Dear Mr Knickerthief - Embarrassing Moments

Episode Date: November 10, 2025

We're here for all the times you wished the ground would swallow you up!From mouse shit tacos and mistaken family ass grabs to the moment you're left alone with a dead body, the penultimate episode in this season of Dear Mr. Knickerthief has it all... And so much more!If you love Dear Mr. Knickerthief, leave a review and make sure you subscribe to get the latest episodes first.And we always want to hear from you! Get in touch with the podcast on Instagram at ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/dearmrknickerthief⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow Sophie Craig at ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/itssophiecraig⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow Jahannah James at ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/jahannahjames⁠⁠⁠⁠Part of ⁠⁠⁠⁠Podomedy⁠⁠⁠⁠, the independent podcast comedy network.

Hello and welcome to Dear Mr. Nickathy. I'm Sophie. And I'm Johanna. And this is the podcast where we used to read out my diary but now we've opened up the floor to you guys. Now we're going to read out yours.

Enjoy. Enjoy. And remember it's never too much. It might be too much. Okay. Hello, it's us again. Welcome to Dear Mr. Nickethe. Welcome back, everyone.

It's the podcast where each week we pick a topic, a theme. A theme and you guys sort of treat us as your digital diary. yeah and we're going to read them out yeah we're going to read out your actual real life embarrassing stories yeah this week this is a good one I'm excited for this one because like it is embarrassing stories and B what absolute legends you guys are for just being like here it is there were a few people um you mentioned earlier that um we're like uh I can't but if you but you can't you can't you can't but you can't you can't be you can't anonymous by writing into us at deemis and the thief on our Instagram.

If you DM us there instead of commenting on the status, it's public or whatever. No one's going to know. Nobody's going to know. Yeah. Okay, so let's dive right in because I'm really excited. Oh, look at this. No pre-chip-chat. She's had a snack and she's off.

Having a snack and we're going right in. I love embarrassing stories, mainly because I feel like I have maybe a lot of embarrassing moments in my life, but more than most. Character building. So I think it's going to make me feel better. Yeah, I think so. Okay, so dear Mr. Nick Thief, I'm single with an almost two-year-old.

I was pushing her in a pram yesterday when we saw a hot-looking Amazon delivery driver. I tracked him with my eyes, not on the app, that's weird, as he walked from his van to where he was delivering as it was the same direction I was going to. When we were near, he waves, and I automatically waved back. Then my little, then my girl laughed to him, Oves. That's when I realised he was waving to her and not me.

Oh, well. Not embarrassing enough next. No, that's next. Not embarrassing enough, no. Honestly, if that is your most embarrassing moment, then... Oh, my God. You haven't lived, Susan. I'm really glad that we're not your friend,

because we would really embarrassing. But thank you for sharing that, but... Okay. That's okay. On the less of embarrassing things, you don't need to be embarrassed about that, queen. This one might be funny. the mouse shit taco incident oh it's got a title and everything already sounds amazing yeah dear mr nick

thief it was in the midst of winter i like this day that you're setting the scene this is great three or four years ago i lived on a canal boat and not currently having a working fridge on board i put my shopping in a storage cupboard on my wheelhouse deck um i thought it was fine it's freezing cold later that evening i cooked up my mints on my wood stove fire and started making my tacos, sprinkling my Aldi grated cheese generously. Well, this is great. This is great storytelling. The novelist.

I had two or more tacos before spotting inside the cheese bag. There were many little brown lumps. Oh, no. It was at this point, I noticed the bag had been chewed through. Time stopped. Air became still. This is amazing. The water surrounding my boat came to a complete halt. The reflection of the moonlight, once happily.

Oh, I've screenshoted it, but not to see more. So we're just going to have, we're just going to have to end there, but we all know what's happened. The mouse has shat in the cheese, and he's eaten two tacos by the time he's realised. We need tech support. Oh. Oh my God, we're awful. Well. But you know what?

Okay, A, we need to get better at this whole tech thing. This is why we need... This is why we don't screenshot. This is why we need... This is why we need tech. This is why we need money. However... I would argue as awful as that is,

that's not embarrassing because I would argue that embarrassing is when other people are around to witness something. I mean, I'd feel pretty embarrassed by a bag of mouse poop. Yeah, but... I would too, but this thing is, The embarrassment comes from, like, that's more like mortified. I mean, that is, you've eaten too.

Telling someone. Two mouse-dropping tacos? I wonder if they were ill. I think we'll never know. Well, we will if we go back and read the comments and actually copy-post the whole thing. But, well, I hope, well, obviously they live to tell the tale. So that's great news. Yeah, I mean, that's gross.

Eating shit. We were really going somewhere with that story. Oh, I'm really enjoying that. We really let ourselves down there. Sorry. That was completely my fault. Dear Mr. Nicker Thief, well, I once ended up in a morgue when I got lost in the hospital. Oh my God.

As you do. Would have been all right until a member of staff wheeled a body bag in and said, there's another one for you and left me with it. So there was I, standing with a Jane slash John Doe. So I thought, well, I'll move them somewhere more private. So I decided to push them to... Oh, my God. They actually got involved.

Yeah. I'll just pop them somewhere. So we just thought they'd pop them somewhere more private. As if it's, there's another one for you, another day in the office. So you didn't know where to put them. So, um, wield them. I was trying to wield them to put them outside the office in the morgue. Unfortunately, I ended up in the corridor outside the canteen.

And they put the bed with the dead body. The door behind clicked so they couldn't go back in from where they, so they went out what they thought was going to be like, I'll just wheel them around to the office. and put them in the canteen. And then they actually was going towards the canteen and the door behind them clicked they couldn't get back in. So then I had to run around

and try and get back in without anyone seeing. It was a complete disaster. Got to where the porter's office was and I was in a right state and one of the porters said, what the hell are you doing with that? And they said,

all I wanted to do was get a urine sample pot and then it's gone wrong. And I've got a dead body and I don't have to move it so I'm private and I put it somewhere that's like something that I was a sitcom

Yeah Why would you If somebody handed me a dead body Was like There's another one for you I'm like I'm like oh no No I don't work here

This poor person It's such a people pleaser They're like Thank you That's funny though Yeah When you're a people pleaser And someone hands you a dead body

Yeah you know That standard thing When you're people pleaser If you're just want to help So Just take it for a wheel Around the canty That's somebody's dead

relative oh god how mortified would you be if that was your person that had just passed away and then you just see this random person looking for a urine test not even medical like not in the medical get up or anything just walking down the corridor from the canteen with your like granddad i i actually feel that'd be really funny if i died and i was able to watch myself get wheeled round the canteen like to a person anything from the trolley dear really tickled me. Well done. Thank you. Oh, dear. Okay. I worked in a care home for the physically disabled for eight years as an activities

organizer. That would have been a fun job. We did loads of great things. And for the early rises, I always had an arts and crafts table ready by 8 a.m. every morning. So this particular morning, the manager came with me, a lovely lady saying, hi, Deb, this is Julie, who's joining us today. I replied, hi, Julie, truly lovely to meet you. I've just set up for the day. Perhaps you might like to start painting. no Julie's part of the staff for today oh well how do you even swallow that

right that's brilliant these are like literal this has given me inspiration for some of the best moments in like TV scripted stuff this is a TV moment yeah like when you The last two when you put your foot in it

Ah Julie would you like to do some painting no actually I'm your manager amazing that's sorry oh this the other person would have been like the person that pushed around the dead people well yeah absolutely yeah she'd been like

been painting and three hours later been like actually I've just got to do some work right thank you for that I'll invoice for this okay dear Miss Nicky the time I put sanitary pads in my shoes on a night out because that was a hack that they said put a sanitary pad in

Oh, I've got a funny story Only to find them poking out the front of my peat-toe shoes In the middle of the night And that's it, you're trying to pull in a bar And then they look down And you've got fanny pads That's so funny That reminds me of a story in uni

Right So me and my friend, Nikki, shout out to Nikki We're a gorgeous friend We were getting ready for a night out And we were putting on fake tan But we couldn't find like a fake tan mitt So we used condoms So we got condoms.

Well, we didn't think of that. But we used condoms. So we were like, brilliant. We'll pop a couple of them out of Nicky's draw. Popped them on our hands. Sprayed them with the fake tan, popped it on. Weren't a treat, to be fair. Anyway, we were out.

And we met these two guys in the bar. And we were just chatting away, chatting away. And Nikki was getting on one with one really well. And I ended up with a mate. You know when you're just like, oh, for God's sick. Anyway, yeah, ended up like just chatting to the mate. because they were having a lovely time. Anyway, after a couple of hours,

one of the guys, they were, like, stood near us and they were like, both of them were like, you're all right. And they were like, they're like, you guys really like smell like rubber. Like, what have you guys done? Like, you smell like Johnny's. You smell like condoms. And we were like, oh my God, we smell like condoms.

And they were like, oh, right. Well, I can't even remember. remember what it was, but I just remember being mortified. How do you say that? I can't remember what we did. I think we probably just were like, oh, we used condoms to put our fake tan on, because that's kind of what we were like. But, yeah, it was quite embarrassing at the moment. Like, Nikki never used to embarrass easily, though, so I was in safe hands. But yeah, we absolutely reeked of condoms.

Absolutely reeked. Odicloat. Odicolod. Ode condoms. Okay. Dear Miss Nick Thief, when me and my now husband first started seeing each other, We went up to the lakes for the day, for a day out. And I was looking around the shop, and I went to grab his bum. But I grabbed some other man's. I was mortified. I could see Jack looking at me across the shop laughing.

Yeah, grabbing someone else's ass is hard to... Yeah. How'd you come back from that? I'm so sorry, sir. It's like when you think somebody's like your mum or your dad or something, and you're walking along, you turn around, you're like, Mom, oh, God, it's just another old woman. Yeah. oh actually this happened to my sister's boyfriend at christmas we were all wearing the same jumpers

we stood around my mum's kitchen and i think his so my sister charlotte was stood next to him at one point and then she moved and i just came in next to him you all look kind of you're about the same height same hair same dark hair all the same jumpers on and he just went down and just grabbed my ass slap my ass give it a little squeeze and i was like thank you adam and he was like oh my god and he hasn't lived it down to this day. Like, we still take the Mick out of him for it. Do you remember the time? You slapped my off.

Yeah, yeah, still take the mic out of him for it this day. Yeah, it was. He was hilarious, but he was modified. Yeah. I think that's the top tier embarrassing is like probably foot in mouth moments or miscommunication. Oh, God, yeah.

Or physical things. I get a lot of like physical, funny, embarrassing moments. So many times have fallen over, I mean, and it's, now, I feel like I'd embarrass less easily now. Yeah, because they're human, right? And it's just like, at the end of the day, it's like, oh, hilarious. The two, when I think of, like, most embarrassing physical moments for me, I've got two memories that pop up that I'm like, cringe.

The first one was when I was about 15, I went to a skate park because I was trying to skateboard, because I was so cool. And I decided to give the half pipe a go. Oh. Now, what was cool about this skate park is for one hour in the mornings, it was girls only. So my story is so boring. So boring. I'm so tired and it's so warm in this room.

I tried really hard to hide it. And I was like, yawning. I was like, we can cut to Johanna will start a yawn. And you just caught me and just called me out on it. There's video evidence. People are watching, Sophie. carry on it's not okay

but I kind of cut my yarn shots I feel like I'm not done would you like to have a yawn break no I want a yawn continue on oh no I've got a ya oh no I

we're so old I hope yeah yeah you can't there's like yawns like contagious right

I know they're not look at each other and apparently like if people can look at you and not yawn they're a psychopath I've heard how many people going to be watching this and yarn in.

Oh my God, please let us know if you are, if you're, you're, oh, you can't even speak. Oh, God. Right. Continue. Back to my half. We're a boring story. Boring story. So it was only girls.

So I felt really confident learning to escape because I didn't, you know, the boys weren't there. But then 11 o'clock came around. All the boys started coming in. And then I gassed myself up and was like, yeah, I'm going to do the half-five. So I queued up to the half-five. And there was a boy in front of me. And he was obviously, like, really impressed that I was going to try and do the half-bibb.

And he was like, I was like, no, after you. He went, no, no, no, no. After you? Like, how do you say no to that? And I was like, okay, he was like, you're right. I was like, yeah. And I really, like, set myself up for the fall, literally. Oh, my God. And then I, um, because I'd done it in the, in the, when it was just girls there,

I managed to sort of do it, I think, at least once or with some help. Um, and then, yeah. I fell from the top. I'm not going to get. I'll just talk to myself, but I fell from the top. I'm so sorry. The skateboard went out the half pipe, flew across the hole. I nearly didn't go and get it.

I only thought, oh, just leave it. I'll just get out. Just get out. Did you wind yourself? There's nothing more embarrassing when you fall and win yourself. I fell down the half pipe. I was just lying there. There was just the boy going,

are you all right? I'm like, yeah, great, bro, it's cool. You win some, you lose some. You win. You never said that. I try to start out. You never said you win some. No, I don't know what I said.

Are you win some? Yeah, well good. And then I add to the hopper across the entire thing. And sorry, can I just, sorry, my skateboard's just under, sorry. Never went back. So that was really, really embarrassing. And the second one, the more recent one was in the pandemic, you know, when the only thing you could do with the day was go to, like, a supermarket or a shop. Yeah.

and obviously only a certain amount of number people could go in a shop at one time so there was queues of people outside the shop and there was going down the high street and I was with my boyfriend and there was probably about 150 people waiting to go into Wilco and I was at the start of the queue

and I was walking along and one minute I was up next minute flat on the concrete falling off was the best. I fell flat and I smacked it was like and everybody in the queue went and a lady ran out of the shop that I was like next to or was a restaurant and she ran out and she was like oh be careful

it's very and then there was nothing that I tripped over there wasn't like like a thing yeah it's just like be careful it's very it's very flat I know it's just really painful yeah and you've got to try that like it doesn't hurt yeah and I had to get up but my boyfriend couldn't even get me up because he was laughing so much because one minute I was there and the next minute I wasn't. And then I had to go and join the Quito and wait. Oh, no. So they were my two physically embarrassing.

I've had a really, I'm one of the worst auditions I've ever been to. I, for some reason, was called in for like a modeling job, which I am not a model. I'm five foot four, right? I'm just not. I'm not, right? And I remember being late for this audition. so I was running and running and running and running and then obviously I tripped over in the middle of the road

stacked it and went skidding across the floor like skidding to the point where I grazed my knees and they were bleeding like through my tights I was wearing tights oh yeah I got the holes and everything and they were bleeding anyway so I was like and there was a guy behind me went you all right I was like yeah yeah fine walking he was walking behind me

turns out he was also going to the audition as well and I was like for fuck sake it was the worst anyway and then I got there and I was really flurring And I was just like, oh, fuck, I'll say, oh, all right, right. And then they gave me these tights to put on. So I put on these, like, skin-coloured tights, my leg was bleeding through them. And then they gave me this tight, C-quin gold dress. And I was just really flustered.

Also, A, not a model, B, cut my leg open. Bleeding. So C was late, sorry. So anyway, I went into the audition and I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. Like, I have no idea how these casting calls go for models, right? there were these really tall, skinny women there. Yeah. Not me.

Five foot four. I was wearing horrible, like, not even Doc Martin boots, like rip off Primat Doc Martin boots. Like, didn't even remember, like, didn't know to bring heels, nothing like that. So I'm wearing these Doc Martins,

horrible skin-coloured tights, bleeding, and this awful dress that was definitely far too tight and was like all gold and sparkly. Anyway, I got into the audition, a little dumpy five foot four, bleeding knee,

stood there in the dress. They're like, right, just show off the dress a little bit. So I was just thinking. like turning around like some sort of like do do do do do do like a prize and like a conveyor belt and they're like and then can you just try and you know just show off the arms a bit and like obviously so like all the models will probably been like yeah like hands behind their heads like this that and that I went I stuck my arm out to the side and just went and took my other arm and just laid it

like this that's the arm I literally went that's the left arm I went and that's the right up And then I'll turn to the other side, put on my right arm, to my left hand and drew that up to the armpit as well. Great. And they were like, thank you, you can go now. I was the most, I just was like, please ground, swallow me up. Next time you show me an outfit or a fit check, I'm going to be like, can you just show me the arms, sorry?

And they're like, yeah, to show off the arms of it because they were big sparkly arms. And I just literally was like, Exhibit A. Exhibit B. Exhibit B. And yeah, and I had another really embarrassing moment on set, which now in hindsight, as a more grown, I'm not as embarrassed about,

but I was 22 at the time. And it was the one and only extra job I'd ever done, supporting artists, I think. Right, yeah. It was called extras at the time. And they dressed me, tied me over. I went for a fitting the day before. They put me in a wasper.

It was super tight. And I was just like, oh my God, this is so uncomfortable. Anyway, it went back the next day. I got dressed in something else. It sat for eight hours and we weren't used. this is what they don't tell you about these jobs like hats off to anybody that does this for a living it's a really tough job and it's really long

long hours and you didn't even get used anyway they're like right you're not getting used I was like oh for god's sake went back to the unit and the woman was like oh if you're in tomorrow because I had a small part in the film as well but then they wouldn't mean to do like can we try your outfit on for the next day and I was like oh for god's sake and I'd like I think I was like it was on it was my time in the month and I'd been sat for hours

and hours and hours, wasn't prepared with anything because nobody sat there for hours, I haven't taken anything. And then this one was like, quick, we just need to get you in this outfit. I was like, I need to get you in the bathroom. She was like, I need to get you in this quick. And I was like, oh, God, okay, I didn't speak up for myself. Yeah. Anyway, she put me back in this wasper, back in this little leotard.

And then obviously, like, I took it all off. And I was just like, oh, no. And this was like in this vintage costume. I was like, oh, no. And she had to, like, rush me through, like, everybody and take me to the sink. And it was like, there was all these. people there and she made me sit

and wash it all out like in the sink all these other production crew and that were there and I was just like that was the most embarrassing moment but there's like now obviously I'd be like no I need to go to the bathroom yeah no sorry you know sorry like you've literally I'm all my period you need to let me deal with that it was the most embarrassing moment and I'm not done essay work ever again since also like

I feel like it's a right of passage as an actor to do that yeah you've got to start off with a little bit of extra work but not loads because they say you're not supposed to but I did it once And I was like, oh, I've got a little part in the thing. Yeah, I'll do a couple of extra days for you as well. Never again. Never again.

Hats off to anybody that does that because that is a hard job. It's a hard job. Well, thank you so much for sharing your embarrassing stories. We actually could do with juicier ones. I feel like a lot of people held back. Held back. So DM us, right? We're going to come back.

We're going to circle back around to embarrassing stories. But you can keep in private. Yeah, this is tier one. This is a hot, the appetite. If you think you can beat them, email shit or the best, the best one with the dead body. The dead body one is the best.

That's my favorite one ever. Yeah, let us know. But now, it's your turn to do note to solve. This is the next part of the podcast. All right, so I'm going to go in for, we're going to go in for Facebook. memory delaying on Facebook I love an on this day

Facebook status and yours are so cringy and mine are really cringy so we're going to go back and we're going back to I'll start at 15 years ago on this day wow all right 14 years ago sorry

on this day and then on the same day I put up a few statuses a few oh she was on it oh I have a few okay Friday Elypsis he is a talent

I bet you didn't know I had Winky Face What talent? That's it, I don't know The suspense Friday Nice cryptic, Friday He is a talent

I bet you didn't know I had So cringe And then I continued on Another status Actually on the same day Right I've just eaten Half a jar of strawberry jam

That's it Great Cool story bro That's it half a jar of strawberry jam that's it but that's like really let's be honest there's two spoonfuls of jam get a grips off why are you putting that on there you sad sad woman

I love the fact that you would have sat there and you would have gone what are you up to today or whatever the prompt was oh yeah what's on your mind I know I'll let everyone know that I've eaten some jam yeah these are embarrassing in themselves here we go

someone's put so this is 13 years ago on this day so I must have just moved to London maybe been there about a week generic anyone about in London status. You don't put that in... Maybe back home you can do that.

Yeah, but no, everybody used to do it back in the day. Like, who's about in London? Like, to meet up for a coffee in London. Best of it is, I wasn't even in London. I was in Surbiton. That's not London. That's not London.

Definitely suburbs. That's in the suburbs. That's near Kingston. That's zone five or six. Yeah, yeah. And then I remember being really shocked when my cousin was like, oh yeah, it takes about 40 minutes to get. I was like, 40 minutes!

That's ridiculous. And now I'm like, oh, no, I get it. Because, but you have moved down to the thing. you're like, oh my God, I'm going to be like, so sex on the city. I'm going to be like walking around Harrod's up a day. I'm just going to be like, a little Bond Street. Absolutely not. Yeah, I thought everybody could just be about it on it.

I was like, oh my God, I'm going to live in like Mayfa. I'm going to have one of those houses with like the big white columns outside. And you lived in wallet. With a damp room with a hole in the ceiling and a mouse on the stairs. But so I had a very rude awakening. And then somebody commented saying, me, I'm not up too much at the moment. And I ignored them. Who's in London?

Nope, didn't want to see you. No, didn't want to see you. And then, same day, also in, I like to, I updated quite often. Mad first week in London. All settled, audition tomorrow, start front of house tomorrow, and we have a house slash cottage in Hampton Court in September. I'm ready. Winky face. Anyway, um...

You're a loving life. Turns out... Oh, no, I was crying every day. Oh. It turns out that the audition that I went to was the one about... the brothel if you've not listened to that episode you need to listen to the time i was nearly a prostitute because that's what this is about uh i started front of house but then the theatre went dark almost immediately um and uh yeah it was it was it was not good um and same day

another status that said there's quite a lot of mood swings here seriously missing my melon and uh melon was my boyfriend at the time i called him melon And then he's put, well, at least I'm back in the UK now. And I put, you are? You're communicating via Facebook status of lies. That's not, that's not a very intimate relationship, is it? Well. But, yeah, that was, that was that.

And there's a few more, but, like, they're a little bit more, um, less unhinged. Do you know what I mean? Like, as you grew up. Keep it, let's let's leave on a good note because they were, they were awful. Cringy A.F. So, yeah, if you ever need like a little bit of a pick me up, just have a look at your Facebook memories and cringe at yourself. Yeah, or please, please screenshot them or copy and paste.

If you have, like, we should do a competition for Note to Self. Oh, my best. Best Facebook memories. Facebook memory status that you did back in the day, genuinely back in the day. Yeah. I want them. We want them. The worst, the better.

And you're literally like, why the hell? If you can beat Sophie's, I just had half a jar of jam. That's so pathetic. At least eat the full jar, if you're going to report. It was not going on in your life that day. I was. I was very happy. Then I was sad that I was missing melon.

I didn't know where it was in the country. Why melon? Can't remember. Because I used to be like, oh, you're right, melon. Oh, the bamps. Ha, ha, ha, the bamps between you. Oh, bless him. Anyway, that's it from us, isn't it?

That's yesterday, sharp and sweet. Yeah, because I'm tired, apparently. I'm tired. Now you've set me off, and I need a nap, so. But next time, you might see us, Johanna might not be pregnant. That's exciting. Yeah, that might be very exciting.

Nobody can be more excited about that than me. Fantastic. Guys, if you want to get in touch with those, you can follow us at DM, It's a Nick and Eve podcast. That's where you can DM us all your bits and pieces, or you can follow us on a cross-up. on across. Follow us all across our socials, Facebook, Instagram, at It's Sophie Craig,

at Johan adams, where we put out topics for each week and where you're able to write in and get involved. I think I covered everything there, didn't I? You're still listening to this at this point. Well done. You're a legend. Thank you. All four of you there. All four of you. Thank you to all four of our subscribers. Peace out. We love you. And yeah, don't forget. It's never too much. Or maybe it is. Maybe it is. You've been listening to Dear Mr Nicker Thief

If you want to get involved Then you can There are a few ways you can do it And yeah If you've got any stories That make you want to curl up and die And the ground just swallow you whole Then we want to hear from you

We'd love to hear them Yeah we'll share them with everyone We'd love to share them publicly Sharing is caring It is So you can DM us at our Instagram Dear Mr Nick Thief And a TikTok

We've got a TikTok A TikTok We've got a TikTok now Doem Mr Nicketh And we've got an email Dear Mr Nicker Thief at gmail.com yeah because we're cheap but we didn't want to pay for the actual

name so it's still gmail but yeah uh get in touch we put shoutouts on our social so keep an eye on them on our personal socials as well at johanna james at it's sophie craig um and yeah get involved with all your little topics and telltiles and we'll share them out and remember yeah it's never too much might be too much maybe thank you