Death To Everyone - Death To... Lazy Susans, Takeout & GIRLS feat. Bambi/Jaxson Garni

Episode Date: April 16, 2024

Welcome back. This week we're joined in the celestial void by the incredible drag comedian, Bambi! Follow Bambi/Jaxson here: https://www.instagram.com/jaxsongar/?hl=en Get tix now for Jaxson's show: https://www.comedyfestival.com.au/2024/shows/saturn-return-policy Death To Everyone!!! Follow us, won't you? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/MsLazySusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/zelda__moon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/naturalhabitatstudios⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/ediecentric/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103/

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🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 Hello, listener. Hello, Slango. Hello. I am Lazy Susan. Hello, everyone. My name's Zelda Moon.

Oh, did you just think of that? Yeah. Because of the game? What game? Zelda and the Ocarina of Time. The Wayward Sword. The Wayward Sword. The Jumpin' Man.

What's your favorite Zelda game? I think, what do I think? I think Ocarina of Time is a classic and I like the temples. Like I like the theming. I love a nice themed area. Fire. Like literally. Forest.

Forest theme. Like with a giant spider cool yeah water theme water consistent back when things made sense the 90s they knew yeah now i don't understand what's happening in the games i see but i love that giant moon crashing down on the people in the gorgeous Majora's Mask. Yeah. But I think there's something about playing a game that long. It's just not for me. No, it isn't. I just am like, wow, you really thought I was going to play it? Like, get it done in 20 minutes.

You know, Fruit Ninja ninja there's a game that finishes oh my um i was talking to we're at a friend's birthday on the weekend and i was talking to somebody about final fantasy rebirth and i was saying that i was like 40 hours in and blah blah blah blah blah and then i on the way home i was like am I 40 hours in or did I just, where did I pick that from? And then I checked and I was 57 hours in. It's a lot of time. I just like, I kind of, I mean, I get that it's an art form, right? Doesn't sound like it.

I get that. I support the gaming industry, I suppose. But like, you could probably speak french or spanish by now if you devoted that time to it instead of what was it project birth oh my god and welcome to death to everyone our weekly podcast you work in a hospital giving birth there was a game on Wii where you worked in the hospital and you used the Wii remote to like cut things open. It was cool. Okay.

And it also like misinformed my understanding of what you use ultrasound for because they were like there's a foreign object in the arm. With a daddy dick to see how good it's going in. And then you'd use the ultrasound to like see what it was it's like i don't have to actually do that in surgery anyway welcome yeah yeah yeah um so yes um what is this show about it's about two celestial goddesses raining from the high heavens deciding what should be uh surviving the incoming apocalypse in a gorgeous specialty made bunker? If you don't know, now you do. Every week we encounter a brand new apocalypse because this is a very like, you know, though we might sound like we're humorous in tone, we are not.

The world is coming to an end. Things are very dire. Heralds of doomsday. That's correct. Yeah. And this week we are so excited thrilled blessed and cherishing every second because we have a guest a very special guest second since we've had a guest in the celestial boy yes but this week oh this is really going to get me in trouble because i only want to call you Bambi.

Yeah, I only want to say that. You can if you want. No, no. I'm not doing it. You're just not going to say my name. Not acknowledging me in the room. I'll refer to you how I choose. I think you've just learned so much from the way.

Pronouns, I'll refer to you how it is That is not the context That I was referring to I would love it if that was This was you You came out No Everyone

I've decided I do think Sorry we'll get right back To that introduction It's the second Carry on Carry on with your conversation Yeah yeah yeah

It's fine My friend has a strategy She said We should just Strategy Strategy for the future Oh carry on carry on with your conversation yeah yeah that's fine my friend has a strategy she said we should just strategy strategy for the future no more gender just one yeah like you know how um the emojis used to have the family and then they were like what about single parent family so then they had a single parent family emoji yeah and then they were like well what about um families of different races and they had like the different um skin tone iterations of that emoji yeah and then when they realized that they had to now do like well what if our kid is black and we're white blah blah um and then

they were like well if we start going down that rabbit hole there could be literally like 697 000 different variations of this emoji. So they just simplified it. And I think with genders, we just need to, instead of going bigger, we go smaller and we just do she, her. Yeah, everyone's she, her. Everyone's she, her. There is no gender, be your she, her. What do you think?

I mean, that's kind of what drag queens do anyway. I mean, we're already like, just like the agenda is set. Yeah. Like all inanimate objects I refer to as she. Yes. do it anyway that's i mean we're already like just like the agenda is set yeah yeah like all inanimate objects i refer to as she yes all concepts i refers to as she yeah like she's doing this yeah yeah yeah and she said she proposed this as part of this theory we go back through all books and if you see he just put a little s in front of it and then if someone says he in an old film you do voiceover that goes in front of it

so it goes she i feel like this person is silencing the he's you know what i mean what about these i know but like you know what it's fine someone's got it something's got to give look in a moment of education if you're unsure just say they and move on yeah or like she don't do that anyway welcome bambi hi what are your pronouns uh he him he him she she yeah thank you so much thank you for having me this is so exciting um no you can introduce because we're going to put a slash in the title is so you can also introduce yourself by your boy name okay because i have like two identities you're trying to build a career for both but he's like i don't feel like we need to pick one you know what i mean i want to keep my options open because i'm mediocre at both things drag and stand-up exactly something's

got to stick so my drag name is bambi uh and my uh stand-up performer name is Jackson Garney, which is just my real name. How original. Groundbreaking. Jackson? Yes. Jackson. With an X, though. Spicy.

Like X-Men. Like X-Men. You love X-Men. Oh, well. We're not going to start it. Sorry. I'll let it go. Okay.

So. So you two have known each other for a very long time. Yes. What did you tell us about the first time? I think I can narrow it down. Whenever I saw her face. This is my rendition. Okay, go on. And I'll see if it checks out.

Yeah. I was competing in a drag competition called Dragnet. Correct. At the Greyhound Hotel in 2016. And this is the third season of Dragnet. And if you know anything about the greyhound they just were like it was a club night but they were treating it like it was a real thing it was the like it was high stakes drama they were like this is the most important thing that's ever happened

and like we will be doing promo photos on this day correct this will be taking place over three months or something like two and a half months every It was insane. Every Saturday will be a new heat of the competition. They'll be like, it's a glee. They're like regionals, semi-regionals. And so I showed up for the photo shoot, which on reflection was just us in a room. Yeah. Just upstairs in like the kind of like, not the smoker's room, but like just the sofa room where they had like, it was like the tacky gay club that had like the vinyl furniture,

you know what I mean? But like silver, gold, gay color, you know what I mean? Yeah, there was like mirrored surfaces. Yeah. Is that like wallpaper where part of it's flocked? Yes, yes. And a cheap chandelier that's plastic, you know what I mean? That kind of, delicious.

And I think that's where we would have first met. Yes. But whether we spoke on that day, because it was a bit of like, like I knew a few of the girls already because I had done it. I had lost the year before and like a fucking, you know, a pig for pain came back for some more.

And then, but I think we met maybe on that day. I think it was either that day or the day, like the next training day. Yeah. Like, because we also did rehearsals for the opening number. We did. We also had men. Did we have mentors? Did we so we have like no that was the season before okay so it was just

it was like so and i was like in reflection we were not getting paid at all at all like i think we've got four drinks every time we performed that was it and it was like a ticket it was just the things i've done for absolutely zero money this podcast included but included. But we did a whole choreographed opening number to the entire affair. You? Yes. Yeah. To what was it? One in a million from?

No. No? It was. Everybody know the drag song? No, it was Fashionista. Fashionista. You wear it well. And it was like walk, walk, walk, point.

Walk, walk, walk, point. Walk, walk, walk, point. Pas de bourree, pas de bourree. It was beautiful. People were super competitive. And I did feel a little bit like Lamb and Alliance Den because I was like, I didn't know anyone at all, I don't think. Yeah, me too. And I was just like. And you won.

And I won. And you won. But did you go out? Matt's shocked. Matt's like, you won And I won And you won But did you go out Matt's shocked Matt's like you won A drag competition I was there the whole time I was like Yeah

I was I was not there the whole time Well Matt Not the whole time But Matt Came to my First Greyhound gig Was performing with me

Yeah Wait what Wait the violin Yeah Oh Matt That's Matt Yeah That's me

This is so intense It's full I'm sweating Wait, what? Wait, the violin? Yeah. Oh, Matt? That's Matt? Yeah. That's me. This is so intense. It's full. I'm sweating. Full circle. Well, I was performing Alejandro by Lady Gaga live with a violin. What accent would you call that? I was like, don't call my name. Don't call my name.

It was like. Roberto? Catherine Kiemenberger. It was great. But then, yeah. Anyway, so what did you do for your first number at the Dragnet competition, which the prize was $3,000? $3,000, a photography package.

Which I never got. Oh, really? Yeah. I think there was a wig available. And I never got any of those wigs. It was actually three styled wigs from Aaron Toner. Oh. Oh. Rip.

Never got anything. No, that's okay. They, um, I don't know what, yeah, so you only got the three grand. That was the only thing you got. I got the three grand and I got the underwear. Right. What underwear? There was like underwear from.

Daily Jocks? Daily Jocks. Yeah. Wow. And I got it for my boyfriend at the time and he hated them and never wore them. Oh, bugger. Yeah. No, I remember like I was like full gung-ho.

I felt like I was really confident. But it was when like I think it was around the season of like Drag Race where like Adore Delano was on. Yes. And I was deeply inspired by her to the point where I shaved half my eyebrows off and took a passport photo that I still remain to have. So every time I go through customs, it's just these nubs. So I was like, I'm going to start on a hoop. I'm going to fall from the hoop and I'm going to live rap. Did you actually do that?

Yeah, I did that. Why don't I remember that? And then I did Marry the Night for when I came back for the, I think you might've been at that one. I mean, it would have been anything. See, the hard thing is I did three Drag Nets plus All Stars. Yeah. Like I was just like the people's princess.

You did All Stars as well. Yeah. Like I did so many iterations of this competition that drove me insane. And like, that's how serious it was. Like when I was doing All Stars, my literal grandmother literally died and I had to go to Adelaide for a funeral. And the Greyhound were like, are you sure you want to do that? Are you sure you want to do that?

I was like, yes, I do. Thank you so much. And then they closed down the year after. So who's laughing now? Your grandmother's laughing now. Literally. In heaven. But yeah, it was so high grandmother's laughing now. Literally. In heaven. But yeah, it was so high stakes.

I don't understand. Everyone took it so seriously. But like it also did kind of generate what is kind of the Melbourne scene now. Literally, it's kind of in that weird way when you look back at like a season seven of Drag Race or whatever. And you're like, oh, everyone was in this. Yeah. Like if you look in that, in our season at it was, like, Sabrina Baby Slut was there. XYZ was there.

XYZ was there. Jemima was there. Justin Talika was there. Like, it was just, like, pretty stacked. And then, like, Isis Avis Loren was, like, judging. Asia was judging. So it was, like, in retrospect, a big deal. But, like, it was way too much of a big deal for them at the time.

I was like, come on. And there was, like, what the big deal. But it was way too much of a big deal for them at the time. I was like, come on. And there was like, what the fuck happened? Was it drama? There was a scandal where someone had like, oh, my God. They used a phone booth to call. To call in that there was a cheat. There was a cheater. There was a cheater amongst the sisters.

And they said that someone was cheating. And they'd gone to a phone booth so the call couldn't be traced. And then they sat us all down and they were like, girls, we've heard reports that there's been cheating. We can't have this behavior going on. It was pathetic. But yeah, like it was so- Honestly, looking back, I was like-

But I do appreciate the high campery of the phone booth. I think just caring enough. I hope that like whoever did that put the wig on, nothing else, had a nice fresh dollar coin. Putting coins in those machines with the nail on, just pressing it against, dialing the numbers. Also, there is no dial pad like those phone booths. Oh, no, they're aggressive.

Metal and embossed. Oh, they're real good. With bit of like real resistance yes will you yeah like can could stand a pressure cleaner yeah and now they free all phone booths in this country are free to use yeah yes yeah when that happened well telstra decided instead of getting rid of their phone booths they just turned them into like advertisements for them it's like and so now you can just call anyone on them okay i don't think you can do mobile phones but you can call any landline such a good system you know we all yeah so we can all call our grandma and that's like our home our home phone number from 20 years ago my sister is like live tyler she maintains a landline she

has a landline yes she's like i like my landline Jennifer Garner has a landline? Liv Tyler and Jennifer Garner both have landlines. Anyway, anyway. But it was so intense, so camp. And then I judged. And then you judged the next year. Yeah. Was that the All Stars year? That was All Stars.

Yeah. And then the whole place closed. Yeah. And then I retired. And then you retired. I said, I had enough. You said, if I couldn't win this. So what drove you to quit this art form? she dropped from a hoop and started live rapping i literally

did and that was that was it no i don't know like i started drag when i was 18 and i retired when i was 21 and i think like when you do anything when you're 18 like i just wasn't fucking ready you know what i mean like i was just like and i had no money and i was just really confused about like what i wanted to do in drag and i was just over it and like had no money. And I was just really confused about like what I wanted to do in drag. And I was just over it. And like, to be honest, like the Greyhound girls were like cunts. So I did what any young 21 year old confused with. I went to Europe and then all my problems were solved.

And then I started doing standup and that's kind of. Which is the anti-drag. The anti-drag, the casual drag. Yeah. Like drag with no drag. Yeah. What can you, what insights can you give us into the world of stand-up we have just had yeah zelda's um zelda so yeah what's good let me clip my earrings this is an intervention yeah right i'm in between the

two and they're just staring at me no but all of your points on stand-up are so valid like sometimes what she said you go into a room and someone she did observe things about sandow yeah but when the stand-up is bad it feels like you walk into a room that stand-up performer cocks a gun yeah points it at you it just goes laugh now like it is sometimes can be like that but when it's good it's great but you just said but you don't agree with that. Well, no, I'm hoping you followed up with an explanation of why you're lying. Why that might happen or how. But I don't know.

I just thought like I wanted to talk to people. I still liked hosting, but I just didn't want to put a wig on. And I had acne and like all that kind of shit. And I had acne. I was like off-road. I was on racquetane. My mental health was not good. You know what I mean?

Racquetane screws you. Do you think that that was the seed of it? I've never put the two and two together, but I was. Yeah, possibly. I mean, Rakuten does fuck up. It makes you fucking crazy. Yeah, my asshole bled just every day from Rakuten. Like I had to go off and I went to the doctor and I was like, I feel insane.

What a way to find out I'm on Rakuten. That's why? I guess. I hadn like, I feel insane. What a way to find out I'm on Roaccutane. That's why? I guess. I hadn't heard that symptom before. It's new. But yeah, so I started stand-up. I've been doing it for four years now. It's an interesting art form.

It is fun. It is exciting. But it also is treacherous. And I think that if you compare stand-ups to drag queens, there isn't that much difference to them because the mental illness is throughout the whole brigade of them if you need attention from strangers for no reason correct at least if like and if you're in a wig at least it kind of makes more sense but maybe it doesn't as well but yeah um so that's it so like i mean obviously the melbourne comedy scene does have like a very rich queer leg to it like it's

i would say like yeah queer leg a queer leg patrick dunne and silver has been on this podcast hot department you know but there are a lot of like mel and sam like they're bopping around there's like a bunch of like queers have you found a home um i think within like so like though like hot department and like mel and sam they're kind of like existing in these like fringy things of like they're doing sketch and they've got stories and stuff and i think that's the really queer side of it i have to admit that like there is like an attempt for like queer stand-up as an art form to kind of cut through which i think it struggles with like to find its spot but i think that like because of

the adhd of it all with everyone it's just like those kind of like people love that kind of chaos which i think of sketch which i enjoyed too like i just i think it's so much more fun to watch which is why stand up can be so cringy sometimes it's done badly but like i think that the sketch is very queer but i don't know if the stand-up is as clear as it could be that's my my hot take. I love that. I would have said they were all the same thing. What is a sketch? No, what's Megan Sam? Mel and Sam.

What's that? They do sketch. They do sketch, like a duo who- It's like Hot Department, but like they're both lesbian women. Yeah. Okay. Okay, so the spectrum of sketch comedy in Melbourne goes, you have Woe Alyssa, which is two gay men.

Yes. Hot department. Yeah. And then you have Hot Department, which is gay man and straight woman Hot Department. Correct. And then you have Mel and Sam, which is two lesbian women Hot Department. Okay. And that's it.

That's it. It's just a variety of Hot Departments. Yes. Yeah. Exactly. And then how queer you want to go, you turn the dial. Yeah. Yeah.

No, no, I understand. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think stand-up can find a queer home. I think that we've had lots of attempts. There's been lots of like different venues.

Keep at it. Keep trying. Just keep swinging it around. Yeah, maybe I'll do it. Maybe I'll be daddy of stand-up. I don't think so. I don't know. Yeah, maybe I'll do it. Maybe I'll be daddy of stand-up for, I don't think so. I don't know. Wait, Zelda, how much would it cost, like, for our listeners to force you to do an open mic?

For me to do? Oh, my God. Like a five-minute set. Stand-up set. At an open mic. A tight five. Well, it would be loose in here. Okay. Like a five minute set. Stand up set. At a like open mic. A tight five. A tight five. We'll be loose in here.

Okay. What? Is it? Five minutes of stand up. How much would it cost you? $500. You reckon like $100 a minute? Yeah.

Okay. I'll see what we can work out. Can we just put that on the Patreon? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it has to be at like a stand up venue. Oh my God. Yeah okay five hundred dollars that's my challenge okay done i will and you'll donate that immediately to charity right yeah you can't keep that ethically i uh i don't think maybe a thousand dollars five hundred for charity five hundred for zelda we'll call it a day. Yeah, that sounds cool. Oh my God.

Okay, yes. Back to the type five. Yeah. So who is the queen bee of gay comedy in Melbourne? Oh. Who's the diva? Who is the diva? I still think that like the races of the world, Miss Nichols, she still kills.

Like I think that like she has proven again with the she her um she has proven that oh they have proven that like they just have this kind of re sense of like keeping with the times that i think stand-ups lose they get very stuck yes i feel like reese's style of comedy is just so present even though they you know i've been around for like a long time well they've been doing this since they were like 18 yeah and i don't know how old they are now 33 see like 10 15 years how many jokes are there well that's it you just tell variations on the 100 it's basically the same joke just torn apart 10 separate that's the trick about stand-up it's just one joke spread you just do a funny voice sometimes yeah or a gesture and if the joke doesn't land, you scream it louder.

Yeah. That's called drag. 100%. That is drag. I was just in Ringwood for the Ringwood RSL bingo night with Gabriella Labucci. Yeah, it is. And I went into that room and I said, girls, I got a real big treat for you. Because I do a – and this room was full.

It might have been 200 or 150 people there to play bingo. That is a good joke. And the whole time I'm like, I fucking hate bingo. But I was like, I do a dead set to write, as listeners of the podcast will know, Lindsay Lohan. Oh, God. And Gab was like, she does a dead set to write, as listeners of the podcast will know, Lindsay Lohan. Oh, God. And Gab was like, she does, she does, she does. And I'm like, yeah, okay.

Can someone, let me, I'm going to go and do a bit of crowd work. So can you name a film that Lindsay Lohan was in? He's like, no. And I'm like, what about you, man? She's like, Mean Girls. I'm like, great, Mean Girls. Okay, can anyone give me a thing that Lindsay Lohan says in Mean Girls? No. Like, it anyone give me a thing that Lindsay Lohan says in Mean Girls? No.

Like, it's really going well. And then I was like, great. Okay, well, I'll make it up. I'll make it up as if I'm Lindsay Lohan in the film Mean Girls. And I was like, silence fell over the 150 people in neon blue daylight fucking lighting. blue daylight fucking lighting with like a singular string of festive party lights hung 50 feet above their heads oh my god and they had curtains covering up all the war memorial stuff because it was an rsl anyway inappropriate um and then i go i'm fucking lind Lohan from the film Mean Girls. And then no one did anything. And then Gabriella was like, now do Parent Trap.

And I was like, my name's fucking Lindsay Lohan from the fucking Parent Trap. And once again, and then I just screamed longer and louder. I never see my mom, so I'm going to go and visit her in merry old London. Finally, like we're getting somewhere. Like a few chuckles at this point? And they're like, and then I'm like, and it just goes on and we get there in the end.

The hijacking that I spoke about, that is it. I love that you tried to do a Lindsay Lohan bit at an RSL in Ringwood. You're like, this is the zeitgeist I want to be a part of. If these people, they just got Mean Girls. On DVD? No, at the Hoyt. At the Video Ease. Yeah.

And then the final embarrassment of that night was when my track played, which was Beyonce's Love on Top. It played at about like a negative six db no soft no and i was you could hear like like 150 people women in sequined outfits for their fun night out. Oh, my God. There were women there. I went out to the back and I was like, where are you girls from tonight?

Why are you in scrubs and sequined hats? And they were like, oh, we're nurses. And I was like, oh, darlings, could you give me a bit of Botox? And they're like, no. And then I was like, what are you doing? You're like, we work in palliative care. Oh, Jesus Christ. And I was like, so you can do something about this audience then.

Am I right, ladies? Help me out here, I'm dying. Oh, my God. So it was the greatest gig of your entire life. Yeah. When I tell you, I fucking love. No, I saw you afterwards. You were, the energy, you stormed into the room to do our show.

She was messaging the BC Girl chat being like, I love performing in Ringwood. I love it. It's like the best time of your life. You're sick. But afterwards we went, I went and drove into the city and came for Breaking Bread with Bambi at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival.

Yes, it was great. At Ballers Lounge. Ballers Clubhouse. Fuck you. Which is the strangest venue unknown to man. Is it a strip club? I think it was, but now it is a venue where, you know, there's like venues where you can go and play darts and like. No.

Basically, like whenever a straight couple is having a crisis, they're like, do you want to have a games night? Should we go to a venue like this where we can play darts together and get drunk and then cry afterwards? It's that. Yeah, but the show was good.

The venue's actually cute. There's a bathtub. Hey, listen, it was cute. Yeah, it was good. It was fine. You weren't there, Zelda. No, but I love hearing about it. From secondhand.

You're like, stand-up is so much funny, but secondhand, it's even funnier i can't keep it in so anyway um so have you performed at rsl uh in rsl you know what my second gig ever um was oh it wasn't an rsl it was a town hall but same kind of energy but it was for this like um like roaring 20s weirdly i don't even know how i had done one gig and then that was my second gig

what were you dressed as i a roaring 20s gal i i bought a from um what's that finger wave i bought that finger wave wig yeah upstairs um what is that wig shop called oh the one on swanson street yeah upstairs where they sell like the most branded wigs i knew nothing Is it a wig exhibition? Am I making that up? That sounds correct I'm just having a visual moment Maybe it's on But yeah I bought like a finger wave wig from there Which upon reflection just looks like my nonna's hair And I did like thin brows

And like a cupid bow Fresh out of makeup school Very that vibe. A wah on the scene. Very, yeah. She said. And I had like a little slinky kind of satin dress with a big fur. And what did I perform?

I can't remember. Did you do, remember that period where all drag queens performed that song from The Great Gatsby, A Little Party Never Killed Nobody by Fergie? No. I'd rather forget that time. That wasgie. No. I'd rather forget that. That was a long time. I haven't seen that.

The Great Gatsby? No. By Baz Luhrmann? No. I don't think you've... You've only seen Romeo plus Juliet. I do enjoy that, yeah. Well, that's Baz.

Yeah. And Strictly Borum. I fucking love Strictly Borum. And what you just dropped off after that. Yes. Too many lights on the posters. You can't deny. You're not paying the electricity bill for the poster, darling. Yeah, but I still have to look at it.

It's just pretentious, this amount of lights. It is. What do you mean? I'll decide if it should be on the spotlight. I guess it's also like the lights sometimes are around the poster in the poster. That's it. The poster is lit. I get what you're...

Okay. There is a... It's like a Charlotte Tilbury ad. You think you're the star, but you're not the star. I'll decide if you're the star. Exactly. What is... I've never seen a Charlotte Tilbury ad.

Charlotte Tilbury? Charlotte Tilbury. Well, see, you're describing something amazing, so I don't understand why that would be an issue for you. Charlotte Tilbury makes incredible Tilbury? Well, see, you're describing something amazing, so I don't understand why that would be an issue for you. Charlotte Tilbury makes incredible advertising. This is true. She's that redheaded woman that sells, like, lipstick to young women. Yeah.

And she's British? Yeah. This will change your life. Yeah. This will change your fucking life. Okay, yeah. Get your mermaid glow. What does that even mean?

Deadfish glow. Ask Sabrina. She's obsessed. It's okay. I'll ask her. Okay, all of that to say quick spruik you're at the melbourne international comedy festival just before we go into things do you want to like say what's happening what's happening is okay there is two things i guess happening

option one is uh saturn returns policy which is at 2 p.m uh at storyville on the weekends which is the perfect time to see stand-up, you know, after brunch. Do you know what? I think gay people would fucking froth a boozy lunch. Yes. You meet at 12. 100%. Get drunk and then at 2 you go and see. That's kind of what's been happening. And also somehow the marketing has reached, like,

the mature lesbian market. So we just get, like, 45 to 65-year-old lesbian couples just sitting there ready for, like, a deep and meaningful, like the soft glance, relaxed posture and just waiting for jokes. And they chuckle and then they leave the fuck straight out of there. I see that for you. Which I kind of didn't know I had that market in me, but that was great. I think that's the market. The dream market.

It's gorgeous. Is like 40 to 60 year old lesbian women. 100% because they rule the world like they should they truly they truly do i'd give everything and then the second option is break your bread with bambi which is an improvised talk show kind of thing at ballers clubhouse which is on for the next week another option which is on for the next two weeks uh every night at 10 30 which has a special guest every night which every night? Every single night. Oh, my God. Yeah, it's expensive. It's expensive.

To have those special guests. We'll fill it. We'll fill it next time. 100%. So it's going to come? Yes. I'm going to come with Banana Girl. Oh.

Okay, cute. Yeah. And you listening can probably come. Yes. You listener. Yeah. Come, please. Or don't.

It's fine. So who's your favorite x-man wait no it's a trap we want to get into this is i haven't seen 97 is that what the cartoon is that i'm happy to talk about um i think my favorite x-man is wolverine wolverine's hot like I want to fuck Wolverine but I want to be Storm yeah you know what I mean like that's beautiful except the accent in the first movie and then the dropping of the second movie is I was like that's I remember that conversation was like that is real but just because the wigs I love that flippy wig um X2. Just like that. As a gay man who spirals, I dye my hair like that. And it is a kind of a help.

You've got two options. You've got Farscape wig or you've got that Storm wig. Yeah. Yeah. And both solid choices. 100%. Do you think you would top or bottom for Wolverine? Well, I'm tend to top in real life, but for Hugh.

Oh, Hugh. I think Hugh would be a big old bottom. I think I'd have to top in real life, but for Hugh, Al Hugh. I think Hugh would be a big old bottom. I think I'd have to. You know what I mean? I would like take on the, like, I would let it happen. I would let it take over because of that sheer. I don't think Hugh's a top. Hugh Jackman.

Hugh Jackman is not. My godmother, this like actress, well, I'll say that loosely, went to acting school, woman. She was like 60 years old the most beautiful she used to impersonate marilyn monroe for a living at rsls and she used to just tell me all the time every like three or four months she goes oh i went to drama school with you and let me tell you here's the biggest bottom like the rest of them oh my god she would kind of have like she would remain her like her voice would like fluctuate between like high

marilyn and then medium maryland all throughout her life so just having maryland monroe tell you every three months that hugh jackman is a power pass around party bottom is like the best and now that that's him and like deb are divorced yeah i hope that is that way yeah that was that was mostly me did you do that yeah deb found my like tiktok late at night and just said, no more. Oh, wow. Yeah. I do what I can. But I did.

I met Deb once. I went to the drama school on a Zoom. We had Deb come in as a special guest. She was like a guest judge on season one of Drag Race Down Under. Like you only met her through Zoom. Met her through Zoom. She did a two hour lecture on acting, which is ludicrous because she hasn't acted in like 20 fucking years. So she's lecturing. She's acted hasn't acted in like 20 fucking years. So she's lecturing.

She's acted like her husband straight for 20 fucking years. She's acted like she's loved his dick for the last 20 years. And then Hugh just popped in and said, hello, and then walked off. And he was wearing the gayest little glasses. So I was like, this should be a sign. He's gay. Here's the thing, though. He's on so much like hormone growth replacement stuff.

To maintain that muscle mass into your 50s is against nature. Yeah. So his dick would be fucking destroyed. Yeah, those balls. Tiny. Tiny, tiny. Just digging together. You can't do that amount of like, yeah, just tea without fucking your shit up.

Yeah. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Anyway, what's the apocalypse this? No, no, no. So, spoiler alert, everyone, for X-Men 97 Episode 5. But very quickly, and I've gotten so much positive feedback about this,

how can I not talk about it more? To all of you who gave her positive feedback, I'm fucking going to find you. One day you'll do something they can give you positive feedback about wow damn that's a really cruel oh my god anyway what happened episode five last night's episode when i tell you i was you wouldn't sobbing at the end. Basically, the episode... Go on. It was so intense.

Basically, the episode takes place on Genosha, which is like a mutant haven island. You don't have to tell us what Genosha is. And the premise is that Genosha is being entered into the UN. So the X-Men go there to kind of oversee the proceedings of that thing, which is great. The militia. And it's Magneto, Rogue, and Gambit.

And so they arrive and like Nightcrawler's there, who is like Rogue's sister. And it's all like, oh, it's all happening. Wait, Nightcrawler is Rogue's sister? Yeah. Alan Cummings, Nightcrawler, that one? Correct. What? Yeah. Okay, I need to die. Okay, sorry, I won't ask

any more questions later. You're going to kill me. I could go into more detail if you like. Lazy is sharpening a blade currently. Like Wolverine. But anyway, there's like several little subplots and stuff one where like jean kisses wolverine

which is a very big deal oh get enough they yeah it's incredible and then so they're they're on the island and then there is a um there is. Who is Jean? Which one is she? She's the femke. Femke Jansen. You know, redhead. The faculty. Oh, yeah, cool. Okay, thank you so much.

But she is like in the cartoon, the episode I saw with the listener. Oh, God. You could like, there was so nothing between these three that are meant to have a love triangle between Scott, Femke Jensen, and the Wolverine. One of the Wolverines. And I tell you what, I just am like, shut up. Like, I'm just like, you are nothing. You people need to fucking put some fucking stank on it. Put some juice in the tank.

In the characters? Yeah. I'm like, oh, like what? We can do anything with the power of our imaginations. You can't imagine two interesting people having a conversation. Oh my God. Anyway, so they're on the island and then there is a terrorist attack and like essentially like a genocide of mutant kind,

which there's a story arc in the comics that kind of follows it. Half of the cast dies defending Genosha. What? Like all of them pretty much do. Who dies? Say them. Wait, spoiler alert. I've already done spoiler alert.

But like almost like, so Magneto dies, Gambit dies. Rogue was like the only survivor from like the core cast. But there was like Madeline Pryor dies, Jean. Are they actually dead? Well, oh, it was really intense. So it ends with like Rogue holding Gambit and she's touching his skin and nothing's happening. And she's like, I can't feel you.

Her super strength isn't working. Can I just ask, what the fuck is with rogue as a character like the three gloves no gloves white gloves no gloves i'm leaving i'm going like that's the only reference i have to those three movies i love gloves you love oh anna paquin i've seen yeah i mean yeah um different those that movie version is milky. Okay, cool. Oh, well, maybe watch the... No, I'm not going to watch it. Yeah, I'm not going to watch it.

But anyway, for the listener that knows, send me a message because it was fucking amazing. It was really, really crazy. But... If they come back to life, if I'm sitting here when I hear the... Oh, Gambit will... So...

I just like... No, because also C cable was in the episode cable is a time traveler from the future and like he came back i presume to try to prevent what happened and he failed as you know there so he there'll probably be something there and also this i mean the part of the x-men is you die and come back. Like, Jean is, like, they all go through that cycle. So they'll be back. But it was really amazing. Then why cry if you know they're coming back?

Oh, my God, it was so emotional. It was like such a rollercoaster. Yeah. Cool. Wow. Cool. I appreciate all kinds of art form. Like stand-up comedy.

Yeah, like stand-up comedy. I've cried in stand-up comedy. You're from Paris. I'm in fucking tears. I feel a lot of emotion there. So, yes. What? Well, now that we've had Sentinel Apocalypse in the X-Men,

won't you tell us how the actual apocalypse the real one so yeah i think essential apocalypse is a lovely concept but in my mind how the world ends i went through a phase where i chose nikki minaj pound the alarm as my alarm pound the alarm as my alarm wake up sound and i did it for about seven days before i literally went insane. Like it was just, so in my mind, the way the world ends this time is somehow Nicki Minaj wants to spread her love. And so she infiltrates any kind of audio sphere and Pound the Alarm plays on repeat again and again all day. Pound the Alarm. And then eventually the world goes so insane by this that just mass murder starts occurring. We all start losing our mind until it's just Nikki alone.

And eventually she also falls fate to pound the alarm and she jumps off the West Cape Bridge. She flies to Melbourne, then jumps off the West Cape Bridge. She's like, wow. Death the alarm. I think because, yeah, sonic death is something that. Very good. It's a really good, you know what I mean? That's like. It's a vision good... You know what I mean? That's like...

It's a vision. It's an idea. Yeah. That's fantastic. Also, I think Nikki would love the streams about now. 100%. Yeah. She needs them.

Things aren't going... Zelda, I don't know how to tell you this. Things aren't going well for Nikki? Things aren't going well for Nikki. Who's winning? She caused the earthquake. Thee Stallion. Megan Thee Stallion.

Did she win that feud? Yes. It was hard to tell. Nikki or Megan what? Mithrigan, yeah. Yeah, about that. Mithrigan Thee Stallion. Yeah.

No, it's not Nikki. And I love Nikki, but it's not happening at the moment for Nix. Well, that makes me sad. She needs a better team. Something's happening. I don't know. They need to take the Twitter away. They need to take the Queen Radio away.

Just let her have a second. What is Queen Radio? She does Queen Radio for Apple. Does she? Apple Podcasts. She does like a radio program and she just sits on there like screaming into the void. It's, yeah. Not our finest moment for old Nikki.

Old Nikki. Dear old Nikki. Pull up in the Sri Lanka, you know. Yeah. Damn, yeah. One of our finest moments for old Nicky. Old Nicky. Dear old Nicky. Pull up in the Sri Lanka, you know. Yeah. Damn, Nicko. Pound the alarm. Death by Pound the Alarm. That is so good.

Pound the alarm. That's great. That is good. That is so good. That really, that sent me going. Like when I tried to just, I was like not getting out of bed in the morning and that sent me going like when i tried to just i was like not getting out of bed in the morning and that got me up like not in a good way i was like starting fights throwing the alarm clock like it wasn't the accutane it was no no it was pound the

alarm plus you accutane gives quit drag you know what i mean it's a great combination do you know when they ask you before you do a stand-up show, they say like, what song do you want to enter to? Do they say that to you? No. Like when the audience is entering. Oh, like before when the thing is starting. Yeah, no, sometimes they do. I really like Mumbo No. 5.

Oh my God, you and Stephen King. Wait, what? Have you heard this? No. So Stephen King listens to music while he writes and he writes every day for at least five or four hours. Still? Still.

Get over it. He has a lot to say still. More in his mind. He never did it for the fame. He did it for the, you know, for the writing. For the art. But he writes at least six pages a day. But Tabitha, his wife, said like she almost.

Tabitha. They've been together since oh my god of course his wife's name is tabitha she's such a queen she's also a writer um anyway tabitha his wife is like there was a period when he would listen to mambo number five and on repeat oh over and over again like on repeat It was like And she was like It was all you could hear Coming from his like Writing office And it was like

Don't Don't Don't Don't One Two Yeah no it's And he's like

She grabbed the crystal fan From the decapitated guns It's such a good song What's the song From the side of Austin Powers? Henry Mancini Quincy Jones No I think it's

It depends Each show is different Right now my boy show is about astrology So I play Robin and get people in this spooky mood Zelda This is a stand up comedy show About astrology Zelda also hates astrology Zelda, this is a stand-up comedy show about astrology. Zelda also hates astrology.

I now understand the body language I'm receiving at this moment. You're like, who? No, I'm kidding. You hate astrology? Me too. That's the whole point. There's 12 personality types? Get a grip.

Get over it. Then you'll have braids. Yeah, honestly. Once I told, I was with a group of of lesbians and i didn't know what time i was born and they lost their mind they were like how do you exist in the world only knowing the that you're a capricorn what about you're rising what about you're ascending and i was like i'm doing fine it's okay check it out i'm here i am yeah hello and would you say this is an example of it going well? You're like, look at me, lady. Living life luxuriously.

Maybe if you knew that information, you could better, you know, sail through the Eddie's turnabouts and waves of everyday life. I just need, so her name is Tabitha King? No, I think she kept her last name. Oh. Anyway, we need to dive in. To our first subject. So we'll be right back.

Be right back. Welcome back, everyone. Welcome. Hello. Okay, we have a very confusing first topic for you tonight. Or maybe it's super clear. I think it's fucking clear. Wait, what is the topic? So on Instagram and in the world, there's more than one Lazy Susan.

Okay, well, you don't really... Yeah, give this the intro it deserves. Go for it. On season 16 of RuPaul's Drag Race America. Only in America. Flagship. Flagship HQ. Flagship. Now it's in terms you can understand.

You're like, I get it now. I think that's contestable. But anyway. What's the flagship drag race? Well, because like, I mean, I suppose it is. But like, I wouldn't call it that. I call it original flavor. OG.

Yeah. Yeah. Classic. So anyway, Plain Jane, as some of you fags listening might know, was a contestant on the show, is a contestant on the show. And she was doing the historic makeover challenge where they get a member of the general public that they now have to make over and name and turn into their drag daughter, sister, whatever.

to make over and name and turn into their drag daughter, sister, whatever. And so she is saying, oh, my drag daughter's name is going to be Lazy Susan. And, okay, so it's not enough that this name has now just been said to all of the fandom forever before I got an opportunity to put my ass in front of them. Because believe it or not, not all of America listens to this podcast. But they will. But they will. Stay hopeful.

But RuPaul loses her ever-loving, God-forsaken mind for 10 minutes of the show. She's like... mind for 10 minutes of the show she's like she literally died and came back to life she stopped breathing yeah it was insanity you could go and get yourself a pepsi and come back and be like she's still anyway so then that happened and you know i got a lot of messages that day i did get a lot of messages and i might have audibly said to my sister who was sitting next to me when I watched him, said, well, I'm going to kill myself.

But after all the messages, after everything died down, everyone talked about the name Lazy Susan and da-da-da-da-da-da and how Rue found it so funny, even though allegedly he watches all the audition tapes and I've auditioned six times for this show with the name Lazy Susan.an and nothing and sweet fucking zero however it it brought peace to me you sound rested and peaceful listener her body language is relaxed laying back the chair. Her hands are not tensed. I'm in a liquid state. So for a long time, obviously with a name as fantastic as Lazy Susan,

I knew that there'd be people chomping at my door. But I decided the best way to deal with this is not to fight. We'll do the opposite of fight. We'll come together in unity, in love and a mutual respect for one another. So I offer to you that in the time since I've been Lazy Susan, I've encountered other Lazy Susans and they have joined the Ministry of Susans. Ministry, yeah. Yeah.

Council of Susans. And, you know know we all thankfully live in different countries um and so we'll only occasionally get together when you know we need to fight a larger crime right you know it won't just be a regular issue it'll be a special edition yeah do that via zoom or do you meet no we're all like powers of United. And in a yellow stream of light. Well, I'm the yellow Lazy Susan. Oh, okay. Anyway, so I'm Australian Lazy Susan. The woman that has the Instagram handle Lazy Susan.

Oh, she's incredible. Is this iconic Massachusetts housewife. Well, not housewife. Mother of two. Mother of two beautiful boys with a stunning husband and I when I encountered her

that was my first experience with like the Lazy Susan name and I was like okay well you have the handle because your life is so perfect I followed her

we message each other happy birthday sometimes I love her like I just keep keep tabs on Lazy Susan and she plays in like a mom rock band and her name is she deserves that she deserves it like can i see can i have a look at this

she's so cool and like every year it's like i see her and her sons grow up together and they go on these like gorgeous vacations it's all very picturesque they like cycle they camp she's like and she's living in a gorgeous, like classic Bostonian suburban home. It's very chic. They're so cute. Which is ironic because that's where my dad's from. Oh my God. Look at the first day of grade nine.

It's so cute. And the kids seem so good. Like if they're the next generation, it's going to be okay. So she's Boston mum Susan, like Lazy Susan. And then we have, there's a sketch comedy duo, like a British hot department of two women that go by Lazy Susan. And we had Twitter like awareness of each other. And then I was like, we need to come to an organisation here.

And then now their part, and they're actually, they had like a BBC like sketch show for a second. Like they've done well for themselves. Something about this name. And now there's the new American Lazy Susan, the guy that is from Vegas, who is the daughter of plain Jane. And then there's also from Brighton, another drag queen called Lazy Susan who I just received

some of her fan mail from being like I saw you in Brighton at Vibe and you were incredible and I Brighton Victoria or Brighton in the UK Brighton in the UK oh my god I was like thank you so much that's really kind but I'm not her I live in Melbourne and um then I followed her and finally united the chain because she was the drag queen lazy susan so i felt very you know connected like no i was like if anyone could if she got on like drag race ahead of me now it's all a moot point because fucking plain jane's daughter got on before both of us but i was like that's the one thing that could throw everything off because we're in this you know yeah but i was like now we've completed the the miniature oh and also sean hayes in the film lazy susan there's a film

called lazy susan yeah yeah wow okay i gotta watch that is it good sean hayes yeah sean hayes plays like an awkward woman it's not acknowledged that he's doing drag like it's just like in the reality in a wig just living out her life but like i, I don't know that like the film doesn't address the fact that like, yeah, like there's just something very like, there's something going on with this woman. Okay. Is Sean Hayes from Will and Grace? Yeah, Jack from Will and Grace.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool, cool, cool. So anyway, these are the Ministry of Lazy Season. I'm sorry, what about the dinner table? Oh, yeah. The actual object of. She said that that's an object. Yeah.

It's not sentient. It can't be on the council. No, it's not on the council. Could the table be? Yeah. It's going to pass around the pens. No, but we're all like, we like all like our powers are all inspired by the lazy Susan, but we put our own spin on it.

But we put our own spin on it. I was going to say, you must meet in like that spinning restaurant. Yes, in Seattle. The pin, the needle. No, we do meet there. Anything that is Lazy Susan in appearance, we meet at. This is a sad moment. And then we all fly in. Anyway, so I, having now given you these descriptions.

Yes. You get to decide which Lazy Susan gets into the bunker. Boston. I am strong on Boston too. Like I know it probably should be more of a dialogue here. Like I said, we're here to do. No. We have a movie at seven.

They can't be. Yeah. Okay. I think mom Lazy Susan. Okay. She's. But okay. So just to what's Susan. Okay, she's... But, okay, so just to... I mean, we don't need...

Like, Patrick's already in. We can't have more Hot Department. Yeah, that's true, actually. So, like, that's too much. And, like, you want one sketch duo that you love, or, like, one sketcher. You know, you can't have rival sketch... If you bring the other Lazy Susans in...

Yeah, we can't infect the bunker with that bullshit. No. But, like, I also think, like, in actual, objects are out. We can't do objects. Of course we could. But no. I think, you know, like, yeah. The reject shop may already stock some.

That's true, the reject shop. They may. That's okay. Yeah, it might be. It probably will be plastic, but that's okay. And then, like, the other drag queen who doesn't wear yellow. And I don't know why I assumed that she would be wearing yellow. When I looked at her profile, I was like, oh, well, it's just called Lazy Susan, but without the yellow.

Why do you associate Lazy Susan and yellow? I don't. Because of yourself? It's because I'm an egomaniac. It's narcissism, darling. I was like. No, but I mean, so did I. Like when I was saying before, like you all fly in with a yellow beam of light.

But I guess that is just you. You need to get out more. Separate from each other. No, too many. And that's the other thing that season 16 took. Yellow from you. Yellow. You have to have everything stolen.

There's a council of yellows. There's a lemon too council. Lemon. Lemon, you, Nymphia. And Ginny Lemon. Yeah. Yeah. You could be a girl group. Oh, wait, you've done that already. No, Nymphia. And Ginny Lemon. Yeah. You could be a girl group.

Oh, wait, you've done that already. No, I'm kidding. People say that to me and watch me say, no. I won't be doing that. Anyway. Okay, it's the fucking mum. She's incredible. Okay, she currently, if you guys blow her up on Instagram,

I'm going to fucking hate you. Leave her alone. But it's going to be pretty obvious what her Instagram handle is. okay she currently if you guys blow her up on instagram i'm gonna fucking hate you leave her alone but it's gonna be pretty obvious what her instagram handle is like maybe it's spelled differently maybe it's not we're not gonna tell you what she's sitting on the prime real estate and i just i want nothing more for her than to and then the lazy susan uh drag queen is lazy susan dq i love a drag queen it is actually like such a like weird specific cyber do you remember on facebook when every drag queen like if they had a one name name had to be like insert name dq because it wouldn't let you have a last it wouldn't let you have no last name yeah yeah the amount of dqs dq d. DQ. So Lazy Susan DQ.

DQ. And I'm Ms. Lazy Susan if you're looking to follow me. Is the other Lazy Susan Fierce lovely and- Well, she's getting so many compliments that they're getting sent to me. But actually, so I sent her her compliment and referred the guy over to her and was like, oh my God, Lazy Susan, you're getting compliments. And she was like, I assume this is how she talks. What the fuck do you mean?

And I said, what? This is for you, darling. And she was like, I don't have any fans. Wait, what's the Brighton accent?

I think, is Brighton Northern? Oh, darling. Brighton. It sounds like this. Is Gemma Collins, is she from Brighton?

Well, that's why we can't have her in there because Brighton's not allowed. We killed Brighton from the nanny. Yeah, no Brightons. Okay, kill them all. Actually, new rule for the bunker, no Brightons. No Brightons.

At all. We're putting a sign on the wall in Japanese that says that. Yeah. Oh, because you can't have another sign in the bunker, because you've got already a sign. Is that why it's in Japanese, or just cause? No, because Japanese is the language of the bunker. Oh, okay. Superfan over fan over here yeah fact check do you know how long these are you know how long some of these episodes go for we didn't ask if you were super

fan of the first five minutes of an episode no i like it i have to be here for them how do you think i am oh my god um, I think that is just fabulous. I think she will love Gwyneth. Yes. She'll get along with Gwyneth. She'll get along with Fran. She'll go to the bar occasionally. Oh, my.

She will fucking love Reggie. She could probably get a gig. You know what? I reckon Matt would love her as well. You'll get along real good. Well, Matt, your wife isn't going to be down there in a bunker. Maybe you and- Maybe Liza Susan.

We can have a little cuddle now and again. Yeah, in your Murphy bed. She could also run like the Trivial Bingo Night, you know what I mean? Like the Tuesday events at Reggie's. Not like the weekend stuff, but just like the whole stuff. She probably is going to have to cut her teeth on the smaller stuff. Karaoke, because she's in a band. And she would definitely play acoustic guitar.

Yes. Spoken word. Yes. She wears her hair down, but it looks great up too. Yeah. I love it. And I think like she looks at the parts of the bunker with whimsy. It's like, oh, that's nice.

Yeah. Like she'll kind of walk past Godzilla and be like, oh, cute. Yeah. And she still does like a little like made out of paper basket for people's birthdays. And then like puts like a few objects in it that she's found around the bunker that she thinks are nice. And I think she'll be a good influence on Sabrina.

Baby Slut. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Teresa. And do you know what? And Courtney who works in the reject shop And at the Wendy's

Yes Like she will be able to be A mother And she'll be good friends With Evelle's mum Yeah You know what She's a fantastic

I actually think The bunker Yeah She's kind of like The patron saint of the bunker I kind of think so Like she's on a hoverboard Original Lazy

Let me just I gotta quickly double check I'm trying not to like Destroy her life Her first name is Jennifer Her social security number is But um She's so chic

It's so good but everyone leave her alone You can look I understand the temptation You can look but you can't follow Deal? Leave her alone No deal I forgot that existed you know people oh this is so

no nevermind because I think this happened recently which is why it is in front of mine you know when people like get on

no deal deal or no deal but they're like you're the legend of the show no deal briefcase holder and they're like, your version of the show. No deal. Briefcase holder. And they're like, I did it.

I won the episode. You mean Gabriella Labucci. Did Gabriella? Yeah. Oh my God. Recently? Is that where I saw it? Yeah.

Oh my God. I'm so sorry. She will be a guest on this podcast. But it's also like, there's a great example of like, you're someone who is incredibly better than that. Why are you excited by that? I asked her.

You're better than this. I was like, so did they call you up? And she's like, no, I auditioned. What? You got to audition to be a briefcase holder. Because they do three episodes in one day or four episodes in one day. Gabriella, I'm so sorry that your dirty laundry has been aired. Because they do three episodes in one day or four episodes in one day. So three weeks. Gabriella, I'm so sorry that your dirty laundry has been aired. I'm not saying this with a cynical tone like Zelda Moon.

But your audition, but because like you normally be a briefcase holder for the whole day and they just shuffle you around to make it look like you're a different person. Because you're so misc. You're completely unmemorable. Get me three more of these misc. And then, but because obviously Gab and Daisy Chains, who were there doing it, were too distinctive,

so they could only do one episode. Was they in drag? Yeah. They were full dish. They got a little time. They got a little screen time. They got a moment. Oh, my God.

Anyway. That's too good for deal or no deal. An Australian institution. Grant Denya. Wait. Yeah. What else could we do with our lives? Anything else.

What is higher than that? What show is higher than that? Sitting in a red room. Okay. Well, Lazy Susan, you're in the bunker. Congratulations. Come on, Jennifer Lazy Susan. Yeah.

And with that, we'll be wrapping. Welcome back, everyone. This is, you know, a topic that I fear that we're well equipped to discuss. Looking around the room. It is an unfortunate truth, how much we could put into this. And it's time to decide which takeaway option is going into the bunker. Okay. Now, are we talking about takeaway in just like broad strokes here

or specific takeaways i think the more specific you can be the best i would say it shouldn't be the restaurant it should be the meal okay yeah yeah i think it's you can't say pizza you've got to say what the order is yes okay good yeah yeah otherwise yeah. Because otherwise, no, yeah, otherwise. Don't be silly. It's just a broad. And you primed us a little bit. Oh, yes. So the preamble was that I had terrible experience with fish and chips lately. Lately?

So you've gone back for more and you've had problems? Well, I had, did I have fun with you that day? What? No. No, I would never order fish and chips. I had it with someone. It was fucking woeful and then i was like at home and there's like a fish and chips place very close by and i was like you know what just give them a throw them a bone give them some business right local business

local support business and it was the worst 20 something dollars I've ever spent Bitch Because like what the fuck can I get from a fish and chip shop It's chips It's a corn jack Whatever the fuck that is And maybe some potato cakes And then I got a few onion rings

But I don't know It was like powdered onion fried It was disgusting That is I had fish and chips the other night at a pub. I was saying to my friend, I'm taking you out for your birthday dinner. Oh, that's so nice. And I was like, what do you think we go somewhere near the cinema?

And he's like, and this, God bless you. I love you. You're not listening to this. He's so fucking picky. He's like, no, I want to go here for steak and i'm like well i'm a pescatarian anyway so it's fine because it's his birthday dinner he can get his steak and so we go to this pub and it's like a ritzy pub you know the like i'm like i'm fine with a shit hole pub yes are we talking tea light candle on the table yes mama like, I'm like, I'm fine with a shithole pub. Yes. Are we talking tea light candle on the table?

Yes, mama. Like, and men who like, kind of like look like they know how to make an old fashioned, like shut the fuck up. Um, and like, they might have mustaches and like wear suspenders. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Like vests. They're all too much time.

Like even when they're not wearing a vest, they're giving vests. Yes. Yes. Okay. Um, anyway, sorry, man. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry. Yeah. Like even when they're not wearing a vest They're giving vests Anyway sorry Matt I don't have vest energy do I Oh bitch No one's looking It's okay baby

Vest energy isn't a bad thing It's a specific thing Yeah do you know what You're on the good Neutral vest energy High brow vest energy. Yes. High brow vest energy. How many vests do you own, Matt?

One from when I wore a vest one time in my like year 10 formal. I think I still have it. Baby, how have you only worn one vest? You got a whole vest career ahead of you. What about suspenders? I did have a phase of suspenders for quite a long time Yeah, you did Yeah, I think the first time I saw you wearing suspenders

When she was playing for you, playing that violin Did you buy them from Dangerfield? Probably Yeah, you did I'm not grown that down though, I'm a different person Well, you're going to have a dad phase soon Not that you're'm a different person Well you're gonna have a dad face soon When you like Not that you're not a father

But you're not a dad yet I feel like I'm already there What about small caps? Yeah like a newsy cap What's a newsy? You know like Extra extra Eat all about it

Oh like a peaky blinder Yeah oh sorry I forgot I went for the gay reference Should have gone for the straight reference I don't know Or like yeah like a capaky Blinders. Yeah. Oh, sorry. I forgot. I went for the gay reference. Should have gone for the straight reference. I don't know. Or like, yeah, like a cap, like a wool cap. Yeah.

Kind of vibe. No, I haven't gone down that road. They don't really work on me. No, I think you're giving like young hot dad. I think it's fine. I don't think you're in dad phase yet. I think we're still okay. Like definitely it's strong still.

But if I was a vest, I'd watch out. Matt, don't buy any vests for the foreseeable future it's coming for you i'll resist the edge anyway so then this fucking they like show me the fucking menu oh my god and the cheapest thing is the atlantic bassa with sea salt potato i'm like fish and chips bitch just say what it is Like fuck you If this doesn't come out And look gourmet as shit You need to check your menu Cause like There's something where like You're

Going to fucking Synonym.com Like to write your fucking menu And you just need to say fish and chips Yeah Anyway So I order it It comes out to the table

It's the saltiest Fucking shit Like a horse could lick this And stave off scurvy Anyway, so I order it. It comes out to the table. It's the saltiest fucking shit. Like a horse could lick this and stave off scurvy. It was so disgusting. And like the pretense of the place, I was like, and like it was one of those places where the waiter is like, so how was everything? I hate that.

And I was like, you don't want to know. It was salty. It was fucking like, girl, there are other spices and seasoning. And you have written down like, this is going to change my life. And $30 for a handful of frozen potatoes. Okay. But there was tartar sauce on the plate. That's nice.

That's high quality. Which is good. But no. You get that at Fish and Chip Shop though. No tomato sauce. No tomato sauce. No tomato sauce. I think we've got to get better at Fish and chips shop though No tomato sauce No tomato sauce No tomato sauce I think we've got to get

Better and stronger At sending back culture I think if the meal is bad We need to take a leaf Out of the American novel Someday Not take the piss Can you take this away

Get it away from me Remove this Well and then I was there Fuck yeah It's cosy lips babe It's expensive Just buy fish and chips

There are 30 bucks What is the difference between that fish and chips and the one from the corner shop? There was none. I actually don't understand. $10 is the difference. There was no difference and it was a rort.

And let me tell you, I'm going to name and shame. The Royal Oak. What hotel? The Royal Oak. I don't know. Actually, it's the Royal Oak. In where? It wasn't just a tree on the side of the road.

It's on like Mickelson Street or some shit. Like it's up from you. Anyway. Oh, I know. Yeah. Opposite the, the empty, what used to be that convenience store. Sure. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. The Royal Oak. Fuck you. Fuck your expensive as shit fish and chips. You're off my list. Cancel them. Also, I mean, I'm not, I don't like going to pubs because they just stress me out.

But you know when you go past a pub like that one and so many of the windows seem to be lit and you go in and you're like, I don't know what rooms I'm allowed in. Is that a private room? What's the permission? Where do I eat? That's so stressful.

I see the pokies room and I'm like, I'm not allowed in there. No, I don't think. That's for grown-ups and smokers. But it wasn't well lit. It was very softly lit. It was beautiful. But anyway, the one little last thing. Royal Oak Fish and Chips suck,

but the one thing that I did want to say today that I wrote down in my phone notes app was we went to a movie after that. The first omen about a nun. Oh. And then. Yeah. I saw the poster for that today and I was going to ask if you wanted to go.

I don't think I could sit through it again, but it's really good. Sounds brilliant. Sorry, Delna. Run, don't walk. Sorry, I went to see it without you. We had plans. We get to the front and the guy's like, where do you want to sit? I've got two spots here.

Pulls out a little map of the cinema and it's like two spots, you know, Q1, Q2. And we're like, okay, that's good. We get up. It's us and two other guys in the whole cinema for this allocated seat experience. And they're like teen boys, 17 years old with their feet up. And he's put us in the same fucking row. This mastermind of cinema. I guess anticipating a last minute rush of 50,000 other people to fill up this room.

So I'm like, why are we all sat together? You freak. Were you sitting next to each other? Or a chair in between? There was two chairs between us. thousand other people to fill up this room so i'm like why are we all sat together you freak were you sitting next to each other like we're tearing between there was two chairs between us but it was like we could all be on separate rows and still you know we could never see each other again anyway but max my friend who i was there with who's picky about steak the movie starts and like the guys are still talking because they're like these like rat bag boys and i'm like i don't know what's gonna like i don't know what's how this is gonna play and max is like a sweet soft sensitive boy and he goes could you shut the fuck up seriously this is ridiculous not not one and like didn't shush them first or anything he went straight for like and

his voice like was not my friend sitting next to me it was suddenly this like gruff man who was like this is like straight max yeah yeah and because like if it was me if it was you and me in that cinema zelda we would have sat there petrified out of our minds. They were going to stab us in the dark. And we would have said nothing. No. But we would have been like. Yeah, we'd just do each other like.

That was ridiculous. But he did it and it worked. And they didn't say a single thing for the rest of the movie. They were terrified. And I was like, I need this in my life. That's good. That energy? You want to be that person?

No, I just want a straight man to follow me around. And when I'm in uncomfortable situations, they act like they have no social cues. And just go, can you shut the fuck up? Wait, can I ask, were you still sitting two seats away from them when he screamed at you? No, they'd gotten up realizing that no one else was coming to the last good omen or whatever and moved back a few rows, but then they were chilling.

And they were almost, they walked around a bit and like kept going right behind us. And it was like very like i was like oh my god oh this has ruined the night but um thank god wow and so what kind of takeaway do you like okay okay we've got no time okay Okay, takeaway, takeaway, takeaway. Pizza, what about pizza? Yeah, Bambi Yuga. I really enjoy pizza.

Capricciosa specifically. Oh, Capricciosa. With an anchovy. That's with ham. That's with ham, olives, anchovies. Oh, you're a vegetarian. This does not writeable content for either of you. I've really been listening.

Yeah, for pizza, because you eat the day after. I think ham's a bit pedestrian. Back in my meat-eating days. Oh, I'm sorry, Queen of Sheba. Jesus Christ. What, ham is too much for you eat it the day after. I think ham's a bit pedestrian. Back in my meat-eating days. Oh, I'm sorry, Queen of Sheba. Jesus Christ. What, ham is too much for you? It's too big. It's not to scale with the circle of the pizza.

I'm talking about suburban pizza, though. Oh, like shredded ham. Shredded ham. Shredded ham, bitch. Not like wood fire sourdough. She's thinking like prosciutto. Prosciutto with a rocket on top, you know. Mozzarella, you should hear about it from Italy.

Get it together. No wonder you're eating at the fucking Royal Oak or whatever. 30 bucks for a piece of barramundi. Jesus Christ. Yeah, a suburban, like an Eltham pizza. You know what I mean? Like a pizza from like a deep Diamond Creek. Diamond Creek.

Diamond Creek, shredded ham. I mean, I like the. I love anchovies. I think that's correct. Like that's a fun time on pizza. Your takeaway has to exist for many days. Like takeaway can't be considered as one meal. Zelda is the queen of a preserved takeaway. If I'm going to get takeaway, I'll be.

That's your meal prep. I order one Uber Eats meal for the week. Let's work it out I've got Sunday We've got Monday We've got Tuesday Perfect And then I'll reorder On Wednesday

Great Yeah No pizza But no That's not a vegetarian Or pescatarian Babe we're not in the bunker Okay

I'll try your two Ethereal Beings Don't eat ham But So pizza Yeah that's i mean that's a very solid choice do you have any other things that tantalize you noodles a noodle description like a wet hot i love hot wet do you know how jlo got in trouble recently when they show like what do you used to order from like the bodega when you went in when you were living in the bronx and people were like

she just ordered the most misc thing and i think if if you'd been there, it'd be like a hot wet noodle. Is that the same video where she walks past her old house and she's like, I used to live there. And he's like, shut up. That's the prequel to this latest one. So what, like fur or something? No, not fur. Not broth. That's different.

That's hot. That's not hot and wet. Not a liquid. Hot and like damp. Oh, you want like stir fried noodles. That's different. That's hot. That's not hot and wet. Oh, not a liquid. Not a liquid. Hot and like damp. Oh, you want like stir-fried noodles. Stir-fried noodles. Okay. Like a patsy-oo?

Pad Thai, patsy-oo. Yeah. Broccoli. Patsy-oo. Broccoli, patsy-oo. A nunciation. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Actually, I think a patsy-oo because the day after a patsy-oo is still as delicious,

if not, if more and more delicious. Yeah, because it's several sittings. We have to think about this in the several sitting foods. You do. You do. Well, I was coming home from a gig the other night. No, it was just that party. It was that party we were at.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yes, and I was speaking to Jan Drews, international superstar of the drag scene, Miss Jan Drews. DJ extraordinaire. DJ extraordinaire as well. And I'm going to be controversial yet brave and put in, this is my suggestion. She said, it sounds crazy because most of their food is fine,

but not great. But Hencho and Mexico's chili, vegan chili, like chips, is just incredible. Sorry, vegan. Oh, so the chili is vegan. They're like chips yeah is just incredible sorry vegan also the chili is big they're like yeah it's like i was like what isn't it chip already vegan yeah so it's like a thick cut steak cut fry with like a chili misc thing on top of it and you get a few wedges of lemon and i didn't believe her but i said listen faith. You've been burned before by the Royal Oak, but this isn't the Royal Oak. This is Hencho in Mexico and they deliver it in- No, it's Hedcho.

What? It's Hedcho in Mexico. Hedcho in Mexico. What am I saying? Wait, Hedge or Hed- Hedcho. No, not Hedcho. What, Hedcho?

You were saying Hedcho with an N. What? Or it's Hedge, like a Hedcho. Where's that T coming from? Hencho I say hencho That's what Matt's saying Matt's saying you're inserting an N

No N How many times have you been to Mexico? Oh wait you have been Just the one time But also I think we both say that I didn't realise until Matt just corrected me You stupid fucking man I would never say that. I didn't realize until Matt just corrected me. You said you stupid fucking man. I would never say hen-cho.

I say head-cho. You're going to say it like that. Absolutely, you're going to say head-cho. Anyway. I just don't want you to look like an idiot. Because people are listening to this. They're going to listen to this. It's like when I said LSPG.

Oh, I have enjoyed my time with LSPG. It's not LSP to this it's like when i said lspg oh oh i have enjoyed my time with lspg it's not lspg it's ls oh well whatever you know what i can't remember fucking my password to my phone what do you think i'm gonna remember four letters and then someone sent me what it meant and i've already forgotten but it was like lorem ipsum, it was like lost guy dick pics or whatever. Like stands for something. Yeah.

Anyway. Do you know what I learned the other day that CC stands for carbon copy? Yeah. And BCC stands for bicarbon copy.

Blind or bi? Oh, that one. I was going to say that's why no one uses that. I was like, I, that's why no one uses that. I was like, I've had no idea. This whole time it's meant that.

And what does that even mean? Carbon copy. And what is buy? Why is it buy? It's based on letters, on old letters. Oh, thank you. It's based on letters. They would have a carbon paper underneath it.

And then when they write the letter, it would transfer it to another letter. I didn't ever send a letter. I was born in 96. Have you never worked at a Chinese restaurant where you would take, because you'd take your invoice for the customer and then you'd put the transfer.

Zelda, what's your favourite takeaway? Wait, well, okay. So, dear listener. Hecho. Some of you have been with us for a long time and back when we were on YouTube We would Like as doing Beastie Girls React

We would watch Drag Race We used to get takeaway all the time And it was always a point of discussion So some of you may know Throughout the years That Lazy Susan does have a Deep love for Mexican food I do

Truly Like without fault if i'm with her and we're like what should we get that will be the first option yeah not always and she's open if i've just had it yeah um but that's the go-to yeah however i can very comfortably say that my go-to is laksa However, I can very comfortably say that my go-to is laksa. And in particular, if we're being specific, the Roll the Dice Diva Laksa from Viet Rose. Even though you're getting tofu, you may get food poisoning. But it's worth it because it's so good.

Have you had that one? I have. It is. But my arsehole just puckered as the trauma. I have had it. And I've gone back and I've had it directly. The trauma of the dry asshole. There's not many foods that you could so actively, like your body could actively reject for many hours.

Is it true that spicy food is bad? Like what does it do? It's bad for your hole. It gives you a spicy hole. But I mean, like it can be hot for a moment. It makes the skin around your anus. It gives you a spicy hole. But I mean, like, it can be hot for a moment. It irritates the skin around your anus. And also makes it, your body just doesn't do well with spice.

So what? It just like. But it's also good for you because it makes you sweat. And if you're congested, it can make you decongested. But like, even as a POC, I hate fucking spicy food. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it. Get it out.

We did it now. It's like more than this. I think my most like delusional quality is thinking that I do really well on hot ones, that chicken eating show. We all have that fantasy that we would be the funniest hoe on hot ones. Not funny, but just to like, you know, the people that they're like, oh, she didn't even react to the heat of the chicken. Like, and I just think that there's nothing cooler than being like, wait, is there a problem?

And so I'm like, I would like cheat or something to be good at hot ones. I would get like. Cut your tongue out? No, like get them to like do the Homer Simpson and line my mouth with wax. Yeah, or you get that, you know, that like numbing lube? Yeah. So you just line your mouth. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So everything tastes like peppermint. Do you think that guy is so hot Sean Is he probo or is he fine? Because he's so hot I think he's okay Great But he is hot

Yeah no I agree He Do you not think he's hot? There's something about him that really And like it should be yes I acknowledge what You know that he's a bald man an anomaly my favorite a diamond in the rough but there's something about him and his line of questioning and his like faux

sincerity that really hurts so insincere yeah he's a fucking douchebag yeah and i would hate to see him like balling out with his friend. What does balling out mean? You know, they go to Vegas for the weekend. Oh, hang out with the boys. Yeah, let teenagers in the theater. But he's so hot and has those shark eyes. And imagine that hole at this stage after eight seasons of Hot Ones.

I think he's got quite a thick dick. But a short thick dick or just a big dick? Yeah, it's not huge, but it's girthy. Right. No. You don't think. I don't see it. Or I see big dick. No.

We should reference LPS cheese. LMNOP. Yeah. LMNOP. So, yes, I love, I love laksa. Also, I like a dish that I can almost, like, not, I just can't, I can't make that at home. I can't, I can't do that. Yeah.

You wouldn't do it to yourself. I mean, it is complicated, I guess. Laksa paste. But to make it, like, good. You can make white people laksa easily. Yeah. Yeah. But I'm like, I don't want that. I want. That's the thing. but to make it like good you can make white people luxe it easily yeah but I'm like

I don't want that that's the thing and that should be our takeaway should be something that is something you can't do for yourself

that's why I hate ordering like pasta for a takeaway and it's so expensive it's so expensive and it's terrible yeah so the conclusion

we've got we're not having pasta this is good pasta will not be in there I think And a coke on the side Well no you've just lost me You don't like coke?

She's a really soft drink girl Do you know I said that in front of my sister Jennifer Garner At Christmas And she was like yes you do And I was like no I don't When do I ever drink soft drink And she was just like stop lying And she was like, yes, you do. And I was like, no, I don't. Like, when do I ever drink soft drink? And she was just like, stop lying. And I was like, you know when someone who should like literally be able to tell the paramedics your blood type so you don't die.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just fundamentally has missed something. Just a fantasy that you are just taking. And she has this version of me like I'm guzzling coke. Anyway. Wow. I agree. I think the Viet Rose is kind of an iconic staple of Melbourne.

This is true. Yes. And I like that it's a roll of the dice. Yes. Because I like introducing a little bit of suffering into the bunker. Well, it is a bunker. It hits mandatory. Because you can't make a pearl without some grit.

That's what they said. And you can't make a pearl without some grit. That's what they said. And you can't eat a Viet Rose without occasional shit. Is the Havant poem. Is it going to be the tofu curry laksa? Yes. Because it's the mystery one. Because they're really not. Yeah.

Although I don't want to, no one messages us about what's in the broth. I can't talk about that. And also. It's going to be a fish base, but I don't need to know that for messaged us about what's in the broth. I can't talk about that. And also, it's going to be a fish base, but I don't need to know that for sure. So let's just move on. If you want to do yourself a favor as well, and you're drunk,

please try that Henshaw makes a vegan side. Was it good? Did you have it? It was incredible. It was so good. She was so right. Okay. That squeeze of lemon.

I was sitting in fresh citrus. I That squeeze of lemon I was sitting in She fucking loves citrus I was sitting on my bed Like just eating that You were eating loaded fries in your bed I know I was normally But I was drunk Have some self respect

Silly night You sit on the floor Like a regular person And eat your sloppy fries It was silly night It was silly night It was silly Just the party?

Yeah. I also just hope that, oh, there it is. I just couldn't hear Matt that whole time. So sorry if I spoke over you, Matt. That's all. Sorry. Matt had left the room. But Capricciosa, if you do feel some kind of way about Capricciosa,

send us an email. Or you can go and commiserate with Bambi at her show. I almost feel like there'll be a pizza day. Like we'll do pizza one day. Like the Zumbini's level where you have to make pizza. What? It's called gaming. You wouldn't get it. Oh my God.

Gaming is for children. Pizza! Is that Kari Luxa? Yes. We have a tip tap on the latch door and coming down the ladder is indeed Kari Luxa. One serving. One serving. One serving.

One serving. Don't be selfish. A day. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And there's like a regular roster. On special Friday night.

Takeout Friday. Yeah. You know, like when mum was like, I'm tired. Yeah. We're having fun tonight yeah that's great all right amazing and we're back And because we have a film at 7 o'clock We have to fucking It's 5 minutes to 7 right now

It's not 5 minutes to 7 But we need to crash I was just joking Well, save your humour for fucking Vest Party 2024 VestCon Vest Party 2024. VestCon. VestCon. The bros invest so they can wear Vest.

Bambi. Yeah. Present us with your topic. Okay. I was pondering and thinking about this. Pondering and thinking. Pondering at the same time. I pray for you. And I think we need to explore the four female television trope

and there are so many iconic shows but i think i want to go to the the source material which sex in the city character out of the girls is going into the bunker well because i rewatched i was spiraling a few months ago so i watched watched all, like start to finish all of Sex and the City in a bit of a mental health crisis. I mean, that's very fair. I mean, listener, I just want to remind you that this is our super fan. You just listen to every episode. Have we done this?

Yes. How do you think Carrie Bradshaw got into the bunker? Because of her fragrance. Am I cross-contaminating things? No. Okay, change it then. All right. What about girls? What about girls? Have you both seen girls i have seen girls because i actually

really like even though um lena dunham is cancelled a month or she can't stay uncancelled no no she just posts one instagram photo with a cat and everyone's like kill her people i mean like listen my sister is always like i fucking hate lena but i'm like i just think it's such a genre girls well lena dunham yes but like i think when i think about what she did by creating that show when she was 23 crazy yeah and it's so good and the shit that we've had since then on television it's like how were you that incisive that aware of like because like people like you know these people are awful people right and you're like that's the fucking point you dipshit yeah yeah that's the thing it's like i didn't watch sex in the city growing up because i'm not

an old woman but i watch girls like you know being like 18 years old being like oh it's fantastic yeah so it's like i think that gets a lot of clap for being like a very pivotal text amongst like even my life at least. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So we've got Jessa, we got Marnie,

we got Shoshana and then we've got Hannah. Do you need to go through the like archetype? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I'm thinking. Because all I can think of is Adam driver. You said girls had a driver.

Yeah. Yeah. So Hannah, is Adam Driver. You said girls, boys. Yeah, yeah. So we've got Hannah, the protagonist, problematic young woman who is being cut off from her parents financially and wants to be a writer. The quintessential millennial. Trying to make it in New York. She is entirely self-involved.

Not her. She suffers from OCD. OCD. We've got Jessa, the like ingenue, sexy, British, long hair,

sex positive, bit of a troublemaker. Kind of an artist who doesn't really care about people's feelings. Oh, yes, she was good. Jemima Coke.

Loved that one. Who was just like Lena's best friend at this point. You know what I mean? Yes. She was like, I paint and now I act.

Yes, they were real life best friends and she was kind of an it girl. Whimsy. Yeah. Marnie, who is the... Devil. Alison Williams.

Alison Williams. God, she's been so good since the show as well, becoming like a scream queen. Mithrigan. Literally. Out of all the people who were in that show, that was the last one you thought was going to cut through. She just kept going. She is a master of her craft i had

like playing a cringing cringing white woman yeah incredible yeah she yeah really nailed that character yeah the rap the rap oh where's yeah playing the ipod and then oh and then there's like dumperella what's her name shut up dumperella she's like that cookie one she's the crazy no she's suck what are you talking about i love shoshanna she was always my favorite yeah she's chaotic you like this she's david david mammoth's daughter is she yeah you like that yes i love her yeah a side bun is beautiful oh god i've seen some of the wings You've owned Zelda Don't be throwing around

Shit about hair At this point Yes Okay I would like to say God I do love Shoshanna But I think I love Jemima Kirk

So much She's so Like Just the Which one's that? The hot British one. Yeah. Marnie.

The devil. No. The whimsical. The whimsical one. She's so hot. A Louis Vuitton luggage. Her energy like on the show is fantastic because it's like she plays a narcissist really well and plays what's attractive about narcissists yeah

really well because she is one but like in a very like she just does it like that sort of personality that has like a gravitational pull and then as the show wears on you see why it's a good and bad thing like she's an awful person and it's hard to be around. And like, she's always going to put herself first, but then she's also a truth teller. I think the bunker will need someone who can like call people shit. Yeah. Cause she kind of gives cult leader, but also it gives like the worst person you'll ever meet.

Yes. I think like when you're in your early twenties, you gravitate towards these people. Yes. Like these kind of culty narcissistic, but then they just the show does a good job of like when you kind of get into your late 20s you're like actually what the fuck am i doing with this person this person is crazy yeah i met a girl like that at a hens party

and she was like were you working at this hens or were you just i was working at the hens but she was a friend of the bride and she the girl who'd organized the hens was clearly like the organized friend who does the actual work and then this bitch was like the fun friend who was like getting the glory of being the like life of the party at the hens and i'm like you're not the life of the party you're just asking everyone for coke like that part she just sucks i was like go away and she just like had this like she just thought she was so like the like i'll tell you off mike who it is because she's kind of yes but so annoying i just think we also as drag queens need to make a stand just be like no more hands like we're done with it i know they pay so well that's where the money is straight people people pay people. It's so rude. Never ever?

I would never. You have to. You'd love a hen. No. You did the roaring 20s at the fucking town hall. What are you, a bum? We did one hens together. Oh, so you're a liar.

So you have done a hen. But I wouldn't do it again. I don't think. It would depend. You don't like having a UE Beam in your hand while it plays softly the music? Yeah, and then they have to like... For a negative three decibels.

Didn't they hold the microphone into the phone and then it played out of the... No. No. You don't like having a portable speaker and mic combo that you have to throw out of your back of the car? No. But Adam Driver is so attractive.

Yes. And the other one. Do you know the other guy? The one that's in The Bear? No, the one that's dating Marnie in season one. Not Andrew Rannells. Oh, Charlie. Charlie was just in Poor Things.

Yes. Where did he go? He was just in Poor Things. Yeah, but that was like now. But he kind of left season two. Well, he left Christopher Abbott. He left because he wanted to pursue more serious acting roles and he thought Girls was trivial, which he's stupid for,

but it helped to show that he wasn't there. Oh, he was hot. He's all right. He's hot. I wouldn't kick him out of it, but he's better than Hot Wings. That's true. He's got mystical eyes. He's better than Hot Wings. That's true. He's got mystical eyes. He is better than Hot Wings.

For sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's not better than Adam Driver. No. Who is like weirdly. But don't you think we need a Shoshana type in the bunker? Just like running around, doing errands. She would be good for Reggie's.

She would organize things. Decor. She's doing decor Florals Bun workshops Hairstyles That's right Getting in people's business

Yeah Gossip What's the bug without a bit of gossip? Yeah Rivalry Gwyneth wouldn't talk to her Yeah Same

You're not in the bug Yeah Thank God She eats shark food For the Meg? Yes. You have listened to the podcast. I asked for the spreadsheet and I didn't get it.

True. Oh my God, it's coming. Everyone relax. Hannah's definitely out. We're not doing Hannah. No! She'd be so sulky. It'd be like, I'm sad.

I love Hannah's mum. Wait, in real life? Or the character? both i mean i love that woman the famous um what's that actress no no no i mean like the the actress who plays her mother who's also in freaks and geeks and plays lindsey weir's mother she's ethereal i love her if it was up to me she'd be the girl from girls that makes so much sense now yeah in front of me oh i love her she's heartbreaking she's so the pathos in that woman's eyes when her husband comes out as gay and she's just living her life

and she's had that weed gummy and she's just like my life is over you break every single time crying it's so beautiful she's i'm about to break I mean Jemime's? I kind of back your Shoshana read because I do think like maybe we have too many alpha dogs in the bunker at this point we need someone beta because could you imagine Gwyneth and Jemima Kirk

slash oh wait what's her I'm blanking Jesse Jessa imagine Jessa and Gwyneth yeah exactly who's gonna wear the flowy fabric it's gonna be a battle for the caftan Oh, what's her? I'm blanking. Jessie. Jessa. Imagine Jessa and- Yeah, exactly. Who's going to wear the flowy fabric?

It's going to be a battle for the caftan. And I think that that's it. I think as well, because we put Jennifer Susan in there, Lazy Susan from Boston, she's an alpha dog. Yes. But like with a chill energy. But I fear that we can't put two artisan ladies in one fell suit. There's only so many long necklaces.

Yeah. How many owls can we find on necklaces? The chunky jewelry will be all out. But I think, imagine like Shoshana being bossed around by Miss, the real Lacey Susan. She's going to fucking boss around by everyone. And Carrie Bradshaw. Carrie Bradshaw, Gwyneth. Carrie Fisher's bones.

Yeah. Yeah. Billy Lord. Who's going to dust the bones? Tell you who's not going to be a fan of her. Bayonetta. They got nothing in common. No, I know.

I'm sorry. Nothing. Maybe breathing. Maybe they have an unlikely adventure together. Maybe. Hmm. I don't know. Shoshana's like that.

She's surprising. That's the thing. She is the most nuanced character on the show 100% she was supposed to be a guest character and then they kept her she goes

she changes she would have been well sure Shoshanna Shoshanna out of you know just for the fun of it

who would have been your Sex and the City gal because we put Carrie in yeah we haven't played with Carrie very much. Maybe she'll get out on Stockton. Yeah, I think you should consider, because Miranda, I think, is the one. I really relate to her out of like, you know, when a group of four gays go like,

which one are you? Which one are you? I always get Miranda. And just like that Miranda or like original flavor Miranda? Original flavor. No, we're not talking just like that Miranda. We're talking. Not racist Miranda.

Yes. Okay, that's good. But I just like that, Miranda. We're talking... Not racist, Miranda. Yes. Okay, that's good. But I just don't see... Carrie is like, I love her, but in a bunker context, what is she fucking doing down there? Well, I'll tell you what she's going to do. She's going to talk about the eclipse that she sees. She loves the darkness.

What? SJP? Unimaginably perfect, beautiful. Wow. We did it. We made it. Oh, my God. We saw it.

Matthew, yes, exactly. It's so humbling. Oh, for fuck's sake. It's so... We should Oh, for fuck's sake. It's so... Extraordinary. You know who would have made that fucking video? Miranda Hobbs from Sex and the City. You really consider that stock take with that.

It's so ordinary. Humbling. Humbling. What? Something being in front of the sun i'm sorry but you cannot minimize an astrological event of such a proportion that it blacks out light on earth it did look very cool but also she does catch the train she's the woman of the people fuck yeah are you talking about carrie i'm talking about Carrie, yeah. Yes, Matthew, exactly.

Oh, God, I love her. She's on a boat. She's like, birds and plants you've never seen before. So crazy. Where is that video from? Is that Instagram? Yeah. I have to go back and watch that.

It's incredible. She is just, and that's cut down. You can find the extended direct. It's a four hour vote She's incredible Okay Shoshana Well we've done it Shoshana

Shoshana We'll be enjoying a laksa With With Lazy Susan Jennifer Lazy Susan What a time Incredible And look we've made it in

Just in time But very quickly Bambi you do have a bonus. Yeah, let's put whatever you want into the bunker. A person, a thing, a concept, a building. I have thought about this and I have recently rediscovered. Do you remember a few years back when Real Housewives of Melbourne were a thing? And there was a Facebook show called The Real Whore Wives of Melbourne.

Yes. What? Okay, so it was on facebook it was extraordinary six-part series where like chica was like it's a bunch of gays who did voiceovers on the real housewives of melbourne like gina's like uh like she's a psychic that wants to fuck ghosts and like andrea it's just it's incredible and then it disappeared off the internet for a long long time and we'll be watching in my house, The Real Housewives of Melbourne with my housemate.

And I was, he was like, I would give my right arm to watch this again. And I was like, absolutely. It was the most perfect piece of content ever. And it's on YouTube. So like it's there. So you can watch. I would like to put The Real Whore Wives of Melbourne.

Incredible. Six part YouTube series, which only has like 2000 likes. You can go and watch it. It's funny. Go on. Hey, listeners only has like 2000 likes at the, you can go and watch it. It's funny. Go on. Hey, listeners. After you finish stalking Lazy Susan,

go in the Real Whores of Melbourne. That is my contribution to. I will be watching that. You have to. Yeah. I think you'll really, really like it. If I like anything,

it's gay people doing silly voices over women's bodies. Sounds like a Ryan Murphy show. That's my contribution to the bunker. Incredible. Fabulous. Wow. Wow. Brave.

Incredible. And we can watch it in the shining bathroom after Katy Perry's videos. Waking up in Vegas. Eating a laxer on the toilet. No, to play every Three hours One episode Yeah that's good We can swap it in

Yes Matthew Exactly God Who's the Matthew That she's talking to Matthew Broderick Her husband Okay I guess

Who from Godzilla Yeah I know Okay What are we talking about Matthew Broderick SJP Oh we're back on this With you two

It's all You gotta really keep up. Okay, so make sure you check out Bambi or Jackson at Melbourne International Comedy Festival. There's still time to hear a little bit more of this incredible young comedic voice coming up in the scene. Thank you so much. If you get online right now, where can we find you online?

You can find me on Instagram at jackson slash bambi but jackson spelt j-a-x-s-o-n and then slash the word bambi the word mom fucked it up with the x and the s is too many sounds but yeah very good um and i like it if you want to say drag i'm on at circuit every sunday most of the time doing serve sundays with the house of buffet and then if you want to see me do stand-up, it's at wherever, Comedy Festival, Melbourne International Comedy Festival at the moment, till the 21st of April.

And then at your local bar from there. That's right. Gorgeous. Well, we did it. Thank you, listener. You've done an incredible job. As always.

Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Oh, no, it's been amazing. And remember, hot, wet food. Yes. Incredible. Goodbye. Bye. much thank you so much oh no it's been amazing and remember hot wet food yes death to everyone has recorded natural habitat studios by matches our theme song and music provided by edie centric and angus leslie you got something to say to us send it to us at death to everyone pod at gmail.com won't you support us please and gain access to our discord

server and the spreadsheet window patreon.com that's death to everyone wait this isn't pre-recorded you do this every

single time we make it for spas no we don't have time okay goodbye bye