Death To Everyone - Death To... Piercings, Nicole Kidman & Celebrity Sausage

Episode Date: March 27, 2024

Another incredible week of work in building the bunker for the end of days. The tasks this week are: Which piercing can you get in the bunker? Which piece of Nicole Kidman? Which celebrity sausage from the Melbourne Food & Wine festival? Enjoy Death To Everyone!!! Follow us, won't you? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/MsLazySusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/zelda__moon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/naturalhabitatstudios⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/ediecentric/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103/

Oh Hello, sister. A soul-ing your to you all. Soul-ing your. Balegde. Balegde. Now, this is Lazy Susan's voice. We've been getting this a lot. People can't tell the difference between our voices.

Really? No. It's me and Matt. They always confuse. Matt, say hi, I'm Lazy Susan. Hi, I'm Lazy Susan. Dead set to rights. That was Matt.

Say something I would say. Say something I would say. Oh, I'm getting cuffed out there. This is my voice, normal voice Yeah, that's a normal voice And then these are two other voices That are questionable Yeah Okay

So, welcome to Death to Everyone This is an audio only podcast Where two celestial beings from the celestial dumpster fire of space. Well, actually, we're currently positioned next to the sun. Oh, right. What is happening with the lighting in this room? Oh, my God. It's just so bright.

I'm being whipped by a solar flare. I can see all of Zelda's face. And let me tell you, it's not good. Zelda, put your mask on. Much better. Okay. Okay. So welcome.

Dark red light is on again. Yes. Yes. So Death to Everyone is, of course, our weekly podcast where we discuss a range of incredibly important topics. That's right. Well, we don a range of incredibly important topics. That's right. Well, we don't just discuss them, actually. We action them.

We action plan for the apocalypse to come. We decide what is going in a bunker to be preserved for generations to come. Yeah. And what is just going to be left into the netherworld, the outside. Yeah. Perhaps we should create more smart goals more smart goals yeah what are smart goals smart goals s s stands for something m is measurable a is actionable okay r is go on reasonable R is... Go on. Reasonable? I think so. And T is, of course, time.

Time. Trans rights. What S? Subject. Who knows? Anyway, maybe we should do one of those. Okay, we'll just check in at the end of each of our categories and see if we're hitting... Hitting a smart spot.

Schmig. Schmig. Okay. Schmig. Yes. So, in the week that has been... Yeah....Zolomun. Yeah. Yes. So in the week that has been. Yeah. Zola Moon.

Oh. I'd like you to know that there's been some interesting responses to the stories that we told on the start of last week's episode about the father and son and about the, oh, the bisexual. Yes. The drunken bisexual. Drunken metalhead. Well, first I'd like to...

In my lounge. Just in one word, yes or no, have you sucked that dick now? No. Okay. And why not? Well, we did chit chat. Uh-huh. And he said he was keen to hang out again very soon.

Very soon. Don't pay my bills. What do you mean very soon? I don't know. Well, he is... He's what? Got a job't know well he is he's what got a job well no he's looking for work so he's like i'm kind of like poor and stressed so poor and stressed that's you know what would help that a blow job uh yeah i think that'd be good. So, no, I have not seen him again yet. Well, listeners, put that one to bed.

We will keep you updated as that progresses. And have you established as the sun straighty 180? The sun is straight. I didn't establish that, but I just know that. We did see those photos. But I do have this magnificent story that I'd like to share from a listener. I haven't yet asked them if it's appropriate for me to share this, but I can't not.

They sent it to me. Okay, I'm going to try and, like, give you the gist. Okay. Okay. So to set the stage, I matched with this guy on Tinder, and he was super cute and was immediately wanting to hook up. So fine, we planned to meet up, and apparently his house was under construction,

so he was at a hotel, famously. So I show up at this super sketchy hotel and the guy was basically, basically ghosts our listener. So I go up to the room number that he told me, which I don't know what this hotel was, but very sketchy if they just let you through the door. No one responds when he knocks on the door of the room. So, okay, whatever. Out of nowhere, this guy walks up and he's like, um, how can I help you? And I'm like, oh, I'm just looking for, let's call him Jake. And he's like, I'm Jake's dad.

And I'm like, oh, um, okay. And he's like, yeah, Jake is busy. And I was like, wow, um, okay okay so we talk for a bit and then i leave and i go back to my car and i'm sitting in my car because i'm just like decompressing from this whole weird situation so i'm sitting in my car and in the corner of my eye i can see the dad has gotten in his car and he gets into his car and drives and parks directly behind our listener okay so i'm like okay this is weird and i'm texting my friends trying to like debrief and like on the whole situation and as i'm texting them i see the dad get out of his car and he starts walking towards me in my car at this point i'm like oh i'm about to get fucking murdered

which would be high camp this listener is clearly a listener of our show yes but anyway he getting murdered oh you're crazy that's so cam me murdered that's fab yeah but anyway he gets out of his car and then he knocks on the window of my car and he's like oh can i come in and i'm like sure so i mean gay people deserve to die oh you'll have sex with anyone yeah yeah so he gets in the car and i'm like um so and he's like did you really come to see jake how do you know him etc etc she was there she was there so eventually i just told him we met on tinder and i came tinder okay this is a weird gay story i know when you said tinder and then they want to talk up it's like well that's a red one that's never happened before and he came to meet up

point blank and he's like wow so like this dad might be finding out that his son jake is gay so it's an awkward silence for a bit and And then he's like, do you want your dick sucked? And I'm like, okay, sure. So he sucks my dick in the car in front of the sketchy hotel. And then we finish and go our separate ways. And of course, in my scheming gay brain, I start to think that this guy from Tinder never existed. And that it was the guy pretending to be Jake.

And then when the person showed up to meet Jake, he would show up and say, oh, I'm his dad. Yeah. Great way around having like outdated photos. Yeah. So that was in the back of my head the entire time. Fast forward to the next day, Jake messages me and is like, oh, I'm sorry for last night, blah, blah, blah. And in my mind, I still think it's like a catfish situation. And I was just like, this guy sucked my dick last night so he's like oh can i come over so at that point i'm like well he has to be real

because why would he offer to come over so he's like oh i'm on my way still me thinking in my back of my head that this is the guy who sucked my dick last night but as it turns out it was the guy from the tinder profile jake the son wow so in essence i hooked up with this guy's dad and then hooked up with him the next day incredible and we've been hooking up for years since then and he doesn't know that i hooked up with his dad obviously obviously and in an alternate universe i could have been hooking up with the dad and the son concurrently because the dad wanted to give me his phone number yeah but oh no but i gave him a fake number because i thought it was a one-time thing but if i had given him my number i could have been fucking the dad

secretly while still getting it on with the son incredible work be like this listener be like this listener and send us this fantastic story that made my day you know people talk about like why would i see myself in five years having sex with someone's son that's pretty good you're always having sex with someone's son yeah but that guy someone's son be ambitious Get both Get both See, look at what that lie did You don't know, but Matt's kind of got a hot dad Really?

So you could set that up I don't want to think about that What? Can't help it now Would you rather a hot dad or a not hot dad? I would not prefer a not hot dad You'd not prefer a not hot dad i would not prefer not you'd not prefer not hot dad well same i would not like that your dad not to be hot yeah i get it he's hot of course you want that he's hot in a

dad way he's got dad energy like what he's just like a sweetie pie yeah he listens to this podcast does he really enjoying he does yeah well he does he listens to every wow. Does he really? He does. Wow. He does. He listens to it every week. Wow, Zelda, you're in. Wow. Hello. Stop it.

We've talked previously. If you're Matt's dad and you listen to this podcast. Send Zelda a message and in five to ten years we'll have a- Five to ten? That's Zelda's lead time. Long game. Oh, that's true. See, you know.

You know. And then you've really got to start working on that She's booked up You've probably got 25 years on that one She's booked up already Yeah No Well, if you want to fuck a dad and a son at the same time Oh, well, I don't need to look

Let's just find someone else Oh, well, how else are we going to Where else are we going to look, Matt? Except for immediately here They're all out there They're out there everywhere On the streets People with dads

Father-son races, wherever. I think you're more disgusted by the prospect of your dad getting laid than you. Can we move on from this? Listeners, you can tell us if you'd like us to move on. Okay. Okay.

I guess we can. What else has happened to you this week, darling? I saw Dune 2. Dune 2. Dune 2. I don't know if that... Okay. The quick... And what did you think of Little Desert Mouse?

I liked it. I think... Here are my takeaways. And what do you think of the evil faggot? Floating faggot, as he's called. Oh, floating fag. Queen of the Harkonnens. I wish that they'd cast a fat homosexual to play that role.

Guy Branum demanded. And I wish he was whipping a twink or something. I feel like they downplayed what a faggot he is. He's a big old fag. Because what? What a horrible depiction of faggots? Well, some of them are awful. Well, that's it.

And that's real life. Champion bad fags. Yeah. They're not awful. Barely some of them are awful well that's it and that's real champion bad fags yeah they're not barely any of them are good yeah who's a good name one good fag zelda i can't no i cannot either i'm like who is good because you know you might say reese nicholson no but i think that i would think reese nicholson is a fag. Is good? Yeah, that seems good. No. But they're non-binary. So would you call them a fag? No.

That would be quite problematic. But I made a joke this week about Anton Enos, but he's pretty good. Anton Enos of News Reporting for SBS. Yes, same. Anyway, so Dune. Dune. Two. Part two.

Also, Timothee Chalamet has no ass. None. It's flat. He has no body fat. That's where the butt comes from. Where do you expect the butt to be? There is so, like, they should have put padding in that. No. He's a rake.

It's a that. No. He's a rake. It's a look. No. Do you think Denis Villeneuve is like, where is the ass? There's so much. There's so many ass shots. I'm like. It's not ass shots.

They're just from behind. Oh, I see. Wait. Oh, I see. It's either a dick shot or an air shot. I do. Did I like? I don't know.

I was talking about this. So the film is both pre and post Star Wars in the sense that the book came out before George Lucas kind of had a fun time reading it and maybe lifted a few ideas and then came out after the kind of Star Warsification of science fiction across the media landscape and it is just very exciting to see a film spoiler alert where it undoes a lot of like the american jesus myth exceptionalism stuff because the film does like a very interesting and nuanced job talking about like there is no chosen one it's just a myth that was created to control a population of people that i love and i'm like that is what we needed after a lot of you are the chosen one by the force or whatever the fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, no, just some evil witches planted the idea a couple years ago.

Well, that's it. That's so good. When Charlotte Gainsborough, was it Charlotte Gainsborough? And when she's like, you know there are no sides at the end, like you on Grindr. Yeah. But like, yeah, she's like, what side are you on? And I thought that was really good.

And I'm just like, yeah, society is just ruled by evil witches. Excellent. Sabrina the Teenage Witch, again. Oh, my God. The Penny Jenner Mother, Zelda. I love them. And I love that nasty little box you have to put your hand in. Oof.

That's good. Oh, the pain box. The witch trap. Yeah. I, oh. So I've read about it since, and I understand the choices why, but the Harkonnen planet, which I can't remember the name of, how it was shot in, like, ultraviolet.

Yeah. And then, like, is all black and white. I just. And it looked like a all black and white. I just. And it looked like a David Fincher music video? Yeah. Like I didn't love that it was completely desaturated. Yeah. But then I understand that that's because like that's what it looked like

on the planet and blah, blah, blah. But I just. That's what it looked like. Then I understood that that's how it looks this time of year. But I was like, I just think that they would still be like, if there was like a 1% of a beige or something. Like it looked like a stylistic choice. It looked, it gave me GoPro in The Hobbit.

That's what happened. Oh, yeah, because it did look a bit too crisp. Yes. Oh, it's been so cohesive. And what a beautiful film. It is very beautiful. I will say I love the film, but I do have critique of like, where is the maximalism?

And I get by the time we get to Arrakis, the desert planet, that like it's okay to be spare, but everything looks like millennial grey bedroom, like everywhere you go in the universe. And I'm like the costumes are so rich and lux but i just needed the sets to be like honey what who is cleaning this whole compound yeah why are there no objects where's the clutter yeah like i'm just like in every kingdom in like mankind you will see they are cluttered with tapestries and bits and bobs and blah blah it's a

rich representation of history yeah that's how you have your power and yeah and so i just was like maybe not on arrakis but like maybe on the harkonnen planet of sadism and yeah yeah pornography there would be just shit tons of porn and stuff and so i I was just like, Denny, I know you love a clean one person in a frame. We saw Blade Runner 2049 and it was lush, but it's like, I need you to like, just be gayer. Like,

like get Josh and Matt there to like start decorating. Be like, so we've got this giant light bulb in the shape of a dildo with a knife on the end. And we think it's really going to spice up the Harkonnen torture pit. Can you believe that we found it for $3 in a thrift store in out of Victoria? We're hearing a lot about this Paul Atreides coming from the north. We think it's going to be huge this year.

So we started setting up our Messiah gauntlet. Yuck. Oh, I can't believe we're advertising them by just mentioning they exist. Lots of love, Josh and Matt. And a sandworm pet, which we think is really cute. Shut up. Yuck. Yuck.

So the main change from the original and from the book is that Zendaya goes against. She doesn't follow him blindly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, which is weird. It was kind of like, at least what I saw from social media, it was very like, this is a great change because it highlights. Makes it look like a Twilight novel. Well, it's like, no, it's good because it shows that i don't know there's some independent thought and like someone is seeing through what is happening here and blah blah blah i'm like yeah but i think

it's better to not because the point is that so often yeah like that's why it's so dangerous because no one sees it um and also what's gonna i want to see the kids i want to see the kids. I want to see, what's his son's name? Fuck. Oh, the worm. I want to see him turn into the God Emperor worm. We might get it. Yeah. Because there's going to be a third one.

Yeah. But I think there's like, it's a film that does very well, even though there's some like woeful actors in it. Leave Bug Eyes alone. Bug Eyes was not the problem. I think Zendaya might be a bad actor. I didn't think she was stellar in it. She had that one twitchy eye that she was like, I'm going to use my. Because she's got twitchy eye.

I have a twitchy eye too. But she has one eye that's like going like flapping down. And I'm like, that's not acting, Zendaya. You're just twitching. And so it's just like, I don't think that Zendaya's. I think the film didn't rely on performances because it's all about mood. And like, I think that Timothee is very good. I don't.

I get nothing from him. He did the good transition. I think he's a piece of cardboard with like a nostril piece. No ass. And no ass. Suddenly performance gets 10 times better If you give him a little padding Maybe I think

John Batista God bless him Is terrible in the film And I think Little Elvis Little Elvis Jones Yeah What's his name?

Austin Butler Yeah Someone needs to kill the butler In this game of Clue Because he's bad You didn't like little Elvis No Anyway, how does the world end?

This is your turn Oh yes, the world ends this week, my dears Well meanwhile, there's no need to ask how my week was Oh wait, no wait How was your week, Zelda? Oh no, it's not good What happened? No, it's fine Oh, go on Well no need to ask how my week was so gross oh wait no how no wait how was your week zelda oh no what happened that's fine oh god well since you asked um no just quickly i wanted to cover that yesterday finally finally x-men 97 came out oh my god the first two episodes um and it was what is it a cartoon

yeah so it's essentially season six of the 90s um animated series of the x-men that went from 1992 i think to 1997 and so there were five seasons at the time and now this is a continuation of the story, essentially season six, but yeah, X-Men 97. And a lot of the original voice cast are back. Do they sound older? Hello. It's me, Wolverine. I don't think. I don't think.

I don't think. Maybe a touch. Like those little girls that are in Bluey that they have to keep aging up. I mean, aging down with, like, voice modulation. Oh, Bluey. Say one thing about Bluey. Oh, they're dogs. Very good.

Yeah, but it was interesting. There is a lot going on in that show. But it, like, a lot of, like, now this is happening, now this is happening, now it was interesting. There is a lot going on in that show. But it like a lot of like, and now this is happening, now this is happening, now this is happening. But I was so genuinely like incredibly surprised at how good it was. Like it was so camp. Like Storm has a lot going on in those first two episodes and it's the same voice actor she is incredible

and it's just like her dialogue is outrageous and i just like i have spent the last few years being like i wonder how they will go with this because if you are continuing that series you obviously see the like why it was so successful and what made it great right um or you just know that it was good and you want to pull from that and try to do something more modern or whatever in the hopes that the nostalgia will carry you but they haven't done that it's really like i felt very true to the original series um and it was just really fun it was so good they did it guys um yeah so i'm cautiously optimistic there was some pretty crazy things that happened in episode two you don't have to tell me twice as a woman called storm yeah what happened in episode two well you

know yeah go on yeah she flew to the top of the Empire State Building and she said, I'm the weather now. And then she shot lightning bolts at those evil guards who were trying to get back the Declaration of Independence. And then she flew to Belgravia and participated in a baking competition. I'm the weather now. Her famous catchphrase. It is. That's really accurate.

Do you remember Storm Large in Rockstar Supernova? No. No. Rockstar in excess. She went up against Davima. Davima. Anyway. No.

Don't worry. I mean, you haven't watched them, but just quickly. So in the comic books, there's been a recurring storyline for a long time about Rogue's relationship with Magneto. They're fukin'. Yeah, and they brought that into it. Wait, on a kid's show? Well, it's not really a kid's show this time around.

It's a bit more adult. Oh, my God. Because they're all grown up. Yeah, we've grown up with them. Like the rugrats yeah um but yeah rogue is kind of cheating on gambit could you imagine and at one point gambit's wearing a crop top he's so hot is he gay i mean he's wearing a crop top so yeah it's 97 though he's on the spectrum wow but yeah there's just oh it's really exciting it was very

and magneto is how old he's older how older well i mean he was a child in the 40s so right and now it's 97 yeah so wait how old is that matt what's calculating, so he was a child in the Holocaust. I'd say he's about like 40 years older than Rogue. Maybe 30 years older than Rogue. And Rogue is how old? I don't know, mid to late. We have the math. No, it should be like 30-ish. 97 is 60. He's 60. Almost 60.

Yeah. That's hot. Yeah, I guess we did talk about dads. Yeah. Rogue probably has a story about that who's magnet rogue knows his children oh quicksilver quicksilver um wander and polaris which one do you think she's most likely to hook up with after like from tinder i mean she might hook up with quicksilver he's a bit of a dickhead but yeah she's into that of the three you should hook up with Quicksilver. He's a bit of a dickhead, but yeah. She's into that. Of the three, you should hook up with Polaris. She's so cool.

Polaris. Crazy. Anyway. That doesn't sound like how your week went, though. How did your week go? You're not Storm. You're not Polaris. You're not even Magneto.

No, but I am Mystique. What? um well we both had a weekend at circuit slash molly's um with some hilarious gigs yes um that was very fun i actually had such a fantastic night on sunday night performing being a crossy yes but i performed with bambi and angel from the house of Buffet. And it was a really, really cute time. I had such a good time. Yeah, it was very silly. I did, of course, Fergie's Star-Spangled Banner, my favorite go-to currently. And then Riverdeep Mountain High,

exclusively Celine Dion version of Curves. So good. And how was your time at Molly's? It was lovely, except I didn't change outfit. Didn't wear underwear. In that photo. I didn't have underwear because, I don't know, sometimes you just rush out of the house and you forget to put on a panty,

which, you know, shame on me. But then the skirt that I had ripped all the way up to the zip and then, yeah, my whole ass, my whole tighted ass was hanging. Luma, who was there, was incredible and she was getting changed for the third time. And she was like, are you not changing outfit again? And I was like, I said it once, I i'll say it again why are the fucking girls changing outfits three times a night what is wrong with drag queens like no one asked no one asked you to

and like god god bless luma would look incredible in any one of her selected outfits truly but um to what effect for what reason for what benefit well you've seen me in this and now check me out in this yeah that's what i'm saying yeah that's bizarre like i i get it if the show is like i'm the giraffe lady and then you come out dressed in giraffe print okay now we're at 100 i make sense. Why are drag queens getting changed? We're not shocked. In the viewing audience, we're not shocked. We know what you look like.

And so we could conceive of what you'd look like in a slightly different outfit. Because it's, why? You know, it gives the energy of, like, did you make an issue? Like, did something go wrong with the outfit? Did it split up the back? Because I didn't change. Even once my costume was in shreds. Because, like, there's no gig in Melbourne, really, that pays that much.

Like three outfits worth. Not three outfits worth. Why are you doing three times the amount of laundry for the same gig? Why are you changing? But, like, I genuinely don't think it improves the the quality of the night to be like oh there she she's in a leotard and now she's in a different leotard yeah i suppose it's just if it better matches your performance in the show if you need to like yeah move if you need to do the splits and you're in the wrong outfit to do the splits in it yeah sure but i just see a lot of girls changing like for the sake of changing as if it's expected as if the audience will give a

shit they don't give a shit and setting the expectation for a gig that you could earn i don't know 300 and something dollars for yeah or less like when your outfit if it's bespoke is likely to cost 500 to a thousand dollars yes so why are you spending three thousand dollars plus wigs which might be yeah plus makeup on a gig that is not giving you that back i just it's insane it also is just like why like it doesn't make any difference it doesn't no one cares let me tell you no one cares well it's just like why like it doesn't make any difference it doesn't no one cares let me tell you no one cares well it's interesting because some of the most famous and successful drag queens just say to come from well actually not even drag race because like coco peru always wears the same thing alaska was very similar silhouettes or shapes or textures same with trixie like and it's both like branding but it is like

the same thing yes yeah it's just interesting i think if you're like even that's the thing it's like when i think about violet i don't see her changing 10 times throughout the night she might in her live show but like i don't know pick a look. Pick a look for the evening. You know what? You're quite brave. I just, I will never do it. I will never do it. You do do it. What?

Change look? Yeah. Like I will change a look if it's necessary. Yeah. For a number. For a number. But I would never change for changing's sake. Yeah.

Like if you're not impressed now wait until you see the three other things i brought like what do you what's happening no one no one cares i don't know you know like when a toddler's like wanting to show you all the things in their dress-up box wear it another night just wear it another night they can come and see you again commit if they want to see you in three different outfits they should come and see you three different times is what i'm saying why the fuck am i in three different outfits They should come and see you three different times Is what I'm saying Why the fuck am I cleaning three different fucking dry clean only sequin numbers? That's not happening

Drag queens, stop wasting your time Just look good once Or don't Well, on that note How should the world end? I think what's going to happen is, you know how the, I know we've talked a bit about the moon and its gravitational pull. Yes, on the ocean.

But now I'm going to talk about its gravitational pull just generally. No. On the blood. And it gets very strong and it becomes almost like a magnet for some reason only acting on the blood, not on like other parts of the human body. They are. And it sucks all the blood out, like just shoots through the skin.

And people are just like. Yep. And then it flies up to the moon and the moon goes red. But then. Fly me to the moon. And then everyone's just dead with these tiny little like pockmark holes all over their whole body. And then all living things really.

Like a dried lemon. Lemon. Yeah. And when that happens to me, only one outfit will be spoiled. Not three. True. Yeah. That's great yeah and what is what does the moon want with all of this blood oh the moon isn't uh sentient it's a rock oh well that's fun stupid little great well i guess we'll uh be right back excellent see you after the break don't change

outfits we'll be right here Welcome back, listener. Hello. I want you to know that I'm now in like an emerald sequined gown with like a new wig. It's got a yellow streak at the front that's been lovingly stoned. And then I've got like big fierce drag jewels that are um probably the size of like two baby's fists on each ear and then um a giant breastplate a huge tits knuckles huge cayennes yeah two big old jugs and then um i kind of like, beautiful star AB crystal motif, like three snowflakes that form like a larger necklace that kind of sits and makes the look quite complete.

Okay. Yeah. Do you like that? That's good. Yeah. Yeah. And what were you wearing before? Before I was wearing a T-shirt that said, I'm just on a dance.

And then like low-rise jeans. Urban girl. Yeah. And like they were cut off and it was for mincing. But now I'm going to do a ballad. So you dressed appropriately. That's good. That's it.

I wanted to change it. Yeah, I had pigtails in the last outfit. But now I've got more ball hair. Like I'm in a ball. Like you're a ball. Yeah. Great. That's it. Sister, it's time for us to discuss which piercing goes into the bunker ah yes do you have any piercings i have one piercing that's it my septum piercing which is not normally like if you're going to have one piercing,

the one that you would have. Freaks, I got this piercing because when it scars, when I take it out, no one's going to see the scar. Oh, good. Yeah, I don't want that little pinhole in my face. Good to base your decisions around a slight imperfection in your beautiful visage. Well, yeah.

And Matt, do you have any piercings? No, I've always been a bit icked out by piercings. Like every time you look at Zelda's face, it's that way. No, I don't mind it on other people, just not on me. I just can't imagine sticking a piece of metal into me. I can't imagine it. I know, it feels a bit weird. Does it feel weird to have it?

I feel nothing. Where the piercing's at. I mean, I forget that it even exists. And how many times have people been like, are you a bull? No. No, not really. Do like boogers get caught in it? No.

Do boogers get caught in it? No. Do they get caught on someone else's when you make out with them? You know what? It's gotten caught in fishnets before. Why has your face been on someone's fishnet? Why are you near fishnets? I have aquariums.

No, like costumes and netting and stuff. It's really stressful. They can put it on and they're like, ah! Not it. Or like even the wig netting. And so when are you going to take it out? I don't know. What's your mental age?

I don't know. Oh, no, I don't care about that. You want to be, like, 57? Seven. Be, like, 57, like, magneto and have your piercing? I don't know. Maybe. Yeah? And if not

I'll just take it out Yeah That's what I Have you like You haven't ever thought about it As like End date No

No you're just like When the day comes There will be a day Where I just Take it out And I'll never think about it Ever again Yeah

But that's it Do you have any piercings? Yes I've got both my ears done Faggot But the one On the right Is really fucking bad. It was done at Off Your Tree in the City.

Wait, which one? The one on Elizabeth and blank. I don't know. Oh, okay. Because I got this done at the one on Swanston Street. It might be. The one that was like underneath lounge. Yeah, no no not that one

And so the first one I got I got when I was 12 And that was my left ear Because it was the straight ear And I'd asked which one's the straight ear Because The concerns of a 12 year old homosexual Yes

My mum had taken me and they did it back then With the gun at the baronia shopping center bayswater shopping center um and that was good yeah and they did with the gun and for years i was like they were like i heard other people say like oh the gun is really bad it's hard to sanitize it's like not how you're meant to do piercings you're meant to do with the needle and so took that on and then when i went to go and get my other piercing years later because i got it just a few years ago just because i was like i want to just be able to wear earrings yeah i she did it with the needle and god damn it if it is not the worst piercing that like just nothing sits in it correctly it bleeds constantly like it's just terrible i've witnessed you trying to pop an earring in that

thing and it doesn't always work it's not casual it's not cute yeah it's bloody affair and like oh god it's so annoying yeah but yeah it is better just to be able to buy earrings and not have to worry about super gluing them or backing them or anything yes my constant rotation of clip-on attachments is quite frustrating why don't you just keep your ears pierced i don't want them pierced well i what do you mean why not i don't i don't like that. I like clip-ons. They camp. And I don't want, I don't like it. Also, I do like. Let's unpack that. Like they're going to put it in the wrong spot.

It's going to be too low. It's going to like. Well, you just said that you might take out your piercing and never think about it again. Yeah, but that's because I won't have to look at anything. But I have little holes in my ears. I'll be looking at them every time I see a mirror. You just pick and choose when you're going to be neurotic, don't you? But I have little holes in my ears. I'll be looking at them every time I see a mirror.

You just pick and choose when you're going to be neurotic, don't you? Yeah, no, I don't. No, I'm quite content with my one piercing. Buy like regular earrings and just flop them in. Yeah, that would be nice. Yeah. And just get them, just be really fussy. No. They put the dot on before they pierce it.

Yeah. just be really fussy no i'm like they put the dot on before they pierce it yeah and then you could just see come on anyway anyway but um so when i was in uni i used to think that the eyebrow piercing was the coolest piercing i think because yeah it was very like oh that's so like you really don't care and it leaves the cool spike scar yeah and now i'm so thankful that like i didn't have like a moment where i was like i will just go and do that now yeah my first boyfriend had a double eyebrow piercing like like two next to each other, which, I mean, it looked very hot on him. But do those four scars look hot now? I don't know. I think a lot of people got nail piercings.

That's fabulous and stupid. Nail? Like through the nail. Well, you know, Susie could sort that out in the bunker already. Yeah, totally. That's quite good. But there was a guy. do you have rings or bars it was like like a bar with like two balls yeah yeah the bar with two balls four balls yeah um but there was this guy that i i don't know was hooking up with for a few years who had so many piercings like like surface body piercings of just like down his arm

like surface like piercings and then i didn't see him for years and years and years and then when i saw him again all that all like been pushed out like grown out of him even the body is rejecting it yeah truly um but he also had like the snake bite like the two under lip yeah piercing which i remember 10 years ago thinking was hot but yeah there's a lot of that stuff where you're like god the 90s really like you know like the early 2000s really set you up for like like i don't know bamira and whatever. All those people that are responsible for our... But, you know, there's always one person, it might be your boyfriend, like that kind of sells the fantasy of it. Yes.

Like, I think there is nothing more disgusting in the whole world than a belly button piercing. Oh, my. I think it is so foul. And there is one gal who is like the very fab and chic girlfriend of my friend and she has it and it like is so cool on her and you see it sometimes and you're like this is your like doing a disservice because you make it look good and some other person is going to see it on you

and they're going to do it and they're not going to look like you and you look incredible right now yeah yeah it just is like they need to do like a person like a myers-briggs personality test before you can get the piercing like i don't think you have the steez to pull this off i'm so sorry yeah you're gonna have to leave like a tongue piercing and that little hole that like forms around where the ball sits. And also why tongue piercing is always like fluoro yellow. Well, that's it. Ooh. They're like that.

Yeah. Like that weird bead of something. Like spiky plasticky bead that like is flexible. Yeah. I don't know about that. I know. No. I don't know about that. I know. No? None of that.

And what about when they get the gum, the gum done, and it's like a surface piercing in the gum? Yeah. No. No, I think like I like an ear piercing. I think like my boyfriend has a nose piercing. Yes. On the side.

A little ring. Yeah, which is very cute cute but i don't really notice it anymore and i could like imagine the day where he takes it out and yeah i probably wouldn't care never think about it but it is yeah i don't know i think it's like when you see someone with dyed hair that's dyed to a vibrant color dear listener lazy susan hates vibrant hair colors go on i don't hate vibrant hair colors i think it's just important to acknowledge that majority of the time, all of the time, they are as a result of like something has gone very wrong in your life.

Like no one is walking around with their like neutral hair color. Like I just think when you see someone who's got like vibrant green hair or like tattoo artist red hair what is going on with you girl like what has happened because it's always some stupid and they're not like i just they'll tell you i just want to have fun and then three years later like oh no i was an alcoholic and i was suicidal or like he broke up with me and i wanted to kill myself you know like And that's the real reason. But when manic panic, like if you like indexed the Venn diagram of manic panic to like underdiagnosed like chronic depression

in the United States, it would be a circle. Okay. Well, as someone who for like five years dyed their hair all kinds of different colours, I'm here to tell you that you are wrong. And the reason that I did that is that I wanted to be Kate Winslet in Internal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Oh, yeah.

Or Ramona Flowers from Scott Pilgrim. And did it work? Yes. Were you a manic pixie dream girl? I lived both of those fantasies. And why did you stop dying your hair? Because I started doing drag. See, this is it.

And I kind of like was getting my hair outlet. Drag is also a mental illness outlet. That's it? Because if you're getting your mental illness out in another way, you don't need the hair color. Yeah. But, yeah, that was kind of when I transitioned out of it. Do you know as well, I think that there's like something empowering about changing your look so intensely that is like, it's very like, there's a validation to it. Like, it's just like, yes, that's a great feeling. And it kind of is guaranteed attention.

Yeah. Like, if you do a big swing, a big change. But the issue is then like three weeks later, it's also like a guaranteed come down of when the roots start to show. And it all starts to fall apart. Well, ask Gwen Stefani. That's not always true. Well, that's Gwen Stefani.

How committed are you? Gwen Stefani is the only person that somehow. Gwen Stefani and Art Simone are the only people. Yeah. And while Art Simone has bright blue hair, she just keeps it blue. I'd be shocked if I saw her with brown hair now. True. And I think that there's something about, I mean,

obviously the blue came about as a result of something crazy happening. I'm sure. Art, please comment. But the fact that it stays consistent over so many years tells me it's no longer about getting a response out of people. It's just like, I like blue. Maybe. If you stick to just the one color for a long time,

it might eventually get you off the DSM. Off the Lazy Susan naughty list. Yeah, I don't know. You know that you rarely see people in their 40s changing their hair colour crazily. Unless it's a non-acting. Unless they're having a divorce, yeah. Jesus Christ. Matt, have you ever changed your hair colour?

Yeah. Really? To what? Yeah. I look back at the photos and I'm always very embarrassed by them now. But it wasn't that bad. It was just I had that exact feeling in high school, I think. I wanted to like get some attention and do something drastic

to kind of like change things up. So I think I went to the hairdresser and I was like, dye my hair red. And they were like, no, we're not going to do that. I was like, dye my hair red. And they were like, no, we're not going to do that. So I decided to go black because I was kind of hanging out with a few sort of emo kids at the time. But I was like, that's still a bit boring because my hair's dark brown. So it wasn't that much of a change.

So I said, okay, just put like one little white foil in the front on my fringe. So I had like a white kind of streak. Rogue? I said, okay, just put like one little white foil in the front on my fringe. So I had like a white kind of streak. Rogue. Yeah, like a rogue streak right on the front of my fringe. But it didn't look very good. You're joking.

When I started dyeing my hair, it was like I started dyeing like a rogue white streak in the front of my hair, which I did for like maybe two or three years, which was a lot of fucking upkeep. And then I started dyeing all of it. Yeah. To white? No, to different colors. I bleached the whole thing and then it was like green for a couple of weeks and pink for a couple of weeks and purple for a couple of weeks There's never been I never did red or orange A world leader With green hair Maybe this year we'll get the first

Angela Merkel wasn't coming out with a President Pixie cut Dye in purple Well what about Laura Dern in Star Wars Yeah well she Maybe we'll have to wait until That wig was so good

We put it in the fucking bunker What about that Mr. I hate dyed hair I didn't say anything against wigs Maybe we'll have to wait until That wig was so good we put it in the fucking bunker What about that? Mr. I hate dyed hair I didn't say anything against wigs, Zelda I also didn't say anything against dyed hair Whatever you're going through, you go through it, girl You point to show me a mentally well person with dyed hair Point to them

You can't, That's why. I don't know. These days, my empathetic sister, you can't point to anyone that doesn't have a mental illness. Swing a dead cat in circuit on a Sunday night. Yeah, no, it's true. Anyway, what do you think about pierced dicks? Oh, my God.

I've never actually encountered one firsthand, first mouth, as it were. Naughty. You're crazy. Come on. I'm such a crazy little bitch. But no, never encountered that. Have you?

Yes. Because you're so encountered. I don't know. Can we say it? That guy that had the like. No. No, we can't say that? No.

Okay. No. But a No, we can't say that? No. Okay. No. But a wink, wink. But no, many years ago I encountered one that was like the classic like through the piss hole. Through your piss hole. Which I hated. I didn't like it.

I also felt like my teeth were like bashing up against it. You know like how dangerous glass. Is that why you're like my teeth were, like, bashing up against it. You know, like, how dangerous glass. Is that why you're missing them? How, like, glass water bottles are dangerous, right? Yeah, that's how I chipped my tooth. Yes. So, too, are, like, weird dig piercings. I'm trying to wonder when the piss hole would be making contact with your teeth.

Well, it was, like, not just, it wasn't, like, a dainty little, like, one millimeter ring. It was, like like not just, it wasn't like a dainty little like one millimetre ring. It was like a fat, you know, like. Like the circumference of a burger ring. Yeah. You know. They don't know that you've just had burger rings. We had burger rings before we recorded. Anyway.

As you can tell. Yeah, that's aggressive. I just didn't, I wasn't really into and I kind of was thinking about it like inside of me and I'm like, is it ripping me apart? I don't know. Tearing me apart. But I don't know. I don't know.

I think as well. I thought it was meant to make things feel better, didn't it? No. Like, I don't know. I think as well. I thought it was meant to make things feel better, didn't it? No. But I did hook up with someone who had, like, little implants in their dick. Like little lumps.

That's what I was going to say. Oh. Yeah. That's the thing I was alluding to. Oh, well. Yeah. The silicon lumps. Yeah.

But they were great. That was great. I just. They looked not great, but they felt great. I just. Yeah. You don't need to add lumps. I mean, he also had a great dick.

So it was like, oh, you want more? Yeah. Relax. But yeah, then more recently I've had a few experiences with someone with piercings in their kind of like the the knob of their dick not through the piss hole whoa like surface piercing yeah just one but it's i don't know why um like two dots like um it's it was quite hot i thought it was great yeah it didn't wasn't it's the other thing i just need to get into the psychology of it because I just, what is happening?

What is the thought process? I know. Well, I mean, and I like, I don't want to talk about it, but some of the things that he said about the, like, oh, no, because, but yeah, he's like, he's re-pierced it before and it is, yeah. I think if you find the person sexy, that he did it himself. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Crazy.

Absolutely not. Crazy, anyway. No, I think that the thing about it is, if, like, I don't know why. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yes. Like, I just can't, it's like and this is gonna really alienate some people in the audience so know that i don't want to yuck anyone's young but

the the rubber community yeah i just don't i don't fundamentally understand like why you want to be uncomfortable like that i just i'm like, why that? Well, I mean, people say that about you on stage. Why would she do this? And that's why I empathize. But it is that thing of like, I just, like, sex is one of the greatest things in the world. I would say probably the greatest thing in the world.

And it's free for most people. Sorry, Matt. Stop it. No, Matt has not paid for sex. Wait, have you? Not yet. Boring. Mate, never? No, never?

No, never. You've never paid for sex? No, I don't think so. Have you been paid for sex? Gratitude Oh, okay Well, you are straight after all No, I've never done that

No, no, no But It's just If I don't know what the thought process is I'm like Why, why, why? Why do you want to be this uncomfortable? Because I get pain.

Like pain is like that's such a like close emotion to like arousal because it's like all your brain is firing off these like, you know, like it can so easily trip into positive and negative emotions. So I get like sharp pain. so easily trip into positive and negative emotions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I get like sharp pain. But discomfort, sweatiness, that kind of like rubber experience,

I just am like I don't get. And like it's the same with the dick where it's like maybe the day it was pierced it was painful, but that kind of low hum ache that might happen or like something getting caught on it and being like, ugh. Yeah. I'm just like, or just is it looking at it the catching factor freaks me out yeah like at least like i've caught my nose piercing on things before and i've hated every second of it yeah but thankfully my nose isn't usually in contact with anything so it's pretty safe but your dick is in contact with fabric almost at all times. Yeah.

And fabric has seams and corners and sometimes there's a drawstring or this hair or this pubes or like, I don't know. And I think as well it's that thing of when you see something on someone and this is like with tattoos as well, but like you're like, this is what you think is cool. Do you know what I mean? Like this is the thing that you decided that you think is the coolest thing and like that's you know it's like a lot like when you see someone with a dick piercing you're like so you think this is like the height the coolest thing same

with like nipple piercings yeah and then i start imagining like where they might be practicing poi in the park or doing those devil sticks you know what i mean like i'm like what where does it stop what you think is cool because the dick piercing has a whole community of like let's paint fairy tarot cards like i associate with so detrimental today sister my goodness i just that's the thing i can't yeah um okay so are there any piercings that you like? Like I think anything can be justified by the right person having it. But I think like I like just like a good ear piercing and I think I really like your piercing, your nose piercing.

I think it's just the key to it is that it doesn't really stick out. Yeah, it doesn't. Which is kind of the end, like it doesn't make sense. But that's the beauty of like accessorizing well. Yeah. Is that they enhance, but I mean, depending on the situation, but like, you know, don't pull focus, but just accentuate. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. But if you're like a cool and hot girl you can get like a marilyn and i'll be like that's so cool yeah but again oh god that's a real dependent on yeah and like genetics this is going into the bunker do you know what i mean it's like there are guys with like the personalities and the dicks to pull off that piercing so i don't want to say yes Yes. Well, that's probably it. Like the piercing on like the current one,

like it's so like it just works so well for him. Yeah. It's like you couldn't argue with it. It's fucking amazing. Yeah. But this has to be on every person in the bunker. Well, no, no, no. I think there is an option to be pierced.

You think we're going to give them an option? Yes. I don't want everyone with snake bite pierced. You think we're going to give them an option? Yes. I don't want everyone with snake bite piercings. That's weird. But that would be really funny. It's just the gobble ghost and the troll. No, Gwyneth. Yeah, Gwyneth Wynn.

No, that's why I think everyone has to have it. It's kind of like a... Branding of the bunker. Which maybe they should have either the Zelda moon or the Lady Susan. It's like kind of like a branding of the bunker. Which maybe they should have like either the Zelda moon or the lazy Susan. Like both ears done or they can have the nose and then they can tuck it up if they want to go to a formal event in the abyss. Oh. Or Regis. Yeah.

Regis has a no visible piercing policy. Yeah, no. Oh, so two options. Yeah. Both ears or your septum. septum yeah well that's quite egotistical of us well that's it we're creating this bunker in the you know in our honor i think that's great yeah and i think they're classic enough oh that's it like in a sims like customize your character thing there's like the vanilla bitch with her ears pierced and then the bit lightly more edgy vanilla bitch.

Yes, who's like, I got the nose piercing because you went, you're going to scar. Yeah. Yeah. That's great. Well, lock it in. You can either be a Zelda or a lazy with your ear piercing. Yeah.

And with that, we'll be right back. Adios. And with that We'll be ending And welcome back listeners It's now time for our second category Here on Death to Everyone It's been highly recommended And we've been wanting to do it for a really long time. Really, really long time. Like months.

Probably since the podcast started. Well, it was one of the topics that we kind of threw about. We were like, could we make a whole podcast about this? I don't know. But then it was like, okay, well, it could be a topic and then we kind of went from there. So, listener, just take a breath. It's finally happening.

And we can say that for our second topic today, we are deciding which of Nicole Kidman's body parts goes into the bunker. Okay. So, this is very interesting to me because I'm an Australian. Yeah. And I love Nicole because obviously she's an icon. She's an actress. She's also a Goodwill ambassador for UNICEF.

Yes. And, you know, she's been around for a while. She has. She's told big lies. She's told little lies. She's told big little lies. God, she's important. But lies. God, she's important. But we can't have all of her.

She's worn wigs. She's worn prosthetics. She's worn wigs in every movie. Yeah. But which part of Nicole Kidman makes it into the doomsday bunker? Yeah. Which part, Zelda Moon? Okay, I'm just going to go for it.

My favorite part of Nicole are her flexible fingers. Her long fingers. Yes. She has such long sinewy fingers. They look like they could bench press me. Or. No. Wait.

Fingers. Are you talking about when she's clapping? And they're bent back. They're bent back. Yeah. Bent back. I love that. I love that for a woman. fingers you're talking about when she's clapping and they're bent they're bent back yeah bent back um i love that i love that for a while i try to recreate it and i think it's quite funny i probably don't quite get there but and it hurts my fingers to try to do that um but it's great yeah um second to that i'd say kind of like her neck.

She's got a long, thin neck. Yeah, that looks like it could bench press me. It is sinewy as well. I mean, every part of her is sinewy. It looks like very chewy meat. Don't you think? Well, I wonder, like, if you caress her neck, does she shiver? Does she feel that? Yeah, I feel like Nicole Kidman's 98% of her acting is shivering.

What would you use Nicole Kidman's neck and or fingers for in the bunker? Like a hinge? Would it be like a swivel chair? Oh, my God. So we have, oh, God, at some of our, like, corporate events, we have these fucking loud clappers, and it's like a stick with, like, bits of plastic on the end, and when you, like,

what if we manufactured Nicole's hands into a clapper, and they can indeed clap? Well, manufacture, oh, you just, you just get a taxidermist to turn. Yes, one sec. And we could use her neck as the handle. Well, listen, now you're taking too many pieces. We use the whole Nicole. No wasted Nicole.

I love... Okay, that's great. What do you like about Nicole's body? I like her thin lips. I like that she's never gotten the filler She always tries to pout them though Oh, they're pursed Like pushes them out Yeah, she kind of pushes them out like she's wanting filler

No, that's it, she's just working with what she's got What about her thin hair? Her thin Her thin, fine hair. Well, I would call it fine, not thin. I'd say it's both. It's a fine, curly red hair. It's very beautiful.

I can imagine Keith Urban burying his whole little body in her thin hair. I wonder if he has a good dick. Does Keith Urban have a good dick? I actually, you know, I think he does. I think it's thick. Does Keith Urban have a good day i actually you know i think he does i think it's thick does keith urban have a good dick and i i've never thought about this you know what i also don't think that she's fake horny i think she's real horny nicole kimmon is actually horny real i think they're both real horny and they have real good sex i could believe that yeah she's incredible i was watching killing of a sacred deer the other

night and there's a bit where she takes off her clothes and like lies on a bed like as if to be asleep um like for a sexual thing all right um trying to act no she does this thing where she pretends to be someone else it's weird um but her body is incredible it's like she's so muscular and anyway in the best way and but like no truly that is a woman who is like so fit yeah yeah um but yeah and she's got one like lip one bottom lip and like no top lip with like a very like fine cupid's bow yes um and maybe like that could be like they like when oprah's doing her announcements because she also loves nicole um it could be stretched over the speaker that oprah's voice comes out of and nicole could do her final performance wait what is stretched out her mouth Like you need some of the cheek as well.

But it would be like over the speaker box, like the principal in Greece might talk out of. Oh, so it's like it's Nicole's voice is Oprah's voice. Yeah, now. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Alternatively, her eyes, her blue eyes. Because, you know, she's like. She do be like that.

I've never felt this way before. You know, I've never seen Eyes Wide Shut. I should watch that. Yeah, give it a bell. It's a long movie. Okay. What was she really? I mean, Birth.

So good. Watch Birth before you watch Eyes Wide Shut. And then Margot at the Wedding. Margot. Watch that. That's incredible. And now try to defend that Viking movie. Ugh.

No. Nicole was good in that. She was. She was. In that Alexander Skarsgård piece of shit With bug eyes With old bug eyes She is everywhere

And you know what You know what This is what straight men do They cast bug eyes In their prestige films Well and in New Mutants Who was she in New Mutants Magic

She's Colossus' sister Of course Colossus' sister. Of course, Colossus' sister. She's going to be there? She can transport to Limbo and she has a magical sword. Did she have that in the movie? What's that? Did she have that in the movie?

Kind of. Oh, okay. She also has Lockheed in the movie, which kind of makes sense because they have a relationship, but really Lockheed should have been Kitty Pryde's familiar. Anyway, I wonder if they won't try to bring her back, though, in the MCU. Oh, bug eyes. Because they've already got bug eyes as magic. Like, it's a great character.

Ileana. Anyway. Oh, yeah. Anyway, I've come around on her quite a bit. I think she, well, this is a lame reason to come around on her, but she dressed so well for all of the Dune premiere stuff. She did look incredible. That whole campaign.

Like, she just looks so good. Yeah. I was like, ooh, you are like just so stunning. Yeah. It's really hard with Dune because, like, I'm like, Florence Pugh is being bug-eyed. Like, she's in everything. But every time Florence Pugh shows up, I'm like, wowce pew is being buggered like she's in everything but every time florence pew shows up i'm like wow you're fucking great and you've never been bad in anything like you just

have this incredible whatever character you slot yourself into you never like do like a drastic change in your character like in your who you are very nicole kidman actually but like far out she's just got this presence and like this absolute authority over like whoever she's playing that it doesn't feel forced and it doesn't feel like self-conscious she's just there just like nothing too big or showy yeah she could have gone so much crazier on that performance in june yeah and she's just so there yeah and that's it and like you can see other people performance in June. Yeah. And she's just so there. Yeah. And that's it. And like you can see other people doing a lot and she's not. She's not bothered.

She's such an incredible actress. I love her. Love. Like Nicole Kidman. Like Nicole. Who is. And her body part. Yeah.

Her red hair in Moulin Rouge is definitely an option. Well, maybe that's the answer. Maybe we need a third wig in the bunker. Well, I think it's got to be a scalp situation. Scalped. Oh, yeah. You've got to scalp. It's a natural hair.

Yeah. Yeah, okay. Which I assume was her hair in Moulin Rouge. Yeah. I'd like to suggest something with this topic. I would say maybe the question you should be asking is what is her most recognizable feature feature because if you just had a her hair in there i don't think that they wouldn't be like wow that's remember but if they saw the flex back fingers

they'd go i know who that belongs to yeah good point matt you could use those that clapper for anything you could use it she doesn't have a great pointy nose that's very Nicole Kidman. Yes. Yeah, that's true. I re-watched The Others the other day, and that is a fucking perfect film. I haven't seen that either. Oh, my.

You need to watch it. It's so good. We actually probably need to remake it. As the Beastie Girls. Well, Sans Banan Girl. But, like, you could play Nicole orle or i could play nicole and then one of us plays the daughter or the groundskeeper woman oh fuck we need three grounds keep a woman oh selda you need to watch this film it's like a woman in a victorian house

and she keeps all the curtains closed at all times because her children are allergic to the sun and if a bit of sun gets on them they will die oh my god and then the groundskeeper we're like these new groundskeepers show up because she loses the other ones um and the husband's away at war and she's like just in this giant manner like yelling about how we need to keep them safe because they're very sick it great. And it's a horror movie. It's really good. Okay, yeah. Yeah, there's something in the house. But incredible, like. She does that thing where she really, like, just stares and then the tears well.

Yes. Like, yeah. Which should be maybe that. I like that. Oh, her tears. Nicole Kidman's tears. But no, needs that glassy husky stare. Maybe it's tears. Nicole Kidman's tears. But no, it needs that glassy, husky stare. Maybe it's a crying Nicole Kidman eye.

A single eye. And it's gigantic and built into a wall. Why is it gigantic? How do we get it? It sounds like we're dealing with Nicole Kidman's body parts. You can't. Honey, I blew up the kid on this shit.

Why not? You just don't believe in world building and law. It's got to be of an appropriate size and taxidermied correctly. So if it's crying it has a small sprinkler set up to create the

expression. Okay. Okay listen Stella. sprinkler set up to create the expression okay okay listen seller yeah give a dog a bone i think that your hand clapper idea sounds fantastic i think so and i don't think we bring it out year one of the bunker i think we wheel it out for year five to celebrate yeah that's a treat for future that's it everyone gets a chance with the clapper one chance one clap and if you're too rough with it it's going to be back in five years back in the display case yeah so what if it was like a library like it's in the library and you just check it out for a night that is nice i think once it's

been launched yeah then and then everyone's had a go, then. Because I would like some alone time with it. What? Okay, well. She's never paid for it, but she has loaned it out once. If it's in the library, I'll check it out. And we just hear from behind your Murphy bed. That's quite good.

Everyone thinks it's Romeo Beckham jerking off, but no, it's just someone clapping. Perfect. With Nicole Kidman's hands. Well, great. Okay. We can't mess with perfection at this point. Incredible.

A round of applause. Thank you all so much for listening to that. Okay. that okay and we're back hello for the final the final thing okay what is it zelda this week number three we are talking about utensils no you said you wanted to do celebrity sausage oh celebrity what the fuck is that okay she said no no we're doing it it'd be great so let's see how that goes so tomorrow no on sat on Saturday, good friend who has absolutely never listened to this podcast, Art Simone. Oh, no, she posted it. Where did it go? Oh, my God.

Okay, wait for it. She's currently curating a celebrity sausage. She is currently. To her flavor profile. profile as part of the food and wine festival in melbourne there is the celebrity sausage like experience presented by baker's delight so let me just give you come down to the ice come down to the festival hub at fed square and grab a bite it's nothing but bangers whoever wrote this give them a raise the great aussie tradition of putting a snag on sliced white bread meets the ingenuity and flair of some of the nation's best-loved performers,

entertainers, athletes, and cooks. We've invited a group of your favorite stars to design their dream sausage sandwich, loading them up with serious sizzle on some of the Baker's Delight's finest. Wait, why haven't they said this is for charities? Is it for charity? No, it's for Baker's Delight's finest. Wait, why haven't they said this is for charities? Is it for charity? No, it's for Baker's Delight. Wait a second.

Is this not for charity? This has got to be. No, Baker's Delight will sell sausage on bread and you'll buy it and they'll put it in the bank. Wow. This isn't for charity For profit This is for profit

Who are the celebrities who have sold their souls to this? Okay, well of course, dear friend No, no, I thought you said celebrity souls Dane Lear, I don't know who that is Chaika Kiba Remy Hill Sarah Todd Darcy Moore who that is um chica kiba remy hill sarah todd darcy moore uh ed and charlie canal breadhead matt preston okay and claire bodich okay i know that name as well well claire bodich

is a musician who once rejected my music video that I made with my friend Nina on the website where you could make music videos for stars, and they might select it, and you'd win $2,000 or something. And we made a whole music video for her song River. One little river, buried down deep. And she didn't select it, and I forever held it against her. It is evident, yes. And it was better than the fucking shit that she chose.

Wow. So, claire you're unnoticed she has no taste so i guess the sausage not so good okay so i think we will get you to decide which one of you know what which sausage of these goes in the bunker but like because you don't know who any of these people are well not matt preston's i feel like that's cheating why isn't he like knows about food yeah he's the master chef judge yeah boo no you're disqualified what what what is that why because how's that fun i want celebrities who aren't associated with food to then be like no i do know about it and here's my that feels like such an arbitrary rule no uh cheetah doesn't he have like a fucking

restaurant where he sells sausages? You can't enter the comp. Let me tell you what's in. You can't make money for Baker's Delight. Get fucked. Boo. I will tell you what's in here. Give it to Nina Chanina, whoever.

That's one of the names you said, right? Okay, so it's a Kransky with creème fraîche, caramelised onions and bacon jam That sounds rich There's no relief Kransky Okay, Claire Bowditch, the fucking Judas Is she a redhead? No, I think she's got a big luxurious mop of blonde hair

No, no, no, she is red She is red. She is. Why do you know so much about Claire Bowditch? I'm a musician. I'm a musician. Speaking of red, I didn't say this before, and just quickly, the first hair dyeing experience I ever had was when I was like 15 years old and I got tips, but they were then dyed red.

So I had red tips in my spiky hair. How about this tip? Don't ever do that again. What other sausage did you get? Actually, you know what? My friend, who I should probably not name, once in high school bleached her friend's hair because she was like the cool punk chick and had the cool hair.

So she bleached her friend, who was a bit more like the shy gal, third- degree burns. All her hair fell out. And she had to wear a beanie for the rest of high school. Jesus. Because like it wouldn't grow back on the burned areas. Fuck. And the friend was traumatized.

Yes. Anyway, pork sage, apple sausage with spicy apple chutney from Claire Bowditch. Boo. That sounds like you can just get that at the fucking butcher right now. Wait. Pork sage and apple sausage with spiced apple chutney. What the hell? No.

Apple. Double apple. Chills out. Okay. North African spiced lamb sausage with capsicum relish from Breadhead. Boring. That's it? That's it. Capsicum also is not the relish from Breadhead. Boring. That's it? That's it.

Capsicum also is not the relish I'm reaching for. Grass-fed Otway beef and Majorum sausage with onion and tomato relish from Ed and Charlie Conell. Do you know who they are? They must be comedians. Matt? Matt? Ed and Charlie Conell?

I don't know. But you've been Googling this whole time, right? Okay, okay okay Cheesy mate In the booth Vegemite and cheese Beef sausage With tomato sauce Charlie

Absolutely not That's from Darcy Moore He sounds like a dickhead I like Darcy less If you ask me He's in Collingwood He's in Collingwood football Darcy Morris

Is he hot What was the other Ed and Charlie That's so Blur See you are He's in Collingwood football. Darcy Morris? Yeah. Is he hot? What was the other? That's so blur. See, you are. I'm a footy player. Simone's good. Tomorrow's still a thing. He knows his brand.

He knows his brand. Oh, they're in the Carlton football. Oh, they're also football. Okay, who's Sarah Todd? Okay, tandoori chicken sausage with mint chutney, pickled cucumber and crisp onions. Crisp onion, you say? Why would you call it pickled cucumber and not pickles?

You dip. Who's Sarah Todd? Sarah Todd is an Australian celebrity chef. Another chef? She's out. She's fucking out. Oh, my God. Okay.

And what? Is she a model just because she's an attractive chef? She was on MasterChef. She was on Top Model. She was on MasterChef in 2014. Oh, as a contestant. So, 10 years ago. Contestant.

Yeah. Boo. How do you pronounce this? Gochujang? I don't know. Gochujang pork sausage with kimchi relish. Oh, gotcha. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, gotcha. That to me sounds good because I like kimchi. Yes. But is it kimchi or kimchi relish? Okay, you know? Yeah. Okay, lamb, peach, red onion and mint sausage with Dijonais and flower petals. From who?

From Chika Kiba. I like that name the best. Well, that's what we're going for. And I like flowers. Yeah, all right. My flowers, that's a fucking rort. It's ridiculous, but I like flowers. So there's nothing else I've heard so far that I like. Okay, what about this?

You're going to hate this. Oh, no. Red chili pepper pork sausage with mayo and sparkles. Sparkles? And also sparkles on mayonnaise. Yeah. Fucking mayonnaise is so disgusting. I hate mayonnaise.

Which ingredient in mayonnaise do you not like? Egg. Egg. Egg. Egg. No, I just think the consistency is not it. And, like, what is that flavor? It's like an umami. It's an eggy umami flavor.

No, I don't just. It gives a nice base note. And, like, a pasta salad that's, like, cold from, like, Safeway. Oh, my God. Now. Actually, you say now my mouth is watering. Oh, my God. And it's you say now my mouth is watering. Oh my God. And it's always like,

what is that? Like speaking of pasta shapes, what is that? It's like kind of like an elbow macaroni, but it's bigger than macaroni is. And kind of twirls it in itself. And it has like more,

more crevices somehow to catch what? More fucking mayonnaise? Yeah, delicious. Or like weirdly crisp bits of capsicum. How are they so crisp? They're in a moist environment.

Capsicum retains its crispness. That's why it's a favorite of salad makers across the world. What other sausages? That's all the sausages. Oh, okay. We were doing it to Johnny. That was Art Simone's with the sparkles. Oh.

Edible sparkles, you bitch. Oh, I had edible sparkles last night on that fucking cock waffle. So I went on a date last night no one knows what you're talking about crazy lady on a bus i had sparkles last night on that fucking cock waffle yeah i went on this date last night and we went to the cock waffle place stop saying it like that it feels violent that's how it's spelled. It's cock waffle. And it was just a fucking waffle dipped in some chocolate and then with a bit of fucking sprinkle on it for $15.

You spent $15? Did you get one each? Yes. You didn't share one? No. On some romantic date you were on. So you couldn't do like split the shaft and like you're meant to use it as an opportunity to like open a discussion about how you're going to his date no do they dip it in chocolate yeah that's rude for a gay date

shine of things to come um do you like any of those sausages yeah okay so i actually think how is there no vegetarian sausage yeah that is weird. Maybe they don't let you. What does Baker's Delight have against? What do you think? What do you think? Baker's Delight fucking hates us.

They have those pizza slice things. That Preston one sounds good. Kransky sounds delicious. The creme fraiche. Kransky is the best sounding sausage. And it also sounds like it has the most history. Claire Bowditch needs to get off her apple shit. What, does she work for apples now?

What is she, an apple with luxurious blonde hair? Red. Yeah, exactly. Like apples. Stop dying that hair. What happened, Claire? Oh, my God. I mean, the kimchi one. Yeah, god i um i mean the kimchi one yeah actually that might

be the good dish um and then i could just get like i don't know kimchi on a slice although a vegemite and cheese beef sausage with tomato sauce on a cheesy mite scroll sounds good with tomato sauce yeah tea sauce yum you can't have a fucking sausage without sauce, hun. Oh, you're not wrong. What are you putting on your sausage? No, I would have sauce. Yeah, it comes with sauce. Darcy Moore specified it.

Darcy Moore. Yeah, that's a pretty good name too. What was the good name though? Say that one again. Chai Kakiba. That's great Who is that? Matt

Oh, man in the booth Chai It's C-H-Y-K-A Wait, C-H-Y-K-A Yeah, and then K-E-E-B-A-U-G-H I hope I've pronounced that correctly Sorry Chica Keeble American business woman and author

Chica.com Chica.com A weekly online home and lifestyle magazine Published by Chica Keeble on all the things Home decorating and entertaining crafts and DIY Wait, wait, wait She's American She's like an author, media and television personality.

What does an American personality know about Baker's Delight at Fed Square? What do they possibly know about bread? And what was she doing? She spent four years. Was that the Tandoori one or what? She spent four years as the homemaking and styling expert on Good Morning Australia. Lamb, peach, red onion and mint sausage with Dijonese and flower petals.

Flower petals. No. And she was also on the Real Housewives of Melbourne. There you go. What? I think it's- I am just a little bit excited to share my secret ingredients for my celebrity sausage. This is what she just posted yesterday.

You can't tell me that Art Simone is not the biggest star on this list, apart from Matt Preston. Yeah. I'll be at Fed Square. She'll be there. On Saturday, 23rd of March at 11am and can't wait to try my creation. Why would an American personality be at Fed Square on a Saturday? As a girl growing up, we had a sausage sizzle every Saturday at home

and whoever was around knew they could drop over. So this has been fun to create anyone could drop over what a fucking lie um what are you talking about you psycho say hi you're like as a girl what do you mean as a girl growing up we had a sausage sizzle what does that mean pretty self-explanatory what okay so we can go we can go and see them at their appearance times because they're appearing on Saturday and Sunday

at FedSquad activate the space I have a friend's birthday on Saturday afternoon that's where I'll be don't lie it's embarrassing when you lie

and what would the lie be there friends aging okay so Chica is at 11 to 11.45 Art is from 12 to 1 This is all going to be in the past Yeah true actually

It doesn't matter But I'll let you know if I go We're putting in one sausage One only Just fucking pick One We do it I mean

No I can't Well I don't care Kransky I guess I think the kimchi one Yes That would be my That sounds Sounds spicy and delicious

I just need one more thing They skimped out On one thing But Let's say Remy Hill Gets it With the gotcha jang Pork sausage and kimchi relish

You right? Or it's Matt Preston with the gotcha jang pork sausage and kimchi relish. Mm-hmm. You right? Or it's Matt Preston with the Kransky. Sorry, Art. It's pork? It's a red chili pepper pork sausage with mayo and sparkles. So the issue is the mayo needs something to like, there's got to be like a vinaigrette-y kind of moment as well, like a ketchup.

I don't know, but I don't think of pork as the most Korean of meats. Zelda, tell us what do you think the most Korean meat is? Fucking chicken. Okay. But also like a lot of it's so much beef. Well, then I don't know. It's a lot of beef and chicken. Tell Korea, so much beef Well then I don't know It's a lot of beef and chicken Tell Korea darling not me

I don't know well I'm just wondering about the flavour pairing Go on What do you think? I don't care I got clapping hands you pick Okay well I'm gonna say Darcy Moore's cheesy mite veggie mite And cheese beef sausage with tomato sauce Because that sounds the most delicious for a day.

I don't want creme fraiche. That's too much, Matt. Caramelized onion and bacon jam sounds good, but the creme fraiche is crazy. That's psycho behavior. Bacon jam. Is that just jam with bacon bits inside of it? We can only assume, but we will never truly know until I go. I'm not jammed bacon.

I'm jammed bacon. Well, it is weird that there's no vegetarian option, Baker's Delight. Right? Not at all. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Okay, that's the theme song for Baker's Delight, for those of you who are listening overseas, which we know that 8% are listening in the United States,

8% are in the United Kingdom, 2% are in New Zealand. We know where you live. Yeah. We know where you live. And that 51% of you are male presenting, and that 30-something, 8% of you are female presenting. And then there's just a swathes of non-binary folks listening. And plus.

The plus. The plus. Thank you. Do I have plus listeners? Plus. Have a plus day. Yeah. Plus-binary folks listening to us. The plus. The plus. Thank you. Do I have a plus next time? Plus. Have a plus day. Yeah. Plus to you.

Plus to you. Oh, and when we're at the NGV on Friday night, you know what's in the gift shop? Sule Nyor. Yes! Can't wait. I think Troy is going to be there on Friday. Oh, he might be. I have a feeling Troy is going to be there.

And we've got to figure out what we're going to say to him. I think we'll say esulengyo to you esulengyo what we will say is excuse me why did you take us off the credits for your music video

that we starred in you did say we would be credited and you put them on took them off you put them on and then a few days later oh they were gone and then we put them back on

and then they took them off yeah so it was obviously several conscious choices esulengyo to nobody I suppose yeah especially the YouTube And then they took them all. Yeah. So, it was obviously several conscious choices. Assuming you're to nobody, I suppose. Yeah. Especially the YouTube credit section.

Anyway. That's what we'll say. Anyway, well, now I'm furious and I can't think about sausages any longer. If you have listened to today's episode, I hope that you don't consider dying your hair as a result of result of this trauma So we are putting in nipple piercings Yeah Yeah No we're not What?

We're putting in our piercings Because we're narcissists Yeah We're putting in Nicole Kidman's hands in a clapper form yeah um we didn't establish what the handle is i guess it's like an oak i think it's gonna be a piece of plastic okay great um and and what sausage do you want and let me just put darcy moore's cheesy mite vegemite and Sausage with Tomato Sauce at the Celebrity Sausage event that is not for charity at Fed Square to open the food and wine festival that Melbourne seems to always be having.

But also, would you, like we can put, like we'd love to. Thank you. If you want some real celebrities next year, where? One email away. Do you know how, like if I die, they won't write about it in the age, I might be okay with that if they write about me at Celebrity Sausage. If I could be a Celebrity Sausage. And what would yours have?

Lots of mustard because you're yellow? I might try and do something with a finger bun, see if they could bring me a finger bun. You know how it's got the icing on it it's white bread oh it has to be white bread it was in the description i did read that i did read that well see i'm already trying to push the boundaries of what's safe and what's cool you know i'm a real i read white bread but i thought what about finger bun i said give me that boston bun i will still stop in her but Breaker's Delight from time to time and get myself that one with the almonds and the cinnamon on top.

No almonds, walnuts. Oh, God, it's delicious. The only thing I would get from there is like the pizza thing. I had that the other day. Pizza scroll. What about a cheesy mind scroll? I don't think I've ever had that. Oh, darling, they're delicious.

Veggie mind is so. Oh, God. It makes my face... Well, it's good to see anything come out of your face. Yeah, I don't like Vegemite. Do you think we made smart decisions today? I think we're incredible. Were they motivated?

Were they assessed correctly? Were they round? Were they trans? Transformers? You were the one that introduced this smart. Smart goals. Yeah. So this is the thing about smart goals.

You kind of think about it once and then never again. Yeah. That's the thing about goals. You have them, then you don't achieve them, you just move on. I think we've done incredible work and it's time for a rest

it's time for us to go yeah cookie okay goodbye to all of you goodbye we'll see you next week darling

Death to Everyone was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Shears our theme song and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Ledlack

if you have something to ask us or say to us or send us your fan fiction we'll do so at death to everyone pod at gmail.com borders please so we can buy a kransky at patreon.com such death to everyone and also get access to our discord server bye bye