Death To Everyone - Death To... Shoes, Minor Inconveniences & Graffiti

Episode Date: March 17, 2026

Hello listener! We continue our thankless pursuit of cataloging humanities’ things to preserve for the impending doomsday. Listen to it here, each week on… DEATH TO EVERYONE! Follow us, won't you? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ You can send us a voicemail at ⁠www.speakpipe.com/deathtoeveryone⁠Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.naturalhabitatstudios.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/ediecentric⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103⁠

Hello, listener. Before we dive into today's episode, we'd like to support you in your decision to buy tickets to our upcoming live shows. Or we'll put a witchy curse on you. That's right. It's Witchy Goes Live, after all. And Witchie Goes Live will be happening on the 3rd of May at the Capitol Theater in the city. And then at the 14th of May, at the Comedy Republic in the city. Buy tickets for that one. It's a bit cheaper.

Yes. And then the third one, which will be either at Comedy Republic, or maybe even at ACMI. Actually. In the city. You haven't decided yet to demand is whether it's going to be there. Which will be the final two episodes of this series presented with live accompaniment by myself and Zelda Moon,

which I think is also cheaper, but I don't know. But the first one is the most expensive, but also the most grand. Oh, it's going to be so grand. But book your tickets now at thewitchiegirls.com. Or else we'll curse you. Hello, listener. Hello. Welcome back.

to reality. Yes. My name's Elder Moon. My name is Lazy Suzanne. And today, our producer is none other than matchers. Hulled in. Driving the space car that these two celestial goddesses, myself and Zelda Moon,

are inside of, through space and time. Speaking of being in a car, I watched a movie last night. Wait, should I just quickly say, Welcome, this is our weekly podcast where we talk about a range of fabulous topics. We put the best things from those topics into a doomsday bunker after the apocalypse. So, have you seen a movie called It Ends? It ends.

It ends. It came out last year. It ends with us. It ends. Okay. And it follows four cottage students in the States driving down a road. And then all of a sudden, wait, what? Do you do take a turn?

No, but the road is ended, but what? Oh, and then when they stop moving in the car, all these people run up to the car and desperately try to get in the car, so they have to drive away. Is this not from? Well, you just wait. And so then when they stop the car again, people appear and try to get in the car, so they have to drive away.

But, wait, what's this? No one's hungry. No one's sleepy. they just drive forever. I want to watch that movie. You should. Is it bad? It might be the worst movie I've ever seen.

Incredible. Like it was so bad. There was just like no payoff. And worse is reading the reviews, like not as in like the actual reviews, but like the, no, I give it two and a half stars out of five. I thought it was pretty good.

Yeah. But then when you read the five out of five, incredible. Like this had such a strong message. Were they dead? No, it fucking didn't. Who knows? The movie, like, spoiler a let, spoiler alert.

The movie just ends with one of them, like a few of them give up along the way. And then at the end, one of them... What do they do when they give up? They just go and join the other people that live in the forest. They're like, I'm done. Yeah, they just wait. Like, because it's not clear if it's like purgatory, if it's punishment, if it's heaven, if it's hell. But does the car run out of fuel?

Never. Never? Never? No, never. God, I wish I had that at the moment With the bloody cost of fuel at the moment I wish I was it ends But it seems like it never fucking does, huh?

Zauder is not impressed Sorry Sorry, not sorry So when it ends One of them gets to the end Of the road And there's all these other cars at the end of the road Where'd they get?

But like he's been driving for maybe like a year On his own Wow, in the end. Yeah. It ends. Wait. And then he just like... And then he just like...

No. I feel like that's such like film school bro guy thing to do is like, he's got a girlfriend. She ends. Missed girlfriend. It fucking sucks. Wait, so there's all these other cars at the end.

Yeah. And then what? It's clear that some other people got to the end and then also didn't really, there's nothing else to do. So then he starts driving back. and like picks up one of the randos and like puts him in the car

for someone to chat to and then that's the end of the movie It goes Whipping on the run Running in the sun It was Heading down the 101 Like some of the worst dialogue

Worst performances What if it just zoomed out And they were on like a A roundabout Yeah Funny No exits No at one point they put down a log

To check Yeah. And if we get back to the stick, then we know that we're going around circles. Sounds like a pretty cheap film to make. True. Happy for them. It was just a road. Beautiful forest though. Beautiful. Was it like alpiney?

No. You know what? I actually like I say that. Was it English? No, I was American. It's talking American. But it wasn't like the classic like Walking Dead forest. Georgia.

Yeah. It like had a slightly different flavor. which was nice. Like, yeah. You're like me on the travelator changing between the different walking tracks. You can be like, oh, it always freaks me out when I'm, I say this like I'm doing it constantly. But in the times that I've encountered these, you know, when you get on the travelator, the walking thing, treadmill, and then you're like, I thought you meant the travelator at the airport. And you can select different programs and walk through like the high, the highlands of Scotland.

or whatever and then it just cuts to you on a walking path and like the camera just moves at a steady rate completely unchanged by how fast you're walking. Boo. If it weren't sped up with you going faster. Yeah. But there are other people on the track. And sometimes you pass through them. It's really eerie.

You know what? The We fit walking simulator did that pretty well. Yeah. That walked as you walked. We fit. Well, I'm glad you're watching films. Yeah. Oh, God, I hated it.

Yeah, I hated it. I was watching, trying to catch up on some drag race, watched US 18. So the Snatch game, which I actually thought was quite good this year. That's fun. I'm up to date with both. I'm not up to bait. I'm not up to bait. But there was two things that happened.

Number one, Mrs. Claws. And number two, emptying an earl full of ashes out at the end of the round. I said, did no one watch season four of Drag Race Down Under? Because we did both of those things in our season. A boo to you. Ashes? Yeah, Brenda had ashes. Yeah.

On her sheer runway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she dumped them down the end of the runway. But it was real ash because she's cool. Yeah. Not confetti. Confetti. That pattern.

Also, that category, those girls did not know what the fuck they were doing. I just wish that the parachute was a bed sheet and she was in pyjamas. Oh, that's fine. That would have been so fun. That is fun. Because the parachute did indeed look like a fitted sheet. Yeah. Which is like, I think it should have looked to touch more like a parachute with like the strings or something.

But it looked like a fitted sheet. So if she was in like really cunty pajamas and was like sleepy girl, that's really fun. And it is the only time you know that you're going to get the advantage of a full size wind machine. Like, so incredible. And that orange number, boom. Did you know with the motorcycle? No, but that was also boo. I was just like, are you guys crazy?

Like, this has been done. Yeah. It's been done here and it has been done in pop culture. Can you? I don't know. They're just like, do. It's just so done. And like, it's unfortunate because the corset behind the steering wheel was really quite

cutua and cool. But then the flames were trapped. and the motorcycle. Yeah, it was just like, oh, girl. But no, that like... Looked like a flag at a hippie festival. Wow. Dirty and been strung up for four years.

Yeah, yeah. No, that other orange one that was just like showgirl kind of... Yeah. It was just so misk. I really, like, I guess when I saw it, I was like immediately like, oh. But then I forget that they have to procure like 50 outfits. True, true. Yeah, this is in the depths of a marathon.

I feel like that's like truly, but it is crazy. But it just means that sometimes you have these runways where you're like, I love when they do like wind or glow in the dark or whatever. And like production is going to aid you to like make a look. And just seeing someone like no one kind of have a fun or interesting take on it. I'm like, this might be the issue here. I did like Darlene's. Like I thought that was cute with the little neck scarf being the cape kind of trapped in the

wind and the umbrella. But, oh my God, I don't even fucking remember it. The outfit was like hideous, but it was fun. Oh, no, I dropped my little thing. Anyway. Anyway. What a crazy week it's been. I saw, obviously, the Academy Awards happened.

I saw, I was reminded of something that I really hate, which is people giving fashion feedback on TikTok. Oh, yes. Like a rapid succession of like, she looks dated in this and da-da-da. It'll be like some gay guy and he'll like roast like boring, old age, da-da-da. Thank God for her.

Eight left no crumbs. Like blah, blah. And I'm like, bitch, there is just no world where your ass can cash the check your mouth is writing. Like you are out of pocket in anything you're saying. Are you fucking kidding me?

it's like, I don't know. I mean, obviously we've been out of pocket saying a lot of shit about drag our entire life. But that's our industry. Yes. I just feel like these people are like, I could, they'll look at like a stunning human being who is like being perfected by like all of the cosmetic procedures that are available to the world and all of the algae sheet masks and all of the stylists in the world. and then like Couturier is like slaving over them.

This person having like starved themselves for three weeks before this event and they'll be like, mid. Yeah. And I'm like, you are in sweatpants. Yeah. In your shitty fucking Airbnb house. Like what are you talking about? But they get the views, don't they? They get me real riled up.

Yeah. What did you think about? What did you think? Why do you think? Did you see Sigourney and Pedro? No. announcing that award or whatever. They just have no chemistry.

Soconi and Pedro. Yeah. Do you know that she's in the Mandalorian film? No. Ah, well, Sigourney is in the Mandalorian film. Good on you, Sigourney. Did you see Grogu in the audience? Graving?

No, I haven't actually, I only watched the opening and then the red carpet stuff. Ah, I see. But I was very excited by Amy Madigan winning for weapons. We are opens. We're open. That was fun. That's so fun. I love a witch taking out top spot.

Yes. And I thought Conan's opening, doing weapons was just so good. Oh, I didn't see that. Oh, he had a little opening video where he was getting his hair and makeup done. And then he came out looking exactly like Gladys. Yeah. And it was kind of unnerving because he looked exactly like. I was like redheads

And then his moor was like Conan you need to go out And he's like I think you need to fix this She's like you need to go And then she snaps the stick And a bunch of children Chase Conan Dressed as Gladys

Through all of the major nominees Yeah And so he shows up in each of the films And like runs through us Gladys and it was just I love that classic MTV style Like I'm running through the films Oh, it's so fun.

Oh, that's fun. Was he wearing a, like, dress? Or just, like, in a suit, but with that makeup? I think he was in a suit with that makeup. Okay. But they did a really good job of animating him into K-pop Demon Hunters. And I was like, oh, I love one. And they also took the time to animate a sequence.

That's cool. Yeah. Actually, I did see that, that apparently they kind of cut off their acceptance quite sharply. And then I saw them try to recover it at, like, the, there must be, like, another stage where like they get to say more. And they were like, do you want to finish the speech? And we're all like, yes, you fucks. Anyway.

And then he said, I hate everyone. I saw the gift boxes that they got at the Oscars with your seat. And I think it's quite encouraging because we're obviously going to host a live event similar to the Oscars very soon in May, the Witchie Girls Live. Yeah. And in your. box because you're not allowed food at the venue. Oh, well, you're not allowed meals.

Like other award shows, they take a seated meal. Yeah. This is like cinema seats. And in there, no jerky. You get, I saw. Anything? You open it up, it's a little box, little one of those cardboard meal boxes.

Inside is instructions for how to use the light stick so that during golden, you can hold up one of the little paddle light sticks. We're going up, up, pop. A moment. You know, they're going to be good. Which I thought was a fun idea. Yeah. What a way to find out that no one in the Academy Award audience has rhythm.

Because it was like, then a tin bottle of water. A little note from Conan O'Brien saying, thank you so much for coming and please don't forget to make as much noise as possible. That's really good. Handwritten? Like handwritten and like scanned. Like, dear everyone, they did that.

But it was really cute. But, like, handwritten in, like, Microsoft's handwritten font? No, no, no. And it was clear that he'd done this, like, little doodle of himself at the bottom, and they kept it. And it was really cute. And I said, from the desk of Kernan O'Brien. And I thought that was really fun. I see.

And then raisinettes, chocolate-covered raisins, a box of raisinets, and water. Water. Fiji, Pellegrino. Tin of water. Tin? Tin. Tens. of water. A tin vessel? Yeah, like it's an aluminum can

with a screw top lid. Screwtop lid. Oh, like a red bull with a screw top lid. I don't understand how you go in for that. What do you mean? I don't want to have it all right now. I want to sup. And then have a bit more later. It'll be warm by that. No, because it's in aluminum. That's not, it's, no. Yeah, it's fine. Why do you think they invented beer cozies to keep them warm? They have no insulation that tin. Woozies.

Hmm. Anyway, that's all. I see. And what about, tell me about your bingo. I did bingo at the bendigo. Yeah. I'm impressed. I'm shocked by what's happening at the R.S.L.

These days. No one's drinking. Oh. I drank a glass of wine when I got to the venue and it tasted like someone who put grape cordial into a cup. It was crazy. I see. And how was... You did it with Gap?

Yeah. How was she? Oh, she was fabulous. We did have such a nice night. Wait, was Sheridan Sky there? Miss Sheridan Sky. Yeah, Sheridan was off working the merch stand, like an absolute love. Love that.

And we just actually, it was so... I mean, like, listen, I have such a good night at these gigs. because I love just, I don't know, it feels like you're out of space and time a little bit. Because it's like, well, I don't know that I'm going to see these people ever again. Yeah. Although now, I've been doing it long enough that people will come back and be like, I saw you at this other one and I'm like, oh, I need to leave.

But it's like wheeling your wheelie bag across a long car park outside of an RSL. Yeah. That's fun. Is it? Like with the highway right next to it. Oh, yeah. driving back for two hours through the back streets of Bendigo. Do you...

I felt like I was at the end of it. It ends. It ends. Do you take your makeup off when you get home or at the end of the gig and then drive home as a civiliana? When I get home. Yeah, we can't get like, you've got to be in... I think that you can't do the midway.

Yeah. Not when you're in the suburbs. Yeah. I mean, like, not when you're in the outer. Mm-mm. Because if I want to stop for fuel, it's better to be in full, full drag. Yeah. Wait, so you're driving home in like a outfit?

Like a dressing gown. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. And like a full beat and lashes. I was going to say, lashes on. And then once I get within like 30K of this city, I start peeling it off. Yeah. Because I'm like, okay, well, I'm not going to stop again. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But like, yeah, I went to Guzmane Gomez and got myself a gorgeous burrito on the way home. Drive-through, or did you go in? Drive-through. expansion of Guzmane Gomez has really helped the vegetarians in the outer suburbs. Because they have good veggie options. What do you think is happening with Lord of the Fries? I don't think about them. It's too greasy, Mama.

It's pretty greasy. And to be honest, ever since they changed the, like, formula of their, um, like chicken nuggets and now they're just so repulsive. I used to fucking love their old chicken nuggets.

What the hell they were so good. Yeah, what are we going to do about that? But not anymore. Not anymore And also, big news of the week Buffy got cancelled Yeah, what the hell?

I do want to say I think it's a good thing I knew you wouldn't say that I just think it's a fucking good thing I think we all were spared something That was going to be shit But question, haven't they filmed it Or is the issue a pilot

They made a pilot It was SMG And Chloe Zhao Why is Chloe Zhao making these things? Well, she's got a production company. So it wasn't going to be like Chloe Zhao every week. Yeah. It was just like she was going to direct the pilot to try and get it made.

Yeah. And then after that time, they would hire like a team. And she would like be part of guiding the initial setup of the vibe. Yeah. But wouldn't be there. Constantly. Constantly. It's more like kind of just a show ambassador.

But I just, there is no world in which it was going to be good at all. At all, at all, at all. And I think everyone in the world needs to know we don't need to go back. It's fine. Yeah. I mean, yeah. And I also think, like, it's crazy to think that despite as toxic as he was on those sets, it is insane to think you could make that show without Joe Sweden.

I mean, so much of it is his imprint, right? I don't think they should do that. I don't think that he needs to come back in any meaningful way, given all the things that have come out about his conduct on set, how he treated charisma carpenter, how he treated like all manner of other people, gau got up. Wait, what did he do to gau got up?

She came out and was like, he was really intense and creepy to me. She wasn't on Buffy. She was on Wonder Woman. No, she was on Batman viz. Anyway, the one where he came on to pick up after Snyder left. Oh. Yeah. I didn't, I don't know.

I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. That's interesting because that's more recent. Yeah. That's so fucked. I know.

Oh. But it just is like, it would be like doing Gilmore Girls where they out Amy Sherman Palladino. It's like the whole tone and voice of the show is this one person. And I know that there's like other incredible writers. But it is built out of his insane nature of like being ultra controlling, wanting it to sound exactly one. kind of way and I think anything else it's just not going to be buffy. And if it's it's almost worse when it sounds like an impersonation of what it should be or whatever. Also it's like I don't know make a new show. Will how are we going to see the pilot? Well that will never happen. I think they'll probably

shop it around and I think someone will pick it up. But okay so my further question to that is like but can that happen? Because like it's now owned by like that property. That property. is owned by Disney. Yes, yeah. But if Disney's not going to make it, then how could anyone else make it? So what would have to happen is,

to my knowledge, yeah, yeah, is that if someone else like Fox, I mean, that's Disney again, if someone else, like Netflix was going to come along and say,

let's do Buffy. Yeah. They would say, okay, well, it's going to cost you. So you're going to have to pay for all the expenses we've paid so far

in the like production and, like development of this new property and you're going to have to just buy us out and then also lease the Buffy IP from us. So they'll say like,

okay, you can have like three or four years of making this show or five years of making this contract and then like if you don't make a series of it in those five years then you don't get to continue with it. And then it reverts. But it's like what they did with Jessica Jones

and Iron Fist and stuff where they're like, they leased out Marvel characters to Netflix. They don't own them. And so Netflix has less of a stake because if it's massively successful, number one, they still own the original Buffy IP. Yeah.

And number two, I think there'd probably be some sort of way in which they would, like the ownership of the show itself would still be generating revenue for Disney. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like, they would never find, like, so a lot, for a lot of people, it wouldn't be worth it. But, like, it's happened. Yeah.

Oh, which speaking of, Daredevil Season 2 featuring Jessica Jones comes back very soon, I think. Wait, maybe it's even, no, hasn't come out yet. Not yet. Okay. Oh, my God. I'm glad that Kristen Ritter is getting work. I'm excited for that. Oh, it's going to be so good, I think.

Um, cool. I hope. Yeah, who knows. I'm not clairvoyant. Okay. Shall we dive in? Yes. How does the world end?

You say. I'll say. The world ends. I've got a good one. I do. Basically, everyone gets in their car. Oh, fuck. And they start driving.

And then it never is. They never get tired They never get hungry Nothing's ever on the radio I assume that was in the show as well They weirdly I think because of how expensive it is Weren't listening to a lot of music Yeah

And then there was one point where one of the characters Was like, when I'm driving We get music time And they were like We don't want to listen to it There's like one song in the whole thing To Remind you Don't sing anything

it costs us in the shirmy. No, totally. We can't afford that. Okay, but yeah, so everyone's just driving, driving, driving, driving on and on forever. I see. And then it ends.

The world. Oh, good. That's pretty good. Better than the film? I can tell you that right now. What you just said is better than the one and a half hour investment I made last night in that film.

You just make such rogue choices when you're given the option. And then... Sometimes I say, what is Zelda going to do with her free will, her one life on earth? And then it's always like, I've found a film that no one has ever heard of. No one is talking about. And I put it on. Five out of ten on IMDV.

Oh, that is so generous. But then I watched. You saw that and you were like, oh, that sounds good. Well. Did you look it up before you started? Yeah. I feel like we watched a trailer, but then we couldn't find a trailer. There was no trailer of it on YouTube.

you. Who's we? Me and someone. Oh. Who's the someone? You had a lady over, did you? Someone I've been spending some time with. Oh. No, too soon to say anymore.

Does this someone also have no taste? It would appear that way. But at first and we were both like, because I was, I was a bit worried of like, obviously this is the worst thing I've ever had to endure. What happened? when this ends and he turns to me and says, that was so good. But thankfully, it ended and we were both like,

I, shall we just? Break up. Like, burn down the house. Like, we need to, like, destroy the internet so no one else can experience this. We need to destroy one copy of this. Yeah, yeah. And it ended. But then we were like, okay, pallet cleanser.

And he went to the bathroom and then I found on Plex. What is that Arnold Schwarzener? neg a film where he's trying to get that action doll for his child, Anakin Skywalker. Last Faction Heroes? Yes. And so we watched some highlights from that. And it was so fucking gourd. I mean, an incredible film.

Oh, it is so good. We just watched like the last, like the parade scene kind of thing. Oh my God, it's so good. We just watched the parade scene. It's incredible. Oh, Arnie. And then, oh, he was saying, wait, isn't he? He was like, is Ani's still a Republican?

He's like, oh, shut up. He has a pet donkey. Everyone. Anyway. Leave the politics out of this. Yeah. He's a turbo man. Okay.

Anyway, we'll be right back. Goodbye. Hello and welcome back to the show. My name is Lazy Suzanne. I'm Zalemu. And I'm here to tell you something. Oh. Get it together.

No one likes the world. way that you dilly and dally. You are ruining your life, and your friends are alienated by your behavior. Yes, mother. Mother? That's all. All right. Stop wasting our time.

Okay. You'll be a good mother. Stepmother. Yes. Evil. Evel. Evil. Matt, I need to talk to you about eval.

Anyway, sorry. Okay. And good. And what? And good. I don't know the difference so far. Eval from Adelaide went on tour with Gigi Good. That's a good tour name.

Good. Yeah. Gigi and Eve. Okay. Now, on today's episode of Death to Everyone, we are going to engage with two speakholes and one topic. So to set us up for category number one, we have an gorgeous speakhole from Jordan is tall.

Gide lazy, G'd say Zelda. I am here to, one, unclog the speakpipe from whoever had it clogged up. Wow. But two, to say hello. And say, I absolutely cannot wait for the Amsterdam leg of your upcoming tour. I'm really excited for it. It's going to be really good. I will be front row.

I just walk past. Someone wearing plogs. That's very Dutch. Oh, what footwear gets in the bunker? I don't think you've done that before. I probably should have planned out this message a little bit better, but after the urgent call to action to help combat the repetitive speakholders,

I thought I would just jump on in and say hello. Anyway, love you both. Goodbye. Jordan is Tom. From Amsterdam. From Amsterdam. From Amsterdam to Berlin and everything. My green, my heart is bumping below. You can't afford it.

Hello, Jordan is tall. Footwear, cleats, obviously. Cleats? Cleats. What's cleats? You know, cleats. Like you wear in a football pitch. Oh, with the little stubs.

Spikes. What the fuck? What happens when you're walking on the asphalt to get to the footy field? You don't wear the cleats on the asphalt. So what do you wear? You wear trainers. And then what? Everyone has to...

Sorry, just give me 30 seconds to get muddor shoes on. Go into the change room. And also what? They grip into the earth? Darling, I don't know. I just know that there is a shoe out there with spikes on the bottom. Yeah, it's pretty good. What would you say if you were wearing ice skates with blades on the bottom?

That is too stressful. Yeah. Do you think people's fingers get sliced off? No, I think that's an urbane myth. Oh. But I do think, um, I do think there is something about the ice skates. I just,

something about that whole business doesn't seem right to me. What about, okay, so when you went to Rosebud Roller Skating Rink, would you wear roller skates or roller blades? I think you mean baseball or Roller City. Well, or Caribbean Gardens Rollerorama. Oh, you had options when you grew up. How nice. I'm sorry, I am from Bogan Land.

We had no other options but to Roller City. Do you not hear when I said Rosebud? Rosebud? Yeah. What did you say? Roller blades? Oh, blades, honey. Blades?

Roller blades. Oh my God. No, that's so scary. Yeah, but you had to do it. What? Like, skates are so lame. No, you'd get laughed out of the rink. Oh, I'm only ever, I've never worn rollerblades.

I've only worn roller skates. But we used to do, what don't we do? We did rollerblading as a school spot, a chabric community. school they just take us roll. How competitive is rollerblading? No, we'd just go, rollerblade around. It's like an exercise. Yeah.

The teacher would watch, we'd wave. I see. Just in one big circle. With like disco tracks? Yeah, well it would be like at the, you know, Caribbean Gardens Rolorama. We'd go there on our like school minibus and then we'd get, you know, there'd be like 12 of us or whatever. And then we'd get a blue thing.

heaven milkshake. Oh. You're usually one to make fun of me for a sports drink. Yeah, exactly. It's a Gatorade. Well, yes, I see, in that story, Zelda, unlike last time I saw you order a blue heaven milkshake, I was a child.

Oh, I see. Whereas you're an adult man. I'm young at heart, actually, is what I'm here. Tell it to the judge. Yeah, so that's what we did for that. And that's because we're allowed to vote on what school's what we did. So we did ping pong, rollerblading, laser tag. Well, laser tag is our school sport in the bunker.

I love laser tag. Anyway, the question is, cleats. Cleats. Oh my God, did you see the fervor and furor? I'm going to get myself in trouble right now. Oh, my God. Timitay talking about ballet and opera. Yeah.

I could not believe. The speed at where, so basically he didn't see this listener. Timothy Shalame, who is up for Marty Supreme for the best actor Oscar, has made a habit recently of putting his foot in his mouth and has just been doing a bunch of stuff where he seems like a bit of a dip shit. One of those things... You mean every interview is ever done? Well, no, because he had like an era when he was younger

where he seemed to be a lot more humble. and now he seems to be a lot more cocky, which I think is probably like exposure to people telling you how fucking amazing you are every day for like years and years and years. I've never done that. And then it's literally printed in an arts hub article right now, Jetta. Me praising Timothy Shalame? Oh, no.

No, just people praising us for years and years and years. Oh, yeah, that's fine. Anyway, you haven't watched Coming by Yenai? name yet though which I think well I'm not gonna watch it we're gonna watch it I don't want to watch yes you do I don't like him you're gonna watch it also did you see Dune 3 today Ugh Can you get back the epic conclusion It's weird that they're counting this 75 books baby

What this is the only one in that timeline that right? Yeah but boo If you're not gonna give us one of them turning into a fucking dune worm Then get real how many of the Dune books have you read? None. But I've watched them really long YouTube videos breaking them down. Anyway, so he says in multiple interviews across time, I just, like, am part of a mainstream art and like I don't want to do something that people don't care about, like the dying art forms of ballet or opera.

And the way the internet has fallen out, you know, it's like so weird because it's like sometimes like, I don't know, it's like someone problematic or someone going through like a low ebb in their career will say something and no matter what it is, people will completely, uncritically, like, take the opposition. And in this case, it was ballet. And everyone's like, ballet. Oh, I fucking love ballet.

And all these ballerinas are like backstage at the ballet comedy being like, oh, yeah, ballet is actually still really important and relevant. And all the opera people are like, yeah, fuck you. Everyone loves this. And I'm like, I don't know how to tell you this. But some of the people falling over themselves to tell you how fucking important opera and ballet articulture have never fucking being to a ballet or an opera because it's fucking expensive as shit. And young people do not go to the fucking ballet or opera.

Of course, a ballerina is going to tell you that ballet is important because guess who the guy. the fuck pays her bills big ballet but it is crazy to see so many young zoomers be like oh my god i can't believe you would say that about ballet ballet is a cultural institution i'm like ballet up until i don't know 30 years ago was one of the most fucking white bread classist institutions you've ever fucking heard of i don't know what the hell you're talking about have you forgotten that you guys are meant to be on the side of like not reinforcing the weird, like, class structure of Western civilization. Ballet is that. Ballet is, like, paid for by the government to prove that we have, quote-unquote, high art and culture. It is insane to me.

I'm not saying ballet is not incredible. Like, it has its moments. I'm not saying opera isn't important to the history of the Western canon and art in general, but what I am saying is, girl, she ain't that anymore. And the amount of money that the federal government in this country spends on these art forms is insane. Do you think that's what Timethe

was trying to get across? Like literally I do. I think he was like saying, I'm like, it is crazy to say like water is wet and people are like, fuck you, water. It's like he's saying people don't go and see those things anymore. He's in, like he's in a multiplex genre

people go and see his films where they do not have fucking ballets. I don't. I'm not seeing that. Call me one. You are going to watch it. I'm not going to watch it. We're going to watch it. We're going to watch it.

We're going to watch it. I did read a really curious, like, diet Prada post today that was, like, tearing him down, being like, what's happened to his style? He used to be so like, you know, like daring and we'll wear like women's blazers and da-da-da-da-da. But now it's all just so done. Like, really? Like, I don't like him. I've never liked him.

But he's always kind of dressed like a fucking douchebag, attention seeker. And nothing has changed. What film have you seen him in apart from Dune? Where is this level of intent? I'm in. None. That's it. What else is he done?

Doon. Doon to? Yeah. But I don't need to. Like, I just, I just don't like his vibe. I don't like his little face. I don't like his performances. You don't like his lack of butt.

I don't like his, like, his, like, social media presence or the way that he interviews. I think he's a shmami little dipshit who should just fade away. I don't think that, um, I think that the, I think the recent backlash is like, people seeing what I see. Half in part of him. I'm like he's becoming like a bit of a monster because he's too young to be exposed to that level of constant adoration and praise. It like affects your development. I think that like the person he is now has been affected by having so much critical acclaim and success.

Very true. But I also think that he is incredibly talented actor. I do. And I think that, yeah, I think like it is weird the speed at which the culture turns on people. And they're like, oh, fuck Pedro Pascal. Oh, fuck that guy. And it's just like, whoever people love, then just wait because suddenly it will be like overnight. And yeah, I mean, like I think that he hopefully will come back as a bit more, you know, humble as a, as a, as a, as a.

a performer as he tries to get his PR back on rails. But I do think like it is wild when everyone's like such like so fiercely advocating on the side of like ballet and opera. I'm like it's fine guys. Ballet and opera are being sustained and not just by anyone by you. You and me in this room, we're paying for ballet and opera. Matt, you're paying for ballet and opera. I, yeah, I always pay.

Yeah. Because I love it. Because the Australian government. spends a lot of money sustaining opera Australia and ballet it's just crazy to me if you took the art that is

invested into these huge cultural legacy institutions and then gave it to like emerging arts we might have a bit more of a thriving contemporary art culture in this country but instead we have ballet and opera that young people don't go and see or engage with sorry out there

if you're a ballerina or an opera or an opera. And I agree with the spiky shoes. Cleats. Cleats. That's good. Nah, a bit obvious. Bit obvious for us.

Yeah. Minolo Blonex. Yeah. Maybe. Demonia. Platform. Demonias. Buckle boots.

Oh my God. My only counter offer would be like, like, stilt kind of things. Chin cans with. strings type of. Kind of, yeah. But like stilty, like stilts. I suppose I'm pitching stilts. Well, I guess we also have what circus art should get in.

That's not for years, dear. Although I do wish the state government would give more to circus arts. Imagine if instead of the ballet, we just had giant circuses. That would be fun. Like, um, Why isn't there like an ethical way to have an elephant balance on a little podium? Why? Yeah.

Okay, so cleats, you're in for which footwear goes into the bunker? Bye-bye. Hello. Hello, I'm just stomping around on my cleats. Yeah, don't put your hand down. You'll get little indentious. And I want that to be spiky. Oh, spiked.

Like truly spiked. How many spikes are on a cleat? I think it varies from brand to brand. Oh, I see. For mine, one. Big spike. Big spike. I see.

We already have a shoe in the bunker, though. Oh, which shoe? You don't remember? Oh, the crystal slipper? No. Oh. What? Can you say?

It was from a category called Trinkets from a Woman's Shelf. Oh, that hideous shoe! I think you'll find. Yes. There was a shelf, a woman's shelf that you really were taken with one time. Yes. And you described every object on this woman's shelf in very fine detail. Yes.

Much to the delight of many listeners, I was told. We stopped doing such visual categories. And listen. And then we chose a small shoe. That's all we have in that category. That small shoe is so incredible. Yeah. I can see it in my mind's eye right now.

A small purple shoe with a rounded top. Yes. But that was a trinket. Yeah, that's a trinket. That's like an homage to a shoe. It's an idea of a shoe. Yeah. The similar shelf.

You couldn't. But. Unless you got really tiny. Hmm. Well, don't threaten me with a good time. Anyway, our next speakhole today is sent in from Josh, a listener that I know well, who now lives on the other side of planet Earth. Who's Josh?

You know Josh, like H&M Josh. Oh yeah. Hi Josh. Hi Josh. Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Why do we only have men? Hello.

Oh, fuck. Miss Lazy Susan and Miss Zelda Moon and space car driver Matt. I am coming to you from the United States and a long time listener. And I was violently upset when you took that mild hiatus, which I found violently inconvenient I firstly just want to say that I am sick to death of lazy

Susan having the first point of conversation being her TikTok algorithm enough I would also like to suggest a discussion

on what minor inconvenience is in the bunker Oh, wow. Being called out by one of your listeners seems like a fucking... That everybody is plagued with it for the rest of time. Ooh. Okay.

Well, number one, I don't... I want to tell you things about my life, but the things of my life are just my TikTok algorithm. I don't really have a life outside of that. I want to know why everyone fucking speaks in the speakhole talking like a mask guy. Jas, you're a little faggot. You have always been a little faggot.

get real what was that some people aren't attuned to speaking on the telephone yeah and so they turn all mask yeah like when a tradie shows up at work hey mate oh yeah oh yeah i'll show you it's just over here um oh anyway it's like people in porn what you know gays in porn oh yeah like when they're like oh no but then like when they're deep into getting fucked they're like oh yeah yeah yeah yeah You know, and the gay slips out. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

Here we go. Here we go. Minor inconvenience in the morning when I get up and there's no water in the kettle. I hate filling kettles up. How much I'm meant to put? Do I fill it up to the whole day we're just re-boiling the same water or do I just do the amount that I need? How often do you boil a kettle? I'll have a coffee in the morning.

So we'll have the little percolator on the stove And then that'll produce enough Like half a cup of coffee And then I like to fill it all the way to the top So you have a full mug But without like the intensity of like I don't know A full, I don't want to be a bouncing up the walls

And so that'll be good And then if Curgeon's having a coffee I'll do the same for him So it's already half a kettle there We've got a small kettle And then I have a cup of tea in the Avo And that'd be a good time I see

Yeah I usually have to fill the kettle like once a week because I have such a minuscule amount of hot water in my coffee Does it just stay hot? No, but I reheat it. Yeah. And then wait. When do you have it?

When do you need hot water? So I only ever use it for, yeah, like an instant coffee or... Wait, do you have the NIST cafe? Yeah. Just a Nis cafe around the house. The granules. You like the granules? We discussed this and you told me that I could melt them with

cold water and I still don't believe you. Have you tried in it? No. Because I don't believe you. I don't think that... Really? I listen, I can't remember saying anything like that to you. But then the other time I use bird water

is when refilling my aquarium. Sometimes I put a dash of boiled water to even out the temperature before I put it in. Oh, I was going to say, don't just dump it on the head of these. No. Because it's too cold. Just the cold. but oh the trough only has a cold tap so I put in a little dash of boiling water to make it warm. Actually, there's a minor inconvenience.

Why doesn't my trough have a hot water tap? That would really help my aquarium refilling tasks. I'll tell you what, our bathroom has a hot and a cold tap and never the twain shall meet. It sucks. That is so inconvenient. It's like how, what if I want to shave with like warm water? When I've shaved at your house, I like run. them both and kind of like try to scoop up the mixture in the middle but it's my left hand is

burnt my right hand is far too cold that sucks it sucks it sucks it's the worst thing um it's ever happened to anyone probably it's like right it's actually so bad um i think that should be it the shining bathrooms have um a hot tap and a curled tap but they're like but their own forces. Yeah. What are the inconveniences? Because I feel like I'm constantly complaining about something. Yeah. And my TikTok algorithm. Actually, actually, I tell you what, sometimes it gets thrown off for a few days and I'm like, why are you showing me like people repotting eye shadow? I liked it one time. One time. It was an excursion. I just, that's not, don't let that represent me. Yeah. That was such an error.

And you could get little kits and then press them at home. Did you still? Fuck me. The lipstick lesbians have put out their new makeup line. These are these two gals that became really famous because they used to work in product development in makeup. And then they started like TikToks. And their whole brand was about like telling people about the makeup industry,

but from an insider point of view, specifically about like, this is why they've gone for this packaging. This is how much this thing would be. normally cost. This is why they've like packaged in this way. This is like, yeah, the Italian terracotta style of whatever. Yeah, yeah. Interesting things that are kind of like, oh, like I hadn't even thought about these elements, but that's like interesting. Yeah. They've built a huge fan base and now they've started their very first, their makeup brand. Oh, which is called the something labs. Just like the test. Lesbian labs. The Les labs. No, like it's like the whole theme of the brand is

that like you're getting the makeup the way that you get it back from the lab when you're testing a new product. So like that's the theming is like this is how the samples look. And their first product... Lesbian labs. I'm looking at it. The first product is this really stupid product, but it's like all of this tech... Sorry, diva.

Lesbian labs did turn out the correct response, just saying. What is it? Yeah, like I'm looking at their product. the thing called? Every word is just lipstick or lesbian. Wait, where is it? Leaked labs? Leaked labs.

So basically saying, like, these are technology and ideas in the makeup industry that had gone through some sort of testing or whatever and then were abandoned by the people who were like originally looking into them. and their very first product is like a flexible eye shadow. So they come in these little discs and they're like flexible and like sealed. But like when you touch them like a little bit of pigment comes off. And if you wet them, you can get quite a bit of pigment off. And you can pick them up and like rub them on your eye.

Wait, are they lesbians? They are lesbians. Together? Together. Like lovers. Lovers. Cool. Anyway, so there's been a lot of like backlash because like this product is really like stupid.

it and like and like, but like it's obviously just like showing you something about like like what an interesting thing that they were developing it like that some other big brands were developing this thing and now you get to try it and see if it has any application in your life. But what their whole thesis is is like you're getting the experience of being someone working in like, you know, this kind of space. Yeah.

And you're like, you know, you pay $35 and get these like little eyeshadow. things and they're presented to you how they'd come back from the lab, which I think is just like all over a fun and creative approach that like takes into account their brand online because it's not like they're saying now we're going to do like, you know, rare beauty or whatever. They're saying, we've come to you as insiders. Let's theme our new lines as if, you know, it's all these like weird fringe elements of cosmetics that you're never going to see anywhere else. And the outcry is being like $35

and it's not even packaged or anything. $35. It sounds like you're laughing in your customer's face. Because they're like, if any of these things go well, we're going to take the feedback and like see if it can be implemented, sell it to somewhere else or whatever.

And be like, it sounds like you're abusing the consumer and we're paying to be fucking market research. Oh my God. And these haven't even been tested. Are these not safe on my skin and it's like the rage of someone having like quirky theming and a stupid product and they're like $35 for this product it's like you don't no one is coming like putting like no lesbian showing up in a dark alleyway with a gun being like buy the flexible stupid eye shadow like you don't

have to buy it if it does not seem a value to you and if it does then you are in luck because it exist now. Yeah. What the fuck do you mean you're offended that something costs money? Mm-hmm. And $35 isn't even that fucking much money. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Like, spend your money on whatever the fuck you want, but don't complain that things exist that you don't want to buy personally. That's just how the fucking world work. You know how much horse feed is? $75 fucking and I don't even have a horse. What the fuck? Like, shut up. Then don't buy it.

I really want to do a horse girl number. Teresa, if you're listening to this, there's this duet with yours client and horse girl. Can you learn the horse girl part and I'll do the used part? That's all. Okay. That was about my TikTok algorithm. Mining inconveniences. Biner inconvenience when obscure songs are duets instead of solo and I can't perform them.

You've given it your best shot? Well, we'll see how it lands. Well, not when you bang your elbow. That's so annoying. Yeah. Yeah. What about my neck's really stiff at the moment? It's been stiff for like two months.

Is that bad? Are you sleeping wrong? No. Yes. Yes. I thought you said, are you sleeping well? I was like, no, but you said, are you sleeping wrong? I said yes.

How are you sleeping on your side? Always. What kind of demon sleeps on their flat back? Who is sleeping on flat back? One of our flat back? Dear friend, Zelda, sleeps on her front. Front? That's the most crazy.

Like, where's your mouth? Like, you're going down a slip and slide? What are you crazy? That is crazy. How do you breathe? Yes. Like two pillows, but your face is in the middle of them? Like a massage.

She sleeps on a massage table. Yeah. Oh, mama. I can't, yeah, just inconveniences, man. I don't know. Like, when things are late, when trains are late, that's pretty annoying Oh

When I went to Cry Island this afternoon Because I remembered I had things that I hadn't picked up yet Anyway For tomorrow's shoot Wink We're doing a shoot tomorrow Yeah

And when I went in there I Not all heroes wear capes Though I often do Because the poor Cryer woman Was From her cryo chamber

Yes was like in an engagement with a customer who was like holding a bag had obviously finalized her transaction but would not leave so like I walked in and she was like oh well you know I'm a good mom I've got some really good kids at home and the woman's like the cry woman's like uh-huh thank you can't wait to see you next time yeah so you know blah blah blah like as I was in there waiting in line in this otherwise empty store, like politely. Like, I was also then part of the conversation like,

ha ha, ha, you know, because it was so, they don't play music in that store anyway. She was tricked because they sell up the store to look like a salon. And she thought that this was going to be an hour and a half engagement where she could talk about her family. Mama, get out. Anyway, I was mindingly inconvenienced by that. That is annoying.

Yeah. Other people's neediness in front of you in customer service settings. Yes. Oh. Yes. Go to therapy. Right. Talk to a friend.

What is the market for Krylan? I'm always confused when I go in there because I'm like, who are you marketing to? It's not to me. That is the other thing, because I was picking up special effects stuff, and it kind of like put her in a very slight, like when she found it, she was like,

oh, you're lucky, she called me a lucky duck, actually. And I was like, why? Who, if you don't have the constant supply of the special effect shit, does that imply that you're selling mostly cosmetics? because you're fucking Krylan. And no one in their right mind should be wearing that on the day to day. Not. Like, I love Kryalan.

It has its place. But it's theater makeup. Like, it's crazy. So what do you mean I'm a lucky duck because you had my fucking moustache in stock? Like, what? I'm glad. Someone's doing a Mrs.

Doutfire of us. Yeah. Yeah. We're going to go and raise our children now. But also, I was like, I put in this click and collect fucking five days ago. What do you mean? You just haven't collected it yet. Yeah, I clicked.

Now I'm here to click. Yeah. That is crazy. It was. Also, clearly you guys are not flat chat if the one customer is standing here giving their fucking life pieces. There were many inconveniences there. And you know what?

They weren't minor. They were major. That's true. Yeah. Yeah, it's so hard to find a minor inconvenience when everything escalates so quickly when I feel it. Um, my name inconveniences. My name, like, stepping on a snail.

Oh. What about when you're putting the bins out and like... That's more for the snail than you. That's major inconvenience for the snail. Oh, come on. He's dead. Or she. Or them.

Thank you. Um, I am literally inconvenienced by like random sharp things on the ground. Yeah. As in like pebbles that are slightly like, ow. I think about the screws that I leave in my backyard. My husband steps on it. Again, they're probably major inconveniences. Not if you have a tetanus shot.

Which I do, but I don't know if he does. The mold in my bathroom? That's going to be a major inconvenience. You're going to get black mold one. Yeah. How long does it take? To develop. Yeah.

Matt's still dying from it. Two hours. Two hours. Of exposure. I've been in there for two years. you might be immune you might be fine well I lived in that

dank apartment in Carlton for a long time there was plenty of mold there so it's kind of like two years plus 11 years so what's that 13 years do you think that's long enough for it to set in something's definitely set in

I think you're mostly mold now yeah your lungs are probably just oh what just like JK's castle yes completely black mom

mold a motte yeah minor Inconvenience. Minor inconvenience. I hate it when I walking down my hallway and my hallway runner skips and then like the carpet kind of bunches up. And I'm like, now I've got to do this weird shuffle. You got to flick the rug all the way down the hall. No, I'm not flicking. I'm grabbing one leg and I'm putting one leg on the hardware floor and one leg on the rug. Yeah. And then doing a reverse split. Yeah. A minor inconvenience. Like, so Mujer,

you sell these fabulous cushions that I have two of on my bed. They're like cushion slash pillow. Except the tag, like it's not a kind of, it's not a cushion that you put a cover on. Like the cushion is the object. But it has a tag coming out. So I've cut off the tags because what? I want to be looking at a fucking Moji price tag forever? No. No. But like the minor inconvenience is that like if I cut too close, I'll cut the cushion. So there's like a one millimeter strip of the white tag. You have to tear that out, you stupid beard. You can't. If I tear it out, I'm going to, that's, slightly inconvenient because I'm going to rip out the stitching and then stitch it back together. No.

That's a major inconvenience now. What sort of tag are we talking? What fabric is it made out of? It's like a thick, durable fabric? No. It's just like thin plastic stuff. No. Oh, the tag.

Yeah. Yeah. That will rip out. It's designed to rip out. No, because, okay, okay. I've now got three of these objects in my house. The first one, this was years ago and they didn't have it in a color that matched my bed. and it was a grey.

And with that, I tried to tug it out. Like everything in your house. No. In a shade of grey. No. And so, like, I tugged that one out, but you do it with confidence, just like an IKEA tag and it will go. Yeah. And it didn't.

And it fucking tore, like, pulled. And then I tried to cut it. And then I cut the fucking cushion. And it's like, okay, well, that's it. That's it. And then I had that pillow for, like, two years. And then when I was in Mugi, I don't know. maybe like seven to eight months ago, I noticed what's this?

They've launched new shades. The sage green is so pale and dank. It's awful, but they had a chocolate brown. And I thought, that will match my earth-toned bedroom quite nicely. And so I purchased two because I love that other pillow so much. So anyway, I get home and I have these two fabulous, I'm so like, they are the crowning moment of my bed. It's like, now the bed is like done.

but then I cut off the tags but I cut slightly too little and so now I have to look at the little tiny white bit why don't you just fix it I can't be best

sounds like you've got a really hard life Not being understood Minor inconvenience Yeah Not being heard Major inconvenience Um yeah

whatever you just said I agree Having one more topic left today minor inconvenience. Yeah, true. Okay. Minor inconvenience, batteries running out. Minor inconvenience, things arriving without batteries.

Minor inconvenience, when you're making giant miniature dioramas for your stupid fucking web series that you're just going to call it TV series from now on. And you order tiny little street lamps for quite a short amount of money, and small amount of money on the internet. And then they arrive and you realize you need fucking. little transistors or whatever voltage limiters and they really come in one set of the things

so you can use them but yeah did you go to that fabulous store near Vic Market to procure things? I didn't go resistors is what they're called like a little model village shop no like Jay J Car yeah love J car that shop was so I want to go back there

J car has the single best employees of any retail experience I've ever had. Because they're very quiet. These boys are not. They're like the shops are quiet. No, they're not. They hustle, bustle, man. Are they?

Yeah, we have a thriving electronics industry here in Australia. But those boys, they know what they're doing about. I always go to one and it's like very quiet and they're really like over excited to come and talk to you. That's just because you're so effervescent. I'm a very personable character. Yeah. People love to talk to me.

me. Yeah, I'm loving it right now. But now I think it's over. You know what I find minor inconvenient? Sliding doors like the one in the bathroom here. Yes. And small dog. No, that's majorly inconvenient to me. I hate it. I was told recently it's called scripting in the autistic community. What do you mean? Like my friend was like, oh, I'm so glad my family's so dysfunctional. So I haven't encountered as much scripting as I had at this wedding that I've just gone to. And I was like, what the fuck is scripting? And she was like, that's what we in the autistic community referred to as small talk.

I see. I'm like, that is pretty autistic. They just churn out the same script to each and everyone. Yeah, like, where are you going? Oh, yeah. I like it. You love it.

I can handle quite a lot of small talk. I just struggle. Why? Because you're so autistic. I don't think. Who knows? I know. The more I learn, the less I know.

Well, I think we do the hot and cold taps that have their own forcives. Yes. I don't even know how to fix that. Most of the time there's a fit. It's like, what do you do? Create like a tube from both and then have a join. I have flirted with the idea of getting a new sink and putting in there. Yeah.

Why not? Your landlord doesn't care. Yeah, but I just feel like that's a bridge too far for me. Like plumbing is just so scary. I don't understand how to turn the water off. Okay, well, it might be slightly more advanced than you in that respect. Sorry. What if you had a leak?

Well, that hasn't happened yet, so I haven't really crossed that bridge. Well, it sounds like it has with all the black mold, so. Okay. Okay. Annoying taps, you're in. And now we'll be right back. Hello. Hello.

Time for the final topic of discussion today. Lazy Susan, hit me. Now this topic is brought to you by me because I was seeing it recently. And I often think about it, which, now Matt, we're going to be, I think in the title for this episode we'll call this graffiti. But it's not graffiti. Because it's not graffiti like tagging or like murals or whatever. The bird, the sandbird. It's graffiti like if you see a poster of an elected official in the elevator,

like, and you have a black marker with you, what graffiti do you do to it in the bunker? So, I'm going to reel off the top favorites. You black out of tooth. You put an eye patch. You put devil horns on. How about a little arrow through? their head.

How about a little speech bubble? What are they saying? Like, I'm a cock. How about a literal dick? Like near their mouth, drool. Yeah. Freckles. Blacking out just the eyes.

Black, I actually really love that one. That is a good one. Sonny's. angry eyebrows. It is a good one. That is easily what I would do. So do you do that? No, I wouldn't graffiti something.

What? What if you had to? If I had to, I would do angry eyebrows. Yeah. You always will draw that angry eyebrows face on your reports, don't you, for work? Yeah. Well, I do it on everything. Give me a pen and I'll draw a little angry face that's smiling.

That's cute. You were so proud of yourself when you told us that story. So, like, yeah, as discussed in that episode, such a sexual predator thing to... What? You're doing a horny face on everything they'll do and no one's telling you. I do do do that. It's not horny. You do do do it.

You do do it. And then you send the horny emoji. I send that all the time. Yes, it's not appropriate. Oh, my God. It's actionable. People will talk about this for sure. No.

It's like sending them. The fist and a wet droplet emoji. It's like cheeky devil. It is a bitch. It's a cheeky devil. It's horny. It's got horny. It can be horny, but it can also be cheeky.

Cheeky, no. Is that exclusively horny? I sent that so much. And that is why there is a lot of discussion about you. What do you mean? In the, you know. In the community. Yeah.

This is the intervention today. Yeah. You got to stop. sending that horny. What do I send in its plays? I sent it like 20 times today in the witchy girl chat. Yeah, I was seeing that every time it was like, I'm sorry that I introduced you guys to this friend of mine.

What do you mean? Like cheeky face, I don't think necessarily has a place. Ah. How about this? I'm going to put it in the witchy girls chat now. I don't know. I cheeky deviled your one of your miniatures today. I saw that and I thought, why is she trying to fat to the fucking minis?

I'm not. I'm saying it's devilishly good. That's what I'm saying. You could do that instead. Yeah. Is that sexual in any way? Yeah, it is a bit sexual. You think mustache disguise face is equivalent to cheeky devil? No, but I think it would be a better turn for you. I think that you could have a better life.

Did you actually think I should stop sending that in context? And stop drawing it on everything. Oh my God. Stop censoring me. You don't understand me. Whatever you do in your personal life? Yeah. It's fine.

Save it for the club at three in the morning. If you want to send that kind of emoji to people, send it at three in the morning. Draw it on someone's arm. I don't think you, yeah. Oh, gosh. Okay. Matt, do you have any thoughts on this one? I used to do this all the time with the newspapers.

Yeah. This is like my favorite thing to do on the weekend. You are in. There was nothing else to do it really. Delivery man for newspapers. so that makes sense. You've got your newsies vest and hat. Which has had it's a good one too.

Matt, it is good. And have you ever seen someone do a really good job of it? It's really good. Back when they had the MX, people would leave them behind with some really thrilling. The train newspaper. Like, I'm a fucking massive prick. Ah.

Oh, yeah, like, oh, what about like Tony Abbott? But he's like got a cigarette hanging out of his mouth and something. Oh, yes. Sigi. Yeah. Sigi is good actually. Well, no, I wouldn't do that. She's spoken.

What? She's spoken. Yeah, I used to draw animals all the time with cigarettes hanging out their mouth. That's so funny. Like a duck with a cigarette. Oh. That's good. I picked the wrong day to quit.

I like the arrow through the head, though. I like it. Do you know why? Because it's got. Uh, two pieces to it, but it's quite complicated. What about stinky lines? That's good. Or like, I mean, like, like, little, you know, like,

anime, like blushing cheeks, like the little lines on the cheeks? I don't think that would read. Oh. What about the little angry pulse? What about the little vainy, angry pulse? I've never seen that. Oh, I've never seen that. Really exposed to much.

Zelda, I can't say that I've ever seen that. I see. I don't think you've ever seen it either. I have. On like a real estate ad. Yeah. Someone's coming with a marker and put on the little anime blush. I would.

Not whether that could be done. Has it been done? Yeah. Have you seen it? I don't know. Maybe. Or are you thinking about the timing, anime, where you've seen it. Okay, well, maybe that.

But wouldn't that be cute? Little blushing Tony Abbott on the front of the MX? I like it when they do. big lashes and big old crossy lip lips lip liner

have you seen that what big licious lips yes after I've drawn them big beautiful lips um no I like all that

you know I'm even getting a chuckle just thinking about these things which one's your favourite I like it you know what's good as well is when someone takes a bit of

white out and really commits to making a bit of space for the element. You need to add that cigarette. You go put the wind down first and then come back in with a pen. But you'll suddenly, like, the cigarette's going to be there.

You'll see it. You've just got, like, a whole nice case of stationary to... Ready to go. Just prepare yourself for any posts you might come across. Yeah, that's what Banksie would do. I fucking love... A thick Sharpie.

Like, it's so good. Bullet tip or flat? Bullet. Bullet. Yeah. Flat's too much pressure. What? I've got to decide my angles and everything.

Colligraphy. Yeah. I thought you were getting into calligraphy. I had done my training. I've decided it's not for me. Okay. So do we have an idea of what we think should go in? Well, I'm afraid to say angry eyebrows now.

I've seen that before. Also monorbrow. What about angry monow? Dripping nose? What about vainy eyes? Vainy eyes is so good. Yeah. What is the vanie eye?

Like the little red, like obviously it wouldn't be red. But like, yeah, little veins on the white. Oh no, but when people do have a colour. Bloodshot eyes. Yeah, yeah. I thought you meant like steroids. Steroid eyes. No, apparently lazy said no one ever would ever do that.

Oh. Sorry? No one would do the angry, vainy forehead thing. Sorry? That's what you said. Zelda, I don't want to fight with you. Not today. It's my birthday.

Do you know what I mean? What about little tongue poking up? Okay, that's enough. What about a fly? Near the stink lines. Yeah. I don't think you can have stink lines without a fly, to be honest. Oh.

You've got three flies maybe between the stink lines. Yeah, because it could be a nice odor. Well, it could be evaporating water. Could be a hot summer day. Yeah. What a dives? Do you remember? Like, I will never forget the episode.

What? No, you go. The episode of Art Attack, where that man did, like, the little, like... Nupy Cannon. Two lines to make it look like a window. That is the simplest little trick. Make what look like a window? Like, anything.

Like, you put a square. Oh, yeah, but then you put two little... Two little lines, and then it's like the reflective glass of a window. Oh. That is so... I see what you're talking about. That has lived with me for the rest of my life. And that's why she's an illustrator now.

You work at the largest art supply store in the country. Yeah. Oh no, I just revealed what you do for a job. Dean's art. That's why you always put those two eyebrow lines above a smiley face. Yeah. Okay, I'm going to go, I'm going to support you. Oh.

Eyebrow lines. Oh, all right. Evil eyebrows. Evil eyebrows lock it in, meaning that to, Today, into the bunker goes. Cleats. Kleets. Spike, one spike cleats.

Are they actually called cleats? I should have fact-checked you. Number two. What do I say? Oh, inconvenience? I wrote clerts. What is the inconvenience? Not being able to remember things?

Hot and cold taps. Hard and cold taps from my bathroom. Stubby little bitches. And then, finally, the third is what graffiti, brackets, civilian style? goes into the bunker. And that has to be angry eyebrows. Or Zelda's horny eyebrows.

Oh, they're not horny. They're cheeky. Back off. Okay. Okay. Thank you all so much for listening. Thank you. It's a great episode.

Sorry about the brevity. We are filming tomorrow. Yes. Okay. Death to Everyone was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matches. Our theme song and music was provided by Edacentric and Angus Leslie. If you've got something to say to us, send it to us at Death to Everyone part of Gmail.com or speakhole speakpipe.com slash death to everyone and won't you consider supporting us please at patreon.com

slash death to everyone or by buying tickets to our live events in May 3 14th and 28th find them on the witchiegirls.com. Find the ticket at witchiegirls.com. Okay. Amazing. To support us. Dot com. Goodbye.