Death To Everyone - Death To… Crumbs, Masks & Crystals

Episode Date: August 26, 2025

Hello there,Welcome to another week sorting though the trash so we can find the gems that must be preserved after the impending apocalypse... We discuss crumbs, masks and crystals this week! I know you just cant wait to listen, so please get started!Follow us, won't you? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.naturalhabitatstudios.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/ediecentric⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103

Turn to everyone Oh, hey, guys, how you doing? Welcome back to our gayest shit podcast. Oh, God. Crack the bubbles. Crick the shandons. Can I just say? Can you just say it, girl?

We'll say it without a list, then go. When we record this podcast. Yeah. In the studio, the space studio. our incredible theme song plays back for us to get us in the mood and of late it cuts out because it's grown too powerful I've been told and the computer can't handle playing a fucking 30 second track so we're getting into the move and then it's silence

and then it comes back it really throws you off it really throws me off I'm really sorry I wish I could say it wasn't your fault Well, you know, this is the 100th copy I've made of this file now. Maybe we need to go back to the original. Photocopy of a photocopy of a photocopy. Yeah, it's starting to get really blurry. Oh my God, that'll make a great YouTube video in five to ten years.

Can I tell you something, listener, Angela, and Matt? I left a comment. Occasionally people have been seeing me in the comments on things on TikTok and they're like, why is Lazy Susan here? I swear to God, it's really funny. Like when I commented on to the, wake the fuck up! And then I said, like, this needs to be the start of a song. And then was proven that that's already happened three times.

Oh. Yeah, people sent me links. But someone, like, beneath that was like, I don't know where I expected you to be. But I didn't expect it to be in the comment section for this dash cam footage. Anyway, last night, I saw again the Kit Kat ad. Have you seen this? No. Kit Kat has released a limited edition line of reversible hoodies.

Yeah. What? Wait, is it like silver chrome on the inside, like the inside of KitKat app? See, Zeldi, this is where you need to be working in advertising. Oh, my God. They just, no, it's, okay, so the concept sounds good. The whole thing about Kit Kat, their whole brand identity is like, oh, you should find time to take a break. Like, they own.

Yeah, take a break. Take a kick. Yeah. They own casual snacking. That is their territory. That is their brand thesis. So, like, they're like, oh, you might need to take a break. But, like, what if people are like?

trying to disturb you. So we'll make a hoodie that on one side has Kit Kat red with a Kit Kat brand. And then on the reverse side has the pattern of the tram that you'd be riding in while you want to have your break. So you can ostensibly blend in with the seat and disappear from view while you enjoy your Kit Kat. Now, I am someone who's charmed by this kind of outing. That sounds fun. That's creative and weird and zany and has a reason for being. and blah, blah, okay. And like, we've seen a lot of success recently for, like, Kellogg's and KFC releasing merch, specifically like streetwear, bucket hats, that sort of stuff.

Yes. So this is kind of a little bit late, it's a little bit stale, but I was like, the whole camouflage element is quite fun. And the hood goes all the way up, so you can completely vanish. Now, what issues do you think you could potentially encounter in the, production of this specific thing because the thing that's happened being a thoughtless fucking hack I hate this

is they the pattern on the fucking hoodie is not at all in any fucking way even if you squint the same as the pattern on a tram seat and they have the ad where they show a man zipping himself

up into the hoodie on the tram seat and it is such a different pattern, it just looks like he's in a fucking green hoodie. You know, you know this, no, the abstract shapes that appear on like the old green tram trams seats. It's like kind of protection against graffiti, so it's like really zany, wild patterns. But the scale of the pattern is completely wrong. Everything about it doesn't blend in with the fucking seat. So if you're attempting to do this, now I understand.

And that pattern is proprietary that's owned by Yarrowtrams. It would have been a design that they commissioned. So you probably couldn't take it exactly, at which point I'd say maybe it's worth pivoting and making your jumper look like a brick wall or something that isn't proprietary. But then it does lose some of its Estilliana specificity, which I can see why that would be the lane you want to stay in. But if you need to create a pattern that looks similar, this doesn't look similar at all.

Another green pattern. To me, this reads, not that it's at all the creeper pattern from Minecraft, but it reads more that than Yarra Trams. But I also just think that that is done. Like everybody knows that the upholstery on public transport is hideous. Yeah.

And a joke. And someone has already made exact jumpers. Yeah. So like, this isn't an original idea and it's poorly executed. And also the red side, like the Kit Kat side is fucking ugly. And it says have a break on the lapel embroidered in like Kit Kat style, which I think is a big mistake. Yes, because it should be cool.

Yeah. Like it should that kind of like urban streetware stuff is so cool. That kind of urban streetwear stuff, you know. But like not like this. No. And also there's been better versions of that as well. Like, I remember when Kellogg's did it in the States. They brought back some of the original, like, snap crackle pop,

Frosty Flakes, branding mascots, and did, like, fabulous jackets that were decked out with them. And, I mean, Kit Cut is a bit dreary as a brand anyway, but... Yeah, but, like, made worse by this. Anyway, I left a comment just saying, this is just bad. Number one, it doesn't match. And if you couldn't do that, at least get the skis. scale of the pattern that you're imitating right because like it doesn't look like the thing that you're saying it looks like and you're doing this ad as if it's camo for being on the tram

which it's not um your comment isn't here no it's on the tictock it's very deep in on one of the ticot ads these comments are by brainless imbeciles i fucking love this this is insane and I respect it greatly. Genius marketing. I must cop this drip. Yes, Kit Kat never fail to disappoint. Let me tell you, these are all people that work in the agency that put this forward, I guarantee. This is genius.

Next time, get ticketos. Who the fuck calls them tickettos? Get on the train. I'm going to just disappear into the seat. Oh, ho. Oh, ha, ha, ha, ha, ho. I agree. fucking yeah well you agree and i'm zeldar moon

welcome to our podcast called death to everyone especially employees at kicket well and specifically nesley we know what nesley did they went into africa started selling baby formula not the best and subsidizing it and then put the prices up on those women and then they after they'd stopped lactating

Did you see that? No, I don't know what you said. A bunch of babies died as a result Because they couldn't afford the formula Jesus Christ Nestle is an evil company Truly evil That poor representation for birds

Nest? Is that what you're saying? Nestle, isn't a little bird? Is that a type of bird? No, but the logo has a little bird in it No, it doesn't Who said that? Matt, why did you say that?

I didn't say it. What's the show about, Matt? It's about something. I like to say to people, it's a show about people talking about rubbish for a couple of hours. Whoa. There is a bird in the Nestle local. Shelda, don't immediately prove his point. Wait.

Dare you. Wait, what do you mean you like to say to people? Who are you talking to? I just, if someone asked. Why don't have you had time to speak to people when you're not driving our space car through space? You should just be at the gas station or like, you know. Just when we fall asleep and you dozer and go through a drive-through just to talk to someone to hear a voice. Yeah.

We didn't get any feedback on our favorite Victoria Secrets, and I think that that's who are going to go for the gold Logie for podcasting. That's what we put forward. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was incredible. It was incredible. None of you fucking acts. I mean, it was buried deep.

It was category three. I feel like category three is some of our finest work. Yeah, but the VIPs. Only the VIPs make it to category three. Why that song? What's the VIP song? Sing it again. No, I don't want it.

No, tell me, Zelda. What's your name? The. I'm pretending to know. What's that? No, that's a song, isn't it? No way. I looked that up, just like, I looked up the Nestle bird, and I was right about that.

Okay, I'm Lacey Susan. I'm a drag queen. I'm the Medea Award-winning drag queen of the year, 2025. And I'm the winner of Drag Race Down Under Season 4. What, Zeld, do you ask? I am. I'm giving them my credentials. Okay. Now you do yours.

Well, I'm Zelda Moon. You might know me from being my sister's friend. You're not my friend. You're my sister. Yes. So you can't escape. Okay. Now, we do have to speak about the really important thing.

Wait, also, Matt, that's not what the show is about. Thank you. The show is about us deciding what survives the apocalypse. and what goes into our doomsday bunkstress. Yes. Which is a female bunker. Of course. Obviously.

We don't often refer to it as that, but I presume every listener knew it. Yeah. Bungstress. Yeah. Bumstress. Bumstress. So. Yeah.

I was delivered a letter. To my house. Oh. Who found your address? I know. Unless it's Vanessa, your next-door neighbor. Oh, Vanessa. We should have her on.

Do you think she'd come? She hates you. She loves me. When did she say that? That day when I had the headphones in, I think. Now, it's strange because it starts with Dear Customer, but I presume they meant Dia's out of moon. We regret to inform you that our ice cream and shake machine is currently undergoing a mandatory cleaning process. known as a heat cycle.

During this time, we're unable to serve any ice cream or shakes. We sincerely apologize for any inconveniences may cause. If you've ordered one of these items, refunds are available through the delivery service you used. Thank you for your understanding. Warm regards, High Point, Hungry Jacks. And when I pulled that out of my Hungry Jacks bag, I thought that's weird fan mail.

We regret to inform you that you're a woman in your 30s And you need to stop ordering shakes I actually Order their stupid little Biskopf storm or whatever the fuck Biscop storm I don't know People died down there in the Biscop storms And

The thing that they don't know Is that that was the key thing that I was getting Everything else was just an accessory It's the key thing Like I had fries while we're here But it's about the storm Right God, that's so rude.

Right. And the way that they put heat cycle in quotation marks. Oh, I hate that they're explaining to you. Like, spare me the details of your fucking inability to do your job. Here's an idea. Have two machines. Clean them at different times. It's printed on, listener, it's printed on 180 GSM Office Works paper with complete shine, like cheap.

Oh, yes. This is not even a low. logo on here. I don't think this is officially a distributed message. I think this is something in the office. They just cooked up and thought, oh, they don't they have Hungry Jack's letterhead? Yeah. Also, they can message you through

the app. Yeah. We have the technology. Yeah. I should have applied for that refund. You didn't? I forgot. Diva. Do it now. Maybe. We have the letter. It's admissible in court. Yes. Signed Claire

manager. Do you know my, oh, we've already told the story in the pub, but I'll tell it again. For new listeners, my husband, Curgeon, used to work at Melbourne Central McDonald's. And they, when the new trains were passing through, I don't know if you know this about Melbourne Central train station, is that a lot of trains go through there. And there's like a McDonald's inside the station. Like, what, you have to, you have to have a Mikey to go to this McDonald's. Yeah. It's like it costs $3 to attend this McDonald's.

Exclusive. But when the trains would come through, it would send a rush of air because there's a tunnel's underground. And all these bugs, bugs would fly up from deep within the, like, the bowels of the fucking Melbourne CBD. Old bugs. And they'd have to, like, put a lid on the little salad bar. So they'd all the bugs didn't get into the salad. But sometimes they'd not make it in time. So there'd be like a layer of bugs that they'd have to pick out of the salad bar at McDonald's Melbourne Central.

I... It sounds horrible. Isn't that charming? If you've ever had a burger with lettuce, Matt, you've probably been chow and down. Oh my God. That makes me sick thinking about. A little crunchy burg.

Chow down and chick flow. Last night, I finished work and then proceeded to send my colleague a relentless stream of voice notes to discuss the day that we had at work. and I did so at Melbourne Central Station and I kept having to stop the voice notes because there would be the announcement for like the next train arriving at Platform 3 is the upfield whatever but every time it happened I was like what the fuck

this is so loud sorry sorry and then the next one I'd start and then when she replied to me this morning she said wait wait I'm waiting Wait

I'm still waiting It's quite funny to me The attitude you have when the trains are interrupting you While you're at a literal train station Very telling of your day I'd be the same Well it's good that she understands you But also I don't like the vision of you

In public talking into your phone I did it from the moment I left work Until the moment I got on the train And the way you would have been holding it like a little faggot, like a little tray in front of your mouth. That's exactly what I was doing. I was doing this. No, because you can't just hold it to your ear.

No, because that's different. To make it look like you're in a call. No. You have to hold it up like you're like whispering a secret into the world. I was. And blowing a dandelion. And because when I got there, the train was 22 minutes away. I was doing that for 22 minutes.

Oh, God. Someone probably filmed you. Can you take this moment to apologize to the people of Melbourne? I politicise for what? Providing entertainment. Anyway, we have a very serious topic we need to get to straight off the gap. And then I leaned in gum. She's showing me a photo.

I know you love this listener's when we describe photos. What's on there? Well, that's a bit of gum. That you're in your hair? No, it's in my jumper and it's a fine knit. That's going to be a nightmare to get out of there. Just cut it out. That's a fine knit.

And I sent an accompanying message. I needed to know that I just lent in gum at the train station. I think that that's pretty fucked that someone just spat out their gum at the train station. I couldn't agree more. I actually think that that's evil. Yeah. It's probably evil. It's like dog poo.

Like I actually like, when I see dog poo on the like nature strip, I like wish I had some kind of power. to like capture those people because what the fuck do you mean? Yeah. And I know exactly the attitude. Ugh, you, that's your responsibility. And if everyone acted like you, the world would be filled with shit.

It's terrible. Yeah. This is social decay. And I also feel pity for people who are walking their dog and then the dog does a little poo and then they have to stop and just whisk it up.

I think we have to like immediately like, Okay, in my dream world, the poo happens, that person walks home, but like using my cerebral style abilities, I know who, like, I see the poo and I like, I know who did this. And then I, you know, they're sitting there, you know, patting their dog on the couch and then open up. And then I like push the door open with the same sort of psychic abilities. And then they're like, oh. and then I pull out a handgun and I shoot their dog

and I said you're not a responsible owner but it's poo in the gun no we don't have poo in the gun man that's not how this world works no I just think immediate death to your dog why not the owner

can't kill people Zelda why not shoot it in the bottom to prevent it both of you are really sullying what should And, like, I think that, I mean, the listener, I don't want you to think that I'm some kind of sociopath because I'm running around killing dogs. But, like, I think that it has to be immediate death just to teach them a lesson.

Because it's the only way. The only way. Right? That's no one I meant. It's the only. It's just, I just, I can't imagine. Because it's like, we have fines. It's not doing anything.

It needs to be immediate death. And that dog, I'm sorry, but, like, you know, she just is like, like whisked it. I would do it quick and mercifully. Ah. It wouldn't be a belated death. Put them in a home freezer and let them slowly go or something. No.

That wouldn't be very kind. No. You wouldn't put them in a pot that wasn't yet boiled and then bake them. Well, they wouldn't notice how difference it had been. Until it was. Yeah, too late. Yeah. No, it would be like immediate death.

I just, and then I would look at them and be like, And they're like, why did you do that? And I'm like, why did you do that? And then you walk out. Yeah. And then I throw the shit in their face. Oh, so there was poo in the end. Anyway.

Okay. Anyway. Yeah, right. I don't know. I just, I think it's crazy. We live in a society. You know? It's crazy to do that.

Booy. And then, like, they must know that they've stood in poo at some point. Yeah. Yeah. I did see a girl do it one time. time. I saw her dog take a shit. And I was the only person around. And I was like maybe 50 meters away. So I saw it. And she saw me. And then I should have said something. But she was so cool. So wait, she stood there while the dog did a little poo. Yeah. And then they walked away.

Yeah. Together. Yeah. She didn't even give a shit. Literally. Yeah. Anyway. Do you think. I just don't know. Yeah. I hate having to do a poo. Sorry? It's so boring. What do you mean?

Like, you feel, like, I feel crazy if I'm, like, in the bathroom with my phone. Yeah. Because, like, get a life. But what else am I doing in there? Just sitting. Back in the day, you'd read a joke book. Oh, that's even worse somehow. It's so boring.

I hate it. I actually hate it. Can't you be alone with your thoughts? That's what I'm trying to avoid. And like, I don't know. I can't understand regularity. Like being regular. Like how many, like how many poos do you do in a week?

In a week? Like seven? In a day, seven? No, one a day, so seven in a week. No, no, no, no. I do like two a day. Two a day. Okay, yeah.

Two to three. Two to three. Yeah. It take time for me. Yeah. Matt? Yeah, I'd say every morning, definitely. Yeah.

And then bonus one. Bonus one. Yeah. Okay. Well, maybe I do understand it and everything's fine. Well, no, some people, yeah. There are people I met that have gone days. Days.

I feel like when I was little, it was like once a month. That was true. Which I don't know that that could be true, but I feel like I remember being like, oh, it's poo time. Comes but once a month. That was the peninsula day. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. The CA.

God damn. No, I like, I mean, the thing that I like is just a moment away from everything. I like the door. Yeah, but it's a moment where you get a bit of fucking peace. Wow. Not always. Not when you have a two-year-old. Yeah, well, oh my God.

The way that little kids open the bathroom door is great. remember I was babysitting this like kid one time and he was like running around and I was like I'm just going to go to the bathroom you like stay here and play for a sec and then I went to the bathroom and he like five seconds later was trying to like push open the door I was like and I was like absolutely no I pulled out a gun and I shut him yeah it happens um how do you curb that behavior the door. Yeah. But then they're just standing there and banging on the door.

Da-da! Da-da! Bang, bang, bang, bang. It's really distracting. Give me a moment. Yeah. But a moment. I get, I mean, that's so...

Kids are weird, man. I also hate. I don't... When you, like, feel the need, and then you go, and then nothing happens. That's so annoying. You know? And then you get up and move on, and then five minutes later, it's like, oh, now it's... Well, you just go.

got a new shower, not shower shot, the little sprayer, which we're going to install. A bidet. Like a little hand bidet. For the toilet? Yeah. For just cleansing or inside cleansing? Not inside. Just to, just residuals.

Oh my God. This is all awful. Why are we talking about this? No, I know. But yeah, I'm excited about that. Yeah, that's cool. But don't you think you'll be a bit drippy? Well, the point is you just use.

toilet paper you wash and then you wipe with the toilet paper you dry with the toilet paper yeah and it's like better for you get the right angle oh we'll discover yeah yeah you can practice at lazy's house yeah exactly i kind of think it's just you know like the the the the you know anglo world is not um shit and right but you know we're too shy to talk about it yeah and that's why we need people like Celeste Barber. Brave souls telling it like it is. What? I don't know. Okay,

I don't care. The main thing is Alien Earth sucked. Alien Earth sucked. Oh no. I enjoyed it. That's such a high brawl about these shows. Highbrow. The end credit songs too, didn't you? Well, I didn't like the end credit songs,

but that doesn't make a break a show. Okay, Matt, tell me what you think. Yeah. You get, no, let me know. No, you tell me first. I'm not, it's your pog. You said it sucked. You've got to back it up.

Okay, okay. Back it up. Back it up. Back it on the truth. No, okay. So, ladies and gentlemen and non-binary pals, the show Alien Earth has come out. And it's by the creator of Legion, which I fucking hated. And Fargo, which I fucking loved.

And so I was very excited to see. see what new offering we'd get from the world of alien because it had such a good run for the first two films and then nothing good has come from it ever again. Yes. Get Winona on the phone. Pissing in that water tank. Resurrection's got a few things to say to you, sister.

Anyway, so now we have the show Alien Earth, which, you know, it had long been the promise that what happens when the aliens get to Earth? And that was like even back when the, the original film is made, there was like, maybe there's a sequel where it shows up on earth.

Okay, so we get the show. And the show, dear listener, is everything that I hate about television at the moment. It's just like every episode feels, so there's been three episodes so far. Every episode feels like

you're diving into the same kind of like a slow and long movie where there's like three locations and that not like an episode is not like this week on the show this thing happens it's like no you're diving back into this long unyielding longer story so like back in the day when you'd have buffy you'd have like the main arc of the episode something would happen in that episode that would be unique to that episode and then they would also carve out and like there's something happening in the broader plot yeah now with television we get these just cut up giant long movies except movies that would never be able to be released because they are so fucking

senselessly boring I agree thank you I agree with all that too I think that I think that the Wutani ship that crashes does a really good job of feeling like alien, like the interior of the spaceship is executed really well and I think

that's super important for a franchise that has been mostly set on spaceships or other planets. It's important to have that in the DNA. And I agree, can I just say I love that retro future vibe. Yes. But then when you come to Earth, as in alien Earth, it's just so, I completely agree. It's so boring. There are like a few shots of some of the buildings from that like classic street

level point of view of skyscrapers and stuff that feel very Akira. But that's it. It doesn't actually feel or look like that. And then even the setting of like the Neverland. place or whatever like secret evil island where the secret experiment of the blah blah blah is like not particularly fun like sciph it's just like it feels like Jurassic Park i don't know it just was weird um and yeah all of that future earth stuff is so like luster yeah and like when you compare it with the really um classic alien look of the spaceships and stuff that have such a strong aesthetic. It's like, how could they not be a strong aesthetic on the planet?

They all just look like fucking normal buildings and streets. Yeah. It's so boring. Yeah. Question. Go on. What do you think about Project runway not having the exiting queen at the end of the episode? But the eliminated queen goes home at the end of the new episode.

I hate that. I hate that. That's like streaming grot. Oh. It just stops any episode from being like a full. rounded experience. Yeah, it's wild. But it's just a trick.

Yes. To get you to watch the next episode. But I'm going to watch it anyway. I will watch anything with Project Runway. Yes. I need to know. Yes. Listeners, other listeners that haven't watched Project Runway.

The original show had this mentor named Tim Gunn, who was a genuine college professor who genuinely cared about the people who appeared on the show in a way that. you don't ever see on television anymore. Like, he was a real human being who had genuine empathy and it was not like, oh, we really care about fashion and a kind of like, lol, imagine if we did. But it's like, no, I care about this art. I care about the artists that are making it.

And I want these young designers to feel taking care of when they come on the show. So everyone has dignity. Yes. Which is antithetical to making television now. Yeah. And Tim Gunn has not come back. for as the as the workroom mentor for this season and instead they have Christian

Siriano who is the season one winner uh season four winner oh pardon me the first time watching Robert one who was that guy that once in one guy something but Christian Siriano who's genuinely one of the like he's the Kelly Clarkson of the project runway universe in that he's the only one that's had like a successful successful career and he has every right to be there and has been on the show before as a judge, but now as a mentor, his energy towards the contestants could be described only as like completely antagonistic. He is so cruel to them. It's weird. It is, it, it's, it just is such a bizarre misreading of what you should be

doing because he walks into this room filled with stressed designers trying to make things for the show and he says, what are you doing? honey that's ugly oh that's hideous oh divy you need to pull it together this week because you really fucked it up last week yeah i'm like that is not your job that is absolutely not your job you're there to help them to guide them and to have compassion and if they're struggling in the competition you need to be kind to them and tim did that for however many seasons so incredibly well because despite being kind and respectful and open was also providing critique, providing guidance, never trying to silence anyone's like artistic vision or like if they really want to do

something, he would just open up consideration for other things. Yes. Which is an incredible ability of a mentor. Right, exactly. Not to just fucking shoot down ideas. And not to be a sycophant either. Yeah, because it's not about you. No.

It's about the work or the artist. Like, and Tim had no ego about that. No. Whereas like, and even like Christian being on that, like, real that we watched. Um, like, shut up. Yeah. No one cares. Like, you're not a judge and yet you are judging.

Yeah. Um, like you should, oh, bleh, it's really distasteful. It is distasteful. It is distasteful. It is like a massive issue with the show Because the show used to have a tremendous heart And it counterbalance at the time Having very sassy judges

Which is, I would say it has the most sassy judges That it's ever had before Because Law Roach is incredible as this villain Like, so good So exciting to watch what Law is going to say Because literally he's so petty, he's so cruel He says everything and it's completely out of pocket But because there's no

sweetness with the saltiness it just feels like it feels like the whole show is just mean now and you can only have a mean judge if you're going to have a really warm warm mentor yeah yes yeah but there's yeah there's no counterbalance um j macarrel was the season one winner like that guy yeah yeah yeah and then and then of course sentina race oh well oh my god i remember all these people so well. But yeah, Christian One, season four. Yeah, wow. God, I remember all these people so well, Gretchen.

Like that gay cute guy. But, listen, just a constant reminder that you should be watching Project Realmade Canada, season one and two, hosted by Iman. And, wait, see the line. Goff is not trashy. Goff is a legitimate look. Okay, should we dive in? Yeah.

Okay. So my apocalypse this week is a spaceship flies into Earth and smashes into the Eureka Tower. And immediately first responders rush in as people are running out of the building. It's making the news. There's a lot of coverage. And then the first responders go in and magically, through some miracle, there are three survivors that come out of this mining ship that had just been off doing one of these 80-year mine tours and they managed to bring them out they're all across the news it's like

the miracle that there was any survivors from within the actual ship itself they're going on news and publicity tours and blah blah and then the utani corporation which had sent them into space all those many years ago um immediately soon a reinhart or yeah exactly the Gina Ryan swoops in with their lawyers to try and silence them because these people, two of whom are up and about, one of whom is like now in a coma, have pretty disturbing things to say about what they witnessed in the deepness of space and what happened to the synthetic who was on their ship. But they can't say it because they're suddenly getting very closely watched by these Eitanicorp reps. And at the very end of, you know, the first experience on the day out while they're trying to tell the world something, they get silence and everything gets shut down and immediately swoop in. And then they get told that if they want to, like, go back to their, like, families, like, you know, their kids are now, obviously old people, but they're kids' kids, and they go back and start, you know, going back to their lives, but under constant surveillance. and then they let slip something to like one of their kids

who's an investigator or something and then they get weirdly assassinated but then in the hotel, in the hospital room where the one of the miners is still in a coma suddenly something chest bursts out of them it's a face hugger or a little alien. Chest burst and it comes out and into the hospital.

It comes out, fabulous. And then, but a few weeks later, the world is completely overrun by Xenomovs. Cool. You kill everyone. Cool. And then they make their own TV shows. Yeah. Hello, my baby, hello my darling, hello my ragtime.

I've seen a few times this week and I really enjoy it. Anyway, that's my story. Zulangyo. Welcome to everyone, so it's time for it's time for us to talk which time for us to discuss which crumbs. go into the bunker emotional breadcrums maybe give us crumbs

well the other day I was having a conversation with a friend from work on the street while eating a croissant and I was absolutely covered in crumbs and it was discussed and it was very embarrassing

and then I had to get them off me by like puffing out my jumper yeah and it led me to to think what crumbs Well you're not a fan of crumbs Not really

You don't like baguette? No Bung baguette No Crunchy bread Has no place in my life Unless it's in soup To take away the crunch

And to absorb the crumbs What do you think about nuts? I like them They're crunchy Yeah Yeah Yeah but they're not messy They can be

And I can crunch them up You ever see a young child in the schoolyard die of anaphylactic nut allergy? That's messy. That is? Yeah. Oh, yeah, true. Or what about a salad with crouton? Oh.

See, so when the crouton... Bring back the humble crouton. Yeah, when that was at peak, maybe around 1998. Yes. Back when it was really only one type of salad. Yeah. Caesar. Yeah.

Caesar reigns supreme. Yeah, and, oh, gosh, so that, like, mayonnaise or whatever was going on there, ugh, hate salad with dressing so much. Um, but, but, um, yeah, like, Crouton's not going to leave crumbs on you. But you know what could from that salad is the parmesan cheese? Yeah. That hasn't melted. That's sitting on lettuce.

Yeah. So now it's on my jumper. My blouse. Yeah. Like the gum. Oh, God. bring that into this um well that's crazy that you don't like like what's an undressed salad it's too plain i want a dynamic bite um i served a salad to guests the other day and it was such a like

oh my god i can't even i got to the end of them eating it i was like i can't believe you just ate that and they were like the one you made for me no no no no but it was just i was like I was like, I want to make like a bountiful salad to go with this delicious spinach and ricotta kind of roll, you know, this like snail scroll kind of things that serve the whole family. Yeah. Anyway, I was like, I want to serve like a bountiful kind of Greek-inspired salad. And so it was like a cos lettuce, little cherry tomatoes, cucumber. But then I was like, I also want to have olives, calamata olives, because I love that.

and then I also wanted like boiled egg because I'm like I love that in a salad like a Nizwa kind of situation and then like a gorgeous dressing but I'm like that is so fucking like balshy to offer guests who you don't know their kind of eating requirements two of the most like bizarre salad choices

olives not everyone likes olives an egg in a salad Olive's an egg, yeah, that's pretty intense But it's delicious Yeah Because the egg is not Like the olives give you that salty

flavour and then the eggs give you A kind of protein-y creaminess Yeah Proteony creamy And so What crumb? Egg crumbs What about the Whitpix crumb

Whip's crumb? Oh god Weepicks is so dry Before we did the podcast I was like Should we get a barn me in? I was like, no. As you know, listener, she doesn't hate like the sharpness of the baguette. Yeah, it's going to scratch my throat.

Too crummy. That's why Emily had to go in Paris. By and me, that's very crummy. What about Penco? Penco. No, they're too big. I love how big they are. How do they make them like that?

But I also think that they stick pretty well. I don't get covered in those crumbs. Or like a schintzel. You like a schny crumb? Well, they're crumbed. But they're not crummy. Well, what's your issue? Getting covered in crumbs.

We don't have to get... Do you want something in the bunker that's going to cover these people in crumbs? We're choosing which crumbs go in the bunker. Yeah. Like, is it poppy seeds or crumb? Poppy seeds are not a crumb. It's a seed. No, but you can get covered in the crumbs of poppy.

That's not a crumb bit. Yeah, but once it's on your blouse, it's turned to crumbs. That is not a crumb. It has fallen off the meal and now you're covered in crumbs. You're getting seeded. Yeah, crumbs is like... Everyone in the bunker has already been. seeded. They're literally full of calm.

That's true. I mean, can't deny. But what I'm saying is, I say, oh, there's crumbs. But if I saw someone covered in sesame seeds, I'd be like, oh, you're covered in seeds. No. Yeah, I would say that too. No. You'd be like... It's two against one. I'm sorry. Because, like, you've eaten... If it's informed by a flake of something pastry next to it, maybe I'd lump it in. But if it's on its own, I would say, wow, you've got poppy seeds all over you.

I agree. And if the poppy seeds were cut in half, then I would say that's a crumb. Or the poppy seed. That's a good distinction. Who's cutting puppy seeds in half? That's right, no one. A man with a very sharp tiny samurai sword. Or very sharp teeth. Imagine if your teeth had the precision to cut a poppy seed in her.

I wish I had perfectly done teeth so I could stop biting the inside of my mouth. I hate my teeth. Do you bite the inside of your mouth? I don't know. Like my cheeks? Yeah. Inside my cheeks? Well, like your lip.

Cheat crumbs. I mean, I bought my lip, but just when I small parts of your cheek. Wait, you're both saying separate things. Matt, you say your thing? What about cheek crumbs? What's that? Parts that you've bitten off inside your cheek, yeah. Anything wet is not a crumb.

Yeah, it's got to be bad. Dandruff could be crumbs. Yes, it could be. Crumbs. Yes. Because, indeed, oh, when I was in primary school, there was a gal who had really bad dandruff, like really bad. I think maybe she actually didn't have dandruff.

Maybe she had like a skin condition. Oriasis? Yes. That's the one. Yeah. But she had it on a scalp. And then the mean kids at school used to be like, oh, you got chips on your shoulder. Oh.

Like chip crumbs. And it was like, no, if you leave her alone. You say that? I thought it. Oh. I might have said it once or twice. I don't know. I don't know if I was the best defender of...

Leave her alone. Gay kid just said leave her alone. Gay kid loves crumbs No I don't Here we are 25 years later And I'm confirming that I don't really enjoy crumbs I just don't mind the woman beneath the crumbs I mean chip crumbs is actually good

Speaking of that young girl's torturous childhood Many of these things have been actually good But continue Well no because you're talking about the torture Of these things happening to you To your blouses But like I would happily

Reach into the delve into the corner theme of a chip packet and push through the binding of the packet to then emerge victorious with a mound of crumbs on the tip of my finger that I could lap up with my gorgeous mouth. Yeah, I like that. Like shapes crumbs are probably the best crumbs.

They're very tasty. Well, it's flavor you can see. Oh, my God. Um, yes, my point with the poppy seeds was that the spinach ricotta roll from 7-11 has poppy seeds on it. Oh my God, there's someone at the celestial window looking in. What are they? They've got it now. Prove it.

So wait, spinach and ricotta roll, but that's the flaky pastry. I wouldn't be mad if it was just poppy seeds. No, but that's the thing. The crumbs is a combination of the flaky pastry and all the seeds. No, the crumbs are the thing carrying the seeds. Yeah. A crumb, a seed is smaller. than a crumb.

So you could have a seed on a crumb. Yeah. But you can't have a seed solo and call it a crumb. So if you saw someone who would just eat in a snack. I don't know why these crumbs always have to be on someone's blouse. On someone's, well, that is how you define a crumb. If you just had a pile of poppy seeds on the table. Well, no, because it would be called poppy seeds.

Yeah, you'd be like, who spilled these poppy seeds? But that's a spill isn't crumbs. but if they're on a woman's blouse, you'd be like, oh, I see you've been eating a delicious snack, maybe a carrot cake or something. You're about proposing a hypothetical. I don't understand how they become crumbs if they're just on someone's top. Well, if they were out on the forest floor,

no one would be thinking about whether they're crumbs or not. Yes, they'd be deadest. Are they still crumbs if they're on the forest floor? But if they're on someone's Janie Jack Hay, that's a crumb. Okay, but Deva, what are you saying? Yes, if there's crumbs of pastry, that is the poppy seeds on a blouse are crumbs. On their own?

Yeah. Sans any... Because otherwise, what is it? You're just covered in shit? No. You're a mess. Seeds. But you don't...

That's not something people say. I would say that. But if it was just poppy seeds, I would be like, oh, you've got poppy seed on you. Oh, would I say that? Maybe I would say that. Where did these seeds come from? Or would I say, you're covered in crumbs. I probably wouldn't say anything.

Yeah, well, we know that. Your silence has echoed through the ear. You just think about it. Oh my God. There's that guy that's been going through. steroid withdrawal treatment on TikTok, and his whole body is covered in crumbs, skin crumbs, and it looks really painful, but he was on steroids majority of his life to keep his psoriasis at bay, but then your body becomes addicted to the steroid, and then you, like,

you essentially become dependent on the steroid, meaning that you need higher and higher dosage in steroids, and it's actually not good for you. and so people do this thing which is kind of I don't know there's a mixed debate about its efficacy but he basically stopped using cold turkey steroids completely and then your body goes into meltdown so because it's like oh my god I need this thing to survive and so his psoriasis flare up was so bad that like he couldn't work he couldn't like work and like walk anywhere without his skin splitting and like blood all the time and um it's It's now been like two and a half years and it's like just getting slightly better.

But it's like almost like hard to tell whether it's getting better or if it's just having a good day. What was wrong with being addicted to steroids? I think it just makes you like number one, I think the efficacy like it can make the issue worse because it's like if you don't have it, then it flares up an insane level to which you didn't even have psoriasis to that. level before. Yeah. And number two is that you have to keep getting a higher and higher steroid cream. You can't do that forever. It would be other complications.

Yeah. With it, like your kidneys or whatever. Yeah. It's a lot to put on the body. A topical cream. Mm. Mm. Great catcher for crumbs, though.

They get stuck to it. So just to clarify, it sounds like Zelda's advocating that the crumbs have to be, they only place the crumbs. Crumbs are is on someone's front. Yeah, in the bunker. Yeah. That's right. They're not like, there's not like crumbs in a pile.

Well, no, because that's, no. On the, on the counter of the bar. Yeah, I feel like, there's a humiliation element that's necessary here. Yeah. So what's the most obvious crumb that stands out on someone's top? True. Okay. We've got to imagine it on, in context.

Well, it's got to be some kind of two-de-fruity cake cum. What are we talking about? Yeah We're talking about cum, right? So different types of crumbs I've just looked at this up I think either potato chips or crackers Yeah, potato chips are the best crumb

I think Shapes is the best crumb of all of the snack Yeah, so flavoured crackers Yeah, but not like, you know, writs or Jats or whatever No, no, no Or chets Cheds I do love Cheds I used to love

It's like a super fake cheese Flavoured And they're like neon yellow And they have like giant chunks What were the ones that were in the shape of little fish Um goldfish Oh those They were called like snack snack snackles

Were they like chicken flavoured dough But shaped like a fish? Yeah I'm going to say something controversial And probably even more controversial Than me saying we should just kill everyone's dogs those fucking weirdos Hello

Is this you You people who Defined your entire personality About five years ago By saying The chicken crimpy Is the best thing Chicken crimpy

That was what it was Yeah I don't care about the chicken crumpy I hate the shape of the chicken crimpy Number one Number two How did they get folded into the shape's family Because it was never that before It was chicken crimpy

Oh no I don't And then it became a shape. So it's a round one. It's like round with a kind of scalloped edge. But the, I just hate it. And also barbecue shapes. I just think that they're absolutely horrend. And the only shape that's worth your time or your money is pizza.

Pizza. You agree, Zelda, right? Yeah, I agree with that. Okay, good. I think that chip crumbs have the most value because they're delicious. Yeah. If you're eating like bread crumbs on your chest or like filo pastry crumbs or like copy seed crumbs. I hate how underwhelming filo pastry crumbs are.

Yes, because it's all just like, well, that wasn't, that's not the meal. Yeah. But a chip crumb is just a very small chip, really. Yeah. When you really think about it. Yeah. A big chip is just more of that crumb. Yeah.

And oftentimes it's like changing the ratio. of flavoring to chip. Yes. Because it's like, wow, I wouldn't imagine if we lived in a world like this. Yeah. Of course, imagine if they just sold bags of

flavoring with small crumbs. I like that. Yeah. Crumbs. I think you can buy poppy seeds like that. You can buy bags of poppy seeds, but it's weird that they don't call it crumbs. What do you think about when like people like Mary Barry or whatever

or poor Hollywood are like, oh, crumb. I really, really, really don't like that. Tell me about that. Because, oh. Is it like a unit of measurement?

It's quite a dense crumb. Because are you talking about when like they like cut it with like this blade and then it like how it pulls away and like a bit of crumb? And they look at like the, oh, this is like a scientific. Yeah, the density. Yeah. It's quite a lot. Crum.

Textured crumb. Flavoured crumb. No, I don't really like that. Lipped a crumb. No, we can't put something Harry Potter in the bunker, but that's a good crumb. Yeah. Oh. But, no, I hate that.

But what you've reminded me of is crumb from R.R. Monsters. Oh, yeah. That's a good crumb. Yeah. He would be good on alien earth. That's kind of how they design them. Kind of Yeah

I'm a pit smelly man Hold on his eyes I think Yeah to be brave No more sex Which sex is Youdy girl are you Do which are a monster are you

Which one are you Well I think I'm probably the professor In the high heels Who's in the bunker Yes But What's her name?

Oblina Oblena Oblena Yeah She's so fabulous But as a child, the ickus was my favorite. Ickis. Yeah, Crom was my least favorite.

Yeah, but now do you see his value? No, he's smelly. You don't like that? No. You're not into bears. No, well, some smells. But just like... Some smells.

Actually, wasn't his whole thing that his armpits was the stinkiest? Yeah, that's one of his powers. Yeah. I've misjudged you, Crom. That's fabulous. Yeah. Yeah, I like pits. I just don't like farts

He wasn't farty No he wasn't farty It was about the pits My whole life Crum I'd just like to issue an apology Well now you see his value Yes Well see that's what this show is all about

Yeah This show is about Rehabilitating Zola's opinion of things One by one Yeah And I am working on getting you guys On board with poppy seed crumbs Oh we're involved with poppy seeds

Just not calling them crumbs Well that's where I've got my work And I think as well, Zeldell, when you buy a bag of crumbs, breadcrumbs, that's the only crumb that you can buy that you don't have to create. And hobby seats, if they're crumbs, then why wouldn't they be called crumbs in the bag at market? You've raised an interesting question. Because they have crumbs.

They have Panko breadcrumbs and they have regular breadcrums. Yes, but that's like a decimated product. Why is it desiccated? Oh, look. It's not your whole. It's not decimated. Edit that out. What are you going to say?

I was going to say, why isn't decimated coconut? I did it that time on purpose. Called crumbs. Because that's just shredded, just like bread be shredded to be like breadcrumbs. What do you think about Hansel and Gretel leaving that trail of crumbs so they could get out of the forest, but then being betrayed by nature? I think Come up with a better plan Kids

Listen they were young kids Yeah And stupid kids Yeah They didn't even have enough food to eat That's why their parents Left them in the forest in the first place True

They're dribbling crumbs all over the ground And also what I was thinking about Is it still a crumb if it's on the forest floor Apparently yes There's a whole fucking fairy tale about it Oh True I just

I'm sorry Zelda I think it's pizza-shaped crumbs. I agree. Oh. You think I want poppy seed crumbs? I don't want poppy seed crumbs. There's no such thing.

That's barely a crumb. That's ridiculous. No, I just, I don't even know how we got onto it. Do you think like poppy seed just quietly is such a cunty seed? Just because it's like, how did you join the fucking A-lister of seeds and you're so tiny with almost no flavor? I thought you were going to say the A-listers of spheres,

because that's also true. Do you see that it's rummed that Taylor Swift might be coming to the sphere? No. Imagine the sphere takes another victim. Do you know, I was going to talk about the Taylor Swift at all, but like my friend Jasmine listens to this podcast sometimes, and she's a massive Swifty, and I don't mean to, I don't want to insult Swifties. I think it's a bit gauche to insult Swifties.

I think it's a bit low-hanging fruit. But like Swiftie's out there if you're listening to this, you saw that album cover. Come on. You saw that album cover. What's going on there? What in the Kmart Target fucking bitch is that? That looks bad.

I don't know. And she has the money to go to anyone. She could hire some of the most famous living artists in the world. She could hire Kylie Minogue. She could hire me. But that cover is honky tonk,

piece of plonk. Put it in the bin. Yeah, I think the reaction. Wipe that off their blouse. And then announcing it on your football boyfriend's podcast. Yeah, boo. Devatron. Now the highest rated

ever viewed, no, most viewed podcast of all time. It's a weird fucking, the weird fucking moment. Do you know what's not weird? Putting pizza-shaped crumbs into the bunker. Thank you. Thank you. We'll see you after the break.

Welcome back, listener. Hello. Okay. Enough crumbs. Time to talk about masks. Which mask gets into the bunker? Obviously, we know that going into a bunker, you're going to need a mask. There's so many different types of masks, you know?

The way that humanity has created these small things to cover our faces throughout recorded history. Yes. What is the mask? Anything is better than this face. So. So. What do you think? Major's mask.

Ah, go on. Tell me about Majora's mask. So, Ocarina. of time, video game, Legend of Zelda, Nintendo 64, sequel, Majora's Mask, All About Masks, and indeed Majors Mask, being the Key Mask, cool, painted, wooden mask, spiky. What powers does that give you? Evil. Makes you evil. Evil powers. Makes you consumed with greed or whatever. What a cool design. I, I mean, that game,

is one of my favorite video games at all time. It has an absolute cavalcade of masks you might choose to wear, some of which must transform you into a different species of inhabitant, some that might make your face explode, some that might empower you to do a dance. They're all incredible masks, but the Majora's mask is the coolest of them all. Big eyes.

Big ass. Didn't you think it's a cool mask? Yeah, it is beautiful. I have offed, not for a long time, but there was a period where I was, like, inquiring about purchasing well online from an Etsy shop. But they all look like shit. You should make one. Yeah, I think that would be cool. What a fun activity.

Yeah. That could be a great day for you. Yeah. Yeah. It would be a really fun activity for you. Yeah. About in the 90s, but everyone seemed to have, like, African masks on their walls. Oh, we had those.

my dad love he's probably still got them yeah yeah um that kind of mask I mean I think I love I just I mean I love I think more masks

yeah I think they're super effective I just think like as a kind of dramatic gesture like obviously drag is a kind of mask but um I think what's even better than the kind of symbolic mask of drag

is the real mask yeah what about the film the mask with Jim Carrey Yeah, I had a feeling you might bring that up. Do you like that film? I like that film a lot. Do you like Cameron Diaz? I do, yes.

I love that it is a mask. Same. Yeah, same, I agree. But then when you put it on, it fuses to your skin. Well, that's cool. And I think while that is probably the second best example of that, there is a supreme in that category. Go on. The haunted mask.

What? Goose bumps. Oh, yeah. Okay, so listener, if you have not seen, a little girl. Little girl. A little girl, 12 years old, maybe 11. She's got some kick-ass overalls in the original TV show that's made in Canada for kids. And she's Halloween.

And she doesn't want to just dress up in her mom's silly mouse costume again this year. And she always has to wear her mom's lame costume. She wants something actually scary. and then in her small American town there is a mysterious vendor of Halloween surprises and he's a curious man indeed but while she's at his shop

she stumbles into the back of the shop where she sees five terrifying masks that seem even higher quality and when she touches them they seem to have like a warmth to them like real skin and she's like but these monsters how could they feel like real skin he's like get out of here little girl get out and then she steals one of the masks and runs away

and he's like get back here get back here with that mask don't no and then she doesn't listen because she's a little fucking brat oh uh brat summer stealing that mask and then she goes home and it's Halloween night oh and she puts the mask on and it is terrifying and then her friends come over and she scares them and they're like oh take it off susy beth or whatever and she's like i'm eager oh and then she starts acting like a real brat more of a brat real monster because the monster mask is taking her over and making her into a monster and then she's like trying to get it off and she's like it's stuck it's stuck it's so scary um and And then she can't get it off.

And then she runs back to the shop and the shop is gone. It closed a day before. Yeah. Going out of business. Halloween night. And I don't know how she ends up getting it off. Maybe with the love of her parent. But, yeah.

But there's like, I remember watching that episode and being like, I want to know what all these masks do. Because it was so cute. That's fun. Yeah. Did you ever play Mass Effect? No. Ah, well, there's a race of aliens in Mass Effect called Aquarian, and they're, oh, I'd probably get in this wrong with their planet exploded or something.

And so they're like living on a, like their entire population live on spaceships. Yeah. Trying to find an uninhabited planet where they can relocate. A new home. And you like go out on pilgrimage to try to find it or whatever the fuck. But it's just a thing. that they always have these masks on because every other atmosphere

doesn't quite cater to their particular life form. So they all wear these masks. And the series has always had these, like, great quarrying characters, and you just never know what they actually look like. That's fine. It's like a full face mask. Like, kind of like a sheer,

well, it's not sheer, that's the whole point of what I'm saying, an opaque sheet of glass kind of thing. So cool. What do they look like under there? I don't know. And you don't get to know, I don't think. Well, that's it.

What do you think about, in that vein, Darth Vader's mask? It's cool. You don't feel any kind of way. You're not really interested in that. Darth Vader? Yeah. No. Why is that?

Boring. Why? Like, because, okay. You like Star Wars? Yeah, you're like, you're the guy. What about James L. Jones? Ooh, I like that. Yeah.

What about Stormtroopers? Yeah, that's fine. What about Boba Fett? Yeah, see, now I'm more interested. Why? Well, because there's a, rich history on Mandelor about, well, he's not Mandalorian. But there's a rich history on Mandelor about, like, receiving your armour and like the

cultural significance of the armour. So it's appropriation. He's not Mandelor, but he's wearing the armor. It actually literally is. Wow. Yes. Well, has he been cancelled? Well, the Boba Fett series did get cancelled.

No, I'm glad to hear it. You know, we've had enough of this kind of bullshit. Yeah, but he's wearing mandolian. Cast, real Mandalorian. Like Boca Tan, who often doesn't wear her helmet because it's just particular sex of the Mandalorians who, like, follow a specific code that says that they have to wear their mask at all times. But that's fun.

That's like good mask law. I don't know. There doesn't seem to be a haunted Halloween shop in this world. Do they go to that place? I don't know. Maybe. It's a big universe. No, I've never seen a Halloween shop in any of Star Wars.

It's been an issue. And no one called Mary Beth. Well, I've got to figure out what the fuck her name is. Sorry, I'll be right back with your listener. Oh, good. I'll say more about Mandalorians. But, no, like, of all the Star Wars masks, you've given two very bleak observational suggestions.

It's Carly Beth. that's really close Carly Beth Coldwell Carly Beth Coldwell Yeah she's an 11 year old girl who scares easily Oh she's trying to prove her She's constantly ridiculed by Steve Boswell Chuck Green and Walt

At Walnut Avenue Middle School God our old sonya What about great Um Um Okay Carly Beth returns to the shop Where the shopkeeper tells her the masks

in the back room are actually living faces that can only be removed by a symbol of love. But if it attaches itself to her or another person again, the fusion will be permanent. The other masks suddenly come to life and begin to pursue Kylie Beth while running away from the masks, she realizes that

the plaster mold her mother made is a symbol of love. Oh yeah, because her mom's an artist and she made this disgusting exact replica of her daughter's face in like it looks like paper mache say, it's so haunting.

But then when she's in her evil monster mode and she's been taken over by the demonic mask, she has that plaster cast Carly Beth on a stick. And she holds it around and she's like, you think this is Carly Beth? I'm Carly Beth now. Is the little girl actor good when she's in evil mode? She's so terrible.

That's, oh, oh. She finds the molding uses to deter the mask and removes the mask from her face. She returns home to her mother, tossing the mask away. Noah later bursts in and asks her, how do I look in your mask? The brother wears it. Oh, God, Carly Beth, you fucking lame, bit.

Incredible though. I would, if I could get a million gazillion dollars. Yeah. And I had any prestige as a filmmaker. I'd remake the haunted mask. Ooh, fun. Is Ariel Stein still around? Yeah.

Cool. I love how he would open up those episodes of goosebumps. And he's, like, the most, like, just, like, weedy little New York, like, Jewish man who, like, it's just like, hey, kids, how you doing? And he's, like, the next story from Brings us Carly Beth. She, uh, I don't know, goes into a haunted shop or something. Anyway, enjoy.

And it's like, oh, the creepy. Keeper himself, R. L. Stein. I like it. So good. So, uh, face mask? Like a... Skincare. Yeah.

Do they work? Uh, uh, not really. But it's not about that. It's about having a moment for you. For you. Especially. You must have the cucumbers on. It's very much time to get out.

You don't have the cucumbers on. It won't work. Ah, like Lazy's Creek salad. Yeah. Um. Well, that needs the olives to work. Ah, true. Put some boiled egg on your eyes

Would that work? Work in what way? In the same way that face masks are like that. That's a moment for you. Yes, it would. A slice of boiled egg on each other and an olive on top. I just do this for me. It's not for anyone else.

It's not to be like. I'll smell like egg for the rest of the day. Yeah. But I don't know, face mask. I find them quite annoying because of my facial hair. I also hate how cold they are. There is that, I suppose. Yeah.

I got gifted a set of really fancy face masks last year, and I didn't put one on. I put them in my face mask drawer, which is quite extensive, listener. You gave me some the other week. Yes, because I just, I have an abundance. But then, last year, there was a bit of a trend alert, trending. these like Korean face masks that you would put on and after hours and hours and hours would start to go clear and you would wear them overnight ideally and then you wake up at the morning and you peel it off and you have glassy skin fancy um and I thought that's cool

and a friend was going to get us cheaper versions from evil online sources but they never came or something and that was that then the other week I was out with a different friend Listen to the pod, Angie. And she bought more of those fancy masks and gave me a couple of boxes, which was very generous. And when I got home, I was like, I've seen this box before. And I went to my mask drawer and I pulled out the box from last year. And then it turns out that I've now got three boxes of the masks that my other friend was trying to, it was the trending masks. How crazy is that?

Can you believe it? Let's go back to you talking about Kylie Baer. that is crazy you know what who did I run into I met a listener the other day and they're like I listen to the show all the time

it's so funny Gilda's mundane stories about her life Sorry? Yeah And I was like I was truly taking our back I was like

They're not mundane And then I was listening To you talk Just then I was like Maybe they are yeah maybe what would you say what was the moral of that story be that you're ahead of the curve well there is that think of the saying no i would say be curious if somebody gives you something take but a moment to understand what you've received it may be a mask that goes

transparent after several hours be curious yeah i'm curious yeah but not about the mask oh i see That's a shame So I don't like those Silicone baby masks That like hot Like thoughts will put on and be like Now I'm a big baby What are you watching?

Or like the one that Valerie Hex has Is part of Yummy I don't know Does she? Wait, no, sorry Are you throwing Valerie No You know when she does her like

No, that is exactly what I mean but she's doing it in a performing sense I mean more of a performative sense of just like some stupid first trap it might put it on it's a full-haired silicon mask yeah or like a and be like I'm in a jockstrap and I'm crying like a baby

but I'm actually hot underneath and not a baby age so only masks like that for actual babies well do we just help with the confusion Yeah, good. People should only wear masks of what they are underneath the mask, says Zelda. Well, that's why my face mask is so good. They go transparent.

Oh, it's me underneath. I love that. What was that art video of that, like, Transceva walking down the street in Miami? And she's wearing one of those super chromic reflective glasses. Yes. And she walks down and you see, I mean, it's a fucking devastating. film. Yes.

But it's like an art film and she walks down the street in Miami or Florida or something. Oh, well, Miami's in Florida, right? Who could know? Yeah, Miami, Florida. I... Miami's the capital. I think that puppy seeds are crumbs. What are you looking to be for?

Yeah, true, yeah. Mirror Mask, that film. No, mirror mask, she's walking down the street and people stop following her. just being curious about this like tall woman and then like as it goes on they're like drunken Friday night life in you know the streets in this kind of tropical setting and there's like tourist families gawking at her and then these rowdy men approaching her and these women who are like pissed off by her presence and all she's doing is walking yeah in like very like revealing little skimpy outfit and like high heels and this like chrome entire face covering

mask and then people start like pulling at her and pulling her hair until eventually a guy comes oh it's a girl a girl comes over and full shoves her to the ground yeah and she topples off her heels falls to the ground and cuts open her knee and gets up and keeps walking and they laugh and walk away and then she's just walking as blood is dripping down in And it's like she did nothing but exists and wear this mask that freaked people out. It's fucked. Yes. It is like listening, you should watch it.

It's just very interesting and haunting. Should we put her in in the mask? Well, if only to protect her. Well, yes, to keep her safe. Okay, well, we're going to put that trans diva into the bunker. Yeah. With her mirror mask. Yeah, we'll find out her name or something.

Yeah. That's, I like that. Okay. You can be safe. And you know what? You have a, um, kind of like a reflective shield across your chest. Yeah. No crumbs.

No crumb. But you can pick them off everyone else because there'll be delicious shapes crumbs. Mm. Yeah, but you won't be covered in crumbs. Diva. Mm. That's fun. Any other.

masks? Nah, I hate Venetian masks. Oh, when I was in Venice, every store is selling Venetian masks. And I'm like, this is trash, honey. And you know, the worst thing about that is most of them aren't to scale. No, if you're on your head. They're weirdly small. And some of them are fucking magnets. Oh. I am also just like, this is not, like, this town is ruined by the fact that It has so many, so many weird, like, shops dedicated to, like, a simulacrum of what the place is meant to be like. Like, this idea of what Venice is like. And it's like, you're destroying Venice by trying to, like, memorialize Venice.

It's so weird. Just let Venice be Venice. Stop trying to make magnets out of her. Simulacrum. Simulacra. Simulacra. Like a projection, like an illusion, elusitory. version of something.

Ah. Cool. What? Say it one more time. Simulacrum or Simulacra. Cool. I mean, listen, I should probably look that word up. No, no.

Let's go with confidence. We'll be right back. Welcome back, listener. Okay. is an image or representation of someone or something. Like a mask? Yeah. Well, truly.

Oh. Like a crumb. However, this adds the addendum which is an unsatisfactory imitation or substitute. Like a bad mask. Well, I think even a good mask is a bad version of, you know, of like the thing itself. Because it can't speak. Although some would argue that's a good version. The pop hood.

That's a kind of mask. We didn't even talk about Zelda's pop hood. We've talked about it enough. Is it okay? I can't come off. Yeah, it's fine. Yeah, good, okay. Have you heard back from that guy we're waiting on today?

No. I'm stressed. It's 3.45. I know, what the fuck? Listen, Alda's got a date. I have a second date tonight, but... We were literally talking yesterday about it. Why didn't you lock it in?

Well, I thought it was... Get the address. I didn't. That way, you can just show up even if they haven't locked it in. I already have his address, but I can't be just shopping out. You have his address? Yeah, because we've planned it. I'm not taking you home today.

I'm dropping your arm. Well, I can't go straight there, sister. Yes, you can. Oh, my God. Be brave. No. Be brave. I'll be prepared.

Be brave. Be prepared. That's what that song was about, right? I think so, yeah. Well, you're going to have to do one of your most disliked activities to get there. Correct. Okay. So, Ben Buggy.

Ben Buggy, deliverer of chai, farmer of land. Jestered. Which crystal? Gets into the bunker, golden healer, amethyst. I write. Have you seen at that new mecca store in the city that they have been selling crystals? I've seen that. That's insane.

Why? Do you think someone's going to be like, oh, and trying to apply foundation with it and stab themselves through the face with the quartz? No, I don't think that. Oh, I guess I would do that. You're like, come on a lazy, I was going to ask about that bandage, I think I should sue. yeah i mean um crystals have a place in many people's hearts yes not for me to judge that oh no it is for me to judge that god they're stupid i mean it's it's kind of a classic situation right where the thing itself very cool yes the the fans of the thing very not cool

correct like if i was to be say stumbling through the woods yeah and tripped over some crumbs on the forest floor and there was like a open geode yes i'd be like incredible yes this was nude by nature created by nature how yeah how beautiful that something so shiny and fabulous should exist in the world incredible those caves that no one can go into because they're filled with noxious gas that are made with crystals amazing crystals in our and sassafras, diva, what are we doing here? Yeah. Although I do have a special place in my heart for crystals

because my dear friend, Tristan, when we were young, was obsessed with collecting crystals and had just an obscene collection of quite rare kind of shapes and types of crystals. That's cool. And they were set out in his witchy room, which was painted deep purple, and had mahogany shelving with little light display set up and in Mount Evelyn and there'd be like little crystals on every shelf

and like witchy amulets and things and when you'd walk into the room because it was like a floorboard home the house would just have a bit of wiggle to it and so you'd hear the knocking sound of like a hundred shelves with like crystals on them and you'd be like I'm going to knock you're going to go those are very crystals

Yeah. My brother went through a time of collecting gemstones. Yeah. That's really funny. Like, he had a little collection. It's probably the gayest thing he's ever done. Yeah. Other than, like, touch his own...

Go on. No. There's actually no need to finish that sentence. But don't you think the only people who aren't a little bit like, male body gay are lesbians because straight guys touch dick every day mad what do you call male wait sorry let's pick that apart the only people who are not male body gay yeah if a femme woman yeah is male body gay wouldn't you just call that being straight yes that's one way to put it.

Yeah, that's Richard could say that, yeah. Okay, go on. But Les Barner never, like, no dick. Yeah, but they're touching poos? Yeah, that's fine. My point is, straight guys are a little bit gay. That's my point. Because they touched it.

Yes. Every day. If you, like, how can you be totally straight if you, like, jerk off and then come? Because it feels so good. What if they close their eyes? Well, if they close their eyes. I think that's where a lot of these complications come in. Yeah.

Because guess what? Joking off a dick until it comes is kind of gay. So if you're doing that every day, you're a little gay. It's only gay if you like it. Yeah. And you do like it. If you're crying. Yeah.

Like imagine being so straight that you can't jerk off or like clean your dick. Clean your dick? Yeah. Well, that's a bit gay. Like if you clean your. but I think some straight men do think that. Yeah. And so they don't.

Wow. And as a result, the ass is not tidy. See? They got the swamp air. That's crazy. That's fucking crazy. But it's straight. At least it's straight.

You're giggling a lot today. I just don't understand what's going on. Well, you're listening to the ravings of a woman who's used fucking courts as a fucking makeup applicator. I think I articulated that pretty well. I mean, listen, it is not the most deranged thing you've said today. That being, that story you told that I literally can't remember, oh, you, your friend who tried to order face masks, they never arrived.

Then your other friend years later gave you some face masks and you realized you already had those face masks and you thought, oh wow, I've had them the whole time. Isn't that crazy? Oh, come on. That's a big crazy. He does like it's a big gay to jerk off. A male body gay. You know your lesbians aren't male body gay.

Maybe. That person who isn't male body gay in this room is the lesbians. Can we talk about crystals, please? Yeah. So there's mess. Do you know, I've been thinking about this since the last category as well. I just want to say, I do think, like, do you think lesbians? Sorry, I do think Taylor Swift should make a statement.

I think it would be very influential. Probably help. But I just don't think that, like, my point is she's not the fucking whole problem. Do you know what I mean? She's as much a problem as every other fucking rich and powerful person. Yes. But the fact that you single her out speaks more to an underlying misogyny is what I'm saying. Yeah.

I want to clarify You did You said I derailed that You said that well Anyway Let's go on Okay

I used to collect crystals Oh god Does that make me a little bit Male body gay Yeah Matt You're male body gay For a whole host

Yeah There's a lot You were barking About that That Pop Mask You're on a show Two drag queens

Every fucking week are you alive? I didn't realize that you were drag queens when he signed up so I just thought we were women

yeah it's a mistake a lot of guys make male body guys yeah too real yeah I can show you next week

oh cool oh the crystal collection yeah sorry that game a bit meaner than I intended wait are they polished

rounded crystals gems or they are pointy? There's a variety of all sorts. What one's your favourite? I don't know. I haven't looked at it in a long time. It's in a little treasure chest.

Okay. A little treasure chest. Wait, we'll give us one. I don't remember. We gave C-to-1, like my daughter. We gave her one to play with. And she immediately just threw it across the room. Well, you know, because you and your wife are

both Steiner-educated hippies. Right? Well, yeah. So I think that's why... I think your child's going to end up as like a corporate drone as a result of trying to reject their parents' lifestyle. 100%. She's going to be all about that money.

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Okay. I have a pitch for what I believe, the best crystal ever created. And no. It's not math. Oh, is it the dark crystal?

Oh, no. I hate that film. Okay. Anyway. Me too. And the film TV show reboot? Or they're all sexy babies inside of Android bodies. I like the Skexas.

They're so well designed. Yeah. Old hagbirds. Hence and Dunn is. But I also think Labyrinth is just the superior film in every way. I agree. But we're talking about crystals, not which Labyrinth goes into the trunk. Which, I mean, we really should.

No, but I was going to say, you know those trees? that you grow the crystal folio on key every element of that operation is the most chic fabulous thing that I've ever seen the box art the font it is so chic this idea and then you drip

a few little drops onto this like cardboard tree it absorbs and then over the next week because like back then there were toys that were about patience. And you say, how did my child play with this? They don't. You set it up, and now you have patience. And that was the same with like sea monkeys, those little trees, to your pets, those storm in a cup things that like become crystalline when the weather's

different. Ah, yeah. We like sun catches, gemstones, completely inert toys that have no play value for the child. They're just like, just wait. And farms, just don't touch it. Ever. Ever. You'll destroy it if you touch it. That is, bring that back. Yeah.

I'm going to order one right now of Amazon. Yeah. That's so cool. It's called the Magic Garden. Oh. They're so cool. I feel like the packaging always kind of like aquarium filters. It always looks like it's from the 70s or 80s, but the company was invented in 2005.

That's fun. Oh, okay That's fun That's fun I like that But I think maybe it should be that On people Like they wake up

covered in those crystals Well, they're covered in crumbs The magic Oh my God The box art is just sensational Wait, is it how I described It's pretty that Oh, thank God

It's so cool Show me to me please Show me, do me, please. You're going to fucking froth this. Oh, my God. What I was going to say was, why does sometimes my ice cubes grow crystals going up? That is so, that's not how water works. Well, it is.

Levels. But then, at the moment, I've got one. I could send you a photo if you like. Oh, my God, the bauxite is amazing. Is that Mount Fuji in the background? It is. It's beautiful. I wonder how it works.

That's so. in hours it's fully grown oh my god hours well here i was maybe mine wasn't working your parents are like any day now to grow oh my god frequently bought together this magic garden and sea monkeys for the parent who wants to teach their child patients yeah that's fun and cheer pets yeah oh oh did you say I said geopats. Oh, you need to say it in a more interesting way next time. Okay.

You know? I, yeah. Crystallization, a chemical solution is applied to the special porous cardboard landscape that causes crystals to grow and bloom into colorful flower-like display. The cardboard soaks up a chemical solution, and as the water in the solution evaporates, it leaves behind dissolved salts, which then crystallize into interesting.

flower-like shapes on the cardboard. How fabulous. So cool. I love that. I... I... Yes. No, I didn't have anything, but no one else said anything.

We're waiting with bated breath. Yeah. Well, look, I think that's as good place as any. Yeah. I mean, I also love salt crystals because I love salt. I'm a big old salt hog. What? A big old shawl help.

We're into category three. This is the VIP category three. Hello! If you're still listening, category three. Things get weird this end of now. Well over two hours. Oh, for fuck sake. Call it.

Magic garden. Poppy shade. Pizza shape crumbs. Yeah. Pizza shape crumbs. Yeah. Okay. So this week, this week.

We've put in crumbs from shapes. Pizza shapes. The video artist who walked down the street in a mirror mask. Yes. She's safe in the bunker. Yeah. Ish. Ish.

And finally, the magic tree. Garden. Yes. The crystalline tree. The film is called American Reflex. with director Ali Coates by performance artist

Sign Pierce or Sine Pierce Oh my God It's so incredible We're going to put a link to that I think That crystalline by Bjirk Is maybe

Her final pop song Go on give us this thing VV VRB VRB VRB VRB Who sings that song?

What song is that? I listened up before and I was like, no, it isn't. She was. Imagine a beer girl. That's her newest pop song. No, crystallized. That's my bierke. Anyway.

Okay. That song's fine. Thanks, Bjerk. I was crystallized. After a long night of hooking, the trade was not satisfied. And he pushed me into the flames. but I did not know I was crystallized and now I'm back as a what is it yeah and as a diva like a phoenix no as a diva bitch ready for the runway oh my god yeah Matt you know

that one yeah yeah okay listener thanks thank you we love you and I'll see you in hell lazy season no thanks to you high point hungry jack Death to Everyone was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Shears. Our theme song and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. She's got something to say to us, send it to us at deathdefer apart at gmail.com. Oh, it went to support us please at patreon.com slash death to everyone. Bye-bye. Matt.

Thank you.