Death To Everyone - Death To… Dolls, Private Parts & Afternoon Tea

Episode Date: October 14, 2024

Darling heart! Join us this week while we celebrate our celestial goddess come drag race contestant.. Lazy Susan! This week we discuss all things doll related, private parts and their curious naming conventions and the treats and delights of afternoon tea - which gets into the bunker? Listen to find out... Follow us, won't you? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.naturalhabitatstudios.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/ediecentric/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103/

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I will join you. Listener. Hello. Hello. Hello. We're back. We're back. For another week. For...

Go on. I was just gonna say for another week. We're also back. We are to say for another week. We're also back. We are. But for another week. I feel like the listener is probably across that we had recorded a few episodes ahead because you've been abroad. I have.

I've been abroad. And I've been paid to be abroad. For a couple years now. Yes, but you are overseas for Benangal's wedding, but now you are back. Oh my gosh. I feel like it's been a thousand years since I've been in this studio. Has something happened since the wedding and now? I got bangs! No, we can finally talk about it.

I'm on Drag Race Down Under. Green Down Under. I'm talking to Tate. It was news to me. I was so excited to see that. You were like, wait, what? Sorry. Oh my God.

God, it's so weird though, because I mean, it's also been the worst kept secret in the world. But it is so weird that we've had to not say anything for so long. Yes. It is so weird that we've had to not say anything for so long. Yes. Back in literally February when we had to pre-record enough episodes to cover a potential absence. Yes.

And so we pre-recorded back to back to back to back to back to back to back to back to back. And then I was also in the throes of trying to get ready to go on a reality competition program which is, I don't know if anyone's ever told you this, the most stressful thing you'll ever do. And now this week it's all happened. So it's like went away to the wedding, came back, two days in Melbourne, flew up to Sydney for a press event, which was very chic and we'll talk about that. And then the next day, wake up 6 a.m., waking up in the morning, and then the whole thing

comes out. And then blind, sheer, unadulterated panic that has lasted through to this very moment, which I've never experienced this level of like just anxiety, baseless, but like I just, to be perceived by, not if it's like by the five people that are still watching down under, but to be like, suddenly like, I don't know, it's just so weird. I'm so excited though. And like, I'm so, yeah, I can't believe it all came together. I'm so like into the fact that it's out there now.

Yes, it's finally fucking happening. But now it's like, here we are. Yeah. Let's go. And what's your name? I'm Lacey Susan. And I'm Zelda Moon. Zelda Moon.

And we have our space car driver here today. Honk honk. Matt, cheers. That was my beep today. Honk honk. Honkin'. Um, and so on this podcast, if you're new, which I suspect there might be a few new people that come and listen just to figure out who the fuck I am.

Yes. I'm L lazy Susan. But this show is about the end of the world. It is. And it's about two celestial goddesses who are the most beautiful women in the world. And we decide what's going to be surviving this apocalypse and go into a kind of doomsday bunker

to survive through the end of time. Actually. Now, if you're new here, there is deep lore. There are now over a year's worth of episodes and every episode we put in, on average, three things. Sometimes we're generous. A few times we've taken things out. But yeah, to new listeners,

I think before listening to this episode, maybe listen to every single other episode. Yes, I think that's the best. And then that will best prepare you for today's episode. Yes. Yeah, because we're very referential to our own made up jokes. Made up? No, no, no, no, no. It's all real, darling. It's real.

Yes. As real as Vulpix. Um, so I want, I think we need to have Benign on to discuss the wedding and foot. I think so too. Because it was such an insane event. Benign Girl got married in Sicily with her gorgeous husband, Raphael, and they got married at this stunning villa. Villa. Villa. And, um. It was really nice. husband, Raphael, and they got married at this stunning villa.

Uh, villa. Villa. And, um, it was really nice. It was so beautiful. All these Italians really know how to put on a spread. Um, but it was so the most of everything. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It was dramatic. It was flamboyant. It was beautiful. There were people, like, It was dramatic. It was flamboyant. It was beautiful. There were people, like it was kind of the like fantasy wedding and like, you know, Benine, she knows how to put on an event. Yes. But like this was like the most, the most ridiculous thing. Yeah.

Kind of the fantasy of that. Totally. I think like, I mean, obviously I wasn't there, but from my observations, one of my favorite things was like when you enter the gates of the villa, it's like this old like castle adjacent structure that's like so grand and this like fucking countryside, but like on either side of like the arch doorway are these hanging banners of BG and Raph in like, as if they're Roman emperors with their faces in marble on the banners.

Incredible. Like four meter long banners hanging off the walls of a castle. Yes. Like that kind of vibe. That's crazy. Yeah. That's so good.

And there was just like- They're not really about them at all. It's really humble. But then also there's these amazing photos of like that archway with lazy Susan at the top kind of greeting the guests and then there's the banners and the wind and it's just like, oh my God. Because I got to MC the whole affair and Benign had said to me like, there's this archway and my dream is for you to stand atop it and welcome everyone in and open the gates to the after party.

And yeah, and then Gurdjie who was with me came and like opened the gates. Yeah, it was just so much. It was like, and like there was drama and kuflama and I just like, you couldn't imagine a more ridiculous wedding. Yeah. Well, yes, I think absolutely very, very soon we'll have to have BG on and we'll have like a, I don't know, wedding themed episode and we'll do some wedding topics and we'll get the full scoop. Yes. Yeah.

In the meantime, then the coming back was a fucking nightmare. Flying back to Australia was the fucking worst. And like, I'm a pretty like easy, easy flyer. Um, but this time was just something, something else because I, like, we got on. Everything was fine. You were flying back from Amsterdam? Yep. Yes.

And we kind of had that classic thing where you like end up with like one stranger in your row. It was like a seat, like a row of three. And we had this like woman who like got in and sat next to us and she had like zero vibe. and she just was not interested. Give me like age bracket. She was like a 35 year old Spanish girl. And she just kind of like, it wasn't like, it wasn't even giving, I just don't want to be bothered right now.

It was like, the vibe was kind of like a bit off because then later when the food was coming around, like she was kind of just out of earshot of the woman who was serving the food. So I was just like, Oh, do you want like, cause she couldn't hear what the options were. And I was like, Oh, do you want the chicken or the beef? And she was like, I'm a vegetarian. And I was like, I'm not the, the, the waiter. Yeah.

I'm not the waiter. I'm just giving you what I'm relaying the option. Yeah. But it was like, so like, she was pissed off at me for even offering her a meat option and then she was like, do you have a vegetarian option? And I'm like sitting there being like, I'm pretty sure that you fill that out a month ago. Yeah.

Yeah. Also like you're a vegetarian. Yeah. Although when I was in Italy, you're a vegetarian. Yeah. So it's like, uh. Although when I was in Italy, I did what I always do. Oh, when you travel. Yeah. Which is literally the, I just couldn't imagine trying

to communicate. Because like, because I also hadn't, this is kind of a lie as well. But because I hadn't known that I was going to Italy for a while, I hadn't even done any of the like prep. I don't think I would have. But I really felt at this time that like, I don't want to go back to a country without kind of knowing enough of the language to just get around.

It takes far too long to like look up on Google, like vegetarian, and then like press translate into Italian. It's not really an option. But also there's just so many situations where you're not, like you don't even have the time to hold up your phone. You don't even have the time to like do that. There's people ordering for the table. There's a lot on a ship.

I just prefer to be like easy. Yeah. Yeah. Because you also have to translate the entire menu. I know. Yeah. But I also think like, and sorry to interrupt, but it's like, I don't think I'll ever eat meat again for the rest of my life.

And part of me laments the fact that I will miss out on like the cultural impact of meat. Like I think that is really special and like such a rich part of our global cultural history. So I think like when you are traveling and experiencing the world, it's so amazing to kind of experience that side of it firsthand as well. So like, I think it's kind of like fab. It's just a shame that all those animals had to die for you to do that.

And then I had to strangle them. Yeah. I don't know why they kept asking me to do that, but I did it because it's part of the story. Yeah. The bridge tapestry. But the other thing that always happens at the end of those trips is that I'm like, I don't miss me. Do you know?

It's like, God bless. And like, you know, great, but it is just like, it's a lot. Like it's, it's just a lot. It's like quite an intense flavor. It's quite like that. You just feel it's like heavier in you. Like you're just like, it's kind of oilier and all that's like fattier and that sort of stuff. So you just, I don't know, by the end of the trip, I'm always like, I'm ready to

go back to, to not eating like this amount of meat. Um, say the purge. Yeah, exactly. It's like a little room springer from, from the kill as much as you can and eat it. That's right. Um, but so you don't think that this 35 year old Spanish lady has the same approach?

No. She was quite hurt by your suggestion. She was angered. Yeah. And I was like, well, I'm next to, I'm just not going to ask you. Did you have a vegetarian meal? No, that's the thing. Cause it makes, they make you pay.

Oh, okay. It's $18 on your ticket booking for the vegetarian meal. And I was like, get. Also, I feel like that's really insane. Like that's never been the case. That's very expensive for veggies. Well, they should just have a vegetarian option anyway, in order to, I don't know, not discriminate.

Like, why do you have chicken and beef? Just do beef and vegetarian. And like, it wouldn't be that bigger shift or whatever the fuck. Like, cause it's not just. It's actually probably easier and cheaper. Right. Exactly. It's like, it's not just vegetarians.

It's like, there are plenty of people who for religious reasons or whatever, might not want to have meat on the fly. So just feeling a bit bloated. Right. Anyway, it's just changing air pressure. Right? True. Anyway, I just think- Changing air pressure. And I think the mistake that people always make, and we always say this, but is advertising it as a vegetarian option.

I think you just say like, oh, we have this gorgeous butternut squash gnocchi, and no one's going to bat an eye. Yes. But like, if you're like, we have the vegetarian option. Yeah. Suddenly it's- Like, where's my protein? Yeah.

Anyway, then we get to Abu Dhabi. I get off the flight. We're in this airport. And my phone, I'm like texting on my phone, because everywhere I've been landing, the Vodafone goes, welcome to blank. You're on $5 rooming, blah, blah, blah. Yep.

So much so that I don't even check it, notice it, whatever. I'm like texting to Living Life, an hour later, I finally like read some of these messages that have been popping up from Vodafone and it's like, your account is $500 over your spend. And I'm like, what do you mean? And I, like, I just didn't understand. And then I realized it was $1 per megabit when you are in the UAE. So the whole time, every single message that I'd sent

had been costing me like hundreds of dollars had just been. And so I was like, oh my God, this is a nightmare. And so already I was like, oh God. And it was at the end of the trip. So I was already kind of like, I'm so fucking poor. Then the, it's like, okay. And like also like every, like a coffee in, in Abu Dhabi airport is $10. Which is crazy. Yeah.

Anyway. Do you have like that airport moment where you're like, I'm at the airport. The dollars mean nothing. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. We were just like... So it's like you pay it, but then upon reflection you're like, wait. Yeah, you're like, why would I do that? Because you are, yeah, like you're completely like captive audience.

But I was kind of expecting more out of this airport. I wanted some more like flourishes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, so then we get back on the flight. The whole next flight after like that awful $500 moment, um, this, the flight we were waiting for had been delayed by two hours, which was coincidentally like the next flight that we had to take from Jakarta was like, I had a, through like two and a half hour window to get.

So we had lost the two hours and it was just a half hour window to get through security, potentially pick up our bags and get onto the next flight. Yeah, not ideal. And so we're sitting on the flight and everyone on that flight, like all the Melbourneians are like eyeing each other because we're like, are we about to get fucked? And have to like spend the night in Jakarta before going home.

And so everyone's stressed out and like to the point where people are starting to like pull over the like stewards and be like, hey, just so you know, we need to get to the next gate. And it kind of becomes like ridiculously stressful. We haven't said anything about the vibe of the third person in your seat. That time I was in the Rose side, so I didn't have to deal with them. Kurjan was talking, you know, buffering that. But there were, I would say, 60, like, I guess they like, they seemed like monks, like Buddhist monks. They were in like an orange robe

and there were women in their like 60s, 70s and 80s. Those are probably airbenders. Ah, well they were all wiped out by the fire nation. Yes. But they were, everyone was coughing. Open mouth. And when I say coughing, I don't mean like, oh, like an old woman coughed once and I got pissed off.

I mean like a crescendo of like, that was not being covered. These were not muffled coughs. These were out into the room, full out coughs that would just... Like ceaseless. There was not a moment on that flight where someone was an open mouth coughing. And the guy across the aisle from me had started with a mask on. And I was like, this is good.

Because he was coughing. Mask comes off, doesn't ever go back on. And then he's like coughing into his hand and I'm like, okay, well, that hand is our last like veil of security. And then like a few minutes later, the hand is gone. We're just out coughing, coughing into the room. And it was just, I've never been out, like there was just so much coughing happening and no one was talking about it.

be not like there was just so much coughing happening and no one was talking about it. Um, and then we like get off the flight and thankfully there's this person there that like is from the airport and they rush us through the airport, through the private security thing with all the Melbourneians just being like, we're going to get you there. It's okay. And then we get there and get on the flight and it's like, we're going to get you there. It's okay. Yeah. Yeah. And then we get there and get on the flight and it's like, fuck yes. We're actually going to make it home tonight

and da da da da da. Cause it had been like, yeah, 15 hours, 16 hours or whatever. Yeah. And then we get on this next flight and we do keep seeing that, that vibe less Spanish woman. She was from Melbourne? No, she must've gotten off in Jakarta.

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. But she's a guest star now. Yes, yeah, that's it. She's actually coming on the pod. Yeah, oh yeah. Yeah, anyway, so then, the last stretch, the vibes are kind of like, oh good, we're almost- The vibes are back on.

The vibes are back on. Okay. And then we don't know whether our luggage is gonna make it, because there'd been mixed about whether we had to grab it or not, but there was no time. Um, so then we get off in Melbourne, the bag, it takes 45 minutes to get down to the carousel. So we're like that whole time being like, Oh, maybe we don't have luggage.

Maybe it's gone. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Finally comes down like amazing rolling away. And we're like, amazing. Rolling away and we're like, this is so good. We are home. Then a sniffer dog comes up. And stops at Kertran's bag.

And they're like, and we're like, ha, ha, ha, ha. Yeah. Cause it's like, we're not- Hello, pooch. Yeah, like what's going on? Yeah, yeah. And I thought that this was like a training dog and I was like, ha ha ha ha. Yeah. Cause it's like, we're not, yeah, like what's going on. Yeah. Yeah. And I thought that this was like a training dog and I was like, oh, this stupid dog. Anyway, so the woman like makes a little mark on our card.

And then when we try to leave, he's like, can you come this way? Oh, and cause they hadn't like clocked or vibed that it was like something was wrong. Yeah. They very quietly marked our cards and went away. They pull us into this other room and like, we're like five meters from being home free. They pull us into this side room, which is the border security biohazard stuff. And this man, this very friendly kind of Viking looking D and D playing kind of board game, having man.

Hot. Yes. He is like, are these your declarations? Yeah. It's like coming into the country. Yeah. Bought like biosecurity. Yeah. And like, yep.

Can you confirm that everything you've said on these are true? Like, yeah. Yes. Yes. Yeah. And then he's like, okay. Um, yep. Great.

Well, we're just going to go through your bags now because you've been pinged by the dog. Yeah. Okay. You mean the dog. Yeah. Okay. You mean the trainee? Yeah, the trainee. He doesn't know what he's talking about. They start going through Kertchen's bag and they pull out an apple that he had in his bag and completely forgotten about from Amsterdam.

Yeah. And I turned around and I'm like, this is why your commitment to fresh fruit is dangerous. And the guy's like, just a sec, I need to go and write a report. We're going to let you off with a warning this time. Otherwise it would have been a $3,500 fine for making a false statement on one of these biosecurity things. And so he goes away, and it's already been like 15 minutes by this point, he's gone for half an hour.

People are running around, like, because we see him walk away towards his office, and then he gets like a little walkie talkie call, and he's like, number five, okay, I'll be right there. And then he like runs off down theie talkie call and he's like, number five, okay, are we right there? And then he like runs off down the hall and we're just standing there. Someone had oranges in the bag.

Yeah, there was a woman with a fruit salad trying to get through. And so then he comes back after like 30 minutes. We've been there for 45 minutes. And like, he's like, so the print is broken. And like, he's like, um, so the print is broken. So, um, I'm just gonna, like, just gonna let you go. But we made like a little mark on our file or whatever. And then we leave.

So did you have to beg for the fine to be waived? No, no. They were just like, they could tell it was all genuine. Yeah. Mistake. I mean, like, I don't know what would have happened if that had happened in that moment. I think I might've like, started sobbing. Yes. After 30 hours of travel, to then have a genuine mistake like that.

I know how Chappelle feels is what I'm saying. I was like, that's not mine. Yeah. And what do you have to say to like, I don't know, like all the farmers of Australia? Why not? Like the native wildlife and form. Quarantine matters. It does. That's why.

But not to you. So what would you say? I would say, Zelda, that I... Are you taking accountability? That's what we're on. You'll notice that my bag had no fresh fruit in it. True. I never will.

And that my husband was the issue. Because he's obsessed with going to the shops and coming back with a little apple or a banana. He's going to hate Japan. The fresh fruit in Japan is very expensive. Is it? Yeah. Oh.

Yeah. There's not much free land in Japan to grow apple trees. True. Fresh fruit in Japan, like fruit and veggies in Japan is really expensive. But there's the individually wrapped perfect grape. Well, that's because they're so precious. They must be appropriately preserved.

But they don't have to grow it in Japan. Ah, okay. We import a lot of our fruit and veggies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Thank you. Anyway. Or smuggle it in.

That's... Well, he held up the apple and was like, you know how dangerous apples are. And I was like, I know I read the Bible. Um, Did you just like throw it in and it's in a rattle? Yeah, I bet they did. Um, What would you have done if like this officer, like when he walked out of the

room, just that's like taking a bite. I'm like, I'll have a little snack on my way to the printer. Um, yeah, it would have been strange. It was, Oh God, it was just too much. And then, so we had two days after that, then we'd been called away to go to Sydney for the press day of drag race, which was the day before the embargo lifted and the show came out. Yeah.

before the embargo lifted and the show came out. Yeah. So I'm like exhausted, starting to get sick, like get up and go. And then just like my sleep had been really bad as well. And so like, then finally when this thing has happened that you've been anticipating for so long, it's like when a kid begs to go to Warner Brothers Movie World

and like wakes up at five in the morning to go and do it and then by the time they get there they're like so overwrought and overtired and overexcited that they just sob the entire time and have the worst day of their life. I can relate to that because my partner, that happens to her quite a lot. She just gets overwhelmed. Yeah, we went to a concert one time of this band, Rattatat, that she would have really access to.

I love Rattatat. Yeah, Rattatat's great. But like all the way leading up to the concert, she was like, I've got a stomach ache. I'm sick. Like I can't go. And then soon as the first song started playing, she just like pushed me out of the way and just ran to the front. Just left me in the crowd.

I was just dancing the whole time, just having a great time. And I was like, what about like, I just was comforting you for like the last half an hour. She just left me. No, but she, yeah, that happens to her. Well, it sounds like she has the better experience, which is that when it finally arrives, you feel, oh wait. Get adrenaline. Yeah.

Whereas when this finally arrived, like- You just felt sick. I just felt like, suddenly I was like, oh, I forgot that this was going to actually come out. It was all fun and games when it was like, oh, go and prepare these outfits. But then I forgot that people were going to look at them and judge them. Yeah, and be like, why does she look like that? Yeah, exactly.

And so it's like, I have just found it really overwhelming. And nothing particularly bad has happened. There's been the odd stray comment that's like, I have just found it really overwhelming and like nothing particularly bad has happened. Like there's been like the odd stray like comment that's like, why is her makeup ugly? And like, why is she ugly? But like, that's kind of the thing of the show, but it's just so surreal and I'm like, and just try to relearn how to use my phone so it doesn't upset me. Yeah. It's funny though, because like I've been scanning the comments, of course, to like... As a good sister would.

Yes, like just checking that no one's out there. Having to like jump to the fence. Spouting anything horrendous, anything false. But even like cross-section of like all the socials that I've been like tapping into, but even like just looking at Michelle's posts, like Michelle Visage's post, that has no images of the girls. It's just her image or whatever. And you go through the comments of that and like obviously slightly

different level of fame, but like so many of the comments are like, yes, girl get it, it's amazing. Like you're the host, like celebration. But then there's some comments that are just like ugly. Yeah. Yeah. You know? And shit like that.

And it's like, it really does just, you just fucking can't please everyone. No. No matter what point of your career, what point of fame, like all that shit. Yeah. And yeah, it's kind of like, it's incredibly toxic and fucked, but it's like, I don't know. Yeah. Is that just?

It's not. Yeah. It's, it is something that it's like, theoretically, I feel like I've understood it and then emotionally I just haven't. Like, and so it's like, yeah, you do have to remember that there are really fucking, there are like the best performers in the entire world, like fucking Beyonce. Like there is someone who is like perfect, the most beautiful woman, the best dancer. She's an incredible vocalist and people still say fucked up shit about her. Totally.

So it's like, what chance do the fucking rest of us have? You know what I mean? It's like, there's just nothing you could do. But like also like, you know, you and I both know that like we have watched Drag Race for ages and talked about Drag Race for ages and never, like never, never, never would be like pulling back or holding back on thoughts and critiques of things. So it's like, it's not that I don't want to be critiqued or anything.

It's just that I have to realize that I can't absorb all of that. I love that people love to talk about the show and I'm so excited for people to go and have their opinions and their favorites and hate things and like things and that's so cool. But it's like, I need to kind of change me because I need to just learn to be able to do it. I think it will calm down, but I just feel so overwhelmed at the moment.

It's a lot. It's been a crazy, like, what's it been, three days? Yeah. Which it's like, it's a stupid thing because you're sitting there and you're like, I've wanted this for so long. But that's- The Poison Chalice. But no, I'm so excited.

And also, the other girlies on the season, which I don't know, particularly like this cast just feels very like we really get along for the moment. But we really get along and like really kind of have just kind of helped each other through this moment. So it's good. Yeah. Anyway, it's exciting. Very exciting. So screening will start like if the show starts in about three weeks from now,

thereabouts and then it'll be, do we know how many episodes will be in the season? Eight. Eight. Yeah. Are you across like your NDA? Like, do you know what you can say and can't say? I'm going to try and just not say anything. Maybe I shouldn't have said eight then.

No, no, no, I'm sure that's fine. But it's... yeah. Yes, no. I think that's the thing. I have to remember to focus on just what the world already knows. Yeah, right. So as an episode comes out. Which I will say, actually, this is my fun story that I can tell. I'm going to just tell it anyway, because, but like they, they, we do the promo and they come out. Um,

and there's this fabulous person who like designed, like does all the challenge design stuff. Mackay, incredible, shout out to Mackay. And they were like, okay, so the theme this year is Dollhouse and we're doing an actual promo video. And so we've put you all into different rooms. And so they were like, Vibe, you're in the kitchen, you're making a cake.

And then Brenda, Max and, oh my God, who else was in the tea party? Connor, you guys are having a tea party and Mandy, you're having a bath. And it was like all the classic rooms of a dollhouse. And they're like, and Lazy, you're in the dungeon. And I was like, well, they really quickly understood the exact vibe. And as Curjan put it, he was like, it's like, like all the girls are in the dollhouse and you're in the shoe box that was taped onto the side of the dollhouse by the deranged girl that plays with that dollhouse. And it's like, this is the dungeon where this one plays.

Cause he's like, I don't understand why you're on like an ivy covered throne in this space. And I'm like, listen, I'm in the dungeon of the dollhouse. Yeah. Oh, so good. Ooh, can't wait. But, um, yeah, I also like, I just like already can feel myself being the kooky, ooky, wooky girl.

And I just am like, I hate myself. So I'm like, shut the fuck up. You stupid bitch. Have you seen any episodes? No. And I- You're just going to see it all. I know.

And I'm just like, oh, just stop it. Just stop talking. Like, I mean, we know- You're already cringing. Yeah. Ooh. Like- I know myself well, Matt.

Yeah. It's like, we have a number of friends at this point who have been on the show. A number of friends? Oh. Okay. Sorry. Keep going. Getting back in the swing, I think.

Yeah. You're afraid? Oh, okay. Sorry, keep going. Getting back in the swing, I think. But it's different when like, obviously, like when it's you doing it, because you were fucking there living it day to day. I can't wait to have access to that actual insider knowledge of what the show ends up looking like episode by episode and the stories and the arcs that are woven because yes, it's reality TV, but it is TV.

So like they have to craft things to make it engaging. That's why we love this show. It's going to be so interesting to see like what didn't make it, what did, why, how, all that stuff. Yeah. That's kind of some of the stuff that they were like, don't talk too much about things that didn't make it on screen. Totally.

And you're like, yes, of course I won't. Anyway. June in next week. Well, okay, the only other little tidbit I have about this was that the line that they used for mine was, it's time to break the mold, which I was sad because that was the last one that I did for them,

because they were like, come up with a line that's like your doll thing. And I was like, um, like I've always wanted to use like my real housewives line on something. So my, my real housewives line is I might be disgusting, but at least I'm being discussed. And I was like, and in the room it was going off and I was like, great. And they're like, can you just give us one alt? Just da da da. And I was like, well, okay.

I've been thinking about this one, it's more doll themed, but it also makes it sound, it's quite sincere, like sincerely like, oh, I'm weird. And so I was like, it's time to break the mold. And then I was like, that's the one they're going to use. And I was like, I'm going to use it. And it's interesting because obviously at that time, we hadn't yet sent the packets of mold spores to JK's house. Exactly.

Now it's finally all come together, and the listener knows the deep lore of that phrase. The only other thing I will say is that Max's line got cut in half and she said, choking hazard, try gagging. And they cut it to just try gagging. That doesn't really make sense. Right? Because she was meant to be like a little toy doll. Yes. And so it's like the warning label that they have on toys.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, sorry. And I was like, that doesn't make sense. You go up to someone like, hey, how are you? Try gagging. Yeah. It's like, sorry. And it's like, let her say choking hazard, try gagging.

We really should be editing the show as well. And that I will, week on week. How fucking exciting! It's very exciting. Anyway, how does the world end this week? I will tell you. Please. Oh wait, we didn't even address what you've been doing.

I'm so sorry. The fame has gone straight to my head. No, let's co-grab the show. It's all about you now. Yeah, I'm sure. I need to leave. Back to everyone with Lazy Susan. And that other Susan. Yeah.

Hands out of the groove. Yeah, that episode the other week where you joked about me being a guest is really hilarious. No, I've been good. Like I mean I... Woke up, had a piece of toast. Yeah, pretty much. Brush my hair. No, I had like kind of a, you know, like pretty quiet month while my two dear sisters were on the other side of the planet having the time of their lives. It was very bad.

It was very bad. You did get asked after a lot. Good. And people kept being like, where's Zelda? And I'm like, she's poor. Good. Now pass me the caviar. Yeah, but you know what?

It was like, yeah, I was just doing my thing, looking away. Yeah, no, nothing like crazy happened in my world, but I feel like, yeah, I think we're just trying to position ourselves best for a domination summer, I would say. So there's been lots of little things that we're working away on. So it was nice to still be here and just have some little things bubbling. In your witch's room.

Exactly. But what I will say for my part of this intro is that on my phone, as you do, we have like a list of podcast topics just so we can like keep track and, and also like just have a never ending like well of options. But I've added to that, like some little talking points, just in case I can't think of anything in the moment. And one night while you were away, I was on the couch and it came into my mind and I thought, oh, that's hilarious. Let's talk about that.

So my question for you is when you're at home at night sitting on the couch and you hear a sound outside, and like this is my question for you and the listener and everyone, is like when you hear that sound outside, is your first thought that that's a murderer outside? Or is that a demon outside? Oh, like supernatural or real? Yeah, like does your mind go to like, I'm being like, someone's gonna break into the house and steal my TV? Or like, the devil has come to claim my soul?

That's such a good question. Because I think that's a really like... Do you go to ghosts or do you go to... Yeah, like people always ask like, what's your star sign to figure out who you are? But I think that's more telling. Yeah, actually, I will say it depends on which side of the house I'm in. Oh, yes.

Yes, if I'm in the back side of the house, which is near the Kikon studio, like the creepy shed, I think it's like supernatural. Yeah. I'm like, oh, there's something back here. And then if it's the front of the house, yeah. And then if it's at the front of the house, I think it's someone trying to like break in because it's happened before.

Yes. So I'm like, oh shit, it's happening again. Yeah. It sounds like a great place to live. Yeah. Well, you know what? You want to go with the doors are always open. And what about you, Zelda? Oh, I always think it's a demon.

Well, you think demon. Absolutely. I, as someone who has been literally robbed by a human, um, they may have been possessed. You know? Um, yeah. Cause it still could be a human, but just demon in the form of a human. Yeah. Um, I just, I like, I think it also helps you cope because if you go to Supernatural, there's also a

part of you that's like, Supernatural isn't real. So maybe it's not actually happening and you can put on a YouTube video of someone making scones to make you snap out of it. Being like, if I'm in the house watching someone bake, like I don't think I'm being attacked by the devil, you know? Wait, what about that protects you? Because it's like so absurd. It's just too mundane.

Yeah, it's like this can't be happening while that is happening. Yeah, like in the horror film. I've never seen that horror movie, you know? Like they're sitting inside doing something creepy or for some reason not turning on the lights. Yeah, like playing an old record of their dad when he was like, recanting Jesus or whatever. Yes, or like reading, like, all of a sudden

that your mother's been in a cult for 50 years. Yeah. Like, and then the demon strikes, but no one's sitting at home watching Play School and then like... Is that what you put on? Yeah. That, and then the demon strikes, but no one's sitting at home watching play school. And then like, yeah, that's good. But anyway, that's what I go to Matt. What do you go to? Um, I think when I was younger, I definitely went to supernatural.

Yeah. Yeah. And I'd see like a shadow in the curtains or something. And like, it was just like a tree branch or whatever. And I'd imagine that was like a claw or something. Like it was just like a tree branch or whatever and I'd imagine that was like a claw or something mmm but now I Think I've watched too many scary movies to actually believe in if that kind of desensitized all that now you stop believing

Yeah, yeah, I lost my wonder You know when you stop believing that's when you're at your most fun room Yeah, although I have a very different thing because I don't live alone You know, when you stop believing, that's when you're at your most fun room. Yeah. Although I have a very different thing because I don't live alone. True. Like if I hear a noise, I normally just assume it's my housemates and move on. And like the few nights that I have been like verifiably on my own, like when they're out of the country, I get much more scared. Like suddenly I'm like, oh, this is what you guys are talking about.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, Oh, this is like really scary because you kind of just, it's like you have your, you're in a room that's lit. And then if you go out into a room that's dark, you're suddenly like, well, this is anyone's now. Yeah.

You don't want to be like every single, if I go out to the backyard in the night, I'm like, like, there was a night, I don't know if I've told this story, but there was a night, maybe it was all your way where like a super, super, super windy. And I, in my house, there's like a few rooms out the back where I have like all my drag and those rooms don't really lock. Um, like they're external to like the main house that I'm renting kind of like bungalows, but like that makes it sound like they're inhabitable,

which they are not. Um, but because they don't lock and they've just got like wigs in them. So I don't, I've never pursued like, Oh no, don't be so hard on yourself. Someone would try and steal your wig. Me. Um, but one night it was super windy and I went to the bathroom and I noticed that like one of those rooms, the door was open and it was like, no, it's happening. What's in the room? Just a demon comes out in a pink wig.

Right? And so I saw this when I woke up, went to the bathroom, washed my hands, and I was like, there's no way I can go out there and close that door. I will be skinned alive. So I went back into bed, and then I'm lying into bed, Katy Perry wide awake, thinking about this open void

of a door. And then I like, spent about 15 minutes and I was like, I will never go back to sleep in this state. So I like got up, went out the back in the pitch dark and went to the door and I closed it and then I ran. No, you can't run. Ran back inside. And then like, I get inside and I turn around and I like, gotta close the door

and I'm like trying to lock it behind me. And then I was like, okay, the doors are all closed. Your neighbors watching like, what the? Yeah. Like that cross is running around in the backyard naked again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What time is it?

4 a.m., yeah. Were you naked? Yeah. Like you didn't put a towel? No. Huh, why would you want to die naked? I don't know. I don't know. Works good for the next scene.

Yeah. Because then I would have had to like get out of bed, go to the bathroom to get a towel. Yeah. Yeah. Then like put the towel on to then go out. I just wanted it to be over. I guess if you're like the horror movie first chick, then you like are naked and you're like have your giant tears.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're like, oh, tears. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're like, oh, I hope this, oh no. Yeah. But anyway, like it was just the wind. I think. It wasn't wigman. The wigman.

The wigman, he comes to eat your wigs. The mothman, but it's the wigman. Anyway, so that's what I've been doing. Just being spooked. Oh, good. And Matt, do you think demons or do you think, oh, you already said, you think serial killer? Yeah. These days.

These days. Yeah. Yeah. But I don't really hear anything anymore because I just sleep with headphones in. Wait, wow. I listen to like music and podcasts and I listen to this podcast. Overnight? Yeah.

While I'm sleeping. Wait, doesn't it wake you up? No, it puts me to sleep. This podcast. Yeah. It I'm sleeping. Wait, doesn't it wake you up? No, puts me to sleep. This podcast. Yeah. Um, do you have a child? Yeah. And sometimes my partner's like, Matt, Titi's crying.

And I'm like, Oh, sorry. I was listening to girls next level. But do you have like headphones that are like, okay to sleep in? Yeah. But do you have like headphones that are like okay to sleep in? Yeah. I mean, I, yeah, I sleep on my side. So I have one in and it's like an in-ear one so it doesn't fall out. Oh, so like an airport. Yeah. But what if you want to flip to the other side?

I just put it in the other ear. But how do you do that when you're asleep? Um, well, when I'm rolling over, I'm usually awake. Wait, do you just stay on one side all night? No, no, no. I flip sides. I got to cook both sides. Like a burger. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. Well, otherwise your arm will go to sleep. Yes. Matt, I'm worried about this. We need to get you one of those padded ones.

Yeah, actually, I tried one of them. I was on like a bit of a mission to like find something to help me sleep for a while and bought one of those like, headband ones. No, cause they're really uncomfortable. Like they've got like pretty hard, big round, like the headphones in them. Yeah. And they're on both sides. So I just started flipping the headphone across one side to the next. I kind of think you can get one that's in the pillow.

But I think it probably would disturb your partner. Yeah. Yeah. That's yeah. Yeah. If, if I'm sleeping by myself, like if I get sent to the, to the other room, um, to the couch, no, sometimes Cedar sleeps in our bed and I sleep in the other bed. Um, then I just listen on our bed and I sleep in the other bed. Yeah. Um, then I just listen on my phone and that's much more relaxing. What a world. And I can't hear anyone breaking in.

So it's good. It'd just be our voices. I just fall asleep. I just fall asleep to sounds of people breaking in. So, good way to inoculate yourself. Oh, very good. Um, I have a quick update as well for my friend Tristan, long time listener. Yeah. That's a good way to inoculate yourself. Oh, very good. OK.

I have a quick update as well from my friend Tristan, longtime listener. Yeah. I saw him and he said, darling, red, I mean, so blue pens. Oh, yeah. I can explain to you why they exist. Because on the black pen, blue pen episode, you had a lot to say about it.

And it's because, like back when was working, doing time sheets at his old job, um, to prove that like, I guess, um, daily totals or whatever would, would new and not photocopied old daily totals, which sometimes people were doing because they didn't want to fill out, I don't know, all the other, like just shitty, shitty people. Yeah. Um, he would get them now to do it in blue pen to prove that they weren't photocopies.

And that's the reason for blue pen is that it's like, it proves that it's not a photocopy. Yeah, right. And this is like, came, like obviously it's less important now because we have color printers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but from like the- But when it was being used, it was like, a black pen can look like not on a real original document.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. Exactly. Bureaucracy. That's right. Pure crazy. Whoa. Psh.

Lazy Susan. The way the world ends. Please. I would say that the way the world ends, oh, see, I had a whole other one, but now I want it to be that everyone gets a demon in their house. Yeah. Yeah. I think that everyone gets a demon in their house

and is like emulated, naked, running through their home. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And are they actually spooked to death? Or are they torn apart? No, no, no. I like demons that don't actually have a corporeal form. They can't actually hurt you, but they just make you think that they can.

And you know when you see a spooky story, and it's like the crime has a kind of logical explanation. Yes. Like, oh, he ran off into the snow and died and like, you know, like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or like, like slipped and like stabbed himself, like, oh, tried to cut something out of from under his skin. Yes. Like I love that because it's like, oh, was it a psychotic break or was it real? Yeah.

And, um. The entity. That's it. Mm. That's what I want. I want everyone to have that experience where they're And, um, that's it. That's what I want. I want everyone to have that experience where they're driven mad with fear. Love it. Yeah. That's fun.

Yeah. Oh, over the course of one night. Yes. One full rotation of the earth. Yeah. Wow. Oh, that's a lot of demons. Well, I think it's just the same.

It's the same entity that like appears to everyone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let out of some kind of amulet or book. Ooh, a witch's amulet. Do you know what I realized I was obsessed with the other day that I wrote down in my notes? Women. Full stop. Full stop.

And women who wear tiny necklaces. Oh yeah. Like... Well, because there's a drag queen, your brain becomes so like, you just don't even see jewelry if it's really fine. Well, darling. What? You know my history with fine necklaces. Zelda is probably the only drag queen that likes a fine necklaces.

But just a woman who has like a tiny whisper of a silver chain with the smallest little amulet. And she's just fingering it between her fingers while she has a wine with her friends and sliding it along the chain. And it's almost like she's like Marcel Masseau because it's so fine that you could not see it. She's like miming the chain. And I... The original fidget. I love that. But I think, yeah, we need to... Zelda, we need to celebrate you more.

And we need drag queens, more drag queens with like fine necklaces. Fine jewelry. Yeah. A very subtle drag. J Jolie was doing a Hocus Pocus show, and she came as the teen girl from Hocus Pocus. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like the most impeccable recreation of like jeans and a like polo. Yes. Or whatever the fuck. Yeah, yeah. And it was just like, a lot. Like in the comments, they were like, bring back mole drag. Yeah. And I'm like, that is so true.

I want drag queens in fine little necklaces. And like, yeah. Resting over their crew neck jumper. Oh, so stupid. And do you know what? I think we've gone so far towards like the glitz and the glamour that your eyes can't perceive it anymore. Yeah.

That like when you see a drag queen in like shitty jeans and a t-shirt, you're like, it feels much more subversive. Yeah. Yeah. All of a sudden that feels fresh again. Yeah. Yeah. Um, was it princess, the prince, princess Poppy who was doing that for the, the,

um, she did a tribute to one of the season two girls oh yes it's yes and she was there in jeans and you're just like oh my god incredible yes oh what fun anyway let's take a break we'll be right back To life, to every world. Welcome back, listener. Hello. Hello. Are you feeling spooked? Is there a demon in your hoose?

Hoose? Yeah. Okay, what is the category? Okay, so in honor of you, Lacey Susan and the Dollhouse, what doll is getting into the bunker this week? What doll? Have you ever had a doll? Oh, you just want to... Not a doll per se, but your gosh upon...

Yeah, no, it wasn't. per se, but your gosh upon... Yeah. Yeah. No, it wasn't him. Who was it? So it was Namie Amuro. So, um, listener, I don't know if you've seen fuchiko on the cup, which is this like adorable Japanese, uh, curiosity of this, like small office lady who you, um, purchase from like a gacha machine, like the little, like, uh, you know, you could get one of six toys that pop out of the machine. It's like a mystery box, but fuchiko is all about sitting on the edge of your cup.

So the little figurine like delicately sits with either like she's holding on by one hand or she's sitting cross legged on the edge of your cup. She's so good. She can, she does it all. Um, but when I was in Japan, Namie Amuro, who is a, um, very, very successful, like, uh, singer in Japan had this like collab and there was a little series of hers. So good. In one of them, she's wearing like the like cutesy kind of like office-y slash school girl outfit. But in all the rest, she's wearing like famous outfits that she's worn on stage

and on album covers and stuff. And anyway, I had one and it's for nearly 10 years been sitting on the edge of my aquarium. And then yesterday, what you didn't see is that like she fell into the. So, okay. Yesterday, I lit a candle that sit next to my aquarium. And then an hour later, I went back and she was in the candle wax. But I do believe that she fell in the wax last time I lit that candle and was solidified under it. And it wasn't until I relit it and the wax melted again, that she

emerged from her waxy grave. Okay. Truly. The tar woman. Yeah. So it was a really traumatic day in my house yesterday. Wait, was she damaged? Her knee is burnt, but it kind of looks like she just did like a slide on Sage and like got a bit of a graze. But yeah, I pulled her out. She was a bit soft,

so I did it really delicately so I didn't warp the plastic permanently. But I think it's going to be okay. I've let her just sit. And then tonight when I go home, I'm going to wash off the wax and hopefully she'll be placed back on the aquarium before too long. Are you going to get another one? Well, it was limited edition, darling. It's done. Yeah, but there's a resale market. Yeah, but I mean, it's also like the nostalgia of it all. It was so cute.

How much? I mean, when I bought it, it was probably like five bucks or something. And how much now? I didn't look. I was too scared to look. Oh my God. I need to know. Yeah.

But anyway, like she still exists. Like it's fine. And now she's got an extra story to tell. You know, it's like the scars. That's it. Wear them with pride. And what's that, um, ancient Japanese form of using gold to mend broken things? Kintsugi. Yes.

You're kind of like celebrating her decay. Yes. Kintsugi on her with candle wax. Yes. But yes, that is kind of a doll, a very small doll. I think that that sits in doll. Doll territory. Yeah. Um, that that sits in doll territory. Yeah.

Yes, so they are fabulous. I fucking love Fuchiko and the Cup. So that's good. What do you think of worry dolls? Are you familiar with these? Like those tiny little talismans. Tiny little woven dolls, yeah. Yeah.

We used to have those. Yeah, Mum had those when we were growing up. They used to freak me out a bit. I mean, I love that there's like, so you get like a little bamboo box. It's been painted like yellow with thread. And then inside a small, is it Indonesian? I don't know where it originates. It gives me that vibe, but I couldn't say with confidence.

And so, and then when you open them up, they're like these tiny little, almost like 0.7 scale like figures of people. They have, they're faceless and woven out of string. And what you meant to do is like whisper your worries to them and put them under your pillow. And so then they, I don't know, meant to have a meeting about it while you're asleep. Well, you know, before we had, like, Spotify with podcasts, that's how people get to sleep. We had the chatter of those women. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Some gorgeous Worry Dolls. Yeah. The Worry Dolls, that's a band. True. A very, like like anxious trans women. It's like, do you think we're going to sell out? I don't know.

Guys. No one wants to come to our show. We've reserved half the seats just in case. Close the curtains. Yeah. That's a good doll. Yeah. My favorite dolls.

I mean, I love like the thing that I was always so like fascinated by as a kid, even though I really liked Barbies, was the dolls that could piss and shit. Oh yeah. I just always thought that was so cool. We've already spoken about this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I just like, I think- Tantalized by the reality.

Just- What? How's it doing that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I just, like, I think... Tantalized by the reality. Oh. Just... What? I think what... How's it doing that? I think what I... One, I don't actually know that this is true, but my assumption is that that reaction is instant and that I don't like.

Yeah, it needs to be delayed. Like, if it was locked in, like, an internal chamber for, like, seven to 12. And then the liquids were released. Yeah. I'd be like, that's incredible. And it's I thought baby shit wasn't meant to smell mad. It's meant to just be breast milk. Oh, yeah. Yeah. The newborn ones don't really.

But then it starts. As soon as they have food, it's like a mess. That's like, it's kind of like they're like beings from a mythical land and as soon as they partake in human food, they become corrupted and tainted. Pretty much. Wow. Oh God, that's so sad.

It's like when, yeah, in Pan's Labyrinth, which I always bring up now, where she like was the princess from the other land, allegedly. Allegedly. Find out after this whether she actually was the princess from the other land, allegedly. Allegedly, find out after this whether she actually was. But then as soon as she like ate human food, she started to forget her real life as the princess. And that's your daughter now, Matt. Yeah, the moral is just always have breast milk.

Yeah. Never ate real food. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. Yeah. What about, um, do you have any particular interest in Barbie dolls? Yeah. I just never really that much of a... Do you not? Yeah.

Yeah. I, the thing I really like about Barbies is the standardization of the size and, and like how they've kind of... Wow. No, and like how they've kind of. Wow. Not like, not the size, I mean, like the weight or shape, I just think like the height and that, like the proportions of everything. So that when you put a Barbie from 30 years ago, next to a Barbie of today, they all look uniform when they're on display.

Yeah, they're always been skinny. I hear what you're saying. I don't agree with that. I guess that is deeply un- No, I don't agree. But like they're all that height with those hands and like those feet and like- They kind of like established the Barbie doll proportion. Yeah.

Which like is perhaps not the ideal human being proportion, but it's amazing that like that proportion is what has like stayed. Yeah, well, that's like same with like Lego or something like the mini figure has always been the same. Yes. And no one ever talks about how unrealistic that body proportion is. Right. Like what? Yeah. But can I tell you that like, how many years ago, maybe like 20 years ago, they released some like Lego pack Star Wars with like slave layer and job of the heart, blah, blah, blah.

And then this year they've just re-released a new version with like job of the heart and slave layer and she's wearing like short shorts the slave outfit. Which is just like shorts for rehearsal. Literally. That's so crazy. Which is just so interesting because here we are like 20 years after the last one was released in like the mid-2000s or whatever and they've made the mini figure of Princess Leia less accurate to the movie. Yeah. For what? Yeah, I don't think that... Like, she's still got a chain around her neck, like a little Lego chain. Do you think, like, young men were having, like, sexual awakenings to the mini-fig of

Leia? Like... And her, like, bare thighs? Yeah, bare yellow thigh. Like, maybe! But that's important. That's it. Now they're just going to be thinking about cycling.

Yeah. Um, yeah, that is weird. Yeah. Weird. Carrie Fisher would have hated that. I think she would have. She'd be like, that's not the costume. Yeah.

Celebrate me. Like, yeah. Like, anyway, um, I feel like I've surely spoken about like my dear friend Jeremy's, um, Xena figure before. Was that his? Yeah. Yeah. So I lived with Jeremy for like 10 years or something and he had this Xena.

I don't think it was a Barbie, but like doll Barbie doll adjacent. I don't think it was a Barbie, but like doll Barbie doll adjacent. Like, Xena warrior princess doll that we had in the house. And it is incredible. And it's like that classic like kids doll thing where like the hair is now all kind of like still kind of in the factory shape, but it's fucked. Like it's fried, it's frizzy. And yeah, but it was such a cool costume. And it's like, why is Lucy Lawless in our lounge room?

But there she is. And I love that. Oh, I thought that was yours. No, so cool. No, that's Jeremy's. He's cool. Not me. Yeah.

And you used to have clout when you lived with Jeremy. Now what are you? You're just living with demons. Um, I also like, I mean, I did have this growing up, was like the Laura Dern, like Jurassic Park figurine. Oh yeah, that's a good one. Which I loved. I do, yeah. Figurines, they're just not big enough.

Yeah. You can't hold them and wield them like a little lady sword. True. But what about like other classic dolls? Dollies. I mean, like, I like, like the Victorian doll thing is very interesting because my sister got gifted a lot of Victorian dolls

because she had big mane of curly blonde hair. And so everyone was always like, oh, you're a Victorian doll. main of curly blonde hair. And so everyone was always like, Oh, you're a Victorian doll. But I like how cursed they are. Like I think toys that are scary kind of fab, but I don't, with the collect, this is the thing about collections. I guess this is why Barbie is a thing. It's like when there's one brand that's put out a whole collection of things over many years, there's a uniformity. Whereas when you find people that collect things out a whole collection of things over many years. There's a uniformity. Whereas when you find people that collect things that are just kind of odds and

sods, you're like, well, when do you know when to stop? How do you know, like, how do you have the depth of information about these things? And when they came out and what they were made out of and blah, blah, blah. It's just like, this is a doll. And then I found another doll and it's like, do you stop when you've collected all of the dolls? Like, I don't know what the kind of, what are the rules about your collecting habit?

Yes. Although actually maybe I like when people are just like, I like rocks. I don't just collect the rocks that I really like. Yeah. Yeah. This is my, maybe that is great. Yeah. I don't think the people who do collect those sorts of things think about the parameters

of what their collection has. They're just like, Oh, another rock. I'm just like, how do you know when you're done? Oh, another shell, another seashell. Yeah. This one's different. No one is alike. Yeah.

That's,s is crazy. But then there's also people who will like, like collecting is like, it's kind of like getting a tattoo of something that hasn't finished yet. Like if you loved Harry Potter, which is for some reason always the reference here, and you got a Harry Potter tattoo and then the rider of Harry Potter comes out as a turf. Well, that'll never happen. Do you not think, like, hmm, if only I had all that information when I got that tattoo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? But like, kind of like collecting, it's like, for something that still exists,

what I'm thinking about is like fucking Funko Pops. So if you're like 15 years ago and you're like, I don't like these, I'm going to collect them. Yeah. But they release 700 different ones a year. It's like you engaged in something that is like very expensive and costly in terms of like real estate to keep up with. So it's like, I think there's something really nice about like, as we talked about on our toy episode in episode two or whatever, like

Dino Riders is a franchise that was around in the 90s and there were two releases of toys and that is it. There will never be more and you could literally collect those 15 toys or whatever and that's it. But whereas like if you're a Lego collector, if you're a doll, generally collector or a Barbie collector, it never ends. No, exactly. You have to find the reason to stop. Yeah. And like I, the only thing that I collect like that, which isn't really like, I never intentionally became this person, but I own like all of the Zelda Amiibo. And Amiibo are these like Nintendo, um, like toys that have like little e-readers in them.

So like all of the little figurines, if you like scan them into your game, give you like a free item or something. But, um, I obviously like Zelda. Um, so I was like, that's something I could collect. I really like those little figurines and they're all like from different games and stuff. But there was like a moment where there was like 20 Amiibo a year. But then now there's like maybe one or two a year. So it's much more. Oh, they still make them. So like a new Zelda game came out and they haven't done an amiibo for it. So I think like Nintendo is just like not that into the amiibo of it all, which is weird because it's a collectible. So you'd think it's a cash cow. But anyway, they've kind of really phased away. Yeah. But it's kind of...

What was the last one that they did? The last Zelda amiibo that they did? No, just last amiibo. Oh. Oh, I couldn't say. You're not allowed. NDA? No. No, I just don't care. But maybe that's why they're facing them.

Yeah, right. But you were the last one requesting these. But yeah, like collecting something and feeling like I've always bought those Zelda ones because I like them. Yeah. There are people who like, when you feel, when you collect something, it's like, I've always bought those Zelda ones because I like them. Yeah. There are people who like, when you feel, when you collect something, it's like, at what point do you care if you actually like it or not? Do you care about that particular item or are you just adding it to your collection?

Yeah. You stop caring about the individual and you start caring about the like, hole. Yeah. But I, the thing about it is is it kind of reinvents a world where you're, there's something so satisfying about it. It's like you're on this like kind of, it gives you a mission, a purpose that is like, I will do this and this is the thing

that I am looking for in the world. And when I find these pieces, I know it will bring me satisfaction. Yeah. Like for example, actually, um, when I went to visit odd Simone's house for the first time, she has all, I believe of the original collection of living dead dolls. Do you remember them? Yeah.

So there was like the original set that was made by these two gay guys who like made these like creepy Victorian dolls. They used to sell them in like what's new. Yeah. Like that kind of thing. Yeah. Or like off your tree or whatever. Yeah. But they were like really beautifully done and each one was kind of like spooky or like, you know, what, like had a different spooky theme. Yeah. And they were in these little coffin boxes, but she has like all of them. And just the satisfaction of seeing them all lined up perfectly on shelves in their original boxes is just like, you feel this quiet, you know,

you're just like, the world has sense. Order. In this moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've found all these pieces and brought them all together. Well, I can totally understand that. So when I started collecting these like Zelda amiibo, I kind of, this was like maybe a year or two into them being released and I didn't buy them all as they came out.

I think I got like a couple and I was like, these are pretty small. They're really cute. I really like them. Maybe I could just like get all the Zelda ones. Like I know other people, hot people, who like collect Amiibo and have like all these super rare ones or whatever, but I'm like, I don't actually care about Amiibo, I just like this thing.

But then when I decided that I was going to get them all, it's very easy to keep up to date with the new releases because you just buy it when it comes out. But there was a period of maybe like a year where I was filling in the gaps of my collection. it's very easy to keep up to date with the new releases because you just buy it when it comes out. But there was a period of maybe like a year where I was filling in the gaps of my collection. And like the very last one that I had to buy was my favorite one,

which was like the Smash Brothers outfit, chic from Ocarina of Time. And like I could not get it for like under like three, $400 in Australia. So I ended up buying it from Japan and like, yeah, then it came and I like, It came, it finally came. But when you get that final one and then like ever since then I've just bought them as they've come out, which hasn't been that many, but it's like, it's so nice to be like, no, I have every one of the Zelda amiibo. They're all here.

They're all just in that little, which is cupboard in my lounge room. Yeah. And out of the box. It should be noted. There's a mix. There's a few that I've bought that I don't care enough to unbox them. I'm like, I actually don't care if it's in or out of the box. Most of them out of the box.

But then like, you know, like around the perimeter. And I think because my dear sister, Lazy Susan, one year for a birthday present gave me a Zelda Moon amiibo, which is obviously in the box because of course the packaging has the most detail in it because it was made by Lazy Susan. So I'm like, that has kind of set up that the boxes are also part of the experience. Yeah, true, you're not allowed to take that one out of the box. No, absolutely not. So it's like the Zelda one's in the box as in like the Zelda Moon one, and then like

there's some others too. Well, what disturbed me most when I gave you that gift was that you immediately knew which like amiibo I'd taken and repainted to turn into. You're like, that's blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Palutena. Sorry? Palutena. Gesundheit.

Yes. It's sick. Sorry? Palutena. Kazunted. Yes. It's sick. I agree. Yeah. But yeah, I have like all the Zelda one and then I have Bayonetta and I have Banjo Kazooie. Good. They're so cute.

Also like Gabrielle Labucci is like such a collector. Well, yes. And she started collecting Monster High dolls and like went from zero to a thousand so quickly. I love her TikToks where she's like, these are the ones I bought today or whatever. She loves them so much. I know.

And I think that that's what I like about it is that it doesn't feel like, it doesn't feel crazy when she does it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It looks like someone just having the time of their life. Yes. Collecting dolls. Yeah. And it's like, yeah, yeah. It looks like someone just having the time of their life collecting dolls. And it's like, I'm so happy for you that you were able to find prom-dressed Draculaura with glow-in-the-dark face.

Yes, yes. Excellent. Dolls do kind of sit in this like territory of like there's something kind of earnest about them. Like, there's such a genuine toy item. Yeah. That's like kind of pure in a way, even when it is the Barbie of it all and it's like blah, blah, blah.

Like that YouTuber that I love, Poppin Atelier, who like does doll, um, like refurbs, like she like restyles them, makes new outfits, redoes their makeup and all that stuff. It's like that entire community just fucking loves dolls. Yeah. And like that's kind of wholesome. Yeah. Yeah. I kind of, I think that.

And I also love, sorry, because she like, she is from, um, where did I end up? She's from like Belarus or something. She has this like thick accent and like English is her second language. So like the thumbnails and like the captions that she puts on things are very abrupt and like very literal. So like she'll buy dolls that are like little girls like kind of like do the makeup on the doll. that are like little girls like kind of like do the makeup on the doll so it's like the bust and it will be like um like big Ursula doll because it's like a big size but it reads very funny yeah or like ugly doll transformation it's just so brutal anyway.

Papa Natalia you know what you're doing. Guest on the pod. Yeah. Anyway. Papa Natalia, you know what you're doing. Guest on the pod. I think that, I don't know about Bratz. I think that like, I think the thing about Bratz is that they always like, I feel like those girls would bully me in real life. Yes. And so that's why, cause I think Barbie seems much more like a placid girl that isn't going

to be cruel. She was't going to be cruel. She was not going to be nice. No, but she's not, she's not going to like spit in me. Yeah. Oh, um, and also their feet detach. I don't like that. I don't like that. You know, like being gay, there's like most like there's a part of being any minority group, right? Where like if you have any kind of empathy, if you're part of a minority group,

you can perhaps empathize with other minority groups. Transfer that consciousness. Yeah, like you haven't had their particular experience, but you know what it feels like to be an other. Yeah. And therefore, on like a very, very, very general note, It's like, I would say women are more empathetic towards gay guys than straight men are. Like when you're growing up, like the gals in high school are nicer to you than the straight guys.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That kind of thing. But when you discover the girls who's like boyfriends out at McDonald's are calling you a faggot, and they just stand there like laughing. Yeah. Those girls are brats. Yeah.

They're not fucking allies. They're just like, whatever, my hot boyfriends are crazy. Yeah, until they eventually meet like a really hot gay guy that they can respect because he knows how to do like a really good crimp. Right. But like, that's the vibe of those dolls. Yeah. Boo.

No, I remember there was a girl who was a brat. Um, brat's summer. Uh, but she, I must have been in year seven and she like reached out to grab me from behind and like grabbed some of my back. And she was like, ew. Like, cause she grabbed skin at my back and she was like, and she's like, oh yeah, and that was Brooke. And she was very like cool.

Obviously brats are cool girls and they look immaculate, but I can't hang out with them. No. They're going to be mean to me. Yeah. Like Brooke, when she grabs on my back fold. She also tried to pierce her own belly button with a stapler on camp. Wow.

That's cool girl behavior. Yeah. How'd that go? She got sent home from camp. Due to blood loss? Due to being such a bad bitch. They're like, I'm sorry. You're making the other kids look weird.

Yeah. Wow. Love that. Okay. Any other particular dolls? Dollies. look weird. Yeah. Hmm. Wow. Love that. Hmm. Um, okay. Any other particular dolls? Dollies. I mean, like I... Cabbage Patch Kids.

No, I don't fuck with that shit. No, I don't. Like, absolutely not. It's like hideous. Also the soft body hard head. It's like pick a texture, pick a lane. Yeah. Yuck.

Um, absolutely not. But I do, I just think to me me like all toys are better when they have like features. Like features I mean like just baseline gimmicks. Yeah like karate chop. Yeah karate chop. Yeah. Or like their hair grows. That's so weird. Yeah. Like a doll with growing hair. weird. Yeah. Like a doll with growing hair. But that's cool. Pregnant Barbie, glow in the dark hair. Yeah. Get her wet and she changes color. Love that. What about Eliza Dushku from Dollhouse? Oh yeah. She's a doll. She is a doll. Kind of.

It's been a long time since I watched that show. I've watched two episodes of that show. Oh. Yeah. It's a good time. And also the dolls. Like the dolls. Like the concept.

The divas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The dolls. Yeah. Like Sasha Colby, the doll. Yeah. I don't love that phrasing. Cause I'm like, I don't think of myself as, the doll. Yeah. I don't love that phrasing. Cause I'm like, I don't think of myself as like a doll.

Well, it's not for you. No. Do you know what I mean? Like I don't really relate to that drag experience of like. But I think that's the thing. I mean, like this is the conversation because I remember seeing online that they were like, dolls is not about drag queens. It's just about trans women. Trans women. Yeah. Like, and it was never dolls is not about drag queens. It's just about trans women.

Trans women. Yeah. Like, and it was never meant to be about drag queens. Yeah. Okay. And so there was like a bit of a conversation about whether it could be extended across. And I think it landed in this place where it's like, no, no, no, dolls are just the dolls. Like the, the trans girls. Um, so yeah. Yeah.

The divas. The divas, so yeah. Yeah. Hmm. The Divas. The Divas, the dolls. Mm. Um, I mean, obviously like there's a whole untapped well there of like haunted dolls from movies and whatever. But I feel like that's so obvious that we should talk about that. But, um, Matt, do you have any opinions on dolls? Um, I didn't really have many dolls.

I don't think. You had worry dolls? I didn't really have many dolls. I don't think you had worry dolls. I did have worry dolls. Yeah. I used to whisper my worries to them. And then they betrayed me. And then I remained anxious. Turns out they were chipped and everyone listened to it and they were laughing at me. I did have beanie kids. Yeah. Yeah. I had a few beanie kids. I didn't have very many, but that was like an obsession in my class for a while. Yeah.

Everyone had to collect all the different beanie kids. Um, I quite like cute dolls. Oh yeah. Kind of cute and kitschy and kind of vintage looking. They've got their own style. Yeah. Like Barbie, I guess, but they're kind of weird. And what about troll dolls?

What are they? The giant fluro fluffy hair. Oh, we'll see. That's why I thought I thought they fell under the cupidaw category. Oh, do they? They have like a similar body of like hard plastic naked body with like a little belly. Yeah. Yeah.

But they are different. I think they were, I was listening to this like epic story of the creation. Cause they're like come from this guy in Norway who designed them. And then he like his branding got stolen and some other companies started making cause he's, oh, his copyright only extended in Norway. And so then an American company started making the Troll dolls that we know today. And that ugly motherfucking troll. And then he like almost like just was like, his looked quite different.

And then he finally got his copyright back. And so they stopped manufacturing the like, like those classic ugly troll dolls in the late nineties and then he got to make trolls and then now this trolls the movie. Yeah. Which is like terrifying. Yeah. The Russian dolls. Oh, what are they called? The Babushka doll. Oh, aren't they Matryhka. What are they called? The Babushka doll. Aren't they Matro... Yeah, Matroshka. Matroshka. Hmm.

Yeah, I feel that Babushka is a bit insensitive, actually. Oh, sorry. Russia. Sorry, Russia. Don't get them on the wrong side. If you're listening... I don't actually know if it's like same-same, like the same... Like, they both describe the same thing, but I think it's like same, same, like the same, like they both describe the

same thing, but I think it's Matroshka. Matroshka. I have some Evangelion Matroshka. They're so cool. Of Rey and then she's wearing all different outfits depending on which one she is. They're called stacking dolls, nesting dolls, Russian tea dolls, Russian dolls. Hmm. Matroska, little matron.

Little dava. Oh, I love that tiny little one at the middle. Yeah. I love the one that like the last one who like doesn't split. Yeah. She's just like solid. She's small, but she's... She's a little pea. She cannot be compromised.

She's a little pea. And I love when you think you've gotten to her, but then, oh! There's one even smaller. I would love that. I love that. Like... And her features are just like all... Smushed.

Tiny. I would also like... I hate it when there's like six. You're like, I want 12. You know what I mean? Keep going. Yeah. More.

More! Yeah, that's good. That's so going. Yeah. More. More. Yeah, that's good. So cool. Um, there's a whole bunch of dolls at my partner's farmhouse that belonged to her nonna that are like all those kind of creepy, big, soft body porcelain head, white face with the eyelids that like clothes and little eyelashes and stuff. And they all sit in one room on top of the dresser. There's about 15 of them, various sizes.

Um, and she used to make the clothes for them and, and everything. And you still like rock them and stuff. Which is kind of sad, but kind of nice, but also kind of scary as well. Yeah. They definitely seem haunted now. Yes. That they're in the farmhouse in the corner. I think like if-

Freaky those dolls. It's interesting because like, if an object brings you comfort, like if petting a doll brings you comfort in whatever way, even if the supernatural isn't real, that object holds power over you. Yes. Do you know what I mean? Totally.

Like, even though that wasn't, it may not have been that object's intention when it was created, the fact that you've given it that power, it has that power now. Wow. I think that You've heard it here first yeah that Alan Moore who did What's the call the one with the blue guy You know the comic book writer Alan. Oh, yeah. Yeah watchmen watchmen and that Batman one that everyone likes. The killing joke. He is like, there's this incredible interview with him

where he's like, I'm a wizard. And you think it's like, it sounds crazy. And then he explains what he means. And he says like, okay, so what is magic? Magic is like, there's a version of magic that's about incantation, which is that you can write things down and then when they're kind of read or spoken aloud, they can influence the world, right?

So you could get people to do things with a spell. And he's like, that's what I do. Like, my art, when it works well, is that I've written something down and it influences culture and not always in ways that I can control or expect, but I'm manifesting them through writing and through creativity and through kind of inventing this thing. And that is magic. And I was just like, that is so beautifully expressed that you go from like thinking he's a loony old man with a crazy big old beard at the start of the interview. And then by the end you're like, he's so dead on that like kind of every, every version of like writing something down and putting it out into the world

can, can have a kind of influencer effect that is like, not unlike a spell, like a sassy email. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. yeah, yeah. You know, it's like, why not? Well, if you didn't write that email or if you didn't cast that spell, a certain action would or wouldn't have happened. Exactly.

And like sometimes depending on how good at it you are, the things you can do with it can get much bigger and more powerful, like, you know, or much smaller and not less powerful. Yeah. I just thought that was like, wow. Wow. This podcast. Well, my vote goes to the Xena doll.

Xena doll. Yeah. Yeah. I can't disagree with that. I've seen her in the flesh. It's incredible. I just think as well, it needs to be like in two gay guys house, like in a display cabinet. Like I love, can I say like vanity with her dolls?

I'm just like, dolls are not for little girls. They're for gay men who own wig companies. They're for stoner guys who make, you know, techno music. Yeah, yeah. You know, that just want a Xena doll to sit on a shelf. Yes. Like, it's so cool. Yeah. I, like also Vanity is in the bunker. She can take care of this doll.

She would definitely do a steam and reset on the hair. She would. Yeah. Oof. Okay, great. Xena doll, Jeremy's Xena and reset on the hair. Yeah. Okay, great. Jeremy's Xenadol is in the bunker. Oh, incredible. We'll try and find a picture to put onto the Instagram.

Yeah, I think so. That'd be quite funny. It has really dead eyes. These are not eyes that you're worried about following you around the room. They are looking straight ahead. Okay. Well, we'll be back. We've had some incredible fan fiction written into the bunker. So, won't you join me for a story time?

If you're new here, this happens quite a lot. Almost every week. And if you'd like to contribute, you can email through whatever you like to... deathtoeveronepod at gmail.com. Thank you. Now please listen to the end of time. The Grand High Witch was chasing after Mithregan and the actress who played Gracie in The Nanny again. chasing after Mithregan and the actress who played Gracie in The Nanny again. Neither of them were really children of course, at least not anymore in Gracie's case, but

they humoured the withered crone nonetheless. Madeline Zima. Was it out of a sense of obligation? Some desperate need to find purpose? To fulfil the roles handpicked for them by the Celestial Ones? Or perhaps it was just a way to fulfil the roles hand-picked for them by the celestial ones. Or perhaps it was just a way to pass the time. What else was there to do in the bunker? Paul Mascales stooped against the concrete wall nearby, ignoring the cold harness against

his back, eyes transfixed on the line he had just marked with a Kmart pastel highlighter. They're really getting it in there. The book he held was tattered, half its pages missing from a thousand times it had been handled. It was one of the only books in the bunker library, but it was also Paul's favourite. Having barely registered the scene unfolding before him, it was only when the Grand High Witch stumbled and fell right in front of him that Paul glanced up, just in time to see Laura Dern's purple wig flop unceremoniously off the hag's bald, scabbed head,

and onto the dusty grey floor. The Witch sprang back to her feet with surprising adeptness and scrambled after the homicidal robot and millennial actress, both of whom had ducked down the opposite corridor, as the echoing shrieks and robotic giggles died away, Paul lowered the book and stared down at the lifeless wig at his feet. Violet tendrils of hair splayed outwards like some great anemone from the oceanarium. But parts of the wig had already accumulated the ashen color of the dirt around it. Laura Dern's wig was going gray.

Paul frowned. Am I late? Where is he? He said to himself. He sighed and sniffed the air. It was stale, mildewy and muted. No, I'm early. As if reading his thoughts, a light faintly erupted from the yawning darkness beyond Paul's peripherals. The familiar acrid scent of the petrol filling his still-flared nostrils. The smell of time, he thought to himself. Ancient reptiles and exotic flora from 1000 million years ago, reduced to crude oil and now marking the passing of another hour on another Thursday. It was always Thursday in the

bunker. Deep in his deep in this new reververy, it took him a moment to register the fresh smell that had joined his senses, the unmistakable mask of Britney Spears' fantasy fragrance. His heart skipped a beat. Hey! Came a sultry voice from the darkness. Michael B. Jordan emerged from the shadows. Barely visible but for the light that glinted off the beads of moisture on his dark muscular torso, he was shirtless. Had he been playing laser tag again, or helping Bobby Burke renovate? Was the moisture sweat, or from that morning's torrential rainstorm. His heart racing, Paul's eyes darted around,

but settled when he realized they were alone. Michael took Paul's hand and wordlessly led him into the pitch black maw of the Disney performer tunnel to the right. Schniechler would be at the Avatar kiosk for at least another hour. They had time. The book fell from Paul's hands as they walked down the corridor, pages spilling out from the frayed spine as he hit the floor. But it didn't matter. Paul had read the book hundreds of times and he remembered its words forever. The highlighted page had landed a few centimeters away from the

rest of the tallied book on top of the graying wig. The sole surviving copy of Twilight, New Moon, lay in pieces upon the cold dirt, its words now barely visible in the fading darkness of the bunker at the end of time. Time passes even when it seems impossible Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulses of blood behind a bruise It passes unevenly in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but it does pass even for me Stephanie Meyer Twilight New Moon That was incredible.

What a beautiful introduction to the bunker. A great recap. A love letter, really. Also, it had the structure of like an old Simpsons episode where it started on the Grand High Witch. But that wasn't the main plot of the show. That's correct. How hot is that? Pete, listener, incredible work. Also Paul Mescal would kind of be the broody, quiet girl of the bunker. Yeah. Just highlighting his favorite lines in some stupid book.

What do you think Paul and Michael be doing in that corridor? I don't know. I wonder what the sexuality of the bunker is. We know it's plus. Well, yes. But what is plus? Oh. I mean, I know what plus is, but for the listener. Oh, well, yes. That's not really... Banging elbows together.

I think so. Incredible. Well, thank you very much. Would you have sex with Michael B. Jordan? Yes. Would you have sex with Paul Maskelle? Yes. Well, perhaps you could go in Celestial Goddess in the middle there. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Would you? Yes.

Good. Well, no, actually, because I'm in a relationship. Oh, sorry. I would say, you can't take me. I know you want to have yo, Kent, take me. I know you want to have sex with me. Michael B. Jordan and Paul Maskell. If you guys could back off. Could everyone just back off?

But I mean, imagining in your real life, not in a kind of porny fantasy version of reality. Like the context in which you're like at a Hollywood party and like things are just like, you're at the back having a chit chat with, yeah, Michael B Jordan. Yeah. And then it's like, things just take a subtle turn towards like, oh, maybe he's interested, like maybe he wants to have sex with a man and wants to come back to my like Airbnb that

I'm staying at or whatever. But it's like, I think that in that situation, it's too intimidating and overwhelming to actually action that. Yes. Like they would have to be like so like incredibly like we are doing this on this day at this time for it to feel like at least like normal enough to do. Yeah. I don't think you're just going to be like, yeah, let's go.

Yeah. What a world. The other thing I loved about that little love letter was that it was written in our tone of voice. Sick. I was like, that's a listener who really knows our vocab well. That's a listener who's fed in every episode into an AI storyteller machine. Oh, so good. Okay. Well, back to regular programming, shall we?

Yes. Our next topic for discussion today was also a listener suggestion. So thank you very much. The suggestion was which slang for a penis gets in. We're going to expand upon that just a little bit and say like which private part. Yeah. Like slang gets in. Yeah. To which I say, knockers. Knockers. I would agree. Knockers are great.

Okay. Knockers. Because you know, at the end of, um, of James Lipton's Inside the Actor Studio, did you ever watch that? No. Oh my God. So good. But he would always be like, Robin Williams, when you get to the pearly, no, pearly gates,

what do you want God to say to you and blah, blah, blah. And then he'd say, what is your favorite swear word? You know that? No. And then they would say what their favorite, and you'd have like big celebrities who are talking about their acting ability. And then they would explain what, in like, in front of a class of actors from the actor's studio, they would then like finish with this like quiz. And I just remember Robin Williams being like, pussy.

I just remember Robin Williams being like, pussy. It was like so stuck in my head. Yeah. I just love that word. Hmm. Anyway, that's all. Thank you. Good night.

I mean, yeah. Cock, clang, doodle. Doodle. Well, that's very Matt. She is coded. Doodle. Matt, would you say you've ever said doodle? I say doodle all the time. There you go.

Wow. You say like, yeah, suck my doodle. Oh yeah. It's dirty talk for me. I think it's more of an endearing name. Oh, Pecker. Pecker. Oh, Pecker is so awful.

You're Johnson. No, I hate that too. You're Schlong. Schlong is like so not hot, but it's almost like it kind of comes around a little bit. Red Rocket. Wow. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And then, yeah, Pussy cunt, vag, slit. Oh. It's- Some of those, like those ones are just like, yeah, just, they're so violent. Yeah. It's an interesting thing to pull apart because some of them are. Like Gash is so evil.

Yeah. Like some of them are so like derogatory. Yeah. But then were they even like, are they? I don't know, mate. Like, like, yeah. Your precious flower. Um, yeah. Box. Yeah. Your precious flower. Yeah.

Box. Yeah. Oh, I don't know. And then you said bazoombas, no, you said knockers. Knockers. I should. Yeah. Bazoombas, melons, jugs.

I mean, all of those are magnificent. Yeah. Yeah. Melons, jugs. I mean, all of those are magnificent. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I met this Southern guy once and he said what they call strip clubs in, where he's from, in like a small town in Texas, they call strip clubs the titter. Like he's going to the titter later. Wow. I'm like, I don't know.

Is that like the shitter? But like... There are two things a man likes in this life, the titter and the titter later. Wow. I'm like, I don't know. Is that like the shitter? But like, There are two things a man likes in this life, the titter and the shitter. Oh, I just thought the titter is so like, wow. Yeah. That's incredible. Like this is the same language that Shakespeare wrote. I mean, if you create the word and it catches on, then you're kind of a genius. I guess.

Titter. Going to get tittered at the titter. Oh, yeah. Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Um, wait, is it all, what is it? It's all private parts.

Yeah. Yeah. Anything the bathing suit covers. Oh, yes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Anything the bathing suit covers. Oh yes. Yes. Um, ass. Yeah. You haven't talked about any ass.

Crack. Hole. Hole. Bussy. Oh, bussy is worn out. Bussy is done. I mean, not just what. Bum.

Bum. Bum and doodle equivalency for vagina? Oh, like the cutesy, like little kid name. Fanny. Sorry. Fanny. Which is different in Americans who are listening. You call it Fanny. Your ass.

Your ass. Yeah. But in Australia, Fanny is your pussy. Yeah. I'm just trying to think like what gives me a chortle when I read it on a bathroom wall. That's to me like when these were like, I think it's funny because Twitter has made it hard. Like you need to say you're a thirst trap, right? So you like what you're having a career as a sex worker and you're like making porn.

You have to like kind of find a new little caption every time you post a thirst trap. And it means that after like a few years in the game, you do have to start thinking of new ways to talk about your dick. Yeah. And there's a certain level of creativity that's required to keep thinking about new ways to be like, you want to sit on my lap,

my little rocket, my little salami, my little pickle, et cetera. Yeah. But yeah, like that Twitter verse, yeah, to stay relevant and to keep traction. Yeah. You have to be like, how do you continually reinvent sex and horniness and the vocab? Yeah. It's that.

It's like, yeah. There's the cock. Yeah. Here it is again. Here it's that. It's like, yeah. There's the cock. Yeah. Here it is again. Here it is again. Hmm. Why did I... But sometimes they land and you're like, that's hot.

Yeah. And other times you're like, that's so fucking stupid. Yeah. Actually not hot at all. Yeah. Um, yeah. I kind of like a good like rod. Rod.

Rod. Or like, I don't know. Yeah. Like what, like pole? Pole. Pole. You want some pole. For your hole? Every hole needs a pole. But I don't know. I think like what, why this is worthy of discussion is like, if all private parts

will be described by this in the bunker, then like you're going to hook up and you're like, mm, yeah, put your pussy in my pussy. That's good. While I play with your pussy. I mean, I love that. So that's good. That's why we're here. Equal opportunity. That's why. While I play with your pussy. Yeah. I mean, I love that. So that's good. That's why we're here.

Equal opportunity. Listener? That's why we're here. Because it's all falling under this, whatever this word is. Yes. Yeah. So put your Johnson and Johnson. I want to suck your knockers.

Oh, god. What about your pandemonium? Your blasted knockers. Let me get those knockers hard. I mean, you're making a bit of a... Blasted knockers. Let me get those knockers hard. I mean, you're making me. Come all over me with your knockers. Sometimes I wonder why we have like a slightly more, like larger male audience. It could be our insistence on saying knockers and laughing.

Why is knockers bad? No. Oh, I don't know. It's childish to talk about it and giggle like that too, I think. It's funny. Do you know what though? Actually, can I say, uh, actually, no, I won't spoil it. Um, but we'll put a, but put a pin in vagina.

Okay. Don't actually, unless it's asked for. Put a pin in vagina until after you've seen my friend show. Oh, okay. Because I have some interesting new insights. I would say that when I think of the word vagina, I always say it like cupcake. It's like when you were just saying that I was like, vagina. Reminder.

Yeah. What a gift. Yeah. Cupcake is always a great gift. That's good. Okay. So it's got to be like a great word that kind of works for everything. Yeah. Your who's it down there like a great word that kind of works for everything. Yeah.

Your who's it down there? No. Crutch. No. Your crutch. No. Crutch rocket. Yeah. It's like, I don't want it to be too vulgar, but it's supposed to be like,

and kind of funny. Yeah. Your meat. What? Yeah. Meat. Yeah. Your, wait, was it mayonnaise cannon?

Sorry? Yogurt cannon? Is I'm like, is there not like a soup of like, I like don't want to say it in case it's wrong, but there's like a really vulgar one for like your asshole. That's like, is I'm trying to think of it's actually a thing or just something in my brain, but isn't it like, like, like shit cutter or something like that? Shit? Is that not something? I'm not from the peninsula.

I don't know. Isn't that a thing? Or like turd cutter or something? Ew. I can't believe you're saying that. Is that not a thing? Zelda, if you want to call your asshole a turd cutter, and if that's how you've quietly always thought of it,

and you have just now made this public information. No. She's coming out today. No. What about like- Oh, it's so vile. Like kind of Play-Doh Fun Factory. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. What was it? Oh, well actually, you know, like- You know what is a good one? Loin. Your loin.

Loins. Loins is like very biblical. Yeah, that's kind of good. Your loin. And it's like so remarkably unsexy. Yeah. And like- No, it is, it's kind of like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like,

it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, that's kind of good. Your loin. And it's like so remarkably unsexy. Yeah. And like, no, it is. It's kind of like, it's like old fashionedy sexy. I feel like.

Like when you go to like sovereign Hill and get lucky. Ankles and loins. Yeah. Hmm. Declarateur. Well, yeah, when we were in Italy, we were there at the wedding with Silk, who should be a guest on this pod. It's actually ridiculous. We haven't had her yet.

It is. But Silk has just like a way with words when talking about shit that is like, I've never heard such things in my life. Oh my God. And she's like, oh, anyway, I've got to go and feed the toilet. I gave her a mighty good meal today. And he's like, Silk. And I know Silk.

I have a lot of context and time to be like, I love this woman. Kertran had never met Silk before. And she just comes up and she's just saying that and it's so incredible. And he was like, she just paints with such a vivid pictures about how much she likes to shit. She's also a very like, we'll post on her like close friend story, like her on the

toilet. Yes. Like not explicit, but it's like that's somewhere that she'll take a selfie. Yeah. Like cut out the inappropriate regions, but it's like that's somewhere that she'll take a selfie. Yeah. Like cut out the inappropriate regions, but she loves the toilet. She loves the toilet. And she, while we were there, like did like a full like her and Tubbs Barber, who is another

kind of icon who lacks any kind of fear of like any kind of scrutiny or judgment. And they were doing like a nude shoot in the pool after the wedding. And then Silk was showing me and then like pulled Kurjan in and was like, you've got to see this and like pull it across. And it was Silk by this gorgeous Italian villa pool with like the Italian Sicilian countryside in the distance, spreading her cheeks and showing her asshole, like, to the camera with a flash on, and then tubs in the background, like, flashing her tits.

And he was like, you just have to see this. Oh, and how would you describe that asshole? Like, what word would you use? Oh, like, perfect. Like, she had a great asshole. No what word would you use? Oh, like perfect. Like she had a great asshole. No, I was asking for like the slang. Oh, perfect. No, because we did talk about the quality.

I was like, oh, like I know that silk like takes a lot of dick. I mean, like I don't think that's defamation. I think she was proud of that. But she's quite proud. Yeah. But like it looked very pristine and all together. And you know, the pieces were still there from the original release. Yeah, no parts had been missed.

No, no, no, it wasn't like she'd fallen into a candle and been melted over time. Yes. Yeah. Okay, but if we were to describe, what word could you use to describe Tudbs's tits and Silk's asshole? Yeah, right. Mmm... A bit of all right.

A slice of all right. Oh my god. Fancy feast? You want a bite of my fancy feast. Wow. Yeah. Not really. I don't know. I listen.

God, maybe we're not equipped to answer this one. I can't be true. My two are. Yeah. It's either, it's either knockers. Yeah. Or Matt's suggestion of loins. And those, that's what I was gonna say.

Cause I think loins is classy. It's kind of the venue we want to be running. It's a bit neutral as well. And also I think doesn't really apply to all of them, which is kind of funny. Yeah. Like calling someone tits their loins doesn't really make sense.

No. So that's quite good. And then there's also knockers, which I think, you know, kind of works for testicles. I think if your hole is a knock in. Yeah. Or like if you've got a really juicy butt kind of like knockers of the butt kind of, I don't know, maybe. Yeah. Yeah.

That's right. Well, as we've learned from several seasons of Drag Race, a breastplate can become a butt plate. Very quickly. Very quickly. Yeah. Listen, you know what? Knockers. It's got to be knockers.

Knockers is pretty good. Yeah. It's so silly. If you have knockers and you... Are you talking about upstairs knockers, downstairs knockers? I'm like... Well, that's the fun of it, darling. But if you're a listener and you've got knockers, downstairs knockers or what? Well, that's the fun of it, darling.

But if you're a listener and you've got knockers and we've now offended you, and you actually don't appreciate your knockers being called knockers, please write in and we'll review. Because I don't know. Is that a bad one? I don't think that's bad. Knockers. You see knockers... Also, like, do straight people say that?

No. Okay. That's kind of why I think. So like, do straight people say that? No. Okay. That's kind of why I think it's like, it's not. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what even, what are straight men saying about women's bodies now? Yeah. Matt?

I don't know. Yeah. Do they say, Oh, I don't know. I'm not good at this talk. Leave me alone. I don't know. I don't know what they're saying. I don't have my finger on the pulse with this talk. Leave me alone. I don't know. I don't know what they're saying.

I don't have my finger on the pulse with this kind of stuff. Is that what you call it? Finger on the pulse. Hmm. Um, um, okay. Knockers. Okay. And three, two, one.

Knockers. Excellent. Okay. Good. Welcome back everyone. Hello. Hello. Lazy Susan. That's me. To round us out for this day, which item from a menu of high tea.

Afternoon tea. Gets in the bunker. I don't know if you guys have been watching TikTok at the moment. There's a woman named Queen of Afternoon Tea who goes around. She's from Ontario, Canada, and she goes around reviewing afternoon tea. She doesn't call it high tea because that's actually incorrect. High tea is dinner. But like in what world?

Cause you would have your afternoon tea, which is small scones tea. And then after that you'd have your high tea, which is why sometimes people call dinner tea. But then why does everyone call high tea, high tea? Because we're Bogans. Really? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. really? Yeah. Wow.

Yeah. Uneducated. So then what's morning tea called? I don't know. Morning tea. Okay. Yeah. I mean, afternoon and morning seemed like that.

But like, is that like, if we're using like tea as the keyword for a meal, is that what like breakfast is called in that world? Perhaps. I don't know. I don't know. Get the queen on't know. I'm not British aristocracy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, so I like, this is news to me. I would have thought it was high tea. So the Queen of morning to a Queen of, wait Queen of afternoon to. Yeah.

She is this TikToker who uses this granny voice filter, and we found her while we were traveling, and her videos are enthralling, where she just goes to these forgotten places that are all kind of despicably mundane, but they've been teased up to be like Regency-style tea rooms, but they're in like strip malls. Like, so it's like they, she arrives at some anonymous building and then opens the like double playroom doors

and then comes through into like, they've hung up tapestries to try and disguise the fact that this is actually just like an office building. And then they serve her a high tea, I mean, afternoon tea. Yeah. And she has a lot of parameters around what she likes. She hates macarons. She loves a bit of chocolate on the dessert tier.

Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate. But she has, so when you get your tea, typically what you'll have on the bottom is a collection of sandwiches. And then on the next layer, you'll you get your tea, typically what you'll have on the bottom is a collection of sandwiches. And then on the next layer, you'll have your scones, which if she doesn't get clotted cream, that's an immediate downgrade in how much she's going to give. And she always asks for butter as well. Clotted cream, butter and jam.

And then on the top layer are several sweets. So she will go off on if the bread is too stale, if the cucumber sandwich is she hates salmon. So she will always request an alternate and then give them the benefit of the doubt. If the sandwiches, you know, she wanted more variety, but they had salmon, she'll like let them off the hook. She's harsh, but fair. And if she gets the food at the same time as the tea, she's infuriated because she has to have a cup of tea before the food arrives. And then another cup of tea once the food has arrived. So it just drives her crazy.

Okay. Now, can I, I need to be vulnerable and ask for clarification of what is Devonshire tea? I don't know. Okay. Cause I think it still is a black tea. Is Devanshaya tea just when you get scones and tea? Yes.

Like that's Devanshaya tea, but high tea or like afternoon tea is like the full, like you have a little cake stand with tiers of little sampler of treats. Yeah, so Devanshaya is called cream tea. It's an afternoon tea consisting of treats. Yeah, so Devonshire is called cream tea. It's an afternoon tea consisting of tea scones, clotted cream, jam, and sometimes butter. Okay, so that's like the smaller version.

That's like, yeah, we're having like a little. Yeah, okay, okay, okay. So Devonshire tea is like part of an afternoon tea experience. it's just more on top. So high tea. I've seen it get to this definition. Okay. A meal eaten in the late afternoon or early evening typically consisted of a

cooked dish, bread and butter and tea. Hmm. So it started, the phrase high tea started to be used to describe a working class meal served at a high table and high back dining chairs at the end of a long work day. The tea would be accompanied by a hot tea meal that could be meat, fish or baked food or vegetables. So it is it is different. Mm hmm. Hmm.

Hmm. Hmm. What do you like from these things? I mean, I just I think I just I love the fussiness of the food. Yeah, like it. It's like to get that variety of things on a plate served at the same time, not stale is really hard. So it's like even just to get sandwiches, like four different types of sandwiches

with different breads and textures and things, not be stale is insane. But then to have freshly done scones, clotted cream, blah, blah, blah, and then a series of little dessert treats is ridiculous. And totally like, and then to like make a sandwich, but then cut off the crust. And like waste all that food.

So they're perfect little rectangles. I really want to do one now that I've seen the Queen of Afternoon Tea. And she got caught in all the scandal because she reviewed a place badly. And then they insisted that she had sent her fans to send them like negative reviews and that she actually owned or was part owner of the Queen of Hearts Cafe across town. And it became this big scandal. And then everyone came out of the woodwork to be like, listen, she wasn't unreasonable. She didn't get milk with her tea and you sent her a paper cup with the scalded milk

and like didn't have clotted, like didn't have all these options. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So it's just like, and then that woman said, like, if you've never dealt with the feelings of like wanting to kill yourself, then you know, you don't understand what I'm going through right now. Jesus Christ. And I was like the tea wars. Yeah. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. Anyway, the cucumber sandwich is just what a delightful idea. Classic. I just love how like those things don't really go together. And like you would never like, I wouldn't make it for myself. Absolutely not. But then when I see it, I'm like, wait, do I love that?

Yeah. A scone with cream and jam, that's pretty delicious. That's a good combo of like dry and... A scone is so dry. Imagine eating that scone with nothing else. But it's going to be like really buttery and flaky. Well, I would hope. Yeah.

But you know, not always. Should we make scones? Maybe. I love that scones have such an ugly shape and you kind of rip them in half. Well, they kind of are. It's like, we now have the technology to make much more sophisticated desserts. And yet scones have like managed to like go unchanged, like the middle Babushka dolls, so like eons, still people are eating them.

I think it's also just cause they're like a really good delivery method for cream and jam. Absolutely. Yeah. Um, yeah, cause especially on that spread, right? Like the sandwiches are perfect and like cut and clean and crisp and da da da. And then like the cakes, like little mini versions and little but the but the but the but and they're also beautifully presented.

But then as gone is this like lopsided kind of multicolored, like, unni, like... Yeah. But that has its own beautiful charm. Traditionally ugly. Oh, my God. Yes. And then teas? I just love a black tea. I mean, if I'm dipping into herbal, I'll do a rhubarb.

Uh-huh. Peppermint, if I'm feeling crazy, but it's much too active for a late-night drink. Yeah, I see. Green tea, I used do a rubas. Peppermint if I'm feeling crazy, but it's much too active for a late night drink. Green tea I used to be huge on and now it's too much. When I went on my like crazy work trip last year, when we were in, God, where were we? In London or Paris, we went with, no, we London or Paris? We went with nowhere in London. We went with one of the brands and had this like afternoon tea that was like so extravagant.

It was in like the cafe of like a five star hotel kind of thing. And it was outrageous, like 30 teas on the menu. Like what did you get? 50 kinds of cakes and stuff. Well, I got the oolong tea because I really like oolong tea, but it is interesting because it's like, does oolong tea sit with cucumber sandwiches, and scones and stuff?

Maybe like not necessarily, but I just like that tea. So that's what I got. But yeah, it was a crazy experience. And like when we were there, the coronation had just happened. So like they were all all of the cakes and everything were all like, I don't know, royal family themed. And they were like the most elaborate. Not the princess Jaya.

She didn't make the cut. Oh my God. But it was crazy. Like little cakes with like they were purple that had a little hat on the top. What? Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. The little cake had a hat? Yes. Like a little crown with like the, not like the religious cross, but you know that like cross that's like, eagle? Like the Celtic cross.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that kind of stuff. Oh, it was nuts. That's, I didn't even know that that happened to you. Yeah. That's so chic. It was amazing. Um. Did they have vegetarian options?

They did. And because I was only a vegetarian, they're like, here's your vegetarian version. It was a full like teared thing with like, yeah, it was crazy. And here's your tea that won't go with any of this. You picked the one dot on the menu freak. Yeah. Um, no, it was great. But all of those treats.

The scone. The scone is the one. I can't imagine getting through a scone and then being like, I wanted a little cake now. True. Like, I'm just like, that's okay. No. Yeah.

You know what else I don't understand is like what Americans say, like biscuit. Yeah. To them, that is the American kind of scone. It's very similar. Yeah. But it's meant to be eaten with like, yeah, fried chicken and like, you know, gravy and bits. Yeah. I don't think I understand what that is. I don't think I've ever had that. It's incredible.

Okay. It's so good. Yeah. Yeah. Like when you get your like grits, which is like, it's like a maze kind of like corny, like, but it's like a, I don't know, it's delicious. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of like, I guess it's like, it's not mashed potato, but it is in the world of mashed potatoes. It's like the world of mashed potato and creamed corn and rice and, but it none of those things. But they're all coming together. And it's like so buttery and delicious.

And then like there's the collard greens and like, and just having like a piece of bread there to like sop it all up. But it's like really buttery, delicious bread is so good. Yeah. Like that deep south cuisine is so incredible. that deep south cuisine is so incredible. Mm. Mm. Mm.

Yeah, I think a scone, I think for me, like I want a classic like EBT, English breakfast too, or an Irish breakfast tea, which is a bit stronger and really delicious. Comes with a whiskey, honey. And then, yeah, the scone. Yeah. Although I love an egg salad sandwich.

Oh yeah, that's good. I just think like, why is that so good? I love that too. Yeah, truly. Like with a little bit of iceberg lettuce as well or just egg? No, just egg. Just egg.

Just egg's very good. Because I think that I love the iceberg lettuce. I think it's like a really unsung lettuce. But when it goes wrong, boy does it go wrong. Okay. And in a sandwich form, I need it to be like added that second or... Yeah. We're done. It can't be sitting there for hours. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Uh, Matt, what are your thoughts? I like the scone. Yeah. I like the scone. I like the melting moments as well. You know, those little. Oh, yes.

They're like shortbread, shortbread. Yeah. They're like a shortbread with like a little vanilla cream. Yeah. Mm. They're so rich. Yeah. And then you can have one of them and then maybe someone else afterwards as well.

Whereas if you had a scone, then you're done, I think. Two scones is what this lady expects. Jeez. Oh yeah. I would expect two. It depends on what size you're talking. Are you talking about like palm of your hand size? Yeah, like a fist size of scone.

Yeah. I mean, cause one, I think like one scone you're left with room. And then like, by the time you're halfway through, like if you've done a half of your second scone, you could comfortably stop, but you would never, you would finish the second one. Yeah. So it's like one and a half is probably optimal, but I don't know. I don't know.

That's for me anyway. And then you've had so optimal. Yes. I don't know. I don't know. That's for me anyway. And then you've had sandwich. Yeah, I guess that's satisfying. And then the cakes, you can just have like a little whisper of cake. Yeah. Hmm. Okay. Butterfly cake. I think you're right. I think it's Skone's. I just think she's the queen of that thing.

Unless we were going to be like, Oh, those crazy girls, they're so... Is like the tiered like tray thing. Oh, I fucking love that. I do love that tiered tray. Bring it out and put it in the middle. And then there's all these different like little metal circles where the plates sit. That's great. I think that like the thing that's cool about that thing is that like

you could never have it in your house. No. When would you ever use that? And it's going to take up so much space in a cupboard. Imagine seeing that in the back of a cupboard. It's ridiculous. But then you see it out and you're like, ah, it's incredible to see it used. And because they know, I went to a cafe this morning with three friends,

so four of us in this cafe. We went to Loon in Fitzroy, which I've never been to before. Whatever, wank, wank, wank at some fancy croissant place. Whatever the fuck. $30,000 croissant. Yeah. It was delicious. Yeah.

So like warranted, I suppose. But like we stood outside in a line for like 15 minutes to get in. Not something I'm accustomed to. No. Like it's too much. You're like, you know where this doesn't happen? Shhh, shh, sh know where this doesn't happen.

Yeah. Um, but this is an establishment, right? Like whatever we go in, we like, we finally get up. So like the point of being like, you're getting takeaway or do you want to eat in? Like we'll eat in. Cool. Conveniently, the table was ready for us by the time we were at the front of the line, so that worked out really well. But then we go and sit at our table and the table is smaller than this coffee table.

It's small, but the room is huge. We had enough room, but the physical table was small. And then four of us, we all got a coffee and we got multiple like croissants or like things. And then by the time they're coming out to put them all on the table, they do not all fucking fit because you could presume safely for going to like an indulgent croissant place, you might get more than one. Sure. You might get two because you want a bit of a sampler.

So like between the four of us. You've waited 15 minutes to come in here. Yeah. Between the four of us, I think there were like seven plates. So like there were four seats at this table and yet the table would comfortably sit two coffees and two plates. So all of a sudden the table is hideous and it's like layered with all these things and the waiters are like, I'm just going to make pizza. Which they would do every time. Every single time.

It's like you chose the table that you bought six of to put in this fucking cafe. So why didn't you make a bigger table? Or listener, why didn't you get a fucking afternoon tea, tiered plate, little server thing? Because that is great use of table space in a small cafe. You got to go vertical. Yes. You have the technology.

Yes. Peoples. And yet they just refuse to use it. Well, here's the thing about that loon space as well, to paint even fine over a picture for you listeners at home. This is in a fucking warehouse. A warehouse. Yes.

Like it is a mammoth space that has been, quote unquote, architecturally designed by some high-end firm to look like this like chic, you can see into the kitchen where they're making these croissants. And there's kind of this giant oblong shape that is like the counter, but it's more than a counter. It's an intrusion into the space that is artistic and exciting. And then all around the outskirts of the room are these like low benches and then like low stools.

And then same high tables. So your knees are like flush with the food that you're about to eat. Yeah. So you have to hunch over like a fucking troll. And they have these massive lines. And so there's no, like, I think it's intentionally aggressively trying to make sure that you don't stay. Yeah.

Because there's no other justification for why you would make a space feel this incredibly uncomfortable Yes, and I think it's just astounding that you would Be such a like designed space and have designed something that is so bad for people and for the job Completely not fit for purpose. No. Yeah wild, yeah But that does make me appreciate all the more that afternoon tea little tiered tray thing.

A tiered tray. Well, I'm happy to do the tiered tray. I think that that's probably a valuable addition to the bunker more than a scone would be. I couldn't agree more. Okay. From henceforth, in the bunker, everything shall be served on a tiered tray. Yes. The meals will of course be in their sardine cans. Yes. And whatever meal may be inside there. Yes. Yeah.

Good. That's good. Oh, and that rounds out our first episode back post fame. Yes. Oh, love it. So this week in the bunker, we have a, a doll of Xena, warrior princess. We have, uh, uh, knockers. Yeah, we got some knockers. Yeah. She saw something just in the room.

Yeah. And then we, speechless. She saw someone just in the room. Yeah. Speechless. And then we have a tier three tiered afternoon tea plate. I mean, holder. Yeah. Okay.

I wonder if it has a name. It doesn't really matter. Perfect. Well, well, listener, thank you. If you're new here, you probably won't be after this. If you're new here, um, bye. Bye. Bye. To you and new here, bye leg day. Bye leg day to you and soo lang yore to you all.

Okay, bye. Goodbye. Dead Day Run was recorded at Natural Hoverhead Studios by Matchiers. Our theme song and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. If you've got something to say to us, send it to us at deatherronpod at gmail.com. And won't you support us please at patreon.com slash death2everyone. Bye bye. Yeah.