Death To Everyone - Death To... Exotic Pets, Condolences & Idioms Feat. Haley Alea Erickson

Episode Date: April 7, 2026

Our dear dear friend Haley, who has been working on The Witchy Girls with us, has dropped in to chat!Follow us, won't you? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠���⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ You can send us a voicemail at ⁠www.speakpipe.com/deathtoeveryone⁠Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.naturalhabitatstudios.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/ediecentric⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103⁠

Our listener. Okay. Hello. Okay. Let's get to work. All right. My name is lazy. I'm Zelda.

And this is death to everyone. Especially you. And in the front booth of this driving space car, we have Matt Chess. That's me. Hello. At the front. Yeah. Are you producing this right now?

I'm producing the road and producing the recording. Now, what does that entail? Actually, don't tell me. I want it to be a surprise. I'll never tell. Yeah, I think you're just in that other room doing nothing. I'm looking up pictures of cute kittens. Kinns.

Yeah, you're teacups. Tea cups. Okay. Now, the official words are in. They just had the birthday celebration for El Ron Hubbard at the Scientology Center in L.A. Oh, good. And in the front row, we had, um, few celebs, most notably and continues to be a great disappointment to me.

Elizabeth Moss and John Travolta hanging out together. Yeah. Wow. Jeez. Who else was there? Jenna Elfman. Danny Elfman. Dama, from Dharma and Greg.

I do know that. Yeah. Shame. What about Tom? What? Cruz. I don't know if Tom was there. Tom's busy.

I thought she was like the poster child. She is. And you've got to spread the word around the world. She's still running. I heard. She's still running together. Exactly. You saw Tom Cruise in Minority report the other day.

What did you say to me, Zilda? He's very handsome in that film. He looks like a smoke show. Yeah. We always forget. Yeah. But he is, yeah, undeniably a very handsome man. And his fabulous unitooth.

Unit tooth. Yeah. The scented tooth. Front tooth. He's got, like, instead of, like, you know, normally it would be like your septum kind of carries down and then there's a gap in your teeth kind of is at the center of your mouth. But his, he's got a tooth that sits dead center of his face. And the whole mouth happens around that. Yeah.

I've never noticed. Look, look it up. It's outrageous. Once you see it, you cannot unsee. That's right. And if all his other teeth fell out, he would just have one scented, beautiful tooth. I like that. Shall we?

What are you say? No, I was going to say, this is a show where we decide what's going to go into a doomsday bunker and what we preserve from culture. And we are two celestial goddesses that are charged with this incredible responsibility. However, sometimes we do take in advice and ascitations from people who are living in human culture. And that's what we've done today. We brought in a guest. Thoughts and prayers.

So this guest requires no introduction. Give her one anyway. So we've made a show called The Witchy Girls. The Witchy Girls. And it is, you know, fabulous and exciting. Coming up on May 3rd, buy your tickets now. For the first one, second one and the third one. But we had a fabulous director working with us on the show, guiding our performances,

helping us to give you the best of us. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's fine. And now I'm... So it's our dear sweet, Haley Alia. Yeah. Erickson?

Nailed it. That's crazy. It's not spelled like that. So that was really cool. that you knew that. Oh, really? Yeah. I just assumed it was like Alia, like Queen of the Dam.

I was going to say, what was she like? Oh, dead. Name for your mother, Alia. Alia. On the plane. RIP. I can't hear you at all. No?

Is it me? It's probably you. I was slouching. I got too comfortable. You put me in such a comfortable chair. It's your fault. The noisiest chair there has ever been. Is it?

Oh, wow. It does the cheek. Don't cry. Don't crack. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. It says that we have squeaky chairs in.

a recording studio and then tells the talent. Look, do you want to be comfortable or do you want to have... I think that we have the technology to have both, Matthew. We have chairs that don't squeak that are also comfortable to sit in. I'm my space car drive a budget. I don't have that. I think it's good. It's a chair that'll test you because it's comfortable, but you can't get too comfy because then you might squeak.

Don't make your guard down in this space car. Oh, Zelda's chair doesn't squeak there. No. Okay. Hello. Hello. Tell us about yourself. Who are you?

Why are you here? I was kidnapped this morning out of my bed. Yeah. Threats out. Throw it into a trunk. And then I woke up on this really comfy, very noisy chair. Noisiest chair. I would like to call myself one of your friends.

I didn't make the intro. Yeah. Well, yeah. It was inferred by my smile. Oh, it wasn't. You know what? It is really nice. Zelda's a warm smile.

Zelda is just... Enter a single tooth. She's just... No, Zelda does have a really nice smile. Oh, there it is. Wait, sorry, we're just staring at it. You can't hear the sound of the smile, but if it was to make a sound, it would feel like this. I was going to go, bing.

No. And then a cockroach crawls out of one tooth and into... behind a gap in the other one. I think my smile's too gummy. I was going to say. Yeah? I don't think I can throw stones from within my smile. You have a wonderful smile.

You think, I like to smile. That's why I have smile lines. It can't be crazy. Okay, I have a controversial one. I love to laugh. What do you think? What kind of things you like to laugh at? Yeah.

What do you laugh at the most? Go on You know what I actually think I don't think that I have very highbrow humor Well you worked on the witchy girls And it was so It's such a it's a stapled in culture

Yeah well it might seem highbrow But that's only because we painted them all No No I would say that day to day Most of my laughter comes from Laughing at my whole horrible circumstances. Oh, that's right.

We forgot to mention the fact that you are, of course, very impoverished, wearing a potato sack and no shoes. I look good. At least you laugh about it. It's good to laugh. No, I don't know, man. I really, really wish, though, that I was a little more cultured. And if I was smarter, I feel like I would laugh at things that were more interesting.

Well, I think the more cultured you get, you don't laugh, but you just go like, hmm. Like you golf clap. Yeah. That's very funny. Like a New Yorker cartoon. Like, you're just like, oh. You know what I've noticed? I have many laughs.

Like, I don't know. You love them all? They're all quite, like, I don't know when they're going to appear. But like I do think I have a couple of different laughs and they come out at different times. And the one that I am really hyper aware of that recently I got me in fun of was what we were, I was seeing a movie. It was Pillion. We were talking about that last week.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. I said that last week. No.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. it's like ah oh that's good the kind of gal

that would be asked to leave like a live studio audience record wait so on every pump ah yeah I was laughing only at the sex you don't put that in there

yeah no it's like I just wish I didn't have that that version of my laugh I could do without it just comes out of me Anyway, you are a director, you're an improv comedian. Yes.

You can sing. You have very flexible legs. True. What else? Well, I'm American. What? Sadly. I know.

Imagine if right now was the moment I chose to come out. Drop the act. I wasn't from there at all. In fact. I just wanted to be. I just, yeah. wanted to be from somewhere else, but in fact, I'm from Dubbo. I'm from Dubbo.

Yeah, no, I do the film thing. Back in Australia, I have dual citizenship, which is, I guess, you are both yawning. I know, but it was bad timing. You both, I was telling you, you asked me to give an introduction. Yeah, we asked you giving an introduction. I started talking about myself, and you both started yawning. Not a eulogy. And you forced me to squawk again.

Well, listen, why don't we pick it up next time you speak? Next time, try. I think that we're at the baseline. Enough of these yawn stories, you know. And you know what? This is, I think you're giving people a lot of insight into what filming witchy girls was like. Yon Fest. Did you have fun with us?

I had so much fun. Because you knew me a little bit more than you knew Zelda at the time of filming. Yeah, it's crazy. And Zelda was so aggressive with you. Do you know that day? He said, I don't have a skirt to match that. Oh, come on. And we never recovered.

I don't even remember that. Well, Zelda was getting ready. And there was a shirt that she had really wanted to wear that was, I don't know, when you watch the show, this show, leave a comment. Wait, I do remember this shirt. And so we're like, oftentimes we're trying to shoot about 9 to 12 pages a day. of content, which is unheard of. And Zelda and I had wardrobes of clothes

that were just like from the wardrobes of our characters. It was like you guys were on Love is Blind and you had never seen each other, you hadn't seen each other's clothes, you didn't know who's. And I think it worked, honestly. Yeah. Carry on.

They have different, yeah. Yeah. And Zelda had this shirt that she was like, I had a specialty bought from Retro Star. Yeah. and was like, I need to find a way to justify wearing this shirt. And so we were rushing to get into it, change your clothes because we were in a different episode. And oftentimes this would happen.

We'd be like, okay, we've just finished shooting that. We need to rush back into the makeup area, change clothes and be ready to go in like 20 minutes. And Zelda was rushing around. And she's like, should I wear this shirt? And she's like, yeah, yeah, you can wear this shirt now. Because it was for like one of, like, all of the main things we'd planned out of the outfits. But there were a few scenes that we were doing that were like, like on screen, it would be like five seconds. Maybe not even.

Like little throwaway bits. Yeah. And so I was like, well, that shirt could be great for one of those. And we were. I'm not talking about the shirt. It is a very specific. Yeah. How would you describe this shirt?

Well, actually last night, when I went to see briefs, the incredible, the incredible. emcee last night was like, do you see this dress? This dress has got a lot of ideas. I just don't know why the designer of this dress would do this to a woman. And I stole this from an op shop because I just, there was no way of justifying someone paying for this twice. And I fear that you buying it from a secondhand vintage store was a real sin that someone has paid money for that shirt, not once, but twice. It reminded me of like a screensaver. from like early days computer.

It was horrendous. I loved it. But it got it. Okay. So you brought the shirt out. Well, I was like, okay, but I, the shirt is like so egregiously hideous that it is very difficult to style. Right.

Right. So I could only wear it if the shot was from like the waist up. Oh my God, I do remember this. And it was meant to be. But then when I came to just double check that the table that was going to block my, My lower half was glass. Yes. And Haley very rightfully was like, well, can't you just put it on a bottom with your top?

As most outfits have a top and bottom. I don't have anything to wear on the bottom. I don't know. It matters. What's the shot? Anyway. But just for the funniest. I apologize for that one again.

Oh, my God. That was so tame. I don't even remember that. The funniest thing about that, though, is we didn't even use that shot. No. We re-shot that. Thank God. But don't worry, listener.

I got to wear that shirt in a different scene. When this show does, no, no, no, don't tell them because when the show does come out, I want the listeners of this show to leave a comment and just guess which is the show. This is the one. Because there's no one. Oh, my gosh. I just remembered when you're wearing it and what you paired it with. Because the only thing to do was more, more, to make it the understated part of the after.

Oh my God. Oh, listener, you're in for such a treat. What was your, what was your favorite, wait? Wait. Well, what was your favorite lazy and Zelda moment? Okay, I know, no, no. This is my favorite lazy Zelda moment from shooting, but also my favorite moment maybe ever from shooting anything for all of time was night two.

We were shooting an exterior and it started. dumping rain, like pouring down rain. It was like suddenly from the sky, the sky opened up and it was just pouring rain out onto us. And let's just like be clear here with the listener on the shooting schedule we were up against. Like even if nothing were to ever go wrong and we were on schedule, we would have no room to.

We started the day behind. Yeah, like there was no wiggle room. And then it started on a whole, our nighttime exterior, our last day at this location, it started pouring down rain. And so everyone's like running to get equipment underneath the one pop-up tent we had. And it started getting windy. And, you know, I'm not paying attention to the girls for once. And I like getting all the gear up and I look over.

And these two nymphs are frolicing in the rain. It's like running through the grass. Really? I would get you witt. And then our 80, sweet hated, starts to run over to them with Annie, one of our producers, with umbrellas. They're running over to get them because they have makeup on. Their hair is like if their hair gets wet, it's not going to dry in time. Well, Zelda's hair is going to be fine, but I was wearing human hair wig.

It was like they were running after you with these umbrellas and they couldn't catch you. And then Zelda ran under a bush. Well, I was seeking shelter. We were hiding in the little bushed area. It was, I. The natural canopy would defend us. Yes. Yes.

You just returned to the earth in that moment. And you know what? I was like, yeah. Yeah. Let them be there. I mean, honestly, I, like, when I think about the stories I've heard about actors being, divas on set. I'm like, I don't think I would last a day on a set where an actor is the problem.

Because it's like every fucking thing is already hard enough, let alone having the actor, which I think it's like you can be the problem for earnest reasons of like we're still getting the performance. I don't know my lines. I don't know my lines. Like this is like whatever. Yeah. But being like, no, this is wrong.

I'm not doing this. Yeah. Or whatever. Or like, I'm not like going to be on set with this person or whatever. It's just like, imagine introducing that element into the entire thing. Oh, yeah. I just like, no, bitch. Yeah.

And there are like actors that pull that shit consistently. Well, I think that was like one of the things about witchy girls that was so beautiful was even though we were up against like insane challenges with our shooting schedule and our limited. resources. I think we got so lucky with the people we were around. Totally. Everyone was so just, everyone was kind to each other as much as they could be.

As much as possible. Except for that one moment when Zelda yelled at me about that. Well, I was going to bring that up and that's why we have your own. This moment I couldn't remember. Well, listen, allow me to remind you. Oh my God. It was really good. It is actually funny to me too because I'm thinking about it now.

I'm like, yeah, it was a glass table, and Zelda's plan was, I'll just not wear any pants, and it'll be fine. Arguably, not the best approach to a outfit on set. Yeah, but I think you were rushed, and your brain was just putting, and you know what, you nailed it. Thank you for saying. Yeah. Yeah. And anyway, you should have felt fine because Lazy spent half of our shirt shirt. Shoot?

I'm having a stroke. Half of my shirt. She spent half of the shoe in a skirt. That was the... That was one millimeter below her asshole. The length of my pinky toe. Okay, listener, I got this skirt. And then it arrived and I was like, this is very short.

But if I'm standing... Short, it was a belt. If I'm standing... A pleated belt. It's fine. And then I was like, okay. And so I wore it. And I, there was one moment where I got confused.

So I was like, okay, I put on this like little skirt because it's coming, because we're in the rest of the scene with this skirt on. And then I realized that it was in the wrong scene. And so now I was going to be in this skirt like, ever. Like, yeah, too many scenes out of the show for this skirt to be represented when I had such fabulous long skirts. But yeah, so when you see the tiny little yellow plaid skirt, you know that that was quite a HR issue waiting to happen. without cast because every time I'd sit in the wrong way, it would just be like, well? I'd be like at monitor firing off notes for you guys.

And then always, I feel like this happened so many times where I'd be like, you know, let's try this on, oh, let's do that thing we did in rehearsal, or like move a little to the left and do it from there, da-da-da-da. And lazy, I can see your asshole. Great, let's shoot. Yeah, let's just cover up the hole and get going. That's just, yeah.

That's it. Yeah. A very professional set. We were running. That's right. Well, I mean, that was on film, but there were just, it was about halfway through the 10-day shoot that I was like, wait, should I not just be running around in my drag body underwear between all takes?

No, the answer probably was. I probably shouldn't have been doing that. It was a nice convergence, though. I thought of like drag world and film world in this way that I think a lot of people were learning about each other. Each other learning about kind of saying everyone was watching me in my sweaty drag body.

We're learning. It was beautiful. They needed to adapt. Yeah. Hello. We're making a movie now. What is your the prize jewel in your

like career aside from which you girls? Like if people wanted to see examples of your work or something. That's such a nice question. Is it because of the shirt? I accept. Well, okay, I would say I think the thing that I'm most proud of from my work would be the last short film that I made. Which is called Call Me Mommy. Mama.

Never heard of it. Well, just do a little more research next time I have a guest on, okay? Yeah. Because I think that film to me was the most me anything has been as far as my hashtag art. And it's very good. Can people find that online? Yeah. It's a Vimeo staff pick.

Well, go on. Call me mommy. It's great. It's very funny. You're in it as well. That's right. Yeah, I acted it. You acted, directed and wrote.

Yeah. And then it got into South By. Amazing. Yeah. And then it did this crazy. It was amazing because it was one of those things where it was like, I feel like we made that film just kind of like it was the thing that I was least obsessed with the outcome on and maybe that's like the key. And Witchie Girls was a little bit like this at the start too where we were just like we just need to make this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's time for us to just make this, right? And I think that is what I've started to realize. It allows you to take the, yeah, I think it's impossible to go into, particularly with a short film. I think it's impossible to go into it and be like, this needs to do the circuit or else my fucking film career is dead. Yeah. And inevitably when you just let go a little bit. Yeah, if your expectations are low, then you can only win.

Well, there's nothing worse than a self-important short film. I'm like, oh, shut up. Sorry, I just want to put this in, I just want to make sure I understand that. There is nothing in this world worse than a self-important short film. Yeah. Great, go ahead. At number five, like, for like, work. First things, genocide.

Four, chemical warfare. Number three, the extinction of marine life. Number two, global warming. Number one, like a self-important short film. And you know what? I don't think anyone would argue with you on that list. Yeah. Yeah.

That was a really telling list. That was actually a very... When I put genocide at number five. Way. Right. Hey. It's a win for the Mariana Trench. Oh, you know what?

she's fine. Yeah. She's the only one we're not hearing about. Why do you hate women? Marina. Can I just say quickly, I got an email while we've been recording. And I just want you to hear this. You know that kind of, I associate it with weeb boys, but putting the two

pointer fingers together like this with your thumbs up? What is that? Do you have a name for that, Zelda? It's Ooooooooo. Owo, yeah. Okay. So D.D. the booty boo-de-boo

T-moo version of Uber sends me an email and the title line is was it something we said here's 10% off and then it sends a graphic which was, was it us, be honest, O-W, we can take it

Hi Robbie, you tried us once or twice then vanished into the abyss if you just forgot we exist rude Oh my God Either way, we haven't given up on you just yet.

Take this discount and give us another shot. Sad eyes emoji. Oh, like watery, like... It's too personal for me. Get up to 10% up to your next five rides. Redeem. Eat my fucking shaft and haul, you piece of shit. I'm sorry, rude.

I don't like your service. Okay? Back off. Get off my back. Get off my back. You should say that. You should write back. Also, just like the cavalcade of messaging.

Uh-woo. Was it something like, what? It was, that's written by AI for sure. We disappeared into the abyss. Yeah. Overly familiar. It's way too personal and also like completely written by a robot, you know? Well, I was.

Watching this thing the other day where a guy was talking about like the back in the 90s, there was like a style of, there was like a style of, there was. It was a turn of voice that... Oh, Zelda's yawning. The company spoke to you in. And the turn of voice in the 90s was like, here at Sears. Like, we're going to have the best day ever. Da-da-da-da-da. Like, get 10% off your next ride.

And then John Krasinski started doing voiceovers for products that were like for American brands where it was like, you're going out of bed tomorrow and you're going to get 10% off. And that's the sort of value we offer here at Wendy's. And it's this kind of familial. warm, we just know how it is. We're casual. I'm just a guy. And so they're like, that's the millennial tone of voice,

which is like we wanted companies to sound friendly. And then apparently on top of that, it's flipped back around. And now the Gen Z kids want like disaffected vise of like voice. It's like, you're probably going to go here. And then that's how it's going to be. Living with Apple is fun. Like it's really like cold a bit more to like removed emotion. and like yeah interesting yeah but that ad was pitched at millennial and that is a millennial

um copywriter who's like doing like was it something we said we're an international commental company we want you to fucking right with us I just wish advertisers would stop trying to be creative yeah I just just advertised to me I wish it was just let's just call it what it is I'm a customer I'm a customer. You've got a service or a product. Yeah. Show me what it is and stop trying to make me laugh. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm just saying, yeah. I mean like 10% off up to. Up to is a bit curious. Honey, you need a better offer if you're going to email me. Did you know that the DD difference is that. I'm sorry. Now that, right that down.

The DD difference. The D D D D D. D difference is that their drivers know your. journey and they pick and choose if they say yes. Yeah, which used to be how Uber was done and they had to get rid of it. Oh my God, my brain thought you meant they know your journey like they get like a profile, they know your

story. Recently divorced. Won't be too chatty. Likes a chap but only if it's deep. I had an Uber driver cancel on me for the first time in ages recently. I think he's all coming. Yeah, I literally do. I was leaving my house because like usually

by the time an Uber driver rocks up to my house, it's like a sore trap. Like, they're like on a road that they can't easily get away. Yeah, it's daytime barbarian. Yeah, literally. They arrive and they're like, wait, what the fuck is this neighborhood? You're like, shari, and then I get in the car. A tall woman emerges from the house. Yeah, but I emerged too quickly and I had my bags and stuff.

And so they were like, they saw. The bags under your eyes? The bags on her chest. I was at breakfast with Kerch in the other day, and he was. He was like, we need to get you some cold spoons or something. Oh. And I was like, well, he's like, you've got giant bags under your eyes. You're giant bags.

I was like, we had to go buy some spoons to make them cold. You better start taking it all. We can't get some of those wrapped up Korean skin care spoons. Yeah. But I mean, he's not wrong. I do have massive bags. We all do. We're exhausted.

I'm sick of talking about being exhausted, though. Can I say? You brought it up. I brought up someone accusing me. being exhausted. Oh, wait. You're right. Sorry, I squawked again.

We need to find other things to talk about. We can't be out. People in our 30s being like, I'm so tired. I'm so tired. But it's not like we're just generally tired. We're just working really hard. We need to make a calendar and just every day we say we're tired, put a tick on it.

And it'll be ticking all year. Yeah, 365 ticks. Just like that time that my family went on holiday to that resort. And my father brought a tick home in his hair. ended up on my mother's neck. And we had to get up in the middle of the night when she discovered it and travel all the way back from New South Wales to Victoria because my father had brought a tick in on his hair

and it bit my mother. Like that many ticks. Hold on, I have a question, though. Wait, was that just your mother being crazy? Yes. Did the ticks stay in your mother's neck? Well, no, it stayed in the glove box because, of course, we plucked it from her neck,

put it in Gladrapp because she needed to take it to the doctors to confirm that it was a tick. Okay, well, my question is... I don't have doctors' names of this? You just pulled it out of the neck. Aren't you supposed to, like, burn it so it doesn't leave its little legs in there? I fear that the legs, that was part of the analysis, was it was missing one leg. Oh, was in the neck?

Which may have been in the entry point of the back of the neck. It had to be at the back of my neck. I can't see it, so I can't know, you know. Is this what led to the divorce? It was a contributing factor, yeah. One too many ticks. On the ultimate side. It was only one, but that was too many.

It ticked us over. Curgeon and his family once went to Queensland on a vacation. Oh, good for them. Yeah, final Queensland. When they got home, opened her suitcase and a full out tarantula crawled out of their bag. Oh, my God, the tarantula went on the plane. Yeah. Kind of cute.

Yeah. Like a big furry. trip. Yeah. It's like a Pixar movie. I feel bad though because it's like, what are you going to do in Victoria, honey? But also what do you do? You kind of just let it go.

No. What did you do? No. It's too scary. It's sad. Yeah. They did something bad. No, I'm sure.

I'm sure. I'm don't know. Yeah. But they didn't fly back to Queensland and put it back. Oh my God. In the Pixar movie, you'd put it in a little house and you put it in your passenger seat, you'd drive it back and you do a little road trip with their tarantula. They would do the voice of the tarantula and get at home.

The tarantula in the Pixar movie version. Okay. Are we going to say that the tarantula is a tarantulas or a trench of the man? I think it probably needs to be a boy because it's going to be a boy movie. Boy movie. We'll make toys for boys. But it could be a nice little like, you know, like, oh no, the hairy tarantulas are a little girl. I was going to say Natasha Leon.

Okay. Well, fresh off playing in the Smurz movie. Yeah. That's gross. And she's like, uh. Oh, what is? Um, I, I, I. just think in the trailer it has to be on my way.

Oh, if I'm too, bin, in my hand. It's going to be like Matilda. And then it's like the little kid that discovers it. But it's an Australian native trenchler. So maybe it's like Australianer. So it's like Bindy Owen. No, it's going to be the, yeah. Or like who's like, who's like, Gina Riley.

Gina Reinhardt. Who's the young Australian? at the moment. Cody Smetnik Fee, he's been the young Australian for age. Don't make things up. Jacob McCfrey. Jacob. No, it should be

Margotty. Wait, you know who it is? Who's the lady, who's from Queensland who hosts Pauline Nelson? The love. That love island show. Sophie Monk.

Yes, Sophie Monk is the voice of the tarantula. Sophie Monk can have a scene where she She plays, I don't know, something that lives on the plane full time. A snake. Yeah. Millipede. Yeah.

Milipid. And it is about conservation at its heart. Yeah. And like the, yeah, they can't, the little kid that's taking the tarantula back, can't get on a plane at first and then they have to get, you know, they go through all of Australia. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like in a Ute, in a bus. And then like, you know, there's a bit in the bus where Magda Shabansky does a voice of a woman who's sitting on the bus and sees the tarantula.

It goes, wha! And then like the trailer shows the bus stopping. Yeah. And then they're all getting thrown off. And the bus stopping is what opens the cage and then people freak out even more. But then at the end, Magda ends up helping them. Yeah. And she's like, I didn't realize.

Oh, can't Terry Owen have a bit as well? Yeah. Well, I think it is Rob Erwin playing the spider. Oh, yeah. That'll get ticket sales. Yeah. He just won dancing with the sun. Rob is the sun.

Yeah. Not the dance. Who's Terry? Well. Terry's the mother. Terry's the mother. Yeah, she's American. But she could have played Terry.

Well, actually, maybe that's something. Maybe they're a family that's an American family. Yeah. Maybe they are. Again, that'll get a bit more international audience. And then get Hugo weaving in there somewhere. Yeah. I will not to reach up my hand.

Do you be a minute long? Yeah. Okay. All right. All right. That could be our next project. Did you know that the band that's six, that's August, it's called the rusted root.

Yeah, I love the rusted root. Isn't that funny? Yeah, it's amazing. And they're hot. They're hot? I saw that when I was in high school. But I think it's just rusted root. Oh, maybe.

Whatever. When I was in high school and I was in Rochester, New York, which is like pretty much Canada, for those of you that don't know where Rochester, New York is. And there's a, what they call the International Jazz Fest. Okay. In Rochester. I don't know how global it is. But when we were in high school, we used to go, and it was like, you know, that whole thing of like you have your like horrible, just basically like nail polish remover vodka in your little water bottle.

And you just go. In high school? Oh, sweet. At a jazz festival. Yeah, it was pretty cool. Okay. I'm going to say that these people aren't hot. What?

I don't remember what they looked like. But we saw rusted route at the international jazz festival. in Rochester, New York in maybe like 2008, 2009. What I will say so good. Wow.

Is that they are confirming my era appropriate choices for wardrobe. Because look at that diva. Look at that low hanging belt and like the weird bits. That's the width of lazy skirt. It touched wider, I think.

If you're afraid of a woman's sexuality, you can just say that. A short skirt is not a sexuality. It's really not to you. The other thing that happened at the Rochester International Jazz Fest was I got pissed on. By who? Pillion. This guy, it was deadly.

Wait, where does the name Pillion come from? Oh, it's a sidecar of a motorcycle. Oh. And I didn't know that either until I asked the exact same question. Well, it is metaphorically, but it's not like pointed to. Oh, that's ticking me right off. I hate it. Add it to the list, is it above or below genocide?

I just like think that. Genocide's now number six. Like, I hate it. Why the fuck is your film name that if it doesn't have anything to do with it? Doesn't he ride a motorcycle? Yeah. Yeah, but like, oh, that's a pillion. He doesn't, no.

But like, I suppose he is. But I think that's the whole thing. He's the passenger. Like, he's the passenger. Like, he's the sub. Do you see a dick? Prostatic. Yeah. Presthetic. Yeah, you do.

We have a fucking. skirge on our hands of prosthetic dicks. You see a lot more dick nowadays, but it's all fake. You know whose dick wasn't fake? Christopher Malone is in Oz. That's right. Back before, back when people had courage to show their B. What about, um, Quicksilver's dick?

We saw that for real. What's his name? Aaron Taylor Johnson. Oh yeah. That's a real dick. That's because he wanted to slang that thing. Yeah, and flop that donkey thing around. I can't imagine.

Like the conversation that would have to happen there where it's like, I I can't imagine saying I would rather show a fake push than my push. Like I think I would, if for some reason I was deciding to show my puss, I would want it to be mine at least. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? Yeah. Well, that's, I think the thing if you're going to like, I also think that because when there's like fake dig, sometimes, like the creator is, like, in the case that the creator is male, they don't it's not like the dick that they choose the prosthetic dick

feels it is in accordance with the character they've created do you know what I mean you're like my penis doesn't look like the penis that this man would have like the psychology of this man doesn't feel in line because if they just default for a big bigger dick than like the actual person would have and so a lot of the prosthetic dicks we're seeing are just bigger dicks than like would be either like in the case of pillion i guess it's like yeah like he's got a big dick right like the prosthetic was a big prosthetic you know what's crazy you didn't think about it i didn't think about it but i also this was literally two days after my

breakup so i don't think i remember much of that movie you'd think you'd be like gagging for it I think I was floating in some other realm of the universe. But every so often I'd come down to do a little squawk laugh. Just you waking up. Yeah, I don't remember much of the movie, to be honest. But yeah, I think it's like picking a big dick for the dom in your movie is kind of an obvious answer. And it would kind of be more interesting if you picked a mid dick. Yeah, totally.

Like a dom with a mid dick, that says a lot. Yes. Because it's like, oh my God. and he's still got all these rears and power and control. And he doesn't have this insane huge deal. I think you should write to them. The gay guy that made it. I think you should send two letters today.

One, to the filmmaker of Pillion. Yeah. Talking about that whole penis size of the thing. And then two, to D.D. And let them know. D.D. That email was so... You're named after one of the most iconic mothers in cartoon history.

D.D. Tommy Pickles. mother. Yeah. Phoebe Bacels. And you are wasting the name. And, yeah. I mean, I think Mike White does it a bit on White Lotus.

There's a few fake dicks on that show. Mac White. Mike White. Do you know what? I've started watching Survivor. Did I tell you this? I think I did. And he's on it?

Well, this newest season, it's like season 50 or something. And they're bringing all these people back. And I will just also say, like, I was never someone who watched Survivor. I'm not like a survivor fan. But I started watching this season. And so there's a lot that I think I'm missing, like lore, like Survivor lore that everyone seems to understand. And I'm like, okay, I love it. You got it.

Throw the coconut. And Mike White came back on Survivor. And I was like, wait, is this a guy from White Loaded? Wait a minute, what? And then I couldn't, I went to have this rabbit hole of Mike White's history with Survivor. And he loves Survivor. He begged his friend to go on Survivor. And they were like, you're too famous to go on Survivor.

And he's like, let me on Survivor. I think it's amazing. I think it's like an inspiration. Yeah. And I've said this before, certainly. But like, there is such a funk hanging around appearing on reality television that before doing drag race, like years before, before I started applying for Drag Race. Yes.

If you're allowed to talk about your breakup, I'm allowed to talk about Drag Race. Yes, that seems fair. Anyway, I was like, oh, being like on reality TV feels like it could permanently mean that you'll never have a prestige career. Like, you'll never have a career that... That's so silly. But, like, it's very true, right? Like, for a long time... Uh-oh, Zelda's for a long time.

Wake up Zoda. Reality TV were considered like the gut of... trash of the film world. Right. But then Mike White, who was already enlightened and in, and was in School of Rock, perfect things. Famously. Like, was like on Survivor.

And like, if anything, buoyed his career. I like that so much. And then from that moment, I realized it was okay. Did Mike White isn't on like Celebrity Survivor. No. like regular person survival. He went on regular survivor. That is the different. Isn't that cool? I'm crazy. Yes. Yes. And there's a moment where everyone, I think everyone's fighting in his, like, I haven't watched this season, but like I've watched clips. And there's this iconic section where Mike White, as a prize for winning something, got a bottle of wine. And he's got a wine glass and he's on the beach and he's drinking this wine. And he gets drunk. And everyone's like wandering around basically and looking at. looking for an idol to give themselves immunity in an expote.

And Mike White sits down and is just like lolling from side to side, this ginger pale bitch on the beach, drunk as a skunk, cackling to himself, and then finds the immunity idol. And it's just like, br-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. That's using your celebrity for good. That's it. Wow.

That's what the people want. I don't have the best memory, as we know. Pretty horrendous. She's had five concussions. That's right. It's true. Actually, my memory's so bad, I forgot what I was going to say. No, I don't have the best memory, but I don't think that's from this season of survival. He's done it twice, I think.

Yeah, oh, he did David and Goliath. They keep saying that. I don't know what it means. But I can guess. They bring back the old-time ultimate players, and they bring back the... Everyone named David. Yeah. They bring back David. They bring up all the best players, and then 12. 20 people named David.

It's actually so funny on the recent Beast Games, season two. What is your obsession with this? I think it's like the most important representation of contemporary American cultures that's ever existed. Yeah, okay. But Jimmy Donaldson, Mr. Bees. Oh, Zelda's weeping. I had made a show called Beast Games and Beast Games too on Amazon. And it has the largest prize pool of any show that's ever existed.

but this season their conceit was because the show is so badly conceived because it was made by a bunch of gimpy pale like 20-somethings who've just been on YouTube and the concept was like brains versus Braun something that's been done on Survivor quite a bit but they were like we've got 100 of the world's no wait we've got 500 of the world's smartest people that just all happened to be from the same area in North Carolina

and then 500 of the strongest people They also just happen to be in like a 50 mile radius Of where they're shooting the show And um He's like and they're all going head to head And it's like this guy's like I'm a child genius Dada da da da and she's like I went to Mence Like I've been in Mensa for like my entire life

This year was like I have like three degrees from Harvard And like da da da da and then they're like Have challenges that are like Braun you have to hang off this rope for three hours. Brains, you have to stack these blocks in order. And like, there is like nothing on this show that requires any level of

intelligence. Yeah. Like it's oftentimes just patent recognition or like, like the most basic shit. And like by the end, they're like, all the brawn are still here. And there's only three brain left. And they also just happen to be fit people that were like smart. So it's like, yes, you fucking idiots, when you just give them a bunch of obstacle courses and then like stack blocks, all the smart people are going to fall into the ocean and die.

It's incredible. That's good. Yeah. I was just looking at my phone because I realized I've not told you this. I got reached out to by someone allegedly who worked at Beast at some point to write on that show. Oh. Yeah. I can't remember.

I think they reached out on LinkedIn. I literally can't remember. I'll find it. That doesn't make sense. They don't have a single woman in their stuff. I know. Well, they were like, that was, yeah, that was the whole conversation. They said, we love your stuff.

We'd love to have an interview for you to be a writer on the show. And then I said, great. And they said, wait a minute, are you a woman? And then I never heard from them again. The, yeah, the show is like, the other thing is because Mr. Beas became famous on YouTube and it's just his friendship group from when he was growing up. He's like the alpha nerd Mark Zuckerberg pasty piece of shit. And then like his friends are just like lesser versions of him.

So like the side character on like the judges and the like flavor commentary on this show is Mr. Beast who just yells the entire time. And then these weird pasty, weedy little boys who are all the same and just kind of lurk. around these like alpha-chad man. And they're like, what are you doing? What's going on? Wait, so do you watch this? Yeah, Kerch and I have watched most.

Oh, don't bring him into this. I mean, listen, we've got to find things we can watch together. See, you've so little in common. No, we both enjoy it, so. Oh, my God. No, sorry, Coach. It's like, you're like hate watching it? I don't know.

No, I don't know anymore. I've watched a lot of things in my life. Okay. But I love those. I'm not being different. I don't have to like something to watch it. Do you know like the dissent, how they go into the cave, and then suddenly behind them is this weird, like, translucent skin,

like nosferatu-looking motherfucker? Yes. It's kind of like when you see these, like, friends of Mr. Bees pop up in the background of these things, you're like, oh, there it is a good. It's a cool. It's such a YouTube phenomenon because a lot of the assholes that I watch from, like, Florida and Texas,

like all these exotic animals, freaks. They all have gimp-p-y friends too and they're usually like there's always the awkward fine line between like the cameraman one who's like never in front of camera and you know as an employee but they're kind of

pitched as a friend to like make it more like religious fun guys hanging out. Hey Ben. But it's like nah he's on payroll and it's weird but then there'll be like the cameo friends who have like YouTube channels with like 20,000 people instead of like three million people. Yeah. It's like,

like Jeff's here. I'm going to buy him a fish, but go to his channel to watch that. Ugh. They all are rancid. I just think it's not for us. Like, I don't. I mean,

it's definitely not for me. It's not for me. I don't feel I don't feel I'm as online. That's all. As would be good. As anyone. Aren't you glad you picked me to direct your.

web series. Well, that's it. We're trying to find a more fashionable term than web series. Yeah. Yeah. What did you land on?

Yeah, that's right. Series. We make series. Where it ends up? I don't know. That's right. We don't care about the outcome. The web part is silent.

Yes. Yes. Okay. Haley, every week on this show, we have an apocalypse. A thing to end the world by. What is your apocalypse this week? As a guest,

you decide how the world will end. Okay, so I really struggled with this because I was like, maybe I'm just going to go with like a normy one, like something that like actually might end the world. And then I was like, no, I want to end the world really specifically. And I also want it to be our fault. Excellent.

Those three people in this room. Yes. And the one in the other room. Yes. Matt, you are an accomplice. You can't get out of this. I'm the getaway drunk. I wonder how we could end the world.

Go on. Well, I'll tell you. So it's, we're shooting Witchie Girls season two. And we do a spell for the shoot, but it's actually. Actually, it's like a real spell. Oh. And the spell is we're trying to make our feet tinier to fit into a pair of our mother's little shoes for narrow feet girls. Yeah.

We're going to bind our feet? Well, it's a spell. So it's just, it just, it only happens. They only get smaller when you put the shoe on. Oh, yeah. And then they go back to normal size when you take your feet out of them. But in the process of us doing this fake spell. for our TV show, which turns out to be a real spell.

We accidentally change everyone's feet. And then the world goes just baddie because nobody understands why their feet look different. And they start to think they've lost their mind. And then nuclear war. Okay. I think that's really good. I've made some jumps.

Yeah, there were a few jumps in there. I actually, you know what? I didn't think through the part about what. happened after the spell. Or we could tell. And then? How dare you? Sorry about Matt.

You know what, Matt? Yeah. I'm sorry about Matt. No, you're so, you're a delight. Oh, thank you. I mean, maybe the man driving the truck with the nuclear warhead that's like armed. Yeah. His feet just disappeared.

His feet just become really tiny and he's like, oh no, you can't reach the man. Oh, no. And then he drives it into the Grand Canyon and it falls to the bottom and explodes. No, I remember. We could get the spell wrong. This is what happens.

So it doesn't actually do that thing that we were hoping that it would. But instead, it makes all of our feet grow a hundred times the size. Gigantic, you might say? Yes, except for us, of course, because we're in the room. Everyone outside of the room is not coming in the bunker. That's true. Yes. Their feet just balloon.

Bellowing. And then they're all just like trying to run away but killing each other in the process. Stompin? Yeah. Oh, everyone. Oh, see. Now you've tapped in the Nogel's favorite thing. Yeah.

What is it? Stomping. Gigantic things, especially when stomping. Okay, great. So that's it. Grashing. Thank God I thought that's true. That's good.

Nice! Okay. Okay, okay, okay. We'll be right back. Listener, see you soon. Hello, and welcome back. Hello, listener. Okay, Haley.

Hello. Take it away. What's our first topic for discussion today? Okay. So listen, I had a really long list of options because I really, I would like to discuss all of these with you at some point. But I think I'm going to go with a cutesy one. Oh, see, now I just did that to see the reactions. It was polarizing.

And Zelda loved it. Lazy hated it. Matt, what do you think? I love cute. All right, we're going with cute. Cout voted again. Again, lazy. I didn't vote.

I just gave you my honest response. Oh. So you don't vote. We have to in this country, Haley. I know. I honestly love that about this place. Who did you vote for? In which election?

She voted from the first time. She didn't realize. I just like his policies. I just want to see what he can do for this place. I keep voting. for who's the winner of Australian Idol season one? Guy Sebastian. I keep voting for Guy Sebastian,

and I don't know why they won't accept it. It's the way you tailor your humor to us Australians that really helps. Yeah, it's really good. I got all the knowledge, clearly. So cutesy. All right, so cutesy. What kind of unusual pet are we bringing into the bunker? And the caveat is, you can make it really,

tiny if it's not already. Oh. Like a miniature. Yeah, and you could make it get big when it goes back outside. Where is my obsession with this? I did this with the feet earlier. Yeah.

That's good. Where? The toy poodle, toy pig, toy peacup. You can make it small for the bunker. But yeah, any animal, any pet. Like unusual pets.

Well, I mean, unusual. It's like it can't be a cat or a dog. I mean, Zolda has an obsession with the exotic pets. Right. Yeah. Great. True. But, oh, it's so.

complex because how cruel to house any animal really. Yeah. Keep him out in a cage. But the first thing that came to my mind was an axolotl. You used to have two axolotl. You did? Renan's stimpy. Wait, are you being serious?

Okay, Robbie's the other day that he had a rat? A pet rat? This is just like so funny to me because you're so like anti-pet these days. I'm not anti-pet. No, I'm married to a man that's anti-pet. pet. So yeah, you just like don't have pets at home, I guess. No, we don't have pets because Kurchin doesn't want pets because he doesn't. But I, the reason I'm anti-pet currently and not forever is that, like, if I was to get a pet, I'd likely want to get a pet that I could

like leave for a few days and not have an issue. Right. So I'd get a cat. The cats live for 20 years. And I've just seen too many people adopt cats. And then. five or 10 years in are like, well, where the fuck is this cat going to live? Because I need to move apartments or I need to like. Yeah. I just like, like I really like pets. I think pets are so cute and I love their like vibes. But I just, I couldn't, I can't see my life being stable enough that I don't want to like,

you know, go away and be a judge on drag race for almost a month. Yeah. And just leave my pet or like, I want to still have the option that like, say we became tremendously successful and needed to move to America or whatever. I'm not going back. That, like, that would be an option and that would be really hard to do if I had a pet. So, like, yeah, I think part of it is, yeah, part of is that, and then part of it is just that Cochon does not want pets.

Okay, but you had axolotles and a rat. I had an axolotle. I had a lot of fish. I had many fish tanks. And then I had rat, cat. We had a dog for a short time and a goat. You had a goat? Yeah.

What was the goat's name? Oh my God, it was named after my dad's best friend. This was when I was very young, like five and six. Peter. Yeah. Brian. Oh my God. That's incredible.

Brian, the goat. He was so cute. I love goats so much. I really like goats. Oh, my gosh. an endearing creature. I think if I could have anything as a miniature, which they don't actually make with goats.

No, no, no, but this is in this, in my rules, you can make the mini. Mini goat would be so cute. I love the way they. Oh my God, how cute. I love when they ram their heads into people. And you could, if it was a mini goat, you could like, when it's in the bunker, it could be, like,

grazing on, like, a little, like, plant. Yeah, we just, uh, there's a select few. We've got a little grass in there. Yeah. Um, and it would love to. to climb on top of that big brawn. Yeah. And just have a high vantage point as good.

How about those mountain goats? Have you seen these? Yeah. The climbing goats. On such sheer surfaces. They're incredible. They are incredible. They are an inspiration.

Oh. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So that's quite fun. What else is an unusual pet? Well, there was a man that used to walk around with a giant cockatoo in our neighborhood. Oh.

That was his pet. Cocatoos are hilarious to me They're like they're like the mob They're like gangsters They literally show up There's these cockatoos at my friend's house And they like they have such power to them Like they show up outside

And it's like if there's a guest there That they don't recognize they all kind of like Who are you? What are you doing here? Yeah They're so cute And they destroy things They know how to open bins

And they scream Yeah they're really like When they fly across the valley. They sound like me laughing at a movie. Yes. When I worked at poor Louis Chinese restaurant, sushi king next door, the king of that restaurant, Frank's sushi house. Yes. Had geese out the back.

And like the geese used to come in like it was kind of like a service lane behind the restaurants on the right front beach. And those geese used to chase me when I would try to go to work. Geese are notoriously mean, aren't they? They're very mean, very territorial, but so cute. And he used to like walk the geese. They were his friend. He was mother hen. Yes.

Yeah, and they would follow him. That's so cute. And can I just say as well? Like, I know it's not actually happening, but in my mind it is. Like the magpies around my house really, we're working towards a friendship. That's beautiful. I like was in my like bathroom the other day. And a magpie like, no, no, no, that's a lie.

I was in the, like, I was in the, I was in, like, the wig room out the back next to the garden shed. Yes. And, like, a magpie landed on the clothes line directly outside the door. I have a photo. I'm going to send it. And it was just like, it was only there. And then as soon as it, like, I didn't know. And then it started singing, as they often do, when I go outside the house, that's when they start singing.

You think they're obsessed with you? I do. No, but Macpies are. like social birds and they can remember faces. Yes. It's so cool. Look at this, but don't judge my lawn. I was mowing it and then I found that. Oh my god.

The old lawn. We're getting rid of it. Don't. Oh my God, such a handsome girl. He's literally looking the other way. No, but that's because he's looking away from you something. He's got his back to you. I don't see this. I'm sending it. I'm sending it. Okay. Well, listen, that's gorgeous. I think as well,

some people develop relationships with crows and then crows start bringing them trinkets because as gifts. Yeah, little gifts. I know, birds are amazing. I'd like a little gift. I love this magpie. But it's just also so needy and sad, Zelda.

What? Why don't you become obsessed with them? Expect them to become obsessed with you. I am obsessed with them. Do they ever go in the bird bar? Yeah. Do you think they enjoy it? Yes.

Have you added little things to the bird grass or enrichment? No, I just make sure it's fresh. How often is that? Every other day. If you really loved the birds, you'd build them a lake in your backyard. And then you'd propose to them in it. Proposed to the birds. That episode.

I actually had it. That was, when I was listening to that, I was driving down Pond Road. And I got so obsessed with seeing this ugly lake that I pulled the car over. I was like, I had to see this. We've got a really terrible habit of talking about purely visual things on this podcast. No, but it was really. Horrible. I couldn't find it online. So this is my reminder to you.

Oh my God. You need to show me there. Yeah, that's a really funny picture. That's stupid leg. Oh, God, I feel bad for that woman. Well, she's happy. But I think she might be happier than me. She's certainly exhausted.

Oh, we don't talk about that. No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, okay. So what are the exotic pets are there? I mean, like jellyfish are really cute. Yeah.

Do I, am I supposed to give you my answer? Yeah. Have you heard the show? So, Tamar. I cannot tell you how bad my memory is. You know the thing is, I really do think I don't hold on to things. I think they come through my brain like a gust of wind. It's like they're in there while they're there and then they're gone.

It's just nothing for them to latch on to. That's beautiful. Exactly. Just like wind. Nothing to latch on too, bad said. I like this because it's like Matt, every so often has a little dig that comes just quietly through my right ear. Yeah, a little snag. Hiding behind his little wall.

It keeps you in check, doesn't it? Twice a time they don't listen to them. You've got to run roughshod right over them. Well, they're beautiful. Please stop every time Matt insulted me, I never speak again. Okay. Okay, my answer is a manatee. Oh, cute.

I am obsessed with manatees. I think they're the most, they're cows of the sea. And they are notoriously. I guess someone will have kept them as a pet at some point. Well, they're like kind of going extinct. And so in Florida, the divers, because manatees are like notoriously friendly and they like want to hang out with people when they're diving, but the divers aren't allowed to touch them. So there's all these videos of like manatees coming up and trying to get like a belly rub or like coming up and playing with them. And the divers have to just sit there like, oh!

That's very huge. They're so cute. They're so cute. Oh, you know that rubbing. Yeah, they're so cool. I love them. Just rubbing a manatee. Yeah.

They make me happy. I love them so much. So I think I would definitely want to bring a manatee in who could get really tiny small so we could take a bath together. Yeah. Well, you'd be in the oceanarium with the meg. Yes, yes, yes. So the manatee, depending on how long. Yeah, it could go.

You're going to kill my tiny little pet? No, I wouldn't. No, but the Meg might. The Meg might indeed. But we could do, we could make it like a. a wading poo. What? A little paddle pole.

We have an oceanarium. Yeah, but we could do like a little, you know, like safety bay. We could do a little one of those hover tanks like the fighting fish get. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But when you're like, yeah, breeding live bears, so you put them in there and then they. Do you know what my favorite of your pets is that is your gorgeous little shrimp?

Yeah, my little shrimpies. Yes, they're very cute. I love shrimp. Yes. I think that's the most tempted I've been to get a pet is. thing, your fabulous shrimp. But they require such delicate care. Yes.

You have shrimp as a pet? Yeah. Like little baby shrimp. I have four aquariums running at the moment. Hey, Zelda, I know this is enough. I'm coming over after this. You simply must. It's crazy that I've helped in there.

She also has a gorgeous giant six-foot take. That's completely empty. I've never been over either. Never been invited, actually. Oh, my God. Wait, Matt, you've never been invited over to itself. It hurts? No, not yet.

One day you'll get the invited. Well, it's because I know we're not going to get it in, so. Yeah. You really have to be, there's a few categories of people. If you were slightly more gray, I'd probably. If I was a hookup potential or a magpie, I'd take your love. If you're a stony-looking bird or. Vanessa, the neighbor.

Your neighbor's name is Vanessa. Yes. Oh my God, last night when I was... Absolutely. Am I RLC. Vanessa. When I was walking home last night, she was chatting to one of the neighbors on the other side of the road.

And I was kind of like walking like with open body language. Like, Lisa. I'm also over here. Oh, well, I mean, I'm at the gate now.

You might have noticed how well established my passion fruit is now if you want to. Oh, no, you're still in that conversation. That's okay. I'll catch you next time, Vanessa. Bye, Vanessa and you. I don't know. that other neighbor, but it was the neighbor's house that paints over their, like, chimney

every holiday season. Oh, yeah. Yeah. They paint like a picture of like. Santa. Like a mural? Yeah. Well, but it's giant and ugly.

It's like Easter bunny, Santa. Halloween. On an otherwise unadorned home. Yeah. It just looks like a regular house, but then the front of it. Like a bunch of preschool. What do they paint for Labor Day? Well, here's the.

the issue. They don't paint it that often and they don't paint over it in between. So they just leave it up. Like it's still Santa at the moment. Have I told you ever that my mother was someone who left the Christmas tree up all year long? Wow. Yeah, that's the house. Was it a synthetic? Yeah, fake tree was up all year long. That's telling. Well, yeah, it does tell a lot about the kind of house I grew up in. When I was coming to your improv night that I arrived at, was it was on doing. I had work. And I tried to get in and they were like,

it ends in 10 minutes. I was like, that's fine. I only want 10 minutes to this. You're like, even better. That's a perfect little nibble of it. And they were like, well, it's sold out anyway. I was like, well, you could have led with that. Yeah, like you still want to come in?

Yeah. Certainly someone would have left by now. You could get up on stage, I guess. Do you know what? I think, oh, no, you finished, so. I walk past spaghetti tree and they have Christmas trees in their window. I was like, Wait, that's crazy.

Yes. It's a restaurant in the city, everyone. You know what's funny. I've been there. Yeah, me too. It's such a hideous restaurant that feels like a staple. They have the massive chandeliers in there. It's just so weird.

It's so grand. So do you think the Christmas tree is the eponymous spaghetti tree? Made of spaghetti. Or it's like, in the Italian outs, we have the spaghetti tree. Uh-oh. Oh, you think we can't do an Italian? accent? Oh, I mean, it was more of quality. Excuse me, for van Gula.

There's more of a quality assurance. I met Italians. I've eaten a meatball. I can say baccala. Where's the baccala? The Maltese falcon. I have the gon. Now Zelda is an Italian.

How's he doing? I'd just rather move along. The Maltese falcon. I have my non-as. first birthday this weekend. How cute. And good genes. Yeah.

Do you know when you think life is hard and you're exhausted, remember that because of your genetics, you got a lot more of this to come. True. Sorry. True. How do the men in your family do? Well, my non-o's been dead since I was like eight.

Okay, well, maybe you don't have much of this to look forward to. But, yeah, that's fine. You had a good run. Yeah. You had a good inning. But who will take care of your magpies when you leave? Exactly. Vanessa.

That's how magpies become close. But I'm worried about her children. Can I just say? Are they rat bags? No. But like they could be friendlier. I have no rapport with those children. Well, I feel like one.

I'm not trying to speak to those children. I'm not trying. Hello, change. Danger danger. Yeah. There's like one who's like, must be like 20 or something. Oh. He seems like too cool for school.

Well, he doesn't want to talk to you. Wow. Matt. Wow. And then the next one I'm going to say is he must be like 16. But he looks like a gamer kind of there's issues there. So like he's certainly not going to engage. But like, just no vibe.

Can I say just quickly, this is flashed a memory in my head of the flower and garden show. Jelda was talking about playing marble. No, can I tell this story? Let me tell the story. Please. Main stage, please go ahead. Okay, okay. So, we do the second part of our performance,

which is a tier list of all like plants and planty characters in media. What a stupid premise. And we get to Groot, the, um... Oh, the tree guy. Floral Colossi from Planet X. What? Um, what? Say it again.

And Groot famously in like the MCU or whatever only says, I am Groot. it's never explained why he can't say other sentences it's inferred that rocket can understand him how charming that's cute whatever but that's true as well in the comics but there are many telepathic characters in the Marvel universe and in Marvel rivals

okay so what happened was there were two children in the audience amongst the 60 year olds and when we got to Groot And I was talking about Groot. And I was like, do they want to you play Marvel Rivals? Which, obviously, no one, but the two 10-year-old children raised their hands. And it was like, isn't it so much fun when you play as Emma Frost? And then you get to have dialogue lines with Groot because she's telepathic.

So obviously they can communicate without the need of language. And this kid was like, what? What are you talking about? So the same child was not playing with Emma Frost. No. And he was like, what, do you play, I'm surprised you don't play a squirrel girl. And everyone laughed despite no one even knowing what Marvel Rivals is or who squirrel girl is. Anyway, so I was being heckled by the child.

Oh, absolutely. And then later. No, and then what did you say? Well, do you play as? Oh, up, but-p-p-p-p-p-p-so. So then later, he weirdly won around. No, he didn't. Well, whatever.

Oh, no, I awarded him most attentive in the show. So I went down to give him, because he was a vibe, that little kid. He heckled you and you gave him an award. Yeah, that's tough love. I like that. I see. So when I went to give him the award, I was like, all right, well, we're back on mic time with his 10-year-old. And I was like, come on, tell me, who's your, like, who do you play as?

And he was like, Moon Knight. And then I turned around and I said, oh, because you can't aim. because MoonNet has auto aim in the game. Good one. And isn't that funny? I just want to just add the last thing. This child was sitting center on like the rows. So there's like one aisle down the middle of where they set up the chairs.

This child was sitting center in their wheelchair. And Zelda is like heckling this 10 year old child in a wheelchair. What? Because you can't aim, faggot. That child was heckling me earlier. Saying that I would play. Squirrel girl, get rude. But then it was really sweet because Zelda gave him the voucher for a $50

bouquet as a reward. And then he came back later with the biggest yellow bouquet of sunflower. And we're like, and he's like, got yellow to, you know, to match. And I was like, oh. And this kid had like such kids TV, Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards, like kind of Rizzler energy. I just like, even to be there at the flower festival. I think he saw the list and was enticed. Yes.

His children understand our ways. Yeah, but then when he came back with the flowers, he got yellow to match lazy, and then he was like, can we get a photo? That's very sweet. It was so cute. Oh, that's really nice. Anyway, so Zelda has been abusing children.

What I will say, the one last thing I was going to say is it's so embarrassing now in reflection because of the first night that we all probably met. We were doing our, he she they said what improv show with um delicatessen and brend abreast and now on reflection we went and saw haley's improv show over this first one years after that and haley is like an astoundingly good improviser as are her incredible group of friends and the fact that you sat through these like amateur hour improv night I had fun I loved that night so much

Just so funny. It was fun. And we're like, thanks for coming. I had fun. And that is the night that I got the splinter in my ass. And it's still there, isn't it? From doing splits outside the penny black? You know the thing that's really unfair, though, is...

I have done splits on so many surfaces and never had the surface fight back. Listen, it was a wooden deck. You haven't? I'm sorry. I'm just going to go for it. You haven't done the splits on someone's dick before? Well, that's different. Okay.

Well, that would be the surface fighting back, wouldn't it? Well, not if I'm consenting. Yeah, but, you know, pushing bull. That's a good question. You know what? I'll give you that. Now I'm lying. I guess we're all telling lies today.

Yeah, well, I was wearing really thin, linen pants. A belt as a skirt. No. That's a you. But yeah. Okay, okay, okay. So the category was.

Tiny little animals. Do you know what I have been tempted by recently is that I saw a girl with various types of praying mantises. And I'd love a praying mantis. That's so cool. They're cool. They're so cute. Aren't they the ones two that like kill their, the women praying mantises

kill their partners after they're. Getting ideas, sweetie. Oh, God, that's terrible. Sorry, I just left the planet mentally. Can I go to? That's very cool. I love a praying mantis. You know, someone at work the other day said,

I can't remember the context, but there probably was none other than having worked with me for two years. And she was like, Ken, do you? we were like the kind of kid who would like go into the garden and collect insects. I was like, yes. Like in one of those insect collectors.

She was like, wait, no, now you've lost me. What are you talking about? And then I presented that image of, you know, that insect collector. Took it upside down wine glass. Yes. Yeah. I'll show you. Anyway.

I used to spend hours and hours and hours outside when I visited my Nana in Cloundre in the Sunshine Coast. Because we didn't really have skinks here as much. What? But they have skinks everywhere. Oh, what? Like a little, like lizard in the backyard. You call them skinks? Yeah, they're like a little black lizard.

They're tiny. That bug glit. And wait, like, so it's so much so that when you walk through the grass in Queen's line, like it'll shiver a little bit as a few skinks run around and away. That sounds like a slur. Sking. I just like not. Okay, it's a lizard.

I got it. It's one letter. It's one letter off a slug. yeah. What? What? Skanks? Yeah, skank.

Skank. Skunk. Skunk. But yeah, I used to go outside and capture a bunch of skinks and put them in some type of wear and then hang out with them for a little while and be like, okay, well, you guys are going to go back out. Anyway, see you later. Bye. That's, I.

Do you guys want some bread? Give them white bread and like, it's food. I actually think this might be a thing where it's like, if you were a child, who used to go outdoors and play with any, like, flora and fauna that was around, you're one type of kid. And I was that way, for sure. Like, I would crawl up trees to, like, get closer to a bird. And, like, I would, like, lay in the ground.

I remember doing this thing. I used to call it waiting. But I would lay in the grass, like, just, like a corpse, and just wait to see. if any animal would approach or a bug or and sometimes like a ladybug would land on me

I'd say see it's worth the way I remember explaining that at some point to my grandmother and she was like something's wrong oh that's what I do on a weekend yes waiting

my favorite game well don't let a dull child get in the way imagine if you have dull grandchildren oh what are you doing waiting Oh, you're not going to get slingshots and, you know, go and play cops and robbers in the back yet?

No, grandmother. Those fun things will come to me. Perhaps I'll find a friend who enjoys waiting as much as I. My grandmother, like, really did not disguise her distaste for my cousin's childhoods because they were gifted like a Nintendo 64 and, like, they'd bring it with them when they'd come on vacation or they'd have their game. or Game Boy Advance. And they'd be like, they would go and stay with her and be like inside all the time playing video games and like mucking around and being boys. Whereas me and my sister would come to visit.

We would like say goodbye to her like 10 in the morning and be like, we're getting on play. And then we'll go to the corner shop and we'll pick up your groceries like, you know, bread and milk. And then we'll also get a little ice cream because you've given us your coin purse. And then we'll go to the beach. And she was just delighted because that's the childhood that she understood. And then she was like, I don't get what's going on with Alex and Fergus and why they're so like obsessed with all these video games and everything.

And then like, yeah, she just had like, she was like so obsessed with the fact that we actually played. That all when she died, they went through her house. And like there was so many photos of my sister and I from our childhood. And then just like one or two. You and your sister inherited her entire wealth and the others weren't mentioned in the will at all. The picture thing is interesting because there is such a clear threat.

Like I think I look back at childhood photos of me and I'm like, oh my, what is wrong with this child? And the things they chose to take pictures of, there is a photo in my baby album. that it's like in between all these really cute things and then you just flip the page and it is me pointing at the first shit I took in a baby toilet

and I'm like, why do you know the other kids have this? Oh my. Get the camera! My mom's explanation was, you were so proud. Oh my God. I was like, don't let the child choose what's in the camera.

But it's like maybe you have that photo But do you spend the time putting it in the album? It's in the album and there's three shots, different angles. Well, at least they change position to get in. And then there's also a series of photos in my baby album of me eating mud. And my parents just let me eat the mud. They're like, that's funny. Let's photograph it.

That's good. I'm just sending you all some interactions that I had with my mother recently on Friday. You're the lucky one. She sent me. Oh, God, there's a running thing there. Listen, don't worry about it. Lazy and I have dead mothers. No, no, no.

Not that one. Not that. Not that. I've been trying to get Zelda's mother to book her tickets for the witchy girls. And I was like, have you booked your tickets yet for our show? And then she read it and didn't reply. And now I'm like, actively hounding Zelda's poor mother, being like, have you booked your tickets yet?

And then I saw Zelda's father. And I was like, have you booked your tickets for the witchy girl? I thought that that was going to be money in the bank. Well, yeah, you're just trying to get money from them. Yeah. No, no, you're rightfully highlighting that they should probably go to this momentous occasion for me, but they are complicated. Anyway, she sent me this message the other day.

Hang on, I'm just sitting it to Haley, that said, first photos going up on my family photo wall. The photo is this white white, wall that has one image of it on it that is me in Kinder with a ball haircut, my favorite jumper that is two panders and it says, cuddle me, and me resting gleefully on the playground. You look so cute, though. I thought it was your brother, to be honest, when you first showed me this image. This is so sweet, Zelda.

Look at how shiny my hair is. It's really nice. Thank you. Also, this is the facial expression. I can only imagine I was making while I was waiting. Well, that's it. She had the good sense to cut up the active shit behind. Yeah.

That's really funny, so you're her only loved child. That's it so far. There's still time to add more family images to the wall. Well, perhaps she needs a small balcony for a shitting cat. I suppose if she came to the witchy girls premiere, she could take photos to put on the... Well, anyway, Matt, do you have any preferences for a small creature that we could put in the bunker as a pet? Maybe just a...

I like the wild animals as a pet kind of vibe. I was... I used to want to have a raccoon as a pet. Oh, it's so cute. I love raccoons. But I think, like, when you... Like, they're, you know, obviously we don't have them in Australia, so... It's not as...

Like, I think if you lived in America... I forget. that. Yeah. They're such a novelty for, same with squirrels. Yeah, yeah,

that's what I mean they're novelty for us but I don't imagine they would be for Americans. Yeah. Yeah.

But you guys have the cool possums as well. Yeah, the opossums. Crazy looking fucking posses. Have you ever seen one of those? Yeah. They're so scary.

Oh my God. I was showing. They like all have rabies. Don't say that about them. Prove it. I'll take you. I was showing like someone

recently that fabulous pearl woman on YouTube who has her opossums. They're so cute. Why is the tail so thick? Are they aggressive? Well, if they're rabbit, have you seen the video?

It's like this girl coming up to the car and it's like her boyfriend's filming it and she's holding this clearly rabid possum that's like and she's like, can we keep it? And he's like, we're going to find. good boy, you like, I love him.

That's so scary. That is so cute. It's crazy. You guys don't have rabies here either. I know. I remember on Iroclass, this American life, there was this woman who recounted her experience with a rabid squirrel. And it was like a horror movie because she like, it might have been, it was like either a squirrel or a possum, but it chased her down because rabies makes you attack and like got on her and

latched onto her and would not let go. And then she almost died of fucking rabies. Like she was like in, yeah, it's so scary. Can I go back and change the way that the world ended to rape? Rabies. Yeah. It's a new type of rabies. A new type of rabies. And it exclusively comes from women named Tracy.

Grimshaw. Turnblad. Tracy Turnblad. Tracy Turnblad. Tris. She turns flat. Sorry. Matt, I think it's a great choice to bring a raccoon in.

They're really funny. Yeah, they are funny. Yeah, I really struggled between, for me, I was like, manatee or panda because I think animals that are funny are really incredible. What if we just had like a hybrid of both? Guys, that's not how it works. Oh, that could work. Pandity?

Future technology we might be able to. Yeah, like it has the head of a panda. We've got the body of a manate. He's not like Frankenstein's monster. There's probably black and white manatees out there. Black and white manatees. The thing I like about pandas though is that they have like a sense of humor. Have you seen this later?

They like fuck with, well, I mean potatoed potato. You know what I'm saying? Am I really funny or? Have I just had a harder time understanding things? Maybe neither. I also just want to throw into the mix that recently I had been visiting some of Curgeon's dear friends and I can't know amongst my friends now

and they had a gorgeous outdoor cage at their farm property in Castle Main with some ferrets in it and they're like oh we're getting into ferreting and I was like ha ha ha ha ha next time I caught up with one of the divas Shanti she was like oh yeah we've been out ferreting and I'm like what do you mean you actually made good on that

I'm like, yeah, because they're like quite staunch environmentalists. They're like, the rabbits fuck up the local environment and the Australian, like, local ecosystem. So we need to reduce rabbit populations around Castlemain or else like we're going to lose it. So they've been using the ferrets. And I'm like, what do you mean? She's like, it's a lot more like fishing than I expected. You go and find the borough, cover the holes, send one of your ferrets down there. Yeah.

Then the rabbits all jump out and you catch them in a net. Yeah. Then you kill them. Yeah. And I was like, oh my God. Yeah. And we've killed them. And we haven't come around to making the, well, like one of them had made Kentucky

fried rabbit. But then she's like, I don't know that I could get to eating it. Yeah, that's intense. There's this YouTube channel that I watch sometimes of like this guy who goes ferreting. But like for, like he'll go to a farm, like an industry farm. And they'll always have like rat problems and stuff. And like the thumbnails are always like 47 rats caught or like 105 rats found on property. So grim.

And the screenshot is always just like a mountain of road up dead rats. But the guy isn't completely evil. And it's just like very, it's a practical way to clear rodent issues. Yeah, ferrets. I had a pet ferret. Did you? Yeah, it had three legs. What was its name?

Tachi. Cute. The Tachas still canvas. Oh, it was called Tachi because Tachi's Japanese for kind of sword. Anyway, it's fine. Was your ferret a fighter? I got a discount because it only had three legs. Oh.

Which a good deal. When I purchased it. 75%. The ferret fishing thing made me think of, have you guys heard of noodling? Yes. Oh, lazy. Lazy. Lazy.

a lesson here. You're not going to put your arm down a mud hole and pull out a catfish? Yes. It's so crazy. I really? People doodling. It's nuts. Yeah.

I mean, like, this is the thing. I don't necessarily feature the idea of going in and killing a bunch of animals. But there is something like that I really like the idea of like just being out in nature and it's like seeing the animals and kind of getting up amongst it. But I just want to. Fisting the sand. Well, I know. I want to stop. at the point where we're like ripping them out of their environment.

You just want to go herping. Herping? Herping. Where you go on a hike and you like lift up rocks to find a snake? Oh. That's, yeah, it's, you know what? Herping is just like a more active version of waiting. Yes.

You invented waiting. But only slightly more so. I know that. And then hunting is the next step. Oh, no. Hunting is a different, there's such a different intention for that. Oh, yes. No, no. Yeah, you're not visiting with the animals.

No. Doing something horrid. Yes. No offense. Well, you know, I think like hunting kind of, yeah. I don't mind the idea of, yeah, controlling population. Have you seen the photos of the mouse plague? I mean, the videos of mouse plague in the 90s in Australia?

No. Mama, it's so scary. What happened? There was a plague of mice and, like, people were opening cupboard doors and, like, mice were falling out as, like, an ongoing way. Like, they would go outside and turn on the lights on the farm, and it would be like a seething, foot-high thing of mice that were just like... What?

Yeah, yeah, you've got to see the videos. Was this just because, like, they were... We didn't have lids in Australia until the late 90s. So all the food containers, they were just wide open. It was such a problem. But then we brought lids over. But, like, the cont... Like, I mean, obviously...

Are you joking right now? Yes. No. It's like... That's the concussions. That's some really good improvisation, yeah. I'm quick. But yeah, it's just so scary because, like, you know,

like there are just moments where plague-like conditions are able to come into being. I'm now remembering some of my favorite times on the witchie girl set because you indeed, like there were so many, there were a few times where I said things to you in a very deadpan way. Yes. There was one particular one. Which one was it? I cannot.

I remember the details, but I remember exactly the moment because I remember walking away and be like, Haley, you need to go take a nap. I'm sorry that Zelda was bullying you. No, it was just like, I was so tired and I remember I missed a joke that was so clearly a joke. And Zelda was staring at me like, oh no. I've ruined you. I don't remember. I can't remember anyway. Good times.

Well, I'm glad that you could recount. Memories. Don't remember. Come on. a good anecdote. People laughing about things they don't remember. Isn't that most of reminiscing? Yeah.

Okay. Well, I'm happy to go with your tiny, tiny manatee. Yeah, but can't we put it in a little waiting pool? Yeah, I don't make it go with a leg.

I don't want a second body of water. No, no, same body, but we'll just make a little, you know, like, I'm happy if it's like,

yeah, a little, um, you know, float, hit the flotilla. Yeah, we'll put it in a live bearer breeding basket. Giant, though.

Giant. I appreciate that. Thank you. Cute, a little manatee. Right? Cute. Cute. I prefer a man or three.

Oh, naughty, naughty. Shall we call it Brian? Brian, the manatee. I thought she was a woman. A womanity. A womanity. What? Oh, the womanity.

Oh, the womanity. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. Welcome back, listeners. Hello listeners. I hope you're still there. Listen, we've been giving you crumbs for so many episodes. We thought we'd give you a slightly longer episode.

Yeah, I feel like we're at four years at this point. What next? Well, this is a category that I've thought of recently because there's been quite a bit of death and sadness and destruction. But it's really like condolences. We've been seeing a lot more. condolences now that we live in an online world where when someone dies or gets bad news, we as a culture, an Anglo culture, have not, I don't think, figured out how to communicate our condolences.

So I'd like to figure out which condolence gets in the bunker. Sorry. Sorry. I'm so sorry to hear that. I hate to hear that. I hate it. Or like, sad face emoji. Sad.

Or fly with the angels. Fly with the angels. I've seen it. Rest in time. Fly with the angels. Yeah. Wild. But like, that's this more specific condolence of like departure.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, because obviously Maxi died. Yes. And that was very sad. Yes. But there was like, like all the way from hilarious. you know,

mourning because she was a drag queen so obviously like Yeah, yeah. People are funding through. Specifically someone who's accounting to be at the memorial service for Maxi. Vanity was running the whole thing and she was giving her tribute and she was like, You know, there was a certain point where a doctor said to Maxi, you can either choose booze or alcohol, but not both.

Oh, sorry, booze or food, but not both. And she turns to the coffin and she goes, she chose food. And then she goes, and then she goes, she was recently playing Sharon, Magda's iconic role in Fountain Lakes in Edinburgh. But she went a bit method because Magda just had cancer. Yes. But she like yells at the conference and she's like, went a bit, meth, there. That's incredible. Okay, so condolences can mean anything that gets said at a time of grieving.

I have a really incredible one that my aunt Christina said to me at my mother's celebration of life. She came up to me when I was talking to a few of my mom's friends from high school. Yeah. And she put her hand on my arm and rubbed it really affectionately. And I was immediately surprised because my aunt. at Christina is not the most loving of women of people. And I was like, wow, this is really nice. And she looks around the room and she looks back at me because I was meant to kick off

the service part of it. I was going to kind of start it off. She looks around the room. She looks back at me and she goes, you're losing them. Oh. Come on. Put on a show. Razzle dazzle, darling.

And then, like, motion towards the stage. Like, people are going to stop leaving them funeral because it wasn't entertaining. You're losing them. They're starting to chat. They're thinking about where they're going after they. Like, I literally cannot imagine the better moment. It was so much crazy stuff happened on that day because my mother's side of the family is very unique. Well, they come from Christmas town.

It is. But yeah, that was, so. That's a hectic. You're losing them. That's really good. Get it together, girl. The show must go on. What was I thinking?

What are you doing, chatting? I had too much extracurricular stuff going on at the gig of my mother's fucking funeral. Your most well-attended gig, though. How? And I'm like any gig of Zelda's, your mother did come. Yeah. Yeah. That's good.

Um, yeah. Um, I, um, I, just to say, I find condolence is really difficult.

Oh, same. I just like, I, I mean, I struggled to articulate myself for the best of times, but,

like, especially. Oh, we know. Oh. Thanks, man. But it's why I don't like debating things or like talking about things that are important because I think to say something I want to be able to commit to it and like understand

and, you know, like not say something that I would regret or want to go back and change and all those things and overthink every sentence I've ever said, etc. And when it comes to something like that, there's so many layers of like trying to convey. so much and not assume but also like to be there and be interested but not overstep and all that shit it's just so much to navigate but it's worse to say well sometimes maybe not but sometimes yes like do you say nothing do you say too much do you say too little yeah all like balancing all of that is so hard yeah when it's like especially the closer you are to people i find it even harder which is so tragic because they're the people that you want to,

like you want them to know the most how much they're suffering or whatever means to you. It's so complex. I think it really, like, it's why, because I really like got into it when I was going through everything with my mom where people were like,

I'm so sorry. And I'm like, oh, I don't even know what to say to that because it's not the right sentiment. Yeah. Like it's a weird pitying sentiment of like, I'm so sorry. I'm like,

what did you do? Yeah. Not a mental cure for cancer? I know. You're all guilty. Yeah. Everyone in this room. Perhaps if you dyed your hair blue 10 years ago, that money would have made the difference. Exactly.

Yeah. But the thing that I went through a phase of that I kind of still do because so many people are dying. But I'm like, oh, that really sucks. That's all I can must. No, it's truthful. But it's just like, oh, fuck. because it's like, I don't know that there is, there's not, like, in a moment of mourning, nothing you say will be good or like will do anything to help it.

So it really is just in action, I think. Like, I think morning is, like, you just have to either, like, be there or, you know what I mean? Like, you have to kind of figure out a way to do it or not do it. I mean, like, I don't know. I kind of think that it's weird. Sometimes when people are going through mourning, they construct an obstacle course for their loved ones to fail or succeed at.

And everyone in their life now is suddenly on a test of how they respond to their sadness. And I think it's a terrible way to experience mourning, but it's at least gives you a structure where it's like, well, I saw Catherine in the office today and she didn't say anything about this terrible thing that's happened to me. And now I can put this sadness into anger for this other person. and I think like we do it so often with everything that we like yeah create these invisible rules and ways of failing for people that they're not aware of

or as Kutja so eloquently relayed like sometimes expectation is premeditated disappointment and yeah I don't know I just find it like there is no way of knowing how to say it or what to say but the time is just like inconsistency action. I feel like I also really have always in grief just like appreciated people letting me be really dark about it. Like I, the humor that comes out in these moments, like I'm always like surprised when I make like a bad, like a joke that's pretty dark about something that's happened

to me. And it's like I think the greatest support I can get from my friends is just, recognizing that that's how I move through things and kind of like laughing with me about something that should not be funny. But yeah, I think also the one of the other amazing things that I, condolences wise, that happened after mom passed was I got a message from this guy who we didn't even go to the same high school. It was like he was in high school a couple towns over and hooked up with like one of my friends. and I remember like we we had met maybe twice.

I don't know this person at all. And I had like posted some photos of my mom and did the whole like, well, she's gone. Something like that. And he said a message on Instagram that was, damn, that must suck. And I was like, yeah. It does. I was like, hey, you're right. Thanks for messaging, man.

You got it right. That's like suddenly not. insensitive. No. Like, it's a sensitive thing to send that to someone who's going through something. Totally. But it is so,

yeah, like. And it was like, honestly found it amazing because I was like, yeah, that's exactly right. There's not really much that you could say right now that will be better. Well,

there's also like, yeah, not, like I think it's weird when people suddenly start summoning these like, you know, weirdly eloquent, like, just like,

just like, just trying to do their best version of like, this isn't in my cadence at all, but this is how you're meant to talk about death. Yeah, yeah. Whereas, yeah, I think, like, because my auntie and my mom's best friend was an Irish woman,

like, the Irish are uniquely, like, qualified at death. Like, they are some of the most morbid, more than... Well, right. Like, I mean, like, in the history of Ireland, there's a lot of loss and a lot of suffering, just immense amounts of suffering. And as a culture that's, like,

connected to suffering so deeply. They have such an irreverent sense of humor. It's amazing. And it's just like, without skipping a beat, we'll just like give you the darkest jokes as well as like this deep sense of loss and caring for the people around them. But it is just like, yeah, we don't really have that necessarily. Yeah.

We have such discomfort with death and dying and grief in our culture. Yeah. Yeah. But I think it's, I think it's one of those things, too, where I feel like the funniest stuff happens around, like, the gifts that people give you when they're trying to support your family. Like, do you guys know what edible arrangements are? I can't tell you how many, this is when, okay, sorry to just keep dropping deaths on everyone, but I didn't bring it up. but when my sister passed away in high school, we got, I am not exaggerating,

I think we got 15 and full of rich. Well, what do you get for a sister death? But I just remember the image of like, we're all like standing around in the house and we went to do and everyone's sobbing and we all have these like funny little skewers of honeydew. Was that 2000 what? 2007? I feel like that was also like a moment in time in American history.

Edible arrangements were popping up. If you got a cookie cutter in the shape of a flower and put some melon through it, you could put that on a skewer in to someone's house. And then it became this whole thing of like we couldn't eat the edible arrangements fast enough so that there was all this stress around like where are we going to put the edible arrangements? And like there was enough space in the fridge. Like, so at one point I remember my grandmother coming in and like force feeding strawberries being like, you got to eat these.

They're going to go bad. And I'm like, I don't want any more. Yeah. Yeah, just watching. I think the order of gifts that I'd like when I'm in morning, please just take note. Okay. Number one, booze. That was the best gift.

And some people got it. Some people didn't. You want booze. And then two, chocolate. Love some chocolate hanging around whenever morning. Number three, well, number three, this is what you don't do. No flowers. They're just, what?

They're going to die. I'm going to watch that die too. Get a, no. So, like, booze is great. Booze. And, like, don't go cheap. All right. Just for the record, you can go cheap for me.

It doesn't matter. I want a bottle of spirits over $100. Is it? I know Dan Murphy's giving. I'm not going out to get it. Yeah, that's true. Oh, my God. I, one thing I love about condolences,

and it is my temptation, literally any time of year that I need a card, is to get a condolence card and, like, find the funny spin for the birthday or for the this or for the that. Like, those, like, weirdly sincere, like, so sorry for your loss, incursive with a dove on the card.

It's like, who is buying that? That's so evil. And like, I mean, not to cast judgment on how people would offer condolences, but like, that is the worst ways to find the card that captures my message. But like, I just want to use that for everything. Like, I was buying cards for my nephew's birthday the other week. And all I wanted to do was to buy them the sympathy cards. Like, with sympathies, you're 12.

That's perfect. Did I say this story? And I ended up buying like one of them I found like a kind of gamer card. And then the other like birthday card. They're twin brothers by the way. Yeah. And the other I ended up buying it was like the card read like to the best uncle. Happy birthday.

But I wrote out. I crossed out two and I said from the best uncle number one. Happy birthday. And he thought it was really funny. Yeah. Wait. So why? did you get one a kind of serious card and one a funny card? Because there was only one funny

spin that I could find. And you wanted to get them different cards. Yes. Why don't make the same joke twice any? They're the twins. They share a conscience. No, because I don't want to encourage that. They're their own people. How did you pick which one got the joke? That was hard. But one is ever so slightly more of a gamer girl than the other one. So he got the eat sleep. You're like, my favorite little gamer girl. He's like, what? Yeah. He would say that. Yeah. Okay, well that's good. I think, I mean, honestly, I think it's probably been etched in this conversation from the beginning, but my favorite is Zelda's valet.

Valet. Like, it is. That is good. Sorry. That's like going off to the Viking land. Is that what that is? Well, it's a... Valhalla.

Oh, that's... That's what I thought. You were saying. No, it's like the Italian. Yeah. It's like... Yes, of course, Italian. Yeah, like passing, you know, like valet, life well lived.

Oh, that's beautiful. And live in our memory forever. Goodbye. But yeah, when I did Art Simone's kick-ons, I said valet about something. I think maybe the girl who went home the week before. I was like, ah, well, valet. And art was like, what? She's like, valet.

And she's like, oh, you mean veil? Vail this person. No, valet. Valet. I think it's good. That is good. I like that. But I do think I would say

you're losing them. True. Well, what about both? Valet, you're losing them. Valet. And then someone kindly says, you're losing them. Do you know what? I've told this story in the pub before years ago, so this is fine.

My friend, her mother, who's show I'm going to go and see tonight, Karen. Her mother died. Oh, father. well they both dead and her father flying with the angels and they had a complicated relationship and she had not like

had proper contact with him and she was at his funeral and suddenly like they were taking the casket away they were in the cemetery and she was like struck with the sense of like he's going now

he's leaving and she starts sobbing and running and then as she's running her pants start falling down and she's screaming, I feel like I'm losing something. Turns out it with her pants. And then there was a middle-aged woman in her underwear and morning gear in the middle of a cemetery

running after a coffin screaming, I feel like I'm losing something. That is incredible. It's just the only, it would only happen to people like Karen. Oh my God. Oh my God. Wow. That's so sad. Oh, that's so funny.

Wow. Oh, my gosh. That's incredible. See, that's what it's, death is funny. Funny stuff that can happen around it. Yeah, I think valet, you're losing them. You're losing them. I'm going to start saying that, like, on the mic,

Valet, you're losing them. Yeah, it's catchy, I like it Yeah All right, excellent God, your auntie, where is she now? I think Florida Where she belongs Those are her people

Showbiz folks Is it like balmy all year round in Florida Yeah Yeah, it's really warm there all the time Have you Where are you from Like where are you from? She said, I'll say you are you

Yeah, but like what does that mean? No, it's a good question. Well, okay, so upstate New York is actually very broad. Like, there's, like, many versions of upstate New York. You've seen a lot of films shot in upstate New York. Yeah. Yeah, but I'm from, like, the, like, almost Canada in New York. So it's, like, closer to Toronto than it is to New York City.

Okay, yeah. Yeah. But I grew up for a chunk in Sydney as a child, and then, yeah, we moved there because that's where my mom was from. and then I moved out to L.A. after school and then I moved to Austin and then I finally came back here. So yeah. But yeah, that's where I was like originally from. It's Rochester, New York, which is cold all the time.

I need a visual. It's like snow covered in winter in like high school when I was living there. And winter it would literally get dark out at like 3 or 4 p.m. That's so crazy Wait, here, did you live there? Picture, picture, picture. No, maybe no. That doesn't look familiar to me.

I don't know where I am. Yeah, that doesn't look familiar to me, but it's possible that it's in a part of Rochester I've never been. It looks very autumnal. Well, yeah, yeah. And there are some really gorgeous parts of it, for sure. Oh, Rochester, yeah. Oh, very good.

Well, Valé. losing them. Yeah. Welcome back, listener. Hello. It's us still. Okay, we have one final time. Without guest, Haley.

What I really need to understand is, how do you know when you're going to do the welcome, or the, we're leaving for a break? It's just when it feels right? Yeah. We go, yeah, we go until the break is, once we've settled. on the thing. Yeah.

And then we go and have a small break. Yeah. Get ourselves as the Jarrah. Yeah. And let's have a quick chat off mic about what we're going to do next. And then we sit back down when we're ready to restart. Yeah. Okay.

We get the cameras rolling again. Sometimes an hour, sometimes two. Yeah. Yeah. That was pretty quick. That was what? 45 minutes? Yeah.

Yeah. So, yeah. That's pretty good. But don't, like, you feel refreshed now, ready for you feel like. Yeah. So it's just like, but whenever I'm ready for a break, I can just. No, no, no. You go and throws your breaks.

We'll be right back. No. Curgeon tried that last time and didn't work well. I had so many people talk to me about that. Were they annoyed? No, they were delighted. They were like, Curge kept trying to do it

and you got really annoyed. Well, it's not his podcast. Curgeon seems to be very well received on the pod. People love Curgeon. That's cool. No, Matt, they love you, Matt. They're used to you now. They're inoculated to your pills.

Oh. Well, just ignore everything I said. I get compliments all the time. Yeah. People adore you. But he's like beloved in life too. It's like the most lovable human being. Never seen so many people.

Like I've never seen someone move through a space where it's like every single person he talks to. He has like a very good connection with. But it's different. But he's my Melania. He's the first lady. He's best. He is Melania. Wait, so I watched that video of her with the Android without.

sound on. What did I miss? Nothing. I haven't seen it. Oh, really? No? Oh, it's, you didn't miss anything. Okay.

It's just, that's the whole picture. Yeah. Yeah. Terrifying. Melania. Melania. There's going to be these new robot teachers, I think. Allegedly.

Oh, that one. God damn it. A. Robot teachers. It's so dark. Yeah. Ah, good. I hate.

Can you explain to me why American schools so fucking ugly? They're the ugliest places I think. They look like prisons. Well, they are. They're like most of the rooms don't have windows. They're basically, yeah, it was because of the shooters now. Honestly, the school system in the US is really fucked up. Yeah.

Actually, my principal in Iceland, I don't seem like the best principal. school. I went to a public high school in, obviously, Rochester, as we were aware. My principal was named Mrs. Hackett, and she was, like, seven feet tall. A gigantic woman. And she had sons who were, like, seven feet tall. Wow. Were they varsity? They were older, and they were never in school when I was there, but I think they were,

like, the school's only good, like, athletes. They sound hot. she built the school around her sons. Mrs. Hackett was hot. I was like my little bisexual self in high school, I would be like, I'm getting sent to the principal's office. So I can say, hey, I had a bitch, she had to be a jacket. My dear friend, Chrissy went and like she grew up in the States for a while.

And she was like the big difference that I had when, because she'd started high school or like what we call high school in the States. Yeah. And then did a few years and then came over to Australia. And she was like, it's insane. how much of the American curriculum is just taken up with like an event. It's like, it's Valentine's Day.

We're all doing something for Valentine's Day. Now it's Memorial Dance. Cut ready for the Memorial Dance. Now it's Balloon Day. We're doing themed balloons. That's her! Oh my God! Hack it!

Wait, that's crazy. I'm into this one. I know! We'll put her on the Instagram. I know. I know. And she was a good principal. Like, she cared about the kids.

And I actually did have some behavior issues. in high school. Were you hitting kids, biting them? I was skipping school and writing notes for other kids to skip school. Oh, you were like,

you were there, God, again? That's cool. That's a lot of responsibility. It was, and I got Carl. Hello, this is Deborah McCall. Yeah, I would do little voices on the phone. I would write. You do the voice on the phone.

Yeah, yeah, and I would. That's why you're such a good improv. That's why. And I would do the little fake signatures and stuff. Yeah, it was a time. And how did it all get leaked back to you? Well, someone got caught. I don't remember who got caught.

If you snitch, you're never getting this business again. Yeah, but they immediately all dubbed me in. And is that dubbed, dubbed me? Dobbed. Dobbed. Dibba-dobber. Dibba-dobba. Dibba daubba.

Yeah, good. Why does no one like a dib-a-dobber? Because snitches get stitches, honey. Nah. I can't trust them with anything. A rat. Correct. I just felt like, I remember thinking the reason I was upset was not because we'd all gotten caught.

I was upset because when I got to the principal's office and there was a conversation about why I did it. And I was really honest. And I was like, well, this is Hackett. Like everyone, I think all the kids are like really overworked. I was like, I think the expectations of us are too high. we're teenagers and you're like we gotta take APs now no one gets a day off

we need to be up so early when it's like doesn't make sense for our circadian regime you don't give us any time to hook up I was like going in I think everyone's just burnt out and she was like you know what I agree

yeah and I was upset because I still then got in trouble and I had to go to detention for months just because of the system but I always appreciated that is not Mrs. Hackett. That is just Catherine Kina. She looks exactly like Catherine Kina.

That's Mrs. Hackett, yeah. That's amazing. And she was cool. Catherine Kina. And then I also, wait, did you guys see the screenshot I sent you about my gym teacher? Yes. That was, so I loved that. I could not get over it.

Okay, so the context here, listener is my, I posted the trailer of the witchy girls. and my high school gym teacher whose name is Marge Gaylord Everyone called her Marge and I fucking loved her. Marge Marge simply commented one thing on the trailer and it was Mrs. Matzky

Because I think we had another gym teacher They were best friends And they were both these incredible lesbians And Mrs. Matzky was the other gym teacher And I think she saw Marge saw that Hannah Gatsby was in the trailer and was like, that looks like Mrs. Maggi.

I could find this woman. She just commented, Mrs. Matchkey. That's amazing. It's so good. That's very gym teacher behavior. Like brief. Yeah. My gym teacher in primary school used to eat his bananas with the peel on.

And would go surfing with, like, my dad would see him surfing on the weekend. But like on the sand or? Yeah. He does everything back to him. Okay. Wait, I have questions. Who's the opposite day? I have questions. Was it like, was he eating it at one bite?

Or like, how is he chewing the? Yeah, right? It's not chewable. Like, we've all indulged once to just give it a trash. It's not. It's not edible. What? His name, I think, was Mr. Chubb.

And the fire extinguishes at the school were like all Chubb brand. And like I distinctly remember like every single one of them had like whatever the first one was like rubbed out and then like Mr. Chubb on all the fire extinguishes. Wow. Yeah. Your gym teacher, Mr. Chubb used to gobble down bananas. Whole bananas. Give gommies to these bananas with the peel on. There's no time to peel a banana in this world.

I think if I had the unfortunate lot in line. of being called Mr. Chubb, I would try and act as normal as possible. Like, I would not be out there. You're not drawing attention to you. Yeah, not doing anything weird with bananas. Oh, God. No, it's worse that it's not whole because he's chewing on the skin. You're right. I wish it was whole.

Yeah. Oh, God. Listen, that's incredible. I'm now going to see if I can find a photo of Mr. Chubb. Now, what's the category? Oh, yeah. I'll at least go to choose a last one. Oh, gosh.

Okay, sorry. Yep. Gosh. Oh, gosh. Did you not know what show you were on? Okay. So, wait. Oh.

Wait, I thought that this category now is, is it me saying another thing that we're bringing into the bunker? Or do I just say the thing I want to bring into the bunker? No, no, no. This is a final topic. You just say topic. Topic. Great. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Didn't want to just, you know, eat the banana hole if it wasn't time. If it wasn't time for that. Okay. This is my next topic. I'm introducing my next topic now. It's happening in three, two, one.

It's about to happen. Here we go. And drum roll, please. The next topic is, what idiom are you bringing into the bunker? Yes, because you're about to have a rival podcast. Yes. You and Annie, our producer, are going to start a podcast where they discuss idioms. We want to.

We want to, yes. And we would call, yeah, if it happens, we're going to call it idioms for American idioms. I just, sorry, before we continue, I just need to say one thing. I have searched for Mr. Chub and then I'm not going to say it, but my primary school and the suburb. And the first Google image is my year six class, like image. With you in it? Yes, but not with that teacher, with my other... Zeldah.

Why is it my picture? Zeldah. Well, so we've got to be someone's picture. Zedda, were you Mr. Chub. No. Oh my God. That is so weird. Mr. Chub's going to get you.

That must be like a... That must be like a... Because it's an image that's on Facebook. That must be some weird. Like, it knows my Facebook and therefore has pulled some reference from there. I don't know that... Maybe. I'm going to hang on.

Anyway, continue. Mr. Chubb. Anyway. Okay, idioms. Okay, so I, working in advertising, idiom.com became like a very, yeah, it was like pretty much like number two after Google for us. Because when you work in copywriting or like generating creative concepts for brands, you're often working around like, like, okay, say you're doing twirl, like the Cadbury chocolate twirl. You'll start by being like, okay, idiom.com, what is like twirl?

like twirl your life away, da-da-da-da-da, because you want to have as many lines to then build your whole campaign around because an idiom is like a completely license-free saying that the general public relates to. Yeah. Common knowledge. Yeah, exactly. And so it's like if you are, if you can borrow an idiom and just insert your brand into it, it will immediately kind of have a little bit of extra value allegedly.

Okay. But it's just such a cliche in advertising to, yeah, like, like, yeah. Yeah, give yourself a little idiom to frame your brand. But you loved doing that. Well, it was definitely point number one. Also, because it's the easiest way when you're selling something in with a client, if you could be like, we shall leaf brand products. Well, the campaign is called Turnover a New Leaf.

And they'll be like, because they're going to buy new leaf products. I see. Really funny that that's the idiom that you just picked, because that is the one that started the whole conversation with Andy and I about idioms. I've recently become quite delighted on Instagram with meme accounts that, well, they're often not meme accounts, but just accounts that pull down idioms about animals. Like, and then provide an example of something else.

Sorry. So like, don't say. I feel like this is a riddle. So, like, don't say that's fishing. you know like stop being mean to fish kind of thing yes and like so instead it would I don't know the one that I posted the other day it was like stop saying that seems fishy and say hmm that seems like something I could shoot and salt with a European sea bass and engage with their wisdom to find the correct answer that's good yeah that is

but I've seen quite a few lately and they all delight well I think idioms are incredible I love them. I think it's exciting when you find an idiom and you're like, what is the history? How did this happen? Like fair shake of the sauce bottle. I don't know what you just said. An Australian idiom. What does it mean? It means like giving everyone a fair go. Fair shake of the sauce. Well, because everyone needs to shake it to get the last bit of. You don't just give it to them and if the source doesn't come out straight at once you take it off them. You say everyone gets a fair shake at the source bottle. Yeah, give a shake. Tap the bottom. A bit of time.

Yeah. Oftentimes our sauce bottles. Just smacked the ass. Also, I guess like we really did only have glass sauce bottles until recently. Right. And lids are new too. Well, yeah. The mice plate, right.

I'm back, baby. Um, yeah. Um, we had this training a couple years ago where I work about like a sensitivity training, which was fabulous, of course. But they went through one of the sections on this training. which was just like an online training, whatever, was about like some of the darker history of some idioms or just like things that you don't think about

that have become very, very common in language, but are actually really cursed. Like cable. For example, yeah, or like master bedroom and those sorts of things. Like which you don't question because it's just things that people say. And it's like, oh, wait, what's the reason it's called master? Maybe I'll start calling a primary bedroom. Yeah.

Or whatever. The big room. Yeah, the big one. Slave owner's room. Much better. At least it's clear. But one of them, and I can't remember the exact history, but it's not really that important, is like nitty gritty. Because I think nitty gritty was again like a slave kind of term because I think on voyages, slaves were often the ones to do all of the cleaning of the decks and shit.

And that was like the nitty, that's where nitty gritty kind of originated or whatever. So like, it's one of those things that people just say and you don't think about. Oh my God. But anyway, that was like the specific example in that training. And ever since, and obviously the message there was like, don't say nitty gritty because of the history. Yeah. But all, like all I ever hear people at work say is nitty gritty. because I feel like it just reminded everyone of that.

And they say it all the time. And I'm like, okay, well, I don't think many people know this, but like we all specifically know to not say that way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just funny. Well, it's like as soon as you found out that powwow was like, yes, powwow was another one. Like races to indigenous Americans.

They're like, oh, God. Yeah. And then you're like, oh, well, I guess we say circle the wagons. And they're like, wait, no, no, no, no. And they're like, uh, conflab, conflab. Oh, Flav. Yeah. I, it took me too long to understand and be informed that you can't say jipped.

Like I just, I've just been jipped. I got jipped. Which is like the Romani travelers, gypsies. It's, yeah. It's really awful. See? Yes. And I would say that.

Yeah. I got beautifully corrected by a friend and I was so grateful. It was honestly. That sounds like. It was a beautiful correction. It was a gorgeous correction. They were so generous with their time. And very kind.

Shut up, Kathy. No, it was, I was like, oh, fuck. I did not know that. Yeah. So it's important to be researching idioms always and language in gender, et cetera. I like the southern ones from America. like the really crazy ones. Yeah, give me one.

Well, I was watching that, I was watching a clip from that podcast, your mom's house. Have you, has ever seen that? No, you listen to other podcasts? Yeah,

I was just seeing it on social media. Oh, good, good. And Johnny Pemberton was on. Do you know Johnny Pemberton? He's an actor. Yes, he was a little orphan boy in the 1800s.

Yeah. Johnny Pemberton. Go on. Died of diphtheria. He was in fallout. But anyway. He was kind of. I'm talking up with these ones like nuttier than the outhouse during the peanut festival and like,

oh, slicker than pigs not. Slicker than pigs not on a radiator. Zelda, leave that alone. I like that. They're so strange those ones. Yeah. I like a chicken on a June bug. Yeah.

I think you made knee high on a Junebug. Is that what it is? I don't, I think it's knee high. Knee high on a jeanberg. Easier than a cat and a hot tin roof. Yeah. I just feel like a cat on a hot tin roof. I'm angrier than a cat who's tail got.

See you angry? I was thinking about this topic because the other night I sent Robbie a, like, gallery of new idioms that I had discovered on Instagram. Foreign translation idioms. I was so obsessed with all of them, but my favorite one is, and you cannot, if you do remember, you can't tell them. But I want Matt and Zelda to guess what this means. That's good. We're a game show. The idiom is taking the rat taxi.

What do you think taking the rat taxi means? And use it in a sentence. Oh, Matt, you go first. I'm going to take the rat taxi. I guess is it like taking the train down like the subway? Oh, that's a good one. That's actually, honestly, that would make way more sense than what it actually is. But no.

Is it doing a shit? No. Like when all else sails, is it doing a shit? It's not doing a shit. Taking a ride down the rat taxi. What is a rat taxi? Take the rat taxi. The rat taxi.

Do you just want me to tell you? Yeah, tell us. Yeah, tell us. So it's, it's a saying for leaving a party without saying goodbye. Oh. So it's like, like, Robbie, what's the one that we were saying is the more. Irish goodbye.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we know that one, right? But it's like this just, I'm like, I'm so delighted by the idea of it being like, because you always tell like one friend, right? Yeah, yeah. Like I whispered as out, I'm like, I'm taking a rat taxi. And she's like, aye-hi-hi. I hope you get a good rate.

Okay, okay. Okay, now I'll do the next one. Okay, great. No, no, as in, do you have another one? Oh, you want me to keep guessing. Yeah, I mean, you guess. Yeah. Hi.

Okay, this one's very cute. You might know this one because apparently it's Italian. Oh. It's making the little shoe. I'm making the little shoe. You make every shoe look little. It's just you've got tiny feet. Oh my God, a theme has emerged.

What? Tiny little feet into shoes, the spell. No, but you've changed it. Oh, well, I changed my mind all the time. Don't listen to me. Tiny shoe, I have no idea. Would you say it about yourself or would you say about someone else? Neither.

I mean, my first thought was like having a little like shot or like a little after dinner beverage. That's like a little thing. You're close in that it is related to food and drink. Okay. A little shoe. Making the little shoe. The little shoe. I don't know.

Like cheese wrapped in ham or something. I don't know. Okay. You're like circling it, but I'm just going to put you out of your misery. It's a saying allegedly in Italian that is the tradition of cleaning a plate with a piece of bread. Oh. Clean them opening up the sauce. Gabagul.

Gabagul. And then this one, we'll do the last one. And this one is funny. I knew this one because my dad's family is Swedish. And so I'd heard this before. But I don't know if you guys would know this one. Let's see. It's shit in the blue cabinet.

Shit in the blue cabinet. You shit in the blue cabinet. No. Nothing. them. No. You're shitting or you're shitting in. Like shit in.

You can do both. You shit in the blue cabinet. You really messed up. Yes! Well, it's to make a fool of yourself. You've gone too far. Yeah, you have shit in the blue cabinet now. See, where does that come from?

It's Swedish. Yeah, but like what is the blue cabinet? Well. Is that like in the old days there was a cabinet where you'd shit? This is a great question. Who knows? And this is exactly why we love idioms. Hmm.

Why is it? This podcast is going to run forever Your new Idiom podcast Anyway Well, what's yours? You have to pick one. It's dying for everything. I really like the ones that evoke

A really disgusting or sad image Like cats out the bag Cat is out of the bag Where Because it's just a drag queen cook Cat is out of the bag Cat is out of the bag Do other people do that to them?

I don't think so. Hopefully after this podcast. But it invas this idea of throwing a cat in a sack. And I always think that that's such a fabulous, funny image. Yeah, wait, why is the cat in the bag? Exactly. The cat's out of the bag now. And then I think my favorite one of that is the baby with the bathwater.

Oh, yes. Throw the baby out of the bathwater. I just think it's perfectly described what it is. Yeah. But it's such a funny image of this, like, you know, depression era pea farmer wife having her baby in a little

tub and be like bye oopsie sometimes you want to throw the baby out with the bathwater well yes I like high horse high horse she's bad

like oh yeah like I'll get off your high horse yeah what has the view up there from your high horse yeah your ivory tower

yeah that's probably racist too huh oh god is it what about bite the dust Back the dust. Bees knees. What about the early bird?

Oh, there's an alleged early bird catches the worm. Tell me if this is something that my friend lied to be about or if this is a real Australian saying. Up at the sparrows fart. Yeah, that is one. Okay, so I heard this and I went, that cannot possibly be a saying because birds don't fart. they don't and I looked it up and I was right you're right biologically that burns stone fine well you tell that fucking

no but it makes me more excited about the idiom because I'm like so you never get up is it mean that you're getting up at a time that never happened yeah they're dead oh no you're losing them oh god you're losing them water all right well anyway I like it The blue cabinet, by the way, is apparently the nice cabinet in Swedish culture is historically blue painted. That's where they would store the valuable kitchen wear.

You really shit in the blue cabinet, didn't you? You really shit the bed on this one, didn't you? Yeah, shit the bed. Shit the bed. It's funny. Yeah. I'm taking the rat taxi. I'm taking the rat taxi.

I hate some of the idioms I've heard specifically from one miss silk. drag queen silk when she needs to go to the bathroom she says all right girls this isn't her accent at all but I can't do that all right girls I gotta go feed the toilet

she does say that isn't it it's so visceral yeah oh oh god oh I don't like because we talk about this other day

but one that I heard recently which I did like and I normally hate this sort of stuff. But you're growing. Going to the bathroom and someone says, got to go and separate the art from the artist. You liked that one? I was like, that's good. So what you're telling me is the photos of me with my first little shit

is actually art? No, it's documentation of the presentation of the piece. Yeah, okay. I am a performer. Dearie me. Okay, let's wrap this motherfucker up. I'd love it. Wrap it up, that's probably one.

What about don't get your knickers in a knot? Yeah. It's actually, I've used to that idiom being, don't get your knickers in a twist. So that's interesting. I get your knickers in a knot. I think knickers and not are just a bit more. Knickers and knots.

Yeah, it's also a knot would be harder to undo that a twist. A twist is so temporary. I feel like my brain isn't allowing me to. One of my dad's famous ones that he always says is like, yeah, just because you got to bug up your ass. Is that an idiot? Or is that just your dad? It's a very like, it feels like a very thing he would have. Get that skink out of there.

You're walking around because you got to bug up your ass about this bullshit going on. Like, it's just, it really, he's got away with it. It sounds like he's just kind of like made up his own version of being your bonnet. No, bug up your ass. Bug up your ass. It's like this. You got a be in your bonnet and a bug up your ass. I think I'm just having a quick glance over some Aussie ones because it seems fitting.

I do like carrying on like a pork chop. I think that's quite funny. Carry on. Was that said a lot in your home? Yes. Oh, you're carrying on like a pork chop. Yeah. Yeah, my mom would say that.

And mad as a cut snake. I do like as well. Mad as a cat's name. Because they would be quite mad. Like if you caught off the snake's head, it'd be pretty mad. I'd be mad. Yeah. I'd leave the snake out of it.

I think I'd be mad. Also like a lot of ones that are like almost cockney rhyming slang sort of stuff. So they venture into the kind of early convict settler kind of stuff. Like are the trouble and strife? Like, um, Jim has the trouble. and strife, which is like, how's the, how's the, um, the wife. Oh, what? Yeah. Trouble and strife. How are the Billy lids? Billy lids. The kids.

Oh, I hate that. Oh, can I get a pie with some dead, dead horse? And that's tomato sauce. Oh, I hate those. Yeah. I love, how do you hate them? They're so, whimsical. That's the part of Australian culture I really fuck with. It's so cute. What about better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick? That is actually... What does it mean? That's quite good. Well, like...

Anything's better than that. Yes, like you just lost your job and you've been evicted. But imagine if you got stabbed in the eye with a blunt stick. It's about perspective. Yeah. I love that. Better than a poking eye with a blunt stick. That's like an early gratitude practice.

Yeah. Yeah. Stayed that three times in the mirror. It speaks to Australia's need to like, shut the fuck up. Yeah. Like, move on. I'm not complaining. Yeah.

Very good. Okay. Well, you're the guest. You pick. Which one goes in? Yeah. I honestly think... You want a shit in the blue cabinet, don't you?

No. The rat taxi one is my favorite, but I think it's important that we bring one in that I didn't... The ratenfunger. Also, the rat taxi just made me think of rat king, and that's why I was like, is it... That maybe makes sense because, like, you could... be ferried away by the rat king.

Yeah. Bring me the child. Maybe it's because... Do you know rat king? No? Like where all the rats are... I've never met him. You know?

We were talking about this the other day. Right. All the rats, their tails get entwined and it creates the rat king. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. Wait, this is the thing that people who have issues with like the patterns thing. What's that thing I'm talking about? Triptophobia. They hate the rat king.

Hmm. Well, yeah. Maybe they didn't hate him, but they respect his titles. Yes. Oh. The king, I didn't know you were into all of... All of that. I like and respect that.

Obviously because of Mossie. Oh, yeah. What happened? She died of a UTI. UTI. UTI. Yeah.

We should all be so lucky. You're losing them. It's really good. Go on, choose one. Choose one. Okay. Three, two, one. Everyone say one at once.

Ready, three, two, one. The stick, poke one in the eye. I mean, I like it. I like the poke. the eye with a blunt stick? Yeah. Open the eye with a blunt stick. Yep, that's the one.

Okay. All right. And as our very special guest this week, you get to put something in the bunker of your own choosing with no discussion. Could be anything. Could be a place. Could be a building. Could be a person.

Could be a creature. Famously, you can also slightly tweak or remove something. Yes. As has happened to bayonetta. And her glasses. But she has glasses now. Springy, Googly eye ones.

I am going to bring in. Bring in the sheep Bring him home I'm going to bring Bring I'm going to What am I saying Are you saying

Are you inferring that you're going in the bunker? Oh fuck Well can I put myself in there Well you can't bring anything That would be too of That would be my one thing Well but okay but why would I care what's in the bunker If I'm not going

I feel we might have derailed this What are you bringing? I am bringing I'm putting When I am invited by my dear friends. Macaulay Culkin, not bloody like me. I am bringing, what do you call Q-tips here? Q-tips.

What are you called? Cotton swabs. Yeah. I'm bringing those. Cotton swabs. They're so bad? No, no, no, no, no. I knew you were going to say this.

Yeah. Everyone says they're bad. Stick double-ended. Yeah. Yeah. For cleaning out your ears. Yeah. Yeah.

You like those. I love them so much. They're so bad for you. They're the only thing that, like, if I'm traveling, I'm pretty chill generally about, like, oh, I don't have my, like, like, like, face wash with me. I don't know. Whatever, I'll use whatever's there. Yeah. If I don't have Q-tips with me. Do you have a brand? No. I just need them. Like, I love cleaning my ears more than anything else, and I know they're bad for you. I've, I've attempted that other, like,

my friend even bought me once, like the little scoop. Yeah, with the camera. I bought that for my friend as well, she used it once. I was like, ugh. I, well, I just am like nothing's like a Q-tip, the feeling of a Q-tip. I love it more than anything. I have probably, I could count on one hand how many times I put one of those in my ears. Freaks me out. I feel like I'm pushing the wax in deeper. Yeah, I think that's what you're doing. Yeah.

But I love them. How to scoop out? No, it's, I recognize it's not medically the best device, but I have a really special relationship with them. And that's what I want to bring into the day. And listen, we're not here to tell you how to live your life. Well. I also like, I love watching Zelda use a Q-tip in makeup because she has these very

slender Q-tips. And if, like, something goes wrong around the water. line, she's like, allow it to dry. Take a small amount of mycelo water, dip your cue tip and roll it. You don't push the product around the face. Just roll it past the product. And it's like, oh, the product used correctly. I think the thing, just to throw another witchy girls moment out quickly, I think the thing that was so delightful for me on the first day was walking into the space where y'all were getting ready and seeing Zelda's setup, which was just immaculate, just like the most incredible organization, like gorgeous, gorgeous

tears of makeup and everything was on levels, and it was really beautiful. And then looking over at Lazy's. What? And it's like, it looked like. Glazy had dumped her makeup out of a pillowcase and just started going. Excuse me. I don't use a pillowcase anymore. That's for the cat. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, there is a distinction in our style and churning. It was so gorgeous. But by the second, because I think I came the second day, and by the second day, that table was just like an absolute bomb. because I think Lazy just slowly took over Lazy is like that. I'm like that too, so I know it well. I apologize not.

Yeah, I don't. You need not. I am the Australia and New Zealand's greatest drag queen according to the television. Currently, you are. I think that that's what they said on the trophy. No, I think it's great that you don't apologize. I need to stop apologizing for my behaviors that are like that,

but I do it constantly. And yeah, it's not good. But I do think I see it and I recognize it. And my dad used to say when I was younger, he'd be like, Haley's just, she's like a liquid. She takes up all the available surface area. Yes, like a gas expanding to fill the space. Yeah.

Yeah, like, I mean, I don't know. I think as well, it's unfortunate when you're in those sorts of situations. You know, I got in trouble so much on the set of drag race because I, my costume area was just like, They're like, we can't film because in the background, there's just like a pile of your shit. So they took my stuff specifically and kept it in the back area, which is like the back of the studio where Michelle would walk up the staircase to come down the staircase. So there would be so many times where they'd have me in the background. You could even see it in some episodes where it looks like I'm going out like the side door where the pit crew comes in and then just coming back in with random shit.

because I was keeping all my mess back there, so it kind of felt like I was like, I work here. That's so funny. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. That's a good idea. Okay, what a fervil this week. So we have going into the bunker from our first. A manatee.

A small container. A teacup manatee. Then we have valet. You're losing them. Our condolences. And then, of course, we've just put in the idiom of getting poked in the eye with a blunt stick. Made literal in our doomsday bunker where people get poked often with blunt stick. Yes.

And generously, we're providing those inhabitants with cotton buds. Immediately after getting poked in the eye with a stick, someone says to you, better than a poking eye with a blunt stick again. And then they say, now just wait. Let it soon. Turns out the blood stick was a cuttip. And she was gingerly a cotted butt. So it in my cellar water.

Beautiful. Oh, well, what a fabulous episode. And thank you so much for being a guest here, Miss Haley. Where can they find you on socials? My handle is Haley Alia, and it's spelled H-A-L-E-Y-A-L-A. Amazing. Good. Excellent.

And thank you so much. Thank you. Come see witchy girls. Oh, and come and book tickets for the third of my face. Injur witchie girls. Okay. That's it. Everyone was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matches.

Haley directed to Witchie Girls. Did we say that? Yeah. Oh, good. And our theme song and music was provided by Edie Centricangis listening. If you have something to say to us, send it to us at Gathevon.com. Did we? At the start?

Yes. Okay. Well, just check in. And if you have something. You go. Oh, do you have something to say to say to the way? No, no, no, you go. But if you did, listener, then of course you could say that into our speakpipe.com slash death to everyone.

And if you chose... Did you put the link in the thing? Not yet. Capriela asked you to... That was mere hours ago. That was two days ago. You could support us at patreon.com slash death to everyone. Bye-bye.

Goodbye. Take it a red text.