Death To Everyone - Death To... Cutlery, Shapes & Pillows

Episode Date: May 12, 2025

Hey again, it be us, Zelds and Layzeee.This week we vehemently debate which cutlery item is preserved, and the answer we picked will shock you!We then added a very important shape, and also the pillows you will be sleeping on in the doomsday bunker.Enjoy!Follow us, won't you? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.naturalhabitatstudios.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/ediecentric⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I'm gonna show you. Hello, my name's Zelda Moon and like a praying mantis, I've just eaten my lover. I'm Lazy Susan and I had to watch. And joining us as always is... Old giggle pants. Always just giggle the whole time. I think that old giggle pants sounds like the name of, um, a retired clown who lives down at the jetty. Old giggle pants.

And he like kills children. With like a fishing hook? Yeah, probably. But there'll be some sort of clown twist that will work out in draft three. Yeah. And this... Oh, sorry. Here we have reigniting the feud of the century.

Oh my God. What? And this is Death to Everyone. Why, it's our weekly podcast where we do the heavy lifting listener. We've observed. We think so you don't have to. Exactly.

And we talk so we don't have to think. That's my specialty. That's my line. And we have set up an end of day bunker. End of day? EOD bunker. Yeah, EOD. In the financial year.

And inside we've filled it with fabulous trinkets and people and concepts and things. Give me the lamp. Yeah. Which lamp? No, we've already done that. To preserve it for the next generation, the grassy of the next generation, because the world is ending and that's the setup of this. Oh dear, God, you're so eloquent. I do my best or I barely think about it. Yes.

Um, Zelda. Yeah. In stale news at this point, what do you think about? Kanye and his cousin Who's his cousin? I thought this might be the case that you hadn't heard about it because I thought Why doesn't she brought this up? I feel like this would be the first thing out of her mouth. What? Kanye? Kanye? The rapper? Yeah, one of those rap guys. Yeah, you would like to hear this like little excerpt Oh sure. So this is our new song, isn't it? It put out a new song.

It's called cousin was a musician. Yes. Doesn't he do that all the time? Yeah. Oh, sorry. Yay. Yeezy. Yay.

Anyway, it was a moment where he released like sock shoes, but they were like $5 or something. Do you remember that? No. Oh, anyway, I was going to buy a pet, but then I didn't. Go on. Okay. So he posted this in concurrence with his in... What is it?

In design. At the same time with his song. Okay. This song is called Cousin. About my cousin that's locked in jail for life for killing a pregnant lady a few years after I told him we wouldn't look at dirty magazines together anymore. Perhaps in my self-centered mess, I felt it was my fault that I showed him those dirty magazines when he was six and we acted out whatever we saw. My dad had Playboy magazines, but

the magazines I found in the top of my mom's closet were different My name is yay, and I sucked my cousin's dick till I was 14 It's all just what It's all just random now isn't it really why does he have such sad cheeks Probably because he's second day But don't you think? When the cheeks were developing, there was too much suction pressure placed upon them. What do you think of that?

Wait, so what? Who's his cousin? He's in jail for killing a pregnant woman. He gave you all the information you need. Okay, true. What was the age difference? Well that, I don't think is clarified, but I assume that they're both children. Okay.

Well, what? So what's the song like? You're my cousin, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that, no, we can find out. There's actually no reason we can't find out. I think the listener loves when we play funny bits from our phone. Is that true? I think. Don't write in because we're not going to change our behavior. He's nine inch nails now. Right?

I've seen two niggas kissing, we know what that shit mean Then we start being in a damn everything that we have seen That's when that's enough Yeah, that's enough Wait I gave my cousin a head Gave my cousin a head I gave my cousin a head I gave my cousin a head

I gave my cousin a head What? It's kind of amazing, I'm not gonna lie That is like a Kimmy Schmidt song. Yes it is. Don't blame me Kimmy. Blame America. I beat that.

I gave my cousin head. That's when I gave my cousin head. Wow. I gave my cousin head. Why is he bringing it up now? Oh, I don't know. He's kind of churned through a lot of his other themes, ideas. Eventually you're going to run out of stuff and get to the cousin stuff.

Yeah. I'm going to go with the song. I'm going to go with the song. I'm going to go with the song. I'm going to go with the song. I'm going to go with the song. I'm going to go with the song. I'm going to go with the song. I'm going to go with the song. I'm going to go with the song. I'm going to go with the song. Why is he bringing it up now? Oh, I don't know. He's kind of churned through a lot of his other themes, ideas. Eventually you're going to run out of stuff and get to the cousin stuff.

God, well in about 10 years, who knows what we'll be discussing on the part. Can I say, I'm going to cover this in secrecy so you really can't know who I'm talking about. I do have to clarify, I'm not talking about me. Um, but my friend, no, really, I'm making this up. It's me did have sex with their cousin. Um, and I always thought that was weird. And then I met the cousin and you had sex with him. He was so hot. I was like, damn, like gay sex, gay sex.

Oh, yeah. I mean, gay people will have sex with anyone. So like, that's... And particularly people that look like them. Yeah, that is part of the... Is it taboo for gay people to have sex with their cousins? Well, I don't think. No, I don't. Because gay people will have sex with anyone.

Who cares? And also because like, it doesn't lead to incest babies. Yeah. That's the real problem, isn't it? Yeah. Well, that's the like, that's the sin against God stuff. I mean. No, it's not. It's because if you have-

If you lay with your brother as you would your husband, then you're- No, if you have a baby with someone who's too close genetically to you, then- Yeah, inbreeding. Yeah, you get... Well, that's what I'm saying. I'm like, that's the stuff that's against God. That's why it's in the Bible. I assume incest is outlawed in the Bible.

Why does God care about that? Well, because everything in the Bible is just like rule book for people, for regular people who are... For just the populace. Hey, now you sound like me. And it's like, so that like, well, we don't, you know, that's what the old Testament is all about is like all those arbitrary rules that don't really apply anymore to like, you know, I wouldn't wear two different types of cloth from different fabrics or whatever.

How did they repopulate the earth after Noah, after the flood Noah and the ship and everything? Well, there was a few of them on there No, it was only a few cut brothers and sisters when they had a few very attractive giraffes The Dutch came to be Those eyelashes and they're so tall. Mmm Intimidating. Mmm. I'm intimidated by these girls. I'm not.

No. No. Okay. Um, what? Why? What a strange individual. Did you think that Kim knew? Yeah.

He probably told her and she was like, yeah, hon. Like I feel like Kim is perpetually getting ready for an event. Like every conversation that they've had, she's like clipping on earrings and like, you know, like adjusting the jewelry, like getting final stages of getting dressed. Yeah, never dressed, never undressed in the liminal, the moments between. That's Kim. That's Kim. That's our Kim. Did you see all that stuff? Why am I talking about this?

But the Crumble Cookie collab with the Kardashians? Crumble Cookie collab. You know the Kardashian Crumble Cookie collab? I wish I do know, but for the sake of the listener, could you feel this all in? So Crumble Cookie, which is a sensation in the States currently. You know what? I think I've heard like Holly and Bridget talk about. They love a bet.

Yeah. They would have had the sugar cookie. Um, but anyway, the crumble cookie for a week did the Kardashian selects and they each had their own designated cookie. Um, and people didn't like, um, Kim's one and everyone hated the other, um, organic girl one, organic girl. You know, the dud Kardashian. Dud.

Chloe. Chloe. Wait, no, what's it? Kim? She dud. Chansey? Chloe? Chansey.

Chansey. She's a Kardashian. Um, no, what is it? Kim, Chansey, Chloe. Chansey. She's a Kardashian. No, what is it? Khadi. Khadi, Kardashian. No, what's the other one? Kim, Chloe. And what's the other one? Klim, Kim, Chloe.

Clint. No, there is another one. Yeah, there's another one. They're like more like boring. Courtney. Courtney. Yeah. Take a break. Courtney is the one. Yeah, there's another one. They're like more like boring ones. Courtney! Courtney! Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Take a break. Courtney is the one that I'm talking about and she is all into organics allegedly. I've never seen this show. Sure. But she's really into organics and so as such her crumble cookie collab cake was a flourless chocolate cake and everyone went in being like, this tastes like fucking dirt Courtney. Um, and then it turns out, I guess that story was eclipsed by finding out the Kim's ex husband sucked his cousin's dick.

For many years, from six to 14. Six? Well, I don't know. Yeah, that's the question. Didn't, wasn't one of those things about six? He said that he showed his cousin the magazines when they were six, but he didn't say how old he was. Uh-huh.

So it's kind of like one of those math problems. If Kim, no, if Kanye sucked his cousin's dick till he was 14 and his cousin was six at the time, how old is Kanye when he starts sucking dick? How fast was the train movie? Exactly. Yeah. Yes. Hmm.

I think about that. I don't know that I want Kanye to be bisexual. I don't think that that's bisexual. I also think, once again, now this is going to sound like it's me. But it's not me. I didn't see my cousins very often, so there was no time. But I would say that like the incidence of like sexual experimentation in early

childhood between like relatives or close family friends is higher than it is discussed. And in some instances it is a deep problem because it's like a really inappropriate age gap. But in cases where it's like they're the same age, and it's about this kind of curiosity that's not being explained to them elsewhere, because adults are really terrified of talking about sex with children,

because it's such a taboo. But obviously, kids have a lot of questions all the time. So the education is left up to them to go and find. Yeah. So I think, yeah, it is, it brings to light something that I'm like, this isn't the craziest thing that Connie has ever said. No, this is just like, Oh, well, I mean, number one, you, I provided the age gap was not crazy. Um, you want to know. And yeah, like, well, it's also probably a much more of a like maybe not the most common experience, but

Surely not completely isolated Like at all. Well the fact that I know someone with a hot cousin. Yeah, can you send me a photo? I wish I there wouldn't be no subtle way for me to ask for this person to send me a photo of their cousin without Yeah, but if you find the person I can find the cousin Best believe. Welcome to Zelda's detective agency. Um, so I was recently at my brother's house and my, so I've got four nephews and niece, three, three little boys, one little girl. Little girl. Little girl.

Or, you know, that's their standing at the moment. Who knows what the future holds. She might be giraffe. Fingers crossed. And she is the youngest. And we're there for Easter. And at one point in the evening, my brother and his wife are out.

I think they were like having a shower or something. So it was just me and the kids and she comes up and she's like, why don't you have a girlfriend? Where's your girlfriend? Yeah. And I was like, Oh, well, I, well, I mean, I just, I don't have a girlfriend at the moment, but I also like, I won't ever have a girlfriend. I've had boyfriends and I'll have a boyfriend. And she was like, what?

Yeah. She's like, what? They hadn't explained. No. And like the boys all know, cause they're a bit older and they've seen me fagging about, but You are the gay friend. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And they listen to this podcast. Oh my God, could you imagine? One day they will. Oh my God. And so I'm like, well, like, no, I'll have a boyfriend. And she's like, well, that doesn't make any sense. Obviously.

She's like, you're a boy. You need to have a girlfriend. And I was like, well, no, like you could, like I could be with a boy. It's like I could be with a girl or a boy or you might one day could be with a girl or a boy. Okay. I could be with a boy or a girl or you someday. And she's like, where's that girl?

And so, and then she's like, so you would kiss a boy? And I was like, yeah. And then she goes, I don't want to say their names, but like to nephew one, she's like, well, go kiss him. Prove it. He's literally, and she was like, go kiss him on the lips right now. And I was like, I kiss him. Prove it. Literally. And she was like, go kiss him on the lips right now. And I was like, I'm not going to do that.

Is she the reincarnation of Wendy Williams? No. Right? Kiss him on the lips right now. Kiss him on the lips right now. Prove it. And I was like, no. And she was like, ah, ha, ha, ha.

And then I thought that was the end of it. And then like later I was, after they'd all gone to bed, I was telling my brother and we were all laughing. I was like, oh, your homophobic daughter really gave me a run today. And then they had only been in bed for like maybe five minutes and you know, she's quite young. So she's still like kind of gets up maybe like five minutes later and is like, I can't sleep. So then at one point I ferried her back to bed, re-tucked her back in and then she was like,

I'm like, all right, well, good night. And she's like, you have to marry a woman, young man. You like hold the pillow in your hand. you're like, not tonight, bitch. Yeah. How funny is that? Well, she called you young. Which was very kind. But so anyway, my point is children say and do the dondest things.

Oh, there should be a show about that. With a terrible man hosting. Oh, God. Yeah, I love, I love how unvarnished children are. Just don't be gay. Yeah. Like what you're saying is ridiculous. That's crazy. It's actually laughable.

Marry a woman, young man. Did she not see Buzz Lightyear? Did she not see Encanto? Wait she not see, wait, what is it? Encanto? Encanto didn't have any fags. What's the alarm? Luca! Luca, did she not see Luca?

Yes, they did. Read the subtext, little girl. I think the subtext is like, aren't friends incredible? And they are. That family. For me, I was like, those little faggot. Get it. You guys are going to be in love. That movie was so cute. Did you not watch White Lotus? I'm not sure. Wait, what was the first one you said? What did I say? Nightyear. Yeah. Does that have gay?

There was like a massive brouhaha. Brouha. Brouha. Tell me more about this witch. Do you know what? I was at the Frankston Brew House hosting bingo, raw dogging bingo. And I walked up to Ajax, the bar manager, and I said, does anyone ever say Frankston Brew Ha? And I said it probably like five times, then once on the microphone, no one laughed. And I was like, I'm wasted on you people. And I said it probably like five times. Then once on the microphone, no one laughed and I was like, hmm, I'm wasted on you people. Yes. And I'm wasted. How'd I get home that night?

And then when you listen to the clip backwards, does anyone say, boo-ha? Yeah. You know Mike Caton. Someone in the background, yeah, drunk. Yeah, boo-ha. There she is, the witch. Yeah, there she is the witch. Anyway, I love your homophobic, um, little nice.

Yeah. So funny. Maybe you should marry a woman. Maybe double my wardrobe. A giant woman. Marry a giantess. Yeah. Um, Matt, have you ever married a woman?

I have. One time or multiple? Only once that everyone knows about. And how did it feel to double your wardrobe? Yeah, did you get anything from your wife's wardrobe? The dowry. The dowry. Well, her father got the sheep.

But the, did you, do you like, do you do any outfits switching? Sure. You can share socks. I imagine you both enjoy knitted socks. We do share socks sometimes. Some scarves. Some sort of fabulous skin. Some scarves. Probably occasionally hats.

Pants, like a slack pant. Yeah. You're a similar height. No, no, no, not pants. But what about tracky pants for around the house? That's gotta be a share item. No. Board shorts?

Board shorts. For swimming. No, no, no, not board shorts. More like, um, like sweatshirts, you know, like, oversized sweatshirts for like, Okay. I can get into that. What about a thong?

Uh, she doesn't wear might know. Hmm. Oh, there you go. You have it here first. It's a bit too intimate. Oh, that's fair. That's fair. What, Birkenstocks then?

Okay. Okay. Well, how's your week been Zelda? Oh wait, we already heard you were assaulted by a four year old. Four year old. Um, yeah. What else happened? Didn't I say something before that I said I would talk about? Didn't I say?

Well, we covered Kanye. Oh wait, where do you sit? You went on another podcast, I believe. I did go on another podcast. The cringe is real. Tune into their live. Yeah. Why were they do a live show? Live. Ah, now I understand the concept. Yes. Yes, so I had a little guest spot there.

Sadly, not on the recording will be my incredible performance of Kesha's Joyride, which I did as an incredibly hairy woman. And what did you talk about on that part? We talked about the fall from grace of Drag Race. So I said some nasty things about this current, oh well, that just ended season 17. I said how I thought it was the worst season that has been on air.

Of any franchise. Which I stand by. Oh, I don't know about that, but definitely of any American, like, core or all-star. I think it is the worst and weakest season. Mostly due to casting, mostly. Um, yeah, so I talked about that. And then I talked about how incredible Chiara Francini is.

Oh, yeah. That was good. I don't get why they spend the- Oh, and I call those Spanish judges faggots. Yeah. That does sound like you. Yeah. I want to call those Spanish judges faggots. Yeah, that does sound like you. I don't get why they have to do two episodes worth of lip syncs at the end.

It's gotten out of control. The lip sync was always the nice little bit of like coriander on top of the meal, but then it's like they're trying to make a whole salad out of coriander. It's like I don't want an hour of people lip syncing because generally the secret of the show is most people are not doing their best work. Yes. As drag performers in those like randomly assigned songs that have nothing to do with their specific drag brand. This is the thing. When you go to a drag show, the banter on the mic is key to the success of the night. And there's none of that on drag race.

Maybe if there's like a bit of an acting challenge or a hosting challenge, you'll get a bit of it. But the actual like core drag show element is missing from the show of that banter and audience direction, which of like, which I guess they do have with the judges. Yeah, true, true. Like a little, but you don't control the narrative like you do when you're on stage. And then the lip sync is something presumably that you have either edited together with

your funny perspective on the world. Or something that you care about or you want to emote or you know, like you want to do this song in this way in this outfit and deliver it in this thing. Yeah. And all of that is stripped away because... And the booze. The booze is gone. DOA.

There's no drink in arrival. Thank you, Space Awesome. Yeah, exactly. And it's, I also, like, I think because we've had so many incredible athletes and dancers on the show, I'm exhausted by these tricks and stunts. But I think unconsciously, and you can kind of see it by what the casting is doing, it prioritizes young, flexible, nubile bodies as kind of top spots. Like it does feel like that's kind of become the new way to get through Drag Race,

is to be able to dance. Or at least in America. Yeah, thank God. That's part of why I wouldn't want to do I just, the, I wouldn't want to do that. I don't want to do a smack down. Lala Parusa. I hate that. I don't like that.

I just am not. I just don't, like as you were saying off air earlier, it's like, is that engaging? Like, is that an engaging hour to just see the same thing over and over and over with slightly different music and slightly different people? No. Like, I don't know. I think part of why the lip sync at the end works is because it's edited down. It's like maybe a minute, minute 30.

So it's never the full song. Yeah. And like of a full hour, a minute 30 feels about right for a lip sync. I also think, and this is like one of the things that the fans broadly don't seem to understand is that like the song choice is best if, even if it's not a song that you like or a top hit, the song choice is always best when it speaks to struggle, resilience and victory because I give the example of the Down Under version when Freya and Lucina were doing What About Me? I can't remember if that was the one

We're doing What About Me. That's not a great drag track. That's not like one that you would do but it's filled with a melodramatic emotion of feeling left behind and unseen, which is the text of the episode is these two competitors feel they are left behind and unseen. So while it's not like as crisp and fresh as Abracadabra, it is a better lip sync song because it taps into something more interesting about the text of the show. Yes.

Like it is a great finale moment because it feels like it is them battling for their survival in this moment. Yeah. Did you see the end of season 17? Do you know who won? Yes. What did you think of this move? She's doing hula girl arms.

I liked when she did that, but I also thought she was going to win and I'm disappointed that she won. Oh really? Yes. What the fuck do I care about on your nerve? I don't know these girls. You didn't watch most of the season. I didn't watch really the season, but wasn't she like the shining light?

She's fine, but they all had a kind of bumpy ride, like morally. I don't know, she was key in some of the disputes that happened. And I find it interesting that she kind of eclipsed them to then win. My desire was for Lexi Love to win. Yeah. But I didn't think necessarily that she would, but I'm very glad she made it to the finale. Yeah. Yeah. But wow, what a what a time mid season. Yeah. Now we've got all stars, which is probably starting this week, right? That's a lot. That's a lot. That's a lot.

I just think we just need a second to catch our breath. 18 Diva Trons? Yeah. That's a lot. Yeah. Okay. Shall we end the world? Zelda, can you tell the audience now,

how is the world ending this week? Okay. Tell it to us Frank. All right. Now, here's what's happened. Oh, you go. Um, a gigantic celestial being has been out to lunch with her gal pals. And after lunch she said, I'd love something to take away, just an extra little bite.

And the Celestial Bakery is fresh out of small bites, but they do still have the rolling pin and they have some hundreds and thousands that are about the size of like Earth's moon, you might say. Or maybe Titan, one of Jupiter's moons. Yeah. And- Titan AE. Yeah, so conveniently, the sun, very hot, perfect for, I don't know, baking a planet into a cookie. This gigantic woman beats planet Earth

to a flat cookie-like shape, covers it in hundreds and thousands and gives it a light roasting in front of the sun. And then she takes it with her on her way. She has a few bites and she says, oh, it's a bit much. Oh yeah. And that's it. Yeah.

Sounds like our lunch. Oh. Based on real life. Well. Funfetti. Life does imitate art, art imi- what? And I imitate Zellamoon. I am Zellamoon! Wow. And with that, I think we need a break. We do. To entry world.

Welcome back, Lista. Suleignor to you. Balecknit. I hope your day is going well, and I hope your hair is healthy, natural, and shining. Shining? Yeah, like the sun. Oh reflecting its rays. Okay. Okay. So we just get in. Dive in. Okay. Fist deep. Sorry? Fist deep. Fist deep. You know that song, Fist Deep Mountain High?

Deep. Fist deep. You know that song, Fist Deep Mountain High? Do I love you my oh my? Fist deep. Fist in deep mountain high. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I was a little boy. Did you suck off your cousin?

The only cousin I ever had. When you turned 14. Did you stomp that? Okay. Which... Okay, so we're still going off Ben's list. Thank you, Ben. Ben Buggy.

No, it's not Ben Buggy. Jesus Christ. And I'd love to know. Ben. Which piece of cutlery is going into the bunker. That seems obscene that we haven't done that. I know, right? Which piece of cutlery of the, like the core four?

Well, we could expand a little because- There's so many more pieces of cutlery. Well, are we talking utensils or are we talking cutlery? I mean, it's got to be cutlery. It's got to be cutlery. So like core four, knife. Wait,ils or cutlery? It's gotta be cutlery. It's gotta be cutlery. So like, core four, knife. Wait, what are the core four? Knife, fork, spoon, chopsticks.

What? Core four. Bitch. Like, I love that. But obviously you meant big spoon, little spoon. Little spoon? I'm not eating with a little spoon. I'm not a fairy.

Not if you're having a dessert. Oh, well it makes the ice cream machine so much bigger. Yes. That's right. Yeah. But which one do you reach for first? Like big spoon or little spoon? Big spoon. No, little spoon or chopsticks. I mean, I use chopsticks every day. I lose the little spoon when I'm trying not to look like a pig in front of a guest. I had, um, so Adam was over weeks ago. Um, and we got ice cream for dessert and we like split the ice cream and then I only brought out the little spoons and we both sat there awkwardly taking half an hour to eat with these tiny spoons. As a lady should. Do you know what happened to me with Core Four?

Yeah. I had, um, some friends over for dinner and we were like getting some bits. I haven't actually spoken to her about this. This is yeah. Public debrief. Public debrief. We were like, Oh, okay. We'll get some food, blah, blah, blah.

And we were like, and I was like, I think we've gotten foe or something. And I ran back into the kitchen to get chopsticks. And I turned to my friend and I was like, do you want chopsticks? But she is Chinese. Yeah. And I think at that moment, thought that I was asking, do you want chopsticks? I know that that's what you would like to eat.

Oh no! And she was like... Hello Asian friend, would you like your meal with chopsticks? And because the other person who was there was in the other room already, I wasn't asking them, but I was already holding them for myself, and I was like, I'm gonna go back and get them if you would like them.

But it looked like I had just gotten one pair for her and she looked at me and she's like, the spoon's okay. Oh my God. And you were like, I, sorry. I was, I always eat with chopsticks. I actually, I actually, it's a superior utensil. That is very funny. It was so embarrassing and it's haunted me ever since. Yeah, well,

I mean, being a racist is not an easy way to live your life. Well, apparently. Um, that's great. Do you want chopsticks? Jesus. I just know, you know, you might want chopsticks. Might be more familiar. My God. Wow. Yeah. Okay. So chopsticks. What about a, what is the fork that's like half spoke, half fork, half spoon?

Spork. Spork. Is that what it's actually called? Yeah. Spork. Yeah. And what about a splayed? Splayed, spoon. Spoon blade? Spoon, like a s- s- s- a spoon with like a sharp edge. I mean, listen, I like that. Like, cause you can cut through the cake, but still scoop it up.

Yeah. That all feels like it's finessing for dessert. Yeah. What do you make of those disposable utensils? Like wooden ones? Yeah. Oh, I'm going to get splinters. I always think about the rough surface. So rough.

I've never gotten a splinter from one. No. But it always threatens. Yes. And I eat so delicately off it for that reason. But also I think that about paddle pops and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Scary. Wood? I'm going to eat off wood? Oh my God. Can I tell you, we just got the test back for our garden beds. Turns out we have dangerous amounts of lead in both our back and front yard soil. What? Which is not unusual for Melbourne, but, um, but if you were to eat a root

vegetable that came out of that dirt, you would, you know, be imbibing lead. Which could lead to lead poisoning. Yeah. But I have eaten cherries of the tree in our backyard and apparently cherry, like stone fruits are actually more okay because a lot of the lead just stays in the soil. It doesn't come up into the cherry. Stay down there. But you've got to like wash them because if any of the lead dirt gets on your

cherries. What? So how do you fix that? Where you're going to dig it all out and in soil. Yeah. Actually. Well, I'm not going to do that. I don't give a shit. I'm not a fucking doomsday prepper.

I don't need to have a veggie garden. I can just go to a shop. Yes. Um, who's the doomsday prepper? Your husband. My husband is interested in, in having a veggie patch. Can't you do an above ground one? Like, this is above ground. This is Thought you were doing an above ground one. This is above ground.

This is above ground. This is above ground. But anyway, so like, You need it. Yeah, well, he's got to rebuild the whole thing. Because of the sleepers that are holding in the garden bed are falling apart. Yeah, they are, yeah. But the front yard is really high in lead.

And it's because I believe there's a main road that goes out the front of our house. And it is, well, chat GPT thought that it might be leaded petrol, which only stopped in 2002, that would have gone into the air surrounding the road, a very well used road, and then settled back onto our front lawn. Insidious.

Yeah. Wow. Which is only really bad if you have children, because they eat dirt. Matt, have you had your soil tested? We eat dirt for dinner. Another mud pie. Mud pie. No, I haven't had it tested. Well, you should really consider it.

I sure. Who gets their soil tested? My friend Nina got her soil tested. Yeah. You should, Zelda. Maybe. I mean, you're in the West, honey. It's all lead.

It's more lead than dirt. Whatever. Actually, Zelda, you really should get your, if you're gonna eat that. Yeah, because- You gave out those tomatoes at the flowering garden. I ate heaps of tomatoes from my garden last night. Diva, get it tested.

Whatever. No, you should. You can get lead poisoning. Have you seen the fucking mold in my bathroom? I'm not saying just because you have one problem doesn't mean you should stop worrying about all other problems. That's a good point. Get it tested or stop eating what is from your garden.

Particularly don't do any root vegetables. Okay. Because the West side used to have all the tanneries that ran along. Yeah, along the river. And so all of those chemicals end up in the soil. I'm uphill. What about the ones that would go into the air, like the exhaust from factories and rain down on...

Rain? Lead rain. Lead rain. So... So you're going to get it tested? Maybe. What do I do? You send it off? To what? The lead test. Listen, I'm not my husband. I can't answer this question. I'll ask Kirstoll. Then I suck my cutlery. And it gets stronger. Nimbly. So what did I say?

Which what? Which what? Bitch. Oh, which cutlery? So no, I hate disposable cutlery, but worse. I hate those disposable straws that feel like you're sucking out of bone. That's disgusting. Um, okay. What?

Is a straw utensil? Is a straw cutlery? No. Okay, so we're talking knives, forks, spoons, chopsticks. Um, what's the big soup spoon? Like a, ooh, like one of those ladle kind of things. No, I'm talking like with your foot. Yes. Oh, like a little shovel.

Do you mean like, yeah, the deep dish kind of like spoon, like flat spoon, or you mean like the side ladle thing? Ladle thing. Yeah, that's hot. When you get a loxer and it comes with that, delicious. That is very deluxe. You know it's gonna be good. I mean, like, I love the tines of a fork and pretending like I'm Poseidon.

Mm-hmm. Holding my pitchfork. Like if they're really long. Yeah. Yeah. I, it does make me a bit sweaty when I think about, like, those people that know about, like, proper etiquette for your table. Oh, I hate that.

Oh, your soup spoon shouldn't touch your croissant ladle. Yeah. And the laying out. Ugh. And the polishing. Polishing. Polishing silverware is great. That used to be such a thing.

Now we just have tarnished silver everywhere. Yes, because who cares? I got a lot of spots all over it. I got lead poisoning to acquire. Well, that's it. Like maybe you already have it. Maybe. I mean, maybe. Yeah.

But also that, like, I remember polishing silver with my mother as a child. Your mom has a lot of silverware. Yeah, of course. And you would like polish it with like a product, like rub it in, like a gumption. A rub and buff, yeah. But like, isn't that coating it as you're eating? So weird. What I also, something I dislike, two things I dislike about forks.

One is when the, yeah, like the prongs aren't long enough. That's awful. Like a stubby fork is so not it. And two is when the prongs are like too tight and you can't properly get in there to clean the base. Yeah. Like, you know, when there's like gram of meals passed in there. Oh, I hate that. Would you say that makes you irritable? Yes. And would you say that gives you a loss of appetite? Are you diagnosing me for lead poisoning? Have you ever had, have you been sluggish and had fatigue?

Yeah. And abdominal pain? Yeah. Hearing loss? What? I'll answer that. Eating things such as paint chips that aren't food. Pica.

No. Oh. Headaches. Yeah. High blood pressure. Mm. Joint and muscle pain. Mm.

Difficulties with memory or concentration. Oh my. Reduced sperm count. Oh. I would say your count is quite high. Yeah, I think we're quite low. You got a lower backer test to that. Um.

Oh. Miscarriage, stillbirth, or premature birth. Have you found any of those? Working on it. I call you Miss Carrie. Carrie Branchard. I'm Miss Carrie Branchard. Miss Carrie Branch or? Miss Carrie Brunch or?

Oh, in another life. Okay. Okay. So yeah, that is my favorite lead poisoning. Uh-huh. Oh wait, was that what we were talking about? Yeah. Oh, lots of concentration.

I have lead poisoning from the cherries. Oh my God, cherries. I think it's chopsticks. Um, what kind? Jerry's. I think it's chopsticks. What kind? Okay. I really dislike metal chopsticks.

The Japanese kind. Metal? No. It clang on my teeth and the worst when they have the tiny little ridges. Don't, I don't need your support with gripping the food. I need the support with gripping the food. The metal is so, how am I, I feel like I'm staying at Magneto's house for dinner. Yeah. Um, I don't like it. It's so cold. But that's it. But it is really slippery and the way they, they have no grip when they land on each

other. I hate it. I don't like that. It is bing. But is it okay? So get me, clarify for me. Yeah. A Japanese style chopstick is more likely to be metal and is shorter. A Chinese style chopstick is longer and more. You don't know. Gosh. Let me have a look. But that's a interesting distinction like that. So there's metal, right? Then there's like wood, questionable splinters, and then like bamboo. I feel like bamboo is probably the one that most of us, like the most disposable, like snapping half

kind of moment. And then there's plastic. Okay. Chinese chopsticks are typically longer at about 25 centimeters and thicker than those from other countries. They are often made of bamboo or wood with blunt ends, which makes them suitable for picking up large pieces of food and for communal dining, which is a common practice in China. Japanese chopsticks are generally shorter and tapered to a pointed end, ideal for eating fish and picking out small bones.

They are often lacquered and can come in various lengths with shorter versions for women and children. Korean chopsticks are unique in the way that they are made of metal, often stainless steel or silver. They are flat and rectangular, often a different grip and eating experience compared to wooden or bamboo chopsticks. Vietnamese chopsticks are similar to Chinese ones, but tend to be longer and have a blunt end. They are commonly made from lacquered wood or bamboo, reflecting the country's rich tradition of craftsmanship. Nepalese chopsticks are typically made of bamboo and are shorter in length.

Their use is less widespread than in other Asian countries, but still hold cultural significance. I also love the really big cooking chopsticks for when you're, I don't know, swizzling noodles in a boiling pot or something. Well, you're breaking an egg to make an omelet. Yes, that is so hot. Cooking chopsticks, amazing. That's more of a utensil than a... So when you say you hate metal chopsticks,

you're just saying you hate the people of Korea Not exactly. And the rich tradition of craftsmanship. That was Vietnam, you whore. Well, it was Nepal, you freak. Oh my god Well, look if they're gonna stand behind metal chopsticks, then yes, I do hate all of Korea. And every Korean person? Yeah. Okay, lock it in. Oh my God. Well, which Asian race gets into the bunker, not Korea? Oh my God. Why did you say that, Zeller?

I didn't say that. Oh, I inferred it from your words. My mistake. Big mistake. Huge. Huge. Okay, so yeah, like I at home use plastic chopsticks because they feel like a happy medium. They are easy to clean.

Easy to clean. You're not going to get splinters and they have an aged texture. And so they are grippy as well. So you're eating with deteriorated plastic. Baby, just like everything else. Um, and how do you get the stains out of that old wedding dress you wear around the house? Matt.

Yeah. What, you have a child? Yes. What fabulous utensils do you give to your child? You have a child? Yes. What fabulous utensils do you give to your child? She has spoons, mostly, but they've always got like some big plastic handle on them so you can hold them really easily.

Do they have some sort of character or IP on them? Yes, there's kangaroos, there's bunnies, there's this weird little plaster hippo on one of them. A blue hippo that's made out of like, fireable plaster. Does she like any one spoon in particular? She prefers using her hands most of the time. No, she doesn't really have a favorite one, I would say. She's not really interested in the spoon, in the cutlery so far. do love kids chunky handles yeah I had like a spaceship ones

like they were all like the ends of a spaceship that's cool that's so cool until the front of the spaceship was a spoon yeah or a fork hmm yeah when you introduce forks into the kid lexicon hmm When do you introduce a fork? She's got a fork, but she just doesn't eat much food that needs a fork. And knives, when is knives coming in? She has her own knife that she uses to cut stuff, like cut fruit.

No shit. She chops things with it. She doesn't use it as part of dinner time. She like helps chop things. Slams it between the gaps in her fingers, like an alien. Um, I love those like Velcro fruit sets of wood. Yeah.

We've got plenty of Velcro fruit in the house. The chopping wood knife. That's a great cake. Oh, that's so cool. She gives us little plates of cake and tea. She's just figured out how to do tea party. Basically. Cute tea party.

I want to like this. It is the thing I always get hung up on because my friend, my other friend, not you, Matt, who's just had a kid, I have one more, one more friend who's had a kid, but I really want to get her like a bunch of felted, like cute little vegetables and things for like a little grocery store. Yeah. Um, that they'll have one day in their house. But I'm also like, there's something so antiquated about some of these things, like to be honest, like I can't remember the last time I've had a slice of cake at a shop,

but, um, but they're serving them in kids' little morning teas and afternoon tea, like felted world, so frequently. And I wonder, is it helpful or would they resent me if I got them like real things that you could actually get in a shop but felted, like a little box of like pastitsies and some like really good hot sweet chilli sauce. Is that just the stuff you eat? Well I do love pastitsies. I'm in the human.

Who could blame you? But you know like is that annoying if you're trying to like raise your child as if they don't acknowledge the branded world and then you give them branded things? I mean, they'll chop anything. Chop it all up? I guess the thing with a pastits is you can't really cut it. You can't chop a bottle of chilli oil. No, obviously that would just be for added experience.

I think that the real allure is the chopping part. Well, Matt, you don't understand. There'd be a bit of multicoloured wool that would come out of the, like, when you uncorked it, that would look like you're putting sauce on things. Well, there's a gap in the market, obviously, so... Well, there are some parents that get, like, McDonald's sets and things for their kids that look like little McDonald's trays and hash browns. Because obviously they're taking their kids

to McDonald's at some point. But I wonder, is playing with toys made out of McDonald's a bad idea? Yes. But I also just think it's so wide-eyed and optimistic to be like, well, in my child's reality, they just have carrots and beetroots. Yeah. It's like, get real.

Yeah. Pasty. Yeah. What do you think about that fucking bootleg Bunnings Lego? I hate it. I can't believe that Bunnings... Do you know, I love... So whatever it's called, Micro Block?

Ew. I love Bunnings. I've made no secret of that in my years on this pod. so whatever it's called micro block. Oh, I love Bunnings Yeah, I've made no secret of that in my years on this pod. I think it's great I think that customer service has gone downhill. Oh, I think the promise that they once offered has disappeared I think defeating masters has really, you know put a emboldened them It's emboldened some of their worst behalf behaviors. Yeah, but no worse behavior than this It's emboldened some of their worst behaviors, but no worse behavior than this. Making a little block set version. I'm like, let Lego be Lego.

If you can't get the brand deal, then don't make it obvious. Step aside. Also, like in what? Like it's become like a day-to-day part of like Aussie life, right? Like some brands reach that status or companies or whatever, and they have done it. Congratulations, darling. Dusk and you. Like, yeah.

Like we all have to buy our fucking planks of wood from somewhere and it's you. You're the old one stop shop, my pretend didn't stand a chance. No. So great job done. But do in what world do you think that we need a fucking Lego set of you in our house? No one loves you that much. You're just where we buy pieces of wood and plumbing equipment.

I'm going to stop you there Zelda. If it was Lego branded, my issues would immediately dissolve. Really? I, I, cause when I used to play with Lego, and I've already said this in the pod I think, but like there was this obsession with like, we're going to build a castle. We're going to build, I was like,

I want to build a shopping center. Where we can go wherever we want and shop all the time. Yeah. But there was no set for that. So I had to kind of cobble it together from what we had. Using, you know, castle walls to make the inside of a danger field. Um, but I think I love, cause I'm obsessed with branding and I love the idea of being able to make a little shop and reenact scenes from your life in miniature

and like make little wood and little aisles, but I just hate that they're not official Lego because some dumb kid is gonna mix that in with his existing real Lego. And then one day you're gonna be putting a block with another block and it's gonna feel loose. And it's gonna be because you've used, because you've been a tacky little bitch. Off-brand Lego.

Gross. Um, wow. No, I, I, I hate the idea of that. What shop would you want made in Lego? Dusk. Dusk. Why is it dusk? What's new?

What's new and dusk. Yeah. Yeah, probably. Maybe bed, bath and table. Oh. Yeah. I want probably. Maybe bed, bath and table. I want to pick out throw cushions. Why are they so ugly? Throw cushions?

No, well, yeah. I didn't think I've ever seen a nice throw cushion. For sale anywhere. Oh yeah. Yeah. Um, what's ugly? Bed, bath and table. That hideous logo. I mean, are they a subsidiary of bed bath and beyond in the States? I don't know because if they're not they need to pack it up. Mm-hmm Like in America, they're like a bed bath and beyond and they're showing like what was beyond it was a table Yeah, there's a table bed bath table Probably those three no beyond table. Bed Bath Table. Probably those three. No beyond. Can't really go beyond that can you? What is in the beyond section? Right? It's whatever your imagination can deliver to you.

Maybe beyond was too depressing. Beyond. Beyond. The great beyond. Like the pharaoh. I mostly work in the beyond section. If I work in table. A pharaoh existed today, what kind of things do you think that they would put in their tombstay bunker at the end of their times? Probably all their slaves. Well, yes. A cat. But you know, like, they would fill those things with trinkets to take to the afterlife. Yeah.

Or would they take now their Bunnings Lego set? Probably. That's your pharaoh treat. I would prefer that to most things I've seen in any archives. You know what, like, cause people don't think about it, like, when they go to see these, like the Pharaohs spoils and you're like, what a bowl. A vase. Yeah, it was a different time.

It was a different time and they didn't have anything as cool or as intricate as Legos. Or laser pointers. Right. They'd have loved that. They would have really liked that. But that's the thing I'm like, you know, why would you ever want to be a pharaoh? That's a lot of scrutiny. Well, also just like you go back in time and what are we doing? No one has ever lived, you know, it's like what Parker Posey said at the end of

White Lotus, we are living better than anyone has ever lived before, even kings and queens of old. Hauntingly probably true. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want a gold plated bust of my face. Yucky. But what about a fabulous headpiece?

Well, maybe. Maybe. Depends if it's generic-built or if it's molded to my head. And am I going to get cancelled for wearing it in ancient Egypt? I don't know. Yeah, best is not to go there. Oh, that's why I'm not going back. You can't make me.

But what I would love to know is in ancient Egypt, which piece of cutlery would they preserve in the tomb? Yeah, I think it was just a lot of spoons, wasn't it? Can you look up ancient Egypt cutlery, please? What cutlery? Because without a doubt, that's what's going in. Okay, that's good. Did they use in ancient Egypt? Why do we say ancient Egypt? Oh, spoons, knives and ladles.

Oh, ladle, baby. I fucking love a ladle. There is this ladle at Muji that I have wanted for years. And with my full-time job, I should probably just go and buy it. But I just don't know how much I would use it. And I'd hate to buy something that doesn't get used. Um, but it's so chic. I love a ladle.

A two-tined fork. That's more like a utensil. Yes, I would agree. But a two what? Two-tine, it just means it has only two prongs instead of the three. The rise of the fork knives Knives and forks are ancient, but we've only been eating with forks. I mean knives and spoons are ancient, but we've only been eating with forks for a few centuries. If you live in Europe or the Americas, you likely pick up a fork every day and give no thought to it unless you're selecting flatware for a wedding registry or you happen to have recently

returned from Asia. Or if you're setting up a doomsday bunker on Death Day, everyone pops. Using it probably seems as natural as breathing, and yet it is a bizarre object, as Charles Simic suggests in his poem, The Fork. This strange thing must have prept right out of hell. It resembles a bird's foot worn around the cannibal's neck. As you hold it in your hand, as you stab it into a piece of meat,

it is possible to imagine the rest of the bird, its head, which like your fist, is large, bald, beakless and blind." This is amazing. Wait, is this the poem? The success of Simic's poem, one of a series of object poems he attempted in the 60s when frustrated with his work, lies in its ability to evoke the strangeness and horrors in an everyday experience. But that kind of emotion is not latent in everything we touch, which may explain

why Simic gave up on his object poem pretty fast. Perhaps the fork is potent and intriguing because it is surprisingly modern. Humans get along just fine without forks for thousands of years, which means we are, in a sense, still learning to use this small instrument. And our changing fork habits can reveal our attitudes about big subjects, including religion,

masculinity, and foreignness. Wow. I love two-pronged fork. Two-pronged fork. I feel like the only time you see it now is when you're carving up a ham to like keep it in place while you use your electric knife. Have you often done that? Never. I carve this Christmas ham. But you know that like two prong, wasn't there a two prong on that picture from your house? What's wrong with two prong? Wasn't there... Well, one of the picture episodes, there was a two prong diva.

And didn't we put in that purple shoe instead? Yes. Yes. Well, now's the chance. Okay. Well. To right the wrongs. What's the name of the two...

Right the prongs. Ha ha! Two prongs don't make a right. Oh my god. Two tine. Two tine. Don't you two-tining asshole? Whoa. Two tine. Too tine. Don't you too tining asshole? Whoa. Too tine.

Poker player. Wait, so what do they use in ancient Egypt? All of it, except for the fork. Ladle. Spoon. Knife. I hate steak knife. Sharp.

Sharp. Rounded. Serrated. Do you, you don't eat steaks or does it matter? Well, no, but I'm just saying out loud. I think that's good. The carving fork. Yeah.

Carving, two-pronged. Two-tyne carving fork. Because like if you were eating a meal with that, like unironically, like what have you went to someone's house and the fork they serve you to eat with was in the head two tans? Well, I think let's not belabor the point any longer. Yeah. It's a two-tine fork. Welcome to the bunker two-tine fork. An ancient Egyptian one.

Now really quickly, is it all just metal or does it have a separate handle that is like ebony or something? I hate that because then when you clean it, they eventually warp. There's always bits. There's too much connection. I just want it to be one item. I don't want a seam. A seam attracts bacterium. Traps the lead in. Oh, the lead in.

Okay, great. Okay, bye bye. Hello and welcome back, listener. Hello, bruhach. Oh, the bruhach. I'd love for us to decide right now. Cuckoo clock, next. I've already done that bit once, darling. How many of those did we get a year? As many as we decide. Decisiveness. Okay, which shape goes into the bunker? Wow. And I think we should just say it on three. Okay. One, so we're

gonna say one, two, three, and then we're gonna say the shape. Okay. One, so we're going to say one, two, three, and then we're going to say the shape. Okay. One, two, three. Triangle. Oh. Okay. Well. Back to the drawing board.

We can try it again. Okay. Maybe we'll get a different outcome. Let's go. Yeah. Three, two, one. Triangle. Oh.

That's interesting. That's so strange. I thought you might have cut out and realized. Yeah. After me. Error of your ways. I need to have a look at a rhombus. I don't even know. Matt, do you have any preferred shapes?

Bitch, a rhombus is just a square that's fallen apart. Yeah, I'm relatable. It's not that good. A hexagon's nice. Heck, you guys are just trying to be fucking different. Where's the trapezium? The beehive shape. You know, it's like, it's such a perfect shape that interlocks with each other.

Wait, what did you say? What's beehive? Hexagon. Oh, hexagon. Yeah. What about triangles? They interact with each other. They do hexagons.

All shapes can interact with each other. Not do hexagons. All shapes can interact with each other. Not circles. Just saying it makes a nice pattern. Wouldn't you say that parallelogram is one of the best words? See, this is your allot again. Parallelogram? Is that just a rhombus? Yeah, baby.

But that's just you being you, you know, you're trying to be different here. You're trying to pick, pick. If I had to pick. Rhombus is not a star. She's never going to be a star. Well, no, that you'd be describing more of a star shape. She's a star. Yeah.

Um, or the Crescent Moon, that's a good shape. Crescent Moon is so hot. A really skinny Crescent Moon. A slither of the moon. Yeah. When you're watching, um, fucking what show is that for children? I keep kind of say Sesame Street. Play school.

Play school. Which one were you rooting for? Were you rooting for circle, square or arch? Circle baby. Bitch. I was always wanting arch. Why? Because-

What has arch got that's circle longer? Because when else do you see arch? Yeah, true. So rare. I do like arch, but it does make me think of like a mecha display where they would have like the new, you know, would be an apricot color with a mirrored backboard that would have some kind of new skin care that would be on an arch. True, true.

Or they'd be like some kind of faux marble podium in front of an arch. Or at a girl called Tracy's wedding and she's got like a flower arch. No! See, arches are ruined by that. Or if you're in the backyard of like a house where they once cared and tended to land, and you find a cast iron arch that is just, you know, laying there. I have an arch now in my backyard

that I'm growing vines over. Wait, where is it entering you into? Into the walkway, like into the bridge. Amazing, it's like the threshold between the bridge and the lid. Yes, correct. And when you walk through the arch or the lead evaporates. And you're protected. So do you think any adults out there would answer that question with square? Well, you know what they say. So hip to be a square?

Well, you know what they say. So hip to be a square? They do say that. What a horrific answer. Square? I'm thinking about square. I'm thinking about, I think, okay, here's my ranking for like all star, for the all stars. Yep.

Triangle. Uh huh. She's a star. Yep. She's not a star shape, but she's a star. She's the star. Circle is undeniable. Circle is no, there's no triangle in a circle.

Do you know what I mean? Do you know what I mean? Of course. Like those two are fundamental. You can't have a triangle in a circle, you can't have a circle in a triangle. Okay? Fundamental. Yeah, you can't have a triangle in a circle. You can't have a circle in a triangle. Okay. Yeah but

Square is just two triangles. Tell me otherwise true Everything else is just other triangles other forms of triangles Yeah So it's really just between triangle and circle Like your rhombus is just two triangles making out. Yeah, that's true. I can't deny that.

Yeah. And you shouldn't. No. And I wouldn't. And don't. I support it. I can see them with their little hand drawn hands on hips, like all shapes do black with little feet as well.

What are you talking about now? What? The lead has gotten to your brain. No, I just, you know, you know, it's that little angry face and some little legs and arms to your shapes. Perhaps. What context? All context. Like you're drawing it on a piece of paper to be like, this is my favorite shape. Yeah. And then you give them a little angry face with a little hands on here. Yeah. And a little hand poking out. Um, maybe pointing at something or maybe smoking a cigarette. Anyway, um, triangle, like all the three.

Now you finally said it. That's it. Of the three base shapes, a thousand percent it's triangle. Um, are we just talking like, uh, like, what is it, equilateral triangle? Yeah. All shaped, all sides the same length. I like that. Yeah. That makes me feel calm.

You don't want a sussily or whatever. No, I don't like it when things start getting a bit freaky deaky. I acknowledge it as part of the triangle law, but I like it when things are nice. Fair. But the square, you know, square is third place. I have to say of the three. It's third Yeah, but I think it's like once you get into the extended universe. I love all those divas, but they couldn't support their own franchise Whereas I think square Pentagon FM Yeah, I don't think that like everyone's like oh the rise of the rhombus need to go and catch that in the cinema

Rhombus is fun quirky best friend. Yeah in someone else in triangles movie You know what I was thinking about this week you could know me, okay just quickly and bear with because yeah so like Recasting of characters as a different race in media. Your favorite thing. So like it was like a remake of a movie from 20 years ago, or it's like a remake of a video game into live action, a blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like of course older texts are going to be more like I'm super generalizing here, but like

the older the text, the more problematic it's going to be. Right. Cause the world has thankfully moved forward to a more diverse, inclusive place. That's fantastic. But you've decided to tell a story from 40 years ago, but you've recast the best friend as black because it needs to be modernized. Yeah. But you would never recast the main character as black because the main character has to be white. Yeah.

What the fuck? Well, it's because, yeah, there's been like a complete miscalculation as to how to- Do that. Yeah. Like, and it's so like, I feel like you anyway, like how I got to this, I've been watching like The Last of Us. Oh yeah. And like, which is a modern video game, but for whatever reason they've like, I only kind

of half played the first one, didn't play the second one, but I can't. Oh, because it's a shooter. It's just not my thing. Um, and also it was just scary, but I loved the second one. But why is that? I can't. Oh, because it's a shooter. It's just not my thing. Um, and also it was just scary, but I loved the story anyway. Great games, apparently. Um, but I, so I can't talk to like the diversity or representation in those games. I, from memory, don't recall it being particularly white. I mean, the main two characters are white, but I don't know about the extras. But in the show, there's a few recasts, pretty like nondescript, nothing. But I was just thinking about it in terms of like,

if they cast Joel, like the main character, as a completely different race, or Ellie, there would be some sort of discourse about it. But instead it's like these kinds of background characters that have a few scenes. So like they feel less important, like less important or like less noticeable to recast. So you can get your diversity in,

but you don't have to change the key characters and face that backlash. And I was thinking about like, and I'm sure have to change the key characters and face that backlash. And I was thinking about like, and I'm sure I'm not the first fucking person to think about it, but like, you can't, my issue with that kind of thing and like my issue with like the game of Thrones of it all with like the, um, like black Targaryens and stuff like that. Um, which I is not, I'm not saying Iens and stuff like that, which I'm not saying I have an issue with that. But part of the conversation is like,

well that, it was like they were that skin color because they were from a place. And that is what happens in places on a world scale. Different people come from different places. So we all look different, right? So if you're now trying to inject diversity into a specific place where everyone looks the same, because that's what happens,

but now for like 2020 rules on planet Earth, you're diversifying it, it kind of breaks the law. But also you are like casting a lens on that fictional universe, which was created by white people in this universe. So there are layers of all that shit anyway. So it's like very complex, right? But anyway, my thought and observation was like, they can do that with background characters because it doesn't matter, quote unquote, to do it to main characters. It's too obvious

but like the reason why I think Re-casting and like re-racing like characters is that like different character like different races and backgrounds Are weighted with a world with the people of different races are treated differently. So you can't just change a white person into a black person for inclusivity because it fundamentally changes the entire character. I think, yeah, you have a few, right? Like there's approaches, like I think like obviously Shonda Rhimes was like, I'm sick

of us. Like I love sense and sensibility and like all of these kind of Jane Austen world, but there's never black people there because there weren't black people there. So I will now create a universe, which has an alternate timeline where there are black people.

And like, you know, and it's diverse. And I think that in that case, that works because that's what the show is about, you know, in like not in its text, but just like, it's saying like, what if we can enjoy this thing as black women that is like being denied us? Yes. Which I think is great. Yes. I think that's one way.

And that's like one way that acknowledges and deals with it quite deftly and says it's a fiction, it doesn't matter. Obviously this person could be this race, because I say so and that's how fiction works. Yes. But I think you get into the murky territory where it's like, you know, in the version of Last of Us, I too don't really know that very well, but I think it's interesting to imagine a disintegrated America post-apocalypse where race, a thing that is at the center of Americans' current cultural identity and frictions, has not been brought up and isn't centered to

how the world then disintegrates and factionalizes. And, you know, because it is every, like, you know, so much of what we speak about, but would require the entire text then to be about that. Yeah. Yes. Because it's such a big thing and a worthy discussion, but one that is always left out of sci-fi. Yes. And the same thing happened with Walking Dead.

All of a sudden we enter like a racial utopia of like, there is just, no one sees it or acknowledges it, which yeah, as you say, like those things would be exacerbated by the, like if everything else is going to shit, like that would absolutely be foundation for the different factions that emerge and all that kind of stuff. Cause there'd be no regulatory body to stop it. So God help us. Well, not that I believe in God, but you know what I mean? But like, yeah, it's like, it's impossible to look at American history without seeing

the legacy of white supremacy. So why would the apocalypse change any of that? And why would that not then become a cornerstone of the kind of like, you know, like the whole libertarian ultra-militarized alt-right is entirely race motivated. Absolutely. Do you know, can I just say, I was listening to this great episode of This American Life, which was tragic as shit, that was this Native American woman was killed

in a hit and run, which is in America, I think you're eight times more likely to die in a, like as a pedestrian being hit by a car, if you are indigenous. What? Yeah. Because of a few factors, but the ones that they say are like they, when they were building the highway system, a lot of states put the highways through the reservations because then that's a federal land. And so the federal government has to pay for those highways, that section of road.

So there's a lot more like highways going through reserves, reservations. And so then, but the other thing and the thing that the parents of this girl that was killed say is that there are neo-Nazis now who drive purposely through reservations and swerve to hit indigenous Americans and to go and like fulfill some like old west kind of fantasy of like getting an Indian. Oh my god. Anyway, so then the police were investigating this crime badly, terribly. I won't believe it. They just did nothing. This family recorded every interview, like conversation they had with this police officer

who, you know, when he visited them months after they put in the report, they found out who it was. They'd not tracked her down at anything. Um, he said to them, well, we believe that your daughter was drunk. And if you're over a certain level of intoxication and walking near the road in, I think it's Ohio or somewhere like that, then you're considered liable for your own death. What? And this woman, her kids names, she's two young kids who were in the car when she was driving and hit this woman, are Aryan and nation. And when it went to court,

finally, she had a new tattoo on her face that said Arian on her forehead. Well, to celebrate her daughter. Obviously. And it's like, everyone's expected this like, poor family that have had their daughter killed are expected to just pretend that that's not a factor. What the fuck? Are you fucking kidding me? Anyway, you can't then tell me that that place, that country where that is happening and being looked over by police as if it's completely normal and okay, yes, would then go through a super insane collapse of all civilized

society and then be like, but we're not going to be racist. That's a bridge too far. I shot a man in the face, but race did not come into it. It is a fantasy. So yes. So all of that to say, I find it disappointing when these projects are taken up, refitted to be appearingly more up to date, diverse and inclusive when actually, like those characters, if they were of that race need more layers to inform that character.

You can't just give a black person a white person's story and character because it would just never be like, and it's just interesting that do it with background characters and not main characters, because obviously that spotlight would be too bright and you'd be like, and when they do do it, the main characters, right? People have a fucking connection. Those people are ruined. And I mean, that's the other thing is like, obviously the issue here is not changing a white person to a black person.

I don't want to see that. Absolutely not. The issue is I wanna hear the authentic stories of these characters who are of any race that isn't fucking white. And further to that is like, well, if the source material is proper enough that you feel like you need to change all this stuff, I don't know, man, make something new.

Make a different thing. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, like, I think that I'd be interested in versions where they fully like reimagine and make that the core. Not the core. I'm not like, it's like, I think one of the issues that faces it out, like media landscape is like, ABC, for example, here in Australia has like a set, like a guideline of like how, what they're going to show on television to better represent Australia.

So like if you're going to, yeah, you can't just have a homogenous, like white Christian, cis, straight experience on television, which is generally what's going on in the case. But so they have a mandate, but in their mandate, and this is something that seems to happen quite a bit, is that they end up forcing people who are not white to center their not whiteness in the content they make. So in order for you, like if you're South Asian

and you wanted to make a show, a comedy show, because you're a comedian, and you wanted to make it about something you're interested in, and that thing will be made by you, so you're the author. And so of course it will be infused with your sensibilities as first generation Australian South Asian woman or whatever. But you wouldn't necessarily say it in every second sentence and it wouldn't be every single

thing about me is this. Everything I say is that I'm an Indian woman in Australia. Because when you live as an Indian woman in Australia, you don't spend your entire life just saying, I'm an Indian woman in Australia. Yes. And so what you end up with sometimes is this like version of diversity in film and television, which is about explaining to white people what your life is like. Yes. Like tell us about what that's like. And it's like, instead of just letting someone go and make something that they want to make

that they think is funny or interesting. They, they not only get like, it's like you get one chance to make this thing, but it also has to hit all of our core quadrants and say all the things that diversity that we want you to say, which is just terrible. Cause it's like, no, why? Like their white counterparts doesn't have to sit around and talk about how they're white all the time, right? Yeah. Yeah. Talk about your German ancestry. Yeah. Well, your grandfather was Dutch. Talk about that. Why are you not bringing that up in every episode? Tell us about that right now. Yeah

It's just so weird. The other thing that I'll just say on that before we go back on topic, which I kind of remember what the topic was Is like wasn't there a period where like fucking JK, like Simmons, Rowling, sadly. Um, maybe it was like when the, the theater show, the cursed prince or whatever was coming out and there was a casting of like Hermione was black. And there was like this murmur of an uproar of like, well, she's not black. How can she be black now? Whatever. Which like, boo.

Yeah. But JK was like being the woke goddess that she sometimes wants to be, as opposed to all the other times. She's like, well, actually, I never said she was what colour Hermione's skin was. Yeah. She could be black. It's like, well, I never said she was what color her skin was. She could be black. It's like, well, okay. I mean, you read the description and it doesn't read like a black little girl. Um, but it's like, she's black.

No, I never brought her up. Yeah. That kind of bullshit fucking bullshit because that would fundamentally change her character. Yeah. Um, you know, like if it was written that way, fantastic. Well, it's like her making Dumbledore gay. It's like, you don't get to score points when you haven't been

explicit in the text. Yes, exactly. It's like, that would have been great. Yeah. Had you done that in 1993? I mean, like, yeah, it is like, it's like, that's great. I think like do that, do that. Like, even, but, that's great. I think like, do that, do that. Like,

I think Snape in the new TV show has been cast by, I don't remember his name, but the actor is black, I think. Um, which will be interesting to see how that plays out. I mean, how much does a, like a magical professor's race come into, you know, like the lives of their students? I don't know. But it would be interesting to see how they play with some of those dynamics. Well, I won't be seeing that. Well, same, right? I'm like, I don't know why I say that because it's not like I'm going to fucking watch that show. I didn't watch the films and I won't be watching it. You didn't watch the films?

I got up to the fourth one and I said, absolutely no more. This is so boring. Yeah. Just like, like when my eyes see that level of CG, I'm like, I actually just can't look. It's so ugly. Ugly. I'm like, what, what am I even meant to focus on? You haven't composed an image. You just had a lot of shit happening on screen.

So you didn't see that Victor Crumb. Crumb. Wasn't he in the fourth one? He is. So you did see the Victor Crump. And those fabulous French hats. I don't remember that. On that snooty girl school. I saw it at the Chinama.

Okay. Well look, anyway. Triangle? You're in. We're back. We're back. Our final topic for discussion today, listener, lazy, mad, mad, is which pillow shape gets into the bunker?

Which pillow? Yeah. Okay. Shape Gets into the bunker which pillow yeah, okay now when we're talking about shapes triangles in the pillow shape What do you think about the triangle pillow? Is there a triangle pillow? Yeah, baby. What? What do you say for everything? It's like the hook turn. It's like that's a boomerang. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, I love the boomerang pillow. That's so hot. Where you're telling me I can roll over, roll over, roll over. Yeah. But you know what? It never doesn't look tacky on a bed. It doesn't look good. It looks like someone's gone into hospice care in your room. Yes. Like you need support. Yeah. Don't get the bed pan. The boomerang pillows out. The boomerang pillow's out.

You know, like threadbare cotton, like teddy bear cover that like is like loose skin on the pillow. It's flannel. Yeah. Oh, it would be pilling flannel. Pilling! While Judge Judy plays in a sunlit room. That's where the boomerang pillow lives. That is. Yeah. And God bless her service,

but she's not getting in my bunker. Okay, good. I don't like European, the big square. Big square. Big square? One, it's too full. That's gonna hurt my neck. It is gonna.

But it's for when you're sitting up in bed, drinking your morning coffee and being Diane Keaton. Yeah, but that's why I have a padded bed head, cause it's built in. Yeah, we couldn't get I have a padded bedhead, because it's built in. Yeah, we couldn't get one in my house. My husband doesn't like that. Oh, but he's gay. He's not gay.

He's not gay. Could you imagine if Kurjan was bisexual? He's not bisexual, but he's not gay. Do you know what I mean? He's just really good at convincing people. I think I know what you mean. He was, God, who was he talking to? He was at our improv night and they were like, oh, it's like Celine Dion.

And he said, is that the one who did Slave for You? Sorry? Yeah. He's not that young. He's not that young. He just has no pop culture understanding. When I went to go and visit his mother for Boxing Day, I was like, should we?

And we were sitting in silence in the house, just, oh, should we put on some music? She was like, we don't really listen to music. And I was like, what do you mean? And then I was like, the sun was going down and typically in my household that would be a conversation would commence about what film we were going to watch that night. Yeah.

Should we watch something? Oh, we don't really watch movies. Oh, TV is just fine. Or TV should be. I didn't really watch TV. She's just going to sit in a quiet room and talk. Yes. Oh my. But not about anything that you might've heard or seen.

But that's why this boy came from a place starved. Yes, yes. But he likes gaming. Yeah, true, true. And that's pretty gay. Well, is it? Yeah, I guess if you spell it with a Y. It depends.

Just like getting money out of an ATM is pretty gay if it's a ATM. Gay TM. God bless you. Gay TM. I like that. Oh, the gay TM ate my card. Welcome, get a baby.

I was so hungry. Nom nom nom. Oh, I'm eating the thing all day. I gotta deposit something in the KTL. You ready for it? I'm counting all your coins. Hey wait, Zelda. Yeah?

Do a gay voice. It's back. Okay. My, oh. That's pretty good. My gay voice. Oh, oh, I good. My gay voice. Oh, Oh, I'd love to go out for a whan on the weekend.

No, that's not my gay voice. Um, what's a gay voice? I'm gay. Yeah. Maybe it's more na- Hi. Yeah. Like, Oh no. Uh, accents is not my thing. That's a not my thing. It's not. Okay, Matt, oh no, accents is not my thing. It's a not my thing.

It's not. Okay, Matt, you go. Hello. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow, Matt. Okay.

So you're saying, whoa, you're calling me, you're calling me overweight and you're calling me a faggot. And he said that Targaryens shouldn't be black. And he said that. Yeah. Full chest. I had nothing to say. Yeah, nothing to say in defense of black Targaryens.

We know. I'm pro diversity. It's fine. I don't know why you have such a problem with it. Isn't that what you were talking about? What? Yeah. That is what Zelda said. What?

Okay. Okay. So go on. So what are we doing? Pillows. Okay. So we have a variety of pillow densities in our bedroom. Oh, okay. And I just like, there's one that I bought when it seemed

like such a good idea when I was in Ikea, but I often get like, like the red mist when I'm in that place. Like I'm just so like furious that I can't think. Glazed with rage. I can't even think straight. Matt, be quiet. We don't all sound like that.

It's okay. It's quite cool, it's that little lisp. Matt, be quiet. We don't all sound like that. Excuse me, Matt. That's terrible. How dare you say that? It's not all about me. That's a good one, so I don't keep that one. Yeah. Keep it up my turtleneck sleeve. Keep it up your arsehole.

There's no room. That's more you. That's definitely more you. Oh, you're terrible. Oh God. We're going to have fun today. No, it's good. It's good.

Okay. Okay. So we have, and so we got this super dense foam pillow. Memory foam. And what it is? Well, I don't know, but it's, it's a brick. Memory foam. And what it is? Well, I don't know, but it's, it's a brick. Space foam. It's like a really solid brick.

No. And I thought, I thought, I thought to myself, I thought, gong. I don't know if that's going to work for me. And so I got it, got it home, safe and sound. Took it out of that plastic rack, slipped my little pillow cover on. I was just going to get softer and softer. After a night or two, it was popping right up.

After a nine or two, puffing right up. It is incredible. But yeah, and so now we have five pillows in the bed. Two are like, loose, like they're practically a gas. Yeah. Then like you put your head on're practically a gas. Yeah. Then like you put your head on and they just disappear. Like a fluffed but sparse. They're more of a filler.

Yeah. Feather pillow, like feather or down. It's cotton. Just like mist. I got a, yeah, mist stuffing. Polyester. Polyester fill. And then there's two that are actually like,

Goldilocks just right, and then this brick that has stayed in our bed and no one would ever sleep on that fucking pillow. It's a nightmare pillow. It's really hard because you can't try them in the store. And they're so expensive. You can't take them home. You can't bring them back. No matter how much you try and make those young girls cry at the register.

I'm just stuck with it. I'm just, I know what I'm meant to do. I can't put in the landfill. I think of that. You can't even donate it. Oh, it's a curse. Once you have a bad pillow, stuck with it. Yeah.

And so that sometimes fills in as like wall pillow, if we need a wall. Yeah. Or witch's broom pillow. Yeah. You know? Or like propping up ass for fucking pillow. Sorry, what?

Prop up. Wait, you're saying the pillow goes under the waist? Under your lower back to raise your asshole up slightly higher. But they're still lying down. You're, if you're getting fucked, you're facing the ceiling. There is a pillow under your roller. Right, right, right.

To raise your anus just a touch. Right, right. You know what I'm talking about. I do, but I would say that that's normally like an edge of the bed kind of affair. Oh, but sometimes if the top wants to be on their knees, so they can really. No.

You always do it on the edge of the bed? I mean, what if the bed's quite low? If we're doing that position. Maybe it's cause I'm quite tall. Yeah, you pop a squat or you like put their legs over your shoulders and lift them. Yeah. Up. Yeah.

You raise me up so I can come on mountains. I, yeah. Pillow has an important place in sex. That dense pillow sounds uncomfortable though. It's terrible. Even for sex. Even for sex. Too dense. Yeah. Too dense. I have two feather pillows that are fine. That's nice.

Then I have like two like flat pillows, which I don't know what the contents of the actual, like it must be just like a polyfill, whatever. But one is extremely flat. She's so flat. And the other is okay. But that flat pancake flat pillow, I fucking love that pillow.

Well, it's just a little bump. Yeah, like I have the combo of like one feather pillow, then my little pancake on top. And that is the perfect height for my neck. Yeah. But if I dare roll to the other side. Do you sleep on your side? Yeah. Good.

Yeah. But if I dare roll to the other side and get feather pillow with like this slightly like thicker pancake batter pillow I fucking hate it. I can't do that. It's too What my next like this? 45 degree angle up from the bed. Absolutely not. Yeah dense pillow. Ah, but I also can't be too flat But I love those nights where I can almost just have like a, you know, playing card beneath my head and that's enough. That rare? Like just mattress and then just like a wisp of a pillow.

Yeah. And I'm like, am I Acacia? That's... No. Um, and then I also have a little like, it's probably disgusting now. I wash it like once a week cause I just don't trust its ability to hold bacteria, but this like Muji pillow. What's a Muji pillow? You know like Muji, like the Japanese IKEA.

They have this like line of, um of kind of like sofa slash bed pillows that you can't put a pillowcase on but it's like a very smooth velvety. You can't put a pillowcase on it. I mean you probably could but it's like a weird shape so it's not like it's it is the pillow it is the pillow but it's extremely soft and that's what I used like cuddle so I like have my neck pillows and then I have that one that's your boyfriend pillow yeah that's what I used to like cuddle. So I like have my neck pillows and then I have that one. That's your boyfriend pillow. Yeah, that's my boyfriend. Yeah.

And then sometimes when I like have a boy in the bed. Is it, does it look like a bar of Dove soap? Yes, it does. Okay. Yes. Do you have the, in the sage color or the rose? The colors are not it. I have it in like a charcoal and it doesn't go with the bed and it's kind of an issue. I need to get rid of it. I have it in like a charcoal and it doesn't go with the bed and it's kind of an issue I need to get rid of it

Throw it away Maybe but yes, I For the long like I always had a triangle or like a boomerang pillow like growing up until like Not but then you got well. Yeah. Yes. Yes So then that went then I had like a full length like body, like long pillow. Oh no. Which I also had to divorce from because I'm an adult trying to find a boyfriend and best believe that pillow can't be on the bed.

Would you, if you were to find a boyfriend, which pillows are you evicting for him to bring his collection of pillows? I don't know. Which side of the bed will you take? I mean, it depends on the bed. I just like to be the furthest from the door is what I've found in houses. The furthest from the door? Yeah, like the bedroom door.

What's that about? Well, when the demon comes in. Oh, okay. So it is about that. Yeah. The demon can't go an extra two feet. No. Well, give me two more extra feet to wake up and go, get out!

Get out. No scrambling my brain today. Demon? Yeah. Yeah. See, that's my history with pillows. And then there was a period of having a European pillow, but I just fucking hated it. It's so big.

I love, okay, can I say why? In defense of the European pillow, when I go on vacation or if I'll stay in my friend Tristan's spare room, He is a pillow fiend. Yeah, he's gay. No, but he's proper. Proper, real, real gay. Like, I'm real gay, but in a different direction. In like a slovenly, disgusting... Like you'd wear odd socks, whereas he's got European pillows. Actually, weirdly enough, I'm wearing the correct pair today, which is more rare than

the other way around. Yes. But the going and staying in his spare room, he's always had a spare room ever since he moved out of home, always had a spare room. Curious. You know, and one of the advantages of living further out in the suburbs is that you can be, you know, have a home instead of just a place to lay your head. And so he would have this fair,

and it would be like two bountiful European pillows as the first kind of line of defense, almost vertical. Then after that, two regular pillows, large rectangles, then another rectangular, like on each side of the bed. So we're at six. We're at six, and then there'll be two squares. And then a centerpiece square. Okay.

And it'll be halfway down the bed. Yep. And basically, I mean, that's so deluxe. And when you, cause it's like, you know, when you're staying at someone else's house, like you don't normally have a lot of creature comforts. Like you're like, and it's really hard because you kind of have to adapt yourself to what's comfortable in someone else's house.

Yes. But having the full breakfast buffet of different pillows takes one thing out because you can dump the rest. But if you just pick the pillow that you would like to sleep with that night, you're like, it's so fabulous. Yes. Just remembering, speaking about staying at people's houses, I used to stay at my brother's house and he lived in a share house with like all school friends. I knew them all as well. It was fine,

but he didn't have a spare room. So I would just lay like a little piece of foam down on the, on the floor, which was the main lounge room where the door of the house entered into, it was like an old shop, so it was just like, the door went straight into the lounge room kitchen. Yeah. And then there was all toilets in the bedrooms and toilets in the back. But so I could make like a little bit of privacy. I would like pull the couch out a little bit and then just lie behind the couch. Yeah.

What kind of pillar? No pillow, just a piece of foam and like a little rag. Not even a cushion off the couch. I have such deathly memories of awakening, freezing cold in the middle of the night, staying at a friend's house. And there was like after a house party or something. Yeah, it was always like that two truck drive. And there's no blankets and you just like have to like get a towel or something.

Oh my God. Anything. Did you ever sleep behind a couch? Why didn't you sleep in the bed with your brother? Oh, that would not be acceptable. Why not? He just wouldn't allow it, I don't think. He would be living there like a king in a double bed and you would be behind the couch.

Your brother's for cryo. Yeah. Well, he's on the spectrum so he probably just needed his own space for a while. He's asleep. He's unconscious. As not as not accepted, unfortunately. Well, sort it out. That relationship.

Fair. Well, to be honest, I've actually been sleeping on a European pillow lately. And the truth comes out. And how's that? It's been quite nice. Yeah. Because I actually have been trying to sleep with it like halfway down my shoulder blades almost.

I've been trying to sleep with it for some time. We finally got there. Do you sleep on your back Matt? No, I've been sleeping on my side on it as well. Cause it's like squashy enough that I can kind of like squish it into whatever shape I want. See that's important. Malleability.

Yeah. Yeah. And it's big enough that the fluff kind of moves into the corners if I need it to or whatever. So there you go. So wait, and you put it halfway down your lower back? When I'm lying on my back and then when I'm lying on my side, it creeps down a bit, but I kind of squish a lot of it up into the gap in my neck.

Yeah, right. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Have you ever considered several smaller pillows? I've tried that too. I've tried every pillow combination there is as well, because I get quite sore neck pain, violin and just general stress. So is there not a like neck extender for violin that allows you to keep your neck in an upright position?

Yeah. I think you can get some sort of strap system that straps it onto your shoulder or whatever. It's not a very good look though. Well, aesthetics be damned. I want you to live another 50 years. I don't think I'm going to die from a sore neck. Oh, then stop whining about that.

I'm not whining. All I'm saying is that trying lots of pillows, permeations. This one is the latest one. It seems to be working. Yeah. What is the group consensus on those memory pillows that have like the wave? There's like two distinct. Oh, that's the other type.

Yeah. One has a small side wave and the other side has a bigger side wave. Yeah, I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. It feels quite good. I don't need a sculpture to go to bed to. No, it kind of like massages the side of your neck. I just think-

Very supportive. Any funny shaped pillow, including the boomerang, when I see that in someone's bed, I'm like, this stopped being like an aesthetic and started being a bit like- You need this. Yeah. Like orthopedic shoes. You don't want to see their weakness in bed. I don't want to see their weakness.

Ever. I want to see their confidence in bed. That's right. I can sleep on a pillow at the edge. They fuck. Yeah. I see that dense pillow is just for propping up your ass. We keep that.

We have a little wave at the very edge of the bed for your ass. That's how you know that God didn't want people to be gay. Why's that? Well, he wouldn't need a pillow. Like if you were to have sex with a woman in her vagina. Yeah. No, she doesn't need a pillow to prop up. No.

Yeah. So you think God should have given gay men like a hump on their back? Hump back, yes. Just on their lower back? I think if it was meant to be Adam and Steve, if it was meant to be Adam and Steve, they should have given him a hump on his back. So I don't have to put this bloody pillow straight in the washing machine as soon as Greg leaves. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, he's souping cum all over my bedspreads. And it's really, you know, it goes out of rotation. I've got stripes this week. It's falling in the way of, but look. That's right. My David Jones stripes and now I've had to change, but I've got to change the whole thing to the Peter Alexander.

What I will say on that is a couple of weeks ago, we talked a lot about sex. And what I'll say today is like, I think it is so not hot when you get to someone's house and there's a towel on the bed or, oh no, that is worse. But also when like you start having sex and then they're like, should we get a towel and put a towel down? No, grow up.

Clean your sheep. We were coming here for sex. Yeah. Like, also I don't want to be confined to the like 60 by 90 rectangle. Stay on the rectangle. Not even a beach towel. Right. A sheet. A bath sheet.

Bath sheet. Um, also what's like if you come to the area we'll be having sex. Well if, if you just get it really well placed, it should be fine, but nothing too vigorous to move it around. Let's die. Tie it to you. Oh, quietly, slowly. That's the thing. It's like, well, we might be there at one point, but what if we want to go over here and then over here? That should be some sort of like belt with a towel hanging off it.

Always know where your towel is. Yeah. Oh, like a cape. That should make some sort of like belt with a towel hanging off it. Always know where your towel is. Like a cape? Well yeah, or a kind of like, you know, Steve, what is it? The Foreman grill. Yes! The catch tray. Yes, lay that down.

No, that's just like attached to you. Well some people have that built in, the cum gutters. Well that's, you know, that's not how it, that's not the direction. Whoa. True. Doesn't help you in the back end. But it's like when someone's too prepared and it takes the romance out. We're not, you know, this isn't Mills and Boone.

You're not just throwing me on the bed. It's a bit too thought out. Yeah, it's too like, well now we do this and then we die I guess. Do you know what I mean? It's like, well tonight we're gonna have sex for 13 minutes and then we're gonna go home to our respective homes, eat, maybe have sex a few more times and then oh when God's willing he'll take me instead of like, throw me on the bed, treat me like a little slut, you know? But the preparation kind of stales.

Kills that. Yeah. It's like someone puts on a drop cloth or something for a long weekend session. Yeah. Has anyone done this? Diva. Yeah. You can buy piss pools.

Yeah. I'm like, at that point, just go into the shower. It's God buy piss pools. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, at that point, just go into the shower. It's God's piss pool. Just blow the shower. You're really mentioning God a lot today. Yeah. I love Jesus.

I just, he's just stirred up a lot of feeling. I'm so used to be in the choir. OK. I think. Just one more pillow. Yeah. Okay. I think. Oh, just one more pillow. Yeah. Before you suggest, what about the neck pillow? Oh, I hate that.

That is the towel. That is the towel of fucking is the neck pillow to flying. Yeah, that's fine. I just want to see your reaction. Yeah. I also hate that. I just am like, it's like, it is not worth you looking like that at any point in your life to be comfortable.

What do you think about walking around with it on your neck in the airport? Because where else are you going to fucking put it? You've essentially got this ginormous element that doesn't go down a size at all. What about slinging it through like the crook of your backpack? That's acceptable if you're Mars. But do you know what? I am so, I forgot to bring this up a while ago, but this happened to me. Say it. I will.

I, I am the most like low profile flyer. I am like so easygoing. I've been flying way into high life. I do not cause a stir. I do not make, I do not complain. I just get on the plane and I go. I do not like, I don't ask for extra things from the flight attendants. If I'm asleep and they miss me, I do not like, Oh, can I get my meal now? No, you missed the time. It's over. Yeah. Like whatever.

I like, there's so much of that stuff that I would never do. And the other thing that I always do is I never take a bag where I need the, the up top storage. Uh huh. I'm always seated in front. Yeah. Okay. I had a very, oh my stomach. I had this like weird

experience recently where, oh my god I need to remember, oh my god, oh my god this is so bad I can't remember how I was slided. I just, I remember I got onto a plane and I had a backpack and I had my like little laptop case, which is fine. Yeah. And then the woman was like, we don't do that here. You're going to have to pack back that. And I was like, what do you mean? Like into the put that bag in back. And I'm like, you don't even understand. I'm going to shove these both under the seat. Like it's fine. I would never use over the top storage because those psychos, you know, there's people that travel with those little.

Maybe that's a fucking suitcase. That's a whole ass suitcase. Real. Get absolutely fucked off. I think that should be banned. That's crazy that you think that that's okay. Yeah. I'd be so embarrassed. And except I look around and you're all doing it. That's insane. It's crazy that you think that that's okay. I'd be so embarrassed, except I look around

and you're all doing it. Yes, yes. You're all doing it. Anyway, so this woman was like, yeah, you can't have that. And I was like, I don't think you understand. I have been such a good sport with you people my entire life.

This is the one thing, and it was from Heathrow. This is when I was leaving DragCon UK. It's all coming back to me now Yeah, I just I was like so taken aback because I was like the woman on the way here So it was okay and she's like it's different here. I might have the planes become smaller since I left Have I been gone that long? Oh my god Anyways, that that happened. Yeah, which brings to mind this one last thing. Yeah God. Anyway, so that happened. Yeah. Which brings to mind this one last thing.

Yeah. Tour. Dragcon. I mean, dragcon. Drag race. Tour. Yes, yes, yes. Finally, after a delayed flight of 10,000 years, me and Brenda

Breast and Lucina and Max are back in Melbourne. Right? And we're waiting to get off the plane. We'd been delayed for five hours stuck at Brisbane airport. Awesome. Right. And we were already like, I need to go home. Everything is like drenched in like boozy sweat. And so we're like, okay, it's time to get off the plane. And this is one of those situations where the back opens,

the front has an opening as well. One has the sky bridge and one has the staircase. So we're going to get out, it's very exciting. And then the back opens and the whole back of the plane is exiting, exiting, exiting. Then this woman and her 30-something year old son get up. He's wearing a neck pillow and he has, like there's some Pokemon on his shirt

and some army print on his bag. And he's like, him and his mom get up and they do this thing where, like, you know, if you come out into the row and they're like, everyone's like, oh, it's time to get off. Like it's that way. And they're like, everyone's like, Oh, it's time to get off. Like it's that way. And they're like, Oh, our bags are up there. Like two, two little over the head compartments up.

And so everyone's like, Oh, okay. Well, in my universe, I probably would have waited instead of stopping the entire flow of traffic. You knew that. You've known the whole time, but that's okay. Everyone's very accommodating. Let's them take their bags and then they stand there. And everyone's like, oh, and so Lucina taps this woman, she's like, oh, like you can get

off, it's through the back. I actually can't use the stairs. I can't use the stairs, I'm an old woman. I can't, I can't. And then she's like, okay, right. Well, we need to get off now. We need to get off. The sun is like, we need to get off, we need to get off.

We're going back to Ballarat. And the airline that has us late is not going to pay for the three hour fucking, or like, you know, $300 cab. And we're like, oh, okay. And so suddenly, like the whole back of the plane is empty. Yeah. And there's a queue, stacks of people waiting to get past

to go out the back. Oh my God. And this mother and son duo are standing in the middle of the aisle. And they're literally like at my aisle. Like it's happening next to me. And poor Lucina had dealt already with this insane woman who was like,

Oh, what are you doing? Where are you going today? And Lucina is like, Oh, so can you help me turn my phone onto airplane mode? I don't know how. And Lucina is like, okay, I'll do that for you. And she's like, Oh my God, I'm going to visit my friends in Cole Creek. But like, and she's like, Oh, that's amazing. Anyway, so while that's happening, this woman and her son are like, no, we need everyone to move out of the aisle so we can go out the front. And we're like,

well, there's, I guess, a hundred people in front of you who, if you stand into the aisle for a second, we'll get off and then you can go through the front. Yeah. So someone, this mom with a small child, says, maybe you can go in, says exactly that, so these people can dis-embar-t. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Disembar-t.

Disembar-t the aircraft, and then you can have what you desire, which is to go out the front, because I don't think you're gonna fucking part the waves, you know, Moses, and get through, and she's like, well, how about you pay for our $300 cab on the way home? If you're going to tell us what to do, don't tell me what to do. And she was like, God, this mom, incredible. She saved us all.

Who was over it and her kid was fucking over it. She's like, yeah, fine. Get out of the way. I'll pay, whatever. And then she's like, oh, fuck you. And then they like stand in the island like, this is ridiculous, this is ridiculous. And I'm like, and they're both the most toxic people you've ever met.

And then we all, everyone streams off the flight. And then they're like, can't believe we're delighted as well. Here, delighted as well. And like this mother was just like, I will kill all of you. Yeah. Yeah. That's my story. That's amazing. And that's why you don't want neck pillows.

They had neck pillows. Yeah. I can imagine. Yeah. Just a little creature comfort for my flight. You know, and it's like, I- One hour flight from- I don't imagine it's particularly easy

for someone with like, you know, different needs to like use airports. And then notoriously like, lot of stairs, lot of bullshit, lot of discomfort. So I do sympathize with that, but I think it's like like that is between you and your flight attendants and if you cannot use the back exit stairs and you are delayed, they need to know that so they can disembark you first or they can seat you near

the front. Cause also you could pay extra to sit near the front if you know that that's going to be a concern for you on your travel. But you have not done that. And now you are keeping us hostage. Like it's 2001. What happened in 2001? Also, if she, she obviously knew all of that information, it's her life. Stay in the fucking seat.

Get up last when you can get where you need to go. And it would have happened sooner. Yes. Yeah. It's like, you can't even get out of your own way. I hate it. Yeah. You know, when people, when people stand up instantly and fill the aisle and it's

like, baby, we're still, we're in taxi taxi taxi. They need to figure out how to object everyone. I'm just shaking them all out. Just drop out the floor like it's Mr. Beast games. And don't forget your baggage. Those like monkeys in a barrel. Like just shake them out like that. You'll catch some of the things you wanted from the barrel. Yeah. Yeah. So what pillow gets in? When I was a child, I did have this like baby size pillow that was like quite small.

Back then you just called it regular size. But I really liked that pillow and I carried it into like maybe like 10 years old or something. When I was just a little girl, I asked my lover, what will I be? Yeah, I really liked that pillow. Will I be pretty? Who will I be? Here's what she Pretty. Okay. Why is this not... Gaze.

Ah, Sarah. Whatever will be, will be. It was a nice little pillow. The future's not ours to see. Oh my God. Okay. Come on, come on. Let's just hit the two hour mark.

Let's, let's, let's pick a pillow. I didn't sing just then. That was Zelda's internal monologue. That plays most of the time. Oh, I see. Yeah. Okay. So my vote, selfishly, is like flat.

Footballer, sexy boy, anime pillow. Well, when we get to which mouse pad, I feel like we can scratch that itch with some big knockers on the anime diva. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. And for your wrist. But yeah, I just like want a rectangle flat. One other thing to say is that there's like King pillow.

I hate that grow up. Like, no, I hate that. So, yeah, I'm going to be, I'm going to back you here. Cause I also think I back that. Yeah. I also think for the Murphy bed of it all, they must indeed be low profile. And I think that those Murphy beds, I can't remember if he said that they were double or what size they were.

I think they were single. Okay. Yeah. That's probably sounds cruel and like we would do that. But these two very flat pillows. So you could like stack up or cuddle your boyfriend pillow. Yeah. Or witches broom. Yes. Right. You didn't go into that. What did you mean by that? Well, you have a witches broom pillow.

Put it between thighs. How awful are you? Witches broom. Sometimes, the curge and I will both be on the broom. Racing through town. Wow. Kiki! And that little bitch witch that she met up in the sky.

Yeah. Why was she so rude? I don't know. She was on a long flight. She was. Okay. But yeah, you put it between your legs and then if your partner's there, they can put it between their legs as well.

Oh, okay. Well, next time I have a partner, I'm going to try that out. They say, get on the broom. Okay. So in today's episode, we've put in standard old flatty flat rectangle pillow. And a two-tine fork. Two-tine fork. And of course the ever so industrious beautiful triangle. Yes. Ding dong ding.

Fabulous. That's a great solid episode. Baby, thank you. You can't read. You can't read. We love you and we'll see you all in hell. Death to Everyone was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Shears. We love you and we'll see you all in hell. Burn. Death to Everyone was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Shears. Our theme song and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie.

If you've got something to say to us, send it to us at deathtoeveryonepart.gmail.com. Oh, and won't you support us please at patreon.com slash death to everyone. And goodbye. That's really all. Bye. Goodbye!