Death To Everyone - Death To... Pastry, Eddington Red Carpet & Cannes

Episode Date: May 27, 2025

Hello Listener,Today we bring you a super special spectacular edition of the podcast. 1) It's a full discussion of all the insane things that happened to Lazy Susan in Cannes.2) It's the very first remote record in the podcast's history. Please enjoy!

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I'm here Hello! Hello my friend! How are you? Hello! Hello! How are you? I'm good. Yeah, how are you? Very good. Hello. Bonjour. Ça va? Ça va bien? Oui, ça va? MOLTO BENE.

Madame, hello. Hello. This is Lacey Susan. Hi, my name is Alderman. And we're here from the Silasiovoid, as in gay Paris. Not really. Not anymore, darling. No. Well, this week we are, of course, conducting some kind of witchcraft for you all. And you

think, oh, well, lazy has just been in Cannes. Obviously, this is where they do their long distance call from. No, no. Where are you, Zelda? I'm in Adelaide and for the first time in the history of the podcast, we're crossing in more ways than one. Of course, we are both in full drag right now in your hotel suite. Of course. Yes, but this is our first attempt at doing this not in the same studio together. Long distance relationship. So, listener, we welcome your feedback, though we may ignore it. I don't know.

And the celestial void has, of course, moved slightly because you are now in Adelaide, the celestial void that is Adelaide. Correct. It's more of an abyss. Celestial abyss. And I am sitting in the comfort of my own home where I'm joined by the space car driver who's ducked in to help set up my home studio, which is quite chic. So Matt is here.

This is Matt. Hello. We're very comfy. We're both sitting on the couch in Lacey's house. Space couch, celestial house. Space couch, Celestial house. Space house, yeah. You know, and so the power imbalance is all wrong today. It's us versus you today.

Versus? Versus, versus. How fabulous. Yes. Bitch, you just got back from Cannes Film Festival. Well, you know what? The first thing I have to say is that when I got there, I was so Yes. Bitch, you just got back from Cannes Film Festival. Well, you know what? The first thing I have to say is that when I got there,

I was so high and mighty talking to the cab driver who was the hottest man that you'd ever seen, which is funny because- What kind of genre? What's his- French. French. French.

He was a French young hottie-piscotti. Definitely. All France. All France. But no no, it was just everyone was hot. That was the kind of big takeaway. Cigarettes and spite really do things to a nation. Sometimes just giving up during World War II really helped. They just relax. Anyway, so I was like, oh, so is it Cannes or Cannes? As I had been correcting people and saying, it's Cannes, darling. It's Cannes. He's like, no, it's Cannes.

Yeah. Cannes. It's Cannes. No, it is Cannes. Oh, you're coming to Cannes? And so my life is ruined because I don't know I've already been defeated day one of can can it's can yeah it's distressing is what it is but I survived I survived is that fact yeah sure why not yeah I like that and then what happened

next well you know what? We have, there's so many things that did happen. Like I watched a lot of films on the plane. Everyone wants to know about that, I'm sure. I watched that Reese Witherspoon, Will Ferrell film. You're cordially invited. And do you know what? I laughed my fucking tits off.

They were gonna kick me off the plane. I laughed and laughed and laughed. And then Stuart accidentally put out, no, my screen on the, my Qatar Airways screen on the back of the seat was glitching. So then I was like,

oh no, me and Annie, who I was traveling with, are out of sync on the flight. And this Stewart came over and tried to fix it. And he actually just got horrendously out of sync. And he just was like fucking it up over and over again. This little gay guy was like, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't normally do that for the customers. I just was trying to help. Was his name Stewart? No, he was um, Oh, he was a Stuart. Who was a Stuart? Patrick Stuart. Anyway, so that happened while we were watching you're cordially invited and

And then you landed? Then we landed and then we got to Doha and then we got into the And then we got to Doha and then we got into the premium lounge because we were traveling with the other our other producer Lauren and she's a platinum virgin member or whatever. Wow. Or Qantas? I don't know but it allows you it grants you and one friend access into the premium lounge. How did you both get in? Well we had to pay but you know what would happen, is that we picked up another Australian at the airport who was just like, are you guys Australian as well?

And we're like, oh my God. And then she was like following us through the airport and we're like, oh no, she's gonna wanna come into the lounge as well. And then she did. Oh, okay. And she came into the lounge with us. And then I realized that she was an old school lecturer that had been at

PCA at the same time as me. And we actually had known each other for many years and I was like, who is this crazy woman, get her out of here. But no, following me back off bitch. Um, no, but she was great. And then she got into our cab on the way home on the way to our like accommodation And she was like taking off her top to change in the back of the cab and I was like this is Definitely giving senior lecturer at a university

My experience was she going to Khan she was she had a film and that she was trying to sell and yeah A big that's what you were doing there. Yeah. But she had already made it. Um, yeah, made the film. Yeah. Yeah. A very exciting film.

It's, um, got Tim Roth in it. If you know, pulp fiction, honey, but Tim Roth, it's a film called seven snipers. Cool. Um, I set in Australia. And it was written by my film school lecturer as well, which is crazy. And they didn't call you about it? I know, where was I?

No, it's so exciting. It's actually crazy that they got this film made and like with a pretty good cast. I mean, incredible. Like Tim Roth is incredible. That's such a get good cast. I mean, an incredible like Tim Roth is incredible. That's such a get. Yeah. I think Zelda will know Tim Roth from, um, as the, Oh, I know him as the, as the Hulk nemesis guy.

In the Ang Lee one. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Isn't that exciting? You always got a reference. But I just found an image of him with a Nazi symbol on his face. Well, yeah. What was that about? It was the 80s.

Anyway, and then we got to our accommodation and we were staying, you know, beachside, which was insane at this like, um, gorgeous apartment. But do you know the man who was touring us around his son's apartment? I think because I assume everyone in Cannes just offers up their children's real estate during that time for thousands upon thousands of euro. And he was like, didn't speak any English, not, you know, obviously we're in France, so why would he? And then he was just like, fragile,

fragile about everything and was like really like, we have so many antiques in this house, don't touch anything. Frigid. Oh God. And I was like, DivaTron, what the fuck do you mean? And then he pointed to these two, two of the most like decrepit gray sofas that they had in the lounge. Imagine them like surrounded by like antiques, antiques, like 300, I don't know, old shit. And then they have this like chrome and cream

like suede couch that has like doily fabric on top. And he like points to it, rips back the doily fabric covers and is like points to like several stains on the gray suede and is like make sure you don't drink red wine on this couch. I'm like bitch the ship has sailed this is the only piece of furniture that's appropriate for this kind of setting. What are you talking about? Yeah. Do they have Anko in Trump? They don't have Anko, but they did have, um, they have this, what's it called?

Swiss Tiger or something. They have like a typo style shop that's like really Tachyrell-a, but incredible. Yeah. So fun. I wonder what the French version of what's new is. It's kind of this place. It's Scandi Tiger. I can't remember what it's called, but it's fun. I wonder what the French version of what's new is. It's kind of this place. It's Scandi Tiger. I can't remember what it's called, but it's good. It's always, and they have Claire's, the like American tacorella essential beauty piercing place

is called Claire's. Yes, yes. And I went to Claire's to buy earrings for the red carpet. Oh my God. Needed help. Yes. Okay, so for the red carpet. Needed help. Yes. For the listener, so you've spent the last just under two weeks in France. And what, yeah, like what filled your time?

Okay, so the very first thing I have to say to you listener is I didn't meet anyone famous. Everyone has asked me this. The second I'm like, and I'm like, no, I didn't, I didn't meet a single famous person. It was not that kind of movie, honey. Um, what did happen was we kind of just got thrown into the, the Vipers nest of like what a can actually is in the sense that it's like of what a can actually is in the sense that it's like everyone there is trying to sell something, everyone there is trying to buy something, everyone there is busy out of their ever-loving mind,

and so it's really like, it was more akin to working at drag expo or something like that, where it was like, you're just constantly on your feet, everything's constantly happening, and there's no time for it to happen in. So yeah, it was that. But we were like, basically the way that it's laid out is that along the shorefront is the big theater where they have all the big premieres and the big red carpet. And then there's a few other theaters dotted around the main part of the cross set. And then there's just these giant hotel complexes, some of them very glamorous,

some of them just like regular hotels and they, all the different film agents, all the different buyers, all the different financiers, all the different state and national funds like Screen Australia have booked a hotel suite. And then they put out a little sign on their balcony to say that they're in that hotel. And so then when you're going to meetings, you're like rushing through at like 10 in the morning, trying to get from one side of the cassette to the other through crowds of people who are waiting in line for a red carpet.

So like people dressed up in the like full black tie. And then you're like, it's 10 in the morning and you're rushing through and then you have to get to a meeting and like, yeah, rush up to this meeting, get buzzed in and then like sit to get to a meeting and like yeah rush up to this meeting get buzzed in and then like sit down quickly and pitch your film and then you finish that you go and rush to your next hotel suite to pitch or whatever and it's crazy that's intense it's crazy but you get so into the

hustle of it because you're just like we're here and we're gonna find the email contact or the phone number of that person. And then we can contact that person and then we can get in contact with that person. Um, so it was like, did you fall into the trap of, um, there are 99 people in the room and just saying the same thing over and over again. Yeah. I do. Yes, I definitely did.

I definitely did. Yes, I definitely did. I was so like, so because I was there's different levels of like, because we're pitching a drag horror. And there are there were horror people who were like, classic, like their main like one of the people we spoke to were the people who did the film financing for Terrifier, like all the, you know, Terrifier movies, like with the clown. Yeah. Anyway, so like that's their bread and butter, but they do like lots of horror and they were people that when I spoke to them I was like, it's a drag horror and she's like, yeah I've read four of those today. Oh my God. But like all in that kind of sleigh style,

like with the comedies, but, or like Queens of the Living Dead or whatever. But then you would speak to different people who do mostly like kind of drama or like horror that's not like campy. And they would be like oh my god that's fantastic I've never heard of such a thing. So you would have to kind of moderate the performance based on like how much they knew about drag and the

world of drag horror which is pretty fun but the big thing was so there was this like one that we were really after, who was like a big, the big time players. Big fish. The big fish. Not A24, which we were hunting. But A24 is like, I think, from what I heard, and I don't know, actually, why would I worry about this?

I've spoken about things under NDA, but no, I think that they, they're like trying to level up and get into a new direction where they're only producing films that are like a little bit more expensive, like a $10 million and up sort of experience. So anyway, but they also don't have a sign up on their thing because I don't think they want to be barraged by people. Yeah. They don't want to be accessible. No, no, no, no. Exactly.

Yeah. And so, but one of the people that we were after, which is like a film financing company, they were having meetings with Screen Australia and we'd been like, the Screen Australia office, who had paid for our flights to be there, they had like welcome drinks and everyone had mimosas out on the balcony.

It was very cute. But they, like we'd given them all our little merchandise things. We made these little dolls of the characters from our film. And they were like really lovely and sweet and kind of super supportive of us because we were the little baby fish that year. And they hooked us up with the, they were talking to the people that we wanted to

be speaking to and they're like, Oh, it's a drag horror. And the guy who is like the powerful dude at this company was like, Oh yeah. And who's the drag queen. And then he's like this British guy and she's, he's like, Oh, who's the drag queen? Who's the drag queen? Yeah. Like that.

Yeah. And then I thought it was in the room for a second. And then he was like, lazy Susan. He's like, amazing, I want to have a meeting. And then locked in this meeting with this guy because of the drag race of it all, which is so chic. There it is. It's all worth it, darling.

The older gays, they love it. I love it. It's opening your doors. That's right. Opening some doors. But that was fabulous. And then, yeah, it was just a lot of like, a lot of drinking, like pretty much nonstop drinking.

Just alcohol and like constantly, like just like every meeting you have, they're like, oh, should we get a wine? That is one way to get through it. Yeah, that's it. And by the third. It started at 10 a.m. Did you say? Nine sometimes. Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. It was.

But it was really funny as well, because everywhere you went, you heard people pitching films and like having these like insane conversations like so she's an assassin and she's trying to get her kids back and blah blah like and we were we were trying to like me and Annie on one of our days where we had like less to do while our other producer was off pitching we were like like, okay, what we're gonna do is we're gonna take all our little action figures and we're just gonna go up and down and just cold call all these places, like walk into the hotel suite

and drop off these action figures and say like, hey, we're pitching on Saturday, if you wanna come and see, we'd love to see you there, blah, blah, blah, blah. And so we're like hoofing it with like a backpack filled with action figures and pockets filled with dreams, up and down in the blazing hot, well it wasn't actually blazing hot, the weather was actually divine the entire time we were there.

It was so ridiculous. I'll brag about it. It was so insane. It was like 23 degrees and sunny. And then we were going up and down and like, so people would just be really like, why are you here? And we were like, oh, I don't want to sleep. Did you say it like that? Yeah. We got up to the one we really wanted and these guys were in front of us, these

Americans. And it's very funny because it's like, you have all of the sophisticates of like, the European art house scene, like, intermingled. And then you also have like, you know, just a broader like, community of everyone from all across the world, representing for their local film culture. And then you have the Americans who are like, and so she's an assassin

and he was like oh my god and you can hear them wherever you go and so these guys in front of us were like these young guys talking to this even younger woman maybe she was 18 who was and cuz each one of the hotel suites when you walk in there's like a receptionist whose job it is just to like set people up for their meeting or whatever. And this girl was unusually young for this job and she's just getting talked at by this guy and he's like, so it's a, what did he say? Oh my God.

It's a fantasy science, no, it's a fantasy comedy with science fiction elements. I'm the producer and she's like, oh, yeah, and he's like, it's about five theater students and they get traveled through time. And then they encounter five different trials at different time periods. And if they fail the trial, then they get stuck in that time period forever. And we're just like, uh huh.

And then the girl is like, wow, that sounds crazy. Anyway, and they're like, but can we see, blah, blah, blah, head of the company? And she's like, my dad's actually really busy. And it turns out she was the daughter of the CEO, and she was doing her summer residency or whatever. And he's like, oh oh and suddenly his whole tone changed and he sort of like stopped being less like bossy boots about getting

his meeting in and he was like oh do you like film and she's like I don't really know I don't know if I like it yet we'll see anyway my dad has got a 50-50 chance of being able to make it to your meeting. Blah, blah, blah, blah. And so we'll see. And I was like, Oh my God, you're incredible. You don't even care. Uh, and then we just like took that Intel back to our gal and then she, like Laura and our other producer, like was like, Hey, I heard that you have nine o'clock's available.

Can we set something up? So it was all very like, you know, like overhearing things and then running somewhere else to go and like set that up or whatever. It was great. Get the inside scoop. That's right. We actually like had this weird thing where we arrived

at a party and then like realized that it was black tie and then had to like run home and change into full like suits and like vibes and then run back to the party. Oh my God. So stupid. Yeah. That's the movie. Yeah. That's the movie.

That's what you should be making. That's the picture. That's what you should be writing about. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of... So did you... I don't know.

Like, did you win? Did you like... We actually did. ...the thunder? Did you win? Did you like secure the thunder? Did you win? Well, we won the pitching competition that we were part of. Well, it wasn't a competition. We didn't know it was a competition, but okay.

So the pitch day arrives. That's why we were there. We were there to pitch at this one specific event, which is a co-partnership between a Montreal-based horror, sci-fi and thriller festival called Fantasia and Cannes Film Festival. And... Cannes. Cannes. Because you can. And they, yeah, have this event just basically being like,

everyone's in town, you come pitch. So we're in this like theater at 10 in the morning and we are like already feeling guilty because we haven't really practiced our pitch very much. Um, we'd shot, we'd shot a version of our pitch. We shot a version of our pitch for the online portal. Yeah. Cause like it goes up on the internet portal later. So other people can find you if they want to. But since we've been there, like we really hadn't had time.

We'd done like a few runs of it, but we hadn't properly gone through it again. And it had to be like under a certain amount of time because all up the whole presentation had to be eight minutes long. So our proof of concept video was- That's really quick. It's so quick, but also no shade to some of these

other projects, it can feel really long. No shade to some of these other projects, it can feel really long. Excellent. Not much there? Well, no, there were some other incredible ones and then there were some other absolutely... incredibly? Anyway, so we get to the day and we're like, okay, well, like we know we've got this. We have done this quite a few times. We filmed that old thing. So we've said all these lines before.

So we know we're going to do it. So we get in, meet all the other divas who are also pitching that day, which is very exciting. They've come from all over the world and we're sitting in front of the Norwegian team who had a fucking amazing film and they see us going through, like Lauren is going through a cue card, and he's like, wow, you're talking a lot. Oh, we're just going to play that video

they made us do for the online portal. And she's like, oh, okay. How fun. I'm like, you flew all this way, why did you do that? But I guess if you're flying from Norway, it's like six hours, not 25. And so the pitches start and the first guy, like it's like, hi, everyone, this is my film.

And then he goes and sits down. They play the whole video with his pitch in it. And we're like, Oh my God. Second one does the same thing. We're like, what the fuck is happening here? Are they all just going to like sit in the same room while a screen version of them tells the story? Uh shade to those people. And so then Lauren is like, okay, I better double check. And so she goes up to the incredible woman who programs the entire thing, Anik. And she goes to

Anik in the darkness and she's like, hey, just checking. It's just our proof of concept video, not like our pitch video that's being played. And she's like, it's whatever you sent us that's in this specific cinema format. And then so we, they rushed back, Annie checks her phone just to see if it's like that, what we sent to them. Yep. It's just the pitch video. We're like, amazing. Oh, good.

Okay. So then it's our time to pitch, we get up and we're so nervous, like you can really, it's one of those things where I think if you know the people who are talking, you can tell that they're really nervous because they're suddenly talking very differently, but it might be a bit harder to tell

if you didn't know them, hopefully, fingers and toes. So we pitch the whole thing and we're like and without further ado here's our proof of concept video and then we go and sit down and then the pitch video starts and the entire pitch we've just done verbatim same jokes same everything plays again and we're like sitting and they can't stop it. They can't change it, because it's all like preset pre everything. It's just like, it's just set and forget.

There's no tech back there. It's just someone pressing play. So they were like, oh my God. And we're like sinking down into our seats as we're like saying all these things. And also that like it's being revealed how nervous we were in the previous pitch, because we're like, you these things. And also that like it's being revealed how nervous we were in the previous pitch because we're like, you're seeing a version of us

that's like completely at ease several takes in. So it's a nightmare. I like get up and I'm like, I'm so sorry everyone. Into the audience and they're like, and then it finally ends and the proof of concept finally plays and we're like, and then it finally ends and the proof of concept finally plays and we're like, that was so embarrassing. And then give everyone some little action figures, which is great.

And we're also wearing like bride to be sashes because the film has a hen's party in it. So we're wearing these like giant bride to be freely pink and white sashes with gilded lettering that says like, write a director, producer, producer. And so we already look crazy. Like, and we kept being like, you know, like we're the first Australian team to ever get selected for the proof of concept section of this event. And so it was like the most Australia thing to have happen is like, Oh,

Oh, fuck it's playing again. Like, sorry, mate. Oh, bloody. And so after that, we're having like a luncheon. So it's like an hour later, everyone's meeting up again in the main hall area for this like fabulous catered luncheon with wine and everything.

And I get to that and I'm like, okay, fuck it. I just need to like mainline some wine, which is like, I think before the deathly hangover I had really truly started setting in. And so I head over and I'm like, I think before the deathly hangover had really truly started setting in and so I head over and I'm like, can I get a wine? And then I like drink that and then put it back down and I'm like, can I get a wine? And then like the bartender started to look at me like, what the fuck is wrong with this person?

And then the, the Anik, the head honcho is like talking and I'm like we're kind of vaguely listening but also like, can I get a wine? And then she like is like and the winner is skin side up. I'm like, can I get a what? Can I get a what? And I walk over like be like what? And give me the microphone. I'm like, oh shit What? Cuz we didn't know that there was awards or anything and they hand us this like beautiful Gilded envelope and I'm like, oh really thick on

And we'd won like a thousand Canadian dollars thick envelope. Oh my god. Oh my god. And we'd won like a thousand Canadian dollars. Oh, that's fucking great. Thanks so much guys. And then walked away as quickly as possible. But I was like, Jesus Christ, when will Australia's reign of terror end on this place? You're representing, that's really important.

It is so important to represent for our culture and community. Also though, Zellie, you would have loved this. We were staying with this, one of the guys we were staying with who's like a friend of our friend, Lauren, he's this like beautiful man, like stunning, who is Brazilian Italian and he's a lawyer. And he's got ADHD up the wazoo, but he doesn't believe that ADHD exists, which is very funny. Oh, that's the best genre.

And he every day was like running around the festival, falling in love with every single woman that he met, who were all these like incredible model looking ladies. And he'd be like, oh, oh, lazy, today is the best day of my worthless little life. And he'd just say that every single day. And he'd be talking and he'd be like, like anyway and that's the reason we're gonna make this film am I talking too loud you tell me if I'm talking too

loud I don't know Giuseppe you're talking too loud your name is Giuseppe? Giuseppe like the guy who built Pinocchio. Yeah, or my father. Your dad's name is Giuseppe? It was, but he legally changed it when he turned 18 because he was so severely bullied as a teenager in high school in Australia. Well, let's see. And another Giuseppe was bullied by an Australian just last week in can Excellent give him in line. Thanks. All right, those Brazilian Italians have had it too good for too long. Oh my god

Well, I just had a little peak and he's definitely living it up. Yeah, so, you know living the Vita laptop how do you think his dick is? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. That's an interesting answer. That's a great question. No, I actually did.

That's a great question. I don't know, because I felt by the end a kind of familiar relationship to this man. And so his hotness was observed merely as a social phenomena from like, kind of like, I'm watching kind of people reorient themselves around him and his vibe. Like yeah, anyway, that was interesting. And so I went the first night to a party in drag. Yeah. Um, and it was like a big party at a villa at the top of the hill.

So like there's like the beach side area and then a lot of like big companies and like, you know, players in the game go and rent out giant villas on these like rolling properties with like a pool at the back. And they're like these old, old, you know, like 400 year old villas and stunning. But then I get in full geesh in this outfit that Pash and Couture had like rush made me. She made me two gowns to take. And, um, this was my first night on drag, but we were like, let's cause a splash. Let's make a moment. Let's let them know that the drag is in town. Little did I know at that point that Marina Summers was also there doing full drag. Oh my God. Pitching a drag horror?

Yes. Marina Winters. The evil Marina Summers, I can only assume. And then, yeah, but she didn't rock up to this villa, thank God. And so I went and then, it was literally like, one of those like record scratch, like moments when I walked in and they were like, what is this? Cause I was like,

these people are not desensitized to drag like the general population is. So like they were like, I've never seen such a spectacle. They'll never believe in this. Um, and so we ended up like, yeah, having these like kind of fabulous convos at that party because people were like really interested in coming up and getting a photo and we were able to like get our way into some additional meetings. So it was all these kind of like, it felt very like gossip girl, like we're like, just if you go to the right party and talk to the right person, you could set up the meeting of your dreams. So that was that, but there was this girl that I encountered later who'd been at that party.

Encountered. I encountered her later and she, I need you to imagine her, bleach blonde hair, and she's got a permanent grimace on her face. Ooh, excellent. And she's from Sydney and everything is served in like a monotone vocal fry. And I think I saw her laugh maybe three times and it was when everyone else was laughing, it's an undeniable group laugh. She looked around and realized that she wasn't laughing and that she needed to make a correction

in order to appear as not reptilian in that space. And she like opened her mouth, no sound came out for like a full second. And then she goes, and then she closed her mouth. And I was like, okay, good. You did it girl. No one suspected a thing. But I ended up seeing her at Screen Australia later on. Um, and I was like, Hey Diva. And she's like, Hey. Oh, and I was like, Hey. I was like, Oh, she's like, what are you doing here? Actually, no. Do you know what, where I did run into her was at this bar that everyone of

the Australian cabal goes to where we were just sitting there and then a meeting, like a catch up started around us. And we were sat at a table that they would like to use. I'd be like, oh, you can sit your people down at our table, that's fine. But we were like sharing our space, really. We just got caught in the middle of a bigger group kind of flowing onto our table. She comes and sits right in front of me and she's like

so what are you doing here? And I was like Diva Tron what do you mean? She's like you don't really seem like you're part of this group. I was like that's because I'm not you're actually sitting at our table. She's like, yeah, right. And then she's like, where are you from? What are you doing here? And we're like, um, we're here to pitch a drag horror film. And she's like, right.

Okay. Did you see that? There was a drag queen at that party the other night and I was like, yeah, that was me. And she's like, Oh my God, that was you. Truly, that was so crazy. Cause when you walked in, I was like, oh my God, they haven't hired a drag queen for this, have they? Oh my God.

And I was like, no, I just was coming to the event as a guest and she was like, right, but just was coming to the event as a guest. And she's like, right, but they paid you for that, right? And I was like, no, they didn't pay me. I'm here to pitch a drag horror. So I wanted to let them know that the drag queen was in town. Oh, okay. And so this girl, like that is a whole vibe. And naturally like amazing. We're like then glad I set it up. Just Seppi is like

rocking across the, she's like, you know that guy? And like, yeah. Um, he's like, you know, we're roommates at Ken and she's like, oh, he's hot. Like, oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. And she's like, and I'm like, I thought she said like, but like, does he know it? And I was like, oh, please don't tell him. Like he don't know where he knows.

And she's like, what did you think I said? I asked if he's American. I was like, Oh, he's Brazilian. She's like, right. No, I didn't know. I didn't think he was like anything special. He's just hot. It's nothing to that. Oh my God. And it was like, it was just wild to watch this one way. And we're like, what are you doing? It's like I started here as an intern Now I work like oh

See you new gotcha Anyway, so that whole interaction I'm like this woman hates me and she hates all of us and she actually wants us to die Next thing I know I'm getting like an Instagram message like hey There's an event on Monday. I think we should go. I'd love to go out with you guys. Oh my God. I was like in that same tone of voice.

Yes. Instagram message was cool. She, I think we might be her only friends. Oh, I think like this woman was like, that was probably the best conversation I've ever had with anyone. They really liked me. Can you please send me her Instagram? Oh my God, I need to find it.

She's like truly the devil. And it's funny because this girl that I, well Annie, who I was there with, is the nicest gal, very, very easy to get along with and very pleasant and personable. I've never seen her hate someone so fucking much. And she, while this girl was talking, just turned her back on this woman and refused to look at her because she was so mad.

She was literally like looking at the dolls, like the little action figures that literally like every person who encountered these action figures was like, oh my God, what a delight. Why have you done this? This is fabulous. She was like, right. Why are you doing this?

Isn't it just great when you see someone who's just like really nice to everyone, just like, just can't't they just hit their boy Oh, that was beyond my capability I Try and I try and I try and I can't with well, it's so fucked because like mine goes in the opposite direction We're like sometimes The worst someone is the more actively I want to engage with them. Like, I'm just like, I just want to know.

I just need to know. It's like fashion. It's a case study to chat with them. It's incredible because I'm like, you are just so, you are being abhorrently rude to my face right now and I find it just scintillating. Yes. And there were some like other moments like where, I mean, I won't say who, just in case these

people end up giving us money, but we'd be in meetings and that classic vision of what a Hollywood meeting might look like, where the people are sitting down and they're just someone is talking to them and they just pull out their phone and start checking it and just go through their phone and looking completely down and not looking at the person. Jesus. And you're just like, how is there any world in which this is considered appropriate behavior? It's crazy. So crazy, but very fun. So all of that, and so basically here's where to make a long story short.

It's been long. It's a long story. Long really. To make a long story, to put a point on a long story, where we're at now is we will on the basis of those conversations, which I can't say too much, but there's some really good stuff happening. And we did have a lot of what they call buzz at the fest, and we were getting a lot,

every time we'd run into the Screen Australia people or other people, they'd be like, I just keep hearing about your film, but not from you guys, just from other people talking about it. That's so hard. Which was so good. But it should be in the next month, say, I don't know, we will have like a better idea of like if someone's going to come on board to become our sales agent or find us money

or just come in with money. So watch this space because we could be shooting out track horror by the end of the year. And so when that happened, like if, if say like nothing happens, then, then it'll still happen, but just with different budget, different different different different sourcing. Like there's okay. Yes. But yeah, basically. Yeah, there's definitely there's more to say there. But like there's

it is basically now in the process of getting sorted out. And I don't think yeah, the issue is not like a lack of interest, which is really good for us. Like we're getting having some really promising conversations. So I can't wait to see what comes next.

But you know, OK, so the other little final thing on this entire thing was that Marina Summers was there. I did like message her and we were like, Hey, Diva, like the Drag Race girl is descending on Cannes and she was like, Oh my God, yes. Where are you? Like that. And we did that thing where we were pretending that we had any time to go and get a drink or anything. But very often, you know,

and her photos and videos were incredible. And then I was like on Reddit and someone was talking about like Drag Race Reign. So like, why, why has no one heard from Karan Thrax? Um, oh yeah. And they're like, why is her reign so quiet? And then under there, there was a comment on Reddit. If you're listening from Reddit that said, well, none of the

reigning divas are doing anything. I mean, like lazy just went to Khan and no one even cared or noticed because Marina was there and everyone cared about that. And I was like, Oh my God, you knew that I was in Cannes? But also I was like, yeah, she was there with a full, like a designer and a full photo team taking photos explicitly to sell the products that she was wearing. I was like in the same pair of pants for three days trying to pitch a drag horror film. Not the same thing reddit. Like I didn't have a hair and makeup team photographing me on like

premium equipment, but that brings me to the one last piece, which is the red carpet that I got to go on. Okay. So, um, well, I did caveat that I didn't meet any celebrities. I did see some celebrities, which is very exciting because I was getting taken care of by, um, some of our Australian film friends had the hookup for someone who basically gets red carpet tickets for the Divas. And so they, at three in the afternoon, had been like, they'd been trying the whole time to like, we'll get you on a red carpet. It will happen. Because I had bought a gown for it.

The whole thing, passion couture had made me this gorgeous, divine in the John Waters film, polyester print gown that I'd had rush printed sewn everything just in the two weeks leading up. I was like, I want to have an iconic film moment. Then they called me at three and were like, can you be there at the red carpet at 5.30? And I was like completely out of drag, unshaved, everything, and I was like, yeah. So I like do my dash, like get my makeup on, get fully like singed ready, get in my heels,

run down through the crowds of people, get to the hotel where this gal is, she gives me the ticket and it's for the Eddington premiere, which is the new Ari Aster film, which is the one that I was like, I really want to go and see that. And so I'm like, okay. And it's like a good ticket. So it's like, there's different kind of rate, like ratings of the tickets. This is like a good, fabulous one. But the thing that I didn't know, and that I do in retrospect is that like the ticket says on a enter at 5.45 and the film starts at 6.45. And so I was like, okay, well, I'm already like, I guess I have to go now or else like

I won't be able to get in or whatever. But I think what a lot of people do is stagger their arrival so that they're closer to like the main cast and like A-listers, like so that they're kind of more adjacent to that. Whereas I was like goody two shoes, I'm gonna go straight in. So what I should have done was waited before I got

into the like main walkway line thing. Cause I was like before I got into the main walkway line thing. Because I was like, I got into the main walkway line thing, started walking down and was like, wait, there's no one in front of me, I'm just walking straight down. And then they just kept waving me through until suddenly I was at the foot of the red carpet. And I was like, oh my God, wait, am I about to go onto the red carpet?

And they're like, go. And I was like, whoa. And there was like, on either side of you, there's just giant walls of photographers, right? And so like, I'm like, oh my God. And it was like that full like, just bathed in the flashlights of the thousand, like DSLR cameras.

And I was like, you're living my fantasy. And then they do do that thing where they move you along the red carpet. But like the first bout of photographers were like, oh my God, a drag queen, like blah, blah, blah. And so it was amazing. And then like, I just went all the way up and then I went up the stairs.

It was so chic, it was so fabulous. And I was like, I can't wait to see those photos. Put a pin in that. Then I get into the theater and the theater has these like stadium like it's like the sphere You know how they say in the sphere that it's like super almost vertical seating Like yeah, it's raked at such an angle to like allow I guess a huge amount of people in there or whatever the fuck but like you're almost like leaning forward

Over and I was on the very last row of the mezzanine so I was like right at the edge of the mezzanine and so I'm like sat forward in a cincher in my pads in my heels in what could possibly be a new three hour long Ari Aster film and I was like oh go on I hope this isn't like Bo's afraid and so then I'm like okay but anyway so I'm sitting there, some other girly pop comes in and sits next to me and she's like, I don't know, 21, glamour, glamour puss. And I'm like, oh my God, how fun is this?

She looks at me and she's like, yeah. And like, fucking hell, can no one be fun? And she's like texting her friend that's like three rows behind us the entire time and constantly looking like right at me but past me. And you know that really uncomfortable feeling when someone seemingly keeps turning to look right at you, but they're actually just looking past you anyway. Yes.

I'm like, you're so annoying. Stop that. Anyway, so I'm like, okay, it's good. It's fine. Whatever. And then the cast start arriving and all the divas are there. And I'm like, wait, it's good, it's fine, whatever. And then the cast start arriving and all the divas are there. And I'm like, wait, I didn't realize that this was the premiere. I thought it was like the second night screening, but it was the premiere. And so all like, you miss Angelina Jolie came in, like, Julie, Julie Garner, like Julia, Julie Ghana, that girl that I have like pick a name. Um, you know, the whole Emma Stone, Joaquin Phoenix. Um, what's his name?

You know, Fruity McKay guy, Mandalorian. Um, oh, Pedro, Pedro Pascal. No, yes. Um, and. Uh, wait, were you in the room where. No, yes. And... Wait, were you in the room where Skarsgard kissed Pedro? Was that that room? No, that wasn't that room.

That was the other, that was the queer bikey movie. I was at the red carpet where Emma got attacked by the bee. The bee! That was me. I was the bee. I released a single bee. I loved that bee. It was so good. But yeah, so, and then the film was great. I had a great time. Then I read the reviews and it was like, this film's terrible and anyone that thinks it's good is stupid.

And I was like, no, I'm stupid. But it was camp. And yeah, the big takeaways I had. Oh, so big takeaway number one, that was an incredibly hard look to photograph because the wig that I was wearing was flat and too small for my head. And so I looked actually bald and terrible if it was not photographed correctly. Uh, so if you are on my Instagram, you'll notice that the photographs

specifically featured the headpiece and not any like part of my face. Cause I was like, Oh my God, I look fucking crazy. And I should have changed the wig, but I was too committed to my purple fantasy. And I was also like, I can't wear the same wig if I'm going to go on another thing later on. Anyway, and then that night I get home and I'm like, okay, checking Getty images can film festival 2025. And there it is, it's a whole, and like 3,800 photos have been uploaded to Getty

from that one event. And I begin my hundred page troll For a single photo of me at that event Guess how many I found? Zero there were none what the single one of me at that event said so tragic how Sad. So tragic. How? Why? I don't know. I think I came too early.

And I also think that I am not a famous person. So why would anyone save that photo and put it on Getty? Like, I don't think- Aw, but drag. Yeah, maybe. But yeah, if any listener knows how to find that photo, you know, hacking the mainframe, I don't know what you kids are doing.

Yeah, no, they've got, I don't know, links. Come on, come on, come on. But anyways, I mean, in that way though, like when I did try and get a good photo of that look, because I loved the gown and I loved everything there, but it needed a different wig moment and some more accessories but it was also in a rush and it was like not correct but I was like after trying to get a good photo of it for so long I was like what are the chances

that these men got good photos yeah and so I was like maybe you know what maybe this red carpet experience was a really good first trial run before you know I returned to Cannes with my new film and I get to walk the red carpet and I've had the like trial Experience that I thankfully maybe wasn't publicized No records found yes, thank you. Like maybe I'm being spared by the gods. I mean, who knows? I suppose we'll never know. We'll never know. The cursed memory stick of the 530 slot at the red carpet. But you know what what the other thing about the, cause when you see those like walls of paparazzi, you're like, Oh,

they have these like, I guess like, I don't know. What would it be called? Like a bleachers, you know, like a bleachers set up, you know, like you might have for a football game. But when you see them not on it, it's actually revealed to be just a series of step ladders that are all clustered together. They're all just on step ladders. That feels quite dangerous.

Of various heights. You could take them down. You just push one. I mean, if Chabaloran ever hears about this. Push one and they'll all go. She'll push them all over. Literally. You remember four years ago at that one event when... Yeah but you know as well

the funny thing is that on the way to a red carpet this was the best part. There are always people in full black tie regalia holding up little cardboard signs that say like please one ticket for Tom Cruise or like whatever and they're like trying to get tickets to go to the premieres. Reverse scalpers. Yeah. And like there's like elderly women in their Sunday finery. Like it's incredible.

Oh my God. I was going to ask it was our favorite diva there being like this way, look this way please. She was, well she wasn't asked you look look away go away oh but what if there's the French version of her yeah this way please but yeah what an incredible time. That is so hot. I'm excited. Yes.

And the only other last little tidbit was French people push in line. Young French women are like, you'll have the most glamorous woman in the world push in front of you. And I'll be like, do you know what? All that glammy, you can't buy class, you know And no one apologized. It's just like you're just you know, like the that feeling that you have like of absolute betrayal of social norms When someone pushes in line Yes, knowingly

And you're like we live in a society Yes that yes, I encountered, I don't know, 10 times. Just people, all young French women who would just literally just walk straight in front of you and push right in front. And you're like, Diva Tron, what the fuck? What the fuck? You're crazy. And did any men try it?

I didn't ever really see it with men. It was just the young divas. They got to do what they can to get to the front. Yeah. They're just a woman in the world. Just a woman in the, I'm just a woman in the world. Just a woman in the world. I'm just a woman in the world in full drag. Oh, and quietly walking back on multiple nights in drag, walking through- Cobblestones?

No cobblestones, thankfully. Through the corset, French young teens and men in their 20s look me in the face, burst out laughing. Oh, and then yeah, like they all just walk away laughing at me. Over and over again, this happened. And then also middle-aged women, you know, our strongest allies in this fight. Yeah. They would give me these looks of like, you know, our strongest allies in this fight. Yeah. They would give me these looks of like, you are the devil scum. I'm like, as Nicky Dove.

You're do be like that. It do be like that. I'm like, I've been in fucking Ringwood and not had so many fucking snobs. We're meant to be at the center of the civilized world. I will say to that is I, when I arrived to Adelaide on Friday, I was walking around the CBD wearing my like Untitled Goose Game t-shirt with like the goose on the front. Yeah.

And I couldn't tell if it was the fact that I need a haircut or the t-shirt or my nose piercing, but I felt like every person in Adelaide stared at me as I walked through every single street. Wow. Turning their heads to look at me. I was like, there goes the village freak. Right. It really does. I can't tell which one it is, but everyone just fuck off. It's so weird when you're like how small

like a tiny little gesture it can be that we'd like warrant getting stared at. Like that's so like 90s coded to me, like they're wearing a weird T-shirt or they've got a piercing and you're like, what do you mean? Yeah. Like, yeah.

So, bleh. And like, I mean, we got it too good back home. I truly think so. But also when I see the like, when the young French divas, I was like, your boyfriend is dressed like a fucking faggot. How dare you love me in the face? You're going home with a man that is dressed like a fucking homosexual. Like you're French. How dare you, you're French. Like, do you know what, it's like,

you people are meant to be liberated, you're meant to be like sex positive, you're meant to be like having the menage-a-trois, you're meant to be like so open and cool and chic and like fashionable, for you to like- No, fakers. Yeah. I was like, obviously something in the bread ain't clean.

It was, yeah. Although there was, I will say, every single other person outside of the line pushes and the homophobes on the street was completely undermining any rumor about French people because everyone was incredibly lovely like all the staff everywhere amazing every single French person I encountered just generally was like really good except for the youths in the

line pushers. Put them all in the same category. Put them all comes, they go first. Yeah. Put him in a super yacht and sink it. Anyway, Zelda, how are you? Well, I'm good. I'm good. So while you've been doing all of that, I've become pretty good as Emma Frost in Marvel Rival. Oh no Yeah, so that took up quite a bit of my time What else have I done well

Got up. Hmm. I made a piece of toast brushed my hair walked around the house and Then you got back. So it has only been 10 days. I know. No, I don't know. Well, you're in Adelaide. Crazy, huh? You're in Adelaide. I am. So I'm in Adelaide with work for a week, which is you ain't gotta do the work work work work Yeah, so that's fun, I mean quite a booze hotel which is quite cure, but it is in Adelaide No one seems to told them No, it's hot and I was gonna go and watch fucking evil Perform last night and then she she felt ill so I didn't Somebody pushed it. That's right. Someone saw her wacky t-shirt. They said we've had enough

Yeah, she felt I think I Evil when you listen to this I'll either have seen you This week or I haven't but I think I will see you tomorrow or the day after And Yeah, not much else. Did you watch anything on the plane left? Yeah, and then most of my family went overseas Like two days later. Yeah So you all know, yeah, it wasn't bad

So you were all alone? Yeah. It wasn't my act that I loved. But yeah, it's been kind of, I don't know, I've also had like a really busy couple, like weeks at work. So I've just been focusing on that, you know, and yeah, I think it's crazy. Without the distractions of lazy. Well, it's so important to just, you know, really give yourself to your work. Oh, you got to do it sometime.

I suppose we've both been doing that in a way. Oh, jet setting, um, jet setting around. What's that? Jet setting around for your busy, busy lives. Oh, very glamorous. Um, late, I don't, I can't remember who whose turn it is, but I think, Lazy, you should destroy the world. Oh, okay. I would like to destroy the world. Um, how will I destroy the world though? That's a question that I have been thinking while I was jammed into

economy class yet again. I've just thought of one, I'll do it next week. Oh god oh god! Okay so for my destruction of the world which is gonna be Khan themed or Ken themed I would like as part of the promotion for Tom Cruise's next Mission Impossible film. Oh God. He decides to ride an atom bomb from space. And in doing so, inadvertently, because he wants it to be so real, and you know, Scientology can say no to him, they actually set him up with a real warhead, thinking that he will be able to, you know, do Tom Cruise and defuse it in time. But unfortunately, just as he is about to like, you know, reach the lowest lower stratosphere,

I don't know, he, um, Welcome to my stratosphere. It gets hit by a seagull and like a very large seagull and it kind of not an albatross Not like an hour. He's got around his neck kind of a seagull and then While he's flying through the air, but he should be cutting wires, but he's not cuz he's got the seagull on his face And then it's going deep got the seagull on his face yeah and then it's going deep through the seagull no the seagull kind of if this was a Pixar animated film the Pixar would be like looking around a bit like bewildered but not at all

upset it would just be like yeah and he'd like it would just be and then it makes impact with the world and the seagull kind of looks to camera and goes, wow. And then it explodes and kills. Everyone. And then in the mushroom cloud, it says mission impossible five, dead reckoning. Five. The final dead. Yeah five the final dead, yeah The final death. Yeah, exactly the final death to everyone mission impossible death to everyone

Yeah, and we're going I'm actually if someone took our line As a movie title. Yeah, yeah either or something Everyone the movie Al Qaeda or something. Everyone the movie. Live. Live. Okay, don't live the movie.

Live. Look, if it gets taken, we'll do that. Live the movie. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So let's take a break and then we'll be back and enter our first topic. You. Okay, welcome back, souligneur. So welcome back. What? What?

Hi? He's fucking out. He's fucking out. Hey, hey, hey. People are already gonna be turned off by this. What? Shut up! Shut up, shut up!

People are gonna be so. Welcome back everyone. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut turned off by this. Shut up!

Shut up! Shut up! People are going to be so. Welcome back, everyone. Shut up. Oh, you think you're real cute. Do you think that's really. I was pretending I was a lag.

I'm just being silly. OK, so welcome back, listener, everyone. Silly, yeah. Our first topic for discussion today with the theme of today's podcast. Let's discuss which pastry enters the bunker on this day. Oh, as in French pastries. After all, miss, this is France. Have you ever had a pastry, Zelda? I have. Yeah, what did you think about it?

I've, it depends. You know what's nice about pastry? It's quite soft. Oh, cause you hate a shard of bread that might tickle your adenoids. Yes, so sharp on my throat. But a pastry is usually quite the opposite. Usually, not always.

Sometimes you have to trade. The, actually, yesterday I had for lunch a, look, I gotta be honest, the Rando shopping center that I'm working at this week has a very abysmal food court. And so yesterday I got a pie and a paint like a no, I didn't get it. Why did I say that? I didn't get a pie. I got a filo pastry and I got a what was it?

Stuffed with veggie pasty. The filo pastry was like a mushroom. Stop saying it like that. What? Go on. Oh, it was like a mushroom medley. But what was, sorry, what sort of pastry was it? Filo?

What? Is that weird? Filo. Oh my God. What feel low. Why are you laughing? It's a feeling.

How did you say that before? You say it. She's got few lows as well. A fellow pastry. She's got feelings. Feelers. It's got a few lows as well. A fellow pastry. She's got feelings. Feelers. It's feel okay. It's fine. You're saying it fine. You're saying it fine. Oh, my God. You're freaking me out. You're freaking me out. I just like, I like a fellow pastry.

pastry but anyway you got a pastry and you got a pasty yeah double time she's a growing girl yeah they are so flaky what the the feeler? Well, just pastries in general, really, like, but particularly baked ones, because so dry. But just fuck me, that's so annoying and so embarrassing to be like covered in crumbs. Makes you feel like such a sloth, like us, like you are like, oh, you're just you know, you're in public, right? Crumbs. But I feel like a pastry crumbs are the only acceptable crumbs.

Like if it's powdered sugar, then maybe you've got a problem. But if it's like, just like full out pastry shards, I think everyone has a bit of grace for that. No, because I was sitting on the table with like on top of the world, my colleagues, and we are all covered in crumbs and I was sitting on the table with like on top of the world my colleagues and we are all Covered in crumbs and I was judging them and I knew they were judging me It's so shameful your delicate t-shirt covered in crumbs Your goose game t-shirt eating up the crumbs. She's got to eat too. Oh

My god, but it is quite satisfying to just like with one little like Like dust them all the way Well, that's what I'm saying about the you know It's kind of the only socially acceptable type of crumb because it doesn't have any stick to it. So it's not it's not filthy It's like, you know, just like a little touch barely even holding on to the shit. Yeah, it's just like with a slight suggestion It's like down to the ground. It's gone. Unless there was some sort of fabulous jam in there. Did you have a source with your your arm? Oh, my God.

So they offered the option to which I said, so why not? And then this was also like, as I say, there were very few options. So all of the food options were really busy. But there was this like army of maybe like 20 to 40 year old women working at this bakery in like a uniform of like a linen shirt, which I thought was a bit over the top. But the gal was like, Oh yeah, sure.

So then as she pulled out the filo, like stabs it with the sauce and squeezes in, no, reloaded it with tomato sauce. Aim to the pasty, like preloaded like freeze stabs. Bitch. As you're eating it, it's dry and then it's you're eating tomato sauce and then it's dry again. I'll decide where and when I would like my sauce and how I'd like it paced throughout the meal.

Very much. The sauce inside, you put it on top. Also, I don't want you stabbing and making a crumby situation that we're already dealing with. Yeah. You've taken my joy. Yes, that's the thing. I'm like, if anyone's stabbing the pastry or the filo, that's me. Not you. Like that is so like getting the real nozzle in there. Oh, I think she should ask for consent. Many pastries. Yes.

You should. Thinking about that nozzle and it's like dried bits of like, you know, sauce and pastry congealed to the tip makes me want to die. That's not. How often do they wipe it down? Also. And if so, what?

I'm eating all those chemicals now. And now can you just buy the fucking Master Food squeeze packet? No, they don't have it available they got no so like that's not an option Well, it sounds like something that they need to invest in. Can you tell me though? was this like a Michelle's bakery like what was the Copy club. It's just independent in a food court

Yeah, you know, I'd see that every day What was the copy club? It just independent in a food court. Yeah. You don't see that every day. This is true. That's crazy. So what were the other options? I can only assume. I feel like one of those slightly more glorified options because they had like table and chairs and it was on the, like it was on the wall of the exterior so you could like sit outside

the shopping center. like it kind of had prime real estate this shopping center is also wild it's just I don't know it's how far is it from really small but very bougie but then also there's no one here I don't know it's weird well Well, you just described Adelaide. Yeah, so anyway, there was that. But, um, yeah, okay. Wait, what other options do I get from that? I need to know what else was your lunch options. Can you explain to me? Okay, so the the I mean, it was lunchtime.

So I wanted something like a hot food kind of item. Yeah, that's like a croissant or something so in the hot food You know display there was maybe like genuinely 20 options 30 maybe one it was crazy, but there were two vegetarian options The part I had one of each But yeah, everything else was like, you know, like unique

Combinations of like chunky steak and yeah, what the fuck is going on with those things? But no cheese and cauliflower pie. That's what I'm there just presuming they would have they did not have cheese and cauliflower or cheese and broccoli. But you know what? You'll probably spare that woman fucking diving her little sauce into your fabulous pie. Could have been a long one. Very true, very true. But also my question was more, what were the other stalls in the food court selling? Oh, I see. What cuisines?

Okay, there were, in this food court, there were two butchers that don't have like ready like to eat options, just two butchers, but they're in the little like, you know, turn style thing of all the other restaurants. Yeah. So there's that. Can I get a slab of raw meat? What? I just want a slab of raw meat.

Can I have that for lunch? He's back. Then there was a Baker's Delight. Boring. A rolled. Fine. Rolled isn't good, but they're a bit dry. I tried to get a rice bowl.

Um, and then after waiting for 15 minutes, one of the team came out and they were like, Hey, we're out of rice. You can't be rolled and out of rice, bitch. Also. Yeah. It's like, I see. So like, can we put noodles instead? I think.

Yes. What? It's fucking lunchtime, bitch. That's so weird. So there was that. Then I found today there was around a sneaky corner, kind of like a, like a,

like a noodle place. I'm gonna try that tomorrow. It's gonna be really exciting um and then two sushi places oh sushi feels like a good one although yeah i guess you find your fingers kind of smell afterwards like sushi yeah well if you get the nori roll i feel like it's fine but also you can wash your hands Zelda yeah but that's kind of snow does go away with one wash what do you mean what are

you how are you washing your hair very thoroughly you a good scrub you get the smell of a sushi roll on each finger and eat them like that like cheese yeah I'm not how else do you do it? That's right. And that's the good thing about sushi. Real is that you seldom get crumbs on your shirt. Except that one piece of rice. Yeah.

That sticky sushi rice. Ooh, that is so good. Hmm. Holds everything together. It's the glue. Yeah. So that's that. But when we talk pastries, like where, where does the pastry stop and the cake

begin? Because my pitch for the bunker is a chocolate eclair. Oh yeah. Because growing up, I was so entranced by the chocolate eclair and I was never allowed to get them. And then I probably had them like twice in my life because they're pretty full on. But love. I think chocolate eclair is squarely in like pastry for sure. Yes. Like, cause it uses a shoe pastry, right? Eclair. It's a shoe pastry filled with cream

with like a top bar of chocolate. Correct. That's a pastry darling. What's that one that, you know, the kids always have at their weddings filled with cream. Oh, cannoli. Cannoli. Cannoli. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't get, I'm not 100% sold on cannoli. People treat it like it's like the most divine thing they've ever had. I just I just remember that maybe think that maybe my my option should have been cross to Lee like crucially the have you had that before like

the Italian? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Chris, that's basically just fried pastry though. Deep fried pastry. Just like strips of amazing. Oh amazing ah yeah that was so much icing sugar on it that you can get it all over your shop that's true that is getting covered in you know cooking sugar yeah yeah but it's so good my nonna used to make it all the time it was so delicious I need a bit of like juice if I'm honest and with the crusty I'm like this is like a shard and I'm doing all the work with my spit and I want like I want some kind of preserve or some sort of fabulous gel. It's got to have a flavor in it too. You can't just have just the pastry.

Yeah or like a delicious kind of Nutella drizzle just to just to take me there. Nice dipping sauce. Mm-hmm. Yeah like a maple dipping sauce for my crostoli. Bring together Canada and Italy. Bring together the cultures. Um yeah I mean like listen I love a croissant but I think I'm more of an escargot girl. Escargot girl. Escargot girl. Escargot. You know, the swirl, she's got raisins, like it gives it a little bit of that. That's never me. I don't like that.

Why don't you like that? Well, I know. I mean, I also don't particularly like things with raisins in. Things with raisins in? Yeah, no, I mean, dried fruit. Like fruit cake? particularly like things with raisins in Things with raisins in yeah Dried fruit like fruitcake. Oh, I love fruitcake. I love I love a dense Christmas pudding With like lots of dried fruit and custard and brandy. Oh

So It's not good putty. I don't like putty. That's the putty. That's Scrooge McDuck putty. Holy leaf on top. I like how, I like the sensation of like kind of pulling apart this like swirl. Yeah, like a cinnamon roll. That's satisfying. Yeah. Mmm cinnamon, yes. No, that's just not my favorite. I like a cinnamon roll. That's satisfying. Yeah. Cinnamon, yes. No, that's just not my favorite.

I like cinnamon scrolls. Well, cinnamon scrolls are baked goods. They're cakey goods? Well, it's, yeah, it's a yeast. What about cinnamon cruffin? Cruffin is a pastry. Yeah. Yeah.

But I think the cinnamon ratio and butter ratio is wrong. I do think the croissant, if it's served with a preserve is really good. And if it's not too dry. I have to heat it up. What do you think about this, like the phenomena of the almond croissant? The, you know, the lie of it.

It's so dependent on where you get it from. Sometimes it's such a delight, like those almond slithers and how they are stuck. They're fresh. That's good. Yeah. But sometimes the inside, because it's not just the on top, it's also got like a like a paste inside that can be quite rich. It can be an almond cream, isn't it?

Yes. Yeah. With the what you call it, you know, the almond extract kind of flavor. But it's, you know, the whole thing is that you use the day old croissants, and they've just been given a makeover. Oh, they? That's the whole idea,

I think the reason for their invention True. Is that you have like the croissants that didn't sell the day before, and you're trying to disguise this Saleness with like a shit ton of other shit Which at which point like what's the third iteration then once the almond croissant doesn't sell Cover it in honey. Oh, what's

Mmm, or desiccated and put it in a I don't know put it in another croissant I think the question they should have asked is why didn't they sell? Yeah. Ask it again, Diva. Didn't have any almonds in them. What do you think about of the phenomena of the fucking croissant with, like cut open with cheese and tomato or like ham, I guess? Like why has a croissant become a vessel for that?

I'm not against it. Emily, listen, I can hear you, you know, I can hear how upset you are. I can hear it in your voice. Yeah. But even long distance. Okay, here's the thing. I used to work in hospitality.

I worked in hospitality for 10 years. That's my background, you know? So when I would be given that opportunity to prepare that as someone's first meal of the day, I would make it very clear and specific that I wasn't gonna be putting into the sandwich press. We're gonna be doing a full like bench top stove experience, like oven, like where you put it in, wait,

get everything just to melting point and then it doesn't lose any of its puff. I'm not flattening this motherfucker because I think that that's the only reason that it's an issue is when they like crush the entire croissant in in favor of heating it on the sandwich press. The giant sandwich press? On the money. Yeah it's how I felt I had a lot of lines that I wouldn't cross when I worked in hospitality that was one of them and if I only had access to a sandwich press, I would take the tongs, I would use them to keep the two flat pans separate. Oh yes.

So that at very least you would at least get like an inch and a half of unsoiled pastry. And I'd also open up the jaws of the croissants so that each side was getting that same spacing. But yeah, you don't need much. You don't need a lot of time. You just want to heat it through so that it's not cold anywhere. Because there's nothing worse. Nothing worse. What's the other one that's like a croissant, but it's like... Pane de chocolat? Oh, that's actually good.

I love a pane de chocolat. Yeah, that's better. That's best out of all the croissants. And there's another one with like a orange, like peach in it. Oh, a Danish. Oh yeah. That's the devil's work. I fucking hate that. Speaking of dried fruits.

I don't like a Danish. I hate real. Also the way that the pastry is under that fruit, it's not puffy anymore. She's done. You ruined it. So soggy. Sog. A sog factor. And what's that glaze? Because I feel like that glaze is also featured on a flan. Yeah, I hate that kind of old world, kind of, it comes from the same sort of place as Fondant.

You know, you're like, what is happening? Mmm. Yeah. Yeah. So thick. So thick and unnecessary. Is vanilla slice part of this family? Now you're pushing it. Now you're really pushing it.

It is. I guess. Cause a vanilla slice is not a cake. It's not a cake. It is a pastry. It is a pastry, but it's barely a pastry. Barely. Imagine if it didn't have the top and bottom,

then it would be. It's almost a flan. It's almost just a flan. A flan with a fancy hat. That kind of falls into the Danish category of the top layer is so crispy, but then the bottom layer, you've completely destroyed. It's become cardboard.

You're never going to have a vanilla slice with a crispy bottom Oh, crispy bottom What about... I mean again this is more cakes have this issue but when you're like eating a cake or something and like the bottom is Something in that maybe it's a pastry it depends But when the bottom is so like hard you can't like get through it and then you push push push and then it like And kind of like, you know, it's fractured on your plate and you've made a noise in the cafe I hate that I think yeah they should never be a cake that is so hard to get through that you're making a

noise in the cafe I don't want to make a noise in the cafe I'm already covered in crumbs oh there she is pig woman now Don't break your plate there. I only got a few of those left. I, yeah. After last time. And then I guess a sausage roll is a pastry and I guess a pie is a pastry. No, we're doing sweets only. Who said that?

I said pastry. I was just saying, isn't that what we're limiting to? I'm sorry about that. Can you... Um, I don't know the answer. Well, if you said, oh, we're going to pull over and kui

rap for a quick pastry. What are you imagining? Because if it's... Does that include savory? Because I guess you would say pie. And I guess if we're saying pie, then pie is included and I don't think I would include apple pie as a pastry that's it's not the pie a pie yeah the only one that might fall into the category is Dana like I'm not a Danish pasty pasty what do you think about Cornish pasty?

I hate it. So obnoxious with that swirly top. I hate that. I hate that. I- What about- Yeah. The part, the pastry experience I had yesterday was so poor, not just because it was stabbed

with a tomato sauce dispenser. That woman, she made eye contact with you. The content was such a slurry. Like there was no clear defined vegetables in either, which is so yuck. I kind of have two minds because I do feel a bit sad when I see like a solitary pea floating in gravy. Makes me like,. See, I like that. Like 7-Eleven pasty, you know you're getting a P cause you'll see it. I hate the 7-Eleven pasty.

I would sooner go hungry and starve. Oh no, I like it. I like that. I just hate the, like the, those dank, like it makes me think I'm in like the prancing pony in or something. Like why am I eating this that's just disgusting you hate pasties I hate policies I actually think pasties need

to be eradicated from all old culture I'm like you're bringing nothing like spinach and ricotta roll has single-handedly carried the vegetarian offering of humanity, I would say, for the last 150 years. It can't be debated at this point. It's actually obscene though, the past is just still there. And I'm like, no one likes you, what are you doing here? You know, it's Kylie Jenner all over again. Oh, I'm a Jenner all over again. Oh Oh, bitch

My god, I saw Brenda last night at the Globe Pride Awards and She was like you've been doing that gay voice for last four episodes. I'm like to be fair this for ups is recorded over two days But um, it was the same 24 hours Yeah, she was like, yeah, but I was obsessed with it. And I was like, and she's like, I was also obsessed with listening to how much Cogent and Zelda both clearly hated that you kept doing it. And then we spent all last night doing it all through town hall. Oh my God.

That voice made me laugh a lot. Yeah, it's a problem oh but now I've got to stop I've got a stopper us it's gonna become an issue you can't overdo it otherwise people will start to tune out well I started tuning out a long time ago I want to just suggest one more, one more. The bucklava. Bucklava. That's my favorite.

You want juice? Get bucklava. There's no juice in a bucklava. It's so juicy. It is very buttery. It's dripping. It's dripping with honey. It does have a syrup.

Yeah. It's like either honey or... Yeah, yeah, that's what I mean. Ah, I was just saying. You said juice. I was like, what are you talking about? That's actually the... I can describe it as juicy. ...toxic combination of sticky pastry crumbs.

Yeah. Do you know what I think has really coloured my experience of baklava, which I do enjoy quite a bit, but that it's always served alongside Turkish delight, which I abhor. And so I'm like, you know, I love you. I just wish your friend wasn't always showing up cause I don't like her and she's so obnoxious.

Do you think that's what people say about us? I just think we're in this situation. Oh no. I think depending on the circle, both could be true. But you know what's awful is that while we were waiting for Zelda to come on this zoom, we were going through Samsung TV and we stumbled upon the 24 hours of Project Runway and that was taken aback because he was like, I didn't realize what this show was. Aren't they meant to be models?

And I was like, I didn't realize what this show was. Aren't they meant to be models? And I was like, no, and he's like, and where are the planes? And then I thought it was about airplanes. My God. Models on top of airplanes trying to walk while they're trying to take off. Anyway, but Tim gun and fucking, Michael Kors, Michael Kors and Tim Gunn were both on screen at the same time because the challenge was to make outfits inspired by Michael Kors purses in his store. And I was like, Matt, is this what it's like, like listening to these two gay men talk, listening to me and Zelda talk.

And then I had the horrific revelation that out of those two, I'm Michael Kors and you're Tim Gunn. Michael Kors would do like an annoying gay voice with his friends. Oh, he would never know. Oh, he would do it. He would make fun of Michael Kors. He would do that in a really dry way that that would do it. He would make fun of Michael Kors He would In a really dry way that that would be fabulous, but like it'd be really caddy about that faggot But yeah, Michael Kors would absolutely like hey guys

She looks like she looks like she's going to a quinceanera in the future She looks like she's going to a quinceanera in the future. What? She looks like a cross-dressing bro. A vampire who grew up on a bicycle. Not a woman in America wants to have a bigger ass. Teenage well. Yeah. Teenage well.

Like the man himself. Okay, quickly, let's pick a pastry. Wait, what's your favorite? Oh, oh, oh! I think it's gonna be, I think it is to me, can I do like a, you know, a spinach and ricotta triangle? Bit, we've already got the 7-Eleven spinach and ricotta roll in the bunker. Yeah, but they're very different propositions.

Look, that is actually so true. I can't believe I miss work in such a way, I'm sorry. Cause the triangle, I can serve it a party. And it's covered in filo. What was that? It's covered in filo. Well, it's actually not a filo, is it? It's puff pastry.

Is it? Well, the time that I'm talking about. Yeah, it's puff. It's puff pastry. Yeah, filo is different? It's puff pastry. Is it? Well the time that I'm talking about. Yeah it's puff. It's puff pastry. Oh god. Yeah, filo is different. That's what Zelda had for lunch. Mmm. Yes, Kodak. Thank you.

What's a Pustizzi then? A Pustizzi is the one with filo. Is it? But this is, I'm talking about- Oh that's a Burek. Oh, we didn't even talk about Burek. We have no idea what we're talking about right now. Well, I'm talking about the spinach and ricotta triangles.

Okay, sorry. Keep going. Okay. And that was a sweet chili sauce, Javon. But only with that. I can't have it with two sauces. Sometimes sweet chili sauce is like, do you belong here? Like, I know it tastes good, but how did you enter this cuisine? Yeah. I think that you're being racist, really. Or at least xenophobic. I love that Lucy Lawless. Anyway. Yeah, no, I don't think it belongs that many meals. And you know what I dislike about this?

Maybe there's a few things I dislike about sweet chili sauce, but like that glass jar, you really have to like tap the bottom to make it come out. Yeah, I don't like that. And then if it's like sachet or something, it's just so like oozy. It always just kind of goes a bit everywhere. Yeah. And it's got, because it's like a regular fluid. It's got, it's got bumps and lumps. It's, it's got bumps. It's got a lot of, um, viscosity. Like it's quite thick. That's medium. So that's the, yeah. Wow.

Yeah. But you know what? And there's nothing worse in the world than like a shallow pool of a sweet chili sauce drying on a small little side plate in your sink and like the stench that hits your nose. And you're like, why? It's the same with tomato sauce. Sin of like chopping up tomatoes and then not cleaning the Chopping board and they're dried onto there the next day the devil very similar to sweetly

So yeah, I think the problem is that they only come in giant bottles. Yes It only comes in a giant bottle So when you buy it for like when you have spring rolls or whatever and then you've got this giant bottle in the fridge It's like what else can I put this on and then it ends up in other cuisines and you're like, oh Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, I'm kind of proud of it though like good for it like there was no it was never a foregone conclusion There was no, it was never a foregone conclusion. We'll consider it at source time. What source?

Um, okay. So, uh, I don't care. Sounds like, don't be ridiculous. Crucially, but, um, it is in stark contrast to my, uh, texture preference of all other things. So I don't know. Yeah. Well, maybe a croissant then I feel like I'm happy to just go for the OG, but I do like a spinning and ricotta triangle.

Oh, let's do that. To the offerings. Just to play. I love that. Okay. Well, let's take a break and we'll be right back. To love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love,

to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, Hello, listener. Welcome back. Hello. And can I say being in a fresh city on Grindr is always a wild ride. And being in Adelaide on Grindr is a really wild ride. Is it good? Are you the belle of the ball? There is a lot of activity, but none that I'm particularly interested in. Oh, you think you're better than it No

No But just no Have you not hooked up with someone for tonight? Have you not got your hookup ready to go? No, I like this is my third night Yeah Both nights so far. It's been like da da da da da da da da. And I'm like, actually the vibe is just like, not quite right. Like, I'm not gonna do it just to do it. Ugh, and no, no.

So. And QR. I don't know. What's wrong about the vibe? I don't know. Like there was this person on Friday who was very hot, but I don't know, he'd like been out and like was probably a little bit drunk.

And I was like, I don't wanna be around someone that's drunk, you know? I'm gonna spare myself. I don't know, this just hasn't been quite right. There was someone very, very cute, but he keeps working really, really late, like finishes at midnight, and then I have to be up at work at seven.

So that's hasn't quite worked out, but we'll see what happens anyway. Frustrating. Yes. But what I wanted to say is that there are a lot of profiles generally that will say like prefer blah, blah, blah, which I think is really fucked. Like, why don blah, which I think is really fucked. Like, why don't you, like, I just, comments on dating profiles that are exclusionary,

I think are bullshit, but anyway. Yeah, it's like you can self-select for that. You don't need to. Yeah, you don't need to broadcast to the world that you don't like black people. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I don't mean exclude for that, but I do mean just like, yeah.

You just, just like, yeah, just how about you, like you just focus on the things you do want. Correct. But the phenomena of like, my like using the word preference, like preference Preference isn't a requirement. Yes, yes. And it's such a strange thing because like prefer, I don't know, like guys 40 plus say, and okay, well, I don't know why I'm saying it like it's a hypothetical. I messaged someone earlier today who was like,

preference for guys 40 plus, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, okay. Well, I'm not 40 plus but that's your preference. It's not yeah. It's a reference deal breaker some reason and Then I messaged him and he was like hey You're out of my preference age range I was like, yeah, I'm aware Age range I think yeah, I'm aware if you know when you preference You know labor first on your voting card and how you go second preference got in That's kind of a situation could be working darling

I'm like anyway, we don't always get what we want. Well, apparently we do. Hey, you're not in my preference range Also, it's like what do you mean? You think like so much is gonna change in a few years that something like oh, yeah now you're working It's so right like what if I turned 40 next week? Yeah, then that would be fine that I don't know anyway anyway, I Sorry, I just Saw a notification forr or reminded me of that interaction earlier today. Well, it's good that you saw that. Lazy. Because, um, you missed out on Matt being awful. Um, okay, so. Okay.

We are talking about, in honor of my recent trip to Cannes and Zelda's recent trip to the pastry shop, of my recent trip to Cannes and Zelda's recent trip to the pastry shop. Which of these sweet treats is getting into the bunker from the Eddington red carpet at the 78th annual Cannes Film Festival. So Zelda, I'm going to reel off a few names and then you can select which of these people, imagining that the world is ending while I'm in the theater and

You're reaching down from the heavens to to save pardon one person that was there Other podcast works. Yes, so I'm gonna start giving you the names and we're gonna start at the very bottom John gonna Google these people or am I just going to choose from the most fabulous name? Well, I think you'll know I'm not going to read you all the names because I'm not going to read you a bunch of unknowns or people you will not know. Maybe you're starting to understand how you didn't end up on Getty. Everyone was looking for a podcast.

Okay, so yeah, this one you might not. Okay, so we'll start with Jeremy strong from severance Not severance from you know Succession successful. Yeah looking absolutely crazy in a bowtie and glasses He always yeah, no, no, I don't like him. You don't like that Like he's incredible, but no, 100 percent of suggestions you don't like. Is that in that first episode, it like opens with him like doing coke and getting in a car and being like all crazy, like macho.

Like banker dude, bro. Yeah. And like he he does tap into that, but then he's also not that like he's such a little bitch. That's what they're trying to say about Banker Dude Bros. Yes, but like, I don't know. I just never felt like the Dude Bro nurse got back to that very first scene like ever again. What about when he wrapped at his dad's birthday? Oh my God. That's so horrendous.

Anyway, so not him because of that scene and that thing that he acted in. Okay, good. He was the character. Okay. Like the head of the jury at this year's Cannes Film Festival, Juliette Bernouche. She's quite... I mean, fabulous name, Bernouche.

Which I obviously don't know how to spell. French actress. Oh, wait, she a French actress? Yeah. I know her. Yeah. She's in Amélie. There you go. She's in Chocolat. She was- Wait, is she also in Amélie?

I presume all French actors were in Amélie. No. Okay. But she was in Chocolat. I know this woman. She was 61 now. Miss Gagis is wearing kind of a veil. Okay. So that's your first two options. So currently you're saying, actually we'll do it this way. It's going to be like, you can pick one or the other. Okay. Like those TikTok videos. Okay. So Juliette Bernck like the tick tock. Okay. So Julia Benoist beats Jeremy strong.

So now it's Julia Benoist versus, um, the next person that I find that I think you'll have heard of, Oh, Joel Edgerton. Joel Australian. Joel. Yeah, absolutely not. No. Okay. So Julia Beno absolutely not. No. OK, so Juliette Benos wins.

OK, Juliette. I mean, like, I like him from Star Wars or whatever, but like, no, he wasn't Star Wars. You should give him something for that. Juliette Benos. I said, oh, or Natalie Portman. Oh, no. Oh, Natalie, you got to give it to Mrs. Armadala herself.

I do. I do. She was there. She's tiny. She's such a tiny woman. Okay. Natalie Portman or the original, not the original, the new girl with the dragon head to rune mara Rooney

Natalie okay, natalie ever heard of this woman Okay Natalie portman or julia garner, but you have to look up the dress that she was wearing and how crazy she was posing in it Okay, and what what what am I looking up Edinburgh? What? Julia Ghana it at Khan Eddington premiere she was also in wolf man Eddington, which I watched Which I watched, which I watched.

Don't know. That's not her. Yeah. No, we're not talking about Jennifer Ghana. Oh, that's what I thought. Jennifer Ghana was not at this particular event. Um, Julia Ghana was the one that got in drag. Absolutely not. No No, she got I actually saw this and I was like, Oh, she is the Silver Surfer. Um, yeah, she and she had been tapped to play Madonna in the Madonna directed by a

pick about Madonna. She's gonna be Madonna. She will. That was while Madonna was playing with the idea of like only I am the only person that could make a film about my life. But I assume that's why she's had that insane Madonna hair for the last 10,000 years. I mean, this pose is incredible. You need to explain. She looks like a sludge creature that's crawled out of a sewer and then you know what

this pose is giving me this pose encapsulates that what happens sometimes it does happen to me when you're performing and you feel and think or maybe like posing for a photo like this. And you're like, I am. Giving this like couture pose or like you're performing and you're like, I'm like really connecting with the song and da da da. And then you go back and look at the photo or video and it's like you're a plank of wood. So describe the pose for the listener at home.

OK, so she's wearing a full length, quite like body fit gown that is covered in fringe. It's a beautiful kind of like lavender lilac shade. It's not like cowboy fringe. It's like razzle dazzle fringe. It's like, but it does also read like a sludge monster. Then, well, that's it. It does look like she's ripping off Madonna shade hair with a dark lip.

Wow. She's holding almost no expression. One shoulder slightly cocked up, hands on hips in a very awkward, not striking the pose pose. Like she was trying to find nails through all the sludge. Correct. And the shoe, we can't see, but in this particular photo, we just see black and doesn't look very. It doesn't look like it. It is not very good. And this is head to toe Tom Ford. Okay.

Yeah. I mean, yeah. So I watched Wolfman with her in it, which is the like new Blumhouse, well not new, but the Blumhouse Wolfman, which is like the Universal monster movies because they did the Invisible Man and now they did the Wolfman. And let me tell you that they were trying to like do like a full prestige-y moment and she was playing the mum and God she was fucking terrible and the whole vibe was off for this movie

Damn. Yeah, it was not it Anyway, so Natalie Portman or Angelina Jolie Shit Shit Anyway, so Natalie Portman or Angelina Jolie? Shit. Shit! Oh shit! Lara Croft? Or Princess Amidala? In terms you'll understand. I think it has to be Angelina.

Okay. Yeah. So when I was taking over Angelina, they, they all go and do like a little signing section where they sign autographs for people in the pig pen and for the fans in the big brand. And she signed and then she was getting like rushed off by security to go and start walking the red carpet and she was holding someone's pen, but she'd like move down the line with that one person's pen. And then she's a fucking thief. and she turned around and she was like

Looking for someone to give the pen to no one was actively taking it because it wasn't that pen and then she just like Handed it to the security guard who didn't take it at first and then she just walked away. It was crazy That's that's my contribution I that. I like that a lot. Okay. Angelina Jolie or Emma Stone. Angelina Jolie. Okay. And do you have anything to say to that or no?

Nothing. I have nothing to say about Emma Stone other than no, nothing. Oh no. No, nothing. No. Move on. Okay. Angelina Jolie or director of hereditary and midsummer, Ari Aster. Toni Collette.

Ari Aster. I can't imagine what you mean. No. Angelina Jolie? Why would you even ask me that? Okay. Are you crazy? Angelina Jolie or what kid?

What kid? What kid? What kid? What kid? What kid? What kid? What kid? What kid? No, Angelina Jolie, why would you even ask me that? Okay. Are you crazy? Angelina Jolie or Joaquin Phoenix? Angelina. Okay.

Angelina Jolie or Pedro Pascal? Angelina. Oh. And I hope she slaps Pedro. Okay. And for the final one, Angelina Jolie, second to last one, Angelina Jolie or Austin Butler. Oh, no, absolutely not. Angelina. Okay. And finally, I don't like that Butler. No, I don't like him at all. I'm like, I, you can smell the Disney

channel all over him. Yes. Angelina Jolie or the bee that ran up to Emma Stone. No. How could you ask me that? She was wearing head to toe bee. Bee and a bee. Oh, okay. Oh no. Okay. She flew a long way. She's near the ocean. There's not many flowers. There's already so many bees in the bunker. One more, but this is the Queen, male bee. No, level her heads must prevail.

And it has to be Angelina. I'm so tempted. Listen, you look at the photo that Matt just sent you in the chat. I saw the video like maybe five times. Because it's a photo of Emma Stone. You know what? This actually, and this is, I'm bringing brought back to the video

because that fucking Butler was in it. And I was like, why is he there? Get out of this moment. No one wants to be sharing the bee with you, Butler. So because of that, and it's not the bee's fault. See? No, he's not fun. He could give a shit about the bee. Yeah, whereas the other two this I will say for Emma

She's a big supporter. She's into it. No one says into it as Pedro, but that's fine. He's bisexual He loves the man. Everything you just say was nonsense. If a time traveler heard you say that they would fucking kill themselves The B not Austin Butler, but Pedro does. He's bisexual. They're like, what's bisexual? Why are they letting non-white people in films? Yeah. Wait, what did you say?

Something about the white top she's wearing? Say that time traveler might be confused by their non-white people. I fucking hate what she's wearing. I think it's so... You're talking of course about what Emma Stone is wearing, which is a giant bib. But it's so not cunty. Like it's... and it's such an attempt. At cunty? Yes.

But no. You know what this wants to be is that thing that bug eyes water that premier that time. You know what I'm talking about. She's got the same hair cut. Taylor joy. It's just yes, her hair is just like middle part pixie cut. Yeah, you know, it's her night.

Who's her night? No, sorry. And again, I know it's not the bee's fault that the bee was near such mediocre celebrities in this moment. But you know who else's fault? It's definitely not Angelina's. She wasn't anywhere near that butler.

Yeah. So it's Angelina. She definitely kept her space. Incredible. OK, well, and that's it. Angelina Jolie is walking into the bunker and taking someone's pen. That's so hard. I love Angelina Jolie and not just for Lara Croft.

Lala Croft. Um, for Girl Interrupted as well. And hackers. What? What? Uh, what did you say? For Girl Interrupted as well. Oh, I thought you said, oh my God.

Listen, I mean, I know that you know that we're not in the same room, but I really thought you said she's known for being the girl with the chocolate as well. Famously. Famously, she was holding that little choccy that time. I thought it was very funny that she, I think she's almost too famous.

She kind of unbalances this entire premiere. And maybe that's just what the Khan vibe is, but like, she's just like, I'm like, I'm sorry, dear, but you kind of eclipse these other Divas. That, yeah. Like just for star, star wattage. Oh, absolutely. It's too much.

I'm paralleled. Yeah. Okay. Great. Oh, that's the final thing I was going to say is on, on the subject of stealing pens. Um, you know, when you re-enter Australia and they are like, now you need to feel like your customs declaration form, give you that passive aggressive orange piece of paper and they

give it to you with no pen. And suddenly you're like, do I have a pen in my bag? Because it's suddenly a legal requirement for me to have put a pen in my bag. And it was like, what the fuck is this? And like when I was traveling, like they didn't give me one in English and I was like, what the fuck is this? And like when I was traveling, like they didn't give me one in English

and I was like, okay, well, great. So we're already off to a rock. The pen wasn't in English. No, I couldn't write a single thing. But then when I got off the plane, I was like, okay, well, we'll just do it at one of the kiosks. Get to the kiosk. They have probably, I would say in the ballpark

of 2000 of these cards just set up, ready to go. Incredible. They have two pens. Yeah. And they're not tethered to anything. They don't even seem to be of the same ilk. And I walked up to both kiosks, both had the same issue, for a plane that was disembarking I don't know 300 people and they were all people that needed to fill out this form

That there was no pens provided any point to do and so I'm like and we all need to now get through security I'm like what the fuck is this system Ikea gives you pencils for less important stuff For figuring out what youschlatt you need. Don't talk about Billy bookcase that way. And so I woke up to the security gal and I'm like, is there somewhere to get a pen, given that it's a matter of national security? And then she was just like,

I didn't say that by the way, as agitated as I was. I was like, hi, can I get a pen? And she was like, I only have one. And I was like, I didn't mean from you. I just meant like, shouldn't this entire system hinge more on just like one person having a pen in their bag at the time you give out this form that is written on a piece of paper instead of, I don't know, the billions of dollars you've sent on the fucking computer kiosks that we also have here today.

You could easily get the fill out on that as well. I don't know, maybe it's just an idea. And she was like, yeah, you can borrow my pen, but like, make sure I get it back. And I was like, for fuck's sake! It's a shortage. Yeah, so I go and fill out this form and people start queuing up behind me thinking that I'm using one of the kiosk pens and the entire time I'm filling it out I'm like, oh my god, I'm about to have to walk away with the pen and look like I'm not even like of the people. You're stealing the pen. I'm stealing the pen.

Now I'm stealing the pen. And so I'm like leaving and then I go and give it back to her and all these people are watching me give it back to her and they're like pig. Anyway, I just like Melbourne Airport, Tullamarine Airport is the fucking worst airport to go through in the entire fucking world. The luggage is always fucking late. There's 10,000 things that need to get done. The kiosks don't work. It sucks. It's so awful. And the people that come up to do the questions about, hi, like, are you bringing anything into the country, come up to you while you're at the terminal.

They started doing this, like pre-interviewing people before they even get to their little houses, their little gates. And so while you're at the, like, you've just gotten off, what is a 16 hour flight and someone comes up to you while you're looking desperately for your luggage, hoping that it still exists. And they're like, what, why are you in Australia? What are you doing here? Why are you here?

And I'm like, dude, there is just no version where this is helping, you know, keep quarantine matters. Like back off. It was so rude. Anyway, that's me on pens and Angelina, I feel for you that's why you stole that pen. She knew she was coming to Australia later. Mm. Undoubtedly.

She knew she had to fill out more forms later oh we're never doing that in the bunker no form no for until we do which form of course didn't have one form but for now they're really living it up yeah it's a nightmare surely needs to get its forms together I mean after the election I was like dudes, what are you talking about? This piece of paper doesn't fit on the table you've supplied Angelina you're in you're in Listen up.

We'll be right back. Also the bee is getting nuked now. Oh no. Can't we put them both in? No. You have to live with that. If the roles were reversed, which they're not, would you put in Angelina or the B? Well, I don't think Angelina would have made it to the top of my list.

Who do you want? Ari Aster? No, no. He's too neurotic. I want Emma Stone. She's, oh no, Emma Stone or no, Pedro Pascal. Maybe Pedro Pascal or Emma Stone. She's oh no Emma Stone. No, no Pedro Pascal. Maybe Pedro Pascal Or Emma Stone. I think they both seem fun. Whereas I don't think I want to hang out at a party with Angelina I think she seems like work

She seems like a lot of work She's gonna talk to me about something. I'm not gonna know what she's talking about. I'll be like, oh, that's great You know what she's talking about i'll be like oh that's great you know what i mean listener aren't you glad how things played out in this segment okay let's move on okay Hello, everyone. Welcome back to a lifestyle podcast about two celestial goddesses guiding you through your apocalyptic wasteland. My name is Lazy Susan. Thank you so much for joining us. I'm so sorry to interrupt you there, Lazy Susan. My name's Zolder Moon and we'd love to curate for you this, something from this final topic for discussion today. Which, Lazy, what was that again?

The final topic for today is, you know, just in keeping with our theme, which thing from Khan, my experience, gets in? Which thing? And, you know, there's only one answer for this, so I think it's going to be nice and easy. It's going to be that awful woman that was awful to me. Oh, yes. I just can't, we can't not have her.

That's incredible. Um, do wait. So where does she live again? Sydney, Sydney, Sydney, Sydney. She could conceivably be a guest one day. I kind of think I want that. Yes. I'm kind of obsessed with her

Did she interact with with Lauren at all No, she didn't have the the opportunity No, yeah, so that was a shame. Annie had already stabbed her with a fork. No, I think she was watching Annie have a response and then, yeah, wasn't able to get past her rage wall. Oh God, I love that. I mean, yes, it can't be denied. Were there any other contenders that you interacted with in France that could rival this woman?

I mean, there was this incredible woman who worked at the pharmacy who sent me to Claire's when I went in looking for nails, fake nails. And she was like, oh, you know where you should go is Claire's. We went up to Claire's, got the nails and then I was like, oh, you know where you should go is Claire's. We went up to Claire's, got the nails, and then I was like, oh shit, I actually need razors as well so I can kill myself after this. And so then I went up to, back to the pharmacy and she was like, oh, hello again.

And we're like, hello, sorry, I forgot one thing. And then she was like, oh, that's absolutely fine. And then we went in and she showed us where that was. And she was like, once again, incredibly helpful, just like so lovely and glowing and just the most impeccable, like 40 something woman. And then we left and then like immediately after we were like, oh fuck, we actually do need some sunblock

because we have run out. So we went back in for sunblock and she's like, oh fuck, we actually do need some sunblock because we have run out. So we went back in for sunblock and she's like, again? Oh, ha ha ha ha. Blah, blah, blah. And we're like, yeah, sorry, we just liked it so much the first two times. And then she got us the sunblock and she's like,

oh, thank you. And they were like, amazing, blah, blah, blah. And then Annie remembered that she needed one more thing. I can't remember what the fuck it was, but we were just like, oh my God, are we about to do this? And it was about an hour later, we went back in and she was like, oh my God. And we were like, oh ho ho ho.

And then she's like, well, here it is, blah blah blah, ringing us up and then she's like, just so you know, we close at eight. As her little like sign off, which I thought was very charming. Yes, cause she's like like we'll see you again. Yeah, I assume we'll see you very soon But yeah, what a queen That's amazing. What was her hairstyle? Oh, it was actually perfect. It was like

She had what could be described as like they either are impeccably done store-bought salon highlights or just beachy highlights on a blonde head of hair and it was half up half down and she was just impeccably dressed. She had a button up shirt, some beautiful chinos. She just, and she looked stunning. Yeah. I love it.

Give me one more. One more, one shot. Give me one shot. I mean, other than the hot taxi driver, obviously. Oh, yes. Well, the last one I will give you was the man that we met who was telling us, I can't, I feel like I'm gonna identify him too easily by these, but it's too funny not to say.

But he was like, oh yes, like I'm in the world of horror. And we're like, oh yeah. And he's like, oh yeah, I've also made a few films too. And we're like, oh yeah. And he's like, well one's about, you know, I think it was Evil Mrs. Claus, she comes back for vengeance because Santa's died. I'm like, oh yeah, yeah. And then one's about a cursed advent calendar. And every time this woman opens up one of the doors in the advent calendar, a demon comes out. And that's incredible.

I fucking love that. I want to see that. You really have cornered your market on like this thing, but scary. And then he was like, yeah, I was like, what, like afterwards, like, why does that woman keep opening up that admin calendar? Like certainly after the first day, you'd have learned your lesson. Um, she's hoping for a little chucky. Angelina's got all the little chucky's I'm afraid.

Anyway, starring. Angelina's got all the little chockeys, I'm afraid. Yeah. Anyway. You're starring Angelina. That's how she got the reputation. She's on the cover, just finally gets it. But then he was like, and then I did this film, and then he showed us a picture, and he's like, it's about a sex worker working in the UK. And I'm like, oh, okay, well, that's interesting. And then the cover is a woman getting fucked by a chainsaw. And I'm like, I think at that point,

you don't say sex worker. I don't think that you're into respecting these women. How is the chainsaw gonna pay? Yeah. Uh, it's his bucks. these women. How is the chainsaw gonna pay? It's his bucks. His friends are paying. Okay, got it, got it, got it. But yeah, and he was like, it was kind of hard when we were making this one because I couldn't explain to my family what the film was about and my grandparents really wanted to go and see it. It's about a young woman. The end.

Just trying to make it through a day at work. That's amazing. That guy was really an experience and definitely part of the pantheon of bizarre film pitches because I saw on my Instagram when you walk through the main like floor the convention floor area there's like yeah all of these production companies that like are pitching all of their films and some of them are like I don't know the like Taiwanese like film, like one of their major production companies.

And so it's like, naturally I haven't heard of these films, but they like look relatively good. And then there's like random British or American distributor who's not high on the list. And you're like, these actors that you're saying are like top billing actors are like, I don't know, Haley Duff, the sister of Hilary Duff in a film. And she's like marquee idol level.

And then like they're just bizarre films. Like there's one which is like a hippo on the front and it says, hungry. And it's about, like this hippo like never forgets something like that and then like great yeah just bizarre horror films and things like that where it's like my daughter is a zombie and you're like I don't understand we've got to hear the fun. See this is why horror as a genre is so fabulous, because it's just, that can happen. Yeah, your advent calendar could be haunted. Oh.

I hope that each demon doesn't take up more than two minutes in that film, or she blasts through like three of them in one little section. Greedy, you can't open up before the day. I'd be releasing all the demons at one. Ripping off the whole front. Oh, I hate it when people do that.

Oh, that makes me, it's like you're ripping down the beautiful, fabulous sets. True. Open up door by door. Yeah. If you're going to take them all out on one day, you gotta go door by door. Yeah. That is the joy that's part of what you purchased. A perforated paper being slowly cracked by my long acrylic nail.

That's what I paid for. There is nothing more horrendous, maybe on the planet or in the entire history of it, than perforated, like poorly perforated like poorly perforation and how can it be that every single carton of washing powder is poorly perforated yeah never have I cleanly pulled that tab back and it not be ruined. Yeah. No, it's terrible. It's almost like they want you to do it. So you buy it again until you get it right. To just give another shot.

But that's not my fault. That's their fault. Well, go a bit slower. No, I know your clothes are stinky and you're in a rush to get the stink off you by the end of your long day. And you're using your teeth to perforate the vapor because you're so stinky. Your hands are covered in shit mud sushi flavor but you

need to wait Zelda be patient I pull it really slowly and it always tears like oh how do you go with toilet paper in the cup it you know yeah with the toilet paper perforation how do you go that's the thinnest perforation there is but I feel like it's quite easy to get right yeah yeah until you leave like half of one ply behind the only hard part is the first one oh yeah that first sealed do you know that that's the fabulous thing about France is that all the toilet papers pale pink. I'm not joking. Why? That's amazing. They just sell, that's just how the toilet papers to look is pale pink. Oh my god. It's so chic. Like a river dolphin. Yes. Like the dare ears. Yes. Like the hole is just in touch in some cases.

Wait, what? Like the hole? What? Oh, that it's destined to touch. Got it. Is that what you said? Yes. Oh, good. I agree. No, I have nothing else to say. Well, with that, I think we've done it. By George, I think we've done it. And what are we calling her? She needs a name. Well, I know her actual name, but um. All right, don't talk so. I'll give you a similar name.

Let me just find a similar name. Can you give us an anagram? Yeah. Okay, wait, just a second. I'll find an anagram. Let me go to anagram.com. Yes. Her name is going to be shut up. Is that the anagram? Yeah, I've already got it.

Matt, I hate it. I've already got it. Matt! I hate it. We gotta cut this whole bit out. She's Japanese. Okay. Can we just call her like Lucinda or something? Lucinda.

Well okay, Matt, bleep that anagram, bleep everything that just happened. I'm just cutting this whole section out. Don't cut it, bleep it. I want them to tantalize. Can you bleep it and then happened. I'm just cutting this whole section. Don't cut it, bleep it. I want them to tantalize. Can you bleep it and then say her real name? I wanna know it. Hehehehe. So her name is now Lucinda.

Okay. Good. Amazing. Wow. Bleep it Matt. Lucinda. Remember to bleep it. She...

I... Chow and down. Bleep that too. She's chowing down on a spinach and ricotta triangle, yeah With Angela is only We've got a pen of someone she can't remember who she got it from. Yeah, can she bring the pen? She's bringing the pen. Yeah. Yeah, but the B is done That's and you get that. Let's yeah. Listen, thank you for joining us this week.

Adios, mis amores. Wait, off. Off. Off. What? Wait, were you in France when Eurovision was on? Yeah. But I didn't see any of it. I just saw that Gojo didn't make it through. Gojo, oh, that milkshake man. That's something I don't normally say. I'm so glad he didn't make it through. I couldn't believe that he got in that blender

and didn't die. Oh, if only. I don't know anything that happened of the the actual show except a few of the videos I've seen but nothing significant. So I don't care too much but mama that um Baby Lasagna versus um career video like and performance is so like so amazing. I'm so obsessed with it. It's so Eurovision and trashy and incredible. And it was just like so good on that stage.

I loved it. I've listened to it on YouTube like maybe like 50 times. Incredible, incredible. So good. Oh, did you watch it? No, as I said, I hadn't seen any of it. I sent it to you and said, can we perform this? What did I say? You're a diva.

Nothing. Was I busy or doing something? I don't know. Can you, you got to watch it. And then we, I like, I really think we should do it. It'd be so funny. Okay. We'll watch it and then we I like I really think we should do it. It'd be so funny Okay, well watch it baby lasagna Yeah, and I actually I originally thought that I would be a better fit for baby lasagna and you could be carrier

But now I think we could both play either role and who's playing Michael Kors As you've been um Emma Stone no Julia Garner. Emma Stone could, Emma Stone could. Actually that would be incredible. I feel like she would actually do it. Like she has the coloring as well because she like is so red head. She would look like Michael Cork. Okay, and who's going to play the beat?

Jerry Seinfeld? He could. Goodbye. Barry B. Benson. Okay, bye everyone. See you in hell. Goodbye. Barry B. Benson. Okay. Bye, everyone. See you in hell. Bye. Bye, Zaudan. Miss you.

Bye. Hello. Well, that's the end of the podcast now, right? That's it. Death to Everyone was recorded by Matt Shears inside of my house and in an Adelaide hotel. Correct. Our theme song and music was provided by 80 centric and Angus Leslie. If you've got something to say to us, send it to us at death3rumpod.gmail.com. And won't for a moment.

You support us please at patreon.com slash death to everyone. Just to everyone. Bwa-wa. Zulangyo.