just sort of big booties in jeans. I learned that Dori has friend Sammy. Have I met Sammy? I don't know. You should. He's great. Okay.

Wow, that is great, except for the part where there's all the rabbit murder. Yeah, exactly. And we learned that Hank would not eat his own hands. He would feed the world with them. Oh yeah, was that the answer that you would give? No, it wasn't. I don't believe that I could produce an infant amount of ham from my hands. Like, I just don't accept it.

Then join me on the sun cream on this side. Uh, yes, and yes, definitely. At the same time, like, I would prefer for that not to happen either. Mm-hmm. Say, I'm... Unless it was on demand. Like, if it was only when I wanted it to, but if it was just like, whenever I sweat, I sweated sunscreen, no thank you.

Well, we can now stab each other. Oh yes, and we learned that there are two different types of ghosts. Of hot ghosts. Sorry, there are warm ghosts and incredibly effective. Thank you for joining me on this episode of Dear Hank and John Do. So, having me on this episode of Dear Hank and John. Thank you for having me. Thank you. This podcast is produced by Rosiana Halstead, Austin Sheridan Gibson, our social media person, is Victoria Bonjorno. Nicholas Jenkins edits the podcast

and our music is by the great Gunnarola and as they say in our hometown, don't forget to be awesome. Bye. you.