Death To Everyone - Death To... Saw Traps, Witches & Horror Remakes

Episode Date: October 29, 2024

Boo! Lange Yor to you all! Happy Halloween. We hope you all enjoy this festive season as long time listeners will know, it is the only holiday we celebrate inside the bunker. Follow us, won't you? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.naturalhabitatstudios.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/ediecentric/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103/

BOOM Death to everyone! This must be you. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Listener. Welcome to Death to Everyone. Death. Everyone. Death to everyone. To. You know, like, it's the sequel. Like in the horror movie version, it would be like, Death to everyone. Numeral two.

Or two. Two. Maybe. To everyone. Two. T-O-O. Maybe. Yeah. So it's, it's Halloween. Halloween.

Ooh. Incredible. Do calling it like Hocus Pocus two. Yeah. Like what do you think about two? I, okay. Well, because I think the best version of that is Aliens. Aliens.

That is so funny. Do you know what was actually incredible? And kind of like, I was like, well, I actually have to see it now. Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice. That's so good. Incredible. Yes. That's amazing.

I'm like, now you kind of also have to make a third one. Yes. Like that's great. It's really good. I like Jurassic Park. Um, Jurassic parks. Actually, that is a great idea. Sounds nice.

In a sentence. Um, anyway, welcome to death to everyone. Yes. This is our podcast. And it's the spooky season. Yes. And I feel spooked. Are you looking in a mirror?

I've hidden all the reflective surfaces so that Bloody Mary can't come and get me. My reflection isn't presented in a mirror because I am a vampire. I actually don't have mirrors in my house, but I have a small pond. I don't have mirrors in my house. Like a pond in which to gaze upon myself. It's crystal clear. Yeah. It's very like precisely calibrated water,

so it can always be like a perfect surface. And I gaze into it and like push my hand through the water. Create some ripples. Yeah, well the liquid inside is mercury. Obviously. And I do touch it with my bare hand. And hold the mercury. When you're angry at your own appearance, splash the water. Get away.

Yeah. And what's your name? I'm Lazy Susan. And I'm Zelda Moon. And in our space car, we have Matt. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Except Matt's computer is doing something funny today. So Matt is actually in the studio with us instead of behind the first. Yeah, this is nice.

Don't get too comfortable, street car. You're in the red lighting now. Normally I'm in the mixing room and these two are in the main room, the main recording room. Yeah, yeah. The partition is usually up in the space limo. But I'm in the, I'm in the, I'm in the back with you. Stop making eye contact, Matt.

I know it's weird. It's a lot. Never seen you while you're doing podcasting. Why is your head turning like that? Listener, Matt's head is turning. It's like a tennis game. Cause like I'm in the middle and I have to keep like looking. You don't have to, you can just look straight forward.

Okay. I won't look at you anymore. Sorry. Thank you. I'll just stare at the ceiling. That's cool. Absolutely positively going to check my little... Now oh, in but two days? You're a ghost. Yeah. In but two days. Two days.

With a two, number two. It will be Halloween! And I'll be on tour! And I'll be at home because my Halloween gig was cancelled because the venue is closing down. Haunted. Yeah. What are they doing now?

Nothing. I was like, can't you find a new venue to host this fabulous Halloween theme trivia at? And they said, I don't think so. No. That's impossible. Yeah. I think that's a bit defeatist.

I know. Like they booked you for their corporate Halloween party. And the second they encountered a tiny inconvenience, like the venue where they were going to have it closed. Yeah. But like, does that just mean that there's no corporate Halloween? I guess. That'll suffer mediocrity and not witness my incredible trivia skills.

So what are you going to do? And also I prepared a fucking lip sync for her that was really hard to learn. So I'm so annoyed. Well, listeners, if you want a Halloween performance, there's still time. There actually is. This will come out on Tuesday, so I'm available. But what are you going to do for Halloween? Well, I don't know.

But could you sit at home and watch a horror movie? And I shall. Maybe two. I also like have already taken all of this leave because I was anticipating this big event. So like I have half of Halloween off. I have the next day off. I'm free as a bird.

Maybe you just need to get into the spooky season. Yeah, well. I think that's what I'll do. My kids, they're coming. Yeah. But yeah, I hadn't planned anything cause I had this gig lined up. And then someone says treat. You can just do your lip sync that you had planned.

True. Listener I had prepared. Or if they say trick. Get them. Wow. Um, listener, I had prepared an operatic cover of WAP as my Halloween number, but it was really difficult because I know WAP, but I had to like relearn it with all of her inflections and everything.

And it was really- Wait, did you tell that to the venue? Before? They said, we've got to close the doors. John, get the matches. We didn't realize this was an option, but now that we do, we're just going to close up so we can literally never happen here. I'm sorry, this event doesn't exist anymore and neither does sound. But anyway, our podcast is about the end of the world.

Yeah, so it's kind of already Halloween coded all the time. Yes, and we discuss a range of fabulous topics and being the experts in all fields that we are, we decide what should be preserved for the next generation. Degrassi. But, um, it has previously been established that Halloween is the only holiday that we celebrate in the bunker. Yes. So really every day is Halloween. And a Thursday.

And a Thursday. Thursday the 13th. Yes. The only day we allowed in the bunker. Yeah. So that's caught you up, I'm sure, a new listener. Yes. We still celebrate Halloween with a little extra because, you know, we are gay.

And that's for us. Yeah. It's our time to shine, shine, shine. So here we are. Um, so this week in preparation for Scream Queens, my first in the dark national tour, which is, I love touring us nationally in Australia, because you do four places and then you're done. They're like, okay, you're going to Melbourne, you're going to Sydney, you're going to Brisbane,

you're going to Adelaide. Have a nice life. Goodbye. Adelaide if you're lucky. Well, that's, I mean, Adelaide is a must because In the Dark is based in Adelaide. Oh, right. So that's the HQ. No, that's, I mean, Adelaide's a must cause in the dark is based in Adelaide. Oh, right. So that's the HQ. No, but generally touring.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But no, no path. Not too far. Um, yeah. Too hard to get there. It's impossible to get there. Yeah. Um, but the, okay.

So the incredible thing listener, as I'm sure you know, is that I'm going on tour with actual famous drag queens. Um, and I, well, Matt, I'm scared to tell you cause you're not going to know who they are. I might know someone. Do you know Mirage? No. Do you know Morphine?

No. Do you know Q? No. Well, do you know Katya? Ah, Zomalochko Q? No. Well, do you know Katya? Zomolochkova? No. You need to help me with this stuff. I don't know.

Um, anyway. We'll do a history lesson after this. Yeah. It's, it's, it's like a, like a line up of like very successful. It's also Angieria and Marina Summers. Are they all Australia based though? No, they're all American. Oh, they're all American.

Oh cool. Oh, except for Marina. Yeah. Um, anyway, so they're all very famous. So why are you going? Exactly. But the best thing is, I think it's like they booked me before like Drag Race was announced. And I've like, you know, performed at Mary's, which is like the in the dark home office.

Yeah, we've all performed at Mary's. But um, I think, you know what, I think it's kind of like, I think it's like, Stephen, who runs in the dark, I think like, uh, Kane and Abel, who's like one of the like queens of Adelaide, along with a long time listener, Yvelle. Um, I think, I think Kane must have like been like, get lazy, you stupid, you know, like, I think that there was like, I don't know. It is like getting a job that you're like so not qualified for that I know I can do, but it's like these are like dancing divas who are very famous and Katya for context

is probably the, like one of the most famous drag queens in the world. Yeah. Oh, sorry. Yeah. Yeah. Like that Katya. Yes. Yes. Certainly top 10, depending on demographic top five.

Yeah. Like she had an MTV TV show. She like, yeah, like she's just a very like... You're going to be hobnobbing and rubbing shoulders. Well, okay. So this is the story that I have for the listener this week, because you're like, you know, any longtime listeners, you get the inside tea now. Sassy girls. time listeners, you get the inside tea now.

Sassy girls. And, um, I got a message earlier this week that was like, Oh, wait, oh, I don't know if I can, oh wait, maybe I can't say, oh, anyway, I'll say what I can say because I obviously this hasn't happened yet. No, but I was just like, hello girls. You can't wear this outfit because Katya is wearing that outfit. So any girls, you have't wear this outfit because Katya is wearing that outfit. So any girls, you have to change your outfit. I just thought it was incredible. Um, to be like a week out and be like, if you had any plans to dress a certain way,

you need to burn that costume. Yeah. If you've spent $1,500 getting this costume made, best believe it won't be for this event. Oh, it's gone. It's out. Do you know why? Katya is wearing that. Yeah. It's like, best believe it won't be for this event. Oh, it's gone. It's out. Do you know why? Katja is wearing that.

Yeah. It's like, I love it. I imagine like one day, sister, you slash maybe we will reach that level of fame and... And what will I say to people? I'm sorry. No one here can come dressed as Hobgoblin. Yeah, right? I'm Hobgoblin.

Yeah. I'll be the turtle tonight. Thank you very much. Well, that's it. I actually told all the girls for the premiere date, no other lobsters. Did you see, I was, you know, doing my sisterly duties, going through the comments. And there was some comment on your recent post where you talked about your promo look for Drag Race. And someone was like, I can't wait for the video about the lobster outfit. Yeah, it went, I don't know if I explained that way.

It is so random seeing all the promo for, for on Drag Race Down Under. And everyone's like in these like really kind of glammy costumes. And you're a lobster. I love lobster girl. It's great. And then I show people and I'm like, they're like, oh, which one's your friend? And I'm like, the lobster one. Yeah. It is giving like, yeah, girl at like book day.

Yeah. And you're like, oh, yeah, like, oh, why is that my child? It's perfect. Did I ever tell, I mean, I, I might've told you, I certainly haven't told everyone that listens to this podcast, but there's a party in, in, uh, like in Melbourne slash like they do this party everywhere now, cause it's really successful called closet. And many, many years ago, closet used to be weekly or monthly and they would advertise with just like a poster of like what was so hot right now.

So there was a period where it would be like TV show or a movie and it wasn't necessarily, I later found out, themed to that. It was just like, this is on the poster this week or month. And there was a time where, uh, Khaleesi from Game of Thrones was on the poster. And it was like the Game of Thrones night. And I went to that party dressed as a Dothraki warrior. And I arrived to a sea of faggots in t-shirts and jeans.

And I was so mad. I am humiliated. I'm there with like blue paint on my shoulders and my face and I had braids and I was wearing like furs and rags. Well, that's what you wear normally, isn't it? It was, yeah. Wait, why am I telling this story? Lobster.

You're comparing that humiliation to my humiliation. So really when we were talking about perhaps what you should wear to the promo, I wanted you to suffer like I had suffered. Well, I was going around and around and around to kind of give you an insight here. They were like, it's press day, but the promo is going to be shown that day. So you can't, like, there was like, I don't know, like there was a kind of a feeling that we couldn't wear what we wore in the promo image, or like at least like it was another opportunity to show out.

But it was like, I'd been away. There wasn't really time to get anything made. Also, do I want to? And then I was like, okay, well, what can I wear from the archives? And I had an outfit that I'd worn for the medias that was like an outfit entirely composed of gold medals. But like just like as it like as if the dress was just several gold medals that are strung perfectly coordinated around my body. But then we were talking about it and we're like, that was funny at the Madeas where,

like, I don't know, like, I think the vibe was, or like, because I brought a giant trophy as well, is that I kind of had an inkling that I might not win. And I think it's really funny to show up like dressed like as a number one. Like, I'm... My costume is winner. Yeah. And, um, I dunno, that's camp, particularly when people have context for who you are. Yes.

But then the idea of showing up to this like announcement of Drag Race, I mean, like, I'm that bitch. Like it just reads a little differently. So then at the last minute, after thinking that that's what I would have done the whole time, I was like, oh God. And then being like, what am I going to wear? And then just being like, well, I don't know. It's drag.

I'm coming in the lobster. And kind of was like, the theme is dolls. I can pretend that this is a shrimp. We can say it's like, I thought it was Barbie themed. Um, yeah. The lobster is correct. I think it's great that it's just the lobster. It was just really funny as well.

Cause like, I mean, like, I just think the girls looked so, the girls look so beautiful. Like they were going to like spring racing carnival or like, you know, they were just like teased up, uh, in like gowns. And, uh, it was like, well, and, and Lobstock girl was there and she's allowed to attend the school prom as well. I love it. Everyone's included. That thing is amazing.

I mean, I think that there's like a free special effect. It's like that Emmys rule that we said of like the, just show up wearing something crazy. And then like, at very least people are like, who the fuck is that idiot? Yeah, it was good. I love it. Okay, I have a story this week for our intersection

that I thought was on spooky theme. Did you get spooked? I did. Was it in the rustling? Last week we were talking about the rustling noises. It's constant rustling noises in my life. Stop sending in piles of leaves. Well, right. Oh, I remember when I was in kind, because my dad's a gardener.

No, you don't. There was, um, I don't know, a period in like autumn where we filled like the bag room with like all leaves and everyone just like jumped around in the leaves. Like in the sub store. Bury that. Bury that. Anyway, that wasn't the story. What happened to jumping in piles of leaves?

I barely ever see children doing that these days. I know. Have you seen the videos of dogs like running up to then happened to jumping in piles of leaves? I barely ever see children doing that these days. I know. I've seen the videos of dogs like running up to then jump in a big pile of leaves. Well, that's what that's, we had a giant Elm in our backyard growing up and like the leaves were definitely a long form issue. Cause my father was like, like weirdly his most American attribute was like, we've got to rake up the leaves. Got to rake the drive. Like I'm like, got to rake the drive.

And I'm like, why, why? Anyway, but we used to make giant piles of leaves and just spend all autumn long jumping into the leaves. Yeah, that's fun. But I honestly like, you have a child, is your child jumping into piles of leaves? We don't have enough, like enough yard yet. Like we don't have enough places to like, we don't have enough leaves.

You have to get them shipped in. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. It's like my brother's kids don't really do that because they live in like semi-country and like Victoria and the gums like are evergreen. They don't lose their leaves in the same way. Yeah. So, same way. Yeah.

So, you know. Yeah. And they're full of spiders. Mm. Yeah. Redbacks and... Why not Halloween? Okay.

Yes. So you got spooked. Yes. Okay. So I recently made friends off Grindr, which that's not the scary story. But I met this guy who like, yeah, like was looking for friends or whatever. And I was like, wow, what else am I doing with my time? So also I was like, sure, that's just what some people say.

But then you have sex with them. Anyway, that's not what happened, which is fine. But I've created this like new friendship, like adult friendship with like some gay guy. Um, and... Adult friendship! Yes! Um, but we have like, I don't know, we like went and got coffee and then like another day he like came over and we had lunch and whatever. And then his suggestion for like a friendship hangout was to go and get massages, which I've never had a massage before other than like from like someone I've hooked up with or whatever where you're like, give me a massage. Um, which like is not a paid service, obviously. Like

I've never had that like going to a masseuse. Someone with a license. Yeah. I'm like, I don't want to burden them by paying them to touch me. It's so weird. Okay. But anyway, I also like hadn't had facials before until like last year. And then when I went on my... Not a professional one anyway. Someone that you paid for.

I have now done that many times, which is... And then when I went on my... Not a professional one anyway. Someone you paid for. I have now done that many times, which is nice. It's sort of my favorite experience. Yeah, I don't know. I just like, I feel weird paying someone to touch me in that way. I'm like, I'm used to being like, to touch being like intimate. So I don't know. That's just... That's therapy. So I don't know.

That's just, that's therapy. Okay. Well, anyway, so I'm like, yeah, sure. You know what? Like my new friend, let's go have a massage together, I guess. And so he goes to this place in Docklands. That's like a massage, like training school. Um, and I'm like, okay.

He's like, it's great. It's like 10 bucks and you go for an hour and you get like whatever massage you want because they have to train somewhere before they go to like, they got to test it out on whatever the fuck. So I'm like, well, I don't know any different, like, sure, whatever. But, um, my experience so far up until this point is like massage chairs at an airport and, and like when you're at a shopping center and there's like kind of like there's massage places where like I presume these boots at the back, but then in the front, there's like

people with like getting shoulder massages and stuff. And when I look at that, I think I would rather set myself on fire than do that, but go off. You don't find being in the front window of a massage parlor in the middle of a busy forecourt relaxing? No. Also people get their hair cut in shopping centers. I'm like, don't even... Everyone's looking at you. Everyone's looking.

Anyway. So being the open-minded person that I am, I'm like, sure, I'd actually love to do that with you. Yes. I couldn't think of any better way to spend my Saturday morning. So I went and then this person had sex or you just friend? No, we're just friends. He actually just wanted to be friends.

So like with everyone, he has a boyfriend. Ah, okay. Which like he's a nice guy. So like, it's fine. He sounds great. Yeah. Um, except he has a weird interest in massages. $10 massages. Yeah. So anyway, so I meet him at DocLens. We go and get coffee and then it's like, all right, it's time for the massage. And then we go to the place, which is like a real actual like academy or whatever. But he'd pre-warn me to like bring towels.

And I was like, okay. Which of course I forgot about until the morning of. And of course I'd like done all of my towel washing the day before. So I had a wet towel and then like a towel that's like the shape of a tea towel. Like I was just woefully unprepared. He told me in ample time that I needed like two like sheet sized towels.

Like the bath sheets. That already sounds like too much. Well, that's what you get for $10. Yeah. And you're in Doclands, they should be paying me. I know, right? Um, but I knew I was probably going in there unprepared with my poor towel selection. With your wet towel and your tiny towel. But I love them. So then-

You have no point of reference at this point. Exactly. So we go in and before we went in, I was like, what is the room like? Cause he goes there like every weekend. He loves this place. Highly recommend it. Did they know him? Not by name, but like, I don't know. And he's like, well, cause it's a school, it's just like a big dark room and everyone just goes in there. Sorry, what did you say? Because it's a school, it's just a big dark room. I don't know.

That's funny. Do you know how all schools are? I don't know. But there's just this big room with like 20 massage beds and you go, so we go, we like sign the waiver or whatever the fuck. And then you get like, I got ushered in and paired with whoever who was like very nice,

I guess. And we like, I can't remember. You didn't make friends with them as well? No, gal. I mean, guy, guy, guy, guy. Gender is the spectrum, maybe. I don't know. Male body presenting the person.

So we go in and we like sit down and he's like, okay, so I see you've ticked relaxation massage. I'd like to relax. And I was like, yes. And he was like, would you like just upper body, full body? And I was like, I don't, you pick, you know, you're training. What do you need practice in? And he was like, do you want upper body or full body? I was like, let's

just do upper body. Um, he's like, okay. So then he like, very that. So then he's like, okay. And, um, did you bring your towels? And I was like, yes, one of those wet and one of those really small. And he's like, okay. I pulled them out of the bag. I show him the offering and he says, I think we'll use my towels. Wait, he has his towels. Yeah. Because I think why you bring towels is because the students are burdened with

the laundering of their own towels. Because like it's... Isn't that good training? Well, I mean, if you worked in a shop, I guess like that would be part of their business. But like, cause it's just him. It's like it's his oil and it's his... I think schools should provide that. Well, I do too.

But anyway, I'm not... All I know is it was $10. So... Wait, there was no towel rental fee? No. And what were his towels like? His towels were extremely thin, but, um, I mean, so were mine. So, you know, and were they wet or not?

Well, no, actually, I have a set of good towels, which were wet. And then the bad towels, which were thin and small. Anyway, we all your friend doing at this point, he was swept away before me and he was in like the other corner. Ah, Toby, come through. He was aware. We've got the special suite for you. Our best customer. See, I was imagining that you were going to be like holding hands, like lying next to

each other. No. Couples sort of. Kind of so did I, but no. Kind of so did I. He was in the other dark corner. Yeah, like- Was there aromatherapy happening with this sound?

There was a very soft soundscape. Can you give it a little like, like singing for me? That kind of thing. Is it someone humming like that or is it just like playing on your speaker? She's gotten into music. Yeah. Kind of like, kind of like an Enya song before you get to the lyrics. Okay. Instrumental.

Yeah, yeah, but with maybe like a kind of thing. Yeah. So anyway, we opt for his towels. Great move. And was this, can you describe this man quickly? Okay. He's like mid height, um, average body, like Asian guy. He was friendly.

Like he seemed very nervous. Yeah. Um, so did I. But I was also kind of like, I don't know, let's do what he normally do. You tell me like, I don't know. You're the masseuse. Yeah. You tell me.

Yeah. Take me on a journey. Yeah. Like, You rate my experience. I like people to just take charge, you know, especially in the dark room with Ennio in the background. So, 25 other cheapskates. So then we, he's like, okay, so we'll go into the corner and get changed because there are

no change rooms. So there's this constant rotation because like everyone's kind of on the same schedule of like there's that 11 o'clock slot that we're all in. So there's like 20, no. So there's like 20 students who are all having these like consultations with their cheapskate clients. Um, some of which I overheard, which were hilarious. Cause like these people who were like, well, kind of like I would like people who know about massage, I guess, were like, Oh, you know, I've got like stress in my neck or whatever. All right. Yeah. Issues.

Everyone had issues there, but they're taking turns being ushered into the corner. So like when it was my turn, the masseuse like brought his towel over, two towels. First he holds it up in the corner of the room. Everyone else is in the same room. There is no change room. And he's like, okay, so you get changed. So like I'm, he like looks away and is like holding up the sheet for my dignity. But then once I'm finished, because all I had to do was like take off my T-shirt, because it was just upper body.

He then like uses the sheet, like towel to then like wrap it around me so that I'm decent to walk back to the bed. Because it was all like extremely like this is the least sexual massage like in the world. Which like, But also because the most sexually you've ever had. And then, so he kind of like wraps it all in a specific way. And then he lays the other towel down on the bed. So by the time you're like face down in the bed in that little like

head hole, which was a new experience. Yeah. I hated it. You didn't like the head hole? I hated it. It's hard to lie on your face. Yeah, but it was old and like, you know, like when pleather is ripped and then the foam is sticking out.

Yeah. So you're being cut by the- Oh, they didn't have like any tissue on there. There was, but it was so thin. I knew what was happening underneath. Anyway. Thinking about all the other poor people that were- The juices were seeping out through the tissue. Oh. The brown liquid. happening underneath. Anyway, thinking about all the other poor people that are sleeping

out through the tissue. Oh, the brown liquid. Brown. All the other wet, wet towels that have gone on there. I think we should use my towel. And you said, no, I brought this for a reason. I brought this shopping wet towel and we're going to use it. I brought this for a reason. I brought this shopping wet towel.

And we're going to use it. It was, it was. Just do it there. I brought it because it makes me feel comfortable. Safe. Nothing about this makes me feel safe. And if he was holding up your tiny towel. Oh, anyway, I now see why I needed to be big enough because.

Yeah. Because. But now is this a full time massage school if they don't have change rooms? I know. I don't know. It would take one weekend for someone to set up a curtain. I know.

Just have a partitioned off area anyway. So then we get back and I'm like lying on the bed and like the whole thing about the towels was just so that like, and I'm sure this is a real thing for actual like massage therapy, but like, you know, like you're always like covered and the only part of you that is exposed as the part that they're working on and stuff, which is all like a board, I guess. Yes. It felt like that.

Like the only, the part that was exposed is what was. Yeah. So then we're there and we like it started and he's got this like gigantic tube of oil that he like is sloshing about and he uses such a bare minimum amount. It was so strange. Ten dollars honey. I know. It was like sticking to your skin, like your hands.

I feared at the start that there would be a grippage issue, but there was ample like lubrication, but like it was just like, I'm gay. I know a lot about the importance of lube and like it was borderline. It was borderline. It was borderline. But we got through. Okay. I'll say we suffered through.

You could have said so. We, he did like the back, it just like, you know, like the left hand side and the right hand side and like my lower back. Oh, I just, I, no, I just, it's not for me. Like love being touched by people I'm having sex with. But if I'm not having sex with you, I don't understand why you would be touching my lower back like that. Oh my gosh.

It's good touch, bad touch though. Do you need to? Yeah. No, then we kind of, um, I think because we had a full hour, he's like done away back, did my shoulder, did like a little bit of like a head massage. And then there was a point where he like flipped me over and did like, um, kind of like a decolletage kind of moment, which was quite nice. But anyway, this whole experience is happening while there's 20 other terrified masseuses and 19 other, I don't know, like confused cheapskates.

It's kind of like you're escaping like a natural disaster and you're all like huddled for warmth. Well, cause all the shutters are like, it's dark and it's, oh, just, and you're in the docklands. Oh, the wind howling. Anyway, you're like overhearing the conversations on the tables around you because you're 20 centimeters away from them. and it's all these nervous people being like, how's the pressure? Good. I don't like that. How's that? Good.

The sound of... I don't think that you should base your like judgment of masseuse, like massage experience off this one experience. This sounds like, oh, torture. It's kind of one of those things where it's like the oxymoron. It's just a little bit too like, if the central point of massage is relaxation. Oh my God. And you strip away every potential thing that could make massage relaxing, you know,

for a cheaper price. I would say you're not getting the value of massage. Like there's such a thing as like, it's like going to a like, oh, they have a really cheap day at the cinema, but you can't see the screen or hear the sound. Yes. But you do get to sit in there. Yeah. You can watch it through a mirror on the side of the wall.

You get to watch someone watching the film. Yeah. It's very that. And it's like. You get to watch someone watching the film. Yeah. It's very that. But it's $5. But it's only $5. You're like, okay, yeah. And you have to bring your own chair. It is extremely that.

So it thankfully comes to an end. I'm like, ushered back into the corner to like put my t-shirt back on. Oh, I hate that. Also, it's like I, if I was training them, would be like, ask them whether they're comfortable to take off their shirt here. Because I think it's more uncomfortable and more obvious if you walk into the corner of the room. I did think that, but I think it's because everyone else is in the room.

It's like you can't get consent from all those people to see you as well. And you're not there to see half naked other people. Maybe you're $10. Yeah. So I don't know. But anyway, where you get, we get to the end and he's like, okay, cool. How are you feeling? I'm like, yeah, good.

And before we started, he did like a few, like, I don't know, like checks of my tension in my back or whatever. And then he does the same checks and he's like, yeah, good. And before we started, he did like a few like, I don't know, like checks of my tension in my back or whatever. And then he does the same checks and he's like, yeah, that's better. Like congratulations, dear. Okay. And he's like, just make sure you drink lots of water today. Oh, thank you. It's like, okay, should I avoid heavy lifting as well? Like what? And then we get out the front, like back into the like little, like calling it a foyer is very generous. The corridor. Um, and my friend is there enjoying a small glass of water. And then a lady asks like, would you like a cup of water?

He also got the water inside. Yes. Yes. Very important apparently. And then I had a small sip of water and then we left. And was your friend relaxed? He loved it. He that's like, he goes there every weekend. But like, I'm like, honey, what? Yeah. That's a red flag. Yeah. In a friendship. Yeah. So poor taste. And he took you there. Even worse. So it's not a good friend date either.

You didn't see him the whole time. Literally. Sounds great. Oh, perfect. Perfect friend date. They should have like a Skype setup so that like, when you look through the hole, you can see your friends looking through their hole and you can be facing each other. And chatting.

Oh, anyway, that's my spooky Halloween story. It does sound like a scary room. Yeah. I tell you what though, when I, I went once to a guy's house who was offering massage on Grindr and I was like, okay, this will be fun. I'll go for like a hookup with the pretence of a massage. And I got there and there was a massage table and towels and like Enya-esque music. And I was like, wait, is this an actual massage? And then he proceeded to

like, massage me, which I'm like, I don't know. I think people don't press hard enough. Like, I'm like, you need to, like, I need you like, break me open. Cause I want to feel something. Yes. Like make some fucking adjustments here. Yeah. Um, but then this guy was like, like, he just started massaging me and it just kept going. And I was like, no, I feel crazy. Is this getting sexy anytime soon? And then like, it kind of got to like the 45 minute mark and finally his dick came out. And I was like, oh, okay, good. I thought I'd been like tricked into getting an actual massage. That's a long, that's a long buildup.

That's just like, and it's like my ex boyfriend studied massage. I remember, and he got his little table and then he was like, I'm going to practice on you tonight. And I was like, amazing. Once again, being like, this is going to be sexy massage. And then I was like, kind of like trying to lead into it. And he was like, no, we can't do that. And I was like, what?

What do you mean? What do you mean? Like, and he's like, but like in can't do that. And I was like, what? What do you mean? What do you mean? Like, and he's like, but like in the class today, they said that it can't be sexual. Like you have to like maintain the sacred oath that you don't get sexual at the end of your massages, cause you're like sullying the good name of massage. And I'm like, we are dating. We live together. I don't think that I sully, like, what are you talking about?

No, the massage gods are watching. Yeah. But yeah, he was like the guy in the training was so adamant that like to mingle sex and massage was to undermine the like sacred arts of massage. Oh, that guy needs to get laid. I hate that. But yeah, I prefer massage. I've now decided now that I needs to get laid. Yeah. I hate that. But yeah, I prefer massage. I've now decided now that I've had a massage, I prefer it when I've been dicked out and

then get a massage or get a massage and then get dicked out. You will. You've got to make sure you don't have to wait 45 minutes for that dicking. Oh yes. You're a sinner. You're in, you're against the code of the masseuse's. Wow. Oh, well you know the other part about that massage, not the one with my boyfriend,

but the one with this random hookup. So when I went to the house, there was like, I walked in and there was any music. And then I looked and there was like framed photos of him and his like happy heteronormative marriage and family. and his wife was clearly just away and he turned his lounge room into a massage parlor. I was like, this is a bit elaborate. Does she not ask questions about the table or have you been like, Well, she thinks that he's following the oath.

Yeah. Maybe that's it. Well, he would never break the oath. That's right. In her eyes. Well, that's it. Maybe I just broke the oath. Yeah. Maybe that's it. Well, he would never break the oath. That's right. Well, that's it. Maybe I just broke the oath. Yeah. I did hook up with a masseuse once, but we didn't pretend like I was going there for a massage. It was like in the room, but we like looked at it and then had sex. Yeah. Yeah. I also just think I'm like, if that person's a masseuse, you don't want to like mingle. Like I'm not getting in full drag and doing a spot number for someone

that's coming over for a girl. Yes. It's their job. Yeah. Like I don't want them to feel- Oh, I've just finished work and I have to. Yeah. Yeah.

Or another masseuse. Yeah. No. Anyway. Ooh. That was a great spooky story and you've truly rattled my bones. Okay. And, okay. And, and I guess the apocalypse.

Yes, it's your turn, my sister. Oh, fuck. Yeah. The apocalypse, my dear listeners. I mean, that sounded apocalyptic to me. Well, that's it. I kind of, I think it's like the apocalypse begins this time, probably in Docklands, with an alien race of like, you know, like the predator.

Yeah. Okay. So like it's the predator, but they like come from an alien race world where they're like, they, their massages are really hard, like really intense, because they have like kind of an exo... Insectoid exoskeleton that's like 30 times stronger than human skin. And so they have been assigned for their training, Earth, as they're like training, Saturday training.

So they come down to Docklands, these like insectoid masseuse students. Yeah. And they're like, can I even you out? And they just accidentally kill everyone. All these like hapless students like, do you want to start with upper body? And they just kill every single person with their like overly strong massages. And then at the end, we're like, that'll be $10. And they just kill every single person with their like overly strong massages. And then at the end, we're like, that'll be $10. Thank you.

Make sure you drink water. And then they don't realize that everyone's dead because they just think that they're in such a state of relax and like, thank you all so much. So limp and fluffy today. Yeah. They're like, she's just all relaxed, her eyes are closed. Do you think that every city, every like inhabitable location on the earth has a docklands?

Yeah. Most of them. There are some places that like, um, like I think it's like brief experience, like Abu Dhabi and Dubai are just docklands. They have docklands energy. Yes. You know, there's like very glossy, shiny, quickly built skyscraper. Do you know what I hate?

Is like those, is those like manmade, like luxury, like islands that are the shape of a palm tree hanging off the side of Abu Dhabi or whatever the fuck. Yeah. That is so trashy. And it would be like those to build that is like millions if not billions of dollars. And you are destroying the fucking like ecosystem

of the local oceans with all of that dredging and everything and to like lay the foundations to build on that manmade island is so evil. And then it ends up being so ugly. Yes. I don't like that. But you know what? They think that your lifestyle is ugly.

They would not be getting $10 massages. Yeah. Actually my, my auntie was telling me on the weekend that her friend, this charming woman in her sixties, her whole life is kind of rainbows. And she's not in a gateway, but she just like, is this woman in her sixties who's a bit eccentric and she's like, the rug in the middle of her lounge room is rainbow. And the runner that goes down her hallway is Rainbow. And like when people ask her about it, they're like, oh, you really support

Pride and she's like, I just like Rainbows. Main's my Mikey, a 16. And there's no like, but she's just kind of the, like the Venn diagram of like, isn't it amazing that there's like Rainbow merch everywhere? Cause I love Rainbows. amazing that there's like rainbow merch everywhere because I love rainbows. And so then she was going through Abu Dhabi and had a rainbow face mask on. And someone came up to her and was like, we don't do that here.

And she was like, I am keeping this on. And they're like, we don't. And she's like, because I like rainbows. And they're like, we don't. And she's like, because I like rainbows. Imagine if she calls like an international incident, like 60 year old woman. Loves rainbows. Loves rainbows fighting for gay rights. And she's like, I just love fucking rainbows. Yeah.

Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. I like it. Yeah. I just like, I just love, I stan kooky ladies who just like rainbows. Yeah. It's like, there's no, it's for us as well.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Reclaim your rainbows, my hippie mums. Oh, blessed be. Yeah.

Okay. Let's take a break. Yeah. Hello. It's time listener to discuss a very interesting idea. This is what goes into the bunker. Now I, I think for Halloween, we need to add kind of something a bit inventive. Um, a bit inventive perhaps. It's not been nothing, so I don't really know.

Well, I think we need a new spooky space inside of the bunker. So my proposal is the Dracula's ghost train that takes you into the bunker, the Doomsday bunker. And my proposal is that we add a sore challenge to the bunker. I don't know when the bunker needs a sore challenge, perhaps unpaid parking fines for your Volantis. And you get put up in a sore challenge. Yeah, or your monster truck. So there is a film series called Sore,

made by two Australians, incredible, who went to RMIT. Well, it was like the they made the original film and They Invented this idea that there was this deranged man Who had cancer and he wants to play a game? Because people don't appreciate life you'd like him No, they don't appreciate what they have. And so he puts them in these traps to like, ironically teach them about the value of life. And it's usually related to like whatever their sin is.

And so... How does he know? Well, because he like follows them and stalks them and drugs them and puts them in the trap. Okay. And then like there's acolytes that are born of like people that survive his sore challenges and they become like converted to his way of seeing the world because they have that like relief of like, wow, I understand now. Star Wars the acolyte.

Yeah. Yeah. So which sword challenge gets into the bunker? I'm going to just prime us. Yeah. Because I know that you, what's your experience with the sword moves? I have, I have seen one, I think, but all I can think about here are my points of references that like mask, a little pig mask, a creature on a tricycle.

Oh, jigsaw. Jigsaw. The little puppet. Wait, what? He's got a name. Jigsaw, isn't it? Or I don't know. Jigsaw. The little puppet. Wait, what? He's got a name. Jigsaw, isn't it? Or, I don't know. Yes, jigsaw.

Pretty sure. I have that in my head. I have no concept of what that is. Then I have- Billy the puppet, sorry. Okay. Then I think I'm thinking about someone eating a key, or someone's eating a key, and they have to, I don't know, that doesn't seem like such a big deal.

Just poo it out in a day or whatever. Just poo it out. Um, there's that, but maybe I'm also thinking about someone eating their hand off. And then the other thing I'm thinking about is a room of needles and you have to like get something at the bottom of the needles. Yeah. That's my experience with Saw. Yeah, that's great.

What a spooky time. I love the Saw series. Also like maybe like a Matrix-esque green filter. Oh yeah. That was big. And that first film is so cool. I love the first Saw. But I also love the second saw because, you

know, it's got the needle pit in it. Oh, okay. Yep. Okay. So, yeah, Matt, you don't have anything you've never seen. So I've only seen one where, no, I've never seen saw, but I've seen one trap where they, they were like in a glass box in public and Yeah. And then there's like buzz coming down or something. Yeah.

Glass box in public, like when we go to China made that album at Fitsquare. And like one person pulls and the saw goes closer to them and all closer to the other person or something. And they were like learning a valuable lesson about, um, that that was called the public execution in saw 3d. So most of the traps in the saw movies take place in secret locations, but the trap that opens saw 3d happens in broad daylight in the middle of a public setting in the scene, two men are chained to opposite ends of the long work table.

And each has whirling buzz saw positioned directly in front of them. Meanwhile, their mutual girlfriend is strung up overhead. Oh my God. What? With a rotating buzz saw located directly below her exposed abdomen. As a clock ticks down, the men must decide whether to kill each other or allow their girlfriend to be sawed in half. It's basically the world's goriest love triangle.

Well, if she gets sawed in half, they can both have a piece. Exactly. Hmm. Do do do, do do do, do do. Wait, is that song in it? What? Well, the theme song has that sound.

Okay. Wait, that saw theme. What is that song? It's the James Bond one. Is's it. Yeah. Oh, and this only plays at the very end when it all gets revealed. How can they be played by John Kramer yet again? You know what? I could picture this at the Docklands Mizzou studio. Someone was playing.

Kinda. That's what I was hearing anyway. So spooky. Okay. There's the pendulum trap. Okay. So this trap, partially inspired by Edgar Allan Poe's 1842 short story, The Pit and the Pendulum.

In the scene, a convicted murderer wakes to find himself strapped to a table with a giant swinging blade positioned above his torso. While at the same time, his hands are crushed in automated vices. Although not the most original trap in the series. Oh my God, this is just, uh, the special effects in the scene are some of the goriest in the entire franchise. And then we have public execution box. Then we have the laser collar, which...

Wait, so let's just circle back to that. What are the people on the street thinking? Oh, this is crazy. I love this. They don't love it. They don't understand. They understand. They're terrified.

Yeah. Uh-huh. Why don't they stop it? Cause they can't get in. It's a big, it's like're terrified. Yeah. Why don't they stop it? Cause they can't get in. It's a big, it's like a locked. Yeah. No one got regurgitator out of that glass box in Fedster. When they were being murdered.

Yeah. Um, yeah. But the police are aware. They're trying to get in. Like they're trying to like break the glass and stuff. I think. Can't they cut the power? Like the grid?

Darling. Cut the power to the city grid. He said it all up. He said the whole city grid. The thing about Jigsaw is that he's really, he's always two steps ahead. He's the Nicaraguan avocado of... Well, all I heard was that he has cancer and he's a stalker. Well, he also dies in the second one.

He's long dead and he's been dead for the entire film series. But it's always like, but before I died, I did this and it's incredible. Cause they have to keep finding ways of like being like, actually three months before I passed, I'd also set up this whole movie. I hate that. The whole, the whole film series is that. Like in the first one, which you need to watch, it's so good, but they're like, um, two men trapped in a room and like, there's like a dead body in the middle of the room.

And like, when you get desperate, you'll like do anything to like save yourself or whatever. And then like the man has like his head blown out at the back of his head, like he must have killed himself in that same room that they're going to die in. And they have like a hand saw that's only like good enough to cut bone, not chains. Okay. That's true. Bone goes, cut, you know, the metal chains. Anyway, so they've like eventually cut off their legs, but then the whole time

at the very end of the film, it's revealed that the dead man in the middle of the room was Jigsaw and he's just in prosthetics and makeup. And then he gets up and he's like, I was alive the whole time. And then he like slams the door and locks them in there, like locks the one guy in there to die. And he's like, game over. And it's amazing. Why is he benign girl?

Also, is there any, is there a point in this franchise where one of the characters is like, I don't fucking care, I'll just die. Like, I'm not doing this, I give up. No. I'll just be dead down. No, I think that that doesn't happen in any horror franchise. That's unrealistic. If you were faced with an atrocious situation, someone out there would just tap out.

Give up. I think some people... You know what? You have it. There was someone who like their sin was like... In the second one, there was a girl who had tried to kill herself. And Jigsaw was like, fuck you for not appreciating life. And so he made a trap where like she, the key is in the middle of like a purse.

There's a lot of perspex in the soul universe in like a, like a perspex box. You can see what's happening. Yeah. And when you reach up into it, there's like these interconnected, like, um, razor blades. So you can't pull out. So if you try and pull out, they cut into your wrist. And so once she gets the key, she realizes, and then she tries to pull out and they start slicing into her wrist. And he's like, the way that you used to cut your wrists for fun, like you will now suffer.

It's cable tie, but slightly nastier. Yeah. So the most sci-fi death in the entire Saw franchise, which is a collar strapped around the neck with eight medical grade lasers attached to it. As the timer counts down, the laser slowly inch closer and closer to the victim's head until they simultaneously slice through his skull, separating into grotesque pieces. That was in.

How was he going to get out of that? Also, I just don't like, I'm like, that's not really how lasers work. Well, I also think it's up to me if the pieces are grotesque or not. Mm hmm. Exactly. Yeah. There's a lot of editorializing happening here in what is this variety? A man wakes up to find a contraption attached to his neck. It was made of two halves of a metal mask. This one is often referred to it.

It's called the death mask here, but I always thought it was the reverse Venus fly trap thing. Who knows? But, um, uh, they have a key that's been surgically implanted behind their eye. There's so many keys. Oh, well that's true. Well, they've got to be able to get out of it. So in order to free himself, the whole point of them, isn't it?

Being a not a free puzzle is solved by me. The point of the traps is that they hurt themselves in the process of trying to get out of it. Yeah. It's his favorite video game series, Kingdom Hearts, where they have the keyblades. I don't know what that is. Is that right? You don't need to love with the tone of his conversation with that violence. But the thing, yeah, the thing about Jigsaw and like the rule is that he would

never make a trap that's like impossible to get out of, but then when they're considering, but then when there are traps that, you know, it's a copycat. Like when they're inescapable traps, you know, that it's been made by a deranged acolyte or whatever. Anyway, so he has to remove his own eyeball. Yeah. Relatable. To get the key from behind his eye.

Pluck his own eye out. And then how do they get the key in? He's got a, they surgically implanted it while he was under asleep. Who was the surgeon? That doesn't seem above board. Well, listen, darling, I don't know, but he planned it. Okay. Then there's the razor wire.

A suicidal man. Oh, they see, they're always coming for the suicide suicidal people wakes up naked in a maze filled with razor wire and auditors escape the trap before an automated dog locks him in forever. He must crawl through the maze, slicing himself to ribbons in the process. This trap earns extra points for stylized cinematography. Oh no, it doesn't. Um, yeah. Okay. Do you like that? No, that makes me feel, ow.

This was just called knife chair after accidentally causing Jigsaw's wife to miscarry her baby. Oh my God. I forgot about that. That was so like actually, when I think of Saul, like the main thing I think about is, cause Saul didn't just have cancer, he also had a really beautiful wife, which is kind of weird because this man looks like Haggard. Or like age bracket. Like 40 years difference between the two of them. And he's like, I love you, Melissa. And she's like, I'll always love you, John.

But it's like in the flashback, he's still creepy. It feels like King Ping and Vanessa to me. And so she's leaving the hospital after a routine checkup and a drug addict comes and opens the door and she gets caught behind the door and he like slams it onto her belly. And then like it pulls back and like she just has blood coming out from between her.

Like it's so graphic. But I'm like, I don't think hospitals have doors like that for a reason. Pregnant belly. That's right. In order to escape this trap, he must lean forward and push a strategically located pressure plate with his forehead. Unfortunately for him, the eight knives are positioned in front of his face, meaning he'll have to slice himself to pieces in order to free himself from his shackles.

The shackles of my freaks are like nails. I wonder what they've put at number one on the list. Yeah, cut to that. The needle pit is so iconic. I think the needle pit's number one in this list. I'm looking at it as well. It's like, God, oh, that's the razor box. Ooh, so scary.

What happens in the needle pit? Yeah. So Amanda was a drug addict and then in order for her to get out of her, cause in the second one, there's like a bunch of people all trapped in a room, in a house actually. And the girl from the first one is back and she's like, in order to get the key, they've got to get like a key from the bottom of a pit filled with like dirty hypodermic needles. And then like she doesn't want to go in and then this like ripped guy is like, get in there. And he throws her in and it's Linda from Becca. You know, the receptionist, Becca's receptionist.

Yeah, it's her and she's like, I hated Becca. It was not a good feeling. Yeah, no, but I loved Ted Danson. Yeah, but no, I No. But I loved Ted Danson. Yeah, but no. I didn't love grumpy Ted Danson. Why was he so grumpy? Yeah. It's like that show is like the feeling of an anxiety attack or like having a stroke. It's like limbo and you're waiting for it to end and the whole thing is bad.

I also hate, I hated like end credits on sitcoms where it just cut to black. Like I was like, I just want to see like some more content, like in the nanny, when they'd have like little videos of like over the credits, they'd have like, Oh, Sylvia is still at the house and she's eating cake. Like that's fine. Yes. But whereas it's just like, do do do do do do. Oh. Behind the scenes kind of. Like not behind the scenes,, yes. But where it's just like, do-do-do, do-do-do.

Oh. Behind the scenes kind of. Like not behind the scenes, but like- But almost. One like a little bonus scene. Yeah, yeah. That diva though, I did like her. Reggie, Margaret.

Whatever. The reception, the like, his nurse? I don't know. I just remember her face. Anyway. Anyway. What a time. She gets her face. Anyway. Anyway. What a time. She gets thrown in and yeah, then she has to like dig through the needles

and they're all sticking in her. And for the film they had like to buy a bunch of needles, take out all the nibs and replace them with fiberglass nibs. It was cool. Oh, but fiberglass you don't want to get under your skin either. No, like, you know, like not fiberglass. Fiber optic. Fiber optic nibs.

Cool. I hope they turned them on at some point. But they don't saw a disco. That's the after party. So part of me thinks you're not taking that very seriously. Well, after all that Linda went through. That was not very gory. If you're thinking that.

I don't understand how that was gory. Because it's needles. People have a deep like. And the harder you push, they go deeper. Yeah. Just quickly. There was a girl in my high school called Amanda. Primary school. Amanda Thripp. No, Amanda Boljanek. And she was... She was troubled, but not necessarily her fault.

Amanda, you're troubled. The story that I have is that when we would have like swim day on a Friday or whatever, her mum would come to school and blow dry and brush her hair dry after the swim class. So she had a glam team. That is not it. Otherwise you have tangles all the way again. Like the other 60 girls, you can't be the one girl who has your mommy come to brush her hair.

How old? Like you're six. Mm. That's too late. Does she wear a lobster costume as well? Well, I mean, that's the thing. Like, I don't know, like hair tangles is serious business, Zelda. I know.

And especially young hair, young hair gets so tangled because it's so soft. Hmm. I would just like keep it short. You know, shave it off. Pixie cut. Yeah. Um, that woman was doing too much. Yes.

Why would that, why did that remind you of Saul? Her name was Amanda. So stay on topic. Which Saw challenge gets into the bunker? Needles. No. Oh, regurgitator cube. Yeah, that's pretty good.

Let's get them in there making another album. Regurgic cube. What else are they doing? So context, regurgitate a cube. I, does everyone know about this? Everyone knows about this. Particularly those of you listening in the United States. It was called band in a bubble.

I think they were in a bubble in the middle of the city making the album. Why do you know the name of this event? It's a musician. I was interested in it. Yeah, it was cool. Okay. But better than that is it. Yeah, it was cool. Okay. But better than that is the, um, Happy Land album. Did you like that?

It's so good. Happy Land. So like with the dude from Regurgitator who was dating the gal from Spider-Bait. Oh yeah. They made that like album together. Happy Land. Hey you, did you know who I am? Okay.

Great party. I think I'm trying to have a Halloween spooktacular here. I'm spooked by your... And you're talking about Spider-Bait. Okay, well, anyway. Well, yeah, the public one was pretty intense. I think that the issue was Saw 3D, and also that woman, she didn't do anything wrong. Their girlfriend, the one that was being chopped in half.

I think they just sort of cut the power. And also like... You're always trying to be in two places at once, Melissa, you need to slow down and enjoy you time, Melissa. Um, we have melissa.net. Also, um, no, if Melissa didn't get in on the Melissa episode, then so help me. Um, no, nothing. What would your, like your punishment be? My sore challenge.

Yeah. Like to like help you wake up to yourself and live a bit of life. Like what's your one fundamental flaw? Oh, like what would the challenge be for me? Yes. Oh, it would be to go into a bunker where you are forced to be in a room with an ever growing number of people and interact with them all day, every day. The bunker is my sore challenge.

But do you think that that would, because obviously Jigsaw wants to correct an issue with you. Yeah. So he'd be like, um, be better at being with people. No, he'd be like, go in there and then also decide which of the very few food options we have everyone's having for lunch. And I'll go, well, fuck. Oh, indecisiveness. Yeah.

I think that that's probably a better one. Cause I don't think that your issue is like, I don't think there's a fundamental flaw to being, uh, uh, like anti-social. Yeah, no, but being indecisive is very annoying. Yeah. I think you probably need like a sword challenge based around indecision. Yeah. Like two friends getting chopped about to get shot.

Yeah. And if I just decide what we're having for lunch, they're both gonna die. And then I'll starve to death because I won't be able to eat for myself. Maybe that's it. You need to decide for lunch for like a hundred people. Yeah. In the room. Or else they starve.

And what's your sort of challenge? Um, well, I've got to pick what my foible is. I think it's probably, um, like, um, like saying and doing annoying, like, like doing, saying and doing annoying things and then like having to like see them back. Do you know what I mean? See them back. Like, you know, like seeing like a photo or like a video of me doing and saying annoying things. But like, I think that that means the drag race down under season four is my sore challenge.

To see if you make it through watching all eight episodes. Yeah. Like, like perception. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And like that will cure me. And if I can make it through that experience, then I, um, then I get to like live.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Good. Well, spider bait it is. Wait, the public execution, the public saws. Oh, the saw challenge version.

Also, maybe like we have lots of like, I don't need that in the bunker. I think we just, another pit. Another little pit. True. With the, um. Of needles. The needles. Butator cube? Having a nice, another pit. Another little pit. True. With the- Of needles.

The needles, you know? But can they be fiber optic? Maybe that's- That's fun. That's cool. Maybe that's how everyone gets their inoculations in the pit. Like, oh, it's flu season again. Check it out.

Put an arm in. No, you're like, hold, you have to run around in there. Oh. Like, oh, we've got a vitamin B12 in there as well. But what if all of the needles are indeed like swapped out with fiber optics, so no one can actually get the injection. They just kind of, that's not very efficient. I just like those things.

I had like a fiber optic wand as a child from like, um, Australian geographic, it was so cool. Well, when which fiber optics optic stupid thing that you were obviously covered in, because you were a repressed homosexual, gets into the bunker. And what about those lamps that were like a splayed out fiber optic thing? They were so ugly. Incredible. Oh, yeah.

It's weird that those like are put into the same category as plasma ball and lava lamp. Yes, those are the three options. Yeah. Yeah. But like I was like those fiber optic things. It was like, Oh, the C list. Yes. Yeah. I also like, it was like those glitter tubes that just pumped glitter around. Oh my God. If you had a glitter tube and not a lava lamp, get fucked. I hate that. No. Also like being moved by heat is so good. Like if you're glitter, if you're wax in a lava lamp, that makes sense. Cause wax. But which is better? Lava lamp or plasma ball?

Well, lava lamp you can enjoy at all times. Plasma ball is noisy, which I mean, the noise is fabulous. Just like a low hum, a low electric hum. But then also you touch it, there is a little zap. Then your hair is spiky and that's fabulous. How big? Why I'm super sane now. Static electricity. Yeah. I think that to me, if the plasma ball is over a certain size, it immediately becomes the coolest thing. Mm-hmm. But also I would be concerned if I showed up to someone's house and they had a plasma ball. Correct. Also, I hate plasma balls.

Also, our house has a plasma ball. Every time you get home, ugh. I hate plasma ball with like only half available and then there's like black on the back half. Yes, I can see the plasma electricity better with a background color, but I hate that I want to touch as if I'm a wizard with an orb. Yeah. Yeah. So lava lamp is what you're saying.

Correct. Okay. Yeah. I guess that's why you bought one. Correct. Is there any saw trap lava lamps? No, but that would definitely be like your thing. You're like, do something stupid before this lava lamp.

Like one of my friends is trapped in the lava lamp and if I don't make a decision, it'll heat up too much and then they'll cook. Yeah. Yeah. If I could put people in a sore challenge, namely like straight men. I'd be like, you always turn on the overhead light in your house. How do you like this? And then it would turn on.

It would be so bright that it would start to burn their skin. I'd be like, consider buying a lamp, Mark. And they'd be like, no! Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they'd be just, anxiously close to Matt. I did see some overhead down lighting in your house. I hate those lights. I never turn them on.

I had to set them all to the warmest color. And then I have, in previous episodes, I've bought lamps. Beautiful lamps, yeah. Yeah, it's good. Okay, okay. Okay. Needle pit inoculation. That bought lamps. Beautiful lamps. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's good. Okay. Okay. Okay. Needle pit inoculation.

That's it. Good night. Done. Okay. We'll be right back. And welcome back. It is time for us to discuss which witch goes into the bunker. Now to clarify, we do already have a few witches in the bunker.

We of course have Bayonetta and we have the Grand High Witch. We have the name Hegbert, famous witch. Any other witches? The name I'm forgetting? No. The Grand High Witch, who was that? From witches? Oh, from Roald Dahl.

Was that Roald Dahl? Why did we do that? Why did we do that? Why did we do that? You know what? It's impossible to know. I can't remember. Witch woman. Witch woman? Which woman?

Yeah, maybe. Probably. Excellent. Oh no, was that which bald person? Which bald person? We're so stupid. Oh, that's good. That's so good.

Go back and listen to that episode, everyone. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So, um, honorable mentions. Mildred Hubble. Lots of trouble, the worst witch. Yes. I like that.

I like that. I also just like that it's in the title. She's the worst. Yeah. But also I think I'll decide if she's the worst. You don't tell me. Yeah. Yeah.

Uh, Sabrina. Well, I said honorable mentions. Now we're going to get into the real MVPs. Oh, me. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, Sabrina. Well, I said, honorable mentions. Now we're going to get into the real MVP. The Charmed Witches. Willow. Yeah. Tara. Yeah.

Uh, who else is good? Who else is a witch? Obviously we're living in Agatha all along territory. Agatha Harkness. Um, Scarlet Witch. territory. Agatha Hucknett, the Scarlet Witch. We also have the, uh, uh, Bette, Kathleen and Jimmy and Sarah Jessica Parker from Hookers Poker. Yes. Uh, we've got Susan Sarandon in Enchanted. Yes. We've got the Evil Witch. We have, oh my God, the Witches of Eastwick. Yeah. Oh my God, we have Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman.

I was going to say, Practical Magic. That is good witchcraft. And then we of course have the craft. Yeah. Cruiser Bulk, incredible. Um, oh my God. Um, we have Kiki. From Kiki's Delivery Service.

Yes. We have the Wicked Witch of the West. We have Galinda. Yes. Galinda. Galinda. Gal Yes. We have the wicked witch of the West. We have Galinda. Yes. Galinda. Galinda. Is that the good witch?

Yeah. Well, you always could have gone home. Shhh. Witch. Witches. Yes. And then we have the witches, which we already have. So that doesn't matter.

That's out. Yeah. And then, you know witches, which we already have. So that doesn't matter. That's out. And then, you know, often discussed on this show, Harry Potter. We've got all those witches. I guess. Like that little Hermione Granger. Hermione Granger. Then we also have... Ursula Sea Witch. No thanks.

Oh, she is good. I love Ursula. Yeah, she's fine. You don't like Ursula? Yeah, she's fine. We've got the Love Witch. The Love Witch, I was going to say. She is good. I love Ursula. Yeah, she's fine. You don't like Ursula? Yeah, she's fine. We've got the love witch. The love witch, I was going to say. We've got bewitched.

True. Wiggle, wiggle. But not genie. She's not getting in. She's a genie. Mm-hmm. Actually, witch genie. We can talk about that later.

Witch genie. Then we have, what other witches are there? Oh, this Tilda stupid witch. Um, then we have, what other witches are there? Oh, there's Tilda, stupid witch. The ice, this winter queen. I don't know. Yeah. Oh, she's so good in that movie.

Yeah, she's fine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's shy. Yeah, she's good. Um, it is so funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and like notoriety of that character. It's just so interesting because she's a fabulous character. Like her portrayal in the MCU is like a bit of a shame because she's so much more interesting in the comics because she's fucking crazy. But yeah, it's just so interesting. Even like Agatha, like there's this whole conversation about like of all Marvel characters,

this obscure witch who is like, has a part to play in the comics, but like in what world is Agatha Harkness having a TV show? Yeah. But like, that's kind of fun. I liked that it can be its own thing. And it's not all about like what's popular in the comics is what's popular on screen. But anyway, it's just funny because who would have thought. It's just funny because who would have thought? Here's the thing though about the kind of central sticking point inside of the MCU.

It's that there was so much pressure and investment on certain characters that every time the MCU has really exceeded expectations is where they took a character like Iron Man that was not front of consciousness for like the casual comic book fan. And because they didn't have like the Spider-Man level expectations, they were like, oh, we can do kind of a bit more of whatever we want. And then those characters sing and people like, oh, I'd love to hear more about that because they worked in a film context where they were just writing, fleshing out a new kind of character.

And I think the same is true of the Scarlet Witch and then in the Scarlet Witch world, it was the same, like it was true of Agatha. It's just like, they just got a bit more tight, like they got a bit more free rein because there wasn't this intense fan pressure on like, who's going to be playing this character? Like, I'm like, I don't care. You can have Catherine Hahn and then she could become everyone's favorite thing. Yeah. Um, the witch season of, uh, uh, American Horror Story.

Emma Roberts? Yeah. Cabaret Sidibe? Uh, yeah. Uh, what's the one? What? The main one. Paulson?be. Yeah. Yeah. What's the one? What? The main one.

Poulsen? No. The other one. Jessica Lange. Jessica Lange. Lange. She good. I like that.

Yeah. What are the fabulous witches? What are you looking at, Matt? I'm just looking at lists of witches. Aren't they fabulous? I don't know many witches, to be honest. You don't know? I think for me, go on.

Baba Yaga. Baba Yaga. Yeah, that's good. Plain Jane. I like the name Baba Yaga. Like saying it. I mean, that's true. Actually, like, I feel like, um, inspirited away this kind of a lot of

witchy energy coming from you, Baba. Does Fabke Janssen play a witch? Have a picture over here, but I can't pick the character. Mary Poppins. Is she a witch? She can fly. She is a maid. She's a nanny.

Oh yeah. She's a nanny. Okay. Well, she can a nanny. Okay. Well, she can be more than one thing. The evil queen. If she can do magic, I guess. She has like a magical mirror. Mary Poppins doesn't really do magic.

It kind of just happens around her. Like she's more incidental. She's more like a god. She's like a god or like a demigod. Of influence. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

Okay. I think for me, the most formative witches are the craft witches. I don't think that there's ever been a more fantastic on screen depiction of witchery because it's like, it's, it follows all the rules of what I love in witches on TV, or like in storytelling, which is like, you can't tell if the magic is theirs or whether it's just things that are happening. So like the magic is like very subdued kind of like incidental stuff. And the attitude, the styling is so sickening. And for Farrousa Bolk as Nancy Downs is like, just so incredible.

Like that cool goth girl on the edge energy is so like, just a transcendent performance. I can't believe, you know, where's her Oscar? Where's all of these praise? And why wasn't she like inundated from that moment on with work? Because it was like, you're the villain of this film, but you're also like deeply relatable. You're a style icon and you're a witch. That's what we need. Just dumping the holes. She's fabulous. Yeah.

Um, I just want to say quickly that, um, what's her face playing like Sabrina 2.0 sucks whole. Oh, I hate that. January Jones' daughter. Yes. Yeah. Um, yeah. No, what was that about? I just...

The chilling adventures. Also Sabrina, I think it's funny now how like 2020, like the vision is on like how much of a kook Melissa Joan Hart is. But it was like at the time she was such a like it girl. And she's just grown up into such a like not it girl. Absolutely. And I was like I'm so into your like cool, like sarcastic vibe. Like with your like,

cunty little like blonde bob and like weirdly turtle necks with dresses over top and things. Such a vibe. Yeah. What about Meryl? In Into the Woods. Well, actually just the witch in Into the Woods is such a good, like not the Meryl depiction, but just generally it's such a good witch. Cause, oh my God, has anyone ever related more to in Into the Woods where she's

like, oh, you're so nice. You're not good. You're not bad. You're just like nice. Like she's such a, like her, like Sondheim just being like, these people that you're meant to think are evil are actually just like misunderstood and they're kind of generally smarter than everyone else around them. And they have to watch you like put on this facade of being good people while

you like feel so comfortable in deriding them and putting them to the side. Deeply gay perspective. I like that. That's what we're all about here. And I'll add one more, um, Gruntilda. Grunty. I'm from Banjo Kazooie. Oh, who am I thinking about?

I don't know, bitch. Wait, what's her name in HR Puff and Stub? Witchy Poo. Oh, I love Witchy Poo. She's so sick. She's always driving on that fucking broom. And also she lives in such a scary place where all the trees have eyes. And she managed to carve out a niche for herself and she just wants that magic flute.

Have you ever seen Nature Above and stuff? No. Oh, no, it's good. Okay. It's so fucked. It's so weird. And I've watched so much of it. Oh my God.

Have you ever seen Gruntilda? I know her well. What about sexy Gruntilda? Let me just show you that. Oh, I know who's sexy Gruntilda. I know, but let me just show you. It always made me sad that she like had the magic to do that. I love her.

There does like seem to be a, oh, Gruntilda's here. I love that sexy Gruntilda. That's so hot. You got to describe sexy Gruntilda. Look at those knuckers. Describe what is she. So Gruntilda is a short and stout witch with a pointed hat, green skin, a watered nose, a purple striped scarf, and she is on a quest to be beautiful again.

And at a point she indeed achieves such an endeavor and turns into, you know, like a six foot two supermodel, still with signature green skin, a fuck off bob, a killer rack that is indeed wider than her hips that are also generous, but a snatched waist that is almost the width of her neck. It's thin. Um, legs for days and black pumps. I mean, what more could you want? Sexy Gruntilda.

Look at this Sexy Gruntilda. That's not official fan art. That's I'm so sorry to any of you who are listening to this. It's getting risque up in here. Yeah, they're fine. Um, yeah, I like that. What do you think of the Wicked Witch of the West? I mean, I love cackling.

Yeah. I love like being afraid of turning into a puddle of water. That, like that performance. Like, it's so good. What, cause as she's like turning into a puddle. Amazing. Oh, what a world, what a world! It's so good! Like, she has those flying monkeys.

Yeah, like there's so much about it. We take a lot for granted now, but like that film, Wizard of Oz, if you've ever seen it, 1948, I think. So I don't know. When did Wizard of Oz come out? I don't know. Something early, early turn of the century. But like the campness of that performance of like her, but then also like the weird cuntiness of Glinda's performance.

Like- like the weird cuntiness of Glinda's performance. Like. Isn't it there is it like they were like, she was the evil one actually. Well, perhaps you're only getting the wicked witch was actually the perhaps you need to go and see wicked in theaters. Yeah, true. Um, because I just, there's something about her like vibe, likebe. Like, I don't know. That good witch, Glinda, is so intense. But I also want to know about that other witch.

I just love moving around in a bubble. That's fantastic. I like that. Oh, no. You could have gone home the whole time. Like, what are you talking about? That's good. What about the Blair witch? Well... Josh! Josh! Like, what are you talking about? That's good. What about the Blair Witch? Well, Josh! Josh!

Josh! What about the Vitch? Yeah, I thought about that. On your tail, Joel. Yeah. Joel? Yeah. Oh, bug eyes. She's fine.

She also is, um, Ileana Rasputin. Um, but she's not really a witch. She's just, she's a mutant, but she has, they're not really witch adjacent powers. They're like limbo adjacent, like magic powers. There's a difference between someone who wields magic and someone who is a witch. I would not describe magic, the character, as a witch. I would not describe magic, the character, as a witch. I would not describe magic, the character at all. Well, she has great bangs.

What about Selena Gomez? What about her? Well, you know. You think she's a bit of a witch. Yeah. You think if you could do everything with the whatever? I thought you just meant her personality. Everything is not what it seems.

Did you ever watch Wizards of Waverly Place? No. Can I tell you something about it? I guess. Okay. So in the world of Wizards of Waverly Place, the magic structure works like this. Yeah. Like, so the parents in the show, one is a witch, one is not.

She's Latina. We have another witch, the witch on Shakira's balcony. Oh, true. Yeah. Um, so in the way that that works, the three kids are all magic. They're all witches, but all wizards. I think they also use wizards. But I hate that if you're a guy and you're a witch, just be a witch.

I actually think they might all be wizards given the show's called The Wizards of... Okay. Okay. So maybe this is not a Zemmue point. Yeah. But the way that it works is that there's like at a certain point after they've all reached their, like a certain point in their magic studies, they get put into a tournament and then they have to fight each other, the siblings,

and only one gets to keep their magic and the other two become mortal. Okay. That's fucked. Yeah, that sucks. What if they just don't do the competition? Well, you know, that's, that becomes a bit of a push pull. It's also just not fair because there's like a really young brother and he's like quite a bit like then there's like the older brother who's like quite a bit more advanced than them. So when they get to the tournament, it's like the young brother, how has he got a

chance to become the family wizard? It's so fucked. And then in the end, do you know what happens? No. Selena Gomez gets it. Cause guess what? She was the most popular in real life. Yeah. And that's how that happened. That's how you become the family witch. Is Raven a witch? No, she's a psychic. Okay. Um, I just realized that I- The better Jessica. Ah, true. Lady Jessica. June. In Dune.

Oh, sure. I do love the mystery of putting your hand in a box. Anyway, Nico Minoru is a fantastic option lesbian. What did you call me? She is a character from Marvel Comics. She's one of the runaways characters, which are of course fantastic because there is a velociraptor on that team called old face. But anyway, Nico has this staff, I think it's called the staff of one and it's this like artifact that's been passed through her family or whatever. And like you can cast any spell, but only once.

Oh, I like that. So like, depending on how you word it, perhaps you could get around, but like in the heat of battle, you know, like you can only erupt lava from the staff. So you can say like fireball, fire sphere. Perhaps, but you know, there's only so many words in the world, but so fun. I love that. And she's great. She's like a little goth gal.

She's cool. Anyway, that's good. Then there's also Morgan Le Fay who like the best thing about her is that, oh my God, what's the diva from the Brendan Fraser Satan movie? That does Elizabeth Hurley. Elizabeth Hurley plays Morgan Le Fay in the Runaways TV show, which is so funny. That's good. Well, I'm in board for that.

Is the devil that? No, she's not a witch. She's the devil. Um, my one question is with the Marvel thing is like, I don't like it when there are, there are witches and then there are like, like mutants. It's like, is this world about magic or is it about like sciencey, like someone spilt goo on? Wait till you hear about the inhumans.

I just think it's like, pick Elaine. No, you can have it all. No, because it's like, pick a lane. No, you can have it all. No, because it's like, if you lived in a world with magic, then it wouldn't matter whether there was mutants. Like, that doesn't matter. It doesn't need to be like, weird goo, if you have a world of magic. But that's part of why the X-Men are so fantastic. Because even in a world where there are aliens living on the planet, people still fucking hate mutants because they're born different.

But that doesn't make sense. Exactly. That's the point. But it doesn't- Racism doesn't make sense. Yeah. But like that, it has a full context. It doesn't just like defy, if there were aliens living on earth, like there would

be a different conversation about racism in the planet. Like Nico's girlfriend, she's an alien and she flies around and her body is made of rainbows. The issue. That lady would love her. The issue. It's queen orc. It's queen orc all over the day. Oh wait, is it? You don't even understand my reference of queen orc. I'm talking about queen orc now. Can I tell you that, I mean, listener, if you saw my Instagram last week. I think we can all agree. No one saw it. And if they did see it, they threw their phone into a pond. It's so funny because the amount of like reacts that you get on a story vary, of course. But let me tell you, there was no variation in those stories.

Zero across the board. A duck egg. So funny. I should have liked it, but I didn't. I've heard them. No one did. What? I looked at your story.

Yeah. I make some good points. Anyway. I think the witch needs to be somewhat typical. Like- Because we've got the Grand High witch, which is, she's like quite out of the box of like what is an, out of a different- I don't know. She's, she's like quite out of the box of like, what is an out of a different,

I don't know. She's got the, like the big nose and like kind of cackling quality. We'll say the Shakira's. I guess I was just kind of thinking maybe like more of a green skin, which. Yeah. With like the pointed hat. Why Gruntilda? The Gruntilda.

I mean, none of you are talking about for roos or balls. What I was going to say was I have Bayonetta in the bunker. I, my witch quota is full. That there's no better witch in the world. You're happy with the witch in the bunker. Oh, Bayo. So perhaps lazy Susan needs her favorite witch in the bunker. Well, yeah, I really, I mean, have you seen the craft? No, I haven't actually. her favourite witch in the bunker. Well, yeah, I really...

I mean, have you seen The Craft? No, I haven't actually. Oh, it's so good. It's so incredible. I mean, my favourite scene in The Craft is just the removal of the scars. It's so good. It's just like that. Where she's like, Oh, he's sorry.

He's sorry. He's sorry. He's sorry. You make girls feel like they're shit, like they're the whores, but you're the whore. And then she pushes him out of the window and you hear that woman scream. And it's incredible. Yeah, I like that. Oh, just anyway, it just is perfect. Yeah.

So yeah, or like a young witch. Like a young, is there a young witch in the craft? Yeah, she's 17, 16. Is that could be a good contrast. Bit of a, like the grand mom is quite old. Sabrina is also really good. I love the like, I think that the, the world of sitcommy 90s stuff that was happening, where it was like, every time that they went to the like, other realm

to hang out with the Witches Council or whatever, it would have like, like Penn and Teller, like famous Vegas musicians, I mean, magicians, and like RuPaul. And like, there was all these like fabulous, like kind of C-list celebrity guest stars on Sabrina that made it feel like, Oh, the other realm is just kind of like Vegas on a Saturday night. It's those show writers bunker really. Yeah.

Like it's so good. It's so satisfying. And also like the magic system is so like freewheeling and stupid. Um, which I really like, if I'm not going to have a very slight kind of unexplained magic, then I like the just like stupid shit because there's like, you know, the magic world's like, you can't bring someone back to life. It they'll come back different. I feel like in Sabrina, they're like, Zap, they come back to life. Until, you know what I mean?

That's just like, they kind of don't care. Yeah. Like one week, that's fine. Yeah. The next week is not. I like that. Yeah. I think, yeah, if I was going to push for anyone, I would of course push for Kiki,

because I love Kiki's delivery service. And she's delivering all those things. She is. And she's... Flying on her broom. You know what she delivers more than parcels is like a positive message. Is that what we want in the bunker? Yeah.

No, she'd never fit in. And I don't want to take her away from that gorgeous seaside town where Gigi's hanging out with his little girlfriend. Everyone's getting crushed by masseuses down there anyway though. So. I don't want Kiki to be filled with needles. She needs to get her checkup. Medicare.

It's a good thing, the needle pin. Yeah. We love the needle pin. You get all your vaccinations. Is it like attached to the sick bay? Yeah. It's actually Evel's mother that pushes people into it. Correct.

Yeah. She's like, let me just do a quick checkup. Woo! Yeah. The birthday cakes I've just put in the oven now. Yeah. Get out. But it's kind of like a bit of a, like a lucky dip because you,

you might get some used ones. Yeah. And also I think it's like, it's just a mix of all the different, like serums and lotions, like if you're diabetic, you're like, get in. Like I hope one of those is insulin. Yeah. Yeah. If not, we'll try again tomorrow.

Exactly. Just keep getting pushed in until you're cured. Yeah, exactly. You feel sick? I have a role in the pit. Um, okay. So typically the witch you're talking about is like the, the one, right? Like the one with the Nancy, the hair.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So we putting, yeah, I think I mean, I love them all. I love it. You want the entire common and Neve Campbell looking so incredible. And so like, Ms.

vacantly miserable. Oh, yeah. But also the thing about like, Nave in that film, The Craft, is that like, it was the same year as Scream. Yeah. Like these two diametrically opposed performances that are so quintessentially 90s. It's like, God damn, incredible. I love that. Robin Tunney with her wig.

Hmm. That's incredible. Okay. Okay. Well, is that? Yes. Amazing. Done.

Lock her in. She'll fit right in. She's going to have a great time. That's good. Cool. All right. We'll be right back. Hello and welcome back to Death to Everyone for our final topic of discussion on this Halloween episode.

It is. Which remake of a horror film is going into the bunker. Okay. Yeah. I have one that I know. Okay. But let's go. You say. Oh, well, I don't want to jump straight in.

Okay. Well. I think they actually, you know what's really good is the Evil Dead remakes have been actually really good. Like they've been fun. They've been gory. The blood rain at the end of the first one. That's good. Blood rain. No, she's a vampire. Go on. Yeah. Like I think that those like a serviceable, like great. I didn't mind the new Halloween with Jamie Lee Curtis. Yeah. Well, I was going to say, you know what I prefer? Like I just like don't love a remake as just... Reboot? Redux? Well, no, I don't want to reboot.

I don't want that. I want either a new story or continue the story. But that's what they did with Scream. Yes, which I I think is good. Oh, right. And even though the Exorcist films have continued to be terrible, I prefer that over The Exorcist. But it's new.

New Exorcist. Yeah, because I can just watch The Exorcist. Yeah. You know? But yeah, I think if you want to continue to tap a franchise, then you should be able to tell a story within it. Perhaps rather than just go over. But sometimes they're good because it's like, I think the baggage of doing a

sequel kind of sometimes weighs you down where you like have to cut to a photo frame of like the protagonist of the last film, but they've just used like a still from the last film. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're like, you're nothing like your mother. You know what I mean? Like, I'm just like, ugh, just redo it. Like, in that case. Well, and it's because of these, I think like The Thing, the John Carpenter, the thing is like the, the remake. Like if we were being classy here, that's the one.

Because it's like a perfect, like taking something from the fifties film and being like, what can we bring to it that's new? How can we like change it up to make it exciting? Um, and like perfectly like introducing new elements of violence and like technology, like the, where we are at with the effects at the time. But for me personally, a film that I watch like at least twice a year, late at night when I'm drunk, the remake of Dawn of the Dead is so good. I love the original Romero films.

Like they're like Bible, but like the remake was so fucking chilling and scary. Like it's one of the few horror films that I couldn't sleep afterwards because it was just so like, oh, there's something so unnerving and unhappy about that film that is like a perfect reason to make a remake is that like, from the Romero like 70s Dawn of the Dead, so much had changed about the world and about capitalism. much had changed about the world and about capitalism, that like, every, all the themes of the original, original one had been like completely maxed out and were like even more prescient in the present day, because it was like going to that mall, it means something completely different from the seventies to now. And like that contemporary, contemporary, like American nowhere that is in that film is so much more like desolate and sad and like the America than like, there's just so much less hope in the new one.

I love that. I haven't seen it. You haven't seen it? It's so good. Yeah, I think I've seen it. Oh my God. It's amazing. Cause the, oh my God, it's a perfect, cause think I've seen it. Oh my God. It's amazing. Cause oh my God, it's a perfect, cause it's also snappy.

It gets the job done. I find it. So, but it's zombie film, right? Yeah. I find it interesting that a zombie film can be actually like scary. I don't know. I always found zombies really scary. I think the zombies that run really, really fast are scary.

Well, to me, the slow ones aren't that scary. I think it's the thing that I find scary about the, the, the original like Romero zombie is that it is just like, it's not about it happens really quickly. It's just about this like dread that it's like, it's not going to get you today. It's not going to get you tomorrow. It's not going to get you the next day. It's like in the original Dawn of the Dead, they go to this mall.

Like it starts with them getting away from like a panic situation and they take a helicopter. They land on the roof of this mall and then they're there for months. And it's just one night, something goes a little bit wrong, but because over those months, the hoard outside has just grown and grown and grown that it just took one mistake for someone to get pinned. And I think that that's, it's just, it's more that it's just like this inescapable force that just keeps coming for you as your supplies deplete, as you're kind of stranded.

It's like inevitable. Yeah. And it's not trying to like, it is trying to kill you, but it's not, it's not sophisticated, it is just this like slow moving force. And I find that really unnerving because it's like, there's something exciting about escaping a serial killer and there's one of those, because it's like, there's something exciting about escaping a serial killer and there's one of those, but it's like you escaped to one place and then now you have to start surviving there.

Yeah. And eventually you'll need to escape again. Yeah. Like there is no end other than death. Just the end of the world. So it's just pushing you and pushing you and pushing you. And it's like in that one, each thing becomes harder and harder and harder. Like as food starts to run out, as the woman gets pregnant in the film, it's

like, as these new issues crop up, it's like, you're getting further and further away from that first day when it was like exciting and everyone was dying. But then now it's just sad and alone, lonely. It's really lonely. And I find that's the thing that really freaks me out about zombie films is that it's like, it just pushes you to this place where you're like, oh, like the slow decay of everything. Yeah. Yeah.

I have realized that, wait, where is it? Um, that the, oh yes, that's what I was going to say. Um, Nosferatu is one of my favorite horror films. I haven't seen it. Oh my God, it's so good. It's so scary. I need to watch it because my sister keeps telling me, you just think you got to watch NOS4H. That creepy Italian guy and that gross body that he has is so perfect.

It's amazing or whatever. But speaking of bug eyes, I just don't know about this remake. Well, I'm excited about Willem. Yeah. Deferred. Yeah. I don't know. Like, like maybe I take it back.

Maybe some things it is fun to revisit and remake and reimagine. It's just, I don't know. Also it does happen. Like horror stories. Maybe it's less egregious than like the Disney remakes or whatever. Yeah. Because I don't know. I think if you have something new to do with the material,

I think if you have a point of view, I'm interested to hear. Like actually, and this, I'll probably get crucified for this, but I'm brave and you know, people turned off this podcast half an hour ago. But like the new child's play, I thought was really a good twist, even though it wasn't like an entirely effective, like scary film, I was like. Cause in the original child's play, Chuckie has like the spirit of a serial killer in him and the toy ends up with a kid and it's actually like a great film because it's like this single mom who lives in like a commission housing flat and

like her son starts saying like, oh, like, the doll is talking to me. So while it's kind of goofy how like Chucky is this like, you know, inhabited by this evil spirit, it's more that like, no one kind of believes the kid, but then also think people like she's so terrified that people are going to think that she's this negligent mother. Cause she has to keep working and like leaving him at home alone. And then when he starts like showing all these symptoms of like schizophrenia or like, you know, that something's up, she's like, we can't handle this right now. Like this is too close to the edge of like oblivion for us and our family. That it's like, she is just doing anything she can to kind of ignore it. And like, that's so cool.

But in the new one, it's that they've put this like chip inside of like a Chucky doll. And that it's like a kind of technology gone wrong thing, which I think is like fun and like cool. And like, and like, if you've got to redo it, like, it's not a bad idea to have like a new way in for like, why is. Like keeping up with modern day. Well, I know it's kind of like, you know, like, people's like a little bit scared about AI now. Yeah. And like what kind of level of like automation are you allowing your children

to engage with and like that fear as a parent of like, is giving your kid an iPhone with access to all of these, like the whole world on it, is that going to end badly, is that negligent? Is it, what does it mean to be a parent in an age where like these toys are really sophisticated and evil? Mm-hmm. Eugh! Um... Yeah. Also, It.

Oh, yeah! You know what? I do take it back. I think the It remakes are great. I think the first one's quite good. Yeah. And then like this one. Yeah, that one's fine. But that first one's so good. Yeah. It's really good. I think the first one's quite good. Yeah. And then like this one. Yeah, I think one's fine. But that first one's so good. Yeah.

It's really good. It's so good that we put it in the bunker. True. While we put it outside the bunker. And also I put the Tim Curry one in my mind. Oh, same. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Rosemary's Baby.

Did that get a remake? I didn't see the new one. Yeah. Where? The other. Oh, did it get a TV show? No, they did a, they did a, they did a prequel. I think.

Was it a, Oh, it was a prequel. Oh, look, I don't know what I'm watching. It was like the street name. This apartment 7A. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. But that's, no, well, I dunno. I thought I was watching a remake. Who knows?

I don't know. Do you know what remake I love, but I only watched once is that, um, the exact remake of Psycho. Do you, did you hear about this? There was like, oh my God, who was it? Was it Gorvavinsky? And there was like this director. He was like, I'm going to remake psycho, but he remade it shot for shot. Exact same dialogue. Everything was almost exactly the same, but like that's psycho. It was so, and I had Julianne Moore and Vince Vaughn.

Like it is such a, like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, that's psycho. It was so, and it had Julianne Moore and Vince Vaughan. Like it is such a like, it sounds like a romantic comedy, but it was so like incredible. Gus Van Sand is who did it, but it was Vince Vaughan, Anne Hayes, Ellen's ex who just died recently, Viggo Mortensen, William H. Macy, uh, Mrs. Tom Hakes, Rita Wilson, um, Julianne Moore. Flea? Why was flea in it?

I mean- Flea just gets into stuff. Yeah. The fuck is flea? You know, Donnie from the Wild Thornberrys. He's the basis from, um, red hot chili peppers. Yeah, I guess that too. What? Yeah. He's the bassist from Red Hot Chili Peppers. Yeah, I guess that too.

What? Yeah. He's got a gap tooth. Go on. I just think like, that's such a country move. Like I like, I kind of, people hate it at the time, but it's like, that's quite funny. Like I'm doing a remake. Oh no, exactly the same.

I just think it could have been some better actors. Just think if Julianne Moore had been in this. Vince Vaughn has a darkness, but not the same. Vigo, I love Vigo. Did you see the original Psycho? Yeah. Looking at her. Um, yeah. Yeah.

Um, yeah. Yeah. I have kind of soft spot for like films that like are that sort of really hammed up sort of big great campy camp of like, but usually these are probably not horror, but it's more like, like films based on like some sort of mythical creature or thing. Yeah. Like Dracula, you know, like a character that's already like well-entrenched in history, like through that the last couple of hundred years.

Yeah. Yeah. Right. And it just like, and they make a film like, like kind of like, um, I don't know, like van Helsing or whatever, or like, whatever, you know, like, they're really your things, but in a new, like werewolves. Yeah. Yeah. Um, yeah. Yeah. Those ones were some reason I love these myths are kind of like worth being retold for like, yeah, all time. Like what's that one with, um, uh, having a blank. Well, like, I feel like Vin Diesel does a lot of them.

Perfect dark tremors. Like the witch hunter and stuff. Yeah, right. But they're not like specifically like exact remakes. They're just like, No, but I guess they've remakes of stories that have already been done, but not necessarily of a film that's already been done. Yeah.

Yeah. The least favorite remix I have are like taking something from like generalizing, but like foreign country or like foreign language, like non English language, like the ring or the grudge or whatever like foreign language, like the English language, like the ring or the grudge or whatever. Did you not like the ring? No, they're fine, but like the OG is fine. Yeah.

So like the need like to remake it for a different audience, setting it in Seattle or whatever, so that it's palatable. Yes, because they wouldn't watch a Japanese film or whatever. Yeah. So that it's palatable. Yes. Because they wouldn't watch a Japanese film. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I think it's like... Was that... was Sam Brichelle Gellar in... She's in The Grudge. In The Grudge. Which I think The Grudge is not good, but The Ring, I thought they did like a really good job of like remaking. But yeah, it is kind of like telling. And particularly in the 90s, you like, I feel like the world we're living in now,

people are much more likely to just watch the original film. Totally. Like, yeah, like things have shifted. Like that's what happened with like Parasite, you know what I mean? Like it's not like we're getting Parasite remade. Although that might still happen. But yeah, like Let the Right One In is a great example. Like Let Me In, that vampire film.

But that remake was kind of okay. Oh my God, what was the other one? Actually, like the one that kind of is the genuinely one of the most terrifying films is Funny Games, the Hanukki film. Hanukki? Did you ever see that? No. Oh my God.

You should watch this, but it's like, what I say, it's like, it's not a horror film. It's like just a very fucking distressing, like it is a horror film, but it's incredibly distressing. So I think, but like in a way that like people had always told me that and then I watched it and I was like, oh no, like this is just really upsetting. Yeah, oh God. But the original, Hanake had made the original in Germany, I think, and then remade it again, like himself, which I think is bad. I love and he had, um, and it's Naomi Watts and she's incredible. Yeah.

But such a, Ooh, like I haven't watched it again. Um, did you watch the Netflix remake of, um, death note? Yes, that was bad. So woeful. I mean, obviously it's also like a animation to live action, but that kind of shit where it's like, you take something insanely popular and then. Yeah. Set it in middle America for some reason.

But I also think like it's being remade by the wrong people because it's like, it's people who look at anime and say like, no, it's a thing for kids or like young adults. And it's like the thing that young people particularly tap into about Death Note is how like it, like it is so pitch black and like so aggressively angry at the world that like if you don't have someone like a fincher or whatever who kind of shares that mentality coming in and remaking it, I just don't think that like you're honoring the spirit of that text. Absolutely.

Like just because it has been made into like some cute, like key chain on someone's phone doesn't mean that the original wasn't like, and like that's like this, there's that spirit that runs through so much of like, I don't know, at least the anime that I engaged with where it's like, it feels like so the world is cruel. Like the world is empty. The world is a really sad, lonely place. Yes. And like that's the spirit that you want to like, it's quite hard to bring through into live action.

Yeah. Oh, I just like, I'm so... Like nervous for the day that Evangelion eventually becomes remade. It might not happen because of Pacific Rim. Like that was kind of live action Evangelion and haunted twisted way. And I just don't know if it'll ever happen, but if it does, I'm scared. I think as well, like it's, it's like, cause I had that feeling about Avatar, which I didn't like, I watched two episodes and I was like, Oh yeah. This two episodes. You mean the avatar in the way of water?

Oh yeah. Yeah, that too. Um, no, I watched the two episodes of the live action and I was like, Oh no, this sucks. Like I just, I'm like, I never needed this. Yeah. Like the charming thing about the show is the show, like everything about the show that is fabulous.

And I just want those guys to make more. Animate like, or animated, you know to make more. Yeah. Anime like animated. Yeah. You know, like stuff. So it's like, I don't need this. No. And the form that it was in was perfect. Yeah.

And accessible. Yeah. So why is this happening? Anyway, thankfully they are making more. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So that will be good. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, exactly. Zelda. So which remake? Why also the fly is another remake of like a 50s. It's just so good. Just the like the Kronenberg touch is so. I was going to say actually the Kronenberg touch. It's not the massage parlour actually.

It's another place. I've been there. It's another massage parlor actually. Another place. I've been there. It's good. Now that, I, now that one of my favorite horror movies is The Birds, I don't want them to ever remake that. It's so good. Well, I don't think that you're in much danger of that. Okay. Well, everyone just back off.

What about House of Wax? I was going to say House of Wax before. That was such a like slumber party staple. I fucking love that movie. Like it was like, oh, you've got to watch this film. Paris Hilton gets a pulse, shoves her face. And you're like- Everyone just tuned into that.

Yeah, totally. I think all the boys wanted to watch it in my, not all the boys, but. Not all the boys. She was nude. Wasn't she in one? Yeah, they watched it. I don't know if she was nude. I was just waiting for a poll to go through her face.

I feel like I remember all the, I never saw her. She nude. Wasn't she? All the boys were like, Oh, you got to watch this. Maybe that was it. Oh, well that's the other thing. We're just like, you know, back in the day, horror had a very different part because it used to also be a great way to see boobs.

Yeah. Yeah. True. You know, before you had the internet, boobs, boobs, they call boobs. Yeah. Well, yes,'re called boobs. Ed. Yeah. Yeah. Knockers. Well, yes.

We call them knockers. Yeah. Got knockers around these. I, speaking of witches and horror movie remakes, I still haven't seen Suspiria. Oh, I've tried. The original is amazing. I've tried with the Luca one and I will try again, but it's just, it seems long. Okay.

I was like, I'm just like, cause yeah, watch the original. Yeah. Okay. Oh my God. It's amazing. Yeah. It's actually that's great. Witches, witches who run a ballet school.

Yeah. That's so funny. Yeah. I love that. Um, but yeah, uh, I just, um, oh, you know, I'm going to give it another shot. You heard it. I'll do the homework. I'll watch OG and then we can watch.

Yeah. We also need to watch, we found out there's so many things you need to watch. I know. Dawn of the Dead is so, and you know what's so good about it? It's just, you get in, you get out. Like it's a perfect film to watch really drunk. Yeah. I don't know why, but it's like, I find it, if I'm really drunk and I can't sleep, I'm like, I'm watching Don't Live.

You don't get really drunk that often. I get really drunk. Oh my God. Drunk right now. Yeah. It seems like. Okay. Drunk right now. Yeah, it seems like. Okay. Best horror movie remake. What do you think, just quickly on the idea,

Yeah. do you think, what do you think if they remade seasons of Drag Race, like original Drag Race, and they had like, they either recast people to play the drag queens, or they could come back and reprise their role. And they had to do exactly the same challenges, exactly the same things, but they can like yassify them or change their outfits or whatever. I would love that.

It'd be called Drag Race Rematch. I love that. Drag Race out of retirement. Yeah. I would love a new season with like season three cast or whatever. And then the same amount of episodes, same challenges, but different like episode winners and stuff depending on performance. But they have to go back to like the interior illusions lounge or like the gold bar.

Oh my God, that would be so good. Yeah. Okay. Incredible. Lock that in. Oh yeah. Let's do that. Yeah.

Then like getting Cher's mother back. Yeah, Okay. Incredible. Lock that in. Yeah. Let's do that. Yeah. Then like getting Shares mother back. Yeah. I like that. Oh my God. Yeah. Okay. Good.

That's good. Um, what about, we like, um, Peggy. Who? Peggy. Who? Peggy. Who? Peggy.

The man. Is that what you're talking about? Obviously. Oh, I was watching that the other night. It's so good. That's a good reading. It's so good. I enjoyed that.

Oh, it's so scary. I mean, it doesn't work without Elizabeth Moss, but she is so incredible. Thankfully, she's not invisible. Yeah, exactly. Maybe that'll be like in the next one. They're like, we could only get Elizabeth Moss for one day. So she just, you see her putting on the invisible suit at the start of the film and then she's just a series of floating scarves. Oh, I love those ending scenes.

Ooh, so good. I also just, they should make a sequel. I don't know what the sequel would be about, but it'd be good. No, it wouldn't. It'd be terrible, but it'd be good. Yeah. You know? I'll watch it.

Yeah. Eventually. Um, they should also do a sequel for get out called get in. Nope. Yep. Come on. Us them. What about mama?

I'm sorry. Papa. Oh, sorry. Papa? Anyway, what about Peggy? Peggy. Kiernan Shipka. That's the name of the girl who plays Sabrina. Oh, yeah. Okay. You decide.

Oh, then it's Dawn of the Dead. Yeah, Dawn of the Dead is good. Excellent. I, you decide. Oh, then it's Dawn of the Dead. Yeah, Dawn of the Dead is good. Excellent. I've always loved it. One of the only horrors I've seen. I think in the bunker. Oh, what about Carrie?

It's fine. The remake? I don't like that remake. I only like the sissy space sick John Travolta. Except at the end, doesn't burn down the whole town, which is what I needed. Yeah. Dawn of the Dead or The Thing. Which one?

Ooh, I do love The Thing. Hmm. Thing. Thing's pretty cool. I mean, I love it when they just put that needle into the blood. Which I feel like we could add to the sick bay. Uh, true. Actually, how about that?

The thing test, so for listeners who don't know, in the thing, there's an alien parasite that falls down to earth and is in the Arctic or Antarctic, whichever one. And there are these men who are stationed at an Antarctic station. And one of their, they find this like burnt out shell of the other station. And a husky comes to them and it turns out the husky is actually not a husky at all. It is another alien life form that has the ability to transform into anything that it has come in contact with. And then the thing manages to get into their midst. And so they don't know who is really a person and who is a thing. And so the way that they test it is they're like, oh, well, the thing is like a single form.

So every part of it is alive. So even the blood of the thing has a will to live. So we'll put them into a Petri dish, the blood of all the surviving people, and then put a hot needle into each one and then see what happens. And so they go through and like, tss, tss, yes.

And it's this like tense scene where they're like trying to figure out who's the thing. Tasting the blood. And then when they finally put it in there, like the thing bloody goes. But that would be great for sick bay. Yeah. Is what I'm saying. I think we should put that in like the version from the remake.

Like every day, like everyone in the bunker goes and get, oh, like once a year, everyone grows and gets thing tested. Yeah. Once every three months. Yeah. Like, are you the thing? And like, no one ever is the thing. No, we didn't put the thing in the bunker.

But it's on the bunker. But God damn, do they take that blood and put that searing hot needle in there? Yeah. But like- Wait, is it a needle or is it fiber optic cable? That's a red hot poker. Yeah. It's a red hot chili pepper.

Okay. It's a needle. Okay. That's it. And poker. Yeah. It's a red hot chili pepper. Okay. It's a needle. Okay. That's it. I like that. Okay. So don't get your vaccinations and then we'll test you to see whether you're the thing. What do you think if I made a remake called it Miss Thing?

And it's just the same husky, but with the bow on it. It's the girl version. And yeah, they're all wearing heels. Yeah. I watch it. And it's a fibrocratic needle. Because they're girls. That's fun.

Okay, so. For horror remakes, we have the experiment to find out who's infected with the thing. In the thing. Yeah. Then for the witch, we have... For Roozabulk. Yeah. Nancy Downs. Yeah. Yeah. And then for...

Saw Challenge. It's the needle pit of immunization. Yes. Which is a new attachment to the sick bay. Yeah. After thing day testing. Yeah. That's good. Okay. Well, medical.

Yeah. Well, I think today was all that innovating the sick bay. Yeah. And what could be scarier than being massaged in a room with 20 other people? Well, thank you listeners. I hope you have a very spooky Halloween. If you're a listener and you find me at the Melbourne show at Melbourne town hall or anywhere else in Australia, I suppose, come and say hello.

After the Halloween show, scream queens. Right. Yeah. I'll be on tour. And come... Yes. Common yes. Are you going to be there? No, I've got a gig.

I hope. Okay. Okay. Love you all. Goodbye. Goodbye, so they can't call a listener. Death Day, everyone was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matchy Riggs. Our theme song and music was provided by

Edie Cintrigue and Angus Leslie. If you've got something to say to us, send it to us at deathtoeveryonepart at gmail.com. Oh, you stop doing the thing. And we're true supporters, please, at patreon.com slash deathtoeveryone. Bye bye. Looz. In the loop.