Death To Everyone - Death To... Listener Mail

Episode Date: September 16, 2025

Hi Listener,We finally got around to checking our mailbag and lo and behold there was something inside! This week we respond to our favourite letters that we have received with some fan-fic, suggestions and other juicy goss.Enjoy!Follow us, won't you? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.naturalhabitatstudios.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/ediecentric⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103

...toe... ...to everyone... Hello, listener. Welcome back to... Death to everyone. That's right. I wasn't sure what was happening. I was just going to let it happen.

Then I realized I was a co-host. You didn't realize you were here. I'm Zelda Moon. I'm lazy children. I'm lazy children. That's quite good Yeah, thank you And driving us around today

And out of space Why it's Matt Hi Space car Do you need some water and mints today No, I have my disgusting iced coffee From 7-11 Intergalactic version

Intergalactic 7-11's really gone downhill Yeah I hate it when they don't have The spinach and ricotta ral I know And you look at the person Behind the counter You say

Hmm You don't value the vegetarian customers here do you? Yeah. And you're like, I know about the pre-warm. Because the Clifton Hill 7-Eleven, that guy,

the massive homosexual guy, who's behind the counter there, you can tell he's popping in those spinach and ricotta rolls. Double. There's always a spinny and ricotta roll in the Clifton Hill. Poppin. Can I tell you that today at work, the store manager of the store that I work in was like,

can you come with me we need to do some shopping because we have a team meeting this week and I said of course I'll leave this place to do some shopping and then we're on our way and she's like

we need to get some poppers and I was like I knew you were an ally but sorry and she's like wait what did I say juice boxes and it's like

in Queensland we call them poppers like what do you mean in Melbourne we call them poppers too you just want to feel of the rush so that was quite funny That is good. I like that. I'm still not over.

We haven't bought a new bottle of poppers yet, but we got that double scorpion poppers, and they're just not good enough. No. There's no humph, you know? Yeah. There's a reason. You know, not all poppers are created equal.

Hmm. Right? Dove, extremely true. It's just like sometimes. And I, I can't remember we've probably talked about animal just so much on this podcast, but that like gold triple distilled version of Django juice. not worth it. Just do the black one.

The black one is where it's at. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's so good. Yeah. Do you remember that New Year's Eve when Benign Girl went blue because she had the house brand poppers from bloody manhouse? Yeah.

Oh, so good. Double-barreled them. Yeah, listener, if you know our dear sister Benign Girl, it was New Year's Eve and everyone was reveling at a house party. And, you know, drinking up a storm And Benign got handed poppers And she was like, I have poppers And she pulled out her poppers

And I think she might She either had two or three bottles Open and engaged around her nostrils And was like, And I think it was just like having a laugh And was like doing that And then we went to go and see the fireworks At the top of the hill

And she was like running up the hill with the poppers like a feed bag under her nose going as she was running and then when she got back home after we saw the fireworks she's like I feel a little bit off and then when we looked at her the blue beasty girl she was blue she was indeed living up to the her skin had gone blue which we found out she should have probably gone to hospital when we asked later but um she didn't she just got really pissed off everyone was laughing at her for being blue. Yeah.

And then she cycled home and then didn't go to the hospital. No. And probably did some quite intense brain damage. Yes. But no one noticed. No. Instead of going to hospital, she had a little nap. Yeah.

Which is not great advice. Absolutely not. But good friends you are. I mean, not just like, oh, blue. Ha ha, ha. Sure. Like, she was blue. She was like blue herself.

blue she looked like she had blue makeup on yeah she blew herself hey what was that other we said someone on the discord recently was saying that we missed matt making a funny reference a star was reference about hating sand matt were you intended they caught it but i didn't what the fuck yeah well when did you say it you just talk over the top of me oh well maybe it's because it's my podcast yeah and i'm just muttering things in the control room just like in Wait, Matt, what was the reference? Well, you was talking about sand, how you hate sand. And I was like, it's so coarse and rough.

It gets everywhere. And that was when, like, Anakin Skywalker's talking about sand for a really long time. Why did you know that reference, Matt? Because it's such a funny part of the movie. That's fantastic. It's just such a random piece of dialogue. He's just telling Padme like all about sand and how he hates it so much. Well, he grew up on Tatooine, so it's not that.

outrageer? Well, it's not, but it's just like... Clearly, it doesn't stick in your memory. It doesn't really bring anything forward. And also, he's just really, says it really cheesley. Zelda only really likes the first three Star Wars. She doesn't like the rest.

It is from the second one. What? Sorry, the original trilogy. Oh, the first three that were made. That's just your obsession. You don't really know the rest of the extended law. Matt was kind of going outside of your comfort zone. Yeah, I was doing something a little bit more.

You're like, where are Luke and Leah? Where's Han? I love Han. But I wasn't really saying it very clearly as all And I'm really glad that the listener picked that up They do Yeah, thank you And they shamed me

And I'm ashamed of everyone here Because how they're also Can I say Sometimes I just mutter jokes in the background And if you hear them, that's great And if you don't then Just little Easter eggs for the listeners We do need to clarify that a reference is not a joke

Well, it was meant to make you laugh All right. So I was trying to be funny. Was it for me? I don't know. I don't know if you like that moment in Star Wars. I thought maybe you'd pick it up. Let me tell you everything I know about that.

Go on. Okay. I did see it three times at the cinema, the final in those three. As in episode six or episode three? A bitch. I do not care. The new ones, the 2000s one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that's a great one. I just kept getting trapped going because I was going to the movie. movies with friends and they're like, we're going to go and see the final installation of the bar and I was like, fuck me. Oh my God. And so then, yeah, once again, trapped seeing, so there's Ewan McGregor, not in Moulin Rouge. Yeah. My preferred Ewan McGregor. And he's in a lava area and he's yelling at the other guy. On Mustafar.

Musufo. Musufo. And then. Uh, Yoda. Dancing around. Who's your favorite Star Wars character? Who's my favorite Star Wars character? Wait, don't answer that.

We have a whole podcast about that. Let's do it next week. Where, good a thing. Put one in the bunker. Yeah. Um. That would be funny. Yeah.

I'll, I'll see who I like. I like, um. No, bo, pop, pop, pop. Oh, give us a taste. I like. Hmm, I'll get back to you Okay Can't wait

Watch them all again Probably one of those Thinly veiled racial stereotypes That George Lucas threw into the Okay No need to talk about salacious be crumb like that Who I presume is your favorite character from Star Wars Listener

My shoes are so stinky You might be picking up on the fact That the three of us are Deliriously exhausted today Don't love me in with that. I'm actually not exhausted. I'm just picking up on the van. Why do you sound like that then?

Oh, I did. You've got a little husky voice. Yeah, I've been hosting a lot of bingoes at the moment. Oh, brag. And so I, um, I tend to get a bit mouthy and a little bit of screaming. You're a bit, Eliza, Dushkut today. I know, it's quite good.

It's very hot. I think that, like, maybe my life would be better if I had this voice. Yeah. Check out Eliza Dushku. Check out Spacehorse. Yeah, right? Yeah. Do you think, what's Eliza Dushku doing right now?

I don't know, probably... Posting a bingo. Posting out how sad she is about Charlie Kirk getting assassinated. Oh, no. Have you been seeing Selma Blair? It's bringing out all the people from the woodwork, isn't it? I saw the Chenoweth. Chenoweth, Selma.

Selma Blair was, you know, in Hellboy, the first Hellboy. One moment. I saw that Jillian Anderson was that, but I've known that she's that, that, but this was the final straw. I unfollowed. Sorry, Jillian. Sorry. What did you say? The truth is out there, Jillian.

American actress. What a face. She's so stunning. Oh, look at her with brown hair. That's great. Yeah, that's her normal hair. She's in legally blonde. She plays the opposite L Woods.

Anyway We hate her Yeah Do you know what Just on that It's going to be old news By the time this little comes out But on that whole

Assassination thing God This is more just a Meta thought I hate when the internet Is all talking about the same thing Do you know what I mean It's like

Shut up Like when it's like one of those off days where it's like no one can make up their mind about what the theme of the internet is that day where it's like there'll be a bunch of different conversations happening. Yeah. And you're like, oh yeah, we can talk a little bit about like, oh, look at this old Tyra Banks clip where she made that girl cut her hair and like, oh, this is a recipe for this thing. And like, it's what a weird way to cook this thing. And like, allows all this kind of weird stuff to rise to the top. When the internet is all like, now we're going to tell you what I think about this thing.

I'm like, shut up. I don't care. And do you know what I don't care? Like, I don't care about this man. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like, I'm like, I don't think you need to say, if you've never thought about this man before, you don't need to send condolences because you haven't sent condolences for every other

person that died. So unless you're like, in that fucking world, like, I get that the means. through which he found death were extreme though by his own fucking sentiment not unexpected correct so it's like diva just keep it fucking moving let's not waste any time yeah like on that I don't think people realize that everyone dies eventually well there is that yeah um and just so many died uh on the same day yeah and yet that is the person that we're all focused on I tell you what though can I say obviously I mean, what a sack of shit human being

But what a sack of shit human being I don't like I just am like More for selfish reasons Don't want anyone getting assassinate I don't want that to become the new Dajure thing Because guess the side that has more guns Well, bitch

I don't want to I got listen Let's not let's not and say we did Because those motherfuckers are fucking crazy Yeah let's not But the wife, because they were... I haven't watched the video, but apparently she's over a lot. It's incredible. I'm going to watch it.

But like naturally, like, I'm like, okay, so this is monstrous, like, anti-woman man. Yes. Who's, like, preaching about how women need to go into the home and women are only happy when they're having babies and doing all the domestic work. And it's like an evolutionary thing. And so I've been, like, seeing all these quotes that he said about that. over and over again about how we need to get women to go back into the home so they won't be depressed anymore, get them out of the workplace, stop, you know, trying to seek their independence and their own freedom and get back to being like second-class citizens to men.

And I'm like, bitch, I need to see this wife. Because it's like the whole narrative, the second someone gets shot is like, he might have been an asshole, but he's an asshole with kids and a wife. And I'm like, oh, no, God. Wait, I didn't think of it. I didn't think that they could be families. Anyway, so then finally I see the wife and bitch blonde, Republican blonde peroxide hair. Yeah.

Like that Fox News anchor lady hair. Stunning woman. Of course. I'm like, diva, what the fuck? And then she's like, I came home the other day. And I walked in and my daughter rushed up to me and said, where's dad? and then I said Daddy's on a work trip

with Jesus so that we can afford your blueberries Is that what she said? verbatim verbatim what she said So he's like His young 6 year old 5 year old daughter

is like where's daddy and she's like He had to go and work overtime with Jesus just to pay for your fucking snacks you little bitch like good bear it wow it's incredible i need to watch it it's amazing it's just like fucking hell yeah but this is why you need to play um i don't know game like marvel rivals because two days ago angela came out and my feed went from charlie whatever to angela this fabulous character and then the next post would be fucking charlie whatever and then oh here's angela and her new

skin. Now she's a robot angel from the future. Thank God Angela came to change the time. Yeah. Yeah. Because those nerds could give a shit. Although there's probably some overlap there actually. Diva. They've, the, the, the FBI has found all the shells. Oh, right? The assassin. Like, yeah. And like they're all a bunch of like in like deep fucking Reddit and 4chan memes. Yeah. Uh-woo. O-woo. And I'm like, fuck. Yeah.

If you killed me with a bullet, as I said, woo-woo on it, kill me a fucking take a time because I couldn't live down the shame. What do you think about, okay, so obviously if you assassinated someone and then told me, yeah. I would feel conflicted about, should I tell the police? Oh, that's kind. Yeah. That's very kind of you.

And maybe depending on who it is, that might influence if I. I report it in. But I just, the thing that I think have thought about the most about this is like, I can't believe his fucking family ratted him out. Oh, is this what happened? So apparently he like told like a friend or a family member and then they like turned him in. Right. Fucking what?

Yeah. I mean, they were all Republicans or whatever except for him. Well, I don't know. I have skimmed a lot of articles. Like, I was mostly focused on Angela. Yeah. It was really getting in. I was just trying to find out what her alt was.

But yeah, they're like right at him out. And that's how he got turned in. Yeah. So what do you think about that? I mean, like, could they just be like cool? I just can't believe that, you know, be cool about it. I mean, eventually it's going to, right? They'll find you, they'll find just so quick.

Maybe. On like the Burger Burger King security camera or whatever. Yeah, true. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if I would like, because it's like once you tell someone you implicate them and then they can go to prison and so

well that's unfair yeah I'd feel pretty bad if I like had told you say and then you get like a seven year sentence or whatever just for keeping it a secret yeah but you wouldn't feel bad about the murder well depends what it in my defence in court she's my best friend I don't go to write her out wouldn't you do the same is that a sound defence

And I think anyone here with friends would understand. Judge, can you be cool? Be cool about it. And that's also a law as well. You can't testify against your best friend. That's right. Yeah. I thought you were going to say it's a law that you can't be cool.

I'm breaking it. God. Damn it. Who would you assassinate? Who would I assassinate? Just for fun. As a funny joke. Not as in the activity.

I'm like so, I don't know why. my podcast brain is different to my regular brain because I'm like so on my like main socials I'm like I'm not waiting into the fray to make a cheap joke about this whole situation because guess what in 10 years time when the US dictatorship has begun and like they send 10 years yeah literally when they like you know do a scan of the list of every time any like insubordinates came out they'll find me going like l la la la yeah yeah yeah and then like be like well bitch it's over for you yeah and so i'm like i'm not gonna like purposely put myself in the middle of this fray i don't not care about this

situation yeah except for god it's scary the erosion of democracy and like these sorts of people are so sick and like america is very sick we're sick yeah um but yeah i think like uh then on podcast i'm like, no one's ever going to hear this. The podcast is like, um, like obviously it will be there probably forever, but like, as a funny joke. Well, also I'm like, in, in that little mind's eye, I'm like, okay, so they're like, you know, secret police of Trump's America that had now taken over Australia and whatever, um, they're like already going to kill me or put me in one of the camps or whatever.

Oh, they hate us for enough. Like, you know what I mean? Like I'm already a public drag queen. The hate us for who we are, not for our opinion. Well, I'm not going to, it's like, if they're going after people, they're not going to be like, oh, it's okay. Like, I'm already at the fucking worst end of the spectrum for gay people. Not even like one of those, like, gay people that sits in the suburbs, you know, just minding their business, walking their dog. And, you know, yeah.

So, I don't know, we're pretty much fucked no matter what because we've been publicly so gay. Oh, wow. Can I tell you a story? yesterday morning I shit you not I got up for work and when I woke up I had that song

Just second Seven seconds away And do that day I'll be waiting You know that song? No Okay So like that song was in my head

And I thought wow Haven't thought about that song In 20 years I fucking hate that song Why did I wake up with that in my head and then but an hour later I was having a conversation with India at work

and she said something something something seven seconds da da da and I said wait did you say seven seconds like that song and then I went just seven seconds she said what is happening is that a real song

yes because then I played it and she was like I ha ha ha oh that But isn't that weird? Why did that happen? That's spooky. You know this stupid song? Wow, is that from a movie?

I don't know. It sounds like... How is it embedded in my mind? A seven seconds away. This is this guy's number one song, I presume. Yes, it is. Okay, anyway. Matt, do you know that song?

I don't think so. Oh, why do I know it? Anyway, isn't that weird? That's crazy. You're crazy, girl. How often do you describe things in second seconds? Yeah, Indian needs to get her shit together. Yeah.

Or she's a witch. Maybe she's implanting you with a thought. Oh, my God. Anyway, so Angela's pretty fun. Is that? In Marvel Rifles. Oh. But, um.

There is some like, oh, I don't know it enough to say it with any authority. But Sporn, the character, the Marvel character. Are you still playing that game? Yeah. Why aren't you playing Silk Song like my husband? I am playing Silk Song. How do you divide your time between the two games? I do a couple rounds and then I'm like, I'm going to play some Silk Song now.

Except that I'm very bad at it. So there's that. I need to invest more time. Silk Song, by the way, listener, is. It's an Australian game made by three Adelaide guys, and it's taking a thousand years to come out. And six years. Now my husband's playing it all the time. And it crashed every server.

Did it? Nodes were trying to download it from. The Nintendo e-shop, down. PlayStation Network. Down. Or whatever. Wow. Xbox, whatever the fuck.

Down. Steam. On fire. Yeah. I think by and large, from what I've seen in the game, it looks pretty good. And then sometimes, it looks really ugly. Um, I'd agree. And I thought the same of, um, holonone.

It isn't like a bulletproof stylistic choice. No. Some, like, it's very simple and kind of ugly sometimes. Sometimes. But overall, enchanting. Yeah. Um, but it's got a very consistent sense of world. Yes.

Antone, playing as an insect woman. Yes. Isn't she fabulous? She's got a stick. Yeah. It's a neat. Sorry It's a needle

Don't question me Yeah it's fun It's just very hard But I mean that's by design I forgot the other thing I was going to say Which is that I got onto the Plex the other day Yes

And I saw what had been watched last Five episodes of Alien Earth Your husband's been watching it without you Yeah well because I'm done Oh right I'm done I'm done I'm never watching that again that he's spending his time watching it.

No, no, not mad. Disappointed. No, I'm just like, I can't believe, because we were sitting there being like, God, this is a terrible show. And then now it's like, I'm like, why he's still watching it? And he's like, oh, you know, I just want to see what happens. I'm like, what do you mean?

It's terrible. Like, I mean, like, if I could teach anything to the world, including my sister and my boyfriend. Learn when to give up Oh Learn when to give up I have only seen up to episode four Because I'm back to watching it with Zach

So we're doing two more episodes this week So I'll see five Apparently five is quite good But people also said the entire thing was good And we know that that isn't true So we'll see Matt have you watched episode five Yeah

Would you describe it as quite good Yeah Would you describe the whole thing is quite good No I'm off it now Oh. It's just a bit boring. Oh, boring. Yeah.

Just the pace is all wrong and it's like, yeah, it's just a bit boring. Yeah. The characters are not that interesting. The characters are so boring. Yeah. I just, that like CEO fucking intellectual is such a... It's a boring trope. Yeah.

But you know why episode five was considered better? because Noah Hawley actually directed that one. So I think he directed maybe the first episode, maybe the first two. I don't know. Well, he should be in prison. And then someone else was directing three and four, I think. Accomplices. They should also be in prison.

And then episode five was like, was better quality than three and four. Okay. Oh, Jesus. Really? It was all pretty boring. Yeah. Do you know what else? Oh, this one could really be.

shoot me in the foot because I actually would love to be on the show. You know what? Guy Montgomery's spelling bee is actually okay. Sorry, really was like, don't dig that whole. But I just, okay, listen to it. But like, I'll tell you this, but only one time. But there was a show that won the, like Guy Mont, from Guy Montgomery Spelling Bee won the Logie Award for Best New Talent.

okay and that was the award that Queen Kong was nominated on from her season of Drag Race Sound Under so I think quietly

like I don't know at least like the top end of our season we're all like well maybe one of us will get nominated for Best New Talent on a show

and then lo and behold Down Under didn't get any nominations for anything at the Logies which is fine I just wanted to go and like

you know do coke at the Logies anyway but then when Guy Mont Gummery 1 I was like okay well what has she got that I don't go and so then I watched an episode the other day and I was like it's a panel show where he does a spelling bee with like comedians yeah like Oslo Carlson they spell things hilariously and they just like well it's

actually just a spelling bee but like they kind of like disguise the fact that it's just the same things over and over again by like just having like different intros you know he's like the episode I saw he got up in like a monkey mask like he did animal masks and then they had to spell a word related to that but it was like very tenuously linked to what the mask actually was it was just an excuse for him to be in a funny mask and he'd be like I'm wearing a tiger mask can you spell the Latin name for tiger I'm wearing a monkey mask Nicholas Kaye like whatever

the Joaquin Phoenix is preparing for the role of this. Can you spell Joaquin Phoenix? Lazy, I'm going to need you to just stop so I can catch my breath because the description of this comedy show is too much. Go on. I can't stop laughing. Go on. Oh, listen.

This man looks like in different lighting, he'd look like a demon. It looks like. Like, if you did like a real like circle light moving around his face, he would look twisted. Because he's got these incredible cheekbone. and facial structure, but he's quite like skinny. So in like severe lighting, oh, he would look so scary, but then kind in other lighting. Don't you think? Yes, yeah, yeah, I see what you're saying.

Yeah. Anyway. So nothing against this man, but like, as far as panel shows. Sounds like we've just said a lot of things against this man. I still want to get booked on the show. Oh, of course, right. As far as panel shows go, and as far as, as far as, like, quiz shows go, I think Australia has enough. I think we're done now, and I think we can move on from this.

Yeah. I think, and also, we have this man. We have this man. We have 10 of this man. We don't need more of this man. Yeah. Why don't we have new people coming in as? the best new talent that aren't this man.

Yeah. Like this wry, like straight white guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That just, you know, like, why is it always this guy? And on the ABC, it's always this fucker. That's who they think they want, though. And then it's the same five fucking comedians over and over again. I'm just like, fuck!

I've heard their jokes. It's fine. Did you ever watch RockWiz on SPS that was hosted by that Devatron? What was their name? Brian. No, it was a gal, wasn't it? Julia. Julia?

Yeah. Love that kind of stuff. Love, love, love that kind of stuff. What about Brian then, Curvis? See, now he's speaking of names. Yeah, I don't know. He was the other host. Yeah, sure.

It was Julia, whatever. He was really camp old, older guy. Okay. A rock show? Please. Where are I am? Hi, I met Brian a few times. Oh.

And who would you assassinate, Matt? Yeah, Brian. Brian. Yeah. It's okay. We won't tell. Not yet. Do you think your wife would keep a secret like that for you?

No, she can't keep any secrets. Every time that she, like, is trying to lie, she, like, immediately bursts into, like, I wasn't trying to, I was just a joke or it was just a lie. You know, she can't like... She's Pinocchio. I love that about her. She's like, she wears her honesty on her face. Like, so if she's, if she's, she would probably just not say anything.

If you said, where is Matt hiding? You know, she would just shut down. Yeah, right. But it would be obvious that she knew. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, she would crack under pressure.

Yeah. Love you. We love you, honey. Love you. Oh, no, that's a good quality. That's a good quality. Someone needs to be out of prison to, raise the child.

Yes. Yes. Yeah, I think... She'll just stop me in, yeah. I just, I never think of a world where assassinations are actually, um, like, getting the job done. Like, no. Like, I understand...

They're not efficient. It's like a shortcut. Yeah. Many, many, many, many drawbacks. Right. Because it's like, okay, so if you, if you're, you know, the ideology, you know, is the, you know, I don't know, it's the program. or whatever

but it's like destroying one USB with a program doesn't destroy fucking Microsoft paint or whatever it's installed on one computer but you know if you destroy it on that computer

it still exists in the world Lazy, um listener I just want you to know that that was lazy Susan saying that's stupid, stupid and not me I think that's a great no it's actually great

I completely understood it so yeah when you kill one person that's got this fucking hateful agenda yeah there's another person waiting to come in fill that agenda hole like and it's there's like those fucking religious nuts love nothing more than to set up another martyr so stop doing that yeah that's right famously they got that one um i called someone a um i was going to say the wrong word. A scamp at work the other day and she thought I called her a skank. Oh, you scamp. We hear what we want to hear. Yeah. And then I called her a skank. I love skank. Skank? What a word. But also skamp.

I don't like slut. Huh. What about slut pop? Unless I hear someone go, you schlat. But if they're just like, oh, she's a bit of a slut. I mean, using, like, the thought of suggesting that someone who sleeps around a lot with the same person or with different people is something to, like, shame is so bizarre to me that, like, calling someone a slut in a derogatory way, I just like don't understand. I feel like it's been a long time since I've heard that kind of language. Yeah, but straight people do that kind of stuff, I think. Oh.

Yeah. And that's why we don't hang out anymore. Um, is that weird? Who cares? Sluts. Okay. Okay. Um, wait, what are we doing now?

Well, you're going to tell us how the world ends. Oh, God. How did I know? Okay, so here's how the world ends this week. I'm a gigantic celestial being and I come up and I grab planet Earth and I smash it repeatedly on my forehead. That does sound like you. That sounds like what I mean. And then I'm covered in crumbs as if I've been eating a croissant,

and then I go, don't look, don't look while I brush the crumbs off. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. And who are you talking to? The sun. Yeah. Don't look at me, son.

Stop your sun. Lighting up the crumbs of planet Earth. Stop lighting up the darkness. Like, I'm doing it outside. I'm just getting them off my blouse. Do you think space is so ugly? like say more like if i was going to design what everything looked like yeah i'm just like what a few dots god boring oh did you see the a thousand dollar death star lego set that got

released this week no oh okay so there's a wait i did and there's a stormtrooper having a bubble bath in the ceiling. Yes! Ha! Ha! Ha! But there's this just... It's a cross-section, listener of the Death Star. Does it close up? No.

That's it. It's just the cross-section. There's no dome aspect to the Death Star. But you can't seal it up. No. That's stupid. It is stupid. But if you just zoom in on all the little rooms, that's kind of fun because there's lots of

like little sets in one big set. Things happening. Yeah. But my. where I'm going with this is there's a set there's a little section that's like the hangar where like the um x wings or where they just hang out correct um but the background of it is disgusting it's like built into it not like set back this like starry background so there's just like black brick no it's like a black brick wall but it's built flush with the rest of the walls

so it doesn't read like out of space should be set back to have like like some depth. So when you move around, it stays in the back. And then it has like all these little dots of stars, which I think they did with magic ones, which is kind of fabulous, like just the tip. But it looks so shit. So it indeed supports your theory that space is ugly. Yeah. Yeah. Next time there's a existence or like a creation. Yeah. I hope it's like, I don't know, a little bit better. Well, we are famously have a phobia.

We do famously have a phobia of ugliness in the bunker. See? I feel like no one has approached me to talk more about how I hate wisdom tree. You know, when you've been sitting... From the wiggles. There are, like, so many things

when we record that I'm like, oh, someone's going to message me about that. And they never do. It's always the weird, dank things that I never think of that I get little words. worms coming out of the woodwork. Like Matt's stupid reference to a Star Wars movie.

Well, when I went in to Discord the other day, because listener, let me tell you, like, I can't be in Discord every day. I'm just reading through the comments now. And there were so many things pulling me down. Hilariously so. But wow, what a world. Wow. What a listener base.

Yeah. Um, easier fans. Yeah. But speaking of, listener, today's a listener special. we're going to empty the mailbox. Go through some fanfiction, go through some topics. Well, no, we're not. We're going to go through everything except for topics.

It's a mailbag episode. Correct. Yeah, thank you. That's it. Okay. So planet Earth is smashed. I've brushed the crumbs off. And now we're going to begin.

Okay. Let's do it. Hello, listener. Hello, listeners. Okay, first mailbag is a physical mailbag that got delivered to the studio. It is a... Antrax. Package.

If you two want to send things to the studio, it's natural habitat studios in reservoir. Yes. Space. Yes. What are they said? I suppose ideally you would book it to... Have your podcast or your band record something. Or rehearsals, yeah

Okay Just don't book it on the days That we want it Fuck, now Now I'll just alert you That the listener has typed this out In Chiller font That's good

Wait, it's printed? Yeah God they're good Yeah So they can't trace the handwriting back Yeah, that's right? Or maybe this is their handwriting Luigi

Dear Lazy and Zelda Longtime listener First Time writer Love the pod lazy since you always talk about being a sweaty lady i thought you might like to try this sweat reducing primer made in melvin perfect for for a showgirl slash celestial goddess like yourself available from hd p s dot dot slash small things dot a you small things being the uh production may i see this cream yes she's throwing the cream at me oh it's in a faber's

box oh it's orange with a purple font small things save the day sweat reducing primer okay well oh now just one moment i just want to read the next line before you open your mouth if you hate it please don't say so on the pod how will i know i mean the only thing i will say listener oh it smells good is that um it's like your like it's an uphill battle i would not be angry at this product if it didn't stop my sweating because even fucking Botox didn't stop my sweating. Yeah, it's not a miracle cream. Yeah, exactly, exactly.

And Zelda, since it seems you have quit performing doing drag in public, please stay hydrated with this 30 dollar boost juice gift card. Incredible. How hurtful. And then the

gift card says to Zelda from listener. I love that. Still enough. Well, no, listener Nick. I think, so Nick, I think, because I did hear tell of this sweat-reducing primer when I was doing a trivia in the city and a bunch of listeners came. And Nick was amongst them and said something about a sweat-reducing primer. And I said, get away from me!

You're calling me sweaty. And then, but yeah, I think there was like, yeah, just a profoundly hotty-biscotty group of homosexuals. And I was like, what are you guys doing? And they're like, we listen to the pod and I was like, I don't know how to tell you this, but this podcast isn't for you. A gaggle of hot homosexuals. Yeah. You can't relate to our lives. No. Yeah. Maybe that's why, because they're just laughing at us. They're like, well, both of those gifts are very backhanded compliments. Yes. Yeah. Something a hottie would give to an uggo. I'd be like, here you go, freak. Enjoy your boost juice. Do you know why I saw my friend Nina the other day.

former guest to the pod and we're talking about merch and she's like oh my God you know what you have to do a bubble head you've got to make a bubble head

you've got the perfect head already for him she said it's so sincerely it's like you don't even need to change the scale yeah she's like like I've never known

like specifically you oh my god this smells what is it smells like almond I want to I'm going to smell the cream. Oh, God. She threw it at me, listener.

And you know I can't catch. It smells like almond preline. These gifts are both sort of pitty gifts, I feel like. Pity gifts. Pooder gifts. You're so sweaty. I'll send you some sweat reducing. Yeah, I just said this.

And Zelda, you're not performing anymore. I am performing. When are you performing? Just not in public. I have a weekly fucking drag podcast. I have more. looks and Arthur bitches in this city. Ah, the bitchers ain't they shitty.

How quickly we forget. Just have a juice versus condolences. What the fuck? When have I ever spoken about boost juice before? You don't like boost? Like, it's fine. Do you know I went to a gig the other day? But like how, what?

A guy gave me a $25 voucher to Betty's burgers. Sorry? At the gig. One for me, one for Gabriella Labucci. That's so nice. I know. It was so kind. Oh my God.

And then I was like, what's this for? And he's like, oh, I just, I just love you guys. I just thought you looked really hungry. Yeah. And I was like, you're right. And then, wait, you're homeless, right? And then he was like, where do you work? And he was like, Betty's burgers.

And I was like, okay. This primis smells delicious. When you say it's like an arm croissant, like Frangelica. But it has like orange rind on top. Anyway, thank you, listener. That's much appreciated. Yeah, I guess. And I think...

Nothing for me, but that's okay. Yeah, nothing for Matt, because Matt's already got enough. I don't sweat and I'm still performing, so... Yeah. Not any pity gifts. Even a mention. No. That's how he liked it.

Ben Buggy gave you some of his chai. Yeah. Yes. That was a nice gift. Yeah. Another hottie. What the fuck is happening? there's your demographic

Yeah, I know Hot men Hot men If you're not a hot man Turn this off right now Wait no Wait, no Wait, no

Lady Susan I've sent the next mailbox mail To the chat Hot mail Yeah Okay to the chat Listener I need you to know

Weird didn't screen these emails Okay Matt I warned them to screen the emails before we read them out on live on the pod. You've got to live. Live! Okay, are we starting with this one?

Yeah. Okay. Shall I read? Yes. Okay. Discipline Daddy. Dearest celestial goddesses and driver. There you go.

You got to mention. This is from Michelle. Long-time listener, first-time email it. You did say this week that your adoring fans could give feedback. Oh, for fuck, say. Huge mistake. What were we thinking? I'm a long-time listener, as you've already come.

covered, Michelle, who often recommends the pod or forces people to listen at dinner parties to prove it is indeed the cry cut. Oh yes, we've got to get on the cry cut. Once interest is peaked, it is sometimes difficult to know where new listeners should start. The show now contains deep lore, i.e. throwing things at the meg that can be difficult to understand to a first-time listener. I don't know what you're talking about. Possible. They love Michelle's use of capitals. Yeah, this is very confused.

Possible other law may include, live! Instead of live, I've never heard that word before. And Jello, the Gobble Ghost, although I think we are re-explained to a guest recently. The Bate Bus. Katie Perez's prominence on the spot. She's just prominent everywhere, I think. Yeah, in the world. Nicole Kidman's hands, Georges in the vents, et cetera.

although perhaps annoying for you I would be so excellent for you to have one start here episode that explains where we're at in the podcast so the new listeners have something to latch onto and we can tell our uneducated friends oh go and listen to

blah blah blah uh obviously the explainer at the start is very good and the problem is not you thank you but at last the masses of idiots who have not listen to since death to the Beckham children

Nepo Babies and Sex Positions Happy two years on the pod by the way Also, I'm a patron subscriber and your 28 days later Epps with Curgeon in the car was my favourite bonus content Although I do disagree vehemently with your opinions Well, you wouldn't be the first

More hard takes in the car Immediately after seeing movies, please Love Zelda's blockbuster summaries, so I never have to see things like Jurassic World And another backhanded compliment. Even more of lazy had to attend as well and give an opinion. Smurfs would be great.

Yours in death, M. M, that was such a lovely message. And I'm glad you're getting invited to dinner parties. I know one girl who could bring. Even though you're putting their podcast on in the middle of them. Anti-social behavior is supported and condoned on this pod. I heard recently of a friend who went to a social gathering

and her husband came with her I don't know why and he is now working for the CFA and was playing the CFA like radio like you know their private radio DJ like oh there's a fire here Greg we got to get on down

country fire association if you're listening internationally there is an age that men specifically hit, where they will walk into the middle of social situations, pull out their phone, and allow it to play at full volume when it is just for them. My father does this all the time, and it is just bizarre behavior. Hang on, play what? Just anything.

They'll just be sitting there, be like, what? Oh, I've got to turn this off. This guy was shocked that he had to turn off his CFA radio while they were sitting at the table having lunch. As he's CFA radio during lunch He was just trying to keep up with what was going on He's not at work He's not at work You gotta relax

But you know It's a volunteer association So you never not not at work Oh But it's your choice But also bitch You're not gonna put out fires We're at lunch

Anyway I just want to know what flips in people's minds Where they suddenly lose all sense of social decorum However Michelle If you're looking for someone To attend your next dinner party With $30 worth of smoothies

tipped into a small Tupperware complainer. I know, girl. And she's not performing much anymore. And she's got Saturdays free. She's got Fridays free. She's got Thursdays free. Oh my God. But she's not performing in public.

No. She does do a podcast. She only performs me private. Well, what I'll say. Michelle. We could book her for a dinner party. Yeah. Is thank you for your feedback,

but I'm not interested in any of that. If we were, we would have done it. Next. Yeah, just tell people to start it at the first episode. You know what? I wouldn't mind

another like in-world radio play from inside the bunker. Yes. Also, that was obviously a funny joke, Michelle. It's a great suggestion. Yeah, Michelle. We love you, Michelle. Yeah. But what you could suggest is for them to sign up to the Patreon.

Um, okay. Did you disagree, Michelle, when we talked about it on 28 weeks later, the big danger dick? Mm. Yeah. Yeah. What specifically did you disagree with? I'm really confused about that. Okay.

Again, listener, I haven't read these already. Age gaps and flags. Hello. Love you. Love the pod, etc. My partner and I are in an age gap relationship. My prefrontal cortex was beyond developed, so it's not weird. We wondered what age cap, interpret as you will, should go in the bunker.

We also have become addicted to waving little flag, thanks to this chic Belinda Greed you speak of. I love waving a little flag. Which flag should go in the bunker? Thank you. Obviously, the American flag. Nicole, what a strangely laid out email. Do you think is Nicole trying to trap us? I, well, we weren't doing topics this week.

So she has trapped me, yes. Um, what do we do? Well, do we know what her age gap is? No. Well, I can't comment on then. I would like only judge your age gap. Yeah. I see a lot of arbitrary age limitations on Grindr.

Yeah. Which I feel like I've ever. my grievances with before like 39 to 43 like what so what happens on the day when you turn 44 yeah like what also if you start dating someone at 43 and then they turn 44 do you break up with them shut the fuck up you're an idiot yeah um Nicole I suppose that goes for you too I think like no no no no I'm just having a lot but you know I think like they're what was I looking at recently where it was like someone was talking about like inappropriate underage relationships with older people and I think it's like now as an adult it's incumbent

upon me to note that like yes this is deeply unwell it's usually a kind of disgusting predator's situation but when you are 16 or 15 or whatever you're obsessed with older people you know what I mean you want the valid of feeling like an adult. And so when you have media that depicts people falling into those relationships and seemingly like having like a 15 or a 16 year old character endorsing those relationships, I'm thinking specifically of like, I call me by your name or whatever. No, Shinji and Masada, go on.

But like, yeah, that's the reality of how teenagers act is that they want that relationship. Like, and there's a lot to say about why that can be wrong and why there can be a lot surrounding that that sets it up. But I'm like, it's weird when people pretend like that's not how teenagers think. Yes. I suppose the point there is more for adults to not indulge in such things. Well, a thousand percent. It's like it's not on the teenagers to change their desire. Yes. You're a teenager. You're an idiot. Yeah. But the adult needs to. Well, actually, I was, someone was talking recently about Darya and how like in Darya, she's 16, I think, at the very start of that show

and starts getting the hots for Trent who's 21 or whatever. Completely understandable. Well, totally. And like makes a lot of sense. And the way that the show handles that with Trent never like giving back to that and instead kind of being a good friend to Daria

and not crossing that line is really good. But like it doesn't erase the fact that of course you have a crush on your friend's older brother when you're in high school. Yeah. and you like that's natural yeah like it's just weird yeah when adults don't know how to like you know yeah politely navigate that water move on yeah yeah yeah weird um i think Nicole we will put a pin in your flag and come back to that on another episode yeah because

what do you about people with flag poles in front of their houses um I really don't like that even if it's like a funny flag. Pirate flag? I hate that, actually. I think that flag culture is really weird. Like, I've all cultures, flag cultures. Like, they can be. And I find that really weird.

I think, like, standing behind a banner is really weird. Because, like, what, and, like, I mean that in, like, a more, like, broad sense. So, like, getting a tattoo of, like, um, like, I don't know, like the Twilight books or something. And then Stephanie Meyer, like murders a three-year-old. Like, be you still have that tattoo. Like, why are you flying that banner? Yeah.

And like, why are you flying that flag? Because you don't know everything that everyone that flies that flag believes in. So how can you rally behind something that you don't fully and can never fully understand and control? Like, the only banner you can fly is your own because you own it. But do you want to live your life for fear that one day something. will be, you know, believing in something is about believing in it. No. You know what I mean?

I just like, ew. Like, patriotism is fucked. I mean, obviously, deeply problematic in a lot of ways. Yeah. But, like, I think there's, um, I think we grew up in a time where there's like a lot more natural inbuilt skepticism around nationalism. Mm. Because, yeah, like, we're a cynical generation.

But I think if you come from a generation that's been in like, yeah, specifically World War II, which saw like a very like, like, rah, rah, like join the nation kind of thing. And it felt like people were fighting on the side of good. Yeah. That, like, perhaps there was a bit more of like a, yeah, we've done, we need to defend what it means to be Australian or whatever. but I don't know I don't think we've ever had to like defend the out in group out group sort of thing

because we kind of it's a bit of a luxury do you know what I mean kind of I think well okay so for example like the what's happening in Gaza at the moment of like people like Palestinian people fighting

for the existence of their culture and community yes it's like Like, that's, you know, that's the kind of inverse where it's like that nationalism is the only thing that then keeps this like, you know, group of people, you know, are united under one idea. Absolutely. And I mean, like having that as an instant symbol is a great use of a flag. But it can also then, as time goes on, become, you know, a symbol of oppression. Like, you know, like having the Union Jack on our flag as this like, you know, we are a colony of this empire that was, you know, trying to. take over the entire world but like i think that's it's like we're on a really weird side of the flag

is that as Australians we have and have always had from a young age an inbuilt understanding of the shame of being part of a genocidal colonized state and knowing that like us being here is an unnatural thing so i think it's hard to ever get behind flags because you're just like no like yeah it's kind of dark it's like on drag grace when they're like, now say Ozi, Ozzy, Ozzy, Oye, oh, oh. Yeah. And you're like, oh, God. Do I have to do that?

I don't know if I want to say that. Yeah. Because, yeah, it's so dark. And, like, I think it's something, like, so uncomfortable because I associate the Australian flag and, like, the Southern Cross and all those things with, like, that fucking march of the, you know, racist, trying to keep immigrants out of the country, ironically you know yeah um but yeah so weird i think though like there have been times when i've been away from australia for a long time or whatever and come back and really had this like heart-worn

feeling of like what it is that we do here there's so much good yeah and also just like specifically like the smell of like the smells in the landscape and the kind of the like the distinct place that we live that is like just when you grow up with it you kind of become a bit desensitized to it I think and you go around the world and you realize that it's like such a specific looking place yes um that is so beautiful and bizarre and yeah um hmm oh um but you know what we'll talk about flags on the flag episode yeah Nicole Nicole stopped derailing the mailbag episode yeah for your own selfish needs Yeah.

You knew it was the mailbag episode and yet you're demanding topics. Um, and with that, we'll be back right after this break. Hello, Listener. Hi, we're back. We're back. Okay. Lazy. We are here with our next email, which I'm very tantalized by the heading.

So, come with me now, listener, as I read it. Keep reading for topic ideas, the dirt on the real Ben Buggy, and more. Sorry? You hooked me, Lucy. Okay. Salutation goddesses and Matt. Such enough, the thought. Never.

You got brackets all to yourself. Yeah. I've been listening for a while now and very much enjoy the minutiae of this hilariously dissecting each. Dissect. Oh, the minutia that is hilariously. dissected each week. Your genius podcast is the critical companion to the many dull chores. I'd rather procrastinate into oblivion.

Yes, I agree. For some time, I have been meaning to drop you a line, one, to introduce myself, Lucy. Hi, Lucy. Hi, Lucy. As the local Brunswick residing sister of Ben Buggy. Wait, like, actually? Lucy Buggy. Like, blood buggy?

Blood buggy. Blood buggy. They're from the family buggy. It goes without saying that we were both huge fan of the show. Any questions on the enigma that is Ben? Feel free to ask away. I don't think that's appropriate to ask your sister. For starters, his Instagram feed.

This is maybe too personal. For starters, his Instagram feed is genuine. And that is his real name. Did we tear down his Instagram one time? No, everyone leave Ben Buggy. you alone. I love Ben Buggy. Including you, Lucy.

That's your real name? He decided to take our mom's maiden name a few years back. Who could forget Barbara Buggy? Sure, out of respect for the matriac who raised five kids also, but also, oh, solo, but also can't deny the catchy alliteration, Ben Bergey. That's right, Lucy, we can't. The other reason, it does beg the question why you haven't taken on the buggy, Lucy Berge

The other reason I wanted to say hello is to offer you some topic ideas Well as you heard This is a mailbag But we'll come back to these If they're any good Yeah Lucy

I say this with love Zelda Crums Poppy seeds Really Fucking hell Justice Just

Just goes to show the depths Of your collective talents That you can make Anything entertaining Thank you Thank you I shared the below note On my phone a while ago

with Ben Boogie. Did you call your brother Ben Buggy or Benny Boy? Now that he has decided to go presumably behind my back and send in crystals I thought, well, fuck it.

Today is the day. L.O.L. Millennial. Wait, do only millennial say lull? Oh, honey. Oh, I say lull the time. People have stopped laughing

out loud a long time ago. Silence. May some serve you well. Lots of love, the other l-o-l, and enduring admiration X-O-X-O-X-O Lucy.

Don't say your last name. Oh, fuck, sorry. Listen, she just sold out her whole mother's life story and Ben Buggy. Death to everyone topics, which pinata shape slash theme, Australian kids TV show character, which

emoji, which character from the, oh, which color from the rainbow, which character from the rainbow, And which TV celebrity turn pop singer? Which Australian school canteen item? Which original wiggle? Not the fucking wisdom tree. Which celebrity kitchen appliance or tool?

Which old school exercise equipment in parks? Which condiment? One each. Artisanal and supermarket. Which nostalgic 1990s toy? Which sex toy? Which vegetable? Spice Girl and Culinary Spice.

Roll dar book. You're a fake fan, Lucy. We've done so many of those topics already. Probably why Ben Buggy didn't reply. Yeah. Can I say that I pray to, I don't know, Sogorney Weaver, I guess, that this is not Ben Buggy's sister. Yeah. And it is just some deraged fan who has just picked up on that and just said a fake backstory.

I really hope that's true. Yeah, I feel like would you change your name to Buggy, Zelda Buggy, if you got married? Ben and I got married. Yeah, or Lucy. Oh, true. I mean, I'd be pretty tempted to be, I mean, my initials would still be the same, but I became Buggy. Buggy, Bonata. Hyphenated.

Yeah, no more hyphenated names around, you fucking freaks. Banana buggy. Don't do it. Matt, would you ever take your wife's name? No. We wouldn't do a hyphenated thing. Oh, do you mean just like, take the name? No, yeah.

Or hyphenated. What did you do for your child? She has my last name. Oh. So you did take your wife's name and you scrunch it up and you threw it out. Well, it's actually just, it's her father's name. Oh. She's kept her name as normal.

She didn't take my name. Yeah. There's no woman's name. She would not, she would not become a she is. Yeah. It's too lame. I love that. She is.

Yeah, it is very much, like, cleansing her history. Yeah, I don't think it's necessary anymore. But, you know, like, okay, as a someone with a double barrel, Sinclair Tenaic, what am I meant to do when I have a kid? Yeah. Like, I can't hyphenate. I have to pick. STE.

Okay, let's move on. Okay. Fabulous, literally. Lucy. I loved it. It was so good. Wasn't written in the chilliphone, though. No, it was not. Minus 10 points.

My turn. I make this look easy. A. Fick. From thermodynamics. All right. Dearest celestial goddesses and space car driver. No name.

Sorry. well they didn't know your name's either true true true true i am sending this message from the past i was devastatingly late to the sensational podcast death to everyone but as a drag queen poet short story author and fool i cannot help but offer a morsel inspired by your hard work with the ending apocalypse knowing it may be off trend but in the hopes it appeases you and or your nostalgia this one is based in April 2024 around episode 40 and I look forward to meeting you in the present day but my stubbornness insists I must follow chronologically

hope to regale you with several more of the works I have percolating as I rocket through time can't wait to see you in 2025 love thermo P.S I have a space to it for easier reading And then in brackets, I think lazy might be the ideal narrative for this one, but it's only one page long. Why is that because I'm unable to read? Yeah, well, listen, you might have failed your edition. This is the fan fiction, everyone.

And Matt, I hope you're ready to make a full, you know, full go with this. What does that mean? You know, sound effects, like, you know, soundtrack. Yeah, reverb echoes. You might Maybe you'll have a $30 boost You slap to come in your way A nice with $5 left

Yeah No no Just if Nick sends another one Can I need a dream Okay A meeting of the pluses Rathchen slides into the room Offering up an apology

The Circle's occupants splendid and diverse in size, creed, color and expression, greet him. Sorry, the hydraulics and the bobby display malfunctioned. I had to manually throw Miss Scarlet and Violet's three-story kennels in the

abyss hole before I could even start fixing everything. Rathgen, you are accredited pluses all over the bunker. Please sit. We hold space for you, says, quad-radic formula. We hold space for you, the group

choruses. We hold space for you. We hold space for you. We hold space for you. Access, you have the floor. Quad gestures. Yes, thank you. I was proposing that all megan Malali feeding shifts be extended three hours to allow for diving and glass cleaning time. They should all come with one unconditional visit token to the bait. A quake-sized tremors shakes the bunkers, walls and floors. Rivers of dust sift free from the ceiling. Another tremor. Then a third. in cavernous rhythm. Kai looks to tall Paddy in Axis the shreds of her slash their

alpaca wool neck decal dance with each vibration like snakes on an electric floor. Boom, boom, boom. As the thudding grows, all eyes are, for a moment, fixed on the single bottle of fantasy by Britney Spears.

Kai had used as the meeting's anointing gender fluid, rippling with each impact, that is, until the Murphy beds start to wave from their wall docks. The meeting dissolves. The plusses rushing to stifle the creek and the beds are making. A breath.

The thuds somehow grow louder still. It's useless. She's coming. Bracket whimpers. They push harder against the wall beds to no avail. Unmistakably the hiss and half of the monstrous breath, accompanying the thub now stops outside the whole wall. way. Silence ceases them until Brackett can no longer stifle a dirt sneeze.

Across the door's one murky window appears an enormous yellow eye, its plume of lashes eerily still as the internal eyelid blinks horizontally. The door bursts open and the pluses scream under the sudden scrutiny of the enormous woman. It seems I can't find my dynonicus in sky figurines. You haven't got them, have you? Oh, maybe you should say this as it is giant, Zelda. Oh, I see, I see. Hmm.

Seems I can't find my dynonik. No, you're giant. Oh. Hmm. Hmm. Seems I can't find my dynonautics. And Sky Figurines. You haven't got them, have you?

Giant Zelda demands of Axis leveling a finger half the size of she slash they. Oh, no, no, no, your greatness. She pauses. Fine. Well, until I can find them, you better fire up your valentuses. It's time for a little Zelda chacey. I think we got a real inside into She burst in

Crumbling the wall between room and hallway Her cackling a roar As the pluses trip and scramble The screen fades to black What the fuck was that? I think it kept Captured your tone specifically. Um, what?

What do you mean? That's so you. Who are these characters? They're the pluses. What do you mean? You don't know about the pluses? Out of all the acronym of the LGBTIQIA.

No matter black, white, beige, la one. We put pluses in the bunker. Yes, that I understand. But who the fuck is Rothgen? Rothgen, one of the pluses. Who's accent? They're plaza, Zella. Fucking hell.

Incredible. Okay. Thank you for that. Yeah, thank you for that. I mean, I love Dynonicus. You got that right. Yikes. With that, we'll be right back.

Thank you so much. Hello, listener. Hi. Okay, we've got one more email, and it does kind of have a topic. Let's go. Lord of the Rings topic for discussion. What do you think the best of the trilogy of Lord of the Rings is?

I mean, my favorite is two towers. Two towers. Yeah. Not the first one. No. Not the Return of the King. No. Just the two towers.

Just the two towers. God, I cry in that film. Oh, it's just so sad. Okay. Please, Zelda, talk about how hilariously terrible the Lord of the Rings musical was. I know you were there. I saw you. I thought it was very funny, but very terrible. I particularly laughed when Ganda fell down into the depths of Moria, and you could see him go to lie down instead. And Gemma Ricks couldn't save it. Live, you! And that's the email.

So, yes, listener, it's true if you saw me there or have an email address that I don't recognize and you're one of the friends that I went with. I did go to that. I haven't had anything about this Lord of the Rings musical except for from you. So I'm kind of tempted to believe it doesn't exist. If only we lived in that reality. Can you sing one of the songs? Come on.

Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hogggy, Hogggy, Hoggwits. and um okay so sing one of the songs it'll be kind of i want to hear no if only that was in there um what's in there nothing they were all like original bullshit songs it was awful it was awful so i went to see this earlier in the year with um my friend sam and some of his friends who hooked me up with the free ticket oh it was free someone pay for it i didn't pay for it i think that were free tickets what are you complaining about maybe i was someone money for that ticket i don't know um and we went and then mikey j white was there so that was cute a musical tale is that what it was called

i don't care to recall um so okay like i was aware that this existed and i was trying to ignore it but then we went and wow oh is it based on the movie it yes ish it's not like it's based on the book it's based on what budget they get i think wait what do you mean so wait what do you do Is this six? Yeah. Sorry I couldn't have busted this one out. Oh. Step by step, pulling you away.

Oh, turn it off. Send it into the sun. Unplugged that phone. Matt, how dare you gave her a charger. I mean, I don't know what I expected it. I mean, like, that's how I expected it to sound. Yes, so. Like, I would expect to sound like folk music from the UK.

Yes. So, bless this mess, I'll say. Like, not on, like, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. So, we go into the theater and to my, uh, uh, uh, I was concerned at what I saw. And it was a stage full of hobbits, scampering about, like it's Halloween. Like, waving into the audience. audience before like while everyone's finding their seat and like going through the aisles it had already begun like the fuckery it's like go backstage this day like the play hasn't started

they prefer to be called little people um and oh oh oh okay so it it follows like the baseline story of like lord of the rings essentially like all three films in three hours on stage and ambitious. Is it like a gag? No. It's incredibly earnest. Like, it isn't... So it's not like one guy does all of Buffy. No. It's not particularly funny at all.

Like, it's very earnest and all the songs are like attempting to be heartfelt and like touching. How are they not getting sued? I don't know. It's like, it must be semi official in some way. I mean, people love licensing shit out. But so it follows, like, it follows Frodo and like, whatever. But you get most of like, Fellowship of the Ring vibe. And then you get everything else in about half an hour.

Not great. Golem was, okay. So all of the performers did a combo of singing, acting. and playing instruments, which was really an amazing skill set. Yeah. They all played really beautifully. Like, it was all very well rehearsed and everything, but it was just, like, they couldn't help, but I don't know, read the lines that they had to learn from a script that was

written by the devil. And, wow. Like, not everything can be, I don't know, like, have the budget of wicked or whatever in terms of, like, stage production. but it was Shlim, Pickens. The Balrog, famously a gigantic fire demon in Moria, came out and was two lamps under a sheet. Cool.

Not cool. It was so rough. They had really cool puppets for like the skeleton horses that the Nazgou were riding. That was really cool. And then we got a really cool puppet for, um what is it arrogog no that's the oh my god sheelob jesus christ sorry it's like you say you like there's so many big spiders lord of the rings what do you like she lob um she love what that puppet was really cool this like huge like spider that came out

and it was really physical and there were like 10 puppeteers in theater blacks but then other parts was literally a sheet on some lights shaped in like demon eyes shaped in like demon eyes It was so rough. Legolas was wearing Nike Airmax and skinny jeans. No. Correct. What theater was this at? Comedy theater.

Oh, okay. Joke was on the audience. I'm laughing. Galadriel had a tinsel wig and pants. Well, they can't wear pants. Well, they can, but not Galadriel. Are you fucking crazy? insane

why couldn't she wear pants I could see her in elven pants absolutely not you know like a nice like white robes pant they don't have pant no

these people live forever they could develop an inseam no they don't have pockets I didn't say she had pockets well the pants she was wearing probably did for a little mic pack or something disgusting

were they white were they what pants were they white they were kind of like cream like, Graham with, like, gold embellishments. Oh, God, so they actually were... Why was he wearing Air Max?

I don't know. And everyone, like, there would, yeah, like, a handful of wigs. The, what's her name, Rose? Rosie had, like, a ginger wig. Who's Rosie? Rosie is, like, Sam's love interest. Oh, okay, bitch. Why am I asking about this?

And Galadro had a wig. Do you see Sean Asson is now the head of the tag after? Okay, go ahead. Wait, what happened to Fran? I think her turn was up. What do you mean? What do you mean? I think the SAG effort president.

I mean, I don't think, I think. You look that up while I complain about Lord of the Rings more. Okay. Then, okay, so like, bless actors, you've got to live your life. You want to have a trendy fuck boy haircut. But why the fuck does Frodo have a fade? Why is Aragon walking around with a little buzz cut and his little fucking cunty vest on get real why are they wearing wigs like i would take multiple um sheet demons

over this cast that don't look anything like their fantasy counterparts oh the costuming was so so grim on this production but lord of the rings is a medieval fantasy like it is a fantasy world i was not transported to this place I was watching. You were transported somewhere. Yeah. Hell. And then, um, oh my God.

Oh, I just like, it was like egregiously bad. Um, too self-serious, incredibly earnest. Just tonally off. And it shouldn't have been fun. It's Lord of the Rings. But I should have been entertained. Um, but I wasn't. Uh, what else was awful?

Um, the songs, bad, worse, the instruments. So, here I am watching a hobbit holding like, I don't know, a Yamaha violin or whatever. Like, all of the instruments that everyone was playing really, really well were just like from, like, what's in music shop, Matt? Just from, just from DJ Warehouse. They were all from DJ Warehouse. I'm like, why is that happening? Why can't they be like ye oldie versions of those instruments so that it's in world? Oh.

Um, it was rough. I hated it. Um, so Fran Drescher had already served two terms as sag president. And I think the strike wore her out. And so, so now, uh, Sean Aston is seetting her as the president. You know how Demi Moore with that long hair is doing so well now? Demi Moore. Yeah.

after that movie. Oh, substance. Yeah. When's Fran going to get that? I think she's had that. I think... Like, the sag was her... Yeah, I think, like, yeah.

But I want her to be a bit, like, soaring just a bit higher. She... Because she's soared high. She was... She's in a new film coming out soon. Oh, actually? Yeah.

That's good. But I don't know what her situation is on the whole Zionist stuff. Oh, Fran? Yeah. No, I don't say that. Don't look that up. I don't need that in my life.

I've already having to deal with Lord of the Rings the Musical. What would you? Ignorance is bliss. Wow. There is, like, Gollum, oh man, there was this part where like Gollum was like hanging from a ladder

singing in Gollum, you know, like, cadence into the audience and it was the fucking cringiest thing and then towards right towards the end so there was an intermission and we all went outside and we all stood there and said what the fuck is going on here and then when we went back in we'd all lost our minds and I'm there with three faggots and towards the end of the entire thing someone on stage is like come this way Frodo or whatever

And one of the friends that I was with, like, yelled. Didn't just say that yelled into the audience, come! Well? And half of the theatre laughed for the first time in three hours. Holy shit. And it was so funny and so awkward, because I can guarantee you, every cast member on stage heard it. And wow, it was funny. Well, they know.

Yeah. They know what they're doing. But like, I wanted to enjoy it. I love Lord of the Rings. But I think just like the scale. I don't think there was going to be a single thing they could have put on that stage that you would have been okay with. I would have loved to see a good wig.

I would have loved to see Elvin Robs. I would have loved to see Galadriel pour something out of a vessel. But none of that happened. You've seen that. Yeah, I want to see it again. You have the DVD. IRL. It hits harder IRL. Yeah.

And you can see the sweat dripping off their brow. Yes. It was pretty rough, you guys. A shame. But apparently, it's always been rough. It's not just like this weird Australian production was rough. Yeah. It's rough from inception.

It's too ambitious to tell that tale in three hours. Tell that tale. Like, you've got to trim so much. Like, there was no, there was no one from Rohan. There wasn't anyone from Roja? It was no one. No one. What about the writers?

No, no. No riders. No riders. There was no tomatoes being crushed. Nothing. There was no Aowin talking about a cage. I'm so aware that I've seen these films multiple times and I have no fucking idea what you're talking about the highlights. I've seen this films multiple times.

But is it in the single day? digits or the double digits? Single. See, I think I've watched them in the double digits. But I always had them on the background when I'm like, I just need to put something this three hours long. Yeah, you don't really pay attention after the first, like. But goddamn, I was just like, how do you glean?

I'm like, it's a few guys running on a mountain. Then, like, Gimley and Legolas are having a chat. Yeah. And then we're at the end. But like, for you to be like, oh, it's, Like, diva what I see. How do you remember all that? I don't know.

They don't have much room for anything else, unfortunately. Yeah. It's just too big. So, like, it's kind of doomed from the get-go. I mean, like, obviously, it's only an issue if you know about that stuff that you're missing. But this is what I will say is the biggest downfall. If you had not read the books or not seen the movies,

that stage show would have made zero fucking sense. Like, literally zero. Well, that's the real issue Because they cut so much But you just can't cut So you're filling in the gaps With stuff you already knew Yes, it's like

I know what's going on Because I've seen the movie many times Yeah But if you hadn't Like truly incoherent Yeah Like because the thing It's not like they told

part of the story really well They just told part of the story Do you know As time has gone on It just It is truly stupefying that someone did this impossible feat of adapting that book into three films.

I cannot believe that it happened in a way that was in any way, A, stylish, B, coherent, and C, mainstream successful. And Peter Jackson and the whole team managed to do that, and it will never happen again. Well, you know that they're making a Gollum Trio. Trilogy Yeah Written and directed by Andy Circus

And then the like Fran Walsh What's His Face Jackson And the other one are coming back to like produce it and stuff I think that's sick It's happening again Again Yeah well see the Hobbit trilogy didn't really hit It did sometimes

Terrible But it was not as Yeah it didn't have the same Matt being like I kind of liked it It's disgusting There was so bad But it was like

the end but yeah like the whole extra storylines that they added in to make it more cinematic i think the epic e it just made it really bad the only the only reason to forgive the hobbit as i see it is that it sounded like peter jackson could either do the film direct it in limited time with no pre-prod whatever or the production would leave new zealand and the project that peter jackson and started working on after a lot of the rings was essentially to maintain a film production base inside of his home country

and he's done just like an incredible job at like bringing work and notoriety to like the New Zealand film industry as far as I can see but yeah God those films are fucking ridiculous and I can't imagine like you can't like it's just why would you

sully your own reputation on that, you know? And I also just think it's so sad when you have, like, such a cool, fabulous director like Peter Jackson, and then just, like, the last 10 years, he's just become such a boring director who hasn't really, like, he's done his, like, niche World War II, World World War I Film Restoration and Beatles documentary, and you're like, I don't really care about any of this. Go and make, like, fun shit, please. But he's gotten all these, like, old, rich guy interests.

Oh, have you seen Still Magnolias? Still Magnolia? No, I haven't. Oh, I watched it earlier this week. Yes. Yeah, yeah. You should watch it. Oh, I think it's definitely my leos.

Yes. It was recommended to me by a friend at work. And I was like, you know what? I'll watch it. And I did. And, wow, it's depressing. Yeah, right. But I really enjoyed it.

And Dolly Pardon is in it. And she's actually quite a vibe. Kathy Bates or is that fried green tomatoes? No, Kathy Bates. But the cost was stacked. Yeah. But how fun. Anyway. Fun times. Um, okay. Well, that's the end of the episode. Yes. What did we think? Write in for more. You too could be famous. Yes, but not as famous as me. I've been a weekly gig. A lot of the emails were criticizing everything you did, Zelda. Yeah. That was a recurring theme across every... People were really jumping on the bandwagon.

You can't blame the listener for observing reality and commenting on it. Oh man, that seems... I think you invited the constructive feedback. Oh, constructive criticism, do you know? Yeah, it's fine. I love to hear what people think. Well... Well...

We'll see you all in hell. Sulangior to you all. De Tetheram. Death to everyone was recorded in Natural Habitat Studio by my Jews. Our theme song and music was produced by Edicentric and Angus Listly. If you've got something to say to us, send it to us at Death to Everyone at gmail.com. If you want you support us please at patreon.com, such death to everyone. You know,