Unhinged Breakups
00:00Hello and welcome toDear Miss Nickerthee.I'm Sophie.And I'm Johanna.And this is the podcastwhere we used to read out my diarybut now we've opened up the floor to you guys.So now we're going to read out yours.
00:11Enjoy.Enjoy.And remember it's never too much.It might be too much.Hi, welcome back.Wait, there's a plant in your face.I can't.Oh, you need to see.
00:23I can't see you.There you go.You might not be able to see our plant now, though, on screen.Oh, sorry.It was a beautiful.Messed up the decor.The decor.Popper Pia up.
00:33Um, right.Welcome back.Welcome back.It's been a while since we podcasted.Years, in fact.It's been years.Um, it's the Panny.I'm really happy to be back, are you?
00:46Yeah, because we just...Sorry, one of my dogs is, uh, currently here with us in our little bedroom studio.Oh, there you go. She's settled now.Test her audience.Um...A lot's happened.A lot's happened.A lot has happened.
01:01Since...You're pregnant.I'm pregnant.You're divorced.I'm divorced.Big changes.Big changes.Lots of diary entries.
01:12Been a lot.A lot of diary entries.A lot of stories.A lot of journaling.I have done a lot of journaling over the last couple of years.So we just figured, let's jump back in, because we're going to be chatting anyway.We might as well chat with you guys.You've been my therapist for...
01:29I have.Yeah.I mean, I have.I love therapy.I do pay for therapy,but also nothing like a girlfriend therapist.No, yeah, a girlfriend, yeah, a good chin wag with a girl.It solves 99% of the problems.
01:44Yeah.So, yeah, we thought, right, let's get back into the swing of itand also open out, so it's not just me and you chatting back and forth,open it out to our community, our audience.Our digital friends.And because we also want to hear,A problem, what is it? A problem shared.Is a problem hard?
02:06Or thrice, if it's...Because it's a three-way.Yeah, so let's have a...And who doesn't love a three-way?Who doesn't love a three-way?Top problem-solving we're on about.Yeah.Get your minds out of the gutter.
02:21So, yeah, so we, each week, invite our wonderful audience.If you were there from the very beginning of our podcasts,than you're hardcoreand we love that you're still here, hello.But yeah, we want to put it out to you guysand hear what you have to sayevery week we're going to talk about different things,different topics, like think of it as like
02:44we're like your weird agony antsthat haven't really got advicebut we just want to, we're just here for it.We're not here to give advicebut we are here to find the funny in life.In life and all of...Yeah, because that's how we survive and how we cope.is sharing stories if you become a part of somebody else's survival guide.
03:03You've had not a, you know, you had a crap year and the divorce has not been pretty,but we've found the funny in it. And I've had a really not nice pregnancy. No. It's beenhorrendous. So I'm finding the funny in the pregnancy. Yeah. And before that, it's been,do you know what? Let's write off the last five, six years for me. It's not been great. Becauseit's not been great, but they've found a lot of joy in it. Yeah. But, you know,oh yeah my dad diedI don't knowthat's not funny
03:34I'm tiredso this is what you've got to look forward tothis is basicallyI always do thatone of my best friends Hannahshe's always likeshe's used to it nowbut like she's like
03:54it's just like it's like it's like it's like it's like it'swhen you do it and there's other people aroundshe's like I laughbut likeand you laughor like my other best friendsbut other people literally are likethat's so awkward
04:05that she just said thatit's all rightI get itIt's the only, yeah, you've got, I deal with everything with really dark humour.Yeah, same.It's my coping.Same.It's my, oh, I write a play.
04:17Do you know what?The funniest thing that you've said recently, I'm going to tell a little, we story to, a little story to start us off and then we're going to get to your stories.Wet the appetite.Wet the appetite.It was when we were talking about a friend of ours who had the unfortunate situation where she had temporary.Bell's palsyin her faceand her father
04:43who's like the sweetest man on earthOh my God I adore himwas talking to usabout the fact that she'd gotBell's palsy and how he felt solike he wanted to help herand he felt like he couldn't do anythingand his heart was breaking for her and everything
04:55we were there just likeand then I said to youI don't think my dad would noticeif I had Bell's palsyand half my face was paralysedand you wentwell my dad's deaddelivery was
05:12it was genius. I was like...I just...Well, yes, he definitely wouldn't notice.It definitely...Well, my dad... That was it. I remember it.My dad wouldn't notice because he's dead.Unless you've been through it, I can't...It's a thing. It's a thing. If anybody else
05:26has experienced that, let me knowor let Jay know or let us know, becauseI think it is a thing.But then we're back. We're talkingabout dead people and divorce.The two D's. The double D. The doubleday, death and divorce.But really excitingly,
05:42is expecting a baby and she is also engaged.Any minute. Any minute actually.On the last few weeks. Baby could come anytime soon and I'm going to be in the delivery suiteso I'm really excited. Oh yeah. Heads up for that episode. I mean we're not recording a podcastwhile but could we? No. I mean you can set up a camera because it'll be fun it'll be fun towatch back just to be like I feel like yeah you've got a lot of home videos it's like a traditionin your family but that I'm just going to be like creeping in I want to watch but I alsocinematic mode panning in.
06:12I also don't want to watch.No.Because that could be...We're manifesting a beautiful birth.I'm going to be really honest.I was like, I can't see what you'll see.Oh, I don't know if I...Will I be...
06:26Would you think I go down the bottom?You might have to.Your fiancé, I don't think he will.He's not going to cope and he said he's not going...I need someone down that end.We can't all be up here.Well, doctors, it'd be like watching his favourite pub burned down.If we don't get to the hospital, if that's a scenario that happens...
06:40Because your family are...They're known for...for flashbirths. A lot of my family havevery quick, very quick births.We're talking under half an hour.My cousins... Oh, I'll be there.Don't we? So, one of us has to not, and Ican't see... It's like a slip and slide.
06:55With the towels.Pre-heated in the dryer, don't worry.Slipperly little buggers as well when I come out.That's what we're manifesting. A slip and slide.A slip and slide.Nice easy. If she comes fast, if she comes in a weirdtime or a weird place or whatever, but I don't know,but still, what you see...
07:10Oh, yeah, you know I get down there. It's way more than what I'm going to see.And it might be a jump scare.It's fine.I know it's a little bit swollen right now.It is.I'm fully prepared.I've seen a lot of birth videos.I know how your pelvis should and shouldn't be.
07:25Yeah.Nobody lies down on their back to give birth.You shouldn't be doing that.That's the thing.Gravity.Vagina to the floor helps the baby to the door.Exactly.So, yeah, you know, it's fine.
07:37I'm just, at the moment, I'm just in denial that it's going to be happeningand then I keep looking at the fridge and being like,Oh my God, in a few weeks.In the fridge, why?What you're keeping in there?No, on my fridge.On my fridge is like...Keep looking in the fridge and thinking,
07:49God, I've got to give birth.Seeing a melon in there.No, I...Yes, I've got a calendar on my fridgeand I'm like marking off the days like prisonuntil I get out.She's served her time.Until I get out of jail.
08:04I've had a nine-month sentence.And yeah, and it keeps getting downand closer and closer to D-Dayand I'm just sort of like...She looks...She looks amazing, though.My heart is happening.Yeah.
08:16You look so beautiful, pregnant.You do.I do not feel it.Well, you look it.I do not feel it.You look it.It's possibly the most unbeautful I've ever felt.No.
08:31Yeah.But they say that, don't they, that, like, girls suck your beauty.They literally...I mean, they suck your pink.Like, she hasn't, let's be clear.But if you're feeling, like, apparently, like, a lot of people that have...This could be true, this could not be true.Boys, apparently you feel like you're glowing and the best you've ever felt.
08:47Apparently, if you're having a girl, you don't feel like that.She's just like, she really has been though, hasn't she?She's really, so sick with it.It's part of, I know, it's part of the entry price of making a baby.You have to pay with your energy and youth and beauty.Thank God for Botox.Thank God for Botox.I can't wait to get back to some Botox.
09:06But, yeah, not felt beautiful, not felt glowing.Oh, you are.I've felt like the, I've got the physical.physique of Buddha.That's what my fiancé said the other day.He went, you look quite like a Buddha, don't you?If you sit there.No, you don't.
09:20I don't know what I do.Look at this.Well, you are pregnant.He's not wrong.Do you know what I bet?But also, this weird thing happens where I'm more...So this one, and on the one hand, I feel the most unbeautiful I've ever felt.On the other hand, you're kind of disconnected from your body, and it feels like I'm
09:40wearing someone else's meat suit.So I'm more comfortable being naked like this.Really?Yeah. Oh, I just like, I just strip off around the house and when I'm waiting for the bath to run and stuff. And it's none of that like, oh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, like, it honestly feels like you're wearing a wetsuit of somebody else's body. It doesn't, it's a disconnect.Oh, that's good. Because I'm still like, I'm in like a new relationship and I'm still like, oh, oh, oh, oh, I'll like get out of the bathroom, like, covering up my boobie.You lose all of that. You don't give a crap. And it honestly, you just stand in there, like the grin. And like, you don't care. So, and I know that, for.But what I know is that bubble's going to pop once the baby's outand I'm back in my body.
10:20And then that's when you realise your body's changed.But right now it doesn't feel like my body.Well, yeah.You're so neat.It feels like something else.I think you're going to just like,feel hopefully like just really proud of yourself and feel beautiful.I feel like super like, whoa, my body made that.
10:39Yeah, that's incredible.Whoa.Female bodies are amazing and they're so resilient and like,Girl power, I feel very spice girls.But, but, yeah, I'm aware that I think that, that me feeling like, I thought I was goingto not deal with it very well, because of a history of teenage eating disorders and a body dysmorphicand stuff, I thought I was going to be really like, oh my God, doesn't matter.That's so good, too, yeah.
11:04You get like a kind of like little denial bubble, but I'm very aware that that's, I'm probablygoing to be like, oh, afterwards.No, no, she's like eight foot tall and a model, like, you're, you're going to be great.Right.Right.Should we get into it?Talking of unhinged and divorces.Today's topic is unhinged.
11:22And we've asked people just,what is the most unhinged?Thing you've ever done after a breakup.Which is, because that is when you really,most people derail.Yeah, well, you're not yourself.You're not, you're not.You're not yourself when you're hungry.
11:36You're not yourself when you're brokenhearted.But it's, yeah, and we had an overwhelming response.So what we do is we put them out on.to Facebook. If you'refollowing us on Facebook at Funny Old World atShe's Not Funny orit's Sophie Craig at Johanna Jamesand we ask you guys
11:55a question and then yourespond and we got over4,000 commentsjust on this particular one. It's a lot of us beingunhinged. There's a lot of us being unhingedand you know what? It's a safe spacewe're just sharing these stories and we thoughtwe'd share some of them with you today
12:12so we all feel lessless unhinged.Less unhinged.Get all right.Yeah.At least I didn't do that, Susan.You know what I mean?But also if you did it,
12:22it is what it is.Safe space, safe space.So,we've written into our diary.You might rememberDear Miss Nick Thief,where that all startedwith my letter to the local school
12:33pedophile.And it just sort of caught onand that became our tagline,Dear Mr. Nicker Thief.Do you like our diary?By the way, by the way, everyone,we've got a little diary here.Dear Diary.
12:42Dear Diary.Dear Mr.Drana Lamley.You do something.Dead hurry.Okay, team, tell us the most unhinged thing you've ever done after a breakup.Yeah, and we're not talking like rang him 12 times whilst I was drunk.We're talking like unhinged, slightly questionable, but also completely understandable.
13:03Yeah.It's very safe space here.And we had a overwhelming response.I think it's fair to say we had over 4,000 comments.so clearly it resonatedand it kicked off some pretty interesting discussions.Dear Mr Nick Thief,I took my ex's toothbrush, run it under the rim of the toilet
13:29and then rinse it off in the pee that was still in the thingand then put it back in the thing.That is disgust.That's the sort of thing they do in films.I didn't realise that was a thing.We should probably score it as well on how unhinged it isbecause that's, I'd say that's a classic.It's a classic, I've seen it done in a lot of films.
13:47I think that's probably where she might have been inspired.Is it a she?It's a she.Yeah, it's a classic, but, um, but, but I don't think it's that high on the unhinge meter.No, I'd give that a three.Yeah, sort of two and a half three.Four, actually she dipped it in the Pee that was in the bottom of the bowl.Maybe that gives an extra half a point.
14:06For the Piss.The Pist dip. Yeah.Um, yeah.Wow.Wow.Do you want to do one?Okay, yeah.All right.
14:15Okay.Dear Mr. Nicker thief, this is a good one.When my mum's ex was found cheating,she let herself into his house and cut the crotch out of every pair of trousers he ownedand then put defrosted prawns in all of his shoes.I've heard this before.I've heard that people put him in the curtain poles.Oh, prawns.
14:34Yeah.Extra smelly.I remember it well, she was a woman squand.Squand?She was a woman squand.She was a woman scorned.Yeah, okay.She also hung a sign on his front door saying,
14:47I am a lying, cheating bastard.In big letters, so the whole community saw it.Yep.And he was a well-respected doctor in the community as well.So this wasn't good.See, the thing is, that must feel amazing to get that doneand to, like, put a sign up.But it's like, it's really obvious it's you.
15:12this is a thingI think if you're going to do somethingDo it stealthyI was a hairWhisker awayProbably is my most unhinged thingI was a hair whisker awayFrom filling an ex's motorbike tank
15:25With waterI rememberAnd I had to tell you not toYeahAnd I was so closeI even had a friend who was likeYes let's do itAnd I was like begging me on
15:35And I was likeLike good angel and bad angelYeah I was literally likeDo it don't do it do itAnd I didn't do itAnd I didn't do itand now I'm so glad I didn't do itbecause actually it looks better on me that I didn't do it.
15:46And it's probably illegal.I mean, highly dangerous,but someone's water in someone's...Well, I think we'll just break the bike.Yeah, maybe.Very expensive.But yeah, the best...If you're feeling like you want revenge,
16:01very normal, very like,oh, I just want them to feel painor have some sort of like repercussion,justice, justice warriors.But actually, the best justice that you can ever getor the best like revenge is rise above it until you don't care and live your life and yourlife is your revenge you just like blossoming exactly this is it here you you you know yeah yeahI did go and see a psychic though is that unhinged that's a little bit unhinged okay maybe
16:28but I went to see psychic and actually like I spent a lot of money on therapy and everythingand picking learning I read books and books and books and everything and like became superknowledgeable on the situation and what had happened to me and everything because initially when itfirst happened I was just like, bleh word vomit because I was like, I am done holding this in.And then, but I hadn't understood what happened.A lot of therapy.And then went to see the psychic and was like, that was what I needed.Like none of these books, none of this stuff.
17:01Like, I went to see the psychic and I was like, this was the best thing that could have ever happened to me.The advice she gave me and what she told me, like, and she, and she,literally broke down the year like for me yeah and month by month categorically everything shesaid would happen has happened has happened down to the date she gave me dates and everything and thenyou know and she was said to me she was like oh and your hip's gonna go my hip's gone yeah it's yeah you're nowin physiotherapy hip like like down yeah and you never knew this woman before never knew this womanyou walked into the room but down to the tea and like so it wasn't just I went in for obviouslybecause it was in a really like awful place but the
17:39amount of information that she gave me on things that happened previously and things that are goingto happen. I just kind of, it took a breath. Because I think that's the fear when, like,you have a breakup is like the unknown and then you spiral and you project this life that they,you know, that you thought you wanted and that they're probably doing now and blah, blah, blah, blah.And you sit, after that, I just sat and went, it's all right, I know what's coming. Yep. And it's like,so maybe, maybe, maybe going to, uh, I actually recommend going to a psychic. Going to a psychic.rather than putting prawns in the curtain poles.Yeah, yeah.
18:15Okay, this is fun.She said, right, dear Miss Nickerty,I wouldn't say it's unhinged,but my narcissistic gaslighting ex hopped straight onto social mediaafter we broke up, trying to bait other girls.One of the girls happened to be one of my employees at work.So on a staff night out, I encouraged her to take the bait,and I narrated a few responses to send back to him.
18:37Like, catch him.Oh my God.After almost the entire evening of getting him all excited that he'd found his next victim,we ended the conversation with a selfie of us together, flipping the bird, he blocked us both.Wow, that's not unhinged.She said it's not unhinged.No, it's not, but it's good.That's a nice little bit of, like, closure.
18:59A nice little...Teaching him and educating him.I'd say that's a one.Or we didn't score the other one.Oh, the other one was two and a half.Oh, which one?The prawns and the cross and the thing on the door.I'd say that's not quite unhinged.
19:14I'd say that's like revenge.Yeah.This sounds like a two.She's writing the toothbrush higher than the prawns and the shoes and the crotchless trousers.Dimmus Nicky.Okay, here we go.He was heavily addicted to video games.So I took a hammer to his brand new PlayStation and every controller he ever had.
19:34Technically they were mine anyway, as I bought them.Yeah.Would I do it again?No.Well, hammer them, I'll buy them.I would sell it and keep the money.When you're out of the cloud of like rage, you can think logistically and go, yeah, I could have just bought.I could have done with 400 quid.
19:51I could have bought myself.Was it a PS5?Probably.But it would have felt, oh, how good would it have it felt?A rage room.You spoke back on to a rage room.I tried to take you to a rage room.Yeah, because I wasn't getting angry.
20:04Yeah, you weren't, you weren't getting angry.That was the scary part.You were very late to the anger.I was.I was like, bless everyone.Most of you.You, that's probably the most unhinged thing that you did was like, bless him.No, dawn, dawn.
20:25That's not a well person.You weren't well, but that was unhinged.We were all looking at you, all of the support group that you had,looking at you going, she's like, no, I wasn't.You know.But that's okay, because I wasn't, like, I've learned a lot since and uncovered a lot since.So it's a lot.It's easier to, actually, but I do think there was a very slight anger stage, but not for very long.
20:50Yeah.The rage bit.The rage bit.I kind of bypassed, though, as well.So, which I'm quite glad of because, I mean, anger, but then anger is there to, this is another thing as well.Like, these things are good because anger is there to protect you.It tells you that, like, this is wrong.and it's that sense of justice, like you mentioned before.
21:09Like, it's righteous anger.Like, anger is a good thing.Like, it's a good response.It's protective.And sometimes when you don't have anger, like, real anger,like, everybody can be reactive or blow up quickly or whatever,but, like, real sense of, like, anger for yourself,that's when it's a bit worrying.
21:28Do you know what?It makes total sense.Just a different to psychology here.Anger is the part of you that loves you.That's it.Yeah.And because when you get angry, you go,I didn't deserve that.
21:41That's not fair.And when you get some angry about what someone did,that's the part of you that loves you and is trying to protect you and trying to fight for you.And it makes total sense at that stage you didn't have anger because you didn't love you.You didn't love you.So you wouldn't be angry.Yeah.Yeah.
21:58And then only later when you started to like love yourself and find yourself,did you start to have the righteous anger coming and going, actually that wasn't fair.No, that was wrong.This is this.Yeah, yeah, yeah.And this is what's good.Like, these people clearly have got self-respect.Yeah.
22:12As they're dipping their prongs in the toothbrushes and the toilet.They've got good self-respect.Yeah.Oh, dear Mary.These are amazing.We are doing this completely blind, so we've never read these before.No, we've never read them.We've got our diary here.
22:30We're doing it live for you.Yeah, okay.So dear Nis.Dear Nis.Really good style.Dear Miss Nicker Thief,I know someone.Okay, so she knows someone.
22:41Is this?Oh, right.Oh, it's a man.Um,oh no, it's not.I don't.Start that again.Dear Mr.
22:49Nicker Thief,get my words out.I know someone who unscrewed the lidof his Calvin Klein after shaveand poured some urine into it.I also know somebody else.Oh, they also knowsomebody else.
22:59A wink, wink.Yeah.Who, when they were left to their own devicesto pack up their belongings and leave,took the passport out the drawer,cut through the photo a few times before putting it back in the drawer,then cut off the sleeve of every item in the wardrobe which was facing the back.Brilliant.
23:14That's brilliant.Can't leave the country now, can you?Yeah, that is a good one.Yeah, and that passports are a bitch, and they're expensive.And you can't, and you can't go off on your little holiday.Admin.But the pee in the, I mean, that's brilliant,because you wouldn't necessarily notice in a, in a perfume,
23:33you'd be spriting yourself with, with, with,Yeah, just quick spritz of urineYeahI did see a really good oneI did read a really good oneonce when we were putting this out thereto ask people that one personI think it might be in a magazine or something
23:54I want a blog I can't quite rememberbut one person whilst their exes away on holidaywent to their houseput crest seeds through the dooror put crest seeds all through the carMaybe they had a key or something, I can't quite remember.But put cress seeds all over the thing,wet the floor,
24:11and then when they came back off holiday,it was a whole floor of cress.I mean, that's...That's clever.That's funny.Do you know what?Rather than...Because the obvious thing is like,
24:21we and poo.That's people go for like,poo and we destruction.Yeah.But what I would do,because I've also thought about doing this,glitter.Glitter bomb.
24:32Yeah.Through the letter box,in a car.at homeyou cannot gethe will beor she will bewhoever you next is
24:42you cannot get glitter outit's everywhere and it stays foreverthe tiniest bit of glitteryeah so I would ordertruck load a really good sticky glitterand I would glitterbecause imagine trying to hoover that out of a caryou deserve a glittery car
24:57foreverglittery car forever glittery houseglittery carpetglittery frick like and every time you wash your clothesyou can't wash glitter outIt's really, so there's been glittering your machine.Just sparkly prick.So, yeah.
25:09Do you know what I mean?Like, and just be like, that is a reminder of how sparkly I am.And you'll be missing glitter in your life.So here you go.So yeah, I think glitter bomb over like Poo and Waybecause Poo and Wee is quite easy to clean up one quick once you find it.It's not classy either.No, so let's think better glitter is a little bit of glass.
25:32Do I mean?A little bit of sparkle.dear Miss Nicker thiefI sowed threeweek old pilchardsIt's for fish in the curtains againSo I sold three week old pilchardsInto an ex's curtain linings
25:45And he couldn't locate the smellAnd ripped up all of his flooringAnd that was rather satisfyingThat's the fishAgain with the fish and the prawnsDo you know what?Oh my God, now that I'm in the modeOf like thinking about it
25:56I know what would be a really good revengeThinking like homeownerThinking maturelike Japanese not weedOnce thatJapanese not weedThat you cannot sell your houseYou can't sell your house
26:09Financial ruinFinancial ruinI would plantJapanese not weedIn the propertySo mid-30sIt's like the mostOh my God
26:20What would you doI'd tell you what I'd doI'd take some Japanese not weedAnd I wouldAnd I wouldAnd I would plant thatAround the proximity of his householdI would ruin the equity of his finances with Japanese knotweed.
26:34But that, thinking outside the box,yeah.Is it illegal to plant a plant?I don't know.I don't know. I've just, with the nature green thumbs,what are you going to do?What are you going to do about it?So, I just thought that would look quite nice.
26:45I would Japanese not weed his house.Because you cannot, you cannot sell it.It's ridiculous.So there we are.That's funny.Okay.Dear Miss Nicker thief,when I was leaving our home,
26:58because he couldn't afford his,on, oh my God, why can't I read?Dear Miss Nickerthy, when I was leaving our home,because he could afford it on his own and I couldn't,I took every pair of scissors with me, even nail scissors.A week later, he rang me asking if I'd taken all the scissors,and I replied, no, why on earth would I do a weird thing like that?That's psychological, like, warfare.
27:18Yeah, she was a small victory.Do you know what, when you really need scissors,you need scissors?It's a funny thing to take out of all the things in the propertythat you could take, just all the pairs of scissors.She took all the scissors.Or do something like take all the fuses out of all of the electrical.Yeah, there are better things than scissors, but they're each to the wrong.
27:41Oh.She agrees, each to the wrong.What is the most unhinged thing?Oh, this is quite unhinged.Oh, go on then.Like, okay.Dear Mr. Nick Thief, after a breakup, I took my SIM card out of my mobile and swallowed it so she couldn't call me.Like that's...
28:02What?That's on hinged.No, that's like an...That's like an eight.That's an eight.Like out of all the pictures...Out of all the pictures and curtainsand Japanese knotweed.
28:12Yeah, that's an hinged.That just cut it up.Maybe this is the guy that didn't have scissors.Yep.This is the guy that didn't have scissors.I've cracked it.His ex has come on there.She's gone...
28:22I've not got scissors and he's gone,well, tell you what, I needed them forto coat that SIM card and I couldn't,so I just swallowed it.You do know that you cannot ringsomeonewhen you take the SIM card out.Like, you can't just make a phone call to a SIM card.
28:36Yeah.Like, you don't need to swallow it.Like, medically, I would not advise.It's swallowing a SIM?But, no,explain the logic of that to me.I mean, it's, to him, it stopped...The ringing.
28:49Because you just take it out and it stops the ringing.Yeah, but the thing about putting it in the bin, though,you can always put it back in.So he was actually quite clever.No, because you could just have a poo.Because that's really blocking.What?You just have a poo, and then it just comes out.
29:01And if you really want it back,You can't look for your sim card.That's, I think, I'm going to hedge a bet,and I'm going to say that's the guy that wanted the scissors.Yeah.That's a high scorer for me.That is the most of,there is absolutely no need to swallow a sim card.
29:18Swallowing a sim card so she couldn't call.Great.He wins.Congratulations.You've won the most unhinged thing to do after a breakup.Well done.And you win.Nothing.
29:30A pair of scissors.Oh, this is quite unhinged.Hello, okay.I called the chairman of the board of his country, of his company and I told him and his wife all about her ex, which, who was their CEO.What?Porn habits, interests.She told the entire story to the chairman of the board.Do you know what, I've heard this before?
30:00That's quite unhinged.I don't know if that is unhinged because.Hang on what? The ex rang up.Hang on. Say that again.So this woman has caught her ex was the CEO of a company.So she called the chairman of the board of that company and said,FYI.This is who he is.
30:18Your CEO did X, Y, Z. These are his porn habits and his interests.Oh, that is unhinged.But do you know what?Yeah. Yeah. Fair.That's a woman scorned.That is a woman scorned.That is a woman scorned.I'd say that's about a six or seven.
30:35That's high.It doesn't...That scores, not as high as Simcarman.No, Simcarb man wins, hands down.But calling the chairman of the board of his company.Yeah.But I like that because when I like that as a thing when people troll online or do you hate speech or bullying and people or do something hinged online and people take it and then they send it to their boss, I was like, yeah, kind of fair.Yeah.
31:02Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.So I've seen that a lot on social media where like,I've had hate before, you've had hate before, right?But I've seen other creators or other people that work onlineor other people that are in the public eyeget abuse off these people online.And then all you need to do is go and look up.And then just like, oh, okay, so you work at so and so.
31:22Oh, okay.And sometimes some of these people have like the most ridiculous thingsin their thing like awoken, be kind to everybody.Oh, yeah.It's always the ones that are like...And it's just like your actual...Characcharity.Yeah, you're actually a dick.
31:35Yeah. And then you go on, oh, by the way, this is the way that this person is like sort of behaving.Yeah. Unmasked.And this is, this is like the face. This is your company.There it is.You're putting that, like, so yeah, like, I'm all for it.If you're going to be a knob on the internet to people.Yeah.Then you know, and you're doing it publicly.
31:56Be happy for that to be shared and shown.Equally.Equally. I also say, if you're going to be a number.If you're going to be a knob privately, that also is free reign to tell people that.Like, if you've done something privately to me, that's also fair.Yeah, it is also fair.It's also fair.So I get, yeah.
32:16So how dare you tell people what I've done or who I am?Like, no, that is what it is.So, yeah.If you're going to be a dick on the internet, you're going to get,that she's going to ring the chairman of your company.Yeah.Like, it's the consequences of being a dick in any.in private, on the internet thingy.
32:35Like, if people think they can get away with itbecause it's behind a closed dooror because it's on someone's feedand it's not face to face.I was like, no, no, no, no.Yeah, like, would you say that to somebody's face?Yeah. You did it or you said it.In any capacity,
32:49you're going to get some unhinged reactions.Wow.I really enjoyed those.Slightly feel smug.Yeah.What's the most unhinged thingyou've ever done?Obviously, you nearly did the petrol
33:03thing. Oh yeah. You didn't. Have I createda fake profile in order to stalk someone?I bet that's not uncommon.It feels like something I would have done.I feel like I would have been in a space where I wanted to snoop and did I...Oh my God, I reckon everybody's done that. Yeah.I've had that happen to me once bymy very first boyfriend.
33:31Or he created a fake account.Yes, in order to test my loyalty.What?So this was back in the day of MSN,showing out of all of them.So I was on MSN, as you do every night,you'd log onto your computer and you'd chat to everyone on MSN.And this new person popped up and started talking to me.
33:48And I was, you know, engaging with it,but I didn't really know.Turns out it was a guy who went to the same school as my boyfriend.And so I was like, oh, and he was saying that my boyfriend wascheating on meand then this guy tried to hit on meand I wentI'm sorry I don't believe you
34:10I don't know who you areand also nomeanwhile I was talking to my boyfriendon MSN as welland I was telling himrelaying him stuff and I saidis there a guy that goes to your schoolcalled like Colin or whatever
34:21and he went yeah but I'm not very good friends with himor whatever and then I told himdid you stay with himI eventually dumped himbut not I didn'tI stayed with him after that, so yeah.But like, but he went and he was like,oh no, that was me, I was testing you.
34:36Well done, you passed, like, you're loyal.Because I didn't believe that when someone came up to meand said that he cheated and also that,so that's pretty unhinged.Me, in the bin.Like, oh yeah, to go in the bin.But, to be fair, that's giving me, like,very my first boyfriend, by it was.
34:54It was, like, yeah.We were 15 and we were whenever said.Yeah, 15, that is that age.And, I think I actually felt, I felt really,smugged myself that I passed because I was like...Isn't that mad?I had like a loyalty test.No, no, no, no, no.
35:06It should have been the absolute opposite.Yeah, it should have been like,like, what are you doing?Red flag behavior.But that's pretty psycho.So, yeah, that is psycho.So that I'm testing, deliberately testing someone.Yeah, that's unhinged.
35:20He scores a nine.So X, my friend, is up there with SimCardman.SimCard Man, yeah, SimCard Man.Sim Carman and Catfish ColinYeahPretty unhingedAmazingSo one little thing that we want to do
35:37At the end of every appIs a little extra thingWe've gotWe've very sweetly namedNote to SelfNote to SelfAnd we actuallyThis is a really good theme
35:45For this weekTalking of UnhingedWe either are going to go backAnd we're going to invite you guysTo do the sameWe're going to go back toOn this day memoriesOn Facebook
35:54Because there is nothing moreUnhinged and moreCringe than your Facebook memoriesthat's the statuses.I used to write like,he-he, off to the shopsto go and get some pancake mix,he-he, or like,
36:06just got out of thisand found a bag of,how crazy am I?Found an open bag of quaver'sat the bottom of my bag.Well, no, that's not like that,but like really like cringe stuff.Or, equally as unhinged
36:19is the notes appin your phone.There are some incredible notesand it rangesfrom baby namesto,Letters to random people to like letters of scorn.Shopping lists. Shopping lists.
36:33Sketch ideas. Passwords. Oh my God.Like there is so much going on in that notes app.So each week we're going to either give you a Facebook memory and on this day or a notes app.Yeah.Just divulge you in a notes app.And then we want you guys to do the same.Send in your random notes apps and it can be anything or an on this day cringe Facebook status.So, so, Jay, you're going to go for a Facebook snack.
36:58status, on the day Facebook status, or a little,are you going to divulge us in a little sneak peek?I'm going to go for a sneak peek in the notes to see what the hell.Good, shh, good shout.Oh, go on.No, no, it's really embarrassing, really cringe.I'm just one called goals.We have to hear these.
37:20No, but it's all just like, gym goals.Oh, my God.Yep, we'll have your gym goals.I'm going to go right back to the bottom.of my um my notes appI'm like icking myself outmy god this is amazing my gym goals that I wroteI don't even know when way back down in the list
37:38goalsTitan midriffOh tight tighten midriffHow old are you?Titan midriffNot even get abs get a six packTitan midriffWho uses that vocabulary
37:55I knowThat's so embarrassing myselfTighten the midriffTitan midriffand reveal the underlying muscle.My God.Is your name like, Agatha?Like, what's going on?
38:10Reveal the underlying muscle.Two, lesson.I love that.It's like, I know there's muscle under there.I just need to tighten the midriff.Tighten the midriff and reveal the underlying muscle.Two is lesson the back bra bulge.The back bar bra.
38:28Try saying that after all.I can't speak.today.The back bra.The back bra bulge.Number three.Flatten the lower stomach.So tighten the midriff, flatten the lower stomach.
38:40Grow the thighs and shape the bum.Ooh, that's tricky to do all that at the same time.Define. Define the arms.Define.I'm using like a lot of vocabre.Did you use chat GPT?I don't know.These are my girls.
38:53I can confirm I didn't do any of these girls.You did?Eat well then I got pregnant and it all,It all melted.Eat at top nutrition for my hormones.Eat at top nutrition.Top nutrition.Not just improve nutrition.
39:08And regulate period.Eat well.Regulate period.That's about the only normal thing you've said there.None of that sounds like you.That sounds like your mum.They were my goals.Which is, you know, and then it's next to a shopping list of eggs,
39:24chopped tomatoes, peppers, cheese and dark chocolate.There we are.Beautiful.I enjoy.Enjoyed that.Enjoy.All right, I've gone right back to the bottom of my notes out.Okay, go on.
39:34Okay, if we're going to do notes at the beginning.Okay.Oh, my God.No, I feel like I've been so morbid this entire podcast.Do we really want to go here?Go on, what is it?Oh, my God, is it in?It's after my dad had died.
39:47What did you write?I feel like we should top and tail the app.Did you just write yourself?Is it in eugeny?I don't know.I don't know what this is.This is me.Remain in anger and you'll get stuck.
39:59Okay.know this feels quite poignant to what we were talking about.Go on.Surrender to sadness and you'll heal.Keep it real.I'm sad.These sound like...So what I've done is I've copied and pasted a quote that I've liked and then I've
40:13annotated it basically and used it as like a prompt for a journal.I'm sad.I'm sad.So you just put in your notes, I'm sad.I'm sad.And that's all about I seem to be able to feel at the moment.I've lost what it is to feel something and I don't feel anything.I'm not fun to be around.
40:28I sound like a round.Right? Listen to me. Sorry, guys. I've lost, I'm not fun to be around. I can feel it and there's a huge shift in me and my energy and the things I normally find joy and just don't spark anything anymore. But equally, nothing really scares me or excites me and I've just hit a bit of a wall and I'm a bit numb.So what I'm hearing from this is that you're feeling a lot and nothing at the same time. Yeah, it's amazing. I'm going to skip because it goes on for a long, long time.Did you just sit and write this in your notes at?Yeah. So I do this quite.often like I journal like because I'm a verbal processor right so this goes on for ages andages about me being on autopilot blah blah blah and I tell everybody all the time to surrender totheir feelings you do um we all learn from each other grow with each other and telling each other
41:14our stories oh my god this feels really poignant today so this is me I'm a bit sad and for lotsof reasons and I'm trying to move through it but also I'm just going to surrender to it to allow the angerto back off and let the healing start well not toself indeed that top and tails the whole thing I sound like I'm on the verge of a mental breakdownbut I promise guys I'm fine I'm fine I'm in a good place no I am I'm in a great placeyou're in the mood for this but but that was amazing yeah but that's it thank you so mucheveryone for joining us again this time I've had a lovely time it's been quite therapeuticit has it's getting very hot in here it is all of a sudden I'm feeling very warm
41:53I've had a hot flush um but yeah great we're very hot flush um but yeah great we'reWe will, yeah, thanks for joining.If you're still here at the end.Thanks, if you're still here, well done.And you can find us across all social media platforms.Yeah, and at, at Sophie Craig.And at Funny Old World.I'm at mainly everything that's Funny Old World.
42:15Yeah.And you can find us on all major streaming podcast site.Yeah.Tell your friends.Get in touch.Look out for my Facebook page, Jay's Facebook page, our Instagrams, etc.Yeah.Where we're going to be asking, well, what we're going to be handing the mind.
42:29over to you guys and then we're going to talk about the stuff that you provide us with.Thank you so much for getting involved because we couldn't do this without people joining in.No, we need your journal prompts.Right.Yeah.Until next time.Peace out.Take care.
42:41Peace out.Don't remain in anger.Oh my back.Oh my God.That is so unchanged.You've been listening toDear Mr. Nick Thief.If you want to get involved, then you can.
42:57There are a few ways you can do it.And yeah, if you've got any stories that make you want to cover.curl up and die and the ground just swallow you whole, then we want to hear from you.We love to hear them. Yeah, we'll share them with everyone. We'd love to share them publicly.Sharing is caring. It is. So you can DM us at our Instagram, Dear Mr Nick Thief and a TikTok.We've got a TikTok. A TikTok. You got a TikTok now.Deamast of Knocker Thief and we've got an email, dear Mr Nick Thief at gmail.com.Yeah, because we're cheaper. We didn't want to pay for the actual name. So it's still Gmail.
43:27But yeah, uh, get in touch. We put shout outs on our social. So,keep an eye on them on our personal socials as well at Johanna James at Sophie Craig.And yeah, get involved with all your little topics and telltales.And we'll share them out.And remember, yeah, it's never too much.You are.Might be too much, maybe.Thank you.
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