Death To Everyone - Death To... Butt Plugs, Big Asses & Gen 10 Pokemon Starters

Episode Date: March 3, 2026

What can we say... We LOVE big asses and all things related to asses like butt plugs!And also Pokemon...xFollow us, won't you? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone���⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ You can send us a voicemail at ⁠www.speakpipe.com/deathtoeveryone⁠Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.naturalhabitatstudios.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/ediecentric⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103⁠

Especially goo. Especially goo. We love goo. Gooo. Hello. Hello, everyone. My, oh. Sorry, you go.

You go. My name's Zoldamoon. And I'm lazy Suzanne of Suzanne's. This goes with that at Suzanne's. Yeah, exactly. And this is death to everyone. It's a podcast. We're doing sentence for sentence.

Yeah. Oh, let's do that. Tell us a story about the podcast one word at time. One word. Yeah, you know that game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It doesn't, it's kind of, that game sucks. It's my... Okay, let's do it. Okay. It's a podcast about the end of the world. And in this podcast, we choose what goes into our... Doomsday. Bunker.

Ooh. And we pick ourselves up off the ground. After. Messy. Drivers hit us. And yell. Fagant. Hello, and our driver is, of course, Matt.

Doomsday. boy. Doomsday, Matt. Doomsday, Matt. Matt, are you excited for Avengers Doomsday? Oh, yeah. Welcome, Matt. Are you excited, Zelda?

Welcome, Matt. Yeah, yeah. I think it's going to be fun. You don't. You don't really think that. I'm excited. We're over it now. I'm just nervous that Hallie Berry is going to be in it wearing some...

What happens to a frog when it is struck by lightning? the same thing as everything else. Is that what she says? Kind of. It's a toad. I know. I always want to say frog, though. What happens to a toad when it's struck by lightning?

Same thing as everything else. Sorry if you can't keep up with storm. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Anyway, welcome, listener. How are you? Good.

I'm assuming that's good. Yeah. If you said something else, we're going to cut it out. Yeah. No, we can't have any loser listeners listening to this part. Yeah. We fought long and hard. Oh, actually, speaking of loser listeners,

I've got another speakhold to send you. Let me just get that. Oh, good. Now, in the meantime, um, I don't know what's happened. I don't know what happened to my algorithm. Oh, an algorithm on my TikTok that I built brick by brick.

and is now just in disarray. I don't know whether I watch too much, like weird little Epstein stuff or whatever, but the speed at which it came to be like, do you want to know about every shitty conspiracy theory? And I'm like, no, no, take me back. Take me back to like easy ways to patch drywall. That's what I want to know about.

Home DIY hacks. Yeah. Anyway, so now it is just like the end of the world on my feed all the time. I mean, obviously there's like a lot of things happening in the world that might lead someone to believe we might be about to go into World War III. But, you know, that's pretty hectic. Yeah, you'd rather just be wondering where that woman's bunker is up to. Yeah. Yeah.

She, what accent is that that woman has? The woman who's building a bunker. Yeah. Well, she's actually building like a tunnel. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's got an autistic American accent. Okay, yeah. Yeah.

Here's how we build the bunker under my house. The planning has come together in quite a fabulous way. Today we'll be moving three rocks. Three thousand pounds of rock needs to be left out of my basement. And my sump has just broken again. Yeah. I like that she overcame the neighbour's complaints

and was able to get counsel permission to continue building her tunnel. And then in the interim, this is a woman on TikTok around, in the interim, when she had a stop work on her tunnel while she had to get it up to code, she

went to this building site and saw these giant boulders and there was a builder who was doing, like, clearing the land on that site or whatever. and they must be building an apartment complex or something. And she was like, hello, sir. I'd like to use these boulders to build my castle wall,

which was the second, like her B project. And she's like, I've now run out of giant rocks from my underground tunnel. But I'd still like to continue getting rocks. Can I take some of these boulders that you are not using because they've come out of the ground? Yeah. And he's like, yeah, go ahead. And then she proceeded to show up every day. for two months and do hardcore drilling and like do this thing where you like drill a deep hole

and these boulders are the size of her yeah would drill a deep hole in the boulder and then pour in this like expanding liquid that like when it sets up it expands and is able to crack rock because of the force of the expansion as opposed to just like the pegging like to split it off so you do the drill holes, like where you want the cut in the rock to be. Yeah. And like you do them at like 10 centimeter intervals. And then you pour this like expanding rock crete thing in there. And then when it does that, it just needs a slight tap with a hammer and it all splits apart.

That's so cool. Well, you and this woman. Yeah. You could hang out. I dare to dream. Yeah. Cool. She also lives in a haunted house.

That's one of her C videos. She's like, I had a friend who was very mentally unwell who came to stay with me. They were experiencing psychosis due to schizophrenia. When they stayed in this room, they told me that they saw things. And I'm like, what a varied, like, life you live. Oh, my God. Did you see Makira Tewas, Makira, the Christian woman from Florida, who were like,

I made Ariana Greniery's like Oh that woman Yes yes yes Yes yes yes but in my caravan And I have a bird Yeah like So she's had such a long road

Because she just like got really famous For making like very And she looks like a Barbie She's the most beautiful woman Yeah But she can also sew anything And lives like The life of

Like she like lived in a caravan For like years And like goes on trips With all her kind of like mysteriously asexual Christian friends. And they all give off strong like, we are like junior cadet sort of vibes or like scout leaders. Yeah.

And they have like lots of activities, but like they don't drink or swear or anything or like have like sex outside marriage. Anyway, so she went through this like massive breakup three or four years ago with this guy. And they were engaged at the time. she blew up her entire life moved to New York and lived there for six months, came back and finally met, well, remet a guy from her childhood that, like, they were always meant to be. Sweeties. And he asked her to marry him, but the way that he did it was because her favorite moments from any Disney films,

because obviously she's like hardcore Christian so she can't enjoy adult films. Yeah, she used to watch Disney films. are like Rapunzel when she's on the lake entangled and like the little mermaid when she's on the water with whatever Prince Eric and he's like my girlfriend dreams of being on the water to get engaged and so he dug a pit in their front yard

and turned it into a pond and then styled up a little boat and then turned it into like a Disney looking boat like a little like paddle boat yeah and then surrounded and planted in the creek so it was all flowers and bits and then got this woman to his house and like sat her in the boat and they went out on the tiny little pond and then they were just you know two adults sitting on the pond in their backyard yeah and then he asked her to marry him wow do you know And she said, how did he know?

How? Why didn't they just go to a loke? He built her a lake and a boat. At his house, not at her house? Yeah. How long do you think he spent working on that project? Well, she explains in the video about it. Oh.

Where she's like, I was wondering what he was up to. But what's wrong with an actual lake? I think it's probably impossible. What? I don't know. Did it look good? You need to see this picture. It's so funny.

It's like, and like the, um, the thing, like the, the, the line on it is like, he built me a lake. Oh my God. Uh, but yeah, I mean, like, God bless this woman. She seems happy now. Dream proposal. He dug a pond, made a boat and proposed to me in it. Oh, hanged engagement story.

Oh, I want to judge properly. Because, I mean, like, in theory, of course, that's incredibly romantic and what a gesture. But I'm just a bit perplexed. I think you should be. Oh, absolutely not. This is a hideous. Ew. Ew.

Ew. Oh, I hate that. also like those look like cut up lays around the exterior of the boat I mean the boat is quite fetching that I'm not mad at a pond like that

would be like 30,000 American dollars Not if you built it yourself And you live in Florida But like did you put a pond lining I think he did I think this guy seems like quite adept but like, um,

but it looks like a septic overflow. Yeah, the water is. It's dank brown. It's, it is, it looks like he just put the eyes into the lawn. And am I seeing like lit IKEA candles in the background? Yeah.

And then her dad, they like brushed her father in to take some, to see the bond? To take some engagement pictures. Oh. Um, and he was taking photos and his leg caught on fire from the little candles. On the real candles. They're not like just the flickering LED lights.

His leg caught on fire or his pants caught on fire? It's impossible to know. His leg is very hairy. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. His wooden leg. His big leg got on.

Or at least it's, you know, he lost his leg originally in the fire. So I just think there's like, uh, how long do you have to see? sit in the boat for it to be do you know that's that thing of like around the lake once go back and forth across the lake

I'm just going to send you some additional little like lake lake pigs have a look what Instagram is this so that people can look it up so you can go to

Makira Tours spelled towers but with an E Makira M-I-C-A-R-A-H So she is like The most stunning.

Yeah, she's impossibly beautiful. Which is really funny because it's like, you know, that is such a classic, um, like Christian youth leader thing. Mm. Where it's like this like, I'm a big dorkess maloricus.

But, but I'm like I look like a supermodal. And her older sister was like Miss America. Oh. Yeah. Cool. Um, so he's a very like handsome,

generic looking men. Yeah. Which is fine. But, oh, here he is frenzied holding a paddle. Don't work up too much of a sweat. The pond isn't that big. He's going to bury you in that pond one day. Holy shit.

That pond is so disgusting. It takes up the entire backyard. Yeah, you do have to really want the pond. Like, I mean, I love a pond. But, I mean, also, like, it's just been built. So it hasn't been, like, lived in yet. But it needs some. It needs that lived-in pond look.

Yeah, it needs a plant out. I would have given it three years before the proposal. Well, if it happened at your house, I'd be standing in a fucking tub from bunnings. Huh. A black tub from bunnies. How is your pond going? Yeah.

The lotus tubs are going quite well. I was watching some more videos on the rhizomes last night. And, oh, my lotus house. have a long way to go, but they're on the gem. And it's so exciting. What's going to happen to them? So like the seeds germinated, fabulous. And now, like, they've been planted, also fabulous.

They, there's like a risk of, like, too much sun when you, like, introduce them into, like, the outside world. Yeah. Because they, like, germinated them in a bright place, but it's not, like, full sun all day, every day. But they've gone through that transition. and now they're all putting out new leaves. But as summer is coming to an end,

like they'll still grow through autumn, but yeah, they'll completely die off in winter. And then next summer, by then the rhizome should actually be like established. And I'll get some like out of water leaves and flowers next year, I hope. That's good. I'm very happy for you.

It's going to be so cool. And I'm going to get some Madaka for the ponds because they're so cute like little Japanese rice fish. Oh. cute. They live in the rice. They come from like rice paddy areas. Yeah. Yeah. Do you think.

Yeah. I love that. Okay. Well, I love that for you. Yeah. Do you know I do love that for you. Oh my God. What is happening? What's going on this week, everyone? What's the 4-1-1? What's the cool gems? I started watching Lord of the Flies. Oh, yeah. Had you seen any of it yet?

I started watching and then I was like, wait, why am I watching it? this. Yeah, fair. Matt, have you seen any of it? I did the same as lazy. Yeah, fair. Did you like it? Me?

No. No. But... Why are we talking about it then? This is the podcast of all the things you hate it. Yes. Oh, it's famously the podcast of all the things that we like.

We put them in the bunker. It's actually a love fest. Every week we talk about our favorite thing. That's right, man. Yeah, but you also talk about all the other things. That ain't not true. Well, it's a process of elimination. I know.

majority of mostly things you hate But it is weirdly Shot Shit Shot Oh shot Like there's so much Like the opening scenes are all on that

Extreme Like fish eye lens Yeah yeah yeah And that just continues through the whole thing Yeah yeah And like Because crazy I'm crazy perspective

Because I'm dehydrated on an island I find that really annoying Because Because it's all beautiful. Yeah. But then, like, it's all just shot a bit crazy. It's too crazy. Yeah.

I, um, it's the guy that did adolescence. And that was all the one shot, you know, procedural. One shot. Shame. Which so, it's so the, um, filmmaker having some kind of gimmicky filmmaking stuff doesn't surprise me. Mm. Because that's the, the way he started.

Yeah. And let me tell you something. I didn't. not care for that adolescence. That was, yeah, not my kind of juge. Nah. Like, everyone loved it, though. People loved that.

But I think it's like, it's like, this is so real. Yeah, it appeals like, oh, this is what the state of kids are like at the moment. Well, that's the thing. I'm like, I think they love it because for the same reason people love a current affair. It's like it confirms some deep-seated yearning that people have for like. Drama. Well, depraved, sad, like, quote-unquote reality, but it's not actually reality.

It's just like a really, like... It's an extreme version of what people think is going on. Wait, this kid killed his classmate? Didn't he rape her? Oh. He did something. Is that true story or just for fun? No, it's just for fun.

It's a fun show. He should have to call everything fictional for fun. Or just for fun, yeah. Is this real or this for fun? Yeah. Are you doing this for fun? Yeah. Well, because it does highlight, you know.

Why? If your rape story is just for fun, maybe check yourself. Check why you're doing it. Yeah. Yeah, no, and it's all in one take, and they kind of keep doing this one take thing throughout. But, you know, I just, I can't remember, because I can't really remember what the whole thing was.

But, like, it all just felt a bit convenient. Like, I think that there's just the way that this, these shows sometimes function. It's like it picks a kind of scapegoat for these kind of like moral failings without really wanting to examine them in any kind of real good faith way. And instead it's just like quite tidy. Like I think that that was very like, and this is the state of modern like masculinity is that it's completely broken and corrupt.

and there's no, there's no, like, reason for it. Or, like, yeah, I don't know. It's just interesting. Hmm. Hmm. Well.

And now it feels like he's gone off and made Lord of the Flies. And I just, like, yeah, I don't know. It's, um, like, I am not, like, overly familiar with the actual, like the core story of Lord of the Flies.

Yeah. Like, I know the, you know, abridged version. But yeah, it's interesting. I think it's, it's cool, like casting.

Like, all the kids are pretty solid. And a lot of them are really young. Yeah. Really young. Which is good. I think that would be great if they were all 30. Like,

yeah, the OC. Mm. Yeah. It does a good job of driving that home. Yes. Like, if you actually cast the ages in the book,

then you're like, oh. Oh, it's, horrendous. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, have you been watching anything fabulous?

Beast Game Season 2? Tell you what, it is crazy. This is the Mr. Beast has a show. Yeah. And it's the largest prize pool of any show in TV history. The last one jackpotted to a $10 million prize to the winner. and it's just a rip-off full-out of Squid Game. Like, I remember when Mr. Beas was doing a press tour about the first one,

and it was like, you know, Amazon gave us carte blanche to do whatever we want. We built a city. We were able to build a whole city, like, aka an oval with a few buildings on it. And like we've just done so many amazing things that have never been seen before on television. television, like, da-da-da-da-da. And, like, the way he was selling this whole thing was, like, everything that you're seeing is a never-before-seen thing. And it's all born of the fact that, like, because I don't come from the world of TV, I come from YouTube content generation. I have a better idea about what the humans want and, like, what humans need to see.

And as a result, this show is going to be the most unique, inspiring reality TV. experience that anyone's ever had. And then it came out and it was like, oh, you, you just remade that show that had already just been made, the Squid Game. Okay. So what? And now in season two, like, I don't know how they got a season two, but apparently it was the biggest show that Amazon had ever had.

Bigger than that ring of power? Ring, I don't have the power. Bigger than that. Wow. I know. Well. Sorry, New Zealand. Sorry, hobbits.

But yeah, so very, very crazy. And the issue, like, the show is so badly made that, like, no single character manages to come to the fore. No one is, like, produced in such a way as to, like, have an interesting personality. And they're all, because shut in North Carolina, like, a majority of the contestants seem to be from around this area. So the whole show is weirdly just, like, an insight. into like this very like south like of America not South America but like the South. Yeah. And like the people in it.

It's just like a and a lot of men going like, woo! Yeah. And I think like that might be the most repugnant thing I see. Like men in tank tops who go, woo! Come on. Boy? Game on. You know? Oh, God.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, I don't think you need to win. I don't think $5 million is going to fix it. Yeah. It might make it worth. Well, yeah. Yeah.

I don't think you need money. What do you think the like, well, yeah, boys would do if they won $5 million. Well, we know because one of them won last year, but his son was dying of some rare genetic disease. And he, it's going to put the money towards the research. Hmm.

Yeah. His son can't make this certain type of protein. Yeah, right. But yeah. But like that's the other thing about the show is that like kind of in place of character development or interesting stakes, they just like have these people like trot up and whoever kind of has the most, it's like all reality, but like the most tragic story is the winner. I was going to say, does it do the drag race of it all of like, now say your trauma?

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, except in the world of Mr. Beast that he walks up behind them and says, before you came on the show, we got you to say why you were doing this. I have it on this piece of paper. I'm going to now read it. And then he stands on this giant four-story high platform with the contestants standing in front of lit up buttons. Oh, my God.

And then all of their teammates are watching from four stories below. And he reads out loud, Tiffany, you said that your grandmother had diabetes. You want to help her so that she can move into an assisted living facility and not have to fall down the stairs every day. And she's like, yeah, thank you. How many contestants are there? Well, at the start, there's a thousand. A thousand? And then it winters down.

Oh, my God. A thousand tragedies. Well, sometimes they've, like, dropped through platforms in the floor, which I do like. And, like, they, like, when they lose, an X appears above them, like, floating. It's a really ugly show. Wow. But the good thing that they've adapted about the Mr. Beast City, which is part of the show, that they all go into the city when there's just 500 of them or something like,

is that there's a Mr. Feastable, feastable restaurant where they can get food anytime they like. And it's got all the Mr. Beast products. Yeah. The Feastable's Bar, the snackable, like, meal kit, like ham and cheese and crackers. Yeah. Kind of let's snacky vibe. Yeah. But that's all that they have there.

And then they also have a Starbucks. Mm-hmm. And that's just apparently staffed 24-7. Just in case. Just in case. So I would love to see a memoir written from the perspective of the young, teenage gal working the Starbucks in Mr. Beas City.

I mean, all of that just blows my mind. Yeah. And you're watching it doing like for research, right? Why am I watching it? I don't know. Yeah, no. Why am I watching it?

Yeah, there's something addictive. There's something like, you know, it's effective. It's probably like the most important singular reality TV competition show of all time. I am too scared to ask my nephews if they are aware of Mr. Beast. Everyone's aware of Mr. Beast. If they're a teenage boy. I just like that Mr. Beast has all those weird mole rat friends that hang around.

Yeah. Like they're these like weird pale like. But wasn't Mr. Beast? Well, of course. But weren't they all cancelled? Wasn't one of them? I don't know. Yeah.

One of them was like turned out to, well, this is the unfortunate thing. Mr. Bees had like a friend who came out as trans. Yeah. And she was like very visible in the content, which was great. Because it was like, Mr. Bees did not shy away from being like, yeah, my friend is trans. I'm like, she's part of the gang. Yeah. Nothing has changed.

And then all of this stuff came out of this gal grooming, like a bunch of the young viewers of Mr. Bees. The trans girl did it? Yeah. No. I know. I was like, Devatron. Are you kidding?

And then she has never appeared again. God damn it. I was like his one female friend gone. Damn. Yeah. And so now we're just left with these weird, gimpy friends. Yeah. Hi, aye.

What's a gal to do? I don't know. Yeah. Is that the world of blaze, I guess. Well, that's it. I think that'll be the apocalypse. But in the meantime, Is your life going okay?

Oh, my life? My life? My life? Fine. Yeah. Well, I already told the Lotus update. That was pretty exciting. That's pretty big.

Saying my life with a bored accent. It's so funny. Well, it's my life. And I don't give a down. Billy Joel accent. Yeah. Billy Joel. I did get a message after last podcast went out that just said in all capitals.

Benson Boudet Benson Bune I saw a blind item after we were saying Benson Bune is stray Yeah That it was a blind item on De Mois

So take this with a pinch of salt Himalayan sea salts If you haven't That Benson Bunei is gay And that is being kept in the closet By his father Oh

Because he's like scared to disappoint his daddy Wow Yeah Hmm But he would please so many other daddies. That's right, darling. Don't worry about that daddy.

You've got new daddies. Yeah. An endless supply. What did you think about? Rosalia? Rosalia? That's the singer. That's a woman.

My God, I always confuse her with the Pokemon. And, and Bjerk, did you see that performance? No, we're just at the Brit. Yeah. So, good. It's really good. Very, very fun.

Anyway. Good for them. What did you think about Jim Carrey? Oh, God. I fucking hate the fucking goddamn internet. I knew you'd have opinion about this. It's so annoying. I mean, we do have a new clone for the bunker.

But like, why? Tell people what happened for the, if they haven't. Okay, so the French version kind of of the Academy Awards, kind of, was giving an award to honour the life and career of one James Carey and invited him over. And he's been very out of the public eye for quite some time. Ever since Sonic 3. That's right.

And he tries to keep a low prof in the way that all of our comedy legends of that era do, like Eddie Murphy, Bill Murray. They're all just in castles somewhere. So Jim Kerry appears again, and this is like maybe a few weeks after having appeared on the Colbert Report. But he has had like filler and like eyelid surgery and looks really insane. Yeah. Puffy.

Puffy. I don't get where people. people get surgery. I mean, like, I, I just don't get why you get it

so close to a public appearance. It's just like, let the stitches fucking settle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then he seemingly had a different eye color, seemingly,

yeah, looked completely different and was speaking completely differently and was just, like, in a different mode. And then,

yeah, people were like, oh my God, Jim Carrey has been cloned like Averill Levine before. him. He's been snatched before our eyes like Britney Spears and we're like now witnessing the clone take over his life in career. Yeah. And people are alleging that it's because 10 years ago

Jim Kerry talked like quote unquote openly, aka made a joke. Yeah. About how he was in the Illuminati. And people are like, but he said a lot of crazy issues. They're like, oh, they're going to get him. now that he's talked about the Illuminati, they're going to get him because you're not allowed to talk about the Illuminati if you're in the Illuminati. And so then 10 years later, they made good on that promise

and killed Jim Carrey but then to make sure that they could cover their tracks instead of just killing him. They cloned him and got the clone to the right age of like 60. So I guess it's like an advanced aging clone. Or they just like... He'll be 80 next week.

Maybe it just comes out. Yeah. Old Jim Carrey. Well, he did kind of look newly born, but old. And then they were like, well, now they have the clone. They can get him to do whatever they want him to. And so what they wanted him to do was go to France and collect a lifetime of Jim. Which I guess is like suiting the needs.

Or like they're just establishing like credibility. And then what's even worse is that Alexis stone the, the iconic drag queen. Yeah. Who goes out, you know, with these incredible prosthetics on as like Glenn Close or Mrs. Doubtfire or whatever. Yeah. Made a joke.

But people didn't take it. Guys, it was me. There's no clone. I was in the prosthetics. And people said, oh, that's true. And then they went on this whole thing about how that was real. How proved that it isn't. And basically, yeah, we just, we like have truly gone post-truth in the world.

Well, what if it was Alexis, though? She does it all the time. Have you seen Alexis? Yes. She looks incredible, but she don't look like a real fucking human being. Number one, her face is already physically twice the size of Jim Carrey's face. And when she has the laser prosthetics, it's always like, playing close. if she got stung by a bee.

Yeah. Like, the face is always bigger than her actual head, which is already a big man's head. Whereas Jim Carrey has quite a petite little face. Yeah, and quite spelt, I don't know,

like, skeleton. Yeah. Um, it was not, but yeah, it's just, okay,

well, but like you don't have proof that it wasn't. So, no, even if I do have is a post saying that it was. Yeah. And I, and I think the issue is,

if you go back each time, It's someone makes a joke. Like, I'm in the Illuminati. I'm saying that on a talk show and that's funny. And then the world is like, that wasn't a joke. And then like, they're like, I'm like, imagine like working your whole life. And then having like any credit for your career taken away from you

because they're like, no, you're the evil clone. Like you have to now live saying I am evil clone. Yeah. but it would be great if he just lent in. I'd probably like that, to be honest. I'm evil clone, Gary. It was, okay, so not quite the same thing, but this week was the 10-year anniversary of Starju Valley.

Yeah. Incredible game. Originally made by one guy, the whole thing was made by him. I think he's now a bit of a team because it's across multiple platforms and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But still a very small team, but he made the game like every part of it every coding every piece of music the whole thing

yeah and yeah 10 year anniversary this year so he made a video with a few announcements for the next update but also just a bit of a like let's look back at the different versions and the main things and blah blah blah which was all very sweet whatever and there was this point where he was talking about like cut content from before release or like that he was working on but then didn't include. And there's this video that he's talking over of like the character walking through like a gnome village under the town, blah, blah, blah. And he's like, but just to be clear, this is cut content. This is not an Easter egg.

There is no gnome town under the town. You do not need to add it to your wiki pages about, you know, the broader theory that there's gnomes living under the town and this is cut. It's not in the game. and I just thought that was very funny because that poor man would just like every nerd on the planet is obsessed with that game and would turn one sentence into like

a three hour long law video about the game or whatever and just think that's funny that that's the kind of yeah how it is these days or like there's so many retrospective videos about like the deeper meaning of the forest temple from Aquina of Time. In 1997, when they were developing that game, there was no deeper theory.

They were just making a cool location. They were like, it's a forest. Yeah, it was not that deep. Yeah. But anyway, people are obsessed with that kind of thing now. Yeah, I think lore sometimes takes the place of plot. Yes, yeah. Yeah, and it's mistaken for depth.

I think sometimes geeks mistake law for depth. Yeah. It's like, no, no, no, that's just more, facts like more facts about the world or like more history about the world which is satisfying and cool we love it but it's not like the same as death yeah more is not yeah yeah but the I was watching I got like because I was looking for something to fill my my hours while I was doing my like a lot like a long Photoshop session so that could be like eight hours just sitting at your computer and you just need like

something really consistent in tone and rhythm to like listen to. So I end up watching like watching this three part each an hour long of this gal standing in front of a whiteboard being like, this is the events of Lord of the Rings, the three films and everything that they missed from the books. And now I'm just like, what do I do with this information that I have in my head about a film series that I like,

but don't particularly like revisit or anything. Yeah, yeah. And now I'm just like, here we are. Yeah. But now I know. I know. What am I going to do with the information that the dwarves were not created by the great high leader of God, but by one of his archangels?

Yeah. And then he begged forgiveness. So then God turned them into real sentient being. Hmm. You know, win a trivia round one day. That's what. Well, no, because I don't even know the name of those fucking archangels. They're just like, they're the blablers, and they're the blahblers.

The complexity of Lord of the Rings, like, god-esque beings is very convoluted. Yeah. It's not very neat and tidy, but that's okay. No, and I think it's like, obviously it's like a creation myth. So it can just be like, and then she cried the rivers, and then he laughed the sun or whatever. but yeah I don't know okay

okay okay apocalypse apocalypse you do I'm gonna do the apocalypse and my apocalypse is

one of the archangels sent to earth by God to take human form let's call him Gandalf so Ian McAndoff

yeah he gets a hold of one of the rings that was created by one of the other archangels, kind of a sub-archangel. And he had, you know, split his will into many rings to try and trick the different leaders of the different races into, you know, into going under his control. He made some rings for the leaders of man, the leaders of the elves. and the leaders of the dwarves and then he in secret made another ring and it was a special ring

but not adorned like the other rings didn't have any stones because he was a guy but he didn't have secret writing and it was a ring that could rule the other rings what did the secret writing say but only when it was put near flame. Oh.

Because it was reminded of it where it was forged. I see. In the volcano. Oh. Mount Doom. Oh. Yeah.

And that would be the only heat that could destroy it. Oh, I see. Because it could only be destroyed by the lava that made it. Anyway. And so then he used the ring.

So they corrupted the spirits of all the men that had taken the ring because men are so corruptible. and the dwarves built different because obviously they weren't built by God instead focused in on their love of jewels and gems

and moved underground to mine the earth but often to excess and that made them a target for many monsters and so that became an issue and ended a lot of so a lot of those rings were disappeared in one of those or three of all the dwarven rings

were eaten by dragons Do you know this? Sure. Yeah, that happened. And that's why they're not on the board by this time when the world ends. And the elven rings, well, the elves are a different kind of thing. And they have a stronger will. So I assume Tilda Swinton probably has one.

And so they're able to kind of keep that will at bay. Yeah, I see. Anyway, so the ring goes on to one of these archangels. Gandalf. So the mind, do you think, did Gina Reinhardt have one of the miners' rings? Yeah, she's fixing to move underground now. I see. Yeah.

Our dwarf queen. And then it corrupts Gandalf. And then Gandalf and then Gandalf destroys everyone. Oh. Yes, in an attempt to take over full earth. No. Top Earth. I see.

Yeah. Old Earth. I see. Yeah. Well, that's that. With a wave of his staff. What kind of destroy Earth? Well, the ring becomes insatiable for power, and so he sets off all the nudes.

Ian. Stop it. No, Ian McKellen. Yeah. All right. Yeah. What do you think about that? I think it's great.

Listen, I finally figured out what to do with all that knowledge. Oh, God. Okay, we'll be right, bit. Hello, listener. It's us, Sue Langiot, to you. Welcome back. Now, as is becoming tradition, for our first little section of the day, we will listen to you, listener, through the speakhole. I fear that the speakhole is being

I don't know like a Okay It's like when It's like when a new fox comes to town And like spooks all the other foxes out of the borough And then it's just the one fox And it won't let anyone else in That's what's happened to speak hole

Wait There's one hungry fox Who's saying Who sent us a speakhole The same person that sends us a speakhole Every week No, when not, we're not listening to this speakhole.

Okay, well, this is the last one. Well, what, it's really a call to action for all other listeners. We need you to populate the speakhole as well. That's too tragic. Gidee, lazy. Giney, Zelda. Since Zelda is posting her butt plugs all over social media. Oh, I didn't know about this.

I would like to know what butt plug should go into the bunker. but also what what actually what is what's a butt pug actually for like I get

I get Dildos I'm across that but what if yeah if you could both do a bit of a four corners

investigation on what a butt pug is actually for because I think I missed that in the I don't know what's it for

Zelda what's a four me all right Love the pot. Bye babies. By babies? Bye babies.

I don't think you can assign a sexuality to babies. A baby. Buy babies. A bite baby visibility. Okay. Okay. Well, number one, get alive. Number two, the speak hole, you're clogging the hole.

You plug in the hole. mailbox full yeah Matt I'm high I feel like you were giggling a lot because maybe you don't think about butt plugs that much

no I was just laughing and like just how just train of stream of consciousness that was yeah he was like he called in and then he was like wait

I don't know what am I going with this there's one added layer that I'd like to apply to that speak hole I wasn't actually listening to the content that it came through at 1121 p.m.

At night? Yeah, which I think just adds a little there. Do you know what? Can I say the most embarrassing thing happened to me as a speakhole kind of situation? So I was trolling TikTok and I suddenly heard the voice of Lindsay Weber, who is the co-host of Who Weekly, one of my favorite podcasts, that is famous for having a speak-hole. call in listener situation. And I heard her voice on a video about like ice skating. And then I went into this like in TikTok account and she was there talking about like

ice skating on like three different videos. And I was like, oh my God. They have made an AI voice of Lindsay Weber and like, because she has an iconic voice. And I was like, well, I guess if you were looking for someone that you. you could train an AI on someone that's had a podcast for 10 years would be a great person. Yeah. Because it'd be pretty easy to recreate their voice. And so maybe TikTok has just like this one account is using a, you know, a simulation of Lindsay's voice.

So I spend like an hour running around my house like so excited that I finally have a reason to call in to Who Weekly. Because like I'd never had a reason before. And so there was a few things I needed to do I need to make sure that I was ready to call their like phone line and leave a message but also be able to play some of the like audio from the thing so I had to like get the video onto my laptop so I could call on my phone

but then have it play live off my laptop but then I also they do a lot of sign-offs on their shows so they have like their iconic crunch crunch sign-off but then you also like there's one sign-off that has never been used that I really wanted to use it was all going along. Yeah. And then it was like I sent in my, I can't believe Lindsay is like being used to train an AI.

Yeah. Send it in and was just like, oh God, this is amazing. This is actually going to get on because it's like about them. This is like perfect. Yeah. And then I like pull up my phone and see that the latest episode they're talking about. skating and the Winter Olympics in depth for the whole episode and that the clips were just from their latest episode.

No! You'd already sent it? I'd already sent it. From like lazy Susan at g-no.com. No. And I'd sent it and with like an accompanying email being like, here's a link so that you can go there if you want to investigate these TikToks. Love from your reigning queen of down under lazy Susan.

Really like hoping to like jim up the credentials so that they could be like, ooh, yeah, yeah. And now they're just like, oh, she didn't even listen. No. That's hard. I'm sorry, sister. It's really sad. And because the sign off that I wanted to use was sent in by when Lena Dunham called into their show.

Because Lena Dunham had heard them talking about her supposed few years. with Melissa Joan Hart. Oh my God. And she was like, when she signed off her call, she was like, love to everyone. Even Melissa Joan Hart, I guess. And it was the most incredible sign off that I was like, no one has ever said this. And I'm going to be the first to do. And Melissa Joan Hart, I guess.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Oh. And you did you did do? What? I used it. I used it. Oh.

Maybe the one. include it anyway. I hope not. I just seem like such a dumb fuck. That's okay. Funny sort of story before we go into but plugs, I guess. You know, last week I was talking about the meeting that I ran with that gal from work. Anyway, that happened.

Then a couple days ago, someone else from work who was in that meeting, who I don't know, came up to me and was like, hey, I was like, hello. They were like, I, so after that meeting the other day, I looked you up online and you're really good friends with lazy Susan. And I was like, yes. And they were like, oh, that makes so much sense. Because when you were talking, I was like, you remind me of someone. And then when I saw that, I was like, you two talk the same.

It's catchy. It's like, oh, thank you. Hmm. Well, anyway. It's nice to know that neither one of us have a unique personality. No, we do. Just maybe a similar pattern or something, yeah. Yeah.

Anyway, I don't have butt plugs in my lounge room. I don't have any butt plugs. Okay, so I think the theory of butt plugs is, and anyone stop me if I'm wrong, but I think I'm right. Keep in the calm. Well, no. Uh-oh. But the, so a dildo is for like manual kind of like fukin.

Yeah. It kind of is taking the place of the dick in hole. A butt plug is more durational. It's about like you put in a butt plug and it has a stopper so that it doesn't go further into you. But it can just rest against the prostate, which is like, meaning every time you move or anything, you'll get like a small like zap of pleasure through your prostate. which is like, yeah, fab. And then it's not thrusting in and out.

It's just kind of resting there. And you're meant to just kind of leave it there like ongoing. So it's not meant to be like, no one's getting, I don't think you're getting fucked by a butt plug. No. You're getting fucked by a dildo, but a butt plug you could go to work and have a butt plug in. And then kind of take pleasure in the secret being fucked all day.

What do you think about like the remote? access vibrator butt plugs. Like, you're up, not you, but someone is off at work and I'm at home with my little,

my little app going like, zap, zap. I think it would be funny if you did it with your friends and not with a lover. They do that in like vibrating panties in something.

Oh my God. Anyway. I think, Like, that's just, like, funny. Have we, where's the drag show of that? Like, someone's on stage and then before the show you give someone in the audience, the Zappa. That'd be great. Mm-hmm.

I like that. I think like a Celine Dion Dumbo and you're halfway through my heart will go on. Gooning. Yeah. Gooning. Oh, well. We'll see about that. Yeah.

And then some butt plugs seem to be like a challenge. about like getting past the large aperture of the butt plug and then once you kind of get around the other side of that hill kind of sit in your victory. Yeah, but then you know that you have to climb the hill again with less lead up to get it out of you. Not unlike Sam and Froger. You know.

Well, no eagle's going to pull the butt plug out of your hole. unless Hillsville Sanctuary Why are you dating a falconier? Well, let me tell you. You don't even know. But yeah, butt plugs. Then the flared base of the butt plug oftentimes will have like a gemstone.

What do you think about the bedouled end of the butt plug? I've never seen it in use. So I can't really comment. But like, imagine, you know, spreading some guy's cheeks and instead of a pit, you find a precious jewel. You'd feel like the luckiest. I wasn't expecting to see a sapphire down here. You'd feel like the luckiest gal at Sovereign Hill, you know, panning for gold in the trench. In the mines.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. Maybe it does reward a certain, like, latent miners, you know, something for our mining part. Like it's like a fresh open I'm gonna be a millionaire Kind of thing Maybe I just like Like you don't see dildos

With a giant crystal in the end of it Well that's because the base Like the the dildo is always in motion It's the shark of the sex toy But the This is more of like a bottom feeder Like urchin That is designed to just lay in weight

Yeah But there is something funny to me about the crystal kind of thing because it is like some sort of adaptive evolution thing where it's like oh look at this bright coral and then you get too close and it like stings you yeah yeah yeah that like oh what if I pull at this stone

to try no and then it pulls out a giant like yeah giant phallus from inside of the person yeah yeah I also just point out there I don't like the ones with a tail because that's not where a tail would come from. It's too low.

From the hole. Yeah. You want an end of the spine. Yes. So how do you suggest we do that? Well, it's rather a difficult task. But I like the idea that like it's being held in place without any visible strings. It's true, but it just, yeah, it just sits a bit touched too low.

What if it had like, the plug still goes into the asshole, but then there's like a wire element that snakes up between the crows. the crack to the where it's meant to be. That I'm more into. But there are, of course, the butt plugs that are like a little, like a hard tail, like that kind of come up as a little spike. Oh, I've not seen that. Like a little curled dog tail. Of course.

Yeah. That I'm really not into. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you're a pup now. How's that pup mask? Did that come with a tail? No. Oh.

And no. Have you put the mask back on? yet? No. Why not? I did look at it at the other day. I was tidying things and I thought I'll tidy my little sex chalice and I was reminded that I am currently the owner of a pup mark. Well, it's not that you're the owner. You are the pup. Yeah. Someone owns you. It's like the, the Carly Beth in the goosebumps, the haunted mask. You put it on, you can't take it off. And only the power of your mother's love can save you. I don't know that my mother needs to be aware of the pup mask.

Does she listen to this pod? Not anymore. Good. But, yeah, if we had to, what, put a butt plug in the bunker, is that what we're talking about? I think that that's what he wanted to know. Yeah. I mean, I guess. But that faggot knows about butt plugs?

Are you kidding me? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Pretending like he doesn't know the usage. Get real. Get real. Yeah.

Um, seriously. Matt, do you have any experience with butt plugs? No. Oh, not yet. He's over, yeah. Today I have. Yeah, now you know. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I think, I don't know. Well, we don't have a sex toy anymore, so. Wait, what do we get rid of? Rubber duck with a dick. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's good. So we could put a butt plug in instead of rubber duck with a dick.

I mean, maybe a butt plug in. It's a good way of sealing off some sort of door that we don't want access. Like, do we put a butt plug in the abyss? Not in the abyss, but like in like, say that there's like a diamond covering a doorway. Yeah. And then you pull it out and it's about plug with being sealing it shut. I thought you meant in the keyhole. Oh, no, I meant like the size of a door.

And you kind of have to like to get it out. Yeah. Perhaps. Is the door, what is the door made of? It's like a spongy dirt. Which should it be more like a Hobbit hole door? Well, that would be the right kind of. Now we're back on Hobbit hole.

Yes. Hmm, okay, so we're doing a Hobbit door, but instead of the door, the hole is filled with a butt plug. Yeah, but it looks like a diamond. It's got a beautiful jam on the end. Yeah, and what color gem? Like a clear diamond? I want red.

A roo. The heart of the mountain. Yeah, exactly. Okay. All right. Well, we're going to put that hobbit door somewhere down at. Yeah. Well, we'll figure out what's behind that door at a later date.

Yeah. Oh, this is a new door. This is a new door. A forbidden door. And he who is worthy may pull the butt plug from the door. Yeah. Okay. Or she or thee.

True. Okay. Good. Just in case Shakespeare has done that. Listener. Send in more, except for that one listener. You're cutting off. We're cutting you off.

Have rest. Give other people a space to... Yeah, that's how this works. They couldn't get through. The line was busy. No, it's good. Okay, we'll be right, back. To have to every one.

Hello, it's us again. Hey, there. Have you considered that you might have thrush? It's time to get to your doctor. Oh my. Okay. It's time for us to discuss. Which big fat ass?

Gets into the bunker. Sorry? Which what? Big fat ass. A chunky fat ass. That's where the butt plug's got to go. I was sent in this suggestion. I thought it was quite hilarious.

Yeah. Because Nikki's obviously not... She's not it anymore. Yeah. Oh, Nicky. Yeah. Oh, Nikki. So, not that one.

Yeah? But... There's plenty more. There's plenty more. Well, there's Cardi. Cardi's got a big BBL. Yeah. There's Kim.

Kim. Who has had the stinky one? Stinky, but... Stinky It wasn't that someone said Like wasn't in this rumour going around That one of them had like a really stinky BBL Sorry

I'm pretty sure it was Cotty B stinky as in like What do you mean Or just that people were saying That it was stinky And she had to like address it What do you mean

It's in like It was like seeping And it's not like Cardi B has strongly denied And clap back At viral Favikated rumors That her Brazilian

butt lift emitted an unpleasant odour. Like a pooey odour? I don't know, just an unpleasant one, I guess. Oh my God. And she talked about it on Call Her Daddy podcast. Okay. So, like, in a pretty public forum. Ashley Fike in 2025 November said BBL smell is real.

And just as gross as it sounds for a surgery that's supposed to boost your confidence, the Brazilian buttlift comes with a dirty little secret. A lot of people say it smells, literally. Doctors and patients alike have started calling it the BBL smell. An unpleasant, musty, sometimes rancid odor that can follow people around just after the procedure. It's not a joke. According to Dr. Eric Anderson from Chicago-based impressions face plus body, the BBL smell is real, and it can be triggered by everything from trapped sweat to rotting fat tissue.

Oh. Yep, rotting fat. During a BBL, fat is liposuction from one area of the body and injected into the butt. If too much fat is packed into a single small spot, more than blood vessels can support, it can die. That's called fat necrosis, and it smells about as good as it sounds. When there is more fat in an area than the blood supply will allow, the fat will die through a smelly process. Dr. Anderson told the Daily Mail, it's a complication that can lead to infections, hospital stays, and in rare cases, sepses.

There are more mundane causes, too. After surgery, hygiene becomes a challenge. Some patients say the new shape of their butt makes it harder to wipe properly, leading to bacterial growth, and you guessed it, more nasty smells. Wait, what? One TikToker who dated a woman with a BBL

described the scent as an assault on the nose. A woman said she got hers reversed because it smelled like a dumpster. even when everything heals properly, patients can still notice lingering odor. It's usually related to the healing process, said New York-based surgeon, Dr. Douglas Steinbeck. Sweat and fluid trapped in tight compression garments can mix with bacteria and cling to the skin for weeks. While some women embrace the wrist and even get multiple BBL, TikTok or Scarlet Black, said she spent $36,000 on plastic surgery so far, and others are re-syncing the price of beauty.

Especially when the price involves the same. of sour gym clothes or way worse, that won't wash out. If you're considering it, maybe take a deep breath first and hope you doesn't smell to like it regret. Wow. Oh, can we please make this a regular segment? Learning about the smell of regret. No, no, no, just like a news report each week from Lazy on something that's happening. I think it's very important that we learn that butts stink.

Here's what I will say When I had My deviated septum Corrected in the hospital Did you get fat from another area? Fat from my ears and put into my nose No they had to cut out pieces of cartilage in my nose And then make it like a straight line

So I could like breathe somewhat through my nose What sets in in the weeks following surgery As it heals is like disgusting. There are smells. And given the location, it's like really unfortunate. But the worst part was that during that period,

it was like, I thought that because my, like, olfactory was like, sensors were just located right at the smell that I was getting like a surround sound experience. But like, that no one else could notice it. And then I had friends be like, no, I can smell the smell. the smell of your nose rotting

disgusting disgusting wow well the more you know the most concerning thing about that article was the inability to spread one's cheeks and properly

wipe what yeah what yeah what do you mean that's just one of the many causes of BBL smell yeah

Like trapped shit. Yeah. Inside. I think it's like there's sometimes as well a concerning combo of like a fresh BBL with the like cheeks pressed like, you know, 127 hours James Franco together. And then like long talons. Yeah. Like long acrylic nails that are like got gems and pearls like stuck into them. Yeah.

that like, you know, like, obviously it is like you've got to knuckle that, knuckle that toilet paper up in the crack. And then if it's, like, I don't think your knuckle has that same force and specificity as the five fingers. Yes. So what? Yeah. Might be a losing battle.

Yeah. Terrible comment. They're going to get a high on a stick. How's the hawk going to get up in there to pull out your butt plug? Well, right. You're more of a burrowing animal. You might need a bum gun. Yeah.

Like a, yeah, like spritz it up there. Oh, Matt asked what is that lazy? We have a bum gun in our house. Lucky you. Yeah. Although, I have... It's just like a water pistol? It's like a little sprayer.

But I don't know that I haven't used it much. I haven't gotten into it, but I need to like, I think it's just like you've got to, um, unlearn your existing, yeah, existing kind of stuff around, like, you know, if you've been raised in a toilet paper culture,

yeah, taking to bidet culture is not going to be the same. I think I don't fully understand, because like, okay, you're sitting on the toilet. Yeah. And then you've got the gun. You've got the gun.

You go between your legs. Allegedly you can go front or back. Back. That's, like you can like raise your tukas off the toilet seat. To then. to like spritz from behind. I'd be too scared I'd like shoot between my legs and out at the front.

Just spray shit. But okay, so say I'm sitting on it, like legs open and I'm going in the front. Yeah. But then to like get down and under. Yeah. Like to your hole. To aim it at my hill. I feel like one, my hand will be quite low in the bowl.

Maybe too low. And then if I'm spurted. spray in, I'll be under the hole with my hand and spray gun. Yeah. So then aren't those little whatever's being sprayed away? Isn't that all going to land on my hand? No, you have to come in at an angle. But then what if I shoot out the back of the toilet?

Well, that's, you know, it's kind of, it's a tail it's oldest time. Yeah, I just. You know, obviously that's the finesse. Yeah, the finesse. I think the real issue is, and the one that I haven't kind of like figured out in our household yet, which is why I haven't. Is that once you're, like, free of any detritus, and you've cleaned yourself off, you're sopping wet.

Yeah, yeah. And then you're like, okay, well, it's kind of the old lady that's swallowed the fly. And in Italy, what they'll do? Wait, it's what? The old lady that's followed the fly. It's like, sure, the fly might be gone, but now I've got a spider inside me. It's like, sure, the shit might be gone, but now I've wet my parents. Yeah.

So you really need, like, a hairdryer there, too. Well, no, what they, like, yeah, so in Italy, there's like a towel that you just have in your bathroom. That's just, like, toilet paper. Yeah, but like... Oh, but it's like reusable, like a tea towel. Yeah, no, it's like a, it's like a just a towel, but it's specifically like the ass towel. And, like, in Italian households, they'll be like, well, you don't use the ass towel for anything else. Yeah.

But like, they know that. Yeah. Australians are like... I could be wiping your face with it. Yeah. Like, I think Australians are like really loose with the towel use. Oh, yeah. It's like...

You are. Use whatever towel you can find. Listen. We've talked about this recently. Matt, Matt, Matt. I was shocked. Matt. You're crazy.

Appalled. You're not appalled. You're into it. Anyway, that... But I just, I can't bring myself to having like a live-in towel. No. No. You could just, what, dab yourself down with toilet paper.

No, but the toilet paper is only made to stand up, it's a week. Yeah, it'll flings to your skin. Yeah, it's not built like a towel. No. Which ideally, if you've done your job correctly, it's just sopping up some water. You need paper towel. No, you can't flush paper towel. No, but then you put that into a designated bin.

Matt. That is not. Small furnace. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, see, it's complicated. Yeah. Yeah.

And I also'm like, our bathroom has been through so much recently that I think I want to like reset the bathroom, redo her, make her nice. Because right now it's giving like a crack den. Literally. Literally. Get up in the crack. Matt, you said literally, we got it. In the crack day. Yes, we get it.

Anyway. Mining for gold. Oh, my God. It's a ruby. Mining for rubies. But then, yeah. So I think once all that's done, I can really start to think about

what else we're doing in that bathroom. Yeah, yeah. Right now it's just too much, like, I need to get out of here. Yeah. Get me out of here. Okay. So Jennifer Lopez has a big a F.

Natty, Natty, but. What about? There isn't a woman in America. Croke would like to have a bigger ass. Yeah, should we put Michael Caws in as the opposite. Talking about... Dumpster ass.

I like the neighbours, Mr. and Mrs. Bighead in Rocker's modern life have big fat asses. Oh, my God, yes. That nasal woman. Yeah. Yeah, they have quite shelf ass. Yeah. Big fat ass. Oh.

Yeah. Yeah. It is like, what about Charlie Cox? He has a big fat. Does it? Yeah. What about those new hockey boys? Hulkie boys. Hockey boys from like, oh, that, um, the blondeie has a crazy butt, right? I think they both do because they have, um, they have got hockey butt. Is it confirmed that they're straight? No, they're gay.

In IRL. I think they're gay. They're gay? Yeah. If they're gay, that's fine. But I thought they were straight. Charlie Cox does have a big fetish. He does. It's really nice.

Is he daredevil? Yeah. Okay. Well, it's hard to tell when they're in the suits. Hmm. Because they pad them. Yes, but I think. But then he seems to have a fetish in jeans.

Yeah. And I think he's incredible. hot. He's like outrageously, outrageously hot. Yeah. Is he your crushed as you're? Charlie. Um, yeah. Why not? He seems a bit gimpy. Yes. Exactly. You want him in the pop mask. What do you think about

Dylan O'Brien? We were just watching an interview with him last night. He was one of the teen wolves. Oh, I think I know which one you say. Dylan O'Brien. No. Oh. No. Like, he was never my favorite on Teen Wolf. Okay, Booty Queens, the 31 best celebrity's butts of all time. I assume we'll be putting a celebrity. Yeah.

I think the Kim K stuff is crazy because she's so short, and her ass was so fat. It is... What? Do a leaper does not have one of the best butts of all time. Are you kidding? Salma Hayak, however. Yes.

These are all just women. Yeah. Bootylicious. Beyonce? Is Beyonce fat-o? Oh, she does have a big fat ass. Okay, these are just famous women. I don't think Jennifer Anderson is famous for having a big fat ass.

No. Miley Cyrus, that woman's a stick. Cardi B genuinely does have a big ass. Yeah. Megan Fox Okay these people don't understand What the fucking idea is Scarlett Johansson however

She does have a big fat air She's got big fat air Hmm Do you know what disturbs me That I saw recently Was like a C Like B line B footage of like

Celebrities eating at the BAFTA tables or whatever And I was I saw Emma Stone And I was like That is a tiny woman And it reminded me of like when I was, Can, and I saw those people in real life.

And when you see them in real life, you're struck by like something that doesn't really dawn on you when you see them in photos, because everything is kind of in, like, proportion in a photo genuinely. Or generally. Is it, like, all these women are tiny, tiny in a way that would make you concerned if you saw them in real life. Like, you're like, oh, something's wrong.

Hmm. Like skinny, you mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, like skinny, skinny, skinny,

in a way that's like very unwell. Yeah, well, Ariana Grande looks sick at the moment. Well, yeah,

it's really, it's a hard topic to talk about, but really like, it is, yeah, I mean, like,

there's so many different versions of like, healthy. Hmm. But it is like, if you were, like, if I saw you,

if I didn't see you for a month. Yeah. And the next time I saw you, you looked, you presented how, um, Kelly Osborne is presenting at the moment. Oh, I, to you, I would say, lazy. What's that? Everything okay. Well, and that would be fine. But if I were here saying Kelly Osborne, you're okay, like, oh, leave her alone. But, um, I do wonder. It's okay to ask, are you okay? I think a lot of people are just saying, like, you look demented or stuff. Like, they, they, No, people are legitimately just like blaming, like laying on shit on women. Yeah.

For looking different. Yeah. And I think that's the thing. It's kind of impossible to pick it up. It's impossible to take it away from the policing of women's bodies. Yes. Because it is like unyielding. Yeah, yeah.

But I think it's like that can sometimes become a smokescreen to cover what is like quite, quite an intense culture of ED. behavior. Yeah. Which is like, yeah, like obviously, obviously Hollywood is rife with like incredibly damaging disordered eating that is like unhealthy for not only those women who are experiencing that, which is like a terrible thing to go through. But also. And like the thing that drives me insane about it is that when those women are kind of

asked about it or like kind of put into. that position they're like told like you don't have to do that sweetie you don't have yes you know what they do this is not like those people in those positions are not uh inventing the profound pressure every one of those women have been subject to the kind of scrutiny that is both inside of the industry and outside of the industry that forces you to lose weight because it's not you don't have to, it's like, that's nice to say. And for a lot of people, yeah, like you don't have to. For those people, they're like, well, you're being dressed by Gucci.

They've sent in the sample sizes. We don't run a size, you know, six. So you're going to have to either starve yourself to fit into this dress and thus be able to walk the red carpet in this designer or they're not going to dress you, at which point you're going to fall back onto it, like which fashion house is going to dress you. And like,

yeah, so it's like there are genuine real world financial consequences. And like, like, yeah, career consequences, if you are anything apart from tiny. And by kind of being like,

either that doesn't exist or there's not a reason. It just is crazy. Yeah. Because the thing that like happened a lot in the 2000s was that like everyone had to, have these like other like reasons for for like you know all the classic excuses for like hiding an ed like is like oh like I'm just really like um like I just can't gain weight or like I really like I love eating burgers and I just eat burgers all the time and like I just had lunch or whatever

when it before I came or whatever like all these weird things of like that I'd It's just, it's so disastrous because it destroys your body. Like, it's really upsetting. Anyway. Scary. But who's got a fad ad? We're exclusively all about body positivity here. That's why we're celebrating big fadets.

Nothing problematic about that. What about sitting on cakes and cookies? Oh, I love that. Women that sit on. What do you think of a woman that would sit on a man crushing him to death? I love that. Like on the subway. Yeah, I love that.

Okay. Yeah. Just didn't see him sitting on the scene. Yeah. Just sat down. Oh, this is a... I love... I think it's a really fun...

She's gone. His last words, stinky. It's so stinky. The smell is real. I like the idea of people being crushed beneath a woman's gin. enormous egg. Yes. So perhaps that.

What do you think about guys who are like, suffocate me with your ass? Like sit on my face. Yeah. I like that. Yeah, I like that. I like that. I think it's like their, um, the aesthetics of it I like more than the aesthetics of most kings.

Yeah. Yeah. It's fabulous. Yeah. It does all align. Yeah. True. True, true, true.

Um. Br. I mean, there's such a wide world of fabulous asses. I don't know. Who's your favorite? Well, I mean, it is, it's kind of, it's unfortunate. The Nicki stuff is just crazy. Because, yeah, they're saying Sean Mendes has a big fad ass.

Noah Centenia. I mean, he does have a nice butt, but I don't know that it's in, like, you know, it's not like big fat ass worthy. yeah John Mendes ass yeah like it's like

fantastic but it's not like a big fat ass it's just an ass yeah John Mendes is big beautiful spankable but it's another weakness

of what anyway um hmm it's impossible to know I just oh do you know

who's got a great big fat ass yeah I was just about to say Christopher Maloney. Oh, he's got a big red. He does. He's kicked up. Yeah, he, yes.

Oh, the amount of times I jerked off to that man watching Oz as a child. Such a distressing sentence. Tell us the number. How many times? Two, three. Oh, my God. Like, probably. Have you got one of those little clickers?

Maybe triple digits? Maybe double digits. Definitely double digit. I'd say triple. Wow. Well, that could be from anywhere

100 to 999. Well, that last one's getting closer. Um, are you, he's so hot.

Who? Christopher Maloney. He is so hot. Let's put him in with that big fat ass. Just his ass. No, he must,

his eyes must be attached. Okay. Christopher Maloney's in But he's gotten like an average size dick hey That's part of the Oz thing I mean I haven't seen it But he's very fit That's true you never know once it's erect

Yeah Yeah Naked Naked Christopher Malin I mean like there is a lot of him naked from Oz But yeah he's not hard So like who knows Yeah

Hmm Oh, that he's so hot. That Christopher Maloney, what are you doing? Yeah. Seeing Christopher Maloney's baloney. Christopher Maloney's baloney. Okay, so he's in the bunker with his big fat ass. I love it.

Fantastic. It'll be right back. Welcome back. Hello. Hello. Now, Lazy, I'm hoping that you're... I do. Yes.

Which of the new starter poster? Pokemon gets into the bunker. Oh, okay. So love Pompom. No, we need to introduce them. Well, okay. So, this week, the new Pokemon game was announced. And for once...

Gen 10. Gen 10. And for once, it doesn't look completely dog shit hideous. Because... That's a nice change. They took some time to rework it after pushback from fans. So, traditionally, they pump out a game once a year, which they will continue. you need to do. But like it's been a little wow since we've had like a new gen.

Mm-hmm. Um, but yeah, the presentation so far, and it's only one trailer bodes well. It's not like the most amazing looking game, but it doesn't look like a every other Pokemon game on the planet. It looks like a fairly decent looking game. Yeah. Um, and it doesn't release till next year, which bodes really well because they still have time. Pokemon games usually come out around September October. So like it'll probably be like a holiday release next year, which means we're a year and a half away. And if it already looks like good, that bodes very well. Now, as is tradition, each Pokemon game begins with you choosing one of three starters. A grass type, a fire type, or a water type. You must select probably are familiar listening with Barbosot, Chiamander, and Squirtle.

I am. Gen 1. Okay, if we had to pick from Gen 1, what would you say? You know, in my old age, I've softened to Bulbasa. But I was always a charmander girl. And I heard someone say, that's just because you wanted Charzart. No, no, no. I wanted that little salamander with a fiery tail. It's so cute. To protect him.

Protect him from what? The rain. Did you not watch the show? Yes, I did. I did. So, yeah, I as a child, was very charmander. and then have turned bulbosol, but I think in my heart of hearts,

I would still say Charimander. Charamander's cute. Yeah. And sorry, Squirtle. You're doing it to look in. I love Squirtle, though. I love people that pick Squirtle. I think there's actually no bad option.

No. From those first three. Yeah. Gen 2, I actually love perhaps a touch more than Gen 1. What? Which is like Cinderquil, Toto Dial, and, oh no, Chikorita. You already ticking me right off with their fucking name.

But anyway, anyway, anyway, this generation, we have three new creatures to judge, starting with the grass type, Brout. And what does Brout look like? Okay, so Brout would appear to be a... They look like Olympics mascots, by the way. Yeah, they do a bit. Brout has like something of an owl cross with a chick. bird form.

It's a very pale green and then its beak and brows are as if three petals, I mean three leaves off a tree to create a grumpy looking small chick. I think grumpy is, yeah. It looks very angry. Yeah.

It's like an angry. It's like an angry bird. It's very cute. It looks a bit more like less detailed, more plasticine model. Yeah. Which I'm partial to. It's a very simple design.

Yeah. Which Pokemon is best when kept simple. Simple. Then we move on to Pombon and you describe. Pombon looks like a little like Chihuahua, like fluffy dog. Yeah. It's got canine teeth, sparkly eyes. a tongue that seems to always be out.

Four kind of gumby legs. Yes. And then a little fur texture that it kind of blends into its ears and stuff. It also looks like it's a bit of a plasticine creation. One tone of yellow across its entire body. It's very cute. And it wields the power of fire. Yes, that's what I'm led to believe.

Yes, correct. Where does the fire come from? From within. From its mouth? A heat generating. organ within its lungs. I just read that. Really?

Yeah. And then finally we have what I am led to believe so far as the crowd favorite to my shock. Gequa. Gequa. Gequa. Like a gecko that's aqua. Yeah.

Like a charmander. Yeah. So it's like a bit more of a gecko-inspired creature. But it does indeed have built-in devolition. eyelashes on its, like, but they're kind of like not eyelashes at all. It's like a growth in place of the eyelash and quite mysterious eyes that carry a story. Well yeah, they're the only eyes that are not open to full, full, you know, full whites around the eyes. Yeah, no. Half set eyes. And then like the symbol of a water droplet on its forehead. Yes. Now,

in case. You've been stuck it for anything other than a water time. But they all have the symbol in their head. Because the leaf one has leaves. Yeah. Then the fire has kind of fire shaped. Yeah. Little beard.

Yeah. That's interesting. What fun. What a design. Now, a big part of which one you pick is always like the middle evolution and the final evolution because realistically, if you're like actually playing the game, you're going to spend more time with the final version of this Pokemon than the starter version because they grow in strength and skill.

But those haven't been revealed yet. We got no idea. So we don't know. No, which is kind of good because it will change the conversation. But for now, we have nothing to go on but these three, then these three. So I like the idea of this kind of angry looking bird. But in practice, I think that... I don't know.

I don't know that I need something like that hanging around. Also, are you an insect or like, what are your grass credentials? Like maybe a, yeah, like a scrappy little bird who's like digging around in the grass. Yeah, but like we already have bird type, don't we? Yeah, but I mean, that's the other thing. It doesn't happen all the time, but sometimes starters will have dual types. Wow. Like they're baseline and then go into something else.

Like even, I think venous or an ibupsoor are grass poison. Yeah. And then Chirazard fire flying. Yeah, there's been many, many combos across the yards. Has there ever been like a psychic starter? Like, not, like, all, it's always those three as a base. But I mean, in Gale of Darkness, you start with, do you start with Espion? I don't know.

Oh, hell. Have there been psychic crosses? Not cross, it's just pure. Never pure. No. Not silly. What if they had like bug, psychic rock as the three starters? That's not tradition.

Look at this. Look at that tradition. That's ten generations worth of the same thing. Break with tradition. Okay. I'm going to lock it in nice and quick. Okay. I think I'm going to go for this suspicious looking gecko.

The gecko. Yeah Okay So Of the three Gequa Intrigues me the least I must say

Now Gequa got like a little bit of a sexy vibe It does I'm trying to fuck the gequa It does But I was A very bulbous tail

Pointing in the air Oh my God I spent a lot of time In very seductive eyelashes Yeah It's the only Drag-coated one Yeah

I Yeah I Yeah, I spent a lot of time considering all three, like, versions of this question this week. And my answer rarely falls on the water type. They all are just not my vibe. I love Mud Kip, Toto Dile, and Squirtle. But the rest? Oh, no, I don't like that.

Pip-lop. I don't like any of those. And last generation's little, like, duck thing. I fucking hate that. Look at that. Ew. Oh, he's got a little hat. What's his name?

I don't even know. don't even know. Not that one. So yeah, sadly this one, the water also tantalizes me the least. That angry bird. Oh, it's quite good. I love to think about it stomping around on those short legs. But Pombom is so cute.

Look at that dumb face. Yeah. It's so cute. Man descending through the final evolution options. No, they don't exist yet. Those are fake. Yeah, there's some fan art ones. Okay, so here's the thing.

They made Gequa really. She's hot. Wait, she should go in as the person with the biggest fattest age. So here's the thing. Like, as I said, we don't know the final evolution. But if Pombom ends up standing up on two legs, I'm not interested. I want a four-legged creature. That's fun.

I want a four-legged creature. Yeah. What's your issue? Like I don't want it to be bipedal. I want it to stay on all fours. I'm sorry, but just looking at these. What the fuck happened at Onova? With the tepig and Oshwed and scurvy. Snivey? Snivey? I hate them. They all look so ugly. Yeah, it is. That was where they really fell off though. Oh no. Wait, what the fuck is that? What's treat co? Trico. He sucks. Yeah, I don't like that either. That gen is a bad one.

Hated that bunny thing with the built-in band-aid. Ugh. No, as soon as we get past that to Gen 6, X and Y, who the fuck are these motherfuckers? Some of them just look like people wearing hats. Are you kidding? Get real. So.

Okay, Gen 7, Sun and Moon. I could get into this. sea lion as your starter you wouldn't be mad about that the that Zelda doesn't like the water ones No it just doesn't I mean I'd pick this

sea line over that fucking gimpy looking owl They put a few birds in this category it seems like they just shuffle like One's a cat, one's a dog Yeah like one's a lizard Yeah And one's a bird

Okay one is a bird Okay one is just a dinosaur that looks like a hungry hungry hippo. What other animals are there? Right, exactly. We run out of real animals. This is like, what if one of them was a child in a hat? That, it do be like that.

Oh, God. Yeah, I just, I'm like, the amount of meetings that would have gone into being like, let's do the Band-A one. Yeah. What? I hate that bunny. I just, how could anyone pick this fucking, date rapist lizard from gen 3.

Oh, that, Trico. Yes. Oh, it's awful, isn't it? There's a lizard listener that is like looking at you like, would you fuck me? I'd fuck me. Like, ew. Yeah.

It's got like this look in its eyes and it's like you just were born. Do you know like when babies are born and they look evil? And you're like, put it back. Yeah. Gen 3, you'd have to pick Mud Kip because Torchik also sucks. And Mud Kip's a little cutie. Mud Kip's very cute.

Oh, God. Anyway, I'd say Pombom. And just, I'm crossing my fingers that Pombom doesn't stand up, in which case I'll be picking Brout. Matt, which one do you pick? You can't switch over just because someone doesn't work out. Which one do you pick? Um,

Oh, Zelda, Zelda. Which one wouldn't I pick? I'm all right. No, I like the... I like Quechua. Oh. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay, Matt. Whatever you say, buddy. All right. Little white lizard. Two votes, Gequa, I have been outvoted. And I guess we'll discover at the end whether Gequa goes all the way to the end.

Like people love Gekwa. Well, so far it seems to be the Queen Diva, but that shocked me. I mean, the world has gone as shit, what are you want to say? Like, you know, the world needs Gekwa now more than ever to put up the fire. Sassy. Sassy, gal. Yeah. Okay, well then, Gekwa.

You're in. Gekwa's in, the Hobbit holes in, plugged by a gigantic ruby and encrusted butt plug. Mm-hmm. And Christopher Maloney and his big fat ass. Yeah, Maloney can hang out with Gequa. Yeah. Is Maloney Geqwa's trainer? Yeah.

Hmm. Okay. Or the dog that plays Gequa. Can you cast you. God. Gequa. Okay. We'll thank you all so much for listening to this podcast this week.

We love you all. Yes. Especially you. Especially you Okay Death there Everyone was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matchas

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