Death To Everyone - Death To... Secrets, Street Performers & Frogs

Episode Date: July 21, 2026

Well, what do you wanna know? The world is ending soon, might as well disassociate and listen to us! Enjoy x Follow us, won't you? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ You can send us a voicemail at ⁠www.speakpipe.com/deathtoeveryone⁠Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.naturalhabitatstudios.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/ediecentric⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103⁠

We did it What did we do? We reached a hundred and fifty episodes One five zero Amazing Wow Gosh, we've been on a great ride And this is the final episode

We're done to everyone Of season seven We're not up to Season five Four or five I can remember I think maybe five Yeah

But there were those weird little half seasons So let's be real Yeah Oh God 150 have you listened to every episode? We'll wait. Put your hand up if you have. Congratulations.

You've listened to probably 148 more than me. How many hours of content do you think that is? Probably like, it's over 300. I think we just keep giving people things for free. God, we're kind. God, we're kind. Benevolent. Doesn't benevolent sound like an evil word?

Yes. And then malevolent sounds the opposite, isn't it? Nice. Yeah. Oh, I think they both sound evil. Malivalent. Probably because they sound like violent. Volent.

Volent. Well, okay, 150 Ian. What are we, what's our, what are you feeling about that? Checks out. Checks out, story checks out. Yeah. I think that's good. Okay, but this is what we're talking about this morning actually about consistency.

Yeah. If instead of doing a podcast, we'd been going to the gym. Mm. We'd be. We'd be ripped. And instead we gave you the best years of our life. Yeah. We could have a PhD right now.

Instead, you have a podcast that you listen to. Sometimes. Sometimes. Yeah. That's crazy. That is crazy. But, no, I think it's cool. I think it's actually so cool.

What a legacy. Yeah. We've stuck to it. We have been making content consistently since the React. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God.

It's actually a lot. That is crazy. And the fact that people listen. it's for you I do it all for you but also it's like now you've heard all our stories we're like empty little fucking

lemon rinds I know I keep trying to squeeze out more juice but there's not much left there's nothing left you know what we're going to say before we say it ourselves yes I'll say something whiny and complaining about something that doesn't really matter

gelda will get double teamed and then look at a lizard and Matt will say something weirdly horny and out of place. What is this? There we go. And then deny it. We knew you would say that, Matt.

That's a classic of this show. There's three kind of archetypal comedic, comedic personas. What are they? Comedia de laude. There's Susan, the Zelda, or the Matt. Yeah. Which are you, listener? Write in to find out.

Right, yeah, we'll tell you. Yeah. We'll tell you. Like your Myers-Briggs personality type I'm the champion The ENFP Are you actually? Yeah

Wait, I have this down on my phone In case anyone annoying you ever ask me this Things people that are annoying ask me Yeah What's your star sign? What's your personality type? What's your love language? Briggs

INFJ S INFJT What's that What? INFJ slash T Oh INF

J. S. T. That's what I am. You are introverted, intuitive, feeling, and judging. No shit. You're often called the counselor or the advocate. Turbulent advocate. Deep empathy.

Visionary idealism and strong personal integrity. Yeah. Prone to overthinking. Imposter syndrome. People pleasing. They are. famously described as extroverted introverts, warm and compassionate yet intensely private and protective of their personal boundaries. That is true.

Excellent listeners, creative problem solvers and fiercely loyal friends and partners. Struggles. Because they care so deeply, they are susceptible to burnout and can be perfectionists who are harder on themselves than anyone else. They also dislike conflict and may struggle to set boundaries, sometimes leading to a sudden permanent withdrawal from relationships. Uh-oh. This is too much. It's like they're staring into his soul. Well, I mean, that one is based on answers that you're giving it.

So, you know. I chose this. You did. Wow, you just told them who you are. Yeah, well, I think I was trying to be objective, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, what does yours say?

Extroverted, energized by interactions with others, gregarious and quick to form social bonds. Focuses on possibilities, the big picture, and abstract concepts rather than rigid details makes decisions based on personal values, empathy and the impact on others, prefer spontaneity, flexibility and keeping options open over strict structure and schedules,

naturally charismatic with strong interpersonal and storytelling skills, uniquely adept at pattern recognition and generating countless creative solutions. Oh my God. Highly perceptive of what others are feeling, making them great supporters, and easily distracted by the next big ideas,

making routine or detail-oriented tasks difficult. Oh, my God. Can become overwhelmed when juggling too many responsibilities or when feeling misunderstood because they are high, dislike of rules because they are highly valued personal freedom. They often clash with micromanagement or overly rigid system. I don't know what they're talking about.

Oh, that is quite good. Matt, you don't happen to know yours, do you? Alas, I don't. Oh, Matt, you'll have to do it. Can you do a free one? Yeah. Oh, I thought you had to pay for it always. No.

No. You can, yeah, you can do it online. There's like... I'll do one during the episode. There's like Vogue 73 questions or something. There's like a lot of questions, but you have to answer honestly, Matt. Matt, you have to. Myers...

Your Myers Briggs. It's your Jungian personality type. You're Mian. And my name is Aldermoon. And I'm lazy Susan. Can I say on the thing of struggling with small tasks, having just been had my back blown out by the Australian tax tax off tax what is it Australian tax office who have stolen stolen from me just thousands and thousands and thousands of

dollars that yes I didn't keep track of my tags and so then they were like by the way you owe us and like oh so much money yeah So much money. Anyway, so cut to now, I'm like, fuck. Okay, finally, I'm going to really, like, we're doing it. We're getting down to it. I'm going to get on one of the tax softwares. Yep.

And so I've been told that Henry was one worth looking at. Oh. Which I'm not sure about now because... Don't do that. What do you mean? No. What? Because you end up paying way more money.

What? Okay. Because they take a percentage of every invoice. They do. I did see the percentage. So unless you're only, unless you're earning like a very small amount, it's not really that worth it.

Okay, Matt, we end up because you need to, like otherwise you just pay a flat fee subscription to another service. Okay. So this is advice for everyone. Do not use Henry. I don't recommend it. What do you recommend then?

Well, I use QuickBooks pretty good. I wouldn't give it like a 10 out of 10. What's the fee? It's like, $250 a year or something? $2.50. Whereas you would be paying like $1,500 a year with Henry.

Yeah, well, I did notice that on my first invoice that I tried to put through with them, the invoice was like, we'll take $7 from that. And then... And then the next one was like for a larger amount, like $1,500. And they're like, yeah, we're taking $16 from that. Yeah, if you do that 100 times in the year. What do you mean you're taking $16? Okay, like, yeah.

But anyway, so I'm like trying to be good, trying to do my first bit of good for like sorting out my adult life. Yeah. And then I send off the invoice to Gabriella Labucci for doing a bingo. And I'm like, here it is. The way that it goes, they get sent the invoice. They can pay it automatically through the like platform of Henry. That's nice. Yeah.

Oh my God. It seems great. And then they automatically deduct you can, this is what's got to go to your tax. This is your Medicare levy. This is the everything. And we're going to hold that until tax time. So you just don't ever interact with that money. It just stays there.

And you're probably going to get money back. Yeah. Because you haven't. And then you can also do another like take out 10 to 20% for your superannuation, whatever. They say 20% should go to your super. Mama. Sorry, I'm going to live when I'm fucking 80, when I can't even live now.

Yeah. Because you took... You won't make it there because you'll starve to death. Exactly. Sorry? Yeah. No, I don't think it's worth putting stuff in your super unless you have, like, unless your employer is doing it for you.

I mean, obviously, I really do. I mean, if you had the luxury of... I need to get back onto my super pretty hard call because, like... But if you have the luxury of being able to afford to put stuff into your own super, for sure. But if you don't, like, it's not a requirement for you to do it. No, it isn't. But, I mean, I just is so haunted.

I know. Live a simple life on the pension? I mean, truly, imagine. I'm just planning on becoming very wealthy. Yeah, before then. That's the idea. Like, I just need to. Like, there's just, like, it's, my options are diminishing.

I just need to come. In 60 years when we're all, you know, living in a utopia where there's no more, you know, capitalism and. Yeah, yeah. And, like, these people have been scrounging and saving their whole lives. Like, either we're going to be dead or we're just going to, money's not, going to be a problem anymore. There's two options. That's the two options.

What's the third option? There's no third option. Okay. Like all the people who have been saving for the super for their lives, they're going to be royally screwed over because like, they're going to realize they've wasted their life. I do have, I have some friends, right? They're not rich themselves, but they come from money.

When their parents die, they're going to become so wealthy. And I'm really hoping that they, like, let me live in their guest house. Yeah. Because do you know what I will be? A good value old gay guy. Oh my God. Like holy shit. You'll have value.

Like no, like truly my whole, my schick only makes sense. Like right now I'm only at, you know, 20% of my powers. Like truly. Like when I was like 16, it just doesn't make sense. Yeah. When I hit 65 and I'm in like a little pale pink suit. Yes. And like drinking a martini in the midday.

Yeah. that it'll all click. Oh, yeah. This will suddenly make sense. Yeah, you'll meet someone, you'll tell them a fabulous story about some outrageous thing you did 20 years ago. And they'll be delighted. Right. Everything I'm doing now is just collect.

Like, the investment that I am doing is an investment in experiences that will be like, then when I was with Michelle Vassizal on the set of Rupal's Drag Race, just so they can hear those fabulous stories. And then, yeah, and then like, I'll run out pretty quickly. Yeah. But great. guest house. Yes.

Like that's the gay you want of your guest house. Yeah. With like an awful little dog. Mm. Um, anyway, so then I send this invoice to Gabriel Libucci.

And the fucking Falcon strikes from A&Z. And he's like, no. Wait, what? We're not, you're not letting you pay money to this. And they're like,

mm-mm, not happening. What? And then like, Gab is like, I'm sorry, like, Susie Q.

And Gab is so much more responsible about this shit. Like she like was on it straight away. It was like, girl, it's not letting me pay you. Do you want me to like check this out? I actually need, I'll call up the bank and see what's happening. Calls up the bank and they're like, yeah, listen, because it's a different net. Like you've paid money to this name before, but now it's mysteriously a new BSB and account number because it's not going to my account.

It's going to Henry. They're like, we block the payment. And also we've had some scams go through with the Henry BSB. stuff where people like they can redirect it before it gets to the Henry account and then all your money is going through to this like third party yeah and so when I'm letting it I'm like are you fucking kidding me I do one good thing I do and now I have to contend with this world of bullshit now and like listen it's done for Henry honestly oh yeah after that at the first hurdle yeah honey invoice number one you had one job yeah I just need to get paid yeah

and you can't do that. But yeah. And also the money thing. But that's the thing. I'm like, now that like I'm trying to be good, I'm just assuming that like this is like, because I know nothing. Yes.

I'm like, I assume that everyone is paying a ridiculous sum to try and make this stuff work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's not the case. It's, um, I don't understand it. It's too much for me. I hate it.

I hate it. So you're lucky, you're on a salary. No, you're not, but you're on like a wage. Yeah. When my life was on a wage, it was so good. I did my own tax. Yeah. Yeah.

It was so good. You just like, tell them how much, like, they have all the information. You just, beep, boop. Yeah. It's already preloaded these days. Preloaded. Dun, dun, tica, d'a, d'an. I don't know that song.

You don't know that from the Reloaded Matrix Reloaded song? Oh, if I said preloaded. I like that. Well, I was making a bit of a job. You're so good So funny When you do that I don't like that tone on you

That's not your personality We're not doing sarcasm You're so good Preloaded with calm Classic Zelda Yeah they see that makes sense That's what they're coming back 150 times for

Yeah That's who Imagine Remember when we went back to the early reacts And our voices Were like higher Kind of. And now if you go back to episode one of this show, you're like, our voices are higher.

Kind of. It's weird. Is it really? I think we just have different ways. Your voice is getting higher now. Yeah. Really? What do you mean?

It's like we're all mage. And it's like, oh, me! We are. Did you see that Nick's Cosmetic Simpsons range that went out? No. And every Melbourne influencer, including vibe, got sent out the Nix Cosmetic Simpsons line? No.

Is it cool? It's fucking stupid. Oh. Unless you want to send it to me. But I'm like, sorry. But also, Nix. It must be super cheap. We could go buy it right now.

Is anything cool? There's a donut highlighter. Nix Simpsons. I just like, when I think of this sims. Hey, that lip gloss looks like much. When I think of, when I think of fashion, when I think of makeup, Turn to the left. I do not think of the Simpsons.

I don't think of a middle class family living in like the American, you know, suburbs. Yeah. There's no one who's giving hot gold summer in The Simpsons. Wait, you're not delighted by this hideous palette with a yellow and a blue eye shadow? And Vibe lied on her, vibe, are you listening? I saw your video. You're telling lies to these. in public. She said this is the exact

kind of palette that I would make my permanent rotation. I'm going to put this in my travel kit because this one palette has everything I need. A yellow and a blue? Bitch when? Wow. Show me. Where is you

with a giant yellow eye? Anyway, that's all. I like that. That's the story of how I tried to do something and it failed. Tax. Tax. Yeah. I'm Like Tones and I, she got done.

Tons and I got done by the tax, the tax man. Terns and here. What do you mean? Like they were like, you have not paid $800,000 in tax. Oh no. For your investments into the crypto. What do we do? What happened when Tones and I got all skinny and like got a blowout?

Tons and air. I didn't do anything. You didn't do anything? About that, no. What are you going to do? about it. I'll forget that they exist until you bring it up again. It just

it wigs me out. What are we doing about this? No. Do you, have you seen them? I want to talk about cats out of the bag now. Oh, yeah. That's fair enough. No, say something else about Dunes in here. I'm just, like, what are we doing? I'm going to look at all. She looks cool now. She looks cool now.

She always looked cool, but like now she hasn't got her big hat on. I loved when she was a big old frump. No, but she was always wearing that hat. I want a frump pop star. You couldn't see her eyes or her face. I was like, why you... This is why Beth did her. Beth did her was important to the culture because...

Wait, she doesn't look like a Bogan from Frankston anymore. She kind of does. She just looks like the other. There's two types of Bogan's from Frankston and now she's played both roles. Yes. Yes. She's like, yeah, she is all of us. But the...

So for those of you who don't know, there's a... That Dance Monkey performer. And... She's a singer Who sings a song called Dance Monkey Yeah And they brought the world But she was

One of the worst songs At all time But that's okay Oh listen I think that that's We just heard it too much It's fine It's so annoying

DEMO DEMO You've never lived Until you've seen Gabriella Libucci Pull that out At a bingo Because she does the vocals

And Gab has a really Great voice And she has one of the rare Drag voices That sounds like a female pop star But when she does that she's like Demo!

Screaming it in the faces of people and like a brightly lit RSL. Oh my God. It is just transcendent. Okay. But yeah, Tons and I now is snatched. And what are you going to do about that? Well,

this is what I'm saying. We're losing our frumporellas. Uh-huh. Okay, because we had, like, she would dress like in a puffer jacket and a hat and go on Jimmy Kimmel or whatever. Yeah.

I have a biggest gig ever and be like, it looked like she was going to the server to pick up some Marlboro lights or whatever, fucking horizon. But, yeah, like all these, and not that these other divas were frumpy, but like the divas that were all about, like, I am who I am.

Yes. Like, this is who I want to be. And now that, like, OZampic and everything has come along, we, like, the Megan trainer, who spent just decades, well, but felt like decades, years being like, I am who I am.

And then like Lizzo and Mindy Kaling and all these people that were like, of course I am who I am and I love who I am. Unless the option to change comes along, at which point I will immediately do that. Yeah. Well, yeah. What are we going to do about it? Ageism. Ageism. What are we going to do about it?

Nice. So, last night. Get it out of the bag. Sent me a message on Instagram. Who was the drag performance? Which was a delight. Yeah. I was so delighted to see it.

And it was a, like a reel or whatever. Let's get real. And then a minute voice note. And I listened to the voice note first. And it was cat saying like, you need to listen to this. And it needs to be discussed. This is so crazy. Like, what is going on here?

Every time she says, this particular word, the accent gets heavier. And it's like, this is the strangest thing I've ever heard. And you need to be across it. Okay, good. And so. Thank you. I'm going to show you how to do elastic binding that looks like this.

Cut strips that are one and a quarter inch wide. Take three eighth inch elastic and cut at the same length as your strips. Use a ballpoint or stretch needle. Switch to a stretch stitch. I use a zigzag. I set my stitch length and width to three. the elastic on the wrong side of your strips. Eleusic.

Who is this woman? I don't know. Some sewing woman. Some sewing woman. Eliaistic and three. She sounds almost like tati. Yes. But then allaeistic.

Elaistic. What is that about? Well? How incredible. Do you have any words that really bring out your accent? Oh. Ooh, I don't know. We're suddenly wearing Roseburn.

No, I don't know. Bogana. Yeah. Bo Garner. There was, I don't know, the answer to that question. But when I was in, when I went to Mona, like 10 years ago with my ex-boyfriend, I got chatting to the security guard there. So how long have you worked here?

Yeah. I don't know. And she... Are we meant to acknowledge security guards? I don't... I don't know. I always just feel like I'm interrupting. Do you know what I mean?

Like you need to be concentrating. Like obviously your one job is to keep an eye out. And I don't really want to draw attention to myself to the security guard. Why? He's an authority figure. What if he thinks I'm stealing and trying to like throw him off the scent? Well, were you stealing? I don't.

No. But Curgeon started being really friendly to the security. guard at the like. Coeddardins friendly to everyone. I know, but they're like, they're on like, they've gone from a nod to like, now they're saying hey and like a light beginning of a chat when he walks into the Metro Coles. Can we actually be real? Yeah. Cojid is not giving a light hey. He's giving a high bestie. Hi bestie. Just to be. It's true. Yeah. And you know what? If he's ever called you a bestie, I just want you to know, you're not his bestie. He has lots of besties. unquote, none of you are the fucking bestie.

I'm the bestie. I'm the bestie. Fuck you all. Oh my God. And he never calls me bestie. Of course not. That would be cursed. Yeah, but like, you know.

He's never called me bestie either. Hey, bestie. He does it to waitresses. Yeah. People work. Doesn't he realize how condescending that is? Is he Gen Z or something? He is Gen Z.

But he does, it's not, they don't take it at that. No one is ever not disarmed by it. Every time I hear it. said, I am like... Yeah, but you're an old millennial crone. Can you just say crone next time? But millennial crone makes it sound like, you know, on your tattered shawl that you wear around your humpback, it might have some, like, cool jelly sandals poking out from beneath.

No, God, help. Anyway, candy's out of the bag. Elastic. How fabulous. Eliastic. Let me have a little chat about it. It was quite funny. God.

But I was, like, sitting on the couch last night, and I listened to this whole voice message and was like, oh, yeah, sure. Then, you know. And then at the first, I'll lay a stick, I spat out my drink all across the coffee table. It was quite hilarious. What I would pay. We need, you just set up one of those security cameras in your house. Then you wouldn't need that security guard.

For what? What? Just a live feed of my life. Do you know how? Like, I'm getting so wigged out on social media this thing has happened where like people will post like the moment me and my husband got a divorce and it'll be like a security camera inside of these people's homes or like when my little toddler fell off the railing or whatever and it will be a security camera. Why are Americans putting security cameras inside of their own fucking homes? Like imagine. Sorry, I, you, I'd rather be robbed.

I could give, like, you know, I'd rather just, like, then film everything all the time. Yeah, it's hideous. That's demented. I, oh, a little longer. And the homes are always disgusting, like a weird rumpus rooms, like, backrooms looking motherfucker, like, ugh. I need to see you back rooms. Back room. Yeah, I want to see it.

You should. Hmm. God, it's good to laugh with Fram. 150! I know. I know. What does the future look like for us? Okay.

Shall we apocalypse? Well, you haven't given me an answer. What are we doing about Torens and I? Oh. I mean, I'm not going to do much. I'm not going to do anything, actually. Do you know the Golden Pairs ideal matches of the Myers-Briggs personality test? No.

For the ENFP, it's the INFJ. What? Is that you and me? The Golden Pairs. Is that you and me? Yes. That is outrageous. Often considered the ultimate match, both are intuitive, feeling-oriented,

sharing a deep need for empathy, idealism, and profound emotional connection. The INFJ provides the structure and calm that ENFP lacks. That's hilarious. Isn't that funny? Wow. Learning. Wow. And you just accidentally became friends.

Bestie. Destiny. Destiny. is calling me. Have I forced you to listen to a spiel about Destiny? Like, Mystique's wife? We'll be right back.

Wait, what's Destiny doing? Destiny is like Mystique's lesbian lover. She died at some point, but now she's back or whatever. But like her and Mystique, like adopted Rogue and raised her to be evil, etc. And gay. Yeah, but Destiny has the most conti-look. Is she on Marvel Rivals?

No, but holy shit, that would be so fun. Mystique isn't even in Marvel Rivals yet, but all the day shall come. What do you mean? Destiny has this like full blue Luke and then this gold mask and a big dome head. That's cool. Are you looking at it? No. Oh.

Look at how cool that is. Lesbians. Did you know Mistake? as a lesbian? Well, she's by-sick. I just assume. She can be anything. Of course she can be anything. I'm going to apocalypse. Okay, go. I've got a gigantic one, five, and a zero. The one, I send, like a bolt of lightning through the center of the planet. The five, a spin around my galactic finger, and I throw it as a hook to the planet Earth. And then the zero, I, with two hands, like slip over the top of the planet

and then I squeeze and squeeze and squeeze until the planet is split into two and exists no more beautiful I learned so much that's good Matt how do you feel after 150 episodes Tired

Different changed for good Yeah I do feel different You've taught me a lot over the years We really have. We have nothing new to teach you. Can you tell me something we taught you? You've taught me to just believe in myself. No, I don't know. He took me out from her first night in drag.

True. I'm still thinking about that. That was really fun. Oh. Had a good time. We've left it inside. Yeah. Left what inside?

The siege. Oh. The seed of your future. You left your seat inside me. Oh, see, Matt, this is what we're fucking talking about. That's what you said. Matt? Matt?

Sorry. This is too much. Well, I'd like to do it again sometimes. Actually, you know what? You need to have your brows blocked this time. I was going to shave them off. Oh my God. I just, I stitch you up there.

I did cover her brows, but only like a tiny bit. I just didn't realize how low your brow. Did you give me like a really bad look? I thought I looked amazing You looked great No no no no no I think of other people Were judging me

When when Drag Queen mum walked over to you And was like What? What happened with the brows? Immediately I just I thought it looked kind of cool

They did I did have a weak line though Did you notice that? What? You didn't blend my weekline in Oh Matt You're talking about something That doesn't exist

We don't have that technology either I'm sorry I'm so fucking done With lace friends It's not even funny. It's, I know. It just, what are we trying to do here? It's evil.

I'm done. We're wearing a wig and that's okay. Yeah. You know? I just want to feel my fantasy. I just want to feel my fucking fantasy. But I came up with my drag name as well. Go on.

Well, I told you, what did you think? Maddie Real Girl. We'll be right, man. Don't you like it? No, Matt, I fucking hate that. What, why? It's terrible. Don't say you fucking hate it.

What do you mean? I hate that. Material Girl. Matty Real Girl. Is that? Yeah. Do you like it? I don't like Maddie Real Girl.

What? You said you liked it the other day. I was lying. Oh, you've got to tell me these things. Well, now I'm telling you. Are you ready to accept the truth? Live on the pod. That's so rude.

What do you mean? You need to hear this. Yeah, but you should have told me. me the other day. Honey, welcome to drag. We say one thing, but we mean the opposite. Listen, now, you ride in and tell me if it's good or not. Maddie real girl. Maddie real girl. I'm a real girl.

Do you have a backup? No. I would hate to hear the fucking backup if that's the fucking, that's the swag. I like it. I'm going to keep it. Yeah. Do you know what? That is a, that's a canon experience.

drag queens out there are so many shit drag names out there it's just incredible yes so you'll join the ranks yeah we can't all can all be us with famously unique and searchable names yes oh okay okay we'll be ready we'll see you welcome back listener hello listener hello now we have a speakhole today but it was left anonymous. Not as in they typed in the word anonymous or anonymous. There was just nothing. Oh. There was just no name.

No. Which you can do. You can preserve your anonymity. Yes. If you'd like to not be mocked. Yeah. But I wonder if the voice will give it away. Time will tell.

And with that, Matt, would you play this big whole? Of course. Su Langior, Celestial Goddesses, Zelda and Lazy. And congratulations, Space Car Driver Matt on your recent drag debut. Thank you for blessing us with the witchy girls. Verse the Future was my favorite episode by far and I think I cried at the end. But also, I would like evil sexy clone Zelda to sit on me.

Anyway, I just wanted to thank Max for talking about how Arc production shows changed her brain chemistry. I felt very seen as a former Twink who was also irreversibly changed by the shows I witnessed on that stage, particularly this one show where I think it was Dakota's secret. came out on stage after some spooky old horror movie interlude and did beautiful dirty rich just like captivating. Amazing. But if I've got to give you a topic, which production show gets into the bunker?

Or if you've already done that, which secret? Awesome. Wishing you a fabulous post-apocalypse. Goodbye. Goodbye. Who was that? Who was that? I do recognize that, boys.

Yeah, there's an element there, but I can't put my finger on it. Yeah. Yeah. God. Production show. Okay, well, I mean, this is a thing. I feel like I have like not enough of an encyclopedic knowledge. Do you know what we will do for this?

In the future, we will have Art Simone on the show. Yes. And we are going to pin this to her episode because she has an or Passion Gature, like one of the two to talk about it because they truly have the the depth of knowledge of production shows in Australia. And it would be a shame for us to kick off and not be able to. Because like, you know, like obviously film and art used to do their Star Wars production show. There was the Polyphila Queen of Hearts show that she did for, I think, five years.

Like, it was like wild. And then of all the baby slut production shows, we need to have baby slot back on. But yeah, like her Mario Kart show and, yeah, all this kind of shit. Yeah, so we'll do that. one with a proper because it would be such a shame. Yes. Whereas secrets. Oh, we can. I know all about secrets.

I won't tell. Do people keep secrets anymore? Yes. Let's not what I said that quick. Are people keeping secrets? Yes. What's your secret? We kept your terrible fucking drag name a secret. Excuse me. Well, the Raven thing

thing kept that a secret? Raven. Yes, you did. You, like, did you? Like, did you? I've been racking my brain of like, did you, like, loosely say something and I forgot? I don't think. Listener had quite serious secret keeping to be done on Drag Race Turn Under versus the world. I, okay, here's the truth, listener. When Lazy was on her season of Drag Race, I had so many questions upon her return, of which, of course, she didn't answer any of them.

But upon your return from Vers the World, I didn't really ask anything. I was like, I don't know. She hasn't even watched the fucking promo yet, people. No. I'm not in the promo, it doesn't matter. I think she would. How did you? How did you?

Looks go, like, you, you, you, you. But I didn't really. But you weren't like scouting for gossip. No, because you don't really care. Yeah. But, you know, there's also like the rumored cast and all that stuff. And it was kind of like, oh, yeah, sure, whatever. Like.

I think also that sort of stuff is only interesting, like, when the show actually starts coming out. Yes. Like, I think you'll be like, oh, what was she like on that day on set or whatever? Like, what actually was happening there? Or what was your perspective on that? But I have nothing to reference. Right.

Right now, you just like vaguely know some of the participants. Yes. But I had genuinely no idea that Raven was on the season. And when the promo came out, I was gobsmacked by such an event. I could not believe in mine eyes. Yeah. Because for Raven to be on Drag Race, for this season that lazy Susan is judging

and I didn't know about it, it's crazy. Which is also a really unfortunate, an unfortunate side effect of that is the amount of strays that I have caught in the release of that where people are like, no offense to lazy Susan. Don't say this. But you can't judge Raven.

What do you mean? And I'm like, yeah, okay, yes. Ereche is judging Rayleigh. as well. Yeah. Calm down, everyone. Did you give her some makeup tips?

Yes, I do. Oh, yeah. Also, though, like, it is so funny where people are like, I can't believe, it's game over for these bitches.

And I'm like, girls, calm down. Yeah, yeah. She is in a fucking tank top and shorts. We are not witnessing the second coming of fucking drag Jesus here.

I mean, obviously, Raven is incredible by reputee Yes. But if you didn't have that context and that promo came out, you wouldn't immediately think, like, oh. There's not a chance in the world that anyone else but this person is going to win.

Yes. And even, like, Raven is very charismatic and entertaining. Yes. But like, and like, yes, has like killer makeup and has like defined drag makeup and makeup on this planet. Yes. And her influence will live forever and supreme, like quite truly. However, if you look back at season two of Rupal's drag race, it was quite a different time. Yes.

And, yeah, like the legacy has grown so much bigger than the performance on that season ever was. Yeah. You know? And then, like, I mean, the fact that Tyra is a piece of shit and all of this stuff, like, continues to fuel the like Raven was robbed. Raven was robbed. She would have been a better winner. Da-da-da-da-da-da. But, yeah, it's just.

It's funny, but I'm so excited to see it all. And also, I will say, I mean, obviously, that mug in real life is just like, but like, I think, like, in a different direction. But, I mean, like, I think there's some truly insanely good mugs just that I've encountered in real life or whatever, like, as far as just general artistry goes. So it is like, Raven has and was the inventor of so many incredible mugs. But I think now that a lot of people have caught up and done things, I'm like, there are people that have equivalent mugs. Oh, yes. Yeah. That are just not as celebrated because they're not the, like, the creator of certain elements of it all, like the perfector of certain elements of it.

Yes. But yeah, like, I would say, like, the, for precision, like Art Simone's mug is like, oh my God, it's bulletproof. Yeah, the way that you're like, look at it and you're like, Jesus Christ. And even someone like vibe who, like, she doesn't. do as much makeup on the face like it doesn't feel as big as an art mug or even a raven mug but it's still flawless like you can tell that it's like holy shit yeah so it is wild but yeah a lot of pretty girls in that chaos like fuck me jade is insane like i just i can't wait for all of you to see it it's like there's i don't know what the fuck happened i don't know what was in

the water but like for some reason they did such an amazing job with this cast that just feels like a really great mix of people, like you've got your zany queens, you've got some great solid comedy queens, some amazing look queens, and like everyone's in there. And like it's just, it feels really good.

Also, the thing that has really ticked me the fuck off about some of, obviously, the kids that like to talk on the internet. It's just this kind of like, I roll dismissal where people are like, oh,

what, so there's five down. under queens and then five and like three US queens or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like they're just like so angry at this idea that there'd be five of the hometown show. Yeah, yeah. To which it's like, number one, do you understand that that show represents two countries? Mm-hmm.

So it's like, okay, already out the gate, we're trying to get in two countries worth of drag performers. Yes. And of the people they have cast, they have the very first Guatemalan queen to ever go on. in floor. They have a Samoan queen in Nikita. They have a Fijian-Australian queen in Miss Coco. They have a racially ambiguous queen in vibe. And they have the world's first Bogan queen in Versa World.

And I'm just like, there is like such a breadth to what is being put on display from down under that is not like in any way some homogenous version of drag. There is so much being brought from down under. and they did a really good job. Like, because you could have had five, like, Missed White Queens from Down Under. Yes. And it would have been that critique would stand. But, like, they did such an amazing job of getting a really interesting spread of perspectives.

And just, yeah, it's crazy. But also, many of the Versa World lineups, especially in later seasons, have been home country heavy. Yeah. Which is, like, the point. Yes. Anyway. But it's like, I mean, it is kind of. of the thing that, you know, on a good day, when one nation isn't destroying at all and

there aren't riots in the street, the best version of Australia and Down Under in general is a place that's about multiculturalism. Yes. About like, you know, many different immigrants from all across the world coming together with like an ideal, like the idealized version. And I think like that's something that Down Under has not done well as a franchise is like representing the true diversity of of drag and our culture. But this casting has done an amazing job of that because it is like a group of people

that represent like a big swath of what Australia and New Zealand can do. Yeah. So silly. And so which secret? Which secret? Maddie's secret, the new John Early film. I'm very excited for that. Yes.

Alyssa's secret? Alyssa's secret. What was her secret? I don't know. Secret garden? Secret garden. Oh. That's a sad secret.

It is. Well, the garden is the secret, right? What? The garden is the secret. Yeah, like it's a secret garden. I'd love a secret garden. Yeah. But I wouldn't tell you.

Oh, not even me? Well, how many secrets are you keeping at the moment? Ooh. Like not many. How many secrets do you think you have the potential to keep? Many. Really? Yeah. Do you think you could keep 20 secrets?

Yeah. 20 big secrets? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. What is your thoughts on the ethics of secrets? Apparant. What do you mean?

I think keeping secrets is very poor form. Like if you found out someone was having an affair. Yeah. And it would potentially destroy. their marriage with that secret to come tumbling out, would you feel an ethical model? Oh, to tell someone else's secret? Yeah. No.

I think that's a porn as well. Yeah, you got to let them sort that up. Yeah. Yeah. But I just think, like, I don't know, man. The truth is just the only way. I don't know, man. But I love, do you know, I mean, like, I don't, I really, I think because my memory is quite bad,

I can't like most of the time I mean like some secrets but like I have to be able to forget about them because if I have to think about it every day that's why I would be so bad on traders because I just like the only way that I can function is just try and tell like say exactly what I'm thinking

and feeling because then that would just be like okay that's the secret well the stress and the pressure and the crushingness of maintaining a secret is soul destroying. Yeah. And like, even if it's like a small secret or like a white lie or whatever.

Yeah. But like to remember the web that is woven. Yes. And like reinforced every time it's perpetuated. It's like too much. Too much. And also oftentimes when a secret is told, it doesn't really change that much. Yeah.

Yeah. Although there are those like, I mean, I couldn't believe the secret, um, Oh my God I've already forgotten Who's that Fabulous Mua Who's trans Like

What's the name? Who got like outed As being Oh yeah Nikki tutorials Nicky tutorials When she told her secret Oh yes

That she was a trance woman Yes I was like Holy shit Yeah Yeah yeah yeah I had no idea Yeah

I mean not that You know that's important or anything. But I was just like, have you kept this secret? No, well, it's just, I mean, that was a fabulous secret. Because, like, I don't know. Like, just, it came out of nowhere. Yeah.

And the fact that she, like, reclaimed it as she was getting blackmailed, like you. Yes. Hey. You're Nicky's a Roarhill. Yeah, that's secret. Crazy. Matt, do you know what we're talking about? I haven't seen it.

I really have been saying it Oh bless your heart map Yeah Like I can't hand When a secret comes tumbling out And it's like Like it changes your entire perception of the person That is too much

Can I tell you something This is maybe one of my favorite Oh secrets is like I don't know if it falls into the category of a secret But it's close And I hate to do this because we just spoke about Evangelion on a recent episode. But in Neo Genesis Evangelion, towards the climax of the whole thing,

I think it's the end of Evangelian, there is this scene between like Ritsko, who is like such a diva, and Gendo, who's like the secret keeper of like the end of all humanity kind of thing. and sorry what's the secret well we don't know because she they're having this like altercation he's about to shoot with a gun and they're talking and and he says the truth is and then there's no dialogue and it's not in like the japanese version it's not in the english version there's just like no dialogue there but you see his mouth moving and her eyes widen and then she's killed so like the secret and the truth dies with her but even as an audience

members you don't ever get to hear the actual whatever the truth he was talking about was. Yeah, right. And that is so fabulous. That is crazy. Yeah. So she. A secret that is so profound, it kills you. Yeah.

Oh. Yeah. And I think it's in that, with that being said, maybe it's good. What? Not to know. Yeah, maybe it's better not to know. Well, what about the Jack Nicholson family secret? What?

Jack Nicholson found out that his sister was a. actually his mother. What? Yeah. Wow. He grew up. His mother had become pregnant as a young woman, maybe even a teenager. And when she gave birth to her son, her mother.

Little Jack. Yes. Said, I'll raise your son as my own and will raise you as his sister. And so his whole life, the woman that he thought was his sister was actually his mother. Wow. And the woman he thought was his mother was actually his grandmother. When did he find out? You know, when he was like 30-something.

Oh. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. How do you think that conversation went? Mom! Yes. Ooh!

I mean, I'm your sister. Wow. That's pretty good secret. That's good. Yeah. Wow. I mean, I do think that the time of secret keeping is kind of over. The internet has just changed it.

Mm-hmm. People have no capacity for secrets. Instead, we have, like, lies. Lies. Active lies. Conspiracy. We're looking for more secrets. Misinformation.

Misinformation. Matt, are you listening? What a great name. Yeah. What do you think about secret rooms? Secret rooms? Yeah. I love them.

But, like, in an American home renovation where they're like, this bookshelf. Oh, no, I hate that. Is that sheer swine? But I hate that. I hate that so much. You're like, the secret is what? You sit in there and watch football?

No. Like at the house that I'm in at the moment. Yeah. There's like all these. Your ooze shoot. Sorry? There's a secret room up there. No, but there's all these like little cupboards and stuff.

Yeah. Like that feels like a secret room. Yeah. You know, for like a small creature or something. Yes. And that's fun. Yeah. And like, oh, what about like under the house?

That's kind of like a secret room. Yeah, I set up a few little secret bases under houses in my day. Yeah. I don't know how much dust I would have been sucking in. Oh. Yeah. So much particulate. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, I think a real secret room where you keep like a secret person, secret wife, secret daughter. Secret. Like that man in Germany who had a wife and then was keeping a secret. um incest baby under the stairs and then had all those children and she was the wife was just that's not fun no it's terrible but he like raised a generation of like six six gals underneath there in his like underground and how did they respond when they found out they got out and they were all

hunched and weird because they'd not seen the sun their whole lives what are we going to do about germany can do something. We can pair those two issues off. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It is unfortunate, but you know what? Then you're like, yeah, but we did bodies and barrels. What are we, who are we pointing fingers?

Yeah, true. Yeah. Weird. Secrets. Do you think people feel like, I don't know. Like, what do you think Germans, like, what do you think the German drag podcast comments on Australia? You're like, oh, God, there's poor Australians. Australians, they're so, like, what do they reference when they pity us?

I think, you know, number one, they just think we're either all, like, white bread, racist pieces of shit. Yeah. Which, I mean, yeah. And then, number two, they just think we live in this, like, lawless desert land, surrounded by snakes and spiders. They think we're tank girl. We are, and we are.

And we are. And we are. And we got, look at a giant torpedo knockers. Yeah. Yeah Yeah Secrets I mean like honestly

I am always rattled by secrets coming to light Because I just sometimes Can't even imagine That people are saying And doing things

When I'm not there What do you think about What do you think about What do you think about the secret That Willow kept from Tara That she was using magic again. I'm under your spell.

Yeah, that was terrible. And the way that that secret was revealed. Pretty chic. So good. Yeah. Wish I could trust that it was just this once, but I must do what I must. Okay.

Secrets. There's also The Secret, that self-help book. Did you have a, like, Really? No. Obviously not. But like, what? Why did, why?

Why? I don't know. The secret. The secret. I don't know about that. I think like, I do love mystery. Mm-hmm. Mysterious things.

And I like, you know, like, in cult, they're like, this is the secret layer that you can't see until you're ready. Secret layer. No, like, the secret, like, layer of our cultism. Maybe a secret layer is what we need in the bunker. And it's like you move a boulder and then behind the boulder there's a secret layer. Who lives in the secret layer? Maybe there's just a plinth with a single beam of light and an envelope. Yes.

That has a secret. Yes. What secret? Like disclosure day. Wait. What if the, okay, what if the, well, I can't say it because then it won't be a secret. Good. Why don't you just mouth it and we'll put this, take the sound out.

What do you, are you going to see that Steven Spielberg film Disclosure Day? I don't know. I don't care. Yeah. But God bless. I, I've rewatched Word the Worlds and I was like, that was fun. But it's not like that about it. Oh.

Yeah, I don't know. But the, the plot of that film, the secret of aliens. Oh, yes. And they're going to reveal it. Yeah. By putting it on TV. Yeah. That's fun.

Do you think that would work? Well, I mean, here's a thing about that secret. I feel like that secret has come out many times, but because it's so crazy, no one believes it. People say that. Yeah, but like... People say that, Zelda, but that secret hasn't come out. But that's what I mean. Has it?

Or has it not? Because it might have. No. But you don't believe it because it's too crazy. No, I don't believe it because it's a fucking sham. When they were like, we have finally got proof of aliens. And you're like, okay, go on. And they're like, do you see that heat signature on this weird low-res radar?

Yeah. That's an alien. You're like, no, it is. Like, that's a shape. That's not, they're saying, like, we have proof. That's not proof. That's just what we've had the entire fucking time. What do you think, actually, about the lack of joy that crushing secrets has, like that?

Or like, where it's, like, Aurora Borealis. And it's like, oh, well, that's because that particular altitude of like, when science gets in the way of a fun secret. Yeah, right. Well, listen, I mean, like, I think that there's oftentimes things that are as exciting once they've been explained. Yeah. Like, I think science has plenty of fun things. Yeah. Like volcanoes.

That's crazy. But, like, yeah, I think. Yeah, needing to hold on to this idea that we're like visited by aliens. That's not happening. Let me tell you, I'm going to just go on the record and say 100 fucking percent, 100 percent. I am just going to confirm for you now. There are no aliens visiting us.

That is not happening. Do you think there's aliens out there? No. Like not in any way that is any consequence to us. So you do believe in aliens. I believe that there's life in the case. the universe. Okay.

Yeah, but I think it's, but I don't necessarily think it's happening concurrently. It could have happened a billion years ago. Or that, like, it's happening at a distance to us that makes, that is in any way relevant. Yeah, yeah. Or, like, that idea of the great filter thing that, like, every intelligent life form gets to a certain point and then implodes before it's able to kind of conquer space and time. Because there's, like, a natural kind of, like, tipping point. tipping point where it's just like you can't get past in the like industrialization onto space

travel and something just combust at that point and then you can't but I just am like it is not like there's just no way that we have cameras in every American home in every single citizen's hand and the only footage we have is like weird grainy shit footage. Yeah. Like, I'm sorry, it is not how that works. You can't have the entire world surveilled. Yeah.

And supposedly have vehicles flying around that are just not getting filmed or captured in any way that could actually prove it. I also, you saying that has made me think there's no universe where an alien wouldn't have been shot by an American. Yeah. Like, the same Venniagram. of like people who see aliens are probably

like armed and in what universe are they not shooting it down there's that great ET tweet ET tweet There's a tweet for ages ago that Me and my friends would have killed E.T. with hammers I can tell you that much

Wait what? Me and my friends would have killed E.T. with hammers I can tell you that much Or E. It's because of a fabulous hat, isn't it? If an American child ran into that fucking thing, they'd be like, Get the fucking hammers! And then do it like, ugh, ugh.

A shame about they're not being aliens is like those big, like, tarp rooms that just appear when, like, an alien event is happening. Gazeera. That is so cool. You're going to love race day. No. But, like, tunnels of plastic. like a sheet here and then everyone's in bubble gear.

Yeah. That's so cool. Oh, you can do that, doll. You don't need to wait for an alien. All right. When you get your house fumigated. Yeah. I think, like, yeah, I just don't.

I don't think. And like, listen, that would be a fun secret. There were aliens. Yeah, but I'm more obsessed with Jack Nicholson's sister being his mom. Okay, so the secret going into the bunker is... Jack Nicholson's sister was... Yeah. No.

But who can know the secret? No. Well, no. I want to do a secret layer with a podium with the envelope that's sealed with a secret written on it. Which we will not tell you. No. Do you have any good secrets?

No. I don't either. Like, really no. Like, I know. I mean, like, that's the issue. Yes, I feel like I could do with... More mystique. Yeah.

Keeping more to myself. I'm only 50 episodes of this podcast have really der- But that's why you couldn't be blackmailed because you don't keep secrets. True. True. Like you've made yourself, you know. Yeah. You have no shame.

Oh. So no secrets. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. No, really? It's not really. But also, like, what's the line between like a secret and just like not saying.

I'm saying every information about your life. Yeah. I don't know, but we crossed it a long time ago. But like. Withholding. Yeah. Yeah. And withholding is...

No, someone else has to know it to be a secret. Yeah, so if no one knows it, it's not a secret. But if someone knows it... I mean, it technically could be, I guess. Like, if you've got a crush on someone... Yeah. And, like, your best... Those were the juicest secrets of time gone by.

Yeah. God, a crush, a secret crush? Mm-hmm. But don't you feel like a secret crush? I've been going through this dilemma. recently. It's just is kind of unfair to the person

who you have the crush on. Why? Because you know something about your relationship that they don't know. And that's unkind. But like having a perspective on a relationship is always

going to be a singular experience. Because like you can't give them all the context of what you think of them because it's just like they, it's impossible for them to understand. Yeah. Only you understand what, I mean, like, I think a crush is, a crush can destroy a friendship. Yeah.

That's happened to me in high school. Where I was harboring, like, a significant crush on someone. Oh, I thought you crushed one of your friends. With my eyes. I like them so. No, but, like, I had a crush on a guy. Yeah. And wanted to spend a lot of time around him because I had the crush.

But he was just experiencing it as an honest to gosh friendship. Yeah. That was like platonic. Yeah. But like I, yeah, as time went on and he got a boyfriend, it's like I really resented that. But he didn't know that. So that was unfair in that case because it was like he didn't have any control over that. Yes.

Element of what I thought and felt. And what age were you during that? This is what like 16, 17. I feel so young. you could say. Yeah. But we used to like share a bed at sleepovers and stuff. And it was like, so that.

Yeah. And you're like, mm. Mm. But it's hard. But yeah, I was waiting for, like,

you know, it should just happen. Yes. And then it never did. Yes. And then when I told him about the crash and he didn't respond. Like he was just like,

like, like, I think it finally came out. And I was like, the reason I'd be mad, da, da, da, da, was because I have a crush on you. And then he was like, okay. And I was like, oh, okay, yes. I have been harboring my secret crush.

Yeah. And it's just like, I mean, obviously, I don't know what response he was meant to have that was going to suddenly like validate that amount of pining. Yeah. But I was like, oh, okay. And then I just couldn't. Damn it.

Be friends anymore. Oh, this is grim. Okay. But it's like, yeah, I think for that. person from their perspective, they're just like, what? Yeah. Why are you bringing this intensity to me? Oh, can't people just get it?

Get it. Get it. But I then had also been the subject of like younger, like school crushers. Like when people would be like, I've got a crush on to do, do it. And I didn't understand at the time either. Yeah. And I didn't understand that responsibility or whatever. Ah.

You have a crush on me. Yeah. I was like, what? Okay. What do you want to do about it? Yeah. No. So it's like, cuts both ways, I guess.

But not a good secret sometimes. But sometimes you do hear about it going, What? I've always had a crush too. Yeah. I think that would be a good secret for the bunker. A crush? Yeah.

Who's got a crush on who in the bunker? That's the only secrets that anyone can tell each other is what crush they have. Matt, okay. Can we do a little exercise, Matt? Yeah, okay. You've got, does your mouse have a little scrowly wheel? An imaginary one, it does. Can you do a quick, like, spin of the scrolly wheel that you don't seem to have on the bunker spreadsheet?

Yeah. And then land on a person. Okay. Yes. Don't cheat. Be honest. Wherever it kind of lands. I actually landed on Katie Perry.

Katie Perry. And now do it one more time for me. On the humans list. Humans or character list? I went too far. Oh, characters. I'll do it on characters now. Okay. Oh, that was nothing. Sailor Pluto.

Has there ever been a true word? Okay. Katie Perry has a crush on Sailor Pluto. But don't tell her. Do you think... That's for them to figure out. Would you like... that's also so Katie Perry coded for her to do some like stupid video where she's like

Hey kid cats um okay you'll if you could get a list of every single person that's ever had a crush on you like when you die or whatever yeah would you like that no when you die no god no because what if there was someone on there that I had a crush on yeah because they have a real problem this now where I have crashes on all sorts of people but if you're informing them of that crush is quite a hurdle. If you have a crush on Zelda, we can do this now. And you're a listener. Yeah. If you have a crush on Zelda. Or if you have a crush on Zelda, or if you have a crush on Matt, or on lazy. If you've got a crush on any of us. Yeah. You've got to let us know. Yeah. Can you send it through? You can send it through anonymously. I don't know how. But yeah.

Or preferably don't send it anonymously. Oh, true. Because maybe I have a crush on you. too? She might have a crush on you. Maybe. I, however, do not. I have a crush from my husband. Who my bestie? Zelda might. I mean, Matt might have a crush on you, though.

He's just got a wife and child. I don't have any crushes anymore. Wow. I have a crush on that guy that was in the freaking Borek place before. Yeah. He was fucking gorgeous. He'd play him fast and loose with those crushes. He was so hot.

Did you see how hot he was? And he had a funny voice as well. Yes, a gay voice. And he had that pimble on his face, which means that he's slightly humbled. I think maybe crushed. Did you see how big that pimple was? Crush and pity might be two different emotions that have formed in some sort of, like, he's so beautiful.

Look at how stupid he looks. Yes. He had a cloud striped tattoo and a big pimple on his face. If that's you. But he had a huge nose and he was super hot. Yeah. Does that describe? grab you, sending in a message?

I wish that guy would send me a message. Yeah. I nearly spoke to him in the line. What were you going to say? I was going to say, did you see the trailer for the new Final Fantasy 7? Why didn't you? Because I... Grow up.

Grow up. No, because... No, well, no, that's not true. I was too scared. Step it up. I first thought that he was with the baby that was next to him. He's not dating a baby. No, I thought he was the father of the baby.

Oh. But he wasn't. Like a separate. situation. No. And then I thought... Then the baby walked away on its own. And he was like, oh, that would also be his baby.

It was actually a baby T-Rick. No, and then I thought, if I do this, lazy will embarrass me. And then I thought... I could still embarrass you, even if you don't do it. And then I thought, in what universe am I striking up a conversation with this guy in the Borek line at the Preston Market? it and it goes well. And I'm just not doing that.

So I didn't. Wow. And then we'll never know. You've got to stop overthinking. Yeah. He was so hot. You got to overcome your Mayersbriggs personality. Don't you think he was hot?

Yeah, he's a baby Lish. Okay. That tattoo was real unfortunate there. But in a way that he was very humbling. Did you see that his other arm had way more tattoos and they were so much worse? So much worse. It was the like dissidia version of Cloudstripe, which is so much worse. I was going to say.

Oh. Tragic. But at least you could go to like E.B. Games together and get carrots on your fucking carrot guys. I need to go to E.B. Games to get the Star Fox release. What are we talking about secrets? I wish you'd kept that a secret. Okay, we'll be right back.

Hello. Hello. Sorry, I just remembered a secret that I really loved hearing about recently. This is just literally from like porting one podcast onto another podcast.

But I was watching Robbie Hoffman talking to Trixie Mattel in the latest episode of Bold and the Beautiful. And Robbie, who I just think is the fucking funniest new voice in comedy. was talking about when they moved, like, as a child, they really dirt poor and has like nine or ten, nine siblings,

Orthodox Jewish, really dirt poor. And they moved to New York, from New York to Canada. And her youngest sibling, she was 12 at the time, her youngest sibling found out about the tooth fairy for the first time. And the kid was like, oh, does the tooth fairy come for me? And the mom was like, fine. I'll do the tooth fairy, but kind of like, whatever. And so back in the day, they used to share a bedroom, bunk beds, like, four to a room.

And the mum in the middle of the night, after doing, like, all the work, preparing all the lunches for the next day, for 10 kids, whatever, comes into the room with a little 50-set piece and immediately trips over in the darkness and falls to the ground. And it's like, ah! And then they all wake up. And the daughter, he was like, getting the tooth fairy, just like, it's me, I'm the tooth fairy. It's mommy. It's mom's money. Just immediately broke and told the story.

Yeah. And then gave her the 50s at face, and the youngest daughter was like, oh. Mommy's the tooth fairy. She's like, it is me. Is that not the funniest? I can't stop laughing Tripping and immediately

just like, I can't do this anymore I barely tried once and I just gave up immediately It is so funny And so What type of street performer Gets into the bunker? Now we promise this on the previous episode

We promise this And I'm sure you've been tantalized all week thinking what things does Zelda have to say about street performers? Yeah. Zelda, what do you think about street performers? We're just talking about, honey, it's all coming back. Dance monkey dance. The original street performer.

The dancing monkey? No, oh, well, that too. What? The tones and I, she started out as a basket. Oh, I thought you were going to say a snake in a basket. Um. What I meant to say was, I hoped you would say a snake in the basket. Yeah.

Because that, I love. Having a rich tapestry as your stage. Yeah. I love that. A basket? A basket? Do you think it actually works? Um, I don't want to look up any videos of this because the reality of it is evil.

And I don't want to see what conditions these snakes might be living under. But... The cobras. Yeah. But in my mind, it's fabulous. Yeah. So it's you hypnotize. Yes, with a delightful tune.

Yeah, you hypnotize a cobra raises. Oh, it's called Snake Charming. Snake Charming, oh, of course. Yeah, I mean, I do enjoy the mysticism of snakes through history. So Snake Charming is the practice of appearing to hypnotize a snake, often a cobra. Appearing to. By playing and waving around an instrument. called the punji.

Waving around. A typical performance may include handling the snakes or performing other seemingly dangerous acts as well as other street performance tables like juggling and sleight of hand. Snake charming is a traditional performance practice associated with several

regions including Egypt, North Africa, the Middle East and South Asia. In ancient Egypt, serpents held symbolic ritual significance in religious and magic. Okay, well, does it actually work though? Well, that's interesting. I think you're going.

Ethical concerns. I think they just looked, they, they just looked at the end of the, the flute or whatever. I don't think they actually, I don't think the music actually hypnotize them. Is it real? Is it real? You know what I mean? Like, they would, they would hold up the little recorder or whatever.

Oh, at home snake charmers keep their animals in containers, such as baskets, boxes, pots, or bags. Yeah. For safety, for some North African snake charmers stitch closed the mouths of their performing snakes. snakes, leaving just enough of an opening for the animal to be able to move its tongue in and out. Oh, not great.

Oh. So I hate that. But the optics of it. You know, you know, like, I don't know, and like banjo-ca-zoui or something, then that's fun. Um, you know, but, um, I, okay, here's, okay, do I think independent artists and creatives are fabulous? Yes.

when have you ever said that do i think um hustling to make a dollar is fabulous yes do i am i delighted when i can't walk down the fucking street because there's a crowd surrounding someone playing a fucking pan flute no do i love to see forced perspective fun um you know, like pastel drawings on, you know, like internet real or whatever. Yes. And then when I see it in person and I'm at the slightly different angle and none of it works, no. The fucking drummer of a cavalcade of objects that aren't a drum kit.

That doesn't delight me. It's quite loud. You would hate rent. I haven't seen rent. I don't think it's going to be. me for you. No. But it does have your favorite eight.

Eights. I don't know that I would say that AIDS is my favorite, but... I'm sorry, HIV. Oh, God. I don't know. Like, it's fine, but God, it's annoying. What do you think about? Also, like, selling your little CD.

It's nice. Do you really think that? No. No, you don't, do you? I don't know. So, Matt, here is a busker. I used to do that all the time, Zadda. How'd you go?

Well, obviously it worked out well. We, yeah, I did pretty well. We? Who else did you pull into this? Well, I was with my band The Scrims. Ah, that's a skrim. But we started out as a busking band, so all our songs were kind of like written to be, Like street songs.

Yeah. Do you know what I mean? What defines a good street song? Well, the songs that made the most money, literally we just kept playing the ones that made the most money. So it was a kind of a weird way of writing songs. But it was always like the ones that were loud and fast and had the big moments, you know?

Mm-hmm. Because there's a lot of performers that just kind of do very slow and sort of background kind of like singer-songwriter kind of stuff. So you do agree with the thesis that created Dance Monkey? Yeah. No, I think it's like, I think she was a great busker. But I don't like it. Yeah.

Doesn't mean I like it. Doesn't mean I like it. You know what I really hate. What? Is like an 11-year-old playing a keyboard. Yeah. And then 10 meters away is like the parent watching. Just give them the money.

Oh, it's like, are you actually? okay. Do you think, are you selling this in your brain as like, I'm supporting my child who's going to be an incredible musician Monday? Yeah. Get real. Get real. You're evil. All of this is evil. This cloying for attention little child. You living vicariously through them, collecting the dollars. Oh, it's sick. I'm sure they let the child keep the money. Yeah, it's sweet that you assume that the parents are keeping the money. But also what? You think of fucking talent agent's going to walk by and snap them up? Get real. It's about that. It's about practice for them to perform. Practice in your house. No. Performers. Maybe they don't have a house.

In the studio. In the studio. Practice in your backyard. No. I don't need to hear you practice on the street. You've got to practice in front of people. You've got to practice performing. Get a gig. Get a gig. You fucking lay about. Fucking 11 year old piece of shit. Yes. Like a king Zelda. Exactly.

You're 11. So why am I watching you perform on the street? You're actually not ready. And that's not your fault, but it just takes some time. Yeah. You mean, I feel like you could write all this down and give it to them. I just have printed ones in my little purse. But like print one side so it looks like money.

And then it was like this exact diatribe with a QR code link. So they can listen to this episode. I also. Cut two minute. 55, please, so you can hear what I say. The statues thing. The statues. It doesn't.

Yeah. Delight me. What about if it really looks like a statue? It doesn't. It never does. It never does. And, like, don't get me wrong. The idea of, like, being super still and then moving to give someone a spook, that is hilarious.

And fantastic. But like, I'm looking at you sitting really still. I'm not going to be spooked when your eyes move because I know that you're a busker who's pretending to be a statue. What about if it looksery. Okay, what about when they're holding a stick and it looks like they're levitating? No, it doesn't actually. And like, but they're actually just being sat up through the stick through the sleeve through

that. No, that's a lie. That's a lie. I will not be given lies. And I, you know that if you like looked really closely, you would say, see like their neck color behind, you know, in like a gap between the collar or whatever. And they haven't applied the makeup everywhere. Oh, you must have seen us at the Medea's.

Our night of nights. What? You know if you. But, you know. I do know. I wasn't asking for money that night. I wasn't forcing everyone on the street to look at me. Just everyone in your community.

Yeah. Yeah. Everyone was looking at you on the street. Yeah, true. And that poor Uber driver, I'm so sorry. It's blue paint. It's fine. It's fine. He did have a leather interior.

It's fine. He wanted you to give him money. I did. And I did. That's good. He deserved it. Okay. Juggling.

No. Magic. Yes. I'm often tantalized when I walk past the spell. I love good magic. You know what? South Bank. How you grow up?

And there's like, yeah, like three. little BMX bandits doing like jumps on each other or whatever or like claim thrower people. I have like, oh no, the like kindy energy of them like rallying everyone to watch. I like that. And then like involving like a small child like you coming. Yeah. No, I like that. I like someone who's like clearly in it.

The little like suitcase off to the side while you're performing. Oh. Like a suitcase with legs that becomes a table. Oh, that's even worse. No, but I just mean like it's kind of embarrassing to be. be like, oh, well, that's everything I, I brought all my bits here, and now I've set up shop for the day. Oh.

Sorry. I just don't like it. Someone brought all the equipment I'll need to do the job and then they're doing it. Yeah, but it's like doing a drag show with your suitcase and drag bag on the stage. No. Oh. That should be off to the side in the dressing room. But there's a thing.

It's not a performance menu. It's the street. I want to walk there. What if a bird wants to sit there? The same rules don't apply, okay? Um, we have done. street performance before Zelda. Yeah.

And where you was annoying as you make out that everyone else is? Obviously not. We were handing up flyers for our show. Yeah. And that's slightly different. Well, that sounds really annoying. Hey, we made it good. And gave a lot of people's photos.

And you know, I don't know. When we went busking, it was always lovely. And we had lovely chats with people, all the beautiful people that come up and talk to you after your busking. Oh, I don't like that. Yeah. What are they told you about? Aren't you good?

How long have you been doing this for? They say that. Stuff like that, yeah. And what do you say? Matt used to get lots of numbers from girls that we don't want to perform. Yeah, that's how I, yeah, that's better than talking to people in the Borek line. Oh, okay. Maybe you should do some busking, Zelda.

Might meet some people. Take that under consideration. I used to get a few numbers. this, yeah. That's hot. I love that. Yeah. What?

It was nice for the people. Like paper? Yeah, or like postcards or like little receipts and stuff. Oh, cute. Do you ever call anyone? No. No? No.

He's a professional. Yeah. He's at work. Some of the other guys did. Did they? Did you think good couple? Yeah. I think some people in the band dated a few busking fans.

Oh my God. And then they, out and they're like, let's go and see some more busking you. Like, no! Wait, what do you think? Also, I mean, there is that. What? It's not a destination. It's an inconvenience. Because no one is going out on a day, sorry, Matt.

No one's going out on a day to be like, oh my God, let's go see the buskers. Yeah. So many people did when we did, but we would always busk at markets. We never busked in the city. That is completely different. Yeah. That's completely, I am explicitly talking about, like, street. Street. And you do work in the CBD.

So you have to encounter a lot more. Yeah. We never did the CBD. It was just not the right. It was just not the right energy there. Yes. Like everyone is so rushed and they're just, they're not like, where is at the market? Like people were like, oh, we've got a coffee and we're walking around and I've looked at all the shops and like, oh, there's music.

At the market. Gather around. I think the issue sometimes with Melbourne is that everyone's going somewhere. The city doesn't have a lot of ambios. And the regimented way that they police street performing makes it like... It's pretty intense in the city. It's insane. Like the way that they're like, you've got to get a permit, you've got to apply at the start

of the year, you've got to like da-da-da-da. You've got to audition for us to prove that you're talented enough. Yeah, for the big streets. This is my issue. I don't want talented street performers all the time. I want an off-key Korean man. man singing Do You Believe by share?

Yeah. Like, Yeah. Like on Little Burke Street. Yes. I just am like, I want a man with a giant carrot. I want the activations and moments in the city to be bizarre more than I want them to

be like sincerely like beautiful. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a man with a terrifying weird puppet. I'm excited about that. Yeah. I just want to see a freak. You know what I like? is at

I don't know I think there's a few of them around the city but in Melbourne Central in the like food court of Melbourne Central there's a piano it's just like there

and it's in tune and anyone can just go and play it I like that I like that because every time I go through there's some fucking nerd they're playing some theme song from like Chrono Trigger

and I'm like oh that's that's fabulous because nerds can't help themselves They talk about and force others to be exposed to their like niche interests. So you're saying the environment helps. The environment where the busker, the street performer is helps. No, that's about intent.

Yes. The person is not wanting your attention. They just, they just can't, the compulsion is, they can't stop themselves. Yes. It's the being seen wanting things. Yes. I also think like this. It's just like free entertainment.

It's fine. But there's a reason drag queens don't do street performing. And I think it's because it very quickly reveals a lack of talent. Yes. Like, I just don't think you can maintain. Like three hours of drag. You can't do three hours of drag. Out in the street.

No. Yeah, no. No. I just want to see more creativity. I mean, honestly, I like, like, like, yeah, when Zelda and I did an activation at, I can't remember where it was, but it was for a Halloween party and we were pretending we were infected with some sort of fungus spore and were being taken over.

That's fun. And I wish that that was happening in the street. Yeah. It just starts being like, it's eating my brain! Yeah. I was just going to say, what about, would you like to sit down and have me draw a disgusting character of your disgusting?

dusting heather face. I love. Fuck. Holy shit. I love, oh, I, caricature artist.

That is my kryptonite. That is my kryptonite. When they do the most evil, like, it's you, your girlfriend's on a treadmill because she's, you know,

she's a pig bitch. And then this is all the sweat. And like, that mole is now 10 times the size. And this is you on the bike. behind, you know, just you're like, I, oh, what? Where does that personality type come from? Where you discovered that you had the ability to do quick cartoons.

And then you immediate were like, I must use this power to make the most evil. I hate it. Insulting images of people. But then I also hate the inverse because like the, the like advertising banner is always like, he's a portrait of Audrey Hepburn and he is a portrait of da-da-da and you too could sit down and have a gorgeous portrait of yourself I'll just illustrate that in 25 minutes for $45.

I hate that. I hate it. I like that. That's so cool. It's like the original read. Also like people that write your name on a grain of rice that's not really a street performance but it is a street activity.

On a grain of rice? And then they put it in a small vial to wear as a necklace. Oh. No matter how. how long the name. They'll fit it on that greener rice. How? They're just incredible. Dremel? No.

Wait, the rider on there? Yeah. With what? A little needle. Needle? Or something. Are they etching? No. Just a permanent ink. I have no idea what you're talking about. Yeah. The world is large. What does the vial look like?

It's like a little vial this big. They're just enough for a green of rice. Listen, she's holding up her fingers in a tiny distance apart from each other. Yeah. Wow. Imagine a centimeter and a half. I can't imagine that. Now imagine it glass in a cylinder, capped on either side with a silver topper and bottler.

Speaking of small bottles, can I tell you? Yesterday, my belt potion bottles arrived for the mid-years. I didn't realize you were self-sacrificing by letting me have the belt potion. Oh, there was no question. It was like, no, no. So kind of you. How fabulous is that bottle? I'm so impressed

I didn't break and smash on someone. Yeah. I like when I was, where was I? I can't remember. But there was a girl on roller skates who was so cunty in a crowded street in, it was either Italy or France. But she was like zooming around, or Mexico.

She was zooming around. And we were like, delightful. And everyone was stopping to watch, but we had somewhere to be. So we were rushing past. And she turns around. and like without me realizing has like, and she's flitting through like a really crowded like cobble street.

And suddenly I feel something on my back. She has leapt and jumped piggyback style onto my back. Sorry, what? Yes. And then I turned around and she's like, ah ha ha ha! And then zooms away. On your back. On my back.

Jumped onto me, mounted me, and then disappeared. Wait, how long was she on your? back for? I would say it like two seconds, like held. She was on your body. On the top half of my body. And you turned your neck and you saw a woman's face. Yeah, with like wacky face paints, slicked back hair, little ponies, an insane outfit. And it was amazing. I love like devilish imp. Wow. Yeah. Because she knew that we were on a rush. We were walking right past. We weren't even going to give her the attention. She fought for it. But you didn't give her any money.

No. Did she buy you? No. Did she steal anything from you? No. But I'm like, how often do you get to pull that trick where it doesn't kill the person? Yes. Well, she knew that you were sturdy.

Yeah, she saw me and she said, there we go. Look at them legs. Yeah, there's a long lally legs. That bow-legged heifer can hold me up. And she wasn't wrong. Imagine if I just fell down to me. What's a really big risk? Whoa.

Just brush. I do love the risk. Yeah. I love when someone's got a chainsaw and they're like, can I have a child from the crowd? Yeah. Just isn't happening in any other facet out of society that like you're like, now you just hold this chains over. Wait. You say something.

I just thought, oh my God, wait. Go on. So there is a video of a street performer that I am, have always loved. Go on performer And it is There's one thing she likes No How am I ever gonna find this

Just talk about it You don't need to find it No lazy you No I must Well street performing is crazy Matt And it's important to remember Oh Have you seen this video

What is happening in the video Zeld do you have to Oh it's a dog It's like a Labrador And it's wearing a It's wearing a Like a cha-cha dress And it is dancing with a man

You don't know this? No Oh my God It's incredible The whole thing And the dog is on its hind legs For the whole thing And it's like chattahing around

Look at it See Zaldra only supports Street performers If they're abusing animals It's wag in its tails Now it's doing a little And look at this. The guy doesn't circle around the dog.

And then the dog doesn't circle around the guy! Are you seeing that? I am. I am. I'm going to send it one moment. How good is that? Zelda, that poor dog. That celebrated artist.

That 11-year-old being forced. Practice the dog things at home. And like, what a fabulous tune. Listen to this part. You know, it does remind me actually of that incredible, you know, the nun from the film, The Nunn. This video has 4.8,000 likes. Uploaded 15 years ago.

I thought this would have had like 25 million. Four and a half thousand people have seen this. That's it. Oh, no, that's, oh, never mind. Wow. That's how many likes it's had. It's had nearly a million views. But still, I thought it would have had a lot more.

Yeah. I can't believe you've not seen that video. Of the dog dancing with the man. Yes. Doing the cha-cha. Jeremy and I used to like, put that on and just laugh. It was that video. And then there's this, you know, the video of like the woman with like the photo booth like swirl?

Yeah. And she's in it and she's like, uh-huh. You know what I'm talking about. Can you make this our 150th episode? And this is only just coming up now. You've denied people. You know what I'm talking about. Shut.

You do. Do you know the video? It's so funny. I don't know. I'll breathe up. The moment by the spiral. There she is. This is an audio-only media.

Have you seen this? What is the wrong with you? Have you seen this? Have you? We're going to put the links to these and this. Of course, we will. Of course. Mexican dancing dog and woman with swirly well.

Girl laughing while making funny faces on distorted webcap. It's so funny. There's also a version where they've like reversed the effect and she's just sitting in front of the camera laughing. That's amazing. Oh, shit. Well, if only she'd done it on the street. Then I'd be delighted.

It's nice to see your friends. Oh, my God. Yeah. Well, so. What are we going to get you to do first? Stand up or street performer? No, I could do. We need to get you to do it so that you can experience.

You can learn compassion. I could do street perform me. Oh yeah? Oh, yeah. What would you do? I mean, I could literally do anything. What would you do, though? Because it wouldn't have to be done well.

Yeah. What would I do? I think you're fine. Yeah, it does have to be done well. Wow. Not if I went to Frankston. What would I do? You could blow bubbles or some shit.

No, I'd do like some version of drag. Oh. Yeah. Oh, really not going to be doing it. But that'd be good. Yeah. Like as if, I mean, you're starting up. Just finding your way.

Like it. What would you do on the street? What would I do on the street? Yeah. What would I do? I'd want to do like that, you know, that guy that, like, sings through a keyboard. And he's like,

he sings like karaoke song. Yeah, what do you call it? Like a vocoder. Oh, a vocoder. I'd like to do that, you know, but like on the street. Like a talk box. Yeah, what is it? Speak hole.

This, this is what I do. I was so sure that it was going to be the first video to show up, and it wasn't at all. Here we go. This. Like Duff Punk. It delights. I suppose that's delightful.

Do you remember the chicken man? He used to stand outside. He used to stand outside Flinders Street Station. That made me so sad. And he used to play What Is Love on the melodica. Yeah, that made me really sad. In the chicken suit. The chicken suit thing is so sad.

What? It's just like, it really. time I went to rats and he was there playing at rats. It condens. Having to wear, like, because like sometimes drag feels like this, but it's like having to like add like some kind of absurdist novelty to yourself in order to be appreciated, which you do have to do eventually. But it's just like the chicken suit is just too much.

Can I? It's quite degrading. It's so, and like what if you get famous for being the chicken suit? He did. And then what? You get to play it at the club, right? Yeah. Then you're the chicken suit guy forever.

No one knows what his face looked like, so he could have been anybody. True. It's like a superhero. It's going to be so good when this turns into a video podcast. Because you're going to be like, play the tape. Yes. Play the tape. Or at least like, oh my God.

You'll be able to see the genuine tears of joy. Did you, yeah. Did you see Delta work giving a talking to a talking to? about accepting fees for less than $150? No. Oh, my God. She read this entire email exchange she'd had with the producer of like a Bravo or whatever reality TV show.

Yeah. That it offered her $150 to appear on one of their shows. Yeah. And then when she said, no, they're like, well, I'm sorry, you can't make it work. Do you have any other fabulous drag queens you'd like to suggest? Oh. And she just goes in and she's like, no one should accept. this amount of money.

And then Delta pulls out $150 and holds it in front of the camera and says, this is $150. This. And then it goes for literally 15 minutes. Oh, that's amazing. And she's like, I can even wipe my ass with this amount of money. Because you know what?

Take out $20. That's what I'm paying in taxes. And I've got $130. What do you think I'm doing? It's so disrespectful. It is homophobic. It is. How dare you?

you like it was incredible she's like you want me to dance you want me to slide up and down that fucking pole for $150 I want to do a little twirl hey delta you want to come over here to do a little drag a little dance in a circle I'll throw some money down for you you little whore just like Delta amazing that is very funny yeah oh I like that I would be sad if I didn't make money busking yeah that would be hard also who has coins yeah no one has coins yeah there was like a very specific time when we were busking where it was like perfect. It was like the end of the CD era. We were selling CDs and I think we sold like 3,000 CDs or something.

Holy shit. That's like amazing. Yeah. That's more than Lizzo. That's literally. Over like the course of like five years or whatever. That's not Lizzie. But that's pretty good for physical CDs at the end of the like in the 2010s.

Yeah. Yeah. God. Oh, but yeah, like, I don't know, it doesn't feel quite the same if it's like, we wouldn't be able to do that now. Yeah. There's no, there's no way that you could do that now. I mean, yeah, no.

The world's changed. The street is dying. Yeah. We knew we'd done well when we started finding them in op shops, though. Oh, I would fucking die. Okay, if I ever found some of my merchant at op shop, if you see some don't, don't show me. Because I, like, it would kill. You don't think that's camp?

I think that's funny. Not, I mean, particularly, the number one thing that would break my heart would be a T-shirt. Yeah, I would hate to see one of my T-shirts because it's not... What? Oh my God, it would break my heart. Unless someone died and their mother put it in like the salvers bin or whatever. Yeah, it could be anything. I would accept...

Someone got really, really big. A pin, like an enamel pin. Someone got really tiny. In a junk pile. But, like, no. If I saw a T-shirt there, I would die. Really? Yeah, I hate that.

That, like, genuinely surprises me. I thought you would have think that's kind of camp. Like, the life cycle, and then someone else buying it from the op shop without the context of who you are. They're just thinking it's a cool print. I know, but, like, imagining someone, like, looking at my shirt and being like, mm. I'll never wear that again. Yeah. Oh, I didn't make it for that.

I wanted you to treasure it and love it forever. Never be able to part ways with it because it just means that much. Imagine being so taught, like, tossing. it away. Yeah. Ew, no. Unless you died. That's allowed.

Yeah. You'd be a little bit mad that they didn't get cremated in that. Yeah, like honestly, probably. But no, no, actually, I want my shirt burnt up. But I'd be mad that they didn't leave it to someone in a will. Ah, yes. Yeah. But yeah, I don't want to see that.

Do you think I should get a will done? Do you have a will? I don't. What are you leaving in your will? Well, I'm probably just going to leave it all to you. I don't want six fish tanks. There's seven. And slime hole?

Yeah, the slime hole. No, listen, you have, I mean, your video game collection would have to go to your nephews. I mean, all like, it would kind of half go to all my nephews and you. Yeah, and your brother might want some of them. What? The wigs. The wigs? Oh, I take it the drag.

Yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, don't make any promises. I might need some more drag. Yeah. But now, there's no one at hand.

Sorry, I was just practicing for my street performance. What? So who's going in? What are we going to put in? Oh, that dancing dog. Okay, we're putting the Mexican dancing dog. And it does, like, the little arms out the front and it walks. The whole thing is done on its high and it.

legs. That's crazy. And the joke walks in and immediately gets eaten by the meg. But the tutu will float to the top of the water. She's dancing inside of a prehistoric animal now. And a cold night, you can still hear the cha-cha sound. We're watching that full video when we get back to your house. On the TV. On the TV. Soundbar on. Okay. Goodbye. Oh, bye. Oh, wait, Matt, say what we put in, please. Wait, are we done? Yeah. Is that the end of the episode?

Yeah. 150 episodes will never be back here again. No. But no. Oh, my God. Also, can I say, on Discord, Hmm, Jordan said something. The pain in Delta's voice when being played, Rita Orr sings, is fucking

hilarious. But I was trying to think what, like, what happened there? That, like, she, I think I'm a dear, I would die. Oh. Yeah. No, was it? Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, I remember now. And you were just so mad. Yeah, that's disgusting. But you did learn about the Kia asylum, which is really important. Yes. But I also learned about the spelling of that when Matt uploaded the episode. Yeah. Very impressive. You got the spelling right there, Matt. Great work.

I just guessed. That's how most spelling works Okay So this week we've got going in to the vanga Did we just do two things? We've got a secret crush Yeah That's the secret and a Mexican dancing dog

Wait, have we not done the next? A secret? No, we had speakhole Yeah, that was the secrets And then we also did Wait Oh no, we haven't finished the episode at all We got another topic

We'll be right back Cut that out No, keep it, that's funny Cut three I'm going to clean that bit out I was a little bit messy Any other feedback? Are we done already?

Welcome back listener And now our final topic for discussion today Is which frog Which frog Goes into the bunker And with that Our 100 No

Which frog Well, I saw what... Kermit's good. Yeah, Kermit. Kermit's good time. Acknowledge Kermit, yeah. What about, like, evil twisted Kermen? You know that?

Other Kermit? What? Oh, the one wearing like the doth, the... No, no, that's a meme, isn't it? Other, hang on, other... Other Muppet frogs. No, it's like, yeah, he's like the, um, the Sith Lord Kermit. Yes, no, I mean, like, that is fantastic and hilarious.

He's wearing like a dark hood. Yes, yes. Sorry, I am just reading this fucking discord now. Lancy of previous episode fame. Come, it is so cute. Also love the Alan Carr impersonation lazy. Thank you. I have to agree, it's much better than the Homer.

Sorry, we don't need the last. Lisa. That's good, you fuck. That was good. That freaked me out a little bit because I wasn't looking. I love when they do this face. Kermit. Oh, I was thinking of the evil Miss Piggy.

You know when they like scrunch up his face? Yeah. This is not, there's an audio-only medium. Hey, I'm describing it, scrunched up face. Anyway, Frogger. Frogger. What else? What else?

Someone has, I saw recently, like, oh my God, I saw this man actually on YouTube. This really stressed me out. He was like, I, Like, can't sleep without white noise in my room. But my girlfriend doesn't like the white noise machine, so we can't have it. Because it keeps her up, right? So while she's out of town, I'm setting up a fish tank in our bedroom on the bedside table. That is going to make a noise that I can fall asleep to.

And she'll be so appreciative and happy that we have now this cool fish tank in the room. Right. So he sets it a lot. This fucking tall, lanky, geeky guy. He sounds hot. He sets up this whole aquarium. And he's like, she's home today. Sets up a hidden camera.

Shows us the footage of his girlfriend who's hot. Wait, who are you talking about? A YouTuber. Oh, right. Yeah. And she comes into the room and she's like, oh. And he's like, do you see the fish tank? It's so I can sleep.

It's instead of the white noise machine. Yeah. And she's like, oh no, we can't have this in the room. Because I don't think it's the issue of what the noise is. But she's like, I'm a light sleeper, hon. You know that it's like you can't have this in the room. So it's like he clearly not asked her. And then completely ignores her response, keeps it in the fucking video.

And then he's like, but it clearly did. It was clearly okay, even though she says she doesn't like it. And then he cuts the footage of him in bed while she's snoring next to him asleep, once again being filmed without her permission. Oh, God. And he's like, see, she likes it. Into prison. What country are these people from? Talking on American.

Yeah, there it is. What the hell? Yeah. Just like, dude. Who? Also, a fish tank on a bedside table is a recipe for fucking disaster. Oh, I was going to say, who wouldn't be delighted by a fish tank in the bedroom? You have one in your bedroom, it just doesn't have any fish in it.

Not yet. What about throg? Throg. You know the Thor frog? I don't appreciate that. You know Throg? I do know it, yeah. Ah, that's good, man.

What about hypnotoed? I do. Well, technically. Yes, yes. But I like, what about Slippy? Slippy. Slippy. Slippy, from Star Fox.

Slippy Toad. Frogs are funny. Yeah. Wait, what about that frog? That's the one from, oh my God, what is it? They're like, no, my God, windows and willows. That's a toad. Yeah, I know.

But you know. Well, the category isn't favorite toad. God, frogs are so funny. What about crazy frog? I mean, it kind of... That's a bit crazy. Did you ever get into Crazy Frog? It kind of has to be Crazy Frog.

The Poison Dart Frog. Crazy Frog was like... All the boys were obsessed with Crazy Frog. Da-Bee, da, ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da. And why does it have that little dick? Well, that's the centerpiece. That is hideous. I hate that it has a little dick.

And they would just start like, singing it in the middle of class. Like all together as a chorus. What would they sing which part? Like that bit, like the... Bring-bing, ring, bring, bing, bing, whatever it is. Bing dang, ding, dang. Yeah.

Yeah. God, how obnoxious. Oh, actually, you know what? And the teachers would just be like, yeah. Please know. Just looking at this list of famous frogs. One of the frogs that I think is kind of iconic, the frog from Spirited Way.

Oh yeah Who's like really annoying Yes Oh and I love when he gets frozen in that bubble That's so fun Yes What else Cut that silence out

We're not having any of that Um Oh Mr Toad is that What about Tiana Oh princess and the frog Yeah Yes There's also frog and Toad

That book Did you ever read that book? Toad rage No They're frog and toad. It's a really cute book about these two friends. It's kind of like you and you and Zelda lazy. I'm sad that we can't have toads.

We can. We can't. What about Pepe the Frog? If we do. No, we can't have him. He's a racist. Wait, Pepe the Frog is racist? Yes.

Pepe Lepeu, isn't it? He's a neo-Nazi now. Pepe the Frog is a neo-Nazi? A neo-Nazi's been co-opted. What? Pepe. Because otherwise I'd say Mrs. Big Head from Rocker's Modern Lion.

Rockers. She's a cane toad, but she is Rocco. Oh, Rocco. You know? Oh, I love that. She's amazing. She's a seductress and she has skin tight pants. What about that boy?

Frog. You know? The frog on the unicycle? No. You don't know that meme? No. You've never seen the image before? Well, it's audio only.

I can't. I described it. Frog on the unicycle. I'm willing to lock down on Kermit. I feel like we need to have Kermit in there. Kermit is, oh, there she's Mrs. Bighead. I love Mrs. Bighead. That's amazing.

Unless we can have Mrs. Big Head. Winky! True! From Donkey Kong Country. Oh. Although, Winky had the worst mechanics. Jumping around into that frog was not delightful. My favorite was the ostrich.

Winky looks fucked. Are you kidding me? I'm just looking at this now. Winky is orange and green. What about Clyde Frog from South Park? I don't want to hear any more about these frogs. No. We're locking down.

Obviously we're doing, what about frog from Chrono Trigger? That's actually a great choice. I literally don't understand what you're saying. Chrono Trigger, Super Nintendo? You know, you carry. Baby. I mean, yes, obviously it should be Kermit and it will be Kermit. Okay, Kermit the frog.

Frog's legs. Excuse me. Never eaten frog's legs. This week. Going into the bunker. Yes. Kermit the Frog. A secret.

An envelope. A secret layer with a boulder in front of the door. Yes. That opens up to reveal a beam of light hovering above a plinth with a single envelope with a secret. Katie Perry has a crush on Taylor. Pluto. Pluto. Yeah.

And then a street performer, a dancing Mexican dog and its owner. Yes. That gets immediately eaten. Okay. All right. Well, another amazing episode and the 150th. It might be the best episode yet. I think it probably is.

Have you seen that spiral woman? Thanks, everyone. Bam-bang. Death everyone was recorded by Natural Habitatts to the years that match he is. our themes of the music was provided by Edie Centric and Angersman Leigh You got some little say to us, send it to us at deathriverantitimal.com or say to us at speakpipe.com slash death to everyone and won't you consider supporting us after these 150 long episodes

at patreon.com slash death to everyone I'd like to buy the world a Coke. Bye, yeah, better.