Dear Mr Knickerthief - 'Kidnapping' teens in the Costa Del Sol - With Huw Samuel

Episode Date: September 10, 2020

In this episode, it's a fist girls holiday! Actor, writer and creative Huw Samuel joins Jahannah and Sophie as Sophie reads about the time she thought her and her friends were being kidnapped on holiday. Huw tells us about the time he came face to face with an AK47 rifle in the jungle... As you do. Follow Dear Mr. Knickerthief on Instagram to be part of the show!

Hi guys, the following podcast was recorded in lockdown. So, you know, just forgive a bit of the sound. It might be a bit crap in places, but it is what it is. We did our best. So enjoy. Great, like maybe I can ask for directions. And they just kind of went past us really fast. Span came back.

They had AK-47 rifles and just start pulling them on us and shouting at us. And I was like, oh my God, like, I have no idea what to do here. We're fucked. This podcast talks openly about mental health, sex, relationships and various other personal subjects that some people may find triggering. Now, I know what you're thinking, so I'm just going to explain a little bit. Why dear Mr Nicker Thief? So basically, long story short, when I was in year five, I went to him with my class and a guy came in the changing room and stole everybody's knickers. So I did what any responsible 10-year-old girl would do.

And I wrote a letter, address to said local pedo. it off and handed it out around my class. It contained some comedy gold, if I do say so myself. Poetic, almost. Yeah. Not only did little Sophie write to the local paedophile. She also wrote to herself every day in her diary and when we found it, we were like, this is hilarious. People have to hear this. So here we are. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Dear Mr. Nicker thief. You've got me, Sophie Craig, and me, Johanna James. She's there. She was asleep.

She's here. I feel like we need a new intro. I'm always like, hi guys! Hang on, let's try another one. You ready? Should we try another one? Okay, go on. Hello, lovers. Welcome to Deemus McLeaf with your host, Sophie Craig and Johanna James. Jehanna James. You need like an audio, you need like a theme song

to start off like, Chahada, jazz, and Sophie Craig, give us a little fucking... Oh wait, wait, I'm just swearing at this, by the way. Oh, yeah, there you go. And this is Hugh. This is Hugh. Oh, yes, hello, everyone. I haven't.

I'm new. He's an actor, writer, creator, creator, all around Don Donovan. Yeah, Hugh. Introduce yourself better than I just did. What a dog having me? Hugh, uh, Hugh Samuel, uh, Bastard. What a bastard. That's it. It's the only intro I need, really. New Samuel is a bastard. So thank you for joining us.

Mr. Bastard. Thanks for having me. Yeah, it's a pleasure. Absolutely pleasure. I can already tell this is going to be fun. This is going to be fun. So, Sophie, where are we going today? So today, everybody, buckle up, fasten your seatbelts. We're going back to July the 8th, 2009, my first girls holiday. We woke up and went down on the bus to the market. We were staying in Ben-O-Medina, by the way, in Spain. Okay?

First girls' holiday, 18-year-olds. A guy shouted out lovely jubly to my friend, because she had big breasts and asked how much she was to have sex with. We went down to the beach, and we went in the sea. We sun-bathed and then had dinner in a seaside cafe. We went along the front and bought a rubber ring. We went to Benel-Lammedeam. I bet you did.

Oh, yeah. No, genuinely, we bought a rubber ring. Have you not heard this? We went down to the market, Johanna. We went to a seafront cafe, all right? Every 18 year old does. Oh, I thought that was code for something. No, it's a ring from the cafe, no. It was genuinely that wild. Genuinely.

Okay. This is me we're talking about. We went to Ben-Omadina Park, but the five-person bike was broke. The five-person bike? What is that? I have no idea what that means. Were you all going around on one bike? Maybe It's like a tandem bike

But with like 10 No wait Five seats Is it like a rickshaw What's a rickshaw? Do you know what I mean You know when you're on a night out In London

Then you come out at the club And you're leathered And there's somebody out on a rickshaw And they're like Get on my bike I'll take you where you need to go And if I have like Blankets on the back

And disco lights And like a little canopy Like a tic A tuk A tuck Yeah Yes A rick

What's a rickshaw I don't know It's the London word for it. I don't even know if that is a word. Anyway, it was broken. Okay. And then we saw some tiny turtles and some very greedy fish. What the fuck?

Then we went shopping in the Super Soul. We arrived back and went swimming in the pool and played pool Olympics, where we did seal rolls, dives, knife, fork, and spoon. And this, I have no idea. And this is a little bit alarming here. Me and my friend shaved our armpits at the pool side. Now, I just want to say I'd never do... What do you mean?

You said it so casually. What do you mean? Why would you... I don't know, Johanna. I would never do that, ever. The diary doesn't lie. The diary doesn't lie. Thank God for laser wear a movie.

I mean, did they grow that fast that I felt like I had to take my razor down to the pool? and there's a five o'clock shadow by 11 a.m. I mean, I don't know. This is why we can't have nice holidays. This is why you don't go on holiday with me. I've never shaved my armpits by the pool when I've been a holiday with you, Johanna. Because you know she'd call you out on it.

She leaves me. Shaving your pubs, shaving your legs, shaving everything. Can you imagine? Sounds like something my mum would do. I have absolutely no idea what that was. The only thing I can imagine is, that we went straight from shopping and got straight into the pool.

And we must have had some razors and been like, oh, I'm just going to do my armpits quickly whilst we have no idea. I mean, we didn't like do the whole like shaving form and tap it in the pool. You know, like when you shave it and you tap it on the same. We didn't do any of that. We'd probably just a quick dry shave. Yeah, exactly. Few.

I had, I've got standards. Otherwise, it would have been gross, right? We had tea, which was chicken made by my friend. Charlotte. We went down to Tivoli World on cable cars. There was an evil, pregnant, rude lady. I have no idea what that means. After tea, we decided to get the cable cars up the mountain and do another sunset walk. When we got to the base, we bumped into this guy, another man and his two boys who he said were his sons. And we thought, nothing of it. They seemed like a nice family. They even brought one of us an ice pop. Just one of us. Just the one. You. Just you.

to share. One guy talked more than the other, and he sounded like he was Dutch. We asked him to take our picture, and he was adamant that he wanted to be in the picture with us, so we let him, and one of his sons in the picture, and then the man groped my bottom. What? Oh, my God, he did a Taylor Swift move. Yes, so he put his arm around me.

In the photo? Yeah, and then went down to my bum and squeezed it. It's not out of people, man. I don't know. So anyway, we felt a little bit uncomfortable, just about this point. And because we were like 18, we grew up in a tiny little small town. Immediately we were like, we're going to sell us for sex. Taken. That's what I mean. Immediately it was like taken. My dad was running through my head. My dad was always like the most like, be vigilant, be vigilant. He sent me like a 10 page,

like how to look, take care of yourself when you go abroad. A dossier. A dossier, literally. Your dad's Liam Neeson. Basically, my dad was Liam Neson. Anyway, so we immediately, I mean, no, I just been a nice couple with their sons, you know, but no, immediately we were like, yep, that's what they want us for. Somebody's already offered to buy our other friend because she's got nice boobies. So this is what's happening.

So anyway, we felt really uncomfortable after the grab. So we lighted around for an hour or so just so they get head up start, the head start up the mountain and we wouldn't bump into them. So we set off, but we bumped into another man. He had a dog that had no tail Sophie, are you sure this wasn't a dream? Positive! Even before we did this podcast,

I messaged my girlfriends and I was like, am I missing anything from this story? So yeah, no, honestly, this is happening. And he looked very odd. He said, very, very beautiful, very different ladies. So which we immediately were like, more sex traffickers.

Anyway, he followed us up the mountain a bit, but eventually we lost him, thank goodness. We watched the sun go down it made our way down a pitch black mountain. We went the wrong way and it took us a lot, lot longer to get back down. We ended up in Germany. We ended up. It was so bad.

We were up and down there in maybe like three hours. I mean, we did have a full on photo shoot on the mountain, but yeah. Of course, naturally. Absolutely. When we got back to the cable cars, the men and his sons were waiting for us. After three hours? Yeah, it was so dark and they must have been waiting nearly two hours for us because the walk itself was only about an hour long.

We obviously took time to go up the mountain. We were up there, maybe best in about for like 45 minutes, and then took a long time for us to come back down because we went the wrong way. And it was dark. So they must have been waiting for nearly two hours for us. The sun started shouting us. And immediately, we were just panicked based on the grope from earlier.

We'd already, like, gone, yeah, no, these, no, we don't want to speak to these people. A man gropes you, you have every right to assume that there's an intent there. Like he's already crossed the line. You can fully assume these guys are dodgy. And the fact that they're hung around to wait for you. Yeah, yeah. There's a line between not wanting to offend people and then being a naive idiot that wanders in being like,

oh, it's fine. This gangman was absolutely fine. Like, nah. It was all very strange. Anyway, the sun started shouting us and we immediately panicked. We dived into two cable cars and they ran and followed behind us and jumped in the one behind. We were shouting to our friends in the front cable car

to get a taxi as soon as they got to the bottom. So I was hanging out the side of the cable car out the window, like, get down there, get a taxi, don't wait, go get a taxi, like this. And they're like, what? Yeah, literally. I do. We sounded the alarm across the whole of the Costa del Sol.

And so we were shouting to our friends in the front cable car. Yeah, not to wait for us. We finally got to the bottom and ran out. I think we even told the cable car operator that we were being chased. What did they say? So scary. I think he was just like, huh? Like he did nothing.

Yeah, absolutely nothing. We literally, it's like a lot of hysterical, like a small town, 18-year-old girl. We ran to the main street and tried to flag down a taxi, but the little boy was chasing us still and was shouting, they're here, they're here, they're here. We dived in a taxi and told the man just to drive. We made him divert a little bit, and we eventually, got back and barricaded ourselves into the flat. What a great day, the end.

That's crazy. I mean, that's, I haven't ever been on a girl's, proper girls holiday, so I don't know how it's supposed to go down, but I imagine, not like that, groped and chained. It's scary when you're in a foreign country, because I guess when you're in England, there's a level of, you know that you can find safety with someone or like, at least like, You know where you are, don't you? There isn't a language barrier. Police are going to take you seriously. But like, oh my God, being in a foreign country,

even if it's somewhere within the EU where it's like, you know, very friendly. Spain. Yeah, cost of our soul. Yeah, like it's full of tourists. But I mean, like we thought it was so scary at the time. Like, we hyped that up to be something. And like, I was talking to my girlfriends about it. And we were like, they might have just been, you know, quite friendly.

But obviously, maybe, obviously not. like maybe it was like overhyped a little bit yeah he groped my bum like that's really inappropriate and he waited for us but immediately we're like we're going to be sold off to the sex trade like but when you thing is when you put it when you break it down someone groped you and followed you and chased you and waited for you like none of that's like none of that's like you can't there's no way of like justifying it for them yeah there's not like oh you know i'm trying to think very very very bizarre. No one ever offers to buy me. No one ever. Like people, people grab and then they don't offer to buy. I'm like, why? I'm so, I mean, I don't want to be grabbed, but I wouldn't hurt to be offered once in a while. Jeez. You know, okay, it's not the same, but I used to absolutely hate being cat-called by like men in vans and cars and used to hate it. Until one time, I remember I was, I was walking home and I felt disgusted. I was having a horrible day, like, you know, that the hair wasn't right,

the face wasn't right. I felt like a gremlin. And I was like walking home in the rain. And this car went by and beeped and I was like, I was like, oh, that beats so much. Thank you. But normally I don't like the heckling. And there's a very good way to deal with heckling I found. If men in vans, they shout the obscenities, I just start waving and go like, thanks for the Dad, thanks Dad. And it makes it really weird. And they're like, oh, yeah.

And I'm like, thanks, Dad, bye. Have you guys got any funny stories that you've had? Obviously, it doesn't have to be on holiday, but just with your friends. I mean, Hugh, what was your first girls holiday like? I want to know. Well, me and the girls, you know, we have a great time. I have had a, what I call it, a lad's holiday. Ladd's, you know, but they were girls.

I've had a few of those holidays. I'll give you, I mean, I have several options. I remember I went to a club once. I went to university in Luton. I'm not wild. Yes, it was pretty crazy there. And I remember being like really drunk at this all-you-can-drink bar at like 2 a.m. And then my friend called me and he was like, get your passport.

We're going to Amsterdam. And I was like, but I'm really drunk and I have nobody. And he's like, it doesn't matter. I'll get your passport. And all I remember was waking up in Bruges. and we, like, I was so hungover. And then from there, we drove to Amsterdam. And it was like Queens Day.

No, no hotels or hostels open. So we had to sleep in the car. And we just literally wandered round Amsterdam for days and days with no money, just eating, getting high, and then just walking around staring. You know, there's like all these, you know, like there's the red light district. And there's all the, like, women in the... I love Amsterdam. It's beautiful.

That's great. So you just stared at all the boobies? For free. No. Now, that's not where the fun came from. I respect that. That's great. The fun comes in when you walk down those places and there's all these weird, seedy men. And those men, some of them can't handle, like, being rejected or they don't want to spend too much. And they'll, like, get really angry and they're like, spit the windows or whatever. And the people that run that shit, they don't want it. So we would just kind of be sitting there eating like munchies, like really baked and just watching these, like, I guess they're pimps. I guess they're kind of pimps.

These pimps like beating up people and stuff. Like we were like a guy would spit on the window we'd be like, oh, oh no, we had some mistake. And then someone would just grab them and like drag them. They're watching a little your own private peep show. Yeah. I have one where people pulled AK-47 rifles on me in the middle of a jungle. What?

Or just casually. Just casually. I mean, can you talk about that? Yeah. Come on then. So I was in Cambodia and as well good stories start. So I was in Cambodia. I woke up in Bruges and then I was in Cambodia.

I'll go wherever the wind takes me, you know? I mean, it was a lovely, lovely trip. I was like proper like, you know, proper traveling and all that, you know. I was like really, really into that. And I still had, but I'm just poor, so I don't. I basically we were like I was trying to get to this like jungle there was this

I can't remember what you call it but you know like they have the plankton in the sea that lights up blue when you touch it by a luminescent plankton I wanted to see that and we were going to this like middle of a jungle where we'd put this like hut to sleep in and which by the way it has no windows or anything so it's just when you go in at night with your light

all you see is the eyes of massive spiders everywhere. I was like, ah! Basically, the aim was to go into this place, this place that literally, it's like a nature reserve, like right in the middle of the jungle,

but like nowhere, in the middle of nowhere. And it was like super cheap, it was like, but, you know, luminescent plankton. And I had no idea, really, obviously,

how to get to this bit. So got a taxi, which I thought was the smartest thing. Like, do you know, we want to go here, you know? And he would be like, oh yeah, yeah, of course. Like, I swear though they always say, yeah, because they want the job, right?

Yeah, they're like, I have no fucking clue, but get in, Wood Drive. Yes, but it was wet season, anyway. It was like rainy season in the jungle, in the Cambodia. So everything was super wet. And once we sort of got a bit kind of into the jungle where there was this, like, road,

it was just all, like, this car was just sinking. and he was like, oh, I'm not going any further. And we were like, oh, but we don't know where we are. And he couldn't really understand what we're saying. But anyway, dropped us off in the middle of the jungle. And he was like, just go that way. And like, pointing into the jungle, just like, just go that way. Like, okay.

Started walking with like massive bags. It's raining, sinking in all the mud and the sand. And just, I have no idea if we're even like in the right place, going to the right way. no one to be seen, nothing. And I'm just like, oh, this is a horrible place to get stuck in. It's something that goes wrong with it. It's like to get dark as well.

Like, it's like, you know, towards the afternoon. And this like, motorbike just started coming down the road and I was like, oh, great. Like, maybe I can ask for directions. And they just kind of went past us really fast. Span came back. They had AK-47 rifles and just start pulling them on us and shouting at us.

And I was like, oh my God. Like, I have no. idea what to do here. We're fucked. And then they like, they went in my pockets, took my passport, and I was just, I was like, oh, I was like, we're getting mugged, like, we're getting mugged. And then they took a picture of the passport and gave it back to me. And then they drove off. And what? Yeah, I was just left there in the jungle, like, I don't know what happened. But I was, you know, on edge and carried on walking. And then when I got to the, I eventually found this, like, place, which was beautiful, by the way. And I, I was, you know,

I said that to the woman, I was like, these guys, they pulled rifles on me. And she was like, oh yeah, yeah, they, like, protect the jungle. Like, they make sure that whoever's coming in, they know who's coming in. And if you're doing stupid stuff, they'll, they'll know who you are. It's like they protect it by law and stuff. But they're, but they're a private company. So they're not in outfits or anything. They're just guys in hoodies with motorbike and AKs. Similar thing happened to me in Peckham. In Peckham, yeah. in the middle of the jungle of peck.

A million things go through your head, you know? It's sitting there and someone points a gun at you. You're just like, oh, you have no idea what you're saying. But I had a few sketchy experiences in Cambodia, to be fair. Like, I remember I went on a Tukuk and there was like a map where they were like tourist, you know, what tourist things do you want to do? And he was like pointing to this like picture of like a kid and his dad at a gun range, like shooting guns and stuff.

he's like, do you want to do this? And I was like, yeah, okay, let's do that. And he drove us into the middle of some jungle where he had to, like, build bridges with, like, logs and things to get over bits in the Tukuk. And we got there, and all it was was just this, like, middle of jungle,

like, made-up warehouse thing that they'd built themselves. And all these guys had piled weapons from the Vietnam War, so there was just piles of old M-16s and rocket launches and stuff, and they were like, what'd you wonder? And then I got there,

and they were like, it's $250. And I was like, and I was just, they were the dodgiest looking people. They were smoking weed as well, which is like super illegal there. And I didn't want to leave without paying. I just felt like it was at that point where we, the guy had driven us all the way there. There was no one else. They had these weird guys. They were like, what do you want to shoot?

Rocket Launcher? And I was like, I'm not shooting a Rock Launcher for the Vietnam War. That's going to blow up in my face. So I just shot a rifle loads and then left. $250. poorer. That's crazy. And this podcast is sponsored by the Cambodian tourist board.

Great country, by the way. Oh my goodness. Actually, no, I love it. Before I go, because I've asked the public, the public, their funny holiday stories, and I have got a bunch in. But I was just thinking about me and my family

and what is like the funny, what's the first story that comes to mind? and I think it was back in when I was about five and my parents, we lived in Canada and we used to holiday around Canada and we were driving once on like an interstate and we stopped because there was this huge turtle in the road like huge turtle

like the size of like a small fee at 500 or something it was massive and it was in the road and my parents were like well we can't leave it in the road bless it what are we going to do and so they got out and my dad was like, you know, thinking, how can I move this massive turtle, like, across the road? And I remember we were in the car, like, looking at this turtle. And then I think my dad was getting really close to it and was going to shift it.

And then other people coming along the other side of the road, they stopped and ran out and were like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And we're like, oh, what? And they were like, no, it's, are you from here? It's a snapping turtle. These things have these huge nets that come out and they can just take off a hand or an arm. Like, they're so dangerous. Yeah, I've heard. So just leave it.

And there was my dad being like, oh, I'm just going to move this poor turtle to the other side of the road. And so, yeah, luckily, these people happen to come by and stop my dad's arms from getting snapped off. But, um, yeah, I was just me in the car, like, dad being lost an arm. What's happened to your arm?

What a holiday. This is so good. Your dad just loses his arm. Ah, my childhood, it's falling apart. The day my dad lost his arm. To a turtle. To a turtle. Here is the part of the show.

where we ask the audience to get in contact with their stories or questions or problems. And we've had a couple of bangers in. So these were some funny holiday highlights. A couple were on holiday and they crashed a class of 84 high school reunion. And people thought they remembered them and they were happy to see them after all the years. And they just pretended for the evening to be like, George, how are you? And people were so, I guess, like, not afraid to not remember someone that they pretended they knew them. And they had a great night.

So I was like, that's awesome. That's amazing. That's hilarious. That's like something that would happen in a movie. Exactly. Another one from Instagram said that he sat next to an absolute cutie on his flight and was like loving the fact that he was getting to talk to this girl. And then the flight attendant asked if he wanted coloring pens. he was 24.

Oh my God, that told me even knew. Well, they thought he was a kid. Yeah. He was trying to impress this hot girl next to him. And then they offered him like, would you want some coloring pens? She's like,

That's hilarious. I'm 24. I need to know what his diet is, right? Because I'm pushing 30, and I'd love to be mistaken for a child. Don't, don't, you don't want that. Trust me. I've grown up looking so young.

Like I got I got ID'd once for buying the karate kid, which is a 15, by the way. And they refused to sell it to me. And I was like, you think I'm 14? You think I'm 14? And then I had to get a friend to go in and buy it. How old were you? Oh, I was like 20 something.

I was like in my early 20s. Like, I was like 23. But I don't look so young now. But like if I shave, like even when I had like an agent and stuff, like they would always put me forward for classes. for like kid shows like Disney plus like and shit and I went into this Disney casting and there's just all these like 12 year olds and they were like make yourself look young and I'm there I'm like I just look like a paedophile I do not belong here I'm not going to get the part I love getting ID like I used to

get so offended when I was like sort of like 18 maybe 17 uh maybe even up to sort of 22 I got offended the minute I got over 25 into your ID I'm like absolutely there we are 29 you thought I was 18 or 17 didn't you thank you God taking it buy. You know in Sainswees or Tesco's when you're going through and you're buying something like medicine or alcohol and it flags up you need assistance and then the assistant comes over and then they can press this big button that says clearly looks over 25 and every time then they just press it and they don't ask me. I'm like, you didn't even ask to check us. You weren't even being relaxed. Clearly looks over 25. She's fine. She's old. It's going to get to the point where we're like.

like 40 and we're still going to the checkout just so the computer asks us if we're 25 to feel it. Oh yeah. Stop it. Stop it. You make me feel young again, say it's very soon. Now we have a bit of a holiday problem scenario that I thought we... So, someone who wrote in says, I got drunk with a friend and we booked 1,800-pound flights to Bali, which I paid for. Now, I've fallen out with said friend and she's refusing to pay for her heart.

to pay for her half of the ticket. What do I do? What would you do? What do you think she should do? Or he, she or he? Oh, God. I've heard this before. I've heard this a lot. And there is like no good solution. Because when you think about it, if I was going a holiday with someone and they'd bailed out, I'd be like, you have to pay for your half. You know what I mean? But also, like, I know people who have like fallen out.

Are they like on good terms? Because if they fall out over it, then they're not going to want to, like they're going to be like well I paid for it if I'm paying for it then I'll still go and then I've seen people who like break up and then neither of them want to you know pay for their half off so they end up going on holiday together even though they hate each other and stuff yeah yeah you know I don't know what's doing that situation would you sell the ticket to someone else like so either you have to find somebody with the exact same name so I remember so there's a guy whose girlfriend broke up with him and he found another like Sandra Johnson on Facebook and they ended up going on holiday and like nothing happened, no romance or any,

that would have been a great story. So yeah, so either you find someone else with the exact same name. But on it costs 50 quid to change your name. It's the principal, Sophie. Sometimes it doesn't. Ryanair, a name change can be 250 pounds. It's mad. And there's admin fees or they can charge you as well,

like the price of the ticket. Like if the tickets got more expensive, they can charge you the extra. Or the other option I saw a guy do online. So rather than paying the 250 Ryanair fee, he went to depole and changed his name because somebody mispelled his name and he he changed it by depot from 35 pounds. So he was able to go on the holiday. I was like, that's genius. But then he has to buy a new passport as well, you know what I mean? Like, isn't name changes on passport free? Because

it's a name change. You still have to buy the passport for like 50 quid. Oh, well, but right, I think it depends, going back to the girl, what they, like, Hugh kind of touched on it, what they fell out of and who's fault who's at fault as well like he said if you're at good terms then there should be no issue you should just be like yeah here go there's the money back for it or I'll help you find somebody to fill the city

but if it's the fault of the person that's bought the ticket that's when it becomes a bit tricky if you've been like maybe a bit of a horrible person or you've done something wrong if you killed their grandma or something like yeah or you'd slept with like their partner then no oh they're grandma yeah Yeah, like your grandma.

Yeah, it is a tricky one. But as Johanna said, if in doubt just change your name by Depot, change your passport, I don't know. Yeah. Or find another Susan. Do you know what? This is probably the soundest advice I could give. And that is, is that you can always, always make more money.

Take that from someone who is very poor. It's not. So just throw the tickets away. I just realized why I'm poor I now know why I'm poor I just keep buying tickets for people and not going anywhere Oh my god

You should start a financial Motivation Startup company where you just Motivate financial Companies I love it Maybe I'll do it I'll set up a new Instagram account

Financial advice from Hugh It would just be me in a suit Be like, throw it away Or a PayPal link Send it here Or you can just say, you can always make my money is the answer for every problem. So whatever the problem is. You're a big thing of this, aren't you, Jay?

Like, I've always been like, I need some help. And Johanna's just like, just chuck money out. It will deal with it later. Like, she's married to me. We'll deal with it later. We'll deal with it. No, it was probably the best advice that got given to me by an ex-boyfriend's dad. He was this very wise man.

And he said to me, you know what? Sometimes you just have to chuck money at price. problems to make it go away. And rather than stressing over the problem, because you can actually create more anxiety and stress, the problem actually, if you step back isn't that huge, will you remember it in five years? And he's totally right. Sometimes you just got to throw money at problems and make him disappear. My wife's really unhappy. It's all right. I'm going to buy her a necklace. No, that's not okay. That's not okay. But like if something like, no, I know what you mean. If you have a fine or it's like a, you get, you get fined and you like, you know what? I could fight this.

I could be angry. It's going to get me angry. Or I could just do it. Like, release the money and be like, you know what? I can make more money. And then I can crack on with my day and be happy. Or you can spend the rush to the day like this. And I was like, it's true.

Sometimes you've got to just throw money. Yeah, it is. I ignored a parking ticket and then ignored the parking ticket, which is a private limited company. And I googled it. And they were like, yeah, yeah, yeah, ignore, ignore, ignore. So I ignored them. But I ignored them so much, even though I was packing in my own space for my flat,

but because I didn't address it and say that's my space. I ignored it and because there was so many in the end. Long story short, I ended up with a CCJ I didn't know about. So it's like a county court judgment. So I couldn't get anything on finance. I kept trying to be like, why can't I get my own mobile phone contract? Like what's going on? And then I did a credit check and it was like, oh, you've had a CCJ for like a year

and a half. I was like, what? Brang up the court and they're like, oh, it's for these parking tickets. And I was like, so I rang up my old bill. in and they were like, if you'd have just come to us and said, we'd have cancelled it. So I was like, yeah, I should have just paid 30 pounds and been done with it, shouldn't I? And they were like, yeah. But it had to pay off like a thousand pounds.

You know what, Sophie, the moral of the story is you can always make more money. The moral of the story is you can't trust the system. Right. Off to Bali, go. This has been awesome. It has. Thank you so much for joining us, Hugh. We've had a bar.

No, thank you guys for having me. It's so far. I love you guys. You guys are the best. Seriously. I love you too. You love you, do. You're the bad.

We should all go on a girls' holiday. Yeah. Absolutely. To Costa delts. Oh. Cambodia! Cambodia! Costa Cambodia!

Oh my God. Let's go to that lovely shooting range. That sounds nice. Yeah. I want to fire a rocket from the Vietnam War. And then we'll fall out. Yeah, and then we'll fall out. And then you can't get a ticket

back home. Yeah, that's it. Hugh, where can people find you? On America's Most Wanted. On Craigslist. You can find me at any social media really at Hugh Samuel, spelled

in a very weird way. H-U-W. Samuel. I thought you made it. It spelt in Arabic. So you can listen to us on Apple music now. You can listen to us on Spotify, Akar. We're everywhere. We are everywhere. Everywhere.

Please. Tell your friend. This isn't me begging, but it is also me begging. Tell everyone. Instagram. It's James and Craig. And we're also on Twitter at Dear Mr. Nickythead.

Is it? I can't remember. It's one of them. Have a look. You can find Johanna as well. At Johanna James. You can find me at it's Sophie Craig. Get in touch.

Anything podcasty. Or if you just fancy a little bit of a chat. We're there. Yeah. No groping up mountains, though. No, mounting for anything. No. This is brilliant.

Love you all. Okay, bye. Bye. This podcast is part of Podomity. The UK's podcast Comedy Network. Why not laugh at what else we've got? Visit Podomity.com.