Death To Everyone - Death To… Parties, Pool Accessories & Alarms

Episode Date: March 10, 2025

ITS PARTY TIME! Which party should we keep for all eternity? Will it be a pool party? If so, you can bring the pool accessory that we save from the apocalypse this week. And finally we decide which alarm will remind you to leave on time for the party.Woohoo!xFollow us, won't you?⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.naturalhabitatstudios.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/ediecentric/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103/

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I'm just showing you Yes, especially you Zelda Hello Zelda Moon Lazy Susan What do you make of those portable game consoles that are like hacked and you can play any game for Nintendo 64. I hate it so much. Well, go on. I knew you'd say this, but go on.

Because like, mostly because they're ugly. The user interface will be ugly. The design is ugly. They'll feel cheap and light and shit. Also like evil and like cracked, which is a shame. But there is an argument of like, well, like there are now games that have been made and exist and you can't play them. Even if you own some of them, you can't even play them. Yeah. Because like the TVs don't have the right ports anymore. And if the video game companies that developed or at least published or whatever, those games aren't interested in preserving them for the next generation to grassy, then what is a gamer girl to do? Um, I would say don't play it on something ugly.

Like one of those stupid handheld things. Like the Game Boy, fake Game Boy looking thing. Oh, worse than like the devices that have like 15,000 games are like the emulators that you can get on your phone that like looks like a Game Boy screen, but obviously doesn't have the buttons. Who isn't going to have any pushback when you click. Ew. But I think interestingly recently the Apple store has allowed emulation in apps. So you can now get like Gameboy games on your phone, which for the longest time you couldn't do. Anyway, there's that. But yeah, I hate them. They're so ugly. Yeah. Oh, also like everything looks slightly wrong and all that stuff, but I

suppose it's better to be able to play those games than not. And this is Lazy Susan and this is a show called Death to Everyone. This is our weekly podcast where we talk about a range of fabulous topics. And we as celestial goddesses oversee planet, and every week we look at it and say, well, what's the best type of chair? And then we put that chair in a doomsday bunker. Yes, to preserve it, to represent all of human history. Inside of that chair, you can understand the way we lived, the way we walked, the way that we were. The way we sat.

Through an important lens. No man, the way we sat. You stupid little fucking girl. Our lens. The most important lens of all. Ouch. And that's Matt. Matt, our space car driver. I try and chime in now and again.

I love a bit of Matt chime. Matt chimes. Ding dong. I really want to get a wind chime, but I'm scared of pissing my neighbors off. Yes. That's a lot of noise pollution, but I do find wind chimes to be so majestic.

Very calming. But not, I don't want one of those like, ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding because no one would be able to identify where the sound is coming from. Oh, that's fun. But I'm more meant for your sanity while you're trying to sleep. Oh, no, but I love wind chimes. You don't even understand. I'm trying to. I am delighted when I run into... Not if it's like ding ding ding! Oh, shut up.

It's not what I like. Goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong goong Weirdly though, if you went to like a house and garden place, you know, and didn't ask them for a bird whistle. And I don't know what was happening in the nineties, but like, it seemed like everything

was normal price, except two things. Giant wind chimes, which were weirdly $20,000 at all times. And then also quartz caves, purple quartz caves. Oh yeah. Why were they $20,000? Those are the only expensive things in the 90s. My understanding the other expensive thing was roll-ups. And that's why we went on that. Yes.

Because they were too expensive. They were $50 million. Yes. You want your father to die. So that you can have a roll-up at recess. Little shit. Yeah. You're going to have a roll up at recess. Yeah. Little shit. Yeah. You're going to have a Lesnack home brand.

See, I was never, we just like never had stuff like that. What do you mean? Fruit sandwich. No, like fruit sandwich, maybe a Muesli bar, but not like good Muesli bar, just like generic. I'd rather nothing than a Muesli bar. Be like Lesnack, Fruit Loop thing, like roll up. Yeah.

LCM, no LCMs. No. LCMs. When I had roll up. Yeah LCM no LCM LCM in the playground. Yeah, like off someone else. I Was like crack. Yeah. No, they were so good. I was never allowed to have that stuff as well So I would just have like fruit or like a homemade biscuit Yeah, heaps of nuts in it or something which were yum, but like they weren't an LCM. No. Oh, not much sugar. And so what's been going on in your life, lazy Susan?

Oh, what is, oh, okay. So there was something very funny that happened to me recently, which I thought was quite chic is that preparing to go to Adelaide Fringe, which I'm going to this week. By the time you're hearing this, I am... Am I? Am I back? I'm back.

I had so much fun in Adelaide. No, but going to Adelaide with Tina Del Twist and Tom Noble, and we're doing just three shows, afternoon shows. It's a late night talk show in the afternoon, which is going to be fun and silly and kind of an amorphous experience. It's not really a set plan. We're just doing a show. Yeah.

Anyway, we did that. We had our like test show in Melbourne, which was fabulous. And I had so much fun just being a absolute monster. Yeah. And at the very end, I kicked off my solito heel. It hit the three meter high ceilings and almost fell onto a audience member. And that was great. It didn't hit them, which is great.

That is good. But also, it didn't hit them. Sad. Imagine that story. I mean truly imagine a more interesting version of this story. Anyway afterwards, Mum the drag queen who was in the show as a guest on the late night talk show in the afternoon, we were heading on to an after party. Now let me tell you a little bit of the story here and I know that mum is not listening to this, but mum's girlfriend is. So when you tell

her about this, you know, although maybe she's been turned off because we didn't like Vanessa Kirby, but I've forgotten all about Vanessa Kirby right now. Well, right. I forgot that we even talked about it. That's her effect. She's got an incredible effect. Like one of those neutralizer guns from MIB. Anyway. Who? Exactly. And so we got to, so like, mom had gotten the invite for the party and I'd not received

an invite to this party. And she was like, are you going to the fashion festival after party? And I was like, oh, I didn't get invited. So lame, so not chic. And then mom did the very lovely thing and reached out to them again and was like, oh, I didn't get invited. So lame, so not chic. And then, um, mum did the very lovely thing and reached out to them again and was like, have you invited Lacey Susan? And then they, um, had in fact not. And then they're like, we couldn't find her email, so we're sending it to you now. So they sent me an invite to this party. And then we go to this party

and I'd seen someone else from Fashion Festival, one of the designers and I was like are you into this party tonight? She's like oh I'm not, it mustn't have been invited. So we're all a bit like well this must be quite an exclusive party. And we get to the party which is at the old Cherry Bar. I know, shame. Which I didn't realise until I was inside and I was like, I've been here before. Um, wait, it's not cherry bar anymore? No. Oh, it is the worst place in the world. We rock up and we have turned it out because we're like, this is another fashion festival event. We need to be fashion festival.

Yeah. And like be like fabulous. Yeah. So like, be like fabulous. So like I was wearing my floral purple look from the show. I've done my makeup special. Even though it was weirdly like floral during the test show, I was like, it's fine. I'm going to a fashion festival after body after this. I should like, like make that the priority for the thing that, you know, I'm going to look fabulous for. Uh, whereas here I can look kind of like, why has she got a floral face and just a normal dress and wig?

And I was like, yeah. Anyway, so we rock up and Kurjan, my boyfriend comes along as well because he had been left out of the opening night fashion festival events. And I was like, good, we'll make sure you come to this. We get there. There's a line and it's not a line of people dressed in cutting edge fashion from the fashion festival. It's a line of the most like, God, what is it? Like talkie clubhouse, like guys were all wearing white shirts, short sleeve shirts

and like black pants. The gals were all wearing like linen kind of smock dresses or like going out little dresses. Yeah. And I was like where is the fashion at this fashion festival after party? Yeah. We were like okay well stay on the scent, stay on the scent. And we're waiting in line and then some of the people like where did you just come from? And we're waiting in line. And then some of the people are like, where did you just come from? And we're like, what do you mean? We're at the federal home. This is the destination. Yeah.

We're like, okay. Anyway, so then we go in and we're looking around. I'm like, this is a group of dank ass straight people. What are we doing here? Why are they all straight? This is a fashion festival after party. And they did look, some of them looked like influencers, but like not fashion influencers. They looked like, I just discovered Shea Bodhi-Bara, like influencers. And I was like, what is happening? This is, and the men were like, bloke-ish and tall and being loud. And it was just like, bloke-ish and tall and being loud. Yeah.

And it was just like, like nightmare, nightmare fuel. Yes. And I was like, what is happening? But it was like fabulous. We were having such a good time, just being like, what is going on? Yeah. So you were in the right spot. So, then Jules is, Mum is like, okay, I'm just going to message Siway, our friend who'd been getting us on the list, because she's lovely, for all the fashion festival parties. And she was like, so what's going on with this party at like, fake cherry bar tonight? Yeah. fake cherry bar tonight. And she was like, bitch, that's not artificial party. That's some influencer

that has like jacked our seats and is doing their own party. And was just like emailing random people that they'd seen in images from the opening night party. And you took the bait. And that's how you ended up with all these straight people. Oh my God. It was so, we were like- You got catfished by a party. Yes, and we were like, why are we here? Why are we here? Get me out of here. And so did you go to the proper one?

No, then we went next door to the other place, which is the name is forgotten, but we got free cocktails, which was fabulous. Because you looked faggy. They knew who I was, which was really nice. Well, they also knew who mom was. They knew who all of us were. It wasn't like a celebrity thing.

It was just like a, this is who we are thing. Anyway, um, that was great. That's good. I love that. It was fun. It was so like the most dank, like if it had been like 5% less dank, it would have been like just a bit of a wash. Yeah.

But it was so dank that you're just like, well, there's one for the books. That's amazing. As you left, did you say like, we're leaving now? There was one fabulous person in the line and I pointed to them on the way out and was like, darling, don't go in, it's hell. It's all of this, but inside.

Yeah. And what did they say? They're like, ha ha ha. And I was like, no, seriously, you're too fabulous for this party. Yeah. Get out now while you still can. Yeah. Um, and that was fun. That's good. Yeah.

I, um, so this week I went and stayed at my brother's new house. They've just moved house, the downsize to this ridiculous mansion thing. Anyway. And so that was quite lovely. Got to spend a solid like four nights with my brother and his wife and their four children. That was gorgeous. Domesticity. And the new house has a pool and listener, I don't know if you know this about me, but I love swimming in a pool or swimming in the ocean. I love swimming. That's so fun. So best believe I was in that pool at all times as much as I could be playing with my nephew and my niece.

And we were like, you know, doing whatever. Paddling. And the two pool nights, because the other nights I had work lights, so I couldn't pull it up. You couldn't late night pool? Night swim? Well, I mean I was very tempted. Then your poor nephews and nieces would have been kept awake by your giggling and cohorting. Yeah, and me constantly like... Doggy peddling.

Yeah, and like, now I'm a beached whale! Yeah. So, niece is four five five nephew is six, seven. And Mateo, my nephew is a potato four feet tall child, um, sized. And this pool is like regular pool, but it has like a deep middle, not a deep end, which I quite liked. Um, this is a slightly deeper end, not a deep end, which I quite liked. Um, this is a slightly deeper end, but like it's tapered to the middle. And so Mateo being a child is incredibly athletic and like, being a child, but we're all like jumping in the pool and like doing like bombs and

like diving and that was all very fun. But Mateo also was doing backflips into the pool. How cool is that? Terrifying. And he was doing them so effortlessly because he is a child and four feet tall. Whereas I, listener, am six foot three. And so then the time came for Uncle Cain, you should do a backflip. And I said, yeah, I should look at how fun that looks.

And then I got up, went to the edge of the pool. What? Go on. And I was like, Mateo was like, talking me through and we like, we did a practice backflip in the water first, which I thought was quite a good idea. Potatoes such a good teacher. Yeah. It was actually so cute.

And then I did my back flip and smashed my head onto the bottom of the pool. Oh, that's terrifying. And like the fact that I didn't get a concussion and I didn't split my head open is crazy because the lump has now gone down, but it was like bad. Oh my God. Like seeing stars. And I was like, I'm going to drown in this water because I can't get myself straight. And who would help you?

Not the fucking four foot potato. No. But then I was like, ha ha, Matei, I think it's time to go inside now. And then that was that. And then later my brother was like- Did you pretend like everything was okay when you came back up? Yeah. You didn't tell him, Uncle Cain's bumped his head.

No. Show weakness in front of the child. You're crazy. So then later I was like, thankfully my brother was a doctor. I was like, do you think I have a concussion? And he was like, no, you're fine. And I was like, if I could sleep tonight and I die, that's on you. Yeah. Doctors are too glib sometimes. Yeah. But anyway, I didn't die. And now I've lived to tell the tale on this pod, but how good, like obviously it's so stupid. How did you hit your head though? Cause I'm so tall. Cause I'm so tall. So like, of course, like, I'm sure my technique was completely wrong as well, but like my body,

like the depth of the pool was probably six feet and I'm six foot three. And it was very stupid, but quite fun. My body like the depth of the pool was probably six feet and I'm six foot three. Mm-hmm And it was very stupid but quite fun. You'd never catch me I'm doing a backflip into a small pool. No, yeah, that's that's probably not after this harrowing tale No, that's scary. The thought of drowning in front of children freaks me out. It's like, how can I be the one that goes down? And that's kind of like, if a kid is drowning, you can help them. Yeah. If you're drowning, who can help you? Let me tell you, I felt like She-Hulk in that pool because I was like pulling the kids around. They were like on my arms and I was swimming to one end to the other and they're like, yes, yes. You're holding them under water. And then I was like lifting them up onto the things.

Yes. Oh, cause you're so strong in water. Yeah, like Sheikho. Yes. Anyway, what a good time. I have one thing to add. Oh yeah. Not to this.

Oh good. But just to a previous story about you going to the trainee masseuse. Oh good. Well, just to a previous story about you going to the trainee masseuse. Oh, God. I had gotten a voucher for an experience, which I always find to be quite a tricky thing. Not that I don't love gifts. This is a very generous and kind and unexpected gift from a dear friend. Yeah. And a very expensive gift was $150 voucher.

That's quite nice. That's very nice. And really- I just remembered I've got you a gift. Oh, I forgot to get your gift. I have a gift for you at home. Oh really? I've got it right here. You keep saying I'm going to get gift.

Oh my God. Get gift. Get gift. Anyway, so then I went to Sense of Self in Collingwood, which I think is like overpriced compared to its Wedding Wellington co-partnership. And I'd had some trouble actually booking in my thing because anyway, it doesn't matter, but I was going to get a full body 60 minute massage. Zelda is coming towards me and she's gifting me some Vinnie's earrings,

clip-ons, oh, these are going to go into rotation. I'd put them on now, but I have headphones on. I thought they were so cute. They are really cute. Put them on your nose. Yeah. Oh my God. Okay. Put them on your lips. So then I go and I'm going to have my first. But one of them doesn't have a backing, so don't get a blister on your ear. I will. So then I went to Sense of Self. And if you've not been to Sense of Self in Collingwood, it's like very like, it's a converted warehouse that's like very like, ooh. And I was going to get the 60 second, a 60 minute full body, which I've never had a massage, never had a massage that never had a massage.

That's like anything but shoulders from like someone who just put a load up her ass. I have had massages like that, but I wouldn't consider them to be trained masseuse. No, no, no. If they're rubbing their dick against your elbow, every time they walk past and they're not a trained masseuse. Is that the? What? Anyway, I think that's what they train you to do.

I think in masseuse. They explicitly, as we've discussed on this pod, explicitly don't train you to do that. Anyway, you have to sign a whole waiver before you go in. Um, they have like three small bowls on a marble low table when you get up to the waiting room and everything's like, and in one bowl is vaguely salted almonds. In one bowl is apricots and in one bowl is something else, maybe like some kind of pretzel, and then they have still in sparkling water and licorice tea. I went there not long ago as well.

And I was like these snacks and they have little spoons so you can take the snack from the bowl and put it into your own hand without destroying the bowl. Everyone was just grabbing it by the handfuls when I was there. Well I don't know what. Did you go to the downstairs? The upstairs because that was in the massage area. Massage people are better people. Anyway, so then out comes Vicky, my masseuse.

And Vicky is a delight. Vicky! Truly such a sweetie. A small Taiwanese woman. And she's like, oh my god, and so I'm like, this is my first massage. And she's like, oh my god, come to the tiny little room, Robert. And she lies me down, she's like, now take off your clothes and the tiny little room, Robert, and she lies me down, she's like, now take off your clothes

and just get down to your underwear, blah, blah, blah. She steps out of the room, I get into it, and then the room is pitch black. I feel my way across to the bed. Vicky's talking through like, do you have any trouble spots? What do you wanna talk about? And I was like, oh, I don't know, I've not really done this before.

You just do like a kind of starter kit, like just see what you find. And Vicky starts and she's like, oh my God. I'm like what? And she's like, I just don't think I've ever felt someone with such tense upper like shoulders and neck. She's like the knots in your neck and shoulder are insane. And I was like, thank you, Vicky. I've been working on them for some time. That's right.

I was like, it is my, I wasn't lying about it being my first massage. And so then she was massaging, half an hour goes by, the music is still like, and then Vicky in the darkness is like, so you're a big celebrity. Oh! What? What? And I'm like, what? She's like, one of our other therapists

tells me you're a big celebrity. Oh my god. And I'm like, Vicky. I don't know that. She's like, you're a famous performer, very famous, I hear, and I'm like, no, I'm just, no. Very white lotus coated. Yeah.

And I was like, she's like, oh, well. And then like, I was like, oh, that's, that's so nice. She's like, yes, the other therapist likes you a great deal. Okay. Thanks Vicky. She's like, I don't know about all this culture because, you know, I'm from Taiwan. And I was like, well, when did you move Vicky? Cause I was on it on last season.

And she's like, 10 years ago. I'm like, well Vicky, I think that's on you. Cause you could have gotten into drag race by now. Yeah. You could engage. You could engage. You could engage. Anyway, so then the massage finishes, we get through the whole thing. Um, it was great.

I had a great time. Vicky is such a pro. Um, and then she's like, before you leave, would I be able to just grab that other therapist so that they can meet you? And I'm like, I mean, that's fine, but I don't know what the value would be for them. Me just being like, hello. You're famous now. That's what people want from you. Hi. Hey. Goodbye. Anyway, so then she like runs around. I'm still sitting in the like little waiting room now. I was like, maybe I will try one of these almonds. Yeah. I was like, maybe I will try one of these almonds. I was like, just as I thought, under season. And I'm like, I'm like eating paper.

And then Vicky apologetically comes rushing back and she's like, I'm so sorry about the wait. They're in like a session, so can you like just sign a card for them? And I'm like, okay, dear, you, sad to have missed you. Next time, lazy Susan. Perfect. And then Vicky gives me this like big hug and she's like, thank you so much. Thank you. And then like waves into the sky as I leave. Yeah.

What do you think Vicky was the fan? Not unless she changed her name to Alvin. No, cause then Alvin posted it on his Instagram story. Oh really? Cool. And that was the story. And Alvin, if you're listening, I love Vicky. Yeah.

Vicky's not great. Yeah. Oh, so much better experience than Zelda's student massage experience. Well, that's what you get, what you pay for. Um, or rather you don't pay for it because you got the voucher, but that was $170, so I did pay $20. Woo, paid $20. Yeah.

Um, and then I just, that whole time I was in this very classy establishment, I was like, I know that this place has like a very explicit, like we do not put up with any kind of harassment or anything, but I'm like, I wonder if anyone has fucked in that place. Like in the massage context, not me and Vicky, we have more of a platonic thing going on. I think so, yeah. Well, I don't think we're going to. Neutral admiration and respect. Like, I mean, it is always going to be like, at least like 2% horny.

I don't think, I think it's explicitly like, there's just elements of the cues of like going horizontal in a darkened room, like the privacy, the semi nudity, the physical touch, like these are all like things that are intrinsically linked to sex and sexuality. So I'm like, that's why massage is on such a blurry line. And I obviously want masseurs to feel safe in their workplaces. But I wonder if there's any time that they've instigated with a client at sense of self. Because I'm like, you'd probably get kicked to the curb real quick. So you'd have to keep it like very secret.

Alvin. No, don't even dare say that about Alvin. He's a lazy fan. He puts lit cigarettes out on them. Anyway, that's... I see you've got an erection. Let me just... It's pointing at me.

It's only right that I point back. Incredible. Yeah. I think, lazy Susan, I think you destroy the world. I can't remember what we're up to. I'll destroy the world. Okay. So here's what happens. The Doge team, you know, for government reform, Elon Musk's Doge team. Dogecoin? Well, it's like the Doge branding, but you know how department of government.

Oh, that's right. God, it's so, I just like can't, it's shatteringly sad how lame people like that are. Truly. Like all the wealthiest men in the world immediately know charisma. Yeah. Just insane. Like how is it? in the world immediately no charisma. Just insane.

Like how is it Elon, Zuckerberg, like Bill Gates, like men with absolutely negative charisma and self-awareness, insane. Anyway, the Doge team goes in, sells the, you know, The Doge team goes in, sells the social security information, debt information, bank account information of every private citizen in America to Russia. And then one day, not too far from now, Putin deletes everything. Deletes all social information, everyone's social security number, everything.

America goes into free fall. People aren't able to go to work. No one's getting paid. There's no way to distribute income. There's no way to distribute welfare benefits. People can't claim. People are suddenly debt free. Banks go into free fall.

People are withdrawing their money from the banks because they think it's not safe there because that information was all digital. It gets deleted it gets deleted, blah, blah. The bank system dies. The whole economic system collapses and that has a domino effect that ricochets throughout the entire world. Everyone, because it's all about the US dollar, everyone goes into free fall, collapse, collapse, collapse, collapse, collapse.

America finds out it's a Russian thing, but Trump is in Putin's pocket. But the American people demand action. So instead they start bombing like proxy countries and start bombing all the Ukraine and blah, blah, blah. Everyone's getting bombed. And then someone makes the mistake of thinking that like a giant nuclear warhead is heading towards America and they launch their big nuclear arsenal as a counter-strike against, I don't know, we'll say Russia, and then Russia blows up but they get the signal that new, like America's sending their nukes, they send their own nukes, everyone is blown up and it's all Doja's fault. Wow. Yeah.

Well, with that, we'll be right back. Back? Hahahaha. Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Welcome back. I'm just taking it all in. You're taking hello? Hello. The scariest ones are the ones that are Oh, too real. Very trickle-louche to home. Too real. I've just remembered. Okay, shall we dive in?

Yes. Yes, okay. Our first topic for discussion today is, which party? Which party? Goes into the bunker. Well, there ain't no party like an S Club party. S Club.

There ain't no party like an S Club party. S Club. Ain't no party like an S Club party. Gonna show you how. Everybody get down tonight. S Club. No one has ever pulled off a bucket hat like those people. True. Or cargo pants. Oh, true.

Or beach sports. I'd love to be like a hot gal wearing like low, like my cargo pants so low. At a bucket cap? Yeah. With really thin hair and two tight little ponytails. Yes. Love that woman.

That, oh my god. And like you can suck a chopper chop. Yes. Any photo of you could be an album cover. Yeah. God dat. And your thong. Yes. Yeah.

And like bikini top with maybe like a cut t-shirt on top of it. Yeah. Oh, and you probably have like Oakleys. But they look good on you. Yes. Everything looks good on you. Goddamnit. Anyway. In another life.

Um. Party. Party. Okay. Fourth birthday party. Ooh. Make your pitch. Fifth birthday party. Party. Okay. Fourth birthday party. Ooh, make your pitch. Fifth birthday party. Oh, fifth birthday party.

Sixth birthday. Sixth. I do like a cake that's shaped like the number. Okay. That's kind of cute. Are we going in, is the cake going to be the deciding factor? Absolutely not. Cause not all parties need a cake.

Parties definitely get worse. Can I say? What about, um, liberal party, liberal party, bad party. Not great. Not great. Not good. Labor party. Also not great, buddy.

Not really. Yeah. Political parties in general parties. Yeah. Bad complex. Well, it's once again, coming back to that thing of like, how is it that we've entrusted the world to so many losers? Like I was like, people are thinking about voting for Peter Dutton.

Darling, have you seen him? And I'm not saying like, in a like, oh, you need to be attractive. That man has absolutely zero vibe except for weird and evil. Yes. You want to vote for him? Who is like even like who is looking at him and be like, yeah, that's the one I want at the like big UN meetings. I want him to be the face of this country. No fucking way. Are you kidding?

He's done some horrible stuff. And he's a fucking yeah piece of shit. When he was a cop. Not yet. It's like. Well, and since then. And since. But just really horrible, horrible things. And... If you don't know, find out.

It's horrible. He's a... Not here. Where he is. Awful man. Um, but yeah, I can't believe it. It's just like, I mean, also just like, even Trump, like, even Trump. But it's like, even people that come from the world of entertainment.

I'm like, we took that guy. That guy. If you could take anyone who's famous in the 90s and make them the president of the United States, you took that guy. Instead of Arnold? Instead of Miga Malali? Crazy. Why isn't it Miga Malali, you fucking idiots?

Miga Malali. Yeah. Anyway, it's just a nightmare. Like how many fucking pieces of shit, like people with no vibe are getting into politics. They ruin the name party. That's right. And so they're not in. Okay. They're not invited.

What about tea parties? Tea party? Trite. Oh. Yeah. Garden parties? Tea party? Trite. Oh. Garden parties? Garden parties? Have you been to a garden party? Like not like an official one, but a picnic. Party in the garden. I've been to parties by accident in the garden, but I don't know anyone with like a good enough

garden to throw a garden party. Maybe that's what I should do at my house. You need some shade baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You need some... She's not garden party. Yeah. Maybe that's what I should do at my house. You need some shade, baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You need some. She's not garden party ready yet. But no, but she needs some like, I think garden party, I think like sprawling grounds with like old trees and like that was Susan's chair.

Yeah. So it needs to have like a conservatory. There needs to be a hedge maze. A place to play croquet. Yes. Um, yeah, it needs to have like a conservatory, there needs to be a hedge maze. A place to play croquet. Yes. Um, yeah, it needs to have like a barbecue. A pool. Yes.

A rambling path. Perhaps at the end of that rambling path, there could be a little duck pond. A duck pond? No, it only takes three millimeters of water for a child to drown. I feel like every time we quote that, the pool gets smaller.

Well, darling, children are only getting smaller. Drowning pool. What about Coldplans? Coldplay. What? What? You're just saying words now. What about free association games?

No. Okay. Garden party. No, no, no, no. Murder mystery party. Have you ever been to one? No. I've been to quite a few of those. Yes. They're, they're fun, but I feel like you've got to one? No. I've been to quite a few of those. Yes.

They're, they're fun, but I feel like you've got to be with the right crowd. They didn't know that it was a murder mystery party. Yeah, exactly. He just started murdering. I feel like a party like that, it's hard to get over the hurdle of like, everyone play along and it's going to be really fun. Was that, that was my birthday party. Yeah, I know, but that was fun.

You do have to have everyone get into the same headspace. Yeah. Yeah, well some things are not parties as well, like game nights, not a party. No. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. What?

Actually, I, when I went to go to do the Bingo with Gabriela in Ballarat North at the RSL. We have now begun this tradition, only too deep, of like, we get back to the house and it's like 12 at night and we play a board game. And it's very cute, but the best thing is Ms. Sheridan Sky is such a like competitive. Really? Oh my God, I'm never...

And she had the devil in her eyes this night when Miss Daisy Chains accidentally uttered a word that was like on the articulate card. And I don't know, I can't remember what it was. Like it was the film The Wiz and she's like, oh, it's like The Wizard of Oz, but with like, you know, Michael Jackson or whatever. And then I was like, oh yeah, the whiz. And then Sheridan was like, you said the whiz in the clue.

You said the whiz, da da da da. And then like, it went on eventually. Everyone was like, oh, Sheridan just gives the point. It's fine. She's like, yeah, I'll give them a point. I'll give them a point. And then she got to giving questions to Daisy Chains girlfriend, whose name escapes me now, but whatever.

And she's like, yes, it's not unlike when Daisy Chains is at home in bed, you know, when she's asleep, she'll do this, you know, really now, not obnoxious, oh, snoring, yes. And it's like when Daisy Chains, like all the cues, like super aggressive and targeted. And then she was like, okay, well, that's getting a bit targeted. And she's like, no, targeted would be if I pointed out your Dumbo ears.

And then like a silent spell on the table. And she's like, yeah, new insecurity just dropped. And I was like, this is the best thing I've ever seen. Wow. Um, it was amazing. That's very good. It was so good. She did not win that, that round, but anyway, that was incredible.

Gab won. She's really good at articulate. Anyway, that's all I have to say. I love that. Uh, but that was a game night. Not a party. What transitions something into a party? The word party.

Okay, I agree. Party, old fashioned piano party. Mm-hmm. Where you get together and play piano. Piano. Piano. Street parties. After parties.

After parties. Street party, after party. Both great parties. Do you know what's bad about street parties? After parties? After parties. Street party, after party. Both great parties. Do you know what's bad about after parties? That's not when the good party is. Best party, pre-party. Pre-party. You know, like that three hours before a party where you're like mixing the punch, chit-chatting,

getting everything ready. Slowly setting things up, having some like playlist moments. Yes. That's the best. Yes. Pre. Pre. Post-party I'm like, I'm sluggish, everyone go home.

Yeah. And like, if it's the right crew, amazing. But there's often one or two that you're like, I wish you would go and then it could be a real party. This could be a great party. Yeah. Yeah. What about like Mario party? Mario party. Well, I was going to, yes, I was going to say like, um, like launch event party.

Oh, I like that. Yeah. Oh, that reminds me though, when I went to like some startups launch event party in like a random building and it was not unlike going to that weird influencer cat fishing party, cause I was like was like, everyone here sucks. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Tricky. Yeah. Launch party is fabulous though. I think any party where there's free booze. Gallery opening party. No, that's gallery opening. It's not a party. Yeah.

Not a party. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Like, yeah. Sorry. Sorry.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry Christmas party. Work Christmas party. Oh, they always hit and miss. I don't know about them. Yeah. I think they become real hotbeds of like sexual misconduct, which I think is like, I don't know that we are allowed to have these anymore.

But team building. Yeah. I don't think the team is built by, um, fondling. You know? For the team, um, fondling. You know, for the team that aren't fondled. The fondlers and the fondleys are not fond of the party. Well, I guess the fondlers are. Oh my God.

Yeah. Um, have you seen the birthday party? The film? Yeah. No. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay.

Nevermind then. Psycho beach party. Psycho Beach Party. Party Monster by Colie Culkin. Michael Alec. That was such a good film. Very transformative. And funny that James and James has had such a second life as like a World of Wonder original. Yeah, right. Love that. I wish they did more. I know. I wish they wrote another book or something. That'd be fab.

Like such easy content to engage with. Like I'd watch anything that they put out. Yeah. Welcome back to my face. Watch party? Ah, watch party. Viewing party. Do you like a viewing party?

No. No, I do. That's fun. We all watch the same thing. Everyone shh. That's fun. We all watch the same thing. Everyone shh. Everyone shut up. Yeah, there's not much socializing. You can just kind of talk at the end about the episode or...

Well, you can talk through it and pause it, rewind it. Yeah. If you're running it. Yeah. Yeah. Which I like. That's fun. Everyone's on board.

How about a party? What's that? You know, it's like with a TAY. Yeah, but what does it... Like if you're on Facebook in the early 2000s, you were going to a lot of parties. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Yeah.

Uh, you know, like Gibsie's 15th party. Yeah. The incredibly curated, meticulously planned image for the event. Oh God. I mean, that's the death of events on Facebook has really like changed the world of like millennial culture. Have you seen the invites app? No, what is that?

Apple have this app. It's part of the Apple suite. That's invites. And like, I got invited to a party through invites. Wow. And it just like has all the info and also has all the other people who are going. And pictures? Um, well, no, cause the party hasn't been yet. But do they have like a, like, this is the image to represent what the vibe of the party is going to be?

Is there? Let me just double check that. Cause I'd hate to misrepresent the truth on this podcast. Absolutely. Invites. There is. Okay. What's the party you're going to? So it's my friend's house leaving because she's leaving the house. That's not a real party. Well, yeah. Do you think that's a party?

No. Well, check it out. I mean, it is. It's done. What is it? Come celebrate. This is so invasive, but I won't say who it is. Come celebrate the end of an era. We'll soon be leaving our place in blank for our new home in blank BYO drinks snacks are provided games will be played. Okay, what kind of games? Well, they haven't listed the good they say party at all. They have not used the word Party, I'd say the house cooling

Yeah, but isn't that a kind of party? Well, if we're saying, if you haven't called it a party, you've not called it a party. Also, BYO drinks doesn't sound like a party to me. I think you can say BYO drinks as long as you have a supply of drinks. Yeah, I'm sure there'll be a baseline. There's got to a baseline. Yeah. But it's like if you want the, I don't know. Coke Zero? Yeah. Then you should bring that because you really want that. Yeah. What kind of snacks do they bring in?

I don't know. Ferri bread, I presume. You should ask for more information. Yeah. You should. Where's that? In the app. Apple.

Yeah. What age do you think parties become relevant for children? Because obviously they're not like sentient for the first year. Four. Three is not a party? They'll forget. I don't remember anything when I was three. I have a photo of me and my friend from her third birthday.

Yeah. Is it her third? Maybe it was her fourth. Sorry. You're right. Matt, when are you going to start throwing parties for your kid? Um, well, we had a big one for her one, but that was all of our friends. Not her friends. No, no.

She didn't have any friends. Loser. Yeah. So we were like, well, if you don't have any friends, we'll just invite our friends. Was it boozy? Yeah, it was boozy. And I think we actually had two parties because, um, we just wanted to have like a family one and then like a friend's one. So the friend's one was a bit more boozy.

And can you tell me what the tone of that kind of event is? Is it like, look, it's still here. Um, we just wanted to have like a family one and then like a friend's one. So the friend's one was a bit more. Boosier. And can you tell me what the tone of that kind of event is? Is it like, look, it's still here. It's over there. Yeah. Like, well, we hadn't just, we just hadn't really seen anyone like, oh yeah. So it was kind of like, we're still here and we're alive and we made it to one year of being parents and.

Oh my God. I swear to God though, like I, Matt, this is not news to you, but I swear to God, like watching Nina, former guest of the pod go through, I think she's like eight weeks into having a child. Bitch, what do you mean? It is everything. Every single part of your day. Yeah. There's not much time for yourself at all.

No time. There's no time. Yeah. She can't, like the baby has to be on her. Like, it won't sleep unless it's like lying on top of her. Yeah. And so it's like, she's just not slept for two months. Oh my God. And more, because it's like the last months of slept for two months. Oh my god.

And more, because it's like the last months of pregnancy are not like the easiest to sleep during. It's still happening with our daughter. She's nearly two. She's gonna be two in a month. And it just never stops. Yeah. She just still sleeps on top of us from about 1am or 2am till 6 or 7am.

But how are parents not insane? They are insane. Haven't you seen them? Do you not simply say to the child, I can't sleep when you're lying on top of me. Please go to your bed now and we'll both have a good night's sleep. Off you trot. To your bed. Maybe just communication, Matt.

Come on. Yeah. Set boundaries. Yeah. Yeah. We should try that. Yeah, I wish you would. Well, Matt. Come on. Yeah. Set boundaries. Yeah. Yeah. Have you tried that? Yeah, I wish you would.

Well, that's the thing. I'm just like, I get, like I get the theory and I'm not like a fucking idiot. I know that people have kids and that it's hard having kids, but I'm like, that's like of a level that's like Russian sleep experiment kind of level. experiment kind of level of like this person has not slept in three months at all. Has not had like- Did a giant yawn thinking about it. Yeah. Every single person in their life, they get to see now for an hour most. And that's great.

What madness, madness. That's a lot. Yeah. So I think like that was why we had a party. How would you have a party? How'd you have energy to have a party? Well, it's better than not, you know, I'm just like, do we just like, keep like just living in this haze of sleeplessness and not doing anything for ourselves or do we have a party?

But then there are some monsters out there who are just people that have managed to do those rare child rearings where they make it look like, oh yeah, whatever. Yeah. My sister's friend, um, her friend is like the most, like, I think it was like three weeks or something after the kid was born. She was at like a barbecue and the kid was just there and she's like, oh yeah, yeah. Like she just shucks that thing around happiest little, like whatever. That's just the temperament of some kids though. I think. Right. They're just kind of like born like that and That's just the temperament of some kids though. I think they're just kind of like born like that and it's like, oh, much

easier to manage or whatever. But there are behaviors that you can do as a parent to kind of like encourage that. I mean, I wouldn't put it on any of the parents. I don't assume that like, you're just doing whatever you can. But I think it's just like, some people just have those miracle kids that are like the most docile little things. They're just like, much more independent and it's going to pop you down over here. They're content.

Yeah. Weird. Weird. Weird. Scary. Psychopaths. Yeah. Maybe they all grew up to be psychos.

What about, um, surprise? Oh, have you ever had a surprise party? No. Have you ever had a surprise party? No. Have I? And I think I've been wronged by the people in my life. Do you want a surprise party? I don't know. Do I?

Is that fun? I feel like it's when you get like to a bit of a bigger milestone. Hmm. I think everyone's forgotten about you. You know, you're like, oh, I'm like 60 now and no one loves me anymore. Can I tell you, I'm about to go to my 90th birthday party. Don't do surprise. No surprise party for that. No, she planned it. She's so amazing. That's great. Yeah. She called me. She was like, yep, lunch at this time. It's like, yeah, but that's the thing. I think like right

now, I think in your thirt, parties become a bit like a nothing. Yeah. Like your birthday just kind of rolls around. You're like, oh, bitch, I'm too busy. Like it's just enough going on that I'm like, no. I don't need everyone to stop everything and say, congratulations, you're 37. Right, exactly.

And so, but like, I think they're gonna kick back off again at around the 40 mark and then probably just keep going through until the end. Yeah. Because, no, no, no. Like I think, you know, like try, like, you know, I want to, I love those celebrity parties you hear about, like, you know, Elton John's post Grammy party or whatever. Where it's like, I like people that throw occasions and make occasions. Where it's like, I like people that throw occasions and make occasions. And if their birthday is the excuse for that, then that's fine. Because then it's like, I know you get to see all the people in their life again.

Yes. So like, I want to be like an older gay guy with money who like throws like lavish, like you know what, the Kathy Griffin thing of like throwing a salon. And you just like invite all the most fabulous people you know, and they all have dinner or whatever. Yeah. That's chic. I just need to meet some fabulous people. Matt.

What? Matt. Matt. Matt. I want to talk about this at the Christmas party. What about a shower? Shower party? No, like a baby shower. Oh, well that's a baby shower. It's not really a party. It falls under the category of parties. Baby showers. Showers, yeah.

How many showers are there? Just baby. Sun shower? I think, I think like all sort of like celebrations of like things like that. Like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like,

you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, think, I think like all sort of like celebrations of like things like that. Like, like a hen, like a bucks or hens party.

Hens party is a party. That's got party in the head. But that's under the category of a shower, I would say. Oh, hen shower. Well, you don't call it that, but that's, it's like, it's got its own heading and there's like, shower. So you like a shower is like anytime you're't call it that, but it's like, it's got its own heading and there's like, like shower.

So you like a shower is like anytime you're showering someone with gifts. Is that why it's called that? Shower with gifts. Make it rain. Yeah. I reckon Hen's party has to be bottom of the list. Although Benign's Hen party was so fun. Hen's party though, like there's just a lot of like vibes going on there because there's so many different intricate dynamics to unpick.

Well though, yeah, I mean the fun thing about a party that centers around a person is all the different friendship groups that will coexist in the same space that are normally quite separate. Yeah. That's fun. It's space that are normally quite separate. Yeah. That's fun. It's an indictment on their personality. Yeah. Like, oh, that's your friend? Yeah. I love that.

What about frat party? Frat party. I don't think we've ever really... That's not really our world, but I've seen it in the movies. I feel like the equivalent thing was just like house parties in Melbourne. Actually, that's it. It's like, it was like a time when we were like in our twenties, probably from like age 20 to like maybe 26, 27.

Where house parties were good. Where house, like there was a house party every weekend. Yeah. And even if you didn't really know the people whose house it was, you would know like almost everyone there. Like once you got kind of like on this little circuit. Yeah. If you got in the door on that.

Do you think that that still exists? We're just out of the loop. Well, that's what I was thinking about the other day. Yeah. It's like driving past all these houses in Brownswick and I was like, surely there's still... I've been inside of some of those rooms. Yeah. Um, no, surely there's still. I've been inside of some of those rooms. Yeah.

Um, no, I love, okay. Favorite thing in a house party, the VIP room, like my friend Stacey lives here. So we get to go in her room. You know what I mean? Like that kind of like, sorry guys, this room's off limits. That vibe at a house party. Sorry guys. Um, just, just people, just friends in this room.

Oh my God. Evil. I loved house parties. You know what? They were really fun. Also house parties were so horny. Yes. I just don't love a house party or like an event at a house where the housemates

are not actively involved. So there's like, everyone's having a good time over here, but then like the housemate is like, just trying to get through to like my meagering on. I hate that. I hate that. Why? Because you can't finish hitting your meagering? No, cause it's like, oh, you feel so imposing.

Well, that's more of a gathering. I wouldn't say that was like, like a house party was when everyone was involved. It wasn't like, yeah. Like when the police would come. Yeah. I think that's the key to a good house party is like police have to come and shut it down like two or three times. Too noisy, mate.

Yeah. Got to turn it down. Sorry guys. Who, who's running this thing? Okay. So I've got to just come on. We've had a few calls in from the neighbors. You know, we'll have fun.

We get it. But you just got to, you know, keep it quiet. Yeah. No, I like that. And then there's like, although like that should really be the training because like, that's like wasteland party. No drinks, no snacks provided. House party.

Yeah. Yeah. You're not getting shit from us. No, you brought your own bag of goon or whatever. Yeah. And it might be like bag of ice in a trough. Yeah. And then just like everyone digging into the same little bag of tobacco of being

like, Oh yeah, new ice. Yeah. Around a barrel. Yeah. Chain smoking around a little open fire, around a barrel. Yeah. Chains smoking around a fire around a barrel. And then like in the lounge room, there's a projection of like a nature documentary or porn. Um, but of all parties, if it is a costume party, I like that.

I love a costume party. I love costume parties. I love what it reveals about the people in your life Yes, the people who were like, oh And if you're too cool too cool to be funny get fucked. Mm-hmm. Don't go over commit to a costume That's fun. Yes. That's why we became drag queens, right? But also like I love seeing like who's just gonna buy something from costume box who's gonna like make a cardboard, you know, like, I love seeing, like, who's just going to buy something from Costume Box? Who's going to, like, make a cardboard, you know, like, mech? Love all that stuff.

Yeah. That's so fun. Well, why don't you throw some more costume parties, dearie? I know I probably should. Instead of the zero that you've thrown zas-zas since I've known you. Oh! What? What are all these people doing in my house?

I'm just trying to make my Miegerang. Yes. Get out! Get out! Who invited you? It's like, but you don't have any housemates. So it's just you. You should throw a party and be like, I refuse to attend.

VIP room, I'm going to bed. Going to bed now, keep it down. Oh, god. OK, but which one will we allow the inhabitants to throw? I think it's a house party. Yeah, it's got to be a house party. But it's got to be like a dank Victorian terrace house party with like a dirt locked backyard, where the dirt is now being tracked through the shitty linoleum in the kitchen.

There's got to be like a piss wall. Yes, piss wall. All the dishes from dinner are still in the scene. Yes. There's got to be a shitty projection, like art installation moment happening. There's got to be like upstairs rooms where you can go and suck some dick. A lounge room that's like had all the furniture pushed to the side, so there's a dance floor in the middle. That's also good. A dog barking in a sealed room. Yes.

No, no one had pets in the rentals. That's true. We were all too young to have pets. Yeah. Hmm. Um, yeah. Unframed giant poster of Kylie Minogue. Fever.

Coonsack on the clothesline. Yeah. Oh, that's a good party. And entrance through the gate in the back. Oh yes. Yeah. Front door? Front door was locked.

You're crazy. No. Yeah. No, that's, there's like two girls having a DNM about the front, about their like other friend. Yeah. I'm one of them. Yeah.

God, I saw some like real insane fights going out of like house parties, like just like not physical fights, but like emotional breakdowns. Arguments. Yeah. Incredible. Okay. Well, house parties going into the bunker and the house. Cool!

Terrace house. Yeah, the only way I'd let a terrace anywhere is in its role as a shitty venue for a house party. Yeah. Oh, that's fun. Another room. Congratulations. Another section, a whole other section of the bunker.

Okay, we'll be right back. Hello, we're back from the break. I hope your life has been treating you well so far. Yes. This is Lazy Susan. Hey, this is Zelda Moon. And we're here as your consultants for- And this is Matt. Matt.

Oh, sorry. Matt? Matt? I was Matt. Oh, sorry. Matt, I was talking. Sorry. Keep going. Oh my gosh. Could you respect my voice as a young and beautiful woman? Just trying to make it in the good. I thought we were all introducing ourselves.

Well, we were, and we got done with that. And then I continued talking. I'll just put up the partition in the space car. No, say hi to Matt again. And I'm Matt. Hello. Okay, now we're even. Okay, so welcome back from the break.

It's so nice to have you back. We're back. This is your life going listener. We've so rarely asked you. Yeah, what's new? You say now. It is like that. And what did you say to her? That's really fucked. That's good.

Wait, Zelda, that's not okay. That's not okay. I read it differently. Oh, that's it's not. If you knew them, like I knew them. Oh my God. Not okay. Anyway. Oh, shit. Should we dive in? Yes.

Your consultants for the end of the world, what are we putting into the bunker next? Okay, so speaking of diving in, which pool accessory goes into the bunker? Oh, okay. Floaties? Noodle? The cracked cranium of Miss Zelda Moon.

Yeah. Okay. Well, you love the pool. Why don't you start us off? Have you watched Night Swim? No, I haven't. The horror film about the swim pool that kills you? No, but I have it saved on my watch list, so I probably should.

It's bad, but it's great. Oh, that's the best kind of film. I do love humble pool noodle. So funny. So silly. I just am worried about like, I mean, love pool noodles. Can I say and their contributions to the cosplay world? Yes.

It's just incredible. Yeah. But I do see them, hold them, touch them, feel them, caress them and immediately think of like, God, this is going to be in landfill forever. Forever. Yeah. Like, and there's just no way of like not with something that's like that, obviously, unashamedly like just trash. Yeah. Just big trash.

Yeah, that's true. It's just like it doesn't escape. Sadly, it might be true of all pool accessories, except flippers, because they're made of rubber. No, rubber degrades so weirdly as well. Yeah, no, it goes all brittle. Ugh. Ugh, keep it together. Okay.

But no, you know what my Nan used to do around the pool? Cause her neighbors had a pool. Nan! Across the road, Charles Court, the neighbors had a pool that they would let us swim in when me and my sister would go and visit her on the Sunshine Coast. Um, it was very cute. The neighbors had a pool that they would let us swim in when me and my sister would go and visit her on the Sunshine Coast. It was very cute. And so we'd go across and my nan would like throw money in the pool and we'd have to swim down and get it.

And then she'd throw it in again. Oh like coins. Yeah. That's fun. It was great. Hours of fun with only 70 cents to our names. Yeah. Did you ever both grab it at the same time

and then you're like, oh it was mine. We didn't get to give the money. Oh I see. Yes, no the money was just for its weight. Yeah. But not in landfill yet. True. Yeah. Yes. Okay so a few cents. Yeah. Is a great pool accessory. I love that. Flippers. Flippers. I don't like that for a pool though. I don't need that much propulsion. No, you know what? Whenever the kid who put the flippers on, they would just like splash everyone and you know the fact. That's so fun because now I'm a dolphin. And they're so painful.

Yes. I had to keep taking them off because they were cutting into my feet. You put them on when you were at the pool recently. Yeah. At my brother's house. I had to be faster than that six-year-old. Be at the Mombulk pool back in the day, which was an unheated outdoor pool in Mombulk. So very cold most of the year.

And they'd be like, the water would be on the hot cement, hopefully hot cement at the time. And then there'd be bees or like wasps hanging around the water, drinking it up. You're like, I'm going to stand on the bees. That's so scary. I love coexisting with bees. What about wasps? No, no, I don't understand them in the same way. No, they freak me out.

They are scary. And the way they move is so, so calculated. Yeah. And then the way that so slowly, everyone's like, don't swap them because they'll get angry with me. I'm like, I don't, I mean, like I haven't had that experience because I do just swap them. I'm like, fuck off. Big dog.

I swap them and I yell at them. Yeah. I'm like, get the fuck out of here. I'm not playing your games today. And they tend to get the message. So if someone tells you they get angry you just gonna get angrier whoa yeah okay what about those little rings that are actually fish and they're like weighted rings that go to the bottom they're diving things yeah we're

like ones more weighted so it kind of sits vertically yeah for you to put your little hand through yeah that's cool that is fun yeah I like that okay that's good super soakers is that a pool accessory kind of because you've got endless water that's cool that is good yeah but I'm not crazy about it you don't like guns no what about getting shot in the eye with a super soaker yeah no I don't particularly love what about when they're super charged and they're like really painful well i do love the continued use of the word super super soaker 3000 super soaker 6000 super soaker turbo super soaker yeah that's actually quite good all those words are great extreme soaker soaker is also an underused word. Soak. Soak.

Soak. Soaking? Like Mormons, we're soaking. What? You know, when you like can't fuck. So you just get hard and then put your like dick inside of your girlfriend's vagina, but you don't thrust. So it's not against God.

So you're just soaking. Actually? That's what it's called. Wow. Yeah. Soaking. Somehow I feel like that's gay people responsible for that. They're not.

Like all the weirdest shit is like to preserve your virginity. You know? Get over it. Okay, what about those giant floating mats that you could only get at pools that were like, you know, Oh, like the public pool. Yeah. And if you stacked a few of them up, you would have like quite a buoyant raft.

Yeah. I feel like they're too dangerous now. Aren't they? Oh, do they not have them anymore? I haven't seen one in a long time. Yeah. One with the edge and it was such velocity. What?

Like off those floaty things. Yeah. Like if you capsize. And you could get stuck under them. But like that was kind of part of the fun. Oh Drank. Yeah. What about a boogie board that's made its way from the ocean into your pool? I don't like boogie boards. Okay. I hate the feel of them I hate the way that they gusts around in the wind and hit my ankles

I feel like I should be able to get on it and it not slide out from under me But that's not really how they work. I hate the chafing. Yeah. Leg rope? Leg rope? I'm not, well, wrist rope. Oh. I hate like some of the designs. Yeah. Like it's a silhouetted sunset with like three friends with surfboards walking off and there's a palm tree but then some jagged details around it that go from yellow to fuchsia to white to black Yes, I hate that. I also hate that because it's like thanks for shaming me because I'm not up to surfboard yet Yeah, can't they be holding cool boogie boards? Oh wait, there are no cool boogie boards. Oh my god. Oh my god

Oh, can I say I got You know, there was a while ago that I talked about, like, one of the guys who was on Sudu Street guys and how he had like a Facebook. Did I talk about that? Yes. Yeah. And then like I saw his Facebook and it was very like, do you remember me? Like he, like, you know, I knew him from these like porn videos he must have done in the

2010s. Yeah. And where he was like, obviously, like just a gay guy who wanted to suck dick and eat ass. But then it was like his Facebook was like, he's now a dad with three kids or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And a beautiful wife. And like that's, you can still see it in his eyes, but everywhere else in his life, I guess.

Do you remember me? Yeah. his life, I guess, do you remember me? Well, turns out that guy, um, he has like a body, bodyboarding, boogie boarding podcast. What? And I listened to it cause I was like, this is so interesting. Yeah. And it was very like, we're finally bringing the sport of boogie boarding or body boarding to the main stage. And he's like one of the fundamental instrumental pieces

of the Victorian chapter. And they have this famous like body boarding podcast. And I was very like, wow, this is not the man that was getting fucked by some random treaty. Wow. All those many months ago. Wait, so it isn't the same guy? It is. Oh, it is, it is. It's like, it's him, but it's like, that's not, you know, the same guy.

You can have many different parts. But I'm just like, do these guys know? Like the blokey guys on the pod, do they know? I hope. That's so hard if they do. Or even better if they don't. Do you think he wants to suck them off? Yes.

That's hard. I think he wants to suck them all off and I think that he, I wonder how he's still getting laid. Cause I think he lives down on the peninsula. Cool. Do you think he wants to do it on the boogie board? No. Boogie on the boogie board. Okay.

Um, inflatable, like, uh, arm thingies to keep you from drowning. No, that's lame. Okay. Yeah. I'd have to agree. I just- Like a baby Zelda. What's the seams on those things that are like razors?

Razors! Yes! Melted plastic. Yeah. Connecting together. Normally the seams go on the inside because they're hideous. Right. Connected together. You know what? Normally the seams go on the inside because they're hideous. Right.

Exactly. Why are we looking at them? Also then like, how do you turn it inside out? I'm not an engineer. We don't have to solve these problems. The free market should come in. It's got to be waterproof. It can't just be like have a hole in it.

It's got to be. Of course it's going to be. When you hear Matt who's saying that it doesn't need to be waterproof? No one here is saying it needs to not be waterproof. I'm saying make it waterproof and have the seams on the inside. You could have the seams on the inside if you left one little gap and then you have one piece of outside seam.

Oh, do you think that they're putting that much effort into water wings? I wish they would. Water wings? They're called water wings. I didn't know that had such a fabulous name. Well, what about this? What about this, Jiva?

Okay, you go to someone's party, right? What's that in the pool? It's a giant flamingo ring. What do you think of that? It makes me want to die. Makes me want to fucking die. I want to puncture it. Yeah. And then roll it up and throw it away. But it wasn't like a hollow ring. It was like a boat. Oh, God. If people or Kesha danced on one in the 2000s, I don't want to see it at your pool. And like it being inflated is enough novelty for me. I don't need it to be a flamingo or a unicorn. It makes it worse.

Yes. And like just it's, I mean, it's essentially like a chair or a bed. So I'd love to be looking at a chair or a bed that's floating on the water. That's the lights. It's not my favorite accessory. With a cup holder in it? Ugh. What is it called?

It's kind of like in the Lilo family, isn't it? Yeah. And the thing that I hate about that is like, I trust like a noodle because a noodle, the air is trapped inside of the kind of foam With this like I'm like, how many summers are we getting out of that flamingo? Yeah, yeah, I'm just like that's gonna rip and then it's over and then blowing it up and then it starts to deflate So what you're trying to blow it up again in the water So what you're trying to blow it up again in the water?

Baby, baby, baby Why is that technology never gotten better of inflatable things with seams? I know the seams problem. Yeah But tires they're hardy why aren't we putting tires? Lazy River inner tubes, that's it. That's my one Industrial rubber That was, that was, they were pretty good. When I was in North Carolina, there was, uh, we were in like one of the national parks there and there was like a lazy river, which is just a river. And they're like, a slow flowing river and they were like, you know, at one end there was like, you know, a truck where they were giving out inner tubes for

like five dollar rental. Cool. And you'd go, and then you'd go down like a mile and a half down to the other side and it would be like a gorgeous like dappled light, you know, river. That's so cool. And then you'd just give it back when you got out. Give it back and then have like a drink. Do you think there are gar in that water?

Gar? Gar. Gar? Or maybe like gar in that water? Gar? Gar. Gar? Or maybe like gargar? Mayhem? Oh my God. No go. Or like a, like, like sturgeon or something?

What's in the water? Little fish? What are you talking about? Alligators? No. Okay. Not in there. It's two, it's like mountains.

Bears? There were bears, we saw bears. Cool. Yeah. Bears. I think they are more afraid of us than we're afraid of them because I'm pretty afraid. These are little black bears. Cool. Yeah. Bears. Riding down the lazy river. Do you think they are more afraid of us than we're afraid of them? Because I'm pretty afraid.

These are little black bears. Oh, they're the most afraid. They're so cute. That's so cute. But yeah, we had a great time. It was so beautiful, very idyllic. And like alpine water, so it was like very like crisp, but warm, hot day. Where do you think the river starts?

At the top of the mountain. Yeah, but like, what does it look like? It starts from the ground. Yeah, I know. But like, what does that look like? Many little streams. Like where does the river start? It probably doesn't start from one source, but it has lots of little bubbles out

of like mountaintop somewhere. That's crazy. I've been watching a lot of like river and dam content this week. And like, it's so cool. But also dams are just like dammed from the beginning really. Why? Because of all the sediment. Because like whenever you block off a waterway, the sediment still needs to go somewhere.

And famously, the dam won't allow it. What do you think about that couple that dyes their dam blue? I hate that. You don't like- I fucking hate that. Wanna know? No! Why not?

Because it has a natural colour that I think is perfectly fine. Bog brown. Yes! If your water is brown, then sort it out. Not by dying at a different color. Why not? You freak. You want to swim in the oasis? No, because it isn't an oasis. What if they put like a little bit of white sand on the mud?

Ew! Fake beaches? I hate that. That's wild. Although that fake beach in Brisbane, I've been there. It's really good. Why is Brisbane on a river and not at the beach? Right. It's really good. Why is Brisbane on a river and not at the beach? Right. It's actually quite beautiful. You're crazy.

There's this whole like walkway along that river bit. When were you in Brisbane? I've been to Brisbane a bit. Why? I did a few H&M stores there. And yeah, I think that's the only reason why. Yeah. Well, thank you for doing that for them.

Thank you. Yes. Okay. Well, you know what doing that for them. Thank you. Yes. Um, okay. Well, You know what my favorite pool accessory is truly? Snorkel? No. Ew, no. Okay. Ew! Also parents- Just come over from the ocean. No, I hate it when parents are like, here's a snorkel. Just see what? The pool. The bottom of the pool. We know what it looks like from the top of the pool, honey. I can see the coins if I just open my eyes. Oh, but then they burn. I know, but I was being trained as a super silter. I hate goggles. Yeah.

When I was swimming with my nephew and niece, they both had goggles on. And as I was talking to them, the goggles were like half full of water. I'm like, that is horrendous. It was like, let that water out. What? Like you used to just spit in the goggles, like, and then you like

wipe it to like anti-fog. Yeah, I do. I just hate that. And like those little nose clips. And especially like the little goggles, cause it's just like sucking out your eyeball, at least like the snorkel goggle incorporates your nose. I hate that too. I hate that. I just want to be, why can't I just wear like, you know, like I want to wear like Ripley's helmet from Alien. I don't want to have something on my

head. I just want to open my eyes. Also are those like water breathing sticks real? What water breathing sticks? You know like in like stupid movies and stuff? Avatar. They've got like, yeah, well it is in that. Also I think it's in like 007 or whatever. Like a tiny canister of oxygen. That you like put in your mouth and you breathe in,

but it just like gives you the oxygen from the water. Oh, it like filters the water straight away. Is that real? I want that. No. Because then I could just live from the water. Oh, it like filters the water straight away. Is that real? I want that. No. Because then I could just live under the water. But yeah, maybe it's like a really condensed oxygen. I don't think that that's real.

Come on. Okay, my favorite accessory. Is sunscreen. Is that what everyone needs? Being sun safe. What about a sun hat? Everyone needs sunscreen. Is being sun safe? What about a sun hat? No.

Wide brim. I mean, that's part of the slip, slop, slap, seek, shirt, slap on some scum sunscreen. Scum screen. Scum screen. Slip, slap on a hat. Seek shade, shades? What the fuck is the other one? Throw some shade. I don't know, it got more complex.

You gotta put like sunglasses on, sunglasses maybe, that's what it's slip-slop slap. How many S's are there? Five. It's changed. It was three. Slip-slop slap was good enough. I remember once getting a brief when I was working in advertising.

They were like, we have a new thing that we'd like to put out for Blank Company. We want this to be as big as Slip Slop Slap, but we have $16,000 to get this message out, including your hours. And there's like, right. Okay. Let's just do that then. You're a fucking- National campaign that would run for 10 years. Yeah, yeah, exactly. On that budget. Yeah.

No, we'll just, yeah, we'll put it out and it's going to go so make-a-viral. People love this. Yeah. But also instead of preventing skin cancer, it's like to promote a new... It was for car insurance. Jesus. Oh, evil. It's like Dr. ABCD.

Just get rid of the acronym at that point. If you want to add other letters, scrap it, start again. We're not doing, or just stick with the original and then like alter the meanings. No altering and changing them. LGBTQIA. What are you joking about? Just call them queer and girl today. Wait, you did it first. You heard it very first. Okay, it's getting so hot in here. It's really hot in here. So, sunscreen.

Sunscreen! You know that we're putting it in a bunker that has no access to the sun. Darling, there has been a nuclear blast. Everyone needs some sunscreen. Oh my god. But I feel like it has to be like a disgustingly thick. Slightly green. Yeah, it's like sunscreen that like- Gloves in the dark. Coats you

and it's heavy. Oh, I love that. I hate that so much. I, yeah, I just, I mean, like, I don't like zinc based sunscreens I think they have a little shit and also the Neutrogena or like what is it? Neura I don't know Mm-hmm. There's one that's like super stingy that pretends to be really sensitive and I'm pissed off Yeah, and that super expensive one

The French one. Oh Yeah, yeah from ducks tears. Matt, you're naughty. Okay. What about, no, but last curveball. What about the creepy crawly? Like the pool cleaner? Yeah, the pool cleaner.

I'm scared of it. That freaks me out. We used to play a lot of games with that, even though it wasn't a toy. It was like, it was like, get away from the creepy crawly. Yeah, that pool cleaner. I'm scared of it. That freaks me out. We used to play a lot of games with that, even though it wasn't a toy. It was like, it was like, get away from the creepy-crawly. Yeah, that is so scary. I, the first thing I did when I got in that pool was remove that from the pool. You took it out.

I'm not sharing the pool with the fucking octopus. Yeah, that is so scary because I'm over here and then all of a sudden it's over here. I wouldn't presume to take someone else's pool cleaning equipment out of their pool. I knew I was going to be spending hours in there. Hours. With your flippers. But if I was like, Kate, go and check on the pool cleaning process. And you were just out there like, ah, ah, ah, ah, and there was like a, like little pool. Just spewing water everywhere.

Well, no, I did. Dads would get really angry as well if you took it out without turning off the pump. Like little spewing water everywhere. Well, no, I did. Dads would get really angry as well if you took it out without turning off the pump. If you didn't turn off the pump first, and it sucked air. Well then, yes, I mean, because they've only had the house for a week or so, we're all figuring out the pool together. And then when I was putting it back in on my last day after my final swim. Wait, you didn't, you took it out the whole time. Yes. Are you crazy? I knew I'd be it back in on my last day after my final swim. Wait, you didn't, you took it out the whole time.

Yes. Are you crazy? I knew I'd be getting back in. Let that baby eat her little fungal. How many leaves are going in there? It's not for leaves, it's for sediment. Whatever. Like the dam.

Why was letting it grow so it had something to feast on? At day five. It was like, I have a five day work week and I want to get it done over my five days and you want me to it done over my five days and you want me to do extra time on the weekend. Look sorry, pool octopus, but you freak me out. Don't touch me. Why is your hose so long?

But anyway, then I put it back in and we had to like fill the tube with the water, but not like from the pool, from like the hose to like get all the air out. It was really fun. Why can't of suck air. Right. But anyway, we got it. And then when I checked the next morning, she was pristine again. The pool.

Yeah. After all your slop and slag. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It got up those bits of my scalp. Oh, and that was good. The trick, all the blood.

Yeah. That's like, I mean, like, I hate it. That moment where you like see like a thin layer of oil from all the sunblock on the water, which has kind of been my experience of like being in Italy where it's like the water is not moving at those beaches. And it's just like, not that anyone in Italy is wearing sunscreen. Different sun. You can't find sunscreen in Italy.

It's a different sun. They're like, where the fuck are you? But yeah, no, you're true. It's like I, it is different. Yeah. It is insane. Yeah. It is insane.

Like I'm like, you would not survive a day in the asylum that raised me. Yes. Yeah. Okay. Well, Matt, that's a great contribution. What about pool nets? Oh. Yeah. Like the little leaf catches. Yeah. And sexy pool boys holding them.

Hmm. Well, I don't know about that. Matt, you know how to sexy pool boy? No. Oh, that's a shame. Um, I ain't seen one. I do like them, but I feel like... Like if I wanted a net, I'd get like a fishnet. Like from my aquarium.

So you know, when we get to which net, obviously it'd be Butterfly Net. The World Wide Net on the net with Sandra Bullock. True! How is she gonna order a pizza on land? What is she doing lately? Is she okay? Sandy B. Yeah. She's raising a kid. I hope that's good for her.

What else is she doing? She has such an arresting face. She's so beautiful. Yes. But like in such a bizarre way. Yes, quite a like thick nose I would say. Okay. I'm gonna leave it there.

That's good. And I don't care sunscreen or the octopus. Ooh, so scary. Octopus. The octopus. And is it going in the ocean area? No, it's going around the hallways. Okay.

Yeah. Gasping for air. I think it should go in the ocean area. I need to keep the cank. Zelda's going to take it out as soon as it comes near her. Yeah. I don't want the Meg to have to deal with that. Okay. Okay.

Yeah. Also, what if it accidentally sucked up that little anglerfish? Yeah, true. Okay. So it's, yeah, it's gasping for air. I said, okay. Okay. Well, all right.

Congratulations, little octopus. You're in. We'll be right back Welcome back Listener I'm sorry We said all those things about you before. And it's hard to explain the context under which you said that thing to her. And I understand now what you meant. So, yes, that's okay.

I'd love to know which alarm goes into the bunker. Okay, let me get my phone. Oh, she's getting her phone now. There's, of course, the alarm that we discussed a few weeks ago from the NBN battery going flat. Nah. That's a very fucking annoying alarm. What other alarms?

Nicki Minaj pounding the alarm. Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. You know that one? Alay, she's just putting her headphones back on now, listener. Nikhil Minaj, Pound the Alarm. Listen, did you enjoy a little preview of what the show will sound like when I have to go away? Oh, it sounded like an alarm. It sounded like a squakalaka chokalaka.

Okay, I'm going to go into the alarm settings. I just wanna see what we've got here. Because I do think that there's actually not a single good one in the mix, which is kind of incredible. How did they do it? How did they make such disgusting alarms? Yeah, they really need to work on that. But like, they're uniquely bad.

Do you think they test them to see like, will they actually wake you up? Yeah. Okay. This is radial. That's the one I have. It's quite triggering when you hear the one that you have. I hate it. Okay. Next. That's pretty good actually. I didn't realize we could go to a B-ther.

No I don't like this a bit much. What do you think of that? I'm like thinking about like being bisexual and- Can you turn it up? Yeah turn it up. No, this is too much of a song rather than an alarm. Well this is the issue is you're stopping them from putting songs This one's called canopy

Why are they all so druggy like I feel like I'm watching skins Yes, and like oh comes out of there You Okay, I'm gonna go into oh my god, this is so man. Okay, we're in classic now Okay. I'm going to go into, oh my God, this is so... Okay, we're in classic now. I mean, it's actually so good. It reminds me of, there's a very similar tone in 007 GoldenEye on Nintendo 64.

No, true. Yeah. No, it can't be nice. What does that make you think? Do it again. Oh. Your day begins with us. Yeah. Yeah. It feels like Skynet or something.

That's a classic one. Yeah, but it's quite patronizing. I feel like that's like a very like a man that's about to die in the theater. It goes off and he's like old rattling bones and like loose flesh. Pick up his phone and that's playing. That one is the devil. You have that one. You do not have custody of our children.

Ew. Ew. Ringtone That's a ring tone. That's not a... That was incorrect. I just, this is Awakened. When the person put together all the cast of Drag Race down under season four with a classic alarm sound and said like, this one is giving this person... Oh yes. Yes. That was so funny. Alarm sound and said like this one is giving this. Oh, yeah yes, that was so funny and

The church bells at least this has What I don't know like it's very melodical, but it gives me a lot of them. It gives alarm. Yeah Patronizing now Have a good day. What about this one? I hate that. No, that's not gonna wake me up. I think this is the one that came to me. I do like that. That was so funny.

That's so rude. You like chimes? No, that's the sort of... Did I talk about this this week? This week or in the future? I don't know, baby. Okay. No.

This week on Inside ABC News. It just doesn't have enough grunt to be in a while. No. This week on Inside ABC News. Yeah, it just doesn't have enough grunt to be in a line. No. I swear to god that one sounds like it's been slowed down. Like it used to go faster. No. No. No character.

No. I mean, like, absolutely not, but it's bringing me back to the dog. That's very like woman who has like a peeling leather faux leather, like double wallet for her phone. Yes. Also, like these are so different when they are the alarm, because they go after and after like over and over and over again. This is one you hear out in the wild. People use that. People use that as their ringtone.

Yeah. That's my one. That's the devil. That is actually the devil. I've woken up to that when I used to have a really shitty coffee job. That was the one that would get me up for it. And I'm like, oh. It gives me shivers.

Oh, that's it, Pam. It's too many like that. No. These are also ringtones. Yeah. You can choose all of these. Yeah, but. Oh, all right, Charlie.

That's right. That one's called Night Owl. This one. Yeah. What about that is giving Night Owl? It's too upbeat. OK. Old car. Ew.

That one is just too everywhere. That's everywhere. Okay, let me tell you, listener, that was the one that Brenda got as her sound. Has there ever been anything more accurate than Brenda Breast does? That is so good. That's so good. That's so funny. No. Oh. That's the one that I had for years. This is kind of great.

It's kind of a good little song. It's very like- Kind of sounds like it's from Animal Crossing. How are there so many of these? Oh. That's a bad one. She only wanted to go once. Yeah, evil. Vom.com

Some of these are like so... Another classic. You had that one? I think some of my alarms are that one. Oh, I hate that one? I think some of my alarms at that point are gone. Oh, I hate that one. Robot? I definitely had this one. I had that one for so long. That was my ringtone for so long. That one gives me actual chills.

That one as well. How have I had so many of these? This one's like, where's my daughter? She's been lost for several days. Not her back from her. Marianne! I had this one as well. Doesn't trigger me as much though,

because I think I liked my life more at that point. Can I play you my current ringtone? Please. My current text tone? Please. What was that? What is that? From Final Fantasy. What does that sound mean within the world of the game?

It's when you're from Final Fantasy 7. I think it's when your limit break is ready. Your limo break. Limit break. Or this, this is my ringtone at the moment. What's that? The I won battle theme from Final Fantasy. Oh my God.

The fanfare, oh come on. But wait, you have your phone with noises? Yeah, I mean never hear them because my phone's always on silent. Right, that's what I thought. Yeah, no. Who the fuck is having a phone that's making noise? Absolutely not.

Though it means the only noise I hear from my phone ever is indeed the alarm. What's your alarm? Well here's my alarm. Give us your alarm, lay it on us. I mean this isn't going to be that surprising because you just heard it, but it is. Oh my god. What? Wait. Oh my God. What? Wait.

Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh. What time do you have to wake up in the morning? I mean, at the moment I get up at six. That's so, do you know that like a minute before six is five 59? I know, is that awful?

You actually are getting up at five. Yeah. That's fucking crazy, you stupid little bitch. I know in my new job some of the days I will start work at 5 which means I'll be getting up at 4 And you know what's one minute before 4 3 59. What time do you go to bed on those days? Probably like 12 or 1 that's illegal You're like a newborn parent Yeah, that's crazy That's illegal. You're like a newborn parent. Yeah.

That's crazy. Bitch. No, I'm changing the world. How long have you been exhausted for? Always. How many years have you been exhausted? Like, like, yeah. How many years?

Since you started working. Yeah. Long time. A long, 10 years you've been exhausted. Yeah. God damn. I have a holiday. No, God damn. I have a holiday. Oh, no, cause she can't have a holiday.

Even on a holiday. She's supposed to wake up that early cause they're brain. Well even this, today's a public holiday and I had to just get up at eight o'clock. Darling. I know. I'm gonna do this. Yes. Okay.

Alarm. Which alarm? What was that one? The funny little... Not the fucking dog. The one that was like your song. I was by the beach. Was it called by the seaside?

Yeah. I actually do love this. That would make me want to get up, do something. Okay, Matt, what would you sing to this song? Go. I'm going out to the hood Wait. Going out down to the beach

I'm gonna have a nice day today I'm gonna see all my friends and eat an ice cream And then I'll go and have a play And that's my day Wow. Well, that plus that's accompaniment. Yeah, that's the alarm. And if you think I'm not clipping that and then playing it again a thousand times. I'll work on the lyrics. That was just what first came to me. No, I think we got it right the first time. We're going to have to have a symphony playing

that live in the next live show. Yes. Yeah. Oh, that's good. Okay. I love that. Matt's rendition of By the Seaside. Yeah, but it's also good because it like, you know, it's a holiday alarm,

but you're not going to jump scare. Bitch, who am I having a holiday alarm? What am I getting up for on a holiday? You set it for like midday, just in case you sleep way too long. Darling, I'm waking up at three in the afternoon. When does the most of the time start on this boat? You're going on a boat holiday? I kind of want to, but only if I'm getting paid. Yeah.

I'd love to do a cruise. I only want to do a cruise if it goes for three days. Yeah, not long cruise. Also, but I just wanted to have like- I have a feeling I'll vomit though a lot because I get quite sick. But I'd love the idea of like being on the gay cruise, but that's only on like levels three to four of the thing. And then on like the other levels, it's like, there's a Star Wars convention.

Yeah. And then like 75% of the boat is just like people 70 and above. Yeah, rattling bones. I love that. Yeah. Oh, and you all get to rotate through the different parts. Like the gays have the pool on Monday. And then, oh, yeah.

I also just can't believe there's like no, like, you know, good quality shade where it's a bit like more, like there's a bit more cool in the air because you're on soil or you're under a tree. Oh yes. On a cruise ship it's all just hot metal. Reflective. Hot reflective metal. There's not a lot of shade in the ocean. Not famously unless you go a little bit further down. Yes. So scary. Okay. Lock it in by the Seaside Mat rendition. That's good. And that brings us to the end of the episode. Oh my goodness.

Okay. What a great week. So this week going to the bunker. Yes, to recap, we've got house parties. House party and the house in which their party is in. Yes. Which is a rundown Victorian terrace share house. As described in part one.

Yes. The pool accessory is of course the cleaning octopus Yeah, what did you call it? Matt? The creepy crawly? Yeah, I think Matt's rendition is a little bit more accurate. That's the brand though Creepy crawly though that says what it does octopus is kind of like suggested It might be floating around the middle section of the pool Yeah, because it's sucking on the bottom of the fool. Sucking. And you know what? So were you when you hit your head in front of your nephew. Wow.

Yeah. Key fucking sucks. And he goes to school the next day. My fucking loser uncle yesterday smashed his head trying to... Everyone saw it. Could you imagine if he said that? I could. Potato would too. He's a little sassy dance.

And he's just doing it for clout. Well, he also noticed it. For something to say to his little friends. And he's doing like a live version of this part in the schoolyard with his friends. Oh my God, they're all going to laugh at you. Again. Oh. So thanks so much for listening.

And the final thing is by the Seaside Map, Renation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What a week! Well, it's been a great week. Okay. Great week. Yeah. Christian week.

Christian week. Best week. Oh, we've already done that. Okay. Okay. We'll talk to you later. Bye, guys. Thanks for listening.

Goodbye. Death Air Run was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios my match is. Our theme song and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. If you've got something to say to us, send it to us at deathdebron.com And why don't you support us please at patreon.com Bye! Slash Death Debron. Thanks for watching! you you