Dear Mr Knickerthief - Smoking pube joints - With Joe Charman

Episode Date: April 23, 2020

In episode two of Dear Mr. Knickerthief, Sophie and Jahannah are joined by the talented Joe Charman who has brought in his diary for us. We cover teenage life, the sex talk from your parents, leaving home for the city, uni and the education system and being cheated on (Barry the knob is back except we forgot we called him Barry so we called him Harold) and teenage Joe tells us how to make your friends smoke your pubes. Follow Dear Mr. Knickerthief on Instagram to be part of the show!

Oh my God, oh my God, there's a diary entry. No, but this is really horrible. No, oh, can we read it? I'm a horrible person. Yeah, go for it. Last night, we went to our friend, which is now crossed down, Jason's house. Jason had never smoked pot before.

We got him fudged with alcohol and pubic hair joints. This podcast talks openly about mental health, sex, relationships, and various other personal subjects that some people may find triggering. Now, I know what you're thinking, so I'm just going to explain a little bit. Why dear Mr Nicker Thief? So basically, long story short, when I was in year five, I went to him with my class, and a guy came in the changing room and stole everybody's knickers. So I did what any responsible 10-year-old girl would do,

and I wrote a letter, addressed to said local Pido, printed it off, and handed it out around my class. It contained some comedy gold, if I do say so, on my seat. self, poetic, almost. Yeah. Not only did Little Sophie write to the local paedophile. She also wrote to herself every day in her diary and when we found it, we were like, this is hilarious. People have to hear this. Oh, here we are. Okay. Are we on? Good. We're on. Hello and welcome to another episode of Dear Mr. Nicker Thief. Of course, it's me, Sophie Craig and I'm joined by The Gorgeous. Joe Charman. No.

he's here too but of course it wouldn't be Jim as Nick Thief without Without me That's Johanna hi Johanna here she is And this week we've got A different section of the diary

But before we get started FYI guys Where are we Johanna Oh we're sitting on the floor On a fluffy poof In my spare room The studio was booked So we've had to compromise

And DIY it We are DIY in it We're not in a living room because it's too echoy. We're actually sat in my very small study around the sofa, a part of my sofa from the living room. It's intimate.

And it's the first time Joe's come to your house. It is. And we've got the lovely... It's got a kind of like a sleepover vibe. It has. Yeah! Oh my God, we'll trust sleepover. Yes, of course.

We've got the lovely Joe Charmin here with us. Joe tells a bit about yourself. Oh, God. I hate that question. It's the worst question, isn't it? Tell us about yourself. I'm five foot seven, so average height for a man.

But you have a really colourful moustache. Yeah, the moustache is kind of, I think, an extension of my personality. I love the moustache, yeah, keep it. For when you lack a personality, you just whack a load of colour. Don't see things like that. I mean, if we do the same with lipsticks, really, I'm like, I feel boring. Wack a colour on your face and it's great. Wasn't there a rumour that it was made of beetle?

Did you hear that rum around school? What was? that like lipsticks was made of insect Is that true? Well, yeah, historically yeah but I know I had a rumor that in like Mac lipsticks there was whale sperm and I was like,

what? I think that was definitely a rumor. And chewing gum, whale blubber? Did you hear that one? Is that? I mean, it probably was. Poor whales. Yeah, maybe like in...

I imagine it would be now. 1700. Yeah. 2020 was a whacking whale blubber into like chewing gum. You would think it would smell. you would say wouldn't you know was that beautiful aroma fresh breath

fresh blabber breath that's just wail okay brilliant so shall we let's dive in let's drive straight in okay and we've got a little surprise

to you as well a little bit later on so let's stay tuned for that bad boy we are the 13th of September 2009 here we go

hi I like to say hi to my diary She talks to it like it's a person It used to be Tessa when I was little Hi Okay, well it's my second day after moving to Manchester I got into drama school and it's called the Arden

I'm doing musical theatre And so did my childhood friend Brogan And we moved into Manchester Student Village yesterday Which by the way Well, it's terrible It was the worst year of my life Okay that's a slight exaggeration My room is pokey

but after moving furniture and giving it my own touch, it really looks like home. You sound like you're on this morning, you're doing like a home. After non-consideration, I'm now an adult. This is basically how I write. It's terrible. And I remember my uni window had bars,

like out the window, Manchester. And we got it super, super cheap because it was right above a pub, the student pub. And so it had bars on the windows, so every night it would vibrate because of like, yeah, it was awful. Anyway. And a drunk man that sits on the steps outside. There's some prostitutes near drama school.

And a man was getting arrested on the stairs as I moved in. Welcome to the city, me. You're like this little country mouse moved to the bright lights of Manchester. Well, I mean, I'm sure there was plenty of other things that is just niceties. He's just, oh, prostitute, thief. Stuff I've not seen. Yeah. It was your awakening.

Why is that woman wearing stockings on a Tuesday afternoon? We have a flatmate called Tina. She's from China. She's washing things in the bathroom sink, and she's wearing a men's face pack, and her beans are in the cupboard. But she's adorable. That's like...

I don't... You didn't... You didn't get Tina. No, not. She didn't. She used to come out of a room at 3 a.m. on the phone, and that was the only time we ever saw her. And she used to leave prunes and salt in the toilet.

What? Like, in the toilet or in... Like, buy the toilet bowl, a bag of prunes, and a jar of table salt. I didn't get the prunes. Yeah, help her go. Yeah. But it's not on the toilet eating prunes.

It's not that quick. What? Yeah, the salts are a little weird one. Maybe she was worried about. about witches. She just cast a little circle of salt. It was weird. There was no windows in any of the bathrooms, the shower, there wasn't a window in the kitchen, the only window was the one in your bedroom. With bars on it? With bars on it.

Was it prison or... Essentially, I moved to prison. I went out for a meal last night with mum and dad and they stayed at a hotel. I know why. Then we went looking for the Arden today. Wow, a very long walk. I wish I had my car. I'm such a geek. I was! How did you survive Manchester? being so naive and geeky.

Well, I did. Me and Brogan are going to end up looking like twigs. We went shopping before too. Mia, who is my little sister, she'd just been born. It's just been taking to Manchester A&E though. She's been sick and is poorly. I hope she gets better soon. What was the name we called that ex-boyfriend in one of the episodes?

Harold? Bobby. Harold. I feel like it was a Harold. Brian. Basically, we're omitting his name from the diary. We'll refer to him as Harold. But he's back. Harold's back. Harold's back.

I think it was Harold. Harold came to help set up my room yesterday and then caught the train back to Blackpool for the rest of his lad's weekend. Bless him. I've had an eventful summer. I was nearly a full-time character in Holyoaks, you see. Again.

How many Holyoaks auditions have you had since then? Seven. Yeah, she's never going to get on. They're never going to let her on. I went to Spain, went to Wales, and I met Harold's dad. Mental. Good awesome. I've sneaked my fish here too. Oh, you wild child, sneaking your fish into uni. Most people are like off their face on ketamine.

I thought it was an euphemism. Dealing firearms and you've sneaked your little fish in for uni. Everyone's doing paupers in the corridor and I'm like, I've got to fish. I've ordered the wrong books for uni and I've read the wrong one. Oh God, my hands are getting sore now. Love Sophie. Oh and just as a PS, I wrote down my A-level results.

Oh, wow. Oh, my God, you're so nerdy. What were they? A, 2. A, English, B, biology. Ooh, C, A, S English, A. I missed off physics. I missed off chemistry.

because they were really crap. Wait, how many A levels did you do? Okay, so I did more than the normal person, yeah. Because I did three and then I dropped one because I was like... Yeah, I did five. I studied at the University of Life guys. Aye. Better.

There we are. It doesn't make a difference. I still went to drama school. And it just says side note. Oh, side note. For the record, Harold cheated on me the night you went to Black Pearl. What a dick. What?

The end. A dog. And that concludes that diary entry. So your boyfriend, drop you off at uni and then went off for a lad's weekend and the minute he was free of you chucked someone else. Yeah.

Well, he's nice, isn't he? Harold. I bet he was glad when he heard those results. Absolutely human. Look at what you could have had. I've got a bee in biology. I've just caught a glimpse of the front cover of the diary.

That is... I mean, nothing screams teenage rebellion more than fairy secrets diary. It's covered in glitter on fairies. This is because it's the same diary from Christmas 2001 and I started it in year six.

So it's the same diary. It's gone right the way through but I also have like a whole you know this, a whole pile of diaries. Volumes. Yeah, that have like literally I picked up at different times and just like wrought in them so... Yeah, that was that. So there we go.

I hope you said, Harold, I'm keeping the fish. I'd have to change the fish's name. What was his name? I can't call it Harold anymore. The fish's name was Ferdinand. Oh. Yeah, and then he died and I got two more and called them Babs and Cows.

I always had a pet. Yeah, yeah. How was you, you went, did you go uni? I didn't. Did you know? Did you go to school of life? Oh yeah, you went to the school of life. Which is a lot cheaper.

Yeah, well, some would say. I mean... Depends. I left school with one GCSE essentially and A star in art. Everything else. Wow! And that's what you're like doing.

Yeah, I mean, wow. But considering everything else was, you know, I think D's and E's. Yeah, but that shows that you were creative. I wish people, I wish at the time I had that kind of reaction from my parents. Yeah. Because they weren't pleased. I got 12, 13, GCSC.

Oh, my God. Yeah. I got 10 A-star. Have you used any of them? No. Drama and dance. Yeah, all the creative stuff. Nobody, I mean, media studies.

Media studies, I got any style, media studies. I guess that's kind of what I do. I was not allowed to do drama. What? What? You'd have been amazing. You'd have got any style. I wanted to, but I did art, woodwork, graphics,

and then because I chose drama, they're like, you can't just have all the fun subjects, so they wouldn't physically let me do drama, and they made me do double science. Oh. I did double science and I loved it. I got... It stats.

I just used to leave the Bunsen burner on and see how quickly I could evacuate the class. I smell gas, miss! We've got to get out. Legally, we have to leave the classroom. I was great. I grew up in Bore and Wood though. Like, it's a little town in Hertfordshire.

So, I mean, it didn't really matter what you left with. Everyone was going to get little jobs on the high street or factory work. So it was similar to my home. made any bother to any of our lives do you know what I found out yesterday I met a man from Texas

and he were talking about a school system randomly this is relevant and he was saying that the whole school system in America is just ridiculous because it's all multiple choice everything, every test so where in England

we have to learn stuff You actually use your brain yeah you have to like learn stuff to then regurgitate it and it's how well you remember what you've learned whereas in American school system everything, every test

is multiple choice so that there is a 25% chance that you could just guess that right. That would help so much. Yeah. And then he said that out of the 20, out of the four questions, two of them are similar to catch you out. And two of them are like, obviously wrong. So it's 50-50. It's a 50-50 chance, really, that you're going to get right or wrong. I mean, that goes a long way in explaining just Trump.

Yeah. I bet he guessed. Multiple choice become president. There is. Is this fake news, fake news, real news or not real news? There is, in the news recently at the moment, there is, I think he's 9 or 10, a little boy with an IQ of 149, and he has been offered places at some of the top universities, like Oxford, Cambridge, and like he's going to pass university.

I don't know. He is cleverer than, like, that's like Sheldon out of Big Bang theory, isn't it? I don't know what IQ means. I'm like, I've never done an IQ test, have you? I did, and it wasn't too bad. What did you get? I can't remember, but I remember thinking, oh. You surprised yourself?

What is an IQ test? I think anything below 90 is like, do you. Sorry guys, if you're listening and you got along 90. Oh, I got 72. No. But like, I'd like to, but I've been more nervous taking an IQ test than just an exam. Yeah, because that is like, people judge you. done that. But like I wasn't really academic either. Einstein said if you judge a fish on its

ability to climb a tree it'll spend its whole life believing that it's not it's not worth anything. I thought you could have anything else. It will spend its whole life trying to fly. That's a good way of letting me know that I'm a bit dumb. No because if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree then it'll spend its whole life thinking that it's like dumb. But a fish can swim is like the best, but if you judge it on its ability to climb a tree and that, and only that, that's like the school system, isn't it? It's like you said, like with your art thing, it's like

why, just let him do all the art subjects. That's what he excels in and that's what he's going to go forward and do and point to the world. And I think that that's, like my brother went to university and studied art and he didn't get a gooder grade as he could have in art because of the writing side of it. Right, because he couldn't explain

his art in paragraphs and paragraphs of writing. It didn't matter how good the art was. It was how much intellectually he could big it up he could have drawn a line on a page providing it came with eight pages of synopsis about why that is art

genius yeah that's the thing you're not going to get a commission and be like can you make me this please for my beautiful house but also can you do me a 10,000 word essay on it as well so I'm not going to use that art is so subjective right yeah exactly I think that too my piece of GCSE my final piece of GCSE I did a painting and it got stolen from the art cupboard. Is this the one that's hung in your house?

No, it got stolen. Oh! It got stolen. I've never seen it again. FYI, Johanna has a big mural in her house of just her face that she painted, like, and it's like, of different, like, bits of Joanna. My mum framed it and it's brilliant. It's like, oh. It is brilliant. Yeah, well, nobody stole that one, did they? They stole the nice view that I painted. I painted a view. It's good, though, and it's like all the different sides of view, isn't it? Yeah. And that was, it was cool. It's really cool. It was a self-portrait but they stole it and I was really annoyed but then I was also really flattered

like, oh, someone wants my art I remember doing one of Beyonce and I thought I was amazing I was like, this is great what a portrait of Beyonce Yes Have you still got it? No

no I remember me in that year three and you used to have to paint those paper plates like the Greek plates do you remember and it got entered into the North Lonsdale art competition and got a second prize ribbon I think you were devastated

Oh I was That was it Mother and Father threw me out No I don't know how I don't know where that came from Like the whole being bright Because I was also the really chatty mixture of everything

And I just loved school And I loved learning I don't know what happened I didn't really like school I nearly failed on my GCSEs I in my test mock exams I got Ds and E's and Fs and my parents were like mortified

and they were very serious with me And they thought right How can we encourage her We will pay you to do your GCSEs. So they dangled money in front of me and they said that they would give me 50 pounds for every A. 50 pounds for every year!

Oh it was 60 for an A, 40 for a B, 10 for a C or something like that. And I was like, you're on. It worked. And she made 12 pounds. But I refused to admit that I was actually like revising or getting on with it

because I was too cool to look like I was studying. So I'd get up an hour early each day and go to school early and spend 45 minutes on my own just cramming so that in the evening I could watch TV and my mum would be like, shouldn't you be studying? And I'd be like, yeah, whatever, not bothered. And then I ended up actually passing and my parents owe me 360 pounds.

They did not believe that. They thought I was going to get up to Mbby's C. But I ended up, yeah, and they paid up. I made world paper. What? One wall was the biology wall in my bedroom. The other wall was my English language wall in my bedroom. The other wall was my chemistry wall.

The ceiling. You have lost so many cool points today. Literally. It was like lines and lines and lines and lines of A4 paper, all cellar taped across like wallpaper. And I would read each wall before I went to bed and evening. And then I would also sleep on my books in the hope that it would absorb into my brain. Oh my God.

Just a pillow of the periodic tables. Yeah, that's what it was. Joel's just looking at me shaking his head. Well, no, because I got bribed to pass my GCSE. It's just left with no money. And my bedroom was black. I had a black bedroom. All the wall was black.

Oh, wow. I painted a big skull on the wall. That was what I had as my bedroom. So I feel it's just poles apart. isn't it? I just, I think the only thing that I possibly had on my wall was maybe when I was about five, I maybe had one of those charts you got through with the Daily Mail, very, like, different fish or animals, but I think... I used to sing the periodic table. I made songs up for it, so I remembered them.

My physics teacher in A-level hated me, because obviously I'm not the sort of person that you would expect to take A-level physics, right? No, you were exactly. No, because obviously A-level physics, these people were quiet. They were, like, beavering away. So when I came bouncing in with a little strappy dress on and was like, S is D over E and na, he was just like, Sophie! I was like, that's how I remember.

I filled physics. You little love. But we have got some, we've got a little surprise for you today, actually. Joe has brought in his diary. Oh, yes, you did. Yeah, all right. Well, look, I brought this in. Now, this was a year of my life in 2004.

That is a beautiful diary. Well, it's not a diary so much because it is just lots and lots of drawings and scribblings. But there are little pieces in there, like this, for example. Can I take a picture of that for the song? Okay, this comes out. That is Hannah in 2004. Hannah, your current wife? Hannah, my wife.

Oh, wow. So there are little bits in there that are like... Just for the audio... Let's just take a picture of... So that's why Hannah as a goth. For the audio description, there's your current wife as a young person. When we first started dating on the 17th of the 5th, 2004. But that's gorgeous.

You've cut out her face in a love heart. That's so cute. Yes, and I also had that love heart picture on my skateboard. Oh. Yeah, yeah. That's true love that is if you get on a skateboard. And that is Joe in 2004. Oh my goodness, miss.

So it's like little glimpses into my life. Do you have anything you can read for us? Oh my God. Oh, go on then. I have like... I see some letters there. I've seen some scribblings. This is my hair.

That is actually how long my hair was. You cut your hair off and stuck it in your book. Eight inches long. For the listeners, there is a clump of Joe's hair that is about eight inches long. He's measured it and labeled it. And it is stuck with see-through silenotib into his diary. I didn't know that that was hair. And I signed everything.

I was convinced that I was like going to be famous. Yeah, well you were. Well, online. Well, there we are. This was extracted at the 21st of the 4th, 2004 at 6.15pm. 615 precisely. But there are some bits in there that is just... See, but I also, I look at this and I think, that's forensic evidence expert.

That is... Look at that. He's noted the date, the time. He's encapsulated it forever. It's encapsulated. I think that's great. This piece of hair is not eight inches long, but is as much as I could cut off. But then I remember I just had like one random little tuft.

Yeah, where you chopped it. Oh wow. He's an incredible artist. Yeah. So this was my friend Pete Lander. And there was just this thing that we just kept saying Pete Lander bunda Panda. So naturally I made two pages. Oh, yeah.

Panda. It is weird. Honestly, I think a lot of it doesn't make sense to anyone outside. Pete Lander bummeda panda. Peter Banda bummeda panda. My mum lick a panda. That's great. What an insight. I mean, it's weird because this is a 16-year-old.

Can we just say something here? You've all ripped me for my diary. I know. We've opened this and the first three, the first thing we saw was a piece of Joe's hair cut off and cellar taped in, and then a whole two-page spread on pandas being bummed. abused pandas don't recover, you see. Is that what it says? That's what it says.

So, I mean, wow. Yeah, yeah. This is crazy. It's an artifact. It's weird. I was very into the Matrix. These were all my stickers from my packed lunches. Mom used to put my sandwiches in sticker.

I love stickers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. This is beautiful. A man with no face can't see in a mirror. So poke him in the ear. Wow, and there's an eyeball. Honestly, honestly.

What does that mean, Jill? This is making me so intensely hot. You're not right. You're not right. Oh my God. I don't think anyone outside of my friend group has seen this. Oh my God, oh my God. There's a diary entry.

No, but this is really horrible. No, oh, can we read it? I'm a horrible person. Yeah, go for it. Last night, we went to our friend, which is now crossed down, Jason's house. Jason had never smoked pot before we got him fudged

with alcohol and pubic hair joints I can see he is not speaking of you ever Jason ended up falling asleep so we did some stuff to him and his room and we stole some things ha ha ha ha ha ha shaving foam down the bog

upside down posters, water on his crotch. I hand washed his face. And then he's just got a picture of Jason there and it's labelled knob. Now I feel really bad, but I feel that I must put this into content. Farted on his face. Right, I mean, oh my God. This was like a mental night. Basically, this kid Jason had a free house and we all went to his house.

As you do. Yeah, well, I mean, we didn't have the uni life. So that was our unit. Yeah, yeah. Was inflicting that kind of stuff. Basically the same was uni. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, I mean, I can't back that up with him.

That was a mean, mean night. I think it's hilarious. It really was. It was brilliant. It's memorable. I love that that's the first diary entry, this. This is brilliant. Oh my gosh.

Absolutely brilliant. We should do this as a feature more. Have the guests bring in their diaries. Oh, my God. Every time I see like a paragraph I'm writing and I'm like, what does it say? What does it say? Oh, my God. Okay, we're going to delve into that a little bit more,

but I think this moves us very nice. onto the next section of the show, which is where you guys have got in touch with us. Right, yes, we do a call to action. Every podcast, we want to hear your problems or your embarrassing stories or your diary entries, if you have them. We would love you guys to get involved.

So I've gone through and I've selected some juicy ones for this week. So I think we're going to have a little bit of advice giving now. Okay. Be ready for this. Very qualified. Oh, yeah, definitely. Let me just.

It's cool down. Do you want to drink of water? Okay. Here's the first one from Anonymous. My boyfriend's parents caught us having sex. They were supposed to be away for the weekend, but they came home and found me naked in the living room. His mum clearly now hates me.

Dad smiles at me weird. I'm 23. I feel like I should address this with them, but everyone's just acting normal. What should I do? burst in on all of them whilst they're having a shower just equalise the whole thing I've seen you, you've seen me

let's forget the whole thing. No, I'm not equal! Yeah. I get that it's embarrassing however at 23 years old sex is very normal and it's a normal thing your parents' shagg

I mean but it's like it's more awkward if it's like is it more awkward if it's your parents or your partner parents. But if they're smiling at you then it's just kind of like

that's not like, I'd rather somebody smile at me and be a little bit creepy and a little bit awkward and like, I know what you were doing. As opposed to not talking. Yeah, as opposed to not wanting to even look at you. Oh my God, I'd be mortified either way. Absolutely mortified either way.

Yeah. And it's like that teenage thing, isn't it? When you first sort of start with like your girlfriend, boyfriend, and like, you know, you're upstairs and you're like, well, then my mob, dad or go or whatever could just come in the room at any given moment. And it's literally, yeah, I've had a few of those.

Yeah, I think you get, I don't know what it's like, but basically my mum was obviously fearful that I would end up getting a girl pregnant or we were young. Yeah. So she just used to buy me condoms and that was always a very awkward thing because I become accustomed to it.

It was just, she'd buy them and then eventually she, I think she just kind of stopped and then I remember just writing on the shopping list to get my condoms. So I think, but I think that that's, I've never had that kind of, of relationship with my dad. That's a very just,

stay away from... Yeah, I never spoke to my parents, but my mum would have been a bit more comfortable talking about. That's good, isn't it? Yeah. My mum, annoyingly, I was the only girl. I'm the only girl and those brothers

and my mum said, okay, I'll take the girl, you take the boys. And I got the worst one because my mom was like, in depth. And apparently, your mom is, she will talk about anything, won't she? Which I think is brilliant.

But my mum was giving, she was giving sex talks to my friends. It was so embarrassing. I was like, love. That's another level. No. But then my brother told me that dad, my dad had tried to have a sex talk with him in the car

and he said it was the most awkward thing. And they were driving on the motorway and dad was trying to be like, so the birds and the bees. And apparently, they was like up for silence and my brother just went, oh look, sheep. And they were like, oh yes, look at that. Oh yes, there's a lot of sheep there, isn't it?

So that's adorable. I never had the talk. Never, never been given the talk. If I made a jaw, I think I've said this before, I made a joke and it had the word condom in it but I'd always be like how do you? Like if somebody kissed me on the cheek

he wouldn't speak to me like you I think it's like I don't think I ever had like a formal talk but the condoms I think it is enough of a talk That's like a physical gesture isn't it More of like a little nod Yeah We both know what's going on here

I think I remember Do it safely if you're going to Yeah I remember walking around the back of McDonald's And the only time my mum I really remember my mum saying something to me about it was Have you thought about going on the pill I was like,

If you're what? I have never, I know, I don't, I don't know, I've never, like, No, never, what is the pill? What do you mean? I'm not even, I don't, I don't need to go on anything. I haven't got a headache.

Parasitis, oh, what? No, I'm mine, what? My, I had a very different, different, different, because my parents were, um, real, uh, Christians. Right. And so sex was an absolute no, no. Wait till marriage.

Oh, yeah, you had to be married. for that stuff so it was like it was yeah it was quite heavy a heavy we didn't talk about it wasn't like oh be safe it was like don't do it or you're gonna go to hell kind of conversation but yeah in regards to being 23 I think I don't think approach it I think leave it be it's done everybody does it and I think you make something bigger out of it if you make it into a thing that needs addressing I would leave it yeah I think it's one of them that I mean if the relationship keeps going well yeah and you end up getting married it's something that you can all

look back on and laugh at it will just disappear and sort of become just part of that relationship. Okay. Now here's one. Interesting topic for the modern world. I have a flaky friend. I was going to shut up if you're going to say something else then. No.

Not that kind of podcast. I have a flaky friend. She makes me feel insignificant and unimportant. She either shows up late or not at all. How do I address this? What do I do? that's a tough one it's a tough one

because I've had flaky friends and I too have been flaky but it doesn't mean that I love them any less because they are fundamentally a friend there are a few friends I know that bail out and they have the most absurd reasons

and then you actually know that they're going through a bit of a mental health crisis and they've got social anxieties and that is what I do I project and try to find reasons not to be in situations But actually, it's just that you don't want to be there right now. That's it.

That's kind of a hard thing to say to people. It's like I am just not feeling up to it, especially if you're around a group of friends that like drinking or like socialising. You don't want to seem like the freak because you're just kind of happy to be alone. So that's a tough one. It's flaky in which circumstances and how much you know about the person that's being flaky. I think that's something that then she should perhaps speak. Is it a she or she?

I think she should perhaps say to them, look, is there something going on that you want to talk about? Maybe give them the opportunity to open up. And then I think if the genuinely isn't, and it is just genuinely because they're just not good at timekeeping or they're a little bit, maybe self-centered, then maybe address it and just say, look, this isn't cool. It's upsetting me.

I think there's two ways to go about it. Give them the opportunity to be open and start a conversation and then you find an understanding and you can empathise. Yeah. Mm-hmm. If not, I think it's be honest. If it's one of those situations where you're like, what do you want to do tomorrow? They're like, oh, I couldn't possibly, I'm too busy.

And then you see on Facebook, they're out with a whole other group of friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the little bit. I think we're really good at that, to be fair. We'll be like, oh, my God, I'll see you tomorrow. And then, like, we'll mess. Like, one of us will wake up in the morning and be like, oh, I can not be asked today. And I'm like, and the other person's like, oh, good, me, Nina. We'll see you next week.

You know, you just, it depends, doesn't it? I think. But you are the most unflakiest friend. Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. I mean, but I have moments, don't I? Where I rang you and I'm like, I can't.

I'm having a panic attack. Yeah, but your intention is always to turn up to everything for everyone. Yeah, you've been good. She's been good at saying you can say no. Yeah. And I think that's what's been. Like, you can say no to this. Yeah.

But I think it is hard. And you're not flaky either though. But however, you're not frightened of saying, no, I'm not going to that. Oh, I'm really good. Yeah, which is good. And I think, yeah, I think that's good. I'm really good at saying no. Maybe she's setting boundaries her friends.

Managing expectations. Maybe that's what her friends do. Yeah, I think start a really open conversation. If you're good, my friends. Exactly. You should be able to have a conversation and say like, hey, I know when you don't turn up to stuff, I know it's because you're going through something.

Yeah. But I can't help but make me feel like I'm not very important. Yeah. So I prefer that you just be real with me so that I can just shush that voice that I'm not enough. Yeah, because it creates anxiety for the other person as well sometimes, doesn't it? Yeah.

For sure, because you could shut down with that person. having read the situation wrong, and then they could think that you're... And it's a vicious circle, yeah, especially if it is somebody suffering with anxiety, and that's the reason they don't want to come. The last thing they want to do is let somebody else down, because then they'll get anxiety about that as well.

So, yeah, I think open conversation. And this one, I really wanted to bring to the table because we have a man in the room. Okay, interesting subject. So it says, my husband used to be the breadwinner, but he lost his job while I gained one. so now we've swapped and I'm now the breadwinner

my husband says he's very proud of me but I feel like he has a problem with it so like would does it matter who earns what and where um as a guy does it affect your ego good this is a

this is good why you wrote this yeah well I mean Hannah loves a podcast so I'm a bit worried she might listen to this but no um I was a window cleaner for 10 years and it wasn't very well paid, it was just a job that fed me.

So when the whole social media thing started and I got a career and brand deals, it changed my life completely. And I got a little, not an ego around it, but Hannah is a very, very clever girl. She's had producer jobs and worked in big industries and she's always done well. So there was that year where I finally felt like I've matched it and I've gone beyond and I'm a person that, I don't know, because we broke up for like four or five years. So then when we got back together,

I felt like in a position where it's like, she's not just going back to a window cleaner anymore. Like, I've kind of done something with it. But then as social media over the years, your popularity goes down, Hannah's just kept going up and she gets promotions and stuff. So there is that, it's a very weird feeling, but ultimately now she's my wife.

It doesn't matter what I earn, it doesn't matter what she earns. It's a collective earning and we're raising a child. So everything we earn, whatever it is, goes into the house, goes into our car, goes into our holidays. No one is earning money to better the other person. So that feeling was around, maybe in my mid-20s to coming up to 30, that obviously every guy, you know, in movies and everything wants to be. There is like a social pressure, I think, are men to be that one that upholds it. And the same with at mums, they're expected to be the mum, the stay-at-home mum.

but when it's the other way around suddenly it's like oh you're out working and the dads at home with the kids I kind of felt that as well because of working from home and having that responsibility of looking after George in the first year

I was a stay at home dad but I think it's again it's the social norm side of things that makes it any different why wouldn't I be immensely proud of how much money my girlfriend can earn it's a joint effort now but yeah I can certainly see that

why there would problems because I can't lie it's been in my head yeah the first start of my relationship when I first started dating my husband it was the other way around

I was the one that was earning and he was I had my own flat I had this I had that I was presenting on a on sky I had like a good steady income and he was you know working part time he still with his mum so I funded everything

I had the car I had everything I had everything I ferry him around and then we've been together seven years and the tables have turned in the last two or three, where he's doing really well and he's earning the money. But there are times when, you know, I've had to cover the rent, or he's had to cover the rent. And it's just the way it is. And I think it's, but I do feel like a lot of men struggle with the idea that they aren't the breadwinner

because of the way that society makes them feel. Would you agree, Johan? 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've struggled before with, um, with a boyfriend who really, his ego couldn't handle the fact, and to the point where he even requested that he had to be paid more than me on jobs and it was just a bit mad.

Why, that's so wrong. Because girls... That is what's the problem with society nowadays the fact that women aren't getting equal pay. To have a boyfriend step in and go, actually you're doing the same job as me, we both do the same thing, but I should be paid more than you. I should be paid more.

It's disgusting. Yeah, or have an issue if you had more followers than them or things like, it was like... Right, because you... Sorry, just to clarify, Johanna, you've dated people

within the same industry. Yeah, I've dated other content creators and it's become an issue with like, oh, you know, yeah, I'm really happy for you as long as your video

doesn't get more video views of mine. And it's like, wow. That's why that's not a good relationship. That ain't a good relation. Red flag, red flag, but yeah, by thinking in conclusion, it shouldn't be,

yeah, if you're a partnership, I think I'm of the view of I'm all in. Yeah, yeah. I contribute, and you contribute as much as you can. And if all you can, contribute is a window cleaner, then you're still smashing it. Yeah, exactly. It's knowing your worth, isn't it, and your self-worth, and as long as you

can, at the end of the day, say, I've worked as hard as I can. Yeah, and then appreciate yourself and your partner and your relationship. As long as you can cherish that relationship and offer, if not money, you can offer maybe emotional support, like in the same way. It doesn't, money is nothing. I would rather, I've always said this to my husband. I'd rather live in a tent with you and you give me the emotional support that I need then feel like I don't know you and you just throw money at me money is part of everyone's life so

it's going to be part of every relationship but it shouldn't be the basis or surround of your relationship 100% yeah they make a deal I'll cover the holiday you cook my dinners for a month great imagine any first date where you would sit down and be like so how much you earn it? They tell you and you go

yeah it's like that isn't a social thing so why would it come into a relationship that you've built up based of so many other other things. Yeah, it's not a basis for relationship and if it is, then she a gold digger or he a gold digger. Get out, get out. Okay. Biggle diggers. And in conclusion, I thought I'd say for funny one. Oh, we've got a funny story to finish. Yeah, okay, so, um, uh, I was in a park and a lady loudly called out,

anyone who wants an ice scream, come over here. So I headed over with several lovers and she handed out the ice creams to them all, and then she asked me, who are you? I realized the rest were all her family. That is brilliant. Absolutely. And I think that win, that win for me, that wins the best, the most embarrassing moment of the week. That's absolutely wonderful.

Can anyone top that? That is so cringe. That is fantastic. Well, thank you so much, Joe, for joining us today. Where can everybody find you? On everything. I'm everywhere. Yeah, I mean, look, I'm doing the rounds on social media,

So Joe Charmin is most of my out handles. Pushing big on TikTok. Oh yeah. Breaking into the TikTok sphere. Yeah. With all the kids. Joe is also a writer, creator and an amazing artist, FYI.

He's not going to say it himself, so we'll say it for him. We're definitely going to post pictures of that, of your diary. Oh, we'll give you a few. We'll go through and we'll find some allocated pages that I don't mind being out of there. Amazing.

Until next time, make sure that you follow us on social, and get involved as well. We need to hear your embarrassing stories and your agony on letters. So send them in. Send them in to at James and Craig. Yep. Or you can contact us at Johanna James. That's her Instagram or her Twitter and Facebook. Or you can contact me at it's Sophie Craig. Alternatively, you can get in touch by the website www.d.d.com. And of course, we've got all the at Joe Charmin here as well. That's it for me. Okay. Well, sweet.

I hope it's recorded. If you've been affected by any of these issues raised in today's or a seeking professional help. There are lots of amazing people out there to help. We recommend Mind. You can reach out to them at www.mind.org. UK. This podcast is part of Podomity, the UK's podcast Comedy Network.

Why not laugh at what else we've got? Visit podomity.com.