Death To Everyone - Death To... Beverages On Tap, Smurfs & Yo-Chi Toppings

Episode Date: July 15, 2025

Hola ListenerWelcome to our 100th episode special! TMI? Cant believe you've wasted over 200 hours of time listening to us? WE cant either... What are you doing with your life?xFollow us, won't you? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.naturalhabitatstudios.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/ediecentric⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I'm so in love with you Why hello? Can you believe it? I can't believe it. I cannot believe it. It can't be conceived. I can't believe it. I cannot believe it. It can't be conceived. It can't be believed. It's a concept that erodes my mind if I try to focus on it. However it can be perceived by you, listener. If you've been listening since the very, very, very, very start of this show, you've now arrived.

One hundred episodes later. 100 episodes. We did it. A century of beauty. Yeah. Wait, are we? Yeah. Cool. Centurions. Sure. Congratulations to us all. And thank you so much, dear listeners, for our incredible cake that we received. And for all of you listeners who didn't send us a cake, it has been noted down in the dialectum and you'll be hearing from us. Yeah, you'll be the first to be rolled up in the earth Kadamari. If you thought you were going to get into the bunker but not send a cake or flowers. And to which I say, how do we send you a cake? We tell you the name of this production company

where we are recording every week at the end of every episode, Natural Habitat Studios. You can Google that. Send them our cake. Yeah. I got a few cakes. Oh, I didn't tell you. Yeah, you got one big cake. Finish. Also, if you send me a message on Grindr, chances are I'll send you my address. I mean, you really start with that. Yeah.

You before hello. Why would I say like, let's just get to it. Let's get to that digits. The postcode. That's how most people get in touch with you, isn't it? Well, I realized as well, and don't use this against me, but that for the first hundred orders that I sent out from lazy Susan.com miss lazy Susan.com if you're looking for merchandise for the first hundred

orders I sent out with a return address because it asked for a return address on the back of the envelope and guess what a return address I put my home address where I sleep every night where a crazy fan yeah could break into my house. Tip tap on the glass. And you know, the ones that die with the exception of John Lennon from crazy fans are normally kind of mid famous, not real famous. No shade, but like, come on. Yeah.

You know, we're not going to get, you know, like, oh, no, no, no. Yeah. They're like the ones that like live forever. Yes. However, the ones that are like, you know, I'm not going to get, you know, like, oh, no, no, no. Yeah. They're like the ones that like live forever. Yes. However, the ones that are like, you know, I'm not going to name names. I don't want to sully their good names, but you know who I'm talking about. They just don't have enough security and they're like randomly performing it. Like, you know, VidCon.

Well, now I have really pointed it out. Who are you talking about? I don't, I would never bring this to that. Anyway, um, this, I know, I mean, I feel like I talk about all the time, but it's just making me think of Bjergjkjk tacking that person at the airport. Yeah. It's so good. It's really good.

Anyway, a hundred episodes. I can't believe it. It's like actually so hard. I think that majority, I think I've read that 98% of podcasts never get past the first two episodes. Oh, dang. Oh. But can I tell you, I, future guests of the show, my father, I was going to my sister's birthday up at the beach.

Yeah. And so the cake that I should say was sent to us by Sheridan Skye and Gabriella Labucci, which means we are now in a gift war. And I've been waiting for an excuse to start a gift war with one Miss Gabriella Labucci because I do have something I'd like to gift her. And now we're in a gift war, so it doesn't feel apropos of nothing. You could give her a big cake. Oh, but because of that, I now...

Because you know, you can't like... Just giving a giant gift out of nowhere can feel a little bit bizarre, but with context, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, so I take the cake to my sister's birthday being like... Because you know, when you have what is it Zelda Did I gab give us those handbags those Beastie girl handbags? Yeah, she's been gifted us for years I know we've never given her shit. Oh my god

From a hundred episodes of this part. Oh, that's it free entertainment. Oh My god, yeah, that is crazy Shit, okay. No, you say. I was going to say, um, well, basically I, my sister, so, you know, when you get a cake, Matt, edit that last part out. So I sound like I knew what I was saying. And this part and this part. Okay. And so, you know, when you get a cake, you're like, well, a cake is a lovely gesture, but what are we going to do with all this cake? And I knew I wasn't going to see you until today. So I was like, a cake isn't really going to keep unless, you know, I mean, this cake, however,

was that kind of cake that would keep, but I was like, okay, well, cut a slice for Zelda. Sorry, Matt. It ha ha ha. Sorry, I just eat crumbs from the front seat of the space car. That's how I get my nutrients. Yeah, when we get angered by a sharp turn that you've taken, we throw cake at you. Yeah. He said, you can't eat it normally.

You have to eat it like an anteater with your little tongue sticking out. Yeah. And we have to say that when the cake arrives, it's like this beautiful vintage style, like shell piping around the border, and then like a photorealistic printout on edible paper of our logo, death to everyone,

and like on a pink frosting, so the printout is kind of disguised, and then like a gorgeous sprinkle, like pink on pink sprinkle walls. It's delicious on like a chocolate mud, double layer with like an interior, yeah. So very nice cake, very beautiful cake. And then I take it down to the beach

because it's my sister's birthday. And I'm like, well, great. Cause there's I'm like, well, great. Cause there's going to be like, happy birthday. Well, so my, everything. There was going to be 12 people there. And I was like, this is a great opportunity to palm off some of this cake. Yeah. Not a brag about your show.

opportunity to palm off some of this cake. Yeah. Not a brag about your show. Well, I'm not unlike when I got that bottle of Campari from the Melbourne International Film Festival. And it was like one of those six litre bottles. And I took it down to a family event and they're like, why did you bring this giant thing? And I was like, you got it for free and now you all are going to be drinking Campari

all summer long. Anyway, I get down, turns out my sister has strep throat, she will not be attending her birthday festivities, so we've all now assembled for nought. But I get to my father's house. No reason at all. No. What a waste. And I walk in with the cake.

Celebrate a hundred years of the pod. A hundred years of the pod. Isn't that what we're celebrating? Yeah. And I walk in with the cake. Celebrate 100 years of the pod. Isn't that what we're celebrating? My husband is like, oh, Bill, have you heard about the cake? And he's like, what? No, I haven't heard about the cake.

And his GF is there as well. And he's like, oh, yeah, well. And so we open the box, and he's like, oh yeah, well, and so we open the box and he's like, someone sent us this for our 100 episodes. And he's like, literally, I would say a half a second pass between perceiving the existence of this cake and this response, which was, listener, what the fuck? I never got a fucking cake. I've done 300 fucking episodes of my goddamn show. I never even got a fucking cookie. What are you getting a cake? To which his GF, Ms. Basil, goes and says, perhaps you should try some humble pie.

She's good. and says, um, perhaps you should try some humble pie. She's good. Which is very good. And then we take it to my auntie's where we were going to have this dinner for my sister, which still goes ahead. Cause it's like, we've all, we're all here anyway. And how else do we do? Yeah. So then I pull out the cake and my auntie is like I've seen this on your bloody Instagram

Yeah, because she like has all the stories So she's actually surprisingly more than my father more than my sister my sister and more than any other person in my life like I'd like she's fully up on the drama of my life because of Her following my Instagram stories koala couches. Yes. Yes. She she talked about that at the fan, and she, and I was like, Auntie Dee, under no circumstances are you allowed to listen to this podcast. She's like, oh right, because she's Irish. And she's like, anyway, so then my dad is like, talking, he's like, you saw, you seen this cake? You got a fucking cake?

And the ball goes off and I entity is like, Bill, it's not about you. And you're going off about him and it's not about him either. It's about your goddamn daughter. It's her birthday. And I was like, you're all crazy. She's not even here. Or maybe she was in an alias. Yes. Well, that's it. And so all of that was insane. And the cake situation did cause a

good amount of drama and conflamma. That's perfect. But if you would like to listen to a podcast strictly about American politics, where my dad just screams at another man. Yes. It's called the Bill Show. It used to have two guys called Bill in it.

The other Bill dropped out and now it's just called the Bill Show, but there's another guy in it called Randall. Expat Progressive Radio. The Bill Show politics this week, I think. Ellipses politics this week. It's, I listened to it a few weeks ago, as you know. Because every now and then- Oh, don't worry.

He brought it up when he was yelling about the cake. Really? What do you mean? And then Zelda thinks I'm angry. And I said, no, Zelda's feedback was, why is he yelling at that guy? Well, I mean, yes. Um, I, I really enjoyed it. Yeah.

I like, I was getting my little, you know, I was feeling educated afterwards. Yeah. Um, perhaps a touch one sided, but it's the side I'm on, so that's fine. Um, yeah, I really enjoyed it. So you go and listen to the Bill Show ellipses. but it's the side I'm on, so that's fine. Yeah, I really enjoyed it. Well, you can go and listen to the Bill Show, ellipses. We should actually organize to have him on. Well, I was going to try and get it this week,

and now it's not going to happen, but soon we will have Bill on. Yes. And he can talk all... He can yell at you. Yeah, and he will. We should probably try to get my parents on at some point. Yes, we definitely need. We definitely need all the quad.

Well, we kind of, my mom, but we could. In a way, she's on every episode. Do we know a necromancer? Yeah. Certainly saw some at the Alt Drag event. Oh, yes. Lots of necr Alt Drag event. Oh, yes. Do go on. Lots of mech-romancey there.

Oh, my name's Zelda Moon. And I'm Lacey Susan. This is Death to Everyone. A hundred years. Yes, a hundred years. We only do one episode per year. Yeah. Well, this is season two, episode 100.

Yeah. Yeah. Kind of. Yeah. And that, giggle, is from Matt, our space car driver. Oh, wow. Oh, and that giggle is from Matt, our space car driver. Oh, I just laughed too much. I used to cut out my laughter at the, in the start few episodes.

So if you, if you've been listening from the start and you think it's very quiet, it's cause I used to cut the laughter out. Do you think our manner has changed over these hundred episodes? Well, we should ask the listener. Listener, what do you think has changed about our delivery? Yeah. The way that we speak. Make a comment. And you know what?

Write in, tell us what you like. Do you know what you find questionable? It is weird going on other podcasts now, because I feel like I'm always ready to jump into podcast mode, which is... It's crazy how much, how quick ready you are all the time. Speaking into microphone. Even when we're like come into the studio and you guys are like a little bit quiet or something, as soon as the microphone goes on it's like, well we know what our job is and we intend to do it.

I just can't believe how quickly you are ready to go. We're so different to this in real life is what he's trying to say. So humble and quiet. Often sit in silence. Anyway, just I was listening to the start of last week's episode, 99. And 99 or 100A. Yeah, um, in actually nine, um, or 100A. Yeah. Yeah.

Um, and we, and I realized that I was such a negative Nancy. They heard me complain about the Koala mattress. Oh yes. And, um, and I just want you to know, I'm that's, I, it's not the person I want to represent to the world. I want to be positive, filled with light. But this is the end of that koala story. Oh, yeah.

Go on. So they sent me the corner piece. They were like, corner piece is arriving on Friday. Corner piece arrives. And then in their little message, which I... You know, whatever. In their message they said, and then make sure you hold onto the box that the corner piece arrives in because you're

going to have to box up the old corner piece and then we'll come and pick it up on Monday. And I said, no, I said in my mind, I said, well, we'll see. We'll see. I said, because I haven't worked for Koala for about a week now. And so I said, we'll see. Anyway, so then the night. Send him an invoice.

The Sunday night before, like, Kurjan is like, should we back, like box up the sofa piece and put in the new one? It's like 10.30 at night. I'm like, you know what? I'll just do it tomorrow. I'll sort it out tomorrow. And then Kurjan goes off to work as he's want to do.

And I'm wearing my little negligee in bed. You know, just trying to catch those extra quality Zs where I don't have a giant man next to me in bed. And I'm just a petite woman, you know. And then there's a... At the front door and it's nine in the morning, you know, hell, it's crack of dawn. And so I go in my little like negligee nightgown to the door and say, oh, did you forget your suit case?

And then I realized it's not my husband. And then it's another man. And he says, I'm here to pick up the corner piece. And I look at him and he looks at me and I look at him. And I say, Oh, I haven't done that. And he's like, Oh, and I'm like, yeah, you're going to have to come back another day. I'm sorry. And he's like, Oh, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I just haven't done it. And it's just not going to happen now.

Yeah. And he's like, Oh no, that's okay. I'm like, okay, have a lovely day. And he left. You didn't give it to him to do. No, no, no, no, no. It's not his job. It's your job. Well, it's not anyone's job.

I'm not getting paid. Anyway, so then I haven't heard back from them, but I was like, well, there we go. Extra corner piece. Yeah. Well, we'll see. But I'm like, I was just like, this is so fine. Have a nice, you know, like I was like diva. No.

Can you, is it like usable as like a little poof? I think you'd need to get a different cover, but I was very like, as if. How funny that they can come to pick up. Oh God. Incredible. One business day turnaround. Yeah. But can the replacement be delivered in the God. Incredible. One business day turnaround. Yeah. But can the replacement be delivered in the same time?

No, no, no. And I was like, that's just like, okay, well I don't like, also I just didn't agree to that. Like, you know what I mean? If, if that's a you, that sounds like a you problem. Um, you know, like I'm like, you're, you welcome to come into my house and try and sort it out if you'd like, but, um, at your own, you know, expense. You're not allowed to have another man in the house without your husband.

That's true. That's true. That's terrible. Watch out for the bears. Oh, I'll have to, I'll give them a window. I'll say, oh, from Wednesday, um, to Thursday, from 12 to 6.30. In the morning. Maybe there'll be something available. AM. Yeah. Yeah. 12 to 6.30 in the morning, maybe there'll be something available.

Yeah. And we'll see, it might happen and we'll see, it might happen, might not. Who knows? You're going to have to file it actually with the warranty department. We'll see. It's just you on the other hand. And me sending chat GPT messages. But anyway, so in the course of that, there's been this like, I think this might be the first time that my husband has seen this very specific long form stubbornness from me.

I think he's definitely seen it while cooking and things, but not one that's just lasted over such a long period of time. And now he's seen it. It's like he's seen the monster. Yes. And he's like... Seen behind the veil. Because then the unfortunate thing was the next day... So my laptop broke.

My laptop stopped working. The keyboard stopped working. So I took it to MyBite in Collingwood, which was fabulous. And apparently because of Australian Consumer Law, despite the fact that I didn't have the extended warranty, if it's a technical issue, you're still covered for up to three years after the purchase and Apple has to pay for it. And so I didn't have to have an extended warranty. It's just included in Australian Consumer Law. Is that not incredible? So they were like, I don't know why that stopped working. And I was like, well, to be honest, I actually just,

and I know a lot of people would come in here and lie about this, have not spilled a liquid inside of the keyboard. Shocking, I know. And a first time for everything. Because when I used to have one from work, oh my God, I think I destroyed two laptops that way. But, and like it happened all the time at work.

Because, you know, these were like work laptops. So I think people were a bit more like. Literally, it the time at work because you know these were like work laptops So I think people were drinking This a lot more spillin, but I think when it's not yours you're a bit more like yeah Whatever yeah, like the IT department like what the fuck is happening to all these laptops But They were like okay, and the guy was amazing really lovely really sweet, and I was like this great, okay. And the guy was amazing, really lovely, really sweet. And I was like, this is great. And I was like, I do have a bit of work to do

on my laptop specifically. And so I was like, is there anything you can do? And he's like, well, it is covered, which is great. Do you want us to delete everything on here? And I was like, well, no. I don't know why. If the keyboard stopped working, I'd automatically be like, well, I don't know why if the if the keyboard stopped working out automatically be like well get rid of everything Yeah, and he's like, oh well you can back it up. It'll just cost you $69 and I'm like, oh I

Guess we're both face fucking each other That way choose that number and then And then he's like and a hundred dollars just for us to inspect it. And I'm like, okay, 169, that's okay. You know what? It's like, I'm so relieved that there's something that can be done. And he's like, we'll do a fix and it will be done either late this week or early next week, AKA the cake day when I received the cake on the Friday or the Monday. And so as a result, my dear friend needed some help with a pitch deck that she's putting

together. And I was like, I can help you, but next week. I can't do anything before then because I'm going to have my laptop then. Yeah. Great, great, great. And so she's like, I can actually give you a bit of money because it's for a government thing. And I was like, amazing.

A little bit of paid design work. And so then rolls around Friday, like I don't hear anything, but I'm like, oh, well, he said Friday early next week. Okay. And so Monday is when the koala thing happens. Husband sees that. He's about that. And then Monday, like Arvo, three o'clock.

I'm like, okay, well tomorrow could still be early next week. Ish. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, I'll just call up because I haven't heard anything. Call up. Hi.

I'm just, I'm just wondering about like, I have a laptop, and the name's Robbie. They did that. They immediately know who it is. We had such a great rapport on that first day that this guy remembers who I am. It was the same guy? Same guy, and a real sweetie. What was the vibe, what did he look like?

Age bracket? He was like a 40 something Asian man who was like, baby, very much like Apple employee, like looked very chic and well manicured. Yeah. Yeah. He said he'd worked for 10 years on Windows, PC products, and then had decided to go to Apple just because it was a bit easier, not to do,

easier work to do, but you had to be authorized. So you're not just anyone to do it. So there's extensive training to be authorized. And I was like, that's crazy. Anyway. He's like, yeah, let me check. And then he comes back and he's like, so we've had to order a specialty, like whole bunch of specialty parts. Like they're replacing quite a bit. The track pad, the keyboard and the logic board.

I'm like, okay. Specialty parts. Keyboard. We're a 2023 MacBook Pro. Yeah. And so then he's like, so we're not going to have it done until Wednesday or Thursday next week. Next week?

Yeah. Mama, that's a very different time frame. Diva. Oh. And I'm like, this can't be happening. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Anyway, so then I'm like, oh, I'm sorry, I just, I picked up this other work

thinking that I'd have my laptop back, which might've been like a bit brash, but like I just thought given that we were now at the other end of the time frame, Yes. that this might have been like a bit brash, but like I just thought given that we were now at the other end of the timeframe, that this would have been the latest that it would have been my back. And he's like, oh, well, we can like, we can try and expedite it and try and get the parts in on Wednesday this week and then have it to you on Thursday this week. And like, certainly that doesn't require me to prompt that.

Like, yeah, let's... Let's... Like if that was an option, let's do it. Anyway, so then he's like, okay, well, I'll make it. And I was like, thanks, just do what you can. Goodbye. And then I'm in the car with my husband. And so the koala thing has already happened and he's like, you petty little man. And then I'm like, and why did it take me calling to find out that I would not have access to my fucking computer? Like, why wouldn't that be a text when they found out that it was gonna take extra long? Cause you know, I'm not an unreasonable person.

And suddenly I could see this look in his eyes. Like, you know, like he just found out Santa Claus wasn't real or something. As he was realizing that he'd married like this awful Karen. He thought it was a beautiful goddess. Instead it was not. I just, you know, I can't handle the injustice. I'm well.

So what I mean, cause also he could have organized the couch. Well, that's the, I did suddenly feel like in my mind, like there's that, you know, the cliche, the stereotype of the housewife who organizes the entire kitchen renovation. And she's like, husband, do you want the Moroccan tile or should we go for something like these Italian marble tile? And he's like, I don't care, Suzy, you just do you. But I've got to get back on these Heinemann files. And then she's like, oh God, I can't get Greg to care. And then she kind of has all these issues with the kitchen renovation. And Greg stays aloof on it until the time where

he's like, God, Susie, why are you yelling at the contractor again? And she's like, Greg, because I am trying to build a home for us. You know? Yeah. The least you could do is pick a fucking tile. I have spent $50,000 on paint that never dries. And here you are.

That was a great idea. Which is a fantastic innovation. Yeah. Yeah. So I did kind of have that evolution in my character, but I can't, I can't, like the koala stuff is to bed. Yeah. I'm not talking about it again, I promise.

You got a koala bed? We actually did. Yeah, I know. Oh, God damn it. Well, that's good. Yeah. That's good. That's good. Done.

Wait, no, it's not done. They're still gonna come and pick up that piece. Allegedly. If they don't pick it up, you're burdened with a piece. I know. I know. So what? You've got the spare piece and you fix the couch now

You will we haven't changed over yet. Okay So, okay. So that's why you couldn't cuz I was like don't you just Yeah, okay. Yeah, because listener in the interim we had taken the defective piece and found a way to like slot it into the corner Yeah, like makeshift. Makeshift. So you gotta un- No, I gotta un-slotted. It was not a good choice. Anyway.

No, it makes sense. But yeah, I haven't heard back from them. Hmm. Okay. Wow. I can't wait for part three. Oh, okay. Wait.

Oh, here's, I got an email. G'day Robert. With- Oh, it doesn't say g'day. Yeah. Is it, it's Australian, like koala brand. That, that's their tone. G'day Robert. It doesn't say g'day. Yeah. It's Australian like koala brand. That's their tone.

G'day. This is Adrian by the way. G'day Robert. Waving hand emoji. Oh. I'm just reaching out regarding your collection that was booked for today. As the curious have let us know you may need some more time to get the faulty piece ready. Blushing emoji.

Oh. I can offer a new collection date on any weekday from Tuesday. Um, the eighth of the seven onward between the below time slots, 9 a.m. to 1 p.m., 10 a.m. to 2 p.m., 11 a.m. to 3 p.m., 12 p.m. to 4 p.m. Just let me know what works best.

Thanks. Oh, point down emoji to like those times., yes. Thanks so much. Talk soon. Koala emoji, kind regards. Adrian Koala customer support. We'll see about that sweetie. Is it Adrian like boy spelling or Adrian like diva spelling? It's Adrian boy spelling. Oh, boring.

Yeah. So that's kind of where that sounds like. Boy spelling or Adrian like Diva spelling. Ah, it's Adrian boy spelling. Oh, boring. Yeah, so that's kind of where that's at. Yeah. That's the latest update. Wow. I could respond to that email, but I'm just so busy. You don't have a computer. Do any of those time slots work for you?

I'm gonna see. I haven't checked the schedule. Okay, yeah. We'll see what I can do. I really want to facilitate them as best as possible. Got to send them back an emoji lead and we'll see. Devil horns. You'll have.

Thanks for your time. Cowboy emoji. It's a wild west out there motherfucker. Wow. Should I book it? No. Because that's the thing. I know that they use the third party courier servers.

I don't want to waste the couriers time. That would be unkind. That would be unkind. Yeah. I'm not interested in hurting those people. No, but I am. In. Yeah.

No, I'm not. Allegedly. Well, what was the vibe of the courier who showed up? He was so chill. it was very chill. He didn't care. I don't think it, I don't think it costs him anything. And I don't think it causes an issue because they're aware that it's me. I'm the problem.

Well, you haven't been doing your work. No, exactly. Clock in clock out. I said, I actually have a herniated disc. You know, because I'm a single mom and I got my baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so... The baby's been stuck in the couch all week.

We've been trying to get the baby out. And once the baby's out, we'll consider packaging that up for you. Yes, yes. I don't know if you saw the news. Woman loses baby inside of koala couch. Yeah. We've been using the box as a crib. I threw the box away. I don't know, got caught in the wind.

I didn't have a baby anymore. So I didn't need the crib. The box became the baby. But, um, yeah. I'm glad things are moving along for you. I tell you what I would love to be like, I don't know, probably like 98% richer and then like, um, just not work and just sit at home and kind of fill my life with these kind of like, you know, small events.

Yeah. I think it turns you into a monster. Eventually. Yes. Because like quickly, I mean, like you haven't been unemployed for that long. The good people at Koala. I was a monster before. Um, in my recent, uh, escapades at work, I've been working in a quite a

bougie suburb somewhere that I would never go of my free will. Yeah. And it's so like the culture on this street is fucking cursed. Like people staring at me when I go and get a coffee, just like, and like, I'm just wearing my work clothes. Like I look just like professional and pretty nondescript, but like, I don't know if it's cause I'm just like black, just like head to toe black. Like you look like a robber.

Get him away from the tools. What are you talking about? No, like T-shirt pants. Are you wearing pants? Yeah. Yes, yes, yes. Yes. Well, that's, that's all right. Yeah. Wow. Thank you. Um, and I mean the customers in this zone, whether they're our customers or any cut, like it's just wild. And we, and like, uh, we sell, you know, like a fabulous range of luxury products. Um, but if I was going to a shop to buy something, uh, that is exactly what I

would be doing, but I've been there for like four days at this point. And we have customers who come in and are like, Oh, do you have this thing? That's like $800. And we're like, Oh, we're actually out of like, well, here's what happened. I'm at the back and one of the gals comes out and it's like, Oh, do we have this flavor candle? Yeah. And I was like, Oh, let me check. No, we don't. And I was I was like oh that's a shame because it's you know that's good sale or whatever yeah and our gorgeous customers after it cut to the girls like oh it's fine I'll just take one of the other ones just to buy it and she takes out a completely different candle just as expensive and

sells it customers like I don't care great. I just want an $800 candle. Right? It's like if I was spending $800 on a candle, you best believe it's on the candle that I want, not just the one that's in stock. Like what? No, that's wealth. Yes. It's so fucked. I love it. It's so crazy. I don't love it, but I love it. Oh want it? No, I don't even want it. I do find the excess to be repugnant. But I do... You like the attitude that comes with it? No, I don't even...

I think it's so evil. But I find it... It's tantalizing. It is so fun. As a character. Yeah, as a character. I'm kind of obsessed with the concept of it but like while simultaneously being like oh god because

like I think when I'm there's a difference of like it as an abstract I find so like oh my god that's so fun yeah and then as soon as you're actually listening to someone I mean I guess like me um, someone talk about it in a way that's like, Oh, well, I would never consider buying something from like Kmart and putting it in my house. I'd be disgusted. You're just like, you're just obscene. Like that's just obscene. Yes.

Oh, funny. You say that. So you'll remember and the listener will remember of their you know vampiric photographic listening memory of the pod, but I bought a lava lamp from Kmart, I don't know. What was that like a year ago? Yeah But the bulb has blown oh and it's a tungsten bulb.

It's really dark in my house at the moment. Is that the only light that you have? The lamp that I bought. So I should probably get a real lamp, but also my lava lamp. But I've been tanned, like I've got options, right? Because it needs to have a heating element. Yeah, it's got to be a specific like bulb. The lava lamp bulb industry has never wavered.

Yeah. Not since 1967 or whatever. Um, so I could get a replacement bulb, which like, I hate getting replacement bulbs. I fucking hate it. I used to have like, Oh, it's just because when I used to have like touch light up makeup mirrors, the bulb would blow and then I would buy a replacement bulb and they're always like weird tiny bulbs like for a microwave or an oven oh and I get the bayonetta one it's a screw in or whatever uh-huh you know that's just like a pretty easy thing to get ahead it's really actually quite hard you like you think you've taken a photo of it, but you go and you buy the wrong one anyway.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then you go home, it's the wrong size. The wrong size is hard. Or like it screws in, but then you can't put the cover on the makeup mirror because the bulb is too big. Like, well, baby, it was the only one in the shop. Anyway.

I don't want to buy a bulb and then get home excited to turn on my lava lamp and find that something has gone wrong. So instead, I think I'll just buy a new lava lamp. Shut up. But I have the... Also, like, you loved that lava lamp. I love it so much.

But lava lamps, you can only use it for eight to 10 hours a day. And best believe, I got that thing running around the clock. So I have destroyed it a little bit because it like it doesn't I mean I don't know how there's less liquid in there because I've never opened it you should never do that to a lava lamp. I saw a woman online who tinkers with them. Oh she's crazy. She did some great colorways because what colorway is yours? Mine's like um like yellow orange. Yellow with orange liquid? Yeah. So she did a really sickening, clear and yellow.

That was so chic. Yes. So, yeah, I can either get the bulb or I could get a replacement one maybe from Kmart if they still have them. Or I've been looking at getting like the official lava brand What do you do with the old one? Well, this is the other question. It feels a bit evil Like I feel like one of those customers Doesn't get aside or maybe

You don't want the frustration Well, no, although that was what I was saying So I have cooked literally cooked the lava lamp and like some of the liquids gone and it's become a bit cloudy because I've overused it. So it's a little bit like damaged anyway, but. So you need an E14 small Edison bulb. Yeah, see, where do you even get that?

I just think you just type it into the internet and tell the internet. Like what shop sells light bulbs, you know? You just get it online. No, well... Order one to your house right now. Wait, so you've ruined it? No, I haven't ruined it.

I should just get a replacement bulb. But how tantalizing to get the real official lava style. You could get 10 for $20 from Big W. It's just one of those things. It's a bit too hard. It's just too hard. All right. That's probably impossible.

Yeah. But is R39 the same as E14? See, nobody knows the answer to that question. Like, that's how that industry is supported, because everyone's just buying the wrong light bulb every day. I wonder how much of the margins of bulb industry are represented by buying the wrong bulb. What do you do with the old one? Do you put it in the new one's box and then put that in the bin?

Or do you put it in recycling? Yeah, I don't think you can't recycle. But then if you put it in rubbish and it gets crushed, someone will touch the crushed glass. It's not that simple. I've seen people do that and it really ticks me off. Yeah. So what do you do? I think you have to put it back in the box. Throw it in the ocean. Straight to the ocean. Oh yeah, probably that. You throw it down the well. the deepest well you can find.

Well, well, well. There's one last thing about shopping that I have to share with you, which I'm not, I'm not proud of. I feel like now, now we've lost touch, you know, a hundred episodes, obviously we've become, we've become wealthy beyond our, beyond our wireless dreams and now the listener, you know, where they're sitting on the train We've become wealthy beyond our wildest dreams. And now the listener, you know, where they're sitting on the train in their rags,

you know, flies simmering around their body while they sip their lukewarm Gatorade from a puddle. You know, we rich celebrities sitting on our podcast talking about throwing away lava lamps as soon as the bulb Darling one of the chandelier bulbs went out. Should we get a new one bulb? No house And we can't sell the odd one destroy it just burn it down I don't care But

But then, today we got an... For some reason, everyone decides to come at dawn. To do the... Oh, that was a knock at the door. Oh yeah, what did you think? I thought it was you having a mental breakdown, tapping the microphone to see if anyone was still listening. It's a lot to infer. Yeah, sorry, that's what I saw.

I got a knock at the door, and then husband, you know, in his suit, ready to go out back to his work, wherever he goes, during the day. And then he comes in with a giant postage bag. And I'm like, what's that? And he's like, it's a dress to you. And I'm like, impossible.

I have not ordered anything. Gigantic. Gigantic, certainly not. And then he puts it down and he's like, well, I'm gonna head off to wherever, place. And then I'm lying in bed staring at this bag and it becomes too tantalizing that I have to sacrifice my morning sleep and get up and go over to the bag and open it up inside is.

Okay. I need to say about a month ago, I put together a hypothetical cart on a website. Yeah. A cart of things that I was like, Oh, imagine if I got this. I just want to see how much it all costs. Yeah. I did that all the time. I know.

And I was like, this is a good little cart. Yeah. But then I was like, at the end when it was like $380, I was like, I'm not checking out this cart. This is stupid. I'm not doing it. And specifically, let me tell you, listener, it was eight pillows that are in a boucle fabric similar to the couch, but that look like square crackers. And then a bunch of boucle fabric in different tones that could allow me to make additional pillows that look like olives and cheese and little slices of ham so that on my giant

brown boucle couch it could look like there was a full board of crackers and cheese and olives. Who's hungry? Because I was like, that's cute. But I was also like, that's cute. But I was also like, you know, that's cute at 1230 in the morning. Yeah, and $12.30. Yeah. Yes. I was like, I'm not doing that for realsies. Yeah. But it seems that later on, when I was trying to check out for I was also going to get those little because I have those little like road to go microphones, the little TikTok ones that all the TikTokers use.

But like, I kind of got into a point where I was like, I'd love that to have, you can buy these little like just shitty plastic holders that make it look like a full length microphone. And so you can do kind of reportage style interviews with people. You're a Tierra Sky. Exactly. And I was like, I would like very much to like have that experience. Yes. And I was like, I'm sure I can get this for like four or five dollars. And that I did. That I did. So I decided to add it to my cart. And then I remember so

vividly, perhaps not vividly enough, deleting everything in my cart and then checking out. Yeah It seems not no and I probably just didn't think a second thing after that moment Yeah, and so now I have all this shit So you got all of those big got all those things and I spent like 340 That's kind of fun. Oopsie. Yeah. Like so silly.

I just saw those stupid pillows. When I have bought wigs from vanity, like wigs by vanity, because even though she's Australian and it's an Australian company, the entire website is in USD So every time I've like only got like three vanities But like when I've bought them I like then like cover my phone and cover the and I swipe it away Because I'm like, I don't want to know the Australian translation of Probably like $350 and I've given up Yeah, oh just like $350 and that's fucking crazy. It's more. Yeah. It's just ugh.

I don't need to, don't look once you've confirmed the price. It's done. It's done. Just don't look. But that's fun. Have you set up them on the couch? I tried them out, put them, you know, and I'm like, the couch already has its own pillows, which is why when I got the couch, I was like, it actually doesn't need any pillows.

But you could add them, but it would make it quite a pillowy experience. And I do quite resent when you're like, there's too many pillows here. You've, I feel like you've said that at my house before. Too many pillows. And like you end up after like one sit session with like a pillow on the floor and a pillow in your lap and a pillow at your side and like pillow in your mouth and like you're just like what is all this? You know before you came to my house today, I fluffed the pillows on my couch.

Do you impress me? I thought, I thought this is coming over, I just want to make the couch look nice. She hadn't been over in a little while. I did look so lush. I feel like you've really moved in. Yes, right. It was so verdant green. Like there was just like, if I walked into that house for like a hookup,

I'd be like, wow, this person has their life together. Oh God, a perfect illusion. You're sustaining so many plants. Yeah. But I've also like, yeah, it just feels very like now I'm settled. Yeah. If I have to move this year, I'm gonna be so annoyed.

I don't think you will. I don't think. Yeah. Yeah. I also thought, oh, Lazy hasn't been over in a while. I bet she's gonna pull in the fence. Like I thought you were gonna go into the backyard and pull down the fence. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha. I, if I remembered, I into the backyard and pull down the fence. I, if I remembered, I would have. If I remembered. I like, yeah. It's like of all the things that could happen in the next five minutes, that is right up there. I love that you think about what might happen in the future. It's all I do. It's what she has to do when she's friends with you.

She might do this and she might do that. Yeah. She might touch my things. My precious things. Oh, no. No, you could touch my things. That's what I used to think about when my friends came over. You might touch my things. What would they might do?

What would you do to impress your friends if they're about to come over? Show them all my cool stuff. What's your coolest object? Yeah. I don't know. I don't remember. Impress? No, now. What's your coolest object? Yeah. I don't know. I don't remember. No, now, now, right now. I showed you my curtains, my new curtains that I put on.

True here at the studio, but at your home, I think it's the terrazzo tile. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. What about this? Wait, tile? No, it's just trussed off floor. Oh, the tiles.

They're tiles, but they're like, it's like, yeah, yeah. They're like, they're, you know, about 10 centimeters thick. They're not, they're not like ceramic tiles. So yeah, the tracel. Object. What's your prized object in the house? Um, slow cooker. I don't know.

Slow cooker. Do you have a slow cooker? No, no, no. That's crazy. Do you know how much they cost? They're like a thousand dollars. Two thousand. Two thousand. Yeah. Our kettle broke.

And you bought a thermomix instead. And I was like, oh god. Well, we might as well get a thermomix now. No, but I was like, somehow it did end up with me looking at thermomixes. But I was like, our kettle broke. I need to get a new kettle. The kettle we have, you can't even imagine. It looks like, you know, like Soviet block, you know, kettle.

Was it steel or was it like a plastic? No, it's like white, like UV damaged white plastic. Yellowed. That's like disgusting. Yeah. Leaching plastic particles into your tea. Yeah. Oh my God. Yes. I like, I'd started doing like, that's where it began. Now I'm pretty sure like every time I drink from it, it's just pure cancer.

It's 60-40. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What if a dense sludge comes out of that thing? But then it started tripping our, our mains. Oh Jesus. I know. Yeah.

And so we were like- Drawing a lot of power on his last few days. Yeah, yeah. Greedy guys. Drunk on power. Always doing weird monologue soliloquies in the back of the kitchen. Looking out the window. Oh no, wow.

So then I started looking to kettles and I was like, oh, but I want a nice, like, what's the kettle? Like, what's the kettle? Yeah. And then I was looking at the kettles and I saw bougie kettles and I was like, they're kind of disgusting. I don't think we've arrived. And then there was like, I was going through and I was like, and I don't

like, like the Breville like coloured kettles are like really not yet. And for some reason, like just all those home appliances, like the smeg, so disgusting, I would sooner fucking die. And then I was like, I saw this like special edition of this like kettle. That's like the EKG kettle. EKG? Well, first I saw the Sodan kettle, which I'm going to send in the thing. It's so funny, I've got so much to say about this. Really?

Yes. I'm sending you a picture of this incredible kind of Memphis style kettle that was done by this guy, Soden, who did a kettle and he did salt shakers and he did toasters. And they're so cute, like tri-coloured kettles. Oh, that's... They look like they're straight out of a kids' game. Yes. Um... Oh.

And they're very cute, but you can't get them fucking anywhere. And I was like, well, that's it. And so then there's the... Oh my God, this is so stupid. This is so, but then there's also the stag ex-Grace Jones collab barista kettle. Ex-Grace Jones? I mean, sorry, great Jones. Oh. Which you can see in the chat. Oh, that's also very cute.

Which is very cute. It's a barista kettle. Oh, and it's on a plate. Well, it's on a plate that allows you, that little knob there allows you to dial the exact temperature you'd like of the tea. That's hot. The water of coffee, because it's a barista kettle. Oh, it's a barista kettle. And so that one is like $450.

And I'm like, I'm not doing that. I'm not doing it. Anyway, cut to. Yeah. Then I find, so that EKG one, that EKG style barista kettle comes in a slew of colors and it normally retails for about $350. And I was like, that is actually obscene. I would never, ever, ever, ever.

However, on Marketplace, there was the white version that someone was selling for $100 in Geelong. Wow. And I was like, in Geelong? I could go to Geelong. Yeah. It's an hour away. Is Art Simone selling her kettle? Finally. I was considering getting Art Simone to buy it for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bring it the next time she comes into town. But then I was like, and then, because the thing about that Great Jones one's listener is that it's like, the plate is a deep navy blue, and the little turning knob is like a raspberry, coolly like red, and then the lid is like a yellow, and so it's got this like kind of tri-color thing, which is the same for the sodan one. It's all these kind of base colors in each component. But on the EKG kettle, the knob and the two handles, the handle on the base of the kettle and the handle on the lid, can be removed and replaced. AKA, they can be removed, lightly scuff sandeded and then sprayed into a different color.

And then if the white, because it's like white white, which is kind of offensive on its own, but if it was offset with like white and then like a yellow primary color knob and then like a red handle and then like a, you know, blue top, then it's like funky. And so that's what I'm going to do. Fun. That's the plan of attack. That is fun. And then, yeah, I was like, we also need a food processor.

And that's when I found out how expensive thermomixers are. And I'm like, I actually can't believe how crazy. Like, what could it possibly do? Matt, what does a thermomix do? It does everything. What do you want it to do? Coffee milkshake does a thermomix do? It does everything. What do you want it to do? Coffee, milk shake. Yep. Can I make a bread?

Yep. What about vegetable lasagna? Sure. What? Well, I don't know. I don't know about vegetable lasagna. I think, I think it's like... Can I make muffins?

I think it's like a, it's like a food processor that... I mean, this is, I don't know that much about it, but my mother-in-law has one. Is she the queen? She, she's living on a giant pile of money. No, no, I just think like, yeah, I don't know. She got it on like a special or something one time. I do know people that were like, hubby got me a thermo mix. As like, like, you know, getting married gift.

I think it's basically like a food processor with a heating element in it. So you can kind of like mix stuff and cook it at the same time. Like you make soups in there and. Okay. The thermomix TM7 on eBay costs $3,907. That's the latest. Why what? That's how much a thermomix costs.

Wait, say the number again? $3,907. Australian? Yes. Not USD Wigsway of Anadie. The TM7 is a gift that keeps on giving. Next level cooking starts with the TM7. You'd hope it would keep on giving. I level cooking starts with the TM7.

You'd hope it would keep on giving. Yeah. Yeah, bitch. It would have to do so much. Give you a child. It has a mixing bowl with a mixing knife, insulated cover, Varuma steaming attachment base, simmer basket, lid and cover, butterfly whisk, spatula, digital cookbook and 24 month warranty, which you'll find under Australian Consumer Law is actually longer. I think Dad has one as well.

What? I think Dad has one. It's the sort of thing that I would... I'll check it out when I go to his house. I'll be like, I'll give you the rundown. I would get like, and then not understand how to use it and kind of just use it as like a glorified blender. Yeah. The whole line. I'd be like, I don't get it. But also like... And then not understand how to use it and kind of just use it as like a glorified blender.

Yeah. The whole time. I don't get it. But also like... You'd have to use it every day for every meal to get like your money's worth out of it. I vividly remember when I was a teenager, my parents made like an investment purchase because you know, like living modestly, a juicer. And it was like such a fucking thing, this juicer. And it was like such a fucking thing. This juicer and the machine was enormous.

Yes. Yes. And like, it was a kind of one where you were like- Cause it was healthy to juice stuff back then. Yeah. Yeah. Um. That you miss out on the fiber.

Well, kind of, because like you would, it had a chute in the top that you'd put like the fruit in and then you'd have like the jug to the side. And then it would like churn it all up, spit out the juice and then there was like a mesh, you know, like funnel thing. Or was it a champion? Yeah. Was it a champion juicer?

A cold press one. I don't understand the question. That's what we got. That's the sort of one that is like, it's healthier to drink. Like it doesn't burn the nutrients out of the juice or whatever. Oh, okay. Well, this thing was just gigantic. Yes. So loud.

And then to clean was a nightmare because cleaning all of that fiber out of this grill mesh was so horrendous. Yeah. And just, you know, like it's not just wipe down. It's like you've got to like rinse it out. Like, yeah, it was just a nightmare. And then if you miss it, it's like cake didn't. Oh, yes. You have to do it straight away.

Otherwise it dries. Mm hmm. And I just remember that my like my mom wasn't really into it, but dad, like it was his like thing, but he just like, my dad was so into it as well. My God, like the pressure from my mother, for my father to use it because they bought it, they've got to get the cost for you. So it's like, he used it religiously for years and fucking hated every minute of it. But yeah.

And that's why you're so healthy now. Well, partially. Yes. Um, yeah, but I, I've been looking at getting a toaster for my house because I don't have a toaster, um, and I thought it might help my like eating habits of, you know, like what. Just gonna have to eat. know, like what. Just get a thermomix. Um, like.

Thermomix can toast. Yeah. Can it? Um, Suvi, I would really love to have crumpets on hand, you know? So, uh, I've been looking at getting a toaster. Get ready for the mice. Oh, don't, don't say that. Do you know, I lived in a share house once and we had a toaster that everyone

in, where there was seven of us in the share house. So it was, it was regularly used and no one cleaned any of the crumbs out. And so a family of mice like started living in the toaster. In the toaster. Yeah. And then some one morning someone like cooked them accidentally. You've got to bang the toaster to make sure the mice are out of here. That was a real wake up call for that's a real share house experience. Yeah.

Wild. I remember that is so brutal. Like, yeah. Cleaning, you know, the toaster have a little tray that you like pull out? They all do. Oh, I see. You're going to love having a toaster. But yeah, that, why is it so sticky in there?

I know. Like how? How? Bread isn't sticky. And yet, here we are. Yeah. But yeah, then I found... The sodan toaster? Because that looks so cute. I don't know. yeah, then I found my soda and toaster cuz that looks so cute

I don't know the one that I just sent you. Oh You didn't see it. Oh, no. Yes. Yes. Yes. It's a delight amazing Well, I did have a question. What are those objects on the right hand side like I think one of those is a pepper grinder Get the whole set. Yeah, we't, you can't get it anywhere, but you can get it suffrages in, um, the UK. So for just, yeah. But yes, I was looking at smeg cause I, I, I feel like I saw a super like chrome like flat chrome

like very like 60s kind of like Space eight like kind of thing. Yeah, I thought it was smeg. But anyway, I couldn't really find it I've been looking for a toaster for several years at this point Well, don't put in your car because you'll end up with it. Yeah But yeah, I have decided that smeg is like so hideous cause like, why is the logo like, why does, what? If I came into someone's house, smeg, smeg is something dirty, isn't it? Smegma.

Smegma. Which like, how are they not? Dick cheese. Yeah. How are they not? They're above it. That's crazy to me. Yeah. How are they not? They're above it. That's crazy to me. Yeah.

Cause I see it and all I think is. Smeg. Smeg. Like, ew. Yeah. Like that's not my favorite thing. No. And more.

I think it's like an Isis Aeus Laeran situation. Whereas like the two were running along separately and then they both kind of been too stubborn to change their name. They should really do that for her. Yeah, come on. Yeah, Isis. But yeah, I found these this collection of I've sent it to the chat.

Oh, good. Let me have a look. Toaster and kettle. Not that I really needed a new kettle, but what do you think of this toaster? So what I'm looking at, it's like a fluted chrome. Like aluminium almost. Yeah, they looked very architectural. It looks like a corrugated, yeah, chrome.

Aluminum. I think the thing that worries me here, although in the ad they are showing that they're toasting a piece of sourdough. It's quite thick. However, I just don't think that that's going in that toaster. They're very, like, yeah, very spacey. Yeah. I think the knobs let it down. Well, right, but the knob on the kettle, that's a really long knob.

I like that. Yeah. Look at how long that knob is. All the knobs are rendered in this kind of like flat, yeah, misc map, like kind of charcoal plastic. And I think that those components tend to be the ones that wear out and tick me right off. But that's cool. It's cool. I don't know that I care enough about a toaster

to like invest in one. I don't even know if I like it. George Jensen. Yeah, which I thought was weird. Isn't that like jewelry or something? The Jensen family. I can't keep up, but Well.

That's that. So, yeah. Whose turn is it? It's me. Do it, sister, do it. So I don't know if you heard this, this week, but the Hubble telescope, which is, you know, billions upon billion dollar telescope. Yeah.

Um, some scientists were using it and they, they supposedly found some evidence in their studies that suggested that according to physics, how gravity works, they should see an equal amount of planets turning clockwise and anti-clockwise in the universe. Cool. Right? But in our universe, it's 70-30, right? In favor of anti-clockwise, I think, but who knows? And they think, they have theorized, or this adds credence perhaps to the theory, that our universe and

all perceptible universes are inside of a giant black hole. That we are in a black hole. Like we are in the midst of black hold'em. And that's why we can't see out. Texas hold'em. Yeah, exactly. That's what Beyonce was singing about. And so my apocalypse this week is that there is like an acceleration, you know, like the

end of pulling the plug out of the bath. The spaghettification. I'm talking to you. We're talking to each other. We look down and we see the people in the world and they all look like spaghetti. Yeah. You know, Sabrina Carpenter, spaghetti,

spaghetti carpenter. Spaghetti carpenter. Yeah. Um, and so yeah, everyone gets sucked into the black hole, except we pluck our little bunker and flick it up out of the wave of the black hole into a new spot in the celestial void where it can float for all time. That's hard. Preserved from space. I love a giant thing

flicking a small thing. Yeah. Yeah. And the giant sucking hole. Of course. Out of that hole with you. But I also love it because it's like, I don't know, like imagine like we're looking at black holes in our universe being like, oh, that's crazy. Imagine, but it's like, point your finger back at yourself, you know? Yeah. You zoom out of the little cropped image. Yeah. It's like, bitch, you were in the black hole the whole time.

Yeah. And, um, that's given me very men in black. Yes. Yeah. And do you know what else, though? It's kind of like, it ties back to one of my least favorite qualities of TikTok and Instagram, which is back to one of my least favorite qualities of TikTok and Instagram, which is like some piece of shit sitting in their car is like so sassatron.

You know, like how the tone of the internet is like, I know everything. And it's like, they'll be like talking about something that they actually don't know much about. You're describing this podcast, sister. I feel like we absolutely continually are like, I have no idea how that works. And I don't understand. Yeah. But like people who are like, there was this woman in like a payless parking lot

being like, by the way, we're all in a black hole. And I was like, shut up. You don't know, like even the scientists who are proposing their theory are not like, with your level of certainty, like, listen up sheeple. Only I understand. I'm like, shut up. You are not like, girl, what? If I could get one thing away,

it would be like the people that are just like, by the way, that's how it is. What do you think her favorite centered home candle is? I think she uses the wax blocks. Oh, yeah. Inside of a tea oil burner. Yeah. Despite the fact that three years ago, she almost burnt the house down

and there's still a mark on that windowsill from where she went out. By the way, we're in a black hole. When I was a teenager, my fascination with candles became apparent because I witchy girls, you know? Um, and then I was banned from candles because I used to love lighting a candle when I was having a shower. Um, and then one day I was drying myself and like whipped the towel and it knocked the candle

and the wax, like how could there be that much wax? Like how long was I in the shower? I don't know. But the wax like sprayed the walls, like three walls and it like dried and it was a nightmare to clean off. Cause it like, I don't know anyway So I wasn't allowed to have candles for quite some time Yeah, you didn't hide it or something

No, because I would smell the smoke How you know you you still at the time though from when you did that to like get it off the walls, right? Oh, no No, it was like insta dry like um ice magic yeah but like while you're still in the bathroom you could like get the scraping going yeah before your mom sees no it was all over it was all over like i don't think i even like it took a long time to clean like maybe months months yeah because like then the house then the right burn it down start again. Yeah Cuz like the the wax is super oily and it like we had to like repaint the bathroom kind of thing to like recover

Was it like a pillar candle? I Really don't know That's crazy. Like the next time you see anyone from my family you could ask them about the cat Oh, your dad was too busy drinking his juice but cleaning the juicer they think that having a straight son you're gonna end up with holes in your dry wall you know but the real issue is when your faggy son like strips over his candle yeah I got wax on red wax all over the wall. It was red. I know it. I knew it was red. And I was going to use that wax to steal some letters.

Oh my God. And lists of things that I like. Children's names that I might name my, you know, Persephone. That was always my favorite thing. My friend like was like, when I open my cafe one day, it's going to be called Zenobia. Far out. And my first child's name, it's going to be Lillith.

Yeah. Aristotle. Yeah. Okay. This now, time for a break. For the 100th time welcome back hello listener i hope i've not sent you into a spiral of existential dread thinking about that black hole that we're all in.

Because listen, you've always been of the black hole. Black hole is all you know. So don't reject the black hole now. Get into it. Yeah. Okay. So first topic for discussion today is a discord listener suggestion. So thank you.

Uh, they wanted to know which beverage is on tap at Reggie's. So which beverage that could be on tap are we putting into the bunker? That's such a great question. It's, it's fabulous. Such a great question. It's it's fabulous. Um, so I mean My pick is oh Oh, I mean I was gonna say like coke like post mix coke Yeah, you're you're very pro post mix. I love post mix. So okay what?

Settle it settle the question now. What is best about Postmix versus a can or a bottle of Coke? It goes into an iced vessel. So it's ice cold. The ice? Yeah. So if they were decanting a can of Coca-Cola into an iced vessel, you would say it would be as good? Not as good.

Okay. So now we are at the question why because Why I don't know. It's just not as chilled because that's what I do at home I like I have ice and I will you know, even when I have water I have ice in it I feel like you've corrupted me in this way. Yes Yes but No, like I actually like when you're at a restaurant and they like do that. I love it when they give you the can.

Yeah, you must be given that. Which they didn't do recently because now I've been doing dry July since Mandy moobs killed my liver. Yeah. Mandy, um, don't go partying with Mandy moobs unless you are at the top of the liver transplant list. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Um, uh, but yeah, because I've been doing dry July, I have partaken, partooken in recent memory at our gay venues in a non-alcoholic beverage. Yeah. And for example, the other day I was Tokyo Tina's doing the bingo. And I said to the gentleman behind the counter, do you have any caffeinated beverages? I'd love a red bull to start my day.

And then he said, no, we don't have any caffeinated beverages. We just have the espresso martini. And I said, well, shit out of luck because Matt, you know, you know about Mandy Moves. Mandy Moves. And then like later in the day, Spide, a Coke. Yeah. And I was like, sir, can I get a Coke?

Cause I can see that you have this caffeinated, famously caffeinated beverage, Coca Cola. Yeah. And then he's like, oh yeah, sure. And then he fills a cup with ice, reaches across the bar and pulls a can that's clearly already been opened. No.

And decants that. No. And like maybe like a dribble comes out, like a thimble. And then he opens a new one. I'm like, oh, you're giving me the little dregs. Yeah. Trying to like, sorry, has Tokyo Tina fallen on hard time? Why is she, why am I getting like a little bit of this, a little bit of Monica, a little bit of Jessica?

Yeah, Tina. What? Just open it fresh and give me the whole can. Yeah, I hate when they open a bottle, like a two litre bottle and pour it into a vessel. Yeah, at least with a can you know that it's like fresh. Yeah, well, like not in every situation it would seem. Maybe because when I first like, like I wish to work in bars and like changing the post mix

was such a like enchanting experience because they're like in cardboard boxes and then there's like a bladder but the cardboard box is like coke brand or sprite and it's like I've never seen it look like that. That's crazy. This is like the real thing. And it's pure syrup. Yeah.

That's like so cool. And then you like hook it up to the like like like tentacle network of post mix, like, and they make the run through the walls of the, like the Coke is running through the walls. This building is so low. The veins of this building are Coke. Yes. There's like waterways, there's electricity and there's Coke and Solo.

Yeah. That's fucking crazy. The Romans had the aqueduct. Yeah. Well, but you know what? The and solo. Yeah, that's fucking crazy. The Romans had the aqueduct. Yeah. Well, but you know what? Hmm the carton Yeah So that was just like so cool and that room was so cool and it was like separate to the keg room Which I also fucking loved changing the kegs, but it does still stress me out

Just like changing the co2 on my aquariums. It's fucking pressurized things bring me up Like so to stream. Oh my God, so full on. SodaStream? Yeah. We don't support SodaStream. Well, no, I know, I know, I know, I know. So yeah, maybe part of the fantasy, like, unlike. Coke.

Yeah. Okay. But like Postmix. Postmix Coke. Yeah, yeah. Barsh. I think you said that you were over coke being your sweet, delicious, sweet beverage of choice.

Well, yeah, but you know, like that's a fact is obviously, It shall always be the one. Yeah. Still the one. Is that what you're saying? Yeah. Okay. Good. Um, but also like, if we're talking about like Reggie's is like dive bar kind of thing. So that feels appropriate. But lemonade on tap with like raspberry, like, you know, like a raspberry lemonade. You want that? Just object all of these women having the best night of their life to like soft drinks.

A raspberry lemonade? That is so unexpected and fun. Diva Tron. That's a treat. What do you mean? Where's the booze? Okay, yeah, true. Now you say. Okay, the recent thing that I hate. Hahahaha And I just hate

when they have like, um, cocktails on tap. No. Espresso martini on tap. Get out. I'm like, okay, then that's not really that. No. That's not that. Yeah. Like I get that cocktail making takes time. And I think a lot of cocktail, a lot of bars have started offering cocktails when they are not cocktail bars. And I'm like, it's okay to just do base spirits, wines and beers. Like you don't need to do an agrony or whatever, but you are offering it like you have it and you don't, you have a sweetened beverage that is called the thing that people want. But that is no espresso martini, my friend.

Which is okay. I would never partake in any way. partake in any way. I noticed recently there's a slight disparity in like a kind of soda, soda based beverage, like kind of like a Moon Dog Fizzah, but not a Moon Dog Fizzah, but one that I encountered recently where the canned version is a 1.6 alcohol level, a 1.8 standard drinks per can. Whereas the untapped version is 1.2. Now it's scandalized because I do think that that is part of what's happening out there in the world,

is that these tap beverages are not at the level, like there's no chance to get a more boozy version of the drink. And I tell you what, I love it when I walk into a gay bar and I'm like, can I get a, you know, scotch and soda or, you know, vodka soda? And they're like, I know how you like it. And it's a real strong for that first drink of the night. And it's real strong. Like it's just vodka with a drop of the thing. That's never going to happen in a world where we're just doing post-mix. No, cause it's all... I want it to be up to the bartender to decide how boozy my drink is going to get, which

is the American way, where you give a tip and suddenly the next drink you get back is a double. And then they just take care of you, but the drinks are boozy. Yeah. You're like a free pour. I love a free pour. In Australia, it doesn't really happen that often. Well, probably because it's against the law. Yeah. You like a free pour? I love a free pour. In Australia, it doesn't really happen that often. Probably because it's against the law.

Yeah, but it's like, honey, we're in a bar. Who's looking? Yeah. Yeah. That's fun. Yeah, so I definitely want room for that. So none of that Negroni or espresso mat on tap. None of that seltzer on tap.

I just think beverages like that shouldn't like come out of like a thick spout. No. Like that's just so disgusting. However, one exception is, where did I have it? There was like a slushy that I had at Grouse the other day. Oh yeah. That was like, I think it was a Negroni slushy or it was some like boozy slushy. And that was good. And that was boozy. Thatgroni slushie or some like boozy slushie. Yeah. And that was good.

And that was boozy. That like rotating slushie machine and they're usually sitting with a friend. Hmm. I like that. Yeah. That's fine. Yeah. Yeah.

Is that the Beverage on tap? Well, no, cause that's more of a slushie machine. Those, those girls would go off. It still has a tap though. It does. It does. But, no, you know, the kind of tap we mean. You know the kind of tap.

In, in New Orleans, New Orleans. Where is that? You know, New Orleans, that's how they tell you to say it. New Orleans, you've never been, you wouldn't know. In, New Orleans. Oh. In New Orleans. Uh-huh.

You- It's New Orleans. It's New Orleans, you... It's New Orleans. When you are on Bourbon Street and it's a full tourist trap, the whole thing there is about the slushie. Like the boozy slushie. And you buy it by like, like get a foot of slushy and there's just... Foot? A foot. Because you can get these drink bottles that are like a foot long, two feet long, three feet long.

And you go and then if you buy one, they'll fill it there. But then along the track, because you can drink from that slushy thing in the street, you can go and fill it up at other dispensaries throughout your night. Um, and that's cool. Sounds fun. Yeah. That is cool. Um, oh, what a, you just take your drink with you.

Yeah. It just, yeah. Oh, sorry. One cup all night. It's a technically a daiquiri. Daiquiri. Go and get your daiquiri. Daiquiri. Go and get your daiquiri. Daiquiri.

Oh my God. They're crazy. I'm going to put the most haunted image of these two women into the chat. They both look like they've been lobotomized by the daiquiri. Oh my God. These women are having the time of their lives. They look like those like, you know, weights that you carry while you're running. Yeah.

You know, like a, and a flat base and a flat top. Yeah. Great shape. Uh, Matt, what would you order from Postmix? I mean from, I mean, this is on Postmix. I think the only thing that can be, that is the best on tap is probably a Guinness. Oh, Teola. Yeah, that's the, like the rest of them you could have in a can, in a bottle.

Yeah. You think a carton draught is best? Yeah, look, it is better, but You think a carton draught is best? Yeah, look at his better, but it's just carton draught, you know? I don't know. I think that the times in my life where I've been the most refreshed... ...if I cast my... Can I look back on my life? When you've been living your best self? When I've been my most refreshed.

Why are we laughing at that sentiment? It's when I have felt the most... Of course. I just mentioned you treating having a jug of carton draught like a wellness retreat. Yeah. Oh, wow. Not water. Water is obviously always the most refreshing and it always will be with some delicious

ice, like an icy beverage. But when I think about when I've gone in from the summer's heat on a hot day and I go into a bar and I go up to the barkeeper and I say, ah, give me a pint. Carlton. Carlton. And I take that first sip and it's so crisp. But it's just that first one, then after that it's like. Yeah, you know, by the end, you got to drink quick, but by the end, it does tend to lose

its fanfare, but the first sip of a Carlton on a hot day, that's delicious. Obviously I agree about the Carlton. I mean, the Guinness though. That's also good. Yeah. I don't know. The Guinness is so delicious. Like some people say it's like really heavy and too dark for them to drink.

No, you can only have one already. Too dark to drink? Yeah. Well, it's like a, you know, like it's a dark drink, like a dark ale. The dark ale. Yeah. And some people find that like too rich to drink.

It's like drinking a loaf of bread. Like it's so. But I've never felt that. I always thought it was like the alcoholic version of water to me. Like a creamy water. Yeah. It is delicious.

It is so delicious. Hmm. It's been like, I can't remember what it tastes like when like, I feel like I've maybe had an alcoholic Guinness the other day and it was actually quite good. It tastes exactly the same. Just minus the alcohol. Obviously. Yeah. Um, really satisfied my craving for one.

I mean, listen, once this dry July is over, I'll be a better person. You'll be refreshed again. That's good though. You're just going to that pub, order the carton. Yeah. G'day mate. Delicious. I'm back.

Yeah, look. I'm back. Lazy, you're back. Thank God. We're about to close down. You know what like freaks me out? I mean, it's kind of black hole thing to like live in reality, but like a pint, no, like a pot. Pretty universal.

Scooners or pints. Scooners or pints. Yeah. Don't make me feel stupid. I don't know what you have. Yeah. There's no sign. It's the only I don't know what you have. Yeah. There's no sign. It's the only cultural thing,

cultural differences we have. Yeah. And then when I go in and I say, can I get like a big Coke? And then they laugh at me. It's like, well, I don't know if you have a Skoon or a pine, so I just said big. You gotta say tall.

I don't, I gotta say what? Tall. Tall? Yeah. What the fuck is that? What am I at, Starbucks? Which just means it's like, yeah, the tallest cup you have.

Venti Grande. You're going, can I get a Venti um, Carlton? Don't be silly. Um, I had this vision the other day. Because Zelda, um, Zelda will sometimes come to see a movie at the Nova, but it's not her favorite cinema experience because she has two complaints. Number one, cinema size seats are, you know, like she wants to like a decadent, like recliner. I'm going to be there for two plus hours.

I want to sit and enjoy myself and look at a massive screen. Yeah. And sometimes the cinema Nova to be fair, two plus hours. I want to sit and enjoy myself and look at a massive screen. Yeah. And sometimes the CineMonova, to be fair, will be like more of a lounge room screen, in a 12-seater or something. Yeah, more of an electric chair. Yeah.

And like, you know, yeah, a hard kind of going to church chair. Yeah. But then, and this is when, you know, this is where we tie this back to the theme. She also takes Umbridge with the scale of the beverages at Cinemanova because they do a large and the large would be considered a small ad ahoy where they serve you a bucket of post-mix drinks. And that's Selders' favourite thing, despite the fact that I don't think

I've ever seen you finish one of them. Well, it's not really there to be finished. There to be enjoyed. It's there to be swarming. Yeah, that's right. Just dunking your face every three to five minutes in the giant thing of coke. What if you were halfway through the movie and you run out? Yeah. What would happen?

What? Like that can't happen. Burn the place down. You forget about your drinks and things until about halfway through. Tea? Why, but Grazer? I can't happen. Burn the place down. But you forget about your drinks and things until about halfway through. Tea? Why Black Grazer? I can't just... I just get stuck into it straight away.

Well that's the school of cinema going that I come from, Matt. But Zelda will be like, she'll start off strong and then it will taper off and then she'll just be done. Yeah. And then you just need the security of it being nearby. Just in case. What if I get picked? Yeah, exactly.

How will I survive? Can I not get, like, you're completely correct and that is very funny. But I feel like I need a little credit because I did, I was the one that said, no, the cinema for the beast to go catch up that we had this Yeah. And I didn't make any complaints. Maybe you could read the complaints on my face because I was thinking all those things you just said the entire time we were there, but I didn't say any of them out loud. Well, that's very mature of you.

She's very kind. But I had this vision. I don't like this. I had this vision when she was at the snack bar. This is too small. She said, where's the rest? Would you like to fetch me the rest? But I had this vision. Such a sassy old lady thing to say.

This is like my grandma's waiters. This is nice. And what is this? The pre-drink. She, my grandma was telling me about how she went to Starbucks and she ordered a chai and they brought it over and she was like, what is this? This is the chai. And she was like, I will not be having that.

Just sent it back. Do we need to get her on the podcast? She sounds fabulous. She has many stories, but she won't let you say anything. She was just like one of those people that just talks. That sounds perfect for her. She leads her own stories into her next story. We had babyslet on the show.

We know what it's like. It's more chaotic than that. Um, no. So I had visions that one day I would have, I would have a film coming out and I would be invited to do a Q and a at Nova before or after the film. And as part of my like request to the cinema, I would have the sway that for one night only we could serve post-mix to a scale that my dear sister Zelda Moon would like and would allow them to come, yeah.

Yeah. Come on the show. And then, yeah. So I, I, I am manifesting that. I love that. What about a BYO container? I don't think Zelda would like that. No, I don'testing that. I love that. What about a BYO container? I don't think Zelda would like that.

No, I don't like that. I think that's, it's got to be like the experience is like, no one, the shame doesn't come with me to or from the cinema. You throw it away as you leave. It's so much like a wet on Wellington experience or like a confessional where it's like, really there's only one minute where I'm exposed to the outside world holding this giant gallon of drink. And then I sit in the darkness where no one can see me except someone watching. Stuffing my face and tears running down my cheeks.

If you're going to watch the security footage, it would look like a raccoon going through the garbage, but that's only for the manager at Hoyt's. And then when she leaves, it's like leaving in a nondescript manner, perhaps only a kernel of popcorn remains in the kind of thick pile of her jumper, but no one else knows what happened inside of those jaws. So that's, I think, why we need to supply her with a gigantic cup before she attends the screening of my film. I'll say, fill it up for our boys. Get the fly hose out. I mean, I feel like I should be insulted, but it's just so accurate. I can't help, but,

be more impressed than anything. Woo! We all have those quirks. Yeah. We just don't talk about them on podcasts. Well, you know, it's 100%. This is the special. You guys are very brave talking about the things that you talk about. Thank you.

Yeah. It should be really. Well, we weren't the one that added ourselves as a misogynist last week. Yeah. I just... Sydney Sweeney's, you know, annoying voice and sleepy eyes. That was you. I'm not saying all women. Just Sydney Sweeney. Whoa.

Not all women. Yeah. Just that one. You're very brave in saying that is what I'm saying. Yes. Look, you were leading it with your... Oh. They forced him. We were asking for it.

Oh. You've used that one before. Oh, Jesus Christ. Okay. Okay. So. Okay. What beverage? I don't... Maybe... Do we be kind?

Like, what do they... what would they want to order? I feel like they would like espresso marzante but, or beer. No. No. We've been having the best night of their lives at Reggie's. But there's a whole range of people in there, not just them. Wait, who else? Well, they're one group at the bar, but they're not the whole-

You mean the worm from labyrinth. She can't drink till she gets up. Yeah. Got to punch out what is quarter. No, everyone from the bunker can go into Reggie's can't they? Yeah. Yeah. But like they're probably going to be a minority.

Yeah. And they'll go in one night a week or whatever for after work drinks. One Thursday every so often. Uh, hmm. What is the, what is the population going to enjoy? What about one of those drinks where it's a little press from each one of the taps? You know when you go and get a cup at like a Hungry Jacks and you make your own and you go...

That is something that I should say about the Post-Mix like spray gun. I love that gun. R mean? What does Q mean? And the like soda water on tap? That is so, yeah. Love that. I like soda water. Yeah Yeah, that's the difference between soda and mineral. Is it soda is AI? No, I mean Soda is artificially generated Yeah, yeah, it's like water that's had gas put into it to make a bubbly.

Whereas mineral comes from the ground. Well, yes. I think that is still artificially carbonated sometimes, but it has more mineral, it actually has minerals in it that are like found in natural water. Wow. And tonic water is just like a soda, like as in like not soda, as in like sugar water, yeah. It's carbonated sugar water. Wow. And tonic water is just like a soda water. Sugar water? Yeah. It's carbonated sugar water. Yeah. Yeah. It's got like a kind of orange rind flavor. My mother loves tonic. She would have a bottle of tonic water in the fridge at all times. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah. I also

just like a gin and tonic needs to step aside. Like here's what like my dream gin, and this is so boring, but my change in the tonic would be like a little bit of tonic. I'd say like a quarter of the glass shot of gin and then soda and then, Oh my God, I didn't even finish that fucking either gave me that coke. Oh. Put, takes a lime. Yeah. We're back to Tokyo Tina's now. Sorry Tokyo Tina's.

Thank you for paying me to do this finger. Puts this lime and rests it on top of the top cube. Bitch. Rests? Like doesn't squeeze it. No squeeze? You need bartenders of the world. That is a garnish. It needs to be squeezed.

It does shit. To release its aroma. It does shit if it's not squeezed. And to add a small flavor to the drink. It's not there to just look. And then I have to reach into my filthy, frag fingers into the fucking glass. Scratching a wig all night. That's right.

Well, look, listen, we already have Diet Coke in the bunker. Do we? Yeah. We chose which cola we wanted to have in. That hot gal smoking, drinking it. Oh, I love that hot gal smoking. The Diet Coke lady. DC gal, yeah.

She'll... Her going into Reggie's and be like, just a DC, thanks. Yeah. We have a drink on arrival. Yeah. For weddings. Yeah.

Yep. So we've got a DOA. I don't know what that... That's unspecified drink. Unspecified DOA. Because we haven't decided what drink yet. Um, but we also have, we have Red Bull as well. Yeah.

So there's already a few options. We've got the milkshake, we've got the strawberry thing. Okay. I think we need an alcoholic beverage. Matt, I think I'm going to follow you into the flames. Hearty Guinness. Let's do it. Guinness.

Cause then you can do... That's the only option as well. You can't do a Jägerbomb, but you can... Because you know the... What? You can put some red bull in your Guinness. The original incarnation of the Jägerbomb was Jäger dropped into Guinness. Oh. Or was it?

Yeah. That's intense. And then they changed it for Red Bull. Maybe you put the red bull in the Guinness. Yeah, I could do that. Yeah. Okay. Guinness it is, I could do that. Yeah. OK, Guinness it is. Guinness on tap. Done.

Lock her in. We'll be right back. ["Guinness on Tap"] ["Guinness on Tap"] ["Guinness on Tap"] ["Guinness on Tap"] ["Guinness on Tap"] ["Guinness on Tap"]

Hello, listener. Now, it is quite unusual, but we are going to be breaking a classic rule and getting Matt to put this audio at the start of this section. Matt, I'm going to send you the link now and then we'll put it here and then we'll come back. I'm going to play it through the speaker, but you'll hear a very refined version of it.

Okay. Brianna is Smurfette. blonde hair, don't care. James Corden is blue kid on the block. John Goodman is Papa Smurf, Papa like his heart. Okay. JP Karliak is Gargamel and Razamel, double trouble. Nick Offerman is Ken, love that Kennergy, Kenaf. Natasha Lyonne is Mama Poot, Poot there it is. Sandra Oh is Moxie Smurf, Don Blue my

cover. Alex Winter is Hefty Smurf, do you even lift bro? Maya Erskine is Vanity Smurf, I think this movie is about me. Billy Lord is Worry Smurf. Why? What have you heard? Sholo Marduena is Brainy Smurf. Talk nerdy to me. Spencer X is Sound Effect Smurf. Wee woo wee woo wee woo. Kirk Russell is Ron. Short King. Marshmello is Turtle. Slow your roll. Daniel Levy is Joel, he's so cringe. Amy Sedaris is jaunty, don't get left on red. Octavius Spencer is Asmodeus, hecks yeah. Nick Kroll is Chernobog, Sharpshooter. Hannah Waddingham is Jezebeth, talk witchy to me. Jim McKimmo is tardy grade, tiny dancer.

Welcome back listener. That was an incredible audio TikTok by Nirupam, who you might know as an incredible drag race commentator, a cultural critica. Journalist. Yes. One of our few remaining journalists with integrity. With integrity. And that was them reporting on the promo posters that came out for the new Smurfs film. And each and every character in the film. Now listen, we are now in a post-Barbie world where every character gets a character poster.

Yeah. What do you think about when there's like, Vogue has three covers this month? I mean... And one's this celebrity and one's another celebrity. I'm very... Pick! Yeah, I'm very used to it from comics. Ah. Because like so often, like there'll be like

variant covers of comics, which feels like intrinsically evil because it is, but it's also kind of fun. Do you think it's about not by your favorite, but by all three? Yeah, like collectorism, like it's not about like, because also it's like, oh, my God, people who will post like four of the photos from the photo shoot.

Like that are very similar. It's like, okay, but like just pick the best one. Yeah. I'm like, sorry, but not all four of the best one. That's why there's one that's the best. So pick the one. So pick the one cover or whatever. I don't know.

But yeah, it's very, very that. But I am just reading. I'm sorry. I'm diving in now. Pam Brady, who wrote the Smurfs film is an American writer and producer. And she's best known for her collaborations with Trey Parker and Matt Starr. She met them while working under Brian Graydon at Fox Broadcasting Company.

Brady suggested that the duo make a weekly version of their student film, Cannibal the Musical. And the three came up with the idea for Time Warped. While Time Warped went unproduced, Parkinsstone decided to make South Park for comedy and brought Brady on as a writer. So she wrote for... Has written for South Park, or for a few years. And they're good friends. And now she wrote the film with them, Team America. And then now she's suddenly on Smurf movie. Wow.

That's crazy. That is not what I was expecting. And she got sole writing credit, which is very unusual for a film like this. Yeah. She's to blame. Does she write the taglines for the posters? I hope not.

But what the fuck is with this cast? The cast is insane. Like I, so Lazy showed me this on the way here and I thought that it was a joke because of how- How long it goes. Well, yes. But just the, the casting is wild.

So when Papa Smurf is mysteriously taken by evil wizards, Gargamel and his brother Razamel, Smurfette leads the Smurfs on a mission into the real world to save him. With the help of new friends, the Smurfs must discover what defines their destiny to save the universe. So I think for the longest time, the Smurfs has had this issue of the gender disparity because all the Smurfs were men and there was just one woman, Smurfette. And now they found their leader in Rihanna, Smurfette. It seems that in this cast they've added additional women. Yeah. What do you think about John Goodman as Papa Smurf?

He's got a good voice. John Goodman. I love John Goodman. From Rosanne. Oh, that is who, okay. Yeah, that's fun. What do you think about James Corden? I hate that. How is he still working?

Right? I thought the culture, like- What did he do to get cancelled? No, he didn't, like did he do to get cancelled? No, he didn't, like, he didn't get cancelled. But there was like, there's been, like, he's not a nice person. No, I think that was, there was all this stuff where he, he got Ellen'd. He didn't get cancelled, he got Ellen'd.

Yep. And when you get Ellen'd, it's just that people realise that you're kind of a noxious human being, and then they're like, are you worth that? noxious human being. And then they're like, are you worth that? And so they weigh your achievements and your skill versus your shit personality. And they say, do you know what? No, I don't need that.

No, but for the Smurf movie, they said, yes, please. And I'm like, who was still going, who's still like charmed by, by that man. But he's listed as no name Smurf. Yeah. Does that mean he's just like a character? But it seems he has second billing. Is no name Smurf a type of Smurf? Is that a character? Or is he just a generic Smurf? Like a...

I have no idea. I don't know the Smurfs that well, so I'm just asking you. I literally have no idea. Is this like, because this isn't the, no, my thing of trolls is like the first Smurf movie. No, no. There's been like, for Katy Perry was Smurfette before this. Oh, of course. That's right. You should have known that. Sorry. They just mined the world of pop. They sent her to space and then they sent her to the mushroom place. So this JP Galiak, who playing Gargamel and Razumel, two roles,

the evil of thing, is played by John Kaliak, who also voices, I'm seeing here, Morph in X-Men 97. Oh, he's a big fag-o-rella. Well, they, I think they're non-binary. They definitely look non-binary. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you know of this? Okay. So gender queer. Okay, sure. Um, yeah, I mean, like they were great in 97. Yeah, it was such a fun thing because like, so when X-Men 97 came out or like was

When X-Men 97 came out, or like was like first teased years ago, we got all these character models for a lot of it, because there's just like so, so, so many X-Men characters. And so we got a lot of like, these are the characters that you might see in the series. And I was like, God, how is like Archangel going to be there along with, like this is such a huge cast. And part of the magic of the X-Men animated series was the core cast. So it's like, you can't do a Fox movie thing where you just shove everyone in there and see what sticks. Because like, that's why those movies are fucking atrocious.

But thankfully what they did instead, and Morph was like in the very first episode and he like died and that was like the thing that like kind of wow or whatever um but like got that whole series going and then he kind of comes back later but he's not in it very much but was very important and they brought him back um into the series and Morph's powers kind of like Mystique can can turn into anyone. And so it was this really fun way of like, it doesn't make sense to have Ilyana pop up and have a whole thing about her, but she can be in this like one scene for the battle, because that's the shape that Morph took. So it like really worked

quite well. Does he take on the powers? Yeah, which kind of doesn't make sense. But it's like so fun. the palace? Yeah, which kind of doesn't make sense, but it's like so fun and Morph spends the entire series flirting with and teasing Wolverine about wanting Jean, but they have like a lot of gay sexual chemistry and in every single like YouTube, like breakdown video that goes through every like, you know, Easter eggs and like 300 things you missed in this episode of X-Men 97. Yeah. Not a single one for all episodes of that series. Did any one of the ones that I watch talk about all the gay shit between those two characters, which I thought was very interesting, because for me it was so obvious.

Like this shower scenes where like they're in there together and he's flirting with Wolverine and then like they're at a bar and he like changes into Jean and is like trying to hit on Wolverine and is like, go away. But it's like so fun, but no one reports on it. And this is why we need people like Nirupam to talk about these things, to break the hard-hitting stories. And me. And you.

But yeah, they were great. 100 gay things you might have missed in this latest episode. Yeah. Do you think you could find 100? Yeah, I do. Okay, let's do that. Yeah. They'd probably be a few misses.

But um, yeah, I mean, like the voice actors, right? So they go on like comic cons and all that stuff. And yeah, that person's always there. Yeah, they seem like the only actual voice actor in this mix. Because and we've got to remember the production began on this film, the 2025 Smurf movie, The Smurfs, in 2022. So a lot of this is like with kids movies because they happen so slowly, the animation, but the voice cast is locked in around, you know, this time. So a lot of this is like a time capsule of the year 2022 that is now being opened in 2025. So that could explain Dan Levy as Joel from Schitt's Creek,

kind of having his next moment. Perhaps also Amy Sedaris, however, upon reading, oh no, that doesn't make sense. No, Amy Sedaris would have been having that moment as well. Mandalorian. With At Home with Amy Sedaris. Yeah, no, from Mandalorian. Natasha Lyonne. Yeah, no, from Mandalorian. Natasha Lyon.

Yeah. Um, our AI Queen. Probably still writing. No, that would have been post. No, this would have been Poker Face year one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not, um, Orange is the New Black. Mama Poot, she's playing Mama Poot, the leader of the snooze poots.

Yeah. Look, that was going to be my pick. You like the snooter poots mama poot. I that isn't what I said. I Said that would be my pick because I from all of the ridiculously horrendous taglines poot there it is Does have a certain ring to it. Pooh! There it is! Oh yuck! Okay, Natasha Lyonne as Mama Pooh. Now Sandra Oh as Moxie Smurf, Ken's daughter. Now listen, I think it's interesting because I have a friend who, since I've made my fabulous entree into the world of filmmaking, I've met all these filmmakers, ironically enough, and then one of them has

been chasing Sandra Oh to try and be in her first feature in a role that would take, I don't know, a week to film, but be like, can we get Sandra Oh? And her people are like, she's too busy. And it turns out it was playing Moxie Smurf, Ken's daughter in the Smurf movie. She has such fabulous hair. I love Sandra. So much hair. Jimmy Kimmel as Tardigrade.

Octavia Spencer. If I'm Octavia Spencer and I'm one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10 down in the billing, And I'm one two three four five six seven eight nine ten down in the billing yeah under fucking Dan Levy and You know Jimmy Kimmel. Yeah, I'd be kind of mad. Oh, she's playing an intergalactic evil wizard. Mm-hmm the Nick Kroll Chernobog the intergalactic evil wizard yeah hey this is sounding kind of familiar yeah I love Nick Kroll yeah love it his voice is so good he does have a classic voice Emma Hannah Waddingham who had makeup names

well she's from Ted lasso which is a piece of culture that we completely missed Hannah Waddingham yeah that's That's so good. She's a very tall blonde. She's another Vanessa Kirby in this world. Oh, okay. She's older Vanessa Kirby. Did you watch Game of Thrones as well? Yeah. You know, she's the one that does the shame.

Oh. She's that priestess who does the shame. Shame. Yeah, shame walk. We've got Alex Winter as Hefty Smurf. Now Alex Winter is Ted in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure and Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey and we are kind of doppelgangers, curly haired boys. I never thought of that.

And so... So does that make Zelda Keanu Reeves? Yeah. I reckon you could pull off that. I love Nanu. Nanu. Nanu. And then we have another 2022 star, Maya Erskine as Vanity Smith from Pen 15, The Girl with the Bowl coat.

Ah, amazing. Umayah Erskine, Kurt Russell, why is he so far down? He probably just has one line. As Ron, Ken and Papa's brother and then Jolo Miranda oh my god Maradwina yeah hmm Duenia known professionally, but his name's from

Romario Zolo Ramirez and he was in parenthood and Cobra Kai another thing that I've never seen he He also was the Blue Beetle in the film The Blue Beetle. Oh, oh. He's 24 years old. I remember him being very cute in that Blue Beetle trailer that I watched and then said, well, that's more than enough for me. I don't know who Hugo Miller is, but he's playing Clumsysmurf. Chris Miller, oh, is the writer of Madagascar.

And he directed Trek the Third. And does the voice of some of the penguins, but he's grouchy Smurf. Then Billy Lord, Carrie Fish's daughter, who's already in the bunker, is playing worry Smurf. Marshmallow as turtle. I think not technicallyorry Smurf, Marshmallow as Turtle. I think not technically a Smurf.

No, I guess that's the same with Natasha Lyon's character. And those aliens. And then, oh God, Krish Prunosky is a writer and filmmaker, but I think he's just, this is like a kind of like fun little Easter egg okay what do you want so okay so so well what do you think about Rihanna doing this I think it's like so wildly unappealing to me yes like I just like I don't I don't understand like I've never fully like listener you know this or if you've worked with me and I asked you who's your diva and you said Rihanna

and I asked you again like I've just never understood Rihanna. Aha. Our Barbadian queen. Yeah, no, that would be the woman from Futurama. My husband. Yeah, I just I don't get it. And like, I really don't get this. Like it's a total pull for this random movie. Like, why the fuck is she? Every single person that's ever existed. Like, but why is Rihanna doing the Smurf movie? I think the theory online is that it's because she's in that phase where she's just had kids.

And so she's like, I want to do something that my kids can be come to see and see their mom and I can, you know, whatever. And I kind of can work around being a mom. I think Rihanna, I get, I think Rihanna, I get, I mean, I feel like I am very pro-Rihanna. I think Rihanna is so cool. And I think she is genuinely one of the few cool celebrities. Like I think if you were to put all our celebrities at a party together, I think Katy Perry's not cool. I think like, you know, she's just very lame. Yeah. I think Katy Perry's not cool. Yeah, I think like, you know, she's just very lame. Yeah, yeah. I think Taylor Swift is not cool. No, as a human being. Yeah, I think she's very lame. Yes. Lady Gaga, theater kid, lame. Very. I

think if you put Madonna there, you're like, maybe when you were younger, but now there's something like a bit despo and lame. Yeah. I think Beyonce would be talking about Jesus and Christ saving us all. Lame. Yeah. So I think Rihanna is the only one that's like, let's have a joint and like dance and then like go and get some food and like throw some chips at people. Lazy, I think that she's at the party saying,

did you like my performance in Smurfs? Well, this is what I'm saying. Which makes her lame. When Katy Perry was in Smurfs, you're like, naturally, of course. You don't even have to send me the poster. I know she's in Smurfs before it even happened. She had the blue hair. She just is like, yeah, we didn't even have to record it.

Your voice just came out. But then when Rihanna's in Smurf, I'm like, no, Rihanna. I have in my mind that Rihanna is like a sexy fish in one of those movies. Is that true? No. Are you thinking about Shark's Tale? I don't know. Yeah, I am.

Aren't there sexy fish in that movie? There is definitely sexy fish in that movie. But I don't know. Yeah, I am. Aren't there sexy fish in that movie? There's definitely sexy fish in the movie. But I don't think it's Rihanna. Reanna movie roles. Anyway, yeah, so I think like this makes me sad for Rihanna. Jack Black, god he's a fucking he's everywhere. Angelina Jolie, she must have been sexy fish. Sexy fish?

Renee Zellweger, she could be sexy fish. OK, none of these people are Rihanna. Anyway. She was in another animated film called Home. Home. Do you know they made a bobblehead movie based on the IP of bobbleheads? Like Holly and Bridget's bobbleheads from when they were. I guess they might've made a cameo, but you know who cameoed in the bobbleheads. Like Holly and Bridget's bobbleheads from when they were...

I guess they might have made a cameo, but you know who cameoed in the bobbleheads, the movie, 2020? Rihanna? Cher. I like that. And Cher was in it, and then it had Jennifer Coolidge, Brenda Song of Zack and Cody fame,

Luke Wilson, and Karen Fukuhara. Like what? Wow. I think we need to watch the Bobblehead movie. It looks so bad. Should we? I was thinking about movie club and like trying to actually commit. And I was like, maybe we should do it a bit more like an actual movie club where

we like do a poll of like four movies and then the highest one wins. And that's the one we do the next month. So everyone can watch it and then listen and then like jump on discord and discuss or whatever. That sounds great. Yeah. So I'm just saying that out loud, but we should do that. And we should add bubble heads on there.

Okay. We'll put up the poll. Yeah. Yeah. But, but, but, but, but, um, okay. Well, who do you think from that incredible list? An incredible list. I like John Goodman.

I tell you what, he's a good man. Actually, it's in the name. Do, but what are we saying? Are we putting in the poster? Are we putting in the character? Are we putting in the character? Are we putting in the actor? I think we're putting in a giant like. Standee?

No, like what you would take to the theme park that would come out for an hour and a half. Oh, like we've got that. Like a meet and greet character. Yeah. That like a smurf costume. Smurf costume. It's really big. It has an attendant that helps them get around.

Yes. And it has to be filled by the person who played in the Smurfs film as a kind of punishment for ever taking on that. Oh yes. In which way I think it should be James Corden. No. No. You don't think we should punish James Corden for all time by sending him in as no name

smurf and unnamed smurf? I don't want to talk to him. I don't want to talk about him. I don't, no, I don't want to. And then when he falls over, all the gals from Reggie's could kick him. They would kick him and then he would fall over and then kick him more. Into the abyss. Yo, into the abyss hole.

Is that what happens on day one and then he's gone and we would just have like a sheik attendant who's like over it? No, I think you've got to have like, bring out no names, Murph. Oh, ew. And then he's like in the weird underground tunnel that's like, you know, at Disneyland. And he's like, do I have to put this, put the shoot on?

Well, we have that tunnel behind the Navi shop. True. So like we're well equipped for this moment. That's right. I think it'd be quite funny if it was like someone quite good and that was their post-apocalyptic life. You get to survive, but you have to be Smith. Only if you do this.

I mean, that's the thing. I don't know that I'd want to do that to Octavia Spencer, but it could be an opportunity to get her into the bunker you know when's the next time that Octavia's up for grabs right well this is it what do we think I was right why must in the but her yes I want her. You want Ma herself? Yes. Don't make me drink alone. Don't make me drink alone. At Reggie's, no one drinks alone. But I'm like, then we have to change the fate

because they can't do that to Octavia. No, we just put her in. You think she just gets, maybe she can be the attendant, but that feels like once again. Bitch, are you looking at this photo? Put her in. Put Octavia. What?

Listen, you've seen the um, the incredible film Ma... Soon to be Ma 2. Ah! It's so funny. Like, if you thought that, like, Mithregan was good, shut up and watch Ma. Ma. Yeah. Have you seen it?

Ma? No. Ah. Half of your name's in it. I've seen T. He's seen T. T. Ah. Half of your name's in it. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. I've seen tss. He's seen tt. Ah.

Tt. The, um, oh my god, the twice song. Okay, well let's put. Tt. Yeah. Ah. Tt. What?

Maybe she can just work like, you know, during nine to five. Yeah. As a smurf. What is she? As a modeus. Mmm. As a modeus. An intergalactic evil wizard. I mean, that's kind of great.

And then, and then she can knock off. Yeah. Take, take the head off at least. Yeah. And go and have a drink of red cheese. Yeah. Okay. She can just like.

Everyone looks at it and says, say the line. Don't make me drink. No, she can only say lines from Smurf. Oh, 20, 25. Do you think that they'll put in a reference to Ma in Smurf? Where this intergalactic space demon is like, don't make me drink alone. Intergalactic evil wizard Azamodius, welcome to the bunker, as played by Octavia Spencer. Incredible.

All right, we'll be back hello listener welcome back it's for the final of this hundredth episode today as you've heard us mention in the past, we do occasionally like to sup from the teat of the Yochi brand. Now, Yochi, for those of you playing internationally, is a frozen yogurt conglomerate where they have various dispensers on the wall. And then you can go to a sort of buffet bar of various bowls and select whichever Toppings you'd like and you pay according to weight, but don't worry. It'll always be over $10 Yes now, yeah, we've gone into the Yoshi website and we're going to be deciding today which of the toppings

Can you get in the bunker? Yeah. Just the toppings. What makes you happy with our wide range of signature and seasonal toppings? Should we do you say one, I say one? Yes. So then we'll go through and then I'll, yeah.

You say. Almonds, superfood containing vitamin E, riboflavin and magnesium. We're doing the description as well? No, no, there's too many. Just say the name. Bananas and caramel. Blueberry compote. Biscoff spread.

Boysenberry, blackcurrant and apple compote. Chip cookie dough. Chocolate chunk cookie cake. Chocolate fudge brownie. Chocolate soil. Cornflake crumb. Crumble. Dark chocolate purple. Halva. Oh, honey-roasted cashews.

Kiwi fruit. Lachee. Oh, Maltesers. I love lachee. Milk chocolate drops. Mango mochi. Strawberry mochi. Mini M&M's.

Oreos. Passion fruit and lemon curd. Pineapple. Blueberry fruit pearls. Kiwi fruit. I'm not sure. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Mini M&M's. Oreos. Passion fruit and lemon curd. Pineapple. Blueberry fruit pearls. Kiwi fruit pearls. Lachee fruit pearls. Mangosteen fruit pearls. Strawberry fruit pearls.

Raspberry coulis. Strawberry. Watermelon and fresh mint. Zebra coconut. Who the fuck's putting that in your tea? Dining table. Dining table. Dining table.

Dining table. Dining table. Dining table. Dining table. Dining table. Dining table. Dining table. Dining table. Uh, watermelon and fresh mint, zebra coconut, dark chocolate sauce, chocolate sauce and that completes the list. Yes. Okay. So all this makes me think about is an episode of Tabitha takes over where she indeed takes over a like frozen yogurt place.

I thought she just did salons. Oh baby, that's Tabitha's salon takeover. Is that a hairdresser? Yeah, who can run a business like no other. So in the initial seasons, it was always, it was Tabitha's salon takeover where she would come in and she'd take your keys and I'm taking her over. Give me your keys.

Yeah. Uh, but then later and she needed to diversify. There's only so many hairdressers in the United States and she picks them all. And why not spread the magic a little bit further? So she started to do all different kinds of businesses. And there's an episode where she does a gay bar and then they get Morgan McMichaels to perform there at the end dressed as Tabitha, which is so good. But anyway, like that one sticks in my memory and so too does the one about like the yogurt, frozen yogurt place because she goes in and it's like, it's like, it's almost

like crazy how disgusting the place is. Like it should have been shut down, not renovated. And she's like, this is, yeah. And I have this vivid memory of the wall of their like froget machines. And she's like doing it and it's like spitting out. It's just disgusting. Anyway, so now that that's out of the way, I can concentrate on the obvious choice,

which is of course the lychee fruit pearls. Ah, see, I listened to Matt as we were going through the pearls and he said, that looks disgusting. You did say that. What the fuck is wrong with you, Matt? Have you no joy? Yeah. The little balls.

The little pearls. They look like frogs born. Yeah. Have you? Pearls are not my thing. Disgusting. They pop in your mouth. They have a picture element. That's what I don't like.

They have a spectral element. It reminds me of eating bugs and you know, I don't like eating bugs. Famously. That's why you put the bug rain in the bunker. Bug rain, bug rain. You get to freak me out. All the time. I love lychee fruit pearls.

I fucking love that. I also like if that if I wouldn't go to Yochi if they didn't have the fruit pearls. Same. Like the pearls is the real reason. It's the queen. If I could just fill a bowl with pearls and just eat that. But of course I have to disguise my pearl obsession with a bit of fruit. Can you Can you just get like, like I just like a drop of yogurt and then just. Yeah. You can do it, baby. You can do whatever you want. I always think about like what the most high value thing you could be adding for weight.

I'm like, not Oysin Space. Are they all the same price? Well, it's by weight. But no, but is it like the chocolates is the chocolate so all the same prices? Matt, it's by weight. Everything's just the same. So whatever's the most dense. Oh, well you're not getting, well, I guess you could get a lot more cornflake crunch.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Um, you could get, I think when I can't get the pearls, I get the mochi. Correct. That's good. Well, I know. M can't get the pearls they get the mochi correct. That's good Well, I know multi is the diva Like or because the Maltesers will get too cold and then they get like it's not like a fun crunch

No, it's like what the fuck and when that chocolate get cold it almost has no flavor Yeah, well, you can taste is like cold cold. Oh, it's awful. We were at the Yoyachi last night. Oh, and um, husband got lychee. And I was like, you're sick. Like, what do you mean? The fruit? The fruit? I mean, one or two, maybe. But also the pearls. So the pearls, they didn't have the pearls, because you know, they changed the pearls out. Sometimes they have different pearls. Yeah, and last night what kind of pearl did we have? I think it was the original blueberry fruit pearl Which was good. I had a little bit of raspberry coulis a bit of fun

Definitely a bit of dark chocolate. They have this incredible like matcha pistachio melted chocolate In a bowl. Yeah. I've got a bit of that cookie cake. That's kind of cool. That's a treat. But you know the thing about the cookie dough topping is that the viscosity of the thing,

it's like the only way to get it off the spoon is to scrape it on the side of the tub. At which point, it's not a topping. It's not topping anything. No. It's a side. Yeah. I don't know who's getting that chocolate soil.

Baby, absolutely not. No. No. And I mean, so sometimes when you go, you have to decide, are you gonna do like fruity versions of things or are you gonna do like fruity versions of things or are you gonna do like chocolatey versions of things? Because sometimes the two don't really like harmonize well. It depends if you're going like tropical, like if you're going mango, kiwi, acidic flavors.

I think like if you get a caramelized banana and chocolate, that's fine. It's more deserty. Banana and chocolate. But if you want to go for like on a health kick. Or like if you want to go for like yeah more like getting the kiwi and the refreshing for your flavors. Because what if you get... But that decision's already been made by the time you're at that counter because you've decided upon you know base flavors that can sort well with kiwi. Yes. You're not putting kiwi on butterscotch.

No. Or like the chocolate one. Chocolate. Chocolate. If you're doing chocolate then you're probably going to get chocolate. What did she say? Chocolate. Chocolate.

Chocolate. Chocolate. Well, okay, so I got to the bottom of the lychee mystery last night. Yeah. Which is that husband was walking ahead, walking behind me as I was filling my, my trough. Hit the bucket. Hit the bucket.

And he was like watching my decisions and he was like, he's making all the decisions that I was going to make. I have my own identity. Oh my God. And to prove that he still had his own identity, he put two lychee's in there. Knowing full well, I'd never put that in there. Really? I don't want a sh- like a hulled like treat.

Like if I'm eating a lychee, I need to do the work to get to it. I don't know, you know what I mean? Wait, you want to show your lychee? Yes. I've never done that in my life Otherwise it comes out of a tin. I've probably eaten 200 like cheese 200 only okay 500. Okay, prove it I don't think I can but I did work at pull away Chinese restaurant where we sold like cheese and ice cream in syrup Yeah, baby. Yeah, and I

Ain't so many of those like cheese more. I should just like go to the fridge and just And so many of those light cheese more I should just like go to the fridge and just See you've got light you serve running down the side of your face Clean yourself up before going out to the customer Yeah, yeah, um, no cuz I am of Queensland stock And so when we go up to Queensland for the school holidays Like light cheese were abundant. Well, they don't just grow in trees. We were, you know, yeah, we were eating lichies all summer long.

That's so hot. Peeling the prickly outside layer to get to the juicy gelatinized inside. Do you like, I love putting my like tongue in the little cavity to split it open. Well, the cavity doesn't exist in the real lychee because there's a seed there. What? Is she living such a sheltered life only eating Yochi lychees? I bet you think peanuts just come like that. There's a shell outside of them too.

Yeah. Matt, what were you going to say about lychee? Nothing. What texture doesn't remind you of eating bugs? Like what would you have at your yucchi? Yeah. Um, I would probably go for more like a, like a sweet pudding style one. I am much more of a.

Yeah. I like the sort of nuts and, um, like probably like this go for like chocolates, you know, crumble. Maybe. Yeah. Like Christmas flavors. Yeah. That's a good choice.

Rich winter's evening. Zelda, are you broken? I don't know. It's very funny. What's wrong with that? Why nothing? It's good. Honey roasted cashews.

Chocolate. Chocolate. I wouldn't go down the, I wouldn't go down the pearls or any fruit that's been... Have you denied yourself the pearls having never tasted them is my question. I have tried a Bobba bubble tea. No, but it's different. That's different. That's tapioca pearl.

This is Yoji pearl. There's no like... They're all small round balls. They're not chewy. They pop. I know. That's what freaks me out even more. Can you hear me? Oh, is there a knock at the door?

I can hear you. Oh, I don't hear yourself. I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to taste that. I wish they need a controversial flavour like Nathan for you. Yeah. Well, this is, I was thinking about that. I think I've kind of tried to get you to watch the show a few times, but I originally watched it because Matt told me to watch it.

Oh, did I? Yeah, we watched it at your house. Oh, did I? And it was Nathan for you, Nathan Field's show where he goes and Tabitha's at various businesses and they're real businesses, but like he genuinely tries to fix them with the worst ideas possible. See if they take it on. And he goes to a frozen yogurt place and he's like,

and he's this complete stony face, like does, like. He treats it like a documentary. Yeah, like he has no affect. He's not trying to do comedy at all, except the whole thing is. And he goes to this guy, he's like, so I think that the only way to get people to come to your frozen yogurt place is to make a flavor that tastes like poo.

And then he like, is like, cause people will talk about that. And then he goes to this lab and goes to the guy and he's like, can you make me a shit flavor that tastes like human feces? And the guy's like, yeah, we can do that. And he's like, amazing, let's do it. We can make any flavor you want and then he gets the shit flavor and then Actually start selling it and they actually start like having a huge success At this like frozen yogurt place because they're like everyone's gotta come and taste the shit flavored yogurt

state of curiosity Well, yeah, that's what I feel like with the pearls. Let me tell you about another takeover show. She took over that, uh, froget shop and did it with integrity. She did it with a high skill set and high expectations. Both of the staff and the customers to enjoy their meal. Yeah. No poo flavors? No. No gimmicks needed. Just a fucking pixie cut.

Some would say that's the gimmick. Oh my god, sidebar, sidebar. We've been watching on Samsung Free TV, the Project Runway TV, and Kurjan's never seen Project Runway and it's been coming on sporadically. Is he enjoying the planes and the pilots? And he... God. You know he's been in a plane accident. But they, like it's season 13 currently airing with Keeney and Aaron, Sean, Sean, the Kiwi guy. Okay, whatever. But he's like, wow, Heidi Klum is so cut through it. And I'm like, yes, she's German.

And then he's like, she's such a like, she's so cruel. And I'm like, where do you think RuPaul gets it? And then we're going through, and this episode was the Rainway episode, where they had to walk on the rainway and no one ever says runway, they just say rainway. The Samsung innovation rainway. And then this Sean did the iconic project runway thing that is where he sent his model out in this white smock dress and there were ink sachets in the lining that when it got wet, the ink ran from its powdered form into a liquid form and drenched the dress in different colors. She was very Sonia Bravia coated, despite the fact that it was on the Samsung only. And the amount of shit that I got in the random,

well not the amount, but like the strays that I picked up when I walked out in my hydrochromic dress, on Project Drag, season four Australia, being like, she didn't invent this by the way. Sean did this exact same thing on Project Runway season 13. And the way I wanted to reach through my little iPhone and fuck those people up, are you kidding me? If you watched the episode, as I did when it came out,

little girl, as I watched, it was an ink sachet inside of the lining of a dress that could never go back to white. Uh-uh. Okay? Never, ever. Now, when I walked the runway on Drag Race Down Under, season four, I went out once and got it wet and the color began to show and then I went backstage they dried me off I went back to white and did the walk again show me Sean doing that your little cunt that dress never white again never your

dress again dry it out dry it out you saw me an untucked? We did it a third time. That's right, you little cunt. That's right, you little beast. Hello, are you listening to me, troll doll? How dare you? And I respect what Sean did. It was an innovation for the time, but time's move on. And so does dye technology.

Yeah. I was just like, do you even want? Yeah. If you are such a fan that you're making this deep cut, cut a little further. Yeah. To the truth. To the truth. Yeah.

Nirupam, where are you? We need your innovative journalism here. Correct. Because that, and it came up maybe three or four times. Yeah. Some snarkster in my comments, I shouldn't even think of this. We're in a black hole. Oh, you're so certain, are you? Yeah. Some snarkster in my comments. Mm-hmm. I shouldn't even think of this. We're in a black hole. Oh, you're so certain, are you?

Yeah. Well, I watch the episode. I have the facts. How dare you? Yeah, very dare. And a video of me explaining how it works. Yeah. And how it's different.

Yeah. Eat my black hole. Wait. So thank you for listening. Cut that out, Matt! Cut it out! Special 100 episodes. Okay, so wait, what are we? Oh, talking from Yoji. Oh, sorry. Eat my hole.

Yeah. Oh, that's better. No, yeah. Good, good, good, good. Cut it from there. Yeah. So, what Yoji topic? I need, it needs to be the popping pearl.

Correct. I mean, Matt, sorry, you got Guinness this week, so that's okay. Yeah. I don't feel as bad, you know. Yeah. I mean, I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going needs to be the popping pearl. Correct.

I mean, Matt, sorry, you got Guinness this week, so that's okay. I don't feel as bad, you not having that. Although can I say just one last thing on my visit to Yochi? Oh, yes. I was like, should we go to Yochi after dinner, husband? And he's like, yeah, that'd be nice. And you can always tell when he doesn't quite want to do it. He's a bit like, yeah, that'd be nice. And you can always tell when he doesn't quite want to do it. Oh.

He's a bit like, oh, yeah, that sounds great. But he doesn't actually want to do it. And I was like, why are you saying no? Why don't you want to do it? And then he was like, it's just the spoons there. Oh, those wood spoons. Well, no. OK, it's just like the spoons.

It's like, it kind of takes over the whole flavor of the thing. So we go and get the yochi. And I'm like, at the end, how was that? And he was like, Oh, that was great. They've changed the spoons. And I was like, was the last time you went in 2018 when they used to have plastic spoons and apparently yes. Whoa. That kind of thing sticks with you.

Yeah. But I mean, Matt, perhaps you'd like to take this on. It's worth revisiting things that you've dismissed. And learning about yourself. I'm setting my ways. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. I'm an old man now.

That's right. But like Papa Smurf, sometimes you need to go on a journey of self-discovery to find yourself and your place in the universe from those evil wizards. Yeah. It might be with the wizards. Yeah.

No. Oh. Listener, if you own Yochi, can you send us some pearls? I'd like a fistful of pearls. Imagine squeezing them. I would never waste them, but I'll imagine it. But certainly if we delivered them like a vat yeah waste a handful on that but I imagine they just pop through the little crevasses in my fingers yes but what a delight and then you have such sticky

fingers oh you're terrible well okay okay I think because it does have to be a pearl I don't think I think strawberries a little bit pedestrian I think kiwis a bit more zany oh no no I think I do a little bit pedestrian. I think kiwi's a bit, ooh, zany. Oh, no, no. I think I do like the blueberry one. But you know what I do like about the lychee pearl that I will say, and I'm not trying to be a sycophant here. I do genuinely think this.

I'm not just saying it to agree with you. I love when they get lost. I didn't know. I thought I was just pulling to my lips with something. She was mouthful of vanilla sorbet. Yes. Some, you know, distracting little crumb coating on there. But then the whole time, like a little avatar in the ice, there was an orb of lychee juice.

Yes. It was incredible. And then you realised and you pushed on it and it exploded and you were delighted. I was delighted. Yeah. I tell you what, an experience I was not allowed to have last night because they were the blueberry I mean blueberry pearl. Yeah, no, don't fuck with that.

But I like it. No. But it does just say, here I am, I'm a pearl versus the more subdued affair of the lychee. Yes. Where am I? Yeah. You'll find me anytime And I won't have a power but I will the light. Yes. Yeah. Okay light cheap. Oh, you're in fucking amazing So this week light cheap. Oh topping. Mm-hmm

also Those are the two things we put in Octavia Octavia Spencer you are in now. As Asimodius. As Asimodius, an intergalactic evil wizard. Jesus. Yeah, but a costume that she wears.

Yeah, a giant felted abomination. Yes, with a hilarious like vent for her to peer through. In the mouth. Yeah. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And the first thing we discussed, which was seven hours ago, Guinness on tap. Yeah. Incredible.

Listener. Yeah. A hundred episodes down. And only five thousand more to go. Yeah. We got a lot of work to do. Amazing. Well, we love you all.

Yeah. And we'll see you all in hell. Sulaingor. Goodbye. Death to Everyone was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matches. Our theme song and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. If you've got something to say to us, send it to us at deathtoeveryonepod at gmail.com. Oh, and won't you support us please and join the music club at patreon.com slash death to everyone.

Ta-ta.com. That's death to everyone. Ta-ta. Goodbye. Just have seen what Osmodeus looks like. And it's so funny. What the fuck? It's so good. That is a meet and greet character is really funny. That's what we have in the bunker.

Ew. What? Ew. Meek woman. Oh my God god and the fucking tagline, Hex yeah! Incredible.