Death To Everyone - Death To... Packaging, First-Aid & Children

Episode Date: May 22, 2024

This week the celestial goddesses run head first into the depths of controversy with their discussion of food packaging. Blood is spilled and nobody is spared. Palestine Children's Relief Fund https://www.pcrf.net/ Tickets to the LIVE show: https://www.comedyrepublic.com.au/event/38:345/38:1034/ Follow us, won't you? ⁠www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠www.naturalhabitatstudios.com/⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠www.instagram.com/ediecentric/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103/

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The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The Hello, listener.

Hello, listener. It's me, Lazy Susan, your best friend. And I'm Zelda Moon, your other friend. Ooh, you're a good other friend, aren't you, darling? Wow. No, I think that's fabulous I'll bet You gotta have a backup What do you mean

That's fabulous you just get to chill out You know you're put in for the birthday gift But you don't have to set up the whole chat Yeah actually That does suit me quite well You don't have to stay to the end of the picnic You just bring a nice slaw. Are there other slaws other than claw?

Claw slaw. Yeah, you can slaw anything. Add enough mayonnaise. Is that the defining factor between a salad and a coleslaw? A salad and a slaw, mayonnaise add more. That is the old wife's rhyme. Whose wife? Well, it was invented by a woman who licked a lot of lead paint.

A solenoid to you all. Oh, yes. And welcome to Death to Everyone. Your favorite show. According to the review that you wrote for us, it is indeed your favorite. We need to actually get, we are so close to being like kind of like really well reviewed. Like we're at five on both apps. The Apple podcast, which is the most important one.

And then Spotify, which is good, but you can't leave written reviews, which is quite a bit more chic. But we're so close to getting like over 50 on Apple reviews. And I just want to like you know get there but like with a like five out of five yeah you love this podcast you're enjoying yourself but like how would you advertise it to someone else because i don't want to have to do it yeah i want you guys to do it i want it to be like a groundswell from the fans an organic groundswell that hasn't been begged for but you just do it because I want it to be like a groundswell from the fans. An organic groundswell that hasn't been begged for, but you just do it because you want to

help. Have you been caught in a riptide? Yes. Really? Yes. Tell us about it. Vance Joy. It's not a joke to everyone, darling. You know, his song Riptide. Going down by the riptide. Tell me about your story.

So my nan and I went down to King's Beach in Caloundra, which is where she used to live before she became a dead nan. And she was a woman of a certain era, meaning that she thought that children were great, but they just kind of needed to sort it out themselves. So she was on the beach, probably sun tanning. She was wanting to do, maybe just thinking about things, thinking about a ciggy or a chilled glass of wine she was going to have later that night. And I, 10-year-old me, went out to swim.

And there is a little bit of an undertow at the very back of Kings Beach if you go out too far. And so I started getting dragged out. And I went past and like you know those moments where you're like looking around you're like i'm 10 like everything's kind of like swim swim swim and or everything's a shark yes they're the two emotions and then i just kept going further and further out and then eventually there was no one around me. And I was like, wait, no. And there was no waves to catch back in either. I was like past the waves.

And it was like I could swim, but I wasn't a strong swimmer because I'm from Victoria, where the sea wants to kill you, so you stay away. So thankfully this man came and he like took me back to the shore. Like, just a person? Yeah. Was he on a board? Yeah, he was on a board. But he didn't, like, he wasn't trying to save me.

He was just out that far. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he was like, you shouldn't be out here. And then he took me back to shore, which was really good. And then when I saw my nan, she was like, ah, you crazy little dapper. Ah, well. Wow. You're ridiculous.

You should have been more careful. Yeah, she'd have been like, well, good that you lived. And then she'd be like, let's make pikelets at home. Pikelet. She used to do a killer pikelet. Okay. Pikelet is just a small pancake, right? I don't know.

Ask Jill. Yeah. My nan. Well, she's, right? I don't know. Ask Jill. Yeah. My nan. Well, she's dead. Yeah. Can't ask. Actually, yeah, yeah. Ouija board.

Maybe. I don't know that she would really come to the phone. To answer the age old pikelet versus pancake question. Yeah. Don't be ridiculous. Figure it out yourself. Oh, yeah. I have not had experience of being caught in a riptide.

Yeah. But I have seen many. I spent so much time at the beach growing up. True, you're a peninsula girlie. Yeah. You know about the harsh Victorian sea. I do. Both, you know, bayside and oceanside.

Yeah, but my dad's a surfer. So I kind of like, I don't know. Weside and oceanside. Yeah, but my dad's a surfer. So I kind of like, I don't know. We learned all about it. But you can see the signs where it's calm. Rip. That's where it's not safe. Yeah, right.

What a cruel joke. Well, that's the sea is a fowl of temptress. Yes. She knows what she's doing. Can't trust her. trust yes she knows what she's doing you can't trust her although ever since our trip to the um oceanarium the aquarium yes um i've been investigating those little we were so me and zelda for zelda's birthday treat we took her to the aquarium that she can't otherwise access because she doesn't have a car yeah so but once a year we give her a special treat and go and say you can get whatever

you want with your own money but when we were there i was because i used to do fish i used to keep tropical fish back in back in my youth yeah but i think now i'm just like i don't know what i was doing because i did have like three tanks at one point yeah but why would a child be doing that no that's great but like i don't know i just even like the conversations i was overhearing like i was just like how did anything survive in my tank you know um anyway but there's a single listener i want you to think about you know there's tropical and then there's saltwater, like, you know, marine themed. And you can get coral for marine.

Yeah. But it costs a shit ton and it's really hard to keep alive. Yes. And there's brackish, but nobody gives a shit about that. Wait, where's brackish? Well, brackish water is in between the two. And it's usually like African cichlids. It's kind of like brackish territory.

Who's keeping a brackish tank? Losers. Do they actually exist? do they smell there's a there's a brackish section there but we skimmed right past it because there's like very few fish that want that kind of water and they're all ugly so like why bother yeah do eels live in brackish water oh i feel like that's eel territory. I suppose it depends on the species. We did see those cool eels. That was an unexpected find.

That was fun. Anyway, but there was this tiny at register. There was like a little like, you know, like Mecca or whatever. There's like, oh, a little like tiny moisturizer that you might pick up on your way out. Like, oh, just $5 little like stocking stuff, that kind of territory. oh just five dollars little like um stocking stuff i kind of territory um but at the at the oceanarium at the aquarium they had their version of that which was a coral tank that was like tiny yeah like like listen up when i tell you like the size of oh what box was it the size of like a tv snack size box like yeah like if you got sleepy time tea like that size box but it's a little tank yeah

and you could keep like three pieces of tiny coral in there and i was like oh what a great way imagine if you just wanted the experience of doing a saltwater tank but without the muss and fuss of like maintaining a huge tank you could just keep it on your desk and be like hello yeah anyway so i couldn't shake that out of my mind because i was like what if it was just that easy because i love how coral looks it's actually like so beautiful you kind of feel transported when you're looking into one of those tanks she's obsessed with saltwater everyone yeah i just wish zelda would get it you know when your friend like you want them to get a pet so that you don't have to get it and they can do all the maintenance and you can just visit and look at it because i've always had yeah freshwater tanks and which i like yeah yeah i've got two set up currently but yeah i never never dipped my toes

into salt water but imagine if she did but what? Where did your research lead you? So I watched quite a few videos about those micro tanks. Yeah. And every one of these loser men that were talking about micro tanks on YouTube was like, it's incredibly hard to maintain. And this would not be a beginner tank at all. This is like the most hard thing. It's like keeping a bonsai essentially.

It's like the temperature fluctuation on one of these tanks is insane. The like amount of water that it loses, the like pH instability, like it all just like goes all over the map really quickly because it's so small. Yes. And then it just immediately becomes polluted and every time you touch it, it stirs up the entire tank. Anyway, I was like, fine, back to nothing.

Yeah. Damn. Back to trying to force Zelda to get one of those tanks. Generally, the bigger the body of water in a tank or whatever, the easier it is to keep everything in balance. Yeah. It'll get you. Yeah, so I guess no coral experience

No coral tank for you You can get self-contained jellyfish tanks That's kind of cool But you know what I hate about the saltwater marine life people That in my watching I discovered Is the Most of them just do the bare bottom without sand yeah and i'm like honey what was the point yeah they're cowards you want to have the fantasy of like oh i'm underwater but i'm in

a house but now it's like the fantasy like you've put the the cart before the horse the the the tail is wagging the dog because you don't want to clean it You know that it's become too hard to clean. Yeah. And that like it just, the sand makes it insane to try and maintain. Yeah. But darling, what was the point if I'm looking at a tank? This looks like how you sell it to people in some guy's garage. Yes. It's crazy.

It happens all the time. It's stupid. You shouldn't even keep a tank at that point. No. Hideous. I want to have the fantasy of there is a little portal here and I'm looking at some area of reef. It's kind of an outrage.

Yeah. Oh, well spoken. Also, I today stumbled upon an insight that I thought could make for a really good insult one day. Would you like to hear it? I'd love to hear it. Well, I was listening to a man talk about the periodic table. Oh, go on. And he said...

K-19 potassium. Exactly. Ariana's next album. He said that silicon is the most common element on earth And I said, was that your influence? What? You know, if someone's getting a lot of silicon implants You say, you know, they're really common, right?

He'd be like, oh, you're just a pedestrian You know, like you're a common little hag You know? Listen,'re a common little hag. You know? Listen, it's workshop. We're workshopping. Wait, so who's the guy in this? Like, who can you sling this insult to?

Like, if Trinity the Tuck was in front of me. Yeah. I could be like, I heard that silicon was the most common element in the world. Was that your influence? Or was that after you started putting it in you? Or something like that. I don't know. Listen, I don't know, ladies.

Okay. I don't know. But there's something to that. Yeah. Silicon is the most common. I heard it. Like, silicon and iron, apparently, are the two most common elements on Earth. Because silicon is in sand.

Yes. Yeah. Which people don't put at the bottom of their fucking tanks. Anyway. Despite it being everywhere. Well, yeah. I like it. Silicon is the most common element on earth. Was that before or after you started using it?

I don't know. I don't know. Okay. Maybe it's too labored, but there's something there. You can keep mining away. Silicon, like silicon. Yeah, itch it out. Yeah, because silicon here means two things.

Yes. Well, I'm just like, are you talking about lube or what are we talking about? Oh, I wasn't thinking about lube. Oh, what were you thinking about? Like silicon implants. Yeah, but you said two things. What's the other thing? The element itself is like silicon.

As you know, like on first, you you know it is an element that is abundant because it's in sand yeah so that's the first meaning oh right it's a science burn yeah and also like i mean there's yeah silicon is used in a lot of things how about okay how about this okay zelda moon yeah i heard recently silicon is the most abundant element on earth where do you hear that 98% of that is just in your hole because you're like have all the lube and stuff up your hole and people are fucking you up the hole so 98% of the world silicon is in your giant ass do you think that works better? I don't think Listener

If you think that works better I'll try You know, sometimes I just sit on these ones Maybe they're a bit too esoteric But it's good to try It's great to try That's what I tell my students Yes

I was telling them before As long as you try, I don't mind That's right I don't mind that you sound like a dying cat. Yeah. As long as you're trying. As long as you're successful the first time, I'm okay, is what I'll say to my students. And what are you going to be teaching them?

Lessons about life. Lessons about life. Drag. Yeah, drag. I shouldn't teach anyone drag. Do you think of, you know what? So we've started our trivia nights. And what a riotous success they've been they have been quote-unquote sold out yeah two weeks uh but the feedback that i received last night was that my trivia is rather difficult

but educational and my first section last night was on animals and the average correct response was about five out of ten but people said that they learned a lot do you want to give like an example perhaps of the breadth of the sort of questions you're asking yeah yeah and maybe the listener at home who doesn't have the um i guess the privilege of coming to one of these in-person trivia nights might get a sense of what they can expect from a Zelda moon night. Yeah, I think that's great. Well, you know what? Matt wasn't there.

True, Matt. No, I was there. He just didn't see me. He was waiting out front in the space car. Yeah. I've been there the last two weeks. He just didn't say hi to me. That's two for two.

But perhaps you can give it a crack. I also wasn't there, so I'll also try. Oh, true. Yeah. Okay. What animal family does the gharial belong to? Oh, my God. Gharial.

Animal family. We've talked about the gharial on the podcast before. Like the Mufasa. It sounds like a full name for Gary. Gharial. Dragon? TikTok, darlings. It's on TikTok?

Crocodile. Gharial. Crocodile. I don't even know what an animal family is Do they all have the same Yeah, like Goldilocks broke up their I don't know Oh my god What colour is the river dolphin? And then I said it's not grey

Pink Blue Yeah, it's pink See, man knows You knew that one Were your questions all animal based well round one oh around famously at trivias at pub trivias yeah animals is it not no oh maybe for like that weird trivia that we hosted that one time where they had

it was far too specifically animal themed yeah well so it was sometimes our ones um every second week okay matt and lazy is it king cobra venomous or poisonous fuck oh poisonous you say poisonous yeah i say venomous. Well, Matt's right. Well, I don't even understand the distinction. Yeah, because why? You're silly. You don't know anything. That's why. What is the difference?

That's why I said it, trivia. Venomous, you have to be injected with venom. Poisonous, you ingest. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Eat it. Yeah.

Wait. But if I drank venom, would I die? No. Wow. It doesn't work in the same way. Okay. Glad to have known that. Okay.

Should we do one more? Yeah. I think, yeah. Okay. Oh, this was, oh no, they're all so great. They are. They've all been great. I already did my hinny one to you last night and that didn't land.

Okay. Arnold Schwarzenegger has six pets. Three of them are dogs and three are of other species. Give me one of those other three species. Oh, my God. Matt? I don't know anything about him. Wow.

Lazy? No, you know the answer. I know it because I've been told. Yeah. So, he's also got a miniature horse, a donkey and a pig. Oh. But Matt, okay, one more, one more, one more. Listener, you can answer too.

Now, imagine you're drinking during this. Which parent combination creates a hinny? A heinie? Hinny. Hinny. Hinny. What do you mean, which parent combination? This is so insane.

That's a great question. For like vet school trivia night. I started the trivia section by saying, I'm not a veterinarian or a zoologist, and I don't want to hear anything about it. Because you know someone's going to be like, actually, this... So wait, you're saying these are incredibly hard questions,

but like, if you have any... Like, they're incredibly technical. Yeah, don't fact check them. But what do you mean? Because it's all so confusing. So then why would you... Anyway, can you tell me what parent combination makes a heenie? See, this is the...

Like, you've set the tone of being incredibly technical And then you're like now don't question Yeah because It's like the river dolphin thing They're grey but they're pink They're grey but they're pink What does that mean? Because they're not like a fucking flamingo

Like you could say that they were grey But like they're pink animals They're pink What do you mean? What do you mean? I mean you're saying they're but like they're pink animals. They're pink. What do you mean? What do you mean? I mean, you're saying they're grey, but they're pink. I didn't even bring that up. You brought that up. It's because I was foreseeing, you know, some

sassy, sassatron in the audience. They are grey. Anyway, could you tell me? Mate, sorry, listener. She is insane. That is grey, bitch. They're pink. At very least, you could say it's gray and pink on a good day but that's what i said in the question i was like the answer isn't gray i was like i'm just putting it out there don't say gray because i'm looking for like the secondary color the like the like you

want the diva but like if you squint i guess some of these girls could be pink but like majority i'm sorry dear but matt knew the answer anyway do either of you know what parent combination If you squint, I guess some of these girls could be pink. But like majority... I'm sorry, Gia, but Matt knew the answer. Anyway, do either of you know what parent combination creates a heenie? A heenie. I don't understand the question, so I won't respond. Why, it's a horse father and a donkey mother. Jeez.

Speaking of someone with a horse father and a donkey mother. I often think of you as a donkey mother. No wonder people complained. No complaints. You said at the start they complained. No, they just said that it was educational. Oh, that's another way to say it. I know that sounds like a good place to be.

People want their trivia to be fun. It was. I was having a great time. And they want to feel smart. See, that's the thing. If you're not smart, I guess you're not going to feel smart. You heard it. I don't know who you're in a fight with.

I don't know who you're angry at in this situation. Who hurt you? Why is it the audience of people that want to come and see you? I think it's fun. So, you're just getting like an ego trip of this. No, I'm really not. I'm smarter than fun So you're just getting like an ego trip off this No, I'm really not I'm smarter than all of you I thought I went easier than I did last week Well, that's because last week you also went insanely hard

Anyway, good times had by all Please come to Avalon on Brunswick Street for more trivia If you want to get humiliated Yeah, next week is Lazy Susan And I'm predicting that, I don't know, it might be easier. We'll see. Funnily enough.

Because my questions last week were, where is the fictional town of Stars Hollow from Gilmore Girls located in the real world of the United States? Matt, can you answer that? No. Okay. It's Connecticut.

I'm too straight for that. You're too straight for that? Yeah, I'm sorry. Maybe your fucking masculinity is too straight for that. You're too straight for that? Yeah, I'm sorry. Maybe your fucking masculinity is too fragile for that. But Lorelai lives in a world inhabited by straight men. There are no gays in Stars Hollow. Well, there's one, but he only came out in the reboot. Taylor Dozie.

Oh. Yeah. What's happening with Taylor? He's just a pain in the ass. He's always causing issues. He's a sassatronic trivia issues he's a sassatronic trivia he is a sass he would actually love your trivia oh really you and taylor dozy would get along okay i like that okay anyway okay i think it's probably time for us to get into what the

the world what in the world is what the world is wait where in the world is where in the world is the apocalypse today Zelda Moon you need to tell us how is the world catastrophically coming to an end this week is it my week it's your week I did last week with the ants slowly taking people away

piece by piece oh yes quickly we have a live show we should just spruik that quickly well we have a live show we should just spruik that quickly well we have a live show called death to everyone live come to death they run live yes it's on the 8th of june june not the film with zendaya and timothee chalamet 8th of june that's called 8th of June? Oh, June. June. Okay. It's going to be a really good time.

It is going to be a great time. You can come along. You can score your tickets now. It's $30, which we think is a very reasonable price for pre-fame us, and $25 concession, which you can tell your friends about. I saw them for only $30 before they were filling out Wembley Stadium or whatever. Yeah. I don't know. Oh.

Okay. Okay. Filling out Wembley Stadium without ass. You okay? No. Okay. This week. Oh, my God.

this week oh my god i love that elongated uh beginning that you always have when you haven't thought about it no no i got one ready to go go on okay so giant woman approaches planet earth and she looks down and she sees something unsightly yeah unsightly yeah and she screams and her screams echo across the planet and everybody's heads explode another sonic death yeah i live can i can i ask her that as you've interrogated this thought entirely and you have been thinking about this probably all week maybe for the since the inception of the podcast, I assume. What is the unsightly thing that she gazes upon that causes her to scream in such a way? Well, it was a raccoon. It was approaching a tray filled with cat food. Yeah.

And it caught it with its little hands. Yeah. And the woman thought, well, I can't believe an animal has hands like that. And then she screamed. Oh. Yeah. Have you seen screamed. Oh. Yeah. Have you seen what I speak? Yeah.

It's scary. Raccoons with hands. But is she a giant woman in a place to judge? She's a giant space woman. Yeah. Is she floating or she's stepping on things? No, no, no, no. She's just floating by.

Floating by. Yeah. And she's kind of got quite perceptive vision. Very. she sees it all she was actually she saw something else and that's what brought her over and then she was like that's not what i came for yeah yeah um can i i don't know i don't want to be that girl but just given the theme of the episode the trivia oh yeah i would i would proffer that perhaps you know already that sound can't travel in space

Well no it's like It needs air to travel Yeah but it's You know it's kind of like It's kind of like You know the movies where that's not Applicable Oh

Yeah Okay Listen You do you I thought you said she couldn't listen Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay. Listen. You do you. You do you. Well, I thought you said she couldn't listen. Listen.

Listen. Listen. Okay. Great. Hey. So wait, confirmed it is you. The giant woman is me. Okay.

Good, good, good. And I think with that... Hello, listener. Listener? Listening. What's happening? Are you okay? I hope so. Call him.

Call him. Or don't. Maybe he should call you. No, don't wait. It's your time. No. Things only happen in life if you just make them happen. No, you can't do it again.

Do it one more time see how you feel and then either make a decision from there yeah if you have enough information to make the decision now it's either call him or don't like end it call him to end it or call him to do it again oh my god what have i done do it again all i wanted was a little fun Do it again I'm really worried, listener Because my business partner, Zelda Moon Is that what you call her? She's silicon She is doing trivia with me

Like we're doing it, you know But I fear that she did a spot number When I wasn't there yeah uh my i'm next week and i've made it very clear i'm not doing spot numbers yeah the trivia is the event the trivia is the performance now zelda is she's a much more generous host and she wants to give a night of show show and give and really like turn it out but now she's set that standard i'm scared that when i go in next week they're going to be like where's your spot number yes and i'm not doing that

i think as i um confirmed with the owner of the establishment last night what turns trivia into drag trivia is it me being a drag because i'm a drag queen yeah even when i'm not lip-syncing to a song yeah so i just i really like resent the implication because if it was a performance night i'd be doing a performance but it's trivia night begrudgingly i feel like um i was accused before of not bringing fun what could be more fun than a delightful show? Do all the fun in the show and then hit them hard with the questions. Back to reality. Tell me what a gharial is. Gharial?

I love that you want to do that. I love it. I just got things I want to do. Absolutely. And you're a fabulous performer. I myself am not. You are. No, and I don't want to.

You have such funny ideas. They're good ideas. Shut up. They make me go, ha, ha, ha. But you can't sustain that kind of laugh. No. Over three to five minutes. I'm, I just, I don't know.

Okay. You know what I mean? I don't. I just want it to be enough. Yeah. You know what? There was a point last night where I was like like i don't really need to do this number it wasn't the most you know well executed number of my time looked good it was there from what i could see you were wearing flats so you could really move

anyway we need to go into the next topic. We can't waste time on what... Well, if you're listening to this, owner of Avalon, I need you to know that I'm not going to be performing. But, you know, I might find ways of doing questions that are like just one little thing. Beep-bop. As you were saying you might do, which I think kind of fulfilled.

But like, for me, a performance is like a bit of witty repartee on the microphone. That's the show, darling. Yeah. That's when you get me at my best. Yeah. You getting me at my second best is me like in a room that's too lit where the sound is a little too soft.

Yes. And I'm walking around and I can see you and you're doing this. Yeah. Yeah. It was, it was, I gotta admit, it was very doing this. Yeah. Yeah. It was, it was, I gotta admit, it was very that vibe.

You clap, like everyone's clapping, but they're all sat down kind of in their pizza and their filth, you know, mired in their little pig styes that they've created for themselves while they're watching. And they're all just sitting there for three minutes. Look at me.

It's so gross. Oh my God. I want to die. Yeah. No, I kind of wanted to die after i did my one last night last week when we did it together that was fine yes because you were kind of in the fantasy together but last night i was very like okay well i guess we're doing this now and then i finished and i was like well thanks for indulging me okay on to round three well and

that's the thing because everyone's got their mind on trivia they're like okay well, thanks for indulging me. Okay, on to round three. And that's the thing, because everyone's got their mind on trivia, they're like, okay, well, now you're getting in the way of the triv, unless you're going to ask them questions about it. That's my insecurity. I should be brave. But also, I don't want to do that, because then what am I doing? Preparing three rounds of questions, potentially. Fabulous, you know, questions.

Like the one about the dolphin that lives in the river and and then but then am i also preparing a lip sync i guess mother there's not enough money that's your job no but that's what i'm saying i'm trying to like i'm trying to separate the two and say the trivia is the job, and I don't want to lip sync. I get it. I do. I really do. Listen, if you come to my trivia, it's trivia. Last week, I would have been like, girl, what?

But after this week, I'm like, yeah, I need to figure out how to crack the performance to make it not. I think you do like questions about the performance afterwards like how do i look was it great those have become my favorite kind of questions that's so fun and no one speaking of fun no one's going to trivia to have fun because i asked a question last night people were like wait what do you mean what what and my question was from marvel the daredevil how hot is charlie cox yeah which i thought was really fun and people were like what do you mean And my question was From Marvel's Daredevil How hot is Charlie Cox? Yeah Which I thought was really fun

And people were like What do you mean? Like how hot is he? What are you talking about? What was the answer? Temperature is he? What do you mean? The question is

How hot is this man? And the answer Was very hot Yeah That's fun I think trivia is And two tables wrote down Very hot Yeah And. That's fun. I think trivia is... And Two Tables wrote down very hot. Yeah.

And I thought... They got it. That's incredible. You should marry those two tables. I want to marry Charlie Cox. Yeah. It's in the name. He's so hot.

Yeah. Anyway. No, I think the thing about trivia is, in the way that trivia works, is that it's not fun at the time, but you, in retrospect, you're like, that was fun. But, like, in the time you're angry and you're like. Do you have any video, like, footage of any of your performances? Of my performances? Or either.

Because, like, you could do that thing where you, like, project something and you're like, now I notice, like, five. What was the colour? Scarf was Butter Yes Did you see the bear Yeah

The bear What bear is in your show What You know You know that old video You bring this up It's so I love it

You're obsessed with this video From the 90s Because it's scary There's this video Of these I don't know People playing basketball And you watch the video And then you get to the know, people playing basketball And you watch the video

And then you get to the end and it's like, did you see the bear? And you're like, I was watching people play basketball And then you watch the video a second time and darling You're not watching basketball You're watching a bear walk through a basketball game Yeah It's so scary Well, maybe you should put that in your next one

I can't think about bears scare me well we covered that i know well i'm just i'm just what animal family do they belong to my nightmash it's time to discuss which packaging from a food item will get into the bunker okay so this no this one's kind of personal. Because I did suggest this. You did. Because today, I got like a little Inari, like sushi. Yeah.

And just from like the Metro. With like plain or like with the seaweed on top? No. No seaweed on top. Just the rice. Rice. And the, yeah. Yeah. on top no no seaweed on top just the rice rice and the yeah yeah and then like a little bit of like a like a kewpie mayo swizzle and then like a little bit of spicy mayo swizzle yeah kind of forming a

little double decker moment and it was delicious sometimes the rice can be a little bit stale because it was from the metro it wasn't some fancy fabulousness i was just trying to duck in oh my god and also the metro on fucking queen's parade you need to get your shit together because i've had it they had the um life-saving club lottery guy trying to sign people up out the front yeah my local metro thing yeah to like charity volunteers like so often it almost deters me from going because i'm not going to be fucking put in that situation i hate it i feel bad for the person having to do it where you walk past and like hey mate do you have five minutes to talk to me about some cool stuff? And I'm like, ew, like, no.

And like, no, absolutely not. I would rather die in a riptide than support you right now because you are putting me in a compromising situation where I just want to go and get my disgusting little sushi and like have a shame eat in the car. Like, I don't want to talk to you. This is not our time. I will donate. Fuck yes. We will give to charity in our time, in our way. But not here.

Not like this. Like when you force me into some social interaction with you and the way that they've gotten so, like they've gone past being like, this is a charity. We need your money. To now being like, hey, cool we need your money yeah to now being like hey cool hair how's your day going you're like fuck off go away i hate it oh yeah and they do and just it happens so often that i'm like i should put in a complaint because this is like so not it's a metro coals it's not for this like it's for a quick dip in dip out like mama i don't have time and the spiel takes time i don't know because i've been caught by so many of these people and

have long conversations about like they're not even just like looking for a one-time donation they want to sign you up they want to sign you up for a fucking and it's like girl no like i would have if it would mean like pay the bridge troll here's five dollars great but the fucking you're gonna be hooked on this thing and it's always some like sweet long-haired irish guy that's there like oh you can i get your anything i'm like fucking billy goats graph just trying to cross into my metro. Anyway, annoying. Don't do that. Yeah. Anyway.

And this influenced the packaging. And what is it? Like if I was to buy the wedges from the metro, which are dry, and they didn't have any sauces, and I don't know whether. What is this shop? They do like a little grab and go section because it's a little grab and go not grab and wait 15 minutes while a guy explains to you their fucking pyramids yes but anyway but they if i was to grab the wedges it's in like this secure cardboard recycled box with like a little window through which you can view your new purchase

and just check that they're all still in there yeah with the sushi why is it all like you know that super crinkly thin thin thin plastic that like hinges but not in a way that it was ever meant to close like who designed this packaging that you could hinge it shut and then immediately just like swings open. And so like it's all sitting in this thin plastic that I'm then meant to like somehow keep all the like soy sauce in so that it doesn't have the integrity to like hold wet ingredients. So the second you like crinkle it in your car my pants are covered in soy sauce is what i'm trying to say yeah and i've had it with the shame and advancement yeah i would have just gotten the wedges yeah if i'd have known if you knew yeah uh so not that

well that's it i just it makes me think, what a blessing when you do have packaging that works. Speaking of terrible packaging. Yeah. 7-Eleven iced coffee. What has happened to those lids? Why? They're so bad. I assumed that it was just, they were about to, like, because they have a paper lid on a plastic clear cup.

Yes. That has, like, a film over it to keep the ice in yes which is already bad because the ice doesn't separate no the ice is too stuck together because it's like give us an ice dispenser oh did you just fix that yes that's great like oh what because i was like how would you do you have to like add like a chemical to keep the ice from like sticking to you But like you're so right They just need a fucking ice dispenser

It's like if they can implement Those like slushy machines Like not the slurping machine But like the frappe thing Like and that is as previously discussed On the podcast Like fucking incredible And if they have the retail space in their stores

For that frappe machine, then give us an ice machine. And how big could the ice machine possibly be? 36 centimeters? I don't know. I mean, it could be hidden by a wall with just a discreet spout for ice. Imagine. Ideally.

But also the bullet cube Is so Not it anymore I don't want a bullet cube I want a cube Yeah like a big cube Yeah like a fucking chunky little bean When I went to see Abigail Yes your favourite film About vampires

Spoiler alert Anyway So then when I got my drink cup yeah they were like do you want ice i was like yes there was maybe like two centimeters high worth of ice and you know i got the biggest drink yeah because that's my fun treat at the cinema like that ice ratio is cooked it's like don't make me ask for more ice. I don't want to be the more ice girl at the cinema. Well, my friend Annie used to always be like, I don't get ice because they're wasting your space.

Yeah. And I'm like, well, yeah, but you're like, you're spiting them by cutting off your own nose to spite your face. Exactly. Girl, you need the ice. Yes. Yes. I was just away with my friend and i like a little beach visit and i had like because like down at k patterson the water is

not great out of the tap like it's good it's drinkable but it's not like tasty yeah um and so when we got the giant 10 liters of water i immediately was like we'll put it in the fridge then we can have chilled water what a treat and she was like no i love ice water but chilled water is the second best but she was like take that out immediately i just like room temperature water i don't want this disgusting chilled water that you're obsessed with you american oh my god i love chilled water i yeah yeah yeah i want to live every day with chilled water oh when i think ahead when i think ahead and chill a bottle of water for myself before i get into a hot hot bath i love myself that's good yeah um So I really like Well, yeah

I like I like I mean, there's just There's a world of food packaging options out there Yeah I hate when Let's get through those first You always go with the hate first I hate when You know when You're trying to build a team up at work

So you go and buy treats I hate When things are too individually wrapped Like when you buy a bag of lollies But then inside the bag of lollies Is like 20 bags of lollies That's so the bag of lollies is like 20 bags of lollies Yeah, yeah, yeah That's so evil

Well, it's only good when it comes to Halloween time Because parents don't accept unwrapped candy from me But I want to give their children treats Oh my god What? Can you... You know those like tiny fruit candies? Go on, you're describing a category. But they're like really

like, and they just like crunch apart. Like a boiled lolly? I just, no, no, no, no, no. More like they'll puff into disintegrate as soon as pressure is applied. Wow, that sounds delicious. What is that? They're really good. Oh, they've just come into my mind after you said that candy thing about Halloween. Oh, listener, tell me what that is okay anyway maybe that could be a trivia question just a whole round of things that i just can't remember yeah you know who's that girl that she's kind of got long brown hair but like she always goes yeah have you seen that movie with that person it was about i don't know at one point they were holding something yeah can you tell me what that is yes yeah under question four um okay um but yeah i hate when that happens wait you hate when what happens

the bags oh the tiny bag things but i kind of love that for sliced cheese oh the each like each one craft singles yes it's, but it's kind of great. I like how it kind of flaps open like it's a little undressing. And that red line. Oh, that's good. That's so helpful. Well, the Babybel cheese is quite iconic. I fucking love Babybel.

It's wax. It's so cool. Why aren't we dipping more things in wax? True. We should start with you. Preserve you a little longer. Wow. I'm trying.

No, imagine writing a letter and then we drop the wax and we just imprint part of your face in that wax. That'd be quite good. Sounds quite violent. And how big is this envelope? Gigantic. You love a big envelope. I got space mail to send, darling

Okay But on cheese packaging Yeah Why? Okay So shredded cheese or like shredded Parmesan cheese or whatever Will come in a pack that's resealable Yeah

Very helpful Although I'm quite content with my pegs Oh yeah But you know Sure I'll take your superior option I guess Oh I hate it when they have the little stick them on the back They're like you roll it and stick it with this tiny little stick I'm like put a fucking sealer on

Yuck But so often they will have the like cut here And you cut here And it's not far enough And the seal is not broken. So then you have to cut again. Yeah. But then you have no guideline.

So then you cut too close to the sealing section and the whole thing is just ruined. Listen, I hear you. Because that sounds like the design team and the manufacturer are not working together. Yes. We are a long way from that. Oh, it drives me crazy. Do you know, it's like those fucking mission chips That just

You know like the mission corn chips Like yellow corn mission chips That come in the like brown bag With the little windows Oh yes Little window Yeah That you can't physically open

It's impossible Yes You need scissors to hand Mama Where am I When When I think those ones are deceiving as well Because like they look like paper It's impossible. Yes. You need scissors to hand? Mama, where am I? When? When? I think those ones are deceiving as well because they look like paper,

but they're actually lined with like a thick plastic inside. Well, Matt, I hate to tell you, there's not really a paper that has food in it that doesn't have a plastic coating on the inside. I know, but like they're trying to be like. Yeah, they want the image. It's greenwashing is what it is. Yes. It's terrible. Yeah. No greenwas they want the image. It's greenwashing is what it is. It's terrible.

Yeah. No greenwashing in the bunker. It's the hard truth. Well, I kind of like think Gwyneth would love that. The hard truth or greenwashing? Greenwashing. Well, that's her whole brand. She loves that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like only clean. Yeah. We only do clean. Yeah. Here's what I think. It's kind of back to that thing of design versus manufacturer design versus the person who's handing it out like at the mcdonald's counter

you know how they like give you like your coke and on this lid like the design of the lid is that like if it's diet you can impress the little domeling and press it in. It's quite like fabulous. What? Like little domeling, like the little widget. Domeling? I don't know what it is. No, that's great.

I think that is what it's called. I just didn't realize it until now. And on that lid, which was probably molded in the 1970s. Lid! On that lid that was probably molded in the 1960s like it has the option for like diet and whatever yes but they never use it no and i'm like well honey this should be in the training because they've gone to lengths to make this packaging have multiple instead they'll be like that's the diet i'm like you don't know what i'm doing with this. You know that if I was managing a McDonald's,

my team would be using those domelings. Use the fucking domeling, Kathleen. It's in the manual. That's right. I'm just going to need to speak to you for a second. I've noticed a trend. I'm not going to say. And I'd love to just get everyone aligned

because the domelings are there for us to use. And it's really about providing customer service. I don't want to present a customer with two Cokes, one diet, one regular, and have any sort of confusion. We've actually thought about this in a preventative way, but I see they've not utilized the tools available it's so interesting so um i'd love to see that from you moving forward yeah yeah no i i couldn't agree more and then you'd hand them a fist of unwrapped candies and be like

are we team building are we having fun here today everyone take one skittle um some of the ink has run onto my palm while i was talking because I was so outraged. I did begin to perspire. But you can see that the idea is here. Yeah. Yeah. You know what turns out isn't a hit for team building snacks, which I've learned recently, is wasabi peas.

Oh, that is so delicious. What is wrong with you? I feel like your trivia and your idea of a team building snack Are one in the same Does anyone want a fist full of animal sacks? I mean, facts They're spicy, hard to swallow But not everyone's taste

So what about good packaging? Well, here's the thing McDonald's transitioned at one point, in my lifetime at least, to having like a burger come in like a box instead of just wrapped in that thin paper. Yes. And I think that that was a huge mistake because that box isn't very, like.

She's shuffling around in the box. Yeah. And when it opens, it just looks so like um there whereas when it was wrapped in a thin tissue paper i was like what am i going tiffany's in code look at this thin gossamer thin paper you're wrapping my delicious treat in yeah i love that and i would say cheeseburger But like a very faint yellow writing. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's so good.

And because in the day I used to get the chicken burger when I was... McChicken. Like... It was called the McChicken. Oh, thank you. Thank you. But the wrapping that they used for that I identified was also used for filet-o-fish. Ah, filet.

And I obviously never dared to try that. I love the filet. But I often thought about how, I wonder what other wrappers have dual purposes, but I never diversified to find out. I did love the toy that you could get which was a series which was you could make mcdonald's at home um but they were like you can make a apple pie for like at home but instead you would like be able to use ingredients you have around the house so you could use white bread

and then you would fold it in half and add apple sauce and then you'd bring this disgusting tiny little like molded piece uh stamper down onto it and it would stamp the shape of an apple pie onto it and then you could dust it with um cinnamon and sugar and so you'd be eating white bread with a little bit of apple sauce and cinnamon and sugar and then the one for fries you would uh roll it a piece of white bread through uh like a thing that made it look like little fries and then you would sprinkle it with sugar so it's amazing mostly just yeah the recipes are quite well then the other shape darling the shape the other one you'd get uh this is for the burger. They supplied, this is like 90s toy, but they supplied like a little bit of that tissue paper as well,

like the, gosh, they're thin. And you would get ginger snap biscuits. And then I guess you would grind up like an Oreo and then stencil cut the shape of a patty. And then you would take a fruit roll up and stencil cut like these little cookie cutter pieces that came with the kit like a pickle out of the green section and then a tomato shape out of the red section and then put it on your tiny two biscuits crammed between like some wet circle of oreo dust and um god that was so cool um yeah i don't know what the point of that

but fuck it was i remember buying one for my friend alexander for his birthday and it must have the box was very old and miscolored by the time i bought it from toy world in belgrave um but i was so excited and he did not share my enthusiasm and i brought him a thing of pureed apple and i think a white bread i got all the ingredients as well so we can do it tonight at the sleepover party and i forced everyone to do it and boy we had a lot of white bread that night yeah it was delicious that's good And I really coveted it myself I like it Don't ever give your friend a gift that you want for yourself

Yeah What about toffee apples? With just like the cling film and then the little thing on the stick? I think that's cool More things should just come in a stick Yeah But the issue with toffee apples is they can't disguise the fact that they're like There's an apple in there

But also the apple in there is always bad. Yeah. It's like bruised and rotten. Yeah. So like you think, you know, like also,

yeah. Caramel fudge though, the toffee is a little, I mean, that's, caramel fudge. You can get like brown toffee apples that have the caramel fudge.

Inside? No, on top. Instead of the red toffee. Oh. Yeah. There's two worlds. Oh. Yeah.

And we live in the worst one. It's that weird, hard, red toffee. It's not a pleasant, like, how do you get into it? Yeah. Yum. You need a beak. That'll solve a lot of problems, actually. I, what else is good?

Well here's what else is bad Grapes The Grapes We rushed into We rushed in To the paper straw revolution Oh yeah

Before the technology was ready Yeah And we're all Pretending That it's okay and i just think sip from the lip mama because if this is the alternative oh they're awful i just awful it's not it and we just can't pretend anymore everyone like we need to find something else because we can't just stop here and say well we did it yeah i hate those ones that are like bone uh bone colored they're like they're not cardboard they're like recycled something but they look like bone oh and they

feel like and taste like bone as well taste like i. And the texture is so awful. Can I say, not that I would support them currently with their current world alignments, but Starbucks have a really good cardboard straw. Like, will last

no fuzz, no weak points at the, you know, like, adjoining of... No. they're really good. Yeah. It's the only one I've ever seen. What about the glass straws? I just think that's really funny when the glass straws came in. It's like, girl.

No. I don't think this is the long-term solution. Just like hearing straws shattering around the room. Like just rattle against your teeth. Yeah, it feels very like a fairy tale. Like, sip from your glass straw. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

I think I like those weird packagings that will heat up your hot dog or cook your ramen and you break the thing and it's got like i know that they're killing us and the environment but god isn't that cool what about you've just reminded me sister remember those chips and then when you put the chip packet in the oven it shrank down to a cool little miniature chip packet that you'd put on a key ring on your bag that's fucking cool packaging yeah that's incredible intentional side effect of it yes yeah that is so good i like um those little i mean i think that to me the the like coolest packaging to ever exist that is so iconoclastic that it is like celebrated across the world yeah is the little

the soy fish soy fish oh yes like that's really good that's sick it's really good it's a beautiful design i love it matt do you like the soy fish yeah it's just the way you said beautiful design it's a beautiful design what does it have to do with fish? Well, I suppose you're having it with sushi. Yeah. Well, I guess maybe it was fish sauce originally. Oh, perhaps fish sauce. Maybe that's the case.

But now they're going with soy. It's like her and the two-pillow sauce dispenser that we only have in Australia. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is incredible. I like functional takeaway packaging. I think that's really good. Can you give me an example? Well, I had a burger one time and it came in a little box that was perfectly the size

of the burger. So, half the burger was poking out of the top of the box. Oh, yeah. So, it was just a little simple little rectangle box. Yeah. The burger was poking out and then it had kind of like these holes in the sides and underneath, like little holes that you could fit your finger in where you could push the burger up. Yes. More and more up.

But it's catching the sauce. Yeah. It wasn't like, yeah, it wasn't at the bottom actually. It was on the side. So you could push up the burger higher out of the box without, you know, having to like dig your fingers into it. Because usually when you get a burger, like it is paper or if you get a sandwich or whatever and you'd want to eat it like one handed sometimes. Sometimes. It's really hard.

Like you have to kind of rip the paper and bits fall off all over you. And you get that stain on your thigh. Yes. Well, or soy sauce. Yeah. Or like packaging that, you know, like can fold out and like the pizza box is pretty good. I mean, the pizza box, I think we kind of rush over it because it's such an institution.

Yeah. It's almost impossible to think of like, like there hasn't been innovation on like that technology hasn't been touched. Like, except for like. Not since the little center peg. Yeah. Has the pizza box. The little backyard patio furniture. What is that table for?

It's to stop the top from, you know, bowing into the toppings. Right, collapsing onto the pizza. But what, have you seen this? Have you seen this? Where they have cut off the corners? Yeah. I'm like, don't fuck with it. I don't like it. Don't fuck with corners. Yeah. I'm like, don't fuck with it. I don't like it.

Don't fuck with it. No. Also, because that little empty corner is great for my little dipping sauce, perhaps. Yeah. You don't know what I need that for. Yeah. I need that space. Yeah.

But you thought, yeah. We'll save on those corners. And also, it's so much more convenient to crush down a four-sided rectangular box. But if I'm crushing an octagon baby i don't have time for that that's twice the edges yeah yeah i just can't imagine i need like a classic like enjoy with like a kind of a caricature caricature of an italian man like winking at me yeah like an offensive. That's what he looked like. That is?

That was him? He was the pizza man? No, he was a hurtful man. The man on the box or your nono? Probably both. Yeah. Yeah. He's standing in front.

We're of the same generation. The Italian man. Yeah. God, I hated that man. Anyway. The man on the box? No, my nono. Oh, yeah.

Okay. He's dead. Yeah, what? I love that man. Anyway. The man on the box? No, my nun on the box. Oh, yeah. Okay. He's dead. Yeah, well, I love it when awful people die. It's good. Natural causes. H. H. H.

As opposed to H. H. Live! Okay. As opposed to Eight Live Okay What were I going to say? We were talking about the soy sauce Pizza box I think it's like soy sauce pizza box But for an Australian twist

Yeah, that little master food sauce squeezer Which I don't get why they don't do people's faces on them And have the sauce come out of their mouths I would love that that'd be very good oh that'd be so good why haven't we done that promo for like a horror film where they're spitting out blood oh or it's um for like one with aioli but it's a person's face and you're squeezing a pimple or they're like in the bunker and they're coughing out curms. Yes. Yeah. Oh, that's good. Yeah.

Oh, that's what I was going to say. I feel like green grocers have like, they experience packaging in a different way to the consumer does because things come in in these fabulous waxed, you know, like trays of mangoes. And then there's all of these like really cool little shapes little undulating divots for each one gets its own soft bed to live in the grocery store to be presented to the likes of us yeah and then as the consumer like good luck oh it's gone it's going to your house now there's

no protection i think they assume you have a suling your bowl at home. But yeah, and sometimes they have those really cool, like the mango will be cushioned by like perforated, you know, like puff foamy thing. Yeah, like a gnashy pear. Yes. All these little, you know, dustings that the grocery store gets, but not us. And I can't be responsible for the things I buy.

Well, that's it. That's why we've actually You know so much of the fruit and vegetable And things that we enjoy in our lives Is just about how easy and hardy they are To store and transport Yeah You know

Oh I know Anyway Oh to live the life of a green grocer I don't want that I don't want that either No Seems hellish But Oh would love to hose down the concrete floor At the end of a long day I don't want that either. Seems hellish.

But, ooh, would love to hose down the concrete floor at the end of a long day. That's the Italian way. That is. That really is. You can get that for your house. You don't need to be a groom. You can pressure wash. I did love pressure washing that concrete in my house.

What about eggs? They're pretty good And that is kind of That's storage that you get to take home Oh you mean like an egg carton What else would I fucking mean? I thought you meant the eggshells Nature's packaging

Nature packaging We'll get to We've already done the nut episode everyone I do love bananas. They've got a little packet. Although the mandarin can't be topped. Oh, no. For its own little packaging.

Yeah. She's thought it all out. Except when she's got seeds. On her bad days. Let me look at the sun. It's a bit seedy today. Mmm. Okay, okay, okay.

Soy sauce thing. You reckon? Yeah. So we're serving everything out of this little soy sauce thing You reckon? Yeah So we're serving everything out of those little soy sauce things Pardon? Like anything that needs to be packaged Yeah Is coming in one of those Sure

Of various sizes or just the tiny one? Like here's your strawberry thick shake It comes in a thousand little No, no This is like for the packaging thing It's just the packaging No, but like what is it packaging? No, no It's just the packaging. No, but like, what is it, packaging? No, no, it's just the packaging option.

Mama, what is the packaging? So like there's a box of those there. Like, oh, that's our packaging. Oh, mate. I just, sometimes you say things and I'm so confused. That's the packaging. We're deciding upon the packaging of the bunker. Yeah.

So we need to decide what is going into the bunker for packaging. We've already got things this is like but they're their things you know kind of a strawberry thick shake served in a well you could yeah it would be served in 58 tiny little fish and you have to like throw them away we've already put in the tomato sauce sachet from McDonald's as well. Barbecue sauce. Well, that's, I mean, maybe it's the barbecue sauce bit served inside of a tiny fish. I'm happy to make that compromise.

Let's see. This is a thing. You can have different sizes. Well, a giant fish might be an issue. Yeah, I'm not really into giant things. What if you had a burger and you wanted to eat a burger? And then it was blended up and just packed into a tight little fish We've got a box of packaging for the packaging conversation

And that's the packaging that's going in I think that's too, like, that's too That's like, if the stakes are so low As to what we're adding Then it's like, oh, well, then it's just sat there in like some separate little world but we're deciding what the packaging of the bunker should be so if the soy fish doesn't suit those needs which maybe we're realizing it does very quickly that it doesn't then we need to revisit this conversation and have it in a more fruitful way we can't just be like it exists

inside of a little box somewhere this has to have steaks yeah has to have meaning and when they serve the steaks should they be out of tiny little fish no steaks in the bunker no what do you what are they you know what i mean at reggie's no i'm not talking about meat steak no steaks just let him have fun oh Oh, mate. I can't. Okay. So then, oh, so you want something like practical that everything gets presented in the bunker. Well, I think the impracticality could be funny as well. Yeah. But I just don't want it to be like, oh, we just tossed that in in this show.

It's not even worth listening because it doesn't have an impact on the bunker. What about? Okay. I would never buy one of these. People are going to be buying tickets to this bunker, aren't they? Well, that's it. People are going to shut down. They'll be like, oh, it doesn't matter if I listen or not.

Because when they added those little fish, it was just a little box off to the side. It didn't affect the ecosystem of the bunker one bit. That's a play for it. Every time Mel B walks past that, she'll go, oh, God, I love that packaging. That's what I want to bring. Just like completely innocuous accessories. Like an Animal Crossing house.

No, they're good. You just want to add a fish tank that has no effect on gameplay whatsoever. Okay. So then I would never buy one of these. But there's a bunker-esque quality to those disgustingly stupid water bottles that are like shy-eyed like an A5 sheet of paper. Oh, yeah. And they have the little lid on the side.

Oh, yeah. That's quite so slim. And you're like, how much could that be? And it's like, that's the same as your 500ml bottle of water. And like, whoa. It's flat. My perception, though. My messenger bag still lays flat against my side.

Yes. I have one of them. I love those things. It says A5 on the side as well. I think they're really beautiful. You know, like a little A5. Matt, you'll have to send us a picture so we can put it on the Instagram. Okay, cool. Okay.

But I feel like that's bunker adjacent, you know? That does feel. Like everyone has this streamlined A5 receptacle for a product. A little vessel. Yeah. I do like that. I don't know. I also like the TV dinner tray.

I think that's very chic. Like a stable table? Kind of. One that would come in a box that has the little sections where you have the different... With the potatoes in one. Oh, I love that. I just love how they're peas in another kept apart

oh it's so good segregated well i wasn't gonna say segregated jesus christ but now that you've said it yes i guess so i'm at i guess i love how they kept apart god um but that kind of thing is quite chic and you could put a strawberry thick shake in that In one little section and slap it out Or what about like those buckets of popcorn That you can get where it's got the popcorn And then a holder for the drink in the middle In the popcorn bucket?

It kind of forms a popcorn bucket moat around a drink cup. I haven't seen this, but it sounds incredible. Like the June cup. Yeah. Only in America. The June cup? The June cup. That would be pretty good.

The 8th of June cup. Because I think that's good Yeah Or a Tupperware Or is that getting a bit too removed? It's not really a single use packet I guess it is What about the gorgeous glass jar?

Mason jar wedding You can put anything in a mason jar Yeah and then you can put Like things in it afterwards. I tell you what, the world really shifted when they made those fucking mason jars with handles and, like, a little hole for a straw on top. I'm like, that's not the point. I don't like it. You don't like a lot of things, eh?

Hey, it's kind of the grist of this podcast. We do what we can can we didn't call live to everyone everyone live live um i don't know you choose you choose then we move on okay okay well i'm gonna say soy sauce thingy As funny as I think that would be, but everything to be served in tiny quantities. I think I'm happy if it is like that disgusting cup with popcorn moat, because that would really then be able to do everything that we've already set up in the bunker.

Yeah, we need to facilitate liquids and solids. Yes. And so I think we need something that can do all of that. And so I'm happy to say that that is now in the bunker. Yeah. And it is now the key packaging. And everyone has one that they're given when they walk in. And I think, you know, if you get a second one, that means you're doing well, but I wouldn't expect it.

Yes. What is the material? Like a laminated cardboard. Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah. It'll last a while. Yeah, like, listen, it's going to get wet. Yes.

And you're going to wish, oh, my God, also that. Have you seen that guy that opens up Vietnam food rations? Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Like, oh, World War II rations. Yes. And they're all like, he's like, and then he eats them off camera. And you can hear him crunching away at some like 60-year-old cracker.

Yes. And then he's like, oh, that one. I'm not going to try that one. It's a bit too far. This one's off. I'm like, sorry. Like, I think it might all be. Oh, I love that too. that oh it's really good what a

strange wonderful world this is that would also be good like world war two rations like sardine cans but you open it up and it's a loaf of bread yeah oh i love that that's really good should everything be in sardine cans. And you peel it back and then you slurp up your strawberry thick shake? I think it has to be now. You peel it back, you slurp up your flake shake? I'm saying, I mean, we've been, how long have we been at this now? Like 45 minutes? And I think in the course of this conversation.

We're hitting the 70 minute mark now. Yeah. And 20 minutes of that was the trivia. But thinking about that, like we haven't had this much joy in our voices this whole conversation. Yes. And to have landed on the sardine can. Which I think is good. Yes.

Oh, I feel good about that decision. Me too. Okay. It's very bunker adjacent as well. It's bunker aesthetic. It's bunker. It's correct. But it's also like Amazing And like the thing about

The thing I like about those sardine cans Unmarked You don't know what you're getting But you can put anything in there Oh I love that Oh and it could last 80 years We need that Oh that's really good

Okay great Sardine can Lock her in You made it welcome back everyone a soul and you to you lizard lady oh my listener I want you to think about something

don't call him I've changed my mind you um go to his house you were rushing I want you to think about something. Don't call him. I've changed my mind. Go to his house. You were rushing. And you just got a little bit careless. But don't worry, we won't hold it against you. But you did snag your finger on the rather sharp door handle as you left.

And you made a slight cut. And you went to the first aid kit. And you said, help me. And you rifled through and you found a slight cut and you went to the first aid kit and you said, help me. And you rifled through and you found what you needed. And so too, we will rifle through the first aid kit and pick which thing from a first aid kit goes into the bunker. And will be sitting and used by Evel's mother in the medic bay.

Well, in the sick bay. Sick bay, sick bay, sick bay. Up until now, you know, perhaps we were under the impression that she had a full suite of medical supplies. But you were wrong. I hate to tell you the bad news, darling. Just somewhere you can lie down. Yeah, for a little rest.

That's right. And let me just say from the start, really quality, long tweezers. That's cool. I love that. That seems like quite an evolved kind of medical kit. I think the interesting thing about those kits that I always found was like, oh, you mean I can have as many of this as I want? Like it was all free?

Yeah. I can just have this? I can have this band-aid forever? Like, oh, I love that. Like those little single droppers of like sterilized water. Oh, yes. I can just have that? And then when I discovered that they have the little,

they even have for splinters, the little thing that like cuts you open really cleanly so you can extract the splinter really nicely. What? It's so good. I don't even know what that is. I don't know how to describe it better than I just tried. It cuts you a blade?

It's like a little, like, but it's so manual. What? Because you don't want to dig around in yourself to pull something out. You just want a clean cut because a clean cut will, of course, heal much better. Oh, so good. I love bandages and what I love more than bandages. I know what you're going to say and I agree. My God.

The little hooky things that keep it closed. The tiny little bit of elastic and then those little vampire teeth clippies that hold it all together. They are so grippy. And why is that a technology that we have not used for anything else? For anything else. That could be holding my corset together. Oh my God. I love them.

It's so good. Why are they so good? And the grip strength. Just incredible. It's so good Why are they so good? And the grip strength Just incredible It's incredible But I love when you're wrapping yourself and you're like Like I'm going to stretch this for a second And you're like I couldn't hold it this tight

No No one could Except those little vampire teeth Yes Two little vampires Oh they're so good I love them Abigail

I love that I was thinking of that immediately yeah because i'm also like where else do you encounter them like they're just so a thing that is only inside of a first aid kit yes okay well that's good that's good i think we need to park that though because like it's very clear front runner It is But we do need to like Mull through What are your thoughts on Like a

Cartoon Affiliated Band-aid Oh I don't like that Like it really has no place No I don't like that I Like

Children No Children need to realise That the world doesn't actually Revolve around them So like band-aids pandering to appeal to children.

You know what should appeal to children? Not getting infections. So just like suck it up and have a beige band-aid. A beige? Well, not beige. Well, interesting you should say that. I just meant like beige as a color. Skin colored. No, I didn't say that. I said beige. You say that. No. That's an interesting conversation. I just meant like beige as a colour.

Skin coloured. No, I didn't say that. I said beige. You said that. You also said Starbucks. So I know what you said.

Well Matt said that thing about segregation and... I didn't. That was lazy. I didn't say anything that kept apart. I said the food

was kept apart. When I said I'm Italian. So who's the real victim? We'll all be getting complaints this week I thought I was off the hook I said kept apart No, none of you said

I'm all for integration It's the new frontier Matt, I didn't immediately go to segregation I guess I just don't view the world through that lens I'm not cancelled Okay Just like beige is just a colour. Well, listen, it's Zelda moon.

But you know what is a good workaround? Is that kind of neutral blue. That's what I was going to say. The technology. The kitchen one. So that you can see it in your soup. And I really like that. I like that.

I do like that blue band. And I've worn quite a few in my time. Yes. It's such a blue. Yeah. It's so unmistakably blue. Hairy-winkled blue. It's good blue.

Yeah. And so matte. Matte. Yeah. That's so matte. I consider them to be shiny. I don't know what you're talking about. Oh, I feel like they have like a soft matte finish.

No, they've got like a gummy shininess to them. Oh, my. Perhaps yours are kind of a soft matte finish. No, they've got like a gummy shininess to them. Oh, my. Perhaps yours are cut a bit in oil. I definitely put on a lot when me and Matt were working together. Yeah, when we were in the cafe. A lot of oil? What? No, those band-aids.

Slicing up the banana bread. Picking up broken glass. People would just watch as Lazy just cut up their banana bread with blue bandaged scabby fingers all over their feet. I love your blue gloves. Oh. That's my hand. I love that.

Just pus leaking out of the corners. Yeah. We're huge advocates of the blue band-aid here at Death to Everyone. And what do you make of that? I think that the – do you think Australian school sick bays are keeping on hand a full shade range of band-aid brand bandage? No, I don't think so. That was so interesting.

Because it is like that for so long the default bandage was just beige. Yes. And it was like, oh, yes, of course. That's just a natural thing. Yeah. I think the blue is like. That's good. Like, let's just.

Just do that. Because also the fucking, like, going back to the abject, the weird fleshy quality of those band-aids, it's like... The ones with the texture? Also, I just can't abide things that are like... We can see that. Do you know what I mean? Yes!

Like, if you have a band-aid on i can see it but we also should see it like yeah yeah but that's i mean actually the gen z have really done this with the acne spots that are like stars like little star stickers and little like characters because they're like i don't need to be ashamed of acne and i'm not because our generation was like it's invisible no one will know and they just sent us all out into the world with like like little just clear pieces of plastic stuck to our faces vaguely concealing a red spot oh yeah yeah what about oh i love the packaging of the alcohol swab oh Oh, the single swab. It's so good. But I'm girl's favorite.

It should have been in the packaging section. Oh, well. It wasn't food packaging. Although in dire straits. I didn't mean alcohol. The, oh, and the satisfying sting of being sterilized. That's good. I do like that.

Oh, betadine. I do like that. That brown rusty color oh that's quite the witch's brew it is and it's so stinky but that's good for you um i also love savlon i really like savlon i don't like savlon i was gonna bring up savlon as like a bugbear because i it's oily it's got a gross scent it just oh i like the scent correct it makes me feel healed it's not of god no i feel like savlon is like i'm safe now better dean is better the devil you know she's giving you the facts savlon is like got this cloying floral

scent that's trying to cover up the death and decay in the trenches of the bunker. Savnon is like, I think I'm helping, I think. It's like a suggestion of antiseptic. It is very like, I think. Yeah. You put a little bit on before the band-aid. Ooh, I've become quite, you know, reacquainted with it. Oh. Yeah.

Wait, why are you putting it on? I don't know. I just have it. Just in case. And you're like trying to get through the tube. That will take a very long time. But, um,

Ooh, no, I, I like the cutthroat world of the better Dean. Yeah. She's angry. You can't beat that hue that's left on the skin. Ah,

orange. So good. Rust orange. Ooh. Yeah. I do like circle band-aids i think they're so stupid like a tiny little puncture and like i thank god i have this circle band what yeah like there's people like like when you get those multi-pack i mean they're not serious yes they're not they're not for a real

first aid kit like no one's got like a multi-pack in a real first aid kit no but like a bandage or bandage you but like here's an oblong just in case your gash is oblong i'm like what happens on the day when it's not you know yeah yeah yeah and there's fabric i hate those fabric ones yeah that's the texture of those oh and with the water and then they slowly start to like pull apart and the weave breaks. Yes. And they leave a rash on my skin. I hate that. I hate it. Okay. Is there anything else in the first aid kit? Things we hate with lazy intelligence.

Shut up. You're going to be on that list soon, Matt, if you don't shut up. I thought I was already there. Yeah. Saline solution's good in like, you know, like one-time usage size. That's quite kind. What else is in there?

I like a little pair of scissors. Little scissors. That's really good. I actually love little scissors. And they have that little curve. Oh, I hate the little curve. I like straight up little scissors. That little curve. I like straight up little scissors. Straight. That little curve. I like options.

I do like options. But I hate the idea that anyone would use the curved scissors on nails. Yeah. Oh. I don't know. You don't know which way it's going to cut. It's curved and it's like three dimensional. That's why I'm like.

That's scary. But like for, you know, like a little nick out of something. Curved can be kind of nice. Oh, I don't know about that. Okay. I can just turn the scissor as I'm cutting if I wanted a little curve. That's true. But like I can't uncurve a straight, you know, like...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Is there anything else in the first take? I feel like some these days will have like a pack where you crack it. Like an iPhone? No, like a pack where you crack it. Like an iPhone? No, like a pack where you crack it, and then all of a sudden it turns solid and frozen. Things like that.

Oh, disposable ice packs. Yeah, I do like that. And then some will have like the little heat cape. Yeah, I like gimmick. As well. I love a little gimmick. Yeah. You think it's small, and then you open it up, and it's a big cape.

Where do you get? Did you say bandages? Are we doing that? Yeah, we did bandages Oh, well that's, okay Well, I think we've circled back to the Oh, you want to do the bandage with the little clip? Well, no

We can't have both We can't have both, Matt We'll just be doing the little vampire clip Just the clip, what's it clipping? Skin It could do anything It's so grippy When I was a child Here, let me just put this cash back together Flipping. Skin. It could do anything. It's so grippy.

When I was a child. Let me just put this cash back together. When I was a child, I don't think you know about the horrors that await you in the bunker, Matt. But when I was a child, I was swimming in Cape Cod. Go on. In a very fast moving tidal river And I was Another rip This is another rip

Well no it was a tidal river With pink dolphins And I was playing with my sister I suppose And my cousins in America She's my sister I suppose Allegedly Jennifer Garner How do you

Yes Jennifer Garner And I was playing And then I was suddenly And dragged Dragged away in this brackish water By an eel? Or a dolphin? No, a grey dolphin And I was dragged quickly

Away from my sister, Jennifer Garner, and slammed into rocks that were kind of skirting the outside of the Tidal River. And these rocks are kind of cruel, like not these beautiful volcanic rocks we have here in the Victorian coastline. We have beautiful rocks here but but they were um sharp you know new england rocks you know the type that the mayflower had rocked up on on that day when i arrived at um at the plymouth rock yeah to begin the colonization of north america and those sharp sharp angry rocks and i slammed into them at quite a speed quite a velocity there's brackish water and my knee was uh suddenly cut sliced

and not in a kind way you might do when you're removing a splinter from a small child but in a way that you you just oh what what a cruel world. And I was sliced open. As if an axe was thrown. Yes. But axe throwing was not in vogue at the time. No, of course not. Anyway, so I come out of the water and I'm like, oh. You know how I do.

But I was younger at the time. And so then I tell my parents and I'm like, oh, my God. And they're like, look at it. It's bleeding gushing blood gushing but we're in america yeah only in america only in america and they say we we can't take you to a hospital yeah because it would cost billionaires thousands of dollars to do because they were like it does need stitches we can see that but there's nothing we can do because we're in America.

So then we just got. Well, let's pool our resources into Jennifer. That's right. We've got one good kid left. She can go and do the pageants. You stay here. I'll go. Not with those knees. And then, so they got one of those.

Now look at you now. Yeah. That's why I got knees for radio. I look at you now. Yeah. That's why I got knees for radio. And they got the band-aids that have that, you know, like the one side. It's like almost like a toupee tape kind of situation. It's got a tab and then a thin band of band-aid and then a big other tab.

It's meant to hold together your 10-year-old skin while it heals. Yeah. That's meant to hold together your 10 year old skin while it heals. That's the story. I just can't believe how pathetic that band-aid was and as a result I do still have a scar on my knee. Which is why it can't be seen in public. But you know what would have been great for that? What? Those little vampire

things for bandages. Thanks. Stab me again. Yes. Pull me together. So it's like an all-purpose stitch staple band-aid. It's so good. And what if you want someone to be quiet in the bunker? Oh.

Vampire teeth them out. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. You've had enough from the gobble ghost? Yeah. Yeah. That's great.

Tear in the gobble ghost's feet. Yeah. That's great. Tearing the gobble ghost's feet? Yes. Fix that right up. Mend it. Oh, that's great. Great. Okay, perfect. Cool.

Congratulations, little vampire bandage holder thing. And to you, listener, thank you so much for listening to that story about my childhood. Yes, I think it's time for me to tell some more stories. Go on. No, I'm right now. Because we'll be going on break. And then we'll be back. Goodbye.

Bye. Hello. Wake up. The Clever Woman someone's house and been like hello yeah like please nothing please see me oh my god can i say i don't know if you know this but um uh the disgraced actor kevin spacey um who is gay yes uh got disgraced for many allegations against him for kind of inappropriate behavior. Yeah. Recently did like a full podcast interview with this kind of alt-righty gay guy. Oh, God. To try and clear his name in the wake of this documentary that's coming out in the UK about the allegations against him because he's like, I was acquitted of all charges and blah, blah, blah.

This is the story. But in the course of him telling the story which is very weird because uh kevin spacey is obviously an actor and so he behaves in a very theatrical way so even when he's being honest and a gay actor gay actor flaming so it's super like the performance of like sincerity is really intense and you're like oh this is so weird stop saying things like it's is really intense. And you're like, ooh, this is so weird. Stop saying things like it's the end monologue where you're the Aaron Brockovich. And he, they're called boobs, Ed. And so he is like, I've done a lot of things. I've never like, I've never coerced a man to stay with me.

But I have stood in front of a door crying so he'll stay. I have done that. I've forced myself to sob so that he would love me, but I would never molest someone. And I was like, I don't know that this is helping your case, Kevin. Jesus. Yeah. Sob in private.

So, yeah, Kevin Spacey probably shall be your housemate Please Please stay Yeah Oh, sobbing I once was trying to get my friend's attention I was walking past her house You?

And I started picking up gum nuts and throwing it at her second story window because I could see her lights were on. Yeah. And some guy walked past and was like, people actually do this? That's great. And he just say, only in America. Hello. But yeah, and then she like opened the window and was like, hello. Oh.

Yeah. Wholesome story. That's nice. Yeah. Oh. I've never thrown something in a window so let's move along you should try it sometime maybe a brick so we're in our final category now oh darling 95 minutes in which child is going into the bunker?

Which child? Which child? Mildred Hubble. She's a witch child, famously. Yes. Also, do you know, today I learned a fact. Fact check. You know how we had Melissa, which Melissa gets into the bunker?

And it was Melissa McCarthy's wig room. Yes. We actually already had a Melissa in the bunker because Avril Lavigne's fake clone that is in the bunker and it was melissa mccarthy's wig room yes we actually already had a melissa in the bunker because avril lavigne's fake clone that is in the bunker yes to her name is melissa to um you know like edge on the conspiracy theory the only conspiracy in the bunker you're correct is melissa melissa that's fake Avril That's good So we have two Melissa's Congratulations Yeah

You made it in Can you quickly tell the story of The bonus round you did at Trivia this week? Okay I promise we won't talk about Trivia every week Now that we're Trivia Girls We are Trivia Girls Okay so Okay. I promise we won't talk about trivia every week now that we're trivia girls. We are trivia girls.

Okay. So last week, Lazy ran this great bonus round. It was really funny. She got three people up on stage and everyone got a chance to like have a point awarded. And it was like, tell us how many days since you last had sex and people had to guess. And if they guessed correctly, one point or whatever. So you were looking at the people and people had to guess and if they guessed correctly one point or whatever

so you were looking at the people and you had to decide when they were last getting laid based on their vibe and then I had seven days to come up with my own bonus round or I could have just replayed because it was quite successful

and I thought you know I was so busy just doing so many things I was like I thought I had often thought I was so busy just doing so many things. I was like, I thought I had often thought about the need to think about this. But it hadn't quite gone well. That to me is like a classic Zelda thing. Like, I do really need to think about that.

That's my whole life. And then there I was sitting glamorously in the Uber heading to the venue. And I thought, you know what I really like? Chickens. And I really like chicken impersonations. And I was like, maybe that's what I could do for the bonus round. And that's about as far as I got. There I was standing on stage and I said, I need three volunteers from any table.

I need a volunteer. Who volunteers? And everyone said nothing. And I said, oh, come on. And then eventually, three people joined me on stage. And I said, incredible. Thank you. And they said, OK, so what we're going to do, everyone,

I'm going to get you all to write down No, wait Wait No, because And then someone said, how will we get points? We don't have someone up there And I said, shut up Shut up And then they said, well, that's a good point

Because you Wait, what? And then I said, well, you didn't send up a volunteer so i guess you don't get any points so only three tables could possibly get points because only three tables volunteered so i made the volunteer next time so that was the first thing that happened it was actually a test it's all a test and then you know we were already having so much fun, but it continued. This is after the animal round? Yeah. Okay, good.

It's on theme. So then I said, okay, so the three tables that have sent a volunteer, what we're going to do is, your champion is what I actually called them. Rewarding bravery. Yeah. Is you're each going to do a chicken impersonation. And the best chicken impersonations will get the points. And then all three of them did great impersonations, and I loved it.

Do you know how that game could have worked? Yeah, I'd actually love to hear. Is if you said, okay, this is champion one, this is champion two, this is champion three. Yeah. Write down now who you think is going to do the best chicken oh sister and you write one two or three and then they do the chicken impersonation based on look alone they can tell this person would make a good chicken

maybe bring some costumes next time Matt? I've been doing lots of chicken impersonations for my one year old To bring it back to And a hippo I can do a hippo What's your hippo? Is it driving down the highway? Really fast.

It's in a fast car, yeah. What about a chicken going really fast? You can do it on the microphone. So speaking of children Zelda you were saying off mic That you don't want children in the bunker No I said children She keeps trying to do children as a topic

I just think it's very like Swamp hag adjacent to be like the child i love the chair yeah i love um and i also love judging children it's so camp yeah my like having expectations of them that don't meet their life experience yes Yes. Yeah, that's good. Oh, it's so funny. And my sister, I don't know, in her job as a scientist, works with children sometimes. But she's just like... But she acts as a scientist. Yes.

She says they sometimes just say the darndest things. See? They're weird. No, that's what I don't like. I love you. You don't know what love is. Grow up and then say it. What I don't like is like when children find something that, you know,

wets the appetite of adults. Yeah. And they do it again. Oh. I hate that. Like the little like, like he's a little performer. Yeah. He's like, I said this. I'm going to say it again little performer. Yeah. He's like, I said this. I'm going to say it again.

Yeah. Or they find an action or like they did something and some adult foolishly laughed. And then they do it again. And look at you like. I'm falling off a cliff right now. Whoa. And you're like. Now I'm falling off another cliff.

Look. And you're like. I saw that the first time. You're not actually so what am i looking at a child oh god yeah desperate for attention go entertain yourself yeah so you're gonna be a fun uncle i am a fun uncle i like my children i think i like your child. She hasn't said anything yet.

Yeah, that's brilliant. I love that she just keeps to herself. No, I love those beanies that she wears. Pretty cute. You know, she doesn't pick them. Huh. Yeah, but she pulls them off. She actually just has a stylist.

Not everyone could, you know, look that good in a beanie. I couldn't. My head's not made for hats. You look great in beanies. I don't know. You do. They need to be voluminous. I can't wear like, you made for hats You look great in beanies I don't know You do They need to be voluminous I can't wear like You know how people with those like

I'm really trendy And they're like the little fisherman beanies I'm like how does that stay on your head? Nina I mean Nina Is that bad? You wear them I wear them

You wear them I can't wear those You could wear them They look crazy on me They don't look crazy on me They look great on you They would look crazy on me No I think you would absolutely

Rock a little tiny little... I love my beanie, my big beanie with the huge pom-pom that I got in Japan. That's so cute. That's good. That's about it for me. No, don't be ridiculous. The only thing standing between you and a little chic little skullcap moment is your own insecurity about it. You embrace it and the world will embrace you.

I swear to God. Okay. Well embrace it and the world will embrace you. I swear to God. Okay. Well, as long as no children embrace me. No. Well, that's creepy. Okay. So what? Women.

I mean, women. Women. What am I thinking of? Children in media, I think, is probably a great place to start. Yes. Because those child actors, you know. Well, I mean, don't we have one of those? Who do we have?

We did Child Actor. Which one did we get? Oh, no, it's one of the ones that we never referred to. Elijah Wood was not Celeste King. It was not Elijah Wood. Yeah. One moment. You say something.

Listen, I don't know which child actor it was, but what child? I mean, that's the thing. I don't like children with like ungodly talents. I kind of like average little shit kickers. Yes. Like I think that's like ones that look like they eat worms. Oh, okay.

I was going to say this. It was Jojo Siwa. We put Jojo in? Yeah. And we haven't even discussed her again. We needed to come to her defense. The whole gay world has really failed Jojo Siwa. Yeah.

Oh, the rush of these fucking petty homosexuals on TikTok to decry Jojo for saying, I invented gay pop. How dare you? She's 19. She's never been outside of her weird compound where she lives with her mother like she's only just discovering her queertom let her say cringy things yeah and also when they say that that other version of karma's a bitch is better it's not it's fucking shit and you just want to be different karma's a bitch with jojo's cori on her weird boat in her ugly music video is incredible yeah and if you can't embrace

it and the camp kitsch value that she's continuing to bring to you despite your off it just shows that the world has no sense of whimsy where We let Jojo down. Yeah. Well, not us. We put her in the bunker. That's it. I want Jojo to survive. Her head didn't explode?

No, exactly. No one's screaming at Jojo. No. I just, and like, she just has nary put a foot wrong. What did she do? Love to dance? Loved a snatched ponytail? She loved that. Loved a scrunchie? That little alopecia that she's got as a snatched ponytail. She loved that.

Loved a scrunchie. That little alopecia that she's got as a result of her snatched ponytails. Went a little too hard, but that's okay. Well, she went hard for you, America. I just can't. The earth, wake up to Jojo. Okay. So what other children are good?

Yeah. Hello, sir. What about children that are like, hello, sir? Oh, I kind of like that. Like little tiny Tim. Yeah. Like waifs on the street in London. Oh, yeah.

Little orphan chimney sweeps. The genre of that that I don't like are all the children in fucking His Dark Materials. Why are they all so fucking nasty children? What is His Dark Materials. Why are they all so fucking nasty children? What is His Dark Materials? You know, like Golden Compass with Nicole Kidman in her possibly best role ever of an evil woman torturing a monkey and children. Oh, she's so good in that movie.

That is quite good. She is so good. Also, the one that did it in the HBO series was really good as well. She's just a great character of an evil woman touching a monkey and children. Such a rare role to find in this day and age. It is. More evil women touching monkeys and children. That is the story of Wizard of Oz.

True. Those monkey bats. That's so good. Do you see that woman on TikTok? I mean listen no shade against this woman She seems like a delight But just She's obsessed with Wizard of Oz Ugh terrible trope

Why is it such a thing? It's such a thing It's so weirdly a thing And like she's like here's my collection of all my memorabilia about the wizard of oz and just does and she's got this huge tiktok career just and like she's not the only one either she has this huge career just talking about wizard of oz like babe i don't know i don't care i just can't care. I just can't care enough. And I know that that, I mean, like, I love people loving their thing and just getting really deep into the weeds.

But I'm like, when God was giving out obsessions, you showed up late. Yeah. Because yours kind of is a bit duffer. Like, babe, I don't even think it's that interesting. No. The source material is not that interesting. And also, like, at this point, we know. Everyone knows.

Be obsessed with Judy Garland? Sure. There's layers there. But Mama? I don't know. I know you love to tell me about how in the original it wasn't ruby red slippers. Yeah. Oh, I know. Yeah. to tell me about how in the original it wasn't ruby red slippers yeah oh i know yeah i know how

you'd love to tell me how it wasn't asbestos they were dropping on the in the snow scene and i know how you'd love to tell me that it wasn't a person hanging in the background of the woodland scene i know we've debunked we've done it and now let's close the case that's it it's good what are we talking about here i can't yeah so yeah no no annoying british children only like good ones no no no stranger things cast no you don't like them no did you ever like them yes and then there was yeah but no they betrayed me with like a season two is going to be x-men and then it wasn't they did do that didn't they yes i was like that's kind of fun not just because i like x-men but i was like i want to see more powers who doesn't want to see

either more demogorgons or more powers from stranger things but instead we got more of the like hot cop. I love hot cop. I love Winona. Oh. It was really hard to cut around Winona not being able to act. Wow. Yeah. What about Winona and...

Hot cop? Sigourney in Alien. It's a resurrection. Oh, it's so good. What a great movie. Oh. When they're all pissing in that water And she gets the boob

Let me just try that one again And she gets the ball through the hoop The boob In one shot Yes And they weren't ready They weren't ready for Sigourney And that's on them

Yeah Anyway What child goes into the bunker? What child goes into the mouth? What child goes into the mouth? Maybe that child from Aliens. Newt. Newt. I do like that child.

See, that's a good child. That's a great child. Relatively quiet. Loves being hidden. One film never again. Didn't ever act again. Kind to animals. The aliens?

The cat. Oh, yeah. Yeah. She could live with the aliens when no one else could They all said oh they're trying to kill me But there is something I Like I mean listen For the bunker

Yeah I kind of like The concept of what you're talking about Of like the family's having a dinner party Yeah And they're like Wake up little Elizabeth Tell her to come out and play the piano the way she does.

And then everyone's like, oh, how marvelous. And she comes out in her Sunday dress and shiny little Mary Janes. And she says, say hallelujah, come on, get happy. And she dances. She does the thing. And then sits down and plays a song. And they're like, your little elizabeth really is quite the young little lady so you want the von trapp family i want i i'm not seeing that film

i i want the um you know here's this hilbert here's a silver nickel for you young lady go out and buy yourself something pretty interesting thank you papa like i and i think so a kindly oppressed british child like kind of like what year have we played like 1910 yes like like mary poppins vibe like one of those children well those children are little fucking brats yeah they're quite rowdy shut the fuck up you're not going to a floating tea party we're singing for the dinner guests and going back to our room fucking what are you picking the nanny? Yeah. And putting in your requests. Ugh. To the ether, the original manifesting.

We're simply soldiers in petticoats. Don't bless crusaders for women. Though we are dull men individually, we agree. I mean, there's never been such a powerhouse performance as Veruca Salt in the original Willy Wonka. Oh, what a little. She's so good. Rewatch that.

She's so good. I mean, like, you just couldn't. I mean, like, actually, the Tim Burton one, those kids were incredible too. But fuck me, that Veruca Salt when she's like, I want it now. I want it right now. Incredible. And that beautiful right now. Incredible. And that beautiful curly strawberry blonde hair. Yes.

What about evil children? What do you think about evil children? Oh, I'm quite fond of evil children. I was going to suggest Rosemary's Baby. There's no child in Rosemary's Baby. Yeah, but like, you know. Except for like, no, you don't even see the baby. No, that's why it's so good

Just a little pram The child's in there We're saying which child gets in the boat Not which baby We do have to talk about baby geniuses And I guess Matt has a kid as well But I love those baby geniuses What baby genius?

In the film Baby Geniuses Oh my god I know what you're talking about That's awful I love those baby geniuses. What baby genius? In the film, baby geniuses. Oh, my God. And they double. Oh, I know what you're talking about. That's awful. They're baby geniuses. Yuck. And when the adults, when Kathleen Turner, the adult, is not around,

they are, you know, getting up to mischief. No. What about a baby that gets super strength to lift a car off its mother? Like in Honey, I Blew Up the Kid? I don't know in honey i shanked the honey i blew up the kid i don't know that was good when the baby gets blown up made giant yeah it sounds good yeah it actually sounds incredible yeah giant like godzilla size oh we have one of those um baby but that's baby day that's baby We'll talk about babies one day We're talking about children Children

Children What about real children? Real kids Or are you going to do like a fictional child? Well I think it's like you know whatever I think that Elizabeth is really Hello Papa Yeah

Like Greta Thunberg Greta We didn't think about Greta No How do you think Like her career is over once the world ends. That's it for her. You're lost.

And she lost. She might be an activist in the bunker, helping us stop polluting the ocean area. The ocean area. She has to sail across the ocean. No one. Maybe she just looks after the ocean area. No one is polluting the ocean area.

We're dropping so much shit Absolutely not Every day we're dropping a We're dropping a famous animal in You think when Dunstan checks into the oceanarium He's not going to be wearing that pinwheel hat And it's going to float off his head If you take the flying fox

And you drop in Or like maybe some pebble drops out of your pocket That's about as much litter as going in there. What about when they feed Mega Malali her little Coke can, her little canister of food with a bucket of moat of popcorn around it? Yeah, there'll be many sardine cans at the bottom of the ocean area. Oh, that's right, sardine cans. Yes, yes, yes. But that's it, that's pollutant.

Rootin' and pollutin'. Anyway, Greta is an interesting. Anyway, maybe it's... Greta is an interesting one because, yeah, like, obviously... No Greta. You just don't like Greta. I like Greta. You're a regular Holly Valance. Oh, Holly Valance.

Did you see that? I nearly did a Holly Valance question last night, but I couldn't get it quite right. It was like my silicon story. Yes. Yeah. It was. We can wait on that one.

What did you have in mind? I wanted to do kiss kiss did she release kiss kiss before or after her time on neighbors but she released it in feb of 20 2002 and she left neighbors in september of 2002 you don't know darling yeah so it's like classic before during or? And that's like Is that a funny question? No Let's go with What animal has the largest wingspan? Wondering albatross

Hilarious I'm also wondering When this trivia is going to come to an end I can't believe you tortured all those people They loved it I had the sense that when I walked in, because they came at the very end for the death match, everyone looked at me like they were being held hostage.

That's not true. That's not true. Anyway, what other children are great? I love children. We are the world. What about the exorcist child well here's the thing we've come a long way for creepy children because i don't like modern day creepy children because i'm like i can't hear you sing a fucking lullaby in a creepy tone anymore i'm so over it's

so trite lazy susan yeah we have reached yet another point she didn't get it in on which Meg She didn't make it in on which robot That's KickBot 5000 From Boston Dynamics But perhaps now it's the true child's time Megan Mithrigan What an incredible child

Amazing Come on Let's let in Mithrigan Just in time for her new movie Amazing Do we know when that's coming out? Child! Amazing. Come on. Yeah. Let's let in Mithrigan. Just in time for her new movie. Amazing. Do we know when that's coming out? Well, I don't know when she's doing other films, but I don't know when the sequel of Mithrigan is coming out.

But I would love to see her do some other work. She'd be great. She would. We need like a, not that I feel like I've ever seen them, but there's like scary movies. Like how good would she be in a scary movie they're doing a new scary movie scary movie five with mithrigan mithrigan will be covered don't worry surely but it's gonna be like that midsummer like other bits

yeah i'm excited for that anyway mithrigan okay mithrigan lock it, Mithrigan, lock it in. Oh, that is great. Oh, well, that's a relief. Oh, that's good. Okay, well, Mithrigan does have a cut on her ankle, but thankfully she's put one of those little... Sutures. Suture thingy. Little vampire clips from bandages on it, and that's taken care of it,

so that she can sit down and enjoy her... Mystery tin. Yes. Yeah. Does it have a flake shake, or does it have a strawberry thick shake? Who knows? Does it have barbecue sauce?

Yeah. Mithrigan will find out. Well, what a great week. Okay. Thanks for listening, everyone. Adios, mi amor. Goodbye. I'll see you in hell.

Oh, and remember to review us. Yes. I want reviews. Yes. And after your five-star review, i'll see you in hell yeah death to everyone was recorded at natural habitat studios by matt shears our theme song and music was provided by edie centric and angus leslie if you do have something you'd like to say to us send it through to our email at death to everyone pod wait what is it and if you'd like to support us won't you buy tickets to

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