Death To Everyone - Death To... Soy, Instruments & Bunker Security

Episode Date: August 24, 2026

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Hello everyone and welcome to DTE. Death. Down to Earth. To everyone. This is Lazy Susan. And I'm Zelda Moon. And this is a show. And a...

Yeah, sure. It's a show. It's a performance act. Yeah. A death-difying act of podcastery. A death-difying act. We just won't stop. I fear every day is death-difying.

Every day. I choose not to die. And so the show is about two celestial goddesses That's us Deciding what goes into our doomsday bunker That's ours And what resides there after the death of humanity And of course we are not doing this alone

We are produced The sound you are hearing Has been produced Fennagled into a tight box By the incredible producer Much as I work my magic Every week on this show

That's right Hours of editing Hours. Hours and yours of editing. Yes, you go through, you make it all polished, you make it all coherent, you cut out any extraneous storytelling. Right? Yeah, I'm saving that in a secret folder. Every single gap, every time Zelda says something problematic.

What? Me? Yeah. Oh my God, we had to cut out three hours of the last episode. There are a few rants that I've cut in out. Cutten. I will not be censored. Okay.

This is the first one back. Yeah. Yes. You don't know this listener because we're such seamless professionals. But indeed, we've had about a month off after having a month of a lot of recording because Lazy was away in LA. This is a really annoying thing. When we were in L.A. friend Benang Girl was there.

Yes. And do you know, dear sister, she loves a little vocal tick. And the entire time we're in L.A. She'd go, L.A. Oh, God. And then at the end of the trip, I was like, what is that from? And she's like, there was an L.A. I. Cola ad from the 90s where they were advertising pop stars, the show that birthed Sophie

Monk. And it was just like, you don't have to go on pop stars in order to become a superstar. We're running a competition. with L.A. Ice Cola, where you can go to L.A. and dine with the stars, get driven around Hollywood in a limo. And then at the end it would go, L.A. Ice. Oh, that's good. And so the entire time we were there, we were going, L.A. L.A. Ice. No ice. No ice. Everyone's saying, shut up. Yeah. It was an issue. And then Toronto, Toronto, Toronto, Toronto. Like Priyanka. Priyanka. And Lemon. Yes.

What do you think about What do you think about Pryanka's looks on Canada All-Stars? Oh, I've been seeing I've been seeing everything from afar I actually haven't watched the season I've been very overwhelmed with too much drag race at the moment.

Oh, there is. Our season is coming out. Yeah. And so I'm like, whenever I see something else, I'm like, more! Don't make me think about more. No more. It's quite fun because Brooklyn, I mean,

has really established herself as such are polished. She looks incredible. Always so put together, so thought out, head to toe. Jimbo is there. We're doing like the best. Jimbo is there. No, but she's doing like kind of the best version,

like a very elevated version of Jimbo. She looks amazing. I'm also just like every single, I mean, I thought, I think they all look amazing. Yeah, yeah. I think like it's funny. It's funny. The mandate I got when I was going on the show

as you know, was like, you are there as a judge. So it is imperative that you don't try and upstage the divas on stage. Yeah. And so, like, I think I, like, that was, like, is something that was always in the back of my mind, that it needed to be something that you could, like, just sit in and look, like, somewhat casual in, something that wasn't going to, like, bleed into the frame of the person who you were next to.

Yeah. But I realize now that that was completely stupid. but and I should have just gone all out balls to the wall. I mean, obviously, like, I think that the package that they, each one of them has brought Brooklyn in particular, but Jimbo certainly would be like $100,000 easily. And just not money that I was going to be able to spend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it is, it makes me like die a little inside when I was like, yay, this is totally going to be

my moment to look like, you know, gorgeous and da-da-da, and then I've just been like, I just kind of look like, hi. No, but No, but no, it's fine. But yeah, Jimbo's like doing Yeah, very elevated Jimbo drag. And then Priyanka is,

like, she looks absolutely stunning, but really soft. Yeah. Like her looks. And I think it's working really, really well because they're all hitting different, like, versions and styles of drag. It's really fun.

I just was surprised, yeah, that Pri has gone down this more like, It's certainly not reserved or anything. Yeah. But like very kind of like natural looking wigs and bits and pieces. It's fun. And also like draped.

Yeah. Lots of like little bits. Yeah. Which is, yeah. I think that the only thing that's getting me a little bit more recently about drag in general is I feel like it's either showgirl or superhero. Yeah. And like the way that everything has become showgirl or superhero. Yeah.

Yeah. Like, and to varying degrees. So it's like either you've spent all your money on ostrich feathers and they're sticking out of your head and on like a carnival style backpack. Mm-hmm. And that's the way you can spend money. Yeah. Or you've spent it all in this like intensely engineered body suit and like like bits of,

I don't know, double-backed PVC into like giant sharp shapes coming off you. in angular ways. Yeah. The thing about that kind of look that I do not appreciate is the wobble. When they're like, you're moving around and they're just like, like, like, the bits that come off the shoulders or like the like jaggedy bits coming off the boots or the gloves or whatever. It's like, yeah, because they're, they're not part of the garment.

So they don't flow as like pieces of garment. They wobble like a poster in the wind. and it just doesn't look like clothing. Like, I don't like it. Like, costuming, costumes are still clothing. Sure. And, like, just, I don't know. I think it's because they're, because the,

the photo version, flawless, but in motion, just that wobble gets me. I don't like. Yeah, Laura Roach wouldn't be having it. Oh, great. I do think, like, the issue as well is that I don't think that a lot of us got into drag. to dress like that.

I don't think that that's, like, what woman are you? Yeah. What woman are you? Like, I think that there are a few divas, yourself included, who actually give a shit about, like, superhero cultures and the semantics of a superhero costume. Yes. And so I think that it would be cool if we just left it to those girls.

Well, it's funny. So we're recording this on, we're a week behind release at the moment, just so you know. So we've just seen four episodes of Drag Race Down Under to put us in the earthly timeline. But in week two of our viewing party, someone in the audience when I was like mincing around talking to people was like, which X-Men character are you dressed as? I was like, I'm not dressed as an X-Men character. They're like, oh, are you sure?

I was like, yes. But to me, that's like, yeah, because I pull those influences. Yeah. But I'm not wearing like wobbly shoulder pads to look like a superhero. I'm not a cosplay all the time. Yeah. Anyway. Yeah, I also think that that is, yeah, I don't know.

I just want, I want people to spend money on lots of different things in drag and not just the same five silhouettes. Yeah. Anyway. And I suppose we should consider what you think as you are now. Judge Judy. Yeah. Judging. Judgy.

I've been doing it for years. Yeah. It's been crazy. Yeah. Do you know, I was really stressed in the lead-up because... Oh, no. Must be so hard for you. That empathy training is really paying off.

Be all right. Good, good. Now, continue eye contact. No, I was just worried because I was like, how is it going to read? I'm like very aware of the optics. I think that it's a tricky position to thread the needle on because yes, I'm going to be judging people who are my seniors in drag or come from like places with a huge, like a bigger following or whatever.

So it's like, what is my place there to tell them how to do this thing that they're doing incredibly successfully already? And like by and large, like my view is always to be like, okay, well, you're getting judged by a jury of your peers. Yeah. Like this is just about like me telling you what I see. But also, like, the thing that has happened in the edit that is interesting and is very good for me is just that they've edited out anything bad that I've said to any of the girls. And, like, gotten rid of any critiques, really. I mean, like, some of them, but, like, by and large, there's not really me, like, saying anything negative to the girls. Yeah.

And they've, oftentimes, we'd be saying something and it'd be like, I'd say, because I'd always. go first. So I'd say the thing that I thought didn't work. Yeah. And then Reese would say a similar thing. Like I'm going to agree with lazy. I think that this was blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. And now in the edit, it's just me saying, you look amazing tonight. And then Reese saying, I think that, da, da, and so they'd be like forcing Reese into this position where it looks like Reese is the mean judge. Yeah. Reese was so often just like, he's a dicko. Yeah, literally like Reese was just getting put in that position. And it's very funny. Yeah. He's a cow. Um, do you think race finds it funny? Yeah, I think actually

Reese doesn't give a shit Yeah, okay Which is the way to do it And also Reese's got the traders Coming out at the moment Yeah So like there's actually Like Reese is having the full experience

Of being like a contestant on a show now Yeah And like what I'm learning about being a judge Is that no one talks about you No one gives a shit if you live or die Which is really hard Because as a drag queen I want attention all the time But as a judge I realize

It's important that I'm just part of the furniture But I mean it's better, like if there's two paths, one is you are ignored and two you are cancelled. Yeah. Better to be in your position. Yes. Because I think of like, Tomazzo sorts from Drag Race Italia, who is a right-wing nut job that everyone hated. Yeah, or Jeffrey Balachatman.

Yeah, who like was just, I don't know. A gay gay that everybody hated. Just a gay guy that people started to hate. Well, you know, you can either be an ultra-conservative or just a gay guy that pisses off other gay guys. Yeah. And they're both as bad as each other. Like, essentially, yes.

But so far so good. Yes, that's very true. I do think I'm being spared a lot of the intensity, which is great. I don't want to stare into the sun too long. But it does make me appreciative, and I know this is like, a lot of people disagree with this,

but of judges like Laura Roach. Yeah. Like, to stake your creative reputation on being an absolute kind, Yeah. It's amazing. Yeah. But only someone who is professionally dressing Zendaya and Ariana Grande on red carpets.

You gotta have the credentials. Well, like, yeah, like, yeah, Law can get away with it and carries it off so wonderfully. I think people don't understand how good it is to have mean judges back, but someone has to sacrifice their own person. Yeah. Personal brand. And it's quite unique to be able to go so hard and be applauded. for it and people are addicted to seeing what you'll say next as opposed to like your hateful get-off and are disappeared.

Have you watched any of this new Seasoner of Project Ramay? I've watched all of it. I haven't watched any. Oh, it's good. It's so, like, it's bad, but it's good. I mean, like, the show is just, like, so evil right now. Yeah. Because they don't have, they don't have Tim.

And I know I've already spoken about this, but there's no kindness. the show. Is Christian Siddiano still the Tim? Yeah. Christian's terrible at it. He's like I love Christian's work and I actually don't dislike him. I love Christian as a contestant. But like as a mentor well he's just so critical it breaks my heart. I'm just like they're getting these people seem really stressed at all times which wasn't the case. There was more time for bonding on project runway now it seems like they're just being traumatized. Yeah. And I don't get where the challenges are so short like the two-day turnaround like I would love like more time yeah um yeah I don't know it's it's stressful and also the whole casting of playing Jane I think was just like you're

making a mockery of the show I couldn't agree but I'm glad that they kicked her out straight way um it's it's bizarre because like what like I know why I watch project runway and it's to see cool fashion gowns beautiful gowns but what what does the the broader audience want is it a reality TV drama situation or do they want to see fashion yeah and I would hazard a guess that with endless like drama catty reality shows out there the thing that people like about Project runway is the format and like the fashion yeah of course a little bit of drama is going to come into it but when they structure it the way that they have and it just focuses on high attention drama

like stakes stake stakes it's like i'm not watching it for that i want to see cool shit so give them four days five days right so that we can actually see what they can do rather than watch them being stressed because i could just watch real housewives if i wanted to see people who were stressed actually it's on that there was an episode of traders recently i don't know if you've been watching the australian right never gamble is on, our friend. I thought he said Gambit. Gambit is on.

He's just released the new DLC for traitors. Gamble. Gamble's on it. Gamble from Real Housewives of Melbourne, who is like the highest functioning pill addict or something in the world, because she just does not ever seem like she's in reality.

And in the last episode, the traitors named four people, like four innocents that they want to put on the chopping block. And then they got black bagged and thrown in a van and then they wake up on not wake up but they're like suddenly in a beach in four like bamboo cages and I want to imagine like Reese in a bamboo cage in the sand with the waves crashing and then next to Reese is Gamble oh and then they like have to untie themselves because Greta Colleen's like untie yourselves from your cages and Gamble turns around

and is like clawing at the back of the cage. And they're like, well, Gamble's gone for the back of the cage. And they have to untie themselves. And Gamble still doesn't understand what's happening. And then at the round table that night, she's like, personally, I think everyone who was with me on that beach is a traitor. And I think, actually, maybe most of you are traitors. Maybe I'm the only one who's innocent.

Oh, my God. And that gamble, there's only three traders in the game. And she's like, who's to know? She thinks they put 20 traders in. Maybe she knows something we don't know. I would just, can we do traders all stars? And then just put gamble in and have everyone else be a traitor. Except for her.

But also, they really should have made her a traitor. Because she would have told them people straight away. Like it would have broken the show. I like it How far into the season is it? Five episodes Okay Is it

How's Gretel doing? Gretel's amazing Oh Gretel's actually doing so well She kind of Has carried over everything She has from Big Brother But then added in

The Spooky Uki Styling Yeah Where she's like I've just killed my husband Yeah Yeah But it flows in seamlessly

Because Gretel kind of Always had that vibe Yeah But now she's got that silver hair. I was going to say. She's so chic. And they put her in glorious cloaks and things.

Oh. And by and large, the cast is really triggering, like, a lot of lads. Oh. And, like, people from Love Island and Bachelor and whatever. Oh. And they're all just, like, yeah, like, really ladsie. And the way that they decide on things is just like, oh, what are you doing, man? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you're just like, Australia is fuck. Oh, my God. This is the majority. Yeah. We're like, the view. Do you think they watch Project Runway for the drama? Don't know, nanny, man. Yeah.

I would say that Gretta would watch it for the fashion. Yeah, Gretel would watch it. She doesn't really have a TV in her house, I don't think. Oh. Just a golden. Gildren through which she gazes upon. Yes. Hmm.

So good, good time in Toronto. In L.A. Toronto. Yeah, I had so much fun. went and saw the Kenny versus Spenny House. Kenny! Oh, yeah. I introduced Gersh into that show

because it's all available on YouTube. There was a show that was on Comedy Central back in the early 2000s where two Canadians, one good, one bad, went up against each other every week in a challenge. And the show was like Jackassie, very straight feeling. But it was so straight that it looped back around

to being getting. and in reflection, I realized that there was a lot of my gay awakening in that show because they would have humiliations at the end of the show where they would always inevitably have to do gay shit. I like that. Yeah. Were they hot? No.

Well, the evil one. I'm looking at it. The evil one becomes hotter once you realize how evil he is. Like, he's so, like, and then spend. he becomes less hot because you realize how neurotic and crazy he is. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I see.

Yeah. Yeah, I'd say, I'd say they're all right. Oh, I see. There's an episode of that show, which is all shot in Toronto. Hey, here they are with octopuses on their head. So there's an episode where they have to, who could wear an octopus on their head the longest. Oh, sorry? Yeah.

And so they're walking around. And it's all shut this one apart, like a mansion house. and they're just like wearing these octopuses on their heads but then the evil one slips the good one quote unquote a really strong hit of LSD and so in an attempt to get him to freak out and take it off his head and so I think he like injects it into his bananas and like fruits and bits and then so he's like really really high

with this octopus on his head and he's like dancing in the rain and he's decided that he thinks the like octopus is part of his being and that he can't and it's like taped around him oh and it's like starting to stink and like everything but it's it's not forcing him to take it off so it's very good wow yeah there's also an episode which is who can be the better woman oh just like I don't know it's really fucked but it's incredible. Yeah. Yeah.

So seeing that house would have been a real thrill then. It was, but I didn't realize what a bad neighborhood it was in. Oh. It was a really intense time. What does a bad neighborhood in Toronto look like? Like, I mean, bad is the wrong word, but like a very intense place to be because it's like it's like a full tense city kind of situation. Yeah, okay.

I was actually like quite shocked by the amount of like, homelessness there is in Toronto. Yeah. Because we were getting off the plane and there was this woman, this like Canadian woman who was going back home and she was like, oh, like you're going to Toronto. Like, I just be ready because like you're going to like be shocked by the amount of homelessness that there is.

And I was like, oh, this funny, daddy old lady like she would have seen like one homeless guy on the street. And yeah, yeah. And being like that's it. Or person experiencing homelessness. But then we. got there and it's really intense. Wow.

And I don't know, like, sometimes in these situations, like in San Francisco, I remember that reading that because they have like a moderately temperate climate and not insanely abusive laws that like attempt to like make, you know, trying to just like sleep on the streets and everything really hard and make it kind of illegal. Yeah. that like it means that people are more likely to live out in the open and be able to feel safe. Yes. But I don't know.

But it was it was quite intense in a way that I just didn't expect from I guess Canada or Toronto or like whatever that shush was going to be. Yeah. And speaking with Weird Alice, who I saw in when I was in Toronto. Yeah. It was just like they were saying that the government is working really hard. to make it incredibly hard to be homeless in in Toronto like they're making it hard by providing so much housing so no one could end up by by arresting people and not providing services and yeah it's just really like fucked it's really sad geez I yeah I too wouldn't have expected I mean I don't

know a whole lot about Canadian politics and maybe this is showing exactly that but yeah that's surprising but also it's a city that is under not for half of the year or whatever. Yeah, yeah. And I just can't imagine how dire it gets when that is going on. Yeah. But yeah, really tricky. Toronto, however, the drag scene there is incredible.

Really like gorgeous energy. Minnie Wang, who will be joining us here in the pod when she comes to Melbourne. Yeah. A gorgeous Perth sister who now resides in Toronto. Toronto. She was, it's so lovely. Got me a gig. Along with Miss Selina Vile.

So I did two brunch gigs and learned about tipping. Which is fun. Yeah. I love tipping. Wait, Selina Vile, like Selena Kyle? I think that's where it comes from. Cool. Yeah.

But yeah, walking around. grabbing money and they don't have one dollar notes in Canada. They only have five dollars. Like Australia. So when you get tipped, it's only in five dollar notes. Isn't that fun? That's fun. Yeah.

Money, money, money. And then how were you gigs in L.A. L.A. L.A. We had an amazing night. Rocking and rolling. We went to, so Morgan, McMichaels, Dear Sweet Morgan, booked me for three gigs while I was there, which was very kind and she did not need to do.

So my first one was at Hamburger Mary's in WeHo, which to me is like, I've arrived. I'm a drag queen now. And I rock up. So it's like a Thursday night gig. Rock up and it's a quiet night at Hamburger Marys in WeHo. So like 30 people, maybe less. enjoying themselves at a kind of EV-Sisco diner arrangement.

Yes, sure. A small spiral staircase leads up to the dressing room. Oh, wait. Staircase dressing room always confounds me. And it's so tight that like, you know my like large July suitcase.

Yes. It probably barely fits up this staircase. Oh, God. Anyway, I'm arriving. I'm also a little bit late. I haven't accounted for how long it takes to drive through L.A. L.A. L. L.A.

L. which does take forever. You can see how addictive it becomes. Yes. And I had like been messaging, Morgan, like, when do I need to send you my tracks? Where do I send you my tracks? Like, what do I do?

Like, da-da-da. And she hadn't replied to anything. And I'd be like, and also where's good to meet? And I'd also just come from like doing a gig with Minnie Wang who's like, this is where it's best to arrive from. This is where you address the thing. This is when it's good. This is what you need to do.

your tracks here. And so that had been my like experience beforehand. This was much more just like, bitch, just show up. I can give a shit. So then I thank God didn't see this message as I was, I'd already been like, Morgan, I'm going to be arriving like six minutes late. But I hadn't seen this message, which was, bitch, where are you? Oh, God.

And I was like, so I come upstairs, the spiral staircase, into this very crowded dressing room upstairs. and there's Morgan, there's Jasmine Masters, and some of the other incredible divas. And then also an entire camera crew. Oh, yeah. Like a boom mic, monitor, camera op, director. And I'm like, and so I'm like, hello, what's going on?

And they're like, oh, we're like here for like vanity. and I'm like, oh, like, vanity from Sydney? And they're like, no, Vanity Fair the magazine. And I'm like, oh, yes, I've heard of her. And then they're like, we're here because we're shooting like a segment for our online. And I'm like, oh, amazing. And they're like, do you mind if we like include you in the frame? I'm like, yeah, yeah, that's fine.

And then Morgan's like, well, excuse me, you don't need her permission. This is my club. You're filming. That's fine. And I'm like, and like, we're filming. And I was like, Morgan, they're doing like a piece on you for Vanity Fair?

And she's like, no. They're doing this series they do for like, yeah, this actor's night off and what they do. And they're doing one for Madeline Klein, who was, I don't know if you know this, some diva that was in, I know what you did last summer. Madeline Klein. This actress Madeline Klein is going to come up

And she's going to say, hi, this is what I do with my day off. I go visit drag queens at Hamburgam Marys. And so I have no idea who she is. And there's this fabulous other drag queen called Trudy, True Detective. And she's like up there as well. And I'm like, do you know what's happening? I'm also late and I'm scared and I don't know who to give my drugs too. And she's like, it's fine, doll.

Like, it's going to be okay. And I'm like, do you know what? She's like, this is my first time here. And I'm like, okay. But she's like my little confidant throughout the night. Because I'm just like, I don't know, like, who to talk to. Yeah. And she was lovely and very funny.

And then Madeline Klein appears up the staircase. And she's like, hey, guys! And she's in like a little shark skin loin cloth and bikini. And she looks amazing. but she's also like classic L.A. LA LA actress. Yeah. Where she's like teeny tiny. And like in photos she's going to look like a real size human being.

But like by L.A. Senate, she just has to be tiny. Yeah. And Jasmine Masters, who has been for this entire length of time on her phone, not looking up, not clocking anything. Yeah. Still getting ready. Yeah. suddenly springs to life. And her and Morgan turn around and they're like,

Madeline Clyde. As if they have any idea. And I tell you, I would pay thousands of dollars to just watch on repeat, Jasmine Masters pretending to have any idea who this young actress was. But she was like,

oh my God. I love you so much. We loved you in, I know what you did last summer. When you fell off that boat, girl, like, da-da-da. And I'm like, okay. Keep it up, girls. And so me and Trudia standing at the side being like, yeah, just realizing we're in the frame. And so we're just having to pretend like, uh-huh, but also without any context.

And I must have said something in the background. Oh, no. Because the director walks over to me and is like, hey, turn the camera on her. Turn the camera on her. And I'm like, hello. And then they're like, say that thing you said again. And I was like, what are I saying? And they're like, that you'd also fallen off a boat.

And it was like, in my mind being like, I've never fallen off a fucking boat. And then Madeline's like, da, da, da. And I'm like, yeah, I fell off a boat two once. And I'm like, the camera's rolling. And she's like, yeah, what happened? And I was like, oh, my grandfather, Ken used to own a boat. And he took us out when I was eight years out old on the Great Barrier Reef. And you know what?

That motherfucker, God rest his wretched soul, he pushed me off that boat and said, there you want to see the reef? go find Nemo you little fucker and push me off and that is how he got pushed off a boat that was very Australian themed story I don't know but I hasn't a guess that you can't drive boats over the barrier

you can you can certain types of boats How do you think Nemo got asked? Was your uncle's okay for clearance? My grandfather did own a boat and did take us out on the reef Yeah.

But he didn't push me over the side. And I don't, at the time, I was like, why did I say that, like, you know, God rest his wretched soul? Because my, like, you know, my grandfather Ken was not without his issues. He was a philandra, but he was also a nice man. Yeah. So. Did he have a wretched soul?

I don't think he did. But I don't, I mean, I didn't have a very close relationship. Yeah. Who could say? Yeah. But he did take us out on the reef and he did give me two giant shells in my time. On the barrier reef? Yeah.

Oh, actually. Yeah. Oh, cool. Yeah. After he left my grandmother, Jill, and it was found to have been having a long affair with a woman named Roz. They then ran off together, bought a boat and spent all their time sailing around. The reef. The reef.

Wow. Yeah. God. Wow. Not sailing. Boating. But yeah. Not sailing, boating, yeah.

There's no sails. But yeah, in that crazy? But I don't know. Sorry, sorry, Ken. I shouldn't have said to the Vanity Fair. You have a wretched soul. Yeah. But also, there's not really anyone around left to be offended by that. My mom's not going to be like, hmm.

Yeah. What about Rose? I actually don't know how Rose is, I think she died too. Oh. Would you say that she had a rigid soul? Rretched is the day as long. Oh, fuck. No, Rose was lovely.

But now Madeline Klein thinks Ken had a wretched soul and I don't know what to say. But then we went downstairs and we were performing. And like I'm starting to get the sense of what it's like to perform for tips, which is that you should do a long spot number and you should try and use that to take as many tips as possible. And it's not about like a whole number that's like got a cohesive arc on its own. It's about each moment in the song where you can make an individual moment, with someone who's offering you tips. Yeah.

So you're like, I'll do like a little twirl here and I'll do a little stunt here. And Morgan is like queen of it. She like is like builds her tricks and her stunts and her moments in the song to like little mini crescendos throughout the whole thing. And Kyrgyn was watching her the whole time. And at one point she did like a backflip thing off the stage. Yeah. And then when no one pulled out any more tips, she like was like, cut the music.

Wow. But I went out and, you know, did my little one-two. And it was like doing my stupid drag, which is not about building little moments, but just about antagonizing the audience as much as possible. And, of course, one of those moments is just me yelling in the face of someone in the audience. And of course, I had to do Madeline Klein. And so I walk over and I'm screaming at her. Yes.

And she's beaming up at me. and the camera's filming this entire thing and she just holds out the largest wad of cash for me to take because I don't think she understands how tipping drag queens works and I just snatch this entire wad and that was amazing.

Wow. Has the Vanity Fair video come out? No, and I wonder if it will. I mean like I... And then of course the producer came over and was like, can you just sign this release? Yeah. But it was like, I think I would have spent $40 on an Uber there, $40 back,

Yeah. And made about $120 in tips. Yeah. And then the way you have to do it is you have to pay out the DJ and the stage manager. Yeah. And the stage manager in this context is someone who like helps you get ready to go on stage, but then also follows you around, picks up your tips if you throw them, like allows you to empty your hands halfway through your number.

otherwise you just can't take any more tips or takes tips from around after your show. Yeah. And so like you pay them a certain amount for that service. Yeah. And I had asked, I was like, well, what's the standard going rate? And then they were like, well, Morgan says to take care of your stage manager, you do like $10 a song.

Yeah. So like if you make $40, you give them $10 or whatever. So I had done two songs that gave her $20. And then I thought it was the same for the DJ, though I later realized you don't have to do that much. But I also gave the DJ 20. And so I essentially made $80 and spent $84. But it was an iconic evening. Yes.

And it was just like the idea of coming to L.A., going and performing at Hamburger Mary's, and immediately when you walk in, you're just so happy to be there on the night when they're filming like a vanity fair. thing. Yes. And it's very funny in camp. Yeah. And yeah, like you meet all the divas. And I will say, like, Jasmine was really, like, quiet at the start.

Mm-hmm. And I was like, oh, she just must not, like, having the divas in the dressing room or whatever the fuck. And, like, Jasmine is, like, working. Mm-hmm. Like, her and Morgan are, like, running the town. Yeah. But I'm, like, she's, like, maybe halfway through. She's like, so where are you from?

Like just still looking down at her phone. Yeah. I'm like Australia and she's like, Australia. I love Australia. Oh my God. I would live in Australia. I love Australia. She's like activated in a way I've never seen.

She's like, you know, the beef is so good in Australia. And I'm like, yeah, we're actually known for that. Yeah. And she's like, oh, you're not fucking lying. The McDonald's is. the best. Oh, and they had that, what's that, what do they call it? The Hungry Jacks, 24 hours. There's a Hungry Jacks in Brisbane that's 24 hours. So I, when I was in Brisbane, I had the best time. I would sit in the McDonald's all day and then when that closed, I'd go

to the Hungry Jacks. And then she was just like, I would, there's a pier there. I went out on that pier and I was just getting smoked up by these guys who had some weed. And, and, And then we were fucking on the beach. And it was amazing because none of them knew who Jasmine was. And I just got to enjoy these guys and get smoked up and eat some amazing burgers. She was just like talking about this mythological land of milk and honey that it was like, where the hungry jacks never close. And she's like, it's incredible there.

I love it. I think that's good. Was she wearing big earrings? this, sir. Yes. Yeah? Yeah. And I was like, God, this is wild.

She's like, yeah, normally I'll do seven days. I'll drag. Multiple, like, spots in a night. And she's like, I'll do seven days and then I'll take three or four days off. Then I'll do four days. And then I'll take, you know. But she's just like, I do. I work.

Yeah. Wow. I'm like, no joke. Yeah. Yeah. It was wild. Fun. Fun, fun, fun, fun.

And then, yeah, we went to Palm Springs. That was incredible. We'd gone to the Abbey the next night, which is the big gay bar, which is what they based Pink Boney Club on, Triple Rones Pink Boney Club. Huge, gorgeous, used to be an actual abbey. Yeah. And then they were doing a screening of Down Under versus the world. and Morgan and Vanjee and oh my god oh my god anyway were there and um watching the show and it was the night that Nicole Page Brooks was evicted from the house

yes and she showed up and Morgan clocked me and benign and Curgeon sitting in the back and was like come over here and the way that Morgan moves people around like as you go like she is so like mafia boss yeah yeah like she's she's like come here now

you're sitting with us you're welcome here we love you it's like there's no like you would think you were getting bullied but she would be saying the kindest thing in the world but she's so matter of fact she like will look you dead in the eye and be like

move over here you don't think you're worth the VIP section sit down you're amazing and you're like oh my god And so we went into the VIP booth And there's all this alcohol And Vanji and Benign girl meet Which is like I think the world has to end

And Vanjee's like Okay make sure that Australian trade Get some of the drink Okay And Benin's like And then like talking to her And then Vanjee's like Oh you know what I'm just going to call you

Because that's how you sound when you talk and they're like and so benign proceeds to get obliterated drums Nicole shows up and is high out of her mind but is the best yeah yeah um we have a great chat about you know her going home

and like da da da and uh the show ends Morgan's up and she's like we're going to mickeys everyone up and then she moves us all down the street and then she grabs me as we're walking up to the line points to the security

like pushes me towards security and he's like, take her to the table and her and puts us at like this front table where we get taken care of at Mickey's and it was just incredible and benign of course

was just like obscenely drunk by that point and was like touching the performance not in like a sexual way but just like going up and dance and like full like you know,

hens night. Like she'd never been a drag queen before and didn't know that it was the devil's work. So much so that when I went back to Mickey's the following week, there were drag performers who came up to me like,

is your friend here? And I was like, no. And they're like, good. She's scary. And she was like doing like this. They had like a runway, walk, you know. Oh yes, I saw this video.

And benign girl was like, me, I'm walking. and then did this slow, laborious, like, flip on the ground. And then it was kicking her little legs up in the hair. Like, kind of like that gay kid from Milwaukee who's never actually been to, like, a ball room, like a ball, but like as kind of trying to piece it together from like a shoddy description written and pen on our bathroom wall. Yes.

And it was just incredible to watch. And then she got like so drunk that when we were driving home that night in the Uber, which was going to take 40 minutes because we were staying in Silver Lake, not we here. She like, we get in the car. We've been driving for a minute. The window goes down. Sticks her whole head out of this window and vomits. Then passes out.

And then Curgeon's in the middle and he starts to wrench. And I'm like, and starts like, blah. I'm like maybe we should get out of the car maybe this is it because in Melbourne that's it game over as soon as someone has vomited that Uber driver

the Uber driver didn't react didn't do anything like he was just like no it's fine let's keep going and I was like okay this is some kind of witchcraft yeah yeah and somehow we get home benign girl is completely passed out Kergin is really sick and

I think mostly from the motion sickness, but like just he doesn't normally drink. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the stoic fucking long, embittered, you know, drunk of the house who, you know, it takes a lot for gin to touch the back and sides of this divo was just sitting there like, I don't understand what's happening. But we get out of the car, Curgeon peels Benign girl out of the car. She falls immediately back into a hedge. And I look at the side of the car and there is Benin's vomit.

at completely coating the passenger side door. And I look at the Uber driver and I'm like, oh, so sorry. And I rush inside the Airbnb and get a towel and start like cleaning the door. Yeah. Until it's to a fine shine, buffed away. And like nothing had gone into the car, which is amazing. Yeah, thank God. But then I'm like, take out like another $40.

Yeah. And give this man $40. And I'm like, goodbye. Yeah. But yeah, that was. Yeah. But, like, wouldn't have it any other way. Oh, it was incredible.

Yes. And also just the next day, driving to Palm Springs, we had been so, like, and we're going to rent a Mini Cooper. And, like, in reality, a Mini Cooper is not a car for three people traveling with drag luggage. Yes. And you can't drop top on the way to Palm Springs because it's the desert. Yeah. It's so fucking hot.

Yeah. So, like, clown car style packed in. Curgeon's like a face wedged between two pieces of luggage in the backseat. And benign girls driving along and I'm like, oh, you're having a good day? And she's like, yeah, yeah, pulls all off on the side of the highway, gets out and just vomits for so long. A perfect, like perfect omelet of vomit. Like a little Britain. Yeah.

And then, yeah. So she just making her way downtown. That's cool. And you, before you came back home, you did visit the Tricksom Motel. Yes, we visited the Trixie Motel. Yeah. Well, first off, we'd done brunch with Morgan in Palm Springs. Yeah.

Which is where the Trixie Motel is. Yes. Then we went out drinking with them after them. And that was amazing. Also, like, the second walking into, it wasn't Dick Bar or something. Dick Bar? Yeah. Amazing.

Everything in Palm Springs is like the windows, the shades are all closed. Everyone's in harnesses and jocks. Yeah. Like everyone's ready to fuck all the time. Yeah. And we come into this bar and I immediately see Trixymettel's ex-husband, David Silver. And I'm like, oh. But I didn't say anything because I don't want to be like, oh, the ex-husband.

But we'd be having this like surreal Palm Springs experience much more. on that to tell, but later. But the, we go to the Trixie Motel because I feels like, you know, you have to. You're on a pilgrimage. And you can really just, you can't go into the hotel. You can go into the bar.

So you have to book a seat at the bar because it's very limited. So we book a seat at this bar for the last slot, like 7.30 at night and go in. And when we get in there, there's a bunch of corporate LA girls who are having a henspice. party.

There's maybe eight of them. And each one of those eight people is having their own conversation. Tell me how. I don't know it. But they're like, anyway, so Carmen was saying that we've got to do this. And it's actually so crazy that we're like, da-da-da-da-da-da-la-layer that by 10. I don't know who's listening. But they're just like, anyway.

So blah-la-la-la-la-la. Yeah, it's so amazing. Like, honestly, you have to try the aerouan smoothie. Like, da-da-la-la. And, like, it is this cacophony. inside of this pink pastel room. And it was like the only way you should see this space is with this soundtrack of this like,

wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, and it was bouncing off everyone.

And there was just like some random twink there, who was a Palm Springs native, who was in big fake glasses. And he was just like staring into the, void like he was in the shining like that bartender in the shining yes um just kind of like in this pink room and I was like for you this is just a job yeah and we got the pink popcorn and I got a frozen something yeah yeah was good cost 25,000 dollars oh yes yeah yeah well that's good yeah yeah it was amazing like everything about that was amazing yeah and then we did

have this kind of uh ethereal experience because by then we'd actually change the Mini Cooper out for a different car which is a Benang girl had not realized she hadn't booked the Mini Cooper all the way through the weekend we were going to be away in Palm Springs and so it was due back in L.A. that night. So we're watching Maddie's secret.

She's just realized. So then after we've driven down to Palm Springs that day she now has to drive two hours back to L.A. at 10 o'clock at night. Yeah. drop off a car, Uber across to where the new ride-chair car is, pick up that car and drive it back. She got home and like, so late.

But with a new car. With a new car. And then so that night after the week's motel, it was finally, like it's never cold or never cooling off. It's so hot. It's so hot. It's impossible to say how hot it is. It's fucking stinking hot. We finally are able to drop the top.

So we dropped the top on this very old convertible. Yeah. And we drove, we drive through like the rich neighborhood of Palm Springs with these gorgeous like future near like, you know, retro futurist houses. And the radio is like picking song after song of like perfect mood, like desert, dusk like.

Yeah. Like just like you will remember this for the rest of your life music. Yeah. as we're just driving around these streets and like the wind is blowing the like hot desert air and there's like no one around because no one's walking around in the heat yeah and it was just like amazing it was like the most glorious and because it's just like these houses and then sheer rock walls of like desert sand and debris yeah yeah and then it's just desert forever it's like incredible it's so wild but yeah that was like some really beautiful

things and it was all just like these really surreal moments and everyone's a character like no one feels entirely real because i don't know because they're american i guess yeah i think just feels like you're in a movie yeah yeah yeah cool but it was really fun and also yeah i got to do the pods obviously we're doing the pods and yeah yeah they didn't realize podcasting expert yeah well you've got yards of experience at this point exactly i can't talk about anything so you did Bob's podcast yeah

solo child only child and and meepal sloppy seconds yeah which I haven't listened to that one yet oh I just repeat the same stories you've heard it all before

but so fabulous yeah so chic like they all have studios and also when we're at post first studios Bob was like well listen if you and your friend are ever in L.A. and want to do a live show, we offer very competitive rates on our studio. And I'm like, fuck it. We should become really famous and do

death to everyone live in L.A. in Burbank. Yeah. Why not not? Indeed. Hmm. Hmm. It's pretty good. It is good. Well, while you were away, yes. So one Sunday, my mom came over for lunch. Oh, Sharon. That was good. Another Sunday. Wait, what did you have for lunch? We went to Portons.

Oh, where is that? The nursery near my house. We went to that cafe. Wait, what did you have? I wasn't hungry. I just had an iced coffee. Oh, but did you know you were having lunch with her? Yeah.

We just got there and I literally, I just wasn't hungry. What put you off? Nothing. I just wasn't hungry. Yeah. Wait, when had you last eaten? Um, what did I eat that day before Mama, Mama. It's all been so exciting.

I can barely remember. I don't know, I'd probably had some toast or something. Well, you shouldn't have eaten. Well, yeah. Were you just stressed? I think I was distressed. I had like no appetite. Yeah.

What did she have? She had a toastie. Ah, ham and cheese or just cheese? Ham and cheese. Oh, good. Classic. Can they come with a dip or was it just? No.

Oh, no, it's just... Do you think... Do they have a rock salt? Absolutely not. Not that kind of party? No. Have you been to the Portons Cafe? No, I haven't been invited.

No. It's really not a rock salt kind of establishment. Okay. But so she had her ham and cheese toasty and then also had a scone. Oh! With jam and cream. Was it real cluttered cream or was it just a... I believe it was sufficiently cluttered, yes. Well, listen.

Okay. Yeah. And I did have a mouthful of that. I had a little taste. I've lost my appetite. Thank you, my wife. Yeah, and what else happened that day? You said you got an ice coffee?

I did. Oat, oat milk ice cream? It was. Yes. So what's the point of the oat? I like the flavor. Was it ice in there as well or just the ice cream? Just the ice cream?

Which is really annoying. No, I couldn't agree more. It has to be shaken on ice. Yes. And then decanted over it or stirred on ice, perhaps. Yeah, I would take either, but this wasn't. But again, it's just not that kind of establishment. But the drink then just stays at whatever temperature.

Yeah, like the ice cream's both losing the fight, but it wins it initially, but then everything just ends up lukewarm. But thankfully, I had finished my beverage before that occurred. Can I get a long spoon? I've got an ice cream in the bottom of my drink. Then my mother bought a lemon tree to replace one in her yard that had died. Oh. It was root bound, you see. It was poor planting for the previous owner.

And then, no, that was that, pretty much. My mother made canolone and left it with me, and I ate that for dinner, I think. It was pretty exciting. You've retained your appetite by then. Yes. I was ravenous by the end. once your mother was gone. And then, yeah, when my dad and his partner came up the following weekend,

we trimmed the camellia in my front yard together. And dad showed me how to prune the roses, which always freaks me out a bit. So that was cute. To avoid disease, is that what we're worried about? Well, to get the best blooms in spring. Of course. You know? You know?

And what else do we do? Well, yeah, not too much. So that was those two days. Okay, what else did I do across that month? Not much. You started hosting viewings? Well, yes. Yes.

Of Drag Race and averse of the World at Grouse. Yes, listeners. There's still three weeks left to come and join. Is there only three? At time of this release. Oh. Yeah. You already missed so much.

Wait, are you sure? Yes. One, two. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. No. No, you're right. Yes.

I don't know. Maybe you're right. Um, yes. So week one while you were away, I was joined by Ms. Asia buffet, which was fabulous. Week two, we had Max Drag Queen, which was also fabulous. And week three, we had Theresa problem, which was very, very cute. Um, yeah, so all, all three guests did fabulous jobs. Um, yeah, Grouse has been super cute to work with. And yeah, thanks everyone for coming along so far. And if you haven't yet, you've got three weeks to still join us. And it's going to be huge.

Oh, yeah. And every week we do a verse the world lip sync where Zelda is the world. And I'm the first. You're the down under. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Which is been fun. Week one, I did...

Stop calling me that. I did Japan. Week two, I did Finland and Holland. And week three, I did Iceland. This week just gone, I did South Korea. and oh i can't wait for this week's one me neither do you know what you're going to do for the next four weeks i know what i'm going to do for the next one yeah okay yeah um yeah yeah fun i had fun yeah but i think we need to bring our own microphones yes those mics aren't good they're um not

good but i like just the sound quality and it keeps cutting out we'll see because i don't know what's happening with ours because they also are having issues where they're flashing green and red. Anyway. Oh, yeah, no, that's true. I have to get that sorted. But then the other thing, I think we're going to move into the back room. The back room.

Yeah. There's, um, grass is so fabulous, but the, the main bar area is just quite, like, lacking in depth. So it's hard to get enough people in front of the screen. Aren't we all? Like Madeline Klein Hey don't say that about America's favorite Madeline Klein What if she becomes the most famous

I'm going to dober in But I was saying to Trudy I was like What if this is like the next Jennifer Lawrence What if we're like We were there that night with Madeline Klein Yeah

And then Trudy turned to me and went You know I think this might be As good as it gets for Madeline This might be This might be the peak of her career. And I mean, it's crazy. Like, she must be such a regular there as it's what she does on her day off. Yeah, of course.

So it's so weird that Jasmine and Coe weren't fully across it because she's a regular. Yeah, yeah. You heard Jasmine say, I loved you. I know what you did last. Yeah. Oh, actually. Huh. I've just remembered

A few weeks ago On the pod Before or after your brunch with your mother This would have been before But thank you for terrifying It's good too It's just I've been so busy It's hard to keep track

But actually You know some other things have happened in my life Like the Game of Thrones finale In the X-197 season 2 finale Yeah Anyway Okay So I got an Uber the other day

yes and in the car and I was thinking to myself there is no fucking way that this Uber driver is playing Assassin's Creed it is like actually not happening

Wait, what? Because you know how weeks ago I was saying like, isn't it weird how all these Uber drivers play Assassin's Creed? Because they have, have the little emblem dangling in the review mirror. No, you didn't see that. Matt?

Um, no. I did talk about this. No? Not to me. On the podcast? No. No? Yes.

Sorry. I don't think you did. I didn't? No. I must have edited myself. Oh, well then this whole story doesn't make any sense. Well, anyway, listener. I've spent several years now thinking,

God, it is crazy, this phenomenon of Uber drivers who just are obsessed with Assassin's Creed and have that ugly. little Assassin's Creed emblem that is objectively quite ugly, hanging in the review mirror. And then a few days ago, I thought I talked about this on the podcast. Listener, tell us if you've heard this before, but I've never heard this before. Really? Maybe you told some of your other friends.

Of course. Anyway, so then I was in the car and I was like, this actually doesn't check out what is going on here. And I looked it up, and it's not the Assassin's Creed symbol. What is it? It's the candor, which is like a Sikhism symbol. It's a religious symbol. And I've spent years of my life being like, oh, well, I got the gamer girl, Uber. That's pretty cool.

And then I compared the two. And they are similar, although the candor is a lot more cunty than the Assassin Creed symbol, if I'm honest. It has like these crossing swords and stuff. But the Assassin's Creed symbol is just kind of like a weird arrowhead that's quite ugly. That you think is objectively ugly? Yes. Okay. But the, yeah, I didn't talk about this.

No. But also, I just love the idea that you're walking around and think, I can't believe all these Uber drivers are obsessed with Taylor Swift having these lowercase teas in the other than. Yeah. No, it's been like years, years and years of my life thinking that. But now I'm not thinking that anymore. And now you're learning about Sikhism. Yes.

And they're cool, cross-sword symbols. And then I also learned the other day that Rebecca Romaine didn't play. seven of nine. It was Jerry Ryan. Yeah, that was embarrassing. Yeah. No one corrected you because we thought, oh, oh, you didn't know. Rebecca Romaine. You didn't know. Darling, I keep myself a breast. A voluptuous breast of all things, Rebecca Romaine. But it does make me think what has Rebecca Remain been doing outside of Mistake? And it does make me think, what awful things have you said that you haven't realized? Yeah. And also it makes me think, who is Jerry Ryan?

Who is Jerry Ryan? Yeah, well, she's not Rebecca Romaine. Rebecca Romaine. Yeah. Can you believe that? I can't, and I refuse to. Well, that's probably enough. Okay.

Can you do the apocalypse? I make it about Toronto or something? No, my apocalypse is going to be based on that film that I stopped watching after 20 minutes last night. Wait, can I just quickly say? there was Cecil? No, I watched this film on the Plex the other day called Camp. Have you seen that? Like the...

Go on. It was... The horror film? Yeah. Okay. I thought you were talking about the... Mother sister. Oh.

Mother sister. Dearest my son. You know the film. Okay, they go about theater camp. Oh, no. I watched this film called Camp and fuck me it was so bad I hated every second of it

Well we're gonna have to watch the other camp that you're gonna hate Camp! Okay, sorry You just saying that you watched a movie reminded me of this movie And you had to say that Yeah, I do. Yeah It was so bad

It was terrible I believe you Yeah I'm not laughing at that I'm not laughing at you Oh Um Yes

Well, I what's a film where the rain has trapped people inside. It's called like Trapped Inside or something. There's a couple with two children and a dog. They're kind of the all-American family. And then one day they get home and the doors won't open. Even the glass won't open because the rain is keeping the people inside and starving them to death. The rain. Yeah.

Like when they chip up. hole through a wall, the rain comes in to fill the hole with water. And the film is bad. Yeah. And so bad that I was like, this isn't even fun bad. This is just bad bad. So I stopped watching it. But that's what happens to the world.

Everyone gets trapped inside. Oh, because of the rain. Sure. And then they start to do. Yeah. Okay. Oh. Oh, dear. Okay.

Well, we'll be right back. Welcome back, listener. Now, today is, because we've been off for, not for you, listener, because we're professionals, because we've been off for a month, the inbox overfloweth. Honey, overfloweth. Yeah. So we're going to... Sorry. That's not you.

That's just me having a funny thought. Oh, okay. Oh, my floth. We're going to have a letterbox episode to try to clear some of the backlog. Now, Trans Tifa Glockhart, Trens Tifa Glockhart, which is, I'm, is like, you know Tifa Lockhart from Final Fantasy 7? Yeah, sure. Yeah. has sent in a double

voice voice message to the whole. So I fear she's got a lot to say. And we'll now listen to it. One after the other. Hello, lazy Susan and hello, Jamon. I'm a first time call it

long-term watcher. You should get better. Cotons, lazy. I have a morning to call in for a while and I have many things I wanted to comment on and share with you all as one of your few American fam I'm surprised you get

every day your premium work but I will call back with the rest and the other than I'm a date but I wanted to be the first to point out that an edamame smoothie would in fact this be a smoothie made

with Swaymook so not only those like you this, but they're fairly common. Not that's written. To you, maybe. So yeah, until next time. Wait, have we... First up, we're going to have to clean up that audio.

I don't know what well you fell down before you decided to call us for help. Many of our best listeners listen in from a well. Yeah, I'm sorry. You're not our American listener. child of the damned listener It sounded like he was trapped inside with the rain falling down. Being smothered beneath the thighs

of two gigantic women. What is, no, sorry, when did we talk about Edomami smoothies? Oh, you don't remember the episode where we talked about Atamamea smoothies? Maybe I don't remember this show at all. I suppose you don't remember the episode where I talked about the Assassin's Creed emblem either.

Am I? I've stumbled into a different timeline. This is Berrinsstein Bears. What, so what do you think? Soy smoothies. Soy smoothie. Well, I don't really like soy milk very much. So you like oat now.

Yeah. What do you think about the glucose spike for both of these? What? Honey, the glucose spike. What? The oat milk is meant to give you just a massive glucose spike. Same with soy. Oh.

Well. So you just go whoop. Gotta get a kick somehow. Mm-hmm. You know, it's not a slow release. sugar or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's fine. I can handle it. Yeah. She's a big girl.

Many people your age are on heroin. So, they're doing fine. You can do fine. Yeah. Heroin and oat milk. Very similar substances. Well, what I'm saying is, like, God, you think you have problems with your glucose spoke. I didn't think I do. Some people are injecting between their toes and staying awake for five days. True. So what are you complaining about? I wouldn't say that I just was complaining. You're complaining about how you don't like soy milk.

What do you think about edamame smoothies? I love edamame. To me, and this is probably quite controversial. But the thing about smoothies and milkshakes is I consider the, what is it, the hierarchy of imbibables. to be number one, solids, meals, foods, snacks, chewing foods. And then number two, drinks, liquids, sipping food. Yes. So I think any time you take ingredients, you know, edamame beans.

Yeah, from chew land to sipland. Yeah, you're downgrading them. Ah. They stopped being as good the second you decided to turn them into a drink. I see. You think I want to take a food to a beverage? Hmm. I don't want to take a bunch of berries that I could happily nibble on throughout a long conversation

and just turn them to one easy, breezy, beautiful drink. Suck them down. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I see that. I just think it's like, yeah. Well, what do you think about making a muffin? Because you've taken milk and turned it into a solid.

Great. Yeah. Anytime we can be turning beverages into foods. Yeah. That's good. What? All right, yeah. What if you turned a smoothie into an ice cream?

Yeah. Ice cream is on the cusp. Uh-huh. Because it starts as food and ends as beverage. And that is entirely up to you. But it makes me upset. And your speed of scoffing. Yeah.

Yeah. It makes me upset. Like, that's why I like an ice cream with lots of chewing foods in them. You know. Like that incredible one from Carol's. God, that's fucking good ice cream. Jesus. Crutch one.

Oh, it's so good. Let's listen to... Part two. Part two of T-Fost message. You're back again from the world. It's three times as long this time. No. Yeah.

Oh, we love our American listener. Hello, ladies with Susan, Zeldamu. And Matt, celestial space car driver, who I sincerely apologize for leaving out my furious message. Yes, thank you. And I know my previous message implied I'd be calling back at a later date in time. It did. But thanks to the delicious combination of alienating.

Gnitian rumination. I'm back here screaming into your open gaping speakeholds. Excellent. Some more gaping, Minnathans. Zelda full moon. And while I'm on the line, I wanted to get some clarification related to my apology. In the mythology of our celestial space-gall, is Matt as assuming that the goddesses are immortal? If not, who takes his face into them timely death? Oh. Should I be congratulating him for his second child, or I should be cursing him for damning his children to a future certitude.

Yes. To be dead goddesses of the cosmos. And, you know, it would just be good for us for the fans to know for the Wiki. Or if you've decided to make an American branch of the cult that I'm assuming exists in the bunker. or the space goddesses. So I can't recall if this has already been done, but perhaps what cult should go into the bunker? We've done it.

And it's not perhaps what's a little product, even though we might have to look up with this product. Toy? That was the end. That was the end? Yeah, just cut off. Say, of course, we do go through space car drivers once every hundred or so years.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We try and prolong their life through a mix of... Chases, nutrient infusions. But that is why we allow Matt to have a wife so that she can bring about a new generation of space car drivers. And then of the airs, we decide who's best at driving? Yes. And whoever doesn't annoy us.

Yeah, they have to pass per wrapper the rapper's driving test. Well, that's the criteria. Matt's siblings are not as good at driving. Well, Matt's sister was good, but she was busy that millennia. So we got Matt. I love that sister. Oh, so cool. Sorry to the brother.

Jesse Bear. Yeah. I think, yeah, I think whichever child can pass that perupa the rapper stage first. Yeah. Step on the gas. Step on the girl. Step on the break. Yeah.

Yeah. So that's good. We've done which cult. We did that with Miss Evel. And it was the wig wearers. Yeah. Yeah. Who are they?

Darling, keep walking. What? Who are you talking to? Don't ask me questions about things that have happened. No, but you know the answer to that. What's the Australian cult where they were wearing the weeks? The, like, weird, she was the reincarnation of Jesus up in the hills. Yeah.

Yeah, whatever. Yeah. Little Aryan children. Yes. But they were bleaching them. Yes. But we gave them all week. That's good, of course.

Okay, but which soy. product gets into the bunker. We have not covered. Silken tofu. Firm tofu. Tofu puffs. Tofu puffs are good. Oh God, they're good.

Tofu nugs. Yeah. Different. Different. That really sweet little thin skin bean tofu thing. Like tempe? No, like you might... Bing curd.

But like is it when you like get a pot, like a, at a sushi restaurant. Yeah, it's been cured. Like you get a pillow stuff with rice. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah, bean curd. And it's really sweet. Yes. What do you call that?

Bean curd. Matt, I mean, what do you call that dish in a sushi restaurant? Oh, Inari? Inari. Is it anari? The rice for bean curd, like cup. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, delicious. Yes. Oh, my yes. The Japanese got that one right. All right. Don't you think that that's such a like iconic, um, weird boomer style of talking about things? Yes. Because it implies that everything else has been wrong.

Everything grinds to a halt as you think, what? Yeah. What do you mean? Wait, can I tell you a story about when my mother visited? Oh, this is actually so bad. She, she gave me, uh, a small gift, which was a set of silicone children's utensils for the kitchen. She was like, yeah, I just, I have one at home and I just love it.

Because they're for kids, they're really small and you can, like, get in the corners of a pan to, like, with the spatula or whatever. I was like, okay, thanks, mom, sure. They're just regular silicon tools, but just smaller. Yeah. And she gives it to me, and like, hey, thank you. And she's like, just make sure you wash it first. They've obviously come from China.

It's like, oh, for fuck's sake, woman. Okay. You're like, you mean they've just come from a factory. Yeah. They've just come from a warehouse. Like, what? They've come from China. Is that even?

What are you implying by that? Yeah. Bizarre. Wow, I think we know exactly. Well, yes, yes. But fucking hell. Anyway, but that's kind of like what you said about Japan just now. Yeah.

What else is made from soy that's good? We call it racism with a hat on. Oh. Or like a big jacket and dark sunglasses. Where it's like, is that racism? There it is. Yeah. There's lots of soy things.

Everything's made from soy these days. Oh, yes. It all comes from China. Oh. Soy sauce. Soy sauce. Hey, that's a pretty good one. I don't know, baby.

Yeah, it's fermented soy. Soil and green. Toilent green. People. People. The, I mean, I only really know that reference from Drop Day Gorgeous. We should watch Soil and Green. Yeah.

Okay. It is people, right? Yeah. Yeah. Cool. Good idea. Mm. Cannibalism.

Well, yeah. Yeah. Anything else? Soy? Matt, you just should know this. Me, so? Me, so. Do you know my favorite product? Probably Matt.

And a little soy boy. I'm not a soy boy? Matt's already in the bunker. Matt's a soy boy. Yeah. Am I? What does that mean? I thought it was like the opposite of an alpha chad.

Soy boy. No, I thought that was a type of soy milk. What? No, that is. No, but like it's a term Oh, it's a term to describe men perceived as weak, overly emotional or lacking traditional masculine traits

Oh, yeah, that's you A rejection of toxic masculinity Should never be something to be sad about Yeah Yeah You're our soy boy The term comes from the idea that soybeans contain phytoestrogens

Which some internet subcultures False to claim feminized men and lower testosterone. Yeah. Okay. That's okay. Matt, that's a good thing. Yeah.

The enemy of my enemy is my friend. I don't think I'm a soy boy. Wait, you don't think you're a soy boy? No. You don't think you're overly emotional? I value that as an asset. As an asset. I agree.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. We agree. I don't think we agree. You're a soy boy. Maybe something we can agree on is tofu puffs. Okay. Except, God, it's awful when they start to go moldy and you don't realize because it's in the center of the puff.

Well, it doesn't happen. They don't last that long around my house. Oh, no, but you'll remember how many times I've had food poisoning. Poohs. How many times have had food poisoning from a certain Brunswick Street, Vietnamese restaurant, and it's because of the fucking mold

in the middle of the tofu puffs. Yeah. Why do you keep going back? Because it's so good. Thank you, Veroz. It's so good. Oh, what? I'm just going to try to avoid adding them.

Oh, I think after you've had three lots of food poisoning from them, they probably have earned a little bit of reputation. However, I've never had food poisoning from them. Yeah. But I think it's because I have an iron gut. Because I eat so much mud. Yeah.

Soy boy. Put the soy boys in. Soie boys. Put the little soy nuggets in. Soy nuggets. The old style nuggets from Lord of the fries were good. They were good. The new version, awful.

Fake meat has really evolved quite a lot. But now it's like we've lost some of the old shitty versions of vegetarian things. Yeah. Which were good in their own way. Yes. Yes. Because now the replication of like a meat flavor is actually close to indistinguishable. Yeah.

It's very strange. Yeah. So strange. But I think that those old, Lord of the fries ones were actually not, they were like a tempe. Ah. Yeah. Which I'd never, never get on board with. I don't like that.

Tempe can suck my. Those like, how? Sorry. that was so grapick. Do you believe that? That's so awful. I shouldn't say that. We should, Matt, can you actually put that at the very top of the episode?

I don't give a rap. To everyone. Tempe can suck my gun. I'm sorry, that's so rude. I apologize for saying that. To who? To Tempe? To women.

Oh, I'm sorry. Do you want to answer an apology to Japan? To Japan. I said, I was, encouraging them. Well, they got that one. You keep it up. What?

Yeah, that's it. Oh, God, it's so good to laugh. And listener, in the States, thank you so much. Please tell 10 of your friends, down in that well, that there's a show they should be listening to. Yeah.

It's this one. Yeah. Just to clarify. Yeah. Once we have a video pod, honey, we're going to be unstable. Oh, it's going to be. It's all over. Yeah.

For these whores. But which soy product? What are we going to do? I thought we just finished this conversation. No, what do we land on? The tainted curry puff. Oh, okay. Yeah, sure.

All right. But it's got to be tainted. Yeah, a moldy packet of tofu puffs. Yeah. Done. And we'll be right back. Goodbye, man. Till I'm

To every Hello Again Hi Okay, so As it's letterbox We have another Speak hole

This time from Zach And I didn't recognize the email So I don't think it's any of my known Zaks However A new Zack A new Zack Watch out, famously, all Zaks are hot Hello, Zelda Moon, lazy Susan, and spacecar driver Matt.

This is Zach. Two things really quickly up top. I, with full confidence, opened up my browser and typed in speakhole.com to record this. That's good. You can imagine my surprise when that did not return a website. But we're here now. The other thing is, Matt, I just want to quickly thank you for clearing up the size difference

between you and the celestial goddesses in the car, because I have been thinking about that for, I would say, over a year. So thank you. My question is, while I think it is absolutely critical for us to work out what Tamagotchi adornment is going in the bunker,

and it is nothing short of the utmost importance that we determine which clothes are good for wiping up stains, which will keep in the bunker. I just want to take it back to basics on a subject that I don't think has been done before but you're welcome to correct me here. We will.

What instrument is going in the bunker? What will people play to make music after the apocalypse? I can't believe we haven't thought of that. Yeah. I look forward to your candor on this. Thank you. Wait. And good day.

So, good day, good day. Zach, which, which easy to clean slops off clothing? Is that what you were saying? What? Easy to clean slops off clothing. Yeah. I think the question couldn't be more.

We'll skim past that one and go to instruments. We've done versions of instruments, haven't we? Man, nothing that I can see in the bunker. All right, I choose harp or theramine. Hmm. I think pheromine is really good. Wait, that's not how a theramines are. No, it's okay.

Atomaton. Can we put it in a... an automaton? Maybe, but I don't think they're that good. What about spoons? Spoons? That's pretty good. I like that mouth spring.

Noing, noing, noing, the nose harp. Yeah. Nose harp? They're cool. Matt, can you play atarmatone? I don't know what a tametone is. I thought you were a musician. Doesn't mean I know what you're talking about. Wow.

Matt. We've only one episode back in. Okay, my favorite, my actual favorite instrument is the banjo. Ah, yeah. I love the banjo. Yeah. I think the sound of the banjo is so cool. I was like, gna-d-d-d-d-d-d-ding-d-d-ding.

I was like, l'am-l-lim-lim-lim. That's what I said. Um, I just think it's so cool. Like, that and the fiddle, uh, really, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like an Irish fiddle Yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah You're an old soul I think it really You're a wretched soul That sort of Or like an off-key piano Ooh You just want to live in an old saloon

I think Yeah But I just think the banjo is so Whenever I hear a banjo song Yeah Or banjo shows up I like my cynicism drops Like when banjo

Showed up in Smash Brothers Oh yeah Yeah it's pretty cool Oh, yeah. Yeah. Da-da-da-dan. Yeah, okay, they're good. Yeah.

They're good. Matt, what's your favorite? I think you know what my favorite is. Well, I know it's not the automaton, for sure. Yeah. Isn't that like an instrument that plays itself? No. What is that?

What a parol. Atomitone is a, like, a Japanese toy instrument where, like, you've got the rod that has, like, different... notes. Like an anime musical. Yeah. And then depending on how hard you pinch the cheeks of the Otama tone, it changes the tone of the note that you're playing. So it's like...

Well, Japan got that right. Oh, yeah. I think I know what you're talking about. I'll bring mine in next week. I'll show you. You never play it, though. I know, but I need to practice. I want to do a duet performance with that.

Can we start a band where you play the Ultamataan and I play the banjo? Yes. And with the traveling banja tones. Yeah. Otama Joe. Otama Joe Atama Joe's Yeah, we can

Okay, cool, that's set But violin Yeah, I got a stick by violin Yeah Well, you gotta have a stick to play violin Is it called a stick man Yeah Is it?

No That's called bow The bow The bow Does it have to be horse hair Of course Oh, actually All the horses just have to have

Little haircuts every now and again Hmm They don't kill the horse To get the hair Is that true? Well, they kill it for other reasons, but not for the hair. Wait, so it's a byproduct of... Is it?

Animal slaughter. I don't know. I actually don't know if they have to kill horses to get their hair. Yeah. Because you know... They don't kill people to make their wigs for human hair wigs. Yeah, thankfully. But those people will complain.

Horses famously can't do that as well, except for Mr. Ed. You know, the down is like incredibly unendable. ethical because in order to retrieve the down, they have to slaughter the animals. For down pillows. Yeah, and like puffer jackets and stuff. Feathers are shed, but down isn't shed. It's plucked. Jesus.

And if you pluck the entire animal of it, it's like fucking torture. Do they have to do it while they're alive? Yeah. So think about that next time you go to Catvando or whatever. You can also get really good synthetic downs, which are plastic. So they're kind of bad in other ways. but it is quite good. You can get like a bamboo fibre down.

Kind of has the same crinkly sound as feather down. Crinkly. Crinkle cut. Oh, well, this is going to be a tough one. Yeah. Banjo versus, I mean, my pick is the harp. You like the harp. of time.

Yeah, the nerds that, like, bought an ocarina and, like, learned to put the ocarina. It's a bit cringe. I think they make it past cringe once they actually get good at the ocarina. Yeah, but... What about the panpipe? Wait, Matt, do you have an ocarina? Not on me right now. I think I've got one somewhere around.

I think it was one of the first instruments I ever bought with my own pocket money. Maybe I want to get an ocarina. At the after-school market. I mean, there's a revolution happening about trying to, you know, make it past... The, what is it? The cringe crevasse. Yeah. And just go and enjoy the things you like.

That's true. Everything is cringe. That's true. We're living a post-cringe world. Post-crimege. Get your triforce tattoo on your hand. Wait. Produc so that one of the people who work at Grouse has a triforce tattoo.

Oh. And I am now obsessed with them. And he showed me the whole thing last week and it's huge. It takes up half his back. Really? Yes. Wow. It's cool.

Well, yeah. I love that. I think my favour is the trumpet. Trumpet. I like it when it has that little add-on on the front of the silence. When you're a sexy lady walking along. She looks like jello in two springs. What's a trombone?

That does the same sort of thing. Compared to a trumpet. Trombone is got the big long slide, so you pull your arm. Whoa. Yeah. So it depends on where you put the slide. That tells you what note it is. Whereas the trumpet, you have to press keys down.

Yeah. Do you know what's hot is harmonica? Yeah. I've got a harmonica. I didn't realize you were so like old school with your instrument. What do I mean to say? The electric guitar. I don't know.

I just, I just never pick. I mean, I guess you do like that kind of old-timey sort of music. Appalachian blues, banjos. I do. I mean, we made that whole song. Hey, hi, it's drag race. I'm shicking your tundah. Hey, hi, it's drag rice.

Drag rise. Right. High is down under. Come on, Davis. Yeah, for lazy season on Drag Race. If you haven't listened to that song, you should go to her. I've reposted it the other day. I think it was to her.

It was to her Instagram. It's good. Oh, it's good. I am so mad about this fucker on Facebook marketplace. Oh, no. Yeah, say. Go on, say. I just, I've been hunting for a mockmaster for a reasonable price in the marigold yellow color.

And they normally, they retail for $500. And I'm not paying that. But for $250, which is when one came up in Peran last night for $250, I said to them, I can pick this up ASAP. Then this morning they were like Can you pick up this morning? And I was like, well no, yes, that's the one. And I was like, no, I'm, but I can do this, Arvo,

thinking like we can be done at 12, I'll run over there, pay them cash straight away. Yeah. They didn't reply and then listed it as sold. And I'd been like, well, apparently not. Like I said that to them. And have they said anything? No, but they have to know I will use my entire power

to come down on them like a bucket. Actually, what's their name? What's their name? What's their name? I'm so over this. How dare you? Jasmine Newham. Bad review for her.

She does have a 4.3 review. Wait, so others have been scorned. Wait, actually, she might be a lesbian. Oh, no, she's not. Thank God. No, I was going to retract it if she was. She's selling everything. Oh, no.

She's selling everything She's liquidating her life Jasmine, you've really ticked me right off Oh God She sells bikes a lot Bikes How many could you have? She sold like 20 bikes

What really? Yeah Why'd she buy so many? Oh, she rents an e-bike How are you learning so much about her? Well, because I can see all her listings Oh wait, she's got other stuff on And then

Yeah Ambush her Reviews of Jasmine Wait, you could now waste her time, don't you know? You're like, oh, I'd love to get this bike. I could come over in the next hour. And then when she says, all right, and then you just don't go. Yeah.

What about that? Sorry, Jasmine. Not a fan. More like Jasmine, old ham. Instead of new ham. Yeah. Because you've really ticked me off like old ham. Sorry, Jasmine, I didn't mean to docks you.

But you've ticked me right off. I wanted that mock-a-ma-law. Let me buy it. Yeah. What? Does it bring you any joy to know that someone else now has it? Yeah. And you know what?

It's become kind of like my white whale. Yeah. Like I'm just like I've lost so many of these. I've lost so many things. I've lost so many yellow mokker masters. Yeah. Sometimes I'll compromise for a light pink if I see one or a sky blue. Yeah.

There's a lot of colors I won't go for. But the or red cherry. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Or that crem? Like, they come up all the time, oftentimes for ridiculously high prices for a used machine. But for like the 250 to 300 range, I'm like, okay. So when I see that, it's game on, and they always sell really quickly. So I shouldn't have been shocked that Jasmine Newham decided to be a fickle big.

But she didn't know the consequences of her actions. But the, I feel like it's like a river flowing. This is not meant to be my time. But another salmon will come down that river. What can you... I would take you a salmon, yes. Salmon colour. You take out.

What? Can you explain the Mockermaster to the listener? It's a drip coffee. So it gets here like an American Diner-style coffee. It's made by an Italian brand, Mocker Master. They'd be making them in the exact same way since the 1970s. It's the same design. No improvements to be found.

No improvements. They just said, this is it. Yeah. It is like a brand thing, but they're pretty reliable. They don't like break typically. They have changed some of their components out recently from being like a sturdier material, like a metal into like a plastic. Which does mean that some of the newer models are less, you know, robust.

Yeah. Than their 70s counterpart. But I do want to have like a coffee pot on the brew. Yeah. Like I think that we have enough. times where we have like eight people over at the house that all want coffee at once, that it would be really advantageous to be able to just hit the coffee machine and get it going. Absolutely.

And you also just want to pour coffee out of that vessel, don't you? I want to go up to people like, fill her up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I was struck once again by how incredible the American hospitality culture is. Oh.

Yeah. Go on. Well, just like because everyone's working for tips, which is now standing. standardized in L.A. and other places at 20%. Right. Yeah? That's quite high. You spend $100, your tip should be $20.

Yeah. How do you go calculating that on the fly? They will put like a little suggestion, or if you're paying on card, it will come up. This is what 15% looks like. This is what 20%, this is what 25, or your own amount. Yeah, okay. Um, and what happened, like what, I mean, I've been to America not that long ago, but what happens when you just don't? I mean, nothing, but I think it's pretty bad.

Yeah. Like, they'll be like, what a fucking ton. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you've essentially said you worked for me for free. Yeah. Yeah. And then also it's like the, yeah, there are times when you're like, I'm not fucking tipping you. You didn't do anything.

Yeah. At the kind of service. But like at the same time, I'm like, I'm not here to question the rules. But like, I just, America needs to fucking tell you what things cost. Because they don't include the tax in the final. Yeah. In the cost of thing. So you're like, oh, muffin, that's $4.

Well, no, it's not. Because you're going to be paying 20% plus tax, plus to. So by the time you get to the register, you're like, what happened to the price? Yeah. Like, just put it all in the fucking price and tell me how much it costs. Yeah. Like that's the great thing about being here is that just include GST in the prize. Yeah, yeah.

Include it also. It's like you're never making decisions based on incorrect information. Yes. Yeah. That's how they get you. Yeah. Also, it's just annoying to like every, I mean, this is why the service is so good. It's every interaction is weighted with this thing of like a value judgment.

And so everyone is like, hi, how you guys doing today? So here's your manual. back in five seconds to see how you're going and then we'll check back in five minutes later and and they do they check back in on you like in an Australian cafe it's pretty rare oh yeah to get like a second check in yes or top up on your drink yeah yeah or like a coffee top up or whatever but like which is why things like an endless cup of Joe in an Australian cafe doesn't mean the same thing because you have to go up to the counter and ask and they think they're being cutesy American Dynastile.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But unless you have someone who's watching this section like a hawk, making sure you're having a good experience. Yes. Then there's no point. Yeah. But yeah, it's very impressive. But it also means, like, some of the more organic things.

Like, in Australia, you can tell when your waiter or waitress likes you. Yeah. Because you actually have an organic conversation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There, it's like, you're all being so nice to me, but none of it's breaking the surface. Yes. Yeah. Kutchen was trying out the old bestie.

Oh, how'd that land? Didn't land a six. Well, maybe half landed a few times, and there was maybe one time where it actually lit up their face. The rest of the time, they're like, yep, thank you. Oh, how did he find that? I think he was already squand because we'd spoken about it on the pod. Oh. And he was heartbroken.

No. And then now he's like, now we're in a country where everyone fucking. hates bestie. Wait, I'm now just remembering the end of that bestie conversation, which was you saying like, if he's ever called you bestie, it's not true. I'm his bestie. That's still true.

Okay, wait, so which instrument? Obo. What's it? Obo. What about, what are those like... An instrument of torture? Pliers. Oh, no, thinking about having your teeth pulled out by

I wasn't going to pull out your teeth. I was going to pull out your nails. Oh, that's also pretty bad. You know, do you imagine it's like a little gooey, urchin-style sucker beneath your nails? Yes. Holding the nail on. Yes. And it would be like, ooh!

Yes. That's my house. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, what's like, what are those? But there's so many instruments. Me?

Yeah. Egg shaker. There's like, there. It's the whole woodwind section. So like flutes and oboes, clarinets. And then, yeah, there's percussion. There's drums. I don't get drums.

Bass, double bass. Wait, what about drums? What's that little fan brush in makeup artistry? It's for highlighter. Like a little snare drum-y things use it. What's that about, Matt? That's like a wire brush. It's called a brush.

But it's for like softer, more down. delicate playing for like jazz musicians. Um, what, what's it called? It's called a brush. Ah. And what's it made out of? It's made out of wires. Wires.

Fascinating. Yeah, it is. I love how much you guys just have no clue on music. Oh, they're not meant to know of music. I listen to music every day. Do you? Yes. No, it's just reminding me of the episode when we talked about which musical note went in.

That was very informative And the whole conversation It's just like So bewildering Oh That's okay I'm here to educate you Yeah

That's why we need a good soy Well What? What But you know like Sorry It's been a while Yeah

Um Fuck hell Sorry Sorry Sorry, That's so rude. You're good. Okay.

You're good. No, I'm trying to think of like, I saw a video recently of like this ALD-style instrument that like has water rushing through it and it's this series of like glass bowls cupping over each other and you're like,

Over that. What's that called? Let's put that in. Hang on. Matt? Do you know that one? Matt? No, I don't know what you're talking about. I thought you were a musician. Hang on. I'm not as highly educated in the oldie musical instruments. And it shows. It's called a, no way. Hey, there it is. Waterphone. Oh, water phone. That's not a real thing. Yeah. Wait, I'm going to send you the video. It's fucking cool. I'm going to play an audio from it, actually. What about that? Wait, someone else say that. Waterphone.

Waterphone. Waterphone. It's all about the water phone. No, no. This isn't it. Not the water phone. Not the water phone. You know what?

We get these subjects five months in advance. I wish that you would do it. Crystal. I spend the week diligently going through my files. Organizing her thoughts. Oh, it's beautiful and dangerous. I don't care about that. Just play the fucking instrument.

How cool! Do you think that's cool? It sounds so strange. But they're all glass bowls, then don't let them crack. You'll slice your finger open. Yeah. I'm going to send it down.

Dangerous. Yeah, we can put the water bowls in. It's a crystalophone. A crystal phone. Okay. Let's put that in. Sick. I love that sound.

And thinking about it echoing through the holes of, of the bunker would make me very happy. Yeah, that's cool. Wait, could you play like a contemporary cover? Like, I want a Kelly Clarkson cover of the... What did you say? Crystalophone. I'm going to put it...

We do have a lot of music in the bunker. I'm just trying to imagine how all of that will be played with that instrument, but that's all right. Okay, I haven't yet found a Kelly Clarkson cover by Crystalophone, but it looks very ornate, right? It's beautiful. I taught an octopus piano then played guitar with him. I've seen that.

I've seen that. It's okay. I don't know that you actually taught piano. You taught it where to look for food. It's okay. Okay. You know, a lot of children only learn to play piano because their parents won't feed them if they don't. Children and octopus have a lot in common.

They both have beaks. Okay, let's end it there. That's good. Let's go on to the next category. Welcome back. Hello! Oh, hello. Oh, that glucose spike is really doing me some of a fierce. Glucal spike. Chris.

Chris. Listen to Chris. Hi, Chris. It was quite lovely when I... Named after our Lord and Savior. The body of Chris. You know, Chris, I don't want to say the last name, I don't want to expose anyone who has a begrudge to say. Not like that old ham.

Mockermone or whatever it is. But so nice to see that you've spoken in. But what are you got to say, Chris? Hello, celestial goddesses of death and Matt. I am strolling home from getting my international driver's license and I walk past Zelda's place of work. I started thinking about what's in the bunker. but my mind jifted to what is outside of the bunker. What security measure does the bunker employ

to keep the unwashed masses out once the world has ended? Do you stick to a classic barbed wire, an electric fence, maybe some sort of laser or robot sentinel? I'm sure you both have much better ideas than me. Keep it up and see you later. Okay, so currently... Wait, he's not... There we go.

I love the like, there's no time to wait. I'm going to record this while I walk home. Yeah, past your place of business. Yes. Which docks my sister. Someone could sonically, you know, investigate that recording and find out where she works. True. I could hear the sound of the 248 tram, which means it was bouncing off the wall.

It do be like that. So at the moment, you enter the bunker through a pool-style hole with a little pool, you know, handrail into the hole that you then go down before getting the ghost train to the main bunker room. So we know that there's a hole and a pool rail. Pool ladder. But what else? Well, okay. My first thought is, what about a small sign that says no trespassing? That's good

They have that a lot in America Really? People hate that And once you're trespassing You get to kill that person if you want Yeah That's pretty good Is it like hand painted

Like um like um Roadrunner style? Yeah sure Okay yeah Also you know it's good Um Like a You know in that JLo film

Where the glass Splits them Yes And separates them Yes The horse The horse. Yes.

That would be good. I love that. Just imagining a kind of sandy dune that has a small pipe opening with a pool ladder. Yes. But then you get close and from beneath the sand comes ten glass panes. Yeah. And then they shoot up through you. Yeah.

And then split you apart. Yeah. And maybe those split up parts come down and feed them make. We'll think about it. It's like a snack. Maybe. I really like that. I mean, the cell is one of my favorite films.

Also in Resident Evil, the first one, when they're laser cuts them into cubes. Mila Yoavich. I love the cubes. I don't, I'm so excited for the new Resident Evil, can I say. The Zach Kregor film. Love Zach Kregers. You did weapons and barbarian. Oh.

Yeah. And he was like, I'm obsess. with Resident Evil. And as such, the second that I have a second to make a film for them, I want to make a Resident Evil film. But his whole thing was like, I want it to feel like you're actually playing one of the games. That's fun.

So he's like, there's not really a lot of backstory or anything. It's basically just following a guy who is like a courier for a hospital. Yeah. And he is bringing like an organ donor. Don't know, like an organ to a hospital in Raccoon City. Yeah. And it's the night that it's all happening. Mm.

And he's driving and then hits a woman and then has to like go for help in a house. Yeah. And it's like just very like, like a game. Like it's just like now this thing is happening. Now this thing is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it looks so fun. That's cool.

And like 90 minutes just breezing through a kind of zombie apocalypse. Yeah. Where he's got like a little mission and he's like just a courier and like doesn't have any kind of of special connection to what's happening. Yeah, that's fun. That's fun. Wait, does this movie already exist? Yeah, it's coming out soon.

Cool. Yeah. The trailer exists? Yeah. Cool, I want to see that. Yeah. Plus, I really liked weapons and I loved Barbarian. Yes, yes.

So. Bebe. Uh-be. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. Okay. I mean, I would love kind of like, like circling eagles and vultures to swoop. Yes.

Swoop away trespasses. I love, I kind of love like a button that drops like a bomb or something. Yeah, like a little bum. Yeah. Mostly for the button optics. My love for that was indeed refreshed by the exhaustingly unfuny joke in Stop That Train about the buttons, like the nuke buttons. I loved that. Everything about that movie was exhaustingly unfunny

and instantly became one of my favorite films. It's so good. I had the best time watching that film. God damn. It was so good. Stop that. What else? I mean, I'd love that

that 1930s animation style Skellington army. Oh yeah. Jason and the Argonauts. Yeah, I would love a little army of them up there to like... For sure. Cut down any trespasses. And a really well-trained archer.

Yeah. I think that pole dancing archer from Tink. Oh, from Tinkong. Yeah. Did he see that video he put up lately of like, you look like this and you wear shoes like this? What's... Oh, because he's a straight boy wearing heels.

Yes. And he's like, you think I can't be straight and wear. Yeah. Pleather, thigh, I'm like, stripper heels. I'm like, I know you're straight because of how annoying you are. Yes. And, yeah, I know. He's such a genre of, like, circus boy.

Yes. That is like, okay. Yeah. There's actually nothing more repellent. But, like, simultaneously, like, I understand the appeal. Oh, a thousand percent. But it's also like... This snide.

Yeah. like snarky like I can actually express myself anyway that I like yeah and it's crazy of me as long as I'm worried and it's crazy of you yeah I get to engage in like violence yes um but my guy's hot um do you think you could you couldn't make a relationship with him no no you'd have to battle because I think I think he is like straight as an arrow for sure like and he's the kind of like straight guy that because he'll entertain the like femme energy but it is um just for attention there's like no curiosity desire there yeah i can smell it from a mile away that would never happen yeah well we're gonna have so much fun at that ren fair yeah

Grinsley's or greensle Um Well I actually just found a little thing that's already outside the bunker Uh-huh In the in I've just been Going through the space sheet Well no, I've been looking at the bunker from the space car Oh right

Um So there's actually we have Baradur Um Outside the bunker and Lazy's good eye atop the baradour, overseeing the bunker. Yeah. Like Sauron's eye. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, that's important. Yeah. As a little like security measure. Yes. Watching. And beneath the bunker, like outside, but beneath is the entity of it, I believe, as well. But that's like not.

That's like, that's different. Yeah. Okay. Well, I mean, yeah, that's, hey, I'd forgotten about that. But what? Did that get in under which eye? probably yes it did yeah yeah that's good um okay okay oh the the bubble from the prisoner

what the bubble that chases you and absorbs you and goes away wait and then there's just a big bubble bouncing around with like more and more people who thought that they were bunker worthy yeah oh that's good what color is the bubble it's like an like off white to pink sometimes Okay. And it's like gelatinous inside? It's essentially like a giant weather balloon. Yeah. And then when like you get caught by the bubble from the prisoner,

it just shows like your face pressed up against plastic going, yeah, wait, the bubble prisoner. Mm-hmm. Oh, it's just white. Oh, but it starts up small, but then it gets big. Oh, I love this. And then there's like a bunch of people looking terrified of the giant bubble. That's sick.

But everyone freezes. Wait, did you see Björk's balloon look the other day? Yeah. Do you know what? It made me kind of sad. Oh. It was amazing. Yeah.

But it just made me sad because I was like, drag races like, um, ruined everything. Yeah. Because I was like, well, this isn't even the top tier bubble look I've seen. But I'm like, Bjork used to be the only girl in the game. Yeah. Now she's fighting to try and impress us. Yeah. But she looked amazing.

Yeah. Do you think her favorite Simpsons skit is the crebopple bubble thing? Crabble. Lazy is frozen in time, possibly with rage at me. Bubble. Bubble. A word invented by William Shakespeare. Fucking hell. Actually?

Yeah. Okay. He invented many words. Yeah. Bubble, bubble, toil, and trouble. Oh. Wait, really? Sometimes if you don't have a word to rhyme with trouble, you just invent one.

I say the wrong word all the time and people just laugh at me instead of saying, oh, you're a visionary. Okay. Matt, what do you think? About bubbles? No, prisoner bubble. Oh, yeah. That's cool.

That's fucking cool. You're not? You know, I'm really getting over people not being out of their mind excited about this. Here we are. We're ideating. Yeah. Look, we're two hours in. I'm happy with it.

Two hours in. Two hours in. I've got to go and pick up that muck. Oh, no, I don't. There's old ham ruin my life. Old I am. If you know old ham. Yeah.

I don't know. I'm just mad. Do you think she must have bought it for herself and is then passing it on? Looking at things she has, she does seem to have very nice things. Yeah. And, but like, very, like, in a very clean south side way. where it's like, oh, we bought the Mokka Master, but now we're just over it.

Yeah. Like she was influenced and now she's de-influency. Yes. She's like got the Breville. Oh. Or like, we just, we're actually off coffee now. What do you? Oh, fuck.

What? Just quickly, the ninja things. Oh, yeah. What the fuck is that about? When did this even happen? I don't know, Hunt. Like, people need to, like, people need to, like, people need to, get rid of everything.

Like, right? The other day someone at work was saying like, oh, well, that's why I've got my ninja shrubble. And everyone was like, oh, yeah, no, totally. I would be happy if all of these appliances weren't just a motor with a blade or something attached. Right. It's like how many times we were going to invent this?

You've just got a food processor, it's fine. Now they're putting AI into them as well. Yeah. Oh, thank God. I was worried for a second. But like, there's one that is an ice cream maker as well. A ninja creamy. Yeah.

Sophie. Do you know what? I was looking at marketplace and that popped up as we were talking about it. Isn't that spooky? Oh. Ninja creamy. As you said, ninja. Creamy.

I imagine there will be a time in the future where the entirety of Facebook marketplace is Ninja Creamies. Yeah. I bought my, I bought a Donabe a couple months ago and I didn't. What's a Danabe? A Danabe. See, now you're saying things. Is a, oh, well.

is a traditional clay pot, like Japanese cooker. It's not like a new device. No. It is a bowl made of clay. What do you use it for? Cooking rice. Because I wanted a case. Like I wanted a cute rice cooker.

They don't exist. I bought the cutest one that I could find that I had brought in from Japan and then it didn't have. You're telling me there's not a Hello Kitty rice cooker? Okay. No, not that. like cute as in like I like it not cute as in hello kitty um Japan got that right but it came and the it was tiny one it was too small

yeah um Japan got that rough but that was on me but then also it didn't have like an appliance like it wasn't Australian grade electric so like I had to get an adapter for it which is also won me. But anyway, then I just looked at it for three years in my cupboard. So it's going to be a prize in our raffle next week. Correct. But I did love that it came with a little metal rice measure.

Anyway. But it also just like wasn't. Yeah. Oh. Yeah, that is what I meant. Thank you for clarified. And. But anyway, it just didn't tantalize me.

Also, I once sliced my... What color was it? Like pistachio green. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. But I also once... How much rice do you need? How small could it possibly be?

Also, once I sliced my finger open while washing a rice cooker, like, tray, because, like, it had, like, a metal tray, but then, like, the lip curled over on the edge, created, like, a blade, like, effect, and I sliced my finger open. Anyway, ever since I've been scared of rice cookies, and yet I bought that one, thoughting, I'm just going to give it a go because I just hadn't been eating rice

because I don't like doing stovetop rice I just actually don't like it Why not? I don't like how, I just don't like anything about that experience I really, yeah I'm like, I just, oh no, I hate it I actually hate it.

I hate the like little foam at the top I hate getting the ratio correct I hate having to work on the heat It just doesn't interest me I think that, I mean listen Too busy for that There's nothing wrong with the rice cooker No

What are you washing your rice? it depends sometimes every time it depends on what kind of rice I'm cooking like what it's a whole thing boreo you're doing a different thing yeah I think most of the time like a long grain or a jasmine you should be washing yeah and then you get far less bubble at the top

yes yes then you just use almost the exact same amount of rice to water ratio depending on what you're doing yes to avoid gluggy race yeah yeah yeah yeah but anyway and then you just put on for 12 minutes what's the issue I don't like doing that there's no issue. I just don't like it.

So instead, so instead, I bought a Donabe because it's so much easier. Tantalizing, you know, like Claypot. Traditional clay pot from Japan is that will get me over the edge.

So anyway, it arrived, and then I was too scared to use it because I didn't want to fuck up seasoning it. But then I have. And now I've been using it almost every day. It's fucking sick. And it is like, it's like literally exactly the same as just doing stove top rice, but because it's in a dinabe, it's cute and I love it. But it's like got these little lines and you like fill up the rice to a certain point and then the water and then you like do the thing. Do you season your eggs?

Sometimes. Oh God, it's all sometimes with you. Okay. It's so good. So it's the giant bubble. Yes. And I hope it carries us all away. We're talking about appliances.

Yeah. Yeah. I was, that wasn't aimed at you, sister. Oh. I was just rounding up the show. I appreciated your Donabe story and all the complexities of your feelings about rice. Yeah. It felt like a really nice, what they call in storytelling, a bookend.

Mm-hmm. Because at the start, you told us about the ham cheese toasty and how you were hungry. And now we're ending on the story of how you're cooking rice, which is like she was hungry and now she has rice. And the listener knows. Well, you say it like that. Sounds quite good, doesn't it? Oh, you're right. Structure.

Yeah. So this week, going into the bunker. It's, of course, the bubble from the prisoner with Patrick McGowan. Wait, who the fuck is Patrick McGoo? Secret Asian man. Secret Asian man? Definitely's got that right. Wait, McGu-Han.

McGu-in. That's why whenever I'm very... I say, what you doing, Patrick McGowan? Oh, yeah. You say that all the time. I really do. Wait, really? I say that all the time.

You'll hear it more now. Wait, he's so old now. Look at him wearing a cardigan. Anyway. So that's going in, the bubble that kills you if you try and leave the island. Yeah. The crystallophone. Crystallophone playing Kelly Clarkson's,

because you are never straight too far from the sad wall. And the soy boy, I mean, sorry, the soy boy. product is the rotten soy nuggets from Vietros. Yeah. But I wish it could be you, Matt. I'm sorry. Oh. You're already in.

It's beautiful. We don't have soy boy Matt. Oh, true. Well, I mean, if it's Matt, then it is soy boy Matt. No, but imagine Marcho Matt's in the bunker and then soy boy Matt comes into Regis and they get into a big punch on. Oh, no. Mato mat's going to win. Marcho, macho Matt.

I'm sorry, I've got some tricks. Yeah. So leaf attack. Ester gene. Oh, calling for help. Whistles? Blow your whistle. Anyone can whistle.

Okay. Thanks for listening, everyone. We love you and it's so nice to be there. We love you. I fucking love your. Oh, my God. Thank you for those letters. That was incredible.

Yeah, we've got enough to do weeks of this. We won't. No, we'll try and splice things. Yeah, we'll mix it. We'll have another question. Okay. We'll see you all soon. Zulangior.

Death to Everyone was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Shears. Our theme song in music was provided by Ediecentric and Angus Leslie. If you have something to say to us, send it to us at Debtorampot.com. Or say it to us at speakpipe.com slash death to everyone. And won't you consider supporting us on patreon.com slash death to everyone? And also, by doing so, you'll gain access to our Discord server where you can chit-chat with us about Donabay. Thank you. Goodbye.