Death To Everyone - Death To... Gay Icons, Nails & Lamps

Episode Date: July 2, 2024

Settle in darlings! This week we challenge you to defy our logic with this incredible set of decisions. Which gay icon do you want to survive the end of times? But more importantly what colour will their nails be? AND Most importantly, what kind of lamp will light them? Follow us, won't you? ⁠www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠www.naturalhabitatstudios.com/⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠www.instagram.com/ediecentric/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103/

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🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 Hello! Hello! Sulang Yor to you all! Oh, Sulang Yor, dear.

I am Lazy Susan. And I'm Zola Moon. And we are Celestial Goddesses in the year 2006. We are. We just talked out of our space car. Thanks, Matt. Hello. Get in the year 2006. We are. We just hopped out of our space car. Thanks, Matt. Hello. Get in the car. Just in time to record this week's episode of Death to Everyone.

And that is DTE for those on the go. Down to Earth. Death to Earth. I thought that was a really funny little... Synchronicity. Yeah. Yeah. Hilarious.

Are you laughing? Spirit numbers. Okay, so on this show, what do we do, Zelda? Okay, so it's the end of time. That's right. And at the end of time, we need a doomsday bunker. Because some of the things on this planet are just fabulous. I see a lot of trash every day, but occasionally there's a diamond in the rough.

And that is what we're trying to save for the end of times you know what i don't understand i'm sure the answer is the english language numbers menus at restaurants okay but songs by men oh that i don't get um diamonds right or like the concept of like the heart of something is like do you think you're allowed to just say diamonds you have to say it, diamonds? No one would say diamonds without saying diamonds. But like the concept of hardness is like the harder it is, like only the harder substance can scratch the softer substance. But like I can scratch a diamond if I had a little, you know,

like little pliers with a sharp edge. You would scratch the diamond. I it had a little, you know, like little pliers with a sharp edge, you would scratch the diamond. I don't know how diamonds work. I don't think they do get scratched. No, they do. What? Well, I mean, I don't own a diamond, so I probably can't try it out. Yeah, I think that's why people wear them for their whole lives

and they would still look quite, you know. I don't understand that. How can it be so hard? Because also, like, there's hardness and then there's brittle. What the fuck are you talking about? I don't understand that. How can it be so hard? Because also like there's hardness and then there's brittle. Because that's why alloys are so great. What the fuck are you talking about? I don't know. That's what I mean.

How confusing. Anyway, so we put the best of the best in the doomsday bunker. And then, yes, we put people, concepts, things, small objects, disgusting substances. Yes. And they can survive the incoming apocalypse Apocalypse Apocalypse now!

Exclamation mark Yeah, oh my god You know, Francis Ford Coppola Just put out his film Megalopolis What? You know Francis Ford Coppola who directed Apocalypse Now? Sure.

And became like, it was like one of the central core directors of his generation. Okay. Along with like the Scorseses and whatever. Yeah, sure. He always had this idea of a film that he wanted to make called Megalopolis. And he was like like i will make this film one day and it will be the best film anyone has ever seen and he's been saying this since the 80s and recently he's now almost in his 90s um he's the father of sophia coppola director of

lost in translation and marie antoinette if that rings any. It is. Ring-a-ding-ding. Okay. But he sold, he owns vineyards. He's like, you know, obviously wealthy Italian-American guy, so of course he had to buy a vineyard. Yeah. And he owned all these vineyards, and so he sold one of his vineyards and took the hundred and something million dollars from that and completely self-produced and self-financed this film, Megalopolis. Like after he saw what J-Lo did and said, I'll have some of that.

Literally, it's funny because they both came out at the same time and people had nothing but scorn for Jennifer Lopez and her heart factory. And this film, allegedly from reviews coming out of, I think it was Cannes, I don't know which film festival it premiered at, people were like, oh, that's really bad. And he's been waiting like 40 years to make this piece. What's it about? About time and about thinking and about spaces.

And the reviews are crazy. Sci-fi? It just transcends genre. Oh, my God. People talk about this film and they're like, some parts they just break into Shakespearean soliloquy. Some parts they are grunting. I don't think it has a plot.

I think it's just like... Scenes. Yeah, like bizarre, like craziness. That's kind of fun. Did you fuck with like the Creedmaster cycle and all that kind of stuff? Creedmaster? Creedmaster. Who?

Oh my God. You know, like Bjork's ex-husband. Matt knows what I'm talking about. Why are you laughing? Bjork's ex-husband Matt knows what I'm talking about Why are you laughing? Bjork's ex-husband Cream Master 3 was the one that you could like actually watch on like DVD But Cream Master 1, 2, 4 and 5 Is that right Matt? Were like

Shown in a gallery once And then like Cream Master 2 was like a 7 hour long whatever Then Cream Master 3 is shot in question mark gallery. You don't know what I'm talking about. I have no idea what you're talking about. Oh my God. Well, I mean, I barely know what I'm talking about, but they're really cool.

And they kind of like a movie. Matt, do you know what she's talking about? I actually don't know what you're talking about. Oh, I thought you did. I thought it was a gnawing laugh Not a pity laugh I also just think It's funny that you're like You know that one that was shown once in a gallery

Versus the director of Apocalypse Now Same same Everyone knows that You don't know that one? Weird Well whatever It didn't work out okay With Bjork Nor with Megalopolis I don't know is that Yeah Oh you don't know that one Oh weird Okay Well whatever She's not like It didn't work out okay

With Björk Nor with Megalopolis Yeah Justice for This is me Now You also Haven't seen

Dance from the dark Yeah Yeah We gotta do that I like to dance in a fully lit room Patreon movie club Oh we should do that Should we do that today Or maybe to dance in a fully lit room. Patreon movie club. Oh, we should do that. Should we do that today?

Or maybe. Depends if my hookup is going to happen or not. Oh, she's always got a hookup. It's. Who are you hooking up with? You can tell me. So I used to hook up with this guy from Columbia and he went home. Sofia Vergara?

Yes. He went home in like summer, but he's back. Amazing. The dick is so good. Is he tall? Yes. He went home in like summer, but he's back. Amazing. The dick is so good. Is he tall? No. No. But the dick is.

Actually, you know what? Only when he's lying down. He's not tall and he's bald. So, just saying. It's so, actually, this is good. We should feel sorry for you. Is that what you're saying? What are you saying?

Matt! Wow. No, I'm just saying, all those people that say things, that's what you're saying? What are you saying? Matt! Wow. No, I'm just saying all those people that say things, that's what I'm saying. All those people that base their critique on things that you've said and done, they need to be silenced. Wow. We do need to offer perhaps an apology.

You do. Me? Yeah. Well, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. You say. Zelda came for the Gaptooth community. What? In two episodes ago.

And it caused friction in my marriage. I don't know about you, Matt. Well, yeah. My husband was like, well, I heard. And I was like, yeah, we talked about Gaptooth. And I said how much I love your Gaptooth. And then Zelda said, I don't know, that disgusting little tonsil in the middle.

And he said I didn't do enough to defend his honour, to which I say I think Gap Teeth are supreme, beautiful and the iconic healthy smile of an everyday citizen. And I think Zelda is a treacherous sea dog bitch who will do nothing but attack and malign the looks of everyday Australians. What? We put gap teeth, Dracula teeth, in the bunker. We put, sorry, we didn't.

We put Nosferatu Nubbins In the bunker Yeah but I And the fact that you confused the two Says that you're not yet ready To have a conversation about gap teeth If it's a nub

It means there's extra gum Baby gap teeth and nubbins Are different Yeah but Nubbin is like Two Millimeters Of tooth

I know a nub I've seen your fucking nubbin is like two millimeters of tooth I know a nub I've seen your fucking nubbin teeth Do you hear how she talks to me? I know the nubbin Oh look Yeah? Yeah that's it Okay well there was no defense

And I'd like to Oh my god Husband know that I love you And I love your teeth I love your gap teeth as well Kurjan Okay? Okay Let's just drop it then I know that I love you and I love your teeth. I love your gap teeth as well, Kergen. Okay? Okay.

Let's just drop it then. Matt, do you have anything to say to that? My daughter has a gap teeth at the moment. Your daughter's a gap tooth bitch. She's only one, so. Yeah. She's only one. They may grow bigger. Yeah, she doesn't have four teeth.

Yeah, she's got four. You might say they're not that big of a gap. But two of them do have a gap. At the moment, her teeth are in the bigger. Yeah, she does only have four teeth. Yeah, she's got four, but that two of them do have a gap. At the moment, her teeth are in the bunker. Yeah. If they grow any more, she's out. Yeah, if you could start to file them down into points, that would be quite good. Yeah, that would help.

Well, after that vicious attack. I know. Sorry, Evel. I loved Evel's message. Did I tell you that my mom was attacked by a dalmatian when she was a child no but that tracked yeah that was her origin story and apparently dalmatians are nasty pasties they're very vicious dogs yeah yeah and i've never seen one anywhere near a fucking fire engine yeah Yeah. I think that's a myth. But like, where did that, like,

imagine your whole identity is like being linked to something that actually isn't it. Yeah. I mean, I think it was probably just to improve their reputation. No, they're helpful. Yeah. Don't worry, guys. Yeah.

What are they doing? It's like biting the fire. Well, so I just like if i see someone with a dalmatian i'm like you paid too much oh my god very like when do you ever see a dalmatian no well that's it like it's all those inbred dogs inbred all those dogs are inbred yeah i guess yeah um you know like um different species of animals have different levels of like genetic ability to deal with inbreeding. You're right. Like different snakes and reptiles because they don't travel so like they don't travel very far in their lives.

Yeah. They can handle inbreeding for like multiple, multiple generations. Yeah. And then like retailers or like you know breeders or whatever like i was gonna say people that work in retail also have that ability no like breeders of reptiles like can have their breeding pairs and stuff for years and then like their children can have like breed with their parents in a couple years and you just swap them out every now and then.

Also, it's like if a lizard was inbred, how are you going to notice? Well, there's particular strains of, oh my God. There's this particular strain of what kind of, I think it's a python. Oh, some, a particular python or like a boa or whatever, where like there's a particular color like morph. Yeah. That results in like a lot of mental defects and like balancing issues in the snake. Cute. So when you see those colors, you're like, you're evil because you know what that color

means to the snake's life, you know? Oh, like you've done that. But you'd rather have the fucking toffee apple snake than a snake that can you know hold itself on a branch doesn't have balance yeah like it's not like it's gonna fall over no because some are arboreal they live in trees so that's quite cruel and also it can't target to strike at food. I mean, that's why it's like, you know, being domestic is an issue. Anyway, that's all. Wow.

And how are you? Good. You know, we've just passed the soft dish. No, we haven't. I'm not talking about time-based things. Ugh. We're finally on the other side And now we're out of the depths of winter

Every day it's getting brighter Fucking hell I actually like Can't do another Melbourne winter It's very Why are we all here? I just don't understand it So I have to get up Monday to Friday

For my job Brag about it At like I have to get up Monday to Friday for my job. Brag about it. At like, I get up, my alarm goes off at 10 to 6. And when I look at the temperature. I would quit a job immediately if it required, sorry, 550. Yeah. A job can do that for maybe a day, a year. 550.

Yeah. Yeah. Why? Are you a dock worker like what is this but um yeah when i check the temperature it's like two degrees three degrees the other day it was like literally zero degrees i've just had it i just suddenly really like have a lot of love for um like people that move to like florida or whatever for retirement i get it now yeah imagine just every day being a potentially useful day without like rain and just blue skies well katie perry was right Every day is a holiday. And you're the reason to celebrate. Yeah.

The reason being the weather in Florida. Although, the flooding. Yeah, and cyclones and potential of running into Miss Vanjie. There she is again. So I did baby drag the other night Because Miss Asia Buffet is away Local Melbourne legend Miss Asia Buffet Is going to get her puss

Which is very fabulous A community funded venture Get her her puss Rebuild her puss So excited It's like we could have had a new rotunda in the park Instead we've got a rotunda in the park instead we've got a no pussy in the park um so asia buffet's away and i am doing some of her baby drag shifts

yeah clocking on not unlike you at 5 45 um and then i was having a fabulous time the other day and I was dressed like a little, you know. Slut. Little slut. No, pants, just like panties. And like a woman's suit jacket, kind of 80s looking, big shoulders and a name tag. I wouldn't say that it was like a particularly sexy moment, but like it did happen.

I wouldn't say that it was like a particularly sexy moment, but like it did happen. Anyway, so that is the context on which I tell the next piece of information. I strut out to my car after the shift is done at the drag factory, walking across the road after paying the exorbitant $13.95 for two hours of Smith Street parking. Walking down Downing Street. All the children, the straight children are lining up for Guernica. The gay children are lining up for Thursday. No. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so they're all looking at me. Everyone's looking. Everyone's looking. Yeah. And then I hop in the car, drive away back to my home, driving, turn around the corner. And then at the intersection, someone has followed me from Smith Street and has driven up next to me.

And then I can see my periphery, this man who's in this like large four-wheel drive is like gesturing to me and I'm like, oh, no. And then I turn and he's like, wind down your window, wind down your window. He's like a 30-something guy. Is he hot? He's a hot man. Hot.

Young, urban, professional-looking man. Open. And I wind down the window because I'm like oh no like my seat belt is dangling out of the back the side of the car or something you know what i mean like someone's just trying to like there's a axe wielder yeah axe murder in the back and then he's like hey and i'm like hello and i've still got my wig on i've still got the whole look on and he's like And I've still got my wig on I've still got the whole look on And he's like

Come with me Let's go somewhere I'm like what? Give me your number Let's go somewhere No honey I'm fine Thank you Come on

Let's go He's like You know Wants to have a fun time With this business woman With yellow hair Of his What night is it? Thursday When is baby drag? a fun time with this businesswoman with yellow hair of his, what night is it?

Thursday. When is baby drag? Thursday. Thursday, of this Thursday night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, so then I drive on and he starts following me. And I'm like, oh, no. This could actually turn into a bit of a situation here

because I'm heading back to my house and I don't want this man to know where I live. Yeah. Also, what time is it? It's like, what, midnight? Yeah, like 12.30. Okay, yeah. And, like, there is a classic thing that happens

or has been known to happen outside of the Peel and up on Smith Street where the taxi drivers will like sit and wait for the girls to come out or the gays to come out yeah to try and get like a late night handy or a bj what yeah what and they'll wait to pick up a gay and then proposition them what yeah where like this happened a lot out front of the peel and out front like on that corner pick up a gay and then proposition them. What? Yeah. Like this happened a lot out front of the peel and out front of wet. Like on that corner. But. I'm gay.

Well, darling, you're missing out. Oh my God. Anyway, so this man, I believe, might have been in that category. A loon, as they say. An opportunist. Anyway, so he's following. He was gooning. A loon, as they say. An opportunist.

Anyway, so he's following me. He was gooning. And then he drives up next to my car on the other side this time. And I'm sitting at the lights. We're stopped at another intersection. And he's once again violently waving in my peripheral to try and get me to wind down my window. And, like, I would lie if I didn't say that I didn't know that I was being watched. So I was looking at my nails and fluffing my long, natural yellow hair

and just thinking about life. And then he starts doing toots on his horn. Like, do-do-do-do, do-do-do-do. And I'm like, oh my God, this is getting embarrassing. Everyone's looking at me. And I'm like, if I am about to die, at least I died getting attention. Yeah. You know?

Yeah. And then I wind down the window and he's like, come on. Come on. Come with me. Let's go. Let's go. Come on. Come on. Come with me. Let's go. Let's go. Come on. Come on.

Give me your number. Come on. No, honey, no. And he's like, come on. And I'm like, I'm sorry, no. And he's like, where are you going? I'm like, I'm going home. And then he's like, oh, no, come with me.

Come with me. And I'm like, darling, no, I'm going home. And then he's like, oh, no, come with me. Come with me. And I'm like, darling, no, I'm tired. I had a long day at the office. And he's like, give me your number. And I'm like, no, stop hounding me. You are obsessed with me. And then he's's like are you sure and then i said yes that's not tonight i'm tired yeah um and then he said okay

and then the light turned green and he drove off into the night so i know i said earlier that i love Kurjin, but maybe I don't. Stop cock blocking. In another life. Because I just, it's so. That's what could have been. There's so many moments in my life where I have some people's nightmare experience. Yeah.

And realize that I'm very like lucky to not. Live to tell a tale. Yeah, to be able to live to tell a tale. Because yeah, that is a fucking scary situation. Yes. But I think just because I was socialized and raised as a man but i don't have that same fear of god that you would have in you true um or i'm just fucking like the part of my brain is being killed or something but i think like to me that situation seems like i don't think he was

going to murder you i think he just wanted you to suck his dick yeah like so that's lucky. Thank God. Yeah. And then when you, like, said no, no, he was like, okay. Yeah, he just had to say no 20 times. That was the magic number. Yeah. Well, that's quite fabulous. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I like that. Yeah. Okay. Well, I, While you were doing that I was at home Watching Godzilla Minus one And

So a few weeks ago I watched Shin Godzilla Incredible film Incredible Godzilla minus one Like So fucking boring

I did not enjoy that movie At all It We gotta turn on the subs, darling. I don't understand anything. I'm fluent. Apparently. It just, like, it lacked a lot of, okay, there's a few things here.

Generally speaking, very generally, very, very, very generally, Japanese actors are very bad. What are you talking about? But it adds this level of like camp to Japanese cinema. I would just like to say on behalf of one half of this podcast, I don't believe that to be true. Mama, how many Japanese movies have you watched? I watch many Japanese films.

It's just like there's a very like, maybe it's more just like the style. It's a Godzilla movie. I don't think they're getting- No, oh God, it's not just Godzilla. But it's very like melodramatic and it is camp and like overacted. Maybe that's what I mean. It's not bad acting. It's just overacting.

There's like a house style. Yes, which I fucking love. That's why I constantly watch japanese movies but when you don't like lean into that and have like a little bit of fun with her it's just like so melodramatic and self-serious and like i don't need a godzilla movie to be self-serious and it did my least favorite thing but at least it followed through the whole movie least favorite thing but at least it followed through the whole movie of like the setup is like i don't know some military person or whatever they get attacked and he like watches godzilla crush all of his little friends and he couldn't pull the trigger to like take godzilla down and

then it like cuts to the future where godzilla comes back and randomly somehow there's one pilot is still around and he gets assigned to the, like boo, I don't care about this person. He's just like a vessel to like carry the story through. That is so boring. Wait, you have an issue with them creating a protagonist? Yeah.

Cause, cause he was nothing. You don't, and like, there's this part where like, he like, there's like a child and like, I don't know. There's also like almost no women in the movie. And then it's this part where like he like there's like a child and like I don't know there's also like almost no women in the movie and then it's all like it just hang on what were my notes?

Shit. It it just like yeah it centered around like this little douchebag being like the hero of the movie. Yeah. And like being the one to like get revenge for his friends that were killed by Godzilla. Yeah, like creating personal emotional states. But Godzilla killed millions. Yeah. So what about all the other friends who their friends died?

What's your proposal? Oh my God. Anything else. What's your anything else? But just give me a team of... Well, there kind of was a team because he joined like this crew but i just hated it like shin godzilla was so good yeah and this was just so i don't know it just didn't have as much fun it wasn't as like camp and silly and the godzilla

is the birthplace of camp because you need to take it seriously for other people to find the camp in it no it wasn't i don't know it just didn't hit the same as shin godzilla yeah um and then also they like won at the end and they like got her what you don't like that no shin godzilla was fabulous because they just froze her in the center of the city that was so stupid and the movie literally just ends but this like had an epic final battle in the ocean well they're allowed to be different endings right yeah yeah yeah i just didn't like it i didn't like it and it won the oscar or whatever i was like the graphics were fine but i don't know it was also like very cgi yeah well that's what they won the oscar for yes yes but like boo I want a miniature.

I want someone in a fucking costume. Well, unfortunately, there's no Oscar for best miniature. Yeah, or best person in a kaiju costume. Yeah. And that's a huge oversight by the Academy. Yeah, true. We can do that. So, I don't know.

It was a real shame. Sorry you had that experience. Did I ever force you to watch on Netflix? What was it called? I think it was just called Atelier. It was about, it was a Japanese, like, it was just one season. And it was about a lingerie atelier where, like, this person got a job. It was kind of, like, very um double west prada coded and like the fabulous

ceo of the lingerie company that's kind of failing but they get this new gal in who like has crazy ideas or whatever it's so good but like yeah that's like my what a chair what were her crazy ideas for the lingerie Oh my god Cup holders Green You snap them and then they warm up Yeah Ooh, that's great That wasn't in it Should I do that?

Yeah I mean, what if we did Devil Wears Prada But it's a woman that goes to start working for SkyMall She's like, what about if trees had faces? Yeah, I like that What if you could buy a desk with the declaration of independence on it okay well i think maybe most of our listeners are younger than sky mall but back in the day when you used to fly to america they had a magazine in the front of the seat and it was

called sky mall i didn't know what you were talking about and sky mall is the best it was like this whole catalog that you could order from while you were on the plane. And they just sold the most fucking random, like, as seen on TV products. And it was the best because it was like thick. And you would just sit there reading through all these insane SkyMall products. And I love SkyMall. That's cool. Yeah. What a great name.

Yeah. Welcome to the SkyMall. SkyMall. SkyMall. Okay. cool. Yeah. What a great name. Yeah. Welcome to the SkyMall. SkyMall. SkyMall. Okay, well. Sister. Yeah. How does the world end? How does the world end? How do we take the bands in the road?

Through song. Yeah. Yeah, maybe it's a musical. No. I would say the large Hadron Collider, once again featuring in the apocalypse, is activated in Stockholm, you know? Yeah. And someone hits it at a very pressure point by accident with their Swedish buggy. And then it causes a rift, a teleportation rift, that in a snap, in an instant, In a snap, in an instant, everyone in the universe is teleported three meters to the left.

Yes. And a lot of people end up inside of things, structures. Oh, no. Yeah. So, all the organic material, you know, ends up like you're like half in half out of a building you're half in half out of i don't know your mother and like everyone's like you know yeah like and so some people have just transported three meters down into the ground oh um if they were lying down yeah on the left side yeah or some people are transported you know three meters off and they fall down a balcony yeah because if they're lying down their

left side is down yeah i know you know matt don't check the math on this i'm i'm or if you're lying on your right hand side you get an awful drop yeah just back on his bed yeah yeah exactly some people died from that three-meter drop. Yeah. Some people were, yeah. It's a nightmare. Wow. Yeah.

Shit. Yeah, and they called it the leftening, the leftovers. And what if you're on an airplane? Exactly. My mama. The plane then crashed. You thought you were in F3 all of a sudden. It's like you look out the window and people just falling to the ground and you're like, but I didn't want this seat. So who really is worse off?

I wish I had that kind of leg room. The pilot becomes the co-pilot. Co-pilot. Yeah. I didn't work 20 years and 5,000 flight hours for this. Yeah. So that's it. Do their clothes transport with them?

Their clothes? No. You know what? No. Well, that's because if you were in a volcano, but you were in a volcano suit and then you transported out, you'd be fried. And also like if you were standing next to your friend

and she was wearing an ugly tank top, then you would transport to the left and you'd be wearing the ugly tank top And then you'd kill yourself And part of it would be fused inside of your body And your liver would be not functioning Because there'd be tank top in there God damn it Yeah

Yeah And like someone would be at a Rocky Horror Picture Show Screening inevitably And they'd be like I just jumped to the left And then everyone would go And they'd be like that would be funny a Rocky Horror Picture Show screening inevitably and they'd be like, I just jumped to the left. And then everyone would go. And they'd be like, that would be funny if we weren't all dead. And if my esophagus wasn't filled with a feather boa. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. Wow. Okay. And just another question. What about like metal teeth and like. Yeah, everything stays behind. All that stuff stays. So just your organic body is what transports.

Yeah. So then all of the boob jobs would be ripped down. Floating in midair. But that's why you're safe in the bunker. Yeah. And your boob job. Yeah. We have a special fail safe in the bunker that it just,

in the event of a sudden leftening, moves really quickly to the left. Oh, good. Speaking of fillings, I have to get six fillings. You know how I was going to the dentist? Yeah. Turns out I'm getting six fillings on Monday. Do you know, I talk to so many people, so many people.

My boyfriend is a great example of them, who are like, I've never had a cavity. And he, like like sometimes will only brush his teeth once a day yeah oh my and he's fine he continues to be fine my entire life my entire life i've never had a situation where i've gone to the dentist and they haven't been like i'm gonna have to do a filling yeah like every time and you're also not a real sweet tooth i don't really do it's because i've always been a fucking mouth breather my whole life and apparently if you sleep with your mouth open like it just the drying out of your mouth can help like bacteria grow oh yeah like the saliva helps keep bacteria at bay which is why chewing gum is so good for

you i saw on an instagram ad that you could get like band-aids that go over your mouth to keep it well nowadays now that i've had my deviated septum corrected i don't think i sleep with my mouth open as often yeah okay but it's just frustrating. And then I was talking to the dentist. Oh, my God. Can I say? I was kind of guessing how long it had been since I'd been to the dentist. I was like, oh, it must have been like three or four years ago. Yeah.

When I got there, it had been five years, which turns out that was 2019. And I got there, the dentist, this guy, Edward, was like, hi, Robbie, welcome back. He remembered me. And he's like, are you still working in advertising? And I was like, oh, baby, no. What are you talking about? Why do you remember me?

They must have like a secret file. They got to. And with like notes, yeah dot points on robbie yeah fag advertising yeah bad teeth bad teeth and i was like and then he was like we're gonna just do some x-rays figure out what's what's going on um you see whether it's progressed take some photos of your teeth and i'm like i hate all of this and then he was like yeah you like need to god what do you need to do we're gonna do a full cleaning um and we need to get you like you need to get a cleaning every six months everyone does apparently um i need to go to

the dentist and he's like your gums are aggravated because they're like trying to cling onto your plaque-riddled teeth. Oh. All this whole time I'm thinking about how Kim K can smell people who've got cavities. You know how she said that? What? Kim Kardashian's like, I can smell if someone's got a cavity in their mouth and they're talking to me.

And I'm like, Kim would know. Anyway. So then I'm like washing my dreams of being friends with kim away as edward still hammering on yeah um and ed would i mean like this man has a very odd demeanor it's fabulous but it's very strange he's american and he's, Robbie. So, what we're going to do today if it's okay with you is we're going to take some x-rays of the inside of your mouth.

Oh my God, he's a robot. And I was like, and he was like, so when you have plaque on your teeth, your gums get aggravated because it's like trying to hold onto a rose bush. What, Edward?

Is that the metaphor you've been using? Your teeth are rose thorns. Yes. Anyway, so I go out to the front counter before my cleaning because that's going to be with a different doctor who was very much more on my level as far as he was like such a cunt. And I was talking to the ladies at the reception and i was like do you guys have like crazy rager dentist parties like for the christmas party she's like you better

fucking believe it boob and i was like amazing and i'm like but like just and she's like why do you ask i'm like i just want to imagine what edward's like when he's like at that party yeah and they're like oh no edward doesn't drink and he doesn't really like party hard and then they kind of giggled with each other and i was like yeah i don't think edward's the girl how old is edward you would love this man he's like like 35 um yeah edward he's five years older than when i first saw him oh that's so weird. That's weird. Anyway, so then I went and got my cleaning. And the guy was like, I'm going to give your teeth a factory reset.

And then he started grinding away at my teeth. And then that was okay. I'm not particularly like, I don't care about all that shit going in my mouth. But then he was like, you've got to floss. You just need to be flossing. This is like the only thing I'm going to say to you. Floss once a day. I don't care where you do it.

And I used to be a flosser. And then I'd stopped because I'd read that there was a study saying that flossing didn't have efficacy. And I said that. And he was like, fake shit i said that and he was like fake shit just floss you stupid bitch yeah and i was like okay fine kind of i need people to tell me like really explicitly what i'm meant to do as an adult i wish there was more people who would just do that because i'm like i'll do it i just if you meal like if you say you you should floss, I'm like, well, then I won't. But if you just say floss, you stupid little bitch,

I'll be like, oh, I get it. Okay, yeah, I can do that. I can do that. Anyway, so then he was like, I'll floss for you so you don't have to today. He flossed you? Right? What do you mean?

He got out some floss, reached into my mouth. And zigzagged between every single tooth But he didn't zigzag He just popped in, popped out But I was like Why is that so much more intimate than him having a drill in my mouth? Yes Like what?

Was it one where it was on like the little You know like suspended between plastic? No I hate that I thought I hated that But that's the last flossing instrument I got. And I don't know, I didn't mind it. Because I hate when the floss kind of cuts my fingers off. Yeah.

That sucks. But I like to pretend that I'm like an assassin. Yes. About to go behind someone. Struggling someone from behind. With a piano chord. Yeah, but really it's just the plaque in your teeth. Yeah.

Take that! And the guy was like, I don't know, I think I did explain what I do for a job at some point. And he was like, oh, that's fun. Like, I don't really get to go out anymore. And I was like, why? How old are you? And he's like, oh, I'm 35.

And I'm like, bitch, what are you talking about? And he's like, I've got a six-month-old kid. And I'm like, that's no excuse. Shut up. Go out and party, Matt. What? I get out We went and had breakfast this morning

We all went out You were there? Yeah That's me going out now It is hard to get out with a baby But you can do it Yeah, who's doing it? I don't know

Write in if you're do it. Yeah, who's doing it? I don't know. Write in if you're doing it. Drug addict. Has anyone ever flossed your teeth for you, Matt? Yeah, yeah. I think I've been flossed at the dentist before. Really? I've never had that. Yeah.

That sounds like the start of like a group claim, like a civil suit. It's quite intimate, I think, because they're cleaning you. Yeah. And it's not just... Picking the ticks off a monkey. Yeah, yeah. It's like, it's the same level as that, I think. Yeah. Oh my god. And they're not just

wiping you down, like wiping your teeth with a toothbrush. Like they're getting inside. Have you wiped your teeth today? You know what I mean? That's the difference. They're either wiping your teeth with a toothbrush or they're getting inside. Have you wiped your teeth today? You know what I mean? Like that's the difference. They're either wiping your teeth with the toothbrush or they're sticking a string. What do you mean wiping? That's essentially what they're doing.

Like they're brushing your teeth. Brushing. But it's like imagine if someone was wiping your arms. Oh, yeah. Or if they were like. Cleaning your feet. Yeah. Okay. So what if someone was washing your arms. Oh, yeah. Or if they were like... Cleaning your feet. Yeah. Okay, so what if someone was washing your hands for you?

Yeah. Pretty intimate, but not too bad. Or they were picking all the dirt under your fingernails and clipping your fingernails for you. Like a manicure. Well, I guess so, yeah. Haunting. Yeah.

Wow. Well... But they don't have... You know, with a the manicure it's like they're not like picking bits of food out from underneath your nails they are like yeah there might be but you know what i don't like about manicure when they cut like push back my cuticles and cut them yeah they shouldn't be doing push have you seen that russian manicure that's going viral on tiktok no because there's like there's two things that are happening on your nail.

One is the thing that people think is their cuticle that's not actually the cuticle and has a very different name, which is the little fleshy crescent that's at the end of your nail. Yeah. And then the other piece, which is the actual cuticle, which is just like a little little bit of dead skin that's just the very tip edge of your nails yeah but in this russian manicure they push up and pull up that little crescent crescent barrier between where your finger ends and your nail begins yeah

and slice it off creating like a open wound at the end of each nail, which is just absolutely ready for infection because guess where your hands go everywhere. Yeah. Yeah. So people get these insane little like nail bed infections from getting these Russian manicures, which are like people think I also just don't like get the, the rush to pull back the cuticle.

Like just leave it. Just leave it. Well, you know what? Let's just have a quick break. And then I have a feeling, listener, that the discussion on nails may well continue. We'll be right back. To my To my dream world Welcome back. Okay, so the first topic for discussion today,

which we just got there naturally, but it is, of course, which nail color? Now, okay, I need to clarify a few things. Nail polish color. We're just talking about color or are we talking about styles of manicure? No, just color. That's a separate issue. Okay.

Just which color. Okay, you start and we'll see how quickly we can knock this one out. Okay. In the bunker for the end of time which color will people be putting on their nails yeah that's very important is it so it's not even about the product it's not a gel it's not acrylic no that's not the discussion that's it's color only suzy we need to milk this lazy okay suzy from nail career education listeners know the only youtuber we have in the bunker yeah um so maybe like 10 years ago 15 years ago i used to paint my nails all the time all the time

and my go-to was chartreuse because what a cool color the only color so good wait the only alcohol so good they named a color after it and and i loved that that was good i hate white nail polish who that it's tax and it would always like ew it just ew like why why yeah because i had why um Ew. Like white, white. Yeah. Because I had white. Black, classic.

But black perhaps does look better chipped. Okay. Quite cool. I went through, I only ever did this once, but I painted my fingernails red. Yeah. And I vividly remember, I can't remember if I've already said this, but I so vividly remember like jerking off one of my ex-boyfriends once and like having red nail polish. And it was just like the least sexiest encounter I think I've ever had. What a beautiful girl.

Like my, like. A siren doll. Listen, on my finger, like I have hairy hands. Not like crazy hairy, but like hairy. Yeah. And then between my first knuckle and my fist or whatever is hair. And then in the next knuckle segment, there's like maybe like five hairs per finger. So like it's a hairy hand, right?

Not crazy, but hairy. That sounds crazy. And then when you put on like a like vermilion red to the boy nail and then you're holding your boyfriend's dick yeah and you're jerking it off yeah in in the effort that he will blow cum oh my god what is happening but like seeing that yeah with these red like because i don't, I would never have like long nails. Like always just like cut to the, you know, nipple nails.

Cut down to the first. Like that color on that hairy hand and that nail while jerking that dick was just actually the least sexiest thing I've ever seen in my life. For me. The gender dysphoriaphoria i don't know it was just like wild yeah um like if i was in drag and i had like nails on that were red and i was jerking off a dick not that i've ever done that in drag but that would be fine lies i haven't one day um yeah that's okay can we just address that? Why has that not happened?

I don't know. I think like sex is so... No, but like drag, there's so many layers to being in drag. Physical layers, like a corset and three pairs of stockings and pads and a bra. Oh, only three pairs. And like sometimes four. You wear four pairs No no And

I just have to keep going until The pair that's on the top is not stained Like a Like pass the puzzle Yeah But with my meaty thighs inside Oh my god But

That Layering Like how do you fuck that You don't the point is you're like the the maintained vision of just like a bj hand j yeah famously they're not my favorite parts of sex so maybe that's the incompatibility but anyway so red polish, that's not for me. But yeah, I love green. I love, you know what? Katy Perry did an OPI collection like 15 years ago. And there was a top coat that was like a glitter and it was so good.

I used to wear that all the time. So I don't know, maybe that. I don't know. What do you think? Okay. I like hear your story and your trauma and I embrace that and respect you and i hope you're feeling better about that now i'm joking off your boyfriend i hope he's feeling better wherever he is i don't know we never spoke about it oh really no oh why not but i was just like taking a mental note of like things take the polish off. Yeah. Take it off.

Maybe you could write your apology on your nails and then jerk them off again. One hand says, sorry. And the other one says, love you. Sorry. Creepy. Creep. Sorry, creep. Oh, my God, the church bells are ringing.

I couldn't hear the bells. God cannot save you now. Maria. We're all moving to the left, darling. No, I think I currently have Tiffany blue toenails because I got a little pedicure when I was up in Darwin because not for any like, but like because when you're in warm weather, I just get sick of seeing my bastard little toenails and I want to just not think about them where I'm wearing sandals. warm weather, I just get sick of seeing my bastard little toenails.

And I want to just not think about them where I'm wearing sandals. So I get like a little pedicure so I can just like chill. You know what I mean? If you can see your toenails too often, you're like, ugh, you know? Yeah. Yeah. So I went and got a full pedi and I got Tiffany blue, I guess. I don't know.

I just wanted something that felt fun. And so when I was giving like a hand job to blue, I guess. I don't know. I just wanted something that felt fun. And so when I was giving like a hand job to my, I mean, a foot job to my boyfriend later, I'd be like, oh, I should go to Tiffany's. Doing some of this. Yeah. Zelda's making a foot vagina. Yeah. By putting her two feet together and making a little.

In the arch of your foot. Yeah. Which, you know, I do have a very high arch. So it's a gaping foot vagina. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, a footusi. Yeah.

Yeah. A pedusi. Pedusi? To come from like the Latin for like, yeah. Like pedo. What? Like pedicure. Oh my God. You're going to cure the pet.

Okay. Anyway, I, I just, I don't know why, but I feel like my brain works in a way that like, I only like things when they're very like, this is what the cartoon version of a woman would have. Yes. And like when the colors are super base so even like green nails and like i just can't get past the like iconography of red nails yes i think red

nails are so chic like a red lipstick i just like don't get why drag queens would ever want to wear get why drag queens would ever want to wear anything that's not that anything that's not like woman like red nails red lipstick is so like the roy lichtenstein version of woman yeah and i love it so much that it's like it's just so chic and so mean, even though when I see girls in a gorgeous long French tip style, I'm like, that's very cool. But even just if they have pink nails or blue nails or whatever the fuck, I can think those are cool. But I'm like, but they're not nails. Yes. Like nails are shiny, lacquered, red yeah like fire engine red that red yes and that i think is kind of the potency of the story of you jerking off your boyfriend's dick with the red

nails is because that is so iconically femme. Yeah, true. That it's like, it actually has power. Yeah. And so I just think that that is inescapable and very cool. I am just going to counter you with I completely agree with everything you just said. Thank you. But I will

say that together we made the artwork for this podcast. Can you tell me what color her nails are? They're pink. They're pink. But that was to keep in a theme. Yeah.

You know, that's the thing, though. Like, they're probably too powerful. Yeah. If they saw red, they'd just think that we, like, nailed tech chat. Well, they would just think that this is, like, a show about two exceptionally sexy women, you know, perhaps you don't have time to think about anything,

but how incredible they are. Yeah. Where, where this show needs to be. Yeah. It's kind of more complicated. Yeah. We're talking about slippery sign.

Yeah. Matt, what do you think about red nails on women? Yeah. I think red is good. It's good. That's what I was going to say. We got the red stamp of approval.

Did you ever paint your nails in high school? When I went through my emo phase, I was doing a bit of black nails. Excellent. That's very cute. Black is the second most iconic color. Yeah. Yeah, but it's not universal. No, it would mean something like it means

something different to the red now yeah but black is fun because it can be so like what a like black is incredibly more versatile than red because like the emo kid can have black or like the ultimate glamazon could have a perfect set of black or like you know just like works in so many ways yes but even those glamazonians or like in the most like you know like oh i wouldn't have thought that you would have black yeah but you're doing it yeah that's fun that is cool but but i think red red i do think red Well What a We've got a A rare

Completely You know Synchronized response Perfect Goodbye everyone Thank you That's been the show Red nails

Incredible And no pushing back the cuticles No No Chill the fuck out Don't do that Just leave it be Like

If that's how it grows That's your nail That's how it should be Were you pushing back your gums? don't do that just leave it be like if that's how it grows then that's how it should be when you're pushing back your gums people do do that when they what

yeah why receding gum lines yeah but why do they choose that life no they just like keep cleaning their teeth

so much that their gums start to recede yeah and with that we'll be right back to you i love the new Charlie XCX album. I haven't listened to it yet. It's so good.

I'm so behind. I love how she writes lyrics that are really fucking stupid. She's like, I walked into a house and I got a glass of water and I dance because I'm that bitch. Like, it's great. That's pretty good. It's good. Oh, I'm that bitch. Like, it's great. That's pretty good. It's good. Oh, I got to listen. Did you read that review we had on Apple Podcasts that was like,

when I try and tell people to listen to this podcast, I say, it's good. And then when they say, what do you mean? They say, it's good. I like that a lot. Yeah. I think people spend too much time justifying their opinions I would say that we have the opposite problem in the world today Well Time for us to discuss

Ooh, which one should we do next? Give me a surprise Okay, we're gonna do Which gay icon goes into the bunker. It's about time. Now, we already have a few gay icons arguably in the bunker.

A few? The bunker is full of them. We've got Susie from Susie's Neo-Career Education from YouTube. Romeo Beckham. Romeo Beckham. Fucking Terry Owen.

She's a gay icon. Yeah. Gaken. Gaga. Gaken. Gay icon. Gaken. Gaga. Gaken. Gay icon. Gaken. Gaken.

Gaken. You're gaken for it. Okay. Get off my back. What? What? You said you're gaken for it. That's the other part of that video.

What? Big brother. Big brother. I'm back on the board. Yeah. Okay. Keep the board Keep going You're doing well We're making a podcast

They're all gay icons We're gay You're gay I'm getting followed home as a woman I'm a straight woman Everyone in those cars were confused Everyone knows Do you think he knew you were

A woman? Yeah do you think he knew? That I was a feminine lady? Yeah Yeah I think he fucking knew there was an inexorable power coming off me Do you think he had red nail polish on? Yeah I did

There you go He wanted you to jerk his dick Yeah bitch How do you go He wanted you to jerk his dick Yeah bitch How do you think the dick was? Mid Okay You think the car was compensating for something Yeah I think that man

Yeah But he was hot Yeah So who cares? Not me I'm never going to see him again I was like yeah let's go again. I was like, yeah, let's go. And then I drove him off a cliff.

I rammed his car once. And then I kept ramming his car until he fell off a cliff. Wow. Yeah. Let's go back to my house on the side of a cliff. You said you wanted to go somewhere? How about the bottom of the ocean? I'll kill you for talking to me. Anyway anyway maybe he's the gay icon that we should

put in the bunker i mean that was ally behavior do you think he just spends his thursday nights like following girls in cars no i think he like sometimes like he would never like i think he saw an opportunity and he went for it. I looked like Patrick Starr in his fishnets and long boots. Yeah. Yeah. But like the tooting the horn and the following to the next set of lights is the kind of thing where he's like, I feel like I'm just one second away from really locking this one in. He was like, I'm just going to try, try, try, try.

Try a little bit harder. Yeah. Yeah. And then he probably went home to play Call of Duty. Yes. While his girlfriend slept in the room next door. Yeah. And he would have watched probably gay porn and jerked off.

Not gay porn. Yeah. No, I think like crossy porn. Crossy. Yeah. Yeah, maybe. Okay. So gay icons so what are we thinking like sure or something i think sure is definitely in the mix yeah i'd say okay let's just reel off a few people that we think are like gay icons well thankfully godzilla's already in

yeah so that's good is godzilla got still her gay icon. Yes. Maybe. Absolutely. You can't read the dolls. What? A gigantic angry woman just trying to live her life? Just trying to live her life. Leave her alone.

She understands her struggles. Debbie Reynolds. Yeah. Wait, is that the? Mother of Carrie Fisher. Oh, okay. And grandmother of Billy Lord. Oh. Susan Sarandon. Oh, is. And grandmother of Billy Lord. Oh.

Susan Sarandon. Oh, is she a gay icon? Judy Garland. Barbara Streisand. Sigourney Weaver. Sigourney Weaver. Yes. Yes.

I'm kind of in like, how strict do we be on this category? Because I think Cher is like absolutely a gay icon judy garland is absolutely a gay icon yeah is sigourney weaver absolutely undeniably like she's a science fiction icon but would she be at a pride parade and would we say like like her career has been defined by the love of gay men? Because that to me is like... Well, James Cameron isn't gay, is he? No.

No. He's gay for like the bottom of the ocean. The Mariana Trench. Sure, yeah. Yeah, and I feel like... You know what? I feel like she's actually been mistreated by the gays because they cast her in The Defenders

and then they killed her off like four episodes in and she was meant to be the big bad. So The Avengers was the Netflix Avengers. So we'd had Daredevil, incredible, Charlie Cox. We'd had Luke Cage. We'd had Iron Fist at that point and we'd had Jessica Jones, also incredible. and then they are the defenders from the comics so then they did a series of the defenders and gorney was announced as like oh my god she's entering this was before

they were technically the mcu but essentially the mcu like she's finally in what does that have to do with the gays well because like then she was killed off but wait and someone show made by the gay there must have been a gay on set who didn't be like what the fuck you can't oh you think bring sigourney in and then not utilize her and then kill her off do you think it's like fucking carrie ann moss on the acolyte and then i'll it's like the gays have wronged these women I don't think the gays I don't think gays are behind a superhero

TV show there's a gay somewhere on Jessica Jones maybe in position of power I don't think a gay is in position of power gays are influential and like little I don't think gays Are working on Jessica Jones actually

Absolutely There were no gays Working on her There were No there was The makeup artist Of Christian Ritter Or whatever

There was a gay Who was like You know what Buffy looked really good In leather jackets Maybe Jessica Jones How many gays Do you think were on Buffy

Oh That's a sad question Do you think Joss Was keeping a like Joss doesn't like gays I just don't think He knows how to talk to them No He was like I think there were like Oh, that's a sad question. Do you think Joss was keeping a like... Joss doesn't like gays. I just don't think he knows how to talk to them. No.

He was like... I think there were like maybe some like lesbian women. And maybe like a gay was working with like Sarah Michelle Gellar on her hair, but not by the look of it. Well, on Scooby-Doo, yes. There was no gay in any Marvel thing. Well, that's not true. I know that you haven't seen She-Hulk. But let me tell you.

Do you know what? And I never will. Oh, my God. Okay, but anyway. Anyway, so I just... So I feel like the gays have wronged Sigourney. They have not wronged her. The straights have wronged her.

Everyone's wronged her. And if she had more gays around her, maybe that wouldn't have happened to her. That's what I mean. Yeah. The gays should have sniffed her. The straights have wronged her. Everyone's wronged her. And if she had more gays around her, maybe that wouldn't have happened to her. That's what I mean. Yeah. The gays should have sniffed her out and protected her. Well, she needs to work with more gays and do more for her. She does.

And do less Avatar. What the fuck? Well, yeah. But that's the thing. It's because the gays aren't paying her bills. And Sigourney has no part in Romulus, which is probably for the best. That's probably good. I don't think people know what you're talking about when you just say Romulus. in Romulus, which is probably for the best. That's probably good. I don't think people know what you're talking about when you just say Romulus.

Alien Romulus, the new alien movie coming out. See, Matt knows. Yeah, he's not gay. I was trying to provide context for the listener. Yeah. What? They know what's up. Their brain is my brain.

Just like trivia. I refuse to explain. Oh my God. Can I say, to block your ears, I was out at Baby Drag before my infamous stalking. And this fab gay, who shall remain nameless, came up to me because of what happens next and was like, are you still doing the trivia?

I'm like, I'm doing it every second week. And they're like, yeah, because I got there and then Zelda was there and where were you? And I was like, yeah, we're doing it interchanging. And then they were like, but I did love the animal round so much because I did so well. And I was like, don't ever tell Zelda that there was success on her stupid animal trivia. Well, listener, buckle up,

because there's going to be animal in the next trivia that I host. I've already started writing them. Sick. That's fun. Anyway, go and see trivia. Every Wednesday night at Avalon. Deathmatch. Sometimes it's going to be me.

Sometimes it's going to be her. Yeah. And sometimes the questions are going to be about animals. And sometimes the questions are going to be about trivia. Is that your category? Yeah, like questions that you might get at a trivia. Sounds boring. Sounds like you could get it anywhere unlike my experience one of a kind i think i agree i think that your experience is very unique

okay what are the gay icons okay yeah anyway so i think as far as like figuring out what a gay icon is, if they've been in a Ryan Murphy show, then they are categorically a gay icon. So like Jessica Lange, gay icon. Yeah. Emma Roberts, gay icon. Gay icon. Like people that, like Charlie XCX, gay icon. Like people that like can't.

Like they would be unsuccessful without the gays. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like they need the unsuccessful without the gaze. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Like they need the gaze. Yeah. And it's kind of an accident. That the straights haven't realized. Yeah. And like that we're just like following them around being like,

you are so amazing. Yeah. Yeah. Did you see, I like. Kylie Rae Jepsen, gay icon. I guess. Did you see, what was the show film in like italy or whatever in like maybe it was like set in world war ii what is that movie mamma mia 2 here we go again i don't know but that movie that was in greece selda and it wasn't

world war ii it was a musical that is not the movie I'm talking about. Do you know that Meryl Streep is dead in the second Mamma Mia? Sorry, spoiler alert. No. At the start of the film, she's dead. And then what? Does she come back to life? No. Because Meryl didn't want to do it. Fair. I mean, she wanted to do the first one What a time But then It flashes back To young Meryl

When she met the three men That she could have had her daughter with And then Cher is the grandmother Grandma Yeah Grandma Cher And then yeah Ghost Meryl does come back

For one scene at the end Amazing And they have to use all the B sides From ABBA B's Because they've used all the good the hits for the original mama mia musical that ran a plan out your extended universe but they then they reprised a few of the ones the actual hits yeah

i think you'd love these films i should watch them they're so good okay um okay so what other Matt who's your favourite gay icon Um Um Yeah I didn't see um performing at Mardi Gras Wonder Woman I don't know Wonder Woman I think she is a gay icon For a different generation not Gal Gadot

No the original Oh we're at Xena original Oh what about Xena Xena the princess I don't think Xena is a gay icon But Wonder Woman would exist Without the gays Would Wonder Woman exist

She would Absolutely Are you googling that No I just know it I just know it in my heart I know these comic book freaks The DC kinds Freddie Mercury

Freddie Mercury is a gay icon But it's also Yeah Yeah we're really Ugh I thought of like a straight icon. Get it together. Kylie. Kylie Minogue.

Kylie. Dani truly would be nowhere without the gays. Yeah. But Kylie as well. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Madonna. Madonna.

I think a music, someone who does music. You think someone that does music. Oh, you think we need more musicians? Yeah. Well, we probably do need to have a conversation about Madonna at some point. I like Madonna. I like how rancid she is. And you like her gappy teeth, as I do.

There you go. Yeah. Do I have to change my name? Will it get me far? I just Who is Yeah What would I want for Madonna now?

Silence No I want her to be present in the culture Kathy Griffin She's a gay icon Yes You know what I love I love Kathy Griffin You know what I love I love Kathy Griffin

you know what I love about Madonna is that interview that she was doing in like the late 90s where like Courtney Love is in like throwing makeup at her on stage yeah and she's like doing that and Courtney Love kind of comes over and is like, watch out. Love what you do. Well, bye. Emma Turner is just so unimpressed. That is a meeting of gay icons. Yes. Yes. I love that. Actually, maybe this is an opportunity for me to get my ultimate gay icon in.

Fiona Apple. Fiona Apple. I love Fiona Apple. That's pretty good. She's so cool. I love Fiona Apple. That's pretty good. She's so cool. I love. And when she makes her rare albums and she's like, I was just in my house drumming on cabinets and recorded that

and put it on the track and you can hear the dogs in the background and I'm like, I love you. That's very, Fiona and Kate Bush have a lot of similarities in that way, I feel. Of just like anything they do, the gays will be like, you're incredible. That's true. Kate. We'll do like 80s diva one day. I mean, Kate Bush is also a gay.

Oh, absolutely. Julianne Moore. Julianne Moore. She is a gay. She's so good But I think she could have a perfectly serviceable career If she completely went off the gays Oh totally

But she does work with gay directors quite a bit She does To have Julianne Moore and Miranda Otto ever met And had like a little chit chat Are they allowed? I don't know I don't think they can be seen in the same room What about the Rachel Griffiths? Do you think she's a gay icon i do especially when she's being

turned into a rachel sandwich by the beastie girls yes we'll tell you that story later yeah um tony collette is a gay icon tony collette tony collette is a gay icon and she is an excellent choice. Ooh. Tony. Okay, let's put Tony on the board. Yeah. Tony and Terry? Tony and Terry Irwin?

I think Tony could play Terry Irwin in a movie about Steve. Oh my God. What if we did? I'm just imagining a bunker film. Yeah. Yeah. And there's a stingray in there as well. Well, there's two. Isn't there? Yeah, there's two stingrays. I'm just imagining a bunker film Yeah Yeah You know that And there's a stingray in there as well Well

Isn't there? Yeah There's two stingrays Yeah Charlotte and the other one The stand in and then the Yeah That's it

The stunt double We You know that awful awful movie Jackie with Natalie Portman About Jackie Onassis Oh I didn't see it but yes don't ever see it's fucking terrible i nearly watched black swan last night isn't that weird coincidence you're crazy crazy girl i didn't watch it go on um there's it's a film about jackie after the death of her husband when he was like assassinated in front of her when they were driving in that motorcade.

Yeah. And his brains splattered onto her dress. Yes. And she was whisked away. And it takes place over the course of her organizing the funeral with cut forwards to her being interviewed by a reporter in the future. And just kind of explain that. What if, right, we make the same film, except instead of being about the kind of dynastic rulers of America,

we do it about the dynastic rulers of Australia, and it's Toni Collette plays plays terry irwin yeah in the the week after steve's death and it's about her just trying to like cobble together the pieces yeah bringing the family back together yeah i like that and trying to figure out what to do next yeah romeo will play Robert. Yeah. Who will play Bindi? Bindi will be played. Probably like the actor who played Maggie, I guess. No, she's not right for it. You're right. Bayonetta will play Bindi.

She will play the media hounding her. Yeah, wow, she loves a camera. Who will play Bindi Irwin who have we got what about Jojo Siwa

ooh yes okay that's good Karma's a Bitch yeah you shouldn't and that song Karma

by Jojo Siwa will be the like credit song but it will be like a piano ballady version and it'll be the stingray yeah cause a bitch you should have known better yeah matt can learn on violin yeah and mr game

and watch will sing it okay incredible tony collette done yeah oh wait we haven't actually spoken about Toni Collette I am your mother Yeah it's so good Yeah see Toni Collette has like I'm not nothing So she has Muriel's Wedding A Star is Born Yeah She's got

Clock Watchers Like her Lisa Kudrow The Gang If you haven't seen that film, go and watch that. Um, uh, then she has six cents,

which she's so good in. Then United States of terror. Oh, fucking love that show. She's got a little bit of sunshine. Yeah. And then, and then,

yeah, I guess like Hereditary Hereditary is like So iconic Yeah Such a comeback Yeah She's done more fabulous things

Since Hereditary though Yeah she bops around I've seen her in something recently Can't remember Anyway I'll see her in the bunker See you there Tony And you know where she's gonna have

The best night of her life Reggie's Reggie's The bar The biker bar Where She loves Reggie's. Reggie's. The bar, the biker bar. She loves Reggie's. Yeah. She loves that little worm. Yeah.

I mean, there's a few others we could reel off. I mean, we haven't even talked about Cate Blanchett, who I like, but I think she's kind of above our bunker. She is a celestial ghost. You're constantly putting down our bunker. She could be celestial status. Yeah. She's so celestial.

Yeah. I loved her when she played lydia tar did you ever see tar collateral no i didn't watch tar you stupid little bitch i don't know it looks boring is it good yeah does it have any sci-fi or supernatural elements to it? Yes Actually? We all have to see There's a bit where she takes off in a spaceship and goes back to planet Gahool

I thought it was about a composer or something It is In space? Sure Why don't you watch it? Okay Yeah, not Kate today No Lydia Tarr.

Okay. Tony. Tony. Congratulations. You know, Tony Collette was in, so when I was at VCA. Okay. Doing the film school. First year they were like, make sure you get all your actors to sign actor release forms.

You said Tony, sign here. And they told us this horror story of like a few years earlier at bca film school where someone had made this quite good short film about like a dance hall where all the women were getting ready to do a dance competition or something i don't know um and tony collette a young tony collette pre muriel's wedding had been in the film and then they didn't get an actor release form and then Muriel's Wedding came out and the agent called and was like, you can't, we refuse your right to use that. Oh, my God.

And so they had this film that they were about to start submitting to film festivals and they couldn't do anything with it because the agent was like, we're not having this flimsy piece of shit out there. Oh, with Tony's good name on it damn yeah so they're like just be careful because you could be tony colette wow yeah don't forget tony colette that's what we'd say no wait did you say that no okay Also, talking about Toni Collette and Muriel's Wedding just makes me think of Tiziana Buberini. Which, another film.

Another VCA film. Yeah. Fucking love that. By Robert Luketic, who went on to direct Legally Blonde. And, what is it? The Killers? And Crazy Stupid Love? No.

Sure. No, the one with Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler. You know? Something about love. Something's got to give. I don't know. And we'll be right back. Bye-bye.

Hello and welcome back, listener. Hi. How are you, listener? I'm going to drive you off a cliff. Do you think he listens to the podcast? That guy? Yeah, he was like, I know your voice. I know those sultry tones anywhere. It's possible

I don't know I don't know that I like being perceived sometimes Do you ever feel that way? Every day I'd rather But it's like I have no one to blame I like being silly and putting things out into the world

But I just don't like it when people then know about them And don't judge them This is all a joke everything i've ever said is a joke that is what i'm scared of one day someone's gonna like hold me to like talk to me about like you said this about that i'm like oh my god i don't know about that i'll be like what did i say about japanese actors what What do you mean? You're crazy. That doesn't sound like something I would say. You're hysterical. Hysterical? Okay.

Listener, buckle up. It's our final topic for the day. Ooh, and I bet you just can't wait to hear our thoughts on lamps. And which lamp might make its way into the bunker? I just bought a lamp yesterday. Tell us more. Oh, Matt, please. We need some advice.

With your prophecy has come true. I've been sitting in the lounge room over the last couple of years. Yeah. With all the lights on. We have like those little round lights that are in the ceiling. You know those, what are they called? Down lights? Down lights, yeah, little spot.

Oh, no. And the lounge room has like eight of them. Oh. And you just sit in that every day? Well, at night time, I just sit in the dark because I'm just like, I don't want to have all of these on. Is it that set up where like there's multiple rows and each row has a switch?

Yeah. I hate that. Why? On or off? Faders, please. row has a switch yeah i hate that why on or off oh faders please yeah we got a fader and that helped a little bit but those fucking lights are so evil yeah i set them all to warm setting not not um daylight yeah so that helped thank christ but i was like I need a lamp just to unwind So I can sit in my lounge room In some soft lighting

Yeah You've been spending too much time around two gay guys If you're looking at lamps Yeah, I reckon Yeah No, light is very important to me I don't know why, it's just like Maybe you're the gay icon

Yeah No, it's so true But you don't just need one lamp You need three to kind of balance Yeah, you need to balance it around So what kind of lamp did you settle on? I got this sort of brushed gold look Like long, thin stem

With just a round plate at the bottom And then just at the top it just simply curves and then it just has a ball on the end. Is this like a big floor lamp? Yeah, a big floor lamp. Like a deco looking thing. It's like a glass. Yeah, a little bit.

Like a big up. A frosted glass sphere. Yeah, a frosted glass sphere because I don't like seeing the exposed light bulb. No. Well, it is no longer 2012. Yeah. We've seen enough. Cover it up. no longer 2012 yeah we've seen enough cover it up yeah and now we're ready to hide it back up again yeah yeah i don't know why people like seeing

it was a time i would buy the like big balloon bulb and just put it in the roof as if it were a feature listening um like having our edison bulb moment. But it was exciting at the time. Let's not deny it. But we've moved on. But we have indeed moved on. And how is the warm glow in your new, you know? Oh, it's amazing now. Oh, I like that. Yeah.

And I've got a plant underneath it and it just like sets that whole corner up very nice. Okay. Yeah, I reckon two more lamps and you'll be there, darling. Yeah, I need to get another one. It only lights up one side of the room Yeah Does it have a little foot pedal? Yes, it's got a little switch that you click with your foot

So you don't have to bend down I hate bending down No, but like, oftentimes I have to grab it with my hand Because I'm like, people have them in weird locations And they're not always foot accessible Oh, see, that's You've got to set it up correctly I'm like, people have them in weird locations and they're not always foot accessible. You got to set it up correctly. Oh my God, my lamp in the corner of my room has actually just stopped working,

which is a bit of an alarming situation because I did wire it myself so it could burn the house down. Oh my God, listener. Sorry, I just have to interrupt this, you know, scheduled programming because I have just received yet another message on Grinded and swallow my load just tapped me and they sent me two pictures shall we open them i'd love to see them okay let's just have a quick look picture number one

what does it tap me okay uh it means that they're like interested but they don't want to say anything so here we have a bear of sorts oh yes cuddling a, what kind of cat is that? Like a mottled? Tabby. Tabby cat. That's good. And then let's see the next one. And then the next one, okay, is a hairy stomach and the beginnings of a pubic area.

But no deer. Not giving away too much. So I'm so sorry, but I shan't be swallowing your load. Yeah. I'm recording a podcast. That's good of you, Zelda't be swallowing your load. Yeah. I'm recording a podcast. That's good of you, Zelda. Finally, you're prioritizing. Any word about this man from tonight?

No, not yet. Tonight, tonight, tonight. Okay, so not that. Okay, great. Well, that's a great lamp story. Thank you, Matt. Thanks, Matt, for your lamp story I really like that

Sorry I could jump butting in No no Straight away Oh my god I forgot to bring this up Oh Hitler's cape Please add context Okay

Hitler wore a cape? Hitler wore a cape It was much more in vogue back then for men to wear capes. How long? What do you mean? Like floor length? Yeah, to the ground. To stay warm in the cold German winter.

Yes. Anyway, Hitler is in his bunker in Berlin. And he, the American forces are encroaching. He marries Ava Braun and then kills himself. It's very funny. What about that is funny? Just that Ava Braun is such a fucking loser. I'm just like, she hung around this absolute fucking piece of shit.

And he was like, yeah, babe babe one day we'll get married but i'm busy right now in politics and then he was like come stay with me at my luxury bunker where everything's gonna be fine yeah he marries her in the bunker yeah bunker wedding bunker wedding and then he's like what kind of wedding do we put in the bunker? Yeah. Like, and then what are we having for like the, I don't know, reception? Cyanide. Like. And then they kill themselves. Yeah.

Anyway, I just thought that's really like, like, you know, if Ava Braun was one of my friends, which she wouldn't be because I don't have Nazi friends. Good. I don't have Nazi friends. Good. But, like, she, I would have been like, dump him. Yeah. If he can't make a commitment to you.

Drop that zero, get yourself a hero. Yeah, honey, you got, this guy is ruining your life. And he's never going to commit. More than just do this in our life. And if he does, he's going to kill himself. Anyway, I just thought that was, anyway, that happens. They, you know, a lot of Hitler's stuff had been, Anyway That happens They A lot of Hitler's staff He'd asked his head generals

To take it out of his home And burn it so that it couldn't be seized Or taken by If I can't have it, you can't have it Exactly, it's why the Russian forces Look at my diary But then he still apparently kept A cape An apartment in Munich

or whatever, somewhere. So he, and that was seized by the American forces. American soldiers went in there and although it was incredibly verboten and against the rules, this young, like, GI guy found this, like, set of silverware that had, like, Adolf Hitler's initials, like, moulded into it. Like, it was like a full dinner set. And so he... He looked at them all and he said,

as in A-H. A-H. A-ha, a-ha. A-ha, a-ha. and that's how horror genre was invented so you're meaning it wrong it's not you're saying it wrong. It's not ha-ha-ha-ha. You're saying it wrong. You're still going ha-ha-ha-ha. It's ha.

Anyway, so then he's like, I'm going to send this back to my wife in America so that we can resell this later because it might have value, obviously. He didn't even know that Antiques Roadshow wasn't invented yet. Exactly. And then so he wraps it up in just some random clothes that are around the apartment and sends it back to her. And he sends it back to her. She receives it.

And she takes the clothes that it's all wrapped up in and donates most of them to the charity shop Which is crazy that like in Omaha, Nebraska or whatever You could have gone to an op shop And like accidentally been buying Hitler's clothes Hitler's cape Yeah Well no so the cape was the one thing she kept

But she didn't know This wife in Omaha, Nebraska Didn't know Like she knew in Omaha, Nebraska, didn't know. She knew that the silverware was Hitler's, but she thought the clothes were just from somewhere else. Yeah. She didn't know that he had gotten it at his apartment, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, blah, blah.

So she sees this cape and she's like, my, what a delicate and fabulous cape. You know, it's black floor length with a cute little collar. And so she's like, I might hold on to this for the winter. Yeah. She wears it for years. Every winter, this Nebraskan woman mincing around town in Hitler's cape. Just, oh, Susie, you're going to the swap meet tonight? Perhaps she dressed it up with a nice brooch.

Perhaps. And then years later, there was a new museum that was calling for donations from people that might have served during World War II for anything that might be related to the Nazi party or whatever, just to kind of, you know. And then the husband's like, oh, well, we have that cape. And the wife's like, come again? You mean my cape?

And he's like, well, that was a cape from Hitler's apartment. And the wife is like, sorry? Sorry She's like This cape That I've been wearing Are bound down Sorry Sorry

And she'd like It was a bit too long So she'd like it was a bit too long so she'd hemmed it a bit shorter for her altering Hitler's cape just so it fits me better and imagine finding out

she put down her Nazi cutlery and said what and I just am like wow men need to be better at communicating wait so then what did they give it or they gave it to the museum but it was one of the few like the the one of the few pieces of like hitler's wardrobe that survived the war. Wow. And it just threw this random thing of him using it as like a packing material. What's this? Oh.

Ah. And. That's incredible Yeah Okay Yeah It sounds like If you

It sounds like a plot line of an episode of Friends But like with Hitler in it Kind of yeah Like it's like This was his cape Yeah Yeah Yeah

Who would that happen to? Probably like Chandler? No it happened to Monica I assume I've only ever really seen Pictures of those friends And heard people talk about it Okay

Well, I recently purchased A lava lamp Whose lava lamp is it? Sadly Well No association with Hitler and i'm sadly well no association with hitler to my understanding yeah um although it was from anko so you know go on i don't know um but growing up i had a lava lamp and I fucking loved it. Yeah. But lava lamps have, you know, like a lifespan and it died. You can replace the bulb, you know.

No, not the bulb. It's the wax, darling. You can't just constantly heat up and cool down wax and expect it to just bounce back year after year. Does it not bounce back? No, it starts to fall apart. What happens then? It's over.

You throw it away. It dissolves in the water no it just like stops behaving right oh i didn't know that yeah i think there are ways to bring it back but it's like you know like it would be like here's my youtube channel on like bringing back old lava lamps or whatever like it's a whole thing how long can you run a lava lamp years but you'll ruin it if you like they're not meant to be on 24-7. How long are you meant to have them on for? Like, I think, like, max, like, 8 to 10 hours at a time.

But any more and you've overheated the wax and it starts to deteriorate. Well, this is the other thing. It's like, how do you still find bulbs that are producing heat of the right amount? Well, there's, like, a specific bulb, I guess. It is a, what is the bulb it doesn't matter but anyway i got a new lava lamp i'm so happy about it because what colors it's orange and orange classic you consider that to be classy yeah orange i would never get blue and green no i don't want that no i don't want that i want that warm satanic glow okay yeah um but i needed

a lamp for my lounge room and i was like well i don't know if there's gonna be enough light but how fabulous you don't know if a lava lamp well you don't know until you try i already have two other lamps you where do you have two other lamps? My two aquariums. Bitch. They're bright lights. I know. They're not lamp lights. Yeah, but they're kind of, you know, I put them on at night time. So now I've kind of got one or three, I guess, depending on how you look at it.

But I do need... I would say you don't yet have a lamp. I'd say you have a novelty item and two fish tanks. Okay. Well, yeah, that's probably right. But, ooh, I love but oh i love it i love it and i had a friend over recently and at the end of our you know like time together i was like what do you think of the lava lamp he was like oh god i like it's great i just didn't register that it was new because it just feels like you would have a lava lamp.

I was like, oh, well, thank you. Yes. And then we were talking about lamps and he was like, yeah, lava lamp makes sense. I could never see with like a salt rock lamp or whatever. I was like, that's very kind of you to say about me. So, and accurate. God, I would never have one of those.

I like those salt rock lamps because they melt. Do you know that? No. Because salt naturally draws moisture out of the air. Yeah. So the moisture gets onto the salt lamp and then it slowly dissolves the salt and then it drips down off the base so you kind of need to keep like a plate or something under your rock salt lamp because otherwise it will just like destroy your mantle wow crazy that's alive yeah salt it's alive um what do you think about those giant lamps that like hang,

like loom over your whole lounge room situation? I just, I feel like it looks so thin. Yeah. And like it's therefore not taking up much space. But you can't walk under it. You can't get over it. Yeah. You can't go around it.

You have to go through it. I kind of like that it like defines a space. I feel like it just like, it's not, it's, it's good for zoning. Yes. But also like it needs a room that can accommodate it.

Yeah. Like I don't have the, you do have the footage for that. Maybe in like the back bit. I don't know. But yeah, I don't know how, cause I did consider such a lamp.

Yeah. But I certainly think I prefer that over something that's just like straight up with a light on top. Sorry, Matt. No, he's not straight up. What? You're describing Matt's lamp. No, I'm not. It's an arch. Matt? Yeah, it's got a little arch.

Can you listen? No, but it's not hanging over It's not hanging over your living room. Not over the middle of the living room. How far away is the light bulb from the base? Like 20 centimeters. From the base? Yeah. Like from the base pole.

From the base of the... How far out does the arch go? Oh, does it go out? Oh, not that far. Like 10 centimeters. Yeah, 20 centimeters maybe. Okay. So it is just like a straight up way. With a slight curve. With a slight curve.

With a slight curve. Yeah. Yeah, but it's not the full like two metres over kind of thing. No, it's not one of those big bendy. Big boys. Big boys. Yeah. There was one who had work, my old job, that was in like the boardroom that had clearly been bought at a time when they were trying to impress people. And it's just a giant marble slab for the base,

probably about three quarters of a leg high. And then into that was drilled a giant hole that held the lamp structure and then one of those big two-meter-out bends of a light, which I was like, oh, I'd love to steal this. Were you brave? No. One day. Anyway.

Yeah, see, I don't think I've ever owned a nice lamp, and I would love to. So perhaps I need to manifest that. Yeah. I want like a $3,000 lamp. I want something that feels fabulous. I really want like my dream lamp for like bedside table is like a Tiffany style lamp. Like the lead light.

Yeah, like lead light, like a beautiful like... Stained glass. Stained glass hydrangea image or like weeping willow but it's in like a lamp see honey that is in the same cinematic universe as assault lamp those two go together no the same gothy girl room that has the lead light lamp has that in there well maybe but no if my friend tristan is listening right now he probably has one he has three of those they're so beautiful the real ones are very expensive handcraft oh god i really can't afford that one two one of my aspirations in life is to learn how to make it in life i had a dream the other night that i was like friends with beyonce

it was really like it was hot like I woke up and I was like. Beyonce was wearing Hitler's cape. Wait, what? She already wore the Tiffany diamond. Oh my God. I don't think there's much. It was kind of same idea, different font. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But the, yeah, I woke up and I was like, I'm not friends with Beyonce. And it was really like, you know, when you're sad after a dream. We were so close. Because I kind of like, like she like put down her walls around me in the dream. She let you in. Yeah. Like I was like real in a world where everyone was just being fake and just wanted to be friends with her because she was Beyonce, but I wanted to like be friends with her because, you know,

she was like we were real girls just hanging out. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. And were there any lamps in the dream or? Lamps. You know, when we were gay and on school camp.

Yeah. I might have already told this story. I think I have. I'm sorry, everyone. I'm sorry. It's episode 500. Yeah. I have nothing to say.

You have told the story about the fucking school camp lamps. I won't tell it again. No, tell it again. Tell it again. Tell it again. I won't find it in the other episodes. But embellishment with more lies. Lies, lies.

No, just that we put on the oven light to have soft lighting. Have some ambient lighting. Yeah, I think like a nice mix and match. I mean, the lava lamp is good, but the plasma light is also good. The what's new suite of lamps. Yeah. What are the other lights um i used to like the one at my grandparents house it was like it was like a um kind of fabric cover and then had like

um sort of strings hanging down off the edge yeah and you could like you could kind of flow the strings with your hand why do you keep, why are you such a little gay bro today? Why are you such a little fag in there? Buying lamps and playing with tassels? It was nice to feel. It was like stroking someone's hair. Stroking mother's hair. No, that is nice.

I love a good lampshade. That's fun. But I love two things I love. Touch base. Yeah. Touch on. Love that. Touch brighter.

Touch brighter. And then off. I'll cycle through. I can touch multiple times. Let's have a journey. Yeah. I love that. Yeah.

And I also love clap. I'll clap. I haven't heard. I mean, I think the good thing about you, Zelda, is you can probably have a clap lamp because there's no danger of anyone applauding you otherwise. But with me, it would just be strobing because people are just constantly applauding me.

In your house. Yes. Yeah. Oh, people don't stalk you back In your house? Yes. Yeah. Oh, people don't stalk you back to your house? Sorry. You wake up from your dream and you're like, I just dreamt about Beyonce and thunderous applause. Yeah.

On, off, on, off, on, off. I can't take it anymore. You know, actually, my ceiling light has realized that it, like, it died of neglect in my room. Ceiling light. Because I had like, my house is falling apart. The ceiling is literally falling. Yes.

And it's incredibly heavy plaster that when it falls to the ground in the middle of the night, it sounds like someone's breaking in. Like it is so heavy and it is above my head at all times. Anyway, but I think part of that all falling apart element is that the ceiling light has gone and I can't tell if it's like a light bulb that needs to be replaced or whether the electrics are fucked because the electrics on that side of the house is slowly dying.

Because I live in the house from it. But the, so one day I came home and my housemates were like, your room, there seems to be like some kind of haunted mansion element happening in there. And I went into my room and the light was like going into Chakra's lair and it was like flashing violently. And I was like, so now I'm lamplight and that's it. Exclusively, yeah.

Which is not enough light. It's just the lamp that you wired yourself as well. Yeah, that one of them, yeah. Maybe that's why the lights were flickering. No, darling, they're on a different circuit. Now who's the fucking idiot? I didn't ever say you were, but that's it. Oh, sorry.

Who's that clapping in the background? Not me, that's for sure. You know what I love is Matt, Josh and Matt, the devil twinkie TikTokers. Don't lie. No, I love is Matt, Josh and Matt, the devil twinkie. Don't lie. No, I love one of their possessions. Oh. Which is they have this series that is like little, like what looks like.

What in the word? They have this series. They have this like lamp that looks like a little Eastern European like block apartment building, but it's like a lamp. Yeah, that's cool. And all the little windows have light pouring out of them. Yeah, I like that. I covet that quite a lot. Covet that?

I covet that little object. That's good. I should like that. That is pretty good. Yeah, I mean, I would love to have... Like a little miniature display. Yeah. And then you turn it on.

Yeah. That's cool. Oh, that's very good. I can imagine in the bunker being like, there being just like one, just one single, like little kerosene lamp, you know, like a little. Yeah. I do love that.

Just a little like glass dome over like a metallic. Well, that's it. It could be like, you know, Nicole Kidman and the others walking around with like a little flame lamp. Yes. And be like, where are my children Kidman and the others walking around with like a little flame lamp. Yes. And be like, where are my children? I also. Who's there?

Yeah. Oh, Master Lazy. Yes. Miss Lazy. I would like that. An old pipe. I love oiled rag on a stick. Like when we're like marching into a tomb.

Yeah. That's just a flaming torch. Going to Wendy's in the night. Yeah. Marching into a flaming torch. Going to Wendy's at night. Yeah. That is good. I could go into oiled rag and a stick, but I think kerosene lamp is kind of the elevated oiled rag and a stick. And I must ask, are we holding?

It's the kind of lamp where the little lactic thing comes up and you're holding it and then it's dangling under your hand. I like it when it's got a little finger hole. Finger hole support. And it's like you're... Hold it a little finger hole. Finger hole support. And it's like your, yeah. Hold it in front. Yeah. Both great options,

but it is important that we make the distinction and the decision. Yes. What about a light box? Like for tracing. Yeah. I kind of, I have these light boxes that I'm going to turn into something at some point, but I want to put them on my wall.

And I kind of think that they could be another great light source for the room. A light box is a nice light, but it's very white. No, but you can get them done in tungsten. Like one that you put colours, like you put words onto? Yeah. Well, like they're like huge because they used to belong to a shop. And I want to like get some vinyl printed and like put like, I don't know, a burger menu over it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or like a fish and chip stop image. Yes, a menu. Are you going to sell fish and chips from your room? Yeah, well, you know those like those, yeah, gorgy like menus they have at like old. Shark Shack. Yeah, and like Chinese restaurants. Yes.

They, yeah, have these kind of bleached out images of the food that they sell and I covered those images. Also hairdressers and barbershops in the window or in the wall. Oh, the stripy lamp? No, no, no, no. Light boxes with the faded images. Candy striper. Yeah.

What does that mean? Does that just mean hairdresser? Haircut here. It means, I don't know. I thought they were nurses, candy stripers. Nurses? Yeah. Because like...

Nurse? I don't know, back in the day. No, I think the doctors had red lights. That's fine. I don't have my phone. A little cross? Because I remember in Pet Sematary, one of the women, like the wife of the guy, is a candy striper. And some guy comes into the emergency room.

And that was like 70s America. So maybe, I don't know. I don't know. Any other good lamps? Lamp. I love lamp. Love lamps. Do you know I love those little like bar fluorescent lamps?

My nan used to have those in her house where you like press down like a little funky long button like a space bar to turn it on. Yeah. And it was like, I don't know, 45 centimeters wide. And a long lamp. Yeah. I love that. Yeah.

We had one of those too. Like I wouldn't pick it, but it's like, wow, fluorescents as a lamp. Yeah. When you can't see the fluorescent bulb, that's really important. Looking at that bulb, I'm going to kill myself. What about like, I'm a lawyer studying in a library and I have that little green lamp. Yeah, that's cool. That's iconic, but like, I couldn't own that.

We had one in our old house. Yeah. And then what happened to it? Yeah. We don't talk about this. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You know what?

Yeah. I like the idea of those little, like, Ebenezer Scrooge. I like that. Oiloge I like that I like that a lot I think that's quite cheap and very dangerous I think that's going to be the lamplight and I love the idea of dropping it

and then it spills over burn down the barn Chicago's on fire burn down the house God this podcast is really really good we've done it again we've got our one star review oh latest feelings bring it back up we've got we've got a one star review on apple everyone and if you're listening you really hurt our feelings you really hurt our

feelings and i'll do anything for you to take it away i don't even think they could take it away oh really that's the thing about reviews we're gonna start a new podcast yeah well we're never getting back to five stars wow statistically it's impossible yeah they've ruined it quite rude just have to start a new podcast aimed at that person Yeah, but what are they like? I don't know, not us Yeah, opposite of you So then why would they listen?

I don't think they did We have enemies, Elba I just Maybe we, yeah, next week we're going to talk about which enemy gets into the podcast Which enemies? Our personal enemies Yeah That one star reviewer

Yeah Well that's the thing I hate the idea of like I mean I don't know I think I have Issues with people pleasing That doesn't seem to influence your

I think I'm a rag Like look Rampant people pleasing Your drag style Your like Performance choices Or the things you say How you speak to people

Yeah The way you interact with anyone The way I interact with people Is, or the things that you say. Yeah, the way you interact with people. The way I interact with people is entirely designed around... The jokes you say, the way you dress. The way I... And did you ever please me ever? Yeah. I've pleased both of you. I please you both.

I think I'm a people pleaser. It's the Virgo in me. Which people? If you have been pleased by Lazy, please write it in the tell us. Everyone is delighted by me. You know the lizards aren't people, right? I don't think I please lizards. I'm not you.

Giving copies to inbred lizards who can't even bounce on a branch. I'm too much of a nice person. Yeah. I don't know I just You know I have an issue With people pleasing Yeah

Sure Go on And so this has really Thrown me off Oh my god You know This is the first person That's ever not liked me

I don't even know Who they are You know You know what I think they probably Go the one star for Matt Oh Oh

Now I see It was probably Matt It was Matt I have only driven you around Guided you through the Matt, I like you I give you four stars Oh my god

Four What? Four out of four? No my god four what four out of four no four out of what ten you gotta set you know as an employee doesn't sound it's gonna be room to grow you'll keep at it yeah wow yeah definitely not pleased right now see it's this attitude that got us that one star. Oh my God. Not from me. Well, I can hear them now. Wait, why are the lights turning on and off? Okay, well, what a fabulous week. We've got red nail polish.

Classique. We've got gay icon, Toni Collette. Toni Collette. Classique. Will you accept a Collette call? I am your mother. That's so good. I'm not nothing.

And we have. And we have. The gorgeous Ebenezer Scrooge slash Nicole Kidman and the others. Lamp. And we have Nicole's hands. Because we know how good they look holding that lamp i guess does the fire lamp need to ignite with a clap i just do they need to be clappy i think a clap oil lamp yeah okay good because then you can use the nicole kidman clappy hands to turn them on and off yeah um because it couldn't be a touch because you'd burn yourself on the

bronze. And Tony Collette is currently working in negotiations to appear in the Terry Owen biopic. Yes. A la Jackie. More to come on that soon. What?

See, look at how pleased you are. You're pleased. And you're people. Oh, my God. What? What? What? Okay.

Listener, I hope you enjoyed this episode. I hope you treasure this episode. It's extra special just for you. Do you think you're going to say to your friends after this episode, that was my favorite episode? Why don't you write us a message and just say, you know what? I loved it.

When you said that story about that cape, I was cackling. I did. Yeah, I almost forgot about Hitler's cape. Yeah. But here you were. Well, we'll see you next week, darling. Adios.

Goodbye. Death to Everyone was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Shears. Our theme song and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. If you have a five-star review for Matt Shears, you can send it to us at deathtoeveryonepod at gmail.com. Yeah, and if you would support us, please, on patreon.com, such death to everyone pod at gmail.com. Yeah. And if you would support us, please, on patreon.com slash death to everyone. Bye-bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye.