Death To Everyone - Death To... Reasons For Rushing, Faggots & Answering Public Phones

Episode Date: April 21, 2026

Wow what a mixed bag of topics today... Hope you enjoy dear listener. Follow us, won't you? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ You can send us a voicemail at ⁠www.speakpipe.com/deathtoeveryone⁠Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.naturalhabitatstudios.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/ediecentric⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103⁠

Hello! Before we get into today's episode, a quick reminder. Sorry, dear, our premiere night for The Witcher Girls has sold out. Yes. But there's still time for the next two shows. May 14. May. And screening. 28.

Finally screening. Come and join us. Come and join us. We'll see you there. Bye-ta-da. Enjoy the show. Hello. Hello, listener.

Welcome. To death to our. Everyone. It's our weekly podcast. We'll be talking about a range of fabulous topics. And from those topics, we... There's a weird echo today. Hmm.

Hmm. That's not what I'm done, right? And I'm down the moon. And we'll see on him. Oh my God. One of us is being professional. Yeah. And me.

I don't even think I have a good Zelda impression in me. You did one. Didn't you? You did that line. What? The movie magic. What? Oh, yeah.

When we were doing ADR for the witchy girls, I did do a little line to fill in one of the Zelda's that we were adding in for the start of a scene. And our director, Haley, of last week's episode, was like, I thought that was you, Zelda. But it's only because I captured your whiny tone. Excuse me? What?

What? Who said that? But now I've recorded it, so it's back to normal. Yeah. When we were doing the script read-through, I was playing Zelda's part. Mm. He was quite impressed with my Zelda impression. I was.

Oh, give it a world. I can't do it off the top of my head. I need lines. Yeah, okay. To say this, I'm a big old bitch. Sorry, I've still got a cough. Matt I'm sorry

Matt Okay 3, 2, 1 This is the show This is the Oh sorry Matt's line Oh sorry

I'm a big old bitch Go Matt No I'm not gonna do that Matt You said you What is this show What do you want me to say Zelda

I'm a big old bitch Yeah that's That works for me All right You say first How would you say it No because now I'm gonna say it Like how lazy would say it

I'm a big old bitch That was a good lazy impersonation Yeah, that's pretty good Thank you Oh, thank you Oh, okay That was pretty good Yeah

Oh, thank you Sorry Sorry? Sorry? Hey guys Is that good? Yeah, it's pretty good Yeah, there are we

This is not a show about making fun of Zella No It's a show It's a show about The end of time And us, as celestial goddesses, have cast our judgment upon this wretched planet. And our favourite things will preserve.

And the rest will destroy. Into the bin. Yeah. Into the bin. And if you're unlucky in the bunker, into the abyss. I love that. Why have I heard so much about, oh, I was looking up how the dinosaurs were destroyed by the asteroid.

And I was like, oh, what a crazy time to be on. Earth. So hot. Well, they were like, had this giant asteroid hit in the middle of the ocean. There wouldn't have been an extinction level world event. It was specifically that it hit the exact right spot to cause enough debris and detritus to go into the atmosphere to... Make an ice age.

Yeah, like to destroy the climate. That's crazy. Yeah. Because if it had plonked down, the water vapor would have gone into the atmosphere, but there wouldn't be all this like mucky moo. Would have been great for the indoor houseplants. So humid. Yes. Yeah.

The rainforest era. Yeah. Earth. Well, it was hotter then anyway, I learned. Prove it. True. Here I am. That religious girl at the front of the class just trying to explain the dinosaurs yet again.

They had no air conditioning, so it was definitely hotter. True. That's a great point. my fear would be that if I went back in time to the dinosaur era that's called yeah the dinosaur era that like I'd get there right me back in time

right a triceratops around well no I feel like what if I land back in time I look to the left I look to the right no dinosaurs then I walk for days and days and days and don't really see anything new like what if dinosaurs are like you know, there are people that live in Australia that have never seen a koala. Yeah.

Like, what if they're just like, oh yeah, they're just miles away from where you are right now? Yeah, yeah. I fear that that would be how it would be. And I just wouldn't appreciate all the weird prehistoric ferns that were around me

because I don't have the knowledge background. True. You're not L.A. Sadler. Mm. That would be sad. If you went back in time. Yeah, if we missed, if we didn't see you ever again.

Oh. Yes, every time someone's, disappeared from the earth. It's because they went back to the dinosaur era. Mm-hmm. That's how they survived for so long, because they're just eating humans that are coming from the present.

I wouldn't do well, is what I'm saying. No. You're not a survivalist. I mean, like, I think I have the chops to be a survivalist. I just don't think I have the know-how or physical acuity. The thing is that you're very adaptable and capable in your skill set.

I just think you would find it boring. Imagine being bored. But I would love making my little house. Yes, but then what? Once you've got out, just make another house. Make a whole city. Yeah. Maybe you could like bring the theatre to the dinosaurs.

I don't think the dinosaurs would really appreciate that. I also think that they would just kill me. Probably. I was listening to my favorite podcast yesterday or one of. This one. What the Duck. And they were talking about was it

Was it World War I or World War II? I can't remember. We call that the World War era? Yes. And the US needed a military base because... What? I just like, I can't remember from World One or World War II. You know, but the US, they needed to, I don't know, get involved with the Nazis.

Were they in? Which one were they in? Well, now you're doing quite an... Accurate. Details and not. Not that important in this story. Not to me. Sorry, you go. Sorry, do those we last?

They all just went back to the donors for Europe. Yeah, exactly. Thank you. But the US needed a military base closer to Japan. That's probably an indicator of which World War it was. But you couldn't tell us which? It was World War II. And they found this like Ireland that was uninhabited.

Perfect in that kind of way. But there was a large population of albatross and no natural predators on the island. But albatross famously are enormous. And the stat was like there were like 500 and something like occurrences of like hitting an albatross on like fighter planes landing or flying off. this military base. Oh my God. But because like the mission was the war, not clearing albatross from this island. Like there wasn't budget or time to like, I don't know, have a plan.

Today's mission? War. But first, those albatross. But of course they had to do something because it was like, I don't know, you get an albatross in your jet engine or something. and it's not going to bode well. No. So they had to, trigger warning everyone, like people would go around and just bludgeon Albatross all day

because, like, you couldn't waste bullets on such a thing because you're in the middle of a war. And also, like, I don't know, shooting a bird is hard or something. But because there were no natural predators on the island, the Albatross didn't run away. Oh, that's so sad. Like, they'd just be hanging out, and these, like, Navy people, boys would go up and just like and further.

They would go around clubbing. Matt. Not funny. Go out clubbing. No. On the weekend. Matt. Not funny.

It's kind of clever though. But they wanted to like play sirens or play things to like make all the birds fly away. But they were just completely unfazed because Albatross is so large and chill. so they and then they were like well let's get a distress call from these birds and play that so they're all distressed and fly away

but because they're no natural predators they would never make the sounds so anyway they were saying that they would like get them and like swing them around to like force them into distress to try to record the sound anyway I highly recommend everyone listen to that podcast but that's so violent Zelda

I know I can't believe you'd subject yourself to a tremendous but it's very interesting but I just feel for those large birds. War. What is it good for? Not good for Albatross, let me tell you.

No, I've got an Albatross around my neck. But the triumphant end was that they didn't like eradicate them and they've completely like reclaimed whatever island it was. It was, I can't remember. Albatross won the war. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, that's good. Yeah. World War III is Albatross v. human. Mm-hmm. They never forget. No. doesn't forgive. They do not forget.

Zelda, how are you? Are you happy? Sure. Sure, why not? Are you happy? I have a new housemate. Oh, really? Yeah.

Go on. The blue tongue lizard in my backyard. We've been seeing it on your Instagram. Yes. The Australia around you is very distressed. No. About your interactions with this lizard? You're distressed.

I'm not distressed. Raff is distressed. Yeah, Raph's distressed. everything fun. No, so I told the story about what I found in my lawn, which was the... In the long grass.

Yeah, in the long grass, which is under control now, listen, don't you worry. Go over to the lawn. Look, and then I found it again when I was mowing my lard the next time. Lod? Lowe in my lard. Loving my lard.

And anyway, so, but now, I see it every day because it's set up shop under the house near my little hose area. I don't think, because I'm certainly not going to eat it for dinner. And the magpies, they seem unfazed. They're not trying to kill it? No. Because I know you were trying to make friends at the magpies and I wondered. Those magpies visit me every day.

Who side are you on? We can all live in harmony. Those magpies don't need to come for the. The blue tongue's also too big. Can I tell you? the other day I was in my bathroom with the window open looking out to the backyard and the mag pies were there so of course I was completely captivated and one of them looked at me and then turned to the brugmancia that was next to it

and ate a slug off it and then look back I was like that that is incredible like with its side eye yes I love magpaving on you so good are they getting rid of all the slugs or just some of them I mean they can go for it that brummancia is really growing strong. It's so cute. But anyway, yeah, so this little blue tongue, I'm in love with it. It's so cute. You're like Dr. D little. Last night, I like crushed up another tomato from my van and fed it to it. Or like put it there in case it. Has it taken the bait? It had. And then today on when I came home after work, I put out a very shallow dish of water. Yeah. And a little chopped up lettuce for it just as a little treat. Um, so cute.

Do you have a name for it? No. I don't know, I think... If you name it, then you love it. I do love it. No, I'm already sad at the thought of it dying. When someone comes clubbing it. You've got to take off from there.

No, I think a lifetime of fishkeeping has really put me off naming things. Because, like, I don't know, that hobby is just like the turnaround can be... The old meat grinder. No. But like, I don't know, fish look quite similar. We call you Captain Bird's eye on account of how many fish you kill. No. But, yeah, I don't know. But no, should, listener, write in.

Name my blue tongue. Blue tongue lizard. Yeah. It's little, it's a baby blue tongue. Ghost drop. Ghost drop. And it's not afraid of humans. Because it's got a blue tongue.

Okay, but I don't want like a funny name. I want like, Helen. Charles. Charles. Yeah. Joel. Maybe it's got a lizard name. What are the famous lizards?

Godzilla. Yeah. Yeah. Who's the one from Mortal Kombat? What is his name? He's got a name? There's The Lizard from Spider-Man. Good name there.

Yeah. Thank you. That's good. Jack Kirby. Is that actually his name, The Lizard? Yeah. Oh, that's a bit unoriginal. Hmm.

Scaly? For the time. Scaly. What's the job, jub? Job job. The iguana from The Simpsons owned by Patty and Selma. Yes. Or just Selma.

Can't recall. Anyway, so you're happy. Yeah. And I did so much organization yesterday. I needed to refresh some of my spaces. And I noticed that Bunker Ann had crawled into our DMs of the Death to Ever on Instagram. Always. Wait, which one did you observe?

I saw her saying, this is bunker Anne. Famous Anne. She's in the bunker. She said, I think it's fine to introduce people to your family within three months. I moved across the world and married someone and fell in love with that for three months. Yes. So it's good. So thank you.

I say, Anne, don't use your personal traumas to justify worldwide experience. You know? Hey. learn from this oh my god um yeah well anyway it turns out it probably was too soon because we broke up last week so oh no yeah what a mess was it over the lizard no no but he has gone back to the dinosaur era now i hope so bye bye fair enough you know people enter our lives and then they leave what a solid reminder that i'll die alone we all die alone yes Some of us just die alone alone or alone with our friends.

Huh. Who do you want? I'm going to a living wake soon. Yeah. And I tell you what, I love this woman. It's my friend's mother. And I know that she would not have an issue with me talking about this because, yeah, she's like being very open about her imminent death.

but they sent out the invitation today and they'd basically she's like she'd like you'd like build her shroud with you all but you can be hand sewing like it's a hand sewing this to cover her body when she does die so we welcome cotton wool silk

wooden beads bone and shell which will sew into the shroud but we will not have plastic nylon synthetics crystals metal or glass because they will explode when they burn the body. She'll also need help decorating her cardboard coffin, exclamation, boy. Oh my God. Bring your connector pen.

RSVP by the 25th of April. Wow. Wait, so it's just going to be cremated. Yes, but not. Yeah. So she's like, this is an opportunity to say goodbye and share a memory, many moments of celebration. A living wake is much like a wake, except this woman still gets to hug you. that's classy

I mean it's like beautiful what an opportunity I tell you what I think like because wakes are like so sad and it's really like the way that your reality pairs down around you

as you begin to die is that you normally end up with just like one or two people in the room which I think is nice and you know that's definitely part of it but like I think the idea of having everyone there just before the end is quite fabulous

and because she's that kind of gal that's like lived very large and like had a huge community of people around her. It's like only fitting that she have every single person there just be like, hey bitch, how are you? See you on the other side. Yeah. Decorate my cardboard coffin. Say hello to the Dronodons for me.

Yeah. Although I did have a thought that like, what if my art is so good on the cardboard coffin that they're like, we can't burn this? you had that thought yeah I just wanted to okay well actually no speaking of sociopathic thoughts and actions my dear friend

whose mother is having this living wake sent the message and she was like so the living wake is going to be on the second of May and I was like oh my god that's wild and also our other friend the third and our kind of

of triptych a friend would then be coming to Melbourne for that as well. So we'd all be there. Yeah, yeah. And so I was like, also if you guys want tickets. To the witcher girls from here? To the witcher girls from here on the third. It's just the next day. It's actually just the next day. Yeah. And I said that in the chat. And then I immediately called my friend. I was like, I am so sorry that is not meant to like deprive this moment. Yeah. And she was like, no, no, that's okay. You know, we organize. things. Yeah.

We've got things to organize. Although I think on that day, my mother will be being euthanized. So. So we'll see. It's the next day. She's getting euthanized the next day. I think she's like they're trying to get it signed off. Wow.

Yeah. You can do that? Do we have a sister dying in Victoria? Yeah. Um, I don't know. Oops. Um, yeah. Yeah.

Wow. How? I think you can get, yeah, you can get clearance to do it. There's got to be a, I mean, if not. But that's quite chic, because then you can just really put it in the schedule. Yeah, plan it in. Yeah, it's the new C-section. Wow.

But yeah, then my other friend, who I didn't call immediately after and explain my terrible action, a few days later I spoke to him and I was like, um, also, just so you know, I called her immediately. after that and I am aware that that was insane and he's like, oh no honey you're just on that hustle you've got to sell those tickets

and I was like well these are why these people are my friends yeah they understand they understand it's hard up there for independent artists well yes use every platform you can hello

welcome to the living wake now tomorrow's sold out sad not as sad as this but in two weeks time You can't get a ticket But the rest of you can Wow

I'm just going to get a new coffin Because I think I did too good a job I have to take that You'll want to keep that Yeah Can I just cut out that section? I mean it's going to get burnt What do you want me to do?

You know I won Drag Race, right? I could sell that I love the idea of a cardboard coffin Yes I am in my mind I picture it like a combo between like a shoe box and like a like a Oz post box

You know how they're like ventilated You know like those like Yeah like the fruit and veg box It's like really well reinforced Yeah I do picture it as being like a premium Cardboard And it's got like Yeah

Fresh bananas Written on the side Less that But I When you get really impressed by how thick and durable Something is What if you were like had access to that technology

and you're like, oh, just use that instead of moving boxes. I think you're backing up all your stuff and it looks like you have five coffins in the back of it through. Because is it like coffin shape or is it just a rectangle? It's probably just going to be a rectangle

but like I'll be so sad if it's not. Like, a coffin. Dracula coffin. Yes. And you get a hearse as a moving truck. A cardboard hearse. Going back to that Amazon returns center in the sky. It just

those Cadillacs are just so well purposed for that shape of box. I know. Wow. Yeah. Maybe we won't

go to the dinosaur error and just go straight to hell. Yeah. I'm sure they're the same. I don't want to hang out. There was a, I don't know, someone in an interview

asked me recently, like, where, if you could go to another time, where would it be? I'm like, God. I don't think any time has been as good years.

Yeah, I'm like, that shows a pretty extreme lack of, like, curiosity on my part, but I'm like, what am I going to go and see, like, fresh-faced Notre Dame? The Library of Alexandria. Like, what do you think about traveling one week into the future? Well, I said, I want to see the future, but like a thousand years. Just so it can be like, I need to know if humanity's ending soon or not. Is it worth it? So it's like you can figure out whether all this promo is worth it. Well, that and also just like, imagine if you knew 100% for sure, for sure that humanity is still there in a thousand years.

Every time the news is like, this is the worst thing that's ever happened. We are at the brink of nuclear annihilation. You could just be like, no one not. What? Yeah. I just want peace of mind. Yeah. And then if it is gone, you're like, well, when did it in?

Also, to use like a thousand year in the future internet to look up your name, Did my legacy survive? Yes. What else did I do that was great? Yeah. Or did I become a serial killer? Pretty great. A sociopath.

Yeah. Well, no. But come. Check. Come. Yeah. Be calm. Be calm.

And Matt, how are you? I've still got a tickle in my throat. Every time I laugh, I cough. Oh. So I don't know if I should sit in today or not. You pipe in whenever you like. No, no, no, I mean just because I'm just going to be coughing in the background the whole time. Ah, you...

Turn off my microphone. Whatever you like. Okay. Okay. Let's get to the apocalypse. Each week, listener, we do like to treat you to a new creative take on what the apocalypse is. We call it the apocalypse of the week. Yes.

And here we'd like to do that for you again. Zelna, what is this week's apocalypse? This week's apocalypse is everybody's head explodes. And with that, we'll be right back. Bye-bye. Hello, listeners. Welcome back. Gosh.

Okay. Okay. Now, our category is. Up for discretion today. Our first category is, which reason for rushing goes to the bunker? What are you rushing for? I'm just talking about this. with someone recently.

Oh. Someone who's always late. We didn't talk about this. Are you always late? No. Yes. Are you? You suffer from a lot of my flaws less than others.

Ah, good. Yeah. As long as things are good from my perspective, then they're all right. No, because I was talking about, we were talking about how my producer is always late. Annie is always late to things by about an hour. hour. Yeah, pretty traditional to be late by an hour. But I, and then we're talking about how my sister is also always late.

Yes. Pretty chronically late. And how as a child, I was part of a late family. Late mom, late dad. But at the time, I didn't realize it was my sister as well. But just struggled to get things moving, get out of the house in time, leave enough time to be, in transit, like my dad and my sister are pretty good at getting lost in the car on the way places, like, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

So as an adult, because that was our reputation, I have, like, fought to make myself someone who is pretty much on time. The only way I'm not on time is if I have forgotten the thing is happening and then I just will not show up. But for other things, on time, if not early, is my vibe. So, yeah, pretty much. So to achieve that, what do you do? How do you rush?

How do you quit your job? Find more time for you. But that is why I'm rushing. If I'm rushing, it's because I have a fear of a generational reputation. Of lateness. Lateness. It haunts me. Shame.

Shame. Shame. Shame and fear. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. What keeps you rushing, Zelda? Um.

I mean, I despise being late, but I'm, yes, socially often very late. I'm not often late for work, maybe every, like, maybe a couple minutes, which is just quite annoying because just leave a couple minutes earlier, which you'd think after being on the planet for 37 years you would figure out. But here we are. But like nothing bad, like, you know, I'd say that you've only, no one's pointing to that lateness and saying bad things. No.

And I'm not always late. Like today I was three minutes late. So you looked down at your watch and you were like, Yeah, again. How would I claw back these three minutes of productivity? And then when I walked in and it was said, oh, thank you for joining us. Oh, someone said that? I said, oh, that's hilarious.

That's what I would say if someone was like. Nah, ha ha ha. So, you know, you're laughing off. Yeah. Yeah, but socially pretty bad. Ah. Yeah. I'd never know.

But I really am. I think I've got it much better. In my 20s, I was very bad. What do you put that down to? I'm just, I just don't plan out, like, timings well enough. Yeah. It's like, oh, that'll take, like, 20 minutes to get there, but it will take 40 minutes. Sure.

It's like, just think about it. slightly earlier so that, you know. And I also like always want to maximize my like not waiting around time. So it's like I'd hate to get somewhere 20 minutes early and then have like 20 minutes to kill. Well, that's where you're going to get into drinking. Because that first 20 minutes, that's golden time to like have a bed and sit alone. Yeah. No.

Yeah. I hate that feeling as well of like getting somewhere early and then being like, oh, I could have been asleep still. Yeah, or yeah. Or I could have been still in the shower. Yeah. Enjoying my life. Yes. Instead, I'm here trapped, waiting.

Also, I'm just like, I'm too socially awkward and inept to handle those situations. Like, if I'm meeting someone in a restaurant, I'll like wait outside and be like, are you here yet? I'll wait outside. You know? Like I won't go and get a table. No. And sit at my own. No.

I'll wait until you're there. Or are you already there? Oh, you haven't. Are you hiding? Maybe you're already inside. Oh, I don't know. Like, I'm at the wrong restaurant. Yeah.

You don't drive either, so I feel like that also adds like an unpredictability. Yeah, I think that like, you couldn't, it's a lot easier to be on time when you control when you, like, can depart. Yeah. Whereas if it's like, there's a random tram delay that I would have no way of knowing. Yes. And that is often why I'm like a couple minutes like for work. Even like waiting for an Uber takes like 25. And you never know when they're going to fuck you.

Yeah, there was... They just cancelled at the last second. A day last week where I was like nearly 40 minutes late for work because I was waiting 40 minutes for my morning Uber list. It's only because I start work before the public transport starts that I have to get Uber's to work. I'm not some boozy bitch. I really wish I wasn't investing all of that money into...

Getting the Shuba. Yeah, sure, sure. Yes. But, so... Yeah, also, like, reputation of being late deters me, like, or encourages me to rush. But I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate the feeling of being rushed. Yes. It is, like, my least favorite thing in the world.

When someone's putting pressure on you. Yeah, I'm like, things just take as long as they. take and like the pressure isn't going to make it go faster yeah um which like there's a lot of you to own in that it's like we'll have you planned your time out and everything which if is the case and you're still being rushed that explosion point i hate it i hate it and my least favorite thing is on this planet is when you are um preparing for gay sex and there's a rush. There's a rush and you don't have enough time to properly let the water run clear.

Yes. And it's like, we all know what's happening here. Relax. Like, no one wants this to take as long as it's taking right now. Especially the person blasting water into their asshole. Like, fucking relax. And then, but you know what? It does tell you how to treat like other people well.

in like, take all the time you need. Don't worry about it. I'm fine. When the holes are reversed. Yeah, the holes are reversed. Correct. Yeah. Yeah.

I just, that's the worst feeling. It's like, oh, you want me to rush this? Interesting. We'll see how that works out. Yeah, well, that's, you've got to punish them from time to time by spraying them with dirty water. Okay. From your butt. No.

No, I won't do that. Yeah, see I Yeah, I There are From working in hospitality There's part of me that enjoys the rush Mm-hmm Of being rushed

And being able to like Switch into gear and be like Okay, no, it's game time now And also being able to like manage people In their like feelings of trying to rush you Yeah And you're like, hey, that's great. Why don't you do this for like five minutes and we'll be right with you or whatever.

Like that kind of stuff is really fun. And I think sometimes people could stand to be a bit more rushed. For sure, you know, the kind of languid behavior, just slopping around. It confuses me. Yeah. And yeah. But what's a good reason to be rushed? Fear of death. Fear of death. Yeah.

Pregnancy. Like, I better get this done really quick because I'm going to get pregnant. Get me the hospital cab driver. Oh. In labor. I'm in labor. Being in labor, is that a pretty good reason to rush around. Yeah?

Yeah. What do you think about, um... What about that? Um, oh my God, what's it called? What's a cold? Pulse. if his if his heart rate drops below a certain amount he dies blood pressure oh what's that action film Jason's day them yeah it's called crank

crank and crank crank high voltage where he's got an electric heart yeah something like that and he has to keep rushing and touching power lines to keep his heart going yeah that's a good reason to rush yeah adrenaline up yeah adrenaline high crank crank so if you if someone's is some evil person has implanted something in you that stops it will kill you. Yeah. Being like a, yeah.

And there's a bomb in your bus and your Sandra Bullock and if it goes below a certain speed it will explode. Lazy. Now you're starting to talk my language. Do you like speed? With Nanu and Sandra Bullock.

Obviously yes. Santa Bluck. Hey. Um, yes. What else do you like about it? Um, um, just thinking about how I like it.

Yeah, what's your favorite scene in it? When they're on the bus and they're like in the front seat of the bus. And there's a part where they like maybe have the door open and one of them is looking out of it. Looking back at something. You could write the script for speed. After how many times I've seen it? Baby, sure. Like if it was like you went back in time.

Sounds like the poster. But to 1971. 71? Yeah. And you're like, they're like, do you have any? ideas for films and you're like yeah yeah yeah I'll just write some

that I know that haven't been done yet yeah how would you write speed okay yeah my like while I'm sitting at the diner with my malt I would write down on my little notepad with my HB

pencil good period accurate it sounds like that's a period you want to go back to yeah there's malt people really appreciated the milkshake back then. And like now

it's a mockery. Every time he's able to get the milkshake, we go, oh, here she goes. Sorry about the child. Why are we making fun of us for making fun of our adult adult woman friend ordering a child's drink at our adult table?

Sometimes she gets a coffee. Sometimes she gets a coffee. And I appreciate that. Sometimes, yeah. I like a giant chocolate milkshake, please. I don't get chocolate. What flavour milkshake would Birk get? I would like, could I have the flavour green? Taste that fresh.

Blue tongue lizard flavour. I would like some milkshake to share with my blue tongue lizard. I would. No, you can't feed dairy to a blue tongue lizard. It would not be dairy. It would be water and grubs from my yard. I have a small bag of them in my hyund I get. okay

okay wait what was I saying all right I would write down interior um day bus

bus passengers starts on bus starts on bus yes bus passengers um catch each other's eye flirtatiously

um I presume it's been a long time since I've watched speed um but this would be my pitch yeah um passengers on bus

catch each other's eye um observe bus driver have a heart attack and fall out of bus. Lovers take over the bus drive. I love how your version of script writing is to write it like you're writing a haiku. Leaves fall. Spring is gone. I haven't gone to that part yet.

Then receive phone call, which would have been quite a strange concept in this. 60s, of course, but I was future planning. Yeah. Phone call coming from bus driver's pocket and... Wait, didn't the bus driver fall out of bus? Yeah, that's just before they kicked him out the bus. They kicked him out? He was taking up space.

And villain stroking a cat, but in shadow, when we cut to them, says, like, don't you stop driving that bus? Because you didn't know what's going to happen. And then that's where they just continue. to drive. The end. Well, you're missing my favorite part from speed. Oh.

Which is when all the people are trapped in the elevator. Elevator? It's on a bus. Well, he's a terrorist that is destroying things one by one. And he's one of his first victims. Other people in an office building. And they're all getting on an elevator. I should rewatch it.

I want to put a note in my phone. Oh, it's good. And then at the end, after they finally get off the bus at the airport terminal. Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves are lying atop each other on the small scrap of metal they've used to toboggan to safety.

And Sandra says, oh, too bad that relationships forged in high adrenaline situations never last. And then they make out. And then obviously by the second one, Speed 2, cruise control, their relationship

has ended. But Sandra Bullock has returned for the sequel. Yeah. But not Narnu. Which is better. Oh. Like better that, like, his story was over. But Sandys was just beginning. Sandy's?

Yeah. Sandy Paul. Who is calling her Sandy? We call her Sandy in my house. I'd like to just pound the alarm for one moment. Bound. Oh. No, we can't do that.

Nikki wave you're like that. I know, I know. Are you aware that Madonna has announced part two of Confessions on a dance floor? Yes. I'm so excited. Have you seen the Kanti cover? Yes. Where she's obscured her face.

Oh, oh, confessions on the dance floor. Oh, oh. Stop this beat is killing me. That is not going to be on the album. You don't like her first confessions to dance floor. Not what that is. Confessions on the dance floor. But you do not confess the moon, DJ.

It's also not it. Oh. Well, I'm out of options. That's the only two confessions I know. Mm-hmm. Do you think that's chic or tragic? Incredible. Lean in.

No one wants your MDMA. You know? You don't like MDMA? No. I feel like that was the last sparkling diamond moment of her. Then she got into a hardcore regaton vibe. And I was like, I don't know that this is for you, Madonna. Yeah.

There's many misses. And a few hits. But Confessions, that is a hit. Wait. Are you saying, because the MDMA was. was why. Oh, you,

you want to? You didn't like that song? No. That song is so good. Da-na-na-na-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. I feel like that was the last like Madonna hit. Like it's not bad. It's so fun.

And the video, Las Chappelle's video with all the live-backers. The video is good. The video is good. Oh, come on. What else do you want? Confessions, part two. These are my confessions.

No. Of the dance player. That is like one of my, like, perfect albums. Like, I could listen to every single song, like, start to finish, wouldn't skip a thing. Can you name all the tracks on Confession? Wait, let me pull that up. No. No.

Well, if it's one of your old... Jump. She's trying. Here she goes. Oh, no, I couldn't do that. It's just like, you just put it on in the shower. You couldn't name anything. of them?

No, I couldn't. What do you mean? Track listing. Okay. The number one lead single from the album was... Um, what? Time goes by so slowly. Every little thing that you say I do.

I'm hung up. I'm hung up. That's a long-air song. Hung up. And then get together. Can we get together? I really want to be with you. Sorry.

With that iTunes? Sorry. Four minutes on 43. Future lovers. Yeah. Go on. No, because it's... I love New York.

I don't like cities. But I like New York. Other places make me feel like a dork. See, we're going to get more of that. Let it will be. New York is not for... Little Pussies Who Scream. Is that right?

Forbidden love. Forbidden love. Jump. Are you ready to jump? How high? Isaac? Yeah. Push?

Yeah. Go on. No. Go on. No. Go on. I can't. Go on.

I can't think of it. I thought it was no skips. I'm not skipping. I just can't recall. Like it or not? Here I come. Madonna. I think that you're overselling your fandom of this album.

I'm not like my friend Sam. She could do this right now. Push. You push me. You push me. You push me. What's Isaac? Yeah, and then the bit I sang.

It'll come up. That's what I did. Yeah, okay, good. Yeah. True fan over here. This 16 songs on the new album. One six. That's good.

Anyway, what reason to rush is good enough for the bunker? Madonna's released a new album. I'm Russian. I rushed to, pre-save. What's the last thing that you rushed for? No, I mean like a new game or a new piece of auto media. Have you ever rushed for tickets? Hmm. You know what? I rushed to get tickets to yours Klein when he comes to Melbourne later this year after my catastrophic Katie Perry failure last year. I was like, I'm not missing out on things anymore by being a fucking mess. So I rushed to get those

tickets. How fabulous. Yeah. And you got them? Yeah. I don't know who yours client is. Yos Glein from the Netherlands. I'm going with Jeremy. It's going to be so fun. It's at Festival Hall.

It's going to be like when we went to sleeper, oh no, I didn't go to Jeremy to see Plessbo there. But anyway. How fabulous. Yeah. And will you set aside some pocket money for merchandise? I will. And will you get in line?

I will. Will you rush? Yeah. Yeah. No, like no. No, I shouldn't be doing that. But yes, I rushed to get those tickets. The second I saw, I was like, I'm not fucking doing this again.

What about you? When's the last time you rushed for something? Rushing. I'm always Russian. I was rushing the other day to get ready for a shoot. You were rushing the other day. Yeah. You were doing Yelena.

What? From Black Widow. You've been Russian all week, actually. Oh, my God. Wait, what is it? It was real. It was real to me. Don't joke about that.

Don't say that. It was real. It was real to me. Don't say that. I could do her film as Russian lady. I call it trading tax shop lady. Yes. Get in Peter.

I would like to see Russian. Susan. Russian Susan. The opposite of lazy Susan. Yeah. I think, yeah, I do, even though I know that it only takes a certain amount, like X amount of time to do drag,

God damn, I always feel like I'm in a rush. What does the X stand for in that equation? Like, it should only take me an hour and a half to be from boy Robbie who needs to shave into I'm leaving with my drag. What it actually takes is three hours. Yeah. Because in that time...

You're being lazy. Well, not... I've learned that you need to pack your bags before you start the makeup. If you have to pack your bags or decide what you're wearing after the makeup is done, it is hideous. Yes.

It is the most upsetting experience of your life. Yeah. And I've got to like... For like a good experience, I have to lay out the tights, lay out the pads, lay out the tits, lay out the corset, then I have to have the wig decided on, and I have to be fully bored in on that wig. With the outfit, because oftentimes I'll start the makeup and be like, I don't know, I'll just sort that out at the end and like just leave in like 30 minutes before,

like from makeup finish to out of the house. but it ends up being an hour of just like what the fuck am I doing? Yes. And hating it and being like, ugh. And the thing,

and like I, like there's nothing I, it's actually the worst thing to rush. Because again, you can't actually rush it. You still need all of those items. Yeah. And more annoyingly,

it's like if I picked these items right now, if I picked them yesterday, they would be picked and there's no difference. The only difference is the stress of rushing. Yeah. And yet, it doesn't happen. We've gotten so much better. It does.

I mean, I still do it to myself a bit. But with like random events and things. Oof. Oh, it's so stressful. I hate it. Yeah. Ugh. Okay, finding your tits, is that a good reason to run?

Definitely. Yeah. Or finding you're a big fat ass. Big, being covered in sweet and condensed milk. That's a reason to rush. Yeah. We all want that. Yeah.

I need to wash that wig because when I wore it the other day, I can still smell the condensed milk. Honey, if it has not been washed. It has. And I'm now washing some of those clothes. Like the bra doesn't smell anymore, but there's still other things that have the condensed milk sweetness. But let me tell you, it's turned sour. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I still have a dressing gown that I jokingly covered in cream for one little sponsor. supposed. And it still has the smell of cream. Despite the fact that it was put into the washing machine, literally two seconds after it was like had cream on it. And you know what? I eat cream all the time. I don't smell like cream. Well, yeah, the human body is incredible, isn't it? Yeah. Okay. To rush. To rush, I would say... What are some positive things to rush for? Oh. Because it's a lot of been a lot of negative things. You know my favorite on-screen rushing is

the incredible Liv Tyler in the film That Thing You Do and she is like putting some post in the mailbox and licking each stamp

with her fabulous like sexy mouth and then she's like listening to her little AM FM radio because it's the 50s or 60s or whatever and then she hears

the radio DJ being like and now a new song that you haven't heard before which is by that like the wonders and it's that thing you do and that's the band that her boyfriend is in it's like their local town band and this is their hit song that thing you do and she screams throws the mail

in there oh no she grabs the mail like and jams it into the postbox as quickly as she can and then starts rushing down the street and we follow her from the side of the road following her through and then she runs into her friend who's hearing it too. And then they're like, oh my God, it's on the radio. And then they rush to the like TV and homeware stop where her boyfriend works. And then they run inside and they're like, it's on the radio, it's on the radio. And they like find the radio, turn it on and store and plug it in. Yeah.

And they all listen to it as it finishes on the radio and they're all screaming. And it's so electric and what a good rush. That is fun. Yeah. that has made me think of when Gandalf clues in that the ring is probably the one ring and he rushes all the way to your eyes and God?

To speak to Saramon? Well, to like consult the books and check. But like you see him like gallop away and then like rushes into his little like decrepit study but like rush rush rush, rush. It's like that trip is probably like seven weeks on horseback.

But he was rushing that whole time. Yes, it would appear. That's how it's where led to believe. See, I couldn't do that. He was riding like the wind. Yeah, he had that fast. Shadowfax would, indeed. Fastest horse in middle earth.

According to them. The rushier source. Well, yeah. What was that, Matt? Yeah, I'm talking about. Yeah. So you think, like, someone potentially being in possession of the, the one ring

Yeah that's a good reason to rush Yeah Because you know what There are points in that in film Well they're not rushing Yeah What I'm just gonna stand around While Gladriel pours out some water

Yeah gee I'm in a real rush You would No You actually are though So maybe Pip Pip Yeah rushing was different back then And it's Pippin

Um But Russian was different when it took You know weeks to get anywhere Back then in Middle Earth Yeah in middle of the era. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So people have a different time scale.

Now rushing is really something. Mm-hmm. You know, we are moving at the speed of life here in Australia. Why I thought of such a topic was I walk very quickly down the street and I am constantly... Walking down the dirty city street. Constantly trapped, trapped behind people who are. who are not walking at any kind of speed. Yes.

And indeed, like, oh, I'm just exit this shop. And then maybe I'll just stand directly in the footpath out of front of it while I just think about where I might move my body to next. Well, here's an idea. Maybe, like, not in the walkway. Yeah. Because I might not be in a rush, but I am just trying to, like, live my life. Yeah.

Out of pace. I can just imagine, like, so I'm a short person standing in front of you and you're just, like, doing that side-stepping. kind of like left to right trying to figure out which way to go down and just looking so annoyed. I think it's like people can go at whatever speed they want.

I think it's the stopping in the middle of walkways. Yes. To just kind of be like and then there's the we are a barricade of four people that refuse to break apart or not be standing next to each other for even a second because we are children.

Yeah. So like yeah, I have no patience for that. Do you do that thing where you like walk aggressively behind them, like super closely. I think you've got to slam your full body into them. I'm like, sorry, I was just walking.

Sorry. You slowed down. It's terrible because I am a massive, like, apologiser, like, in just in life, like, two strangers. Where, like, if there is a stranger that is walking on my side of the footpath and, like, refuses to give me any leeway, and I have to physically sidestep them in order to get out of their way. I'd be like, oh, sorry. I don't need to say sorry. I should have just held my ground and walked my way, and they would have smacked into me.

Yeah. Then they'd have something to be sorry about. Wow. When I was walking home earlier today, I was behind a young family with two children. Now one. she deserved it and like they were taking up the entire foot path

oh I get it it's a lovely afternoon you're on it like a family stroll well I need to get home because I have a blue tongue lizard to shred some letters for you know that's what I was rushing for they don't know anything about looking after another living creature well at least not one that talks back

doesn't talk back well and then like Doesn't talk back. Eventually, they'd kind of like, because the footpath was too big for even their parade. So there was like father and child and then mother and child. And like I was too close to them, but I was like, there is a tree where all at this same position. I can't overtake you because of this type of tree.

But she grew aware and then kind of like shuffled to the side. But the front party blissfully unaware. And then when we were past the tree, I slipped onto the grass. No, I'm not working. That's unsafe. That train hasn't been leveled. Yeah. Well, but I, I'll take the risk.

And then when I overtook, you can just feel them behind being like, oh, she's in rush. Beating good fellas. Oh, got to get it. Sorry for walking. Sorry, we decided to appropriate. Yeah. Well, actually, you should be sorry. Yeah, obviously a fucking new generation of slow walkers is born.

Yeah. Oh, like, I just. File, please. Yeah, I think it, you should be. in single file. Yes. Or just aware that if you want to indulge this like, you know, childish, juvenile fixation with all staying together as one big lump, that you are aware when someone is trying to get places

behind you. Yes. And then you have a kind of scatter approach. If we were horses, things would be different. That fabulous peripheral vision. Yes. And such, we have too many blind spots as human beings. But do you know what I've found as well?

Just be like, excuse me. Sorry. I'm trying to get through. Yeah. And you are blocking the walkway. I was watching the latest episode of Invincible last night, which was so good. But those, even the viltramites have blind spots. They get an attack from the back.

Well, don't see anything. flying around in... What? What's that? What? What? What? I don't want to be targeted by an anti-vilitramite campaign.

No. They... Have you watched any of Invincible? No one's watched any of Invincible. Shut up, that show doesn't exist. It is so good. But, yeah, even they are getting attacked from the back when they're flying around out of space mid-battle. I can't believe you haven't been talking about the new season of Daredevil.

Oh, well, I could if you like. that Vanessa gosh, she's so incredible And next week Jessica Jones is back Oh, and they've confirmed that everyone's back for season three

Everyone being Luke Cage and old faggy from Game of Thrones Anyway It's now time To make a decision Yeah Matt, you decide

Oh Um Maybe maybe we're rushing to pick up some things for dinner.

Oh. From the supermarket. This is what happens when we let that decide. We've got a very important guest coming over. Who's the important guest? Well, that's what I'm just bringing. That was actually the last time I was rushing. I was out on a walk with my husband last night.

Gorgeous sunset walk. And then we got a call from my friend Annie, who said, I just trip past your house. And now I'm in the highway, but I was going to see if I should stop in. And I was like, oh, come back. And then we're like, we'll walk back to the house. house and let's have a wine. So then I had to rush to the metro, purchase some wine so that we could have something to imbibe.

Yeah. And then we, of course, met our neighbor at the entrance to the metro and then had to have a chinwagon. I said, guys, I've got to go and get the wine. Yeah. Broke up that whole party mightily quick. And then we got to the celebrations. There was no wine anywhere. They're closing down.

And I said to the twink who was working there Are they going to put you somewhere else Or are you just done now And then he said I hope they put me somewhere else But I'm a casual so probably not And I was like Well which mind do you recommend

One last time for all time sake And also Have you considered getting tickets to the witchie girls Yes Sorry for your loss That's sad You know what else is sad Not having tickets to the witchy girls

Okay so we're rushing because Annie's coming over for a wine. I think there's just a sense of urgency. Someone's coming over. Someone's coming over. Something is coming. Something is coming. So we've got to rush.

Yes. Okay, that's good. That's great. That's very ominous. Yeah. What was that? We talked about once here before, but they were like,

the kind of creepy pastor-adjacent thing where they're like, right to scary short story. and it's like, you're the last man on earth and then you hear a knock at the door. It's a woodpecker. But that's the kind of like the something that's coming. It's coming from outside the bunker.

Fun. Got a rush? You don't know what it is. You don't know. You don't know. Ominous for sure. Supernatural. Well, not knowing what something is.

It's kind of ominous. Absolutely. Mm. All right, we'll be right back. Welcome back, listener. Hello. It's your time to listen to the next segment of the show. Hello.

If you're reading along your book at home, just turn the page now. There we go. What? We're releasing every episode of the pod in a giant volume. When you hear the chime, turn your page. Yeah, and it has like five sound effects on the side that you can press. Yeah. Okay, our next topic for today.

discussion today is which faggot gets into the bunker. And I pick, and funnily enough, we kind of touched on this earlier, but one of my many picks is the collection at the base of Selma and Patty on the Halloween episode where they're all witches and they get burnt at the stake. That's very fun. A big old bundle of stooks. Yeah. Okay. I mean, faggot. Which faggot? What about some of those fabulous bundles in the Blair Witch Project. They're ominous. They're quite well organized. Yes. I recently did Alexei Taliopoulos's last video store podcast, which is yet to come out, but we'll be soon. And on this podcast, it's which I've wanted to be on for ages, you select a couple of films and then talk about it, and then Alexi gives you a recommendation.

possibly the sweetest man in Australia but I was like oh we'll just do witch themed movies Why? Because we are making the witchy girls And this was a promotional thing So I was like I'll do the craft Because I love talking about the craft

Then I'll do I'll do Torch Song trilogy Because it's kind of a drag thing And then I'll do the Blair Witch Because I love the Blair Witch Yeah And so we're doing it. And then him knowing this as the like thing.

He's like, so what are you as the framing of the witchy stuff? Yeah. Was the reason for the selection. He's like, so what do you think this film says about witches? And I am so like in my mind me like, nothing, nothing. It's obviously got nothing to say. And then I'm like, that's a really interesting question. What does this have to say about witches?

Nothing, absolutely nothing. It's a horror movie about nothing but to do with witches. And yeah, so I think I gave the worst answer to that whole thing. And I've kind of just been like thinking about that on repeat. Yeah. I'm like, why did I even attempt to answer that? Own it. It's not about, it's just got witch in the title.

Yeah. Why did I try and answer it? I don't know. I don't know. You don't need to have an opinion. Anyway, I hate. But I love those bundlers of sticks. Yeah, they're good ones.

Like, they actually are. So cheap as a prop. Yes. Hmm. What else is good? Well, I don't know. Do they have to have a root system or they specifically connect? No, I think it's a loose faggot.

No, but that's what I'm saying. It's like, is it defined by a collection? What about, um, In Jurassic Park 3, that Tyrannadon nest. Nest is different. Yeah, but it's kind of like... No one's looking at it saying like, oh, look, it's a bird's faggot. Yeah, but it's like, undeniably several faggots put together.

It makes a nest. Nesting. Oh. What about Carson Cressley? Yeah. Yeah. No, I don't want him in the bunker. Does it have to be a pile of Carson, Grisley?

He himself is. But I was like, I think there is a difference between a poofta, a faggot and a gay guy. And a gay beau. A gay beau is different again. Yeah. Yes. Can you explain the difference for a straighty like me? Okay, gay guy, a man who had sex with men.

Yeah. Right? Yeah. Gaybo, under 16, showing effeminate tendencies. Yes. Pufta. Pufta is... Wow, a Pufter.

That's an enigma. Well, no, a Pufter is probably a gay guy but can't be bald. Oh, I was going to say Pufter is like, everyone knows. Pufter is like, you're walking, you can only be a Pufter if you're, like, walking down the street and a Commodore drives past you. That's when you're announced. Yeah, a Pufter is probably faggot within 50 minutes of a Commodore. Correct. Yes.

So it's about... Yes, proximity to straight culture. Yeah, like, you can't have... A poofter doesn't exist in isolation. Like, there's no poofters in a gay bar, but there's lots of faggots. Yes, yes. Like, yes.

The poofter, like, if a poofter poofs in the forest and no one's there to yell at it, then is it still a poofter. Yeah, ironically, probably surrounded by faggots in that forest. Well, yeah. And then a faggot is, yeah, kind of a mincing, prancing, fairy fag. Yeah.

Has sex with men, but that's kind of the third thing down on the list that makes it a faggot. Yes. First thing would be Lisp. Leap. Second thing would be having a diva. Yeah. Third thing, sucking dick and cock. Fourth thing, just being a massive old fag.

Probably not knowing the track that seems to Madonna makes you more of a poofter. Wow. Than a fag. Yeah, but Carson Cressley, absolute faget. Yeah. I would say everyone except for Graham. Graham. On Drag Race UK.

Everyone that's ever judged on the drag race judging panel and is a cis man is a faggot. Hmm. Do you agree? Like as a more permanent judge. I'm distracted because I've just Googled famous bi. of sticks. You're really trying to make this joke work. Joke?

Yeah. Because what do you think about... I was watching recently. Like, not the traditional, like, the guy in Queensland who is, like, primitive technology, who is a total fucking babe. Not him, but I was watching, like, one of the Misk. replica channels. And it was just, like, it was so profoundly obvious that they're like, oh, here I am

chipping away at my tree house on camera. And then cut to, I've pre-drilled the hole and now I'm just smacking it in on film kind of thing. Like those videos can be exceptionally staged, whatever, who cares? It's not about learning how to survive in the forest. It's about half an hour of entertainment on YouTube. Sure. But there was several shots in this video that went for like 43 minutes where you could hear the machinery in the background.

Like, not cut out. It's like, who is editing this? You could try harder. Right. Conceal the fantasy because those faggots just didn't get collected, you know, by hand. Yeah, a little hand saw. Yes. So, you know, that's what made you think about this.

Just putting out. You know, upon Googling, faggots are a traditional British dish, especially in Wales and the English Midlands, consisting of minced offal, often pork heart, liver and bacon, formed into meatballs. They are popular, hearty comfort food commonly served with gravy and peas, sometimes referred to as savory ducks. Yuck.

Do you like that faggot? I don't like that faggot. Okay. I don't. I just, why can't I think of more things in film of big piles of sticks? What about Balenciaga? Oh, no. No.

I'm not going to encourage any Ryan Murphy isms. Yeah, good point. Yeah, that's a worry. No, no, no. Listen, of most homophobic celebrities? Mm, go on. No, I haven't got anything. Okay.

Okay, listen, I think it should be ours. But no, we can't be in there. No. Um, I do love, um, like when you're growing up, did you have a wood fire? Yeah, like a potbelly stove. Yeah. Yep. Yep.

So did you collect like firewood and then like kindling? Yeah, loved kindling. I love kindling. It's like the kid version of like firewood because it's easier to carry and not as heavy. can we put in a little pile of kindling Yes And no fire starters please Do it with your own

No The prodigy have been cancelled No fire starter I'm a fire starter Okay Kindling is in Sorry Carson Better luck next year

Yeah sorry dear Also I love that fire poker What do you We need to Select from those sometime Yes Because there's broom, poker and shovel. Yeah.

And is that it? And the claws. Yeah, the claws. The tongs. Oh, I love to weld something sometime. We'd never actually use that fucking broom. Anyway. No.

Anyway, we'll be right back. Hello. Listener, it's time for us to listen to you. We have a speakhole from Jolie. Speak hole. Do we need a speakhole theme? I thought I just did that. Oh, okay.

Matt, we're ready. I didn't know before, but now you know. Speak hole. Sound for the speak hole. Speak hole. Hello. No. No. I'm pretty sure I don't have a mere got accent in me.

So sorry about that. Anyway, I was just walking home from work. It's currently 12.10 a.m. I walked past a public phone on the street and it was ringing. I didn't pick it up. But I wonder if I've saved my life by not answering it. Or have I not got a million dollar price? Oh, well, see, you've doomed the children.

Children of the Black phone. Why? Was that sent into us? What do you mean? That's exactly the tenor of questions we should have. No, true. Did I... You know, this is going to reinforce Nick and his friends to be like, you should call in again.

Well, listen, I want to say, once again, we've not received a single speakhole from a woman. And I'm very distressed by this. We have. We've had a few. Who? There's not been a single woman. I can't remember what names. Yeah, Matt.

That was just their gay voices. You thought they were women. But this was not a gay voice. No. This was a very baritone voice. It was deep. It was good. It was good.

Yeah, could you play me the me of a goth again? I just need to think with that in mind. Yeah. Hello. Hello. No. I'm pretty sure I don't have a me of goth. Why deep?

I'm so sorry about that. All right. Well, yes. I think you didn't miss out on a million dollars. Yeah. Though who had won it. What? For the taxes.

But then you also probably didn't end up cursed, but I do think you probably someone was calling for help. D doomed to die. Yeah. You doomed someone to die. Yeah. I, have you ever had this experience where you walk past and a public phone was green? No. I have.

And what did you do? I answered. And then what? It was a telemarketer. Are you fucking kidding? No. They were like, hey, I just wanted to talk to you about blah, blah, but insert whatever. Did you think you're in the Matrix?

I was like, this is a pay phone. And they were like, okay, so what can I talk to you about? I was like, no. It was so weird. No! No! Yeah, but how cool. That is cool.

Yeah. Should we start calling some pay phones? Yeah, do you have their number? Yeah, we'll find their numbers. On the internet. I'm sure they're listed online somewhere. with. Yeah.

Maybe pick up a phone next time you might get the hosts of your favorite podcast. What kind of duck is that? It's what the duck. Sorry. Because what the fuck. Oh, I'm sorry. And then all throughout, instead of fuck, they go, I want to say one last thing about this podcast that I was on.

Whenever I'm on other people's podcasts, I look around and I see, is your podcast nicer than our podcast? But can I say, on the show? So there is this incredibly intriguing woman's voice that does all the categories. Yeah. Can I play it for you? Yes. It's so good.

Like, literally. We had that with one with baby slut one time. Yeah. Well, I, yeah. True, we need baby slut to record speak hole. Okay. So, wait, wait, wait, wait. Shut up.

So. I love this woman. Shut up. Wonderful. Okay, we have them ready for you. I'm going to hug down a killer python. I've heard they're delicious, but extremely slow. Sorry, Evan.

And that woman does the voice for all of them. They're like, horror, comedy, thriller, action. So it was my goal when I went on the pod to find the identity of this fabulous cyborg woman. Yes. And I found out she was like AI. generated. She only exists in the mind. Oh.

How disappointing. That's all. I suppose that means you could get her to say anything you like. I don't like that. Okay. I want a woman to have her own things going on. True. True.

Her own things to say. Yeah. Her own things to say desires. Maybe she wants to say new release. Maybe she doesn't. Yeah. And even worse, I think he was like, I think the guy who does the sound mixing for the show either just says them and then pitches it up, which I was back on board with or creates it through AI. If it's his voice in drag, I'd be into that.

Anyway. So I guess that's not really a topic or a suggestion or a question or a comment. We're saying, should I pick it up or not? And the answer is yes, you should. Always pick up the phone. Yeah, I think so. particularly, yeah, what if you're inside of a kind of pocket dimension and they're trying to pull you out of it? True.

That would be how you get out. You know what? I want, you know, I wonder if when, if, when if I get on drag race, I can get clearance to say if I got eliminated. Not like this. You don't need to ask for clearance to do a quote. Oh, great. No one else do that. I'm the only person that likes the matrix.

And what's your entrance line? Not like this. And then when you go like that, you go like this. I think my entrance line would just be, hello. Listen, you do you. Thank you. What's your favorite entrance line? Ooh, I don't know.

I don't know. Now, you'd say something like, we're in store for a little. treat. No, I wouldn't. Then they'd immediately kick you. No, I'd say something like, well, I'm here now. Or something. You're all in store for a little treat?

That was my old impression. Yeah, I thought it was really good. And that was pretty accurate. I wouldn't say that. If you don't say that, if you don't say that, the listeners would be really disappointed. Little treat. Well, you're all in store for a little treat. Is this the vitamin C tablet?

I'm having a little treat. What about, like, what's the Americana one that you do? Be like, when the sun sets, the moon is out to play. No, I'd actually rather set myself on that. Zelda moon, that is. Total eclipse. The Zelda moon. No.

Yeah. Are you ready to feel my breath of the white? It's me, Zelda the Moon. No. Nope. Shoot for the moon and you'll land on the moon. Even if I was on the moon,

I would still be an American. This is Major's Mask, that is, Zelda Moon reporting for duty. That's not where the moon reference comes from, and you know that. That's good. You'll get them out of it. Fly me to the moon

and let me gaze upon. the stars. Ew! You can't spell moon without, ooh! You can't spell moon without, mooh. If I was reading myself on a reading challenge,

that would be quite good. Yeah, well, we've got to start working on those. Yeah. Who am I going to be up against? I don't know, you just say like, your hair's ugly. You're still here. Who would I want to be up against on Ozzy Drag Race?

You and Eve L? I would love to be on a season with Eve L. You and Enter Serenity? I'd love to be on a season with Enter Serenity, except I would beat her. I would love to sing at your event. I don't know. Yeah. Season five, maybe.

Wait for it. I hope to judge. say, this is ugly. Go home. Who did that, knowing that you helped me sow it or something? Yeah. Ew. Sabatah.

Yeah. Oh, could you imagine how's just out I would be if I was preparing for drag race? I hope that you would be quite decisive. Yeah. About the looks you were going to wear? Insane. Anyway, answer the phone. Answer the phone.

Always answer the phone. Yeah. Okay. All right. This has been a fabulous episode. Yes. The favourite faggot going into the bunker is... Kintling.

Kienling. Yeah. Wood for children. Yeah. From our first topic, which of course you remember, is the reason to rush is... Because Annie's coming over. Something ominous is coming. Something ominous.

No. Something is coming. Something is coming. So you've got to rush. Everyone has kind of got... unnerving feeling that something or someone is coming. Yeah. Scary.

Okay. Thank you for listening, everyone. I hope your head didn't explode during the apocalypse. We love you. We've always loved you. Goodbye. Death to Everyone was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Shears. Our theme song and music was recorded by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie.

If you had something to say to us, send it to us at Death to Everyone part at Gmail.com. And you too could tell us about a phone that you didn't answer at speakpipe.com. That's death to everyone. And if you would so desire, you could support us, please, at patreon.com. That's death to everyone. Surangyo. And that's all. And Ovalent.