Death To Everyone - Death To... Portals, Cool Names & Gap-Teeth feat. Kergen Angel

Episode Date: October 29, 2025

Short and sweet with special guest Kergen Angel!xFollow us, won't you? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.naturalhabitatstudios.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. www.instagram.com/ediecentric⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103

...toe... ...to everyone... Hello, listeners. Gooday and welcome back to Aussie TruthPod with Robbie and Cano. I had complete, sorry, I completely forgotten watch I was on for a second there. No worries, mate. How are you? How the fuck are you?

It's what happens when you lose the granny. I'm good. I'm good. I'm bloody great today. I've been having fun. Me and the wife and the kids had decided that we were going to go down at Sam Rima on the weekend because there was some swell going on down there. Fuck, yeah.

How is his little Dane? Oh, he's good. He's good. You know, he's really starting, he's gone to that age where he started to pick on his sister. Yeah. And, you know, sometimes, you know, he'll do something like, I don't know, pull her hair or hit her across the face and push her down and fly to stairs. And, you know, it's on the one hand, you want to be a good kind of role model and dad and be like, oh, you know, Dane, stop him hitting your sister or that sort of thing. Yeah.

But then in the other hand, you kind of want to be like, fair play, though. It's kind of funny. Fuck, yeah. You know what I mean? I know we shouldn't laugh at it. Nah, well, that's here. But me and the wife, you know, we close the door and have a little giggle, you know. Well, she don't, but I do.

Because she's, you know, she's probably like, you know, kind of wrangling the kids, you know, fixing something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, you forget, as a new parent, you know, kind of like constantly forced to, you know, eat early and that sort of thing. And you're like, you know, so kind of like, you know, the timings work sometimes, like, put the kids down just in time for, you know, the grand final. So it's like, you know, two in the afternoon. I'm like, sorry, kids, got to go to bed, you know, that sort of thing. That's it.

Got a couple of, you know, friends coming over. Tooies and new, you know. Yeah. Stacey, yeah, we're still trying. Yeah. Listen, mate, don't envy you. Thanks, mate. That's it.

What are you shooting blanks or something? No, no, you know, Stacey's... Good-day, mate. How are you? Matt, how are you doing? Matt, Maddie boy. It's producer Matt. Yeah.

What's going on, man? Mattow. How's the miso? Yeah, the miso soup. Ha ha. Yeah. That's the other thing. I tried some of that soup.

You know, we're trying out new cuisines around our house, you know? Oh, cuisine? All right, mate. Yeah, I know. cuisine. What even are you? Michelin, I thought it was just a tire, but it's also a fucking star, you know? So, yeah, we were having some, you know, some cuisine coming around the house.

And I was like, what the fuck is this salty water? She said, it's me so soup. And I was like, what the fuck is that, you know? I can't fuck with that shit, man. Yeah, no, no, it's, you know, whatever. No. Anyway, should we dive into it? Fuck yeah.

Yeah, okay. So let's start at the top. Elon, self-discovery, finding out the man you're going to be. Let's start there and we'll go. I've had enough now. Male loneliness. Why are men so alone? I don't know.

But I spend a lot of time with a straight person on the weekend. And they are weird. Fucking weird. Like actually hang out. I talk about me like that. No, but like, you're only like you're straight but like in a stey in a way yeah whereas like just straight even though this person was lovely and nerdy he was still very straight yeah it's just like i spend

all day every day with straight women they're fabulous because they're women yeah but the man what's happening there like it seems to be a curse yeah yeah but not by a fabulous witch she wouldn't come up with something so boring well maybe that's it she's just just like, I guess you're so, we don't have to see you anymore. Anyway, anyway, poor man, we'll see them in a few. We'll see them in 30 years. Yeah. They'll just come out of the ground like, you know, cicadas.

Oh. Sure. Both of those things are relevant. You know, they come out of the ground every so often. And every time there's a march for Australia, they just emerge. And then you see their little chrysalis husks of Australian flags floating down from this street, you know. And I'm Zelda, And I'm lazy, Suzanne.

And this is a show called Death to Everyone. We joked before. That wasn't really us. That wasn't. And I forgot the bit as soon as we started. The Zelda held tight. Yeah. Like a woman being wrenched out the side of a hot air balloon.

She held on tight. How many hot air balloon disasters happen a year? Too many. Do you think? Too many to justify waking up that early in the morning. I mean, allowing them to continue to fly. Do you think it's, like, dreamy to, like, get up early and see them in the dawn sky? Yeah.

But I just don't need to get in a basket. I'm not a cat. I'm not an adorable cat. Where do they launch from? And where do they land? And how do they orchestrate that? I don't know. But the...

Sometimes they land in the street. Well, that's... The street? Yeah. No, well, have you seen that recently after that accident? It happened recently somewhere. No. It just came down in the middle of the road.

I just... wouldn't do that. But I can't, what? You can't really control it when it's coming down. Just about, sorry, sorry. Whoopsie. Yeah, no, that's not for me. I mean, the idea of being soundlessly in the sky

except for an occasional... Mm. It's quite fun. Also, being moved by a lever, that's good. Yeah. We have a special guest here today. Who is it? Who is it?

You'll have to guess, listen now. It's me. It's such a pleasure to be He's a second official appearance Credited appearance Corgan It's husband It's husband

Nice to meet you all I hope you all Have you all have a really lovely day You're being reintroduced Now What do you have to say for yourself I was thinking about I like male loneliness

Oh yeah And I was listening to this podcast with these two straight boys the other day. Aussie truth pot. And they were talking about the cum trees in Melbourne. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. And they were like,

of course. They were like, when you smell it and it's so affronting, like, like, it's so awkward and embarrassing to, like, call the council and be like, like, if you make a complaint about the smell, then you kind of have to like, in their words, confess that you know what cum smells like. Hey, fellas, he's knowing what. Come smells like gay. Just maybe really reflect

when I'm... I've also, I mean, I've lived in Melbourne a long time and every fucking year we get this fucking discourse about the country, wherever, like, whatever hack young comedian is coming up on, like, social media. It's like, you know, these countries. But I've never smelled it. I've never smelt it.

I'm like, I'm pretty intimately acquainted with the general aroma of cum. Yes. But I've never smelled a tree that smells like, yeah. There's one around the corner from the studio. I'll take you there. It's just Matt, checking up in the alley. Matt, you do that tree.

Like, just smell it right here. No, no, like right here. It's on my fingers. Because, yeah, and also imagine complaining to the count, like, they're like, oh, admitting that you know what the smell of come is. the issue there. It's like, the, like, I have to complain to my counsel because of the affront of smelling a tree that smells like, kind of, like, does that make me go if I live on the neighbourhood with the cum trees? Yes. But what if I like it a little bit, but all my

might say that it smells gross? Yeah. Does that make me gay? Probably a little bit. This is what I was saying the other week, about how straight guys touching their dick makes them a little bit gay. Yeah. They do touch it a lot. Yeah. Daily. They actually touch dick daily. They don't all. That's kind of gay. They don't all do it. Do you think anyone like free hands pissing?

Yes. What's freehanding pissing? Like just, I'm not going to touch it. Yes. They stand in front and just like let it let it go. But then how do you shake it off? You wiggle. You wiggle.

But then you get dribble on your leg. What if they sit and dab with a single square of toilet paper? I think that sitting is more gay than touching a dick. no it's the um like constant readjustments that the straits do that's the thing yeah like i find it so perplexing like i don't think the gays are doing what i'm unaware of this binary where no the gays are adjusting as well yes no no no no but it's like do you do it like in public like in the office oh i mean there's got to be some sort of decorum in my office one would hope

you're just like tucked all the time I like to hang out tight poofs oh my god a tight caboose yeah caboose oh moose is so cool what are we here to do

why am I here you tell us about the podcast coach and what's your description of the podcast so today on that to everyone we're going to be talking about what goes into the bunker. Now, you might have heard about the seed bunker up in Norway or wherever, but it's not that. Same premise, though, except instead of, like, seeds that will repopulate the earth

full of its, like, organic material, this is what's going to repopulate the earth with culture, as defined by these two celestial goddesses that I'm very honored to be joined by on my podcast. Live to everyone. Yeah. That's pretty good. I think we can end the podcast right there Yeah So I think Each episode We first decide

How does the world come back to life And then we figure out three topics About which one thing From those topics is going into the bunker Well now you've lost me Okay We figure out how the world ends Wait what?

Before we do that We need to have a quick check-in on our lives Yeah Zelda how are you Oh I'm good Well, good to know No, I had a Listener

Beepidoo peep Beep peep peep We recorded this one A little bit of head of time So I actually just finished up a little gig Of Are They a Bard? Your first time in drag

Ah ha ha ha Which was very fun Yeah, you'll never forget your first time Yeah Ah, ha. Ha. Ha. Um, so that was good. Big thanks to, um, Tom and Mom and Grouse for having me. And what was the funniest thing that happened? Well, okay, so in my fabulous, I dressed as a, uh, teafling. Um, so listeners who are unaware, which I imagine is zero. What is a teafling? So it is a, um, Duns and Dragons, uh, species, uh, that is traditional. like red in color as they are like semi-demon whatever

but horned horned red I didn't do the tail but I was wearing a gown the tail was underneath whatever creatures of you know wonder and so I painted myself red and then impressed by how little staining there is on your body I have exfoliated many times in the last 48 hours it's like my skin is so sore if you are not new to makeup or face pain or anything red pigment stains like the worst on your body um but then the room was lit red which i did you flag with you did saying perhaps you'll end up looking like you've done black face because when you see people in red makeup in red rooms it does tend to read black that was not but it did not happen

you just looked like you were wearing your normal makeup yes and it wasn't until after the gig was done after when I was on the street that one or two people who were still around were like oh wait what you you're skin I was like yes it took hours yeah it took hours so glad I invested that in a small team of gays

yes yes yes um yeah so That was my favorite thing. That's very funny. Who's your character? Sell us the fantasy. So I was Esmeralda Spoon, a Tiefling cleric. Clerk. Her real housewife's intro was, wait, one moment, someone say something.

Oh, something. I can't believe that she was a cleric. Well, what do they do? Heal? File paperwork for the community office. The last name, Spoon is very good, though. Spoon? Yes.

I mean, listen, it's pretty good. My words cut deeper than any blade, so keep your sword, and I'll keep the spotlight. When did you say these lines? We like introed our characters. Yeah, yeah. That sounds fun. Yeah, it was very fun. And I was playing with Hot Department, so Honour and Patrick, Patrick, who we've had on the pod.

And in fact... We need to have Honour on. That's the root of us. We do. And we have Patrick's high school play. script in the bunker, I think. Yes. Yeah. No poem.

English poem. Anyway. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it was very fun. Our fab. Yeah. So love that. Thanks. How are you? I'm good. Once again, I just got back from Palmerston Drag Festival, which has happened now probably a few

weeks ago. But what a blast and a half to be invited to Palmerston North in Alteroa and fly in and then take a tiny little plane to this town which has been referred to as the Ballarat of New Zealand and when I got there everyone was lovely

and we were all being taken care of and it was me and Queen Kong and Gabriella Libucci and Kedameen and Rita Menue and Yuri Guy and a whole bunch of drag race girl And Lawrence, do you see Lawrence, Jenny?

No. And Lawrence Jenny. She was there too. She was there too. And like we were all kind of out there in this like small town at this massive ornate, old-timey theater that had like a giant mezzanine and like this beautiful like moldings and chandeliers and everything. And that was a 1300 people's theater that had like sold out entirely. as it does every year for this massive stage. And it was just incredible.

It was organized by this incredible drag queen that I used to know from the Greyhound called Rubarb Rouge, who is just a singular entity in the fact that she is so, she has such a clear vision of exactly what she wants to achieve and just get to done. Like she just, I don't know, ever since I've known her, She's just been someone who's like, you did all of that? She's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, just got it done.

And so she's like, over the last five years built this massive drag festival that now is like changing the local economy to a certain extent because it's just like all these people. So cool. Yeah, so crazy. And they just took really good care of us. But before the festival that started, there'd been this whole scandalabra where Spanky Jackson had not been invited to perform.

She's obviously like the queen of Palmerston. north and had kind of made put it on the map when she won season two of drag race down under and in one of the challenges didn't add for her in hometown where she made the pronouncement it's always balmy and parmy can you confirm or deny such a claim it is so fucking parmy and parmy and parmy um palmy parmy parmy it's balmy it's barmy it's constantly wet and then dry and then wet and then sunny and then wet like just these constant wetness um but she was not invited to perform and there's been all this like back and forth back and forth um where you know spanky was like oh like you know it's fuck that they haven't brought me back and da da da and the festival

was like well we can afford her and then spanky was like well i've got my secrets and here's the receipts um and it's been an incredible thing but the whole time i think probably because Kiwi people are the most just generally lovely people I think you're liable to meet it never felt like a blood match or anything like they were like Spanky was sending messages to the girls being like

I just want you to know that none of this affects the way that I feel about excited that you've come to my small town to come and perform and I'm so excited that you're all here please stop by and visit my new space and then like the organizers is like after the show all like still went

and hung out at Spanky's after party and so it was just very funny but there was this incredible moment where we did the whole show it was amazing, went off without a hitch and it was just generally like such a good time

despite the decided quite large lack of DOA they were not okay so last the previous year, as I arrived, we discovered that the previous year, the girls had been gifted a lovely bottle of rhubarb-infused gin, which is a lovely gift. And they still, they did give us that,

but they gave it to us the next day. And I think that was, why would that be? Because when each girl walked into the dressing room and found a full leader of gin at each makeup station pre-show, and it was Vanity and Art Simone and Spanky and essentially everyone got so fucking pissed the art was like I didn't even remember like the final show and then like Vanity was just like vanity just is on one forever and just yeah apparently like every like the show went a little bit overtime because girls were just doing these elongated talk spots

that kind of... That's on like drag queens to lose their sense of self-control. Yeah, so we were backstage being like, can we get some, can we get some booze, please? And like, finding little skericks of booze around the place. But they were like quite good at keeping us on a tight leash for the drinking.

And it did turn out to be quite a wise decision because the show at least went pretty much to time. And then, but then after the show, they had next door a big after party with like all the official after party and they had like a cocktail menu that was themed after the Parmy Drag Fest but then I arrived just in time to spot the arrival of a eight foot tall woman in a one foot piece of fabric that was lime colored with her rava sunglasses and teased out wet look wig as Miss Spanky Jackson arrived at the official after party

and stomped through the room and everyone was like and it was like this like we were in an episode of Gilmore Girls where it was like the small town vibes of like and she was the like she is the diver of the town but she was the witch that was cast out

and wasn't allowed to attend the official ceremony but she still showed up on the day in full drag and I was like I turned to Lawrence she was like she's here in full drag for no money and it was just like incredible but then we had the kick on set i like that full drag was said yeah very generous not even half drag well that's it not like sunglasses and just a lip um but then yeah we all kicked on to the jackson effect which is spanky jackson's new art space like multi-use like community art space and it's

so it was so charming because it was genuinely like suddenly being back in like high school or like early uni days where everyone was just sitting around like in this like huge shed in this small town where there was nothing like the whole town was dead like you could like walk out in the middle of the road not see a car for like fucking an hour yeah and it was just like it was incredible and people were just having the fucking best time and spakey was like on us tip. It's like the most charismatic woman you've ever met, but she gets up, she gives a whole speech and she's like pointing around the room.

She's like, how amazing is this, guys? We've got four winners in one room. Oh, we've got the amazing. Oh, God, legendary, lazy Susan, you're so amazing. Ketamine. God, you're fucking talented. Your beat is incredible. Oh, my God.

Who can forget, Lawrence Cheney? You're amazing, bitch. I think you're fucking sensational. And then Keita's like, and people that came second and she's like, oh yeah, Gab, you're good too. And then Keita's like, and don't forget to acknowledge people

that also came 12th and points out to Olivia Dreams. Who was also there. Thank you, Olivia, for coming. Shut up. Yuri Guy was also there, which was fabulous. I think it was actually her that said that. Anyway, it was very funny, very shady.

And very weird to, like, yeah, have this kind of large drag race franchise presence in this, like, random small town in a shed in the middle of the night where we're all like, so, what's going on? That's so cute. It was very cute. It was very cute. Yeah. But at one point, this woman just walked in off the street and she was not, didn't know anyone there and was. just like, I don't know, very high woman. And she sat down and was there until like, like six in the morning.

And Spanky had just sat down next to her at one point apparently and turned her and said, Who the fuck are you? It was an incredible energy. Yeah. Did she offer anything to the vibe? Um, I don't know. Methy vibes. Yeah.

Hmm. Meth roll. So who the fuck are you? God. Yeah. I like it. Yeah. But it was, uh, it was truly an incredible time and then the whole next day I spent

just traveling home, which took me a whole day. Which famously from New Zealand. It shouldn't. Shouldn't. No. Ah, well. Oh, well. Anyway.

Hmm. And has usburned. Usband. Yeah. Are you all good? I'm well. Shall we get started? Yeah.

Yeah, but you got to destroy the planet. I waffle stump it And for those listeners at home That don't know what a waffle stump is Sometimes when you doosh Some poo comes out But you're in the shower Doosh

What? Sometimes you just need to shit On the floor of the shower And then you have to use your foot To stomp it through the grate of the shower Which of course turns the poo Into a waffle shape Well actually

To add on to that Yuri guy was telling me Yes. That she introduced this concept to Angeria Van Michaels. So much so that she, when Angeria saw her next at the next dragcon, yelled across the dragcon floor, hey, waffle stop! Wow. And she was like, I wasn't talking about me.

I've never done it. I was just telling you what it is. Oh, no need to lie, Yuri. You're a waffle stumper. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. And then I kind of take the nozzle off the shower and sprits it down the game.

Yes, yes, yes. Waffle stomping it into a black hole? Like, what's the drain in this space? Yeah, and whose anus did the planet come out of? Hmm, these are all good questions. Whose anus did the planet come out of? Yes. And then I also think that, therefore, we're asking what was the planet before it was a poo?

Okay. Well, you know what? I've already realized you've managed to derail this conversation into poo chat. Yeah, there's too much poo chat. Already in the first five minutes of the show. The first five minutes. Shall we move on? Yeah.

Yes. Yes. Welcome back, Welcome back, everyone. Hello, what's our first topic for discussion today? The first topic of discussion that we're having today is which portal goes into the bunker. Orange portal from portal. Actually, you're the orange from blue too.

I prefer the blue one. one. No. Do you come out of the orange portal or go into the orange portal? Both. Wait, what are orange portals do again? It just is to differentiate it from the blue one. Yeah.

What does the blue do? The same. Same. So you come out of one? Yeah. And into the other. So why is one orange, one blue? So they're different.

So is one in, one and out? No. They just alternate. No. It depends. If you go in blue, you come out orange. When the gun, when the. The portal gun shoots.

Yeah. What color comes out? You choose whether it's blue or orange. Based on what? Which button you click. Left for blue, right for orange. I've played this game. I don't remember any of that.

We've even played it together. Yeah. I think it should just be the portal gun. The portal gun... I don't know that I need them to have that technology. Well, they can't escape, but they could drop a crate from the roof of the bunker. And then it just keeps going faster and faster. What happens?

you shoot the portal into the abyss? Only one way to find it. Well, I'd like to suggest something as an alternative. Doorways? I was wondering if, well, so I've got two. My first is the wardrobe from the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. Oh.

Christianity's favorite portrait. Yes. The Christian portal. And sometimes it's a wardrobe and sometimes it goes to Narnia. oh yeah that makes me sad that sometimes you can walk into a closet and not find narnia yeah yeah um i mean i like that only if you've been good yeah yeah i mean touching yourself i like if you've been smelling the cum trees you can't go in well matt sorry no licking your fingers for you the way that it works to clarify when they go when the

When the children go into the Narnia portal? Yes. Do they, and they age faster, like a minute in the real world is like 20 years in the Narnia world. Yeah, in essence. Yeah, so when they go into the portal and they end up becoming the kings and queens of Narnia. Yeah. How, when they come back, have they aged or they revert to the age that they left at? They revert to the age that they left at.

Oh, God. Like basically no time at all. Yeah. So terrifying. Right? So, like, imagine, like, different denizens of the bunker going in through the wardrobe into Narnia, living full and complete lives outside of the bunker, and then coming back in, realizing that no time has passed and they're trapped. Can I, I'm going to... Yeah, but they had a momentary escape, and I hate that. Be very rude and spoil what I thought was one of my favorite jokes in the film friendship.

Have you seen that, Matt? Friendship? No. Okay. Have we watched it? No, well, Zelda would never watch it because it's a comedy. And the husband would never watch it because it's a film over 20 minutes. Yes.

20 minutes into watching something is when my sleep timing and my brain turns on. So you started to, when we went to go and see Volver the other night, you started to dance along to the theme music that was like barely there. And just like rocking. And I was like, well, I guess he was raised in a different generation to me. I really enjoyed Vilvaire. Yeah. I thought it was such a beautiful film.

But you've got to have a little time to dance. But in this film, which is a comedy, I think you should leave at star Tim Robinson, Tim Robinson. Tim Robinson? Yeah. And Paul Rudd, there's a bit where he goes to get a hallucinogenic. I'm getting to it. I'm sorry.

Instead of, this is my alternate discussion about what they should find on the other side of them. No, I'm so into it. I just don't know there's people. Oh, okay. Well, this is why. This is why I'm here. Please continue. It goes to get a hip, a hallucinogenic toad to kind of go on his first drug trip.

Yeah. Because he wants to be crazy. Yeah. And he like licks the toad. And then like this guy who's sold him the lick of the toad lies him down in the back area of his workplace. I have seen this. Oh, yeah. We went to go see it together.

Yeah. And then he flies through, kind of like, you see this kind of transition of like the classic going into a drug, drug trip. And then he gets up and he walks in and he's in a subway. And he like sees Paul Rudd, a friend of his who is missing a lot, is serving him from behind the counter in this kind of hallucination. But he's got a mustache. And then he's like, I'll have a sub. and I'd like, could I get some olives and some cheese and then I'll have it on the whole meal? He's like, yeah, okay, yeah.

And then like, it goes, and then he wakes up back in the room and that was his whole hallucination. And it's just like he's the most boring man in the world. But, like, his version of having, like, his absolute, like, life-changing experience is just this incredible sandwich. I'll imagine. But I would like to offer that, perhaps, as, like, when they go into the Narnia wardrobe, it's just, like, the similar Wendy's where Courtney is working. Yeah. And they're just, like, talking to her and be like, can I get the flake shake? And she's like, yes.

But she's got four and legs, wasn't it? And then maybe as well, she's like put it into my exceptional shake machine that they have at the 7-11s. And you stand there and you watch it show up, and you watch the percentage like timer go down. And you're like, ooh, I cannot wait for my delicious Cadbury 12 flavored shake. And then it finally like spits it out. And then you realize that there was no chocolate syrup in the machine and it's just blended ice sitting in a cup. This might have been based on an experience. We just had.

Yes. close to home. Early familiar. Did he say anything? We just went to 7-Eleven on our way here. But did he say anything about that? He just said, give it to me. Well, it's no time for a Britney Spears number.

That really tickled me. So I think that I'm fully on board with the Narnia portal to a very boring fast food outlet. Or it doesn't have to be far. I mean, just to like, obviously we can't send them into a place that's better than the bunker. Well, there isn't such a thing anyway. No, but anyway, we should do, there's so many other portals.

Well, that's true. Yeah. Well, I mean, a great exceptional portal is the Stargate. Oh, and of course, the Stargate Atlantis. Yes. And Stargates, Miami.

I was only allowed to watch Stargate on a Saturday night if my mom let me stay up past 10 p.m. And it was on the TV. Loser. Yes. Wait, it wouldn't have even been on on a Saturday. Well, whatever day it was that I was allowed to stay up past 10pm.

Hmm. Cool. What about the portal that was in the Spellman House, Sabrina? Yeah, in that cupboard. Mm-hmm. I like that. Hmm. I love Eliana Raspitin's portals that take her to Limbo.

Oh, that's fun. Ooh. What did you just say? Hey on, on that one. Yes. How incredible is that? the Howe's Moving Castle, like, like, doorknob? Yes, that little, like, egg timer portal.

Oh! And now I'm here. And now I'm here. And the little standard makes, yes. I love that. That's the portal. Do you think that's the portal? Yeah, except you can only do it to like the one,

where Howe comes in and he's like, all dramatically like still half beast. And he's injured. And it's just the, this on the other side. Yes, it's just like, oh my God. So the portal. opens to like maybe halfway down the abyss. Yes. Turns out HALs down there, still being dramatic about his hair dye.

Shall we? I'm not there yet. I've got another one that I'd like to put forward. Did you guys ever watch Parallax as a kid? Yes, I love Parallax. Zelda, are you aware? No. It's probably a bit after your time.

Oh, okay. Robert, can you explain? Well, there was a show that aired on Channel 7, I think it was, called Parallax. It was one of their kids' TV offering. It was all shot in Queensland. Oh, that's why I didn't watch it. And it was early 2000s, and there was this kid who found these, I think they called them staves, but a stave that could open a portal into an alternate universe.

And the alternate universe looked a lot like a tree top bridgeway that they have in the Queensland National Park. But there's different portals to different universe. And there was like one universe, which is their town, but they're all hippies. One universe, it's their town, but it's all the future. But it's actually just the Queensland waterfront. And the sky is kind of rainbow-colored. Yes. And they're all wearing like silver clothes.

Yeah. And then one where there's these. That's the scorpion. These evil monsters that come out of the thing. And there's this woman who's the alternate version of the mother, who's got a fabulous lesbian haircut who um is evil and she is trying to take over the parallax but only this boy and her sister this woman that yeah isn't she amazing and it turns out she's the twin to this kid's mother well actually it turns out she's the portal that we're putting in the

podcast what that's amazing isn't she phenomenal and i'm sure you can agree that There's incredible visual effects on this show, but also practical effects. But one of the most fabulous things about the whole thing is that when you want to choose which alternate universe you go to, you have to go up to a special symbol and it's like all of these like stars and lines and stuff. And you have to like code in like which world you want to go to by touching the different stars and forming the symbol. and then all these portals exist in all these little nooks and crannies

like a little like rainwater valve or behind the library bookshelf or inside a tent and then you get to go through and be transported and I just think the idea of having all these parallax portals all around the bunker where people get to like crawl in through all these little nooks and crannies and pop out the other side would be very cool also I tell a lie this was all shot in Perth it was not shot in Queensland it was part of the Screen West initiative. Screen West.

Screen West. And it was called a stave, a kind of baton that most guardians possess. It has various functions, including communication over different worlds to other staveholders, a radio, manipulation of electronic devices, and most importantly, the ability to shoot lasers which kill Welkin and Krillix. And it's so cool when those little like robot scorpions are coming at you. and then like this older sister like emerges from a portal and she's like I'll save you and then she zaps it with her stave oh there's also a golden stave only comes into being when a

normal stave is taken to the reading room able to control the wheel of knowledge can also manipulate certain times and events to an extent and the reading room is the central repository of all knowledge of the parallax yes it keeps records of all the bad and good times of the stories creatures in the paradox. Although it is not a control room, the weather can't be changed, and an election cannot be fixed. Also, the central hub

of all world transportation. Don't you think that's just so cool? Let's lock in whatever that is. Purple water, the key to Betty's blandishment, Betty pours it into the water supply of the world. It reacts with a person who does not fit into the 17.65%

of personality average of the world and turns them into a water vapour. For example, if in hippie world... Fucking hell. Husband with love, I'm going to cut you off. Wait, if in hippie world there is a businessman and he drank the purple water, he would be blandished.

Blandished? Yeah. Sounds complicated. So I think that there are three contenders. Purple water. Oh my God. Parallax portals that take you to that incredible Betty woman and that incredible outfit.

then there is the house moving castle doornob that takes you to the middle of the abyss and then there's a Narnia portal that only takes you to very banal experiences Matt you pick I'm not picking that Matt pick now

I hate Narnia I don't want Narnia association Well that takes us down to it I'm happy to see this to a to a house moving castle world as long as it's rendered with a similar level of aesthetic appearance

as Parallax, the TV show from Perth. I would also love it if that woman was on the other side of the portal rather than half. I think we, and it's the woman. Yes. And she just gets it, steps in. Sounds good. Where does the doorknob sit in the bunker? Hmm.

Let's put the door and the doorknob in the library. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's in like a back corner. The back of a wardrobe. Yeah. Oh, no. fucking hate narnia

it's so cringe it's so boring and like oh wait that lion is talking oh shut up but you know what like you know when they say like this would have blown the mind of a Victorian child to see Netflix or whatever

yeah well that's what was in the mind of Victorian children I also really like that other one which is the like the magician's nephew that was good anyway let's let's move on oh I quick shout out to the Beetlejuice jaw don't talk to me about it

It's amazing, obviously, but we can't have it. Welcome back, everyone. Hello. Kergin, what's our next topic for discussion? Our next topic for discussion is which gap-toothed person or thing gets into the bunker? Bug-eyes. Oh, bug-eyes. Does she have a gap-tooth?

Does she not? Does she not? Please explain what that all meant. Anya Taylor Johnson. Joyce. Bug eyes. Does she have a gap to? Anya Taylor.

Also, she's Yoliana Raspartin. I had to Google it. Her portals didn't get in. Did you look at bug eyes? Yeah, I didn't know who you were talking about. Doesn't bug eyes? No, she's pretty perfect. I think she's got bug eyes.

She's got gap eyes, not gap teeth. Got her. That's so ridiculously me. You're right, though. You are right. Okay, here's the ones that have come up When I've Googled it And I think...

Madonna. Um, Anna Paquin. Oh. Yeah. Oh, but she's not, like, known for Gaptooth. She's pretty Gaptooth. Oh, I don't know. Okay.

Madonna. Madonna. Ever heard of her? Yeah. Uh, Georgia Mae Jagger, which is who I was thinking of the other day. Uh-Uzo Oduba. Elijah Wood Oh

Demi Levado Eddie Murphy Bridget Bardot Dakota Johnson Ed Westwick I'd like to butt in with some Amy Lou Wood

from White Lotus and Sex Education I think that's pretty good I liked her She was incredible I love a woman that just cries While she's walking down the street Oh that's good Spongob

Oh, probably the most famous Gaptooth in the world. Yes. Followed by the the Mad magazine boy. Oh, God, I hate that guy. Love him. What about Gollum?

Love him. I guess I just love, loving thing. I listened, no, I watched the whole Art Spiegelman documentary where he, that famous cartoonist who used to work for,

he must have worked for Mad magazine, but his whole career started because he was so inspired by Mad Magazine. Really? And he attributed Mad Magazine as being like, it was likely the thing that contributed to the mindset of, like, the children that would go on to protest the Vietnam War. Really?

Because it was like this very subversive magazine that taught six-year-old children to question the structures. That's really interesting. There was a similar magazine that did the same thing in Britain in, like, the 70s. that was quite interesting where like these editors like uni students got like high school particularly boys to come in and like edit the mags and they went super lewd like one of them was like fucking a teddy bear or something yeah and then the british courts were so offended that there was this like huge moment where they tried to shut down the magazine and then there

was huge public protests that's cute about free speech and letting the people fuck the tetties Yes, that's the most important thing. But I did raise this as a gap-toothed owner myself. You didn't. You know, this is an audio-only medium, so people have probably only heard. My... Add that sound to every single thing. Every esch.

I think us gap-toothed people need to stick together. So you want one in the bunker? And I really want one in the bunker. Yeah. What about, I think my favorite of the Gaptooth's available. I mean, like, I wouldn't mind Madonna. But Willem Defoe is so Gapto. Willem Diffoe is so good.

The one of the dudes in gorillas is Gaptooth. Oh. Are there more than one dude in the gorillas? No, the cartoon in gorillas. Yes. Oh, you're like, one of those guys in the Ghetto. Well, they were on stage that one time. Yeah, with Madonna.

Another Gaping. Maybe that. Madonna's hologram. from when she played with the guerrillas? Yes. That's the gap truth character to keep it. For the un-initiated, and you need quickly explain what this is.

Oh, my God, okay. Just to remind us that we have four minutes left with this podcast. You know when gay people do gay people YouTube night? Yes. It's a well-documented phenomena. Yeah. But Zelda, one of her selects will be. Always.

I can't remember what award show or whatever it's at, but gorillas are performing. and then, or it's the other way around, look, it doesn't really matter, guerrillas are performing, and obviously it's all like projection and stuff, but it's like cool. And then what's this? It's the Confessions era of Madonna, and I would be hung up too if, what? Go on. Anyway, Madonna then appears, but there's this bit where they're like mix gorillas with Madonna's

hung up. And then there's bits where she like Walks behind and in front of them And it's so cool How do that Because you know You think they're projections But then Madonna's walking with them

Yeah With a gap tooth Yes With the gap tooth gorilla Yes They're all gap toothy I think in the gorillas Very

Well at least a few of them And then there's all Some of them don't have teeth Yeah Some of them don't even have teeth It's on the gap No tooth Why I think I love a gap tooth

Oh Lawrence Fishburn What a good gap What a good gap But it is just Because I don't know if any of you have seen this if you listen to this pod Teresa May recently had a gap tooth filled Oh It was so tragic

See this is what I mean when I say That us gap tooth people need to stick together Yeah I think it's reversible though Because it's just it's not like she did it Like it's just a filling You get the chisel in the hammer and just bam That like arcane blue hair gal is gap tooth

But god she's a terrible character She's not going in Jinks, absolutely. I quite love the notion that these holograms and Madonna are just wandering around the bunker. Okay, hologramed gorillas and Madonna. Lock it in. Welcome. Welcome.

Welcome. Oh, it's me once again for the final time in today's episode podcast. And today's very important topic will be, which really cool name gets into the bunker, such as Aloysius. Oh, I love that. Do you? Aloysius? Yeah.

Yes. Well, we already have, we already have. What did we do? Woman's name? Name? We already did which name. No, we had which street and then we were going to name the street whatever name we put in eventually.

I don't know, Zelda Moon. But this is very different. It's which cool name. Which cool name? Famously, I mean, my favorite cool names are Zach, because every Zach have ever known is hot. But Zach is not a cool name. He doesn't have a Z in it.

No way. It's such a normy name. No offense to Zach's out. there, but you are enormy. Yeah, but they're hard. No, I think that's the, this is why Aloysius kind of ticks me, right? I don't. Because I think we will mistake, like, coolness as being like, like, unused.

I think there's something quite chic about something that's like, oh, well, it's commonplace, but in it, it's got a Z in it. Yeah. Also, actually, Aloysius reminds me of a better version of that, which is Ignatius. Ignatius, which famously my first boyfriend was Ignatius. And it was such a cool name. That's so cool. I met someone recently whose name is Varian.

And I think that's such a cool name. Oh, I thought you were going to say very. Very. That could be a nickname. Very for sure. It's very nice to meet you. everyone very

everyone very for sure cool name like just just to be clear we've got already got a woman's name

what name do we put you not remember what it is of course I remember I'm just testing the audience what name is it do you think Eggboard

of course well that's unfortunately can't get any cooler God we're ahead of the game so I guess now we're looking for a cool name

oh I worry that we've already done it. We could do Hegbort 2. That's even cooler than Well, I think, you know, we need to take a

leaf out of the James Cameron book and call it Hegbort's. Yes. Like Hegbort's dollar sign. Oh, no. Okay, just Hegbords? Hegborts.

My daughter, Hegborts. Not you, Hegbort. Egg bots Yeah Okay cool That's a cool name

That's pretty cool That's for women What Just saying That was the distinction That was the distinction With that one Is what it was names for women

I thought was very binary of it Well no That was our name for women And now It's time for our name Cool name Cool name for everyone else Yeah

Hegbords We got Hegbort And Hegbots yeah so any children in the bunker you know what's up yeah new name any children born in the bunker can either be named eggboard or eggboats yes depending on if they're women or anyone else or women or cool well that thing we still haven't figured out our lame name no so see you next week get ready for this wait no curgeon you're a guest you get to put something else in

Um, I'm going to remove something first and then I'm going to replace it. Oh, I don't think you can do that. That's not an option. Last time I was here, I put Pamela Anderson's skeleton clinging to a barbed wire fence into the fucking. No, you didn't. I did. And I just immediately regretted it as soon as it left my mouth. I did, but I don't think it was Pamela Anderson.

Wasn't it Linda Carter? Wait, who is it? It was Pamela Anderson. In Terminator? And she's the one from Terminator, Pamela Anderson. That's not Pamela. Samuel Anderson's skeleton from the last showgirl. What?

Featuring skeletal boobs and headpiece. Yes, the headpiece had skeleton. I'm not into that anymore. And one major regret that I've had since that episode is not putting on Matt's favorite waitresses, Cunt Flap. Oh, now you need to explain that. Last time I was here, we went up for lunch.

We went to a cafe and Matt kept saying to this waitress, you have to show them your flap. And she got incredibly bashful. And then she finally came over like 15 minutes later. And then on her apron, there's like a little pocket that you can put like your notepads and your pens and stuff into. Nort pads. And she had sewn this little flap that like folds out from the pocket. And it says in embroidered like text, cunt on it. And you can just kind of flash people with the cunt flap.

When she got it, she was so excited to show me. And then I think she got a little bit of performance anxiety when I asked it to show you all a group of guys. And you did say it with, show us your flap. That poor woman. And I just think that that apron should be in the bunker. So just the apron, not the woman attached. Just like the apron. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So we can all have a go. Yeah, yes. I mean, bayonetta wearing cunt flap apron, that's pretty good. I'm giggling. When she's cooking up a storm. Well, I mean, that's Nikki L making that birthday cake. Sorry. But we don't want to get your nurse uniform dirty.

So it's actually good we've got an apron for you. You've got your little flat. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, fake. Fake. Go back and listen to the evel. episode. Yes. Okay.

That's good. Another fabulous episode here, death to everyone. And in summary? Yes. We have. I really hope you can remember because I cannot. We put in the

Portal, which takes you to the woman in that wig from that TV show. How's Moving Castle Egg Timor Portal? Yes. Parallax Mother. Yes. Betty.

Her name. name was Betty. But with an I, not with a Y. With an I. No, just B, E, T, T, T, I. Oh, it would even be cooler. Here it is. With the purple water.

If it was just B, E, T, I. Yeah. She can be holding a glass of purple water. Hmm. And just, she stepped through into the bunker? Or she just trapped there? I think she just, like, open it and then it's like, hey, Betty. Betty.

Yeah. And now she's going around blandishing people. Blanding. Blandishing. Because blandishing. Anyway. We've got Hegboats. Eggboats.

And of course, whatever you just said. The grill is and Madonna. Ah, yes. Peace. And the... That's all. And the cunt flap. Jesus.

Oh, God. Oh, that poor waitress. She's trapped outside without her apron. She's exposed. Well, she's dead in the other waffled world. Yes. Okay. She got smushed and spritz down with the shower nose.

Love you all. We love you. And I love you most of all. Goodbye, listener. It was a pleasure to have you on my podcast. Why? Death to Everyone was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matches. Our themes on your music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. If you've got something to say to us, send it to us at Death's Everyonepod at gmail.com.

Or say it to our face. And won't you support us, please? At patreon.com such death to everyone. Bye-bye. You know,