Death To Everyone - Death To... Motivational Quotes, Hieroglyphs & Collectables

Episode Date: July 7, 2025

Hi Listener,Wanna be inspired? Listen to the thousands of motivational quotes we search through to find the perfect one for the bunker. We also discussed Hieroglyphs and Collectables with varying degrees of success and knowledge.Enjoy!Follow us, won't you? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.naturalhabitatstudios.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/ediecentric⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I'm so enjoying the last of my couscous before we begin. Zelda! It's just so delicious. Zelda, we just waited for 10 minutes. For the couscous to be ready. We were going to have the couscous during our breaks. Now you're talking about it on the mic. The mic, the listener now knows. Yeah, I can't keep the good stuff from the listener.

They're not going to get to taste this delicious couscous. Yeah, but listener, take a moment, won't you, to think about how good couscous can be? Can be. Can be. Big can. Big can. My big can. The big cans.

Anyway. What helped was the chilli on top. And the various crunchy elements. Oh, that was really good. Sunflower seeds? Yes, please. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha We've taken up one minute of your time and we've got about 214 to go. Hmm. Yeah. Hmm.

Um. And then also it's not just us here. No. Well, we are in a celestial void, but we're being driven through it by our space car driver, Matt. Hello. I got my, uh, heated eye mask on today. We all have our heated eye masks on.

I just put the car on autopilot while we're driving through space. There's not a lot to hit in the celestial void. There's a lot of void. There's a lot of void. There's a frozen Evangelion. Most of the celestial is happening inside the car, if you ask me. Yeah. Yes.

We're quite celestial. I don't know what the word celestial means. Space? Like of space? Something. Like Celeste, Celestial Baba? It's yeah, it's like Celeste from Baba. Yeah. Yeah. If it has that energy, you know. Zelda? Yeah? You haven't congratulated me. Oh, sorry. What have you done now? I just got verified. She got the blue tick. I've got, now I don't just just have ticks I've got the blue one as

well. How did this happen? Well let me tell you listener on Instagram although on most social media platforms but specifically this one we were assured by our publicist on Drag Race Down Under season four the incredible Susan love you Suze notze, not me, Susan, her Susan. And she said, you'll get your blue ticks soon enough after the premiere of the television show that you're on, because now the world needs to know that you are the Karna Ford, the Freya Armani, not just some faker.

And so we waited and we waited and we waited. And it seemed as if this certification was never to happen because it was no longer being managed internally. I think back in the day, the world of wonder people would perhaps call up Meta HQ and say, give our girls a bone. Yeah. So we applied ourselves. None of us got it after our application.

Yeah. They were like, we've never even, there wasn't even a fourth season of that show. Oh my God. Then the first of our ranks to get it was the Nikita Eman. Now Nikita knew someone who worked at Meta in Sydney. And so she was able to put in the good word and her friend just, I guess, toggled the switch or called the guys down in the lab. And then she got it. Okay. The blue tick lab.

Yeah, exactly. And then I think next to get it was Lucina Innocence. Ms. Lucina. Not so innocent after all. Exactly. She applied, she got it. Bam. Okay. Meanwhile, we're all still applying. Uh, second, third time, nothing. And then Olivia dreams gets it.

Bam. And we're like, what is going on? Like every night. We can't get it. And then last night on the group chat, Max drag queen shows up and she says, guess who just fucking got the tick? And we're like, oh, she got the tick, she got the tick, she got the tick. And then we're like, well, how did you get the tick?

And each time a girl would talk in the group chat, the Mitch's Bitches group chat, we'd be like, how would the divas get in the tick? And they would all supply, cause you have to supply four links to kind of prove who you are, usually news links or something. Okay. And a photo of your ID and blah, blah, blah, blah.

And each time that would happen, the girls would provide like, these are the exact links that I use to get it. And it was like, well, it didn't work for me. Whatever. And so we'd all like, you know, it seemed like it just a bit of a shit, you know, shit, shit, shoot, um, crap shoot. Sorry. Um, but in this instance, Max said that, you know, in, this is actually the most boring story ever. Um, but she just said, when you apply, you've got to tell them the people that met her, like I am from this show. I did this in the competition and then this is why you should... And then I applied being like, okay, one more time.

And I don't know what faggot or what blue-haired bisexual was working at the MetaSwitchDex that day, but for some reason, 10 minutes later, I had the verification of my dreams. That's hot. And you know what? It was like... It simultaneously meant everything and nothing at the same time. Something has changed on your Instagram. Yeah, it's, um, yeah. Yeah. What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna message all those other blue ticks and be like, you pay attention to me now. Yeah. Because, you know, it sorts you to the top if you're in people's chats. Wait, what? Like if you're in the requests or whatever, you can say, like, who is verified that has messaged me. Oh.

Who of the fellow verified? So can, so this all, like, congratulations. Oh, I know. It a, it's quite an achievement really. But here's, here's something you told me to just chew on. I'm confused. So when I did the, uh, flower and garden show earlier this year, there was this on the first night after I did one of the rounds of trivia, I came off and there was this very like very cute photographer who was like maybe like 22 or something.

Maybe like, I don't know, he was like young. And he was like, Oh, you, you look so amazing up there. I took some photos. I hope that's okay. And I was like, Oh, you look so amazing up there. I took some photos. I hope that's okay. And I was like, yeah, but whatever. And he's like, do you think, do you have time to do some photos? And so we like went and we like took some photos. That was very cute.

And then we were just like chit chatting and I couldn't tell if he was like. Pitting on me or just like nice. I think it turns out he was just having a conversation with someone. Um, boring. It's weird if you didn't want to spend the rest of your life with you. I know, right? Why are you talking to me then? Anyway, but we- You don't want to get some. Yeah, get out of the way, hang. But he, like we exchanged Instagrams because he was like, oh, you know, when I post your photos,

like I'll tag you and stuff. I'm very cute. Oh, sure, you're in love with me. Yeah. What else are you a love with me. Yeah. Yeah. What else are you going to do with my Instagram? So then he, like I've watched he, yeah, I've watched his like, um, and he like takes photos of cars and then like, I was like, oh, I think I misread this like closeted slash like sweet little like gay boy as actually like this very sweet but weirdly misguided like Bogan boy.

Yeah. And it's because like, yeah, there's like photos of like dudes at the gym and then like their cars. Gays love that. No, not like this. Anyway, then he's got like not very many followers. So like, I don't know, I've just been keeping up with this person because he piqued my interest.

And then. He had two accounts and on one of them, a couple of weeks ago, he made this post about like, oh, I lost access to my photography account, but I've made a new one, so go and follow that. And so I did. And then like a week later, he was like, I did it. I got the blue tick.

Ah. And this random, very sweet photographer has the blue tick on his like repeat photography account, which he like locks, cause I watched the story. He like lost lost access to, because he just like couldn't remember the password kind of thing. Like it was just, I don't know. So anyway, he got the blue tick. So my question is, um, like what does he have? So the application process, question is, like, what does he have? So the application process, because I'm like, what would he have put in there to get the

blue tick? Um, I mean, I, okay. So there's two things. I guess if he's talking about it, like, I got the blue tick, then it probably means that he applied for it. But I think they give it away to like businesses. But also you can pay $10 a month and have the blue tick. Oh.

Yeah. Oh. That's why it's lost all its value. Oh, he's probably just paying $10 a month. But would you say I got the blue tick? Well, yeah, cause people like me don't know that you're paying $10 a month for it. Maybe you should pay.

Yeah. No, it's not worth it. No, cause now all the that you're paying $10 a month for it. Maybe you should pay. Yeah. No, it's not worth it. No, cause now all the listeners know about the $10 a month. These listeners don't follow us on Instagram. The basic one is like $20 a month. I'm saving $20 a month now. I can, I can splash out. The next one is $90 a month.

Are you fucking kidding me? What difference? You get, um, you can add two links to your reels. Oh, that's good. Featured in the feed. I'm featured in the feed. Then what else? The next one is $235 a month.

And what happens there? Four links to your reels. Ooh. Add enhanced chat support. Like nothing. Nothing. Four links to your reels. Enhanced chat support. Like nothing. Nothing. $690 per month for a business is for the business max. Yeah.

And what does that do? Um, six links for your reels. What? Oh my God. Showcase your other profiles. No. Oh my Lord. No, no.

We get issues resolved more quickly. What do you mean? There's nothing. It's like absolutely nothing. It's like koala. Yeah. Well. How's the koala situ- do you want to tell everyone about your koala situation?

I think they heard. Maybe they didn't. No, I think it's only been on Instagram. Oh, well, I, I flamed koala mattresses. It's like slash, I don't know. I just flamed them. I got a, I got a seven seater, um, you know, Bangalow sofa from koala. Cause they had, well, they had the, they had the

sandy coloured boucle and we really wanted boucle, but we just didn't want white. And so, no, not in our house, you know, it'll end up brown either way, but it may as well start that, you know, what we're really into fisting, but not into preparation. I have a story on that. Fisting? No, preparation. Oh, prep. But to all, you know, like anyway, so when it arrived, it was missing the brackets that allow the modulus to slot in,

because in the corner seat of the koala bengalow, it needs to have brackets on all four sides to connect the two back pieces that form the back of the corner and then the two side pieces that are the seat on either side because it's an L-shaped. I should have said that first. It's a seven-seater L-shaped. So you've got a hole in the middle of your L. So it was missing the brackets that would allow it to lay flush with the things beside it. So, you know, here's me.

Here's me having received delivery during their quite ridiculous delivery window, AKA like 12 till seven o'clock at night. Oh, I hate that. You're like, that's not a fucking window. That's a gaping abyss. Like you get a three hour window, I think is fair because you then have to like, that's not a fucking window. That's a gaping abyss. Like, you get a three hour window, I think is fair. Because you then have to, like, say, okay. I think an hour is generous, really.

Yeah, right? And like, so I'm like, imagining that I am, I don't know, say my friend who's just had a baby, Nina, former guest of the show. Imagining that I'm her, and I've just ordered a new couch because whatever, things happen. Imagine if you put the whole day aside, or you, you took the day off work to receive delivery of this couch. I am, however, a crossdresser so my work is in the evening, but Koala doesn't know that.

You're a mother, you're a new mother. I'm a new mother. I'm a single woman who works a job. Yes. Anyway, so then 19 boxes show up to my house containing the Bangalore seven-seater Koala couch. Brown booklet. And we'd, you know, it had been one of those things

where we'd sat on this like question of like, what should our new couch be since December? Yeah. Since our housemates have moved out. And so we had one couch, we kind of, and I was like, I just don't want to make a decision because it's like a hefty sum of money, albeit split in two, but like, I want to make the right decision. And maybe something cheap will show up on Facebook marketplace and everything will be, you know, incredible, hunky dory. Anyway, finally we're like, fuck it, we actually just need to settle this down. So 19 boxes arrive and I'm like, okay, well, I'll start with the corner piece and work out from there. And so we've put the couch in the other room, taken all the furniture

out of the lounge. Once again, imagine that I'm a new mum. Already, this is too much for a new mum who's got to also feed and put down the baby and blah blah blah. I've moved the couch into the other room. The guys drop off everything. One of the guys is so gung-ho and great, puts everything in the room. The other guy, I'm like taking boxes from the van as well, because I'm like, I'm helpful, but I know this is my job, this is part of the service I paid for, I paid for delivery. But you know, I'll help, that's what we're all here to do. But that guy starts taking advantage. He's taking things off the van, he sees me coming out

to go and get things from the van, meets me at the door with his box, and just shoves it in my hands. I'm like, we're not daisy chaining, we're doing one, one, one. You go in, you go in. The other guy's going in, you go to the lounge room, drop it where it is. So that's your box. Maybe you thought you were one of those thieves that don't like people coming

into their house with dirty shoes. Yeah. That other guy though, the gung ho guy who was great and lovely. He was like, the way he was carrying these boxes, his tiny little frame, his little twink body, swinging those boxes around almost hitting my frame TV that I won on TV. I'm like, Diva, have you done delivery? Because I'm not a fussy person, but you've almost hit every framed picture in this house.

But I was like, I'm not going to be, I'll just let it play out. Thank you Koala. Thank you Koala. Thank God they didn't send that fucking stuffed Koala with the whole thing. You didn't get that stupid toy? I hate that toy. The toy is fucked.

Straight to the trash. I hate it. Anyway. But it would have been funny if you got it. No, no. I just sent it, like, lit it on fire and thrown it through the window at the Koala head office. No wonder Koalas are going extinct

after the treatment I've had anyway, I Start setting it was a going extinct. I Endangered the definitely endangered. Okay. Yeah by you. Yeah. Well now Anyway, yeah, then I start setting up the corner piece. Now 19 boxes, I'll be, I'm not a novice when it comes to setting up IKEA furniture. I know what I'm doing. I'm not overwhelmed. I know what I'm doing.

And this is a really easy setup, but 19 pieces is a lot. It takes up the entire floor space of the entire living room. And so I find the corner piece, pull it out, and I'm starting to set it up, and I'm like, I must be crazy, because this only has the little latches on three of the sides. And my first inclination is always to be like,

I have the one that had fucked it up. Let me just go through, I go through maybe five times everything, just looking at each box, looking at the illustration, looking at the box, looking at the... Yeah. And then I'm like, okay times, everything, just looking at each box, looking at the illustration, looking at the box, looking at the da da da da. And then I'm like, okay, fuck it, I actually do need to just call up. I call up after checking online.

So like I've done all the troubleshooting to get to, we're gonna do a live phone call. Call up, da da da da, hello, do I have the wrong piece? The guy's like, um, I'm like, because I don't have this corner piece. Just to clarify, it should have brackets on all four sides. And this guy's like, yep, absolutely. That is you need one with brackets on all four sides. I'm like, okay, because I only have one with brackets on three sides and it says that it's

the corner piece and blah, blah, blah. And then he's like, oh, that doesn't sound right. Do you know what? Okay, so what I'm gonna get you to do is I'm gonna send you on your phone an email address. We'll get you to send through the details of what you do have, because it sounds like you're missing the corner piece.

I'm like, right. And he's like, so go through every single box and I want you to photograph the number, the label, and then send us those photos. And I'm like, okay. And so I'm looking at every single box in this room that is filling the room. It looks like the fucking Holocaust Memorial in Berlin. Like, and I'm like, and the, the label that he wants, you know, in some cases,

maybe one quarter of them is facing upwards. Every single box now needs to be maneuvered and turned around filled with furniture. In some cases, maybe one quarter of them is facing upwards. Every single box now needs to be maneuvered and turned around, filled with furniture, so I can take the photo. And I'm like, I want to send the most clear pictures possible so that we can get this resolved quickly. Finally that's done. It takes an alarming amount of time.

And then I go through, and first I'm like, okay, I'm going to check. And he, in the meantime, has sent me this email just being like, these are the serial numbers of what you should have. And so before sending this to them where they're going to do the exact same thing, I'm like, actually I have everything. So what is wrong? And then I'm like, fuck, I must have fucked this up because I have all of these boxes. I have a serial number matching up all 19, everything. Yeah. And then I'm just like, what the fuck is going on? And then I look at the side of this corner piece where there is meant to be

brackets and I feel through the fabric where there is a slot where the two brackets are meant to be screwed in and the two bracket like screws that are missing. So I'm like pretty now sure that this is a manufacturing issue. So I take a video of the piece and send it through and be like, hey, I've just checked all the serial numbers. It looks like I have everything. However, can you look at this and tell me what you think? And just so you know, all the emails that I get from Koala from this point on are clearly written by ChatGPT. Every single one of them is like a page long, but broken up with emojis and those long dashes. Like it is the most fucking like,

oh, well, you know, like we'll'll start a new leaf emoji and rocket emoji. You know, like, only a computer would speak to me in this way. Anyway, so then I'm like, and then they say, oops, that looks like it's an issue. I think that you do in fact have a manufacturing error on your hands. And I'm like, oh, okay, great. Can like, when can I expect replacement? Assuming like, maybe the guys are driving around and they're going to be able to dispatch another corner piece, like maybe they could express a corner piece to me. Maybe the next day they'll

get back to me knowing full well that I have just completely uprooted my entire living room and that it can't stay like that for more than 48 hours, I'd knowing full well that I have just completely uprooted my entire living room and it can't stay like that for more than 48 hours I'd say given that I am a single mother who works two jobs and cancelled work to be here to receive delivery of this and this has already taken up half the day. And now I photographed all the boxes, sent them through to them, made sure and I'm like kind of I've wasted all this time when I should have just been able to, as per the website, it should be this easy, super quick delivery, super everything. That's the promise of Koala is that it's like, click, clack, put it all together, you're

done. So I'm like, yeah. And they're like, well, we're going to actually have to forward you on to our warranty team because this is no longer an issue of a missing piece that has not been delivered. It is now a manufacturing error that you need to claim warranty on. Mm-hmm. Oh, God.

And I'm like, well, actually, you just dropped this in my fucking house. How about you fix it? Like, I'm not, I've already done the labor. I already got the serial numbers of every single one of these boxes like I work in your fucking team You should have just been like, oh my god

We just need to sort this out immediately like you do work in the team you unloaded the Literally, I am koala at this point. That's why they didn't give me the software. They were like we don't give it to star No, it's only for genuine customers And so then I'm like the warranty team and they're like, yep Just email through this other piece of paper that you now need to go and photograph that is lost on one of the boxes. And we'll be back.

They'll be back to you in five to seven business days to work on your case. Five to seven business days. You want me to sit in fucking Jumanji jungle gym in my fucking house, without a fucking couch, because by the way, I moved shit into the other room with this giant cavernous gap, because guess what? The corner piece is no longer, like it can't go in

because you're gonna have to come and take it. Also, that would be the most comfy seat. Well, exactly. So, you know, what the fuck? And when my husband gets home from work, do you think I want to show him this? The void. The void.

Another abyss. Another abyss in our relationship. Yeah. Gone. Yeah. Anyway, so I'm just like, are you fucking kidding me? This, and then I, then I'm like, oh my God, no, no, the day is already ruined. The day is gone.

You have wasted my time. I took time off work. I took time away from my new child. Yeah. She's been in the crib crying for about seven hours at this point. Soil diapers. Yeah. She's starving.

When the- Surrounded by empty boxes. Child protective stuff. That's it. We lost her in the box. You're actually going to lose the baby. I'm going to lose the baby and my temper. Yeah.

We haven't seen her in 72 hours. And so I'm like- Oh, she's in the hole in the couch. We haven't seen her in 72 hours. And so I'm like. Oh, she's in the hole in the couch. Yeah. Oh, maybe she is. Anyway, so then I'm like, guys, this is not good enough. Number one, I just, I, I want the kind of concierge service. You had your eye patch off?

Yeah. Looking at me. Ew. What do you mean? Listen, I just took my eye patches off to just have a peek. And I see Lazy staring at my face. Where else do you want me to stare? Oh look, did you take that off? Like 10 minutes ago?

I've been sitting here feeling really quite comfortable. Because I thought we were just both sitting in darkness. Not to be perceived. Oh my god. Ew. Okay, sorry. I'm taking mine off now too. Just so you know, she's unmatched.

Have you seen me constantly trying to make sure that I was near the microphone? No. Okay, well that's good. Yeah, I just, I wanted the concierge service. I wanted to be treated like the second they figure out that there's an issue, it's not do this, do this, do this. This is the protocol. It's we'll fix it.

Yeah. And they go away and they'll fix it. They figure out what the problem is based on my vague ramblings. Yes. And then they just solve it. Like genuine customer, you leave this problem with us. You let us take care of it. like genuine customer, you leave this problem with us. You let us take care of it. Because it was even the thing of, so they transferred me to the warranty team.

But you know when they do that thing and they're like, I'm like, I don't know the difference between your help team and your warranty team. You shouldn't know your problem. I don't need to know that information about your internal structure. And do you know what you should do? Take the information you have written down so far and give it to the warranty team. But no, they said, I sent, okay. So first I was like, I'm not doing that.

Do you know what? I'm not doing that. I was like already, like, I was like, it's two in the afternoon now I have like spent the day now like prepping for the arrival of this thing that is now not done. That was a major, major fucking purchase. Like for someone of my means to spend this amount of money, like a $4,000

on a fucking sofa. Totally. I'm like, that's so much money. That's like, I will only ever do this once. Yes. And instead of this being a $4,000 experience of like, wow, I can't believe that was so easy. And you brought it to the house and it went together.

You're now expecting me to go through what you should just like, immediately when I have that issue, guess what you're going to do? Before you email me back, go to your warranty department, update them with all the information about what's going on that you have so far, every single bit of information that we have, and then you're going to CC them into the email chain that we're already having with all the existing information and you're going to say, hey, this is Liv, she handles warranty stuff. And guess what?

She's going to get and fast track this entire experience because we understand that you've already had a bit of a day trying to set up this couch and we can hopefully get this resolved within the next 48 hours. That's not what happened. I get put onto the work. She's like, this is the email. You need to email them now. I email them. Well, first I say, I'm not doing that because I'm like putting my foot down.

I'm like, actually, you do it. You do it. You have all the information. You fucking do it. This is I'm like, actually you do it. You do it. You have all the information. You fucking do it. This is your fucking issue. This is your product. You do it. Yeah.

And they're like that. Then the AI got back to me and was like, sorry, we don't do that. You need to go do that. But in the meantime, knowing full well that this was going to be a fucking issue that I'll never get past, I was like, okay, I'll go and fill out this fucking warranty thing.

But in the meantime, I was on my Instagram being like, guess what? If now my time, it's my time. I have 38,000 followers. I have a blue tick. Based, not yet, but now- Pre tick. This pre tick, that's probably why I got the tick, because now I'm acting like a fucking pain in the ass. One of your full references was your Koala warranty.

I was just like, do you know what? I haven't used this for evil once. like a fucking pain in the ass. One of your four references was your Koala warranty. I was just like, do you know what? I haven't used this for evil once. I'm going to use it for evil now. Well, don't bring evil into this. Evil if you need help with your couch. I was like, and you know what? I'm speaking directly to your heartland consumer. These are Melburnians who are faggots. Yeah. Who want boucle at a low price.

Yes. So guess who's not going to be getting that? Yeah. So I go off. You want to see me go off? And I go off and I say koala, what the hell? I just wanted this couch and I film the couch and the piece isn't there and it makes them look foolish, positively foolish.

Yeah. And then I provide screenshots of their fucking passag. isn't there and it makes them look foolish, positively foolish. And then I provide screenshots of their fucking PASAG AI request telling me to go to their fucking warranty department when they fucked up and they just solved the problem. Anyway, I tag Koala, so they come up in my recent messages and I see that they're online. And guess what? Yes. That social team had never messaged me back. Never said anything despite their tagging. Which tells me Koala, like so many startups before them, has exited the

phase in their fucking life as a company where they're super attentive, they're everywhere online, they're commenting, you go girl, under people's new couches and like, that looks comfy. Yeah. Save room for me kind of thing. Yeah. And now they're in this phase where they're like, we're too big to fail.

We don't care. Yeah. We're actually in that 10%. They just. We, yeah, you're just, you're just part, this is the cost of doing business. You're going to bitch about us and that's going to be fine. We're, you know, we're Pepsi, we're just part, this is the cost of doing business. You're going to bitch about us and that's going to be fine. Yeah. Well, we're, you know, we're Pepsi, we're Diet Coke, we're,

you know, other big brands that I assume exist. Apart from those two. Anyway, so then I send in that warranty thing. They say, now, can you explain everything that's gone on? Send us a picture of the different things, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, well, I just did that with you. Like in my mind with Koala, I've already had this conversation. And then a week later, I've still not heard anything. My house is still in disarray,

although it always is, but don't tell Koala. And I say online again, I still haven't heard anything. And you know what the worst part is? In that story, that IG story, I'm like, so many of you have been asking me about this. No one had asked me about it. But a lot of people did come back and be like, yeah, fuck, I got fucked over by this, this and this. And I was like, good, good, good.

We're all, can I, you know, can you hear the people singing, singing the songs of angry drag queens? Um, like I'm doing this not just for me anymore. It's movement. Oh, you're. Like a bowel. Yeah.

And so then I'm like, and I still haven't heard back this, the couch stings still haven't been fixed and I still haven't heard back. The couch stings still haven't been fixed, and I still haven't heard back. And then that night I go on my email, I'm like, I can't believe I still haven't heard back. And I go into my junk folder, turns out two days after I sent that thing, I had heard back.

And they had asked me, what day do you have? We'll send you a replacement ASAP. Well, sorry, Koala. And so then you made a story about that. They can have an apology story when I get my fucking apology corner piece. Yeah. Cause guess what?

I have now sent them back and it's coming on Friday. Ooh. That's a long turn. That's ideal, a fucking long turnaround. Yeah. We have a couch just like, yeah. You can't sit on the rest of the couch, I presume. Well, you know what?

I could, but it would just feel wrong. That feels weird. So we squat in the corner and look at the couch and think about. Have things fallen into the hole in the corner? Yes. My husband, I hadn't seen him for weeks. It's a very Coraline situation. Well, that's good. It's protecting the baby in there. That's right. The baby. I forgot about the corner. Yeah, it's my husband. I hadn't seen him for weeks. It's a very Coraline situation. Well, it's good.

It's protecting the baby in there. That's right. The baby, I forgot about the baby. Just all of your belongings just end up in that hole. I truly have forgotten my baby. I was a mother, but then the couch took over all my synapses. Yeah. And I just, it just, it really irks me.

You do have a lot of irks and gripes. You hear about these things happening to other people, but you never think it's going to happen to you. I mean... What other mild convenien- inconveniences will threaten to upend my entire existence? Oh my god. I don't have a child anymore. No. Koala saw the end of that. They killed my baby. It wasn't the dingo that took her baby.

It was a koala. Um, well, soon to be closed, that chapter. Yes. And I can't wait. But you know, when that happens, I'm like, I'm going to cross. Oh, you know, there was a world in which I became the spokeswoman for koala. They asked me to do pride month advertising being like, I love the corner of my couch, but now I can't ever do that. No.

Every time I think that I'm like, I could have just given up a hearty sum of money, but it was worth it. Yeah. Well, you already did. Yeah. You already did give up a hearty sum of money. I gave them the best years of my life. And they couldn't even give you the corner piece of the gouch.

I'm just, I'm fuming. So, okay. So earlier you said something about fisting or whatever. Um, you get prep. Yeah. Yes. The prep. So there's this guy that I've been talking to on Grindr for like ages, ages. And we've never met up, but like chat every now and then

and like, oh yeah, we should do that. And da da da da da. And he is like very handsome and has this like great butt. Whatever. And so then last, it was the last night of the night before, it doesn't really matter. We were talking. So he's a bottom. Yes.

Okay. Yeah. Well, asterisks, because I think I like, we hadn't chatted for a while, but I was like, I think we've never met up because he's like more like side-ish or like I'm kind of like yeah let's do it and he's like oh I can't be bothered kind of thing like do you just want a blowjob? And they say romance is dead. I've never wanted a blowjob. Like no is the answer to that question.

Like no I'm not going to meet up with you for a blowjob. You wouldn't meet up for just a blowjob? Never. It's got to be the whole whole kit and convert all. Someone's whole. What about a quickie? Yeah, like an anal quickie. No, like that kind of what about like a bathroom stall quickie? No, it's got to be fukin. Well, I just like we only have so much time on this planet. I know. But that's why a BJ can be so quick. No, I mean, I have really turned around

to BJs this year. But like, only the BJ, only. Yeah. That's just not really my style. But I think if you're, what if you're going to like a park? Yeah. I mean, yeah. But then you're like, it's got to be like, I've got to be ready for ass. Yeah. I just like, like sex. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I just want sex to taste like real sex.

Yeah. But they call it oral sex. Yeah. Which is like a misdirection because you're not actually having sex. Um, but it's like how they call yours, like a, like a corner couch. Yeah. So he doesn't have a corner like a corner couch. Yeah. So he doesn't have a corner.

That's true. Yeah. You're so right. Yeah, thank you. But anyway, so we were chatting again and I was like, I think I have a vague memory of him. I don't think we're on the same page, which is also totally fine.

Do you think he has an iron deficiency? I don't know. Chronic fatigue. I'm not sure. Diabetes. Why is he so exhausted that he can't douche? I think he's just lazy. I'm lazy. So Why is he so exhausted that he can't douche? I think he's just lazy. I'm lazy.

So last night we were talking again and he's like, I'm packing. And I was like, oh, where are you going? He's like, I'm going home. He mustn't be from here. He's like, I'm flying tomorrow. I'm like out. We fly. Oh, forever?

It's like, yep. I'm like, oh. And I was like, and I never got to whatever. Shampoo your sweet ass. Yeah. And he was like, what are you doing right now? And I was like, I'm playing Marvel Rivals. What are you doing right now? Hey now. Hey now. He's like, let's do it. Let's fuck. And I was like, oh, this is the attitude. If only

you'd had this attitude the whole time we'd been talking. You've got to find someone just as they're about to fly away. It's gotta be in the narrative of their life. Yeah. Um, the one that got away. Um, so I'm like, okay, yeah, we could do this. Does he come to yours? I, like, well, it didn't happen. What?

Because he's like, okay, cool. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, like great. And he's like, just like condoms only. And I was like, okay, yeah. But like the way that he said it and he was like, I can come right now. I was like, well, how can you come like literally right now? Yeah.

Like, because there's a prep time involved. Maybe he's got one of those miracle assets. Yes, well maybe. And I was like, okay, well, I mean, I can't do right now. As I said, I'm playing Marvel Rivals. Oh. But I was like, okay, well, I mean, that's a strange thing to say.

Also, I hate it when Tops to me are like, can I come now? I'm like, do you know how? You're a bit of a turncoat because what is it? Is it never enough or is it suddenly too much? Well, it's very situational. But anyway, so it's like, okay, well, like condoms are fine. So you couldn't press pause on Marvel, right? Yes, yes, yes.

For half an hour. Yes. But my suspicions had been risen because he was like super horny. Yeah. He's like, I want you to like eat my ass out. Let's like do the whole thing. Obviously with a dental dam. Well, yeah.

And I'm like, yeah, right. And I'm like, yeah, like condoms fine. Like whatever. And then I'm like, how can you, are you coming like, like what time? Like how much time do you need to prepare is my kind way of being like, what's going on? And he's like, oh no, I can't be bothered douching.

And I was like, right. So like you want me to put my mouth and my tongue on your asshole. Yeah. And you will not have a shower. You will not be prepared for this, but you are begging me to lick your asshole. He might be having a shower. But then he was like, yeah. And then that's why that's like like you have to wear a condom.

Because he's going to shit on your dick. Well, because he was, what did he say? He was like, that's why I want you to wear a condom as well. I was like, because you're too lazy to douche? So you want me to wear condoms so when it gets covered in your feces, I can take it off and put it in the bin instead of having it trapped under my foreskin. That's why he said condoms. Like what the fuck is wrong with you?

Because he wants you to just put on the next one and another one. Like. No. Zelda, you prude. No. Let that boy shit on your dick. I'm not interested.

So then I blocked him. You blocked? I was like, you're leaving and this is exhausting. I'm like interested. So then I blocked him. You blocked? I was like you're leaving and this is exhausting. Hmm. Like no. What if that was the love of your life? It wasn't No, what? Um, yeah, I mean I think as well If you're that horny you can jump through a shower and do like even just uh Do like do the base base? base yeah like not like a all night 24 hour fuck fest yeah like douche but just a little like you know but you know some people

can just get rock and roll i mean that's the other thing though he certainly didn't seem confident do you think like and he said that's what the condom is for. Yes. Okay, well then fuck that guy. So that was where I was like, wait, what? No. Cause it's like, yeah, if it's whole thing is like, I just don't want to catch anything, just prefer him out to fly and end up with him.

Oh my God. Oh, like, I mean, like that's fine. Oh, also yeah, people can use condoms. Yeah, well that's right. Me, I mean, I would actually go into anyway. Yeah, yeah, so's right. Me? I mean, I'm going to anyway. Yeah. You know, of course we would. Yeah. But, um, what the fuck? But like the only reason in game management is advising the use of condom if it's protecting you from being shot on. Yeah. It's like, Ooh, that's just so enticing. And then like, no, thank you. So anyway, that's my story about preparation.

It's the thing that annoys me is, if I'm that guy, right? Yeah. And I'm like, I'm gonna like, I'm not gonna douche. Yeah. You can just, like, I'm pretty confident nothing's gonna happen. Yeah. Right? Yeah. But I'm not gonna douche, I'm pretty confident nothing's going to happen. Yeah. Right. Yeah.

But I'm not going to do, I'm too lazy. Yeah. I'm not saying that before a hookup. I would just say, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll be whatever. Yeah. Or I've already. Yeah.

Or whatever. Yeah. And then if in that case you do shit on the guy's dick, you just say, Oh my God, that's never happened to me before. Yeah. Or like, you know, and sometimes you prep for an hour or whatever and things can still happen. Absolutely. You roll the dice. And I think that he, it's more about the attitude of like, you do this for me and I'm going to not even give you the courtesy of like a pillow on the like, you know, hotel pillow. Yeah.

I mean a mint on the hotel pillow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Outrageous. Goodbye. So anyway, yeah. I wonder where that guy is.

Where was he from? I'm not sure. You never asked? I don't know. Okay. Like who cares? Who cares? He's dead now. But I realised you saying like in my prudish I had like so not like but like I had several like I had a very like quiet weekend really and I had all these

various offers and I turned down each and every one. I was just like, absolutely not interested. What are you looking for? What is the midwinter hibernation? True. I don't know. It's wintertime. You're feeling reflective.

You don't want to go out if you're going to... Introspective. No, I don't know. I also think like, I don't know. I'm so annoyed that Poland moved um, that Poland moved away. Yeah, that was ages ago. I know, but I think I'm still a bit hung up over that. Oh. So yeah, I'm like so off it at the moment. Right.

So there's no one that's tantalising you. No, not really. Oh God, that's such a shame. I know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, that's, that's probably a good thing though, that, cause it means

like you're getting your appetite back. Yes. And it means that the next time you probably do, you'll really want it. Yeah. You know, it's like if you have too much, you're itchy. And then suddenly you're like, I really want your cheek again. I really want you to, well, we've actually talked about your cheek quite a bit today. Um, I, the other day, that's a good koala mascot actually. I like that big statue. The giant one they have in Ligon street.

Enormous. Some shops are that size. It's huge. It's gigantic. Also, I just hate that, uh, it doesn't have a name. I see. We've talked about that, right? Yes, I think. It doesn't have a name. I see. We've talked about that, right? Yes, I think.

It doesn't have a name. Yeah. Yeah. That's annoying. You brought this thing to life. You can't even name it. Who am I? Did you name your abyss?

Who am I? I didn't create that abyss. Koala did. Koala did. They should name it. Yeah. Maybe they will. Who am I?

Okay. Wait, what was I going to say? Why did you make me so big and now give me a name? Yeah, so the other day I ordered Uber Eats for dinner. What did I get? It was nothing special, but from wherever I bought it from, they had like, I was like, what I really want in life is just like a delicious sweet beverage.

Yeah. And I was looking at their options and I was like, I can't like, I'm actually like, I can't drink Coke. Like it's can't be the only treat beverage in my life. You know, I had need to diversify. You like an aloe drink? Ooh yeah. Aloe aloe. So Oh yeah. Hello, hello.

So anyway. That's tea. Sorry. Go on. Anyway, they had, um, is it iron? I, a, iron, a, I don't know. It was like yogurt drink. Oh yeah.

And I bought it and it was the most disgusting thing I've consumed in some time. And I had a little sip and then I was like, OK, well, maybe it's just like too late in the night for me to enjoy this. So I put it in the fridge. And then last night I got it out again. I was like, OK, I'm going to sample you again and see what's up. And I had a taste and I had to throw it all out. It was just disgusting.

Too sour for me. Well, if we ever find out the name of that thing, we can turn up you as well. I think it was iron. Iron. Was it? I also think there's nothing more cunty and adult than throwing something out

if you don't like it. I didn't like it. And but- But you gave it 24 hours. I'm talking about, you just taste it once, you're like, never. Like I've done that with coffee. I'll just like walk out But you gave it 24 hours. I'm talking about, you just taste it once, you're like, never. I've done that with coffee. I'll just walk out of the cafe and be like, no, absolutely not.

I just paid $5.50 and I'm throwing this away because I pay $500.50 not to have to drink this shit. Yep. I liked. It's pretty badass. Pretty badass. Pretty badass. It's pretty fucking insane to throw away a beverage of that value.

Yeah. But it does, it's like, ugh, I don't want it. Yeah. I don't want that. Mm-mm. I like that. Yeah. Okay, Zelda. Okay. What is the apocalypse this week? So, today. Tell me.

I spoke. You can tell me. You won't get in trouble. To the hive mind at my workplace, and I had some suggestions. Don't get in trouble. To the hive mind at my workplace. And I had some suggestions and I had taken them under advisement. And we'll go from there. So earlier in the day, I informed them about my recent experience with Euphoria, the TV show. Yeah.

As I just started watching it this week, enjoying it so far, but it's, yeah. It's just like so fantastical. Like it's a fantasy show. Like it's sci-fi. Yeah. Like they are all caricatures of people. Yeah.

And the situations are like insane. Yeah. Anyway, thoroughly enjoying it. What do you think of that Jacob Bellotti? Is he good? He's like so good looking and she's so bloody tall. Who? Zendaya?

No, Jacob Bellotti. Oh, he is, yeah. Yeah. Oh God, he is so tall. He's really tall. I... Pfft. He's so bloody tall.

I think, I think I'm enjoying him. I think I need to rewatch. What do you think of Sydney Sweeney? Oh my God, she's so stunning. She is beautiful. The thing I will say is that like, obviously it's like completely star-studded.

Now? They weren't stars. No, which is so interesting that like, obviously it's like completely star studded. Now they were. No, which is so interesting because they've so many of them have kind of blown up since it launched. But watching it now, because I've never seen it before, they are all like, so exposed, like those Sweeney tits are like, Hello Sydney Sweeney tits are like out. Her little Sydney Sweeney. Yeah, they are swinging. They're like, and they're like, they might be some of the most beautiful breasts I've ever seen. She has got some absolute incredible knockers.

They, she's like just, I get it. You know? Do you know what though? I feel like she might be in a very, like a small, a quickly disappearing, like, you know, God, glacier in the fucking Arctic ocean of media of women who are like sex symbols to straight men and not like, or anti-gay men, but like are genuinely, because there's so many women that I'm like,

that is the most incredible sexy woman that I've ever seen. And straight men are like, what the fuck are you talking about? I don't want to have sex with Fran Drescher. Literally. And then you're like, well, what are straight men like? And they're like, you know, like you just, we were at separate parts. We can't agree on anything, you know, like they just, I feel like Megan Fox is the last one that we were all like, she's such a babe, but like mostly,

yeah, you were just like, I don't know. Rachel Sonnet is so fucking slag, cunty bitch that like, and straight men are like, I've never heard of that woman. And I, you know, I've never heard of that one. Yeah. Rachel Sonnet. Yeah. Sonnet, you know, I've never heard of that one. Yeah. Rachel sonnet. Yeah. Sonnet is a song lazy, not a name.

She's a shiver baby and bodies, bodies, bodies. Shiver baby. So, but Sydney Sweeney is a hotty biscotti that I think straight man Matt backers up. No, I don't like, I don't like, I don't think she's a, you don't think she's a stone cold body. I don't know. She is facial features. Everything's so like, I just like those sleepy eyes.

Yes. It's really not a good look. I don't think I don't know. You're like, I want a woman to be awake. Interested. Um, I like it when they're interested. Yeah, I just get the vibe that she just, I don't know. And I just, and even, even if everything I've seen her in,

she just seemed like her voice kind of annoys me. Oh. Actually, maybe I don't know what straight men want. Yeah. I'm confused. Who do you think? So maybe it's like, you know what I mean? Like that, the voice part of it is less tracked. Like, I don't know what straight men want. Yeah. I'm confused. Who do you think? Maybe it's like, you know what I mean?

Like that, the voice part of it is less attract, like she's less attractive. But she's got that like, like it's quite monotone. Yeah. But she's so good in White Lotus, which is where I first encountered her. Yeah. Sydney Sweeney. That was really good. I liked her in White Lotus.

Yeah. Oh, true, true, true. She's like the liberal arts degree girl, daughter on vacation. Yeah. She played really good. I liked doing White Lotus. Yeah. Oh, true, true, true. Liberal arts degree girl, daughter on vacation. Yeah, she played that character great. She was so good. Yeah. I don't know. Other ones.

I've not seen Euphoria, but you know. You haven't seen Euphoria? No, I've said that to you three times. I know, but I think I keep thinking you're like lying or something. For attention. And I keep wanting to... Yeah, that's why I keep asking because I'm like, no, I'm ready to talk about it now. Yeah.

So, okay. Well, anyway, oh, that's why I also keep saying these things to you and you're not like, yeah, I agree. Or like, no, you're doing quite because you haven't doing references. I talked about Sydney Sweeney's tits. Yes. And that I appreciate. So, but you see like everyone's tits.

But you don't see Jacob Allorty's dick. No, not yet. I was hoping that that was- You never see it. Okay. Well, curious. That's annoying. You see a bit of his ass. You see a lot of dick, like a lot of HBO dick.

Yeah. Yeah. But not the Allorty. No. Which, yeah, that's annoying. No, it's very annoying. It. Eh. Yeah. But not the Elordi. No. Which, yeah, that's, oh no, it's very annoying. It's annoying. But you know what's annoying now is that you can't tell whether it's synthetic.

Yes. Fuck off. Like all of the like, oh, Roblox dick on white lotus. I'm like, I don't know if I even believe that. None of it's real. Yeah. None of that white lotus dick is real. Except I believe what Arnie said about Patrick,

because obviously why would Arnie lie about that? I think that that's fake dick. I thought so too, but then Arnie said. Why would Arnie? Yeah. What did he say? He said it was real. He said he was watching it and he was like, Oh, there's his butt.

And then, Oh, there's his Willy. Um, which obviously Arnold has seen before because he is his father. But when, like when would he have like, how long ago do you think? Um, which obviously Arnold has seen before because he is his father. But when, like when would he have, like, how long ago do you think? Well, I would hope probably for not some time. Well, no, maybe the boy, Arnold has like a sauna and they're like probably very German. True, true, true, true. That's actually so, I don't even believe what I said then because I think normalized nudity.

Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, whatever. So I don't even believe what I said then, because I think normalized nudity. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, whatever. So you see like Hunter's tits, you see a lot of Hunter's body, which is like kind of fucking amazing. Yeah.

And like, I'm so like, the reason I want to watch you for years that I hadn't seen Hunter Schafer in anything. And then this as you recall from a few weeks ago, all of the like Zelda stuff, just that like incels suck. But basically I wanted to see her in something and get the vibe. And she's fabulous. Like so good. I watched that horror film. She was in Cuckoo.

Cuckoo. I haven't seen it. Yeah, I don't think I've seen that Yeah, I don't think I've seen it. But I don't think I've seen it. I checked my list. Yeah. But anyway, she's just fabulous. So, enjoying the show, blah, blah, blah.

Anyway, the apocalypse is... Oh, yeah. I was like, are we already in the third category? Yeah, I think so. It's yeah, which one of Sydney Sweeney's? Wait, can we just... Yeah, I think it's an issue of ideology. I'm so thrown off by...

I don't think Matt's ever had such a strong opinion. Yeah. Is it because... I've never had such a strong opinion. Never in your life. You're normally so diplomatic. I'm fairly neutral. Yeah.

Yeah. I think it's cause from the neutral planet. Should we tell your wife you say hello? No, I would say if I thought she was attractive, but I actually don't. I think that you're covering it up. I don't believe it. But I also see like the point of like that. I think that most straight men would probably say she is attractive.

Well, I, yeah. And that was your point. When I refer broadly to straight men, I don't mean you. Well, I don't think you're even one of them. No, but the, it's more that you're kind of like a, a boy that makes his own chai and like delts things. You're not like jerking off onto like, you know, Jennifer's body poster that's like next to a 300 poster next to your PlayStation 5.

I respect women. Is that what you mean? That's not what I said. You just said she's got an annoying voice. Yeah. Yeah. You sound like respect to me. Look, I'm just said she's got an annoying voice. Yeah. Yeah. It sounded like respect to me. Look, I'm sure that she's a nice person.

But the question was whether do I think she's attractive. I'd never fuck her. But I actually don't. But wait, who do you think, and not speaking on your own behalf, but speaking more broadly as you cast your eye out onto the barren wasteland that is? Celebrities. Heteronormativity. Yeah.

And who do you think has captured the attention of some of your male friends? I have no idea. Okay. I am so off the pulse. Cause I was watching Tomb Raider the other night, your first one with Angelina. Cool. Yeah. And I was like, I think Angelina is probably in that era.

I don't think it anymore. But I think straight men were really into Angelina. In the day. In the day. Yeah. Or maybe I'm just, you know what I mean? It's kind of like the gay thing is, we're like, oh, Katy Perry's the most beautiful woman in the world, and that sort of thing.

But then straight men are like, I have not thought about Katy Perry ever in that way. Whereas Angelina, I think was in that kind of category. Yes. As like a singular babe bombshell beauty. Yes. Scar Jo is definitely one, maybe less now, but because, you know, she sued Disney or whatever and I feel like that turned off the bros. Yeah.

Are there any other women that are in that? Who are the girls who were just like, yeah, who do boys jerk off to? Who do boys jerk off to? If you're a boy and you jerk off right in. Right? It's a good question. Is it like, is it like Margot Robbie or? Yeah.

Yeah. Maybe. Especially Suicide Robbie or? Yeah. Yeah. Maybe? Especially Suicide Squad era. Yeah. Yeah. She's like, she's one of the few gals that got to be in a superhero thing and was like, no, she's cool. Jessica Alba.

That's another older era though. Or Anna de Armas? Don't know. Maybe Anna de Armas. I don't know what people like. Oh, and Blade Runner 2049. She is incredible in that. Mm.

She's so good. Yeah, I don't know. Any Knives Out? A Knives Out story? Jesus Christ. Okay. Is it Toni Collette? A straight man jerking off to Toni Collette?

Nicole Kidman? Oh, come on. Nicole Kidman. Come on. She's beautiful. No, he's like, this is the gayest thing. Björk? Oh, what about the one who was in that one that you, uh, the, the new vampire movie. The new- Kirsten Stewart? Abigail?

She's a child. No, with, um, Michael B. Jordan. Oh, Sinners. Sinners. Um, with, um- Hayley. Hay Oh, Sinners. Sinners. With... Hayley. Hayley Steinfeld.

Steinfeld. I don't think guys are into Hayley Steinfeld, are they? I love Hayley Steinfeld, she's so beautiful. And I like her song, I love me, and I love myself and I know Nina. That's her? Yeah. That's her? Yeah. That's her? Yeah. Wow.

She was a little pop diva for a second. God, I can't keep up. Oh, no, you know who it is. Who? Are you Googling? Katana Hara? I am Googling people. The Pakaposi?

Celebrity. A voice fapping to Pakaposi? They must be. Tell us the story. Janine Garofalo, present day. Who was the other one? Jemaine Grier? Who was the other one in White Lotus season one? A boy strapping to parka posy? They must be. Tell us the truth. Janine Garofalo, present day? Who was the other one?

Jemangria? Who was the other one in White Lotus Season 1? Oh, Alexandra Didario. I reckon that's who straight men like. Alexandra Didario? Yeah. Show me the image of Alexandra Didario. I think that's probably...

Alex... Alex... Andra, Didario. You know, she's like the, the girlfriend of that really annoying. She's got like the takes off her towel and she's got the banging board. Yeah. And Sydney Sweeney's like, damn. What? Yeah. I don't know.

God, she's stunning. So anyway. Let's do a poll. Yeah. Find out. God. Yeah. I don't know. God, she's stunning. So anyway. Well, let's do a poll. Yeah. Find out. God. Yeah. What are people, what do you like?

Is it Avril Lavigne? Because I actually have no idea as well. Yeah. I don't know. Gretel Colleen. I love that you said Jessica Alba because that is the case. Yeah, I know. I don't know.

Jessica Alba. We both went quiet. Suits talk. It's gotta be Jessica Alba. With those beautiful blue eyes. And she's got an incredible company. Okay. So the apocalypse this week.

Do you think like, just quickly, like, um, Okay. So the apocalypse this week. Do you think like, just quickly, like, um, like, you know, people are always like Marilyn Monroe was the sex symbol of her day. Yeah. I, I, what if you went back to the fifties and they were like, no, but there's just like a bunch of gay men be like, she's such a hot bomb. Like it was like straight men never thought that. Hmm. The, but the gay men be like, she's such a hot bomb. Like it was like straight men never thought that. But the gay men were like, she's fantastic. I believe it.

Who would joke off to Marilyn Monroe? Like, come on. Is it Reba? Maybe. If you've ever joked off looking at an image of Reba McIntyre, can you write into the pod, please? Because I think about men's media, there's not a lot of women in it. No. What about that press representative from Trump's administration? You know, that blonde

woman? Yeah. Do you think right do you think like right wingers jerk off to her? Because is it Michelle Rodriguez? It actually feels really inappropriate. Michelle Rodriguez because she's one of the gals from Fast and Furious. Women, you're more than just something for straight guys to jerk off to. I just want to say that. Yeah. Obviously. It's something for gay men to be like, she's fabulous too. No, you can actually, gay men to be like, she's fabulous.

No, you can actually, maybe you should all. I don't want to tell women what to do. Why don't you give women permission? I was going to say like, you can be anything. I don't think we should be a part of it. Yeah. No, I agree. We've ruined everything for you. Okay.

So the apocalypse this week is that there is a show airing on TV, something, I don't know, maybe like euphoria or something, maybe. And it's really good. Like it's so good. You really like euphoria. No. What? This is a hyperclippable apocalypse. So the show is so good that when people watch it, they are like, actually like entranced by it, they enter a state you might call it a euphoric state. And it's like completely addictive.

And so it becomes so popular, this show that, um, it becomes like a global, uh, like it issues world peace because everyone on the planet must watch the show. So it is translated into every language and it's broadcast to every like corner of the earth. Everyone is provided with housing and food and water, and a TV and like it, it truly solves all of the issues of the planet. Uh-huh and then Season seven is shit And the entire world economy

Falls into disarray. Yeah, because it was the one thing holding the entire society of this planet together Yeah, right and with one bad season, it all fell apart. Not unlike Euphoria. Oh, I haven't... I'm only up to episode seven of season one. No, they've been trying to get them back together for another season for ages and now it feels like the time has passed. Well, I heard part of this today from my friends at work.

So interesting and cool. Yeah. So anyway, that's how the world ends. It all fucking, like it literally falls apart, like war, like everyone dies. Every new cassette off. Every new... Yeah. Game of Thrones.

Get your heart out. Yeah. Antarctica melts or whatever. Can I ask you on that subject matter? We obviously now have... Antarctica? No, on late seasons of television show, we now have the Squid Game season three. Oh, mama. Which I didn't watch season two.

No. Because I was like, you know what? That season one was great. Yeah, I watched two episodes. I was going to, I was trying to hold out until TOP was on. What's TOP? You know from Big Bang? Like the rapper? K-pop group? Big Bang Theory?

TOP? TOP? He was my favorite one in Big Bang. You know that, surely. Oh my god. Okay. Well my question was, did you see that the Netflix announced their Squid Game Cinematic Universe? That wasn't a real post. Bitch, I'm looking at it. That's not real. I'm looking at it.

That is not real. I'm looking at it. I think they just, they just like teased it. They didn't like say it's like, they haven't like officially done anything other than that post. That's not real. That's impossible. Is it real?

They've got, um, the point is that they've got who they've got other than that post. That's not real. That's impossible. Is it real? They've got, um, the point is that they've got who they've got. Kate Blanchett is the new American squid game. Do people joke off to Kate Blanchett? Yeah, that's the thing. No, the gay men love her. Yeah. Did you see her on that? Okay.

Sorry. Here we are. I need to clarify. Okay. The MCU style squid game cinematic universe graphic has gone viral, but it's actually a really obvious fake. You know what? I'm a boomer. I'm so sorry to everyone. I'm... I said sorry! But you know what? Great point. Season 3, no thank you. It was good. I just finished it. It was great.

You like the Rings of Power. Well, I, you know, that's not my favorite thing in the world, but I'm not saying it's the worst thing in the world. You're tripping. That's true for the end. Why? In your bunker, in Matt's private bunker, it's that duck and Rings of Power. I just sleep in the space car. I don't have my own bunker. The crawl space car. Yeah. I just sleep in the boot.

Okay. Should we dive into our first category? I think it's time. Yeah. Yeah. I just sleep in the boot. Okay. Should we dive into our first category? I think it's time. Bye. Welcome back everyone. Hello, listener. Listen, did you know I did a standup comedy night at the Pride Center? Yeah. I thought you hated standup comedy. I do. That. Yeah. I thought you hated standup comedy.

I do. That's me. Ahem. Oh. I mean, no I don't. Ooh, what's this couscous? Actually, recently that Grouse house put up a thing. We're like, who wants to be on our web game show soon?

And I went through the comments where it was people tagging comedians they wanted to see on the show. And I saw one that was like, lazy Susan should be on the show. And then I posted it on my story, maybe everyone should put my name under there. Once again, using my platform, but evil. And then everyone started doing it and I was like, I should probably look at what this game show is. And then I looked at it and I was like, I don't want to be on this.

Oh my God. That's good. So how was the gig? The gig was good, but let me tell you, listen, do you want to know what I did for the stand-up? Yeah. I went out as an old drag queen and I went, hi everyone, how you doing tonight? And I did the whole thing as him. Really?

Yeah. Oh God. Anyway, this is a good one. Oh, anyway. How did it go down? People loved it. Yeah. I mean, when you started, I loved it.

Now. What about now? It's getting tiring. So you like Squid 3, but not me. That's season three of this, this old. Yeah. This old diva. Come on, give me a chance.

You know what, if you want to know what teen boys are joking off to. Emmy. Speaking of Emmys, I deserve one. Is that Rachel, Alexis Bledel bitch gets one, then me too. Alexis Bledel. Alexis Bledel. Do you think men one moment? What about um? Elizabeth Moss She's fabulous

Do you think 16 years Alexis Bledel I don't think No, do you think 16 year olds. The legs are split up. Oh, I don't think. I don't, no. Do you think when, um, like I run into 16 year old boys next to her, I should give them a poster of Elizabeth Moss? For your room boys. Winky winky. She looks great in this promo shot from season four of Handmaid's Tale.

Mad Men 2, she was great in that. This is actually an awful topic of discussion. I feel really weird now. It's not an indictment on these fantastic, beautiful women. It's an indictment on men and the weird standards we've decided they've got. But I also think that like, if there was a guy who's obsessed with Elizabeth Moss, like straight man, I believe, and I don't know, I don't run in these circles, but I think a 16 year old boy wouldn't go

and brag to his friends about that. Like, I don't think he'd be like, have you guys seen the invisible man? She's so hot. I think he would do it quietly and just keep it a secret to himself. Maybe. Secretly, they're all joking it to Liz. And character act like, Margot Martindale's such a fucking fine bitch.

Do you know what I mean? But instead they're like, Jessica Alba. But you know what though? It's like when you ask a really straight man, like, who do you want to have sex with? And they're like, probably like The Rock or like Paul Rudd or Ryan Reynolds. Straight men say that? Like straight men have like a very select few like things, guys that they would like. Oh, do you mean men they would have sex with?

Yeah. Oh, oh. Did you say that? Yeah. Oh, oh. But like... Did you say that? Yeah. Oh. No, I didn't hear that either. I was a bit confused. Maybe I skipped a sentence. That's fine.

We're back on track. When straight men say that, they're like, it's like, it almost proves... That they have sex with the rock. But it's like, they're just thinking of guys that are like, like tough, cool guys. Yeah. That they're like, oh, probably Brad Pitt, you know, or... If you were going to have sex with a guy, who would it be? If you were going to have sex with a guy, who would it be? If I was going to have sex with a guy, who would it be?

Probably The Rock. No, probably my boyfriend. But we're not going to do that. If you were going to have sex with a guy. What, who would it be? Um, I do not want to talk about this. I don't think, I don't think I've thought it through to be honest. That's why, you know, you and I don't have anyone that comes to mind.

Ryan Reynolds. No, definitely not. Joe Manganiello. I don't know. I just, yeah, I just don't find very many men that attractive. At all. I actually don't think I can't think of any. What about all of those?

I keep sending you dick pics in the chat. To clarify, not her dick. This is not a workplace issue. No, it's just like a sort of jumble of shapes to me. It's not like a... It can't even make sense of what I'm looking at. But this is the thing, I feel like there's like the straightest men in the world will often cite these kind of examples of like guys that it's safe to say that you would

have sex with because it's just like they just just Mask regular guys. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like they're not Has not like it doesn't like what have you answered that like a shallow me? Yeah specific wait so one day this week I was at a weird store talking to a very strange team member and at a weird store talking to a very strange team member and. All for work for work, work, work. And so we're there in the morning and I'm like, okay, do you guys have like a speaker or something because we can't work in this silence? This is deafening.

And they're like, no, but you can put your phone in like the store, like amp. And I was like, oh, perfect, surround sound. What should we play? Hairspray? There's a light in the night. And she was like, no, no. And I was like, okay, well, I can play literally anything else.

Thunderly theater. Yeah, so I put on my favorite playlist, which is I'm a sexy secretary working out, which is all songs where the film clip is sexy secretaries or people working out. And that was a real hit. You better believe they're going to throw that paper up in the air. Yeah. They're done with work now.

Yeah. And that's why they're wearing a bra. And so this playlist really won this team member over after a rocky start after a hairspray suggestion. And then halfway through she's like, this playlist is so good. I was like, oh, thank you. And then she's like, what's like, who are you? Like, like are you a DJ? Oh my God.

And I was like, no, I probably should have been. And she was like, oh, I just thought, I don't know. It's like, because of my fucking Spotify playlist? Like what? And I was like, no, but you know, like I do do drag. And she was like, oh my God. Oh, oh, where do you, what do you, I was like, okay.

She's like, oh, I just love gay guys. I've never been to a drag show, but I just think, oh, gay guys are so, I was like, get me out of this fucking hellscape. And then she's like, I actually think some gay guys are so hot. I was like, what do you mean? And she goes like, Troy Savan, I would fuck him. I was genuinely like, what do you mean, Troy Zaban?

I was like, you would snap him in half. And she was like, yeah, but that's so hot. It's like, what? I also just love that even in the situation that Troy is engaging in like a heteronormative sex, he's still the one getting fucked. Yes. I'm like, what?

Yeah. How? Shaffon. So funny. Yes. I'm like, what? Yeah. How? Chaffon. So funny. Yeah. I'd fucked the shit out of that little bottom. Like, like what? Or like, I don't know, like love Troye Sivan or whatever, but like,

do straight girls want to get fucked by Troye Sivan? Want to get fucked? She didn't say that. Oh no, no, no, no, no. She said she wanted to fuck Troye Sivan. Yes. No, I assume they all want to top Troye Sivan? Want to get fucked? She didn't say that. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. She said she wanted to fuck Troye Sivan. Yes. No, I assume they all want to top Troye Sivan. Yeah.

Like that blew my mind. But do you know what? There is something appealing. See, now we're getting into the whole other side of it. Like what, what, what a straight women want. Yeah. God. Do they, straight woman would be straight woman.

Straight woman. She'd be jerking off to Jacob Elordi, right? Like he's hot. Yeah. He's hot. I also think you just want someone that's going to like, um, ensconce you, like a big sheet and just kind of have giant hands that like could crush your skull with it. You know, they want what we all want.

But I think there is also like, like a certain fantasy, particularly maybe in your teen years, like at least my experience with teen girls, when I was a teen boy, is that they were interested in boys that seemed non-threatening and were kind of sweet and kind of like Faye, a bit like Troy Savani. That's why I think the emo scene movement was so successful amongst that demographic of young women was because those men were kind of foppish little dandies but like skinny jeans and like really petite little boys. See my girlfriends in high school were more, well maybe not more, but like were pretty Bogana and like everyone was painted with that, you know,

like emo adjacent brush. Yeah. But like they were more into like Jock 182, like shithead boys, which were not sweet. Yeah. And like would treat them and did treat them terribly. Um, yeah. So you just, you know, it takes all kinds. I guess, I guess people's sexual tastes is a real smorgasbord. What category are we doing?

Oh yeah. Okay. So we just kept going with the, all right. Yeah. We've got to really, you know, tighten it. Get into it. Tell, tell, give the people what they want. So, so, so, so I'm bringing up the, well, we don't to really, you know, tighten the belt. Get into it. Give the people what they want. Sorry, sorry, sorry. So I'm bringing up the, well, we don't know what they want.

I know, I'm realising now I don't know what anyone wants. No. And I saw the film What Women Want, starring Helen Hunt and Mel Gibson. Was Helen Hunt in that? Helen Hunt. Yes, she was. I didn't even have to Google it. I just thought about it.

Helen Hunt. Helen Hunt. Okay. So we've had some discord suggestions for today's episode. And the first one that we'll pluck from this list is, well, should we pluck and adapt the one we talked about before? Sure. Yeah. So we're going to do which motivational phrase.

Like a gorgeous inspirational quote. Yeah. Okay. So we, I guess we start with like, you know, the most like, cause originally it was posed as posters, which I think we can start with this inspiration, which is the kitty hanging on a line. Hang in there baby. That says?

Hang in there baby. Hang in there baby. Yeah. So when I first became manager at work years ago, the first thing I did was buy a hang in there baby poster and I hung it in the back wall. And did people hang in there? They're still hanging in there. Has anyone left you?

Um, oh, why would you ask me that question? I was wondering if the poster worked. Oh, it worked. Particularly if you're contemplating suicide. Wait, who said that? What? Wait, did you hang up this poster at work or at home? At work.

Oh, okay. Well, particularly if you're contemplating suicide. Wait, did you hang up this poster at work or at home? At work. You thought Zelda was doing it for herself. In my own house. No, I'm just asking about your workplace. Has anyone like left because of the poster didn't work? Oh, I don't think. It's inspired a generation.

That's what I'm asking. What, how do you feel easily inspired as a person? Absolutely not. Do you like, what do you think of inspiration culture? I hate it with a burning passion. So you're going to love some of these. Okay. So this one comes from Confucius.

Was there Instagram? Um, it does not matter how slowly you go, as long as you do not stop. What happens if you stop? You fail. Well, maybe I need a breath. Maybe I need to stop and eat my couscous. Would you like to know what Nelson Mandela has to say? Yes. It always seems impossible until it's done.

Nothing is impossible. The word itself says I'm possible. Oh, I love fucking hell. Do you like that one Zelda? Are you possible? Impossible. It says I'm possible. Impossible. No, it says I'm possible. Impossible. Okay.

Edison, Thomas Edison, our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try one more time. Okay. Well, that's not great. Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence. Helen Keller, that one fucking sucked. Yeah.

That's what's where's the zinger. Where's the zinger? I'm possible. Yeah. I'm not motivated. Either you run the day or the day runs you. Yeah. Jim Rohn.

If you're going through hell, keep going. That one was Winston Churchill. That one I'm more on board with that one. He was a sassy little fucking bitch. I'm more on board with that one. A good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan executed next week. Violently executed? Thanks Patton.

Well, he was a war general. Um, well done is better than well said. You like that? That's okay. That's Benjamin Franklin, one of the founding fathers. Okay. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. Charles Iles Wendell.

That's a bit of a weird percentage. I love ones that are just like so vague, like this one here. Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can. It's like, great. Check that off the list. Do what I can. That's probably what I'm doing.

Oh, you know who said the impossible one? Audrey Hepburn. No, she didn't. That's what it says. Read the impossible one to me again, because I fucking love that. Jesus. Okay. It says, nothing is impossible. The word itself says I'm possible. F***ing hell. That is incredible. Okay.

Here we go to our next one. Are you ready for this? Hmm, maybe. Um, you can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water. I love the metaphor once as well. No birds- Are you trying to? What?

Are you trying to? Cross the sea. Yeah. That's not how you cross the sea. Don't talk about crossing the sea. Just do it, you stupid bitch. No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings. The bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings. What happens to a toad when it's struck by lightning?

Same thing as everything else. Maybe I do like these inspirational quotes. Was that Storm? Yes. As played by Halle Berry? Unfortunately. In the Brian Singer 2001? Oh God. What about this one from Oprah Winfrey, who's already in the bunker?

Yes. And you know, like sometimes, like this... I think like the ones that have transcended through time have made it because they are so concise, so sharp and put together. And then the ones from more recent pundits are kind of janky and shit, and they probably won't survive through time. So when Oprah said, think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail.

Failure is another stepping stone to greatness. Am I a fucking queen or am I on a pond stepping on stones, Oprah? Ooh, hopefully that ladder. Think like a queen. Queens don't fail. Never have historically. Oh, Jesus. Don't stop when you're tired.

Stop when you're done. Can I say, when I used to work in advertising, we had this ooky-kooky boss who was very, very, very, very ooky-kooky. Yeah. And he would say out-of-pocket things all the time. He was crazy. Yeah.

And that's what I mean by ooky-kooky. Yeah. And that's just the politically correct way of saying absolutely fucking bugging. And he would try and give us these inspirational talks and he'd be like, you know, guys, we're just going to get the job done. We've got to get the job done. We're going to work until the job is done blah, blah, blah. And he's like, I remember at the end of one of these meetings he was like talking about how we were going to have to do a whole week of late nights. Nothing was going to be done until the client got the work they needed.

And he turns to this room full of people and he says, remember guys, the work will set you free. And I'm like... Where in history have you guys seen that phrase? And I go, I'm like, cause I think it was written in wrought iron above the gates to Auschwitz. What? Yes. He was quoting the gates of Auschwitz. My God. To a room full of advertising people.

And this man was Jewish. What? Jesus. What are you? Reclaming it. Yeah, I guess so. The work will set you free, everyone. Have a nice day.

Oh my, oh God. Can we go back to which celebrities we jerk off to now? Is that not insane? Jesus Christ. Oh my God. Okay. Okay, this one's from Michelle Obama. Michelle Obama.

The post is so heavy, getting looks good. Okay, for me, becoming isn't about arriving somewhere or achieving a certain aim. I see it instead as a forward motion, a means of evolving a way of reach to reach continuously toward a better self. The journey doesn't end. Sorry, Michelle. What the fuck did you just say? Um, I have just thought of one.

Yeah. So I can't remember if I've told this story before, but many years ago, like when I first moved to the city, I used to go to the underground bubble tea place on Burke Street that had like the swing chairs. It was kind of opposite the Carlton club. Do you know what I'm talking about? You have told this story. Okay. Yes. Yeah. And the, the gal who worked there, um, Elle, yeah, I became friends with, with. And on her Twitter, her Twitter profile description read, life is rough.

You got to be tough. I think we've talked about this on the show. Yeah. And now it can be immortalized forever in the bunker as the best inspirational quote. Do you think that's true? I do. You got to be tough.

You got to be tough. Life is rough. You got to be tough. You gotta be tough. Life is rough. You gotta be tough. Do you think she was tough? Yeah. Were you tough? Not as tough as her. Do you think you're tougher now? No. Do you think you're less tough? No, I'm tougher now, but she's real tough. Is life rougher? Yes. Your life got rougher? Yeah. And now you're tougher? Yeah. Sorry, Chex out. Your life got rougher. Yeah. And now you're tougher? Yeah. Well, sorry to check that. But isn't that good?

Do you not allow people to dim your shine? Oh, Jesus Christ. Because they are blinded. Tell them to put sunglasses on. Blinded by the lights. Do you know who said that? Oh. Lady Gaga.

Oh, fucking hell. There are 99 people in the room. And, you knowaga. There are 99 people in the room. And you know, there could be 100 people in a room and 99 of them don't believe in you and just one does. Yeah. That pretty good. No, it needs to be something like more boiled down, like no pain, no gain. That's a good one.

You know, like Ironman food. Yeah. Yeah. Or like live pain, no gain. That's a good one. You know, like Iron Man food. Yeah. Yeah. Or like live, laugh, love. I mean, live, laugh, love. Is kind of iconic. Inspired a generation. Sing like no one is listening.

Oh, that's good. That is good. Every corpse on Mount Everest was once a motivated person. Oh, that's good. Um, what do you think about how, like, there are so many types of goats that can traverse such steep, steep surfaces. Yeah. Mountain goat.

That is fucking crazy. Do they have some kind of quote about that? Who cares? Live your life as a mountain goat would. Do you know what I think? That's amazing. Have you seen that? Who do you think they're joking after?

I don't know. Okay. What do you think about this? Your only limit. Probably the goat teacher from Wicked. Mr. Your only limit is you. Better an oops than an if.

I can I just say, I hate like fail fast, fail forward. Like failing as part of success. Just get it right the first time you're stupid. No, maybe just plan better. Like you miss a hundred percent of the shots you don't take. I like that one. I like the one that says, um, measure, cut, measure and cut straight away. Is that, that good?

Yeah. Only dead fish go with the flow. Oh, that's actually not true. What? What about if life gives you lemons? Yeah. Make lemonade. Oh, I love that one.

You like all the good cliche ones. I think they're just so, they're good for a reason. You might relate to this one. Yeah. You have to kiss a lot of frogs about this one? It might relate to this one. Yeah. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. That's true though. And even after you find your prince, you can still kiss frogs. They're so cute.

But it's actually bad for the membrane on their skin. Yeah. So don't kiss them. You can do a little air kiss above them. Yes. Push yourself because no one else is going to do it for you. That's a good one. They all sound like threats of suicide.

Kinda. What about, um, don't speak to me before I've had my coffee. That's a different sort of, that's not the motive. Yeah. That's more of like a, this is my personality on a, in a board. Why be moody when you can shake your booty? Oh, it hurts. Keep going.

It's just your body changing. Oh, we had me and then you lost me. Expect nothing and you'll never be disappointed. That sounds like one for you. You would say that to your children. I mean, I'd say with my eyes. Expect nothing. Yeah, these are all good.

The reward for work well done is the opportunity to do more. Fuck. No. I do think like the industry of putting things on mugs, like I don't know what they were doing before they had mugs. Like where were all these quotes going? People just writing them down. Ooh, uplifting positive quotes for men.

Maybe this will give us an insight into what they're joking about. Who they're jacking to, yeah, same old. Live, laugh, love. Live, laugh, las old live laugh love live laughs You know what? One of the shopping centers I often work at yeah, I cafe opened earlier this year Everyone was very excited new cafe more options. How fabulous will it trump the existing Queen? I don't know Oh, what's that? Oh, I see that the sign has gone up for the new cafe. Oh, I wonder what it will be called. Oh, you see it's called live laugh latte. I love that. I don't know that it's going to be the new queen of the cafe scene.

Could be. Live laugh latte. Yeah. It's actually live laugh. Yes. This quote I'm reading now, just as our final, you know, our final pass before we vote. I've Googled inspirational quote mug. Okay. Because I think that that's probably where we're going to find the truth. It's like that and like a little tin poster that you put up in your house. Should we put up the mug with a quote in the bunker?

Yes. Okay. Believe in yourself. That Yes. Okay. Yeah. Believe in yourself. That's what this one says. This one says positive vibes only in a quirky form. No, I hate that. I hate that.

Although we don't have positive vibes in the bunker, we have whatever vibe we put in. Be strong, be brave, be fearless. You are never alone. You are never alone. It's so scary. You are never alone. You're never alone. It's so scary. You're never alone. You'll never know peace.

What you do today can improve all of your tomorrows. Everything's going to be all right. You've got this. You are braver than you believe. I, wait, I'm refueling my soul. I... Wait, I'm refueling my soul. One small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day. Think positive, feel positive, live positive.

I hate it. HIV awareness. Oh! Jesus Christ. You suck less than most people. What was the very first mug you said? It was believe in yourself. The believe in yourself mug is going in the bunker.

I can I offer, I think we haven't gotten to something better than I'm possible. I'm possible. It kind of has the same sentiment. It does, but it's so much worse. I'm a danker and it's just grammatically complaining. You can't say impossible without saying I'm possible. And also someone coming up to you and be like, I'm possible. What does that mean?

Like that you exist? Yes. I would love to hear someone say that. Like, if someone said, oh no, that's impossible. Also, like if you were sitting in like a work meeting or like a Monday morning meeting and suddenly Sharon, who's been very quiet for the last 30 minutes, just yelled out, I'm possible. And then runs away and never comes back and starts like teaching surfing in Maui.

Like, wait, is she okay? I'm possible. I read it on a book on the way here. Oh, okay. So wait, the exact quote is. Nothing is impossible. The word itself says I'm possible. Fucking hell. So long and says I'm possible. Fucking hell.

It's also just so long and clunky. Yeah. So it's, it's in Japanese on the mug. In Chilafond. Yes, in Chilafond. We should make some merch. So we're combining our new favourite quote, uh, inspirational quote. Yeah inspirational quote, our, of course, the language of the bunker.

Yeah. And of course, the font of the bunker. Yeah, great. Wow. Although the vessel of the bunker is technically a sardine tin. Yes. But this might be one mug. It's a mug.

It's a mug. Yeah. You can't use it to drink from. Yeah. That's great. And I think just like a mug. It's a mug. Yeah. You can't use it to drink from. Yeah. That's great. And I think just like white mug. Yeah. Just like, this is the mug. Mug.

Yeah. Like print shop mug. And what the hell was our homewares line called? Especially you. Especially you. Yeah. Well, that's going to be coming up to an especially you just in time. Yes. Yes. Especially you. Yes. Well that's going to be coming up, especially you, just in time.

Yes, yeah. Okay, we'll be right back. To entry world. Hello listener, welcome back. Welcome back. It's time for us to decide. Category number two is... Which hieroglyph goes in the bunker? Well, okay, the Eye of Ra? Let's just... We're all experts.

Were you into, um, were you into ancient Egypt in high school? Oh yeah. Yeah. Were you talking to me or? Well, both of you goes out. Yeah. I was so into it. Your answer was obvious.

Um, what about it? Just like the gods and the, the hieroglyphs and pyramids. Ah. It's cool. It's so cool. And the's cool. It's so cool. And the mummies, just like the archeology of it. I think I was like, as a kid in like grade five, I was like, oh yeah. Eyeliner, big hats, big hats, big cats.

It's Egypt. That's Egypt. It's Egypt, baby. Okay. Okay. Okay. So all the hieroglyphs are fucking amazing. Like just to get that out of the way.

Can I just say, D-Vers, I love all the hieroglyphs. There is not a dud, there's not a flop, no skips in hieroglyphs. There are no floporellas here. They are all like, and together, what a symphony. I don't know. This one that is just like, what a symphony. I don't know. There's something that is just like, um, like a little staff. How dare you say that about, um, um, look at the one for S, the little cloth, that little hook.

Oh my God, they're actually so good. Um, okay. Well, we're talking about Egyptian hieroglyphs. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, are there other hieroglyphs? I think there's vernican and... Vernican?

Matt, don't make up words. Well, there are other ancient forms of hieroglyphs, but that's okay. Oh my God. Oh. No, no, no. Egyptian hieroglyphs. Nah. Cobra.

Jar. Okay, listener, I'm going to really simplify. Oh, arm is one, lower leg. Should we do it off this one? The first emoji is really... Put it into the chat and then I can... Yeah, well. Let's do this because it's very...

Okay, so I found probably the most basic hieroglyph representation imaginable. But we're going to simplify it. Yeah. hieroglyph representation imaginable, but we're going to simplify it. Yeah. So here is a gorgeous image, which we'll put on our various socials. Okay. Hi. Okay.

So we've, so this is paired down to just 12. Yeah. Well, do you want to say what each one is? But also none of my, none of my divas are on here. No. Yeah. No, I picked a bad one. Okay.

Zelda. There's like over a thousand, so we can't go through all of them. Wait, how many hieroglyphs are there? Over a thousand. I'm going to look up top 10 hieroglyphs. This category is already doing me. Why this? I guess it's just drawing.

Do these have names? What the fuck is going on? Okay. So there's the unk. Yeah. Love her. Let's talk unk. Unk is pretty iconic. Is that what trade men are joking off to?

Maybe. It's got everything they like. Joking it to the unk? Yeah. Unk is hot. Wait, what's the unk? So unk is like, like a little ellipses kind of circle teardrop. Then there's little arms and a little dress.

A little dress? Like a very, like a pencil skirt. That's the Ankh. Then there's the Eye of Horus, which is like the iconic Diva. Well, like the eye of Horus and the eye of Ra, both like those classic, like eye shapes with like the lines underneath and the line on top to symbolize the eyelid.

Then the scarab. Yeah. You know, like the little beetle. So this has come up quite a bit in my searching, but this pillar, this like little pillar one seems to be quite important. Diva, what are you looking at? Tell me about the pillar. Have you not seen the pillar?

It's like a little tower. You need, you're on an audio only media. I mean, people know what a tower looks like, right? I'm in the same room with you and I don't know what a fucking towel looks like. Okay, well, like a tall building with a big open door. My pitch is the one that I just put through in the chat, which is something you can get on Etsy right now, which is this incredible piece. Which is this incredible piece.

It's your name in hieroglyphs symbols on cartouche, craft paper. Yeah. And what can you see is a cup, an eagle, an eye, a blade and a zigzag. And then beneath it, Karen. You can make your own name. Your name in hieroglyphs. Do you think there were many Karens in ancient Egypt? Yes.

Yeah. I bet. I, OK. This topic is beyond us, I fear. I, listen up. What do you mean there are thousands? I've got a pitch. What are you going to pitch?

I think there's nothing more iconic than old dog head. Dog head. Dog head is my pitch. Wait, you going to pitch? I think there's nothing more iconic than old dog head. Dog head. Dog head is my pitch. Wait, where's dog head? Dog head, Diva. Because I was going to say one of the queen birds. Okay. Those bird hieroglyphs are so good. The owl. If you were going to get a tattoo, would you get a tattoo of a hieroglyph? No. Come on Zelda. What about, okay, what about scarab beetle? Scar Beetle is pretty good. That's like definitely top 10, if not number one. Well, she's like the most, you put that down there like, oh, that's a hieroglyph. Matt has just said the most juvenile of imaginable hieroglyphs.

The phallus. And the phallus with emission. Just includes an extra line. Could you describe? It, it's a rock hard rod with testicles. Yeah. And then the phallus with emission. There's too many fucking hieroglyphs. Yeah.

Who suggested this? Zelda, it's the scarab. Get over it. You know that this was a, this was a listener suggestion from Cunt Girl. Well Cunt Girl, kill yourself. No, don't do it. No. Only you can push you.

Push yourself. Oh my god. Oh, I thought it is a great topic, but I think we're too stupid to handle it. Stupid? I can search around and look at shapes all day. What about the owl? I don't like the owl. I also just don't believe the owls were in Egypt.

Prove it. I mean, there probably is proof of that. I like the eagle or the falcon. The falcon is an iconic symbol. Or the vulture. What about if I just went really minimalist? Zigzag line. The zigzag line's kind of hot. I like that. It's unexpected. It minimalist? The zigzag line? The zigzag line's kind of hot.

I like that. It's unexpected. It is. The zigzag line. Because like out of the context, you probably just think it's a zigzag line. But if it was next to the scarab and co, you'd be like, oh, it's a hieroglyph again. What do you think about those giant pyramids? Oh, I like them.

Why do you think they're always like, this is what it used to look like. Yeah. I mean, it's a shame that they're falling apart. Can you fix it? Well, like, right. Or just do one like if I open an H&M this, they do a restoration. Yeah. I love doing that. You're an H&M would like to be in a pyramid. Yeah. One level per department. Yeah. And level per department.

Um, and they wouldn't need all three. I don't like, okay. To clarify with the stuff that's protruding above ground in a pyramid. Yeah. That's a hundred percent stone. There's no air gap inside. Like, it's not like a building. It's just like a, just a shape. Yeah. It's a hat to the building. It's just like a rock. It's just a shape. Yeah.

It's a hat to the building underneath. It's a hat to the subterranean. Yeah, because all the tombs are, yeah, like in and under. Yeah. But like more under, I believe. And through like very tight, narrow little tunnels. I have a feeling there's like a rich culture associated with the construction meaning and yeah.

Yeah, but a dead culture. True. It's ancient. Did you know that Egypt opened a new museum? Did I send you that video? So like each, I think it was this year opened this new museum very close to the, like the three big ones. Um, and it's like the biggest collection of like Egyptian history ever in one place.

And it's this whole massive, yeah, like ancient Egypt discovery place. It's so cool. Like it looks amazing. Like I would love, love to go there. Yeah. Return all the, return all the mummies to Egypt, please. Send them back. Send them back. You've had them long enough. Come on. You'll stop getting cursed if you do.

Yeah. Oh, a mummy's cursed. When they had that whole... You know that was the whole thing that changed the game when it came to New York, like the New York Natural History Museum. When they had that giant Tutankhamun exhibition in the 70s, it like, it was kind of like a game changer. It was like fucking blockbuster exhibition.

Yeah. They'd never heard of such a thing. And it changed the whole way that exhibitions were done. Oh, is that the end? That is the end. Oh, I think when I say that's when like they got cursed. Oh, no, no, no. But I just, I mean like Egypt is such a central part to kind of people's interest in history.

It's so tantalising. Because it is so tantalising and like so kind of, I don't know, there's just a lot of fascination with just mummies and shit. Yeah, it's fucking cool. Well, it just has never left us. We're not tantalised by all elements of history, but mummies. Yes. But I do love that Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weiss. Yes, and the little chin piece.

What? That's so cool. I love that. Okay, so what are we doing? Squiggly water? Squiggly water. Yeah. Welcome in. All right.

Welcome back. Hello. OK, so final topic for discussion today is which collection fad goes into bunker. So in order to be categorized in this, you need to be a collectible item. Yes. I like collectibility as a whole, George, and it is definitely at the top of the tantalizing consciousness because of the boo-boos. Yes.

Which is, I can safely say one of the collections that I have like fully felt like a boomer when people are like, this thing, and I'm like, la boba? Like I had no idea that it was even a Bruin in the culture. I hadn't heard anything about it until suddenly it was... You're divorced from the culture. I was so, I haven't even really gotten on board with the whole Pop Mart thing. Yeah. Since then I've done my research.

Hmm. And? I mean they're pretty cute but um... Ffff... I think they're like, they're cute little objects. Yeah. But like, not, not worth this hysteria but what is? Well what is?

What is? Um... Mighty Beans obviously. Oh. I love, until they started putting those fucking air holes in them. Oh. Now I'm over it. Okay. But I loved Mighty Beans, I collected Mighty Beans, obviously. Oh. I love, until they started putting those fucking air holes in them. Now I'm over it. Okay. But I loved Mighty Beans.

I collected Mighty Beans. Mighty Beans. You know, Mighty Beans? Little like jumping beans? The little plastic, the little plastic like closed cylinders with ball bearings inside and you could like roll them and they kind of... Eww! I fucking hated these things. ball bearings inside and you could like roll them and they kind of

What do you think of this um Dolly Parton one Incredible does she have air holes at the top? I don't know you can see these are awful. I loved them They're so ugly loved the shape and you could hold them in your palm, and they were such like, just perfect little shapes. Everything would scratch off of that. No, surprisingly robust. Oh, I see. And from Moose Toys as well.

I mean, Moose Toys, that's pretty good. Okay, obviously Beanie Babies. Beanie Babies, yeah, like the Monsters things. Monster High dolls. Beanie Babies, yeah, like the Monsters things. Monster High dolls? No, that's not a collectible fad. Yes it is. We know people have collectibles.

Gabriella Bucci's collecting them. People will collect anything. But like- You're saying my collection of seeds doesn't count as a collectible? Yes. And so many. What kind? Acorn?

Sesame. I've got a whole jar of sesame at home. I collect them. Yeah, paleo mix. Yeah. Well, that's how I need to test them. Um, okay. So you're talking about things for the specific, like Pokemon cards. Pokemon cards, beanie babies.

Um, yeah, like Labooboos. Labooboos. Anything blind box really. Yeah. They're so depressing. I love them but they're so depressing. Yes. Because they're so like the mentality of gambling.

Yes. Like I gotta do it again so I can get the brown Labooboo. And then it never ends because then all the new ones come out. Well, you, that's evil. You collect the amoebas. True. Do amoebas or is that just something people- That definitely is a collectible. Collectible. But that's not a collectible fad. It's definitely a fad.

Amoeba, even the word is like the most collectible fad thing. It's a fake word. It didn't like take over the culture. No, but I think they're mad about that. Yeah. Amiibos? Funko Pop. Yeah.

Funko Pop. Yeah, that's true. That's not going in. No. Well, let's just turn it over in our hands for a second. Yeah. Would you like special edition Gold's Schitt's Creek Funko Pop in the bunk?

No. What do you think is happening there? Okay. I mean, it's quite curious, right? Because they're hideous, not special, not like not actually rare because they decide how many they make. Well, that's with everything. With everything, right?

But like, that's why it's so much rarer to collect rare seeds. I've never seen such a small seed. Oh, true. Gay people love collecting plants. Is that collectibles? That's a very gated. It's not really fad. It definitely is a fad.

Plants. Yeah. Collect's not really fad. It definitely is a fad. Plants. Yeah. Yeah. Collecting plants. Yeah. Just having plants is a fad, but not collecting plants. Collecting plants? People do it for clout online. That was total, it became such a thing.

Yeah. Right? Yeah. No fucking soul, anyway. I like this now. Don't push yourself. Like, okay. Like everyone else, I guess.

Did you ever have yaweys? Yaweys. That's a good question. That was the only thing that I ever collected. Oh, that's really cute. Yeah, that's actually so cute. Why? Because they're so like wholesome.

The Australianer. My friend's dad made him a rack to put all these yaoi's on. And it was like a teaspoon collector's rack, except it was for yaoi's. And he filled it up with all of his little yaoi's. That was that. That's also a wholesome story. I hope you never hear it again.

Spoons. Spoons. I love those spoons. I love a collectible that's like, it's not like from one company. I think it's like if everywhere you go you buy a novelty spoon, but they all kind of have a uniform shape-ish. And some of them are built differently, but they all can fit into like a spoon rack. That's so cool. Or like match boxes, like not the cars, but like little match books. Or as my husband collects, um, enamel pins from the YMCA.

Yeah. Yeah. Cause everywhere that is the Y or the YMCA has like their own like special edition enamel pins that they give out to volunteers during specific events. And so when he was at like a big Y event in Europe, he was like, he brought a bunch of the Australian ones to trade and he like spent the whole time trading enamel pins with people and he got some like ultra rare like World War Two YMCA pins and things like spent the whole time trading enamel pins with people and he got some like ultra rare like world war two ymca pins and things like that that's cool yeah um i like

that's super niche yes it is a niche collection is very cute yes yes also i love a a collection with a defined end point people People collecting DVDs and like, you're never gonna be done. True. People collecting Nintendo 64 games. You could like, complete your collection at one point. Yeah, catch them all. Yeah.

And I think that that's a healthier way to collect. Yes. Yeah. Cause then you're done. And then, well, you also can't be taken advantage of. Like you can't like lose your life to it. Like Funko Pop. Like it will never end because-

Wait, what is a Funko Pop? It's like a big headed ugly thing. Yes. Like a doll. In hideous packaging. It is like a little doll, but the part of the collection culture of it is that you never take it out of its packaging. Yeah, which fucking...

Oh, so it's like a bobblehead kind of. Yeah. Which I think like back in the nineties, if we're going to talk about Barbies, which we're not, but the magic of the packaging of Barbie is that it was so chic. Like I think it had these great illustrations and the boxes were so alive with like a cool art style. Whereas Funko Pop have this like stock standard thing. It takes the logo from the IP that's in the box, slaps it on that they don't, they rarely have accessories. Like there's nothing exciting about it. It's just this like kind of by the by. Yeah. Which is maybe part of why I dislike them so much. That

white blue. The other thing that I hate when I see the other thing that I can't stand when I see people collecting it is makeup collections. Oh, I'm not talking about Aaron Parsons though. That's cool. Oh, yes. I'll teach you guys. It's very cool. But, I'm not talking about Aaron Parsons though. That's cool. Oh yes. Oh no, she's got, she's incredible. It's very cool. But like I own every single Jeffrey star palette. Oh, did you say that Jeffrey star video this week? No. Is it released like a new palette or whatever? Whatever. But like it came up and I was like, God, I haven't

seen you in a while. I'll have a- The grip keepers singing woo hoo. I'll dip my toe in and see what's on offer. And like, it's just so hideous. And you know that the only people keeping that business alive are collectors. Yeah. Because everyone else has moved on or like woken up or whatever.

But like that in particular is just like, and he will release some stupid palette with some stupid theme and then an array of fucking mirrors. A hand mirror and a jumper. Because people, oh, the clothing, oh. And it's like a perfectly fine hoodie, but then it's got his fucking emblem on it that's somehow bigger than the fabric can hold.

Like it's just how horrendous. somehow bigger than the fabric can hold. It's just how friend is. He's overwhelming the fabric. Yes. Oh, yeah. Those hideous collectible mirrors. Can I say, when the cast of Down Under season four decided to go together and create a collectible pin. Yes. Which was the funnest thing that we managed to get done.

My biggest regret, however, in retrospect was not making it a blind box situation. Cause the way that we did it and that kind of thinking of it was like, okay, so we're going to each release a pin with our promo look, like in the same art style. And they'll come in the same packaging, but like various forms. And it will say collect all 10 and blah, blah, blah. And then when you have them all, you can put them together and it'll make a little heart that has a four in the middle. Yeah.

Thank you. And that'll be so cute and like fun. And like, if you just want to collect your like favorites, you can just get your favorites, but like there is a reward if you just want to collect your like favorites, you can just get your favorites, but like there is a reward if you collect them all, which I think has to be a part of like a whole set. Yeah. Is that like there's got to be a value to like having them all. In some way, but then we're like, okay, we'll give each person their stock.

So we got like, I don't know, 200 of each and then we gave each person their stock. So we got like 200 of each and then we gave each person their 200. And that was quite hard to do because we're all separated across the countries, like New Zealand, Australia. We have, yeah. So it was a real pain, but we did it when we all came together at the premiere or whatever.

And what we should have done was mix them all together, put them in blind bags and given each person a stock of 200. And then people could buy, because the idea was that like you, after your, your diva was eliminated, would then go to their website and be forced to kind of engage and explore with their stuff and buy from them, which would be great, putting money in their pocket. But what should have happened was that they should have just been blind bags so people would buy multiples until they got the one they wanted. So you should have exploited the fan base.

Yes, a thousand percent. Well, like, yes, though. But also that's fun. Yeah. Like, I mean, I say that cynically, but like I do like, that's fun. Right. Yeah. I got the, I got the Freya.

Can you trade me for the blank? Right. That would have been so cute. Really cute. Um. And by blank, of course, I mean myself. And by blank, of course, I mean myself. Because part of the joy of collecting and building out a collection,

like I think there's more joy to be had in collecting Pokemon cards and trading them. And yes, sometimes like when I was collecting all of my Amiibo, right? So I don't have every Amiibo, but I just collected all of the Zelda Amiibo. Yeah, and I have them all. And some of them I bought at EB Games. And some of them, like I bought one from Japan. I like had a friend get one from me from like some listing that we saw somewhere. And all this stuff. And like, I remember the stories of sourcing some of them because that's an

adventure and that's how I built the collection. Um, but if you just go and buy them all, pretty forgettable. So like Pokemon cards or something, or like if you'd done, yeah, like blind little bags of badges, yeah, it's like it adds cause you open it up and you're like, oh, okay, well it's not like you're going to hate one of good. Yeah. It's like it adds because you open it up and you're like, oh, okay. Well, it's not like you're going to hate one of them. Well, but yeah, it's part of the fun. Yeah. Like when you go and buy a beanie baby and you just feel like, I don't know.

Congratulations. Like then you just kind of buying a toy because like anyone could just buy everything while it's if you have the money. Yeah. Like I think the I really love that's why I really love when you see people would like really like I collect like tiny little figurines of pigs. Yeah. Yeah. And they just like they've just got a certain theme and they just stick with that. Yeah. And it's like no brand or anything. You're just like, I just want, like, I just want buttons from men's jackets. Oh. I guess that's another type of collection. Collections from your victims.

Oh, true. I take a lock of hair from every person I hitchhiker have killed. Oh my God. Yeah. I take an ear. a lock of hair from every person I hitchhiker have killed. Yeah. I take an ear. I gotta say I've TikTok late at night. I've been getting freaked out. What do you mean? What's that?

You know, like you're like going through your TikTok late at night and then it's like, boom, boom, boom, boom. Now don't skip along if you don't want to hear this terrifying story like God this remote section of road in America that no one ever goes down and I'm like scary that's damn spooked I like when that oh god they're always scary I have to open the comments to hide. Jesus. I open, here are the situations where I open Tik Tok. I've said to someone, I hope you don't mind. And they've gone, what?

And I go, what? And then I have you not seen the Charlotte Tilbury? And then I open up Tik Tok. The other is when I'm feeling guilty. Cause I feel like lazy Susan has probably sent me TikToks So definitely slow down on that front now. I'll just download them and send them to you I know but like it was the main reason that I would open TikTok. So feel free to I'm still curating Okay, thank you. And then the other Well, there is really no other But when I do and I've looked at the Charlotte

tour, we tick tock or I've looked at what you've sent me, then I'll have a 30 second moment in tick tock. And it's usually just like that British thirst trap, that Italian, what's his name? It's like, what's his name? What's his name? You do you mean? Wait, I'm going to have to... What's his name? You don't know? You know an English person?

What's his name? It's like... I don't know what it is. So which collectible goes into the bunker? Tazos? Tazos. Oddbods. Yeah, I had Tazos as well actually.

I loved... Oh, I thought you only had D.I. I only had a few of those. Pick a load. Because did you get Tazos in chip packets? Yeah. Yeah, so you didn't eat that many chips. You think you're fucking better than me. You think you're Mr. Cool Guy over here.

There's a bit of flex, yeah. Jesus fucking Christ. Call my husband before you decide to fuck me. Jesus in front of my friend, in front of my sister on live television. Okay. What about, what about um, What's this joke? Go back in here. What do you get to save yourself? Uh, was it, what was the little, um, digital ones? Was it?

Damagotchi! Damagotchi. Or Digimon's? Or? Digimon. Yeah, but if you collect more than one of that, you're a heinously rich motherfucker and I don't have time for that. Where Digimon's really expensive. Like 25 bucks.

Take care of your pets. Like what? Why would you need more than? Crazy cat lady like, crazy Damagotchi girl. Yeah, no, you can't care for them all. And you actually can't. Maybe you have the time to feed them all, but you don't have time to love them all. Do you know what then maybe no collections get in if you don't have

time to love all your things, lavish them with attention. What about just something simple like the good old yo-yo? Yo-yo. What? You meant to have more than one yo-yo? That was the... A collection of fucking yo-yo. That was what they collected in 1929.

No, marbles. I actually did collect marbles. Speckly kind, cat's eye, metallic. Yeah, I did too. Yeah. I loved that. And you'd flick them in each other. Try?

Win them. Yeah. Around the world, used to play. And then I was like, why am I doing this? And then I didn't have them anymore. Or did you have people to play with? To play marbles with? Yeah.

Recess? Yeah. No, we didn't play marbles. We were playing dinosaur. Or you could play a mix, but you know, the way, the way we used to play marbles is that you would flick your marbles, like you'd be out in the schoolyard, flick your marble out into the schoolyard. And then basically the other person would be trying to like flick and

hit your marble in their turn. Yeah. And so you go back and forth kind of chasing each other throughout the schoolyard, not like a regular circle, trying to hit the marbles out of the circle. And then if you hit their marble that they'd elected to play with, then you would win that marble. Oh, forever? Yeah, for keeps.

Except like... Okay. And there was like regular marble size, and there were kings, queens, and there were like the bigger ones. Queen. God size. And then the other mega marble.

Megan marble? Like Megan marble. That's how they met. He won her. Oh, God. The queen. Yeah. As Oprah said, a queen never fails. He won her. Oh god. The Queen! As Oprah said, a queen never fails.

She just steps on a stepping pond. And walks away. Oh my god. Um, I... I... You know when like you would do a trade? At school? Yeah, you'd cry.

But then like the parents would get involved. No. It would be like, you can't, no, you have to give that back. Oh, I could not engage in that kind of, I would never trade with that person again. Well, no, but like, so I'm trying to think, I can't remember what examples it was sometime since I was in primary school, but yeah, like, I don't know, like if you traded something that actually had like actual value. Devin wasn't allowed to trade that. Yeah.

It's like, I don't want that video game. You can just have it. But then it's like, they stole it from me or something. Or like the parents, like you have to give that back. Like he wasn't allowed to give you that. You're like, you weren't at the closing. Yeah, he gave it to me. I'm sorry, but it's something I can do, Carol. Yeah. Oh gave it to me. I'm sorry, but it's, it's nothing I can do, Carol.

Yeah. Oh God, I hate that. It's so embarrassing. It's embarrassing for that kid. I'll never do business with you again. I'm sorry. I'm closing up shop. Yeah. This is the last you've seen of me. And I won't show my roll-ups with you either. Oh diva. The Ovaltines. That's, that's sort of close. Ovaltines. Okay. Let's cut it. Let's cut the crap. Yeah.

Oh, cut the crap and say it. Three, two, one. Oh, three, two, one. Uh, three, two, one. Pokemon cards. Oh, Pokemon cards. Yeah, Pokemon cards. Why not?

I also got to open up a Pokemon booster pack recently when I was staying at Mandy Moop's house. Yeah. And I don't think I'm very good at it. Oh. How did you mess that up? I didn't get any rares. Ah, you didn't cast your witch's magic on it.

Well, maybe I did. Oh. A failure. Um, it is kind of incredible because the card game is awful. Yeah, but people play it in a tournament. I know. Awful people. And, uh, the fact that that game and the collectability of it has maintained momentum for this long is crazy.

And all the new Pokemon are ugly. For the most part. All of them. They're fucking ugly and I hate how they look. Okay. Like, yeah, I'm not disagreeing. I want an extinction event. For them.

For them. Wait till they watch Euphoria. It was quite exciting when you got like a shiny or whatever. Oh, I love the original girlies. The 250s. I liked the dark Pokemon. 151? 152. 151 OG.

What were they called? The dark Pokemon? Yeah. It is dark. Yeah. Dark Eevee. Yeah, that would cool. Dark Eevee. Umbreon. I had a shiny nine tails.

Dark Nine Tails. Eevee is Umbreon. Not Dark Evolution. I had a shiny, dark nine tails. Dark Eevee is Umbreon. Not dark evolution. Dark Eevee. Like when you'd get the card and it would be like dark muck, dark grime. Sorry if you're not new to this. God. Is that what you were talking about, Matt?

You talking about dark Matt? Um, you took about dark type sentiment. No dark type. Like they were the evil versions. Oh, my God. And they had an R on them. Oh God. Yes. Did they have an R on them?

Maybe. Dark. What was the evil guy's name? The evil Pokemon trainer. I mean, there are just so many. Like with Mew and he had Mew. Oh no. Well, listen, I'm not finding any dark Eevees here actually.

Oh my God. I'm glad I checked. So we're doing Pokemon cards? Maybe. Okay. Get your booster pack now at the reject shop. Also Sabrina sell on the good ones on the sad. Yeah.

Yeah. Hot. Okay. Actually, fuck that. Oh. Sorry. You know what? We made a huge mistake.

This week, as we've done once before, we will not be making a decision. We're going to put it to a fucking poll. I think. So I don't care. Yeah. Put it on a poll. You the listener tell us and we'll put in whatever. We'll honor your decision. Okay. I'm going to have to do so much social content this week. Yeah. Yeah. I think you do the top 10. Cause I don't think that we've

made a good enough case for any of these things. And I think that we barely talked about any of them. Only the civilians can tell us. I'm completely, my mind is vacant. Okay, goodnight everyone. I'm vacant except for one hieroglyph. Cabbage Patch Kids. You didn't even talk about the Cabbage Patch Kids. Fuck! Fuck! We're not going to do a poll, we're going to do a text box. Yes indeed. I don't want you to tell us what you think. I don't even know what, you said 10 options? I was like what? Have we talked about 10 options? Okay, okay. Let's end the episode, You tell us, we'll announce it next week. So, Matt, have you been keeping track?

Yeah, so we say, the quote that we say is, nothing is impossible. The word itself says, I'm possible. That was a great choice. And then what did we do with the hieroglyph? Was it squiggly line? Yeah, squiggly line. Another terrible decision.

And that equals water. Why did we do that? God, this has Was it squiggly line? Yeah. Squiggly line. Another terrible decision. Yeah. Why did we do that? God, this has been the worst fucking episode of this entire show. Yeah, this is terrible. Cancel all of this. That's the hieroglyph we put in? With water?

What were we thinking? There's an owl. Lizzy loved that owl. No, I think it should just be the, um, the beetle. That was good. Scarab. The scarab beetle. Oh mama. Okay. Okay. We. Scarab. The scarab beetle. Oh mama.

Okay. Okay. We'll do another poll. Yeah, another poll. Everything is a poll. We're doing two polls. Okay. Yeah.

This is a mess. This show is fucking cancelled. Okay, goodbye everyone. Bye. Thank you for listening. See you next week. Death to Everyone was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matches. Our theme song and music was provided by Eicentric and AngusLakey.

If you've got something to say to us, send it to us at deathtoeveryone.gmail.com. Oh, wouldn't it be nice if you sent us these? At deathtoeveryone.com slash Patreon. What? Also, we have Discord. Slash Patreon! Deathtoeveryone.com slash Patreon. Oh, I can't remember. You were still talking. Goodbye. I'm going to finish my couscous now.