Death To Everyone - Death To... Pens, Nintendo 64 Games & Gifts

Episode Date: September 17, 2024

Hello You. I hope you're doing so well. Join us this week as we dance around some fantastic topics. Pen ink colour? Fear not, the time has come! Nintendo 64 and the games that defined her... but which is the best? Finally this week... the gift of gifts. What approach should dwellers of the bunker take when trying to win Bayonetta's heart? Tune in to find out... Follow us, won't you? ⁠⁠www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠⁠www.naturalhabitatstudios.com/⁠⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠⁠www.instagram.com/ediecentric/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103/

🎵 Ah, Lady Magra! It's us, the queens of your very own nightmare. How do you feel today? What have you done today? To make you feel proud. I wouldn't say you feel proud? I wouldn't say I feel proud. I feel good.

I feel the sun shining, which hasn't happened for some time. That's true. You know, it shines on me and it shines on my heart. I'm always having fun in the sun, but no one's sun is ever having fun in me. Damn straight. Oh, gosh. Hello, everyone. My name is Zelda Moon.

And I'm old Skelly. Oh, no, I'm just kidding. My name is Lazy Susan. Hi. I'm the best friend you've never had. And what's your name? Space Car Driver. Me?

Oh, Mr. Matt, the space car driver at your service today. Okay. You sound a bit robot-y in my ears. I can't tell if that's me or you. Well, he's a robot now. Zero, zero, one. You speak binary? Do you speak non-binary?

Just as I thought. And welcome to Death to Everyone. A podcast for your senses. We're somewhat of two celestial goddesses overseeing the destruction of planet Earth from the celestial void. That's right. And it's our duty to assess what humanity has created on this planet. Yes. And say, that's good.

Or, that's not good. That's bad. Yeah. And then we'll put it into a doomsday bunker to preserve it for the rest of time. Yes, it's so important to preserve some things. You know, like in a museum or in a little term kitschel. What about, I mean, yeah, I don't like marmalade or like gherkins. Oh, I love preserves.

They're so good, tasty. I like kimchi. Yeah, I like kimchi Kimchi chic Kimchi chic But yeah I don't like those Other ones

Yeah well you're not Going to survive very long In the bunker then Everything's preserved Everything Sardine cage Oh preserved I would love

You know like There's so many hobbies That I would like Love to get into And preserving things Is definitely one of them oh we could do that i know it's just it's too like the line like if you fuck up that hobby you could kill yourself so like to me it's like it deserves attention that perhaps i wouldn't be

able to give it but i love people that like make little preserves and like relishes and things oh it's so chic the thing that i do actually really want to get into that i think i will stained glass i want to learn how to make stained glass that's so cool and and that feels adjacent to existing you know dabbling of hobby craft because like soldering irons and stuff like that yes i think i would have to like do yeah a bit of a long course but they do one at the polytechnic and i think if my life ever is a bit quieter i'll do it that's fun but first because i bought that rug tufting gun i have to do that first yes there's nothing i can't do a single other thing until i've learned how to rug tuft well pack it up we're going home which's owned that gun for three years i know it's it stays in the back of my head i have like a little mental to-do list

that's number one what will be your first tufted rug well first i'll do a trial one okay just to practice technique yeah and then from there from there, I don't know, I want to make like bench seats with like covers to look like maybe like chocolate bars. Yeah. You know, like a tufted Mars bar and tufted sneakers or something like that. Yeah, fine. Or I don't know, something like, because I guess bench seats,

you need something that's a long rectangle. Yes. Maybe it could be like an ultra wide screen you know um clip from a movie i'm gonna say like tv screen but you know something what's long and rectangular long and rectangular focaccia okay well maybe no more questions at this point I wish that was true, Matt But we all know my face is a perfect square Perfect circle

Rounded square A rug Sorry? A rug is long and rectangular Sorry, Pete Yeah I'm going to make a rug of a rug Yeah

Get out Wow, okay Anyway, Suleyman Hello Now, it is our job here Are you going to make a rug of a rug? Yeah. Get out. Wow. Okay. Anyway, Suleñor. Hello. Now, it is our job here. We make the decisions, but we also first have to figure out what the apocalypse is, I suppose. We're jiving right in.

Well, do you have anything to say about your life? No. Wait, what happened with that dick? Wait, which one? That one. With the album that you opened up. Album. Oh, should I tell that story?

I think you're allowed. Oh, okay. Well, so last night, listener, there I was. Intimacy of your own bower. Yeah. Sat beneath your four-poster bed and it's sat in awning. Yeah. Well, actually, two things that tickled my fancy last night.

One. You held the candelabra close to your scribe. Yes. Um, was that when I left the house, cause I had a friend, um, I like left the,

uh, lounge room window open and my house is like on a hill. And even that room is quite elevated. So like from the street, you're really like looking up at the haunted house. And I have like a face hugger on the like chandelier in my lounge room so like it's always just crawling around but i had my lava lamp on which diffuses a reddish orange glow and from the street it just looked like this is halloween yeah and i thought that was quite funny and when i came home

i forgot that i did that and when i came home i forgot that i did that and then i was like oh i bet i'm the favorite of everyone around um i really am a delight but anyway then when i got inside and sat on the couch in the red light i was talking to some guy on grinder who then like his profile was very like straight, discreet, whatever. And like just like an obscured photo of him as a tradie. And then he sent his album, which like... What's his album? For the straight people. The Idler Wheel.

In the audience. On Grindr, you can like send photos or you can send like an album. And the album is just like a collection of whatever photos you want um anyway and so like they're all of his dick and then i come to this photo which is indeed of his dick but does feature his dick hovering above a naked man who has a swastika tattoo above his ankle. Yeah. And it feels like it's a, it looks like it's been photographed by Terry Richardson. It's a really intense flash.

This person is kind of in a fetal position. Yeah. And the swastika tattoos on the outside. Do you think that's like a shaming thing? I don't know. Cause it, I think the lines are too straight for it to be like pen. Yes.

I was like, maybe it's like, you know, like the load count or whatever. But it's not that. It's just a bad tattoo. It's so weird. That is weird. No, it was just not what I was expecting. And not a mention of why. Well, I wasn't going to bring up the swastika.

And he didn't bring it up. The swastika in the room. I just didn't really say anything after that. Just walked slowly away. Yes. That's good. Well, I see that. And that's enough for me.

Thank you. I think you've told me everything. And as far as red flags go, that is the one. That's pretty much the worst of them. Yeah. Yes. There you go. So, you know

What a stupid sick fuck Yeah Oh god I just I mean I suppose It's not him with the swastika tattoo But he put that in his album And was like this'll get the boys Yeah

Like what? He's got a point to make about himself And I just think if you're going to put that in the album, you're subtweeting a very specific type of person. And he's like, well, let me just look right past this and continue on our gorgeous romance. So crazy. Anyway.

What did you do last night, dear? Oh, I went out to a gig at a brewery And it was fabulous And it was called Reggie's Bar and Diner It was very Reggie's coded There were women there having the best night of their life And it was in Cheltenham And I parked, it's like an industrial estate kind of vibe

Parked like a block away So it was kind of spooky going back to my car Late at night yeah the girls there were like how do you walk in those shoes and the girls there were like where's your dick and i was like no there it is and the girls there were like oh you come and do a gig at my workplace. Oh, but her workplace has so many Asians working there. And I thought, you know what?

Fuck you. Fuck this fucking bullshit. Anyway, there was like a lot of, like, there was just people that were like raring to go on their bullshit. And I'm like. No. You picked the wrong diva. people that were like raring to go on their bullshit. And I'm like, no, you picked the wrong diva. But you know, when it's like those people like this,

this particular woman, it's like kind of just like regular worker day office lady. Yeah. The most like confounding part of her personality is the fact that she's a fucking raging racist piece of shit and you're like i just i don't know like i guess there is like that benign malignant kind of racism that is just like you are just a fucking racist and it just sits inside of your bones and it's not like fiery and it's not like nazi like you're not gonna march on it or anything

like you're not putting it into action you just sit it and put it in infuse it like steeping it in a tea of your personality yeah where it's like you just assume you're the fucking like dominant class and that you deserve everything and that you're allowed to just drop casual racism into your everyday life and it's like you fucking suck yeah crazy yeah especially when it's delivered like that because like this is my experience growing up from like small semi-rural world like of 18 years or whatever is like they're so used to saying stuff like that and people either agreeing or like not batting an eyelid yeah that it becomes so like off the cart like yeah like it's just whatever oh you really didn't even fucking flinch before you said that. Yeah. Yeah. That's like so fucking like closed minded and just like, yeah, when you don't have the exposure and you're in your own bubble of other

fucked people. Yeah. It like is so jarring when you encounter someone like that. Cause you're like, Oh, this is just, it's not even a thing for you to think and act this way i will say as well like the this woman said like oh yeah i work with all these asians and then she used a slew of racial epithets after that like yeah she was a fucking dyed in the wool piece of shit and it's like yeah you are sitting in your house just saying this shit day in day out and it's so fucking stupid like it is truly like

like it's like someone saying like that the equivalent of like oh there's like a yeah spaghetti monster in the clouds or whatever it's like you truly believe that there is a group of people that solely based on their race or where the fuck they're from are making your life worse but just through some magic yeah like what the fuck is wrong with you like are you like that's stupid like you were so fucking dumb not even like yeah once you take like the malicious bullshit out of, it's like you've been sold on this idea that this group of people are coming to this country to destroy your life. And it's like, come on.

They don't give a shit about you, fucking Susan from Brayside or whatever the fuck. It's like, piss off. Truly. Your life sucks because of you, huh? Like, well, I mean, that's the thing. But how much easier to blame anyone else? Yeah. Although I did start watching some of the Twilight Zone,

the new one by Jordan Peele, which is really bad. But it's just I love the original Twilight Zone so much. But the girl from Big Love with the heart-shaped face, Jennifer Goodwin, she was in an episode playing like an upper-class woman who had like a maid that she was – that was from South America who she got deported at the start of the episode. And then she got picked up at the supermarket after that, the mum who tried to get her maid deported,

and got taken to a holding cell because she'd stepped into the Twilight Zone. deported and got taken to a holding cell because she'd stepped into the twilight zone and um it turns out that she was also a like refugee from another timeline where they'd been like nuclear fallout or whatever and she'd come in as into this timeline as a child and didn't know that she was like a refugee she's an alien and yes she was the alien and then you know she managed to get out of the prison or the holding area when they were going to send her back to her timeline and then when she got back to her house her husband was there with her two children and he was like you're not who you said you were and then she gets taken away screaming back to her timeline, which is poisoned.

Wow. Yeah. Twilight Zone. And then you're like, just another adventure into the Twilight Zone. The scary door. Yeah. Yeah. I like that.

Yeah. Hmm. Oh. So many skeletons. Yeah. We've all got a little nice ice cold drink today. Poor Jennifer Goodwin. Drinking skeleton. Okay, sister.

Yes. I think we have just cause to end the world this week after that discussion. Yes. So how is it going to happen? In Ted Chiang's iconic short story, Exhalation, it is set in a world where it's told from the perspective of these robots who just live in their robot world and they run off the power of air pressure. And it's kind of told from the perspective of this scientist robot

who opens his own brain up to figure out how their consciousness exists. And he finds out that the way that their consciousness is generated is through blowing these little like ultra light gold leaf shards, like in, in inside of the brain that creates like the unique organic patterns that form their thoughts and consciousness. And so it requires that they have air circulation. So they go and every single being in this world goes to these air tanks

that are like refuel stops to fuel themselves up with more air pressure to continue to have an existence. And so they're all kind of immortal beings in this way because they just take it from these air supplies underground and then because he discovers how the consciousness works and then slowly realizes that the air that comes up from beneath their world is like because they're in like a sealed universe that air pressure once it reaches an equilibrium like the the air on the other side

and the air on the inside of their universe stop like is balanced it won't flow anymore and that all the air pressure will stop and so they realize that there's kind of a end state that's going to happen eventually and that essentially when they run out of that air, they will no longer be able to produce their consciousness. And so they'll all slow down until eventually they just come to a halt and their entire universe freezes and is just still for the rest of time. And that's what I would like. and that's what I would like.

Just like a slow loss of energy that eventually, like everyone is just frozen in place. Like gargoyles. Yes. Cool. Yeah. And so they all just come to a stop. Are they like, do people like crouch down and like,

cause they're exhausted and like, so they're kind of in like resting positions? No, I think it's very like people frozen on an afternoon walk or like getting out of bed or sipping a juice that has long since, you know, evaporated or whatever. But yeah, all the energy is like devoid, gone. Except in a little bunker that conserves the last pieces of energy to keep us moving. We have energy barriers just for this occasion.

Yes. Yes. Yeah. I like it. Yeah. Cool. It's like a slow freezing. Slow freezing.

Yeah. Cool. And then it goes cold and dark. Cool. It's a slow freezing. Slow freezing. Yeah. Cool. And then it goes cold and dark. Oh. Across, you know, because there's no energy in the universe. So light is energy. True. The sun dies.

Yeah. Whoa. It's just still. Well, on that note Nothing Nothingness Nothing Nothing

I'm not nothing We'll be right back Goodbye To the world To the world To the world Hello. Welcome back, everyone. Listener, are you enjoying the turn of seasons?

The turning of the tides Answer me You're always so quiet, listener I know Frozen We're speaking into the frozen tundra No, it's already happened The tundra of time

I do love that episode of Twilight Zone Do you know that Oh well they did it in Futurama Where the guy is like I wish I had more time to read my books And he works in a bank And everyone's always at him for reading his books And his wife is a shrew

Who's like oh Roger get your head out of those books You're always reading those books And then his manager is like Oh Roger I can't believe you're always reading your books here there you'll go again and then he's like i just want to read in bees and so he goes down into the bank vault and closes the door and he's like oh finally these fucking people are quiet and he's reading his books and then he doesn't know that a nuclear bomb drops on the united states of america and everyone dies and then he doesn't know that a nuclear bomb drops on the united states of america and everyone dies and then he comes out of the bank vault which has been sealed and protected

and the whole world is decimated and like all that remains like pieces of bits and bobs and he's like really sad and he's like but there's time now and then he goes to the library where all the books are still safe because the library is such a sturdy building. And he goes through and he's like, aerobics, animals, Greek theology. I have time. I can read all of them. And then he takes down his book and goes and sits on the library, starts to start reading because he's also found food at that point,

so I don't think he's worried. And then he leans down to start reading and his glasses slip off his face and smash and he can't read because his eyesight is terrible and he's like it's not fair it's not fair there was time now i do remember that one yeah that's good it's so good But not as good as our first topic for discussion, which is, which pen color is going into the bunker? Oh, brave, important and brave. Which ink? I care about this. I hope.

I do. Yeah. I do. Okay. So, I think that there is something wrong with people who write with blue ink by choice. Yes, yes. What the fuck is going on there? What for who is that for i think it's definitely out of vogue now okay that's good because growing like when i was in school you would have like blue pen red pen black pen yeah and like you were told to

write with blue pen it was like that's the thing yeah obviously if you were cool you would write with black yeah why blue yeah why blue i don't know that is interesting i do like red for making corrections or giving out grades yes oh it can be such a um like black ink, unsurprisingly, you know what color you're going to get, right? But red can be like such a bright, like cherry red. And it could be such a deep blood. Yes. Yeah. Well, listen, I mean, like, I think it definitely, it should be a black ink.

But I think, I mean, I'm a major Pilot fan. I think they do the best black biro. I hate, hate, hate, like, the Lamy, like, fountain pens. I think are too, like, they don't dry fast enough the ink is too wet and it's so schmear prone that it's like i don't know who's writing that slowly that's allowing it time to dry yes so it's like i just and i don't like the fussiness of it yeah also i think a pen the it's one of the things that doesn't get better as it gets more expensive. It's just like, I don't need it. Like, pens need to be able to be lost, I'm afraid.

That's just part of the fucking thing. What about those, like, pens that have, like, 20 colors and you, like, click them in? Quite the innovation, really. Truly. Did you ever have such a pen? I did. Oh, you did? Of of course i didn't i mean my parents my mother was a university lecturer my father was teacher you think we

didn't have access to stationery we didn't have money darling but we had stationery i had like gel pens like colored gel pens i hate them I kind of transitioned from like using them to write To using them in like illustration Like the white can be good for like a highlight Oh white is the exception White is good And then the fantasy of like metallic pens But like they just are not it

I don't know there was definitely like The girls in grade 6 and 5 Were able to make them look so chic with their like bubbly handwriting. But like, I just think it's fussy. Yeah. It's distracting from the words, you know? Right. If you need that, then you need that.

But I don't know. My words can stand on their own. That's right. What? What? What? What about what kind of like point size do you like? Because I do not like a pen that is super, super, super fine. Like scratching the paper kind of fine point.

Point zero, zero, one. Yeah. Yeah. No, I think the standard, which is a 0.5 or 0.8. I don't know. I don't know. But I think that's quite good. Yeah.

But to me, yeah. I mean, like if I'm working with a pencil, it's got to be sharp. Oh, yes. Like the sharpest possible pencil. Would you use a blade or a sharpener? A sharpener is preferred unless I'm working with my colored pencils, in which case a blade or a sharpener a sharpener is preferred unless i'm working with my color pencils uh in which case a blade is preferred but um but yeah sharpener is a must for like an hb pencil i had an electronic sharpener growing up that's that was like

it was so good i I fucking loved that. I think a good sharpener is next to godliness. Oh yeah. Actually, we just, at work, we have a new like pencil sharpener. I should get one for you. It's really good. I mean, my UD one is working real well. Okay.

Yeah. I don't get why brands have stopped putting out like wood pencils. It's so stupid. I hate those new liner pencils that have plastic. Yeah. That sucks. Because you can never get them sharp. Yeah.

I agree. I agree. It's like, when did we agree that this was okay? Yeah. I wonder why the move is happening that way. I guess it's because plastic is cheaper than wood. Eval. Eval. Eval?

Oh, sorry, Eval. She did that? She did. One of her many rulings from Adelaide. Do you know, I was at my friend's recently, and he only uses mechanical pencils, which I think is, like, crazy. As in, like, where you load the lead and stuff? That's too much for me

Would you Unless I'm pretending that I'm injecting myself Which is so good I mean that is what you do with pencils like that Yeah And then you like poke it out to see like Is my skin strong enough to stop the mechanism? It's not

Wait what? What? What did you say? Where like you put the nip up against your skin And then you press it to make it come out To see like is there resistance of my skin enough You know And is it?

No, usually And it goes into you Delicate skin No, but it like pushes the pen back Matt, anything to say on pens? I think you've just got to decide Yes What type of pen

Like, are you using an ink pen? Are you using like a biro? Like a ballpoint A quill, as discussed We do have a quill A dipper We do, I mean, I A dipper

Like, I love just writing with Felt tip Felt tip Yeah, I love just writing with... Felt tip? Felt tip. Yeah, I love just writing with a Sharpie, like the fine point, like 0.5 Sharpie, because I like how inky and thick it is. That's crazy. Calligraphy pen?

You know, like a nice thin to thick? I don't like that. No. Like an actual ballpoint pen, I really don't enjoy. It's too slippery. Yeah, well, the ink doesn't come out properly. No. Like an actual ballpoint pen, I really don't enjoy. It's too slippery. Yeah, well, the ink doesn't come out properly. Yeah. You got to rub it on your hand for ages and then get it going,

you know what I mean, get the ink rolling out. Yes. I like the pens that have got a canister of ink inside the pen. No, see, that's it. That's too wet. That's good. It comes out just nice and scrawly. You can just scrawl and whatever.

But then it doesn't dry and it smudges. What if you're writing on, like, a shiny card? No, I found that even on... Paper that isn't absorbent is so crazy. Who is making that? But I think you want, like, a middle ground. Because you want it to have, like, a nice flat finish, which sometimes, like, they have to sacrifice absorbency

When did you get your pen license in school? Grade 3 Grade 3? Yeah Jesus What about you? Well, because I went to a Steiner school Oh no

We were only allowed crayons For a long time What does that have to do with nature? Well, they're made of wax Oh Yeah And we weren't allowed black at all No one was allowed to have black crayon or anything dark like brown

Why is that? We were only allowed to have red, blue and yellow to start off with Why? And then we got other colours like in grade three probably We got like green and purple and stuff. This week we invented green. And then our first pen was a quill, actually. A quill with a, we had a peacock cage at our school.

We had peacocks at the school and we had to go and collect our own feather and then cut it, turn it into a quill and then we would like dip it into ink. Interestingly, you left this out on the feather episode, Matt. Yeah, I forgot about that until this week. Oh, my God. And then after that, we were still only allowed to use pens that you'd, like a fountain pen essentially where you dipped it into. No, no, no.

It had a little canister inside that you filled up with ink. Yeah. And then you would plug it into the end of the fountain pen and then you'd close it up again. That seems more dangerous for children to have that much ink. Yeah, there was lots of ink accidents. I can imagine. There's nothing worse than being betrayed by a pen.

True. Like, ugh. True. True. But I think that wasn't until like grade five, potentially. Yes, right. Well, yeah, I'd say Upway Primary School was a bit different in its administration. Well, at what level were you allowed to have like purple? Purple.

I don't think we were ever allowed that. Probably for the best just um black and white and blue i speaking of pens betraying you i hate that on an airplane especially for international travel you like have to have a pen on your person which is such an antiquated when they hand you the fucking it's like here's your form But good luck Unless you carry a pen at all times That is so stupid Who does that?

You couldn't give me a little Qantas pencil? Right Not that I've ever been able to afford to fly Qantas But you get it No one Like if Ikea can have pencils in a dispenser I was gonna say Which they don't do anymore

Really? Yeah That's out now Because now they do it with phones If Ikea can have pencils in a dispenser. I was going to say. Which they don't do anymore. Really? Yeah. That's out now. Because now they do it with phones. It costs too much for them. It costs them nothing. But that is so fucking evil.

And the way they're like, go on. Yeah. You're like, excuse me. Sorry? And they're like, do it now or five hours later when you land. And you're trying to scurry to the bag drop area. It's so stressful. When I was flying around last year, there were so many times because I also didn't want to put a pen in my bag

in case it exploded on the flight. That's a normal and rational thing to think. I think. They explode in your pocket sometimes. They'll look in my pocket. And yeah, then when you get off and you still haven't filled it out and you feel like you're going to be arrested and then like there's the bit where like,

oh, if you were so stupid that you don't have a fucking pen on you on the plane, you can fill it out here. That's so awkward and everyone's looking. I also just hate that there's like one old lady that pulls a pen out of her purse because she's fabulous and prepared and then you all have to lend her pen i'm like i don't want to be full like we've made it this far it's been 12 hours maybe we said hello when you sat down it's not time for us now to like be sharing this pen around yeah Pen around. Yeah. No, I hate that. What about that Ikea pencil? I love that Ikea pencil.

Maybe that's the pen that we should put in the bunker. That's a pencil. Yeah, but. Oh. Oh. Sorry, there's a wild animal in here. It's your year today. Are you okay?

I'm fine. Oh, what happened? I had a sneeze. Oh. Are you okay? I'm fine. Oh, what happened? I had a sneeze. I do love everything about the little IKEA pencil. It's so sharp and short. We're such a weird time in our lives, in the history of the world, where things are just not free like that anymore.

Where are the bonuses? Where are the little fabulous things like a free pencil for visiting Ikea? You know? I mean... Right? I think. Come on. It's news to me that there's no longer a thing.

Phased out. I'll never go to Ikea again. No. Well, Ikea is a hellscape. It is. Fuck. I hate that place. I like, ah.

It's a nightmare. People there? I think it's like the people. The people, but the people watching is the entertaining part. Because you get to watch relationships deteriorate before your very eyes. People, the way that people conduct themselves inside of Ikea is criminal. It's crazy. Those people should be shot, stabbed, and then dragged through the town square.

Yeah. Through Ikea. Because people, like they're not even, like they see that they're in a space filled with other people. They're not even, like, they see that they're in a space filled with other people. And the way that they walk down these tiny, crowded little fucking ushkot and dipflur hallways. Malm. Yeah, it's so, it's obscene. It's like you are three wide.

Yeah. You, your mother, and your girlfriend are taking up the entire fucking thing. And you're walking at this pace that I've never even encountered except for at the apocalypse when all the energy runs out. You're frozen in space. And I'm like, you need to realize that it's time to drop down into a single file or make your way off into a side area to have this discussion about whether you need pots and pans

for your new house like get out of the fucking way even today like we were at the botanic gardens earlier which famously have very wide footpaths because the only activity there is walking and like i am one person at this point walking around. And like the amount of times that I had to like physically stand still so that a glacier could walk past me in the opposite direction because they were like four, five wide. That's crazy. And like it, where, like, how are you getting the moment of this? Where does that lack of awareness come from? Yeah.

Yeah. Where does that lack of awareness come from? Yeah. I'm like, because like I, when I'm walking down a footpath with a group of people, I'm very like cognizant, like we're a group of people. So it's important to at least allow a lane of traffic to be able to get around you. But sometimes you're walking towards someone

and they don't even pretend like they're going to move. And for a while i was like fine they're just gonna walk into each other and you like fake them out like you really have to get quite close to them before they realize you know i'm not doing it i've done it all my life you are moving today sir and it's always boys yes like they just are like no i'm walking this is my time to walk And you're like Yeah but

You're in the way Yeah So pens So fuck the people of Ikea Yeah Fuck those people Yeah Also

They didn't even have pens anyway so No exactly Exactly Exactly My I have like a German relative From my dad's side of the family. He, no, like my, I don't know what he is to me, maybe my like. I don't know what he is to me.

Uncle or something. But he married a German woman, Regina. German woman, Regina. And she, they came over in the mid-90s when I was like about a child. And eBay had just begun, right? And I remember like she was my first introduction to eBay, like this fabulous website where you buy things. But she had set up or like been like transitioning her business onto eBay and she was a pen dealer.

And so they came over for this like big Aussie trip and that's when we met her and blah, blah, blah. But I remember like she gifted me and my brother these like fabulous pens. And at the time I was like like in what world is a job pen salesperson yeah because of it as a child you're like fireman policeman uh whatever you know yeah pen seller isn't really on that list um but yeah like through my life My life She has continued to be an incredibly successful pen She's money laundering, I'm afraid That's a lie

How weird is that? She gave you pens, you and your brother? Yeah What pens? I think I still have it at home I don't know, it's just like a pen Fuck Yeah

But like It's like like a pen. Fuck. Yeah. But like, it's like quite heavy. Okay. I remember mine was blue and my brother's was green. And I was really annoyed about that. I really was like waiting for the fabulous part of the story to take hold. But where is it? She's a pen saleswoman.

Yeah. But she didn't give you a nice pen. No. She's bad at her job. I think we have the, like, I mean, like, wait, maybe that. No, we have merchandise that is sexy pens, which if you're listening, you probably already know that. But that was born of a fascination with stripper pens,

which I think are so cool. Known in the industry as floaty pens, where you take half of the stuff of the hilt of the pen and then turn that into like a little aquarium and you put inside of it whatever you want, floating objects. And they've innovated on the technology, I think the most in the 1970s, where they would put an image of a woman who was naked and then have a little cutout in the, like, I don't know, image,

the plexiglass image or whatever, and have, like, a small floating panel on the inside so when you turn the pen upside down, her dress would seemingly lift away from her body. Get a load of these. And it's so cool that we were like, okay, I wonder if we can get sexy pens made with like drag queens which is kind of funny because it's like there's nothing really because we're

not sexy yeah there's nothing fabulous happening under these dresses um and so we ended up getting the manufacturing they're so cool they're very cool um i've like i've definitely grown immune to their charms now that we have them. But I forget sometimes when I see other people pick them up that I'm like, this is fab. What a stupid piece of merchandise. No, it's great. Sexy pen. Sexy pen.

Available now. Yes. Except I think at the time we were like, well, what can we do that's not just straight up nudity? That's more interesting than that. What could be under a girl's dress? And we were like, okay, well, each one of us will have a different, Benign will have six titties like a pig.

Yeah. I'm going to have like a wound beneath my dress where I like torn out my own heart. Yes. And Zelda's going to have an Android robot body. Yes. But like at that scale and with the quality of printing they're kind of like it never a hundred percent work i think if i went back in time would just have to do something

different i think just be nude yeah just sexy naked yeah like i think you do kind of squint and you're like i i i see it yeah yeah i think i'm like the alternate reality i feel like it is good because it means kids can kind of interact with them, like particularly with the Zelda one. Yeah, yeah. Because it's like not full out nudity. Yeah. But it is just like, yeah, at a certain point you just want to do nude.

True. Yeah. Ah, lass. Ah, well. So what pen? Like as in what pen ink color? Ah, yes. Pen ink color.

I think it's got to be a black low flow regular Byra ink. I just think that they perfected the formula. And you know, it's one of those copyrights that hasn't like, or like the product designs that hasn't been updated. Pen? Like from the 1950s to now. It's like, it's looked the same. It's like pretty much, that's it.

Yeah. What do you think about the little hole in the lid in case you take it down your esophagus? I love chewing on that little fucker. Oh, my God. Yeah. Don't you want a pen lid? Yeah, baby.

No. What else do you do with it? Cover your pen with it. Yeah, and then what? When it's like, you know, it's got that little nib coming off it that you can flatten out with your bite marks. Oh, no. You don't do that? No.

You don't chew on the end of your pen? Nora. What do you do when you're thinking? Normally, I... I guess we'll find out one day. Do you tap it? No, I normally just hold my face in my hands where's the pen at that point um maybe between my fingers nestled yeah and you hold your face and think

you would be so much happier as a little chewer a chewer yeah get your peeker girl maybe but i also think like i work in a a place where like it's not my pen you know yeah like i put that down and the next person that picks it up so i don't want to like chew on the pen like i do sometimes idly like put it near my lips and sometimes i'm like oh it's not my pen take it away well maybe you should just like have your own pen in your little pocket yeah but like do i want to be the gal who's like that's actually my pen well you would never have to encounter that situation because you would just like right put it back in your pocket no i don't want any

pocket because that doesn't bend with my body what about in your front pocket no because then when i bend it will fall out well no it has like a little clippy do yeah but i don't want to like you know risk creasing the fabric of my top and you make several good points thank you um maybe you should be i think it's just basic bitch pen with black and And that's good. A little stripper on the side. And like, it doesn't belong to you. Just the bunker pen.

It's just the pen. There's a pen. This is a really boring one. Wow. Well, let's end it now. Can you hear the story about my German relative? No, the stories are good. It's just kind of like you've just come to a bit of a boring...

Boring end. The energy ran out and everyone froze. It can't all be Bayonetta, you know? It can't be. You know what? You're right. We're cutting this. Oh, my God.

Okay. Black pen ink. It's the only ink used in the bunker. With a lid. With a lid. With a chewable lid. Yeah, and the hole is there in case anyone swallows it. Well, how are they going to swallow it?

No one would ever put it in their mouth because it doesn't belong to them. I hope. That's my hope. I reckon that pen is going to be one manky chewed up pen by the end of it. You're going to pre-chew it before putting it in. I hope. That's my hope. I reckon that pen is going to be one manky chewed up pen by the end of it. You're going to pre-chew it before putting it in. I will. With my gargantuan molars. All right.

We'll be back. That's right. Azulang, you're now. Hello, divas. We're back for another attack of your senses. Do you think you could do a podcast that was just smells? Yeah. Like no audio.

It's just scent based. Like, oh, pine. Am I in a forest? How is it being distributed to the people well that's a great question and a fuser like a little message please put in scent number two to continue your story what is this oh blood gunpowder i'm in world war ii scent of mud I've come home The smell of confetti At the May Day Parade No mud

I'm in Jennifer Lopez Now This is me Now Now Why does she have to do another one now? Now that she's getting divorced This is me

Dot dot dot After No it's just This is me now Again This is me now now Right now This is now again. This is me now now. Right now. This is me for real.

This is me right now. Right now. Jennifer Lopez, this is me right now. And that was me then. Oh. Imagine so publicly doing all of that about like, my love story. Yeah.

Well, darling, the making of really said divorce yes when like ben affleck was like i gave you this beautiful book of all our memories that are just between us and she's like and now i'm using them for content yeah and he's like that's an awful thing to have done to me anyway i think it's. They're both going to be happier apart. I dare say so, yes. I don't think you can, yeah. I don't think you can. Get Jenny on the line. I think she's better off without that.

She needs a really stupid but rich man. Who spends half of his time cheating on her and the Cayman Islands. And then she just gets to do Jenny You know That's what the world needs Yeah From the book of Jenny Okay

Take it away Okay so my category this week Is I thought I would like Throw your bone Because I'm intrigued by this Because I recently saw a video Where someone had collected Every single one of these that ever existed.

And I thought, so because it's such a closed out, like now it's done and set in stone, I'd like to know which Nintendo 64 game gets into the bunker. So the Nintendo 64 was a console in which it was preceded by the Super Nintendo. And then the GameCube came after it. So it had a seven-year run where there were just a lot of game developers making games for it. But it does mean that there's a finite amount of them. And we are going to gonna have like you know like

at the old marucci door rsl oh what a night the marucci door rsl where my nan used to go to you know have a slap on a one-armed bandit um and they did like a gorgeous special what are you talking about at that place there was a kids area yes and if you went into the kids area as I was a child at the time where they had like people watching

while the parents went to go and gamble um you they had like one Nintendo 64 area set up with their like

controllers like but mounted on the wall and there's like semi-flexible spines yeah um with like

the TV behind a glass or whatever. And they had like Mario Kart being played. And oh, I would never want to go and like take a spot, you know, if I had a bad watch. Because like it's so scary when there's stranger kids. I'm like, oh, you guys go. You seem to really want it. But that's like going to be the kind of setup I imagine in the bunker.

Oh, like a 64 behind a little safety glass. Yeah, maybe in the library. Yeah, that makes sense. But it has to have a small little patch of carpeted area that has the Marucci.rsl carpet, which was like a very festive blueprint with kind of dots of yellow and like kind of swirls of pink yeah um just to hide the blood and vomit just in case quite sticky i imagine oh oh yeah grippy carpet the people of queensland are sticky people

it's true it's humid yeah very humid Yeah Okay well Wow what an incredibly Vast category to dive into But I feel like it's good It's a time and place thing as well You know And it's what we think Would go well In a bunker setting

Is it? Or is it Which is the best? Well that's It's rarely the best darling We don't give these people the best We give them what they need Yeah okay

Well I mean some clear contenders Like obviously Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask. Yes. The Zeldas. Sure. Then there's like, if we're talking like multiplayer, I suppose there's like Mario Kart, Super Smash Brothers, various Mario parties. Oh, the Mario parties.

So cursed. Absolutely not. Then you've got like Goldeneye. Ooh. You've. Absolutely not. Then you've got like GoldenEye. You've got Perfect Dark. You've got... Perfect Dark was such a like cool girl game. So good. So good.

Joanna Dark. Hello. Joanna Dark. And then you've got your like Yoshi's Story. There's like Lilac Wars. Wait, what did you. There's like Lylat Wars. Wait, what did you say? Lylat. Lylat Wars.

Like Star Fox 64. Oh, Star. I never touched. You've never played Lylat Wars? No. Oh my God. It's such a good game. Oh my God.

There were 388 games released in total for the Nintendo 64. Wow. That's crazy. That is so crazy. Are you going to go through all of them? We could. There's Bomberman 64. That's an incredible game.

Well, some of these games as well were only released in Japan. Yeah, like Sin and Punishment, another great game that did later get an international release on the Wii shop. Of course. Yeah, so I suppose it depends what genre game we want them to be playing. Well, I think that it needs to be something that you can jump in and out of.

What was your kind of formative video, like Nintendo 64 game experience? Yeah, I mean, like the cornerstone of my life is like zelda yes just the first one or like so i started playing um a link to the past but we didn't have it i think only my uncle did so ocarina of time was the first game that i like owned from the zelda franchise Zelda franchise. Did you get that for Christmas? I did. And what a game. Very, very good game. Majora's Mask, a year later, incredible game.

It's so good. Is that the better one, do you think? It's hard because Majora's Mask only exists because of Ocarina of Time, you know? Yeah. And could it exist without it? Yes. Like the games aren't related.'s like billy lord and carrie fisher kind of um but i think like it's a incredible display of like how to do like a quick development cycle well, because they reused all the assets and the same game engine.

Right. And that is pretty much where that starts and finishes. There's some new character models, there's some new gameplay elements, but for the most part, it's the same. And then the entire story and the world is what was different. Yes. So like like even though

it was a quick development cycle like it was super fresh and totally yeah whereas like i don't know a poor example would be like reused assets and then like an uninspired story or whatever yeah call of duty call of duty five yeah yeah um So it was a great example of that. Banjo-Kazooie, Banjo-Tooie. Mario Golf. Games. Grand Tilda. Grand Tilda, yes.

A great witch. Oh, so good. Well, we'll discuss that on the witch, witch episode. Yes, we shall. But yeah, Banjo-Kazooie, a great game. Mario Tennis. What are those little fuckers that Banjo and Kazooie are always hanging

out with, trying to collect? The Jingoes. Oh, what's happening there? The Jingo! Jingo. Yeah. What's happening with them? They are coloured and have pointy... Oh my god. Zelda! Like, rainbow colours and What's happening with them? They are colored and have pointy... Oh, my God. Zelda. Like rainbow colors. Oh.

And have pointy noses and pointy ears. But why are they collecting people? Jingo. Like, I think in Mario, it makes more sense to collect stars, but it's like you're collecting people. Well, because they're lost. They need to be found. And where do they get put?

Well, they go back to their Jingo family. Oh, okay. As seen in Banjo-ingo family. Oh, okay. As seen in Banjo-Tooie. Oh, God. You guys are right. I'm so bad at Banjo-Tooie. But in Banjo-Kazooie, you're collecting notes.

Oh, yeah. Notes and jiggies. The jigsaw puzzle pieces. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, Goldeneye is a classic. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, Goldeneye is a classic. Yeah. Kind of defies, you know, like,

I feel like so many little faggots loved Goldeneye. What about NHL Breakaway 99? Or NFL Blitz 2000? Or NFL Blitz 2001? You know what? To go with your stupid line of questioning, I did love Top Gear Rally. That was a great game that we weirdly had,

I think, because my brother... Top Gear Rally? Top Gear Rally. Oh, yeah, your brother would love that game. But I fucking loved it and I have vivid memories of this swampy level. And I remember driving around in the swamp pretending to be an alligator or crocodile. Sadly, there were no alligators or crocodiles in that game.

But there was a swamp. So that was my role to play. Oh, I loved that game Revolt where you played as remote control cars. And it was very cool because you could interact with a lot of the environment, but you were like tiny little cars in like a school playground or whatever. That was so fun. Also. Yes.

Just quietly. You know that game Bully by Rockstar Games? Yeah. Me and my friends had that idea for a game so many years ago. We designed it all on pen and paper about what you would do if you were making a game that was all about an adventure game but in a school environment. We were so ripped off. Rockstar owes me $20,000.

You think they only made $20,000 from that game? No, I'm just saying I'd happily take a cut Okay, yeah Like I'm not crazy Yeah, okay They just stole the idea from a bunch of 10 year olds Yeah, who wrote it in their notepads Yeah

Oh, we used to design such games Anyway Wave Race 64 I love that It was so good Much better than Snowboard Kids. Fuck those kids. Why were those kids snowboarding on their own?

Right. Yeah. Get it? That's how Liam Neeson's wife died. She was Snowboard Kids. There's Pod Racer. That game sucked. No, it's so good.

I fucking love that game. I hated it. You were on Shrek for having ugly design. Oh, that game is so ugly. It's so ugly. It's so ugly. I think that's also part of the issue with Banjo-Kazooie, is that they're kind of ugly.

No, they're cute. They're kind of similarly proportioned to Shrek. No, you're wrong. I hate to tell you. No. I'll do a side-by-side. And the colours in the world of Banjo-Kazooie, it's like a lot of browns

but then like a verdant green out of nowhere. And you're like, my ass! And then like Kazooie's like, why are you so orange, babe? Like, it's too much. You need to turn it down like ten points. So then there was also Star Wars Shadow of the Like it's too much You need to turn it down like 10 points

So then there was also Star Wars Shadow of the Empire Which was a notoriously fucking difficult game So hard, but I did play that Pokemon Snap See, you know what? I know I've spoken about it before But that game, it deserves so much more It deserves so much more

We need to bring back Pokemon Snap. They did. How was it? You have a Switch. You could go and buy it this afternoon. Maybe I should. You should. I think it's quite good.

Oh, but I hate seeing those new Pokemon. Can you turn them off? No. I hate them. Oh, they're so ugly. They're so ugly. It's like, look, it's Matchboxkin. Oh, great work there, guys.

Look, it's StaplerTel. Look, it's PhotocopierDan. Look, it's an email saying, make up more Pokemon, der. With evolution, you're going to get fired if you don't make up more Pokemon der with evolution you're gonna get fired if you don't make up more Pokemon der I hate them they're so ugly and I hate

when people bring them up like ew I don't want to acknowledge the new family you weren't there at the original they're so ugly oh my god we've yeah

yeah um there was virtual pro wrestling 64 uh what was it called clay fighter clay fighter 63 and a third

63 and a three quarters did you ever play that game no but that looks amazing I've seen the so cool oh my god Wayne Gretzky's 3D Hockey. Very cool game.

Very cool game. Turok. Dinosaur Hunter. I did have Turok. Fucking so cool. There was another game I was just about to say. How can I talk about this? I'm not mentioning it.

What was it? Nah, it's gone. I like, I think Pokemon Stadium, while not being like A-list, not A-tier Nintendo 64 game, had, because that was the one with the mini games. Yeah. Okay. Like the Clefairy one. Yeah. And also the Kakuna one.

The Kakuna and Metapod. That is so good. Hardening into silver while boulders rain down upon you is such good life advice. You need to become the hardened Kakuna against the boulders that rain down upon you in order to survive. Turn yourself into Krim. Killer Instinct Gold. Fucking loved that game. That was very good.

I don't know that game oh it was like a fighter game it was like i think it was a launch game which is so weird but the launch games were weird um that's good conquer's bad fur day which famously was the one that my dad refused to do yeah the vo4 yes um and that cow was shitting the other game I'm thinking of is, what is it called? It's Gauntlet Legends. Yes. Gauntlet Legends was so good. It's kind of like a Diablo kind of game, but you could play by yourself and play through.

You can have like four people playing at a time. And I used to always play as the like Amazonian archer woman. And all the different characters would have a different catchphrase when they got food to heal themselves. And she would say, if she like picked up a chicken drum she'd go oh sustenance and i like that i think i've heard you say that quite a lot probably just sustenance um that sounds good she could be yeah yeah um yeah i mean like that, like, it is very impressive what was able to be done with such kind of limited computing power of the time

in creating kind of expansive worlds that felt big. Bomberman 64, another great game. Yeah. Were you renting a lot of games or did you own this vast sea of games? I never owned, I mean, the key ones I did own, I probably had like maybe like 10 to 15, 64 games. Wow. Yeah.

Which, I mean, yeah. Maybe for the, yeah, I did actually. You can just tell us. She was a rich girl. No. But, yeah, like they were mostly mine. My brother just had like an F1 game that was also bad. And then that Tokyo Rally game.

Why did he do that? He was just not a gamer girl. He just wasn't. Yeah. What was he doing? Like studying. I guess he's a surgeon now. Yes.

You have a podcast. Yes. So who really won? Who really won at life? If you could ever make more money a year have a podcast yes so who really who really wanted life if you could ever make more money a year doing a podcast you think your brother would kill you i didn't waste my life for you the faggot to to just be able to eclipse me yeah um probably incredible we must make that happen. Just for funny.

Imagine a year where I made more money than my brother. That would be actually insane. That'd be so good. Maybe one day. Anyway. You're like, what, did you save a few lives? I changed lives. I told him about the stingray that got pregnant.

And then we discussed which pen. So Matt, it probably goes without saying that you don't have gaming experience from this era. Why is that? Because you grew up in that cave writing with your quill. No, writing with crayons.

Sensitive. Yeah, we had crayon wars. And we had dirt. Dirt. crayon was and we had dirt no i i wasn't yeah i i don't think i wasn't allowed a console um until i got to year six and then i got a um playstation one oh that's such a choice. Well, it was already like PlayStation 3 by that point. So I got a PlayStation 1 and then just completed Crash Bandicoot on it pretty much. There you go.

100 levels. There's 100 levels in Crash Bandicoot? Yeah. It's a long game. Why is that game so long? It's really long. You know, game so long? Yeah It's really long You know Jeremy is obsessed with Crash Bandicoot Jeremy?

Yeah, my old housemate Ah Yes Like he fucking loves it I just I mean that's the thing I would always like start a game and then be like Well, I've had my fill

That was fun It took a long time But that was the only game I had, really, and the only console I had. And then when I was in high school, I got a GameCube when that first came out. So chic. Yeah. And I got Mario Kart. So I guess, like, yeah, Mario Kart was kind of, like, my favorite.

I kind of think Mario Kart, I mean, obviously it's so done. But I do think that that first Mario Kart is so good. Like, it's so much better than it needs to be. Like, on 64, it's just like, what a fun time. Listen, she doesn't know that that's not the first Mario Kart. Oh, fucking hell. I mean, not the next one, you piece of shit. And you know what? If I wanted to be abused by some sweaty nerd

i'd have gone to e3 and listened to you fucking talk um the uh mario kart 64 yeah was really fucking good it's so good and to me like kind of going on that like the scale of the game feels correct i wish that games like i guess actually there has been a little bit of return to smaller games but i like that there's eight characters to choose from i like like i think that the whenever i've played mario kart nowadays and they have like parachutes and different wheel choices and like infinite options. I'm like, this is fun. But like at a certain point, I'm like, I don't need this. This is just feels like clutter.

It's interesting. Like a game like Mario Kart is perhaps a good example of what you're talking about. Because like Mario Kart by design is not overly competitive. I'm sure there is a stupid community that would argue the point, but the game is built around rubber banding, right? Which means that at the first position, the items that you receive are less impactful on the game than the items you'll get if you're in 12th position.

Yeah. Meaning that you can easily sling back, as if from a rubber band, from 12th to 1st with support of the game engine. Yeah. Like game design. So therefore it makes it not competitive because anything can happen at any point.

Yeah. There's some fun. So like to put things like, like all those kind of arbitrary, like speed bonus and acceleration bonus with all those like, yeah, different compartment, like components of your cart.

Yeah. Is like for what? Yeah. It's not like in pod racer where those would make a big impact because the gameplay was a level playing field and it was based on the performance of your vehicle. Yeah. Like, that is not Mario Kart's focus.

No. So, like, a purer version, as in an earlier version, like the 64 one, is actually kind of more fun because you're not caught up in any of the bullshit. You can just play the game. Just get in, play the game. Like, you know, obviously there's still some skill at play. Yeah, yeah, yeah. caught up in any other bullshit you can just play the game just get in play the game have like you know obviously there's still some skill at play like people that are really good at it are generally

gonna win turn left well yeah but like do the little skid know when to deploy your bananas yeah like throw them forward like there's things you can do to optimize your performance in the game but yeah it's not like it doesn't feel cluttered the design as we talk about that kind of world of shrek it's like those little fucking like green meadows and like you know just locations feel so chic like i do want to visit that castle where peach lives and drive around there and just see that empty sky that just sits forever on the distance. There's two levels in 64 that are amazing. There's like the canyon one with the train track.

Yeah. I love that stage. And then the Yoshi one where you can kind of go anywhere. Oh, see, that one's just, yeah. That's too much. That giant egg is going to kill us all. The giant egg. Oh, that's straight from your imagination. A giant egg comes down to kill us all. The giant egg. Oh, that's straight from your imagination.

A giant egg comes down and crushes you. Yeah, slowly rotating. It's slow, but it can still get you. Yes. Yeah. But yes, I mean, like, it's like, for me, it's that. It's like, you know, a bit of like, yeah, James Bond 007, which is kind of needlessly good.

Yeah. I think like... Or yeah, or Zelda. Yeah. I mean, Zelda is... Yeah. The good... The thing that Goldeneye has going for it is that you can play that solo for 10 hours and that's a great experience.

Yeah. Or you can play it with three friends for 10 hours in a very different way and have a great experience. Totally. Whereas Zelda is like you're either playing or you're watching. Yeah. Mario Kart doesn't have the depth. No, it certainly doesn't.

So GoldenEye kind of has a bit of both and it has that fabulous Xena in it. And it's got this like, the aesthetic is so like based on the aesthetics of the film. So you're kind of captured in these like super mundane domestic environments that I love. You're like, welcome to the office. You're walking around an office, love you're like and the damn welcome to the office you're walking around an office and then there's that but you're a child

there's that um graveyard stage oh that one scared me oh i don't think i ever made it there i really just played and then there's like that jungle stage oh my god that game is so good maybe you should go back and play it i should should. You can get it on your Switch. Yes. Yeah. Just so you know. Yeah. Yeah.

If you went to the Nintendo store, you can get your Nintendo 64 emulator. But it costs you. Yeah. Once a year. Once a year. About once a year. Annually. Annually.

Yeah. Well, I think you make a great point. I don't know. I think like... And it's very bunker aesthetic yeah and my fear would be that like one person would start a game of ocarina of time because some adult had put it into the marucci.rsl nintendo 64 without thinking and then that kid would just hog yeah the game yeah no hog also like no Yeah, no hog. Also, like... No hog. No hog.

Even single player Goldeneye, you can do a stage each. There's like 17 stages. Yeah. Like Grieving, except some of them are damn. She's going through a damn phase. One of those jungle. Yes. Oh, yeah.

We've learned so much. You've got cancer. You're going through the jungle phase. Yeah. And it has Pierce Brosnan on the cover. Yes. How funny. Can I say, though?

Yes. I've definitely already said this, but that song at the start of Nightfire on GameCube, like James Bond Nightfire, and it's like if you didn't press start straight away It would start playing the theme song And it would be like Don't love me quietly

Do it with intensity And it would do this incredible song We would just put on Nightfire And dance around to the theme song That fabulous woman I love that song Listener listener i have just a quick update so xenia from goldeneye her last name is on a top yeah xenia on a top that's the rule how amazing is that i mean that was the way of the world, right? And that's how she killed that guy.

Oh, my God. Actually, can I quickly... On the latest episode of Global All-Stars, or like RuPaul's Global Drag Race, Global All-Stars, they all had to dress up as spies and like 007 theming. And the girls had some of the best

like stupid runway chatter. Like, when they're walking down the runway, they have to describe their outfit. And this one knocked me the fuck out. Here you go. My name is Iwana Hump. My mission, missionary. My instinct, sharpest as dagger i will cut you i will cut you like okay so when did you send that to me was that two nights ago yeah lazy

sends me that voice note but then do you realize that you also called me afterwards? Oh, no. So you called me and then it was just the rest of the runway playing. And I was sitting there for like two minutes at first thinking that you were like playing the extended version. And then after two minutes, I just kind of hung up. Oh, well, I'm glad you got to enjoy it with me. It was good. I will cut you.

Also, Xenia is played by Femke Jansson. Oh. Yeah. Wow. What a career. That's so hard. She was inside a Nintendo. Yeah.

Okay. Well, going into the bunker, into a little section of the library that you can go and use, but not for too long. Even if there's no one else there, it's still the time. No, it's not done. You can go and play Golden Axe 64. Ooh, that's good. Okay, it's in the bunker.

That's great. Okay, we'll be right back Hello, and welcome back Listener I'm sorry, just a second, you stupid little girl. What's this? This is the opening of the Nightfire game. Oh my god We'll slow this middle and up Just so we can tear it down Great.

And fire Sorry, but that goes so much harder than it fucking needs to for the opening menu of a kids game. That's good. Don't love me quietly. Do it with intensity. Excuse me? Okay.

Okay, I'm gay. Okay. Yeah. I'm sorry, but if I wasn't gay before, that woman had her hair was fire. Oh, yes. Do it with. Okay, okay. Sorry. with... Okay, okay. Sorry.

Yeah. Okay, our final topic for discussion today. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I'm a bit torn. Yeah. Nellie and Brulia. Don't listen quietly.

I think we'll do... With intensity? Have we? Which Femke Jensen gets into the bug? I would love to do that. No no i think we'll do which present which present this is me now yeah which present which gift i've received no like which like gift which gift yeah a sturdy long rectangular bag with a bottle of wine. Oh.

That's quite good. Yeah. Okay, so alcohol? Oh, yeah, booze. I gave my dad booze when I was listening to his podcast the other day, and he was like, I hate booze. Oops. I didn't mean any.

I feel like we've previously discussed that you're quite a good gift giver. Not anymore. I give my dad stuff that he doesn't even want. I gave my sister earrings once. She doesn't have her ears pierced. Well, you're quite a good gift giver not anymore i get my dad stuff that he doesn't even want i gave my sister earrings once she doesn't have her ears pierced well you're a monster that was truly so rude she was like thanks and i was like maybe you should get them pierced just so this isn't awkward oh my god sit down i'll get the lemon are you always telling women what to do with their bodies yes she's my sister i own her i don't know if you've read the charter darling sent down from the king the women of the household of my property praise be to the king i guess you know what's so chic

little kids with their ears pierced oh i don't like that oh it's so cool no i don't like that yeah because no i don't like that. But all in the chat. You know? And like little sparkly dark. No, I like stick on earrings, like those little sticker sheet earrings. They are cool. They're so cool. I wonder if someone sells earrings that look like stick on earrings. I wish.

Like a little iridescent heart. Oh, growing up, my friend Heather always had them and I would go to her house. Why isn't Heather on this pod? I know. She sounds great. Anyway. Anyway. In lieu of Heather, we have us.

Here we go. What do you think of like gifting an experience? It's tricky because I like that it's like saying, let's hang out sometime other than now. Let's do something. like saying let's hang out sometime other than now let's do something um but there's that thing of i think the ultimate gift like doesn't add any stress to the life of the other person so i think sometimes it can inadvertently stress that person out. It's the same with giving someone a really nice plant or whatever. Or a seed.

It's like this is now giving you work to do. Yeah. Even if it's something that they really like or whatever, but it can be a bit of a crapshoot. Like, oh, here's a beer-making kit. Get to work. Do you know what I mean? And now we'll see if you fail.

Yeah. And particularly if those coupons expire. Like, here's a rock climbing experience, which I have gifted before. And now you've got a year to use it. And every time I see you after this, I'm going to ask you if you enjoyed it. Yeah. What? I haven't booked it yet

Yeah So you didn't like my gift Yes, I spent that money I'm waiting for you to enjoy it What about like a $20 JB Hi-Fi voucher? See, that's stupid Just give me $20 Well, I've just spent it at JB Hi-Fi

But that means that I know that you like audiovisual equipment But that's the thing I fucking hate You know, it's like controlling my spending I don't want a gift card. I want money. I think it's like, so you don't spend it on just like crap or drugs. Yeah. Well, here's the thing.

I think money is a terrible gift generally. It's not really a gift. But the only thing worse is a gift card Because it's like money with strings attached Wow Yeah Like You know

Yeah My nonna always gives cash For Christmas and birthday And it's so good I think if you're a nonna you can do that Yeah And I also like I think giving kids cash is different Because it's so good. I think if you're a nonna, you can do that. Yeah. And I also like the, like, I think giving kids cash is different.

Because it's like, that's the one thing they have no access to. Yeah. And that will make a meaningful, you know, like they'll be able to do something that they wouldn't normally get to do. Yeah. Like whatever they think is important and cool. Gives them a bit of autonomy. What do you think kids find important and cool?

Well, like for like example like a kid might be saving towards something like what like what like a little like handheld console or like they might want to get into like fish keeping or they might want to like you know buy a particular book like dragonology or something and like they might have just had it completely out of grasp for so long and then your little investment of $20 has suddenly changed the game for them and it's going to come that much sooner. Yeah. Double their money.

Yeah. Totally. I recently had a conversation with one of my nephews about video games and he was saying how Lana Del Rey. So what do you think Lana? Listen to this You're not crying What's wrong with you? And he was saying that like

They wanted to get multiple switches So that they could like play Like both be playing something different or whatever And I was like Oh well you're going to be saving up for a while And he was like I've already got $500 And I was like, oh, well, you're going to be saving up for a while. And he was like, I've already got $500 saved. I was like, you little shit.

How does he already have money? You've got more money than I have in the bank. How does he have $500 saved? Right? That's what I mean. Because all these people gift them cash. And they don't really have an outlet to spend it. So it's just sitting there.

Losers. Can't he afford this? Also, that's too much On what television darling? I know I couldn't go into how flawed his plan was You fucking idiot What are you thinking? Listen to this Video game

This is where you should spend $500 dollars on oh my god deluxe edition yeah get a lana del rey vinyl yeah of ebay your great aunt in germany knows about that um head inside a thing yeah um yeah what about a book i think this book is good you know what um my cousin's girlfriend is a writer and she does give fabulous gifts every christmas she does like a book that she thinks that people will like and i think that that's really lovely like if it's like not if it's just like whatever's you know top best-selling book of the year or whatever, but if they've gone and been like, and like, then when she gives it to you, she explains why she thinks you'll like it.

And I think that that's really sweet. I still haven't read the fucking thing. But she's like, it's about a self-absorbed homosexual who doesn't appreciate his gifts. And I saw it and I thought, I know just the faggot i know just the girl but um i think that that's cool yeah like that's quite nice but i think um yeah a nice coffee table book does not go astray i think like a like i know you're into plants so here's a beautiful like plant illustration book yeah that's kind of nice well like i know you're into pasta so here's a nice

pasta illustration yeah thankfully there's an illustration book for all for everything yes um yes that's quite good clothing no no you've got to have exceptional taste in order to buy other people clothing. Yeah. Like my auntie is the only person I've ever seen pull it off. She like actually buys people things that they then treasure. That's like, oh, look, I got you this top and this gorgeous silk scarf or whatever. And it's like, I mean, obviously for a person that would like to wear that. But that she's like got taste.

And so it makes all the difference. And I think finally, what about things from like a gift store? Like a teddy bear holding its tits on a platter. Yeah. Or like a carafe set. Or like, I don't know, like a picnic basket set. You know, like a gift. A gift.

Like when you go to Meijer and they're having like the gift orium. Yes. Yeah. And it's like rows of, like what is a gift? Like a bath salt with rose petals in it and it's like a spa day kit and you get like an eye mask and then like a tiny little bit of shampoo. Yeah. And a Nora Jones CD.

Yes. Well, yeah, I don't mind that. I love a bundle. Oh, okay. But I think I really feel what my mother must have felt when she was like, you know, had kids and they were running around where you're like i think i've got everything now i don't like i don't want for more things do you know what i think i'm gonna spend money on this this coming holiday season festive season

is like getting stuff framed for people i think good framing is really nice yeah and maybe i'll just be like what do you need framed here you go that's nice yeah right yeah because then you're you're the value of something in your house it's just you know finally it's wall ready yeah well i have my nintendo 60 bucks, Nintendo 64 bucks. We can get you a Lucite cube for that or something. I'm sure someone is making a way to display that. Absolutely. There's like, yeah, there's a whole universe on Etsy of things like that.

Yeah. Well, what happens then? I don't know. People are just astounded by how cool you are, I think, is how that that. Yeah. What happens then? I don't know. People are just astounded by how cool you are, I think, is how that works. Yeah. Yeah. Matt, any gift advice?

What's a good gift? Just a, I don't know, just a cactus? A plant? I mean, I do like a plant as a gift. But you are burdening someone with a life. Yeah, I gave my sister a Monstera when she moved into a new house, but like quite a big one. And I think she felt really bad when like a year later I came over

and it was dead. Like obviously it's going to die. Obviously it was. Like that's just an inevitability. But I was like, that, like, I'm like, I feel bad. I feel that awkward in this situation because, like, obviously I gave you that and now it's dead. But I don't really care.

But, like, you know, it's the burden. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think anything that produces the least awkwardness is the best for a gift. Which is why sometimes it can be the most mundane things that are like a perfect little gift. But then you go too mundane and it's like impersonal and weird. Like if you just got someone some groceries. Oh, yeah.

Well, that's weird. What about a dressing gown? Pajamas. Actually, my sister got me a about a dressing gown? Pajamas. Actually, my sister got me a really nice dressing gown that I use all the time. See, I feel like everyone would use a dressing gown once or twice. Totally. Unless it's that weird microfibery texture. Can I say?

I don't like plush dressing gowns because it needs to be towel-y. It needs to be, yeah, wicking the moisture. It can't just sit cooling again. Yeah, like plush. It's disgusting. When you get outicking the moisture. It can't just sit cooling again. Yeah, like plush. It's disgusting. When you get out of the shower and you get wet. Ugh. Ugh.

Oh, no, I hate that. Water on that kind of like plush fabric. Yeah, it's like, darling, you've missed the main part of being a fucking dressing gown is that it should be like comfortable after a shower. Mm. Mm. comfortable after a shower. I was on Twitter the other day,

and I ran across this incredible weird porn Twitter called The Benevolent BJ, and it's this man who gives benevolent BJs. And it's just him describing like, it's kind of like the weirdest parts of the internet in the sense that he's like, this man was at Union Square. He'd just been kicked out of his house by his wife. And like, they'd been married for seven years.

So I gave him a BJ. Wait, this is like local to Melbourne? No. But he like, people down on their luck or like experiencing homelessness. He like, I gave them a BJ. Sometimes the best gift you can give is with your mouth. Wow.

Benevolent BJ. But you know what? In that video, that video of the man who like had been kicked out of his house by his wife and the relationship was over and you could see his whole life was crumbling. He was like, yeah, I don't know if you can kind of picture in your mind's eye what this man who's been through it, he's wearing a baseball cap, seemed a bit like sinewy, like he hadn't eaten in a few days for the misery, the pain, the sadness.

And they like, it started with BJ, but then like they ended up making out and the hat fell off as they were like holding each other. But you know, it's like there was something really like vulnerable and sad and human about that moment that I was like, oh. Yeah. We've stumbled into something that's too real

for this benevolent BJ. I don't think he has the kind of qualifications to deal with what this man has been through. Yes. He's just qualified to suck on me. Which, what do you call that? Somatic therapy. Yeah.

You know, where he's keeping emotion in the body okay that's a good gift just somatic bj yeah somatic bj the gift what do you think about like handmade coupons given to mothers on mother's day oh a hug one hug no one breakfast in bed soggy tea What do you think about handmade coupons given to mothers on Mother's Day? A hug. One hug. No. One breakfast in bed. Soggy tea. No. Why are they English?

Everyone's English. Everyone's English, aren't they? Yeah. You know it. Deep down. Deep down. There's a little bit of English in everyone. Yeah.

Or. Wait. Yeah, coupons. You know. One BJ. Well, you know what? That is definitely happening in some marriages. A coupon for a BJ.

Or like, you know, like that sex game that's like, you buy it like literally from the shop and it's like, roll the dice and it's like, yeah, blowjob or like doggy style. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is wrong with people? Yes. Like. The dice said it.

We didn't want it. The dice did oh now I have to give my husband a BJ anything else dice? have loving marriage for 10 years okay

the dice it's like Jumanji in the bedroom you must wait till the dice read 9 or 8 No it is so sad Like Robin Williams in here I would love that

So hairy Roll sex dice and then Robin Williams appears I got trapped in that game 25 years ago Wait write this down yeah we've got the pitch for Jumanji

and then the whatevering um yeah no I think wait what were we talking about gifts

sexy gifts what do you think about sexy gifts like fluffy handcuffs and um like vibrators

can I tell you you can this is so go on be brave handcuffs and, um, like, um, vibrators. Can I tell you, you can go on, be brave. Okay. So we already talked about which pen color gets in. This is going to be our most boring episode yet. Oh my God.

Matt did say it. Um, no, I've been playing that like another crabs treasure game. And last night I played against this boss who was this fabulous electric eel in like this like trash heap. So there I was, a small hermit crab, and I was currently using an ink cartridge as my shell. So cute. Anyway, so then I'm fighting against this electric eel who has like lipstick and she's like found a wig that fell into the ocean. And she's like electrifying the arena

and so at one point she like pulls out a toaster and she's like shooting like pieces of toast at you um which you know that's my nightmare so that didn't land well well it'd be underwater so it'd be soft enough to go down your throat oh true soggy soggy toast. Like breakfast in bed for mom. But hopefully not from a hot soup. Anyway. Then she's fighting me with like a hair dryer underwater. So like all the water is electrified and it's quite dangerous. And then she whips out a fucking like, not like dick shaped vibrator, but like a vibrator with like the like kind of ball at the end. Oh, a neck massager. Wow.

Uh huh. And she was attacking me with that. Wow. And I was like, this game is so risque. Yeah. I loved it. But how many pieces of toast did she shoot?

So she would shoot three and you could use them as a platform to reach her fabulous face, to snack it with your fork. But then did she reload the toast? Or was that it for the time? No, that was it. Oh, that's good. So it was a good, like a realistic amount of toast. Correct.

It was a well done. Because I would have hated that. I know. No, I was worried. But no. I'm like, oh, I don't see any other toast in there. That's not really how toasters work. No.

They're just shooting toast. They're just not magically creating pieces of bread. No. No, no, no, no. It came, it fell down. The game developers would never. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's good. I'm glad about that came, it fell down. The game developers would never. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, that's good. I'm glad about that. For the giant eel wearing a wig and lipstick. Well, that could all happen. Yes. With the right amount of cruelty and string. Sticky tape. You'll need some sort of fabulous sticky tape that works underwater.

Super glue. Yeah. I like it. Okay. So what kind of gifting option? I mean, I think a coupon for a blow glue. Yeah. I like it. Okay. So what kind of gifting option? I mean, I think a coupon for a blowjob is great. I just think that it speaks to a sign. Everybody gets one.

And I think Paul Mezcal has to do them. Or does everyone get to? Is the gift to blowjob Paul Mezcal? What do you think about giving like A donation has been made on your behalf Oh no You don't like that? No

Like I gave money to the Protect the Wetlands Fund on your behalf Someone somewhere is getting a blowjob because of you He's been given a blowjob on your behalf That would be nice wouldn't it? Done It's been given a blowjob on your behalf. That would be nice, wouldn't it? Done. Yes, the benevolent BJ has given a blowjob to a sad man somewhere on your behalf.

And sends you a photo of the sad man. This is your sponsor, man. He's gotten a blowjob on your behalf Oh my god You don't even get the blowjob The gobble ghost is doing them Great, lock it in, that's perfect So, wait How does this work? I don't understand

So if it's The gobble ghost It's the Grand High Witch's birthday And Toni Collette Has bought her A present Yeah And she walks up And she says Hello

Mate Toni Collette Yeah Got you a fucking birthday present And she hands it over Yeah It's a card And it's a card She's like

A little bit thin Yeah And Inside Inside it reads What? Inside it reads what? Inside it reads, happy birthday, Grand High Witch. On this special day, your friend has made the donation that has paid for a gobby to an underprivileged person of the bunker

who needed a benevolent BJ. Yeah. And so to celebrate and just know that somewhere Gobbleghost is doing that work on your behalf. You know? Like a tree has been planted in your name. Yes. But yeah.

But Gobbleghost is suck and dig in your name. Yeah. And then it has like a picture of a sad looking person who's getting the gobby. Ah. Like, you know. And a spooky ghost. At what's getting the gobby. Ah. Like, you know. And a spooky ghost. At what point of the gobby?

Oh, well, the gobby hasn't taken place by that time. They have like the people that they've preselected as being like in need of gob. Yeah. And then they're like, and they don't actually like, the gobbies are just given whenever it's convenient and the right time. But the way that the marketing works,

they just send you one picture of one But the way that the marketing works, they just send you one picture of one of the people that might need a gob. It's just like a generic sad-looking motherfucker in a hat. We've famously filled the bunker with 95% women. There's not many potentials to be sucked, but I think that's fine. What else are they doing? Yeah. Okay think that's fine you know they what else are they doing you know yeah no

okay that's great okay so well you know what as well like I don't I don't I think it could be like girl gobies as well yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah I don't think gobble ghost is or eat an ass oh you know the love language the universal love language everyone's got an ass

yeah true okay great The love language The universal love language Everyone's got an ass Yeah True Okay great Happy birthday world Yeah Fabulous birthday gift Thanks for that idea Matt

It just came to me And I mean you know how that note was written While I was on a black biro Because black biro pen Is in the bunker Is getting into the bunker Yeah And then of course In a little corner of the library,

we now have the Marucci.rsl playroom carpet and section with attached Nintendo 64 controllers. Now, just on that, I think that the most iconically hideous Nintendo 64 that I can see at the kmart in rosebud was the pokemon one yes because it is that like hideous blue and yellow combo with like pokemon decals it's that one yeah that's the one that's behind the yeah. Yeah, with the yellow controller and the purple controller. Yeah. Okay, great. Great.

Or maybe clear ghost purple. Oh, those are so cool. Yes. Okay, so that's it. And you can play on that 007 golden eye. Yes. So good. Okay.

All right. Lock it in. Well, thanks so much for joining us this week. That's right. And I'll see you soon by edcentric and pangasin if you've got something to say to us send it to us at deathtoeveryonepod at gmail.com and won't you support us please at patreon.com slash deathtoeveryone

ooh new movie club bye bye bye good job