Death To Everyone - Death To... Nuts, Beyoncé & Ugly Things

Episode Date: April 9, 2024

Listener! It's one of those weeks. Join us as we discuss nuts, the Best Beyoncé for the bunker and ugly things. Death To Everyone!!! Follow us, won't you? www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. www.naturalhabitatstudios.com/ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. www.instagram.com/ediecentric/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103/

🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 Coming at you direct from the celestial void is... Welcome. Lazy Susan. And Zalamoon. And I am a drag queen.

I also am a drag queen. And do you know how you know that I am a drag queen. I also am a drag queen. And do you know how you know that I'm a drag queen? Because I self-identify that way. I'm in drag right now. Of course. Wow. Welcome to Death to Everyone. Have you ever heard of that analogy of the axe?

The axe that you replace all the pieces of the axe and is it still the same axe like if you replace the handle one year and then you replace the like at what point does it stop being the original axe after you like keep refurbishing it right does that make sense yeah okay so then my question is in that same line of thinking when does the drag queen appear do you know what i mean how many things need to be replaced how when you are putting on or taking off drag yeah there is a line where you stop being a civilian in you know your civilian moment yes yes and you become the drag queen and because we know now, you know, as the conversation, the dialogue has deepened and extended,

that drag is not dependent on a wig or pads or, you know, titties or like any piece of the puzzle is not necessary. Yeah. But what is? I thought you were going to take this in cyborg territory, which I was excited for. Like when am I still a person? Yeah.

Well, that's it. It's kind of like if you're a drag queen, you're definitely not a person. No. Like, you've given up your personhood. Leave your humanity at the door. That's right. I think it's different for every drag queen.

We'll see. Because there are different things that define what transition into drag. Yeah, for me. What is the line between the man that is and the woman that will be? I think I used to, maybe in the past I would have said like when the lashes go on, but I almost feel like it's the contour. Well, I've seen you out and about without a lash

so were you out of track you're like because we also didn't wear that uh contour for the oh no we did yeah we did a little which i you may remember i was like when it's not gonna be drag if there's no contour yeah um because it reshapes your face. Yeah. And then you start to look different. Yeah. Like the lashes are a big piece of that.

Lashes, eyebrow, contour. Yeah. Yeah. But I don't know. I mean, the whole shebang really. Yeah. But I've, like I could go sissy about without pads, like depending on the outfit, pads, corset and a bra on. Like if I was wearing something flowy that hid all of that and still feel like I was in drag if I had.

Contour and lash. Contour and a lash. Well, contour and a lash. Yeah. And then you could essentially take off everything but that and just have contour and a lash and would you still be in drag? Well, sometimes when you get, you know, when you get home before you start the endeavor of getting your fucking makeup off and you catch yourself in a mirror and you're like,

God, I still look incredible. But then the second that you peel the lashes off, you're like, Oh, I need to. Get me out of here. Cover all the mirrors in the house. Yes. What's your... What's my line?

Yeah. I don't know. I think it's about the response. Like as soon as you leave someone speechless, that's when I know I'm in drag. You know, when the Uber driver, if they treat you too normal, then I'm not in drag.

So you're only in drag if someone acknowledges you. Yeah, it's like a tree falling in the woods. Like, yeah, I don't think I'd be in drag if no one sees it. Drag doesn't exist to no one. I see. Like, have you ever done drag, full geish, and then just put it away? Never in my life. Like, without sending anyone a picture or anything?

Never. Yeah. Because how could you do that? Yeah. It's like it's very the like original days like of the, what was that? The camp. Oh my God. I watched this documentary about like men in the 60s or 50s.

Well, not just men, but at the time they to be men um who would go away to this like house retreat vacay spot for the summer leave their wives and children and they'd all spend the whole time in drag and obviously it was like a precursor yeah like it was like they were like you know some of them were like i want to just have the drag fantasy but some of them it was like you know you couldn't transition back then you couldn't solve like you know actually be and live as a woman but this little section of time you could but yeah um i guess back then there were certain people out there just getting into full geish and then putting it all away just for you just to look in the mirror although you know when i was growing up i used I used to put on mom's heels and stuff.

And that was just for me. How high was your mother's heels? Not that high. Sharon? Not that high, but you know. Drag really deforms your brain though. Because I remember seeing other people's shoes and being like, as a child,

and being like, oh, she's wearing heels. And now when I see those shoes, I'm like, what the fuck was that? You're going to put in any effort? You're wearing your hiking boots today. Well, you chose comfort. What happened to get it raised outdoors? Like you literally are so desensitized

because you're used to walking around in like a six inch fucking pleaser. Which it's funny because the more, like always when you go out, like gals will comment. How do you walk in those? Like, what? They're crazy.

And for a long time I was like, what do you mean? Isn't this what you do every single day? Aren't you all walking around in stripper heels? But as I interact with more women, I realize that's not true. Yeah, I'm so excited for you to learn all about women. Oh, women. Okay, so what is this show about? Well, we pull apart.

Bitch, it is like episode 35. Why is there a struggle at this point? We both struggle to do this. I can do it straight away Ask me, ask me I'm trying I always want to You know, because what if you've been listening for 35 episodes

You want to hear the same thing every day Lazy, what's this podcast about? This podcast is two celestial goddesses Deciding what goes into a bunker for the end of times So we are looking through various categories And selecting one thing to go and be saved from an apocalypse of our choosing. See, that's

quite good. And where is it going? Where's the um and an aren? Where is it? In a bunker. I said that. Oh, I didn't. Matt, did I say that? No. Matt, I said that. I said bunker for the end of time. Let's rewind it. Roll the tape. Anyway, we're so happy to have you here, listener.

I think today, listener, you look incredible. It's that combination of top and pants. Or that flowing one piece. Yes. You're wearing them today. And hair or lack. Oh, lack. Yeah.

You're wearing them today. And hair or lack. Oh, lack. I wonder what our percentage of hair and no hair listener base is. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have like a preference? Like for listeners?

Look, in a listener, I look for someone with hair. So if you're a baldy listening, just know that you're not here, you know, without permission. No, that's not true. I hung out with a hairy friend the other day and said to him, God, your legs are so hairy. He's like, yeah, unless I shave them. And I was like, what? What? Does he do that? Shave them?

I don't know. This was the straight guy that I went to the peel with, dear listener. Oh. And I was like, oh, your legs are so hairy. Did it get you anywhere? I mean, he invited me over to his house for pizza on, when was this? This was Friday. To like, we really do.

Yeah, this is Zelda went to the pier with this guy. And that was where that awful guy. What if they're listening? That awful guy. God, I hate that guy. That awful guy walked up to Zelda and was judging her and was, like, trying to cock block her. Yeah. From her straight friend.

Yeah. That's for me. No, but, yeah, I don't know. He invited me over. And we had pizza. And we watched old episodes of Seinfeld. And then I went home. Was Frasier not available?

Baby, I hear the blues are calling, toss salad and scramble it. Okay. But in other news of things that have happened in my life this week. Wait, so you didn't touch the D a second time? Not this time. Not this time. But I got, you know, nine and a half years to go. Okay.

Not this time I got, you know, nine and a half years to go Okay But yes, the new episode came out yesterday It was kind of like a two part Are you talking about X-Men again? Yeah Is this like going to be every week? Yeah

We've established that, sister And you, it's actually, I'm doing it for you So the first part was fine It was like a nintendo meets mojo verse episode mojos you'd like mojo i think i see a lot of mojo in you actually um it was a jubilee focused episode which was good and unless that jubilee has a tea cozy competition i don't care to hear about it and they had her original voice actor back to play like a different version of jubilee which is quite cute because they recast her i know that they recast her why

because her tongue got cut out because the original voice actor was like i'm not gonna come back and play that chinese-american actor when i am white so they she's doing other characters in the show which is fab but she did a different version of Jibun. Japanese women. So it's okay. And then the second part was about Forge and Storm. Oh, it was great. I swear to God, every time you list a new X-Men, you're making it up. Forge.

Yeah. He has a cybernetic leg. Do you know I watch this? As soon as I watch this show, I watch an episode of the show. We watch. Do you know? Lazy came over and was like was like oh let's watch an episode of x-men yeah and we watched it and as it was going she started making jokes like oh here's wolverine and there's wolverine watch out for wolverine over there i was like who are you doing this for i just like to enjoy myself you should try it sometime. Oh, my God.

Instead of sitting in the company of a friend silently on your couch or commenting on their leg hair. But let me tell you something. On this show, right, this show about the X-Men, something becomes apparent, right? Because you're like, in the world of comic books, like the sky's the limit, you know? And you invent a concept that basically says,

because the, I don't know if you know about this, listener, but in this version of reality, people have begun to mutate. And as a result of their mutations, they take on special powers or abilities um and some of them are useful abilities and some of them are not and then some of them band together and become like a sort of uh like a militia to fight crime um and some of them make crime anyway but you're like at this point being like, oh, wow. And they can just have anything, any power you can think of, anything under the sun.

You can just make up anything. And then like, yes, as long as it's flying or charging up objects with like various beam powers. Because I watched this show, which was like, you know, a full, you know, 25,000 years of my life. And they were just all flying. They all had super strength and they could all shoot beams of power at things. What?

Sorry? I need a little bit more creativity. That's all. Oh, this one. Her power is taking other people's power. Oh, what power did she take? Super strength and flying and charging things up. What's his ability?

He's super strong. Sorry? What's Superman's ability? Oh, he's super strong. You know, Batman? Strong. Go off, sis. I just am like...

Embarrass yourself. We need to think about... Say more. We need to think about more things here. The listener knows. She has magical beams. They know how ridiculous this is. I get charged by the sun, and now I'm supercharged.

I'm going to shoot a beam of light at someone. Beam of light? Yeah, I got beam of light as well. Oh, do you? Me too. We all got beams of light. Okay, and what did you do with your week? Okay, but I will say this.

We were at a trivia night the other night and one of the questions was what is the new x-men show's name yeah and zelda got it right and we did win by one point that whole trivia so i assume that that's that was the only i've been put in the way of this of this trial and there was that great Stripes song which I've been listening to ever since. You blew all the way. Anyway, that's my recap of X-Men for the week. Also, there was this group of like 18 and 3-day-year-olds at the trivia

and they were so grotty. 18-year-olds are crazy. Two of them. They're like young girly pop was sitting on the like awkward boys lap. And they were like smooching and cooching the whole time. It was like, we get it. And like, I was embarrassed for them, for their friends. And I was like, you guys are not the couple you think you are.

She could be, but you could never be. Oh my God. She was stunning. She was such a babe. but you could never be. She could be. Oh my God. She was stunning. She was such a babe.

But I love when Girly Wells will do like such a hot makeup and then wear like fucking Quicksilver tracky-dacks. So cool. Oh, so chic. I mean, obviously like it's her first boyfriend, I think,

but maybe not. But he was like some long haired loser loser and she's gonna upgrade so fast she absolutely will that is not gonna last no no um but that boy seemed no oh i hated them all actually yeah anyway and then what i was thinking about last night was because they won like that boy the aforementioned boy who was like mac and i'm a character yeah um he won a fleshlight and i was like he's at home right now fucking that fleshlight do you reckon yeah he's there is no way mama that he did not go home and put his dick in that they second he got no no no no no okay so here's the thing then i was like that girl was probably like jerking him off with it.

No. Because they would, yeah. Let me tell you. Okay, so this is a friendship group. They obviously know each other from high school. They've all just gotten their IDs. They're like drinking for the first time. 18 or 19.

They look like children. And one of them gets, wins the heads down, like hands or tops or bottoms, heads or tails game. And he gets to pick a mystery prize from the mystery box and gets a fleshlight on stage. His friends are losing their mind because their friend has done the insane thing of going on the stage. Like, he is now at least 45 centimeters taller above the crowd and they are like, what?

And that's funny enough. But then he wins a sex toy, which they know is silly and naughty, despite the fact that like they have fully had like half of his human body down another human body's mouth the entire time we've been there. So they know about the existence of sex. Anyway, the flashlight comes down and the friends are passing it around. They realize that it's not just a flashlight modeled after a vagina. It's a butthole.

So they're like, like Matt's laughing now. That's how they were laughing. It's a butthole. You don't fucking a butthole. But one of them. One of them wasn't laughing. No. He was like, I like to fuck a butthole. But one of them. One of them wasn't laughing. No. He was like, I like to fuck that butthole.

But there's no way that that does not become, because the whole social group now knows about the butthole fleshlight, that is going to become like a mascot of their friend group. Bitch, they all want to fuck that thing. But it's going to end up as like a toy that they bring out at parties that they all tell the story of the time that he went on that stage with that drag queen and won the butthole flashlight. And if anyone ever uses it, they will ask after it.

They'll know. They'll be like, where's that butthole flashlight? And if it even comes out of the box, I think it'll be crazy. I think they're going to put flowers in it and sit it on their shitty share house wall. They are taking turns fucking it. By this time it's been what? 72 hours,

48, 72 hours. That flashlight is pregnant. It many loads right in there. Oh, you got to empty it. I think. I don't think so.

That girlfriend is not letting him take that flashlight home. I was thinking about that. She didn't like it. I was like, they probably still all live with their parents. So maybe she- That girlfriend ran away from home when she was 15. No, not with eyeliner like that.

She could have, she stole it. She's cool. Yeah. God, I wish I was that girl. But you know the worst one, we didn't even talk about him, was the one in the Ninja Turtles hoodie. What color was the hoodie it was green but then it had like a print of the ninja turtles shell on the back and on the front oh disgusting

i didn't like that and it wasn't rafael's weapons it was like leonardo's boring well i'm glad you said something it was brave well i said it with my ass. Your ass? What is this 35-year-old woman doing? Get your ass out of here. I'll take the hoodie off. I'll take it off. But I did feel like old. I hated sitting next to them.

I hated it. But we won, so we know more About the Goo Goo Dolls Iris Oh god Yeah And we won a hundred dollar voucher But now we have to go back Yeah But you know what That's fun

I liked it Yeah You know what I think trivia is great And I think Do you know what If I was a big Yeah

If I was in a position to run trivia, I don't know. I think that could be really good. I mean, I'd think about hosting a trivia somewhere in Melbourne. Trivia in Melbourne. I don't know. Weekly trivia.

Yeah. Maybe like you do one week, I do one week. Yeah. Maybe like a central location like Fitzroy. Yeah. Like, what's that street? Brunswick Street.

Brunswick Street would be good. That could be good. Okay, we'll see if we can hook it up. I don't know. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Okay, so, yeah.

How the fuck are we getting out of this this week? So, it's the end of the world as we know it. And I feel fine. So, I think here's the issue.'s the ozone layer right um but instead of like the ozone layer becomes sentient and is like kind of like crushed when it discovers the 90s media about how there's a hole in it, becomes very self-conscious. And then it like heals up very strong, like a Wolverine. And then all of the ozone layer like then like starts pumping it up at the gym, just becoming big and strong, you know,

to flex on humanity for being so down dogger on her for like so long. And then triples, quadruples, catiples in size. And then, oh my God, what happens as a result? Too much protection. I assume that's how science works. And do you know what happens? We turn into white zombie men? Yes.

No. We crashed on it like a kind of glass, like a lowering glass ceiling. You know what I mean? It's so dense. And it like makes us like flat pancakes against the like surface of the earth. Like last week when we were flattening the envelopes. Yes, which I have nothing to say on.

But yeah, so we're like kind of like crushed flat, but it's quite satisfying to look at. Like if you're in space, everyone would be like, bloop. Are we pressed like flowers? Flowers, yeah. Oh, that's cute. I suppose the flowers are pressed as well. That's right.

Everything's flat. So you're a flat earther, is what you're saying. The world is flat. Yeah, that's my plan. Yeah. See what was good? Okay. How fun. Yeah. You're That's my plan. Yeah. See what was good? Okay. How fun.

Yeah. You're making something not sentient, sentient. I love it. Yeah. Okay. And that's it. Well, we'll be right back. We'll be right back.

Bye-bye. Welcome back. Oh, my God. Just quickly, Frida Las Vegas. You know I think of you every day because I have my Lazy Susan pen in my handbag and use it frequently. Best merch ever. I love her. Cute. That's so kind.

That's right. I want one of that knitwear. Okay. We're leaving that in. Welcome back, everyone. Hello. Where are you right now? Are you having a frozen yogurt? Because you could be having a frozen yogurt. Fro-gut. Fro-gut. I mean, do you ever just realize, I mean, I know we talked about this, but do you having a frozen yogurt because you could be having a frozen yogurt fro get fro good i mean

what do you do you ever just like realize i mean i know we talked about this but do you ever just realize you can do whatever you want whenever you want i yes like it's just like and it's like if you're depressed just like go and do something oh my god like not like you know it's like just go and do it girl and like it doesn't even have to be big. Do you know what I mean? Just go and get yourself a cheese slice. Steal it if you don't have the money. You know, my mom always has like really high quality cheese slices in the fridge. I was there on Easter weekend. Yeah.

My goodness. I ate so many of them. Wow. Just like. Wait, the ones that are like tasty pre-sliced, but they don't have the individual plastic. No plastic. Wow. See, that's? No plastic. Wow. See, that's good.

They're too good for that. Wow. Yeah. And I know those are expensive, but you know, mum can handle it. I went to my brother's on the weekend. Brag about it. I don't have a brother. Just you and Jennifer Garner.

Yeah. And we needed to do a whole heap of like log splitting, ready for the winter. Where do you live? We what? Where does your family live? Matt finds your brother's rural life to be quite hilarious. What do you mean he doesn't live in the city?

It's like a little house on the prairie kind of flash. Yeah. We can't afford central air. So we hired... Do they light the fire often? Yes. Like, is it like more just as like a quaint thing to do? No, to prevent them and the family from freezing.

Well, no, because obviously there's more efficient ways to heat and cool your home now in the year 2024, Zelda Moon. But that house was built before that time. In the before times. In the before, damn. Yeah. It does have central heating as in like the vents, but it's not very good. Yeah.

Yeah. But the fire is fab. Yeah. And also like nice or whatever. Well, that's the thing. I'm like, I would heat my house with a fire just for like the steez of it. Totally. Except, you know, like there are fireplaces,

three fireplaces in my house. My landlord at one point was like, well, I don't know. You could use them. That man's going to kill me because they literally are blocked. Oh, my God. I don't know if they're blocked, but like there's no way. You need to like get them inspected before you use them. And the small fireplaces in Melbourne, like in the Victorian homes,

are Victorian era coal burning fireplaces. They're not wood burning fireplaces in Melbourne, like in the Victorian homes, are Victorian era coal burning fireplaces. They're not wood burning fireplaces. So literally burning coal in your house is so carcinogenic. And this man's going to kill me. He'll be like, you can use them if you want. Which I still think about anyway. Like I would consider it. So we hired a hydraulic log splitter machine.

Bourgeois. Yeah. Which was so scary, but fun. What's wrong with an axe? Well, because it's too dense. The wood is so dense that the axe literally bounces off. What kind of wood is it? We had red gum.

Oh, that is strong wood. Yeah. And we had, what was it? Red gum is some of the strongest wood in the world. Oh, that is strong wood. Yeah. And we had, what was it? Red gum is some of the strongest wood in the world. Oh, yellow something. Another type of gum. Yellow box. Yeah, yes, it was yellow box.

And fuck me, the yellow box was the worst because, so the hydraulic press, right? It's like an axe head on like that fucking How to Train your dragon performer from Queensland who made the TikToks about like. Oh my God, that was such a long walk to get here. He was like, here's an egg getting crushed by a hydraulic press, but I'm wearing white and yellow and I'm also getting crushed by it

in my interpretive dance. It's that girl except an axe with red gum could just go the one step back and be like, you know on TikTok when they show the hydraulic press crushing things. I love that woman who watches things bounce downstairs. She's so good. Her taste is impeccable. How does she know what I'm going to like? We like her.

No, she's like us. Yeah, so it's this intense press with this axe head on it. And you just like, it's really slow. You like put the log in front of it and it slowly comes down. But then when the axe hits the wood, depending on the cut, like the wood will bulge under the pressure. And it looks like it is about to fucking explode and splinter into your eyeballs cool and then the the axe head like splits it and then it just slowly drives through and it's like ripping the fibers apart and then you have two pieces of firewood instead of one

piece and they must be quite slow burning because of how dense they are that's correct the heat that would come off that for hours they're set for the winter darling they are set for the winter let's just hope they can keep that wood dry well we then had to load it into the fucking like tin shed thing for it to dry out in the last you know through the autumn period so but it was really good and did you get bin by snake do you see any spiders many yeah and we found a few dead mice which i said was good because that means the snakes aren't around to eat them but then i was sitting near a lot of frogs and i thought snakes love frogs so that freaked me out anyway if you ever wanted to know what the train of thought in Zoe's mind sounds like Oh look frogs

How do I Oh no I am sitting next to a lot of frogs You love snakes Wouldn't you be delighted to see a snake Also Australian snakes though They're not I don't want a brown snake near me

That would be the end of my life Well yeah So what's the category today i feel like i got other stories why don't you start by just telling us the category and we can go from oh okay well yeah because then i'm sure you can just segue into one of your fat you know you you telling one of your stories could be like the hydronic axe head coming into the middle of this segment, just... Slowly splitting it apart. Yeah, the segment looks like it's about to explode. I have some video of it.

Maybe I should put that on something. I'm sure the patron would be so delighted to see your axe splitting video. And now that they've heard the riveting 10-minute tale of how there could have been snakes, but there wasn't snakes. You're so supportive this week. Thank you. All right, well, let's get right into it.

I supported the envelope apocalypse last week. Let's get right into it because it is time for us to decide which nut is going into the bunker. Which nut? Which nut? Which nut? Cum. Well, we're filled with cum already.

Oh, that's right. The only bodily fluid in the bunker is cum. Because we're adults. Not like those disgusting youths at the trivia at the Penny Black. Who laughed at a flashlight. Grow up. Grow up. See, if we were in the bunker and I said that,

the spittle would have been cum. Yeah. Okay, nuts. Now, I don't know how much we want to like dive into like, you know, like the, like, oh, that's a legume. Do you want to do that? I know I don't want to do that. Because like, we could do that.

I don't want to do that. I'm like, that's a, you know, like, that's not technically a nut. I'm like, kind of think it is a nut now. Like, let it go. Yeah. Like when it's like, it's not a vegetable. It's a fruit. Oh. Girl like it's not a vegetable that's a fruit oh girl it's not congratulations yeah yeah what's your example like you know pumpkins are fruit oh no i mean for

nuts oh you know cashews are legume oh no fuck that well like cashews are fruit cashew nut yeah yeah it's got nut nut which we meant're talking about nuts. Yeah. Cashews. That's the outfit. Great contender. Yeah. You know I'm not really a woman, right? Get over it. Wow. But if you were ranking best women, I'm sure I'd come in the top hundred. Right? I'd love to just see best woman award.

Lacey Susan. I mean, if you ranked every woman on the planet, where do you think you would get? Like billion mark? Or do you think you'd be in the top million? I might be in... How many people are there on this planet? Seven billion. Eight billion now, I think, actually.

Damn, we've got to stop. So it's four billion women-ish. Well, I don't know. Yeah, go on. I reckon we'd be in the top two billion. Top two billion of women Yeah, because a lot of those billions of women are children We're better than them

They're so short Yeah Okay, that's good They don't know nuts from legumes anyway Yeah And so few of them have such beautiful lipstick And they probably wear short heels Yeah Okay And they probably wear short heels Yeah

Okay We would definitely be the upper percentile for tall women Oh, we'd be the top 50,000 50,000? Yeah No What? I think there'd be at least 50,000 6 foot 5 women in the world

Taller than us? Yeah 50,000 women are taller than us? What? I think there'd be at least 50,000 6'5 women in the world Taller than us Yeah 50,000 women are taller than us More, I'd say a million With these terrifying women will be the downfall of us But they don't have That's who's knocking at my door at night I looked at the security footage and there was just a gigantic woman.

She wasn't there to kill me, but she did freak me out. Well, eventually they're going to knock on all our doors. Just statistically. Stay tuned for next week's apocalypse. Okay. Well, if you think that you'd be ranking somewhere in the top million, explain to us why. Anyway.

Okay, so cashew nut, great contender. I mean, yes. But I found out the other day it wasn't even that healthy. And I've been like fooling myself for years being like, it's going to be a healthy day today. And like peanuts. Peanuts? Love peanuts.

Previously discussed on this episode because of their ability to kill people. Yes. Which is so cool. That's very chic. But a lot of nuts can do that. Peanuts just get like the rap because they're like. Well, it's because they're the famous one. Yeah.

So of course they get blamed for it. How? Sate? I had some sate last night. It's so good. It's incredible. It's just like the sauce. Peanuts can go

anywhere. Do you know what I mean? Not on planes. It's so stupid. it is so rude that snickers are still like the bitch when like so many people are dying of anaphylactic shock and they're like well what do you want us to do do you think do you think mars is the most successful bar on the planet mars bar yeah god no i think snickers would be snickers i hope so i imagine they're like the two queens yeah but like who like the star of a snickers bar is caramel and nuts yeah i say nougat in that as well mars bar and a stinker's bar are the same except mars bar has more nougat and no nuts no nuts yeah i don't know fuck i don't know um anyway

anyway so peanuts have to be a contender because they're just so good. But you know what? Have you ever like at Christmas time had a nutcracker and had walnuts? Yeah. Oh, it's hypnotic. I love a good walnut. I just like, I mean like the flavor is kind of gross. Like they taste like shit, but like just the process of like little brains. Yeah.

And like cracking them out of the shell. I don't mind. I don't mind the flavor, but it has to be small pieces. Like I made that walnut salad when you and Benan came over and no one ate any of it. I ate some. Okay. Wow. Just put walnuts in it.

But they need to be cut up because that shape is too much. You're taking like just a half brain? Yeah. Quarter brain. Oh, I like half. That's good. Okay. Because I still want to be able to see it.

Greedy! And then pecan is like only good in pecan pie. Yeah, no, I don't like that. Yeah. Almonds. I think almonds probably is the one that I eat most. Yes. Yeah.

Because you can have it slivered. But you know what? Almond butter, so disgusting. Ooh, I don't think I've ever actually had that. And you are the lucky one because it is foul. It is so like, I don't know why peanuts work no matter what like form they're in. You can put peanuts in a smoothie. Yeah.

Like peanut butter in a smoothie. Go to Veggie Bar. It will be in every one. Oh, my God. Yeah. What about Brazil nut? That tastes like dirt. I need to look her up.

It's like big, big chunky one. Brazil nut? Mm. What is it? Oh, my God. This is stressful. They're good, but yeah, they do indeed taste like dirt. Brazil nut.

Pine nuts? Oh, man. Pine nuts? Oh, yes. Pine nuts, which come from pine cones. What? Yeah. Really? Yeah. Cool.

Wait, I think so. Oh, my God. They are from pine cones. It's ridiculous. That's crazy. They are so good. Pine. Yeah, I probably cook the most with pine nuts, but then almonds are just a great snack.

Yeah. Yeah. Matt, anything to throw in here? I'm on the almonds at the moment. Well, you're a vegan. That's true. Well, I'm a bit of a flexi-vegan, but yeah. Oh, that's right. You did have all that chocolate for Easter just then. Yeah. I break it for

treats. Why are you vegan? It's all I've ever known. I just was born vegan. I came out and they said, he's a vegan. Oh, wait, your parents kept vegan? Yeah, well my parents went vegan when they were pregnant with me And then I just kind of grew up vegan And then we started eating egg for a little while I think, and some other cheeses

Yeah, this is really interesting. Yeah. So, yeah. So I've just always kind of been Veggie. Do you think you would have been taller if you'd been, what are you saying? If you'd had iron in your diet? Oh, do you know how many times I got bullied about that at school? Like, because I grew very, like, late.

Like, I grew longer, Because I grew very late. I grew longer, taller, very late. So all the boys were like, how lovely you are. Because you don't eat meat. How did they know? Who told them? I told them that I was a vegetarian. Or vegan.

Yeah, you shouldn't have. Yeah, let's slip on that. You just kept that close to my chest. Also, what a weird thing to tease someone about. You don't eat something I eat, loser. Anything. You're really digging into the high school logic here. You tease them for whatever you got.

Yeah, you just find anything. That sucks. Anything that's different about someone and bully them. Yeah. What about you? Blue eyes? Yeah. What about you?

Brown hair? Yeah. What about you? Brown hair? Yeah. That's too common. It was like, I was the only one in the class. Yeah, you really got to scan for like the thing that the person already knows is weird about them. Yeah. Like, you know, it's not about what other people think is weird about you. It's what you think is weird about you.

And then that person identifies that and makes a point of talking about it like shade uh yeah like the bullying in the queer community we just think it's we can see how funny it is yeah that's the difference um yeah but i think almonds or peanuts or cashews are my favorites yeah okay if Okay. If I was walking into a house, like a rich person's house, I'm trying to think of like what I'd be most impressed by if they had a bowl of it out. Macadamias. Macadamias. Because they're like super expensive, I think. They are.

So are hazelnuts. But I'd be like, that's crazy. Like that person's like an evil witch from a nursery rhyme. You don't put out a bowl of hazelnuts. That's just crazy. Hazelnuts are fucked. And then you're like Nutella. What a nursery rhyme. You don't put out a bowl of hazelnuts. That's just crazy. Hazelnuts are fucked and then you're like Nutella. What a great idea. In moderation.

Yeah, it needs to be with chocolate, I think, hazelnuts. Yeah. Oh, it's so good in a bowl like a chocolate. What is it? Nut, nut, nut, nut. Nut. See, cashews are interesting Because they're Have you seen how a cashew grows?

It's like in a fruit Yeah it's like on the end of a fruit I love that little nub on the end of a cashew Yeah Isn't it cute? Yeah it's really funny Oh wait we forgot about the real queen Pistachio

I was going to say pistachio Yeah I mean Yeah they have really good Have we already had this conversation? Because I feel like I think about this every day Because say pistachio. Yeah. I mean. They have really good pistachios. Have we already had this conversation? Because I feel like I think about this every day. Because the pistachio nut. They've got a perfect shell.

It's got a great shell. It's got an experience. I must have spoken about this. There you go again. But I swear to God, the experience. Because you know how in toy making nowadays, and I definitely have spoken about this, but it's all about the experience of opening the toy.

Like it's no longer about the toy itself. It's about the experience of opening and whether you can like post about it. And to me, in evolutionary terms, the only one that has kind of got something on that is probably either the pistachio or the walnut walnut yeah but the walnut requires a piece of additional accessories to open whereas the pistachio is like the mandarin of nuts it's like perfectly formed to just be enjoyed like on the go it feels very like like workshopped by a control you know like by a group of people like so how are you opening it get the two sides but it's like starts off as this like beige color but

then inside what color are we going to do we're going to do a bright pop of lime and then like a little bit of purple and then have it be kind of like like on the inside. Such a beautiful shade of green. Yeah. Like I always said to my sister when we were watching Project Runway back in the day, if I was ever going to do like a line, it would be inspired by the pistachio nut. And the first, you know, like it would be the evolution of the nut. So you would end on the big, like the rich greens and the purples, but it would

start with this like kind of beigey like ready to wears but you might go back to the full like beigey colors for the bridal look at the end wow like a bone nut shell color big gown in the kind of shape of a and you know like how like the pistachio nut splits yes and kind of like has that that's what you'd have the kind of like fabric split out. For your little slut leg. Yeah. But no, like, yeah. Anyway, Project Runway, you missed your chance.

You're not going to get all of this. I like this. This is nice. What about salted? What about it? You need to be salted, of course Okay, I'm just checking Because that will influence

I mean, which nut can get away with not being salted? Really? Like, maybe the walnut Maybe the walnut Like, I've never had a salted walnut Some is a great accompaniment And some, maybe Peanuts, unsalted.

I think half of their appeal is the addition of salt. Of salt, yeah. Look, I mean, in my heart of hearts, I want to say pine nut. Because I fucking love pine nuts. And also cute. And rich. Wealthy. Those little bags are so expensive.

Whenever I make pasta, I'll put just a little bit in. It's so good. Once I was on a date with a guy and I was making him dinner. And I bought all my ingredients. And I just like, I guess because I was like, you know when you're on a date and you're like, we're going to do nothing but the best tonight. It's the best of everything. The best, Jerry. It's the best.

So it was like a handmade pasta from somewhere. From somewhere. You know. I didn't ask that man where it came from. But all of those elements were like the most premium because I was like, well, this is a second date. We're going for the most of everything. And then I just like had that bag of pine nuts and i'm like cooking and then i put the whole bag in the thing and i'm like heating the pine nuts and then i like

serve the meal and it like is 98 pine nuts and we're just sitting there pretending like we're not just eating a bag of pine nuts. With like some pasta occasionally interspersed. It was so tragic. And it was so like transparent what had happened. But he did not acknowledge it. That's kind. And then I was like, you know, there's a lot of pine nuts here. I really love them.

Literally, what the fuck is wrong with me? I could have just not put them on. Yeah, but special. Yeah. I was like, this is the most of the expensive thing. Yeah. Now put your straw into your bottle of Chandon and sip up. What are you leaning towards?

Pistachio. Pistachio. Oh. See, no, I find it quite fussy it's fussy diva what are you talking about no do you want to live in a world where it's okay to be a nut with standards with layers depth or do you want to live in a world we could make cool little beetle creatures out of the shells you could put little googly it. You could put little googly eyes. Yes, they could be the basis of such eye.

Okay. Well. Well. I'm not going to fight this one. Come on, go to the map for it, bitch. Go to what? Just yell. Say, pine nuts are us.

What about pine nuts? There we go. Maybe pine nuts. Oh, my God. Congratulations, Pistachio. You and your complicated history are in. Excellent. Well, we'll see you in the next round.

Ciao for now. Oh, wait, Zelda, you didn't put in a story. Do you want to tell us a story? No. Maybe in the next one. Yeah, maybe in the next one. Down on the Hydraulic Story Press.

Hello, listener. Welcome back. I have something to say. Oh. On our drive to the celestial void where we record the studio. Yeah. Beep, beep. At Natural Habitat Studio.

Yeah. You know, you're in a different area. So you log on to Grindr and you see what's up. And you just put the feelers out there. Was Matt on there? Was Matt's dad on there? Matt's dad. I know it's you.

He never messaged us, Matt. He doesn't listen to the show. Yeah, he didn't message. He's in Hawaii. Oh, brag. Wow. Which island? I don't know.

He's lying. He's not in Hawaii. And so, okay. Wait, why is your dad in Hawaii? He just decided to go. With who? And so Okay Wait why is your dad in Hawaii? Yeah He just decided to go With who? With his

His wife New partner Girlfriend Partner? He's gay She's a lady A lady What's her name?

What does she rank? What's her ranking? Is she in the top 50,000? Is she a doll? Yeah she hasn't told us yet And how does she fly? Is she in the top 50,000? Is she tall? Yeah, she hasn't told us yet. And how does she fly, given she's a nut? A nut? No, go on, sorry.

What are you talking about? I'm sorry. You should listen to the shows from now on. He's not on Grindr and neither am I. Have you ever? Sorry to disappoint. Hey, listen, if you have to say it, thou dost protest to me

He's not on Grindr And neither am I That's like You could do a club remix someone He's not on Grindr And neither am I Can't wait for your single dear So

For the straight listener On on grinder which is an app when you go to a different area to the area you're normally in it's so fun to log on to grinder because a whole new web madame web spun yes and who knows what you may catch yeah um and so today It was on Grindr And I messaged someone And then he's just messaged back Oh no And I presume next week He'll hear this And think that's funny

But I don't know this person I don't think Anyway Is it Anne? It's not Anne I wish it was Anne So I think I just sent like a Hey what's up?

Whatever. He's hot? He's very hot. Okay, good. Blah, blah, blah. Like, I'm just chilling tonight. Working early tomorrow, I presume. Might make some time to listen to this week's Death to Everyone.

My boyfriend and I are huge fans of the podcast. I look forward to it every week. To which I say that and say, well, it looks like I'm not sucking your dick tonight. Well, yeah. Yeah. Ew. So. Yeah.

How much head does he have? Is he allowed to listen to this show? How much head does he have? Let me see a picture. Also, how did he know it was you? In another life. Wow. Oh, I can't see the picture.

Oh, he's hot. He's very hot. Wait, bring it close to me. Close up. I can't lean that. Hang on. I'm going to throw my... I'm throwing...

Oh. Okay. Oh, wow. So hot. Why does he listen to the show? I know. Why are you listening to the show? I know Why are you listening to the show? Get a life And this is why it's so difficult being a drag queen in this city

Oh my god God I think sometimes it is like weird Because hot people do listen to this show Even back when we did the Well back when we did the react Like you know the Beastie Girls have always had gorgeous like fans I'm like stay away from us

why are you so obsessed with us I need some uggos up in here I think it's a healthy mix yeah but how funny

anyway called out I hate it that's a fun little joke thank you for listening yeah

and for replying to my message well let Zelda suck your dick if you like this podcast want to let Zelda suck your dick. If you like this podcast, you'd let her suck your dick. If you like this winning voice, wait until you see the mouth and come down. Anyway.

I just thought like, you know, when do you get to that type of famous where people are like, I want you to suck the dick. You know what I mean? Like just because you're famous yeah the dick yeah yeah i know because we're never we're not there no i can't wait for that that's gonna be so good yeah yeah right now we're at the thing where they're like i know i've heard of what you do yeah and so i'm gonna just chill tonight with my boyfriend yeah Our time will come. I know. He should be like, yeah, knocking his boyfriend down and be like, I've got to go. He's here.

One day. Yeah. Maybe. Anyway, for our second topic of discussion tonight, which Beyonce? Which Beyonce? Which Beyonce? Sorry. Beyonce, Kelly and Michelle.

Beyonce. Beyonce. Beyonce. Beyonce. Are in the bunker, Kelly and Michelle. Beyonce. Beyonce. Beyonce. Are in the bunker as previously established. Yeah. Doing. Kelly and Michelle are there all the time.

Beyonce just appears. She just flies in and out. Through that hole where she pops up and then lands perfectly. Yeah. She's not in the, like, she's in the bunker, but she's not going to live there. As discussed, she has her own bunker. So we know that Beyonce is in the bunker. Yeah. However, which one?

Yeah. Which Beyonce? Now, I think I want like my Beyonce of choice is like weird kind of like early morning interview with like Barbara Walters, like in the morning Beyonce, where she's just trying to be polite and a good Christian woman. And she obviously hates talking to people. And she's like, uh-huh.

Yeah. She doesn't give much. No, no. Well, that's why she stopped doing interviews because people were like, what? And she was like,

I just hate you. And I just don't need to do this. I'm too famous for this now. Do you think she is? What do you think she is? Like what her vibe is? Like, no. Do you think she's like the most what on earth?

The tallest. Yeah. Wait, what do you mean? Like is she like the most famous person on earth? It's so funny because I feel like i can't even pin that down anymore like i think she's the most one of the most significant pop culture figures about time of all time her and jesus yeah well that's the thing though there's so much media now yeah whereas i think when like i don't know if you went back in time, there just was less content and less people had access to the content.

We didn't live in such a globalized world. Yeah, like when we were teenagers, it was like, you're either a fan of Beyonce or a fan of the bum dance. By Sarah Marie? Yeah. I was thinking more like back in the 60s when like Beatlemania took off. That was like the first kind of global smash Do you know what I mean?

Where you could tour to Japan and you could tour to Australia And blah blah blah But like even before that it kind of took television and radio Before you could like have these things export in other places as easily You can't get there by carriage. Yes. And now, yeah, with Beyonce. Beyonce?

Beyonce? Beyonce. Like she exists in a time where there's just like the saturation of any given pop star is so high and she's been in the game so long and relevant for so long that it's like impossible. Like she is probably, like she's more famous than anyone has been except for maybe like taylor swift oh boo which is crazy but like i mean well true i suppose that's the fucked up crazy thing is you forget how like famous taylor swift is

that like they both are touring at the same time and Taylor Swift had the bigger tour. That's fucking crazy. Isn't that crazy? That is so crazy. It's crazy to me when you're like, but Beyonce like feels like she's constantly redefining what like pop is. And her sound and everything.

Whereas Taylor's just, I mean, Taylor, she like, I would never take it away from her. She does like redefine what happens in pop. Yeah, sure. She's no Katy Perry.

Daisy, Daisy. But I think, like, when Beyonce dies, like, the world will mourn. I will be so tripped out if that ever happens. Like, I'd say more than, like, when MJ died. Like, I think she's eclipsed maybe MJ. Well, and that's the thing. But, like, MJ had, like, the later half of his career as well. Yeah, I agree.

Which is, like, even if, like, you know. Or, like, Elva. Because you think of, like. But the same with Elva. It's, like, they had the, like, flick of flame, like, you know. Like, yeah. I wonder. I mean, we'll see what she's like at the very end.

At the end. But yeah. But by then she'll have built the dynasty, you know, with Blue and the twins. Well, I want the Beyonce that's at the beach in that ripped up bikini. She's a survivor. Go on. Tell me.

I'm joking. I remember on my Super Sweet 16, there was a girl that had like a... I'm sorry, what? On My Super Sweet 16. You know that show? I thought you meant your 16. You referred to as your...

On My Super Sweet 16. This girl showed up. She liked Beyonce. That's my whole story. No, that MTV show where they're like, Sweet 16, gonna spread my wings. Sweet 16, so much more to life. Oh my God, can I tell you?

When I was in high school, so sorry, identities need to be concealed. But if you're listening to this, you know, you know. There was a girl who now looking back, I realize was so iconic. But like maybe at the time was what some might consider too much. But Queen, oh my God, it's all. Anyway, she was having her Super Sweet 16. A Pimps and Hoes themed party.

Oh, my God. And in the show, My Super Sweet 16, which was very popular at the time, and she knew about it because she had cable. Very cool. She was an only child. Fancy. Was she an only child? No, she had an older brother who drove like souped up sick cars.

Oh, he sounds hot. He might be. Oh, my God. Anyway, her and her mother, who was like, her mom was like her best friend. And they did everything together. Yeah. But her mom did everything for her, including like deck out our room. Her entire room was Playboy themed.

Like Playboy. Girls of the Playboy Mansion. Like literally like, and like every playboy accessory was in her room and she like yeah anyway and she had the full playboy line and like amazing so she it's her birthday super 16 sweet 16 and she's inviting everyone in the class but the issue is like she's like got aspirations of all the finer things in life, glamorous, blah, blah, blah. But she goes to this hippie school in the forest where we're all like, Jake and Honey, the sheep have escaped and we need to go

and get them back in the pen. And she's like got her Playboy bag. Come on to my house tomorrow. And so she is like in my Super Sweet 16, the TV show, girls will go around and drop off invitations to their Super Sweet 16s in like horse-drawn carriages. So she borrowed her dad's work car, which was like a Lexus, and drove around to all of our houses

and dropped off the invitations to her Super Sweet 16. And was like, are you coming like blah blah then the invitation had a play it was like looked like it was a playboy cover cool but it had been photoshopped so it was a playboy model's body but with her face on the model's body. No. But with her face on the model. And then like all the details. And then when you open the card, there was a CD that you were meant to play while you read the shortened message on the inside. Oh, my God.

And so we put it on and it goes, sweet 16, gonna spread my wings. And she burnt all those CDs. She did. Oh, my God. And she burnt all those CDs. She did. Oh, my God. And then had, like, printed out, like, an A4 piece of paper, cut out the little image and, like, glued it to the top of the CD, which would have been an issue if I had, like, one of those push-in, like, car players.

Yeah, they'd freak me out. But, you know, I had to flip down. Of course. And then when we went to the party, which was Pimps and Hoes themed, she'd, like, drops, like the decorations, the whole thing that was like. Ice sculpture. And everyone was dressed like Pimps and Hoes.

No. Because it was the time. And then what is replaced? If you're like young or have recently been young What's replaced pimps and hoes parties for the youth? Because that used to be such a thing in the 2000s And part of me just thinks it might not fly now Well you have said pimps and hoes quite a few times in the last five minutes

I need you, this is a period piece I'm giving you period specific details. Obviously, it would now be called sex workers and they're awful oppressors. Sex workers and oppressors. Woo, buddy. Anyway. And then when we went into her house, oh, this was the disturbing part.

There were no pictures of her, like family photos. There were just those Photoshopped supermodel pictures of her framed on the parent's mantle. So she'd replace them all for the night. No, because I went back to her house later and that was just the full-time thing. And I will say, this kind of makes it worse but like she was a beautiful girl but she was not a skinny girl but the models that she'd been

photoshopped onto were like tiny models and the mother had clearly been like here's your beautiful pictures of you on the mantle no these skinny models oh yeah deary me yeah sweet 16 um and they had amazing spit rows and also her whole backyard was like like astroturfed like it was a mini golf course but it wasn't like one block it was like a full garden like like a full majestic fairy garden with like, you know, when people in the suburbs, and this is coming from someone who is this, will leave things in the garden as like display pieces, but they're plastic and they'll be bleached by the sun.

Oh my, yes. And then they become brittle and shatter. Yeah, like in a rockery. Yeah. So there was quite a few rockeries with some like, I don't know, Simpsons in them that used to be yellow, but we're now like kind of piss. Yeah. We yeah weak piss why does that always happen in hairdresser windows hairdresser windows are weirdly always in direct sun like it's crazy yeah anyway anyway that's my

story great so probably um what did we say beyonce Oh, yeah. And then on my Super 16, some girl had a Survivor-themed party. I'm a Survivor. And they had a volcano at her party. Oh, my God. Yeah. It was in Hawaii. No, but it had, like, crepe paper, like, and lights. It was in our bunker.

Yes, at the Pompeii room. Yeah. Wow. And that brings me back to Beyonce. That's great. Okay. Do you know Beyonce? Okay Can I say something?

I don't know This is People are going to be mad about this Beyonce is not good in the In the music video for Telephone Like her acting parts Like when she says

You've been a bad girl, Gaga. A very, very, very, very girl. I just am like, there's not enough sauce on that. She needed to put like, I don't know. I just wanted a bit like, it was a bit. She doesn't have grit. No. There's no grit.

Like she does when she's performing. Yeah. But like Beyonce, the woman, when she's just talking or acting You can tell that she's just like a very nice woman Do you know what I mean? Like Yeah Like when she's dancing

When she's singing She can absolutely put like all of the stank on it Yeah, yeah, yeah But like Yeah You know my favorite thing that Lady Gaga's ever done? Volantis. Sorry.

My second favorite thing. Yeah. Is the way that she like bites that spin and drum and quarter roll from 7-Eleven in that film clip. And then like kind of tears at it. Oh, that's so good. And then she throws it. But then it kind of slipped out of its little cellophane case. Yeah.

Could have done a second take on that one. And you know that she bites a bit of the plastic Yes It wasn't pulled back far enough Yeah I know that pain Yeah You and Gaga are finally relating on something

Yeah Yeah But it looks delicious I knew you'd take all my honey You selfish mother That's my favourite part I think Maybe that is good.

I don't know. I just think it's like, if I take- When I saw that, I actually loved it so much. Maybe- It's a good video. It's a great video. It's so fun. I don't know.

I think I was really into Lady Gaga and like- You were really? Yeah, well, I am still, but like, I was like, i would like wait for the next video oh yeah i remember when that telephone video came out i was like sitting by my laptop but i also really liked tim and eric at that time as well oh were they in it no but it was like a really tim and eric sort of like because i kept like winking and like doing like close-ups and funny like edits and stuff. Do you think Gaga was watching Team America? Yeah, I think she was.

Yeah. Everyone dies, right? Or do they turn into goats? They kill everyone, yeah. But they die or they turn into goats? They die. Oh, okay. And then they go.

There's Yolansai. So there's Yolen Sai it's like Taiwanese pop star and then Namiya Muro is this Japanese pop star and they did a song together and it's weirdly like I mean the film clip is different but essentially

the two of them get together and then poison this bar full of assholes but I'm pretty sure they don't die I think they turn into goats well that's makes sense it's so similar And then poison this bar full of assholes. But I'm pretty sure they don't die. I think they turn into goats. Well, that makes sense. It's like kind of this, like it's so similar. Was it before or after? It was after.

I'm not your girl. What other? I mean, I like that silly. Okay. When in that same era, Beyoncece and lady gaga did video phone together and that was a really silly music video that's such a sexy song yeah um i really like that um so stupid just like all those men with those green sleeves over their heads so they could I really like that. So stupid. Just like all those men with those green sleeves over their heads

so they could comp on the cameras later. I love Beyonce. Gold member. She pays Foxy Cleopatra. I was tempted to go there. The way the gays have reclaimed that as if it's a good movie. I know, it's there. The way the gays have reclaimed that as if it's a good movie. I know. It's not. It's not.

Do you think she's the second best Austin Powers side girl? Elizabeth Hurley. Number one. Yes. Then. Then Beyonce. Beyonce. And then Heather Graham.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That's true. She was so nothing. Nothing. Yeah. Nothing.

Yeah. Oh, Elizabeth. Oh, my God. If she'd only been the, I think if you do another Austin Powers, she is the villain. It just has to be. Halfway through reveal.

God. It would be incredible. Yeah. Yeah. And like some sort of evil, like bandita women kind of thing, like where she's got like four or five famous other like femme fatales yes and they're all like try and team up to destroy austin's mojo or something

that'd be amazing i mean i could write this sophia vagara who else yes um selma hayek selma Hayek Who else? Who else? I mean, I guess it could be all three of the girls Teaming up against him You want to book Heather? I'll give Heather a scene Okay, yeah And then you could have Beyonce back In what universe would Beyonce do Austin Powers again? I wonder if she's going to take it

Because she really ran at trying to make a film career happen for for a second and the like it was it was a you could feel the heat like from what she was trying to do um she doesn't need to anymore though well i think she's like fuck it just didn't work yeah like they were just not buying it yeah yeah it's fine no god i mean like fuck yeah i think she's doing fine she's doing okay but yes i love beyonce in the video for the nine whatever where she's like in the house is that that one no where she's in the house and she's like crying on the phone and she's like doing housework. Oh, why don't you love me?

Yeah, that one. That's so good. As Bebe Homemaker. Yes. That is. And that's campy. Like, I mean, like, listen, that was like every music video at the time was giving tragic 50s lady, but she perfected the art form so it was so good

and when she has that little pointer and she's pointing at things actually i just remembered something about um telephone when that came out was when i was starting to play with like makeup and i remember going to the mac pro store Chapel Street, trying to get a yellow to match Beyonce's yellow, just to do like a yellow wash and then like that liner. And I bought Goldenrod, which was not the right shade. And it's a shit eyeshadow and I could never recreate the look. Wow. That's all.

Drag them. Yellow shadows are insane. They don't exist. They don't. Like you couldn't. Yeah, it's not a thing. No. What I will say um

I love I was re-listening to Beyonce self-titled because obviously yeah yeah it's like like yeah

you know we're in the we're in the new album so I was like I've got to go back because these have just been such a like do you know what I mean like it's

like listening to the incredible like how fucking incredible that album is yeah you're just like oh now I need to go it's like listening to the incredible, like how fucking incredible that album is. Yeah. You're just like, oh, now I need to go back to like kind of the last time she was doing like pop.

Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like really produced. Cause I think like the thing that I love about Beyonce now is that like you can really hear every instrument you can hear there's like little flaws or like you, it sounds like she's in a room. Yes.

Like she never, like ever since Lemonade Yeah Lemonade Forward Lemonade Forward has been like You actually hear the instruments It sounds super like She could perform that live tomorrow Yes

And then the self-titled album When she Has the clip of the like Hip-hop Hip-hop Happing Girls time Yeah girls time Hip-hop rapping girls time Yeah And then has the clip of the like hip hop, hip hop, happening. Yeah. Hip hop rapping girls time.

Yeah. And then the whole song happens. Yeah. And then at the end, they're like, the winner is skeleton crew. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm just like, Beyonce, like you won she like the level of pettiness of like going back to the one time you ever lost anything and putting the name of the people that beat you and being like fuck these motherfuckers i won i have an album fuck you it's just like that is like i love like beyonce's pettiness it's so good is um because it's so classy yeah like that song sounds great you're never gonna clock it but then when you really think about it you're like wait a second she

is getting revenge on those motherfuckers and the same thing against this like country music awards rightfully so when she's like you fucking little piece of shit took my performance with the dixie i mean the chicks down from your fucking website i'm gonna take my revenge five years later and own your entire fucking world yeah it is so incredible my one nitpick with the self-titled album is that the Pretty Hurts edit, the text, like the dialogue doesn't match the music video. And I love in the music video where she wasn't expecting that question. It's so good.

What is it? My aspiration. My aspiration? Huh. That wasn't. question yeah it's so good what is it my aspiration in life my aspiration huh it's so good i love it oh so good um yeah i i was gonna say bb homemaker at some point. So I'm just trying to think. Oh, but do you... Bebe?

I mean, I liked also young Beyonce when she was still in Destiny's Child. And she was like... Because now it's kind of like you never get to see her be petty on camera or bossy or angry. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. So seeing her with the other girls kind of just be like, no, go over there. That's pretty good i like just getting pissed off like it's

it's so good to see like young beyonce i i also like i mean i'll throw in there as well astronaut beyonce from that superbowl ad yeah i love that when they oh my god in that superbowl ad put those like kitty ears on her like she was a Twitch streamer. Yeah, you spoke about this. You loved it. I just think that's crazy. How could you ask Beyonce to do that? What about Beyonce in that wig recently?

The long blonde wig? No, no. For that crazy fashion line, which is wearing all those like edgy, edgy edgy wigs. No, I've not seen this. Oh my god, okay. I'm going to post it to the podcast story next week. You'll see it then, darling. Did you see when this is, it's like

when Azalea Banks was coming for Beyonce recently. When she was boiling the cat? The skeleton? No. When Azalea Banks was talking about Beyonce recently and she was like, call her Bianca She was like, listen to me, Bianca And I was like, oh god I can't with that

You mean when she bought the cat skeleton? Just calling Bianca Bianca Calling Beyonce Bianca is so Fucked Because I reckon Beyonce would have smashed Like three of her burner phones

That day Yes Just like staring at that Like Oh it's good Okay Okay Also though like

Coachella Beyonce Like full full HPC vibes of the marching band is... Stunned. Like incredible. I mean, God, all of the Renaissance looks were... Like that was just the best. Every day getting a new outfit on Beyonce. They were incredible.

This is an impossible Oh, God. This is an impossible task, sister. Yeah. Well, what about when she's... Her, like, no, I've got nothing. Matt, what's your favorite Beyonce outfit? I don't know them all. We didn't ask you to know them all, just one.

No, I haven't got nothing What about Single ladies Oh my god Straight man has spoken What about You know the Beyonce album cover I don't know which album it is

Where it's like blue And she's wearing like a spangly fishnet blue top with a blue background go on that's all i remember the more you look at it the less clothes she's wearing i think yeah and then like by the end you're like she's just naked i think so also i Also, I just, I was, Beyonce, like, said some truly, like, horny things on main. I think she's our horniest. She's horny. Like, her songs are genuinely, like, horny. I like it.

Like, in a crazy way. Like, Cherry. I just can't wait for you to get home to turn that cherry out That's wild Anyway Delicious I mean, yeah, but like she said it She just said it Turn the cherry out

Oh my god, yeah Okay, well, far out I don't know. They're all so good. Let me sit this edge. Actually, you know what? I think we've got to rep for Melbourne and say Brunswick House Beyonce.

That was a pretty funny line. That's good. Let's do that. Australia has so few celebrities and Brunswick House Beyonce is that only one? That's like, truly. If I was Troye Sivan, which I'm not, maybe, but I would like shoot your next video out in front of that Brunswick House.

Oh wait, they remodeled it. They tore it down. It doesn't matter. But when Beyonce was shooting self-titled and she was in Melbourne, she shot one part of a video In front of this house in Brunswick That she was like Trying to be like

This is not This is in America Yeah Yeah Let's do that outfit Done Outfit No that whole Beyonce

Oh that Beyonce Yeah Do you think She just drove to that house Do you think she walked around And went to Hope Street Went to Alaysia? Went to DeSavis and was like, there's never anything here.

Oh my God. How does everyone else find good stuff here? I never do. Beyonce. Why'd you say that? Brunswick Beyonce. Brunswick Beyonce. Yeah.

Okay. That's great. Doing the Superbowl, but with the house. Yes. We have to change that. Maybe the... What what does that house go in yeah well i think that's and that's what they perform in like in the doll kit of brunswick beyonce the house is like comes like it's the dream house yeah yeah but is it just a set and

it just like slides into the nanny set and that's where they do the super bowl performance oh is it big enough yeah probably there's not that many people there. Okay, maybe. But I tell you what, the girls from Reggie's, they'll love it when Destiny's Child do their little thing. Yeah. Destiny's Child and Brunswick Beyonce.

Yeah. Okay. Great. Okay. Incredible. Brilliant. Goodbye. So, Lange, to you all, hello.

Welcome back for part three. Up next on this episode of Death to Everyone, we are deciding which ugly thing. Which ugly thing. Not our listeners. No. They're all hot they're hot especially that one i messaged before oh my god any dick i didn't write back i'm podcasting oh you didn't say but you didn't have an album available we just no not We just, no, not yet. We'll see how this tracks up. Okay, ugly things. Ugly things. What ugly thing is getting into the bunker?

Because so far we only have the most beautiful thing. Of course. Okay, so when this was suggested, the first thing that came to my mind is, I had growing up this, imagine, you know, in Terminator 2, how he goes into metal yeah that kind of world liquid metal yeah liquidy metal kind of shiny spherical and it was like a donut a metal donut shape that then a magnetic pen sat in and when it was in this donut it would stand perfectly vertical yeah that is ugly it was

fucking so ugly but so cool it is cool yeah but that magnet pen that would like sit vertical in the thing yeah i no doubt was purchased from a what's new i'm gonna presume sure along with your plasma lamp i did have a lava lamp growing up i didn't say love i know i said plasma i know but i had a lava well cool girls had plasma lamp well i didn't darrow bitches say lava lamp. No, I know. I said plasma lamp. I know, but I had a lava lamp. Well, cool girls had plasma lamp. I didn't. Darrow bitches had lava lamp. I really wanted one of those zappy lamps to make my hair stand up. Well, it doesn't do that.

Oh. Yeah. Well, that's not so fun. But so cool. Yeah. Can you touch a lava lamp? You know what you get? Burnt.

Burnt. Yes. It's just a really hot light. Yes. Yeah. So I love that ugly thing. Yeah. That ugly thing.

I also hate garden gnomes. God. Do you know what ugly thing? Oh, I couldn't have garden gnomes. No. I wish that like garden gnomes. No. I wish that like my pitch would be for like to Bunnings if I could like, oh God, actually the meerkats they've started doing. What?

For the garden accessories? Yes. Oh. Did you go to Melbourne? Need to sort this shit. Did you go to the zoo? I hate it. Near the cafe? Did you like that? It Need to sort their shit. Did you go to the zoo? I hate it. Did you know there were meerkats near the cafe? Did you like that?

It's disgusting. Yuck. But you know, like, and some of them are dressed as pirates. What? You know that? Is that like an insurance company that has meerkats in the ads? Yes. Get fucked.

What is happening? I hate it. I do not. And that always feels like, this feels racist. There's something happening here. There's a layer. That meerkat ad seems racist to me. And I can't tell you why.

I don't know. But I hate that. I hate it. I actually think that if you are using animals to sell your products, you have to set up a sanctuary. Stop using their faces and not giving anything back. Or employ real animals. Yeah.

Get real animals back into the film industry, please. Dunstan, check back in. We need more food for the Meg. Oh, I would love to throw those fucking meerkats in. They suck. Yeah, Bunnings just has no taste. Like, they have zero taste. Like, they need to get a new brand forecaster,

because just for their, like, pots area, like, it was just pots and garden accessories, and they just got someone to like do their anchor. Yeah. Like the anchorfication of Bunnings. And then you could leave your tradies fine. They don't need to worry. But the like craft section,

why is the craft section A, so expensive relative to the price point of everything else? And also still subsisting on those disgusting magazine order like kits yeah like stained glass window kit shut up go away and those like misc paper mess like pre-made paper mache shapes yeah they all suck ew yeah they need a better brand for custard just for those sections just bunnings if you're listening to to this, just do the craft, the wallpaper section. Get rid of your wallpapers or fix them. They have wallpaper?

They do. I don't think I've seen that. Oh, damn. But it's special order. Oh. Actually, and bathroom. The lighting is actually okay. Lighting, yeah.

That's the only place that they're really doing anything Junior But yeah, the kitchen stuff Like kitchen and bathroom seems to be failing them And then pots and garden stuff I would never buy a pot from Bunnings Unless you're getting the bog standard Like a terracotta pot

Yeah That's acceptable But like you gotta go go to pots and pots. Darling, you're telling me. Yeah. But that's crazy. There's beautiful, like, you go to a gardening center, incredible pots.

Yeah. Glazes, shapes, sizes. But you go to Bunnings. No, they're all like, and then the ones that kind of look like it, but when you touch it, you're, like, stung because it's not real. Ugh. that kind of look like it, but when you touch it, you're like stung because it's not real. And also, you know, they have the like garden dividers. Like, you know, they'll have like a lattice. Yeah.

So like their baseline lattice is fine. But then the second price point up from there is like this disgusting like bamboo feature wall thing. Like I truly think like Bunnings does bear a bit of culpability for the uglification of Australian homes. Yes. And Kmart is the only one saving us. Yeah, kind of.

Like as best as they can. They're the only one. Store Zelda. True. Yeah. Okay, what else is ugly? Well, ugly thing. What is the...

Oh, do you know what I think my, like, like an ugly thing that I'm weirdly, like, enthralled by? You know those clocks that people have on their mantles that have those three spinning balls at the bottom and then they're in, like, a Beauty and the Beast-style dom they are so ugly yes they're so ugly like antique ugly yeah yeah um and they're so foul but god they're just like how many things can you put inside of like a little like domed glass we put it in a dome and all of a sudden it's an event yeah time disgusting though and also the way that those things at the bottom spin they don't spin around they just wiggle

oh have you seen that i don't think i've paid enough attention that's on me actually in our house we also have a cuckoo clock that's's so cool. So ugly. I love it. Sorry if you're hearing this, but we all know that it's ugly. I love it. It's great, but it's ugly. And it makes noise. Well, it doesn't anymore, since it mysteriously... There is a cuckoo clock shop at Vic Market, which I've dreamt of going to look, but also to purchase such

a clock. You know, if I had to describe what the average cuckoo clock customer looked like, it might be you. Oh, I see. I would love a little cat with eyes looking left and right. Oh, see, that's great. That's cool. It's like when you see someone with the Simpsons chess set in their house.

Chess set? Yeah, you know, it's like when you see someone with the Simpsons chess set in their house. Chess set? Yeah, you know, it's like a chess set. Actually, speaking of ugly things, when I was growing up, one of my friends, their family had the Star Trek like 4D chess set. That thing's fucking ugly. I kind of think like most things are ugly. Yeah. I just thought, no offense, Matt.

But you know those, you know, like look behind you, that style door handle. It's really hard to explain this, but babies, if you're listening. If you have a kitchen that has this, you should just move out. We have these handles now. I would. Like changing them won't change the history, you know? That's right.

So the handle is like, it's like, how do you explain it? It's a slight rise. It tapers at both ends where it connects to the cupboard or the drawer or whatever. It tapers out. It's like a streamlined metal tube. Yeah, it's not like an up, left, right, down kind of handle. It's like one fluid rise and drop. But like in like a very like, this is the handle.

This is probably the handle. It's so ugly. And they're everywhere yeah it's like i can't commit to picking a door handle so i'm gonna do that one do you know what i'm like as i've left my like you know i grew up in the suburbs well semi suburban um but leaving that behind has left behind an ugly thing that I really appreciate which is like a sturdy backyard chair oh yeah I've never sat down again after I left the suburbs you know what I mean like it was like a seat has never been as comfortable as like one of those like you're

sitting at the back of your friend's house like like a parent's house. And you're like at a glass, mottled glass table. And the chair is like kind of metal with the raised arms and like a kind of shade cloth like fabric that's holding you up. Outdoor cushion. No, you don't even need it. Oh. Yeah. Okay, yeah, yeah okay yeah yeah that is like something ugly that

is like so good it's actually the same with like my dad is like insistent on having like ugly lazy boy and ugly lazy boy couch leather couch yeah with the pop like the pop so the like the footrest comes up oh my god oh they're hideous it's the ugliest

piece of furniture but like sit on it and tell me it's not worth it it's not great oh so ugly

it's so ugly but it is so good comfy like that when you go into one like one of those houses like the one i grew up in

and you go and you like pop up one of those this wasn't in our family house but like when you go to someone else's house they have one of those and then they have like a cup holder built into the couch yeah and you're like this is is disgusting, but fuck is it luxurious. And I pay the price every day. I sit down on my couch. I'm like, this is nice. It doesn't offend the eye. But goddamn, do I wish I could pop out my little legs,

my tootsies, and feel really comfy. Do you know? I mean, that's why we go to some of the cinemas that we go to. Absolutely. Because we can nook land What about mood rings? Oh they're so ugly Yeah I hate it

I even just hate it by default Like just the silver On top and bottom And then the black ring That's ugly Yeah Worse when it becomes activated And that green.

Everyone's mood is tacky. If I was a 90s gay guy. Oh. Your mood is tacky. What else is ugly? What about fluffy pillows? Like furry, like what we're looking at now. I have so many

fluffy pillows but they're great they're so soft and comfy but like they're also disgusting I don't think they're so ugly

is it because they remind you of Jennifer Lopez she's crazy you know she's what is ugly some mustaches

are really ugly oh like really thin ones hey What is ugly? Some moustaches are really ugly Oh Like really thin ones Hey No, not thin like as in like Like ones where people have shaved them thin Oh, like John Waters And you can see the stubble above the moustache

Maybe just weirdly groomed facial hair in general That is weird. Maybe we should do facial hair patterns one day. Yeah. Hold on to that. Park that one, Matt. We'll come back to it. We'll come back to that.

See it in my nightmares. Yeah, do you have any ugly things apart from that? Me? Yeah. What's the ugliest thing in your home? In my home? Yeah. We only have beautiful, beautiful stuff in our home.

You do have a very chic home. But it's very curated. It was on the design files. It was. But don't tell people that. They're freaks. They're going to look for you. Oh, God.

Yeah. I forgot about the stalkers. I mean, people have been asking for pictures of you. Yeah. I don't know what to tell them. What's the ugliest thing in your house go? The thing you see in your house and you're like, ugh, so ugly. Maybe like a weird.

And it can't be your newborn child. She's just adorable. Now, it might be like some sort of weird cup or something. Oh, I hate having cups Ugly cups I hate having a magic cup I don't know I can't think of anything

Like when someone Oh, you know what was really disgusting? We got this wedding gift from someone in my partner's In my wife's family from Italy And they sent it over With like her uncle who'd been visiting Italy. And it was like they kind of like got this artwork commission for us. Oh, my God.

And it was so bad. I just felt so like shocked that someone had made this and then spent money on it. It was like a violin because I play a violin. Violin. And my partner, you know, she plays music too. So I guess they thought like, oh, we'll get some sort of musical instrument artwork made for them.

For their wedding commission. Yeah, for their wedding. Yeah, yeah. It was like a wedding gift. And the artist had like made it specifically for us. Oh, no. You can never throw it away. It was a violin and it had been like, what is it, like collaged all over with like craft glue and like pieces of like sheet music.

Wait, it was a physical actual violin? Yeah, yeah. And then he like pasted like paper all over it, like kind of like pieces of like random pieces of paper that he'd found in his studio or something and pieces of sheet music and stuff. And then like just used like glitter pens and just like outline things. It was so cringe. And then instead of real strings, he'd glued guitar strings onto it so that you're

describing a nightmare and they expected us to like put it up in their house oh but my partner's parents loved it so they've got it oh let them take the bullet. As the present representative of the Italian people, I'd say that maybe it's your lack of taste that has an issue with this incredible artwork. I think Italy's been getting away with a lot of shit for a long time. When I went to Venice, I was like, shut it down. Well, let me tell you, in the 90s, we were really cool. I mean, you still have a reputation.

It's just the decoupaging needs to stop. We looked up the artist and his website and some of his pieces were really expensive. Oh, do you think they paid a lot for this shitty violin? I think they did. I think they maybe spent like hundreds of euros. No. And I was like, it's just like, it was just poorly made.

That was the problem. Well, I don't think that was the only problem, but yeah. Like even if there was just like some nice materials, it would have been good. But that was the ugliest thing in our house and we got rid of it. Good for you. Good for you for getting rid of it. Just down the road too.

You can visit it anytime. Oh, that was bad. It is hard when someone gifts you something ugly and you're like, how long do I have to keep this for? The last time my brother and family were, wow, at my house, he goes to me, where's that dinner set I bought you? The dinner set? A dinner set. Okay. then he bought me maybe like

eight years ago oh my god that was ugly it was like white and with a blue dot in the middle that's not me but also it was the dinner set of two sets two plates two bowls two small bowls i was like i'm i like if you going to give me the dinner set, I need eight. Because it will be the only set in the house. Diva. Like, I'm not asking you for a dinner set of eight, but that's more of a burden of a present. A dinner set for two, that's not my new set.

I think you correctly called it. What? Who are you going to share dinner with? Two is more than enough for a single lady. Oh, my God. When are you entertaining eight people? What? Just in case.

You're like, there are seven days in a week, and I don't intend to clean anything. No. But how rude. That is wild. And he did it as a joke. He was like, no, I guess you didn't like it. But, yeah.

Yeah. How do you remember that? I'd forgotten about it the day after you gave it to me, and I put didn't like it. But yeah. Yeah. How do you remember that? I'd forgotten about it the day after you gave it to me and I put it in the bin. Did you throw it away? No, I think I took it to the op shop. Likely story. Yeah.

Someone has it now. Oh, sorry. Yeah, I bought some really unfortunate glassware that was like for highballs. And it was like really thin glass, champagne flute glass, but really tall. So for like a summer cocktail. Yeah. Thinking, how nice.

And then just it's so nerve wracking to have that in your house because they will shatter at a moment's notice. Yeah. So we got rid of them finally. But it was like I couldn't concede that we needed to get rid of them. You know what I mean? It was like I had to at least use them enough to justify having bought six of them. Oh, yeah. Anyway.

That's all. Oh, good times. Well, I mean, my vote's for my ugly magnetic pen. I think that that truly is a unique item. But it summons a feeling of disgust that I just think is unparalleled. So I'll go with it. Okay. Great.

How's that getting used in the bunker? Well, the inks run out. Yeah. Good. There's no ink left. Yes, excellent. We can have a sign-in form when you get there after your induction. Yeah.

And try to use it. It there after your induction. Yeah. I'm trying to use it. It doesn't really work. Yeah. The very first of many disappointments here in the bunker. Sorry. That's it. Excellent. Okay.

Well, we've made some clarifications. Which Beyonce? Yeah. That's good. Yeah. So, Brunswick Beyonce is going in. The magnetic floating pen is going in. Good.

And then the nut is... We said pistachio. Yeah. Yeah, I fought for you, pistachio. I hope you like it. I look forward to a bunker littered with pistachio shells. Yes, and the sound of their shaking. Bunker littered with pistachio shells Yes

And the sound of their shaking That's good Maybe you could get everyone to send in their ugly thing this week Oh, that's a great idea, Matt That's so good Okay, listener Send us the photo of the ugliest thing in your life Yeah, and we'll

Well, that would just be so much fun and unless unless you're that guy in which case send us a photo of your dick oh yeah that guy yeah

you know what to do yeah okay yeah in fact anyone no we're not

don't open that up all right send it to Matt no no no incredible thank you so much for joining us this week adios mi amores

death to everyone was recorded at natural hub natural habitat okay death to everyone was recorded at natural habitat studios at Death to Everyone was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios at... Death to Everyone was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Shears. Our theme song and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. If you have some fan fiction or something to send to us, like the ugliest thing in your life, please send it to deathtoeveryonepod at gmail.com. And won't you support us by signing up to patreon.com. You'll get access to our Discord.

Bye-bye. Bye. Bye-bye. Now it's good to laugh.