Death To Everyone - Death To... Seashore Creatures, Pizzas & Big Cats

Episode Date: April 28, 2025

HEY YOU! Long time no speakCheck out what we added to the doomsday bunker this week! You'll NEVER guess what we said...Follow us, won't you?⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.naturalhabitatstudios.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/ediecentric⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo as of you. A handbag. A handbag. A handbag. A handbag. A handbag. A handbag. A handbag. A handbag. A handbag.

A handbag. A handbag. A handbag. A handbag! A handbag! A handbag! A handbag! A handbag! A handbag! A handbag! A handbag! A handbag!

A handbag! A handbag! A handbag! A handbag! A handbag! A handbag! A handbag! A handbag!

A handbag! A handbag! A handbag! A handbag! A handbag! A handbag! A handbag! A handbag! A handbag! A handbag! A handbag! She does make some good points. Always listen to women when they're speaking. A handbag. A handbag. A handbag.

A handbag. A handbag. A handbag. A handbag. Do you know how much of my life that has influenced? It's obvious. It's obvious. All of it.

You don't even say it. Yeah. It's about 60-40. 60-40. Okay, call back quickly. Did 60-40 hear the episode we were talking about her being tall? Thank goodness. Okay.

I'm Lacey Susan. I'm Zelda Moon. And this is a podcast called death to everyone that you are now currently imbibing with your ears. It's a show about the end of the world, which is coming swiftly. It can't come soon enough. But don't worry because we, your celestial goddesses, are being escorted out of the destruction zone by Matt, who drives the space car. Producer Matt. Hi.

Hello. This show we do, not unlike your grade six class did in 1997, when you buried a little time capsule beneath the flagpole to dig up many years from now and find out what the kids of 1997 were thinking, except we're doing that with all of humanity and we're finding out what you found important and what you decided to keep post apocalypse. And when we say we, of course we mean us because only our opinions matter. Yes. Occasionally our guests matter, but we kick out the shitty things they say on stock take day.

So time capsule, you know, like in Dragon Ball Z, how, um, all of their, like things were like capsule corp and they would like throw a capsule on the ground and it would like Explode into a bike. Yeah, that is so cool Capsules were huge in the 90s. They were powders are in now Powders. Yeah a dissolvable powder. Well Some kind of fine powder. Wait, let me get the note Okay, Zelda is of course referring to this package that she's meant to bring us in week after week, which is a gift, listeners, from one of our listeners.

Listeners, take note. Yeah, some of you sent us gifts. We do receive gifts. Be more like this listener. Yeah. Who has now sent three gifts to the pod. Two to me, one to all of us. He sent two to you?

Yes, because the eye masks are so good. You know, he has a shop, right? I don't know where it is. He's never even gave us the name of the shop. Do you know what? That is true and quite elusive. But you know what? Very, um, egoless, guyless. Yes. Not guyless, egoless.

He's not doing it for business. He's not doing it for business. He's not doing it for a shout out free advertising. He's doing it for the love of my eyes. Yes. A handbag. A handbag. Dear Zelda, Lazy and Matt, these are some gifts for you all.

I'm such a fan and look forward to Wednesday because of you three. Episodes come out on Tuesday. Death to everyone is such a delight and I tell everyone who listen how talented you are. I run a small business in Collingwood selling consumer health brands and products in pharmacies. Thought they'd make for excellent gifts for celestial goddesses and their vest energy space car driver. Oh, excuse me. Thank you for consistently making us all laugh so much. Sincere regards. And then his name is scribbled out and it replaced with listener.

Listener. Thank you, listener. And listener, we just tasted some of your wares and they're delicious. Yeah. So there's like this hydrating powder. Potion. Yeah. How does a powder make you more hydrating? You throw it on the ground. Well, that's right. It's fatal irony. Do you know it's funny? Because it is in all of those, the electrolytes.

Are you drinking it right now? I am. Me too. Let me just have a sip. It's really full. She's drinking a beer. She's drinking a beer. Did you put the powder in there? Yes, it's hydrating me and just killing me. You did not put another sachet in there. No, I did not. But the weird thing about the electrolytes

is that there's sodium. Who would have thought salt would make you less thirsty? I thought it did the opposite. Right? What am I, a chemist? What are you? Anyway, how does the world end this week? What? What do you mean? Sorry? What do you mean? You're going to butter me up first, darling? You talk for about an hour about what you've been doing. Before you get your little stories. Yeah. Oh, so it's your story this week.

Oh. Did you do anything this week? I don't, you know what happened this week. You know what happened? You know what happened this week? Something happens every week. We live rich lives. Rich full lives this week.

We had Easter. Oh, well, Matt, I was queuing something up. I was queuing you. Easter? What do I have to say about Easter? Jesus. Oh, Bernie the dog ate some Easter eggs. Didn't have to get his stomach pumped, which would have been the fourth time.

Which is very Courtney Love coded. Of Easter? Easter generally is when Bernie gets into the chocolates. That was my fault. I put them in his bowl. No, but Bernie the dog is a dog and they love chocolate. But apparently milk chocolate isn't even that bad for them. Like if it's dark chocolate, straight to the pump.

But if it's regular chocolate, it's fine. If it's under, if it's a certain size. So it's just the cocoa. Yeah pump. But if it's regular chocolate, it's fine. If it's under, if it's certain size. It's just the cocoa. Yeah. Yeah. Well, there's a chemical in the cocoa. Yeah.

That kills dogs. Oh, it's poisonous to dogs. Poisonous. Poisonous. But yeah, Bernie got into the chocolates. Um, were they still in aluminum foil? Of course. And dogs are so they're eating the aluminum foil, which is so, so tragic.

Kind of like flossing though. Well, yeah, I imagine it's a rough edge that the body needs every now and then. Probably clean up the intestine. It's a good thing that I left that hamper so low. It's just, we were heading out and I grabbed the hamper off the shelf and I ate some chocolate and then left it on the couch because I live a dog free life and I don't think about dogs and I don't think about their needs or what poisons them. So I'm just like, oh, naturally.

But then of course there was a dog there. Bernie. Bernie. Anyway, Ari Aster, who directed and wrote Hereditary, Midsommar, Bo Is Afraid. He co-produced a film that went to South by Southwest, went to Cannes, no, didn't go to Cannes, went to Sundance. It's called Death of a Unicorn. It has Paul Rudd in it.

It has Jenna Ortega. It has Richard E. Grant. It has T. Leone. It has... What's his name? He's got... Will Poulter. Yes. Anyway, this film, I was like, I'm not going to look up anything. This sounds like a romp. I'm going to have a great time. It's a horror film about unicorns. Lalalalalala. Comedy horror. Yeah. Horror. Sometimes when the,

this sounds like Cards Against Humanity flag goes off in your brain, you need to like listen to that sound. This was bad. This was so bad. And I was so mad that it was bad. Bad and mad. And sad.

Anyway. In Dr. Seuss book. Yeah. Because I went into the Nova, got myself a little drink. Beautiful little martini. Although the Cinema Nova has the worst olives in the entire world. I don't know what sewer drain they fish them out of before it's shift, but I hope that they get paid extra.

You know, like when you go to Safeway or a deli or whatever, there's like the olives in like a trough of oil that have been like marinating and prepared. Delicious. But then if you, for some reason you hate yourself, you like buy the jarred olives in like the, the brine. Yeah. In like the corridor. Yeah.

Oh no, but I've got to tell you, Zelda, it would be, the brine is better for a martini because it is part of the soluble. But the issue is that they get the stuff. No, no, it can't be the oil version. I mean, I've seen a martini made with an oil. And it's not like it creates a little film on the top. But I think if you were in the right low-lit hotel bar waiting for a lover, you could absolutely

slurp down a bit of oil with your gin. Why not? Lie in the stomach before it's filled with a adulterous man's cum. Anyway. But there are just some olives in the aisle. You know, we live in 2025. There's now like a thousand olive startup brands. And so they're all selling some kind of fabulous olive.

I had an olive the other day. I could have sworn was stuffed with a kind of spiced meat, like a shaved ham because it was so... The flavor profile was so full. It was so full and rich and fatty and salty, like a prosciutto. I thought it had prosciutto in it, to the extent that I stopped drinking the martini and went and checked the label, because I was like, am I just drinking meat juice right now?

Oh, wow. And it wasn't like, am I just drinking meat juice right now? Oh wow. And it wasn't like bad. It was just so full. And then I checked the label and it was just an olive that had been correctly prepared. Wow. And I thought, oh, what was your problem? Anyway.

So yeah, the, you know, you go and get the Nova martini just cause it's like, oh, it's fun to just sit in the dark and drink a Martini. Is it glass or plastic? They give you glass. Oh, good. Because they're like, you're an adult. Yeah. Good.

You're not one of those trough pigs out by the regular candy bar. You've gone into the Nova bar. Yes, slightly to the left. Slightly to the left. You must wait slightly longer. You walk down the stairs to walk up, you know? So I'm like prepping myself for what is, you know, due to be an exciting experience produced by A24 or distributed rather. And, um, it's actually the same thing.

What the fuck is this fucking movie? Oh no. What the fuck is this fucking movie? And it, okay. So it was basically to give you a quick rundown, skip if you don't want to spoil it. Skip. You don't have that option, it's reality.

Paul Rudd and his daughter, Jenny, Jenna or Tega, are going to a work function over a weekend because Paul Rudd is an ambitious man and he has to bring his daughter because they are like a family company who are based off the Sacklers, the pharmaceutical family, and they're going to this private mansion in the middle of the wilderness. And on their drive there in their rental car, they hit a unicorn and the father puts the unicorn out of its misery after Jenny, Jenna has touched its horn and seen the secrets of the universe and they get splattered

in the unicorn's blood and then they put it into the trunk of their car hoping to not make an event of it because the rich family run a bunch of nature reserves and stuff so they don't want to like upset their sensibilities. They get their ritually grandstanding of cancer, that's why he's invited Paul Rudd there, because he wants to put him on the board to kind of shepherd his family through after he passes, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Jenna Ortega is upset about the death of her mother

from cancer outside of the film, and that's why their relationship is strained, they haven't been able to reconnect, but he's trying to do everything you can to set them up for a good life which is why he's driven her all the way out there. She vapes on the side. They have given her this kind of pixie cut, you know, with like a die job underneath, like a wig, but a die job underneath and like an attempt at make up acne and I was like, oh they're actually making it look younger with acne in this film.

But it was just to set up the unicorn blood can heal your acne. Cause that's gone in the first five minutes. Anyway, once they find out that unicorn blood can heal you, Richard E. Grant and his family, use it to heal his cancer, use it to save his life, use it to fix all their problems,

then immediately go into the most callous, you know, impression of wealthy people and they're like, we're gonna sell this and make millions kind of thing. Very like the menu, if you had the misfortune of seeing that film. I fucking hated that movie. So bad. But like, you know, rich people being like that?

And you're like, okay, but like what else? Do you know what I mean? Like, I want to hear your interesting, like critique, not just your, you know, like surface level, like, three word. Fuck that guy kind of thing, which the whole film had this kind of snide, fuck that guy attitude.

And I was like, this isn't particularly interesting because I know everything you're going to say and it doesn't feel that interested in really like picking apart these people in an interesting way. You're just making them simple villains. Anyway, so then the mama and papa unicorn come down from the hill and they're evil.

So they turn black and then they start killing everyone. And then they, except Jenna Ortega, who is somehow connected to the unicorn, she's the virtuous maiden, and she does research halfway through the film where she looks at a photo of her dead mum in the background of the photo of her dead mum that she's just looking at because she's feeling wistful, sees a tapestry of a unicorn, the

famous one that's at the Cloisters in New York City. You know the one? Of course. The unicorn sitting in the pen. It's like a medieval tapestry. You would have seen that. It's famous. And then she's like, oh.

And then she goes and does Googling and finds the larger tapestry and realizes that, oh my God, maybe unicorns were evil back in the day or like violent. And then she brings out a printout of the tapestry to the rich people and says, I've done my research and puts it on the table and points at it and says, do you see? They, they're going to kill us. What the fuck is this movie? Anyway, so the unicorns kill everyone. Did they stab people with that horn?

Oh, do you know this film has one funny joke? Imagine if a unicorn, but bad. And then that joke again, every five minutes. Oh yeah. Oh, this person, they're gonna get stabbed by the horn. Imagine if they got stabbed by the horn. But unicorns are meant to be like whimsical and fun and like young.

No, what if I, hardcore evil? Shut up. Do you ever play that like rainbow unicorn game we like running? No. Oh my God. It was like a flash game and you, what was it called? Was it called rainbow unicorn?

It was like rock. It like had like a rocky, like medley kind of soundtrack. And you were like this, and as the unicorn would run, it would like leave behind a trail of rainbows. But as you leveled up, you could tweak it to your stylistic choices and you had to like jump through obstacles and stuff. It was great. That sounds like a better use of my time. I just, number one, I can't believe that Paul Rudd, I just, I feel like he's allergic to, to being interesting on camera. Like you've watched all the Ant-Man's.

Yeah. Does he leave any impression? He, he's gone bland. I feel like he was so beloved. He, I, I beloved him as a person. He's so hot. He's like, he's like down to earth. No, but he used to be really funny.

He used to do that Tim and Eric stuff and yeah, Tim and Eric stuff. But I feel like you've got to really deploy him to work against his sensibilities because he is so milk toast. So it's like, as long as you're making fun of that, it works. Yeah. The second that you're trying to do it sincerely, you're like, what the fuck am I watching? Hmm.

Yeah. I think he's gone a bit like commercialized and have toned him down. And this was his ghostbusters and you know, Ant-Man and everything. And then Jenna Ortega. I haven't seen this Wednesday. You know, much more of a fan of Thursday. You know, much more of a fan of Thursday. But this Wednesday Adams, and I saw Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, no, just the second one. Just the two, yeah.

Don't want to give it away. Spoiler. But she seems to be a national icon. People protect this woman with their life. They're like, I love Jennie Otega. And why? What do you mean? Because she's got big eyes.

She is stunningly, gorgeously beautiful. I could see. But what the fuck? Why? What interesting thing has happened from her? Yeah. Normally, when Jennifer Lawrence was blowing up in Hunger Games, you could still be like,

but Winter's Bone, she's so incredible in that. What is Jenna Ortega's Winter's Bone? And it can't be Wednesday from the Netflix original series, Wednesday. Like, what the fuck? No. And so she's playing angsty teen who like, she watches a man get cured of cancer.

His whole family is there. And her whole shtick, I bet you can believe, is just, we need to get the unicorn back to nature. And it's like, Jenna, don't be so fucking callous. This man has been dying and his family are right there. Fuck all that. Give the unicorn back to rot in the woods. Think it through, bitch.

Your mom died of cancer, but a few years ago I'm led to believe by this film. And you have no compassion or sympathy that occasionally to save a man from dying, there might be a cost that you're not even aware of. You just looked at a tapestry once on Google and printed it out. That's not research by the way, bitch. I'm just- It's a Google image search.

You did a Google image search and now you are 100% sure that you need to just take away this. And like the whole time she's like, I'm connected to the unicorns. Which if this was like a white lotus, her entitlement, son of an attorney, wealthy girl who is doing her art history degree, this entitled little brat who looks at Richard E. Graham and says, die, we need to give that corpse back to the forest.

She would be like just as much the fucking problem in that version. So she portrayed as like the, yeah. Yeah. She's the eco warrior fair maiden. And when the giant ass evil unicorns that we've watched stomp on scientists head, anonymous scientists head throughout the film in this booty-boo Jurassic Park knockoff yeah then they approach her they just sit down and like cuddle her oh for what so what she is like the unicorn overlord yeah but it's not kind of she

touched its horn mm-hmm but that's it. They just know. Connected. What the fuck is this? Is there a, is there a set up, like are they surprised that there's a supernatural being on the planet? Like it's not like- They're all very surprised. The witch is around. No, no, no, no.

I mean, that's the thing, it would be kind of fun if it was like, just, you know, we were in bright or whatever. But you know, I think it, okay, so this is the real issue. And it's the same with the menu. When men, I'm not saying all men, but when certain types of men who are straight and who are, sorry Matt, not you, not all, not all, not all Matt's who are straight and LA types who drink a Jamba juice as they drive their rental car up the 101. When they write their first screenplay and they have to have a character that is morally virtuous.

Do you know who they put in there is a punk chick with dyed hair who's hot, but she doesn't give a damn. Like it's the same in the menu. Anya Taylor-Joy was the punk. She had a leather jacket on. It's the same in Lego movie where there's punk chick and she's got dyed hair and she doesn't give a fuck. And if I see this trope one more time, I'm going to fucking bleed out of my eyes. She is not going to fuck you just because you wrote her into existence.

You're going to hate Eternal Sunshine. Punk. I feel like that film is an indictment of the punk chick. Yeah. And leave Ramona Flowers alone. Well, I kind of think that Edgar Wright is that diva who wants... Because you know what it speaks to is like this thing of... And this is nothing against my Dangerfield divas, but it speaks to this specific man who was millennial, who is like, fuck mainstream girls. I don't even like mainstream girls.

They're all trying to get my attention. I don't give a shit about them. I give a shit about girls who are just real. Real. And so the way they style these women, it's like she's gonna wear a flannel and she's gonna have a piercing. She's just real. She can get down with the guys and talk about vinyl.

Like that is who they're writing in every one of these films. And they have no dimension. They're just these like cool chicks yeah well and Jenna Ortega is trapped playing real chicks yeah she's not like she's not trying she's not like one of those blonde bimbos she's a real girl is there a film or anything with, um, Jenna and Baga is in it? God, the world might implode. Right. But that's the thing about Jenna Ortega.

She needs to like, cause she keeps getting compared to Aubrey Plaza. Oh, what? Cause they're both dead pandivas. Latinx dead pandivas. Yeah. Um, but they, um, like she just has such a different quality. Yeah. Like Aubrey is such a fabulous, unique flower whose choices have always been like really odd.

And she came up, I mean, like she just has done a lot of interesting little indies. Yeah. I could throw all of them. Exactly. Whereas, I don throw it all on. Exactly. Whereas, I know Jenna, I feel like they're just pushing, pushing. Like from the get go, it's like you're a huge star now. But they can build up to that. Yeah. And I mean, I love when she left the Scream franchise because standing in solidarity with her class member

who supported Palestine, that was ballsy gutsy amazing. And like, I don't doubt that she's fabulous, but she is trapped in some millennial man's screenwriter fantasy of what she needs to be. And I only heard a breakout. Breakout. Anyway, that's what happened with my week. Nice. I only heard a breakout. Breakout. Anyway, that's what happened with my week. Nice. That was the entire week.

Oh, bad, bad, sad wake of Robbie. Yeah. Well, you know what? I do have this vision now that I'm going to, that I'm going to be at some fabulous party I've decided in some fabulous hotel suite and I'll run into that guy. And you'll spit your martini olive at him. No, I'll be like, I love the practical effects in that movie you made. Were there practical effects?

Darling, do you know what? Okay, it's like the thing, the new thing all over again. Yeah. Where they're like, 98% of what you see is practical effects. I'm like, where bitch? Hmm. Um, it was a $12 million picture. Yeah.

And I think that they did use extensive practical effects. Yeah. But because of the cleanup they've done on everything in post, like if you do like a full puppet of a dead unicorn and then replace the eye with a CGI, the whole thing looks crazy. So it's like they keep doing this thing where they're like, oh, it's all puppets. It's all things. But then they replace the key elements with like super fluid CG. And it's just like, uh, and then at the end, the big unicorns come together, Paul Rudd's being killed.

Oh good. Thank God. And then they hit their horns together and make a giant galaxy that is about the size of like, I don't know, five basketballs in a bag. And it's a swirling vortex in the kind of daylight hours. And it's kind of like cloudy, you know, Hubble telescope style galaxy. And then that's just there.

In the forest. And it's got lightning shooting out of it. It looks like booty boo, like Avengers. Yeah, like the effect. Like ugly, ugly, like someone with no taste went onto deviant art, copied and pasted. And then that's the effects we got. Wow. Yeah.

Not it. Baby. I was like, you can't do all practical effects. And then the one time you have to do like an effect moment, like do whatever the hell, like desktop screensaver this is, this is so ugly. Yuck. But if I ran into that guy at a party. I'm going to pretend that I loved that movie and that I think he's great. No one tell him.

No one tell him. This is going to be drag con UK all over again. Yeah. Don't tell those divas that I've ever said anything bad about them. Oh my God. Blow. Sorry.

Well, that's horrific. Yeah. I went to my brothers for Easter, which was cute. Um, now last year, two things happened. One, my nephew, one of my nephews, um, was, uh was indoctrinated to Dungeons and Dragons through one of his cool hip teachers at school. That's where they get them. Yeah.

Like, yeah, you know, I play Dungeons and Dragons. I can print you off some characters. This guy sounds dangerously hot. Oh, right. Where is he? My God, I don't know. It's like, how do I get to go to the parent and teach interviews?

Oh, yes. Right? Anyway, so that happened. And then my nephew asked me if I could be- Carol's by candlelight. You've got to go to Carol's by candlelight. He'll be there. You can be there.

Oh my God. It's legal for you to be there. Yeah. What? Yeah. The teacher to be there. Yeah. What? Yeah. The teacher is an adult. Yeah. I'm just talking about you going on to school properties.

As a gay man. Known gay man. Known. So, yeah, then I was asked if I could be Dungeon Master for a game, to which I said, well, I've never played Dungeons and Dragons and I don't know anything about it, but I'll ask a friend. And I did ask a friend.

Which one? The one who destroyed me at the start of the year and is no longer in my life. Well, why would you be speaking to that person? Because this was last year. Oh, sorry, darling. So then it was like, OK. And he was like, because he does play Dungeons and Dragons.

And he was like, yeah, I can do that. I'll be dungeon master for your nephews. I'll be so cute. Fucking cunt. Anyway. Too bad he died in that tragic accident. Yeah. So then for Christmas as part of the Christmas Ensemble I gifted my nephews a essentials kit to Dungeons and

Dragons to facilitate play. This is great at counteracting your brother putting them in cars and things. Right. If we need to equal one for one hour of go-karting. It's like you're fighting for their souls. Yes. Um, so they've got the kit and then it was like, cool, cool. Well, I'll come down with like him at some point and we'll do it. Then we like have the situation she presented and that's done.

So now I don't have a dungeon master to set them up with. Anyway, that's all that. Then last week, I get a message from my brother being like, hey, the boys are really looking forward to playing Dungeons and Dragons with you this weekend. I was like, well, that's interesting. I've never played it. I the only exposure I have to it is watching the two,

like three episodes of the like Dimension 20, like Drag Queen, Dungeons and Dragons, like the first one and then the more recent one. Yeah. But I only watched like the three episodes on YouTube. I didn't like watch the whole series. Well, she can't afford that. No, but that is like, that's it.

And listener, I know I've said this before. I love to play Dungeons and Dragons. Just saying that out loud. If you ever need a, you know, uh, it's Glee's Glow or whatever. It's Glee's Glow at your party. Play with your. So then on Saturday I'm there and they are like, like I get to the house and the dining table is set up with like the seat for me with like the books and then like they've

got all their character sheets out, the three of them and all this stuff. And I'm like, you guys, I literally have no idea. Did you not do your research? He messaged me like the day before. I was very busy. And so I was like, I, and they're like, no, no, you could do it. You can do it. It's like, okay, so what would I do?

I'm like a bitch. And then they're like, well, do you, you, you, I was like, oh, I thought you said it was really easy to do it. And they kind of didn't tell me how to do it. And I was like, it's I thought you said it was really easy to do it. And they kind of didn't tell me how to do it. And I was like, it's like, guys, in the morning, we can do it. I'm going to figure it out between now and tomorrow morning. Just do like cat day night, like fast speed reading. Very bad.

So then, of course, I didn't read any of the books on Saturday night because like we had dinner and then we went to bed. You didn't have to go to bed. I was really tired. Dinner would have been like seven o'clock. Are you crazy? One of the kids is four years old. Dinner's at five o'clock.

Well, the sun is setting. I better go to sleep. Which when has that ever been the case? But yeah, no, there was just no time. Suddenly when you have work. There was no time. But on Sunday morning, I got up, flicked through, like, and like these books, baby,

they are like extensive manuals of like really intricate game rules and like all this stuff. Yes. But as I started to scratch the surface, I was like, this is so cool. I love this. But anyway, the key thing that stood out to me was- When you skim read. Yeah. It was like the dungeon master sets the rules and if you're unsure about something, just make it up. Okay, bitch.

Because you're facilitating like a game of fun. That is so true. So like you just make it up as you go along. So then all of a sudden I was like, well, I can make shit up. That sounds great. What am I going to get fact-checked by the 11 year olds? I don't think so. So then we sat down and started a campaign and it was so fun.

And I just kind of like was pulling energy from that faggot from the YouTube video. Um, and yeah, I had a great time. So these poor boys, after you inducted them into Dungeons and Dragons by gifting them that for Christmas. That's great for them. Waited for their uncle, Zelda, to come back for Easter. Presumably to pay the game that you'd given to them. Your suggestion.

You arrived, no research done. Nothing done. And then you said to them, you made them a profound uncle's promise that tomorrow you will play a proper campaign of Dungeons and Dragons. And now these young men are going to go off into the world, join another game and realize that what they played was not in fact Gary Gygax, Dungeons and Dragons, but in fact, the ramblings of a psychopathic family member. Yeah.

Dispersed with dice rolls. Yeah. Every game is distant, different. Distant. And also I told you before you went, just chat GBT. Well, I did try that. And the thing that chat, well, one moment, say something else nasty while I pull up on chat GBT.

Chat GBT said, I know you're gay. You never said anything nasty to me. Where is it? Oh my God, I actually asked it so- Have you ever considered- Just reading the rules? It sounds like you did a lot of work not to do any work. Oh my God.

Oh my God. I'm going to send this to you and you're going to be shocked and appalled. Okay. Well chat. What did chat say? It doesn't keep all the history. I don't know. You're not paying the full subscription.

But no, it was actually like, it was actually really fun. Hydrating water. We like, cause there was like a book that had like... Give me one of your characters that you did. Oh, we'll say that I wasn't. That's not my forte. What do you mean? Why are all the, the only people we're running into this town are upper crust women. Why is everyone British? Handbag? Handbag. Encrusted with the finest unicorn hair. Um, yeah, no, I'm not. Wait, so you didn't do any characters?

I did like a few lines, but the boys also weren't really doing that. We were more just like saying it like this. What were you saying? Well, like when, like there was a storytelling game. Yeah. I had set up plenty of story. What happened? I just wasn't really like, so we started in Philantern or something. Philanches. Yeah. Which was a mining town and they all met for the first time on the outside of the town because they were all coming there for work. And so they all arrived and they met and then they went to the quest board to pick up their quest, which was to go to this like gnome village or whatever, to

dwarf dwarven village, to, uh, get fully equipped for the bigger adventure that they were to endeavor on, which this was my mistake. I didn't really set up the like end goal, but we did. We did some retroactive thinking there a couple of hours in a couple of hours in you decided what the goal was. Yeah. It came to them in a vision in the night. So they got their quest and then they were nearby this like luck shrine that had this like goddess attached to it. And so, um, so the boys were playing like one was like, uh, had like an ax and was like a rogue.

One was, um, like a thief. And then the other was like a more classic, like, uh, magic user. And he was like, can I go and pray at the statue? And I was like, yes, but roll your dice to see how that works out. And he rolled like a three and I was like, oh, the goddess is not happy. She has like, cursed you with terrible luck

for the rest of your track. And then one of the other boys was like, I'm gonna smash the statue then. And boys was like, I'm going to smash the statue then. And I was like, well, roll the dice and we'll see how that goes. Anyway, they destroyed the statue. And then my youngest nephew was like, I want to piss on it. And I was like, well, roll the dice. And he rolled really low. And I was like, well, you have pissed, but you've pissed yourself and moved your pants. Anyway, so it was really great.

Then they went to the tavern to get horses to make the journey a bit quicker, but they didn't have enough money. So instead they cut off the hands of the tavern owner and they stole the horses. Yeah. Then they go on the way. Then they made it to eventually like there was a few battles, which was really intense. It was really, I didn't know what I was doing, but we got there. We did like a roll for like accuracy and then we did a roll for damage. And then I just kind of like waited up from there.

Sure. Sure. Yeah. Then they arrived at the no, like the dwarven place. They had trouble getting in because it was like up like a, like up a cliff and they magic to rope, but the rope was really weak. So they kept snapping and they kept breaking bones when they landed on the ground.

Then they rested there overnight where they were visited in a vision by a dragon who was friends with one of the enemies that they killed on the journey and was like, I'm going to come and find you and destroy you all. So then I set up that we were going after a dragon. So the gnome village was not really ever part of it. No, they were gearing up. They had to level up. At the gnome village? Yeah, because that's the quest they picked up.

They chose it, baby. At the... Did you give them a series of quests to choose from? Yes. Yeah. And then once they got to the dwarven village, it was ruled by two kings, faggots. And one of them was- Typically brothers. Oh, sure.

The whole time I was like, I can't believe this Dungeons and Dragons game has like two gay kings. Oh, brothers, whatever. One played by Sam Smith and the other by Jenna Ortega. Anyway, then they were, um, the king, like one had lost his mind and was like, in order to get like all the gear that you want, you have to go and kill the other king for me. And then they went into the depths to try to find the other king.

The depths of what? The mountain? Yeah. But then we ran out of time. We'd been playing for like three hours, so then it was time for lunch. But that was the campaign and it was really fun. And you didn't do any voices? Give me a king voice. Okay. So this was the, no, I did like some humble, it was like claw, clawback.

I don't know. Just sound like gruff, you know, gruff characters. And when, um, my favorite was the dragon dream because the boys were all like, well, can we, let's fight the dragon. I was like, it's a dream. And we're like, Oh, well, can we talk back? What do we, what should we say to the dragon? I was like, it's a dream.

You know, like it's like the plot of smile Smile to I've not seen it me neither. I want to watch it. Yeah me too. Oh my wish to kings So anyway, that was my Dungeons and Dragons experience and it was fabulous and I can't wait for more this night if you DM yeah, I would love to like learn how to become a proper DM and like do it at like a, like at that little. Rent there. Um, that'd be so fun. Beans bar.

Sure. Yeah. Oh, pardon me. Okay. A witch's curse. And the way the world ends this week is every person in the world, upon their slumber, closes their eyes and is visited upon by a dragon. It's got scales as large as dinner plates that glisten like mother of pearl.

Its eyes are purple and azure blue. Smoke trails steam from its nostrils and its mane seems to billow in a wind that is not there. And it says, you live on my land. I shall avenge it. And then you try and fight it with your axe, but you can't, of course, it's a dream. And then, um, everyone awakes. And then, um, the world's greatest scientists try and decipher what this, this kind of phenomena of a shared hallucination is.

Tony Stark? Um, probably Tony Stark. Yeah. And then, um, Reed Richard, probably Reed Richard, probably Doctor Doom. Yeah. Oh, Victor von. Victor, Victor. And they can't quite come to an answer because before they're able to, the sky goes crimson

red. And suddenly they hear that familiar sound that everyone knows from a deep unconscious place except for the insomniacs. They're just confused. And suddenly volcanoes start erupting. And the fantasy mystic world that had been suppressed since the Middle Ages starts to appear through the Earth's crust, you know, cemeteries and, you know, witches and unicorns and this dragon appears and said, you could only keep us down for so long before we would have supremacy. And then they kill everyone in a bloodbath.

Wow. And the world returns to a kind of non-human fantasy land. And there's just a little bunker of humanity left off to the side. That's fun. And that's the story. I like that quite a bit. Well, there you go. I think you make a great dungeon master.

Just giving you some voice options in case. Now you do a dragon voice. Hello. Ah. There you do a dragon voice. Hello! Are you good? I turned the sky crimson! Now Matt, you do a dragon voice. Dragon voice. That was pretty scary.

Fire and death. How do you even learn those words? Your dragon voice, Lazy, is quite unlike Krulos from Dino Riders. Well, you know, I steal from the best. Yeah. You know. Krulos. It really is.

In another life, I could do 90s cartoons. Yeah. Okay. Thank you all so much for listening. It's time to go on to the work of the day. Welcome back, listener. If you're still here, it's now time for the rest of the episode. And uh, Caligari 1.

Pip pop. Now, is, now which one are we doing? Of course, don't play with me. You know which one are we doing? Of course, don't play with me. You know, which one urban birds or the seahorses. So I was visiting my family up in the Bass coast. Um, uh, I think it's East Gippsland in Cape Patterson. Yeah, whatever. And that part of my family, they're like, staunch environmentalists, which doesn't really, this is back story that

isn't required, but they live on this fabulous property, which was a, you know, a farmland that they then took back to being they them indigenous, indigenous plants, flora and fauna. They made it, what do they call it? Re- Claim. No, not reclaim, it's like re- something.

Renew. Yeah, they renewed the land. Re-packel. And it's got a wind turbine on it and it's got a couple of dams and some like solar grid stuff. But in their bathroom, they have a fabulous poster, which is called Seashores of Australia. Matt, I've got to send it to you as well. I'd love to see it.

Yeah, let's do Seashores. Seashores of Australia. And in it, it has the gorgeous oceanic plant and wildlife that live on the seashores. Both aquatic and bird life, mammals, there's kelp, oh sea stars, snails. Yeah well Zelda why don't you say something that takes your fancy there. Okay, the other thing I'll say is that there's a secondary poster of urban birds of South Australia. And upon seeing this in my bathroom visit, I did say, oh, you know what,

this is perfect for a bunker discussion. And you know who'll love this poster? Zella Moon. I love it quite a bit. Do you covet who love this poster? Zellamoon. I love it quite a bit. Do you covet its 1990s style? Yes. The gorgeous font? Oh, the font is incredible.

And the illustration, it's so plainly put. And I love that it says on there, good league. And each one of these animals is just kind of illustrated quite plainly and beautifully. But, but then they're just stuck on a white background. Oh, we're back to the seashores. Oh yeah. I'm talking about.

Now, what I will also say is that the birds of Southern Australia has reminded me of that kukubara and listener, I don't know if you've. What was it? Of the Kukubara and listener, I don't know if you've. What was it? Of Kukubara. Now I don't know if you all stalked Ben Buggy, but if you did, then you would be delighted at this week's, uh, series of stories on Instagram of one Buggy. What do you mean? Did you, do you have, are you what?

Follow Ben Buggy. So Ben Buggy. He's also got a private account. Oh, good. Stay back. Um, why, how does he know Jimmy Nuttall? Gay. Hmm.

Um, gay. Oh wow. So buggy's been fucking his way to the top. But, okay. So I will say this Ben Buggy's been fucking his way to the top. But, okay, so I will say this, Ben Buggy. I haven't... Ben Buggy is a listener. If this is your first episode, Ben Buggy is a listener. He sent us chai. Yeah. He's no Ann, but he's right out there. He did send us chai. But, yeah, he found like a... I don't know. I didn't watch it all with audio on. So like, I can't know everything, but he like found a kookaburra and has been nursing it back to health in his house. So Ben Bucky, let it die.

That's good. Anyway, that reminded me of you, Ben. Okay. Magpies are the girls for us. Well, yes. So Matt, have you received this? Do you see this? Seashores of Australia. Oh, Se. Well, yes. Okay. So Matt, have you received this? Do you see this? Seashore of Australia.

Oh, Seashores of Australia. Yes. I've got, I've got the poster in my hand. Okay. Now at the front, we've got the bottlenose dolphin top left and it's quite. She's obviously the star of the whole show. Yes. But I like seeing her scale minimized.

Cause look at those Herons. They're much bigger in scale on this poster. Oh, look at the kelp in the middle. Well, the kelp is getting prime time. That is center stage and it's actually bigger than pretty much anything else. It is such a devat. So I like to see the bottle-nosed dolphin just like, you know what? You can't always be the queen.

Just stand back. Also, there's just so many crabs on this poster. I know what does a dolphin really live in the seashore? Yeah, it comes sometimes when, especially when there's people trying to feed them. Over in Western Australia, I fed a dolphin. What did you feed it? Just like a little bit of fish. Like a tilapia.

What? Was it tilapia? I don't know what that is. What's the bit of fish. Like tilapia. What? Was it tilapia? I don't know what that is. Oh, it's a type of fish. Fresh tilapia straight off the boat. Yeah. Okay. This scallop.

Now this sea squirt. Sea squirt. That's quite good. I can't read any of the names on this poster. It's a little blurry, but. Well, yeah. So we're just guessing at what these things are. I love the Rockpool shrimp.

So it's got long pincers, um, that don't look too aggressive. It actually looks a lot like the shrimp I have at home. Um, have had at home. Uh. That you've eaten at home? No. There's some clownfish. My daughter is obsessed with clownfish at the moment.

She's seen Neema. No, but obsessed with clownfish at the moment. Has she seen Neema? No, but she went to the aquarium with my mum and they showed her all the different types of fish in the aquarium. I tell you what, the aquarium? Not the Melbourne Aquarium, like a place where you buy fish. I think as someone who is an avowed zoo hater, and not because I'm not on ethical grounds, I don't know about the internal world of zoos. You love that they're in prison.

No, I think Melbourne Zoo is actually quite ethical from everything I've seen. But they're just so boring. Oh my God. What, what, what, what, what? What are we doing? It's like walk, it's all the experience of a theme park, but without any of the rides. What I'm going to gaze upon that creature. Who cares?

But as a child, it's pretty amazing seeing them so close. Yeah, it is. I love it. It's Google image search the music. No, it's nothing the same as watching it like in IRL. IRL. No, leave it alone. It's fine.

Um, but the big ones. That said, it is quite enchanting as a child to go to the aquarium because it offers you a perspective that you don't have in your regular life, which is what if you were in a pipe underwater? That underwater tunnel? What if you were a fish in a bowl? Yeah. Those little like, yeah, I just love, like even though they make me feel a bit dizzy because the glass is so thick. Maybe because you've got your cone eyes fixed, maybe it'll be better now.

Maybe it'll be better. But I do find the aquarium to be like that quite enchanting. Yes. And I did the school holiday program at the Sunshine Coast Aquarium. I don't know which one. So don't try and stalk me in the past. But at the end of the three-day like workshops and things or whatever activities we're doing, maybe it was just a one-day affair. I don't know. But my nan was happy for me to be out of her hair. You've got a shark's tooth on a leather strap.

Isn't that why you still wear that? That's cool. That's so cool. I have vivid memories of being in like year seven, eight, and like part of PE was like going to the ocean, like going to Sorrento Back Beach and like swimming there instead of do not try and stop Zelda in the past either time traveler. Yeah. Back off. But how terrifying it is to be like in ocean water

and have your feet like piddled paddled by seaweed. Oh, I do not swim over the seaweed. And it's so dark. I don't know what's in there. No, that makes me terrified. It's actually so scary. I would never, I would never want to be in an aquarium at night. That's how much like dark water freaks me out.

I could never. Dark water is... Dark water. Not it. But that's, and like, do you know that the, this is the seashores of Australia, but the seashores of Victoria, honey. They're all dark. It's so gray and choppy and dark.

Like if you're a Victorian, you know that like we are just so far estranged from the like miracle Bay, gorgeous, like clean, like water with white sandy beaches. Everything is just. There are a few. I did have hike one time in the prom. Well, the prom is a different host of a different color. Yeah. But even then it's just such a different George to like a Queensland beach or a Sydney beach.

Yeah, it's a lot like I see a sort of. The animals that live there seem like they've been smoking a pack a day for like their entire life. Because what is left? It's like we've got Tasmania and then it's just fucking ocean. Ocean until. Ice. The Antarctic. Yeah. That's horrific.

And that wind when it whips up off the Antarctic is so. Could it get buffered by something? Right, well Tasmania. Yeah, but something else. Those people, that's why they like that. Yeah. But it is so haunting, particularly when you think about like, just people like choosing to live there at the

turn of the previous century. Yeah. And just being in like a log cabin staring out into the abyss. It's a blistering cold. Anyway, which of these animals that lives full time in that cold will it be? And okay, so here's my pitch. Yeah. in that cold will be. And okay. So here's my pitch. I really, really like a sand dollar. Is that what that like, um, like steamed bun sort of thing?

Yeah. So it's a one when you flip it over. I used to collect them as a kid, but now I leave only footsteps and take only memories. Good. But when you flip them over they are spiral Yeah, this is the heart urchin sand dollar. Yeah, and they're so cute Like gay people will be much more familiar with them from their time in Animal Crossing

Oh quite a frequent pickup item on the beach. What do you make of barnacles? I feel like you resonate with them. I What do you make of barnacles, Zelda? I feel like you resonate with them. I, like, oh, you know what? Barnacles are of things that attach themselves to other things, like are very low on the like egregious list. They're quite charming. I love humpback whales. I had this like humpback whale toy that I got from the Melbourne

Museum when I was a child and I lost it in Rye Safeway once. And I know you're out there. If anyone's found it. Time traveler, if you stole it. Yeah, give it back. Please send it in. Because I can see this toy in my brain. I loved it. But the segue is that barnacles attach themselves to humpback whales? Oh, we're not at that yet.

So you just did a very sharp left turn there from barnacles to humpbacks. So I'm just trying to, well barnacles do indeed attached to a humpback. Yeah. But humpbacks are also not on this poster. No, but you asked me about barnacles. Oh, sorry. Yeah, you're right. You're right.

You're right. You're right. You're right. Keep going. So the barnacles on like an oceanic creature, that's quite like kind of wholesome and lovely how they get there. Like how does it get there? Does it get there?

I don't know. I'm sure there's an answer. They must like... They go through like a drive-through. Yeah. You saw Shrack Tale. Another documentary. But so there's that.

Then there's like humans with crabs where like these little things are like attached to you and you have to like pry them off or like get like Lai Cleo or whatever. Like ticks. Yeah. Which yeah, ticks like that kind of thing. That is horrendous. But listener, yesterday I sat for about two hours on my veranda. Picking out the crabs?

No. You let them be. Picking with very pointed tweezers, um, scale off my tree fern, because my tree fern got covered in scale and I didn't even realize it. What is scale? Scale is like a common like garden pest and they're like little armored bugs that just like, Oh, I know them. They're so evil.

They're so evil. So I bought a ribbon. They come in on the binning soil. Yeah. Yeah. So I bought this like, um, ribbon plant from point ends a few, maybe like a few months ago and it died cause it got over on the scale and I didn't realize till it was too late.

Washed them down with detergent filled water. Yes, but I did all of that to this plant and then it still died because it was just like too little too late. But then I've been having a garden rejuvenation week and I was like, I wonder if anything else is suffering of scale. And indeed I found all this scale on my tree fern.

I was like, well, that's why she's been having a fit. She's being attacked by hundreds of fucking little plant barnacles. Did you quarantine her? Yes. Ish. They're fine. I have removed them all and I'm going to get some neem oil and treat them and stuff. You've removed how many scale?

I literally would have peeled off maybe like, you know what? It wasn't as bad as the ribbon plan was. I probably removed like 50, 50 to a hundred. Wow, bitch. Yeah. Your holidays are going well. I was so good. I like had the best time, but we listening to you.

Are you doing that? Podcasts. Yeah. Um, girls next level, But, uh, yeah, so of the three, Barnacles are the best. Well, yes, I guess if you compare them to three, two other things. Yes. Yeah. Knives, bullet wounds, Barnacles.

My favorite, probably Barnacles. If I compared Barnacles and Hitler, I would choose Barnacles any day. Well, present day Hitler's probably less of a nuisance. He's a Tyrannosaurus Rex in that ball game. Okay. Okay. So Sandala, okay. But what about the leafy sea dragon?

Oh, I was asking you about Barnacles. Leafy sea dragon, obviously incredible. So cool. It's a sea dragon that looks like leaves. Yes. Probably to help it survive a sea dragon that looks like leaves. Yes. Probably to help it survive in the... In that kelp. Luscious kelp.

Mm. Some of these... Okay, so, okay. Listen, we'll also put this image up on social so you can too be entranced. I just think some of these feel like they could be anywhere USA. Like seagull, I don't know that I'm thinking, oh, that's an icon of the Australian coast. Maybe none of these gulls are getting in. Well, they're all migratory birds, so they probably are found all around the world.

Well, yeah. And the same with the barnacles. Like maybe you can wait when which shell gets in or something. Yeah. Yeah. I think I could probably name every single bird on this poster, even though I can't read any of the names. Really?

Yeah. Just from childhood. You used to birdwatch? I just used to have a little bird. The silver gull. There's, there's, there's an Osprey eagle. There's a sandpiper. That's cute.

There's a turn. There's a sandpiper. That's cute. There's a turn. Oh my God. There's a gull, there's an albatross, oyster catches and cormorant. And I'm not sure about this heron one. What do you think that heron is? Well, I hope you've all enjoyed this incredible fun path.

Okay, so. No, we should, we should give them the, the rundown of the bird options. I mean, listen, I don't want to hear someone being like, why the Osprey not good in. There's a seal. Yeah, the seal. Yeah. It's like, wow. A list, a list on this poster of kind of C's because I feel like some of the goals need

like a bit of like clarification of like, Oh, I'm a gray goal. And you're like, okay, but then the one that says seal is just seal. Yeah. Like, like if you're a girl and you're not the like silver girl, you are like a bisexual. You don't exist. It's the same with crabs. Like there's a lot of crabs here. And I think it's like Diva.

It's not like you got one that just said crab. No, but seal got seal. I think it's like Diva, it's not like you got one that just said crab. No. But Seal got Seal. I think there's the Christmas Island red crab. You know when the Christmas Island, all the crabs come out? They cover the whole island. I can't see it. Up the top near this dolphin is a red crab and then there's just a normal little brown

crab. Oh, and there's a big long arm, blue arm crab. It's a fiddler crab. Fiddler crab. Now, I am confused as to how we haven't yet arrived at the sponges because that top right sponge that has a little bottleneck at the bottom of it and then quite a... Poofy. Poof. Oh my God. the bottom of it. And then like quite a poofy. I've seen that at the back beach 10,000 times in my life.

I do love sponges and I love that they've been so picked up by the like exfoliant community. What do you think about sponge verse like loofah? I love that there's like a land version and a sea version. Like scale and barnacles. And spiders and crabs. Why are crabs so charming and spiders so scary? True. Okay. What about this? Cuddlefish bone. Cuddlefish is quite good.

But that was such a collector's item, wasn't it? When you're a child. Yes. And that is so like, I don't know. That reminds me so much of like the beach. I just don't enjoy that texture. That, you know what we used to do with them? We used to give them to our budgies. Well, yes. And then yes, they would be wedged in the side of that small cage.

And they're chopping the teeth off. Nothing looks good. Yeah. Nothing looks good in the world of bird. You know, how do we go? You're like, oh, thanks. You've smashed a piece of cuttlefish into the side of my arm. I just think birds, like bird culture. I guess I'll sharpen my beak on it.

They love it though. Like when you look at bird cages from 1920s. Remember that's why they're trying to eat it. And they're these domed brass affairs that are just elegant and sophisticated. May have future wig carry case. Yes. And would sit in a conservatory with like surrounded by ferns and like some gorgeous, you know.

And then you look at bird culture now in the year 2025. And it's like, I don't know, like an autistic woman with blue hair in a house. Shit covered in shit watching, you know, watching, uh, you know, why women kill. Say reruns of changing rooms. Um, I just, I think that like we've noticed a complete drop off and cuttlefish is definitely part of that. Yes. Um, I remember when I was little, my nonna and auntie, when they still live together, they had like pet birds, like two budgies in a cage.

And at night they would always drape a towel over the cage. Like, it's no bedtime now. Nighttime. Stop looking out the windows. It's like, it's night time now. Night time. Stop looking out the windows. What the fuck is that about? Otherwise, is that like a kindness? I don't know what birds want. They feel more secure.

It's like they're inside their little nest in the tree. A hole. I don't know. So what you're facilitating a lie. Well, yeah, they're in the trim. Yeah, their whole life is a lie. you're facilitating a lie. Well, yeah, they're in the trim. Yeah.

Their whole life is a lie. I do have a soft spot for those like small circular mirrors. Have a look. The birds look at them. Yeah. It is one of the few times where you're like, yeah, look at yourself. Like, it's not like they're doing that with cats. No.

Here's your cat mirror. Yeah. Yeah. It's like budgies and better fish. I'm like, why cats are more impressed by mirror technology or any technology? Cats, they, yeah. They're threatened by mirrors. Yeah. They, um, they don't impress me much.

Yeah. It's their motto. I guess that is why they, yeah. Yeah. And they also don't eat chocolate when you walk out of the house for two seconds. No. Bernie. Oh, actually speaking of cats, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm

like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm motto. I guess that is why they're, yeah. Yeah. And they also don't eat chocolate when you walk out of the house for two seconds. No. Bernie. Oh, actually, speaking of cats, I have a cat story. When I was staying at my brother's on the weekend. A cat is not on the poster. If only. The, like, guest room in the new house, which is crazy, has like an ensuite attached.

And they have like a dog and a very old cat. Matilda has been around for like 15 years or something. Gorgeous British blue hair cat. And she like lives in like the guest quarters of the house because I know that's where she's, her kitty litter is. guest quarters of the house because I know that's where she's her kitty litter is. Um, but this old cat, when it walks on the carpet goes, like it digs its nails in with every step. So I tried to like co, you know, exist with this cat overnight.

And I was like, sleep on the bed with me and da da da. But she kept getting up and like, being around., kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkkk, kkk I woke up to this sound. I was like, what the fuck has one of the kids woken up and like broken a leg or something and he's like crawling through the house to but then once I like woke up a bit more, what I was actually hearing was, I hate that. I hate that. That's my cat story. Um, sounds really fun.

Oh, cohabitating with an animal is a lot. Yeah. Now, what do you think of the blue ring octopus? I mean, it's so cool. I'm also terrified. Yes mean, it's so cool. I'm also terrified. Yes, and they're so small. Because I was looking in the rock pools this weekend. What?

Yeah. You did rock pooling? We went for a big long walk to the second surf beach, went along to Harmeth Haven. Don't stalk me, time travelers. And yeah, it looks like, you know, what I can only imagine an episode of Game of Thrones would look like. It's this kind of volcanic stone basins of, you know, life teeming with kelp. But there was not as many fish. No, that's a rare sight. But I did like pick up, well, it's like

That's a rare sight. But I did like pick up, well it's like fish are like not there. Where are the fish man? Where are the fish? They're out in the sea, they're not in the rock pools. Well there are rock pool fish. A few little ones. Yeah but like are they failing? Why are they not there?

They've all been fished. Knock knock. But normally like you know on long summer, we would go and look for crabs for many, many hours on end and kind of look at them and put them in a little sand bucket and then put them back out at the end of the day. I think we would do the same, but we would get anemones. Oh, love anemones, but you wouldn't pry an anemone off a wall. Oh no, I'm saying the wrong thing. I'm urchins, urchins. Oh, yeah. So spik the wrong thing. I'm urchins, urchins. Oh, yeah. Spiky.

Yeah. But like, once all those spikes fall off, they're quite cool. Oh yeah. That purple. Just a round ball. It's kind of like a, like a shell. If a Mandarin turned into a sea creature, it would be like that.

Like a purple shell of a Mandarin. I don't know if that's accurate, but anyway, keep going. That's a very similar shape. Do you have a, yes, yeah. Yeah. Um, but yeah, you didn't find a blue ring octopus. No, but every time I put my hand into the, the rock pool, I'm thinking today's the day. There's a few other major players you haven't mentioned yet on here. Like the Moray Heel.

I mean, I actually love that gaping mouth. It's a manta ray. It's more like a sea snake. And there's a turtle as well and a jellyfish. Okay. Turtle is good. Yeah, the turtle's good. Jellyfish.

Great. I mean, like truly an unsung hero of how terrifying Australia is. There's no one ever talks about the box jellyfish. Yeah. Which is so deadly. And their little tendrils are so long. Tentacles. Also love pufferfish.

There's a pufferfish. I love pufferfish. And what's that sea lion dragon thing that glistens? This one? Looks like a Pokemon. Oh my god that Diva Sea dragon. Oh, yeah, that's amazing a lionfish Are you seeing what I'm seeing? I see it now But I don't hold a glitch Glecon

Um, that's its Latin name. Um, and then the last one that I noticed it's quite funky is the little, um, sea slug or a nudie branch. I do want a little slug in there. It's got a little like pink, um, pom pom on its tail and one antenna. I do enjoy that. It's quite cute. I think, look, I mean, here are my picks.

Blue-ringed octopus. Top three. Yeah. Sea dragon. Deadly by the way, if you're not from Victoria, Australia. Um, the sea dragon, because just actually enchanting. A weedy sea dragon, because just actually enchanting. A weedy sea dragon. Yes.

And then this chubbermouth fish that's in the kelp. This long, thin fish. Oh, you've not previously discussed it. No, but look at her now. That's the thing, she was there all the time, but you only just notice if you care to pay attention. I think it's crazy that the designers of this poster gave one of the animals a house.

Right. The rest are just out there. Yeah. They're just in a white abyss. A white abyss. And then it's like the tuba fish, this long pen looking motherfucker. Yeah. She's floating in the seagrass.

Oh, I'll be in the seagrass. Thank you very much. Or the strapweed. Hmm. And I don't think that this sharp noseweed waiting is, that's just, that's an overlapping image. She's not sharing in the Kelp House fantasy, just to clarify. So I like that.

That tube mouth. It looks like a fish that's become a pencil. Yeah. Let's put the tube a pencil. Yeah. Okay. Let's put the tube mouth in. I like that. If only for its shocked expression. Yeah. But I think we'll just put her in and we'll say with a substitute potential of the sea dragon.

I mean, we could do both. No, no, no. Oh. We say one now. Okay. And if you don't live up to expectations both. No, no, no. Oh. We say one now. Okay. And if you don't live up to expectations, you don't get shit done, then we're going to have to replace you. I think, I mean, there's no denying the charisma of the Sea Dragon.

No, which is why we're giving you- So we're going tube mouth for a bone. We're throwing her bone. See how you go with the fucking stingray and the Meg. I just want to see you make waves. I want to see you become a personality in the tank. And if you're just spending all your time in the seagrass, well honey, we're going to have to rethink your place in this.

I couldn't agree more. Okay. Okay. With that, we'll be right back. Goodbye. Welcome back, listeners. Sulaingor to you all. To you all. Now, our next topic for discussion is another listener suggestion from Ben.

Ben Buggage. No, not Ben Buggie. Ben. There's more than one Ben in the world. Ben Sluggie. Ben Sluggie. Is which pizza? Pizza.

Goes into the bunker. Italiano flat around pizza. Pizza. Honey, are you, what do you think about pizza? Pizza. Pizza. Do you think that like your time, like I used to think of pizza as being the, probably the top of all cuisine as far as like the vibes go.

There, yes. But I don't feel that way anymore. Same. Same. Is pizza over? No. Is pizza done? The pizza has been put in its place.

Like there's a lot of hype for pizza. Yeah. And you know what ruined it for pizza? What? It's like oven. Oven. Like the, what is it? Wood fire pizza.

Fuck off. But you know what? That's the original pizza. But it's like, don't send it to me in a box to my house. It's going to be atrocious. Oh, you think it's like, don't send it to me in a box to my house. It's going to be atrocious. Oh, you think it's too tough. It can't, like you have to eat it in the restaurant at that time. It does not trouble you.

The wood is still burning. And like, the, yeah. And so then like it's become clear that there's like three different kinds of, maybe even four different kinds of pizza. There's like in restaurant, wood fire pizza, which is pretty good. Except like, because sometimes they'll, the placement of the toppings is crazy and you end up with just like big bubbles of like nothing. Yeah.

Yeah. Hate that. Yeah. Then there's like, they need to go to topping school. They need to play some beanies. Yes. Yeah. Topping school. Yeah. We've to go to topping school. They need to play some beanies. Yes.

We've all been through topping school. Top my class. Then there's like home pizza. There's like the wood fire pizza at home, which is fucking bullshit. Like as in like it, like ordered or like worse. You've got like a Phil Evans like pizza oven that like I don't know the most incredible pizza at my families over Easter and

They had like a pizza maker. Yeah, like one of those little circular like yes looks like a waffle iron Yeah, giant for pizza. Yeah, they it was Delicious every time I tried to do it, it always got stuck to the stone. Yeah. You got to really super heat that stone. Fuck. It's so hard. I don't know how to do that. You got to super heat it, Dal.

Wow. Are you super heating the stone? I'm worried. I can't confirm. I'm worried now. But when I moved house, I threw it into the fucking bin. And it probably cracked, didn't it? Oh, low quality pizza.

I'm cursing anyone else with this null functioning tech. Taking it to the Salvation Army, how to pick that up for a disservice. That would have been a treat. Someone who knows how to use it. Oh God, just a quiver to think about your pizza sign sitting in the, you know. Then there's homemade pizza that is like great, which is like, just amazing. That's good. Does your not make that still does she? The delivery pizzas.

Yeah. What is like crust? Yeah. Like crust or dominoes. Dominoes. Eagle boys. Chee. What?

That's a Queensland French. Right. So like chain pizza. And then there's like mid mid like local pizza. Yeah. So there's many different kinds of, and then there's like, I don't know, like actual Italian pizza. Did we say mini oven pizza?

Will you get the mini oven pizza? That was such a staple in my house growing up. My mum loved it. Oh yeah. Like frozen pizza or like actually mini? Like mini, they were miniature. No, I never did. That was delicious.

But frozen pizza, that is so worlds apart from other pizza as well. Well, yeah. Comes in a little plastic slew. Yes. Not unlike myself. Can't get truly my wife pregnant again. It's like a file divider. Like a plastic pocket.

Well, what are you using? There is a story. I don't know if I can tell this story. Like it's so disconnected for me, but like a friend, Jeremy, if you're listening, he told me a story once about one of his friends who like was like struggling to find a condom and hooking up with some valley gal and used a like emptied potato chip packet and like wrapped it around his dick and used it as a condom. Oh my god, wrapped it around.

Yeah. No. Yes. He put it over the dick. He put his dick in the chip packet and then fucked. What flavor? I don't know. I hope it wasn't salt and vinegar.

I know. You don't want barbecue in there. I hope it wasn't salt and vinegar. I know. You don't want barbecue in there. No. Even salt feels like a bridge too far. Yes. Hopefully it was veggie chips. I love veggie chips. I'm mad about them.

Who is this character? It's just a pause here. No, we were asking Brenda and Della to do their impression of a gay man. And really sissy gay men doing, which is, I count myself in that, you know, this isn't drogatory, doing their impression of what they think sounds gay is really funny. It's quite funny. But that's who this is. It's kind of based on, yeah, Brenda was, she does that kind of, Oh, where are you guys going tonight?

Oh, we can go to the 86 and have a dance. Yeah. Whereas this guy's a bit more like he's got a wife and he's mad about veggie chips on the 80 calories. And mini pizzas. Oh, I love a mini pizza. You just got three cornichons and some mushrooms on there and you're going to have a party. We'll sit down and watch a few shows.

We've got project runway on Samsung TV. Heidi and Tim are such a kook. Oh my God. I'm having a laugh, but I'm also learning about design and fashion. Which is great. My wife is thinking of starting her own shop. She makes the most marvelous frogs. She does our Halloweens every year.

She's thinking about it. Can't get another loan though. Spend it all on my mini-train. I don't like to drive them around. I just like to look at them. I don't like to drive them around. I just like to look at them. Oh my God. This character's becoming clearer in my head every minute.

It's great. Oh, okay. Yeah. No, sorry about that. So nice to have fun. So. Yeah. Glad you invited me here on the show.

I've been such a fan for such a long time. We listened to it in the car on the way to Sorrento. Our friends Trevor and John had a place up there. They would. No, it's great. Oh my God. A little bit of vino on the back patio. I, yeah, I actually can't do it.

People who say Vino. I say Vino. Do you have a problem with me? Zelda moon. Do you have a problem with me? Zelda moon. No, do you? So sorry.

Sowing. Yes. Which pizza? Which Bobbin case goes in the bunker? No, pizza. Okay. So mini pizza. Mini pizza. What?

Do gummy, does the gummy mini pizza? Those little gummy pizzas. I bought one of those from the gas station on the weekend. Did you enjoy it? I did. Is it just a single pizza in a packet on the weekend. Did you enjoy it? I did. Is it just a single pizza in a packet? It's a tiny little pizza made out of gummy. It's got tiny little mushrooms.

You can't, you can't decide on your toppings. I wish you good. But is it just a single one in one packet? You get a, it's a little plastic tray, man. Let me tell you about it. It's coming in. It comes in a little, it looks to be a little pizza box. You open it up, it's about the size of, I don't know, one-eighth of a basketball and you open it up and then it's kind of fits snugly

in the palm of your hand. It's sliced, pre-sliced. Don't get the option to slice it up yourself, but I like that. And, um, you can get one. Oh, I believe it's six, you know, but, um, it's got a bit of capsicum. Of course, it's just molded in. It's not really capsicum, but if you get a slurpee at the moment down at 7-11, it's only a dollar, which is a real steal. They're normally a dollar 60. It's like dissociative identity disorder or something. Yeah.

One flat. Just bring back Robbie, please. Oh, sorry. They just gummy pizza trolley gummy pizza. Do you have like a trigger word that we can use to get you out of that character? I was triggered. Heidi lost her shit and that Tim Gunn wasn't having a word of it. Hem the garment.

Yes. The gummy pizza is eligible for admission. So, what kind of fucking pizza do you like? So we've got the thick slab based takeaway pizza. Pizza slabs as well. They used to have that at my school canteen. No, pizza slab. Came in like foiled cardboard.

And it was like, it was like, you couldn't differentiate the topping from the dough because they were kind of the same consistency of dents. Mmm. See, I like those to some degree. Yeah, delicious. They got rid of them and all that. Jamie Oliver came in with this healthy school thing. Um, you've reminded me of perhaps Queen Pizza.

Queen Pizza? The pizza that's in the Roseanne opening credits. What is the Roseanne theme song? It's just a single hi hat. What is the Roseanne theme song? One moment. She's like, ha ha. Yeah, she's laughing and they're eating gigantic pizza. What is the Roseanne theme? I fucking hated a home improvement! Okay baby.

We were spending the night at Rezegs. Baby when you walk into Reggie's. This is what plays. God. I cannot imagine getting excited to like, like this is so slow. Are you playing? You're like, I'm going to spend another half hour of my life watching this. It's so slow paced. Love Joan of Guernsey. I love that David Twinnock gal. And that woman says that Democrats are eating children.

They eat children, don't you know? But that gigantic pizza slice that lived in my memory. New York style pizza. When you were in New York recently, did you get some? I did. And how was it? It was so good. It was very late at night and yeah, it was fabulous.

But I was with people who like got one slice and it was really embarrassing for them. How many slices did you get? I don't know, like two, but also pasta. I'll have three of those slices and five of the pastas. Well, because you were only in New York once, I guess. That famous New York city pasta. No, I kind of, no, I definitely got, as if I'm not going to get pasta. That's what I was getting at with like pizzas being knocked off a throne.

By pasta. Absolutely. Yeah, right. Um, but what is it for you? Mexican. Sorry. Sorry. No, I should say sorry.

Um, I- But what is it? Mexican? It is Mexican. It is Mexican. Yeah. We went to Mexican recently right down the road from tacos had taught us, me and friend of the pod, Julia stretch. And, um, we sat down and we're right next to the road and this on that road.

What road is that? It's, uh, still what Johnson street? Yeah, sure. I don't know road names. But this woman in this giant car comes to park, parallel park, right near where we're sitting out on the footpath, and she pulls into the park, backs directly into the car that's behind her. Yeah. And she pulls forward, backs, drives directly into the car in front of her, then she backs up

against the car again. And she's just like, and she's this tiny gym fit lady in this massive car. And I was like, do you want me to like guide you back? And she's like, yeah, thanks. And then I was like, okay, a little bit more. Stop that, little psycho. And then she like got halfway through me guiding her into the car park. And she's like, oh, I'm just stuck in for a second.

I don't think I need to worry about this. And got out of the car. It was just half in and half out of the parking spot on a main road. Oh my God. And she's like, I'll be right back. And she's in like her lululemon and runs inside and she was gone for like quite a while. Like we moved through our tacos in the time that she was gone, just picking something up.

Yeah, it wasn't a pop in. And then she came back out and she's like, Oh, thanks. Bye. And then she's like, and hit the cars again. And she was like, oopsie. Wait, like hit? Like hit, however the van in front of her had like a metal grate bumper, thank God.

And then the one behind her, I think she was just actually just hitting. Wow, but if you hit it gently. Yeah, listen, I don't think I'd be pleased if I saw that woman doing that to my car, but yeah, if it was gentle enough. That's crazy. And what was her favorite type of pizza? I don't think she's eaten pizza, to be honest.

Well, not for some time. Like she definitely like, it's like the pizza comes out of the table and she makes a big show about how yummy it looks. Yum yum. Oh my God. I love this. Or like has a few bites. You guys take it to the other side of the table. I can't be near that. I actually had a really big lunch.

Yeah. Yeah. No, and then the gay waiter that came out at the very end was like, are you all done? And we're like, yeah. And he's like, have you considered trying the flan? And we're like, well, and he's like, tonight we're serving flan. And I was like, um, what?

And he's like, it's delicious. Have you ever had flan before? Of course, Julia was like, yes, I've had flan before. What a savage. Um, but she didn't say that. She was like, oh, and then he brought us the flan and it was delicious. But a bit grainier than a regular flan. Grainy? Yeah.

I think a flan is being quite smooth. It should be. Yes. This was still good, but it was like a fuller flan. Did it have a thick glaze on the top? It did have a thick glaze. Well, I mean like a watery thick glaze that settled into its little puddle. That glaze, that's enchanting.

It is enchanting because that's enchanting. It is enchanting because it's not thick. Oh, well, yes. Yes. It's so thin. When I worked at Baked in Sorrento, we had like a fruit flan and like those fruits. Skip right past saying baked in Sorrento. Yeah.

I was listening to last week's episode and I was like, what did she just say? When I worked in Baked in Sorrento? When I went to bed at Zoronto. No one knows what you're saying. Everybody knows that I went to bed at Zoronto and we would sell this fabulous fruit plan that was like- In what content? At a baker? Yeah, because we sold cakes.

Was it a kind of standing display fridge? Yes, vertical display. How big? Vertical? Yeah. Display cabinet. Display cabinet. Right. Cakes on cakes on cakes. No, like trays. Were they tiered?

Yes. OK. And there would be like the cake rack. And then next to it was like the hot rack with like the cheese and cauliflower pie. What? Do you like the hot rack? Show the cheese and cauliflower pie. Oh, what do you like the hot rack? Show us your hot rack. Cheese and cauliflower pie, that's enchanting. Bitch, it was so good. What do you make of things like Mad Moose where they do wacky flavors of pizza?

I don't know what Mad Moose is, but what I will say is that I have like ingrown hair on my neck. What I will say is that... Easily distracted. It's okay. Get back on track, Zelda. Oh my God. I back on track, Zelda. Oh my God.

I want to see the shot. Yeah. Oh my God. It is literally evaporated from my mind. What? What am I going to say? When they have wacky things. Oh yeah.

Like Bimbo's pizza. There was a time when I, oh, that Bimbo's pizza with the chili oil. Yeah. That's so good. That was good. I feel like that was our 20s pizza though. Like that was, now we're in our 30s. It's like good. That was good. I feel like that was the, our twenties pizza though. Like that was now we're in our thirties. It's like, no, no, no.

Lucky cock. Yeah. Lucky cock and bimbos. They had $5 pizzas. Yeah. Was it $5 like from like five to six? It's probably an insult to someone or some heritage, but there was like nachos pizza.

And yeah, barbecue chicken. Chili oil was so good. But anyway, I had my nephew's over and we got like Domino's for some reason. Domino's! And it was like when the Ninja Turtles movie was coming out and it had this like fluoro-green, like- Drizzle. Aeoli drizzle or whatever. Yeah.

Like electric green. That's cool. Yeah. I like that. So I liked that and the kids loved it and when they came to stay at my house another time they were like, we get a pizza again? I was like, no. Ninja Turtles is over now. It was a limited edition. They died. Yeah. That's, the time has ended for that delightful pizza. Sorry. You can't have it.

You didn't have any green food coloring in Mayo? No. no. You're not going to whip it up? No. Okay. Sometimes it's important for them to learn that things are limited edition. Everything ends, you'll die one day. Yes. What do you want? Yeah. Margarita?

We're getting it from crust. What do you think about people whose whole personality is saying, pineapple on pizza? I hate that. What do you think? Shut up. For a while in advertising, that was the most exciting thing that a client could think of. Maybe we could make some sort of reference to pineapple on pizza.

Like, for our new ad for this chocolate bar, I'd be like, you know, put up a poll, an Instagram poll that says, do you like pineapple on pizza? Well, here's one question you don't need to answer, you know. I hate that. Eat this chocolate. Ooh. What? So I do like pineapple on pizza.

I think that's perfectly fine. I think it's crazy. Shut the fuck up. But. I mean, if you don't like it, don't order it. But like, I don't think it's any more controversial than prawns on pizza. Or fucking, I don't know, anything. Right?

Like, what is your taste preference? Right? Like, what? Cause it's not like we're talking about something that's like fundamentally set one way. We're talking about like, do fruit and cheese belong together? I don't know. Ask your charcuterie board with quince paste and fucking delicious grapes.

That's not grilled, oh slab of bread. Okay, then your saganaki that you could have with a nice fresh fig. Or lemon. Like it's not crazy for the power to put a fruit with cheese. And what I'll say is that, listener, I don't know if you ever played Tales of Symphonia on Nintendo GameCube, but there was this enchanting character in that game called Sheena who had a like, cunty little fringe and she was great. Not as great as Priscilla who had a gigantic ax, but there was this one cut

scene where Sheena is talking to the main character whose name is Lloyd. And they're talking about like her curry recipe. And she puts, I can't remember if it was pineapple or peaches, whichever. She like puts that in her curry, which I then did. And it's great. It's delicious, yeah. And it kind of was like ever since then, whenever I make stir fries and stuff,

I always put peaches in because it's like fleshy and like delicious. So everyone shut up. It is. Yeah. So I know we all were thinking of that, but yes, obviously. Yeah. We were thinking of Sheena. Yeah. Um, I wonder if I got those character names right. Anyway. Lloyd. Lloyd, I'm pretty sure his name is Lloyd. Lloyd, the name guy was out that day. But like double L.

I love margarita. I think a good margarita is next to nothing. Yeah. You know what I used to love? This was like when I was in America, when I was younger, the pepperoni pizza. I just, I think the alliteration is so delicious. Pepperoni pizza. The, the meat quality is at the same level as the rest of the meal.

So they feel like they're of a piece. And if you're trying to communicate pizza, like a pepperoni says to me, that is cartoon pizza, pepperoni pizza. Yeah, the cartoon of it all is incredible. I don't think I've ever actually had that. A spicy sausage. Like I, before I became vegetarian, I would have had like salami pizza. Not the same thing.

No. But also like Aussie, like Australian pizza with a cracked egg over it. Yeah. I have really fond memories of that. Not my kind of party. But that's the thing. I feel like I'm in a bit of a pizza rut ATM. So I don't know what I like.

What about it's just a big slice, like a New York slice. But you've bought it at 2am from one of those. Yeah, I think the shops. One of those places on Brunswick street. That one that has the, what's that place called? Shortcrust? Yeah. Yeah.

That used to be it. And it's just one slice, but it's, it's got the pepperoni on it. And you can have vegan pepperoni if you need to. Well, I'm saying in this universe, I'm, this isn't for me. It's just one slice, but it's, it's got the pepperoni on it and you can have vegan pepperoni if you need to. Well, I'm saying in this universe, I'm this isn't for me. I don't eat pepperoni nowadays, but I would absolutely love for the people at the bunker to experience a nice spice to pepperoni. But it's just one slice and it's about as big as your head. I don't think I understand what pepperoni is.

It's like salami. Is it salami? It's a type of salami. It's pepper. I don't understand I understand what pepperoni is. It's like salami. Is it salami? It's a type of salami. It's pepper. I don't understand. Sausage. What it is. Like Australian salami is like a bigger circumference than like the small. It's not as spicy as well.

Do you? Yeah, pepperoni is really spicy. Know this about me. I'm. Know this about me. I'm obsessed with cabana as a child. That makes a lot of sense. I would have like a fucking stick of cabana and just eat it.

Do you think that was like, you were like showing signs? I wasn't deep throwing the cabana. Why not? But ew, like I was never much of a meat eater. Like I really never, but like dim sims and like cabana. Yeah, but they're like so processed that it's like stopped resembling an animal in any way. Totally, totally.

Like you're so many stages removed, like it's not like you could identify what part of, what part of the cow does the kebana come from? Wait, is kebana pork? I don't know. Exactly. I literally have no idea. It could be everything and nothing.

It probably is. But then there would be those chunks in the kebana, those like white chunks. The fat. That makes me actually want to throw up. I think that's like essential to the kebana experience. Oh no, that's horrific. I don't think you're surviving the middle ages to be honest. Okay. They're gonna serve you like treacly fat like lumps of fat. No I don't want that.

Okay what do I want though in a pizza? Do you know I'd love I mean whatever it is and Matt I like your suggestion of the two o'clock. That's very specific. And yes, that tends to be the time where I'm really thinking about pizza nowadays. Because otherwise I'm not like first choice pizza. But I need it to come in a box. And a little box with that little table in the middle of the box. I love that little table.

The spacer. Yes. With that Italian middle of the box. Oh, I love that little table. The spacer. Yes. With that Italian man on the lid. Oh, yes. It's like, it's going to be okay. Buonanotte. Yeah.

Yeah. So I'm like, whatever it is, whatever is inside of that box, I don't really care, but it's got to have a box with too much writing on it. An email address. And it says, the email address. And it says, enjoy. Yeah. Okay.

Shit. So I'm happy to leave that next part to you. I mean, there's a world where you get like margarita, but then it also has like some like nicer like mozzarella or something on it. I do hate when they make pizza too rich and they add too many different types of cheese, like br different types of cheese, like brie, blue cheese, baby. Yeah, no, no, no.

That's crazy. Even like onion pizza, like cheese, like a margarita with some onion on it. That's fucking delicious. Onion is so delicious. It's underrated, it's underutilized. You know what? I, no, I like made pasta last night and I like chopped up this onion and it was really

like juicy and my hands smelled so bad. And I was like in bed sniffing my hand. Why didn't you wash your hands? I did, but I couldn't get rid of it. There's still an element. It's such a juice. I'm sniffing rid of it. There's still an element. It's such a jush. I'm sniffing my fingers now.

You gotta get some bicarb soda on them. Yeah. It's in my pores. Yeah. Anyway. It's inside of me. So I think. I mean, listen, my favorite pizza is anchovies or mushroom pizza or fungee. Is that what they say? Yeah. Or a shrimp, like

a prawn pizza. That's delicious. So many varieties. I'm a very complicated woman. Mushroom pizza with chili oil. That's pretty good. I just hate it when I feel like, like at the end of your experience with a pizza shop, you're like, I'm sorry, are you going broke? What the fuck is this? Yeah. Cause I'm like, you couldn't spare an extra little bit of topping or like, why are these the worst of everything?

Yes. Like what is happening? I think that's why I've gone off pizza now is because they're so expensive. It's like $30 for a pizza and they have so little toppings on them. I just, I'm like, obviously they need to have not very many toppings, but they don't need to be $30 if you're doing that. Well, right.

I'm like, pick a lane, pick a, I just, that's the thing that wigs me out about restaurants. I'm like, it's okay to have like a, to like over deliver. Yeah. Cause then I'll, I'll come and spend my money forever. Right. The other curse of pizza is when you buy pasta from a restaurant, not knowing that the ingredients in that pasta

are prepared for the pizza. Yeah. There is like a way that the mushrooms are cut fine, thin, to like sit on a pizza because you don't want to be like chewing off chunks of mushroom. But that in a pasta dish, that's actually disgusting. Yeah. It like makes me ill. Dumping a bunch of those fucking kalamata olives.

Oh, honey. It's like that is not where they were intended to be but also like you there's no Pizza shop in the world that can make me forget that green capsicum is disgusting Why is the vegetarian pizza so shit on most of those like, you know country pizza places? It's a confused pizza because it's like you're already starting off with Margarita, one of the best pizzas. And now you're salting it with Kalamata olives, green capsicum. Like bitch, I'd rather you just didn't. Raw onion. Raw onion.

I love the onion. No. No, that's bad. It's just like such a like, when they're like, oh, we got you a vegetarian. You're like, oh, you must not be a vegetarian. Because no vegetarian is ordering vegetarian. That's crazy. Okay.

Wow. I mean, I don't care. Okay. Let's get my little like disc is in, then I'm happy. Let's get margarita. We'll put them in a box. Can it be New York size? New York size to automatically, um,ion of the 2 a.m.

I think we also have to have it only available from 2 to 201. Oh, that's cruel, but fair. And if you're standing near the pizza shoot, then you can have some. So we're not going to put in like Shawcross or Fattone. No, no, there's a shoot. Yeah, OK. Just lands. What do you think about that sad Futurama episode with the pizza shop and the dog? No, no, there's a shoot. Yeah. Okay. Just lands.

What do you think about that sad Futurama episode with the pizza shop and the dog? Sad. Very sad. Yeah. Okay. Okay. We'll be right back. We'll be right back.

And just a reminder, that dog was fed to the meg at some point. To love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love, Hello, listener. How are you? I have a quick question. This one's from Matt. Oh, hey. And it's a question I've already asked Zelda, but she had no answers and I have no answers, so I think we should put it to our musician friend who might know. There's a song by Stephanie, Joanne, Geminotta, Angelina, called Babylon. Babylon. Okay.

Battle of their life. I have asked Zelda, are you familiar with the song, man? I don't think I've heard it, no. No, okay. So I want to know what you think, based on these lyrics, the song is about. Now, I don't mean the themes. I mean, what is the song about? Well, are you ready?

Yeah. I mean, they'd never really make sense. No, no, no. But like, okay. So the song three by Britney Spears is about having a threesome and wanting to invite other people into the boudoir. That's pretty like straightforward. Yeah.

The song Skater Boy is about how a girl is writing a bitchy song about her boyfriend's ex. Okay? Yeah. Well, I mean, in general Lady Gaga songs, they don't always make sense. Right, right. But like even the song Bad Romance is about like an ex lover that, or like, no, someone you're ironing off that you're like, we could have a bad romance together.

Yeah. Okay. But this song, I would say that that's like, I mean, I agree that she just doesn't really write very coherently, but like normally there is at least an idea. Here are the lyrics of Babylon by Lady Gaga. We only have the weekend. We only have the weekend. We only have the weekend. You can serve it to me ancient city style. You can serve it to me ancient city style.

We can party like it's BC before Christ. We can party like it's BC. With a pretty 16th century smile. With a pretty 16th century smile with the British 16th century smile. Getting our centuries mixed up a little bit, but that's all right. Okay. Yeah, right. So we're all over the map as far as like time and a 16th century smile, you'd assume is like, gappy and dainty with lead poisoning. Lots of brown teeth.

It's the thing that you bring... It's the thing that you bring... That you bring... Him. Him. You and me. You and me. That's gossip.

That's gossip. Okay, what do you think? So far. It's the thing that you bring, that you bring, that you bring, him, you and me, that's gossip. Is it him, H-I-M, or capital H-I-M? Well, it is capital H-I-M, but it is the start of the sentence. Oh, I can't. Okay, strut it out, walk a mile, serve it ancient city style, take it out.

Talk it out. Talk it out. Talk it out. Babylon. Battlefield life. Babylon. That's gossip. What you on? Money don't talk.

Rip that song. Gossip. Babylon. Battlefield life. Babylon. What is she talking about? It's, I think it's kind of like, well, Babylon was an ancient city. Yes. You know about this?

I do. Yes. Which is the city where everybody could talk to each other. There was no, there was like, there was no language barriers. Yeah. Yeah. So I think it's a bit about sort of things, or no, actually what happened to the city? No, they got cursed or something about, and then everyone couldn't really understand each other in the end. So everyone could, everyone spoke the same language and then God like got angry at them and made them all...

No one spoke the same language. Yeah, so they couldn't talk to each other. She's our curse. So maybe it's about gossiping and the way that gossip kind of like ends up becoming something else. And when she says to serve at ancient city style, she's talking about try and learn to communicate with each other. Maybe.

Okay. Or maybe it's like, just go out with that kind of look, a bit of an ancient city look. Ain't like a... Bodies moving like a sculpture on the top of the tower of Babel tonight. Why do I say it like that? Babel. What do you mean?

Kukabara. We're climbing up to heaven speaking in tugs in a blood pop moon line. Blood pop is the producer, but I always read it as blood poop. And I think, that doesn't sound great. It's the thing that you bring, that you bring, that you bring, him, you and me, that's gossip, gossip. Strut it out, blah, blah, blah. Strut it out. Yeah. I think that's... It's just trying to get to the truth, maybe. But then Money Don't Talk, rip that song, gossip, babble on, battle for your life, babble on.

Yeah, so she's saying like, stand your ground. What does that mean? Money don't talk? No, battle for your life. Battle for your life, like hold true to your own truth. Yeah. Instead of like getting caught up in the gossip and the babble. But she's asked, she's telling them to Babylon.

Hmm. Maybe she's not there. Okay. Wait, I'm sorry here on the genius, genius lyrics thing on this album, this is Zane Lowe, who was one of the produce. Oh no, this is Gaga. On this album, this is Zane Lowe, who was one of the producers. Oh no, this is Gaga. Zane Lowe is that, oh my God, that insipid producer, interviewer who crawls up the ass of anyone he interviews. On this album, we did Babylon, a song about gossip, something that had

dominated my life that made me feel so small and chained. Now I wear chains and wear them with pride. I feel free." Oh my God. She's writing more insane lyrics. This is the dance celebration of the culmination of this album, but it's really the start that occurs after every finish. When we've completed a task or defeated a challenge, the end is not the end. This is a new journey and in Chromatica, I will dance my way through all the pain, and every transition I make is into a new me, which is consistently a miracle. I vow to always have something to celebrate. And frankly, gossip is the hallmark of civilization.

Two people can't talk behind each other's backs. You need at least three people. And something that's used to haunt me, gossip, is now a silly construct I can dance to through. Babylon. I'll be in Babylon. Or Chromatica. Yeah, that's what I was saying. Bitch, what the fuck? No, it's a lot of just confusing buzzwords. A bit of blood poop.

I'd describe it of blood poop. I'd just grab it as blood poop. You know, it's like I'm a new person and every time I'm a new person, it's a miracle. But there's gossip. You can't have civilization without gossip. There's two people, but you can't have gossip without three people. That's gossip. That's gossip, Babylon. It's just a whole lot of gibberish. It truly is gibberish.

To make it. I mean, that's her thing. Yeah, but I think like she's never been that kind of... Gibbid. That's her thing. Yeah, but I think she's never been that kind of... Cupid. Like saying, I'm sour candy is like, to love me is to enjoy my sweetness, but understand that there's a little kick to it. I'm a bit kinky. I'm a bit of a bitch.

Why can't they just say what they are trying to say? So what would you have her say? I'm sweet and sour. That's literally the lyrics. I shouldn't listen to more of that song. I'm sour candy, so sweet gonna make a little angry, yeah. I'm super sexy. Yeah, whatever. Look, in the time that that took, which I'm sorry, that was quite the experience. Listen, the listeners are loving this. Oh, no, I'm sorry to Gaga. I would never scrutinize her work in such a way.

Scrutiny is gossip. Yeah. Well, there's three of us in the room. Oh my God. But in this time, I've received a message. I'll just mute Zelda's microphone, we can talk about that. I've received a message on Grindr. And I would never normally do this, but I'm just horrified by everything I'm looking at here.

So the profile is entitled, I suck, you fuck. So that's already a nightmare. Straightforward and at least it's not hidden beneath a layer of double-on-porn. That's true. I did just say, I wish people would say what they want and here we are. I suck, you fuck. Yeah, that's it. At the same time, it seems hard.

No, but there could be two meanings to that as well. And you can't have, yeah. It might be that I'm really bad at doing things, really bad at sex, so you do it. And you're, you fuck. Is it you, why are you, or you? No, of course not. It's you. It's No, of course not. It's you.

It's a single letter. Okay. So the about me by bottom dad, I love to suck deep throat. Love to be a bottom open-minded dick lover. This sounds like one of our listeners. Love buddy rubs, but rubs is spelt I-U-B-B-S. Ew, rubs. A sniff of amyl does wonders.

Sniff is spelt incorrectly. I can at times host. Oh, when the kids are out. And I also will say that for some reason it's I I can at times host as there's two spaces there. Oh yeah. Now this individual has messaged me once before on the 5th of November, where I just received a picture of him being fucked

in the ass by a stranger. How do you know he wasn't fucking? I guess they said it in the title. The ethnicity has revealed that he is the one being fucked. Okay. And, oh no, he did send a message with that. He said, by bottom here. Okay.

And then today, a mere minutes ago, I had a, how are you mate? Oh. That's nice and chivalrous. And not him getting fucked. No. So you think he's changed his strategy. His approach. But anyway, what has led me to bring this up on the pod is that the first image, No. So you think he's changed his strategy.

But anyway, what has led me to bring this up on the pod is that the first image is just like a totally like whatever, like anonymous guy, you know, T-shirt. I can see his neck and his arm holding the phone. I will presume taking this photo. Yeah,ly fine. The second profile image is, I think this is the town hall on high street in Preston at Christmas time with metal, uh, reindeer out the front all wearing red raincoats.

Oh, he's not in the image. No, no, no, no. Oh, it's just a snap. Beautiful image of that proves his credentials as a dad. He's taking photos and sharing them with the world digitally on that. Didn't he say he was a bottom daddy? Well, do you think he's a literal dad or do you think he's just a bottom dad? I think he is a dad because then the third image, we have a hard rock cafe t-shirt.

Oh, that's a dad. Yeah. And he's wearing sandals. Yes. And he's taking this beautiful photo in front of a public bin. And crimson shorts. Yes. And a side saddle bag.

But anyway, his interests are car play, anon, who would have guessed, hosting, yeah, at times, cruising, as we've seen with the reindeer, discrete, as we haven't yet seen his face, by cut, can't win them all, GH, glory hole, hung, and Dom. Do you think? I think some of these are juxtaposed. Right. Cause he's not a dom bottom. Right.

And like, I don't need to know if you're hung. If you are telling me to fuck. Yeah. What am I going to do? Isn't that what he's into? Yeah, I think that's it. It's, it's what he, what he wants. That's what he wants.

Not what he is. Oh man, I'll share these photos with you of course. Oh, it's it. It's what he wants. That's what he wants. Not what he is. Oh Matt, I'll share these photos with you of course. Oh, it's okay, thank you. No, no, no, I'll take them right now. Oh Matt, was it, you know, we were sitting around eating some food yesterday. Oh, we were too. And Selzow was like, would you look at this guy getting fucking double penetrated? And Matt was like, and me and Selzow were like being rude, we had taken the booth seat as well.

So it was the insult to injury really. Oh, true. I was like, and we, it means that we were like being rude. We had taken the booth seat as well. So it was the insult to injury really. True. I was like, what are you looking at? And then Matt was like, Oh, I'll have a look too. And then it was like, it didn't like, you just kind of looked away. Oh, well, I forget that we look at dicks all day. Yeah. Like literally all day.

What do you look at all day? I have, I have one. Yeah. We don't look at all day. I know I have one. Yeah, we don't look at all day Yeah, you might be looking at it right now. Is that why the curtains closed? I closed the curtain when we were recording so you can't see me. Could you imagine? No, I don't know. Don't imagine. Okay, so What a perfect, but that's probably like the fifth dick that Matt's ever seen. I was thinking that I was like, how many times have you looked at a big old dick? Uh, the first time you see someone getting double pen, I mean, Matt is obviously

being surrounded by gay men his entire life. I opened the image expecting to see something extremely graphic, but it was just the lovely reindeers outside Preston down hole. Yes. Right. What a haunting image. How does he make how in what world when he uploaded that image, did he think I would see it and say, yeah, I'd like you to suck while I fuck.

I didn't, you haven't said anything bad about this man yet. Well, this all sounds like a compelling argument this man yet. Well, I would say. This all sounds like a compelling argument for, yeah, give him what he wants. I suck, you fuck. You don't want to fuck him? No. Zelda, why not? Interrogate yourself.

No, that's not for me. You don't want, uh, bye daddy? No. Bye daddy. Bye daddy. Bye. Okay. But what a fabulous introduction

to our third topic of discussion today. That was a long... Of course. Which big cat goes into the bunker? OK. I don't know. Bye daddy. A panther, a cheetah.

OK, this goes back to the zoo of it all. True. OK. So we're looking at Leopard, Cougar, Lion, Tiger, Jaguar, Snow Leopard, Cheetah. Jaguar. Fabulous. Oh, we also have the Canadian Lynx. We have the Marge. We have the Eurasian Lynx. We have the Colo Colo. We have the Ocelot. We have the Serval. We have the Clouded Leopard. We have the Onchilla.

Um, we have Jeffery's cat. We have the Palace cat, fishing cat. Yeah. I think those, those smaller big cats, we can just get rid of all of them. Can't we? Yeah. Puma. Puma. P all of them. Can't we? Yeah. Puma. Puma.

Puma. Puma's pretty good. Yeah. Snow leopard though. That's so hot. Okay. So the image of like a leopard, jaguar, puma, um, in like a tree, like in a jungle tree, just lazing around, that's so hot.

And that's something that tigers, lions and bears don't have. No, no. So that's good. Cheetahs. I don't think cheetahs are up in the trees. They can. They can. They climb.

Yeah, right. But do they do that lounging motion? I guess, no, that's more the leopards and the panthers. How do you think it became that lions and tigers became the two standouts? I think they have the most distinctive silhouette. They just had good PR. Although the silhouette of the tiger, arguably. Yeah.

But the lion. Do you think they have good PR Matt? I tried to do it in between what Zelda was saying and then Zelda just talked over me the first time. Oh, I was talking over you. I want to say things sometimes. Yeah. Don't be mean to our bossy bye dad.

You have, you have talked a lot during this podcast. I was just going to say one thing. You are a guest. No, Matt, I want to hear. I'm the employee, if anything, I'm not even a guest. You're a producer. You're a valued producer in space car driver and we love you. Oh yeah.

I wasn't thinking producer. I was just thinking space car driver. And you did, you told us a lot about Babylon. You brought up that whole Babylon. Yeah, we had to listen love you. Oh yeah, I wasn't thinking about you, so I was just thinking of Space Girl Driver. And you told us a lot about Babylon. You brought up that whole Babylon interlude. Yeah, we had done this and you read out all those lyrics. I came back from the toilet and you'd already been recording for ages without me. This, Matt did go to the bathroom

and we did think we were recording and had started this entire thing. Ah. Okay, well you two need to bury the hatchet. Can you say sorry to each other? Sorry. Oh no. Sorry.

Okay. Lion. Lion has that giant mane, but it doesn't look like comfortable to touch. No, it would be quite thick and wiry. I hate that. And it would be a trap for dust. I know. Not into it.

No. Also, I just think they have this like smug expression on that. But also the other thing about lions, the ones with the manes everyone. Um, why only some of them have manes? Yeah, the boy ones. Yeah. What? What?

I just don't like that. Okay. Differences between, yeah. There's just Gowlions who are just like that plain. Svelte. Yeah. They're just not as hairy. I also just hate how little they do.

Yes. But what, oh, I mean, this goes for all cats actually, but like when they're covered in blood from feasting on a raw enemy, that's quite an image. I think Tiger is so cool. Tiger is very cool. I get the appeal. And they're only from Asia, right? Yeah.

Yeah. Because lions are kind of Africa and Eurasia, if this map is to be believed. Then cheetahs are Africa. Yeah. Jaguar is from the Americas. Yeah. Oh, that's so cool. And then the leopard is from everywhere. Leopard is from Africa, Asia and the Middle East.

Oh, save some room for somewhere else. And then the snow leopard is just from Alpine region of South Central Asia. Snow leopard tails so cute. They're fluffy. Thick. Thick. And then the cougar is just from North America. Cougar?

Cougar town. Cougar or Puma? Cougar. Puma. They're the same thing? I don't know. No, they're different. Said with such certainty.

Well, listen, some of us devote our lives to wildlife. No, they're different. I said with such certainty. Well, listen, some of us devote our lives to wildlife. It's a, it is, yeah. It's the same thing. What? The cougar, sometimes called the mountain lion or puma or panther. What? But why is this one that I'm looking at in the kind of reddish brownish color?

Yeah. Well, I think that's what distinguishes it from Panthers. Wait, a Panther is black, but a Puma is white. Okay. So I'm having a memory of a YouTube video of, you know, how Americans can like keep any animal domesticated. Um, is it like a wild animal license or whatever? Yeah. Or worse, they just live in America and have money. Oh, this, yes.

But there's this one video from 17 years ago on YouTube of someone and the video is titled I'll let it speak for itself. What the fuck is your problem? It sounds like that cat that you put in the bathroom. It does! The lady looks thoroughly unimpressed with my links video. I think it's cheetahs. Now that I've heard the links. I also just looked up a female lion. What is going on there? She's got this look on her face like this. Like she's like her mouth is kind of open and they're like, you can see the inside of

her cheeks just flapping around all the time. It looks weird. Also, there's no superheroes based on any of them. Of what? Lions. Lions. Lion superhero. Exactly. There's the white tiger.

Um, black cat. You don't like black Panther? I think black panthers cool. But I think the dots on the cheetah and also, um, Chester, Chester cheetah. Oh, that smug thing with sunglasses. Oh yeah. You know what Chester cheetah, I read the back of a cheetah's packet recently, jalapeno flavor, and I had the question, what's Chester cheetah's favorite activity?

Can you guess? Running? No, it's not running. That, that'd be smoking. He said, um, in this interview, he said, um, I like surfing while eating Cheetos, listening to cool music while eating Cheetos and skateboarding while eating Cheetos. Wow. Isn't that a cool thing that guy doesn't like to do while eating Cheetos? I mean, I think everything that thing does is quite cool. I think he does look like an old cigarette.

He looks like camels. They're from the same world. But I like that Chester cheetah. And he's a big cat. He is. That's my answer. Okay. Well, then I'll hitch right back with with, um, Babastus from...

Masupalami? What did you say? Which is that, um, like hybrid links creature that, um... Oh, Babastus! That Ozymandias has in Watchmen. You know how he has that giant cat? You are making up words now. You need to be stopped.

No, I'm not! Babastus by Ozymandian. They sound like fragrances from Goop. Babastus? I know what you mean. Yeah, it's so cool! From the comic Watchmen. Yeah, and it was kind of in the film but not very much. It was like a giant lynx.

It was like a big, genetically modified red lynx. Ooh! It's so cool. He's got giant ears. What about that big cat that, what is that He-Man thing? Don't they write on big cats? Well, if you don't know, then I don't think it could be the bunker. No, I'm scratching a memory.

What is that? Scratching a memory is definitely a Lady Gaga song. Oh, scratch a memory. definitely a Lady Gaga song. I love that about her. Do a dance, dance in the memory. Don't you remember those toys? And like the dudes were like molded to like, yes, battle cat, a huge almond tiger. It's he named. Almond steed and companion.

I'm more of a pacifist. I prefer cats that like to surf and eat cheetahs than bring war and bloodshed. Yeah, I think more of a pacifist. I prefer cats that like to surf and eat Cheetos, bring war and bloodshed. Yeah, I think the Cheeto cheetah. Look at this cat. What's the Cheeto cheetah's name? His name's Chester. Chester the Cheeto cheetah. He's such a smug arse.

He's going to hit on Bayonetta. Yes. Yeah, we need some dank energy in the bunker. And also he could pull Bayonetta. Yeah, he could. Cause she loves fucking Bayonetta. Yeah, he could. Cause she loves f**k-boy. You know what? He would use a f**king Cheeto package for a condom.

That's his energy. That's canon. Do you think he would put... Wait, is this the thing? What? That he would put like Cheetos on his tail? I don't know. Is that a thing?

I don't know. Okay. Does that a thing? You have to hold them while he puts them in his mouth. Yeah. I suspect while he's surfing and skateboarding he probably needs something to hold it. Keep them dry. I think he'd put them everywhere.

Well true, I'm sure it's fair. Cheeto is probably hanging them off his dick. You can't hang a Cheeto deer. No, but you could put it on like a ring. What are you thinking a Cheeto is? That's a Cheez-el. Oh my god, what the fuck is a Cheet-el? It's like a Che. What are you thinking a Cheeto is? That's a Cheesle. Oh my God. What the fuck is a Cheet? What?

It's like a Cheesy Poov. What? Have you ever seen a Cheeto? Cheeto. What? It's not a Twisty and it's not a Cheesle. Okay. This is not the bit that Lazy was doing, pretending not to know what a lion looks like.

Chester has his own, has his own Twitter as well. I am thinking of Cheesles. He has what? He has his own Twitter as well. I am thinking of Cheez-A-L's. He has what? He has his own Twitter. What does he say? It says, wheels up, headed to Kentucky for reasons. Wait, why is he? He's going to fuck ass in Kentucky.

Why is Jess going to Kentucky? I don't know. Oh, that was in 2019. Oh. I'm not sure. He left. He's anti-Elon. Wait, what?

And that's how you know things are about to get wild on set. Hashtag flaming hot in this little video. Because they made the, Eva Longoria made that Cheetos film. What? They made a film called Flaming Hot and it was produced by Eva Longoria's production company about the invention of the Cheeto, the flaming hot Cheeto,

which was invented by a worker at the Cheetos, like I guess, Frito-Lay company. And they were like, I think they're like a Salvadorian immigrant to the US. And they invented the flaming hot Cheeto. And then it's like a staff competition to invent a new type of Cheeto. And then the flaming hot Cheeto became like the biggest thing in the whole wide world, except this employee never got the credit and never got paid.

And so they made the film. What? His Twitter is all over the place. I was listening, but while I was listening, I was still looking up what the fuck Cheetos are. I just found this Harambe shaped Cheeto just sold for $100,000. What's wrong with that? Remember Harambe.

Because when you eat Cheetos as well, you get all those orange, you get very orange fingers. Yeah. And it gets on your video game controller. Disgusting. That is so disgusting. I would also like to say just quickly, Diane Warren, who is the long suffering woman who's been nominated, I think 18 or something ridiculous times for best original song. Diane. For the Oscars, who's lost every single time.

Keep trying. And this great clips of her in the audience watching herself not win. It's become just the most incredible thing, but she wrote the song that was nominated for best original song for the film Flaming Hot, which is called Flaming Hot. And she lost again, but it was... Oh no, it was called Theaming Hot. And she lost again, but it was performed, oh no, it was called The Fire Inside. And it was performed by Becky G. Oh So that was just about that factory worker who invented the flaming hot cheeto. Wow.

And no one can kill your flame. Okay. Was that the tagline? I'm sure. Diane. Diane Warren wrote that. Diane. For you.

Okay. I'm down with putting that like, Chester. Sassafras in. Yeah. Yeah. What a haunting turn. I mean, I was thinking about, I don't know how fabulous it would be to have like, yeah, like a, like a Jaguar in the halls, like

we have in the hills. Like um, what is it? Panther on the Runway? Cheetah on the Runway? What? You know, RuPaul season six promo for Drag Race. Oh yes, she transforms into that Puma. Puma.

Is that the song though? She's so wild, so animal. I can't remember which one it is. Um, I don't know. Okay, well. The other thing, I'm just glad that we didn't talk about fucking Narnia. Oh no. Meryl? Absolutely not.

Okay. Okay. Well that's this week's episode. So, what's his name? Chester. Chester Cheetah. Chester Cheetah. Okay. Well, that's this week's episode. So, what's his name? Chester. Chester Cheetah. Chester Cheetah. Yeah. Does he have Cheetah in the name? He is a Cheetah.

He doesn't know it's spelled differently. Yeah, well. Just a few... Don't judge a book by its cover. ...a few days in the bunker and we'll... ...do a... ...break him. ...a sense check on that.

Who's going to play him? We'll decide later. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha going to play him? We'll decide later. Ah, ah, ah. Ah. Now we've also got the, um, tube mouth fish. Going into the ocean area. Sheldon Moon. How could you be so ridiculous to not remember the name of the fish we were just talking about? It's tube mouth. Isn't that what it was?

It is of course the tube mouth fish. So the tube mouth fish. With the way they say dragon is a backup. Yes, if the tube mouth underperforms in the first, in what we call the, what is it, the urine probation. Ah, yes, yes, is it, uh, you're on probation. Ah, yes. Yes. Is it probationary period?

Probatory period. Yeah. And then from the second topic, which piece of course. Which pizza gets in and it's at a New Yorker city style pizza. Um. New York margarita. God, we made some boring choices there. Yeah.

What? Margarita. What were we thinking? But it's the greasy one in a box. Yeah, greasy one in a box. And it drops from 2 to 201. And it's got the little present preservation. You think it's boring, but I think it's delicious.

Absolutely not. Goodbye. Goodbye. Death to Everyone was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by the delightful Matt Shears. Our theme song and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. Well, if you've got something to say to them, send it to them at deathtoeveryonepod.gmail.com. Do I get that right? And we're your supporters for you. That's it everyone.

Oh, that's how. That's how. You know you can do it. You can do it. You can do it. That's how. That's the flyer. Fire