Dear Mr Knickerthief - Unhinged Breakups

Episode Date: October 13, 2025

Dear Mr. Knickerthief is back for season four! In this episode, Sophie and Jahannah read out the most unhinged things you've ever done after a breakup. Prepare for the most cringe and unhinged behaviour ever... How can some of these be real?If you love Dear Mr. Knickerthief, leave a review and make sure you subscribe to get the latest episodes first.And we always want to hear from you! Get in touch with the podcast on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/dearmrknickerthiefFollow Sophie Craig at https://www.instagram.com/itssophiecraigFollow Jahannah James at https://www.instagram.com/jahannahjamesPart of Podomedy, the independent podcast comedy network.

Hello and welcome to Dear Miss Nickerthee. I'm Sophie. And I'm Johanna. And this is the podcast where we used to read out my diary but now we've opened up the floor to you guys. So now we're going to read out yours.

Enjoy. Enjoy. And remember it's never too much. It might be too much. Hi, welcome back. Wait, there's a plant in your face. I can't. Oh, you need to see.

I can't see you. There you go. You might not be able to see our plant now, though, on screen. Oh, sorry. It was a beautiful. Messed up the decor. The decor. Popper Pia up.

Um, right. Welcome back. Welcome back. It's been a while since we podcasted. Years, in fact. It's been years. Um, it's the Panny. I'm really happy to be back, are you?

Yeah, because we just... Sorry, one of my dogs is, uh, currently here with us in our little bedroom studio. Oh, there you go. She's settled now. Test her audience. Um... A lot's happened. A lot's happened. A lot has happened.

Since... You're pregnant. I'm pregnant. You're divorced. I'm divorced. Big changes. Big changes. Lots of diary entries.

Been a lot. A lot of diary entries. A lot of stories. A lot of journaling. I have done a lot of journaling over the last couple of years. So we just figured, let's jump back in, because we're going to be chatting anyway. We might as well chat with you guys. You've been my therapist for...

I have. Yeah. I mean, I have. I love therapy. I do pay for therapy, but also nothing like a girlfriend therapist. No, yeah, a girlfriend, yeah, a good chin wag with a girl. It solves 99% of the problems.

Yeah. So, yeah, we thought, right, let's get back into the swing of it and also open out, so it's not just me and you chatting back and forth, open it out to our community, our audience. Our digital friends. And because we also want to hear, A problem, what is it? A problem shared. Is a problem hard?

Or thrice, if it's... Because it's a three-way. Yeah, so let's have a... And who doesn't love a three-way? Who doesn't love a three-way? Top problem-solving we're on about. Yeah. Get your minds out of the gutter.

So, yeah, so we, each week, invite our wonderful audience. If you were there from the very beginning of our podcasts, than you're hardcore and we love that you're still here, hello. But yeah, we want to put it out to you guys and hear what you have to say every week we're going to talk about different things, different topics, like think of it as like

we're like your weird agony ants that haven't really got advice but we just want to, we're just here for it. We're not here to give advice but we are here to find the funny in life. In life and all of... Yeah, because that's how we survive and how we cope. is sharing stories if you become a part of somebody else's survival guide.

You've had not a, you know, you had a crap year and the divorce has not been pretty, but we've found the funny in it. And I've had a really not nice pregnancy. No. It's been horrendous. So I'm finding the funny in the pregnancy. Yeah. And before that, it's been, do you know what? Let's write off the last five, six years for me. It's not been great. Because it's not been great, but they've found a lot of joy in it. Yeah. But, you know, oh yeah my dad died I don't know that's not funny

I'm tired so this is what you've got to look forward to this is basically I always do that one of my best friends Hannah she's always like she's used to it now but like she's like

it's just like it's like it's like it's like it's like it's when you do it and there's other people around she's like I laugh but like and you laugh or like my other best friends but other people literally are like that's so awkward

that she just said that it's all right I get it It's the only, yeah, you've got, I deal with everything with really dark humour. Yeah, same. It's my coping. Same. It's my, oh, I write a play.

Do you know what? The funniest thing that you've said recently, I'm going to tell a little, we story to, a little story to start us off and then we're going to get to your stories. Wet the appetite. Wet the appetite. It was when we were talking about a friend of ours who had the unfortunate situation where she had temporary. Bell's palsy in her face and her father

who's like the sweetest man on earth Oh my God I adore him was talking to us about the fact that she'd got Bell's palsy and how he felt so like he wanted to help her and he felt like he couldn't do anything and his heart was breaking for her and everything

we were there just like and then I said to you I don't think my dad would notice if I had Bell's palsy and half my face was paralysed and you went well my dad's dead delivery was

it was genius. I was like... I just... Well, yes, he definitely wouldn't notice. It definitely... Well, my dad... That was it. I remember it. My dad wouldn't notice because he's dead. Unless you've been through it, I can't... It's a thing. It's a thing. If anybody else

has experienced that, let me know or let Jay know or let us know, because I think it is a thing. But then we're back. We're talking about dead people and divorce. The two D's. The double D. The double day, death and divorce. But really excitingly,

is expecting a baby and she is also engaged. Any minute. Any minute actually. On the last few weeks. Baby could come anytime soon and I'm going to be in the delivery suite so I'm really excited. Oh yeah. Heads up for that episode. I mean we're not recording a podcast while but could we? No. I mean you can set up a camera because it'll be fun it'll be fun to watch back just to be like I feel like yeah you've got a lot of home videos it's like a tradition in your family but that I'm just going to be like creeping in I want to watch but I also cinematic mode panning in.

I also don't want to watch. No. Because that could be... We're manifesting a beautiful birth. I'm going to be really honest. I was like, I can't see what you'll see. Oh, I don't know if I... Will I be...

Would you think I go down the bottom? You might have to. Your fiancé, I don't think he will. He's not going to cope and he said he's not going... I need someone down that end. We can't all be up here. Well, doctors, it'd be like watching his favourite pub burned down. If we don't get to the hospital, if that's a scenario that happens...

Because your family are... They're known for... for flashbirths. A lot of my family have very quick, very quick births. We're talking under half an hour. My cousins... Oh, I'll be there. Don't we? So, one of us has to not, and I can't see... It's like a slip and slide.

With the towels. Pre-heated in the dryer, don't worry. Slipperly little buggers as well when I come out. That's what we're manifesting. A slip and slide. A slip and slide. Nice easy. If she comes fast, if she comes in a weird time or a weird place or whatever, but I don't know, but still, what you see...

Oh, yeah, you know I get down there. It's way more than what I'm going to see. And it might be a jump scare. It's fine. I know it's a little bit swollen right now. It is. I'm fully prepared. I've seen a lot of birth videos. I know how your pelvis should and shouldn't be.

Yeah. Nobody lies down on their back to give birth. You shouldn't be doing that. That's the thing. Gravity. Vagina to the floor helps the baby to the door. Exactly. So, yeah, you know, it's fine.

I'm just, at the moment, I'm just in denial that it's going to be happening and then I keep looking at the fridge and being like, Oh my God, in a few weeks. In the fridge, why? What you're keeping in there? No, on my fridge. On my fridge is like... Keep looking in the fridge and thinking,

God, I've got to give birth. Seeing a melon in there. No, I... Yes, I've got a calendar on my fridge and I'm like marking off the days like prison until I get out. She's served her time. Until I get out of jail.

I've had a nine-month sentence. And yeah, and it keeps getting down and closer and closer to D-Day and I'm just sort of like... She looks... She looks amazing, though. My heart is happening. Yeah.

You look so beautiful, pregnant. You do. I do not feel it. Well, you look it. I do not feel it. You look it. It's possibly the most unbeautful I've ever felt. No.

Yeah. But they say that, don't they, that, like, girls suck your beauty. They literally... I mean, they suck your pink. Like, she hasn't, let's be clear. But if you're feeling, like, apparently, like, a lot of people that have... This could be true, this could not be true. Boys, apparently you feel like you're glowing and the best you've ever felt.

Apparently, if you're having a girl, you don't feel like that. She's just like, she really has been though, hasn't she? She's really, so sick with it. It's part of, I know, it's part of the entry price of making a baby. You have to pay with your energy and youth and beauty. Thank God for Botox. Thank God for Botox. I can't wait to get back to some Botox.

But, yeah, not felt beautiful, not felt glowing. Oh, you are. I've felt like the, I've got the physical. physique of Buddha. That's what my fiancé said the other day. He went, you look quite like a Buddha, don't you? If you sit there. No, you don't.

I don't know what I do. Look at this. Well, you are pregnant. He's not wrong. Do you know what I bet? But also, this weird thing happens where I'm more... So this one, and on the one hand, I feel the most unbeautiful I've ever felt. On the other hand, you're kind of disconnected from your body, and it feels like I'm

wearing someone else's meat suit. So I'm more comfortable being naked like this. Really? Yeah. Oh, I just like, I just strip off around the house and when I'm waiting for the bath to run and stuff. And it's none of that like, oh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, like, it honestly feels like you're wearing a wetsuit of somebody else's body. It doesn't, it's a disconnect. Oh, that's good. Because I'm still like, I'm in like a new relationship and I'm still like, oh, oh, oh, oh, I'll like get out of the bathroom, like, covering up my boobie. You lose all of that. You don't give a crap. And it honestly, you just stand in there, like the grin. And like, you don't care. So, and I know that, for. But what I know is that bubble's going to pop once the baby's out and I'm back in my body.

And then that's when you realise your body's changed. But right now it doesn't feel like my body. Well, yeah. You're so neat. It feels like something else. I think you're going to just like, feel hopefully like just really proud of yourself and feel beautiful. I feel like super like, whoa, my body made that.

Yeah, that's incredible. Whoa. Female bodies are amazing and they're so resilient and like, Girl power, I feel very spice girls. But, but, yeah, I'm aware that I think that, that me feeling like, I thought I was going to not deal with it very well, because of a history of teenage eating disorders and a body dysmorphic and stuff, I thought I was going to be really like, oh my God, doesn't matter. That's so good, too, yeah.

You get like a kind of like little denial bubble, but I'm very aware that that's, I'm probably going to be like, oh, afterwards. No, no, she's like eight foot tall and a model, like, you're, you're going to be great. Right. Right. Should we get into it? Talking of unhinged and divorces. Today's topic is unhinged.

And we've asked people just, what is the most unhinged? Thing you've ever done after a breakup. Which is, because that is when you really, most people derail. Yeah, well, you're not yourself. You're not, you're not. You're not yourself when you're hungry.

You're not yourself when you're brokenhearted. But it's, yeah, and we had an overwhelming response. So what we do is we put them out on. to Facebook. If you're following us on Facebook at Funny Old World at She's Not Funny or it's Sophie Craig at Johanna James and we ask you guys

a question and then you respond and we got over 4,000 comments just on this particular one. It's a lot of us being unhinged. There's a lot of us being unhinged and you know what? It's a safe space we're just sharing these stories and we thought we'd share some of them with you today

so we all feel less less unhinged. Less unhinged. Get all right. Yeah. At least I didn't do that, Susan. You know what I mean? But also if you did it,

it is what it is. Safe space, safe space. So, we've written into our diary. You might remember Dear Miss Nick Thief, where that all started with my letter to the local school

pedophile. And it just sort of caught on and that became our tagline, Dear Mr. Nicker Thief. Do you like our diary? By the way, by the way, everyone, we've got a little diary here. Dear Diary.

Dear Diary. Dear Mr. Drana Lamley. You do something. Dead hurry. Okay, team, tell us the most unhinged thing you've ever done after a breakup. Yeah, and we're not talking like rang him 12 times whilst I was drunk. We're talking like unhinged, slightly questionable, but also completely understandable.

Yeah. It's very safe space here. And we had a overwhelming response. I think it's fair to say we had over 4,000 comments. so clearly it resonated and it kicked off some pretty interesting discussions. Dear Mr Nick Thief, I took my ex's toothbrush, run it under the rim of the toilet

and then rinse it off in the pee that was still in the thing and then put it back in the thing. That is disgust. That's the sort of thing they do in films. I didn't realise that was a thing. We should probably score it as well on how unhinged it is because that's, I'd say that's a classic. It's a classic, I've seen it done in a lot of films.

I think that's probably where she might have been inspired. Is it a she? It's a she. Yeah, it's a classic, but, um, but, but I don't think it's that high on the unhinge meter. No, I'd give that a three. Yeah, sort of two and a half three. Four, actually she dipped it in the Pee that was in the bottom of the bowl. Maybe that gives an extra half a point.

For the Piss. The Pist dip. Yeah. Um, yeah. Wow. Wow. Do you want to do one? Okay, yeah. All right.

Okay. Dear Mr. Nicker thief, this is a good one. When my mum's ex was found cheating, she let herself into his house and cut the crotch out of every pair of trousers he owned and then put defrosted prawns in all of his shoes. I've heard this before. I've heard that people put him in the curtain poles. Oh, prawns.

Yeah. Extra smelly. I remember it well, she was a woman squand. Squand? She was a woman squand. She was a woman scorned. Yeah, okay. She also hung a sign on his front door saying,

I am a lying, cheating bastard. In big letters, so the whole community saw it. Yep. And he was a well-respected doctor in the community as well. So this wasn't good. See, the thing is, that must feel amazing to get that done and to, like, put a sign up. But it's like, it's really obvious it's you.

this is a thing I think if you're going to do something Do it stealthy I was a hair Whisker away Probably is my most unhinged thing I was a hair whisker away From filling an ex's motorbike tank

With water I remember And I had to tell you not to Yeah And I was so close I even had a friend who was like Yes let's do it And I was like begging me on

And I was like Like good angel and bad angel Yeah I was literally like Do it don't do it do it And I didn't do it And I didn't do it and now I'm so glad I didn't do it because actually it looks better on me that I didn't do it.

And it's probably illegal. I mean, highly dangerous, but someone's water in someone's... Well, I think we'll just break the bike. Yeah, maybe. Very expensive. But yeah, the best... If you're feeling like you want revenge,

very normal, very like, oh, I just want them to feel pain or have some sort of like repercussion, justice, justice warriors. But actually, the best justice that you can ever get or the best like revenge is rise above it until you don't care and live your life and your life is your revenge you just like blossoming exactly this is it here you you you know yeah yeah I did go and see a psychic though is that unhinged that's a little bit unhinged okay maybe

but I went to see psychic and actually like I spent a lot of money on therapy and everything and picking learning I read books and books and books and everything and like became super knowledgeable on the situation and what had happened to me and everything because initially when it first happened I was just like, bleh word vomit because I was like, I am done holding this in. And then, but I hadn't understood what happened. A lot of therapy. And then went to see the psychic and was like, that was what I needed. Like none of these books, none of this stuff.

Like, I went to see the psychic and I was like, this was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The advice she gave me and what she told me, like, and she, and she, literally broke down the year like for me yeah and month by month categorically everything she said would happen has happened has happened down to the date she gave me dates and everything and then you know and she was said to me she was like oh and your hip's gonna go my hip's gone yeah it's yeah you're now in physiotherapy hip like like down yeah and you never knew this woman before never knew this woman you walked into the room but down to the tea and like so it wasn't just I went in for obviously because it was in a really like awful place but the

amount of information that she gave me on things that happened previously and things that are going to happen. I just kind of, it took a breath. Because I think that's the fear when, like, you have a breakup is like the unknown and then you spiral and you project this life that they, you know, that you thought you wanted and that they're probably doing now and blah, blah, blah, blah. And you sit, after that, I just sat and went, it's all right, I know what's coming. Yep. And it's like, so maybe, maybe, maybe going to, uh, I actually recommend going to a psychic. Going to a psychic. rather than putting prawns in the curtain poles. Yeah, yeah.

Okay, this is fun. She said, right, dear Miss Nickerty, I wouldn't say it's unhinged, but my narcissistic gaslighting ex hopped straight onto social media after we broke up, trying to bait other girls. One of the girls happened to be one of my employees at work. So on a staff night out, I encouraged her to take the bait, and I narrated a few responses to send back to him.

Like, catch him. Oh my God. After almost the entire evening of getting him all excited that he'd found his next victim, we ended the conversation with a selfie of us together, flipping the bird, he blocked us both. Wow, that's not unhinged. She said it's not unhinged. No, it's not, but it's good. That's a nice little bit of, like, closure.

A nice little... Teaching him and educating him. I'd say that's a one. Or we didn't score the other one. Oh, the other one was two and a half. Oh, which one? The prawns and the cross and the thing on the door. I'd say that's not quite unhinged.

I'd say that's like revenge. Yeah. This sounds like a two. She's writing the toothbrush higher than the prawns and the shoes and the crotchless trousers. Dimmus Nicky. Okay, here we go. He was heavily addicted to video games. So I took a hammer to his brand new PlayStation and every controller he ever had.

Technically they were mine anyway, as I bought them. Yeah. Would I do it again? No. Well, hammer them, I'll buy them. I would sell it and keep the money. When you're out of the cloud of like rage, you can think logistically and go, yeah, I could have just bought. I could have done with 400 quid.

I could have bought myself. Was it a PS5? Probably. But it would have felt, oh, how good would it have it felt? A rage room. You spoke back on to a rage room. I tried to take you to a rage room. Yeah, because I wasn't getting angry.

Yeah, you weren't, you weren't getting angry. That was the scary part. You were very late to the anger. I was. I was like, bless everyone. Most of you. You, that's probably the most unhinged thing that you did was like, bless him. No, dawn, dawn.

That's not a well person. You weren't well, but that was unhinged. We were all looking at you, all of the support group that you had, looking at you going, she's like, no, I wasn't. You know. But that's okay, because I wasn't, like, I've learned a lot since and uncovered a lot since. So it's a lot. It's easier to, actually, but I do think there was a very slight anger stage, but not for very long.

Yeah. The rage bit. The rage bit. I kind of bypassed, though, as well. So, which I'm quite glad of because, I mean, anger, but then anger is there to, this is another thing as well. Like, these things are good because anger is there to protect you. It tells you that, like, this is wrong. and it's that sense of justice, like you mentioned before.

Like, it's righteous anger. Like, anger is a good thing. Like, it's a good response. It's protective. And sometimes when you don't have anger, like, real anger, like, everybody can be reactive or blow up quickly or whatever, but, like, real sense of, like, anger for yourself, that's when it's a bit worrying.

Do you know what? It makes total sense. Just a different to psychology here. Anger is the part of you that loves you. That's it. Yeah. And because when you get angry, you go, I didn't deserve that.

That's not fair. And when you get some angry about what someone did, that's the part of you that loves you and is trying to protect you and trying to fight for you. And it makes total sense at that stage you didn't have anger because you didn't love you. You didn't love you. So you wouldn't be angry. Yeah. Yeah.

And then only later when you started to like love yourself and find yourself, did you start to have the righteous anger coming and going, actually that wasn't fair. No, that was wrong. This is this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And this is what's good. Like, these people clearly have got self-respect. Yeah.

As they're dipping their prongs in the toothbrushes and the toilet. They've got good self-respect. Yeah. Oh, dear Mary. These are amazing. We are doing this completely blind, so we've never read these before. No, we've never read them. We've got our diary here.

We're doing it live for you. Yeah, okay. So dear Nis. Dear Nis. Really good style. Dear Miss Nicker Thief, I know someone. Okay, so she knows someone.

Is this? Oh, right. Oh, it's a man. Um, oh no, it's not. I don't. Start that again. Dear Mr.

Nicker Thief, get my words out. I know someone who unscrewed the lid of his Calvin Klein after shave and poured some urine into it. I also know somebody else. Oh, they also know somebody else.

A wink, wink. Yeah. Who, when they were left to their own devices to pack up their belongings and leave, took the passport out the drawer, cut through the photo a few times before putting it back in the drawer, then cut off the sleeve of every item in the wardrobe which was facing the back. Brilliant.

That's brilliant. Can't leave the country now, can you? Yeah, that is a good one. Yeah, and that passports are a bitch, and they're expensive. And you can't, and you can't go off on your little holiday. Admin. But the pee in the, I mean, that's brilliant, because you wouldn't necessarily notice in a, in a perfume,

you'd be spriting yourself with, with, with, Yeah, just quick spritz of urine Yeah I did see a really good one I did read a really good one once when we were putting this out there to ask people that one person I think it might be in a magazine or something

I want a blog I can't quite remember but one person whilst their exes away on holiday went to their house put crest seeds through the door or put crest seeds all through the car Maybe they had a key or something, I can't quite remember. But put cress seeds all over the thing, wet the floor,

and then when they came back off holiday, it was a whole floor of cress. I mean, that's... That's clever. That's funny. Do you know what? Rather than... Because the obvious thing is like,

we and poo. That's people go for like, poo and we destruction. Yeah. But what I would do, because I've also thought about doing this, glitter. Glitter bomb.

Yeah. Through the letter box, in a car. at home you cannot get he will be or she will be whoever you next is

you cannot get glitter out it's everywhere and it stays forever the tiniest bit of glitter yeah so I would order truck load a really good sticky glitter and I would glitter because imagine trying to hoover that out of a car you deserve a glittery car

forever glittery car forever glittery house glittery carpet glittery frick like and every time you wash your clothes you can't wash glitter out It's really, so there's been glittering your machine. Just sparkly prick. So, yeah.

Do you know what I mean? Like, and just be like, that is a reminder of how sparkly I am. And you'll be missing glitter in your life. So here you go. So yeah, I think glitter bomb over like Poo and Way because Poo and Wee is quite easy to clean up one quick once you find it. It's not classy either. No, so let's think better glitter is a little bit of glass.

Do I mean? A little bit of sparkle. dear Miss Nicker thief I sowed three week old pilchards It's for fish in the curtains again So I sold three week old pilchards Into an ex's curtain linings

And he couldn't locate the smell And ripped up all of his flooring And that was rather satisfying That's the fish Again with the fish and the prawns Do you know what? Oh my God, now that I'm in the mode Of like thinking about it

I know what would be a really good revenge Thinking like homeowner Thinking mature like Japanese not weed Once that Japanese not weed That you cannot sell your house You can't sell your house

Financial ruin Financial ruin I would plant Japanese not weed In the property So mid-30s It's like the most Oh my God

What would you do I'd tell you what I'd do I'd take some Japanese not weed And I would And I would And I would plant that Around the proximity of his household I would ruin the equity of his finances with Japanese knotweed.

But that, thinking outside the box, yeah. Is it illegal to plant a plant? I don't know. I don't know. I've just, with the nature green thumbs, what are you going to do? What are you going to do about it? So, I just thought that would look quite nice.

I would Japanese not weed his house. Because you cannot, you cannot sell it. It's ridiculous. So there we are. That's funny. Okay. Dear Miss Nicker thief, when I was leaving our home,

because he couldn't afford his, on, oh my God, why can't I read? Dear Miss Nickerthy, when I was leaving our home, because he could afford it on his own and I couldn't, I took every pair of scissors with me, even nail scissors. A week later, he rang me asking if I'd taken all the scissors, and I replied, no, why on earth would I do a weird thing like that? That's psychological, like, warfare.

Yeah, she was a small victory. Do you know what, when you really need scissors, you need scissors? It's a funny thing to take out of all the things in the property that you could take, just all the pairs of scissors. She took all the scissors. Or do something like take all the fuses out of all of the electrical. Yeah, there are better things than scissors, but they're each to the wrong.

Oh. She agrees, each to the wrong. What is the most unhinged thing? Oh, this is quite unhinged. Oh, go on then. Like, okay. Dear Mr. Nick Thief, after a breakup, I took my SIM card out of my mobile and swallowed it so she couldn't call me. Like that's...

What? That's on hinged. No, that's like an... That's like an eight. That's an eight. Like out of all the pictures... Out of all the pictures and curtains and Japanese knotweed.

Yeah, that's an hinged. That just cut it up. Maybe this is the guy that didn't have scissors. Yep. This is the guy that didn't have scissors. I've cracked it. His ex has come on there. She's gone...

I've not got scissors and he's gone, well, tell you what, I needed them for to coat that SIM card and I couldn't, so I just swallowed it. You do know that you cannot ring someone when you take the SIM card out. Like, you can't just make a phone call to a SIM card.

Yeah. Like, you don't need to swallow it. Like, medically, I would not advise. It's swallowing a SIM? But, no, explain the logic of that to me. I mean, it's, to him, it stopped... The ringing.

Because you just take it out and it stops the ringing. Yeah, but the thing about putting it in the bin, though, you can always put it back in. So he was actually quite clever. No, because you could just have a poo. Because that's really blocking. What? You just have a poo, and then it just comes out.

And if you really want it back, You can't look for your sim card. That's, I think, I'm going to hedge a bet, and I'm going to say that's the guy that wanted the scissors. Yeah. That's a high scorer for me. That is the most of, there is absolutely no need to swallow a sim card.

Swallowing a sim card so she couldn't call. Great. He wins. Congratulations. You've won the most unhinged thing to do after a breakup. Well done. And you win. Nothing.

A pair of scissors. Oh, this is quite unhinged. Hello, okay. I called the chairman of the board of his country, of his company and I told him and his wife all about her ex, which, who was their CEO. What? Porn habits, interests. She told the entire story to the chairman of the board. Do you know what, I've heard this before?

That's quite unhinged. I don't know if that is unhinged because. Hang on what? The ex rang up. Hang on. Say that again. So this woman has caught her ex was the CEO of a company. So she called the chairman of the board of that company and said, FYI. This is who he is.

Your CEO did X, Y, Z. These are his porn habits and his interests. Oh, that is unhinged. But do you know what? Yeah. Yeah. Fair. That's a woman scorned. That is a woman scorned. That is a woman scorned. I'd say that's about a six or seven.

That's high. It doesn't... That scores, not as high as Simcarman. No, Simcarb man wins, hands down. But calling the chairman of the board of his company. Yeah. But I like that because when I like that as a thing when people troll online or do you hate speech or bullying and people or do something hinged online and people take it and then they send it to their boss, I was like, yeah, kind of fair. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I've seen that a lot on social media where like, I've had hate before, you've had hate before, right? But I've seen other creators or other people that work online or other people that are in the public eye get abuse off these people online. And then all you need to do is go and look up. And then just like, oh, okay, so you work at so and so.

Oh, okay. And sometimes some of these people have like the most ridiculous things in their thing like awoken, be kind to everybody. Oh, yeah. It's always the ones that are like... And it's just like your actual... Characcharity. Yeah, you're actually a dick.

Yeah. And then you go on, oh, by the way, this is the way that this person is like sort of behaving. Yeah. Unmasked. And this is, this is like the face. This is your company. There it is. You're putting that, like, so yeah, like, I'm all for it. If you're going to be a knob on the internet to people. Yeah. Then you know, and you're doing it publicly.

Be happy for that to be shared and shown. Equally. Equally. I also say, if you're going to be a number. If you're going to be a knob privately, that also is free reign to tell people that. Like, if you've done something privately to me, that's also fair. Yeah, it is also fair. It's also fair. So I get, yeah.

So how dare you tell people what I've done or who I am? Like, no, that is what it is. So, yeah. If you're going to be a dick on the internet, you're going to get, that she's going to ring the chairman of your company. Yeah. Like, it's the consequences of being a dick in any. in private, on the internet thingy.

Like, if people think they can get away with it because it's behind a closed door or because it's on someone's feed and it's not face to face. I was like, no, no, no, no. Yeah, like, would you say that to somebody's face? Yeah. You did it or you said it. In any capacity,

you're going to get some unhinged reactions. Wow. I really enjoyed those. Slightly feel smug. Yeah. What's the most unhinged thing you've ever done? Obviously, you nearly did the petrol

thing. Oh yeah. You didn't. Have I created a fake profile in order to stalk someone? I bet that's not uncommon. It feels like something I would have done. I feel like I would have been in a space where I wanted to snoop and did I... Oh my God, I reckon everybody's done that. Yeah. I've had that happen to me once by my very first boyfriend.

Or he created a fake account. Yes, in order to test my loyalty. What? So this was back in the day of MSN, showing out of all of them. So I was on MSN, as you do every night, you'd log onto your computer and you'd chat to everyone on MSN. And this new person popped up and started talking to me.

And I was, you know, engaging with it, but I didn't really know. Turns out it was a guy who went to the same school as my boyfriend. And so I was like, oh, and he was saying that my boyfriend was cheating on me and then this guy tried to hit on me and I went I'm sorry I don't believe you

I don't know who you are and also no meanwhile I was talking to my boyfriend on MSN as well and I was telling him relaying him stuff and I said is there a guy that goes to your school called like Colin or whatever

and he went yeah but I'm not very good friends with him or whatever and then I told him did you stay with him I eventually dumped him but not I didn't I stayed with him after that, so yeah. But like, but he went and he was like, oh no, that was me, I was testing you.

Well done, you passed, like, you're loyal. Because I didn't believe that when someone came up to me and said that he cheated and also that, so that's pretty unhinged. Me, in the bin. Like, oh yeah, to go in the bin. But, to be fair, that's giving me, like, very my first boyfriend, by it was.

It was, like, yeah. We were 15 and we were whenever said. Yeah, 15, that is that age. And, I think I actually felt, I felt really, smugged myself that I passed because I was like... Isn't that mad? I had like a loyalty test. No, no, no, no, no.

It should have been the absolute opposite. Yeah, it should have been like, like, what are you doing? Red flag behavior. But that's pretty psycho. So, yeah, that is psycho. So that I'm testing, deliberately testing someone. Yeah, that's unhinged.

He scores a nine. So X, my friend, is up there with SimCardman. SimCard Man, yeah, SimCard Man. Sim Carman and Catfish Colin Yeah Pretty unhinged Amazing So one little thing that we want to do

At the end of every app Is a little extra thing We've got We've very sweetly named Note to Self Note to Self And we actually This is a really good theme

For this week Talking of Unhinged We either are going to go back And we're going to invite you guys To do the same We're going to go back to On this day memories On Facebook

Because there is nothing more Unhinged and more Cringe than your Facebook memories that's the statuses. I used to write like, he-he, off to the shops to go and get some pancake mix, he-he, or like,

just got out of this and found a bag of, how crazy am I? Found an open bag of quaver's at the bottom of my bag. Well, no, that's not like that, but like really like cringe stuff. Or, equally as unhinged

is the notes app in your phone. There are some incredible notes and it ranges from baby names to, Letters to random people to like letters of scorn. Shopping lists. Shopping lists.

Sketch ideas. Passwords. Oh my God. Like there is so much going on in that notes app. So each week we're going to either give you a Facebook memory and on this day or a notes app. Yeah. Just divulge you in a notes app. And then we want you guys to do the same. Send in your random notes apps and it can be anything or an on this day cringe Facebook status. So, so, Jay, you're going to go for a Facebook snack.

status, on the day Facebook status, or a little, are you going to divulge us in a little sneak peek? I'm going to go for a sneak peek in the notes to see what the hell. Good, shh, good shout. Oh, go on. No, no, it's really embarrassing, really cringe. I'm just one called goals. We have to hear these.

No, but it's all just like, gym goals. Oh, my God. Yep, we'll have your gym goals. I'm going to go right back to the bottom. of my um my notes app I'm like icking myself out my god this is amazing my gym goals that I wrote I don't even know when way back down in the list

goals Titan midriff Oh tight tighten midriff How old are you? Titan midriff Not even get abs get a six pack Titan midriff Who uses that vocabulary

I know That's so embarrassing myself Tighten the midriff Titan midriff and reveal the underlying muscle. My God. Is your name like, Agatha? Like, what's going on?

Reveal the underlying muscle. Two, lesson. I love that. It's like, I know there's muscle under there. I just need to tighten the midriff. Tighten the midriff and reveal the underlying muscle. Two is lesson the back bra bulge. The back bar bra.

Try saying that after all. I can't speak. today. The back bra. The back bra bulge. Number three. Flatten the lower stomach. So tighten the midriff, flatten the lower stomach.

Grow the thighs and shape the bum. Ooh, that's tricky to do all that at the same time. Define. Define the arms. Define. I'm using like a lot of vocabre. Did you use chat GPT? I don't know. These are my girls.

I can confirm I didn't do any of these girls. You did? Eat well then I got pregnant and it all, It all melted. Eat at top nutrition for my hormones. Eat at top nutrition. Top nutrition. Not just improve nutrition.

And regulate period. Eat well. Regulate period. That's about the only normal thing you've said there. None of that sounds like you. That sounds like your mum. They were my goals. Which is, you know, and then it's next to a shopping list of eggs,

chopped tomatoes, peppers, cheese and dark chocolate. There we are. Beautiful. I enjoy. Enjoyed that. Enjoy. All right, I've gone right back to the bottom of my notes out. Okay, go on.

Okay, if we're going to do notes at the beginning. Okay. Oh, my God. No, I feel like I've been so morbid this entire podcast. Do we really want to go here? Go on, what is it? Oh, my God, is it in? It's after my dad had died.

What did you write? I feel like we should top and tail the app. Did you just write yourself? Is it in eugeny? I don't know. I don't know what this is. This is me. Remain in anger and you'll get stuck.

Okay. know this feels quite poignant to what we were talking about. Go on. Surrender to sadness and you'll heal. Keep it real. I'm sad. These sound like... So what I've done is I've copied and pasted a quote that I've liked and then I've

annotated it basically and used it as like a prompt for a journal. I'm sad. I'm sad. So you just put in your notes, I'm sad. I'm sad. And that's all about I seem to be able to feel at the moment. I've lost what it is to feel something and I don't feel anything. I'm not fun to be around.

I sound like a round. Right? Listen to me. Sorry, guys. I've lost, I'm not fun to be around. I can feel it and there's a huge shift in me and my energy and the things I normally find joy and just don't spark anything anymore. But equally, nothing really scares me or excites me and I've just hit a bit of a wall and I'm a bit numb. So what I'm hearing from this is that you're feeling a lot and nothing at the same time. Yeah, it's amazing. I'm going to skip because it goes on for a long, long time. Did you just sit and write this in your notes at? Yeah. So I do this quite. often like I journal like because I'm a verbal processor right so this goes on for ages and ages about me being on autopilot blah blah blah and I tell everybody all the time to surrender to their feelings you do um we all learn from each other grow with each other and telling each other

our stories oh my god this feels really poignant today so this is me I'm a bit sad and for lots of reasons and I'm trying to move through it but also I'm just going to surrender to it to allow the anger to back off and let the healing start well not to self indeed that top and tails the whole thing I sound like I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown but I promise guys I'm fine I'm fine I'm in a good place no I am I'm in a great place you're in the mood for this but but that was amazing yeah but that's it thank you so much everyone for joining us again this time I've had a lovely time it's been quite therapeutic it has it's getting very hot in here it is all of a sudden I'm feeling very warm

I've had a hot flush um but yeah great we're very hot flush um but yeah great we're We will, yeah, thanks for joining. If you're still here at the end. Thanks, if you're still here, well done. And you can find us across all social media platforms. Yeah, and at, at Sophie Craig. And at Funny Old World. I'm at mainly everything that's Funny Old World.

Yeah. And you can find us on all major streaming podcast site. Yeah. Tell your friends. Get in touch. Look out for my Facebook page, Jay's Facebook page, our Instagrams, etc. Yeah. Where we're going to be asking, well, what we're going to be handing the mind.

over to you guys and then we're going to talk about the stuff that you provide us with. Thank you so much for getting involved because we couldn't do this without people joining in. No, we need your journal prompts. Right. Yeah. Until next time. Peace out. Take care.

Peace out. Don't remain in anger. Oh my back. Oh my God. That is so unchanged. You've been listening to Dear Mr. Nick Thief. If you want to get involved, then you can.

There are a few ways you can do it. And yeah, if you've got any stories that make you want to cover. curl up and die and the ground just swallow you whole, then we want to hear from you. We love to hear them. Yeah, we'll share them with everyone. We'd love to share them publicly. Sharing is caring. It is. So you can DM us at our Instagram, Dear Mr Nick Thief and a TikTok. We've got a TikTok. A TikTok. You got a TikTok now. Deamast of Knocker Thief and we've got an email, dear Mr Nick Thief at gmail.com. Yeah, because we're cheaper. We didn't want to pay for the actual name. So it's still Gmail.

But yeah, uh, get in touch. We put shout outs on our social. So, keep an eye on them on our personal socials as well at Johanna James at Sophie Craig. And yeah, get involved with all your little topics and telltales. And we'll share them out. And remember, yeah, it's never too much. You are. Might be too much, maybe. Thank you.