Death To Everyone - Death To... First Dates, Love Languages & Meme Page Admins feat. Willing

Episode Date: January 22, 2024

This week the celestial queens bring you a celebrity on their press junket, WILLING! The team sits down to discuss all things to do with LOVE. What sort of first date is allowed in the bunker? what will the ideal love language be? Who will be running the meme pages after the world ends? Find out now! Death To Everyone!!! Find Will here: IG: @r.u.willing Follow us, won't you? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/MsLazySusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/zelda__moon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/naturalhabitatstudios⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/ediecentric/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103/

🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 Death to everyone! 🎵 🎵 🎵 I'll see you next time. Thank you so much, Selden. That's okay. Perfect. Svillain, you're to you. Well, Nino Hithlali, you're last but not the best to you, sister.

My name is Lazy Susan. If I could wish the waters around us to crush down upon you at this moment, I would do so. And would the waters around us be the sweat currently pouring out of your face? Correct. Okay. What's your name? I'm Zolder Moon. How are you doing?

And this is a podcast called Death Everyone. Yes. A fabulous show where two celestial goddesses attempt to decide what goes into a doomsday bunker for the end of time. That's rad. Now, last week we discussed language. And I embarrassed myself by not being able to quote Arwen's. Sorry.

That's what you think was the embarrassment? Okay. Okay. Arwen's incantation from the fellowship of the ring and so i learned it this week and just butchered it but um there's gonna be a lot of angry elves calling us up oh my god it was so interesting like looking it up reading into it properly because it was scripted for the movie. It wasn't in the books. In the books it was cast by Elrond because, you know, it's like his domain or whatever.

What did you say? Elrond? Yeah. His name is Elrond. Elrond. Elrond. Sorry, I just want to make sure we get this straight because if we're going to be talking about Lord of the Rings I clearly know everything about that show Elrond

And yeah in the movie it was new dialogue And it's so interesting the way that they like put some of the words together Because they're not words that exist in the language Which is Sindarin Which is one of the Elvish languages. And just like. A grammatical nightmare, Rose. Yeah, but it's also like how new words are born, like out of necessity to something like.

Like when you say brunch. Annoyingly, kind of. Yeah. Because the last word of the spell is for like is for like ringwraith and like there isn't a word for ringwraith because the ringwraiths didn't exist when the language was formed because there's only nine ringwraiths yeah that are and one more so it's like the way that they scripted it is like pulling together like this words for like not and like alive kind of thing and like pulled it into this word.

Yeah. Which is how words are often, I don't know, made, I guess. Like brunt. Or? Or what? So it's was quite good. It was really quite interesting. And then, of course, they tapped into the fucking troll corner of the internet

where it was like, how can Arwen, an elf, cast such a powerful spell when Gandalf couldn't even cast a spell like that? I'll get fucked. It's Liv Tyler as well. She can do whatever she wants. Exactly. Have you seen that thing you do? Anyway, okay.

We have a very special guest this week on the podcast, as we all want to do from time to time. Yes. I mean, I'm going to just say this is one of the most essential voices in the Melbourne cultural landscape. They certainly set the tone and they are involved in an active critique and understanding of what it truly means to be part of Melbourne, Victoria. So I'd like to introduce now a balladeer, a songstress, a pop diva, also a working professional, Willing. Will Hannigan,

welcome. Hi everyone. Hello. Do you have anything you'd like to add to your list of credits well uh just that i'm really really nervous um and you shouldn't have made me that percolated coffee because i feel really like um but to the list of credits i mean i am a teacher and i think it's the sacred profession to quote sondheim so yeah a very special and a creative consultant you know I do corporate reporting I like data analytics important chat GPT yeah well you know data analytics is probably the most applicable profession to this podcast because we do obviously have to make very important spreadsheets we have to do a lot of stock lists of what we're putting into our doomsday bunker.

Very important. That's right. Do you think, dear listener, write in, would you like access to my database? We're not giving them access to the spreadsheet. Not editable access. Would you be able to see it? Oh, did we talk about?

Do you want to see me spreadsheet i don't know why you need a sheet to get youtube to spread i am actually like gonna have to it's hot in the studio today listener it's actually really hot and i'm wearing shorts and my like sweaty thighs are like basting together yeah i really should have i should take my underwear off and like put my shorts back on But like Oh Will Hannigan

That's hot Do you have a show coming up? Which is part of the reason You're on a press tour That's it You're on a junket This is the only Actual bit of press

That I could wear You know how But yeah Lady Gaga Yeah She'll only do interviews With that guy from Apple Music The Kiwi guy Yeah This is like that What? You know how Lady Gaga, she'll only do interviews with that guy from Apple Music, the Kiwi guy. Yeah, this is like that.

You know, like when she releases a new album, she'll do like an hour and a half long interview with that guy who I think works for Apple Music, but he's like a Kiwi music reporter. And they always like, he's like, hello, welcome back, Gaga. Welcome back, Gaga. Well, they've got a special rapport, which I guess is what we have. Yes. After, what, 12 years of being frenemies. Toiling in the trenches of Australia's creative arts scene. Lazy Susan truly is obsessed with you.

Yeah. I feel like it is so rare that she's enamoured with anyone or impressed by anyone. Well, that is surprising to me. But over the years, so many times, she was like, yeah, she really holds you in high regard. Well, you're not meant to tell him that to his face. Well, why do you think that is?

I just think I love talent. Yeah, well, that's true. I've got that in space. And that's about it. Yeah. Before all else, empathy, empathy human kindness none of that but talent so you do have a show coming up where you're showcasing your talents yeah so i've got a show it's called on the uncertainty of signs and it's a cabaret it's the first cabaret i've

done in like seven eight years but cabaret is where i started in terms of my creative output as a teenager i yeah in the early days yeah yeah saint martin's not central saint martin's but saint martin's youth arts center where a lot of the creme de la creme of australia you know i don't know like hugo weaving secret thornton that sort of secret i well i actually don't know i'm just saying names but like but they may or may not they may or may not have gone there I know some of the Kath and Kim people used to go there but by the time I went there like no one from my generation is actually famous who went there that's good that means you get to be the one yeah but still waiting but uh but either way I

used I did a cabaret there when I was um 14 with two of my besties and it really sparked something inside me. And then when I was in my late teens and early 20s, I was trying to write a cabaret every year and I actually wrote a cabaret with you or something like a cabaret. Something like that. Yeah, we did a show. Zelda's giving me a confused look. Oh, and you did this at the Butterfly Club.

Yeah. I remember. That wasn't quite a cabaret but it was it was an approximation of a cabaret yeah it had songs i didn't sing thanks it was good yeah um but this show look this show is really exciting because it's about love and um this is a unique topic. Sorry. I don't know. I fell in love last year. And, you know, when you've been in the desert that is, like, Melbourne gay land for a long time, it was really exciting.

Like, you know, I sort of cry a bit about it sometimes, which is really fun. I don't know if you're familiar with the episode of, like, Avatar The Last Airbender where there's, like, the desert people that use sandbending to get around, but that's Zelda Moon right now in the desert of the Melbourne gay landscape. I thought that show was just for people who like rip bongs and like in their Scooby-Doo boxes. Well, wake up.

You've hurt my feelings twice. But yeah, the show, well well basically what the show is is that i may or may not run um a meme page it's i have never disclosed that before uh but i think by the time this airs it may have been revealed in a major national broadsheet. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. So I sort of lined up an admin reveal in the age. Go on.

Is it one of the ones that we've been wondering if it's? Go on. Keep talking. Oh, my God. It's so scary. I can't even say it. But it's also lost a bit of its clout because I just stopped posting memes. I have like, you know how J.K. Rowling couldn't finish Harry Potter 5?

Like it was, I just can't. I can't think of a meme. This is your opus and you're like, I don't know what I'm talking about. Yes, literally. But I'm scared to say it, but should I? Say it. Okay. So, well, it was published in The Age.

It's called Feral.Meryl. Formerly Meryl's Two Come Dump of Secrets. Formerly Merylextral's 2.0. Perfect. Okay. So it's had many names. And look, there's bigger meme pages. But there's nothing as intimate and as true.

Yeah, yeah. I approach it with a singularity or something. But anyway, so I used, I kind of was like in this thing, I was like I want to write a show about love because I'm so smitten. Like I just want to be like. But you also met your now partner through. Through the meme page. Zelda, take note.

Yeah. So it's like, it was full circle. Like, that's how it came about. Like, he just landed in my DMs one day when I was ranting about. And said what? Hey, hey, hey. Well, yeah, sort of. Oh, my God.

No, I was ranting about Hinge because you know the Hinge prompts and, like, they set you prompts and you have to respond to them and everyone is doomed to fail with those prompts. Like, what have you always been afraid of? Or what food do you always like to eat? Or the worst thing in terms of- And everyone's like, yours or, like, a Carmen's muesli bar. Like, everyone says the most conventional things.

And, like, I think the worst one to me is like perfect Sunday morning, oh, walk the tan, crossword in bed, then get a skinny latte. You know what I mean? People like to project their conventionality out to the world. And I actually love convention. And that was sort of the point of this rant was that I love convention in the David Maher sense. I am a conventional gay man.

However, I would never lead with it on a romantic application you know like that's that's where you want to show your quirky side and people get led down this garden path towards normality and i hated it but i think in the gay scene it's like you don't it's like buying a car that's really bright you know it's like or like you know like if you buy a car that's like bright pink or whatever in a sea of silver and black and whatever like you're more likely to get tailed by the police you're more likely to get into trouble you're more likely for people remembering you when you like accidentally grind along the side of their car like i just think it's like there isn't an advantage to just being like normal yeah i mean for most people but clearly not you two. I mean, you're in such bright colours all the time.

We can hide the crazy. But, yeah, so he, I mean, he sort of agreed and, like, essentially went on this rant and he said, look, how many people have responded to this by asking you out on a date? And I was like, oh, that's really horny. And I have to say it wasn't the first person that had asked me on a date through the meme page, which is a pretty weird thing to do because, you know, most of them of them but are people into meme pages yeah there's just

like social people get obsessed but gays love anon anon it's literally the anon fantasy it's the anon personality getting in the back of the ice cream truck as a kid like gays want to be abducted so yeah anyway we organized to go on a date and that was the start of this beautiful romance but then i was did you send a picture from that moment nope okay so then the weird thing was that night before we even went on the date i see him at a party and i start freaking out because i'm like i don't even know that he knows what i look like but because i'm such a blabbermouth of course actually i thought it was a secret that i who that i was the identity but actually everyone knew because you know word spreads in this town and so next minute he's tapping me on

the shoulder being like i believe we've been talking online and i turn around and i was so james bond in that moment i said yes i believe we have wow i mean who could have written such a line? Yeah. Wait, so the show is about like the celebration of love? Yeah. So, okay. It's a celebration of love. But basically what I did, I was like, well, I can't just like tell my story because that's cringe. So instead, what I did was I went to the meme page and I just thought, I said, everyone,

I'm writing a PhD. I'm conducting an ethnography of modern love send me your stories and i was inundated and people and then i had to tell them actually it's not a phd it's a cabaret the classic melbourne beaten yeah yeah yeah and then um and it was actually such a generative process because at first i mean you had to sell the wheat from the chaff because some people's love stories are not that interesting but then other people came through with some real doozies and so then i would meet them on zoom or you know in one case brunettis and they tell me their love stories and i kid you not every single time i was like in tears by the

end like holding them like tell me more tell me. And so the challenge has been how do I condense these two-hour conversations into essentially they get five minutes each. Yeah. So I've turned it into this patchwork quilt, a rich tapestry of love from the metropolis, and that's what you're going to see. Excellent. Well, this is almost a concise evocation of what you'll be doing.

So that's good. And if people want to get tickets This will be coming out next Tuesday So when will they be able to get tickets? Oh my god, so if this is coming out next Tuesday That means tonight is the opening night And I'm just going to say it right now I've just come up with this in my head right now

If you listen to this before 7.30pm tonight This very night And you DM me with the code, what's this podcast called? Death to everyone. Death to everyone. Get out. Get out. With the code death to everyone in my DMs,

I will give you and a lucky two friends. Two friends? For the poly kids. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, if you have like, you're in a thruple. I mean, if you're in like a quadruple, like I'll honestly give four. You have to have proof that you're in a quadruple.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Proof it. I want to see it all in the hole. Yeah. What?

All in the hole? Three dicks in one hole. A quadruple? I've never, I've only, most I've done is two. I've never done two. I can't even imagine What the point of two is Oh it's too much

But the friction alone Of the two dicks Rubbing together Well you need a lot Of lubricant I would say Yeah And tenacity

Yeah tenacity And also just the gymnastics I'm like There's only one position You can do it in I've worked out What is? It's sort of like A bit of a reverse cowgirl so one you're like sitting on someone's dick so reverse cowgirl

they're sitting on the dick and then the other person's coming in on their knees yeah yeah that's sort of it that seems like too much work and i just think it's like it's like just take turns yeah just take turns or get one person out of here yeah i kind of get that i mean one is the loneliest number but actually sometimes two is just impossible yeah don't know okay so on this podcast which you definitely heard before, we always decide upon how the world will be ending this week. Yes. Yeah. It's all over and it's up to you to decide how so. This is actually interesting because in 2012, I wrote a musical called Until Tomorrow, which is about the end of the world like as per the aztec calendar

yes oh we remember that right yeah i do um so what am i meant to just come up right now with a way that the world is going to end well i don't know if you have like like the ability to imagine things inside of your brain yeah oh yeah okay i can absolutely see yes and it's a yes not no but so i think that the way that the world is gonna end this week is by some sort of weird twink plague whereby every time a twink sees another twink they just double like it's one of those things where the twinks just keep popping up every time like they they glance at another twink, there's another twink, and they just keep doubling, like the Hydra's head sort of situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And until suddenly there's such a surplus of twinks that they outnumber everybody else and then they're really hungry. I mean, twinks don't get that hungry, but in this world maybe twinks do. Yeah, yeah. And so they have to eat the rest of us. Yeah, yeah. And they could just be like, you know, the first thing that went was the ice lattes And then they came for us, you know

And it'd be really funny If like you were like out in the street and you thought you were a twink And then you look at another twink and you don't double and you're like Shit, I'm not a twink There's the confirmation Oh God As I realised the other day that I think Troye Sivan is the world's oldest twink I think, how old is he world's oldest twink I think

How old is he now? 28? Yeah No, he's older I think there can legitimately be Old twinks Oh, but it ain't Yeah, like

Oh my god That reptilian vibe Yeah Do you know I won't say last name But do you know Simon? Simon who? Who is

Simon says? Simon who? I'll show you a photo i don't want to like out him there's a lot of gay he's an older twink he is like a twink but he's like 40 something maybe i think what happens to twinks is that they become tilda swinton's right if they're lucky that's a gorgeous outcome for it like they just stop being yeah that's yeah they like they become like majestic ice queens that's beautiful emphasis on the ice yeah that's uh you're not wrong darling um that's good because they control the power of water and others because you can't have a party without ice. Okay.

Well, with that in mind, I think it's time for us to breeze daintily into our first segment. We'll take a break. Get yourself an ice latte while we can still get them before the twinkpocalypse. And we'll see you back here in a second, shall we? Enjoy. I can't wait. And welcome back Okay, we're here with Will Hannigan, star of the show. What was the name of the show again? On the Uncertainty of Signs.

It's a preposterous title, I know. Does it have a concise version? Of the title? It's called Signs. It starts with Mel Gibson. Oh, my gosh. Well, the important thing to kind of preface is doubt, you know? Like, I think that's the big thing about the early days of

relationships you're so full of doubt i have doubt yeah it's the john patrick shanley of it all it's just it's a lot it's yeah wait so um and where is it where is it playing oh theater works and you get the tickets on the theater works website not the midsummer one because apparently i get more money yeah actually always forever more and this is no shade to past and future employer midsummer but they do midsummer they do have a bit of a dicky website that doesn't always work and it can be a bit of a nightmare for people performing through midsummer so yeah go straight to the horse's mouth as i've always said you want that daddy dick go to daddy why don't you have that on a t-shirt that should be the name of the show i know it should be the

name of the show how many of the how many of the love stories are gay love stories um not that many boo like one well two like a few are like in that sort of you know in that way that they're like sort of gay but it's like you're just really clutching at a queer narrative for something it's really quite straight to me. It's just like a straight story, but like the girls wearing overalls in one of the scenes. Yeah, yeah, dungarees. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That sort of thing.

That's actually all contemporary rom-coms. Just because you have a therapist doesn't mean you're queer. Unfortunately true. And just because you don't and you're unmedicated, that does mean you're queer oh my god okay so our first topic for discussion tonight ladies is love language uh-huh so the five love languages five yeah there's five love languages what what, I thought there were four. I had no idea. Baptist minister Gary Chapman invented love languages in 1992. Baptist? Yeah, I know.

It's fucked. 1992? I just thought it was like a concept. I wasn't born then. Like, what? Zelda Moon. I'm joking. There's five love languages.

I thought love language was just like, you know, like. Elvish. Care bear. Yeah, I didn't realize it was such a hard and fast rule. No, no, it's five things. Okay, so there's five love languages, okay? And supposedly, according to this Baptist minister, which has now been appropriated into Melbourne culture,

who's like, everyone loves astrology, everyone loves to know your like Jungian personality type. Everyone loves, you know, like. I just did not know it was some happy, clappy, random guy. Like I thought it was evidence-based practice and you're telling me that it's just like. It's bullshit. Made up by a Baptist preacher. Yeah.

That's insane to me. Yeah. Well, welcome. And this is like, yeah, Melbourne, you know, you'll be at a party or you'll be at an intimate gathering and someone will say, oh, what's your star sign? What's your rising? What's your moon? What's your bar?

And then. You say, please excuse me. And then you just go to the bathroom. And you just walk off out into the night. And then after they've exhausted that, they'll say, like, what's your personality type? And then what's the other one? There's another one that I can't remember.

And you say, I don't know. You've been talking to me for two hours. What do you think my personality type is? There's like the Myers-Briggs and there's the universal. There's like the, what's that other one? There's another one that's about like your trauma. Yeah. Attachment theory.

Attachment style. Yes. Attachment style. Yeah. And this is the one that's the most bogus, but it's usually the one that is the last arrived upon for like a fun activity of like, well, how do we categorize you? Okay.

So there are five different love languages and apparently you're meant to like fall into one of these. Okay. And this is what you want from your partner. And only one of these can be present in the bunker. No other kind. Okay. So words of affirmation, compliments.

Number two, quality time spent together. Number three, gifts. Number four. Number four, acts of service. And number five, physical touch. Okay. Who would like to start us off? What would you think is the most valuable for the bunker?

Okay. Who would like to start us off? What would you think is the most valuable for the bunker? Wait, Philip, tell them. What do you think yours is? I think it's quality time. Of those. Yeah. Yeah.

Hang on, what was the first one again? The first one is words of affirmation. You're doing great, sweaty. No. Fuck, you're such a bitch. No, definitely not that. You're like, you don't, don't say that. Don't say anything.

Don't talk to me at all in our whole relationship. Oh, could you imagine? Certainly not gifts. Gifts stress me out so much. Wait. Oh, I love gifts. Can I say, one time I was dating this guy and I'd never been given like a good birthday gift for my birthday. Ever?

Never. Like my ex, like my uni boyfriend gave me a brick for my 21st birthday. Like a supreme brick? No. A brick that was used as the doorstop to his art studio because he forgot to get me anything. Then it was the day of my 21st birthday party. He taped two little paper ears and a tail to it and made a brick cat

and literally wrapped it and gave it to me. Oh. And what did you do with it? What did you say? I was like, oh. I would have chucked it at his head. It was like, okay, not to get too much into like the damage, but like I was like, this is so, like it was like being negged.

Yeah. I was into it. It was so irresponsible. Well, you are the DIY queen. I mean, you would have done something. Well, here's the thing. For his birthday, like a little bit later, I made him a plushy version of the brick.

It was like a cat plushy brick. So you just like to one up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you upholstered the brick. No, no, no. I like made a stuffed version of the approximate size. Oh, okay. Out of a brick colored fabric and then had like fur ears and a face

and like a tail. It's way better because you can chuck it across the room. Well, yeah, it was meant to be like, ha-ha, remember when you completely fucked up my 21st birthday. Anyway, all of this to say, I was dating this guy. It was very like short-lived romance, but we started dating. He worked at Readings and it was my birthday. Readings?

Readings, but in the stocking area. I didn't know you read. I'll read you down to filth right now, sweetheart. Auntie. So he, for my birthday, got me the complete collection of Seinfeld on DVD, which was from readings, but it was like he'd paid and gotten the whole thing, right? Yes, of course, because they did not let you know there's a big union fight

at readings because they don't pay their employer. Of course they don't give them a discount no they don't give well yeah exactly so then that was like the two months into or maybe like no that was a week before we broke up and then i broke up with him and he was like and i did it so i did such a bad job of breaking up with him and i like if you're listening to this i'm so sorry because that was like the like he was the kindest most lovely amazing guy and I just was not there yet. It doesn't sound like a darling who gave you a brick. No, this is a different guy. So this is like – that was the context.

I got the brick for the birthday and then years later I was dating someone else and it was like I'd finally been given a proper nice gift for my birthday which was this like $130 box set of a show that I do like. It wasn't like a perfect bespoke things to your personality gift, but it was a nice gift. The day we broke up, he's like, oh, can I also, I'm just going to take the box set. No.

He took it. What? And left with it. And I was like. That is so horrible. And I'd broken up with him it And I was like That is so horrible And I'd broken up with him So I was like Anything you want

I will literally just give you my Like I'll give you my hand Like just Like I'm sorry Just like get out Yeah like I'm like Like do you want this bed? Do you want a toaster?

Like what do you want? And he was like yeah I'll take it And then he just took it and left Wow That's devastating How long had the gift been yours? Like less than a week It was fair

I think if you break up with someone a week Like you know after a big gift Then they get to keep the gift No I actually think if anything Like at that point you've got to be like No I've surrendered this item Yeah if you've given it over

Like to you I think it's still You don't just get to It's not like it's just in some sort of lay-by-land Lay-by-land Like return period A gift dependent on you being happy And spending your time with me for the next six months

Oh, I hate it I didn't know gifts were so loaded But then again, I do know that gifts are so loaded Because have you read about gift economics? Like Morsian gift economics? No, what's this? Well, essentially there's this famous anthropologist Called Marcel Mors And he went and studied I mean mean it's a bit kind of colonial ick vibe but he went and studied

various indigenous tribes around the world and something he noticed between a lot of these um different groups was this thing that he called termed gift economics whereby um rather than like working in a kind of capitalistic or mercantilistic sort of way, societies were built on gifts and that gifts actually enable relationality. And so the implicit thing with gift giving is that actually there is this need to reciprocate and that if you don't reciprocate the gift, then that's not part of, that's not relationship building. And so that thing about the, like, oh, you know, the kind of Western thing of like the best gift is something that doesn't expect anything back in return. Well, that's sort of a lie because actually gifts

enable relationship building. And even if it's not a material exchange or whatever, you need to, in some way, pay back the gift. The gift must be received firstly and then reciprocated in some way pay back the gift. Yes. The gift must be received firstly and then reciprocated in some way. Yeah. And I think that people are too stressed out by it. Our generation is deeply stressed out by it and hates gift giving. And a lot of these straight boys, and I'm speaking to someone very specific, is like, I don't like giving gifts, but I'll just give gifts at random times.

And then I check up on that every once in a while. I i'm like so did you give any random gifts in the last six months no oh he is waiting to give you a really big gift but you know where it gets really traumatic is like the group chat with the girlies when you've got the 30th coming up and it's like let's all put in for like the Elsa Peresi heart or like whatever, the everyday Sunday ring. Like these girlies, they all know these funny little niche micro labels and they send you a thing and they're like, can everyone afford 200? And you're like, no, I can't afford 200.

I think as well the big group gift is too diffuse because we share a set of friends yeah and they do some big group gifts oh they're so lavish they're very lavish and so there's been like two occasions where on both occasions and it was for like their 30th i put in like 200 bucks for a big lavish group gift yeah and big gift huge like huge gift like probably like a two thousand dollar gift or like a whatever like ridiculous but like someone else2,000 gift or like whatever, like ridiculous. But like someone else was organizing it. So number one, they're like top front center on the card.

Obviously they've curated it. I've just come in with the like backing. And you know, there's always that one girly who was like, oh no, it's my job to curate it. Like you would not be allowed near it. I'm not allowed to decide upon the gift. But those same people who I got that gift for will come to my birthday and be like, oh, here's something I had laying around the house.

Or, like, nothing. And there'll just be no mention of gift. And I'm like, because there's not, like. Because you're not in the gift clique. I'm not in the gift clique. So it's, like, I have now completely given up on being, like, I'm, like, we're not doing gifts because this is just leading me down a road of A, bankruptcy and C, resentment and B, like,

what the fuck are we doing here? Yeah. So neither of you are putting gifts of service. What is it called? Gifts. Oh, it's just called gifts. Yeah. So the gift is getting binned.

Gift, absolutely not. So where did you land? So I'm tossing up between Yeah, time spent and physical touch Oh Physical touch? Physical touch What does that mean? Like a hand on the head?

There, there Yeah, I don't know I don't know about that Maybe it is time spent But then I do like spending time by myself What about acts of service? Like I'm going to make you dinner tonight I love a favor.

Oh, see, no, I feel like that's really manipulative. What? Like if someone does something for you. Yeah, because then it's like, oh, what do you want me to do for you? No, but it's your language. It means it's a dialogue. You know what I mean? You both serve each other.

It's not like there's a servant and a served person. Yeah. I don't know. Look, let's circle back to me.'m undecided okay will uh i am leaning towards you know what time spent quality time is that crazy that is not what i would have thought i would have thought words of affirmation because i thought that i needed a lot of positive reinforcement but actually i'm so riddled with doubt that even when i hear it i don't believe it well that's i think words of affirmation only works like once or twice yeah like i think it's like because it's

like no like i think it's like once i have one person's approval i'm like well i have your approval it's the rest of the world i need to worry about now like if they say i love you a second time you're like i know i've heard it oh no i can keep hearing it but i need it to be rendered in newly poetic form well that's the issue is that like how do you keep saying i love you and you're like i've heard it before quick tangent there is nothing i hate more on like dating apps than like the people who in their profile name are like good thanks because it's like oh like they're already trying to rush yeah you're gonna say like hey how are you oh it's like oh what you want to like you expect me to invent a new way to start a conversation yes for you or like when you're on Grindr, you say hi to someone

and they're like, oh, I'm going to need more than that. Yeah. And you're like, what? Oh, like, hello? More lettuce? I think they want you to jump in. That's just how conversations start. Like, relax.

Yeah. That's why I think like the tap, even though the tap has a bad rap, like obviously you'll always hear like a hottie biscottie like whining about the tap even though the tap has a bad rap like i like obviously you'll always hear like a hottie biscotti like whining about the tap but it's like all you need to know at the start of our interaction is i'm interested in you are you interested in me we can very quickly decide from this moment so the hey you don't need more than that because then you say hey what's going on and then we can get into it once we've confirmed that we're two willing participants in this conversation, whether that's hey or a tap or whatever the fuck. But gay men are so snarky about Grindr.

Like the attitude is like, number one, why hasn't this fixed all my life problems? Number two is like, why am I not like happy speaking to the guys on here? Everyone here is so fucked. And it's like, well, everyone here are your peers. Yeah. Like Grindr didn't invent the gay men in Melbournebourne they're just using this app to talk mind you you know that they're like they're like the gay peers of yours and then there are the rest of them gays on grinder like there's definitely two tiers yeah and sometimes you confuse one for the other like

you can think sometimes i've actually been like oh that's just one of those gay guys on grinder and then i get over to the house and i'm like oh no you're a real faggot like but it's only have you noticed it's only ever after you've both come that you realize that like you'll be like putting on these mask pretenses and then oh oh my god oh my god have you watched the latest report like and i completely shift yeah it's like all of a sudden like the room unblurs and you see all Have you watched the latest RuPaul? And it completely shifts. Yeah. It's like all of a sudden, like, the room unblurs and you see all the things that are in the room. Oh, totally. The clarity.

Oh, wait, that's Janet Jackson on the wall. Yeah. Everything was so different then. So, your time span, which is ironic because this future, like, your love of your now life has just moved away. It's moved overseas. So, yeah, not your love of your now life has just moved away. It's moved overseas. So, yeah, not a lot of time lately. But actually it's true what they say about distance and the heart.

Shut up. No, actually it's kind of annoying. You know it. It is kind of annoying being far apart. But you just have to, you know, what's that Coldplay lyric? If you love me, won't you let me go, for six months and then we'll be back together. So wait, you're going to meet him?

Yeah. In the UK? In Europe, you know. It's going to be a pan-European look. Like, I don't want to be tied down to one city. You can meet me in Dubrovnik, Barcelona, Dusseldorf, like wherever you want. Yeah.

Okay, gorgeous. So, yeah, this is a love story for the ages and for the continental drift. Yeah, totally. Okay. Gorgeous. I think, so words of affirmation is off. Once I have your approval, I know I have your approval, and everything you say, I'm like, well, you're biased.

You like me. Like if you think the show is good or whatever or something that I've made is good, I'm like, yeah, but you have to say that. You love me. Like it's either got to be quality time or acts of service because i think acts of service are very romantic because i think show don't tell and if someone loves you and like they can say i love you until the cows come home and like you know fuck boys will say i love you but the like a real way to say I love you is like, hey, I was thinking of you and I did this thing for you without you even asking

with no expectation of reciprocation. Literally. Like if you get home, salmon cooked, big potato salad, vase of flowers on the bench, I am a happy man. And I know that's a bit like the Tradwife fantasy wrapped up in the kind of modern, more bachelor look because I don't think they did salmon in the 50s. But it's like it's that's what I want, right?

Or cook me scrambled eggs in bed. Not in the bed. Not like Great Garden style. I don't know. Get the George Foreman out. Put it on my lap. Okay. Anyway.

And Matt, what is your love language oh um i think spending time with us i don't really love spending time with people no um no i think probably i hear that physical touch is probably my one oh i just like someone you know putting the hand on my shoulder or just give me a little i did. I did not expect that of you, Matt. Really? But actually that reminds me, listeners, I've known Matt a long time. And I have a really funny story about Matt. Why?

Don't embarrass me again. No, I just always remember. At a time you physically touched Matt. No, this isn't about like physical touch But it just made me think I was like, oh, you're like a more sensual creature Than I remembered And then I remember in high school

They went to high school together They went to high school You being like one When I was like pretending that I liked girls I was at your party And then you were like, oh, will you sly dog? And that's always stayed in my head Wait, wait God, what? Why were you a sly dog? And that's always stayed in my head. Wait, wait.

God, what? Why were you a sly dog? Because I was flirting with someone at a party we were both at and you go, oh, you sly dog. And I was like, oh, Matt thinks I'm a sly dog. And I actually thought you were such a cool person. I don't remember saying that. Anyway, but that's, God, I don't know why you having acts of touch

literally just brought that flooding back. It's actually a bit of a leap, but yeah. Wow. Matt thought you were straight and you thought Matt was cool. Yeah. The illusions came crashing down pretty quickly. Matt came out as lame a few weeks later, but dearfully his parents were like, get out of this house.

I still think this metric of five languages is weird. What about like ass? That's ass. Yeah, ass is something completely different. So Zelda's, the sixth love language. Ass. Is ass. And that's like touching the ass?

Just admiring ass. Ass is actually all five. You can have quality time with the ass. You can gift the ass. You can give a compliment to the ass. It's true. You can touch the ass. And your act of service can be eating the ass. You can gift the ass. You can give a compliment to the ass. It's true. You can touch the ass. And your act of service can be eating the ass.

It's true. Well. Well, let's put the ass in the bunker. I'm happy to settle on that. Okay. Zelda's six, like the six sense ass. It's the unifier of all five. Eating ass.

And just bringing everything together. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Thank you. The concept of appreciating ass is in the bunker. Well, with that, it's time to move on. Perfect.

I knew we'd get there. We'll be right back. Asselinior to you all. Welcome back We're here with Will Hannigan Do you have a What's like a soundbite from the internet that you enjoy? Oh a soundbite from the internet

Oh my god You're a memestress Put me on the spot Like Like a Sort of Okay What the fuck was that?

I need to have a thing Do you mean like a cultural moment? Yeah I mean like Yabba dabba doo. No, I mean... You mean from the internet. From Hanna-Barbera in 1956. Something from the internet.

Oh, what about... Go on. Oh, God. I mean, this is really obvious. Speak to it. Go on, bitch. I think I really just liked when Lindsay Lohan was on that yacht in Mykonos This is how we party in Mykonos bitch

Yeah I mean I think that it still comes back to that for me Yeah that's good That's good What about That's Fergie doing a somersault I do like the somersault With the one hand and she kept doing the one. Good morning, America.

I kind of, I just find her a lot. Well, it's maximalism. You know who would love her? Josh and Matt. Have you seen them? Yeah, I cannot stand. But you know what I hate about their variety of maximalism is that it's like, I would call it restrained maximalism insofar as they are both so tepid in the way that they approach their,

the way they interact with the world. I cannot stand their affect. Yes. And I know that everyone, and I feel bad because everyone loves to hate them. So just a quick context for those of you who are international listeners, there's these two twinks who will be part of the twinkpocalypse who. They're the ones multiplying right now and that's really the problem.

But, I mean, at least they have a lot of room in that house. They could probably solve the housing crisis just in that house. You know what? I hope because I'm sure the door's locked because I don't have any friends coming in. Yeah. And they just keep looking at each other until they just implode, you know, and it's just a bloodbath.

So these are two famous in, quote, unquote, in scare quotes, interior designers, interior decorators who have become viral sensations on TikTok who are mysteriously wealthy but without any explanation and they just. Yeah, they seem very unforthcoming about that. It's like they kind of landed gentry. And I'm like, you do not make enough money on TikTok. To buy a Porsche.

To buy a Porsche. And the house is enormous. It's a giant Brighton mansion. Yeah, yeah. It's crazy. I'm worried about talking about them because I think that like one day they'll like kill me. Oh, totally. But I also worry.

I mean, there's a little only 10% of me worries this because I sometimes think about the tall poppy and i'm like are we just cutting down another tall poppy but the squiggly wiggly woo um whatever you call bibbidi boop um aesthetic that they have the bibbidi it's not maxwell at middle of them it's squiggly diggily do bibbidi boo it's like everything's curvy like oh but that's just because that's what's interesting right now and like what you that's what's interesting right now and like what you can buy in a shop right now. Yeah, I don't think that they. They just lack any genuine sense of style or taste.

No, when you see the things going together, it's like, it's a giant M&M and then a bookshelf that's upside down. And it's like, you just like, why are you putting these things together? Well, they have properly harvested Facebook marketplace. Do you know what I mean? They've really gone out there with a Skype or whatever you call that, putting these things together. Well, they have properly harvested Facebook marketplace. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They've really gone out there with a Skype or whatever you call that chippy choppy thing. Yeah, Scythe.

And they have taken the lot. They have not let anything left in the next season. And I think that's the thing. It's like you've got to leave some for next year. Yeah, for some people. We didn't talk about Sythe on the weapon episode. Scythe? What?

We can talk about it on the tool episode. Never mind. I'm surprised the two of you don't just have a scythe right here to chop my head off. It is a very difficult tool to wield. Yeah. And not one that you can be particularly accurate with. Yeah. Like as a murder weapon.

I mean, I think it would hit the prostate pretty readily wow yeah i curve yeah it's a uh gigantic blade no i like that okay next topic for discussion is is which one are we doing i don't know okay we're gonna do best first date okay okay because because this is obviously in keeping with will's show which you still have time to go and see if you just message will the promo code death to everyone on the social media site instagram yeah and my instagram is r.u.willing r.u.willing you send that promo code there. You could be going with you and your throuple tonight

to go and see the opening night of. On the Uncertainty of Signs. Signs with Mel Gibson. Yes. Okay. Okay, so first dates. As in the concept of like what is the first date offering that people may go on a date with.

Like when Romeo takes the bones of Carrie Fisher on a date with like when romeo takes the bones of carrie fisher on a date where are they going to go what are they going to do yes yeah and so i think like we can kind of lead with a first date that we've enjoyed that we've been on that we think is notable interesting or fun or you can go for the more abstracted idea of a date yeah okay well because if your experience was so good then that can be for the more abstracted idea of a date yeah okay well because if your experience was so good then that can be the the benchmark i in all honesty like my favorite first date is to meet up at a house have sex and then hang out afterwards like dick dick first yeah into a date it's actually not a bad way to do it is a because

then you know and actually i've often said that orgasm softens you soften up for an orgasm as we just into emotional vulnerability emotional access and the one thing i've always said about people is i do not want to have to fight for emotional access a lot lot of people, especially gay people, have walls around their spirit and those walls, like the Battle of Jericho, the walls come tumbling down, baby, after you jeers. So I actually completely understand that because otherwise you might not give people a chance when they deserve one. Exactly.

Well, so do you have an example of like have you, when you've had these fuck and then find out? Well, because it's more like once you've had sex with someone, first of all, like you both know if you enjoyed that experience. Yeah. That is like to me sexual chemistry is really important to a relationship. That could be the, yeah, physical touch. But wait, are you still going to Gimlet after?

Like you still want a zhuzhy look, right? Gimlet. Like a beautiful restaurant. You know what? Andrew McConnell, like you're getting dressed up. I'm like, fuck me, but also then like put on a tux and get the carriage and take me to town. I think it's like, okay, maybe it doesn't have to be on the same day.

Oh, right. Because like, I don't know. I just think like it's great having sex first because, okay, maybe it doesn't have to be on the same day. Oh, right. Because, like, I don't know. I just think, like, it's great having sex first because, yeah, it breaks, like, you know if you want to have sex again after having sex the first time. Yeah. You know if after you've both come if you're, like, goodbye forever or not. How bad does that come have to be?

Sometimes you just know. You do know You do But I think after a night of building up tension The sex is better Oh, totally Yeah, but that's why sex on the second date After you've had an actual date

Because you already know that you like each other And are going to have great sex You can just relax into the date And get to know the person Otherwise the whole date I'm like Wait, are we going to have great sex or not? But if I've already had sex with you, I know we're going to have great sex. So I can just enjoy the experience for what it is.

But to quote Kylie Minogue, like you want to break the tension, right? You can't break tension if there is none. Like you broke the tension the second they walked through the door. Yeah, that's great. Isn't romance deeply embedded in tension? Like is this now an implicitly unromantic ideal? I think romance is kind of. Well, this is the romance.

Oh, that's the heart of the question, isn't it? This is it. Wow. Yeah, I don't know that romance is really. You're like efficiency. No, but like romance, like this, like the like wooing. Like no wooing. But courting.

You're courting. No, that's like you either like me or you don't. Here it is. Oh, but it's like a dance. No, like let's go dancing. Yeah. But like I hate that concept of like, oh. So if you were doing my show, it would be called the certainty of science.

What's what I say because I'd hate to like, oh, oh, no. It is funny when you're on a date and something happens or something turns or they say something and suddenly you're like, uh-oh. Oh, no. I had a very nice date with a guy. This was someone that we've both seen. You just fucked him. Who?

Can you say it on the air? You'll know by the end of this story. But we had a great first. Will I know? I don't think you know this. Oh, maybe. Anyway, we had a great first date, went out don't think you know this oh maybe anyway we had a great first date went out for drinks it was nice it was lovely lots of chat blah blah he was like do you

want to come back to mine and i was like yeah come on in my house exactly and he was like he'd said how much he was into v8 supercars. Got it. And I'm like, yeah, I love cars. You went on a date with him? Yeah, we went on a date date. Wow. Okay. And, like, we'd had chats beforehand. Very sweet guy.

But we go to his house and I enter the house and when I tell you, Miss Will Hannigan, it is nothing, white walls, and then a, like, like arcade style fake car set up in the lounge room like fake car seat steering wheel in front and then the door of a v8 supercar that had been signed by a v8 supercar driver wow that was it that was that and the lighting was like so was the bed embedded in the fake car? That's what it looks like Like you know that chill

I would kill it I sleep in a race car Yeah No, his bed was in another room But all these rooms were lit by halogen down lighting No And were they not like the Phillips sort of internal We're not getting some green and red?

No, no, no. There was no soft lighting. There was no pools of coloured lighting. It was just the lighting that Matt Shears has left us under right now. This disgusting track lighting. I actually know these Ikea things my dad put them in. It's not a good look. Yeah, it's NQR.

It's like everyone has like hollowed out dark rings where their eyes should be. And anyway, it was just, it was like the biggest switcheroo of the whole night. I was like, this is my life. Like I'm imagining, oh, thank you. Oh, wow. Matt just fixed the lighting thing. It's a red, it's actually.

Blood red. This is gorgeous. Well, we. This is romance. This is how we normally. We've spent a lot of time. We're in the red light district So anyway

It's just like In my fantasy of like What does our life look like I'm imagining like Our stuff coming together His giant race car And my Shit

Like my wigs Hanging on the giant race car Room of trash Off the rear view mirror It is kind of Upper middle bogan There's like Something to it i actually i was surprised that you weren't like fully creaming this moment i was creaming this moment in the

sense that i was like oh this is going into my forever memory bank and i'm going to tell it on a podcast that i don't have yeah but i was not like yeah yeah, having the best time of my life. But see, if you had hooked up beforehand, you would have seen the house, you'd know the situation, and then you wouldn't have seen him for another day. No. And so how was his exhaust pipe? It was fucking, like, and this is the thing, when Zelda, the reason that Zelda hooked up with him is I was like, there's this guy and he's got a great dick.

He's got like this massive dick. Oh, right. And you would love this guy. And as discussed, Zelda is not just a size queen, but I thought she would appreciate seeing one of the sights of Melbourne. Yeah, totally. You've got to see the wonders of the world. And it is like a big dick.

It's fabulous. Yeah, it's great. Like an obelisk sort of situation. Okay. You know how when you have a pet dog, you can get like the log in like plastic, like in plastic. The puppy roll. Yeah, like that.

His dick was like puppy roll. Yeah, like chum. Oh, that is really nasty. It was really like. Actually, my body's probably sweaty enough to be like. Oh. Really like just. Whoa.

Yeah. But the good thing about chum is that you can cut off a slice. You know what I mean? Well, there's no way he would ever know that this podcast existed, right? I don't know. I don't know how famous we are. Oh, my God, you're such an idiot. I'll say more later.

But it was more like drag race, like literally drag race. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly. I was drag race and he was drag race. Yeah. Yeah. Did he take you for a drive? No.

I don't even think he had, like, a fancy car. It was so, like, viewing from the outside. He was the Troye Sivan of the V8 supercar world, the outside looking and studying. Well, some people are just like a showroom, you know what I mean? Their life isn't – they live the simulacra. They just show it off and they don't actually get in the car. But I want to drive all night like that's my approach

to romance is like the best first date is when it's still going and the sun comes up well this is yeah you told me the story of how you met your man yeah you're now man well that was actually the second or third date though i think we did oh no we did stay up pretty late that first night, I reckon. Yeah, pretty late, but not quite sunrise. For an actual date activity, I love moving in at dinner. I love going to the movies. I love to go to see June. It's so long.

I think I've always been a huge, like, a movie is a great first date. But I have always been critiqued by friends for that because they're like, you're sitting in silence the second you meet. No, because then you have just experienced something together that you can then have the conversation that you have afterwards. You can pass them in the back row if it's not good, like you're a little teenager. Like that's fun. Like the hand reach over the shoulder or the inner thigh moment.

Like that's fun. You're playing that in the first 30 minutes of meeting someone? I reckon. Wow. That's so confident. Well, actually, I am not. My Venus is in Virgo. I wait for it to happen to me.

What? I don't push. I receive. You know what I for it to happen to me. What? I don't push. I receive. I don't push. You know what I mean? Things come to me. You're manifest. I'm a magnet.

I'm not like a, well, actually magnets go both ways, but do you know what I'm trying to say? Yeah. Yeah, like Velcro, but the bit that it attaches to. You're the hook or the loop? I'm the fridge, not the magnet. Okay, there you go. I see.

I've always referred to you as the fridge, not the magnet. She's a frigid little bitch. I think I love walking and going on like a long walk. God, COVID really set us up for lots of those days. But I don't really like a walking date because I'm very tall. And you're like, I'm never making eye contact with you. Yeah. And it's like, oh, do I-

Like you have to reduce your stride. Like slope down part of the thing so we're a more equal height. Like walking, standing activities really highlight how tall I am and everyone's short. But can't you just date someone the same height as you? Well, I'm trying. Yeah. It is hard, actually. You're 6'3"? Yeah. The same height as Elizabeth Debicki, everyone's short. But can't you just date someone in the same height as you? Well, I'm trying. Yeah, it is hard, actually.

You're 6'3"? Yeah. The same height as Elizabeth Debicki, I found out. You could date Elizabeth Debicki from VCA Films. God, she's enormous. She's very tall. But it was actually so funny in The Crown that sometimes it's like they did the put the other person in a ditch trick or whatever,

like put them on a crate and then sometimes they didn't, like they didn't do it across the board. Princess Diana occasionally becomes She-Hulk. It was a bit Alice do it across the board. Princess Diana occasionally becomes She-Hulk. It was a bit Alice in Wonderland, yeah. She could have played She-Hulk. Okay, we're not going to talk about She-Hulk. Okay, okay. And are we wanting to put dates that make good bonds in the vault

or are we just wanting to put fun times in the vault? I think like we definitely want to stamp down on any romances. So good first dates that don't end up anywhere is probably good for our bunker. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, great. Yeah.

Well, then you want that sort of like sociopath vibe that's like playing you with all sorts of different substances and you're like rolling around the town at like 10 different venues. Yeah. And it's a very yes and. Yes and. Sort of energy to quote Ariana. You know what I've always disliked is going to any gay venues on a gay date.

Oh, I hate that. I don't think you can risk it. I hate it. You're going to run into people. Oh, sometimes it's good if you're like, if you're with someone who's a bit timid and you want the space to open up the door to a pash. I think actually I have had that happen where I went on a date with someone who's a bit timid and you want the space to open up the door to a pash, I think actually I have had that happen where I went on a date

with someone who was a little bit younger than me and I just was at circuit. I was like, why don't we go to circuit? You know what I mean? And suddenly it just shifted the energy. It was like, we're gay. Yeah, we're gay. This is okay.

That's true. That's true. But also would not recommend. And especially that circuit sound system, it's really not good for my tinnitus. Those small crystals. It's also like cursed. Sometimes I feel like when I go with a friend or, yeah,

like a date in the inner north, they're like, wow, you just know everyone. I'm like, oh, God. Because you walk five metres and then it's like, oh, hey. But I'm like, why don't, my thing with that is like, why don't you know everyone? I do think that too. I'm like, have we not been in the same city as long? Yeah.

I'm like a normal level of social. And I honestly think I have as many nights in as I have out. And I meet these people and it's like, you are the same age as me. Where have you been? Where have you been? You grew up in this city. It's like, you should have thousands of acquaintances. You should not be able to make it down Smith Street.

Yeah. Like, it's very strange. Sort it out. sort it out sort it out remember that date you went on with the guy who was living in his parents house oh yeah i remember that sounds like a great first date for the bunker so essentially i went on this like grinder hookup to this guy's house his parents had recently passed away had no, and he was just like had returned to the family home and was kind of like, this was like six months before I met him, but he was still going through the process of like finishing

off the affairs of the estate kind of thing. But he was like curious, like character, kind of like bogan, bogan, bogan, bogan. And the house was in a state of disrepair. That's the ambulance coming for you. Yeah. And, like, as I pulled up in the Uber, it's like, well, it's too late now. And, like, you step out and you look in the front. It's so funny.

Why do we do that? Because it's not too late. It's not. And we tell ourselves it's too late. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. It's hard to leave. It is.

But it's harder to leave once you're in the door. You can look at the house and be like, actually, just block. You just block. And you can just get back in that Uber. But you know what? You've been douching for like half an hour to an hour. Yeah, at that point you want the thing. And then you like travel in half an hour for an Uber.

So I'm two hours into this interaction before I've even knocked on the door. And sometimes haunted house dick is the best dick. Yes, and I love spooky times. And so was it a little Casper sort of moment? It was like, like in the front yard, there's like, yeah, like upended cars and like 20 water tanks. And like, and, and like just detritus from like 17 different industries. And then I go in and like, it's just just like it's a fine house is he a prepper is that like what like no you're just like and and and the house is i mean it was his parents house

but like wall-to-wall like magazines newspapers from like the past 50 years like and then like yeah it's like just i think it's like two bedroom and we go out the back and yeah there's like maybe 10 cars there was even like um like uh what's this one oh like a digger like a dig digger there. There were like, yeah, like commercial grade of like grills that were just like, it was fucking crazy. Like crazy. Where? Where? It was out like what, like, like Northwest way, like not Epping and not Coburg, but like whatever's further than that. What lies beyond the city limits.

Like the third layer of hell. South Morang, like more sunshiny. Brooklyn. I don't know. Yeah. Okay. further than that what lies beyond the city like the third layer of hell south morang like or more sunshiny brooklyn i don't know yeah okay too far yeah um that's an expensive uber and carlton yeah yeah but you know um sometimes like if you don't go you won't know then well what was it actually like the actual interaction well he um played piano and enjoyed singing and that's the do you relate to this and and this guy was probably like maybe like five years older than me this was probably like five this was maybe what was this like five years ago was maybe, what was this, like five years ago, maybe? Yeah.

So he was 45. Fuck you. And he's like, it was also like not horny. From the second I got there, it wasn't horny. And I'm like, well, what the fuck am I doing here? Was he hot? Like, was he hot? He was really handsome.

Kind of like, I found the secret hot tradie that is openly gay, but no one knows that he's out here. Mystery box, yeah. Like, yeah. Like, he was very handsome. Bit of a rink, like. He was ripped. Wow.

He's been lifting junk cars in the junkyard. Very handsome, like, relatively fine talk to um but yeah then he's like oh can i sing something for you no i was like i would have left i wish you needed lazy's brick and so funnily enough there were many bricks lying around um and then i'm standing like in this dead person's house with this stranger at two in the morning when I thought I was coming to get my ass fucking smashed in. And I'm standing there and he like has this whole setup with like little lamps on the thing.

And he's like, I can play any on the thing and he's like i can play any of these and he's like going through but it's like it's like if you're like 12 years old and it's you're like that's the book of songs oh no he's been practicing for a long time but then yeah but then he's like got um like these other books of like, I don't know, like ACDC songs or like that kind of like, no, I play like the cool songs on the piano. And then he starts like playing and singing, but, and he can't sing. He could play the piano just fine or the keyboard just fine. But like singing and like his stare in my eyes,

because he knew them all off my heart because he was fucking crazy. And just like staring at me singing while playing these songs. And I'm just standing there like, no, because there's no chairs because everything's covered in stuff. And I'm just like, well, this is. And was it like a love song? That's very good.

Sometimes. Sometimes. He played like half an hour. No. And then did you a love song? That's very good Sometimes Sometimes He played like half an hour No, and then did you fuck after that? Then we went to bed And the bed I later found out Was his parents' bed

Oh And it was old, old, old And like And yeah, as Lazy said It was the kind of bed where it was like built into the head thing headboard and like had this like old retro built-in radio and all this stuff and it was like all the sheets were like threadbare and it was just really weird but like it was strange too because he wasn't like I'm not coming at this from like a classist point of view. I think it was just like an old house.

Like he wasn't, I don't know, like poor or anything. Like I'm not judging him for that or something, but it was just like, I don't know. It was just an old house. It's kind of like what I call like neo-Dickensian squalor when you have that sort of ratchet car shed in the backyard That is what Zelda said to him Yeah, yeah, yeah

That was his grinder handle I would call this the Neo-Dakensian Yeah, and then we went to bed and he Said I'm a real sweetie What? No, he was, he was, oh, I feel bad now. Cause yeah, he was just like deeply like kind of sad and lonely. And it was, yeah, it was weird.

Anyway, but they weren't so true. You didn't have sex till the morning. That's so, well, I certainly wasn't in the mood after the serenade. Don't tell me not to lie. And it was good. Yeah. Well, I certainly wasn't in the mood after the serenade. Don't tell me not to fly because I forgot to. And it was good. Yeah. And then like, yeah, the sex was totally fine.

And then I left and I never went back. He does pop up every now and then. Well, now that you know. Like on the grid or like at the pier? No, like he's still got my number. He'll message me. Except now he's exclusively like want to like come do water sports he's found his niche like that's fine but like you're already too much i can't think yeah it's like no i can get pissed on by some people but not you yeah not in that location

other like yeah looks like a house where a cat has pissed for 50 years and it's never been cleaned up yeah yeah yeah anyway that's a that's a great first date no it's not i think that that should be the first date that everyone has to go to. Put it in the vault. No! I remember I had this like perfect first date with someone that, you know, like he's a real sweetie, super cute, still in the scene. Did you tell him that? Wait, who is he? I'm so intrigued.

I can't believe we've just, it's like a gossip hour. I didn't realize the podcast was just like gossip hour. Just for you. Who is this kid? So anyway, he is a real sweetie, but like he was always insisting that he had never, like he didn't have a creative soul. He was just not creative. And I was like, everyone is creative.

Like you can, doesn't mean you're good, but it means you can like, like you can create something. Yeah, therapeutic. People do that all the time. They color in. Yeah, exactly. And I was like, why don't you come over and we'll just make some stuff. We'll have a craftanoon.

Lazy. Why? And so I set up like a little craftanoon table in the backyard. It was like a summer day. It was beautiful. It was the a summer day. It was beautiful. This is the first time you met this person. First time met. And we drank beer and talked about life and did craft noon.

And then we were like day drunk in the afternoon and then went and fucked in the bedroom. Oh, that's actually gorgeous. And he had a great time. We both had a great time. I don't like there was no, it wasn't a thing after that, but it was just, like, this, I have such a distinct memory of, like, the heat, the beautiful day, the day drunk, like, beer,

whimsy kind of vibe, and then, like, the craft afternoon was so fun because it was just so easy. What did you create? I don't know. We were just mucking around. Yeah, we were just painting. We were, like, doing, like, bits. It was fun. Like were just mucking around. Yeah, we were just painting. We were like doing like bits. It was fun.

Like pipe cleaner monsters? Yeah. I'm picturing those funny little crosses that you make in like primary school where they put the wall around. That's what we did. No, but I was like that's good activity because you're like it can be shit and it can be good. Yeah.

But it's like you're just there. And did he unlock something creatively? He had a great time. Did he have a good eye? Yes, sure. Oh, my God. But anyway. That is, oh, my God.

Of course you would set up that date. Activities. I think more activities. You're like the queen of organized fun. I mean, I've actually recently discovered that I love organized fun. Organized. I love. It's not disorganized. I mean, I've actually recently discovered that I love organized fun. Organized. I love, it's not disorganized. I mean, you.

I love an activity. I don't know. I'm actually trying to work out because you two like have a chaotic energy, but actually are quite organized people. Would you agree? I would say, well, I'm, I'm a Virgo sun. Oh, my God. But an Aquarius rising, Aquarius moon.

So those nomadic tendencies. Right, right, right. So it presents as chaos, but inside it's like my way or the highway. And Zelda Moon is, of course, an ops manager for a large retailer and so has to be organized or else she wouldn't get paid. But those people who have to be organized for their work generally are more chaotic in their personal life aren't they oh totally my mother yeah i do you see what matt is bullying you again i am very organized at work and at home it's just my like and my drag I'm my drag, but it's just my personal life that's disorganized. Something's got to give because you're actually at your cognitive load.

There are only so many cognitive loads you can take. And you're at something, something's got to give, so your brain turns to more. So far, like, you know, I could do, like, seven in the night, I guess. Maybe, you know. I'm always willing to try for more. I recently did, with regards to organised fun, I did an escape room with my family.

With your family? Yeah, and that's why it's been on the mind. Yeah. Darling, that wasn't an escape room, that was lunch. Well, we got, apparently only like 30% of people escaped this room on the first try and we got out of it with like six minutes to spare. They were very impressed at the escape room plays.

And was it numbers? You had to turn over a table and find a number? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like numbers on the wall. I mean, you get in there and it's like a cell, okay, but no one's coming in to fuck you. It's just like there's a cell and then there'll be like scratches on the wall, like people have tried to go that out

and you just see this one little thing hanging. You're trying to open anything, but there's really not a lot. And you somehow work your way through it. And the more you work, you go, oh, there's actually clues embedded everywhere. But it actually, yeah, took me a while. What if you leave and then you're like, oh, should I leave my jacket in the lobby? And you go back and you hear the next group leaving and the team at the door are like, wow, you guys,

like 30% of people don't get this. You guys did so well and you still had seven minutes left. Oh, my God. You ruined my fantasy. I was like, we are a family of lateral thinkers. That's what I don't like about, like, escape rooms. I don't like the logic puzzles. I'm like, boo, that's not how the world works.

You've got to manipulate people to get what you want. You've got to be like, hey, Mr. Organizer, why don't you let us out? And then the second they let you out, you're like, I think there's smoke in here. Could you open it up? And then when they let you out, you're like, we got out. Do you know what I mean? I'm like the world is not just like finding a number here and then typing it in somewhere else. Yeah, but it's a little bit of fun every now and then.

Well, are you talking about your version for the bunker is to go on a date with your family? You want everyone to go? You know what? Actually, the wholesome part of me thinks yes. Can I tell you, when I turned up to the escape room, I was like I had a lot of internal resistance to the escape room. I don't think I wanted to do it.

And then when I was in there, I was having so much fun and it really goes to show that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover. Yeah. Well, you know they talk about the death of cringe now on TikTok. Well, it's called New Based. New Based? N-U-B-A-S-E-D. NuMetal.

Yeah, NuMetal, but NuBased. And what does that mean? It means just cringe, but in a good way. Well, it's like you've got to be okay with cringe to get anything in life. Yeah. You've got to be able to cringe at yourself and do cringey things. But you know that weird thing that all those TikTok twinks do

where it's like they try to like fight each other who can cringe first like yeah like they but they all seem to cringe so easily that's the weird thing like i'm just sitting there being like i i've clearly done a lot of cringe things in my life because if i was in this situation i wouldn't have cringed at all yeah well you you you were putting on a cabaret what yes yeah you know? I've been contemplating this a lot recently, the fact that to actually put on a cabaret, you have to be a certain type of despicable. Yeah.

Like it's actually one of the most cringy things you could possibly do. Well, listen, you're talking to two gay drag queens who started a podcast in 2020. Yeah. You started in 2020. Yeah. We weren't the first wave. Yeah.

Yeah. So it is like, we'll, we'll take your cabaret and we'll raise you that. I just remembered the worst date I've ever been on. What? It wasn't the car yard? Well, that was kind of a combo of my favourite date in just the worst version of it. No, the worst date I ever went on which i'll never make

this mistake again but i met this guy in the city for a drink oh wait ready off to a bad start because i don't drink um and he was a comedian oh and we went and saw a stand-up comedian. No. No, you should have known. You shouldn't have to be told that to know that that's a bad idea. You know what? I just like, I feel like my whole life, you know, you're told like comedies are funny. They're not.

Everyone knows comedians are the worst. And like stand-up comedians, you know? You can't date a stand-up comedian. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, oh, what? You don't like jokes and laughing? Not really. Like, not like this.

It was so bad. And like, I had no chemistry with this person. And then we were locked into this. Was he like bada bing, bada boom? Was he like one of those people that was trying to be? No, he wasn't particularly like. Quippy. Quippy.

No, he was just very vanilla nothing. Yeah. Saves the juice for the stage. But often comedians are like that and it's like their vein, and I will enforce that word, vein, search for a personality, as in it's in vain, not it vanity um is is tried to is played out on stage and i mean maybe one in 20 comedians is actually like funny and the rest i don't know this is a bit mean isn't it well you know we've already destroyed josh and matt so we may as well come for the stand-up

and then we i had to sit in this like quiet room with him while we watch someone attempt to say funny things were they funny no uh i just i hate stand-up comedy well i'm just gonna go and like you will say things and then i'll laugh at them like no uh yeah because i mean like anything though i mean it's the same with actors like i would never date an actor but i would date meryl streep you know what i mean like people who are at the top of their profession, like obviously because they're actually good, but there's something deeply cringe about the notion of pursuing acting as a career. And I think it's because we know that not many people can actually do it. Well,

I mean, that's also incredibly relatable for the context of like being a drag queen. Cause I still like when you tell people you're either like on dating apps or just out in the wild, like even in just like a friend circle, like, oh, I do drag. It's like, ooh, what do they think of in their mind when I say that? Totally. Are you embarrassed?

Because I'm embarrassed to say I'm a musician. Yeah, because like without context, you could ruin a lot of things. And you're like, no, a good one. Okay. The first date that's going in the bunker. And you're like, no, a good one Okay, the first date that's going in the bunker I mean, I think Do you want to hear what my first date was?

Oh, shit, Matt, Matt, cheers, sorry Well, I just thought this was funny because we met on Tinder You and Liz? Yeah, about 10 years ago when Tinder first came out I was like, oh, what's this? You met at the Camberwell Market Well, I invited her to met at the Camberwell Market. Well, I invited her to come to the Camberwell Market.

We told everyone we just met at the market by chance, but we didn't. You've never told me you met at Tinder. The story has always been this, like, this girl, like, just puts, like, $5 in my violin case. Like, I didn't know there was a Tinder set up. Well, we kept it a secret for a while because we were ashamed, but now everyone's doing it, so that's all right. But, yeah, we met on Tinder and then I said, come to the market.

So she came to the market that morning. Wait, you were busking? Yeah, I was busking and I just said, I'm going to be busking at the market. And she said, oh, okay, I might come with some friends or whatever. So that was just like how we met, I guess. And then that day when I was hanging out with her at the market, I said, oh, okay, I might come with some friends or whatever. So that was just like how we met, I guess. And then that day when I was hanging out with her at the market, I said, you know what, I'm actually playing violin in a cabaret show tonight. Oh, my God.

And it just so happened that Will had hired my band to be the house band for his cabaret show. Oh, my God, full circle. So if you have a cabaret show, that's a really good first date to bring. Oh, people should bring their dates to my show. That's actually the best. That is the date we're putting in the vault. I mean, clearly the show.

Okay. Now, we do have a live music venue already in the bunker. Oh, which one? There's already a bar. It's like nondescript. A rock dog bar where middle-aged women are having the best night of their life Like bar open? No, it's like a country rock dog bar

Oh, okay Like corrugated iron, like Oh, a shed Bikey shed clubhouse Yeah The worm puppet from The Labyrinth is the bartender She danced all the bartending Thanks, you wet pussy shot there love um so i and they

you know on thursday nights maybe they have a opening slot for a cabaret well this could be a good okay what do you think about this this is the pitch and this can be informed by you listener so it's kind of like a choose your own adventure but if we have at the Rock Dog Bar in the bunker, we have Will Hannigan performing his show on a Thursday called The Uncertain Nature of Science. Let's go with that. I like that better. Let's just give it a new name, like something entirely different. Lord Melodrama different Lord Melodrama

Lord Melodrama Performing So you're performing And then Like people can You know Promo code and come As their first date

To come and see Will's show about love Yeah Which you can like If you do this If you actually do go and see Will's show Tonight Go on a date And let us know in an email

Whether you fell in love on the date oh that would be so beautiful this is like a full circle moment that's gone from being on a meme page

to in a podcast that is love in the 21st century you know when you said that you wanted to have your friend on to advertise their show I didn't realize

you meant it would be a two hour long ad for their show I can't even get the name of the show correct would you call this a very signs by will I didn't realize you meant it would be a two hour long ad. I can't even get the name of the show. Correct. Would you call this a very signs by will.

But what was the OG cabaret that Matt's band was on? It was called, Oh my God. Well, it actually, it was called highs, lies and shoestring fries. I think it should be that show. It was really funny.

And I had, well, I actually, it's the only time i've ever done drag or an approximation it was it wasn't real drag um but i had a drag alter ego called mother marxist and i had to exercise mother marxist from me because i just wanted to keep shopping so every now and then she'd come and inhabit my body and suddenly mother marxist would be there she was more like a multiple personality than a drag girl.

Yeah, it was United States of Tara sort of. And she looked like little orphan Annie. She had like Rihanna fire engine red hair, you know, that era. And she wore this big red velvet smock, a bit like the colour of the couch I'm sitting on. And it was just, I had to do a really quick change. It was literally just like wig and the cape, you know. Wow, yeah.

And the boys were behind me because it was a bluegrass band, you know. And then at the end of the show, we managed to exercise Mother Marxist with the help from some audience members. And then we sang a song called I Miss My Mummy. I just think if you had mad-libbed and just made that whole description of what the show was, like you would be a comedic genius for so accurately capturing what a cabaret is. I think there has to be that show.

Okay. Highs, Lies and Shoestring Fries. It would work for me. I don't know if it would work for anyone else. I think it could work for multiple people. Okay, so the date on offer in the bunker, should Romeo Beckham want to take Michael B. Jordan on a date, they would go to the dive bar to see Highs, Lies and Shoestring Fries.

Yeah. A cabaret. We need a name for that bar. Could it be called Reggie's? Yeah, I like that. Okay, so at Reggie's every Thursday night, they have Highs, Lies and Shoestring Prize With a special

On Shoestring Prize Does that mean My band gets in as well? Yeah Yeah I guess so You're going to get A medallion man You can come anytime you like

I'm in the bunker You're in the bunker Finally in the bunker I don't think I've Been included so far No Wow And Will as well

So yeah I just worked you in there matt at reggie don't forget don't bite the hand that feeds you um oh you know with red g's i'm thinking we actually spell it two words like red g's like what's up my g's like no that's not happening i'm afraid it's named after it's named after a woman you know how they say yes and? Oh, Regina's makes a no-ma. No, no. Yeah, it's not happening. But no, it's just a woman named Regis who opened it. Oh, Regis.

Is it like? No, Regi. Regis? Like the woman who changed the cafe in Becca. Like the diner. Oh, Becca. I haven't thought about that show in years. Okay, time for a break and then we'll be right back.

See you all on the other side of this break. Welcome back, everyone. Hola. It's time. Well, will you tell us, please, what our third topic for discussion is tonight? Oh, yeah. It was types of meme page admin. Not types of meme page, but types of meme page admin.

No, that's a universal. That's a universal. Wait, what do you mean? Well, I just, I mean, I've obviously, look, I've maybe thrown a curveball here just, I mean, I've obviously, look, I've maybe thrown a curveball here because it's like something I've maybe contemplated more than some people. Yeah, do you see why you're talking into the microphone? Oh, have I been fucking this up the whole time?

Well, he said it was omnidirectional beforehand. Listen, I don't think you need your tech to tell you how a microphone works. Okay. Oops. Well, I hope that you picked up my, I mean, I can project. I think it's going to pick up. So there's like different types of people I think that run meme accounts. Yeah.

And I'm just wondering which type of those people we keep in the bunker because I think there'll only be one meme. One person gets it. We'll create this person. In the bunker. Because I think there'll only be one meme. One person gets it. Yeah. We'll create this person. This might be the most esoteric brief we've ever had from a guest. Yeah. But I'm going to yes and this. Yeah, yes and.

And say, well, what would you say are the archetypes of meme? Because I am not privy. I know you and I know that you've run meme accounts. What would you say are the other know that you've run meme accounts what would you say the other types of people that run me so there are people with like quiet literary ambitions sometimes straightish men like humorous yeah humorous straightish men brown cardigan boys no no no more like actually want to get like published in verso like what's you know like a sort of left-leaning literary um people who think a lot but are quite funny that sort of thing never heard of them there's yeah i mean maybe that's a new

thing for you um and then oh god that's what i mean i'm really sorry i'm not sabrina baby um the there's the there's like kind of ego like you know that sort of type of and it's very based on trends and aesthetics but a very kind of intellectual take on it perhaps there's people that are just more just flat out image based uh there's the shit posting type that really don't have a lot to say that just want an avenue to shit post. There is like I met a guy once who like had several meme pages and they'd all blown up in such. Yeah, because they're getting taken down because he posts risque memes.

Like edgy shit. Yeah. But then on the back of his meme page, he like leveraged a bit of a career, like a musical career. Yeah. Yeah. That's not uncommon. Who is that?

You know, God? God? Yeah. I don't know who God is. Yeah. But he went to LA and recorded and had some success. But I think eventually people get angry at the meme page for promoing the person behind the meme page.

Well, that's what I'm literally about to do and I know it's the most cringe thing you could possibly do. I hate that Twink who was Twink in Decline. Was that what it was? I don't know. Twink in Decline? Oh, I think he's my friend. Oh, I mean I don't actually hate him.

But then he did reveal I think he's my friend Oh I mean I don't actually hate him But like But then he like Trans Like Did like reveal And then he's like Misk hot twink And then like The memes

Lowered And the selfies rose And then the account Handle changed to his name And now it's like Just selfies But this is the thing This is the

Crucial dilemma Of being a meme Person The bacon twinge Well yeah exactly It's like It's like just selfies. But this is the thing. This is the dilemma of being a meme person. Well, yeah, exactly. It's like it's somewhat annoying when it's like, oh, I'm just making these funny little things while I do a shit. And that gets more appreciated than the thing that you actually do. Right. And so at some point you go, oh, this thing's getting traction.

There's a question that arises in your mind, which is like, how do I flip it? Yeah. Right. And I've resisted the flip for like three years. And finally I'm like, fuck it. I actually don't care anymore. there's a question that arises in your mind which is like how do i flip it yeah right and i've resisted the flip for like three years and finally i'm like fuck it i actually don't care anymore but like i'm just intrigued more generally like who are these people that decide to do this i mean i think it was a lockdown trend i mean it was like a second wave we'd had main pages before but in

lockdown a lot of people started them and i'm just kind of like what is there something in the psyche well it also it's like are you the meme because that happened a lot in lockdown like those girlies that like were like i'm your mom like you know disapproving of you at three in the morning and they like you know and you become like an idea i mean like the meme like like that girl that you like who thrusts her keys around or what's his name jay van jordan van zandt yeah yeah like his whole thing of like putting on a wig and like pretending to be like i'm gonna lip sync to gladys berger glee and or whatever so it's like do we want someone that puts their face in the meme, becomes the meme, or someone who is the anonymous memester?

That one. I think more that one. I mean I feel like that was what was going on in the cultural zeitgeist at the time was, you know, Kanye was completely trying to de-identify with those masks. Balenciaga was covering everyone's faces. It seemed like after we'd lived through, you know, ID poll for like 10, 15 years that there was

this urge towards de-identification and it's funny and somewhat something of a correlation that that timed with this big explosion of new meme pages um and there this sort of understanding like this anonymity having some sort of capital but then at some point people are like actually here's me but it's funny when you start talking because there was this weird meme, like in amongst the different Melbourne meme pages, there was like a group chat. Of the memesters. Of the memesters.

And we were like talking about maybe throwing a doof together, like all the memesters. And then we were like, okay, well, if we're actually going to organise this, I guess we have to like reveal just to each other. And then some of them wouldn't even do that. Like they really, some of them keep it so personal. Then we were like, okay, well, if we're actually going to organize this, I guess we have to like reveal just to each other. And then some of them wouldn't even do that. Like they really, some of them keep it so personal. I mean, I'm a blabbermouth and I'm just like intrigued.

I think the true person that needs to be kept in the vault is the one that even in the group chat with the other memesters still will not tell you who they are. I love that. It's like the dream face reveal thing. Yeah. Do you remember like obviously last year but like there's that fear of like as soon as you reveal your face maybe it won't be good enough like maybe it's like that's the end of your career well it's devastating that's why i was so scared when i went to that party and i saw you know we'd have been talking online and

then i see him and i'm like i don't even know if he knows what I look like and all I can think of is am I not pretty I love I think that yeah they're so really nice really nice do you know who they are no I don't know who they they wouldn't reveal I feel like it's like an open secret but I just don't know the actual person I think they're funny yeah but that's a different type of meme when it's like like a video when you're taking like an australian famous australian video and then putting text over a video as opposed to text over an image yeah so you're a purist i'm not a purist i love that it's just a different it's a different form yeah yeah i think because i was talking to someone the other day and i was like i think we're out of the time of photo text memes i think that it's like a dying days of that because instagram is dead in a lot of ways yeah like we're seeing the fall of instagram

and so it's like where do you put a funny photo with text over it do you know what i mean like and now because tiktok's a huge it kind of has to be video yeah everything's video actually you know who's a meme queen sabrina babyslut oh she's a meme queen she's a meme queen she's actually just had massive success with her invention of car wigs oh my god i don't even know what that means what is a car wig what's a wig that you keep in your car and wear and she was talking about she had a wig that made her look like charlotte tilbury and then she put it on just like wouldn't you be so happy to see charlotte tilbury in traffic wig that you keep in your car and wear. And she was talking about she had a wig that made her look like Charlotte Tilbury. And then she put it on and she's like, wouldn't you be so happy to see Charlotte Tilbury in traffic?

And then Charlotte Tilbury stitched her video and was like, yes, darling, hello. And now she's getting sent PR packages from Charlotte Tilbury. While at the same time in the same week she also did a version of the real housewives i think beverly hills um like reunion special with the sublock tango that then has become a meme viral sensation across and it's now being picked up by the real housewives wow she's prolific she really knows how to target those sort of cultural institutions she is a living meme as you If you haven't listened to our episode, go back and listen. That's where she snaps.

She... I just love Devil Wears Anko. Yeah. I mean, that's a very... It's a visual humour, right? Because my memes are very wordy. And in fact, they literally just rants. They're not even memes. I just put a rant over a shitty image.

And that could not be more different because devil wears anko is very like they have managed to codify and sort of partition certain cultural types that you didn't even know existed until you saw them in those starter packs and you're like oh my god yeah that's so a type of person and essentially the meme exists because people want to go i relate Roast me Right Yeah I want to be seen I want to be seen And I want to be destroyed

Essentially Yes Well then What do we need for the bunker? What attitude Do we need for the bunker? Do people need to be seen? Do people need to have to read

Do people have phones? I think Okay so Because I assume We put this person No We put this person No bones We put this person In the bunker

And then Are they going to start Another meme page They're going to start Yes They will have to start A new one I think they will start

The bunker Meme page Bunker starter kit But actually yeah And then everyone In the bunker Has to try and work out It's almost like the mole

Like did you used to watch The mole as a kid Yeah or the The original Dutch version De mol De mol De mol I loved the mole I used to watch The Mole as a kid? Yeah, or the original Dutch version, De Mole. De Mole. De Mole, Mole, Mole. I loved The Mole.

I used to make the kids at Steiner play The Mole. Like we'd play it over seasons, over terms. Was Matt allowed to play? No, because Matt and I actually weren't at the same Steiner school. We just met at Steiner Music Camp and had similar friends. But like I made one of my friends The Mole, but then I evicted The Mole to, like, throw people off the scent. And then he came in under some weird convention.

Like, I was reading out the kind of mole constitution and I was like, everybody actually, according to rule, like, 76B, like, this particular person has to be brought back. And so then when it got to the final, no one thought that he was actually the mole. Because he'd been... He'd kicked out. The mole. Anyone he'd been... He'd kicked out. The mole.

Anyone who's over 12 would have worked out. Did he... Did anyone guess him? I think, no. He... Oh, no. Wait, sorry. Mixing up two different moles.

It was a her. It was a her. And yes, people both guessed her because in the final three she cornered the two other finalists in the toilet and was like i can't handle it anymore i am the mole oh my god you were like tearing the small steiner school apart that is like yeah you're the original meme yeah so that's it so it's kind of like who is the moley meme-y person in this bunker? Okay. Well, I thought, yeah, right. So one of, yeah, perhaps the best thing to do is, yeah, one of the inhabitants of the bunker.

Oh, who's already there. Yeah. Someone who's already there. Starts a meme page. That's good. So who is currently in there? Fucking hell. Get the spreadsheet out.

Yeah. So you're saying like Brooklyn Beckham could be our meme admin No Brooklyn's not in Oh Brooklyn's not in Who's in Liz Hurley Who's actually Romeo Oh Romeo's in

Yeah Oh so Romeo could be a meme lord Vanity I reckon Willow Smith She's not there Oh She's not there Will Oh. She's not there, Will. Got a vibe.

I think that we can know, but no one in the bunker can know who the meme person is. Do you think, because I think this will happen more and more into the future, there might just be like AI generated meme pages that like the admin just turns out to be a bunch of bleeps and bloops well people are already using that have you seen inner north ai that new meme page and it's just like it's just like oh gaze at peter peepo like gaze out the front of archie's on gertrude street with their gertrude mums wearing bibbly bubbly boot um little pearl necklaces and it's just essentially it's called inner north ai but i think it's just like the same two blocks of smith street but they use ai prompts to generate really hyper realistic

like people in the line to trough like like it's it's good you should you should have a look that's good but that's still with a human controlling the prompts and i think what you're saying i'm saying like yeah the robots are talking to each other robots are just talking to us maybe android 18 can run the meme page then that's a happy that's a good one she's she would be cunty as she'd be cunty it's not an ai drag queen no android 18 from dragon ball z she's yeah she's got that fierce blonde bob if you're not familiar but she she was brought in to to um to try and kill to kill goku i can't remember like she was trying to kill me come a come a come a come a come a heart i remember watching a whole season and all they said was come a heart yeah okay android 18 has a blonde bob who was cell i just remember goku and she was Goku and Cell. She was pre-Cell.

Oh, she was pre-Cell. And she's eaten by Cell. Well, I'm in Cell. Yeah. I mean, it was hard. I'd be in Cell just like that. Yeah. Cell can get it.

That tail. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think Android 18 would run a meme page. I think the answer's there. Okay. But no one can know. No one knows, but she runs a meme page. I think the answer's there. Okay. But no one can know. No one knows, but she runs a meme page. And what's the handle? Like bunker...

Bunker... Hunker spunker in the bunker. Hunker spunker in the bunker. Well, maybe it's about like... A non-bunker ho. Like Oprah's shitty announcements or something like that. Because like Oprah's in the bunker. Or like...

Oh, like a comment. The bunker's cummy ladder or something. I think it should be like aha underscore moments. Uh-huh. Yeah. How about like Reggie's Discman, you know? Oh, yeah. Regina Spector.

Regina is not in the bunker. Not after the movie. Yeah. Or how about like the Abyss's Bussy in the bunker? Because there's an abyss in the bunker. Oh, there's an abyssy bussy. Yeah, I think. A bussy. Maybe's an abyss-y bussy. Yeah, I think like- A bussy.

Maybe just a bussy. A bussy. Yeah. Into the abussy. Oh, I like that. That's good. Into the abussy. Zelda, I think it's got to reference the abyss.

And it's got to be Android 18 being like, into the abussy. I, yeah. My hesitation to agree with any of these terrible suggestions is that I think that we should like maybe, I don't know. Put it out to pass, to put it out to an open call. No, like I don't know. Like should we like make an account? Oh. And you don't want to have into the abussy.

Yeah, I don't know if that's the account that we really want. Well, anyway, it's not on phones and it's just like photos that come up on the like. Well, I think it's more like cave paintings. Like I don't think these memes are really analogue. This is what I was going to say before. I think we'll just like shart on a wall and then just, you know, paint it around.

Saturday's the equivalent of what you. We have like the airline ticker. It was like we could have the memes come up there or like. I think they have to be more. On the TV in the bathroom. They could come on there or something. Wait, is the bunker luxe or is it just like. Not luxe.

No, it's a shed. It's a cave. No, no. There's parts of it that are certainly like. Oh, we're still going to have the same social structures. Like rich people, poor people. Yeah. Like Oprah's room is nice.

Everyone's suffering. Oh, to a degree, but people. Yeah, like Oprah's room is nice. Everyone's suffering. Oh, to a degree, but some are suffering in like comfort. Like there's an oceanarium in the bunker, but I don't think it's like a top of the line oceanarium. But that's where Megan Mullally lives with the Meg. There's no currency in the bunker. But it's a gift economy. Well, with all those gifts.

Where did we land on with that? Anyway, so, okay, let's recap. with that? Anyway. So, okay. Let's recap. Oceanarium. Ocean's eight. Ocean A. Ocean, that, oh my God. Oceanarium A?

Oceanarium A. Like she A. That could be it. Ocean A. Android 18 is running a meme page. Android 18. Into the Abusi. And then what else is in the bunker?

Which love language is in the bunker? Gifts. Gifts? I think gifts. Did we land on gifts or acts of service? Of service. No, ass. Ass.

So sorry. Pardon me. That's the ass. And then the first date allowed in the bunker is? A trip to the cabaret. A trip to the cabaret at Reggie's on Thursday night. Yeah. Okay. And then?

Well. Into the Abyssinian. Perfect. Oh, my God. You may put something in the bunker. Without any scrutiny. You can put one thing. Just whatever you like.

What do you think they need down there? Could be an object. Could be a concept. Could be anything. A person. I really think you can't live without your ninja, the blender. Do you know the ninja blender? I used to be a Nutribullet gal, but actually one of the housemates has a ninja.

And I think, look, I'm just, it's, we are really time poor. I imagine people have a little bit more time in the bunker, but there's probably not going to be a lot of gas for the stove. So if you're not cooking with gas, you've got to liquefy your meals. Yeah. And I just think the ninja cuts through, like I put nuts, oats, berries, protein powder, like it cuts through all of it. Yeah.

I even make, I don't know if you follow Pasta Queen, but I make a mean pesto in the ninja like the more i use it i realize i can do anything i've stopped grading my parmesan i just put a small block in the ninja and it whizzes it up into like the remnants of a pet egg like it's so it's so good but you just realize that why chop why dice why slice i don't you know you know when people put onions, like chop finely sliced, I don't do that anymore. I put the onion in the ninja and I just fry up the paste.

Like I'm over chopping. So I just think that if people are going to have to eat, we all know Mama likes to eat, you need the ninja. It's easier than a knife. Okay. The ninja. Wow. I mean, yeah. Gwyn easier than a knife. Okay. The ninja. Wow. I mean. It goes.

Yeah. Gwyneth will be pleased. Yeah. And we are going to, of course, switch from the SodaStream that Edie brought in to the Soda King. The generic non-name brand. Because the SodaStream, of course, you know. BDS. Had built on Palestinian land and an occupied space in Israel.

So we're not having that anymore. Oh. Yeah. Soda King. It's such a shame because the thing is like that ad campaign Paris Hilton did was really aesthetically very well executed, but no pride in genocide. So. There you go.

Okay. Soda King though? Well, that's the one my dad has from like Aldi. Soda Queen. Get out, fag. Where. Soda King, though? Well, that's the one my dad has from Aldi. Soda Queen. Get out, fag. Where's Soda Queen? You can't buy a Soda Queen. Go to my dad's house, find the Soda King.

Soda King? Does it have a crown? Maybe a scepter. Ooh, okay, I'm back on board. What a time. What a treat it's been. I'm saturated. saturated now one last time will do you have any passing words um by this time you'll probably be getting ready for your

show when this is coming out so come and see signs by m night shamalan starring will come down it's actually going to be look i will say somewhat authentically i i'm trying to make this show really kind of sincere and beautiful and i think it's just nice to have an evening of love stories and if you want to bring anyone and it's not a thruple i'd actually encourage you know bring your folks bring a you know a close friend you do like going on dates with your parents yeah i just think look you can read me fulfilled but i just think it's going to be quite a nice in this six-odd horny world where everything is quite, you know, we're on the brink of annihilation. It will be nice to be given a little bit of hope. Perfect.

Well, and on that, goodbye. Farewell, everyone. Death to Everyone was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Shears. Our theme song and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. If you'd like to send us a message or some fanfic about the bunker, you can do so at deathtoeveryonepod at gmail.com. Or if you'd like to support us, why don't you do so at patreon.com slash deathtoeveryone.

And bye-bye.