Dear Mr Knickerthief - Fears & Phobias

Episode Date: November 3, 2025

Let's get weird with your random, strange or entirely legitimate fears and phobias! From flying birds and loose hair around the house to balloons, swimming pools and tiny holes... Also, what the heck are megalophobia, metaphobia, tokophobia and xylophobia? Let's hold hands and dive in together!If you love Dear Mr. Knickerthief, leave a review and make sure you subscribe to get the latest episodes first.And we always want to hear from you! Get in touch with the podcast on Instagram at ⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/dearmrknickerthief⁠⁠⁠Follow Sophie Craig at ⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/itssophiecraig⁠⁠⁠Follow Jahannah James at ⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/jahannahjames⁠⁠⁠Part of ⁠⁠⁠Podomedy⁠⁠⁠, the independent podcast comedy network.

Hello and welcome to Dear Miss Nickythew I'm Sophie And I'm Johanna And this is the podcast Where we used to read out my diary But now we've opened up the floor to you guys And now we're going to read out yours

Enjoy Enjoy And remember it's never too much It might be too much Okay How you been this week Wait we're going right in aren't we're We're getting straight in

We're going straight in No messing No how been this week Straight in he said Oh he said you could do like a three minute one Oh I think it's nice to warn people up We're comedians, we're funny

we'll just sit right okay come here that's all right welcome have you been I've been all right yeah good I think

I don't know I don't know what day it is I literally don't know what day it is I think it's a Tuesday it's a Tuesday I think it's a Tuesday happy Tuesday

thank you welcome everyone happy Tuesday I hope you all know what time of the week I hope you know what time of the week is We're not on time of the week and what day of the... The day of that hour.

Yeah. Mate, we're not with it. Right. We're not with it at all this week. We are not very techy. We've got to be just to be honest. We just be honest. Let's be honest.

I fucking hate setting up this podcast. We are... Yeah. We love it. We're not here. We're here for the bans and we're here for the stories and we're here for you guys. But the actual tech... What in the actual tech is happening?

I say this, right, though, but I am so... not tech savvy i get really angry i my contribution is i sit and watch johanna um recalibrate i recalibate i'll get a i'll get us a Pepsi or a cope yeah um i'll set up a light and set up a camera maybe arrange a flower and make the place look pretty you do and johanna does the other things no you are on aesthetic design that's your like i'm on product like that side of production you're on tech yeah i'm on tech and it is above my pay grade so hopefully you can hear us and hopefully you can see us. What's above our pay grades?

Because we're not getting paid for this yet. Yeah. Yet. We shall manifest that we will one day we can afford tech support. Thank you. But until then, we'll just crack on. We'll just crack on. And we've got some really good diary entries this week.

I'm so excited. Also, just to remind you guys, we're going into this blind. Well, I'm going into this blind. Whoever does the research week to week and collects all of the... Colates the evidence. Colates the evidence. Colates the diary. entries um the other person's completely blind so um oh my baby's got hiccups oh that's good no she's alive

oh god she's been a bit quiet this morning i know the it's mad uh never had a baby before i didn't know but um yeah your baby's supposed to move like a lot and then when it doesn't move it's quite scary so then when you get hiccups you're like oh great she's there she's alive it's because she's you're right it's because she's having a Coke zero probably um yeah and right sure sure Should we, do you want to get involved? Let's get right in. I'm so ready. I'm so ready.

Right into this one. Because this week, it's a really good one. We put out, um, on Facebook and socials, asking people what their weirdest phobias are. Oh, okay. And they said a really good response. We always get really good responses. You guys are great. So, uh, yeah, so we've gone through and just picked out some of the, hit me with the fears.

The best. Are you ready? Yeah. All right. Dear Mr. Nigger thief. This one might be. super, super weird. I am morbidly, viscerally, creeped out, this is for you, this one, by pregnant

women. I get completely heby-jeeby about the idea of a small human being grown inside a woman. I get seasick and the idea of all the complications and health concerns that arise with a woman carrying a child just sends me into a panic attack. It's called tochophobia, the fear of pregnancy and or being pregnant. real name. I didn't know it had a real name. Because I had that. I mean, I'm with them. I think being pregnant is disgusting.

And I always had a huge phobia of not just pregnancy, but labour on birth. And yeah, I think it's weird. You've had a weird time of it, though, as well. I've had a weird horrible pregnancy, but the, but before I got pregnant, the idea of like something moving inside your stomach

and growing, like a parasite. A parasite? Well, actually, it It is. medically, it is a parasite. That's what, that's what it is. Because you're, it's, it's, it's, it's leaching off you, all your nutrients and oxygen. Leaching. It is. Oh my goodness. Listen, if you are able to get pregnant, then that is a blessing. It's a blessing. A lot of people, obviously, you know, it's not that easy. But also you are allowed to be, you're allowed to be, you're allowed to be, you're allowed to fear it. But it's the blessing of a parasitic human. And, and that's exactly what it is. And it's the placenta. The placenta will literally siphon off. Well, yeah. So normally, I was reading about this because a lot of the DNA and stuff comes for all the placenta

and that comes from the, they're discovering now more and more it's parental, so it comes from the dad, all right, so you get your swimmer's good and strong, girls and boys, girls and boys, boys. But the placenta, because it's a foreign tissue, normally your body would act to attack it

because you're just growing another organ in there. So your placenta is what allows, like, two hearts to be able to be effectively inside at the same time. It's what, like, it's quite amazing. really and actually an entire organ another thing I didn't know about pregnancy

that wasn't mentioned is that your baby if your baby's a different blood type to you my friend had this as well yeah so my baby is I'm oh negative

yeah it's negative and positive and she's oh positive yeah if you're oh negative and positive if you're the opposite your bloods cannot touch because if they do they will react to each other and they'll start fighting each other

so yeah because my body will start thinking that she's a foreign host, a body thing, and start to attack it. So I've had to have some series of injections. I've got to have some more. Yeah, they inject you loads when you're in pregnant. You had whooping cough the other day. Not, you didn't have whooping coffee.

No, I've got the vaccines and you've got the anti-J and you've got all, yeah. There's a lot. There's a lot going on. So I completely agree with this person. Pregnancy is very phobic. It's not, that's not weird. I agree with it, actually. I think a lot of people agreed with it, actually.

Some people put shocked faces and some people laughed and some people put a thumbs up, but it had quite a lot of replies as well, a lot of responses. So, yeah, but I remember watching my mum's baby in her tummy, like, move all around and seeing an elbow come out. And I always thought that was a little bit like, ooh, it took me a while to. Doesn't feel like, yeah, like, oh, that's, there's a whole, like, get my head. It's just, it's mad to get your head round. I haven't said that, though, it's not as weird when you're actually in it,

it's not as weird as you project it's going to be. Yeah, it's when people send you, like, like, like, Yeah, what do you do if, like, your girlfriend's are pregnant? And they just, because, you know, any time any of my girlfriend's been pregnant, they sent videos of their bump moving around. So I keep watching if you've got the talk of for me. Like, stop!

I know. Well, at least I send videos of my bump moving, and I'm like, look how weird this is. I give people permission to think it's gross. But it does, it does feel gross. And someone said, I saw this on a video, and I've been telling everybody, because it's the best description I can find.

If you want to know what it feels like to have a baby moving inside you, like the sensation. from the inside, put your hand on your side of your mouth and then rub your fingers with your tongue from the inside. Yeah, that's what I feel like. I thought it feels like when I put the hand on it. Yeah.

But it's actually your baby. And you can kind of feel roughly, whether it's a foot or a bum or an ass or something. An ass. A foot, a bum or an ass. This is one of my favourites, this one. Do you miss Nick Thief? Mostly a pigeon flying into my cheek

and somehow getting its beak stuck. I've had this for a fear for a very long time. Oh, I thought that happened to them. No, it's just a fear of that. Very specific. Oh. I mean, that's, I don't like birds and pigeons flapping in faces. I've got a fear, new fear unlocked,

because I saw what happened to that girl where, you know, like, the seagulls swooped down and they, like, grab a bit of food. Yeah. They swooped down, and they tried to get something, and the beak went in her eye. Oh, well, so this is a very legitimate fear then, But specifically, I wonder if it's any other bird

Or just a pigeon. I mean, pigeon's, pigeon with a little, but like the, oh, the seagull ones. They're quite blunt the pigeon beaks. Are they? Yeah. They're not particularly like stabby in the face and stuck in the cheek. Not particularly stabby in the face beaks, are they?

On a scale of stabbing the face. Stubby in the face stuck to the cheek beaks, I'd say. It's quite minimum. About four. But yeah, I've got a phobia of things in eyes. Yeah. And sharp objects, so that's like a combination. I know one of your fears, actually.

It's going to come up in this. Because a few people have got this. Okay. All right. Dear Miss Nickerfee, a thief. That's not a common as muck there. Thief. Hair, when it is not attached to the head specifically.

Oh. Hair on the floor. Like a rogue pub. Hair in public. Loose hair. I've had to really work hard on this because it is everywhere. I'm much better than I used to be. I had to vacuum the bedroom floor every night before getting a

into bed, or I couldn't sleep thinking about all the hair that was in the room with me. I have long hair, so life's been rough. She's like, she's like walking around shedding, and then she's like, da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Just shave it off, mate. If you've got a fibrear hair, that will solve your problem. Well, also, though, that is what is it called, where you like, what's the therapy where you just exposure therapy? Yeah, she's just one single hair.

She's exposureing herself daily. Well, that's really good, and I'm really glad that you've got on top of that and that you're able to have long hair but I get that I don't like um like some people have a real oh my god how does she get the plug hole hair out like the hair in the plug hole I have long hair and yeah I used to live with a with a man who had very long very curly hair did you have to do the plug hole we don't get it all sopy the plug hole was freaking it right out it was a nightmare we had to actually bought him a like a plug hole hair catcher thing oh yeah that did but you get for the sink yeah but he molted it was like a

dog it was crazy like a dog but now I have a dog and I'm always covered in hair so I'm not bothered by hair so that's weird for me yeah I'm not bothered by hair at all I like after I blow-dried my hair like it goes oh that's my dog after I blowdrive my hair it goes everywhere and then you know when you can like run your fingers through the carpet yeah and then like it all comes up into a hair but I literally though can be in the bath or shower wash my hair and honestly you could make a wig out of the hair that I get out yeah it's I've got like three hairs so I like to keep mine in I like to keep mine in

I like to keep mine in my head I figured though this is because I don't brush my hair very often That'll be why I don't Fun fact guys I don't brush my hair very often She's a wild beast I don't I just like I run like I'll have Yeah like if it's particularly getting

Like close to hair washed it I'll just shove it up And then a lot of hair comes out Because obviously you're not brushing it anyway Fun fact Devis Nick a thief Belly buttons freak me out I can't even touch my own Well, belly buttons are very varied

I don't like mine being touched Like the inside of it When they poke me Like I feel like it hurts Who's they? Who pokes inside your belly button? The belly button pokers The belly button poakers

That come out at night But who pox does your boyfriend poke inside your belly button Who's they? He's always poking about my belly button No like No like A little poke Like

I don't know I don't know Like when you pour yourself in the belly button and you can feel it inside you. You can feel that... Do you know what I mean? I have a weird... I have a very, very deep belly,

but I've never seen the end tunnel of my belly button. A cavern of a belly button. It's a cavernous cave of a belly button. And I have this weird thing and I've asked people about it and I've googled it and very few people have the same thing as me but I actually get a very sharp, stabby pain.

I do. This is what I'm saying. Yeah. No, you do not. I do. We would have covered this. We have covered this before. Every time someone puts a finger.

Yeah, that's why I don't like it. It hurts inside. That was what I meant, but I just didn't say a vagina. Up the vagina? Yeah. I get a sharp stabbing pain, yeah. So I don't like it. And I wondered why, why?

Is it connected in some way? Must be, a nerve must have connected them. And yeah, I mean, I'm not scared of belly buttons. I don't find them particularly great. No, I'm not scared of them. Everyone has one. I don't like feet touching, particularly dry feet. I can't, my own, like, some, like, some,

always in socks. I'm in socks now. I don't like walking around the house barefoot. Like, so even though I used to be a contemporary dance and I were dancing bare feet, but having dry feet and when people rub them together like this, my mom does it all the time and I want to kill her. My boyfriend picks his feet and he's got quite dry feet.

Yeah. And like he, there's a proper like, he's not like a feet person but he's not afraid. Not like a normal. Not afraid of feet. He rubs his feet together. He touches his feet. And I can feel the dry. or he'll grab my feet and I'll pull a sock off and give me a foot massage

and I'm like So if your feet were nice and oiled up and lubricated and moist That's fine That's fine, okay So I have to put moisturiser on them I think my sister's the same Like when you've got dry feet

And you get into bed And you can feel how dry they are on the sheets They catch on the sheets Yeah no No No I can feel the dryness Yeah

Oh anyway Okay Okay Okay dear Miss Nickaf Faith What is wrong with me? Anunciate, my dear My mother would be ever so angry

Thief I feel like I'm not warmed up my lips Wooden popsicle sticks and spoons I can't touch them I used to be like this with cheese Wooden popsicle Popstacle? We can't, neither of us can talk today They give me the hebi-gibis

My awesome hubby takes popsicle and ice cream off the sticks for me And puts them in a bowl Oh, that's very long-winded But it's cute An act of love I wonder what it is about the text It must be some sort of texture

Yeah, I don't get me side on texture I've got like a big phobia And do you know what What the weirdest thing about phobias is Because I don't want to be too mean to people about them If you have a weird phobia It's not really your fault Phobia sometimes it's not actually the thing

That you're scared of Johanna's lesson again Oh it's my psychology lesson Here we go One every app It you will Sometimes you're phobic of something And your brain's displaced it

So you're not actually scared of wooden spoons because logically you're like but it's something would have happened that you associate with the texture and your brain is there for well I don't know because I've not really had

many bad experiences with polystyrene but do not let me touch that stuff no it will do not let me touch polystyrene do not like that polystyrene squeak near me I literally get like like I get goosebumps up and down my body

if I hear polystyrene if somebody touch no I can't Somebody touches Pollock. It's it. But... Very sensory. So that might be, that might be that you are actually afraid of the polis diamond, but where people are afraid of...

Oh, I don't. I can't. Imagine biting it. No, I can't. But when people are afraid of balloons or... When you've displaced something and it will all link back to a moment where actually it wasn't the balloons you were afraid of. It was, you were at a party when you were three years old and you thought that your parents had abandoned you. she just left you a birthday party and you associate now a deep fear of balloons because you don't

it's crazy or maybe it's just because they popped and they're scared you once so yeah could be that that's why um i i don't judge people if you have a weird phobia because i i know that it could probably there's probably like a really weird dark reason behind it where it's come from except people that were afraid of clowns like it's probably because like a clown came into their house and like stole their dog when they were two Okay Dear Miss Nickertheef I used to work with someone

that had a phobia of uncooked ready-made pancakes But once she knows they've been cooked That's fine Oh the ones you get in a packet Psychologically analyze that one for me I mean She's probably associating it

With some sort of episode Where she got ill from uncooked food Yeah Normally it would be like meat Roll pancake stuff isn't I mean, some phobias, they're learned as well. You learn them off. I've got, I had one from my mum.

My mum can't stand cracking fingers. And I grew up hating cracking fingers. And I don't love it today, but I've really, I've had to go, no, that is not my phobia. Nothing happened to me with cracking fingers. Something happened to my mum with cracking fingers. That's why she's got the phobia. But I didn't have that experience. So I'm not taking it.

Take it back. I just, I just don't like that. It's not nice. But my mum is like screams, dropped to the floor. or phobic, phobic of it. I wonder who bit into polystyrene around me because I've got some things to tell you. Okay.

This one was quite liked, so I'm guessing... Will you be quiet, dog? Thank you. Pause for dog. She's finished her moralogue. Thank you. Thanks for that peanut. I have a fear of swimming pool drain

and I've had this, had this my entire life, those big, shiny silver ones at the bottom are the worst. Oh my God, the wave machine. What? So, the drain. There's drains, but also,

back in, I don't think they have wave machines anymore. They do. Do they? Yeah, they do. I haven't been publicly swimming in a long time. But the wave machines are behind these, like, silver bars. And the wave machine, I knew when it was going to turn on, I always had a fear I was going to get sucked.

I think this is the drain. thing as well. Because I was a skinny kid I was like, I could fit through those bars. That's it, I'm gone. Dead. That's it. I'm gone. Where's Hannah? She's in the wave machine. She's in the drain. So yeah, swimming pool drains and swimming pool wave machines. Yeah. No, a kid

did get stuck in a swimming pool drain. When? It was on the news. When I say news, I mean, you know, online. It was all over the news. It was all over the news of Instagram. Did they live? No. Oh. No. No. They got. stuck in the drain. Oh. Oh, this is a very rational fear then. Yeah. So this is, this is not a weird dear. That's very, very rational because if you get stuck in a drain, you ain't getting out.

Oh my God. Right, fair. And this one, um, I appreciate this one. Okay. Um, just the way that that she's written it. Dear Miss Nick Thief, tinfoil and cotton wool, I cannot tear them apart. I'll die. And that's it. Well, that's very visceral, isn't it? Cotton wool I get. It's that same squeaky, like the cotton squeaking like I get that I do actually know I get that that's a little bit polystyrenee and I'm not happy about that thought I'm going to wipe that tin file I don't mind so much I know what to do for

Halloween no I'm going to dress as a massive polystyrene block I will I will not be responsible just rub my dry feet again everything that's like a little bit dry and squeaky I think there's a theme for me yeah maybe yeah anyway

do you are very uncomfortable Dear Mr. Nicker Thief, dams. Dams? What, like, beavers make? In real life, or even on TV, it makes me want to run out of the room screaming. Like the Hoover Dam? Don't you. Wouldn't like the opening of James Bond then, would you?

No, I'm sure she's avoided it. You'll know to now. Also, rubbing carpet. Okay, this is similar. It depends on the carpet. If it's a squeaky carpet, like we're lots of plastic-y stuff in it, yeah. Like, yeah.

Also rubbing carpet If something gets spilled on our carpet I literally have to leave it And get someone else to deal with it Whilst I leave the room retching Oh and any part of my body Outside the covers at any point of the night Because you know, monsters

My husband puts up with a lot of weird shit from me I had that As a kid I thought If any part of my body Like my hand or my foot was out the side Of the perimeter of the bed Yeah I thought that it was going to get chopped off

The boogey man Yeah, like a guillotine around the bed So I had to make, even if it was really hot Absolutely could not stick my leg out on over the side Because my leg would be guillotined off Of course Of course Um, okay

Uh How do you say this? Tripoophobia Oh Yeah, small holes Or seeds or eggs clustered I can't even think of it without gagging Yeah, so your, I know you have this

I'm my other friend, my best friend Irina has this too I do Um, yeah, that's quite a common one. Like little paws and holes and like, yeah. Yeah, so there's... Sponges. Sponges. It was a big, a really common answer in this, Sponges.

We have to be the same thing. We have to differentiate between just not liking something. Because there's a lot of things that I'm like, no, I don't like. And there's things where I'm like, no, I can't. The little holes thing, it makes, it does make me feel, um, well. Even now I feel floppy. And I feel faint And I'm like, this is horrible

We'll move swiftly on from the holes You don't have to just fight me with a sponge I'm going to take my pulse She's going to come as polystyrene for Halloween I'm going to come as a sponge No, I'll be like, I've got to get my feet in the air I feel pain Oh my God, your dry feet in the air

Would be a right mess Oh, dear Mr Nicotine Um, huge things like crew ships standing next to huge things. It's called megalapophobia. Oh, just don't like big things. Mm-hmm. Pooh you? Can't say I agree.

Dear Miss Nicker Thief, ventriloquist, dummies, mannequins and dolls. Oh, I mean, they're freaky. They aren't. I bet she doesn't like, like, the Megan films or Annabelle is that. The movie mannequin. I wonder if. She likes my impression of a man in a box. I discovered, by the way, guys, that I have a pretty good ventriloquist.

Yeah, you are. And I, yeah, and I can do a really good impression of a man in a box. Go on do it. Excuse me. Can somebody let me out, please? I'm stuck in a box. That's amazing. It's like somebody's in a box with us. I can't do it. Go on.

That's not bad. I got the excuse me. I don't know yeah I didn't get that oh well you think that it's like the key is to like you'll to like use your tongue and hand your teeth to like make the words no no absolutely not right and then there's been tuliqui like I can like a hand and I can just sigh like this and I can still talk at the same time

a hand that's really good on tilliqui is it is I doing it right? Yeah that'll be the Botox does it no no no I can start I'm not in my face it's like oh okay fine I can just talk to you like this like I feel like I

you're doing something really weird you actually call on for it's got talent you should get a puppet yeah well she won't like that Commodo dragons I can't even look a picture of one I live in Scotland so blessedly

there is not much fear of me ever bumping into one thank all those Scottish dragons all those Scottish dragons Microwaves is another one can't be in the kitchen because when it's on because I think it's going to blow up. And this is what you said actually. There's a couple more I'm going to give you.

So, dear Miss Nicotine, my mum used to have a balloon phobia. The squeaky noise they make when you touch them was what mostly bothered her. I knew, yeah, it's the, and the fact that they might pop. If they popped unexpectedly, that would send her into a full panic attack. I remember growing up, she wouldn't let us have balloons. She eventually worked through it and now years of pass and it doesn't bother her anymore. She says, prayer helped her get over it. Well, that's lovely.

Yeah. That's really nice. A lot of people struggle to get over their phobias. Yeah, I think if you've got a phobia, the only way around it, you can't go around it, you have to go through it. You have to do exposure therapy. You have to teach your nervous system that what's going to happen is not going to happen. I have a real phobia. This is a real phobia of, it's called a metaphobia.

Sick, don't I? Oh, you do, yeah? Yeah. Apart from, it has got better because I managed to narrow it down. Like, I don't mind, like, sick if I know the person's not ill. Does that make sense? Yeah. so like if nobody likes being sick but if it's like norovirus i will run for the hills like the time

that i was sick and it was really well there though i did you did i even felt your head for a temperature yeah so jay was ill one of the nights while she was pregnant and then emergency cold movie and like i can't i need to get to the hospital i thought it was um because she thought it was like really i thought it was i thought it was uh pregnancy sickness gone haywire it was actually just neurovirus at that point um but i did really well and then that taught me actually that actually it's okay it's okay a bit of exposure therapy that's what you need at 2 a.m um what else um and this is a good one dear miss nick thief i used to have a boss whose phobia was potatoes potatoes she was quite a mean boss at times so when she wasn't very nice to me i used to order a jacky potato for lunch house eat it really

it in front of her. That is amazing. Honestly, there was such a good response to this. I can, like, flick through a few. People eat in sweet corn and windsocks you see in airfields. Yeah. A fobure of gum. Can't touch it.

Can't smell it. I've even lost shoes when I've stepped in gum. Accidentally getting barbed wire in my eyes. That's a misophobia. That's just a horrible thing that can happen. Like, it's thinking that, but they say here, like, when they were a kid, thinking if the car crashed, the eyes will be impaled on the barbed wire. Oh, I've got that one.

Ice is another one. Driving over bridges is another one. Sponges comes up a lot. Sponges came up a lot. And, yeah, Trifophobia, a lot of people have it. There was a lot of fear of holes. So, yeah. Holes, heights and eyes.

Holes, heights and eyes. And Polisnery. We are a funny bunch of humans. Yeah, we're so interesting. my biggest will end on this my biggest phobia like a proper phobia

yeah the holes one but the holes one isn't as bad as my claustrophobia oh yeah it is really bad see I don't mind that so much

a lot of people get heights as they get older and claustrophobia as they get older I used to be caving and I loved it I haven't put myself in a claustrophobic situation for a while

heat I get really anger I don't like heat I feel claustrophic when I'm hot yeah no but it's it's bad and I decided what a few anniversaries ago, I decided to book the restaurant in London

Dono Noir, which is a restaurant where all the waiters are blind and you get put in a the restaurant is in pitch black darkness and I don't know why I didn't understand pitch black when they said that I thought it would be like dark

ambiance but you'd be able to maybe see no no they take you there they take you through I wouldn't like that though a zigzag maze to make sure that there is absolutely no there is there is no light you you have your eyes open how do the waiters see they're blind what the waiters are blind that's why is it what like they're blind actually blind or like

no they're like actually blind yeah donnoir so you so so they they they're like they know how to so they're just normal they're yeah oh my god so they employ all blind waiters and you experience being blind and i think the idea is that if you if You, if you remove your senses, you can heighten your taste senses. But what happened for me is I didn't think it through properly. And we went in there and I started to have an immediate panic attack because I couldn't see anything. And I felt like I was in a coffin. Also, I'm partially deaf.

So I just went, I went deaf and blind. Yeah. I couldn't hear very well. I couldn't see anything. Yeah, no. I, I, I don't like. not being able to see what I what I'm eating though either like so that would weird me out because I'm a bit weird about food yeah so but it was so it was an amazing experience I would

never do it again apparently afterwards I'm so proud of myself that I stayed in there and the only reason I stayed in there wasn't because I was like brave or anything was because I was so British I was waiting for the poor waiter to finish his intro because they take you over to the table and then he explains how it works he explains that if you feel in front of you you're going to find your knife and fork. He explains how the evening's going to go. And I was there taking off clothes, sweating, I couldn't breathe, and I was just so British.

I didn't want, the poor man, I was like, I'll just wait to him to finish his work, and then I will die and ask to be taken out. And luckily, his intro was like a good few minutes long. And it, I, so I went over the hump of the panic attack. And, but I was, I was holding onto my partner's hand

and he was, I was having to, like, I was sweating. It was horrible. didn't enjoy it and I had to shut my eyes and just keep pretending that I could visualize like wide open spaces and then yeah and then afterwards I came out and the woman was like did you enjoy it and I was like no it was hell and she was like you know every night we have to remove someone from having a panic attack because people don't understand how intense it is to not see yeah so but yeah claustrophobia is I wish I could overcome it because I the logical part of my mind knows I'm fine I've got the room's full of air I'm not gonna die

But physically, even now talking about it, I've got a wet hand. Wow. That's wet, that is. That's phobia. That is phobia. She's very wet from phobias. So there we are. Peculiar bunch of people.

Thanks, guys. That was really interesting. Really interesting. I don't feel so alone in my weird phobias. No, me neither. We're all the same, aren't we? We have all the same. Okay, now it's time for our favourite little section.

Note to self. um should I read a note yeah can you get on your Facebook on there yeah brilliant oh I can get my notes out so yeah basically anybody I think yeah the way that we do this is the person that reads out doesn't do the note doesn't do the notes okay I'm going to go

oh no maybe does do the notes oh I don't know I'm going to go into the notes here um I'm just going to pull out going into a note tab. Yeah. All right, okay. Um, okay, so this is the part of the podcast, uh, when we remember it, um, where we, you know, delve into sort of our memoirs, uh, either through the notes app because basically they're all unhinged and our mine are, uh, or we go to the little memories tab on Facebook because we're millennial and that gives us absolute jewels of statuses, uh, pictures, or all that cringe, cringe fest. So what are you going to do? Jay,

Are you going to pull up memories from Facebook? No, I'm going to pull up a note. I've just dive right down my notes app. These are notes that I have written to myself at some point. I don't even know when this is. But this one's called Funny Lines. So I think I've heard or seen something funny and I've jotted it down thinking one day I'll use that.

Yeah. I'll use that. Yeah. Or something. So let's just go blind. Never read this in a long time. Funny lines. They are the Facebook of footwear.

What does that even mean? I don't know. When was this? When was this? How many years ago? I mean, it's hard to say. Does I have a date? Yes, this was the 5th of August.

Oh, that's today. 2024. That's what... It's a year ago. Exactly a year ago today. Oh, okay, so this isn't that long ago. All right. So, this is, they are the Facebook of footwear.

So, okay, so you're referring to Facebook as being... Maybe it's an insult, then. Because at your one point, Facebook was the... I mean, Facebook still is the biggest platform in the entire world. So the biggest... But it's very millennial. Okay.

This is Vlad the Impaler didn't even start impaling people until his mid-30s. We got time. This is true. So if you ever feel like you're behind in life. Don't worry, he didn't start impaling. Don't worry.

He didn't start impaling people to at least his mid-30s. That's like Van Gogh, is there? A lot of people weren't famous until they were dead. We got time. showing a YouTube video is a sign of great respect in our culture is it I mean I think so oh this one's good I think these are like funny lines but also maybe like funny life quotes or something

yeah but the dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed sorry this is like a little insight into the way your brain works the dildo of consequence ah quick bring me the dildo of consequence ah quick bring me the dildo of consequences. The dildo of consequences. Oh, sorry, my legion, the K.Y. Jelly. No! Hold the K.I. Jelly.

It rarely arrives, Lou. I think it means like... I don't know. You don't. We don't know. If a dragon flew overhead right now, I'd be surprised, but not like surprise, surprised.

Which I'm really trying to figure out where you were in life at this point. Basically, you were coaching me through life at this point. Were these things you were going to say to me to make me feel bad? No, no, no, I mean, I think I get that. It's like, so much shit's happening right now that like, if a dragon through... Yeah, I get, no, I get that.

But I'm like, where were you in life? And I'm like, I don't know, last of August. I mean, you were coaching, you were coaching me through life. He's coaching you through life. I'm staying at your house a lot, like... Never bite the hand that fingers you. That's true. What are these for?

I don't know. But I wrote them down. Oh, I'll tell you what? 35 years old. What were you not? Nearly 35 years old. You're not just turned 35. I'm going to write a memoir.

Never bite the hand that fingers you. I think some of these are great. You're only as old as your spine. These are great. The eyes are the nipples of the face. Right. Right. You know what I said, each episode I've been like,

Johanna is really intelligent. Mm-hmm. Very great, psychologically. These are making me question a few things. Okay. Eyes at the nipple of the face. And I want to be held like a fart on a first date. Do you know what?

Tight. Tight in there. Insecure. Makes your tummy hurt. That's not coming out. IBS. Oh, I'm going to out my boyfriend the other day. Right.

So, like, sorry about this, but it is amazing. This might or may not make it. to the podcast, I have to ask him. But obviously when you're like dating and stuff, you don't fart for ages in front of each other. You give yourself tummy ache, right? And then you get to a point where we were like, we had the conversation and we're like, look,

he was like, I've got tummy ache. Like, I can't do this anymore. And I was like, okay, call me neither. And then, and he's really gone, like, showed me his entire repertoire now. Yeah. And like to the point where I was a bit like the other day, it's quite a lot, actually.

Put a few back in. And he went, I'm sorry, I just thought we were just a couple of people with IBM. And I went, yeah, fair, we can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't argue that because we are just a couple of people with ideas. I'm going to make you guys, couples T-shirts with that. We're terrible, we are, we're both so sensitive to like different foods, but we eat it, and then we're like, oh, so, I mean, there we are, they're just, like, they're just, funny, funny lines that I joined.

Words of wisdom from the notes app. Nuggets from the notes app. and you're welcome there we are a little insight into my weird brain well wonderful i've really enjoyed this week um yeah this has been great we'll see you guys next time remember to like and follow dear miss nicker thief on any platform that you wish to do so yeah and keep an eye on our facebooks and instagram at it's sophie craig and jana james and we have an instagram for the podcast dear mr nicker thief and that's where you can get involved DM us um yeah any anything anything or anything yeah well well yeah well anything if you want

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We said we're TMI. Posting and roasting. Is that too much? It's never too much. Never too much. Bye. Bye. Stop the cameras.

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It might be too much Maybe Thank you Thank you Mm-hmm.