Death To Everyone - Death To... Nativity, Wise Men Gifts & Tarot Cards

Episode Date: December 2, 2025

December is upon us and we couldnt help but feel the Xmas spirit in the air. Might see you at the Myer windows! Ciao. Follow us, won't you? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ You can send us a voicemail at www.speakpipe.com/deathtoeveryone Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.naturalhabitatstudios.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/ediecentric⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103

...toe... ...to everyone... Hello, listener, dear listener. Sulangior to you. Oh, sulangior to us all. And knowing full well that we are almost at the eve of Troy Sivan doing his NGV Gala takeover. Oh. She's one of the co-chairs.

And you know, I'm speaking to some faggots today, listener. And they said, for the first time in many years, I've not been invited to the NGB Culler, and I said, no, have I? And they said, do you think it's Troy? And I said, I gave that man the best years of my life. I was in his easy music video. Yes. And so I don't know why Troy hasn't invited me to the NGVGala.

No, I don't know. Was that your question? No. Oh, what was your question? I didn't ask you. How do I look this good? It's shampoo. Ooh, it cleans the hair.

A new discovery for you. And what's that? It's Matt. Oh, hey. Beep-a-beep. A beep-beep to you, Matt. I said a beep-beep to you. I said a beep-beep to a soul.

What are you talking about driving in a car? Space car. What? That's gone, loopy. I've always been loopy. I'm just letting it out now. Yeah, we're all a bit loopy today, I think. Loopi Lou.

We hosted the Honcho Disco 10th anniversary party last night. And we partied hearty. Yes. It was so much fun. Such amazing performers, such a killer lineup, such a great crowd. It was a lot of fun, but I think I know I'm a touch tired. Honey, I'm beat. But I feel a very, like, worthy.

kind of tiredness like you know what I mean like when you feel tired and you're like what I didn't do anything today you're kidding I'm tired yeah yeah whereas like by the end of that I was like no bitch I did it yeah and then I got up this morning and I went to rehearsal for Fountain Lakes Christmas and now I was like and not I'm done but now I've got to go straight and record a podcast yeah because guess what I'm a millennial homosexual I've got to go I'm performing at drag one night, then I have to go and rehearse for my show that I'm in, which is a Catherine Kim parody play, and then I got to go and record my podcast. Yeah.

And that's what my forefathers died at Gallipoli for. And that's every day. Correct. Bro. That's like, that's just a normal day for you. Oh my God. But it does want, now that that, you know when like you have like a few, like you've got a shit ton of stressful things like coming up, like a few horizon things.

Yes. And then you're like kind of looking, but you're like, I can't even see beyond this next thing. And it's not even something that would normally stress you out, but you're like, I just can't think about anything else until that's done and off the plate. Now that honcho's done and off the plate, it's literally just Meredith next weekend, which is like I've got a tiz up. But it's just talking on a mic, reading a script, no spot number. Yeah. And commentating on naked man. yes honey i'm ready to do that job absolutely um it's not just naked men are you not going to say

anything for the women i will respect their dignity and allow them to live their life and for the men i will say look at look at his dick i can see it schlong yeah except i hate the phrase shlong like i mean it's not very horny but it's fun to say. You say it? Slong. Shlong. Oh, it makes me feel so uncomfortable.

Yeah, that's why I said it. Oh. Yeah. Slong. Ew. Get that fucking slung out and give it to me. It's not sexy. No.

No. I don't know what I think is sexy, like, of those words. Dick. Cock. Cock. I remember when I first learned about the word shlong. when in school

which school primary school oh is it German schlong yeah a slong is it on the

primary school curriculum yeah Egyptian mummies this week and then we're talking about schlongs next week and then we're making a drawing on the blackboard

Yeah I have a big old shlong This is a schlong When I think about the shitty sex ed that I got from high school I cannot believe but I also when I think about the people that we're administering

like Andy our bookish kind of English teacher just like clearly was so uncomfortable in retrospect because I'm like what do you mean like why wouldn't you just like clear a few things up for the kids because it's like you need to be the one that's like, okay, this is what come is.

And this is what a slong is. This is what a cock is. I think I think, like, this guy, like, I remember, I must have been in year seven, but he was like, this teacher was like, just keep everything clean down there. What do you mean? Sorry, explain. What are we going to expect in the next few years? I feel like it's best approached by having like an external come in.

Yeah, although we had another amazing teacher called Simone and she was very much more like, I think because she didn't have that awkwardness of being like a male teacher and feeling like there was an expectation that you're a pedophile. True. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, God. And instead just being like, anyway,

Chicks, this is what's going to happen to you. Guys, this is what's going to happen to you. Yeah. Okay. Schwal. Speaking of things that are uncomfortable, yesterday, when I was getting an Uber to your house to get ready for this gig. Uh-huh.

Like, perfectly fine, Uber, but a curious playlist that was not the radio, and this song came on by Minnie Ripperton Inside My Love that features lyrics And so I sat in the backseat of the car listening to this song that just Can you see inside me? Do you want to be inside me? Will you come inside me? Oh. And then the last like 30 seconds of the song is just her being like, will you come inside me?

Will you come inside me? And I'm sitting in the back seat of this Uber. Like, surely he'll drive it. He'll change the song soon. Surely we'll just skip over this. No, no. Okay. What do you think he, when he was curating that experience for you?

I don't know. What do you think he was? wanted from you do you think he was testing you i don't know do you think he was asking you i don't know will you come inside did you i didn't well i guess you didn't have much time no but it's hard when you can't finish that's true performance anxiety got the best of you not what i said oh um you were you did it didn't oh god you just missed you didn't get it outside yeah um No, but like there was zero body language change. So, yeah.

When you came inside a video. No. When this weird song came on. Oh. You think that that'd be the lesser of the two evils. But I thought it was quite strange. Will you come inside me? Sorry, this is just a song that I wrote.

I love this song. Will you come inside me? Maybe it's got another meaning. Maybe. maybe like me me bank like maybe he works

for me bank and he's asking new customers to come along will you come inside me bank will you come inside that's me that's Melvin

well I'm glad you made it in one piece God how bad is driving anywhere in drag it's abhorrent it's actually horrendous So my dear sweet husband, who is generous enough to let me use his car all the time, to the point now where I just am like, too, too, yeah, beep, beep. But his car is a lot smaller than my old car, which was a big old wagon. Wagon wheel, what do you see?

Oh, God. And so even, like, getting into that car with three people, three adult men. is clown car city. Yes. And it's like not really. It's like not really for that. Like it's like it does have it in case, I don't know, you need to take two friends to the emergency room,

but I don't think the car manufacturer would say, we expect people to all get in this car together. No, it couldn't be sold in that way. No. And so having my like internal organs crushed while we were driving to the gig yesterday. today and it was just like a very short way yeah but I was still like you know like I think about like the bad CO2 building up in my blood or like evil fluids building up in my joints because I'm just

like crushed in a way that like there's not free circulation no things can't get flushed out yeah so I was like oh yeah like there's a CO2 build up in my arms and shoulders right now I'm gonna die here. Yeah. But again, we did survive, thankfully. Glory again, I will survive. But yeah, God damn, it's like the most horrendous thing. Just corsets.

Corsets, tight constricting clothes, tights and pads, and makeup and wigs. If we could just go without those things, drag would be so much better. just um just blush just if drag was just blush i'd be doing it all the time yeah how was your first night in drag ah ha ha ha ha ha ha you had fun you know two people made that joke to me last night well two funny people who who did it you oh and listener chris Listener, Krishna Quite unkind Harry Krishna

I said Oh this must be so exciting For you do about a gig It's like fuck you First time on stage So we did also Meet a few listeners At the hono gig

You know who you are listeners Boost voucher Yes Nick It was so lovely to me Last night I sent him another message just being like

it actually was the highlight of my evening he was so sweet so listeners who aren't Nick remember when listener Nick sent us a package that was sweaty girl primer for lazy because she's so fucking sweaty

the small things face primer which is an antipospirant yes of course so and for some reason he sent me a $30 boost voucher which was quite funny yeah

And so I was talking to this person And also famously said Sorry you've quit track Did he say that? Yes he did He remains one of my favorite people I know you're not performing anymore So here's a boost juice voucher

That's really funny But you're back Wow yes Back? She's done it For the first time One day You're going to be a professional drink Anyway, Nick was very, very sweet, and we had a very cute little chat, and I met him and his boyfriend.

He's tall. And he was very tall. Yeah, he wouldn't fit in your car. No. No, no, man. Would you fit inside me? Sorry? And he's got a boyfriend, you say.

Yeah. Well, what good is that to you? I know. Would you ever marry Nick? Nick was very, they were both very handsome guys You could bury both of them I mean maybe They're gay

There's no rules But then you'd be like Frankie Grande Oh Wait Frankie Grande is the third in the throuple He was Oh It's too much Who was the couple before the throuple?

I don't know Misk Floridian gay male But yeah I don't know about I don't know about this plan of yours To get with Nick and I I wouldn't say that that was my plan Okay

Okay, well, I'm glad, winky, winky. Oh, my God. Keeping on the gel, raw. Anyway, it was very funny, but very sweet. And, yeah, it was very, very cute. Which listeners did you see last night? Oh, so many. I would hate to name them.

I saw, yeah, I saw a whole sea of beaming faces, smiling people, having fun. I, yeah. Oh, no, you go. Just, it was such a fun time. Do you know what I will indict this entire event on, though? I want you to imagine, listener, you know, I love Honcho Disco. I, like, cut my teeth at Honchoa disco. That's, like, where I learnt a lot about drag.

Yeah. And I want to imagine, okay, you know how famously, perhaps on this show, I've talked about a concept called DioA, Drink on Arrival. Okay, so the Honcho Disco traditionally takes place at a venue that if you're not from Melbourne, it's called the 86. The 86 is a cabaret venue. It's got a stage at the back. It's very, like, cute kind of hole in the wall, like, kind of, I would, it's how I imagine a New York venue would be. It's, like, a long, narrow building that, like, is quite, like, it's a bit pokey.

It's a bit dark. It's a bit, like, anything could happen here tonight at the cabaret. yeah um but when it's transformed for a club night it becomes like almost impossible to cross through yes it's essentially like people on either side of you and then if anyone stops to talk it congest the entire back to forth yeah and you wouldn't normally have to go back to forth but it's like a bathroom at one end and the stage and then the outside on the other side so it's like really quite tricky to get back and forth and then at the backstage you near the bathroom

you have to get there when you first arrive drop your stuff start getting ready and then you get your drink cards now I don't know if you know what's wrong with this I can hazard a guess

at what you're about to say drink cards diva no I think it needs to just be either one Mikey the stage manager

yeah yeah he's like what do you want yeah I'm going to go and get I'll call it in on the radio, whatever. We'll get it sent up. Or there's a few drink options. A bucket of ice. A bucket of ice.

With some bits. And some bits. Like a couple non-alcoholic, a bottle of vodka, bottle of sparkling, and a few beers. I reckon that would be like set, ready to go. Yeah. Instead, you take these two pieces of cardboard, business cards. Yeah. And then you go down.

And now, let me tell you. something else we're running late by this point oh yeah because it's taking us a long leisurely paint and we've just run a little bit late but imagine this we get to the bar but we weren't late to the gig no we weren't late to the gig but then we get in line mm-hmm I don't know maybe I'm an asshole I don't think I have to wait in line at the gig where I'm at the poster yes and I don't think the bar stuff were behaving appropriately a bit too slow no no no like i'm like yes they were slow but i like i don't think that they were like clocking like okay well she's going to be on stage in five minutes can we serve her now yeah can i do a sneaky let's get you sorted yeah and out of here

so we don't have a performer standing i actually like waited at the bar and then someone somehow got in front of me, got to the bar, and, like, beat me. Like, you know, it's like, and I never felt, like, even when I was kind of getting the service that I was, like, getting that kind of, like, well, this is your night. We appreciate you for making this event. You're the star of the gig. And, like, maybe this venue is just too desensitized to drag. But when I go to, like, circuit or mollies.

Yeah. Diva, I probably won't even have to pay for my drink. Correct. And they will, like, just focus in on you and serve you. They'll come and see you and be like, hey, Deva, we love you. Yeah. What can I get you? But also, we're a quicker transaction, even if we did have gift cards, like the drink cards, because there's no transaction at the end, which can be slow.

Exactly. So it's, like, just put in cup, goodbye. Yeah, let's just get it going. Yeah. And also, it's like, that doesn't even need to happen because we can just take. a rider yeah and pop it up the back and it is the same it'll be the exact same and it'll be cheaper yeah because you're not decanting it you won't have to wash any of those you know like and they'll actually make more money by not taking away the time serving actual paying patrons yeah and serving

crossies and also just not having a crossy crossing the room yeah in the way we take up a lot of room and also it's like i don't want you to see that i also just don't want you to see me waiting in line yeah i know I want you to imagine me as someone who's fabulous, who just leans over the bar and says, hey, Rebecca, muha, n'uah, and then they're like, they're usually. But instead I'm there like, who's where, was that, and who are you? Like, oh, God.

Yeah. And I think it's also now that I've become a spoilt cross-dresser. Yeah. I just am like, why is there no writer in Melbourne culture? it just is efficient yeah like you they know that we will use the tickets and like there's only so many options i'm also imagining like if you buy if you're buying wholesale booze a bottle of vodka bottle of sparkling beers that's going to be under 40 bucks easily yeah which is what you're going to be spending like on those like kind of drink cards

anyway. Yeah. Yeah. Just on the lamination process alert. Well, they are one-time use because they write the date on there, which does make sense from a business perspective, I guess. But then, like, they'd have to get those business cards printed all the damn. I mean, I totally get and understand why venues have drink cards if they deal with

drag queens a lot. But Diva, I'm like, I'm at the point now, and I almost did it for this show where I'm going to start. If I'm, like, on the poster or something, I'm going to start. I'm going to start just bringing a rider for the divas. Wow. Like, do you know what I mean? Like, I'm like, I'm like, leveling up.

Like, we all deserve just like to not suffer the indignity of having to like cross a crowded club floor. And instead just enjoy ourselves in the dressing room for a second before we go out. Like, I just want like a glass of bubbles and like, let me just like have a chat, have a quick chat with the divas. Yeah. And like all, you know, enjoy a moment imbibe and then like good now we're ready to go on yeah and then later in the night yeah maybe we have to go and use a drink card or whatever but it's like yeah just cop a eight dollar bottle of sparkling and shove it in there yeah would it kill you oh look next time

i'm gonna bring it mark my words mark my words um did you enjoy your performances I had a really good time I did like an American beauty I will sell this house today mixed up with the Sabrina Carpenter's house tour which I thought was very fun particularly just halfway through where I broke out into the iconic

just sobbing as a net bending but the slight issue with the show is that they cut the first 10 seconds of my song and so you missed the part where I said I will sell this house today five times which is undoubtedly the most memorable part of the American beauty thing and so instead that was all gone

so the context for the audience was highly askew but I had a lot of fun it was still camp and like fun to do something new but yeah I was like damn it why'd that happen

I know so annoying. And what about you? Yeah, it was really fun. I did Parapa the Rapper and instructor Mussolini's number. Hey, we're here. Just sitting in the car. I want you to show me if you can get far, step on the gas.

So that's a PlayStation 1 game. Yeah. Perapa the Rapper. And you were really like, who here has a PlayStation 1? Who here knows the PlayStation 1 and the Incredible Library, thin. And I pulled some drunky on the stage who had no idea. And as soon as I figured that out, I'd keep them off the stage and got someone who could actually be engaged with. So that was quite good. You're getting engaged. No. Oh. But it was so cute. It was very fun.

Well, I'm thrilled for you. And then... Would you wear an engagement ring? Would I wear an engagement ring? Yeah. With like a big stone. Yeah. If I like, was getting... For gardening? Like, well, I would take it off when it wasn't perfect. You'd take it off every second day? Yeah. Really?

Put it on a chain around your neck. Maybe. Oh, that'd be nice. Oh, fuck. But the... Yeah, it was really fun. Yeah. It was fun.

And then I went into a, yeah, a different track. And we had our fabulous duet together. Yes. Which was very fun. A beautifully. Mix and my. mastered by Zelda Moon. Incredible work, I know, thank you.

I loved it. Very funny. And it featured our favorite DJ. Which the crowd didn't seem to understand. Like, at all. It's like, I know that half of you people listen to the podcast. You liars. Why aren't you laughing at us saying DJ?

It's because we didn't have a glass of wine before we went on. Yeah. But yeah, no, as usual, though, Honcho was just a real joy and such a fabulous and very, environment for the drags. Yes. Okay. Okay. Now the world is ending.

Yes. Did you know? Oh my God. Actually, I'm just going to say it's pleuribusing. Isn't that great? Wait, no spoilers. I've only watched the first ten minutes of the first episode. Yeah. Well, that's all I'm going to say. Okay. If you've seen it, you know. Watch pluribus.

Plubrush. For the world ending event this week, Pluribus. Okay. I'm going to watch more of it tonight. Good. It's so good. Matt, have you watched plurality? I watched the first episode. Yeah. Enjoy it. I love that concept. Same. That's all I'll say. Well, Zelda's only seen 10 minutes. Oh, I saw kissing and a transfer of something.

Well, it sounds like a good time. What, just before we dive in, what do you think about 100 people in a room version 2.0? w m m flip it up and around and you've got wicked w you know i think it's better than a hundred people in a room because michel yo is so like sometimes she could be so frosty and cunty yes and watching her like at this soundbite that she's getting so much mileage out of yeah is such a joy Because it's like, number one, not the plot of the film. No. So what are you doing?

What are you talking about? And then her just like going and like, Matt, have you heard about this? No. So on the press tour for wicked, for good, the second wicked film. Yes. Michelle Yo, who plays Mademorable. M.M. Gets up.

And like, there's a super cut of her saying it in every press interview, red carpet moment of the entire press. to her which is like hundreds and she's like i feel like i started as madame morrible m m flip it upside down wicked witch wicked witch it happens over and over again and um yeah i just it just doesn't make sense and it's amazing the other thing i love about the videos is that because it bounces around from like premiere to premiere or whatever her hair changes So violently, it's incredible. It's like here she's in like the cunty bob and then, oh, it's so good.

I think Michelle's having fun on that press tour? Yeah. Like obviously she's being delighted every time that she says that thing that makes her laugh. But, um, like, she knows that she sucks eggs, whole and ass in that film. Absolutely. As in her singing. Yeah. Yeah.

Like, I haven't seen Falkwood yet. Oh, yeah. But everything I've heard is people have been like, she's really bad. And not just bad, but like, because in the first one, I'm like, she's so fabulous. Like, she's still her. So it's like, you kind of love when she, like, moves in slow motion while the monkeys are all behind her. Yes, yes. But in this one, people are like, even her acting is kind of middling.

Oh, I think she has much less to do in this. film and... Wicked Wirt! Yeah, she has much less to do and doesn't... Yeah, it doesn't fully land the, like, cracking, I would say, that happens to MM. MM. Um, but it's still her. So, what? Who cares?

Let her do whatever. But I'm saying it's like, yeah, if you were in a film and it was like a successful film, film but it's not because of you you're just like yeah hello yeah hi i'm also here i was in the movie i liked it too it was exciting to watch everyone else do a good job yeah because from my perspective everyone in the film did well um but i think the same of um jeff like i think they're both Oh, Jeff Goldblum is so poorly, it's the most unexciting that you could have done. Yeah. Yeah.

Do you know this about Jeff Gorblam? So there's Jurassic Park Evolution, which was maybe like six years ago, who knows, which was like a park building video game. He voiced his character. Yeah. um then drastic park drastic world evolution two he came back and voiced him again and then the third one came out like a week ago he is back good on you jeff and just find that like i don't know voice acting like doing the video game yeah i'm like i like i like it obviously that's so um it's pretty impressive coherent for the law but um it's like when majority the buffy class came for the

PlayStation 1 game, except for SMG. Because she was too busy daffinifizing or whatever. I don't know what she was doing. I also don't know what... SMG. Like, she wasn't in any of the special features for Buffy. I'll wig you out. Too big for her boots.

But now she's back in him. Because she didn't fit in any other shoes. Yeah. Oh my God. I listened to... Sorry, this will make sense. Like an interview with Chloe Zhao the other day. Yeah.

the new director of the first pilot episode of Buffy. Yes. And God, she is so funny. I didn't realize she was so Sassetron. Oh. She's really funny. Did you like The Eternals? I didn't see it.

Oh. She said that it was, um, she would love to come back in direction of the Marvel film. If the right thing chose her. Yeah. Um, yeah. Funny. Yeah.

Yeah, but like, I don't know. I don't know about, like, it was really interesting, though, as well because, like, part of what Michelle was saying, I mean, Michelle, Chloe, was saying in this interview was, like, part of my interest and what will maintain my interest is, like, bringing, like, east to west, like, kind of combining these two worlds and, like, doing, becoming, like, a bridge. And she said, in particular, like, because I grew up with, like, man. and anime like these are the things that really inspired me these were my like versions of superhero things yeah yeah and I want and I don't think there's been many great adaptations of those in cinema and so it's like I want to figure out how to do that yeah and it kind of dawned on me that I was like yeah you're kind of like so entrenched in these traditions of like Eastern cinema that like

Um, I'm really intrigued to see how she wrestles with Buffy, which arguably is like one of the most quintessentially American things. Like Joss's voice and like the whole show is like capital A Americana vibes. I'm like, how does that work if you're outside of that tradition and like have an outside of point of view on it? It could be really cool, but it could also be like. like bizarre love if episode one of this new season is just like Buffy versus a Chinese dragon

from a lantern and it's like oh wait what yes but um yeah like knowing now that like from this present of you that she's really funny I'm like well that allay is that fear

because I'm like don't make serious Buffy it needs to to be funny. Yes. Like that's the best part of that show, is that it's funny. Totally. Oh, okay.

Let's get into it. We'll be right back. Bye-bye. Welcome back, Lishna. Lazy Susan. Okay. On this show, we go through categories, right? Yeah. Assessing the merits on what should be put into our doomsday bunker.

Yeah. I have a question for you now that we're heading into December by the time this airs, it will be December. Mm. And so we're heading into what can only be described as the festive season. Yeah. Now, for some people, the reason for the season is the both. of Jesus Christ. They wrote a whole book about it.

It's called The New Testament. Okay. And so the book begins, I think, with the birth of Jesus. Yeah. And he's born to a mother named Mary. And she's a woman who is with a guy called Joseph. Although, I don't know if they're together at the start or whether he, like, meet her once she's pregnant, but she says she's a virgin, which does make sense now that I think

about it, because, like, if you're with Joseph, why haven't you been Fookin? I think because you only fuk to baby. They only just met? Well, no, I think they were already together. How old is she? Uh, 12. Yeah, probably. I was going to say, probably hauntingly young. Marriage age. Yeah. Yeah. Well, like, if you're married, certainly you get to Fookin immediately. Like, what are you waiting for. Gwen Stefani. You look at your what now. You're still a super hot female.

Female, Mary. And so, Mary falls pregnant and then she's like, sorry, it was God. Yeah. It was God. And then nine months passed, and then they're like, oh, no, I forgot I was having this baby. Where are we going to go to have it? And then they're like, well, did you book somewhere? And then Joseph is like, no, I thought you were going to book somewhere.

And they're like, should we go and check at the inn? They forgot to book the Airbnb. Yeah. And they get to the inn and they're like, oh, absolutely. Do you know it's Christmas, honey? It's busy. Is that actually the most busy time of year? And then she's like, oh.

And then she's like, well, what about that across the street? And you're like, a literal bond. And he's like, yeah, okay, you guys have fun. Yeah. Maybe we're next time you should think about this instead of making it my problem. But also, like, why were you intending to have your baby in our hotel room? Yeah. She's like, so what's your reason for checking in? Need, lie down.

I'll cleaning your sheets. Why would you need to, like, surgical level? You know, there's a hospital at the road. yeah um she's like no barn will do anyway so they head across the road or whatever they had back then yeah and then she like it's like this this will do and then get down in the hay and okay so that kind of completes a lot of my understanding in the bible hasn't that's not the bible that's that's pre that's the prequel wait is that not in the bible oh no no sorry is it no that's the end of the Bible.

Wait, the end of the Bible starts with the birth of Jesus? Yeah. No, like a flashback. Like, Old Testament is pre, like, Jesus. Yeah. And the New Testament is like the journeys of Jesus and he just all loves. Yeah.

Yeah. The mirror A calls. We all know. Yeah. What's going on. Anyway. Yeah. The first one is about Adam and Eve and all that.

Yeah. First one has all the same shit or the fantasy world or are they like, okay, so they're just like the first chapter? Like, the thing is. it's the worst thing to read like so poorly written also translated um and you don't speak aramis sadly um and it shows um but like the stories that you think of are like three paragraphs or like one sentence yeah like it's all so unsatisfying and so shit yeah yeah well that's the thing it's kind of, like, very, like, Star Wars fans.

You know what I mean? Like, they're like, he was at the canteener. And he's like, he was in two seconds. And they're like, but this is the back story. Like, I think I see what you're saying. You know, it's just like, ugh, you guys have been thinking about this for too long. Yeah. That was just a puppet, Hansen hand out, and he just plopped it in the corner.

You don't even make it that deep. Yeah. Like, actually kind of. of in an annoying way kind of yeah i get it whereas like the only one that we should actually care about is like jesus or luke yeah it's like the yeah freaks like priests or whatever will be like well what about see schnoodles aka like i don't yeah like okay don't be gay yes which is like one line yeah next to the whatever i also think famously like you know how people like uh well maybe uh Maybe it says in the Bimal, you shouldn't be gay.

Yeah. I'm like, I don't, sorry, I don't fucking care. What are we talking about the Bible? Could I give a shit? Yeah. Like, the. Show me another fucking piece of paper from 2,000 years ago. Yeah, see how much I care about that.

Yeah, sorry, what? Yeah. I also don't make bread with fucking ash and porcelain. Like, sorry. Yeah, we have moved on. We have moved on. And also, it's like, that has. nothing to do with me. Anyway, all of this to say. Yeah. Who from the nativity scene gets into the bunker?

The donkey. I played the donkey in my preschool, well, preschool, kindi, kindi nativity show. Well, this is humiliating because I was going to say that I played the donkey in my primary school show. you weren't ready for the roll back in Kindie I was just more developed But it was I'm sure I must have told this story But it was kind of the first time That I realized they came from like

A Scragalian C-side family Like B-Side D-Side family D-List family Like there were kids that had like pristine Joseph outfit made for them And my mum like got some like feety pajamas that I that were my pajamas yeah that were yellow yeah and pop them on the stove and dyed them as close to brown as she could get with I guess an organic dye for a

polyg like a plastic fabric yeah yeah so it was just like a slightly off off yellow feedy pajamas and I like went up there for my kindi show in these like pajamas while everyone else was in beautiful costumes and they're like why is there just a lost child at the birth of Jesus and it was like no that's the donkey it's the donkey yeah um did any of the other children ride on the donkey that isn't a weird thing to say I think it is if you think about it not really um because I had to friggin't crawl around with all these kids on my back. Namely,

the pregnant, Mary. Was she really pregnant or is it? No, I think she had a little pillow in her tum-tum. That is so weird. But like, I distinctly remember where we filmed, because we, like, we made, like, a video version of it when we were in year six for some reason. What?

And I was the donkey. And Philippa was Jesus controversial, but she was the best actor in the year level. so it kind of made sense that she would get the leading role. But weirdly progressive, I guess, in a way. That they let her. Catholic primary school. But it was undeniable. She was fabulous.

I remember her like chanting like Jesus' death line or whatever when he's on the crucifix. So vividly. Anyway. And then there's a shot of me like coming down an asphalt like driveway on a hill. So like down the hill. We need that most robust child. Yes. With this little girl sitting on my.

back. I was dressed like a donkey. How was your costume? I can't recall, if I'm honest. I feel like Sharon would have really knocked this one out of the park. Yeah, I can't recall. I do remember having floppy ears. See, I don't even think I have ears.

Aw. But, yeah, the donkey, obviously. Otherwise, some hay. Hey. Hey. Or the, like, bemused inn manager looking from across the street. Oh, that's good. She does need more screen time in the nativity scene.

There's a really great David Sedaris short story or like radio play where he like, it starts as like a reviewer who's like a snarky, like it's like reading a snarky review of like a play. But then like after the first few lines, you realize that it's like a New York City reviewer who's gone to like their. their nephew's nativity play and they're all kids and he's like eviscerating them that is amazing

and he's like the young Sarah Meyer age seven strains credulity as a virgin no one would believe that the way she flops around

on stage wantonly throwing her body and all the other people around her and it's so funny that is great okay so I'm just going to

give you a list just to make sure Oh, boo. Mary, the mother of Jesus. Boring. She is kind of boring. Yeah. She has zero ris.

Like. Trying to connect to the young people. She's got zero, six, seven. Joseph, the earthly father of Jesus. I just like, it makes me so sad to think about that man. Yeah. Like a bit of a cuck. Yeah.

Yeah. But for God. For God. It's, like, actually rude. Yeah. And, like, imagine trying to, like, tell Jesus off. You're like, don't fucking climb on that. And then you're, like, she's like,

I'm like, my daughter, my desk. And Joseph is like, he's turning out just like his father. Insensitive to my needs. And then here it just says angels. and they appeared to announce Jesus' birth to the shepherds. Yeah. I didn't think that they hung around

in the scene. I don't think they're at the scene. They're definitely in like, I'm talking about like the story. I buy a nativity set. Yeah, yeah, yeah. On the roof.

Oh, there'd be the three angels. Cudy, patootie, boticelli angel. Yeah. Some cherubs. Cherubs. Cherubs. Cherubs would be funny.

And then shepherds watching over their flocks and were the first to visit Jesus. Were they there to visit Jesus or were they like, you're in my shepherd house? Yeah. Like, oh, you've come to see the child of God. It's like, no, ma'am. I work here.

This is private property. What the fuck? Do you need a room? We need to sleep, please. There's an inn across the street and a hospital elsewhere. Oh, but my child is God. You're the first to behold the saviour. All right.

He's forcing people. Oh, they shall put you in little dining sets. The thing that is fabulous about shepherds in early times is that little crooked staff. Well, that is the most fabulous. That's why Joseph kind of, is Joseph holding that? I think he's, yes. Because he's standing above Mary. Yeah.

Not doing anything I might as he did in the conception. Yeah, not holding his dick. It's not allowed. That's what I mean. Why didn't they fuck? Do you think God gave him a vasectomy before he fucked Mary? Maybe. You can't even.

Oh no, because Jesus had siblings. What? No, he didn't. No, I didn't. Look it up. Look it up. What, in the Bible? In the Bible.

No, he didn't. Matt, are you looking it up? I'm not looking anything up. Matt, look up. You're the producer in the show. You need to produce the truth. I've got a fact-checked everything you say. No, just the thing when I say, look it up!

did Jesus have siblings siblings and then look up was Joseph a cut yes the Bible mentions Jesus having siblings including four brothers named James Joseph Simon and Judas oh well they were his disciples brothers two unnamed sisters yeah see the record if you can't sorry sorry Grisabella and Tonya Oh my god That would be such a good show for us to do it fringe

The two unnamed sisters of Jesus Christ Write that down Although in the Catholic church They believe Mary was a perpetual virgin So they interpret the references to brothers Meaning cousins or spiritual brothers God that's why I'm brainwashed Because I'm like no he doesn't

Oh you're Catholic Yeah well I wouldn't say that. Not anymore? Raced Catholic. But, yeah, but I mean, that is exactly the issue. This is what I'm talking.

No, but it's like, do you have? I don't think that they, the brothers, I think they just share the name. They just happen to have the same name as his disciples. Oh, well, I mean, that's, that's fine, whatever. You're okay with that? Yeah. Like, I don't think there were that many names back then. What are the chances, yeah.

yeah um but two half sisters yeah um so this one says two half sisters see like what is the truth when you go looking it's interpretation like ways to live your life as in live a vast majority of the population on this planet's life from text from two thousand years ago and you don't even know if the deity had siblings in fact what the fuck are we talking about why is that something to base anything off? I mean did hand shoot first or what?

Anyway, okay then we got the animals oh no fuck we've got the magi the wise men yeah astrologers from the east who followed a star to Bethlehem to worship the child

and present him with gifts please pronounce it correctly the child bring me the child um weird behavior. Pretty bad gifts as well. Oh, more people have shown up and they've brought us gifts. Uh, no, we just were doing some stargazing. You got me this, did you? For my son,

who's God? Mary, not everything is about you and your baby. I learned that frankincense and myrrh the other day, I learned that they are actually just aromatic pieces of amber right so they're kind of the same gift someone brought gold yeah yeah and then the other two just brought some lumps lumps of amber

it smelled kind of nice I do love that giant incense spinning morning star thing that they take in church oh yeah that's good with a little smoke coming out yeah the kids never swing it like the girl from kill bill no go go yeah imagine if like a little fucking quiet boy was

like whoo and she plants it into a priest's head yeah yeah um i've watched that um but of course they are um balthasar melchia and caspar balthazar like cole that's his demon name I mean, Charmed. Yes. No coincidence, I'm sure. Oh, what were the other two that they could have chosen from? Melchia and Caspar.

Yeah, but, oh, Casper? Well, he's friendly. Caspar. He's not an evil deal. Friendly magic. The thing that does delight me is that I dislike religion so much. But without it, we wouldn't have Evangelion. You're so right.

Yeah. So I guess it's worth it. Or 10 of the months of the year or whatever. Who was saying that recently? Annie. Okay. Then we got animals. Mary, okay, the Bible mentions Mary placing Jesus in a manger and other animals such

as an ox, a donkey, are traditionally included in nativity scenes. Yeah. Do you feel like there are chickens there? Yes. Because I don't see them in what the nativity shows. Were there? Matt, can you look up? Were there chickens in Jerusalem in the year zero?

Yeah, had they invented? Yeah. Because chickens famously, you know, in the 60s, that's quite an expensive dinner. Yeah. But now, times have changed. So 2,000 years ago, maybe, like, maybe not. Yeah. The other thing that's quite delightful is, like, when the world was so disconnected.

Back when the world was flat. Yeah. Yeah. I just love the idea of like this may be happening. And then like on the other side of the planet, just like no idea. Yeah. And didn't for quite some time. Was there that a shit going on? Yeah.

The dream cat. Oh, so much better. Yeah, there was chickens. I read just now. Oh, great. Can you prove it? But they weren't really eaten. Oh.

They just, people just kept them for the eggs. People didn't know about the drumsticks yet. Or for fighting birds. Fighting birds. Yeah. Oh, wait, we didn't even tell the bird story. So when I got to Lazy Susan's house yesterday, I went to go into... It's like the most telling thing.

Just like, I got to Lacey Susan's house and then... Well, then I went to go into the kitchen and she said, oh, it's still in there. We haven't been able to get it out. And I was like, what are you talking about? And then they opened the door and there was a, uh, um, A dove in there. Yeah. Trapped.

A turtle dove? Yeah. Maybe. The first day of Christmas. And Zelda was like, oh! And then walked over and grabbed it in both hands. Yeah. And then threw it out into the sky.

Yeah. Back from when's your game. Wingered creature. Did I tell you there was a possum in my music room the other day? What? What did it do? Wait, brush tail or ring tail? It was a ring tail.

It was a baby ring tail. Cute. It was just sitting on my desk when I came. came into school because I teach violin and it had obviously been there all weekend this was Monday morning because it had eaten

all the chalk of the Blackboard. I watched a documentary on chalk this week. What? Yeah. That sounds interesting. Why are you using chalk in a fucking 2025

classroom? Because I was at the Stana school. What about the asthmatics? We got rid of It's been eating red chalk because they had red, like, lipstick line all around its mouth. And it looked at me and just like... It's so cute. But I spent about a half an hour trying to catch it.

High calcium content. That's probably good. It's probably cleaning her out. Well, it had definitely pooped everywhere. Red? Did you get it? I caught it. Yeah.

It took a long time. It was like that movie mouse trap. Did it fall asleep in your hands and go... It did have a little panic attack. I put it in my bag and then I took it outside into the bush. Oh, it was very cute. That is cute. That is so cute.

Well, this turtle dove, I just want you to get a sense of, like, what is happening in my house at any given moment. Like, I walked into the, like, kitchen, and, like, our back door was open, and the bird was like, ooh. And I was like, hello? And then it was like, wha! And it, like, flew to the window and, like, smacked into it. And I'm like, stop. You're freaking me out. And it just, like, kept fluttering there.

Like, diva, what the fuck do you think is going to happen? They get so frantic. I know. It was so upsetting. And I'm like, okay, well, I'm just going to leave because you're, like, obviously escalated. And I need you to just chill it out. But obviously, I can't be part of that journey for you.

Yeah. And so I left the room. And then I was like to Kergen, oh, there's a burn in there. And she is freaking out. And he's like, oh, well, just leave the door open. And I was like, okay. And then like 20 minutes later came in again. And it was like, oh!

And still freaking out. And I was like, diva, the door is open. I'm pointing at it. You can like, any time. Like, you came in through there. You have a memory of that, certainly. You can, like, fly across the world. How is it you can't fucking leave this room?

Like, D-Bah. Yeah. And thank God Zelda was there because it would probably just still be in there. In the kitchen just going, like, we would just live like that for the rest of our lives. Oh, we don't go in the kitchen. Oh, no. The bird lives in there.

To have to the slowly close rooms of the house because there's like a new creature in there. Like Jumanji. Anyway, yeah. Also, our house is in like such a weird moment because it's like, it's suddenly become a smelly house in, like, so many different, like, pockets. I keep walking through, and I'm like, like, our house can be a messy house, but it can't be, like, a stinky house. Smelly?

Yeah, I don't know. There's just smells going on. I'm like, you know, when you're like, what the fuck is that? How are we going to get to the bottom of that? Oh, sorry for the cough. Okay, so I agree. I think it's a donkey. I am tempted by that fabulous ox and also an angel.

that's cool angels are a bit pretentious um well according to do you hate the angels do hate the fans good point good point um both i mean i don't know they do sound like they should i think that's the promise of angels of like oh this is a supernatural character in the bible that sounds fun and then like everything i've heard about it is like oh by the way way that supernatural creature is the most boring fucking character yeah they never do anything they don't actually do anything yeah but no okay but donkeys on the other hand donkeys practical transporting five-year-old girls around various shows yes um just like have the right vibe isn't interested in being the queen like i don't know a stallion or something practical humble

that's the ox too yes and Um, has a bit more going on than, like, uh, cow. I mean, listen, I don't want to hear you to fame cows here. No, I love, love cows. You know we have big fans from the dairy industry listening to this part. True. So I don't want you to say that and hurt yourself. But an ox.

Big milk. Big milk. Big milk is listening. Because. Turn it upside down. WB. Water Brothers. Producer of Wicked.

But the ox have like the big horns, which is so chic. I also like the idea of a donkey and ox being friends. Well, maybe we should put them both in. Let them be in there together. And let's kill Mary and Joseph while we're out of it. They're annoying me. They're already dead. Oh, thank God.

Well, actually, he did kind of have a part of it to do with it. Let me take that fabulous stick. Fabulous, what? Stick. He's walking stick. Oh, I thought he said, let me take that fabulous dick. Unlike Mary. What if Joseph had a great dick?

Maybe it was too much. Too much for Mary. Yeah, just like, oh, put that away. I don't need that massive dick. Yeah, shlong. I've had gods. Yeah. Put away that Joseph's slung.

Okay. Let's go. Like, that's the end of this. Ox and donkey. You're in. You made it in. All right. And the memory of Jesus's half sisters.

Yeah. Gruntilder and Becky, whatever their names are. Yeah. And we'll be right back. And we're back. kind of a mini category because we already have partially it's like imagine category B like one B because this is a microcategory inside of which are the things that the three wise men brought to the birth of Jesus Christ allegedly yeah um do we think and Matt I think you've made

some interesting points lumps lumps of amber yeah well go the most valuable substance in the They could have gotten a room. Well, right. They came really late, though, those magi, the wise men, didn't they? Did they come a few days later? Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's a bit of a shame.

They saw the star a bit late. Oof. Also, yeah, I don't know about following a star. I also hate the meaning. Because it's like, well, it doesn't have meaning until, like, you've lived with the gift. so like what like you can't say

I'm giving you this and it's a symbol of I suppose you can say that but like that's a weird way to give a gift just like give it and the gift will gain meaning with time oh yeah

like you can't give me like a pair of pants and be like this is because I want you to have a long life and like go on journeys yeah well no because like something so you're like

the person receives it and they have have the meaning. Yeah. Because they're like, oh, you noticed that my hair is frizzy and I need to have more hands. But yeah, I'm like gold. Maybe instead of picking which gift, maybe you should think about what gift they should have brought. Right.

What would be more practical? Yeah, probably like baby like nappies. Yeah. But like in a tiered cake around. arrangement um that could be one that could be baltasad could bring that like a fruit okay yeah i think gold is still good but like maybe you change it for like crypto um or like stocks in AI and then the roman empire yeah and then number three i would say like um a very bejeweled dagger of some description oh a dagger with a ruby on the end yeah

I hate this. Gold is a precious element. This represents Jesus Christ's kingship as gold represents royalty. Get real. Frankencense is a sweet-smelling resin that's used in worship. It signifies as Jesus' priesthood. He was a fucking baby. And myr is an ointment that's used in burials.

And at four shadows Jesus' death for mankind. Guilt trip. that sucks boo I got true lilies because your baby's gonna die one day like

go away oh thanks so much we didn't actually invite you yeah like oh the star was above your house the star's above every house bitch come follow someone

and then like the shepherds they're like this isn't your house you've been here for three days please leave they did stay there a long time Oh, we live here now Squatters right

Because the wise men came like five or six days later, didn't they? Oh God, how do you all know this? You're a Steiner child, Matt. You shouldn't know this. I've been listening to a book, an audio book about Christmas. The Bible. Yeah. Just about Christmas.

What are you fucking mean? I've been listening to like the history of Christmas. Why? Because it's hilarious. It's so dumb. Yeah. Like, about a thousand years after Jesus was born, they were like,

hmm, you should figure out what date he was born and just make an arbitrary date, his birthday. I think, like, I mean, honestly, I'm so into that. Like, the thing I'm into and the thing I'm over, okay, give you an example, my friend, Nicco, every year, his birthday is between Christmas and New Year. and it fucks up all manner of plants

and has left him just like, you know, never sure of how his birthday's going to go. He couldn't have friends at his birthday party when he was a kid, blah, blah, blah. Who the fuck cares? Move it. Move it to mid-Jan when everyone's on school holidays they can all come to your pool party.

Who cares? Like, actually who fucking cares? A few days later than you're actually. actual birth, no one cares. Just move it and make life easier. There should be no excuse for having Christmas babies. Like, even if it's the gays, oh, now we're going to have to celebrate and buy double gifts.

No, you don't. Move it to April. No one will fucking know. And on all the documents, you can have it as it is for legal, you know, I understand, keep it legal. Don't celebrate it. Why? We move shit around all the time.

If it's good enough for the coin, then it's good enough for yours. I see. One of my nephews' birthdays on Christmas Day. Yeah. Have they moved it? No. Why do you think not? Because it's actually, who cares?

Shut up. Move it. Stop making things complicated because you want to honour some arbitrary date. They do like a earlier, well, it got trickier because they used. to do like a mid-December yeah like thing but then my niece was born in mid-december so now she's taken up that time slot and nephew yeah has been bumped back to christmas um so on christmas it's always like merry christmas everyone christmas lunch christmas dinner da da da also it's birthday and also it's like it's just never going to be special it's really hard and i think

Yeah, like seeing it in a, you can see it in a child's face. And also it's like the siblings that have to like share Christmas with one person making it about themselves. Yeah. Nah. Fucking move it. Who gives a shit? Like to me that's the same as being like, well, I'm an aquariumist. I can't do this.

Like no one. Like it doesn't matter. like if you like the the anniversary of something only has the power that you give it because like the idea that a year has been a year is just a completely artificial arbitrary made up thing so in that way just move it to a time where it's going to be like really convenient and make the best time put it in the time for the best weather put it in the time when it's like best timed in the calendar that you exist in work why wouldn't you And just say to your kid, it's better this way. It's on the 29th of Feb. Like, literally. If I didn't have such a fucking sweet-ass birthday on the 21st of September right at the beginning of the school holidays, I would move it. But it's such a good birthday.

Spring, not too hot, not too cold. What a great birthday. True. Fourth of May, not too hot, not too cold. has a Star Wars reference that I wasn't aware of for the first 25 years of my life And I've got

Do you remember The 21st 9th of September So I guess, you know Earth, Wind, Fire and the Stars I'm second of November Which is Cup weekend Oh see, this is it Get a long weekend every year

Long weekend And you don't have to celebrate Cup weekend So you just make it Matt weekend Yeah, I don't even Hmm Move birthdays Everyone

Move anniversaries Don't celebrate them on the day Do them whenever the fuck you want It's great Also I can't understand why people do Death anniversaries I was thinking of my sister about this recently Like do you know people like

Get together and like Go like Oh mom died on this day Are you sick? What the fuck is wrong with you? We want to feel sad She had a birthday, too, do it on that day Or any other fucking day

You don't need to be like He's the day that she does Let it go Forget about that day That was not the best day of her life Why are you fucking making that a moment? Yeah Well, that comes from

This is more Christmas trivia It's all Christmas is for That comes from the saints So each saint is celebrating on their death day. Yeah, which sounds very Catholic to me. So St. Patrick's Day, you're actually celebrating the day you died. We can't become a saint until you're dead.

Are you going to celebrate the day I died? Every year. Only the first time. Ding dang, no, it just done. I agree. Yeah, good. What gift? What gift?

Why, I already said, uh, nappies, stocks, and, um, what I say? A rattle, a Tiffany rattle. Oh. Yeah. Um, okay, if I was, what about like a, like a, like a Banksy? Yeah. I got your Banksy. It's one of the smaller ones.

But it's going to keep accruing value. What about, I don't know. like a slab of wax like I'm not going to tell you if like I don't know if you need candles I don't know if you need it's just symbolize that you're a king you know

like also a bit of a craft opportunity you could make it into the candle if you want when I don't know I guess back then you could like also use it to like carve instructions in true like roman wax plates maybe like a

memorial plate or like I don't know what to get like I always was like can I the other contra thing that I'm going to say is like I don't think you should get gifts with like kids that are below sentience yeah like being born yeah didn't really

unless it's something for like their 18th birthday or something I think that's quite nice like invest investing in their future. Oh, yeah. Like to say, like, your kid is going to have this, like, great future. And, like, when they're 18, they'll have this thing that either is, like, an investment or something valuable or whatever.

Whereas, like, the... Crypto. Yeah. Do you want to get Jesus Christ doge coin. Yeah, maybe. It would be cheap back then. It hadn't been invented yet. True.

But, like, yeah, I just am like, I don't know, I feel like gold is good. gold is good for that how much how much gold do you think you got like a little i mean i feel like it's depicted as a little slab sovereign hill vials was just some like flex bloody i brought you some gold it's very expensive it's in this pen yes yeah i like that okay yeah gold in a vial from Sovereign Hill for Jesus. Yeah. That's what Melchia would have wanted or whatever. Malkia.

We'll be right back. Mermaine. Hello. Hello. Listener. Our final topic for discussion today is which of the high arcana tarot cards gets into the bunker. Ooh, girl. Yeah.

Okay. So what's your relationship to taro? Extreme surface level. Think it's cool. Think it's oversaturated. Think it's kind of not something for people to have. Fun myth, I think it's deeper than that, but as all things are, if you can go and buy the, I don't know, like, Star Wars version of tarot cards and the, like, you know, Disney princess version of tarot cards, etc., perhaps all meaning is lost in this world. I always was like, kind of like, is there some sort of cultural sensitivity I need to carry for, like, terror?

And the more I've looked into it, it's like, no. Like, from what I've seen, it seems to be like, there's obviously people that have imbued it with a lot of, like, something, something. But, like, as far as where it comes from and how many different places it's kind of sprung up, it's like more about divination. It's kind of been, yeah, picked up and run with by a bunch of different people.

But originally it comes from Italy, which I think is interesting. Yeah. So, there are 22 high-archana cards. So, like, when you think of lower arcana, it's all the, like, cups, swords, the ones and coins, and they'll be, like, the five of cups, whatever. In the higher archana, it's more of the, like, the main stars of the tarot deck. So you have the fool, the free spirit, with some bothered, open-hearted.

You have the magician. I am the magician. It's all about potential made real. The high priestess, the card whispers, Shh, listen. Listen. The empress doesn't chase, she attracts. The emperor, the emperor protects.

The hierophiles. and bring spiritual mentorship and ancestral knowledge. The lovers, this card can be about its romance, but at its core, it's about integrity. Chariot, drive forward, but do it with purpose. Strength, don't let the name fool you. Strength isn't a model of brute force, it's a beacon of resilience. The hermit, when the hermit appears, it's time to retreat. wheel of fortune up down back again the wheel of fortune doesn't promise control but it does remind

you that change is constant justice as in victoria justice justice is here to balance the scales and then the hanged man this isn't punishment its perspective death this card always comes with the disclaimer It's not an omen of literal death. Death is about letting go of ego, patterns, relationship, illusions, temperance, the art of balance. The devil? The card exposes illusions. The tower, it shows up when the rug is yanked out from under you.

The star, after the tower, the star shines through. It's about healing, renewal and general. gentle faith. The moon stir shadows, uncertainty, confusion, dream logic. The sun is radiant, alive, and totally unbothered by your self-doubt. Judgment is a cosmic wake-up call. The world is your victory lap. It's integration, completion, and the sense that your hard-earned wisdom is finally clicking into place. Do any of those resonate with you just straight off the bat? Death. I love death.

To everyone. It's true. Quite a few. Like, it's actually kind of chic when you read it all out. And it's like, ooh, they're all so cool. Yeah. Also, in the spirit of this episode, part of, like, laying out the tarot cards is if they are upside down, the meaning can be flipped or, like, the interpretation is different. So I'm sure Michelle could tell us more about that.

Well, yeah, the way that my mother-in-law, Miss Kerry, she's been reading terror for like 20 years, and he's, like, fabulous. And she did my terror just before I got the call to go on track race. And I was really like, I remember going up there that weekend. it was like on boxing day or something because it was between yeah having kind of heard some rumblings that they'd like put me through to the next part of the application but I didn't know whether it was official that I'd be going on yeah and um she sat me down because I was a bit out of like I wasn't out of sorts but I was just a bit like I just need to know and like so nervous and she sat me down at the the castle main dinner table and lit a cigarette and gave me this like a kind of like affirmation thing to like read

and then light on fire which is very fun and then you're like light it on fire as just like a way of cleansing the energy and like kind of clarifying your purpose in being at her table which I thought was fun and I kind of like I love the kind of

imagined process of a thing that it's like you do ritual not because you believe that there's like a higher meaning or a higher power but because you're like putting yourself in a mindset and you're like creating little like behaviors and tags to like get your brain to start thinking in a certain direction. And because like that's the thing. It's like terror is just not it's not like the cards are telling you the future. And this is what she told me.

She's like these aren't magic cards. These are cardboard with pictures on them. like you have you know that but the thing is when you start seeing these symbols and we start talking about what's happening yeah it's going to open your mind to things you're not thinking about in your life and it's going to give you an opportunity to reflect on them yeah and then talk about it with me or with yourself and then hopefully after getting this overview it allows you do then move forward and make decisions. It's therapy.

Right. It's just therapy disguised, which is what all of these things are. Some prompts. Yeah, it's just prompts. It's like doing like a, you know, Cosmo quiz. Like. Rorschak test. Yeah, exactly.

You're providing all the information and you have someone there who's kind of like coding your hand. Unerthing things or like allowing you to kind of like think more clearly about things. You're stuck in here. with me yeah but um it was so fun and she like laid down the cards and she does like um in terror the kind of further into you go like different terror readers have like not just like the kind of classic placements but they have their own placements that are like some will do like a circle and some will do like a quadrant thing where she's like laying out like this area of the table means

this this area of the table means that this is this part of your life. and so you'll like kind of lay them all out and then she'll start looking at them and like pulling them out and start kind of like working through what that might mean and she was like so and I mean all that stuff she said about like them not being future tellers went out the window when she was like

so you are going to get on that show and I was like oh yeah And she's like, and you're going to win. And she was like, listen, that's like, not me. That's just this. Oh, my God. And it was so funny and spooky, oaky and fabulous. Because it's like, how often do you get that?

Yeah. Yeah. Cool. And then, yeah. So of that, like, do you remember which cards were plucked or like which one was like, ooh, that one? No, because it was like, a mixture of like some lower arcana like fortune coalescing with like uh like i don't know

because she combines it with astrology so she's like because different in the archa like in the lower arcana like each one represents a different element so it's like uh i don't know like swords are air signs and so like oh well is there someone who's like one of these star signs in your life that is connected, you know, like is under this person or whatever. And so like, yeah, and through that, she got to the bottom of it and I guess it must have made its way to Michelle. So cool. And that's how I was crowned. Anyway, I like, I mean, I love death, but I think she's a bit overplayed. Yeah. Um, I love the hermit. I love the hanged man. Yeah, I like that too

So ominous Yes I like the high priestess Being one myself And I love Who's my other Near Death person Bear with

I love the tower Oh yeah Yeah I just think that's cool Oh the devil I love the devil The devil Matt what's your experience

With Tarot I've never had it done before Maybe I should try Well yeah Maybe it means that they're going to learn terror Okay we can test out And we'll start reading Do you think you'd be worried

If you like uncovered things about yourself You didn't want to know Yeah I'd be super worried No no I'd be open I'm a very open guy You know

You know me Yeah I wouldn't describe he's open You're pretty closed I'm very open Open to all sorts of things You live life luxuriously Yeah I will do I will say yes to life

Yeah I guess that is how you ended up doing this podcast Yeah Yeah I'm also a people pleaser I know it's such a great quality in a person I couldn't say no if I try it I love people pleases. I find out, there's a few people in my life at the moment that would describe themselves

as people pleases. And you say, you're not pleasing me. When are you going to start? Another very good one. But it is, it's such an interesting thing because I wouldn't consider myself that. No, I don't think you're a people pleaser. No. But I think, you're a displeaser.

No. Well, no, but I think I, like, am pathetic and, like, kind, I would hope. But you're not going out of your way to be like, oh, let me do, I don't know. But then if you're not a people, please, sir, are you selfish? I don't know. No, it's not that simple, but. Like, it's like, would you, it's like, would you, it's like, if someone asked you to move house with them. Yeah.

And you didn't know them that well. Yeah. Would you say yes or no. Oh, see, yeah. I would say, oh, I'll try. I mean, yeah, okay, sure. Oh, my God, okay, yeah. You know what I mean?

Like, I would feel too awkward to like say no. Yeah, that's a great quality. It is. We need people that just say yes, despite their better interests. How else do you think small independent budget films get made? People aren't have people pleasing, true. everyone's the people plates are on the on the crew yeah i'd say um funny dynamic yeah i really i mean like and just one psychopath no i i mean like i i i like doing nice things for people um but it's

it's got to be on my terms do you know what i'm like i'll go above me on but um like if i want to well and also i go above and beyond when i don't want to yeah exactly i would i like if someone says something and then they try and convince me of like oh don't you feel bad that you didn't do this i'm like no fuck you like who cares yeah change your birthday i'm not coming oh my god i'm not coming if it's on december 25th jesus yeah um what was temperance's vibe again See, I don't know, the ones that are a bit more like Not a person Yeah

Like, or like not a form I'm like, you're so much less chic Like temperance But temperance I'm getting a bit of a vibe from But I just want to check what the vibe is This card is a reminder that you don't have to rush Or control the outcome

Integrate, be patient, sip Don't chug That feels very... Sip, don't chug Blend, don't I don't think that's an Italian phrase Also, I think, like, do you know what we can do is, um, why don't we just make a death card that is death? Yeah.

Yeah, I like that. Like, why stop watering it down, Diva? Yeah. Also, like, don't take me on a roller coaster ride. Don't pull the death card and then, wait, what? And they'd be like, no, no, that actually means that you're going to get a cat one day. Like, come on. So, like, so it's mislabeled or what?

No, no. No, no. Death means... It means your death, like things that die, like your hair. You're going to die your hair? Yeah. Let's keep it real. Keep it real. Cancer?

Oh, no, no, no cancer. Sorry. It's a crab. Yeah. But truly, get real. Make a death card. But just quickly on the chugging of Italians. Oh, okay.

Yeah. When I was in France. Did I already say this? I don't care. when I was in France I went to a vineyard where they make wine and he was serving us wine

also kind of a stupid activity who cares like wine tasting in a vineyard that makes me want to die it's boring I hate that I'm like I just give me the bottle like just like pick a wine that you think is

they're like do you want to try this one now I'm like well you haven't really given me much of the others and they're like well, you're not meant to get drunk. I'm like, okay, well, sorry, I'm really good. It's about the flavors. I'm like, yeah, bitch, okay. Sorry?

You understand that I'm the one propping up your industry. Because if you just went with the sippers, you'd be dead in a fucking year. Oh, my God. Fill up the cup. Anyway. But the thing that they said about the French, and I guess this is where I come to by extension in the Italians, is that there's this kind of thing about how back in the day, like the French would drink so much wine, but it wasn't full strength wine.

They would water down their wine. So it would be like half water, half wine. Yeah. Because you would like space it out and da-da-da-da. So like even though like the thing of like, oh, you drink one glass of wine a day. with a meal. Yeah. That would be like a kind of ribena.

Yeah, like cordial. Yeah. Which I just think is really interesting. Yeah. And sad. I wonder if you can purchase wine that is intended to be watered down in that fashion. Yeah. Or if you just, yeah.

Passion pop that'll water it down quite well. Um, hmm. Yeah. Well, listen. A death card that we, but we really mean it. It means death. Yeah. And then if you pull it, like, you immediately get shot.

Like, well, from like a watchtower. Oh, Jesus. You know what I mean? Oh, the tower card. You got the tower card. It's okay. No, well, we've got a big prawn. True.

That's out tower. Oprah's got a sniper rival sitting up there. They've got the cards out again. You ready? I'm locked on. Just tell me when to take the shot. Oh, you survived another card game. Except she's not where.

She's not holding a sniper rifle. She's holding a can of silly string. Okay, fair enough. But it's acid. Yes. Yes. Okay. Well, lock it in.

Yeah, the death card. Real death. Yeah. For real. Instant. This time? Yeah. It's for real.

Yeah. And this week it was the publicus death. Pluribus. Pluribus death. Is that going to be explained at 15 minutes into the episode or what? What? The name. I've only found this out because of the internet, but that's a Latin phrase that wins one amongst many.

Ah. Anyway. Okay. So, this week. This week we have donkey and ox. Donkey and ox. We have gold from Sovereign Hill delivered by Balthazar. And then we have Oprah standing in her shrimp

Shooting anyone who gets the death card To make death real For real this time It's this time, it's for real Yeah Okay, great week Thanks so much for listening everyone We love you

Matt kiss the mic Oh I hate that That's worse than schlong Matt kiss it properly No no without the sound sound effect. How's the kiss? No, you go,

mw-w- If you go home and kiss your beautiful wife tonight, and you lean in and you go, M-W-A. Like, it's a line that you're saying instead of an action you're doing. It's, you may kiss the bride.

I've never known anything different. You don't know what you're talking about. Because he will fucking do it. Oh, my God. My husband, muwa. Moisies. What? Matt, kiss the mic.

That's better. Gobug, got. Okay. Death to everyone was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matches. Our theme song and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. If you've got something to say to us, you can call our new fucking thing. at things we'll put in the

link yeah it had a funny name pipe speak talk pipe speaking yell into the drain it was speak tube

it was talk oh fuck we'll put a link in the description well there'll be a link speakpipe.com slash death to everyone and won't you support us

please at pageon.com such death to everyone goodbye goodbye bye bye You know,