Death To Everyone - Death To... Pregnancy, Babies & Floors feat. Nina Mulhall

Episode Date: August 20, 2024

This week we are joined by Melbourne Artist, Curator and mother-to-be, Nina Mulhall! To celebrate this incredibly exciting news we've decided to theme the episode around BIRTH! Follow us, won't you? ⁠www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠www.naturalhabitatstudios.com/⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠www.instagram.com/ediecentric/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103/

🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 TEN TO EVERYONE 🎵 🎵 ESPECIAL YELLING 🎵 🎵 🎵 Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Are you out there? Are you listening to our voices?

Listener. On your morning stroll. Do you know where I'd love a listener to be listening right now? morning stroll do you know where i'd love a listener to be listening right now like a outpost in a national forest where they look out for smoke like a high high tower and where the soft hum coming through your transistor radio yeah i like that yeah i think i want my listener to just be carrying their phone around from room to room in the house. No. Just smashing out all those chores of a set day morning. Little bits.

Yeah. Okay. Well, I don't like the carrying. Get some AirPods, you freak. Just put your phone down and forget where you've put it. And then try and find it for the rest of the day while you can still hear our voices. I presume the listener lives alone. There's no need for AirPods.

They can't afford their own house. Selang yor to you all. My name is Lazy Susan. And my name's Elder Moon. And we are also here with our space car driver, Matt Scherz. We've got a fancy horn on the car. We get a different horn every week. Well, you know, it's fast becoming a thing.

I'm going to run out of horns. Well, I would say that you already have. And that got a fancy horn on the car. We get a different horn every week. Well, you know, it's fast becoming a thing. I'm going to run out of horns. Well, I would say that you already have, and that was a trumpet. I was trying to, no, what was I trying to do? I was trying to do La Cucaracha. Yeah. That was what I was trying to do. I'll save that for next week. Next week.

Okay. And this is Death to Everyone. This is our podcast where we Criticize and analyze The workings of humanity And decide what should be preserved For the next generation The apocalypse is imminent Yes

And it is our job as celestial goddesses Of drag and of everything I suppose To decide what is going into the doomsday bunker To be preserved. What is worthy, listener? Have you done anything lately? Worth saving?

Do you ever find yourself now pointing to having a podcast as being like, well, I do have a podcast. What do you mean? Like sometimes, like I've been writing a bio recently because i'm trying to get money from producers yeah yeah and i'm like well i've never i've never made a movie before but god damn i did i do have a pod i do be pardoned for a year do you know why podcast is good to us now that's pod casting is because we used to do reacts on YouTube, which is the only thing lower than a podcast.

Yeah. It's truly like for most people doing podcasts, it's a step down. For us, step up. Step up. Yeah. And next, talk show host, Radiohead. We're going to be Radiohead.

Yeah. Okay, amazing. I'll be the little gimpy one That gets his head Filled with water They're all gimpy The main one's the gimpiest He is Yeah

Tom York Tom York Tom York Tom York AIDS Yeah Um I don't think

Tom York has AIDS Um He's got a bung eye That's That's not his fault He does have You know Bung eye to bung eye

I can see it. I believe in you, Tom Yorke. What's Tom Yorke doing lately? Darling, he's being a creep. Being a weirdo. He just put out a new album. Like another solo? Solo album.

And he's coming in October to Australia. I'm going to see him. Oh, my God. Wait, you are going? I'm going to see him, yeah. Oh, have you bought tickets? I've got tickets, yeah. Oh, never mind.

Why? Can you get some for free? yeah. Oh, have you bought tickets? I've got tickets, yeah. Oh, never mind. Why? Can you get some for free? No. Do you want to come with me? I was going to say, oh, we could go to that, man. Matt, you didn't even think before booking your tickets to Tom York. I didn't think to ask you, Zelda. I love Tom York.

Who are you going to Tom York with? Well, I was going to go with my partner, but she... She's a girl, so boo. Jesus Christ. What? She might not want to go anymore i don't know i'll check if she's listening to this um uh just i'll ask her now are you coming to tom york do you want to go to tom york if you're not let me know i'm in the next room what she's she's walking around the house listening to the podcast when it comes out i'll she'll tell me if she's coming or not.

If she's not, come with me. That would be great. Oh, my God. The thought of you two at Tom York and him being like, I've heard a lot of mean things from a podcaster in this audience. I nearly cancelled my Australian leg. Yeah. I love.

Just make sure you stand on the bunga side of the room. Of course. You'll never see it coming. I loved. was that first album called the eraser i love that album okay well let's we're leaving someone waiting oh yeah i know that's quite rude yeah sorry sorry sorry today we have another guest i know what you're gonna say three guests in three weeks you guys are crazy yeah or you're running out of material sorry what was that as every costumer that's ever worked on an outfit for me has said

Sorry darling, we're running out of material in the world to cover your ass They don't say that, but they think it So we are here Now, yeah, so the circumstance of this guest appearance is quite fabulous Because it was very, like, spur of the moment. Me and this guest were sitting around doing some little tasks. And then I was like, oh, we're about to go and record the pod. And then we just came to the decision that it would be a fabulous idea to have her on the pod.

She's one of the greatest people I know. Give it up for nina hi hello you are a melbourne artist is this correct yeah that's correct let's go with that you're from the deep law of my life i've known you all of my life for the attentive listener you'll recognize the name yeah that, true. That's true. There have been quite a few stories about me on this podcast. I don't feel like I actually need to speak. But it is good to have you here as well. We've kind of decided to typecast you now because you are with child.

Yeah, this is my big public announcement. Did you ever think? To like, hello, everybody that I know. Yeah. public announcement to like hello everybody that I know and that doesn't know yet I'm pregnant for everyone else you probably don't care

yeah I mean that's it it's very exciting for the world at least the Melbourne gay community to know there's a baby in the room

it is important yeah that there's a pregnancy so how'd you do that well you know I'm in a relationship with a man. I am a woman and he put his penis inside of me. Oh, my God.

Filled me with cum. Oh! And then what happened? Yeah, and then what? And then, you know, sperm finds the egg. I always wondered what that was for. This is so exciting. Yeah.

I mean, I have been very closely, I've been learning a lot about pregnancy through you. But tell the listener, I mean, some of the people here listening will know about these things, but every time I hear anything about having a baby, it's like all pregnant women have gotten together on a group chat and be like just make this shit up people believe it because it sounds

some of the shit is crazy what are the things you've learned while you've been pregnant with a child i just have to say before this i'm really glad you introduced me as a melbourne artist before like being like and now you're a pregnant woman. And that's your whole identity. You only have two identities. Well, now your identity is about to be subsumed by your carrying of child. Oh, absolutely. And I find everyone I know who has a baby, you ask them how they are, and they're like, well, the baby's good. I am merely a vessel to bring life.

What are the weird things that have happened to me since? Yeah, what's the weird thing about having a baby? They're inside of you. They're inside of me. You feel them wriggling around, which is cool. That is cool. Fuck, what's the weird thing? Has anyone stood up for you in public transport yet?

No, but I only just started looking pregnant in the last like two weeks can i suggest i've seen other women do it maybe it'll work for you standing with one hand on your lower back i feel like i'm doing that more now that i've like popped a little bit i'm like walking and i'm like rubbing my belly more and i'm like yes i'm pregnant we've out of my way i just had a giant pie but i do like i really race everyone onto trams now i'm like i like make sure i'm right at the front because i know i'm not going to ask someone to stand up until I'm bigger. So I have just been racing on and sitting down as quickly as I can. You got to look as close to the emoji that they put next to it,

like the little symbol. Yes, that little. You know, Kryolan sell a fabulous tear stick. So perhaps before you get on a tram you can have a whiff and then standing there holding the pole pole and with like tears holding my belly crying just like you know not saying anything but just perhaps looking once or twice at everyone else sitting i have seen i've been on the tram though and witnessed other people, like when like old people get on the tram, they like clearly should need the seat.

And people just like look at their phones. They're like, I really don't want to give up my seat. And I think they would, I've been on the tram in crotches before and I haven't been offered a seat. So, you know. What's become of this community? Yeah. Death to everyone, I guess.

Yeah, I guess we really. Literally death to everybody. I know I'm pregnant and growing life but you know what fuck it yeah well you know i think um yeah like you that's why you're kind of the the best candidate and not only as a melbourne artist but you you have really been brought face to face with the idea of the future of humanity. So you're probably the right person to ask about such things. It's true. Because it's, I mean, it's not for the next generation unless your child makes its way into the bunker,

but other futures, you know. For Romeo Beckham, do it for him. Yeah, we'll do it for Romeo. I don't think I'm going to be allowing my baby to go into the bunker. From what I know about the bunker it's probably best that they just go out with everything else

it's probably better they just die yeah for actually speaking of for context for the listener you've listened to some

episodes of the podcast yeah I've listened to some okay cool I'm a very good friend and I gave up and and for further context as well you've both obviously known each other for a long time yeah we went to high school together high school first meeting so i met robbie's father before i met anybody else in the family he was a CRT at my high school. Emergency teacher.

And I really loved him. Yeah. Emergency teacher. And then I met Robbie's sister before I met Robbie. Jennifer Garner. Jennifer Garner. Jennifer Garner. And she abused me at a party.

Famously. Yes. Saw me upset at a party, as you are when you're a teenager. And she came and she was like, look at this fucking bitch lying here crying. And that was my introduction to Robbie's gorgeous sister who I had. And then Robbie and I met. I didn't abuse her and I didn't tell her. Well, not to that level at least.

Not for the first week. Well, shall we get right in? Let's dab in. So, first thing we need to get out of the way first, Nina, is the world is coming to an end. Oh, shit. I forgot about it. Yeah, sorry.

Yes, please ask me. And how is that happening? Okay, well, leaning into the pregnancy of it all, maybe it's just a really slow kind of, I guess, children of men. Oh, infertility. Kind of death of infertility. Yeah, that's good. Really, yeah, it's just slowly the human race dies from infertility.

That's great. Do you think one day, just quietly, your child might listen to this podcast? I think you'll probably play it. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Can we send you'll probably play it. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Can we send a quick message to them? Okay. Hello, Juniper, or whatever stupid name you know.

Hello, child. Baby. Hello, listener child. They're in the room with us, right? I know. You're currently inside of my friend We can see it beating through the skin Yes

Get out of there Can you tell us a question of the future child? Did Zelda and Matt go and see Tom York? Do you know who Tom York is? Did Katy Perry ever make a comeback? Wait I just remembered I did Katy Perry ever make a comeback? oh wait I just remembered I have Katy Perry updates go on

sorry child tell the child well I mean I know you've read this on the Wikipedia page from 2004 but listener of the current day there's more Katy Perry to talk about just quickly

I feel like we almost have like a segment someone said to me the current day. There's more Katy Perry to talk about just quickly. I feel like we almost have like a segment. Someone said to me the other day, they were like, I've learned everything I know about Katy Perry from that podcast. Are you a big Katy Perry fan? Like, yes. But like, again, yes. But I know that she's trash, but yes. So she's released her like second single off the new album, which I know that you know trash, but yes. So she's released her like second single off the new album,

which I know that you know is called Lifetimes. Oh, I do know that, of course. Which I think, you know, to title back, is about motherhood. Is it about motherhood? Of course, Daisy. You know what Katy Perry says to her child, Daisy, when she's putting her to bed every night and she said, I'll find you in every lifetime.

Which is creepy. Is that part of one of the songs? The song is like, I love you for life, lifetimes. But it's based on Katy Perry saying that to her child, like, I'll find you in every lifetime. Which is what you would say if you were a time cop going to different dimensions, trying to kill someone in every lifetime. Just to go back to my baby in the future, I'll find you in every lifetime.

Including the power escape. Anyway, so she's just released this second single. The album comes out next month, whatever. And the film clip is woeful. I actually liked it. It made me think, I haven't thought about Katie. It's just her in Spain having fun. On the beach, being hot. then like in a club being hot.

But that's the video, right? And then yesterday or the day before, whatever, the like local council of the island that she filmed on in Spain is like your production company didn't get clearance to film here and it's actually like a like a protected dune dune for like native wildlife or whatever and it's like erupted into this whole thing and it's like she's just you get away with that shit in cape patterson let me tell you yeah she should have come to cape no well they have the protected dunes oh she shouldn't have come to you know

what i love about like life in dunes it's like when turtles like will lay their little eggs in the sand dunes, then like at known like breeding locations, then like the Coast Guard or whatever, like set up the little pegs around so no one tramples on them. That happens in Cape Patterson. Yeah, it's so cute. But it's for the birds. For the plovers.

Yeah. And they're such tiny little birds. They're so cute. So cute. I love that. Oh, to go to a dune and see a little pegged off area. And to see Katy Perry dancing on the corpses of plovers. And turtles.

Yeah. I love you. I'll find you a lovely like that. And smash you with my slagging through generations of turtle eggs. Excellent. Yeah. smashing through generations of turtle eggs um excellent yeah and that's how katie perry update okay yeah thanks katie we'll um check in next week listener for more updates as they happen katie dates yeah katie no i can't figure out what are they called what's the segment called katie lately no um that's pretty good yeah well let's have a quick break and then let's get in To it.

To it. I need your sentences. Everyone was quiet. Because we were going on the break. Actually, meanwhile, speaking of going quiet, my fucking team at work, I didn't tell you this. Oh, did they do that TikTok on you? Yes.

I love it. What's the TikTok? You're so stupid. Give me my money. Okay, so welcome back listeners from break. We just found out that Zelda has been a target of a vicious attack by her co-workers. And there's this trend on TikTok at the moment where,

I shouldn't tell you this just in case someone gets a delightful opportunity to do it to you, but where everyone is to say to the camera, give me my money. Give me my money. And then everyone applauds after each person. And then when you get to the last person, everyone else knows not to applaud. So they do it.

And you see on camera, they're becoming like really insecure about the fact that they've done something wrong. It's incredible. And they did it to me. They actually did it to me last Friday At the end of an extremely long day And I was so crushed And I put my bag over my shoulder

And I walked out You left I was like goodbye you fucks It was good I loved it But I'll show you the video It was absolutely haunted Please That is very good

But shall we get in? So we have a bit of a theme this week. It's so good to have a theme. Yes. And so the first topic for discussion today is which Renaissance artist goes... No, we don't care about that. Which pregnancy...

Which pregnancy gets into the bunker? Yes. So obviously, like, the theme, the idea of pregnancy in a post-apocalyptic world is quite potent. You just spoke about children of men. So, like, there is, we do want a pregnancy in the bunker. It's important. Yeah.

Also, Alien Romulus came out this week, so that's quite timely as well. Oh, true. It's good. It's good. It's good? No, I haven't seen it, but it's good that it's come out. Oh, we should go and see that. Don't see it if you're pregnant, though.

Oh, why? No, that's fine. It's fine? I think so. I know what happens in Alien. I'm not worried. I'm not pregnant with an alien. It's going to – Not yet. Yeah, I's fine. It's fine? I think so. I know what happens in aliens. I'm not worried. I'm not pregnant with an alien. It's going to...

Not yet. Yeah, I know that. That's what they would have said. It's going to burst out of you one way or another. Well, hopefully through my vagina. Yes. That's what we're hoping for. That's the plan.

If it comes out of your chest, that is surgery gone wrong. Yeah. But Alien Baby, pretty good contender. Xenomorph. Okay, so yeah, that is the horror baby. There's actually quite a few babies in horror, isn't there? Rosemary's Baby. Well, I mean, that's, I love.

That is such a good pregnancy movie. It is so scary. Because it's like, what if you were pregnant, but you had annoying neighbors? And they wanted to talk to you all the time. That's a horror story. That's the plot of the film. Really, the majority of that film is like, isn't it annoying when people live nearby? When you just want to be at peace in your house

and someone's trying to talk to you. That is actually exactly what my dad said. As far as I'm concerned, Rosemary's Baby, perfect depiction of your kid's kids. She does put up with so much in that film. She does. But amazing pregnant person. And then there's also, yeah, the Look Who's Talking pregnancy,

Kirstie Alley, where she doesn't spend a lot of that film pregnant no it doesn't she just get pregnant at the she's in the opening credits she's pregnant and then the baby's inside of her she's pregnant for like the first 10 minutes yeah but that movie's a baby movie baby not pregnancy pregnancy is kind of like the the last gasp before it can like verbalize and become like an annoyance in your day to day. Yeah, being pregnant is an annoying day to day. Yeah, but like it's like you can still sleep when you're pregnant, right? Can you?

You tell me. No, you can't. I like this week, no. But yeah And I think like as you get on It becomes harder and harder to sleep Matt you've just had Well you've just had a year and a half of a baby

What are your recommendations To someone who's about to go into Full time out of the womb baby Just get everything done now Oh I'm trying Jesus Christ I had a full blown existential crisis trying to get everything done right now. Oh, sorry.

Well, you've got plenty of time, don't you? Thanks, thanks. No worries, no worries. No, no, like I think like it feels like once baby comes, like it's obviously a lot harder to get stuff done, but like life is just a lot slower. So if you're happy to kind of like go to that sort of, because I feel like society is like very like emphasised

on like productivity and efficiency and stuff, but it just isn't like that when you have a baby. Yeah, I'm so ready to be slow. Yeah, which I love. I think it's great. But yeah, if you have ambitions, like. Nah. Who's care about that? Put get on the shelf for a while who

needs those you know what i mean it really is crazy though when you think about yeah how intense it is that like that there are just women and men walking around who haven't slept for like six months like properly like you're just like what the? Because it's like you have one bad night's sleep and you're like, I'm wrecked. And then it's like there are people where it's just back to back to back. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's why you'll only be seeing me at the home for a while.

Yes. Yeah, that's good because everyone just starts to come and visit you after a while. Yeah. Okay, so a good pregnancy I like is the one in Dawn of the Dead. In the new one, they're like, yeah, where that woman is like having the baby and then like there's a guy that's like really obsessed with protecting her and then he builds a whole nursery in the shopping centre and then she dies

and then the baby comes out as a zombie. Oh, that's good. Yeah, zombie baby. So you're just like horror, horror, pregnancy. I'm just starting with the babies I know about. All horror. Okay. Also, babies in non-horrors.

I mean pregnancies. Pregnancies in non-horrors. Wow. There was that one more horror, though, before we move on from horror. I felt like there was this really weird one that I watched one time. Maybe it was a David Lynch movie. Oh, no.

Which one? Does she give birth to like a turtle or something? What? I think it's called a razor. Oh, yeah. In a razor head, she gives birth to like the little, the like lamb. It's like a lamb, isn't it? Yeah.

The little, oh God, I love that lamb puppet. You need to watch this movie. It's like really strange, but I thought it was kind of cool. People like, because like this is David Lynch's first film in film school that he made. And it's about a man, it's about a man, a man's perspective on like the, yeah. But it's about the anxiety of having children

and it's about like the fear of like being a terrible parent and like what that will do to your life. And so him and his girlfriend get pregnant and then she has the baby and it's this like hideous goat creature. It looked like a turtle to me, like a turtle head. It's got like a beaky face But the puppet is so realistic It looks like unlike any puppet you've ever seen before

Yeah, it's kind of like those Star Wars-y puppets The Muppets kind of puppets But really over-the-top realistic So much so that people now think that David Lynch just used an actual goat feeders That was preserved Much so that people now think that David Lynch just used an actual, like, goat fetus. That was preserved. Because it looks like, how did you fucking make this? Because the rest of the film looks like a student budget.

But then this puppet is, like, incredible. And it, like, screams the whole time. Yeah. Cool. Split, like, stuff out of it. And there's a woman who sings inside of the radiator. Yeah. And I relate a lot to her.

Radiator woman? Yeah. And she sings her sad radiator lady song. And while he sleeps at night, he looks in at her. I like that. It's really weird, but pretty cool pregnancy. Yeah, great. That is good pregnancy. That's more baby.

Yeah, that was more the baby I remember. Well, we're not talking about baby. Okay, so some great pregnancies. I think those like puppy dog toys where you open it up with Velcro and it has a different amount of little babies in it. Oh, that is really good. That's a great pregnancy. I forgot it didn't have to be a movie.

Is that a toy? Yes. Oh, my God. And then you can shove them back in there. Yeah, and then it's pregnant again. How many this time is the same um so that's great that is also like the whole market of like toys for little girls that are like you can have a baby yeah you're gonna have a fucking baby who's already a baby looking after

the baby yeah when actually like when little girls are walking along pushing tiny little prams as we're meant to be like, oh, I'm like, that is so scary. Oh, it distresses me. You're too young to be a mother. Slut. Okay, but another fantastic pregnancy. Arnold Schwarzenegger in Junior. Oh, 100%. Yay.

What is your favorite of that tacky era of Arnold Schwarzenegger's entire life? I mean, Twins is also great. Yeah. It's Kindergarten Cop, Junior, Twins. What is the MVP? What's the one? I know it's not any of those ones. I mean, I would never rewatch them, but I would rewatch. What's the one where What's the one? I know it's not any of those ones. I mean, I would never rewatch them, but I would rewatch.

What's the one where he's on Mars? Oh, Total Recall. Yeah. That is, but that's, yeah. But that's like. Is Bruce Willis in that? No. No.

I think that's Fifth Element, you think? No, no. There's another one. Yeah. But you're right, Fifth Element's great. Yeah, like those movies are great, but that's not like my, like I love those movies But I don't need to like

See them again But Total Recall I would watch again This is why I miss That television Well right Because I feel like I'd just be on television

You'd be like I'm gonna watch this Those movies You have to watch it House Sitter Like they were all on All the time Yeah Mrs Doubtfire

That got a lot of play Oh yeah But yeah That's a great pregnancy Although that belly Is so thick looking like the skin is the fake it's like a rubber oh you know the texture is awful it's only film that's set entirely inside of a womb no but there should be maybe there is there's

probably surely i think my favorite pregnancy is in sitcoms when women aren't allowed to be pregnant because their character's not pregnant, but they can't stop shooting the show. Oh, but they're holding a cardboard box for some reason. Like always. Like Deborah Basing on Will and Grace was so good when she just had like giant bags. Or like Cece on The Nanny when she got pregnant. Or like fucking Patricia Heaton on Everybody Loves Raymond and they would just constantly be like,

hold them boxes or have the blankets up to their chin. And I just think if I was like, my dream version of like a woman in the bunker is that she's like, oh, gotta move these pot plants around. She always has to hide the pregnancy. That is so good. That is a good version for the bunker in particular.

You know, I love it in the room. We do have a pregnancy in the bunker already. That's Charlotte the stingray. She's miraculously pregnant. How did Charlotte get pregnant? Was it that big other thing? No, no, this is a real life stingray that was with us in the real world there was some

aquarium that had a stingray in an aquarium that got pregnant immaculate but she became pregnant but there was no other stingray in the tank there was a shark in the tank they are the same family, of course.

But that's a really like, that's cross species, like unheard of before. But sadly, she passed away before giving birth. And they couldn't see what the fetus was? Like if it was half shark? If it was what? Half shark. Yeah.

If only. No. Yeah. Sad. But anyway, she's in the bunker. Okay, so there is already a pregnant being. And is she carrying some sort of large piece of coral to hide? I hope so.

No one knows. But we did, I think, an important pregnancy in history, Mary. Yeah, the original. Yeah. She had a hard run of it too. I don't know how it happened. I actually don't know anything except for the birth story for Mary. Yeah, I don't know how it happened.

Like her and Joseph were looking for a place to sleep. And they found a barn and they lay their heads in the barn. Because the hotels were full. And apparently contested across different sects. No. Different religions about whether Mary ever got pregnant again because Jesus apparently has brothers. But then is she a virgin?

Or are they half brothers? We don't know. Oh. Whoa. Wait, so you could be descended from one of the brothers. Maybe. The weird uncles of Jesus. Yeah.

Hmm. Poor Mary But that's not really my vote I just thought she deserved a mention Yeah, I think that's a good, you know, the classics I mean, I would take a blue cloak What the hell is a blue cloak? Because Mary was always wearing a blue cloak

She was always wearing that blue cloak Yeah Yeah, okay I also played the donkey in the nativity scene. Did you? What? When? In kindergarten.

Oh, in kindergarten. I played the donkey in the nativity scene, but in like year six. Amazing. I guess it brought us together. Just a couple of donkeys. A couple of ash. But it was really sad. It was kind of the first time I remember, and first of many times I remember

disappointing myself by being terrible at making crafts. But, like, I had this, like, fleecy onesie that was, like, I guess lamb's wool or something from, like, childhood. But I was in kindy. And my mom was like, it's okay. We'll dye it brown. And then we tried to dye it brown, and it just, like, came out this, like, it's okay. We'll dye it brown. And then we tried to dye it brown. And it just like came out this like weak tea color.

And I didn't look at all like a donkey. And everyone else looked so much like their thing. That little girl looked like a virgin. You look like a fucking virgin. And then there was a sheep and like all of the other ones, which is what I should have been. Kugel. Yeah.

I love how much that is just a story of you and your mum doing crafts. Yeah. And that could be like any time throughout your life. The like aiming high and fail. I think that that's, I've done so much, like I do quite well at craft nowadays, but I think that it's because I did, like got in a lot of early years on my 10,000 hours of being terrible at making crafts.

I think, yeah, like the best ESL examples are those who are fearless in practicing the language and not being afraid to look like an idiot. Yeah. That is true. You know. That's like me when I speak to the youth. You know. Yeah. That is true. That's like me when I speak to the youth. You know? Yeah.

Do some of that now. I got the rears. Okay. Kobe. Not Kobe. Matt, any favorite pregnancies? You can't say your wife. Say your wife.

That wasn't my favorite. No, that was pretty good. That was fine. That wasn't my favourite. No, that was fine. What about that little statue of a pregnant lady, you know, the Venus of Willendorf? It's like a very famous little statue.

Oh, she's cool. Yeah, she's pretty cute. Oh, that is a good tattoo. I mean, tattoo. The word tattoo came up in front of my face. Oh, okay's cool. Yeah, she's pretty cute. Oh, that is a good tattoo. I mean, tattoo. The word tattoo came up in front of my face. Oh, okay. Yeah, I know. Yeah, yeah. She's real good.

She's classic. She's great. I suppose that that's like very like historian of us to put in the bunker. Like that feels important. It does feel important actually. It feels like hefty, like you could peg it at someone and it would really do some damage. That's what pregnancy is like in the bunker, like that. Really heavy but tiny.

We should describe this. She's 11 inches tall. No, 4.4 inches, 11 centimetres. She's got big titties. She's got really big titties. Those are some knockers. And she's made from limestone, big limestone titties. Dating?

Oh. Who is she dating? Who is the Venus and the Villain Dove dating? She's been seen 22,000 years ago. This figure is estimated to be left in the ground 25,000 years ago based on radiocarbon dates. Well, left in the ground. If they didn't want her, why do we have her?

Yeah, she's already bunkered. She's already done her time. Yeah, that's fair. You know who is good, but it's only in one episode, is the episode of Marge Simpson being pregnant where they're telling the stories of the children's pregnancies. Oh, that is a fun episode it's sweet yeah it's really sweet that is cute i like marge she's great and she like

she just gets turned into the nagging wife so unfair yeah when she gets to be cool much she's great yeah yeah and like that incredible Twitter Marge story. Twitter Marge story. Have you heard that? No. Wait. I will gift it to you now. It's not too long and it's really good.

Twitter Marge. Twitter Marge. Oh, sorry. It's the creative BoJack Horseman. Not Mad Men. Oh, yes. BoJack. Yes.

Oh, BoJack Horseman. Do you watch BoJack Horseman? No. It has a great cat character. I have not watched much, but I find it annoying. I find it depressing. It's quite grim and ugly. But that's the good part of it.

I don't know, totally. But watching it is depressing. So I kind of just can't do too much. So Raphael Bob Waksberg put up a little poem on Twitter. I love Raphael's work. Does Marge have friends? No. A poem in 15 tweets.

Oh, no. Shut the fuck up. Am I going to cry? Is this going to make me cry? No, just... Who is Marge's friends? Is Helen Lovejoy a friend? Sarah Wiggum? Agnes Skinner?

To whom does Marge spill her secrets over coffee on cold days? Who laughs at Marge's jokes? Who knows Marge, truly and well? Who tells Marge to leave the brute, knowing she won't? You don't have to stay. You deserve so much more. Who, on a morning walk, sees a tall blue bush, texts a photo to Marge? This made me think of you. Surely not Lenny, or Kirk, or Luanne. Did Marge mourn for Maud Flanders? Late nights at the kitchen table, staring at her own hands, is she still haunted by her absence? Does she see in her late neighbor

a cautionary tale? Seldom remembered, semi-anonymous Maud, could this fate befall Marge? Perhaps once at a summer barbecue, when both were still alive, Maud grabbed Marge's hand under the table and held tight. What prompted this sudden connection, this sudden expression of, what was it, warmth? The two weren't close, acquaintances, sure. Had they ever even hugged? And yet here they were, holding hands, silently, secretly, while their children shrieked and their husbands grilled the hot dogs.

One night, Marge couldn't sleep. The linens hung to dry in the yard, flapping in the wind with unprecedented accent. Marge wandered into the night, a fleck of yellow and a blanket of white stars, and she felt, as she often did, alone. Marge felt the sharp grass on her feet, the breeze on her face. Over the fence she saw Maud, pale as a sheet, her eyes wet with tears. Marge looked to her. Maud? And Maud shook her head. And Maud whispered this. It's not the calm before the storm that frightens me. It's the calm that follows.

And that's it. Same. Wow. Sad. Isn't that beautiful? I love that. And that's it Wow Sad Isn't that beautiful? I love that Can the poem go in the bunker? Yeah I loved it too There were some nice moments

I think it's so beautiful Also Beyonce was pregnant There were some nice moments. I think it's so beautiful. Also, Beyonce was pregnant. She was. Now who cares? Allegedly. But I loved her reveal. Yes.

Yeah, great photo. Yeah. Well, no, when she did it, she did it at the VMAs. And she performed and she had this tuxedo shirt on. And then she like busted it open and went and grabbed her belly. And when Sari, friend of the pod. Yeah, future guest of the pod. Was announcing her pregnancy at Honcho Disco, she did the same thing.

Did the exact performance and then grabbed her belly. And the queer people were like, yes, lady. And I don't think anyone understood that she was pregnant that's a man oh because drag yeah yeah gotcha that is a really good reveal i wish i was a performer so i could also do that put it into your art how you did it on the pod it's all right yeah true i did get your greatest performance ever. Friend of the park. Anyway, I think we all agree that pregnant Arnold Schwarzenegger gets in the bunker. I think it's pretty good, but I like holding random objects in front of you. Yeah, Arnold's holding a big bag.

Well, that's what I feel if we're going to do a pregnancy. Although I do like Matt's suggestion of Venus. I do like the little Venus. Can she have a little bag? Yeah, she could have a little bag. She's been shopping. It has to be made of limestone, though. Yes, Venus of Willendorf.

Venus of Willendorf with a little limestone bag. Yeah, a little limestone box. But I don't want to rob you of this opportunity to put Arnold in. Oh, there'll be so many more opportunities. Ever pregnant again. Yeah. But I think on like, I presume on the best owner of a donkey episode, Arnold will get in.

What about Colin Farrell? We've already got his six type. I do love that. Well, that little... The Venus of Villendoft. That's what you're in with, yeah. But with a limestone sitcom hiding. Yeah, I think, yeah, maybe limestone cardboard box.

Yeah. Because I would love to see a cardboard box made out of limestone. And what's in there? Who knows? Yeah. Berries and grasses. But it has to be light. What did they have 20,000 years ago?

Yeah, what are they putting in boxes at that time? Gold ingots? You know what? I don't know if this has anything to do with that, but I started playing Minecraft with boyfriend and I feel like I've learnt a lot about time before cities. And how to build a city. Oh, you're mining for things.

You're getting coal. Now, okay, so are you playing live together? Yeah, we're in a realm. And have you met up and you're building your little town together or are you building Opposing Nations? Boy Fort Manor. We're opposing nations? Boy Fort Manor. We're building together. Boy Fort Manor is what you've called it?

Yeah. And we're building Boy Fort Manor. And he's really good, obviously, because, I don't know, he's played this game quite a lot. And I spend a bit of time just falling off walls. Oh, yeah. And we're like, why is my health so low? And he's like, because you're hungry.

And I'm like, I'm not hungry. I'm hungry? How do you know if I'm hungry or not? And then he's like, because you're hungry. And I'm like, I'm not hungry. I'm hungry? How do you know if I'm hungry or not? And then he's like, oh, you've got to kill the pig. And I'm like, the pig. Have you got pet pigs yet? Have you made the pigs have baby pigs? I'm really mostly focused on the aesthetics of boy food.

That's my favorite thing to do in Minecraft, have baby pigs. I love when you throw the eggs and sometimes it hatches into a chick. That is cute. But not often i have not experienced that you just just gotta wait until you can make the pigs have sex and then you will just do it constantly he's handling that all upstairs at boy fort manor what i'm doing is i'm handing like the lounge room kitchen runner yeah great so i'm just like putting blocks that's a chair i was like oh we need some and I just figured out how to like put down something

and then you can like leave a block hovering in mid-air. So I'm like, oh, this is our suspended cabinetry. You found half slabs. Well, we started doing the half slabs and then I was like, I don't like this. A trap door. What? You do it, darling.

You need a trap door. You need to open it up. And then all of a sudden you've got some paneling on your wall. See, that's good. That's good. I put some cherry wood around the door to kind of make it really feel. And then he came up and looked around the room after I'd been done with it. And he's like, so you're going to make everything out of cobblestone?

And I'm like, there's cobblestone? But you know what? We moved into this cave. And I just really want to honor the original material. I don't want to suddenly, you know what we moved into this cave and I just really want to honor the original material I don't want to like suddenly you know what it's like oh my god me and you

playing in some similar way except for the pig thing yeah you you think that now darling you've got a long way to go well that's

he was like there's other things in this game and I'm like it feels already so many things I don't need villains but you could sandstone bring sandstone in in this game. And I'm like, it feels already so many things. I don't need villains. But you could sandstone. Bring sandstone in. But that's the thing.

I feel like that's just like, and why am I importing this fabulous stone from across the valley when I could actually just use the original stones of the valley? No. Because that feels like it's truthful. If only the world felt the way you did, we would be in a much better place. I feel like Kevin MacLeod, when he's ever on Grand Designs, he's like, truthful like the world felt the way you did we would be in a much better place for kevin mcleod when he's ever on like um grand designs he's like do you see how they've honored the original intention of this building without and then like all the renovations they do you can clearly like

see them like they're not trying to pretend that it's the cave yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then, yeah. And then Kurjin puts like torches in weird places and I'm like, I don't know. Ah, you're still on torches. Where do you get lanterns? Well, I have to delete some of the torches because I'm like, it doesn't need to be this bright. You're going to need glowstone. That's what you need. You're saying it and I'm listening.

Yeah. Because I love, but you know what though? This game The soundtrack It's amazing If you don't know about this game Have you ever heard of Minecraft? I'm talking to people like me out there Zelda You knew about Minecraft

I knew about Minecraft But I just like When I think of Minecraft Before this moment I thought of like The disgusting like toys that they were like selling. Awful. In the real world. Every way that I've seen Minecraft depicted in the outside world.

No, no, no, no, no, no. It is like on par with Skibby Toilet. Like I just don't need to like see the disgusting. But then when I played it, it was like, oh, well, here this aesthetic makes sense because it's all in this aesthetic. Yeah. And then also the music occasionally comes and plays you this fabulous song that just makes you feel so serene.

Oh, it's so beautiful. It's so good. And then there are evil demons that are the scariest things that have ever happened and they make awful noises. Yeah, they're horrible. Especially if you're playing because you're playing with headphones on, make awful noises. Yeah, they're horrible. Especially if you're playing, because you're playing with headphones on, talking. Yeah, it's so scary.

Because the sound, oh. Anyway, I've loved it so much. It's a really good game. And I think we're going to start, commence production on a bridge across the valley. And then you'll get some new materials. Oh, well, no, he's off getting new materials. He's doing it all the time.

He's set up a whole farm in the upper foyer. And I still don't know how to feed myself. So he has to feed you. He comes and feeds you. I'm like, oh, darling, could you just cook us something nice in the furnace? I'm just going to stay here. You can see a lot of my work here is just about cleaning out this room. I like it.

I'm just that wife that sits at home and doesn't really go out anymore. Too scared of the outside world. Yeah, I don't know about that. Five minutes of daylight you might approach. I don't even know what time of day it is, honey. I'm just thinking about the cabinets. Incredible. Well, that little statue, congratulations.

Venus of... Wiltonshire. And we'll be right back. Do-do-do-do-do-do. And welcome back, listener. Now, this is continuing our themed episode. We are here with Melbourne artist, curator, and woman. Pregnant. Pregnant.

Comma, pregnant. Nina Malol. And the theme for this round is we talked about the pregnancy. Yeah. Next comes baby. And now is pregnancy. Yeah. Next comes baby. And now is baby. Yeah. Ooh.

Baby. I forgot to talk about the show I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, which was such a thing in 2005, where women would go to the toilet and a baby would come out. Yes. Oh, my God. And they'd be like, I didn't know. It's so funny.

If you could, I didn't know I was pregnant, would you? No. Wouldn't it be like, oh didn't know. It's so funny. If you could, I didn't know I was pregnant, would you? No. Wouldn't it be like, oh, well, missed all the. How would you buy the pram before the baby comes? True. Carrying. Just carry them. I didn't know I was pregnant.

I didn't know I had children. I can't believe they made a TV show out of that. I just can't believe it happened to enough women that they would be like. Yeah, true. And it was always like, I was just shitting on the toilet. I thought I had to do a shit. And then a baby came in. Jesus.

I didn't know. Well, I'm just going to put my favorite baby for baby that's in the bunker, who is baby from Look Who's Talking Now. Oh, good, good, good, good, good. This is the. Bruce Willis is a baby. Have you seen it's actually look who's talking and look who's talking now oh okay well just look who's talking look who's talking

now lesser lesser let's forget about that one do you know this film no it's so good john travolta and you would have seen this john travolta and kirstie Alley. Kirstie Alley's, like, pregnant, and to her boss, scandal. And then John Travolta is, like, her cab driver, and they end up in each other's lives, but she's kind of initially, like, a bit turned off by him because he's the salt of the earth. He's a greaser. And she's a high society New York lady.

But she can't quite get her life together. And he, like, keeps helping her with little things. And now she's going to be a single mom. However, the baby is voiced by Bruce Willis. Oh, like baby talking in real world. But he's not, his mouth isn't moving. It's just his internal monologue. So like, he's like, you know, hey, get away from me.

And the whole film. Like a fully grown adult man as well as a baby. And the whole film is like, the whole film is just a normal film. Essentially, it's like a fully normal film. Yeah, it's like just a romance film. It's just a romance. And like, it's very real. Like, not real, but it's like, it's played like a drama of like, she's just like in this kind of sticky situation of like about to be a single mother

and then just halfway, like the whole time you just have like Bruce Willis is like, I didn't think I was going to be going around town like this. But also he's like a really manipulative baby. Like he like, because he wants John Travolta to be his daddy. Yeah. And so he sees John Travolta and he'll be like, Daddy, it's my daddy. I like this guy.

And will build, I guess, those baby daddy hormones on purpose. And you hear that in a monologue of him becoming a daddy. It's very funny. And then in the second one, there's a girl baby. And then in the third one. Boys by. girl baby. And then in the third one. Boy spy. Oh, I've only seen the first one. Oh, my God.

How many of these films are there? And then in the third one, it's dogs. Dogs? Okay. I'm back on board for that. I think it's Diane Lane. Hmm. Okay.

Well. Diane Keaton. So no more discussion needed. Bruce Lewis has a baby in the bunker. Done. Now we're going to take a little short break. Wait. Okay.

Wait. The look who's talking now is the dogs. Look who's talking to? Next? No. Look who's talking. Oh, because the baby talks. Okay. So look who's talking to is the second one, but it's spelled T-O-O.

What a fucking genius. Who? The cocaine was so good. Okay, what are the babies? Babies? I mean, sadly, the thing that comes to mind is that fucking Twilight baby. Oh, yeah. Renesmee. Yeah. What Oh, yeah. Renesmee.

Yeah. What was his name? Renesmee. Why do you know that? Well, if you don't know Renesmee, her contributions to gay culture are incalculable. Drew, do you know what we say? What?

Did you know what we're talking about? Renesmee? Yeah. From Twilight? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, okay. I didn't know the name

until Robbie just said it. Yeah, okay. Well, and you know, she said... Just that curved image of those eyes. Well, because it was going to be a baby,

like the animatronic the entire time. But they ended up having to replace it with incredibly sophisticated... I don't know that you're so animatronic because I've got my pitch,

but you go... I do like Renesmee. I mean, like, I like really ugly babies, but you go. I do like Renesmee. I mean, like, I like really ugly babies. Yes, that. So. Remember a time when Julianne Moore was cast in The Lost World and then The Lost World came out

and we all went and watched jurassic park the lost world and there's this incredible scene where they find the baby t-rex with a broken leg and julianne moore carries it into the long tram bus thing and then they're trying to do surgery on the baby t-rex and it's lying there and it's thrashing around and it makes this incredibly iconic sound and then the T-Rex comes and pushes them off the cliff. I remember that part. So baby T-Rex. The baby T-Rex with the broken leg. You just said that was an incredibly

iconic sound. Oh my god, so it's like It's a real like It's so good Because it's calling out for its parents And then it comes Yeah And it puts Julianne Moore in harm's way It does

I don't like that bit Yeah But she makes it And she gets a ripped top Oh I like that bit So that's good Yeah that's good She does get a ripped top

But this isn't which ripped top If it were that ripped shirt but the baby T-Rex however remains unscathed

I would say the baby T-Rex remains the most forgotten part of that scenario no for me it goes

Julianne Moore's ripped top Julianne Moore T-Rex bus walking on glass and then I forgot there was baby there

all together well I'm sorry but I'm with Robbie oh Matt you know what I'm talking about right it's no Venus of blah blah Willendorf yeah

I like the baby from the Nirvana album cover oh yeah oh yeah except then didn't she sue them later he he

yeah it was a baby boy he had a little doodle oh that's right we're not biological essentialists here Matt Oh, yeah. Except then didn't she sue them later? He. He? Yeah, it was a baby boy. He had a little doodle. Oh, that's right. We're not biological essentialists here, Matt. Well, he had a doodle then. He might be something else now. Well, didn't they sue someone later?

Yeah, they tried to sue. Because of their parents, maybe? No, I think they did. He got paid. His parents got paid $200. Yeah. Oh, right, yeah. We would like a little bit more than that, please. Yeah.

Has everyone seen my doodle? But it's just as a baby. It's a baby. They all look the same. Stop saying doodle, Matt. We call them schlongs. Babies can't have schlongs. That's just wrong.

Schlongs are knuckers. Ew, I hate that. I hate all of you. I like the babies in Baby Geniuses. That's all. Ew. Also good babies. I loved Baby Geniuses.

You sometimes just have the worst taste. I love those Baby Geniuses because they're keeping them in a compound, but then they figure out how to break out. And then they go and find other genius babies, and well, regular babies, and those dumb babies don't know what's going on. What about the baby in Honey, I Blew Up the Baby? Oh, that was a great movie.

Giant baby. I have a big soft spot for those kind of 90s. I actually watched one with my partner the other day because it was like this baby is exactly like our child now It was called Baby's Day Out Oh yes That was such a good movie When I watched that when I was little

How are there so many dangerous things That a baby could get into in New York City Back in the 90s It's like crawling on planks and girders Yeah it goes on one of those It goes on a crane Lifting up one of those steel beams on a skyrise. Construction signs just sitting on the edge of it.

The green screening is actually pretty good in that movie. Sorry, Matt. What's that? Is that the T-Rex? Is there a baby T-Rex in there? It's all just... Your impression was weirdly Perfect It was spot on

Yeah It's been ricocheting through my brain Since fucking 1998 or whatever Is that what you're thinking about When you just look up into space? Yes I do want you to know though That your contributions of pregnancy

Being the xenomorph And then dinosaur baby. You're bringing a real 14-year-old boy energy to this discussion of babies and pregnancy. Or fun. Do you like Baby Yoda, Zelda? You love Baby Yoda. That's so you.

It's not even Baby Yoda. It's clearly you. It's not even Baby Yoda. It's clearly Baby Yoda. I don't know. Baby Yoda would be fun. Yeah, maybe we should all talk about Baby Yoda for a while. Oh, my God. Yeah, what do we know about Baby Yoda? It looks like Yoda is a baby.

Well, what actually, because, you know, in the 90s, well, it was more an 80s thing, but, like, when they would do, like, the baby versions of things, so they'd have, like, the baby Muppets, and then, like, it was the show was all about the baby versions of things so they'd have like the baby muppets and then like it was the show was all about the baby mario yeah so like maybe we just need a baby something Emma Bunton. Emma. What about the baby from George of the Jungle? Oh, go on.

That we watched recently. We did. There was like a- Brendan Fraser. Yeah. And Judd Apatow's wife. Oh, she's so good. Incredible lady.

I hate that we don't remember. What's her name? Oh my god Just remember her as a man A man A man A man's wife Unfortunately

Leslie Man Yes I remember her as Leslie Mann's wife Oh my god Oh so good And it's also got You know Blah Blah's I remember her as Leslie Mann's wife. Oh, my God. Oh, so good. And it's also got, you know, Blah Blah's wife. Blah Blah's wife?

Another wife. Yes. Her mother. Her mother. Her mother. Oh, she's so good. It's got, you know, Sarah. Sarah Paulson.

Sarah Paulson's wife. Sarah Paulson's wife. Anyway, that baby is good. Yeah, it can already swing from trees. Yeah. The baby, the giant baby from Spirited Away. Yes. That's quite good.

Such a good baby. I like that giant baby. I also love kids. Like, this is the thing that's so good about Hayao Miyazaki is that he fucking hates children. But you know what I mean? Like he doesn't like spare children being assholes. And I think that like that character is such a good thing.

Cause his, like even like Jihiro is not like a perfect child. Like Disney sometimes does this thing where they're like protagonists, like really good people. Jihiro kind of can be a bit bratty. She sucks. sucks but she like gets she grows up over the course of the film little but she starts off a bit bratty and whiny and then she like like has a transformation and she like it gives her personhood i think it's just because he's a good filmmaker yeah and so he like can actually make complex characters,

including children, instead of being like children are angels. Yeah. Like that don't have personalities. Which I think is like as a kid, those are the characters you actually gravitate towards because you're like, well, that's how I actually am.

Whereas like the fantasy version of children is lame. Damn straight. But that giant baby fucking shrugged and then he becomes cute when he gets shrunk down yeah i like that do that hamster gerbil thing yeah i like that that is good the baby is really good this might be the little hamster gerbil creature yeah yeah but did you ever those baby bones are quite cool. Baby bond, baby bond. I don't know. I – somehow my parents got me a baby bond that really ate and pooed. And, like, you've got to keep – like, the water just goes straight through it.

Like, there's no digestive system in there. You're like, what the fuck is wrong with this baby? They give you, like, a certain amount of the powder that turns into the poo. I don't know. And they just get clogged up and moldy. Yeah, I just think disappointing. Well, that's the thing. I think it's because I always coveted it from afar because I would see the ads, but I don't think anyone was going to buy this little boy baby born.

But I think I just because like it was such a natural extension of boy toys, which were like Dr. Horrible's slime lab. And then you're like, and look at this doll. It's shit. horrible slime yeah and you're like and look at this doll it's shit that's a cool like I was just reminded recently of this toy that I loved because oh my god 90s Zinnith the pinnacle of toys there were these toys called stink blasters and they were like these little like vinyl toys they were like they styled off like fucking disgusting boys, and they'd be like boys with backward caps and buck teeth and pimples, and they had little holes in their mouths,

and when you squeezed them like a disgusting smell would come out. Ew. Like rotten eggs, farts, shit, blood, and I'm like that is so cool and they come in this little canister that like to protect you from the extreme smell and that's why

I think I wanted a baby born because I was like yeah it's gonna shit on everything that's why you wanted a baby born

it's cool like that specific market it's kind of gone away a little bit now they're like boys are into ninjas and dragons

and I'm like I'm gonna shit and piss and vomit. What about Tamagotchis? They're kind of like little babies. Yeah. He's like a little baby. Yeah. I do like that.

It's so sad when they die, though. Oh, it's so sad. And they die really easily. That's an important life lesson. What? Just press all three buttons at once and it'll come back to life. Well, like, because then there were iterations where it wouldn't die. Like, the Tamagotchi that I had, she had a life cycle.

And it was, like, nine days max. Wow. Oh, like, no matter what you did? Yeah. Really? Yeah. So you could, like, see it through or it could die early if you were bad. But, like, if you, like, see it through, then it dies.

Ah, and you have to start again. And then you start again. Yeah. Because that's life. Because they ran out of content for the dies. And you have to start again. Start again. Yeah. Because that's life. Because they ran out of content for the game. No, because that's life. Because that's life. Nine days long, you had a good run.

It had nothing to do with memory card capacity. I think that that is quite instructive when learning about you. Oh. when learning about you. Oh. So I just looked it up and the baby from Spirited Away's name is Bo. Bo? Baby.

What a fantastic contender. Such a good baby. I also love that giant room that's just filled with pillows. Oh, it's so appealing. Imagine just jumping into it. Imagine, yeah, your mother's a business owner and a witch and like

your friends three heads I do like those three heads I don't think they're friends I think they're like that's the nanny oh yeah

she's the nanny but like kind of the evil nanny she was three heads well your baba couldn't resist she had three heads she was there She was there. She has fraternity to remain there. Natasha became a fly.

I'm going to make a new version where Brighton is the baby. And then Fran Drescher is the three heads. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Babies, you know, baby. You know, I love, like, I think that this is what I'm excited for for you is, like, when you just put things on babies, like they're a pet.

Like, you put a backwards cap on or, like, those sunglasses that hold them to the back. Or a little cow suit. Yeah, cute. They'll be getting dressed up in everything and everything. I love it. What have been your main successes, Matt, for dressing up your baby in funny outfits?

Successes? Yeah, like obviously there's going to be some misses. Have you done like turnip? Have you done turnip yet? That's a good one. We haven't dressed her up in anything really. Oh my God. We don't have much time left.

Yeah. What do you mean? Well, she's going to be developing as she gets bigger and bigger. She'll be a toddler before you know it. Unless, you know, cow costume appropriate as time goes on. We don't have any. I mean, if you want to come over and do a dress-up day, we can do that. I don't think you can have drag queens around children.

I've been learning a lot from Sky News. And I just didn't realise. I don't think they're a great combo. Yeah. We can do story time and dress ups. You know what's so funny? Can I just, talking about children, like I think about like, because I don't spend a lot of time, to be honest,

thinking about what conservatives think of me and how they like, like there's a lot of people that spend like, or a fourth. I spend all day thinking about that. Yeah. There's a lot of people that spend, like, or a fourth. I spend all day thinking about that. Yeah. There's a lot of people that spend a lot of time thinking about this and it causes them a lot of pain because, like, they're just trying to read to children or whatever

and then, like, a bunch of conservatives are really offended. I don't think about it that much, to be honest. But when I do really start to try and, like, put it in my brain and think about why it's an issue yeah i'm like that is so fucking bizarre what a fucking weird weird thing to be upset about absolutely just like because like the like obviously the people like the people that are bringing their kids to get read to at the state library or whatever, it's broad daylight. They've opted in.

No one's, like, saying, give me a fucking kid. And then, like, they're there. Like, they're not leaving, like, the child with the drag queen. No. It's just, like, if it was it was like a real plan by the gay agenda to like capture children and like turn them gay or like rape them or whatever then it's like the least efficient plan to do that ever yeah like it's like extremely public and well lit extremely well lit you're like you're the most conspicuous human being that's ever existed like no one you know it's just so bizarre it's like

it just boggles the mind to even think that that like if you wanted to if you had a plan a devious plan to snatch children like fucking chitty chitty bang bang like you wouldn't drag would be the worst way to do it i mean also like the hypocrisy right because like at the birthday party they would have a clown or like a princess come or fucking spider-man or something yeah like aka an adult that you're entrusting with time with your children who is wearing a costume and a wig yeah and makeup yeah there's zero difference between literally except that there's a layer of like gender at play yeah like and that's where it all falls apart just sexual preference really isn't it yeah yeah i mean i think the only issue is and the only place where i kind of agree with conservatives is go on is that these fucking

we should have guns get a gun um no it's just these fucking books that come out that are like rushed to market by like gay guy where he's like jimmy like jimmy the penguin has two mums whatever and i'm like that looks fucking. Don't read that to your kid. I'm sorry, but, like, the fucking illustration looks like it was done by fucking Fiverr. And, like, you're like, I'm so excited to read about how everyone has different types of apples and that's okay. And I'm like, ew, fucking take this shit away.

Like, read good fucking books to your kid that are not, like, here is the message do you know like oh yeah the idea that it has to be taught through apples are different to oranges yeah and like through all these abstractions oh so i just think like like the the way that like the way that adults who write children's books seem to think that children absorb the moral exactly as they want them to. I'm like, that's weird. You know what? Just give them something that they're going to enjoy, that they like, that maybe isn't so thinly veiled you trying to sculpt their mind. I'm like, just have a book.

I just don't think it needs to be that fucking on the nose. Can it not just be a story that Like, I just don't think it needs to be that fucking on the nose. Yeah, can it not just be a story that has a gay person in it? Yeah. Like, that's all it needs. Yeah. Like, I just think that that's, like, I don't know. Like, it's just so lame. Or a fabulous woman.

Or just, like, a... Yeah, like, just anything. Like, make your stupid child watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and then if they're gay, they'll like the blonde reporter. Yeah. Like, that's how it should work. That's the one test's the one test you need like who's your favorite character in that or like the unfortunate three children i've heard about that have heard this podcast you know now you're gay your parents are trying to sculpt you yeah children are listening to this that i was horrified

but it is happening there are toddlers who who are listening while their mom is doing stuff. Yeah. Yeah. But you know what? Brave. Brave. Terribly misguided, but brave. Yeah.

Stink blasters, blast them around. Get them in early. Yeah. And what did you say? He came inside and then, yeah. That's how the baby was born. And that's about it. I mean, i found it

quite confusing because usually to me like cum would go in an ice cube tray but i'm glad i know where it is intended for yeah yeah that's good yeah it's good to learn i'm glad i could come in yeah it's good well women are god's ice cube trays the ice cube trays of the straight community. I don't know. Do we just go spirited away giant baby? Giant baby. It's such a good baby.

And it can oscillate between giant baby and then little rat thing. Yeah, the little hamster. And then so do we need the head so that they can fly him around? If they're played by Fran Drescher in the nanny set. Who's going to play the big baby? What do you mean? It's just the big baby. Well, who's going to play the big baby?

The big baby's... Oh, this is... I've heard about this. I haven't heard it, but I've heard about it. We'll just go to an adoption agency and find the biggest baby we can. Yes, I like that. Okay, Beau. I'm sure that people are experimenting on babies somewhere out there

that we can find a big enough baby. Big baby. Do you know what's so crazy? What? Thank you, Matt. What? Tell us. I've been watching season five of Glow Up on Netflix.

And I don't know if any of you know about this show, but it's a competition reality TV show about makeup artists. But at the final showdown in... Matt, shut the fuck up. Come on, wait in the space car. Roll up the partition. Whoa. No, and then...

Well, now I really feel like the wind's been taken out of this Glow Up story. But at the very end, they're like lip-syncing for their life, final showdown between the bottom two. They bring out two twins identical and force them to do the exact same makeup on the two twins identical. And they're always different twins. And it's so funny.

I love that. It's so good. It's so good. They're like, like Well we can't Like couldn't possibly Have two different faces It would mess with the outcome That's not fair

So we need to find Identical twins It sounds insane It's so good It's incredible Everything And then Val When she checks the results

Pulls out a magnifying glass And looks at the faces And I'm like This show is just so needlessly camp. Show me your best winged liner on these identical twins. We brought in two identical twins to stare at. And I will bring out my little eyeglass. Well, Beau, magical baby.

But only if it's the actual baby from Spirited Away. Yes, obviously. We know that's true. Yeah, okay, obviously. We know that's true. Yeah, okay. Me and Zelda know that's true. Robbie. Matt and I know we're looking for the largest baby in the orphanage. Otherwise, what about the Switched at Birth babies,

just as a last-minute contender? Which Switched at Birth babies? Switched at Birth babies. Just all over. I mean, I guess it happens a lot, but there was like that famous, those two famous, yeah. And then I think they were the same babies that got, uh,

that TV show made about them. And, you know, one did genetic testing and was like, I have none of the same genes as you. And then they, at least in the TV show, they,

um, they made up and their family's lives get entangled. And like, but also any switched at birth babies, honestly, because it's cool. Yeah, it is cool. Would you like to switch at birth your baby? No. I thought you said it was cool. It's horrifying. I'm in school.

Because they like the parents. Yeah. It's a really good study of nature versus nurture. No, that was like this American Life one was like there was a girl who was really extroverted and she came from a family of nerds

and then there was like a girl who came from this like really fun extroverted family and then she was like always finding herself being like a bit more quiet

and not not sure how she fit in and then years later they found out that they were born at the same hospital and they were switched by accident switched the bitch

and then like switched the bitch you And then, like. Switch the bitch. You know. I don't think that's a saying. For the gays it is. Keep on. Switch to birth babies.

Well, and then the girl that came from the lame family had to go back to the lame family. Excuse me. They were nerds. Yeah, but no. Let's just use the word nerd. She talked about it in the show she was like and then i felt like i had to go back to these fucking losers that represented all the bad parts of me and the good girl who was extroverted and fun got to go back to her fun family and she was like i finally felt like i was having fun and loser girl had to go back to her loser family.

Wouldn't they just stay with their new family? I don't think you're going to stay with loser family. What if the extra better family ended up getting both babies? It would be so rude. We win. They'll be like, we love that. Win. Okay.

Well, big baby from thing. Okay. Big baby from Spirited Away Yeah, love it Okay, we'll be right back And now we're here for the final run Here we go, here it's done It's time Sailor Moon, are you receiving messages from the outside world right now?

Just like 10,000 of them What did you get? Did you get a text message from work? From work? No, what was the message? It was from You can tell us It was from someone who stayed with me recently

And today found out that they got employment oh i sent them a congratulatory message earlier and they just wrote back and said yes i'm so relieved congratulations friend to this incredible city so um so very excited exciting communication but not as exciting as our next topic, which, why don't you tell us what it is? Oh, God. Yeah, I came up with a fantastic topic for us to discuss. That's so good. It's off theme.

Yeah. Oh, finally. That's good. I think that's important that we move away, because, like, what do we do next? Well, we've done pregnancy, we've done baby. So, childhood. Best childhood. well we've done pregnancy we've done baby so childhood best childhood favorite meal made placenta so one that i don't think you've done but if you have you know i'll just really quickly come up with a new one because that's fine um is the best flooring

so important so brave, that's great. So what floor does a bunker have? Lazy's favourite one. What? Cobblestones. Oh, I do like that. Is that your fave? Yeah, I do like that. I'm just looking at, like, which stink blaster is my favourite,

and I have to think it's, wait, probably Pig Boy. Pig Boy. And he smells like musty cheese. Do you know that, what's his name? Pig. Tony Anchovy? No. Sweet Sock Sammy.

Isn't his name Pig Boy? That like gay porn star? Pig Boy. I'm talking about stink blast. Yeah, I know, but I'm talking about gay porn. Do you know who I'm talking about? That sums up our friendship. I'm pretty sure. He's called, is it butt breath bob all of these are great yeah but they're also buff and ben can you still buy them no also when the smell came out was it just like

a smell like a scratchy sticker where it would run out really quickly or was it like a puff of smell it was like it was like it wasn't like a puff of smell it was like it was like it wasn't like an aerosol it was like the smell there was something inside of them and the head was just like a like a perfume like aerator like like you squeezed it and just whatever air had collected inside of the head was then suffused with the smell but But that was good because you didn't get like droplets of a scent. That's good. That's clever. That's a good invention.

Yeah. Monster mouth? Can confirm it is pig boy. Silent gasser? Anyway, flooring. Let's move on to the very exciting topic of floors. Well, I wouldn't know. I have no floors.

Oh, you crack us up. exciting topic of floors well i wouldn't know i have no floors i'm a regular pig boy maybe that does explain a lot about my childhood i'm obsessed with pig boy my god stinky boy oh my god okay i love carpet do. Really? Like I would, like if this, I, I, no. You love carpet? I love carpet. Are you the 1990s? Have you not noticed that my previous apartment and then now my house? I assume that you would be able to say no to a house based on whether it was carpeted or not? Well, I wouldn't even look at a house that wasn't carpeted. Really? What? You don't like? I love carpet. Really? Especially of a bedroom.

What? I mean, you're renting. And a lot of rooms. I would have a carpeted kitchen if I could. Like, have you a good quality carpet or is it a bit? You actually do have really good carpet. The new house, yes. The old house, no.

I just like carpet. I think it's cozy. And I love a rug on carpet. Oh. Rug on carpet. Yeah. I think the only place you should have a rug on carpet Oh Rug on carpet Yeah I think the only place You should have a rug on carpet

Is in front of a fireplace That's quite cozy I like that Yeah I just like What do I want to walk On a hard surface for When I could not Well it's just that

Then you can see the dust Oh but I mean I just vacuum Yeah you do a very tidy house Yeah I don't like the amount of dust that settles in carpet. I tell you, when I, because I vacuum like, listener, when I bought my handheld vacuum, it's the greatest investment maybe of my adult life.

It's so quick and easy. I fucking love that thing. Anyway, it means I vacuum like twice a week or whatever because it's just so Quick and effortless But when I do And this is an advertisement For Dyson No

Did you get a Dyson? Yeah Me too They are good Rich Yeah How much was it? A thousand dollars?

It was so stupid I bought it last year On Black Friday It was when I I bought it with my Like you've been an employee Here for five years money Or whatever from my work

Why is every part of this story depressing? I know But yeah it was like fucking $400 or something It was so stupid But oh my god like I was so like Oh is it actually going to be worth it? Yes

If you're on the fence buy one It's so fucking good But also you know what's good? Robot vacuum See that is a whole new world for me they're great say more so good they just they you just like you pick up one i do you pick your things up off the floor if you've left things there which you normally have of course and you put them away or just up on a surface and then you put the robot vacuum on, you put your feet up,

do whatever you want, cleaning happens while you're sitting there. So you should know that Lacey's been dissing them on the podcast before. The Roombas. Have I? I don't have a Roomba. What is it, that? I don't know what it is. Okay.

They also – no, I have nothing to say on the subject. But they're great. They work really well. And you don't have to do the work. See, that's quite... And I presume you put googly eyes on the front or something. I haven't yet. But it should happen.

There's still time. There is still time. Well, we are about to have a baby. So I imagine... Actually, Nico hates googly eyes on things. It's a really weird... Well, that's not very funny. Wait, what does he say about it?

It freaks him out. It freaks him out him out well at least when we first started dating sometimes i'd close my eyes and put google eyes on top of my eyes and he was like oh no i don't like that i hate that so i actually don't know if it's only just he hates them on me anyway, so when I vacuum, there's so much dust. But even though I vacuum all the time, it's still like the canister is full. So, yes, a haunted experience. We're just disgusting. What? The world is dust.

Yeah, the world is dust. We create dust. But I also think the idea that you're going to ever escape that is just hubris. There is no escape. Other than death. There is no escape. There's no escape. Other than death. Death, the sweet. Well, actually, then you become dust if you get cremated.

True. Dust to dust. And go through the bone crusher. I like. You'll be vacuumed up one day. I remember. Oh, Lord. I like a hardwood floor with a rug.

Yeah. Because then it's like you get the best. Cold on my feet. You know what I mean? You've got to wear slippers. Oh, see, I'm not really into slippers. I'm like, no, I'm not really a slipper guy. They're like carpet for your tootsies.

No, because then I'm enclosed. I want to be free. Yeah, okay. Stubbing your toes. What about it? What about a heated floor? I hate that makes me so scared

he said it's alive and I agree with that yeah it is alive I'm a bit scared of them too it feels dangerous yeah the foot being warm and that being where your heat's coming from weird creepy even like when you go to a hotel that has like the heated towel rack in the bathroom.

Oh yeah, and your towel's hot? I'm like, did I need it? Did I need it? Did I need my towel to be warm in only one tiny section? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's scary. That's scary. No good.

No, I like also just prefer things to be cold because then at least I know where I stand. I'm not used to having a nice warm place to live i live in the cold damp what about like a slate floor no that's so cold and that's like ultimate cold hard floor and then it's also uneven yes and they always say become wobbly yeah yeah no terrible terrible yeah i quite like a cork floor that's nice cork is lovely how do quite like a cork floor. That's nice. Cork is lovely. How do you do a cork floor?

It's quite common. From the cork tree. Is it like a cork board? Yeah, it's not like soft as a cork board. It's like treated to be stronger. No, but it's a little bit softer than floorboards, so it's quite nice underfoot. It's got a bit of groove, yeah.

I think you can get like big bits of it or you can get it in tiles. You can get various forms of cork flooring. It's very nice. And then those disgusting floating floorboards, they're not going anywhere. That to me is the biggest like sin of all time. I'd rather you just have polished cement. Like I just think that those are so disgusting. Disgusting.

And then by extension, as if the floor wasn't enough for you to shit all over, then like those like fake slate things for the wall that you just stick onto a wall. Wait, fake slate? Oh, they're like the plastic and it looks, but it looks like stone. But it looks like stone. It's like a sticker. Yes. Get out.

I hate things that are pretending to be other things. Just be rude. I hate it. You're talking to two drag queens. I know and I hate things that are pretending to be other things. Just be real. I hate it. You're talking to two drag queens. I know, and I hate it. The affect. No, just like drag, fine. Like if you're performing something, fine.

Like that's all fine. But things that are pretending to be other things. What performance is a floating floorboard doing? I think the thing about the floating floorboard that's so egregious is that it only appears as wood in photos. In reality, it doesn't feel like wood. It doesn't sound like wood. You can see that it's stamped with the texture of wood and it doesn't match with the photograph of grain that they have.

It's like everything about it, you're like you're it's not fooling your senses if the the like you know wood veneer fools your senses sometimes sometimes so i don't that's proper wood yeah but it's just like a thin sheet of wood that allows you to believe the entire thing is solid wood that i have less of an issue with it's just like this thing that's purely for the aesthetic and doesn't give you the experience of what makes wood floors good like acoustically like when you're in someone's house and they have wood floors it gives this like low resonant bass sound to the footsteps and then when you're in someone's like new high-rise apartment

with those floating floorboards everything has this this really cheap, plasticky sound. Every footstep has this, like, tinny sound, and it's so, like, it's like noise pollution in the space, and every footstep is, like, a reminder that you're a cheap fucking bitch. Yes. And a failure, a fake. You're a liar. Wear your real floorboards

Or rip it up and just have cement and rugs Literally anything else Like they also like reflect light in a way Like oh they're just awful Oh yeah awful And I also hate big tiles Big tiles Oh big tiles are awful

We're really into big tiles at the moment You are? No Just the world. I hate it. You know, it's like how when you see American homes and they all have the big tiles. And it's the whole floor.

So awful. I need a different, like, I love carpet, but I do like a kitchen and a bathroom to be a different. Oh, you don't want a carpeted bathroom kitchen. No, I kind of. Oh. Oh, that'd be so crazy. But no, obviously not.

But at least there's then like a clear, like, I'm in this zone now, I'm in that zone. But when it's all just big tile, the entire house is all the same tile. Why are we all in big tile? Awful. Yeah. There's nothing demarcating where you are. You could be anywhere in that house.

My house has all big tiles. Oh, no. Matt, no. Did you like my house floor? I really do like your house, Matt. Your house is quite charming. Just not the floor. I've never been.

I liked it, Matt. I'm just sitting here like, are they talking about me? You know what I'm actually thinking of? My most recent experience with that kind of haunted house is that like. Not your disgusting house. The most recent one. Not the previous one before that. Was that Catfish's house.

Oliver, who's in the bunker. His house was like that. And I could see through that little window. All those giant tiles that you could someday have been part of. Yeah, but no. Anyway. The life you could have had. Long story.

You'll have to listen to the episode. Yeah, just send me a link. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not just a compacted dirt floor. I like that. That's quite nice, actually. I'm more into dirt.? I like that. That's quite nice, actually. I mean... Compacted dirt. Like a basement floor.

Yeah. Like in the house I grew up with, as previously discussed, we had like two workshops, as in like places you would work. I get the concept, yes. Well, last time you were like... Anyway. And one of them had like... I was still remembering.

Had like partial just like dirt floor. But that was quite ample. Ample? Yeah. Ample. That's good. There is something quite nice about a dirt floor. You don't like big tiles, but you like dirt floors.

Yeah, much nicer. Matt, could you stop yelling? And crying. Matt, your house was featured on the Design Files, wasn't it? The Divine Files. Divine Files. Divine. Design Files, wasn't it? Yeah, so people who have taste. And drone Matt, your house was featured on the design files The divine files Design files, wasn't it? Yeah, so people who have taste That's what I'm saying

I think your house is incredibly Not just nice, but very beautiful house And very chic When we were building the house I voted against those tiles So I'm on your side. Oh, no! What about what's happening upstairs?

Surely you don't have tiles upstairs. Matt didn't take you on a tour upstairs? No. That sounds like such a weird first. No, we've got floorboards upstairs. Floorboards. Are they real or are they floating? I think they're real, yeah.

Okay. I think. Because my partner's dad built the house and he's very old school. So the tiles that we have are terrazzo imported from Italy. So they're very like. They're nuts. They're usually tiles. Yeah.

Well, you have terrazzo tiles in your house, Nina. No. Not in the back area? No, terrazzo is with like all the broken little shards. Oh, yes, yes, yes. We have terracotta tiles. Terracotta tiles. Yeah.

I do like terracotta. I do love a terracotta tile. I like terrazzo as well. Yeah. I think they look good for what they are now. Like I like them now, but at the time I was like. Darling, you're married to an Italian. Terrazzo is different.

I'm thinking like those big fucking off-white monstrosities. Good shave. Good shave there, Jada. Well, ours are more off-white as well, but that's all right. What's the fleck? They've got a terrazzo fleck in them. Yeah, what color of the fleck? I think it's like green.

Oh, see, that's quite charming. Lovely. Green and sort of like a terracotta red. Oh, terracotta. We love terracotta. Sort of lemon yellow. Love it. Yeah.

They're nice, yeah. But at the first, was like wow this is ott yeah i do love the tiles in my house because we have floorboards but then we have a little back area that's tiles which like when i'm coming in from gardening i can take off my muddy boots and it's just on tiles yeah that's good before getting onto the floorboards and then you can keep the floorboards clean. I like floorboards. I think they're good. They're so beautiful. They are very beautiful. Well, you can't argue with wood.

That's right. You can't argue with wood. You can't argue with the charm of wood. Although, you know what I find really like weird and i guess maybe this is like just an issue of me it's like how i can't tell wines apart particularly uh it's like when i was like oh look at this look at this gorgeous ash wood and i'm like it all just looks

like wood to me oh no no one knows what kind of wood it is unless you've chosen it yourself yeah like that's the way that you'd find out but like when you're like isn't this incredible i'm like that's it wood it's also like it's so interesting right because i watch a lot of um woodworking yeah on youtube of course and like some like the difference in like there's just like i mean obviously there's a lot of different trees out there so there's a lot of different wood um wait slow down but the price difference can be so astronomical um but you only know if you know yeah and i mean i suppose the people who are buying like bespoke one-off you know fifteen thousand dollar dining room tables do know yeah but even then only you know that's interesting i think just going on dining room table thing because like

obviously like if you're like living in a mansion and you want like a gorgeous dining room set up with a gorgeous massive table so you can have like your big big dinners like what stresses me out is the cost per use on a dining room table like i want to get that cost per use down to like so low yeah because like if you're having like say you live in that mansion and you have the dining room like and you use you have one dinner party a year the cost per use if you pay thirty thousand dollars for that piece of table is going to be like so high if you're never using the table yeah and i just want like that is the one piece of like because a couch you're using it every day likely multiple times a day yeah for like a of different things. And same with like kitchen stools and everything.

But it's like the dining table, it's like you really, the pressure to then figure out how to like get people into your house to then like spend time. Because like, you know, I think there's not an adult in their 30s that doesn't think they should have more dinner parties. True. The truest thing you've ever said. Because they're all thinking it all the time, you know?

I also just think that dining tables, and actually true of all furniture, is you can't be too precious about it. Yes. Because it's there to be used. Yes. And I find dining tables in particular, people get so like, here's your little mat, or I'm putting a tablecloth on before you put your things on there.

But like it's there to get marks and to get a little bit dirty. Like why do you need to be precious about it? No. You should invite that. Because it costs $30,000. Well, yeah, that's why you don't buy a $30,000 dining table. But then when you use it tomorrow, it really costs $15,000, didn't it? Yeah.

And once you like put a scratch in it, that's a good amount of use. Yeah, it's no longer worth 30,000. Yeah, exactly. That's it. And like ideally the reason it's $30,000 is because it's going to last 30,000 years or something. You'd hope so. A dollar a year.

Is that the cost per use you want? Yeah. I want the – oh, my God. Can I just say? I'm so sorry. But Abby Chatfield has been stressing me out so much online. Do you know who Abbey Chatfield is? Yes.

Okay. So she is like Australia's premier it girl. And she was like on. She was on The Bachelorette. No, she's The Bachelorette. She went back as The Bachelorette. And she's like a radio personality, TikTokeroker she like is the host of fuckboy island um and she was talking on her tiktok about how she'd been given a budget to buy clothes to do her press tour for fuckboy island

because she had like five days of media to do and she was like and so i took the entire budget that was meant to buy me five days worth of outfits and spent it on one skirt from this one store that cost an astronomical amount of money and it was this like um glow mesh skirt that was like like multi-colored swirls and she was like i just need to figure out how I can style up this glow mesh skirt in five different ways to justify how much I spent on this. And then like each day she would style it up and like to varying degrees of success. She did spend a lot of time yelling at people

who told her that she'd done it in an ugly way. But she was like, maybe I can wear it as a top. Maybe I can do all this stuff. And she was really trying to get this glow mesh skirt to get her through the press tour. And then on the last day, it ripped and was completely destroyed in the front. And it was so sad because everyone knew.

And she was like, I just got to get the cost per wear down on this fucking glow mesh skirt. And then in the comments, people were like, that skirt cost $1,500 or something crazy. Whatever. Yeah. Oh, that's great. I'm stressed $1,500. Or like something creepy. Or whatever. Yeah. Oh, that's great. I'm stressed for you, Abby.

I hope you're okay. Abby. I also like parketry. What's parketry? It's wood. It's like a. It's like tessellated wood. Criss-crossy.

Like little. Oh, yeah. It's what my parents have at their house. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Unhelpful to everybody else. Look it up. Look it up. You've all been there, I presume.

Yeah. It's kind of like dance studio floor. Parketry. Or like ballroom. Yeah, like a ballroom floor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I like that. I love it.

Yeah, it's beautiful. Oh, my God. I love it when people are ripping up their carpets on their DIY channels and then they find that they have parketry beneath. Yeah, it's so good. And they're like, what a treat. Is that what they say? We thought we were getting rid of this old carpet

and look what we discovered. A treat. They say it just like that. No, look at the floor well what's the best of these options not carpet okay yeah i think pocketry is good i also like the effort you know i i love like a hardwood floor that is like not regular floorboard like big wide floor oh yeah so nice like big slab floor kind of like i'm walking on a tree yeah well that's the thing

about the yeah when you can feel yeah yeah big hardwood floor. That's the one. Why firm it? There was something about that glaze of lacquer on top as well to seal it in. If the lacquer is too thick, I hate that. You can imprint it like a fingernail that hasn't yet dried. No, I don't like that. No, I want it to feel natural. Yeah, I want to feel the grain. Almost nothing on there.

Just like a beeswax. We had corkboard flooring in two of our rooms in the house growing up. And when my dad did the, why is the word escaping me? Like the varnish or whatever on top, he did it too thick. And there was one part where like the varnish like spilled. And so like the floor is like not even,

cause it's just like so thick. And I hated that corner. Yeah. That's awful. It because it's just like so thick. And I hated that corner. Yeah, that's awful. It was awful. It was so thick. It was probably like half a centimeter thick. You're just a little changeling child. Ew.

Yeah, yucky. No one could stand on it. They were alive. I literally couldn't stand it. What did it feel like? Just like not solid. Like maybe the slowest quicksand in the world. Ew.

Yeah. Yeah, that's bad. Like on a hot day, maybe you would. It would melt. And it was in the sunroom, ironically. Danger zone. So you won't be voting for cork flooring then? No.

Yeah, that's fair. I mean, I would go for big hardwood. Yeah. Floor. That's beautiful. I bet you would. That's how she got pregnant in the first place. Yeah, I like that.

Okay. Great. I like that. And do we need like a, obviously we're not educated enough to know what kind of wood would result in the color that we want, but what shade of brown, like or dark light to medium yeah i think that's nice i think that's like something that you know i mean like i want the drama so i do like deep mahogany floors but i think for this space oh it is a bunker actually yeah but let's just pull in the rain for one moment. Because I don't know the word flooring. It's like an entire bunker in this floor.

Oh, okay, okay. It's a dirt floor. I've always assumed that it was like a cement. I think like dirty cement. Dirty cement. So where are you putting the flooring? I think like the library needs a floor. That's nice.

And I think that that floor kind of makes sense. I think the library would make sense for the gorgeous Like the only area that's got floorboards And they can push all the tables that I assume are in there Aside on Sunday or Thursdays To have dance practice Yeah Beautiful

You know Yeah I like that On some like proper hardwood floors That are just on like posts. What are they called? Stumps. Stumps.

I mean, also there doesn't seem to be like a crawl space beneath. Yes. Because if you can't do the like reenactment of Inglourious Bastards, where you're like. True. Shoshanna. Shoshanna? We just kicked her out.

And then the rest is dirt flooring, which is great. Yeah. Because that's also what we like. Yeah. I think it's, yeah. Our second favorite kind of flooring. You know, sometimes you just get everything you want. I know.

Not on part two where we didn't put in a baby T-Rex. That's okay. That's okay. We got that big baby. I do love that baby. You love that big baby. I do. I do.

Yeah. Well, you know what? No. No, go on. No. The. Okay, great. Nina.

You get to put something else in. Oh, my God. You get one. You get one completely non-category specific thing that you can just put in. Anything you like. A person, an object, a concept, a location. But don't go crazy. Do whatever you want. We'll just kick it out in six months time.

This is stressful responsibility. You know, it's just something you always think about when you think about our bunker. What do I always think about when I think about your bunker? If you were in the bunker, what would you want to take in? Well, I'm not going in the bunker If you try to put me in that bunker, thank you but no Me and my baby are not going in the bunker

You don't want to hang out with the Grand High Witch? No What about Pig Boy? Which Pig Boy? Which stink blasters? No, we'll do it next week Oh, maybe a goat Wait, which stink blaster is now? We'll do it next week. Oh, maybe a goat.

Good. Something for the Megalodon. A baby goat from Razorhead. No, not two babies. No, just a lovely goat. A goat. That's so good. Keep the grass down in the dirt floor area. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is it just like wandering the halls like Bayonetta? Yeah, it just wanders. Goats are friendly-ish. And it can climb the walls, the cobblestone walls. Oh, my God, it would love to go up the walls. It would love it. It would love to climb the library. Yeah, Iestone walls. Oh, my God, I would love to go up the walls. It would love it. It would love to climb the library. Yeah, I love that.

That's a great contribution. That is so good. Oh, my God, I was thinking earlier today about that perhaps I should contribute a bit more to the socials of the Death to Everyone Instagram. I've always said it. What do you mean? You do heaps of it. Yeah.

We got to respond to that request For us to do that hen's party That's in the Yeah I know I thought you might not have Because I was like Tell them now Are you going to do it or not?

You really spoke to the wrong person In the chat And then I was like Because sometimes in the chat I'm the listener Sometimes I'm the one That sees it first And I'll be the one to respond

And you're much more responsible Than I am And I was like I'll ask Zelda And then I never responded Yeah We'll okay we'll take this off here but anyway i was thinking about doing like a some posts about all the different animals in the bunker like what animals are currently in the bunker that's good now the goat best animal that's in the bunker yeah well i imagine okay i only know about three. You wait for the post.

Cool. Wait, what color goat? It's. It is a. Girl. It is a white. It's a white goat. White goat.

With like brown on it. Oh, cute. You know, a brown splotchy white goat. I love it. Yeah. Okay, Matt, your goat impersonation what's that one when they do where they're screaming that's so funny that's more like i was like an old man goat okay there you go that was very good, Matt.

That's a little kid. That's good. A little kitty goat. And now, Zelda, why don't you round us up? Does that sound like the T-Rex? Um. Matt. Yeah. Very good.

It's the abruptness that I love about the goat. Yeah. It starts and stops so like. Yeah. What do they love about the goat. Yeah. It starts and stops so like. Yeah. What do they call bleating? Yeah. Yeah. Bleat.

Well, what a great show this has been. And thank you so much for joining us here for this. Thank you for having me. And Nina's a monster. Persephone or something. Yeah. Oh, do you have any clues on the name? Clues?

Yeah. Who's giving me clues? Vote for the listenership. Oh, I give the clues. I thought you meant like the world was giving me clues as to what the baby's name would be. I mean, maybe I need to be paying attention. It's funny that you went straight to that.

Maybe the world's giving me clues. I need to start looking around. Natural habitat studio. Stupid bitches. No clues. No clues. Okay. Okay.

Get close to the chest. I like it. Yeah. Well, when did you reveal the name of your child, Matt? Like how long after? That's really funny. Because we kind of were like pretty loose with the name of your child, Matt? Like how long after? That's really funny. Because we kind of were like pretty loose with the name. Like our child's called Sita.

So we were like, we both knew like before we even started having, doing that. Before you ever had sex. Before we ever had sex. I said. We have a kid and it's a girl. We would like to call it Sita. We both agreed on that name. So that made things quite easy.

But then, so we were kind of just like pretty like loose with it like people were like starting to suggest names and we were like no no it's we've got the name already that's great yeah it's kind of just like quelled like they just squashed all those like that all those fun games of challenge yeah it's like oh well that's great but it's not i think it is quite stressful, I can imagine. Yes, you're naming a whole new being. I also feel like I don't think you can take a suggestion for a baby name. No. Because it's something you have to name. If somebody else suggested a name to me, it would be like forever,

like, oh, Zelda named my baby. Oh, I love that. Well, depending on the friend, they'll be like, you know. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, Lazy named Mabo. Well, yeah, but then we got married like six months into the pregnancy the shotgun wedding um and then alicia's dad like announced in his like wedding speech the name to everyone like also like he came up with the name as well oh my god it was like he came up with cedar no he didn't but

he kind of like made it seem like he did oh i'm gonna do that so you found out the sexier baby yeah we did yeah we wanted to know because we were just too curious i need do you not know i don't know yet but i've got my 20 week scan in a few days true and you're thinking about going finding out i'm gonna find out oh that's good Just look for the little doodle Yeah, yeah, or lack thereof To our dear listeners, just so you know A doodle does not determine I said sex, not gender, thank you very much

So we'll have to wait till they're about 20, 24 Yeah, well I mean I know people who are like Raising their kids non-binary That's great But our baby's a girl So Whoa

That's great for them She can choose later In my house For now she's a girl You're reading some obnoxious children's book That's like Susie the grape didn't want to be a grape When she was

Yeah But I wonder book that's like suzy the grape didn't want to be a grape but i wonder like if cedar transitions in the future cedar feels pretty um you could go either way yeah that's a really good yeah we wanted one that was a bit like not like too like over the top yeah this is a boy hilda i can only come up with super femme names really that's good though just give up with super femme names That's good though Just give little boys super femme names That's my dream It's pretty fun looking up kids names

Yeah What if they were like Derek Derek That's top of my list They become a Derek Yes Yes Oh my god They become a Derek. Like, if you have it in your mind, you're like, ooh, that's gross. Like that hot dog from the Ferrells. Yes.

Oh, my God. Sorry, there was that show, Life with Derek. Have you heard of that? No, I haven't. Oh, I think about this show all the time. It's just so sick. It was sick. The whole show was this teenage girl, Brady Bunch style.

It was from her perspective, but her family merged with another family and she lived with this rat bag, Rab Scallion, named Derek. And the show was called Life with Derek. And the theme song was like, Living life with Derek, living life with Derek. And he's like a 16-year-old. But the show that was made by adults was like horny for Derek. Like it was like obsessed with this boy because every week it was like,

what's Derek going to do? Probably something really fucking cool. This is not the show I was expecting. And like they're just like, I don't know who was writing this show, but this girl is constantly put offside by this boy who just wanders through life and gets everything he wants. Everyone's obsessed with Derek. Derek looks fucking smug.

He is. That's his whole character arc. And the main thing about life with Derek is that, like, the show was actively, like, fappening about this 16-year-old boy. And it was like yeah Derek probably wins everything Derek's probably top top scoring guy playing volleyball this week and it's like Canadian so of course he'll play volleyball but um yeah weird weird show wow why was it obsessed with Derek let it go we don't think Derek's as hot and cool as you do. It's really weird to make a show about adults obsessed with a 16-year-old.

What? That's just, yeah. But they were like, in the universe of the show, the universe was on Derek's side. Yeah. If there was going to be good luck, it was going to Derek. And then it was like, the protagonist of this show, fuck her. Fuck her.

Oh, he wasn't even the protagonist. No, he's like this thing that enters this young, fuck her. Fuck her. Oh, he wasn't even the protagonist. No, he's like this thing that enters this young girl's life and now she has to live life with the popular Derek. With Derek. And it's like this thing, like it's almost like a fucking lynchian nightmare. It's like a horror. It's like she like then lives the rest of her teen years

in the shadow of awful Derek. That's horrible. But the show doesn't think he's awful. The show thinks she's awful and awkward. She's Jihira. Yeah. I have a really good second contribution to the bunker. Oh, God.

It's from the baby. The baby was on the show. I suppose we do have two guests You have two guests And maybe you already have them in the bunker But I think Alex Mack should be in the bunker Whoa The baby hasn't even seen Alex Mack

The baby knows I've been telling them all about it She's absorbed your knowledge And then Miss Atron said this funny thing I mean Listen, I fucking love Alex Mack Yeah, we're not going to hear much And then Miss Atron said this funny thing. I mean. Listen, I fucking love Alex Mack. Yeah. We're not going to hear much pushback about it.

Who's going to play her? Right. Good work, baby. I hope that they bring back Alex Mack and get like, I don't know. Zendaya. Sydney Sweeney. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Too old for Alex Mack. Alex Mack's like 12. Oh, she's like 13 Sydney's waiting Since a fully grown adult If she was in Pigtails She could be 13 Yeah

Not that Alex Mack Would be caught dead In Pigtails No she was too cool She was way too cool That sounds more like Ray behaviour Or her older sister Annie

I love that sister dynamic Why was she so cool I love that puddle Why was she so cool? I love that puddle Such a good puddle The puddle's so good I mean, X-Men could never Well, Terminator Actually, you know what?

You know the thickness of that puddle on the ground? That was like the thickness of the spilt varnish Like, thick Bad Bad Okay Yeah. Bad. Okay. Bad. Bad.

Miss Atron, who worked at the like plant where they had the chemicals that turned Alex Mack into a freak. Yeah. She continued to employ the guy that like spilt the chemicals in the first place. And like he bungled her plans every week. Like why didn't she fire him she had the means no honey the like to progress manage someone out of a business is really difficult

like it is a long process and there has to be a continued um continual evidence that someone is not willing to improve or take on feedback um i can really empathize with that manager i guess as well it's like she's a woman who's risen the ranks to like a very senior role at the company and i think that when the chemicals were spilled she didn't make an official report because she didn't want it to reflect upon her yeah so she couldn't even start that as the first yeah red flag. And so then everything after that, where she hired that man giant to harass that 13-year-old girl, kind of looks bad for her too.

It does. Miss A. Trunt, work it out, girl. Yeah. And at the end, oh my God, sorry. Just the very end of Alex Mack, the dad gives her the potion that takes away her powers. But she doesn't take it. She throws it away.

Oh, really? Yeah. Which means that this should have been like a college years. Oh my God. It's not her powers. But she doesn't take it. She throws it away. Oh, really? Yeah. Which means that this should have been like a college years. Oh, my God. It's not too late. Oh, Sydney's really. Yeah. We have entering the bunker this week.

The pregnancy of. Venus of. Yeah. Wait, what was it, Matt? Little statue. Willendorf. Venus of. Yeah. Wait, what was it, Matt? Little statue. Willendorf. Venus of. I really regret this. We're never going to bring her up again. Holding a cardboard box. Yes, holding a cardboard box made of limestone.

It's a little limestone statue from 20,000 years ago. But no one knows yet. So she's holding a box in front. Then we have the baby bow bow from spirited away great and chunky hardwood floors in the library yeah also good then we have a goat incredible And fucking Alex Mack That's good

Amazing What a week I feel like I love all of these things They're great choices They're absurd choices But they feel home in the bunker They do

Okay Well thank you Oh no there's one more thing What? Just something to see us out Oh my god You go Well thank you all so much for listening for another week.

We appreciate you. Appreciate you, Nina. Oh. What is that sound? Nina, thanks so much for joining us this week. Bye-bye. Thanks for having me, baby T-Rex. Okay. Death to Everyone was recorded at

Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Shears our theme song and music was brought to you by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie you got something to say to us send it to us at

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