Dear Mr Knickerthief - Period or no fking period - With Riona O'connor

Episode Date: May 14, 2020

In episode five of Dear Mr. Knickerthief, hilarious actress, blogger and creative Riona O’Connor joins Sophie and Jahannah for the 'disgusting' 20’s (with her own diary too). We talk period sex, hormones, making allowances for people who treat you bad and how to put yourself first. Follow Dear Mr. Knickerthief on Instagram to be part of the show!

You know what, when you have kids, you're just like, when you're in the mood, you're in the mood. Period or fucking no period. Like it happens so rarely. You're just like, let's check the show in the road. Take what you can get. Let's get the show on the road. And there's your opening to the podcast. This podcast talks openly about mental health, sex, relationships and various other personal subjects that some people may find triggering.

Now, I know what you're thinking, so I'm just going to explain a little bit. Why dear Mr Nick a thief? So basically, long story short, when I was in year five, I went swimming with my class and a guy came in the changing room and stole everybody's knickers. So I did what any responsible 10-year-old girl would do and I wrote a letter,

address to said local pedo, printed it off and handed it out around my class. It contained some comedy gold, if I do say so myself. Poetic, almost. Yeah. Not only did Little Sophie write to the local paedophile. She also wrote to herself every day in her diary

and when we found it, we were like, this is hilarious. because people have to hear this. So here we are. Hello everybody. And welcome back to dear Miss Nick Thief with me, Sophie, Craig, and me, Jihanna James. Woo-hoo!

And this week, we are going into the 20s. Somewhere we've not ventured before. It's disgusting. The disgusting 20s. And to join us on our adventure, we are here with Rina O'Connor. Hello. Hello.

So, yes, tell everybody a little about about what you're doing it? Well, I am. Well, I started off as an actor and then went and had a baby and realized that I couldn't go back into the West End if I ever wanted to do bedtime again,

which some people might think is a gift. I should absolutely run and do it. But I was like, no. So I found myself with like really itchy feet. So I started a blog and like sort of blogging of vlogging, which was basically an excuse for me to sing and talk

absolute filth. on the internet and talk about parenting because I needed to scratch that itch and so that's what I do yeah yeah and show people my various body parts as well on the internet apparently I've discovered like the body positive movement and all of a sudden I'm like in a thong on the internet

which I never in a million years would have thought I would ever do and like I can just hear all the voices back home and Kerry like going jeez she'd be showing us her vagina next that's what they're like because every time I go home and they're like, God, I wouldn't know where you would clothes on. They're like, okay, thanks guys.

I do post your own picture, like, wearing clothes as well, it's fine. You can pose whatever you want. Absolutely. There is a thing. Somebody recently was saying, how can you be a feminist and, like, pose in a bikini? And it's like, because that's exactly why I should be posing in a bikini. Yeah, it's because I'm allowed to do whatever you want.

I'm allowed to be educated and I'm allowed to be sexy. Why have I got to choose? Yeah, absolutely. You go-go. You goger. And people can find you where? On Instagram and on Facebook at Mrs. Rina O'Connor or you can Google Rina the Unnatural Woman.

There she is. Yeah. Because everyone told me when I had kids that it should come naturally and I was like there is not unnatural about this. This is like really freaking hard. Like I work on my arse off here. Yeah. So nothing came natural to me.

It was very unnatural which spawned the name. It's good isn't it? I was thinking that you just were like unnaturally not. hairy or something. Oh see that would be great. I mean that would be I mean if I never had to wax again that would be awesome I'll take that. Because when you think of like a natural woman you think oh she's got hair. Yeah.

Oh yeah. The unnatural woman. So that's what Aretha Franklin was singing about she said yeah I got hair. Yeah. Basically a natural woman It's not bush. Can't believe it. Bushy Aretha. Oh right. Let's go back in time.

Bushy erythra. That sounded like. Oh my God. That's your like, balesque name. Bushy urethra, a common edge. Oh my gosh. Okay, shall we begin?

Yes. Now, this is somewhere we've not delved before. This is my 20s. And this is, if you've been listening to previous episodes of Deemitton Nickype, which you should have been, you will know that they've been quite,

I sound like quite the nerd. You do. Out of lack of knowing what else to call myself. You're just naive and weird. Just cute, just a bit cute. Like, I dress my diary, like, hi. And then it's like, hi, today I went to, and it's literally like this. This changes.

Let's see what's happened a few years later. So this is back in February 2013. Before Valentine's Day, okay. Before Valentine's Day. I went before pancake day. Priorities just before Shrobe Tuesday. And a little bit of context, a little bit of backstory. I had moved to London, recently broken up with a boyfriend a year and a half.

Brand new single, brand new, I'm gonna make my name in London living down south. And this is on the set of a movie that never came out, and I'm an extra. Nice, nice. Pursuing that acting dream. Okay. First day filming noble and the most embarrassing thing ever. Filming for the film Noble today, arrived over at Barrow, which was in my hometown, weirdly.

So I went back home from London to film. I didn't realise how big a film it was. I walked into the place and it was filled with costumes and people, like a proper movie set. That's what you need, costumes and people. Definitely. Minimum. Clearly not, like, this is like fresh out of breakfast.

drama school. I went and tried on my magician's costume so I was the magician's assistant. This is my role in the film, okay? And they put me in a wasper. You know what a wasper is surely. Like a wasp corset?

Right, it's tiny. Oh my God, it was horrible. I couldn't bend or breathe and the costume is so freaking skimpy, I felt so fat. They did my makeup and hair and then I got put into

an extra outfit. So it was also an extra as well as like a little small part in the film. Oh, yeah, that's true. But they kept my bloody wasper on. I was so uncomfortable all day. We waited at ages at costume. I had no makeup on and felt really self-conscious because I'm a spotty cow. Then we got taken by minibus to this set where we were fed. We were kept warm on a tour bus. I'm basically just giving you like a guide for guide. Yeah. What happened? And then I breathed and then I did a ween And then I thought, oh, I'm cold. I couldn't even we in that was. Like, everything was held in.

I can imagine. Well, not everything. Oh, no. Oh, no. Then we got taken to a pub. We waited for ages and it was freezing. Someone eventually came and said they'd lost the light and we weren't needed. We'd been sat there for eight hours. But we'd still get paid.

I was like, yay, that's not so bad. We went back and they asked me to put on my magician's outfit again so they could take a picture. as I was taking it off I had noticed I'd just come on my period in the costume Oh no Yes

friggin' waiting around all day without any bloody tampons And I'd just been caught out I was traumatised The lady rushed me immediately Through a tap and showed me where I could wash it by hand And I was like

And here I brought it It must have happened to other people around the world, surely, surely. But did they, like, give you, like, new costume? Like, a tampon? Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

It was all about the costume. It was all about the costume. And because this was set in, like, the 1940s, all the costumes are, like, really, like, specific and all, like, really, like, you've worked in, like, you're... Johan is an amazing seamstress and everything. Wow. And, yeah, so, like, the costumes were, like, one of a kind.

Yeah. So I got rushed to this sink. Obviously, I must have had it like everywhere. Anyway, I needed the earth to swallow me up. Oh no. Yeah, the woman didn't seem to mine, but she did go bright red and made me wash it until she would touch it again. Why did she go bright red? It's just a period.

I know, but for me, this is like the worst thing in the world. I remember feeling so bad. I blame the wasper. Yeah. I squeezed it out of you. This is what I said. Yeah, and then it says here, fucking wasper. And then it says,

also, give me a name. Shanade. Shanade had Facebooked me saying, oh God, I need another name. She was a better man. Saying Peter had been in touch with her asking what he was like. I gave my honest opinion on him

so this guy that I'd been seen for a little while Right Right Was now Peter Peter was now trying to get into Cheneade So Cheneid messaged me Being like

Oh what's he like But I don't think So that was a bit of a horrible move from Shinade really Well yeah If you just broke up Yeah I'm gonna shag him

What's Peter like I'm sorry And then it says here This explains it actually I gave my honest opinion Text him He asked me out on a date again So clearly I

I'm seeing this guy. Yeah. He's texting this girl, and she's asking me what he's like. Oh my God. Did you go out with him again? I hope not. No, I don't think so. Sheenade is doing my head in.

Why would you do that? Yeah, why would you do that? But then it does get a little bit like Valentine's Day I ended up. Who? Were you still on your period? That's the question. I don't know. I don't...

I'm a bit scared to read. Was there a tell-down? I'm a little bit scared. No, I can't. What? What? I can't read. Did you just put a towel down? Right.

I'll carry on. Okay, this is Valentine's Day, 2013, okay? So yeah, another day on set. I had my hair done, and after waiting for ages, we got taken to a coach to the trailers. We were fed a fry-up, and then taken by another coach to somewhere else. A big derelict freezing building with no windows

and I was practically in my underwear as I was playing the Medicians Assistant today. But all the wardrobe of people were so nice and kept giving me things to keep warm. Aren't wardrobe the best people, what you think? Always. Oh, wardrobe and makeup. Always. Like always end up in the makeup trailer or like with the hair people. I love them.

Yeah. They're always my kind of people every single time. So lovely, aren't they? It came to filming, we did three takes and it took 10 minutes and we were done. So I got, managed to get back down to London, got ready, and met everyone from work, so I was a waitress at the time. And we went out into Kingston. Oh, this is another love interest now. Oh, go on.

Jude, we'll call him Jude. Yeah. Jude was really off with me all night, and my friend was all over him, which was really strange. And then my friend weed all over the bus stop, and my other friend rolled in it. Okay, so then we got back to my friend's house, and Jude fell asleep on a beam bag. And then, oh no, I can't read this. You have to. I can't.

Go on. You have to have started. Go on. No, I can't. If you don't read it, I'll read it. No, I can't read it. No, I can't read it. Did you have a concussion?

Like, what happened? How did you get from concussed? I woke up in the morning, hating myself and felt really hostile. towards Jude and I don't even know why. The end. I'm closing that chapter. Oh no. No.

You're hostile to Jude. Oh my God. What am I doing? That was awful. I've enjoyed reading my diary entries but that was disgusting. That was all right. It was fine. I did have to admit a little bit. Or a lot.

Almost a bit. There pretty much wasn't a story there. It's just a sock. I had to admit. The sock is all you're getting. The sock is all you're getting. A sock. And I'm going to go all in.

Oh, my God. It was Valentine's Day. Oh, Valentine's Day. Oh, maybe. Was it the same one? 2013. Wow. This was way early.

I was younger. I was about 17. Okay. And we had a hotel. Oh, at 17. You had a hotel? Yeah. His parents were quite rich.

Oh, God. So we had a hotel room and we went back to the hotel and we all got my house AX. But we turned off the light because obviously 6-17 with a cracking body but you're going to cover it because you're too scared. And so we turned off the lights completely and it was quite hot in the room and we were getting down to business. And then I did remember thinking at the time like, God, I'm really sweating, really wet. Oh no. Oily. Oiled.

And then dumb. And then just thought, I know, I'll crack on. Then we turned on the light. I never properly, I didn't know I was going to come on my period. And it came, and it was a complete mistake. And I was there like, oh, wow, we're going to get, like, murder investigation. CSI's going to come on it. And I remember it scarred me forever because my boyfriend at the time went,

ugh, and he stood up and he ran, locked himself in the bathroom, and couldn't stop making, uh, sounds. And I felt so horrible. Oh. But I didn't know how, we couldn't even, like, it wasn't even worth attempting. We just left. the hotel. So the poor, like, cleaning people who would have come in, the next day would

have seen, and they would have been, like, they would have come in and looked at the floor, and then looked at the walls, and then looked at the ceiling. And I can only imagine. The thing is, with period sex, it's like, at the start, the idea is horrible. You're like, there's absolutely no way. Like, you start off and, you know, start kissing, whatever, you're like, listen, it's not happening tonight, like, I'm on period. And then you sort of fast forward, like, five minutes, and you're just like, well, you know, you're just like, you know, you're bit horny now so you're like fuck it it's fine let's just get a towel

get a black towel like the stain you know what I mean and then you're like off you go and then you know you you crack on and you just go but like you sort of can't like you probably can't move position that much I don't yeah yeah you stay one place so you probably have to just do the one uh two tops maybe don't look down no don't look down and then don't

you probably have to like cocoon yourself in the towel when you finish the two of your like wrapped in the towel like roll to the bathroom sort of thing and then you whip out the towel and it's like, well it's easy to clean the bathroom you just don't want to get it on the bed like run the walls, you know

top tips from Rena on period sex yeah, welcome to the next episode of dear Mr. Nickathouse listen you know what, when you have kids you're just like when you're in the mood you're in the mood period or fucking no period like it happens so rarely you're just like let's get the show in the road take what you get the show on the road

and there's your opening to the podcast beggars can't be choosing that was I'm going to say that experience did scar me for, I wouldn't, I wouldn't, absolutely wouldn't have it for years. I really literally recently, it was like, what, maybe more than 10 years later

the first time I had it again. Yeah. It is a little bit, it's one of them things like I I think it doesn't bother you as a woman because you see it and you deal with it every friggin month, right? Yeah. But for some men, like that it's something that's like, no, I can't I won't do that, I won't do that. But some men are like, I genuinely do not care.

Like, I've spoken to friends that are like, yeah, no, he does everything when I'm still on my period. And I'm like, well, fair do is that, I mean, I draw a line. But each to their own. Yeah. I mean, yeah. But it's, but it's one of the most natural things, it is the most natural thing.

Yeah. Being a woman. It is. It's like how we get life. Right. Right. Yeah of life. Life does not exist without woman having her period.

Right. I mean. I had a, um, a script. someone was supervising a script that I was writing recently and I wrote in a scene about a girl she just mentioned they're talking on the toilet and she mentions about okay when I can change my pad and he questioned it he was like why have you put that in there I was like because that's what you do when you're in the toilet yeah it's really normal yeah he was like is it for like a shock effect or I was like no it's just life and I think it needs to be shown exactly for this

reason because it's weird to you but it's not to us so we need to like normalize that yeah completely I think that's why you need more women writers you need more women writers in the room of every all of the writing rooms because what we find normal and what we find funny like men just can't relate to because they've never seen it and because they've been predominantly the writers of everything for so long nobody's exposed to it so that's why we need more women yeah it is and I think like what's really nice as well is about like the Me Too movement and feminism becoming more widespread and not seen as this like manhating thing it's just feminism is just really

normal and it's just actually we're all equal and that's the end of it but that means we're normal normalizing talking about period so like teenagers now, we'll just chat about it. It's not as big a deal. Whereas like when I was like a child, a teenager, the mention of like, and that's what, I mean, it's not freaking long ago. Like, you know what I mean?

10, 15 years ago. Like, you would never, ever mention periods. Like, oh my God. Remember, I used to get really bad periods in school. And I knew, like, the minute it came on, I knew I was going to get crippling pain and I would be like immobilized for at least three hours. I would never tell anyone.

I would literally grab my bag and, like, leave school. just leave school, but you couldn't tell anyone because it was just embarrassing and mortifying and it was like talking about this disgusting horrible thing, but it's not as like, you know, what 50% of the population has it has it and life would not occur without it so. It took me three days to tell my mum that I'd come on my period because I was so embarrassed by it and my mum was like, why would you not tell me? Yeah. But it took me three days to tell that.

That was just down to my own, I don't know, embarrassment, like maybe I don't understand it. like it's something to be ashamed of but it's not. My other half's really good. Like now I send him out for tampons and like sand like pads and stuff and he's like, bless him he comes back and he's like because we're just like yeah I just need some tammons whatever and he's like there are like 12 different kinds.

What do you mean? Like sending pictures at the shop like what? Like heavy flow, small floor, width, wind, snowing, no wind, superfying like what do you need? It's like this one's scented. You just sent it on a real wild goose. something like really random being like, no, I need the tampon with wings

and they'll be like, well, the tampon with wings. Make him ask for a tampon with wings. Yes. Oh my God, yes. I know he's great, he does it, but like, I remember initially he was quite embarrassed to get them for me if I ever was like, can you just, you're at the shop, can you grab me them?

He was like, oh my God, no, like, oh my God, like, oh my God, like, yeah. And it's like, what are you kidding me? It is funny. I remember being ashamed and like hiding them like in my handbag like, oh my God, no, I just bought them from the shop or it was a male shop. Yeah.

You're going to the sleeve, the tumple as you're walking to the bathroom. Yeah, pop it in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I still do that, to be honest. Yeah. Now I announce it, I'm like, I'm going to change my moon cup. Have you heard about a moon cup?

It's late, the environment. I could do a demonstration of five minutes, everyone in the loo. Like, go now, go, go, go. I'm such a big, like, period novice. I've recently come off the pill for, like, the first time in, like, 10 years. And so I'm having periods again for the first time. I feel like I'm 16 and, like, I'm going to get my flow. How is my flow?

How is your hormones? Yeah, oh it's crazy, it's horrible, it's mental, I get spotted, they get cramps, and it's horrible. And your boobs hurt, right? My boobs get massively hurts so much, and they feel like they've got rocks in them. Oh my God, it's like going back to like being, like a woman without all this men inflicted freaking hormones on us.

Yeah, yeah. Because that, like, you know, the male pill, isn't it? They have all the same side effects as the female pill. Right. But they were, they were, it was completely like it wasn't even, it didn't go past testing because of the side effects. We're like, oh no, no, men get headed. and they get cramps and so no no we can't possibly do it.

Whereas women you're just like all of the side effects is like well it's for a woman it's fine. Apparently there is a new male pill now coming out hopefully it's next year that they're like they've okayed and it's like ready for thing but you know my husband was really good he was like yeah I'll try it it's like to see what I'd like maybe give it a year see what everybody the thing is and it's good and he was like I'll try it and I and immediately I went oh no no no don't you try it and I was like oh wait Hang on, I personally, I don't take, I don't like what hormones do to my body. Nothing agrees with me. I've tried everything.

So I'm just, I like, have an app on my phone so I know like when's good and when's not. And we're always really careful, blah, blah, blah, blah. But, yeah, it's funny, isn't it? And like, for Johanna, she's literally, obviously you've had that long and out. Now she's gone back to, like, that teen thing. Like, my hormones have settled, so I don't get as bad PMT now anymore. Mine, I forget. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God. And I said to my boyfriend, I was like, have you noticed a difference? And he was like, yeah, but I kind of like it because it really normalises you. And I go, oh, you're crazy too. Because before, I'd be the way more mellow one. And then now I'm not mellow and I cry all the time when I get really upset. And he's kind of, I think he's enjoying the fact that I'm like losing it a lot more. I love it though.

I feel like, because I don't take anything anymore. And when I first became pregnant and when I first started breastfeeding, my hormones, I feel like my hormones got to a normal stage for the first time in my adult life ever. Oh wow. Like, because I think I went on the pill when I was 16 and then took it for what, like 15, 18 years, whatever. Wow. And then when I came off it and then got pregnant and I think like my hormones as like what I would have considered like me normal, but that was me on the pill, were like up and down, up and down.

I was really like, I'd have really like just like, you know, mid-normal and then, depression, I'm normal than depressed. But then the minute I got pregnant, it was like, my hormones were like, oh hey, you're normal now. And my moods are stable. And like everything is like, it just goes in a straight line rather than like a freaking, you know, up and down, like one of those heart monitors. So it's amazing. Hormones fascinate me. I think like if I could bottle and sell whatever the hell is going on in my body when I'm pregnant and breastfeeding, I would be so rich. Yeah. It would be so rich. You know, a doctor once said to me, um, I've got. I've got to be. I've got. A doctor once said to me, um, I've got. polycystic ovaries so um and they said to me and my skin has always been bad like because of that and uh they said to me the only way that everything this PMT this this everything that might get fixed is for you to get pregnant and they're like and then that might fix it I was like well that's not really a solution yeah I have a problem I'm

a lot that comes head and hand with that like you know I'm pregnant I've got three children however, great skin. Rena! Rita! So, Trina Rina. Your diary? I brought my diary, but my diary is like... Because I, I mentioned there in my 20s, I suffered really badly from depression,

and I used to write a gratitude journal because it was the thing that made me like just come back to like some sort of like neutral ground. You know what I mean? That you just stopped me sinking through the floor of like, what the fuck am I doing? How am I going to get out of this hole? and then you do a gratitude journal and was like actually do you know what I'm good it's fine it's fine I am warm I am dry I have friends I have a house do you know I mean everything's fine but like I used to have you brought that's what you brought in with you today that's it but it was just a gratitude journal and it's like it's just says something it says like the most simplest of things like I'm I'm I'm every single day because I looked at it today for the first time in years and years and years and every single day I write I'm I'm grateful for Ramble Balky and

who else was there are the dogs oh and Bonnie the dogs. Like I found like for me like dogs were just this a great just this great source of like okay no it's okay I have love I have a dog I have love I don't know what we did to deserve dogs as a woman or else. Oh they're so good

they're so good and I just used to put like quotes in them that um I mean it's it seems really like you know wishy-washy consider what we've just been talking about but like I used to put things like the foolish man seeks happiness in the distance the wise grows it under his feet. So rather than constantly wanting and trying to, you know,

aim for X, Y and Z, which of course is a really good thing as well. But also, you've got to just look at what you have and go, actually, if not, like if nothing changed, I am fine. I am okay. If nothing changes, everything is actually fine. Everything that I want and I wish for is just a bonus. So like, that's how I used to sort of ground myself. And things like, there's another one, the grand essentials of happiness. I mean, I didn't make this shit up, by the way. These are quotes, like, you know, from fucking Google. Straight from Rees-Bray.

Yeah, I didn't find, I didn't turn into rummy or anything like, you know, in that day. No, but I like this one as well, the grand essentials of happiness are something to do, something to love and something to hope for. So I always feel like you have to have a busy brain. That's what I always found, like, you know, that old adage of, you know, if you feel crap, there's no point in, you know, staying in your bed for three days, which I did have to do. one point or a few points like you have you have to do that as well but also you have to get out you have to do the simple things like a fresh air go and get yourself something to eat and like a hot

drink you know but walking and all all that stuff that people say it's all true but I think you have to do all of the things like you have to hope you have to have ambition but you also have to be like you know nurture yourself where you are rather than being like if something changes tomorrow I'll be happy because you won't you have to like figure out what makes you happy in the now I think. Anyway, so that, like, I found that so helpful when I was really ill. And I always, if I go to a place of, like, feeling funky, I always come back to, like, gratitude.

I'm grateful for, blah, I'm grateful for blah. I was, like, three things. And it was really, really helpful. So what are you grateful for this week? Oh, my God. What am I grateful? I'm grateful for you, girls. I'm grateful for being here.

I love having chats with other women. And, like, especially, like, other performers. because I don't get to do that a lot anymore because I work for myself and I work from home and I do voiceovers as well but that's a lot of that is from home where I'm in a studio for an hour and I'm like hey how are you

and then I have to go again and I'm like bye bye you guys see you later can I do human connections yes exactly we were saying this when we like when people are talking about having a staff party

if we would be like we're going to have a stuff party it's like who's going me just me my Christmas party My self-employed Christmas party is going to be wild. It's going to be crazy. Me and my couch.

Me and a group, though, that you, for, like, everybody that's self-employed, we should... You should have your own, like, staff parties. Christmas party for our self-employed people. We can have little name badges. Yes. I mean, that's such a good idea. You're going to bring a photocopy so we can all photocopy our bum. Oh, amazing.

I do all the classics. Oh my God, can we have a water cooler so we can bitch about someone by the watercuh. Exactly. I'll just hire one. A bitch cooler. Yeah, a bitch cooler. So this part of the show is when we get the public to get involved with us and send in their... To the favourite pies.

Yeah. They send us the most, their stories, their problems, so sometimes a bit agony, auntie, or sometimes it's just something really embarrassing and funny. Okay. And yeah, so we're gonna like crack on with some problems. Oh, that was really loud. Oh, that was really loud. I'm awake now. Thank you.

Thank you much for you. The first problem is going to be the fact that I put my knickers on inside out today and the lace is rubbing my vagina. Oh, what's in a good way? In a good way. No, not even in a good way. That glow isn't like from, you know, itchy lace. No.

It's like, you know, when you've shaved and then it just starts to like rub and it's a bit soft. Yeah, no, that's why I keep wriggling on the floor like I've got worms. It's actually just my lace. She's like a dog dragging her ass. I am. I can't get comfortable. My vagina is not. Do you know you're a little bit quiet.

It's because of the legs. LVJ. The vagina. That's a chaf. But I'm going to try. Take your jeans off. We're our friends. I'm going to channel this into other people's problems.

Okay, right. It's going to get a little bit deep, but let's just... Let's do it. We can take this. Okay. So this are anonymous. My boyfriend was never loved as a child. He was in care from a young age and he got involved in petty crime and drugs.

I tried to make allowances for him. He recently stole from me. What should I do? Oh. And I felt for this person because I feel like when I was younger I definitely made this mistake But for all the right reasons When you uh I always see the good in people even like bad people I see so much potential in people

Yeah Which is nice that I have that like frame of mind But it's bad because it means I do what this person do and I make allowances for people Yes I I'm the same I will always try to see the good in people But yeah you will will make excuses for that person. And I remember stepping into your life and a real shift in your life.

And I remember saying to her being like, that's not an excuse and that is not a reason. They are fully functioning an adult. They know what's right and what's wrong and there is no excuse for that behaviour. Whether they had a bad upbringing or a good upbringing, there is no excuse. And you do not have to tolerate it.

No, you don't. Yeah. And just based on what you've told me and stuff like, you've just, you allowed it, didn't you? I met Sophie the night that I got dumped. Yeah. Oh, sweet. The night I found out that a previous partner had cheated

and I packed a suitcase and I ran out the house and didn't know where to go. She just was there with a little suit. And I was for Sophie and I was just like, my face was all puffy and I had my suitcase and I didn't know where I was going to stay that night. And that's when I met Sophie. Oh my God.

I like that story. Isn't it? That's a lovely story. I mean it's a sad story, but it's a lovely story. It turned out well. It is. It turned out well. I think you meet people because you, well,

I think people come into your life because you need them. They're supposed to be there. Especially in my life. It's like, it's almost like there's a stage. manager going and enter yeah literally

exit stage boyfriend enter Qsofi keep soby bring the tissues enter Mardi yeah dearest

boyfriend and enter and you may exit now it's so so hard because I understand where this person is coming from because you can see someone

and you care about and you just feel for the little boy or the little girl in that person that wasn't treated right and you see that's like almost at the front when actually yes it's awful that they were treated like that way as a child

they never got to show love but unfortunately there has to be a line where that doesn't actually matter 100% I used to go out with a boy for four years and he was abused as a child as well

and I remember when he told me that I used to make so many allowances for him like he would literally like it was emotionally draining because he would he would like lean on me for so much but then the minute I lean back he was gone yeah like absolutely gone yeah exit stage left by that you know it literally was and and it was one of those things you know

it was everything it was just so hard and he was in his words he's trying so hard and everything was just hard for him and his life and no but I was okay because I you know I didn't have a bad upbringing I love you so I was fine I was expected to be fine at all cost and he would do what he want but I needed to be the like the what you call the the the stellar pillar of whatever and so i was always just expected to be there and i would always try and this is what i've definitely learned like watching you can you can um you can help someone and you can understand them until the cows come home like you can like i think that's definitely it's a it's a female trait like we like we delve into the dark depths of like their mind we go so but why are they like that or they had a bad upbrain

and this is it so this explains their behaviour. You can explain behaviour and you can understand behaviour until the cows come home but it is not your job to like be shot on and you can understand it but you don't have to receive it and accept it Yeah, do you know exactly

Yeah, this is exactly what I'd said to you didn't I like it is and I you know I've been in relationships where you know maybe the upbringing hasn't been oh like you know even now like there's situations and issues that maybe haven't been addressed or whatever but I have never stood for it and allowed it. I understand and I accept that this is who you are and part of who you are,

but I will not accept you to behave that way towards me just because of something else that's happened. And I understand it and I get it. So we address it together and we move forward or we don't, you know? Yeah, that's the way I've always sort of seem. It's not your job to fix someone either. No. Like they are responsible for themselves. Like it is, and it's also not your job to mother them.

Like you're their girlfriend. not their mother. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they have to take responsibility for themselves. Yeah. You know? It's a tough one.

Move on. A bit for 50-50. Yeah, move on. If you've spoken to them and there's not been an active change to meet you in the middle, then move on. I would say. Because there's also as well, like, that's where I've realized, like, it's completely fine to have issues. Everybody has issues. And the older you get, the dating pool, the more baggage.

The more issues there are. We bring them all. Yeah. We bring them all. I'm like, oh. But it has to be just that. match of like I'm going to have your back, you're going to have mine.

And if someone isn't willing to even look at it, then forget it. You can't force anybody to come to the table, like you really can. If they don't want to do it themselves then it's not worth your good or. Then it's, yeah. Bye.

Okay, and right, here is another very interesting situation. Again, from Anonymous. My ex-boyfriend was incredibly homophobic and we wrapped. over his insulting comments and we've broken up I will break up I've heard he is now living with a man and I'm very angry that he put me through that should I contact him and address this he was obviously he was obviously overcompensating yeah so

much and and fighting with himself yeah against being that sounds more like like denial yeah and but I think more with her she just wanted an apology like a an apology of like... It's like she's been the collateral damage on his journey to accepting who he is which is really sad

for her I wonder would he want to acknowledge that with her I don't know like I don't you have to ask yourself what would it benefit

her to have that conversation and if he doesn't if he just goes well what are you talking about that was just the stage of my life I was in if he's defensive if he's not willing to go

I'm sorry how is that going to make her feel like I'm not He's a big man to apologise. Yeah. Yeah. Big person.

But it also feels like he's made peace with himself. And I would be, I think, I think reaching out would be purely for her own gratification. And I don't know if it would be necessarily the best thing to do. I feel like she should take a deep breath and go, well, that was that. Yeah. And just move on from it.

In a way, I get that it's difficult. It's hard. It's a relief because you're like, oh, he's not a homophobic bigot. He was just a denial. Yeah, who's angry and hiding. Yeah, that's a really interesting one that one. That's a tough one. Because you do, I think, when you are so, like,

confused and conflicted, the first thing you do, the first thing you got is anger, isn't it? Yeah. And it is, oh no, I hate this and I hate that, and it's actually the underlying thing is a lot different. He was really struggling, bless him. And the final piece of contact that we've had was the funny one, so I thought I'd say this for last.

Okay, so I mean, my favourite food in the world is peanut butter, but this story has made... Oh, I thought that's how it started. I was like, it's you! My favourite personal food is peanut butter, but this story, okay, right. Oh God, I've already got like images in my head of what this could be. It said, my sister was making a peanut butter sandwich when she quickly needed to change my nephew's nappy.

No. While changing the nappy, she saw a little. some peanut butter on her arm and licked it off. It wasn't peanut butter! No! Reena, you've got two babies. Have you ever done that? If you haven't eaten poo as a mom

then, you know, who even are you? Like, it happens, it happens. It's on your finger before you know what you've done that. And then you're like, oh, oh, oh, oh God! Oh God, oh God, what's happened? What's just happened? My life. My life.

It's in my mouth. You just know, you know. ever think about these things and you become parents, all of a sudden you're like eating shit. I'm just like rolling in it, you know, period sex. It's like it's literally a downhill. It's just downhill. But yes, yes, no. It doesn't taste like peanut butter though.

So you can't imagine. If it ever happens to, Johanna, it won't ruin the taste because it doesn't taste the same. It'll be okay. You'll be fine. Oh my God. I feel like that story is contraception in itself. I know. I need to go back on the pill ever again.

Gosh, it's like a bit of a turn off. I have to say, though, it's like, I've wrote a little thing about this recently. I was like, like, I find that children, like your own children are like your own shit. Yeah, you're just not bothered by it.

Because you're not bothered by it. You know, like your own poo? And the same goes for your children's poo. You don't really mind your own poo. Like other people's poo is vile. Yeah. Like you don't want anything to, you don't smell it, you don't want to see it, it's absolutely sickening.

But your own poo, you're like, oh. well I made that like you know it's like I'm gonna work of art exactly there's a chips I had there you know it's like I'm like well done bud you're working well like you put these all together at the other side so yeah I think like your own poo is fascinating and it's the same with your kids poo you don't I don't generally mind it and I'll sniff it's fine god I'll just leave you with that lovely nuggets there bit oh oh

literal poo nugget okay I think we can squeeze one more funny. When I was seven, I was going back to school, shopping for new shoes. I saw a pair of shoes next to a box on the floor, so I tried them on and I walked around and this girl looked at me, horrified and said, give me back my shoes. Oh, that's funny. I've clearly done that. I've asked somebody like, oh my god, where are those shoes? And they're like, those are my shoes? And you're like, oh, sorry. Oh. Oh. Just trying around in somebody else's shoes. These are great. You got them in the size nine? I think were they sweaty. Like, did they smell?

Probably. It's probably why I don't want to buy them. Yeah, foot fetish people out there we are. There you go. Amazing. Thank you so much. I feel like we've all learned. We've learned about poo. We've learned about periods. Absolutely. We've learned about a lot. A lot. I'm not a lot to process from this podcast. She just needs to go take off her jeans and a lacy thong right now. Absolutely. You do. You do. I need to take these lace. I need to tell them inside out. Get the cotton on me now. Ow!

Oh, scratchy lace. Yeah, lace is scratchy, Joanna. Oh, no, that's not good. No, no, no, no. I don't want a friction burn down there. No. No, no, no. No, no.

No, right, yeah, thank you very much. If you like this podcast, then remember to get involved with it, please, because we need your help for the next episode. If you'd like to send in any of your embarrassing stories or your agony art letters, then just contact us at It's James and Craig on Instagram, Twitter, everywhere I'll. Yep, you can also contact the JJ at Johanna James. You can contact me, at it, Sophie Craig,

or you can get in touch by the little website, www www.dddddeme snaghy.com. Don't forget to follow, Rina as well. How can they find you again, just so they know. You can find me at Mrs. Rina O'Connor on Instagram and Facebook. There we go. Okay, or carry a pigeon, whatever.

Carry a pigeon. Just send us, just send Johanna your confessions and your stories, and we'll just get them, we'll just get them out there. in the world because I feel like I've devolved a lot today. Do it. I feel like we've all overshed. Yeah.

And that's been wonderful. So there we go. Okay. Okay, that's it for us. See you. Bye-bye. If you've been affected by any of these issues raised in today's episode or a seeking professional help, there are lots of amazing people out there to help.

We recommend Mind. You can reach out to them at www.mind.org. This podcast is part of Podomity. The UK's podcast comedy network. Why not laugh at what else we've got? Visit pedumity.com.