Death To Everyone - Death To... Super Bowl Halftime Shows, The Weather & Beds

Episode Date: February 27, 2024

Hot or cold, dear listener? It's heating up in the bunker as your Celestial guides of time discuss which weather pattern belongs in the bunker? Eeeverybody needs a good bed, so we talk about that one as well. Finally we decide... Which Super Bowl Halftime Show gets into the bunker? The stadium won't fit but the talent will. Death To Everyone!!! Follow us, won't you? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/MsLazySusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/zelda__moon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/naturalhabitatstudios⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/ediecentric/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103/

🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 Hey mate, how are ya? What's going on? No! You alright, mate? No.

It's too hot, Zelda, for that. Sorry. It's too hot! Sorry, let's start again. Hello. Much better. Shuleng, you're to use Zelda Moon. Oh, balak-nak.

Oh, and welcome to you, beautiful one. Oh, the most gorgeous listener in the land. Yes, just the one sitting there by your open fire. Oh. With your poker. Your eyes alight with a flickering flame. Poker? Yeah.

As in like the... Poker? Hallelujah! Oh! That's actually a true deployment of that joke. True. You know how people do Well done People have forgotten what the fucking point of that joke was

It's bet her But the first thing before the her Has to make sense Poke Something you do to a her Let's think of another one Oh I can't Like if you said Where's the milker Milker? I hardly know her I hurt. Let's think of another one. Oh, I can't.

Like if you said, where's the milker? Milker? I hardly know her. Oh, yeah, okay. All I can think of is burn her. The oil burner. Burn her? I better know her.

That'll be good. Do you mean... The cops won't trace it back to me. Why? Double indemnity. Do you mean... Cops won't treat it back to me. Why? Double indemnity. Do you mean poker is in the game or the stick for rearranging the logs in the fire? The fire poker. I love fire pokers. Well, you don't love them enough to learn their name.

Oh, my God. Sitting there playing... People would play poker in front of a fire. Texas Hold'em with the fire. Well, if they were camping Here's your hand Oh, you burned it up Here's another Burner?

Jesus Christ Welcome to Death to Everyone, everyone It's your favorite podcast And probably our third or fifth favorite podcast And it's a show about the end of time It's all over. But fear not. We are your celestial goddesses out in the void, watching, judging, and selecting.

Curating. Curating. Deeply curating. At the moment, we're curating for our new Homewares line, Especially You. Oh, yes. And the thriving wellness empire that is especially you uh we've just launched in russia and um yeah we're doing quite well there so if we do well there that's the test market then especially you can yes they do have a um a certain proclivity for our

you know our various goops yeah okay. Yeah. Okay. Oh, dang. But yes, this is a show where we are selecting, curating what goes into a bunker for the end of time. Yes. Oh, my God. I've got to stop burping when you're editing the episodes. I'm not going to take those out. Because you don't take them out. Yeah.

I'm out here sounding like Barney. Rick and or Morty. Yeah. I'm sounding like a regular Morty Or Rick Yeah And Rick And

Which one? Rick Rick The Older one The old one I'm glad they dialed that down You rewatch season one

And it's like Burp land Yeah I know someone Who can't watch it Because of that It's gross Ugh Ugh

Yeah Ugh Okay Okay So why are we going oh okay so i just have one thing i need to say quickly oh yeah sure oh it's really ground my gears do you know that's the alternate universe version of the show would just be us being like i've got to tell you about something i really fucking hate well actually that is what this is a show. That is what this is. Okay, so you know miniatures? I've heard of them. Okay, so I follow a lot of miniature accounts,

and there's been a trend, a baffling trend, that has reached almost 100%. Like, I've never seen this done correctly. How many accounts does Weta Workshop have? Weta doesn't do miniatures. Oh, they do. But like poop, not like a house. Oh, right. Not like the interior of a cozy lounge room.

Oh, yes. Oh, that's the genre you're talking about. Yeah, I'm not talking about like Mordor. Yeah, okay. Because, I mean, maybe. Good to clarify. But you know when they do miniatures, you might have like a miniature chopping board.

It looks like a little chopping board. Yes. You might have a miniature water bottle that It looks like a little chopping board. Yes. You might have a miniature water bottle that would look like just a miniature scale water bottle. Yeah. Then you have a miniature mug. For some reason, they always look fucking stupid. Because they're too thick. They're thick and they're like rounded and the handles are just massive.

And you're like, no mug has ever looked like this. And yet they are everywhere in miniatures people like i will have a exact tea fowl saucepan replica next to the most gargantuan mug that you've ever seen in your life with this like like if i was a miniature person would take two hands to lift this insane mug that then can only carry like a single droplet of tea because it's just got a little divot in it, not like a walled cup. It's insane. And no one talks about it.

And I'm the only one brave enough. And why, if you're from the miniature community, why is this given a pass? Is it an inside joke? Is the technology not there yet we have the technology we have the tech i would just like mugs to look like mugs and i don't think i've ever seen it what if in the real scale you could get a mug of that description back on board yeah that'd be kind of cool big chunky yeah chunky yeah thick mug

maybe that's something especially you could prepare the thick mug yeah yeah i do like those thick like diner style mugs that you can't really you can get them at like bujarella cafes in melbourne but yeah yeah yeah that's quite good yes i do like anyway that's my gripe Grinding of gears So I'm glad the world's going to end Because honestly, I can't pretend for another day That we're not looking at giant mugs in miniature houses You'd have to Like if you just hit someone over the head with a mug

That would be a That's a heavy, dense object But to smash it over someone's head, it's a really forceful whack. What are you holding by the handle? Yes. The handle will snap off and absorb a lot of the force. I don't want to hurt my hand.

Maybe I'll just throw it limply. Yeah, yes. And close my eyes and hope it lands near my victim. It won't be your victim for long Now Zelda, what's happening with your week? Oh, you know Anyway, so how does the world end? I could complain about something

One thing And it's got to be mug adjacent Mug adjacent Well, I'll try to work that into the story good say mug yeah um okay so i recently went caught up with this like old friend of mine um at a mug store no some kind of mug convention he had mugs in his house is that good enough um what kind of mug and we hadn't hung out he just moved back to melbourne and we caught up for a drink went out and he's a straight guy and he was like let's like go out you know show me the town or whatever now that i've moved that way you call your hole the town yeah go paint the town red and because you're bleeding i'm sorry and so we went out to

like one place and the next place these are gay bars you're going to gay bars well we started at like a neutral bar straight bar bisexual bar yeah yeah if only they existed yeah um you can only find it like platform nine and three quarters but once a year and yeah then we then he was like let's go to a gay bar because it's like fun i was like yeah whatever if you want to suck my dick just say it now um but anyway But anyway So then we went to a bar And like had a bit of a dance Whatever And then we ended up

What did you drink? I had a coke And he had I don't know Beer or something Okay Yeah And then we ended up

At the Peel Which Dear listener I hope you've never been I'm sure we've discussed The Peel on this pod. I don't know. Oh, maybe on the venue episode.

Oh. Geeks. I don't fuck with the peel. Let me tell you, listener, for one reason in particular, because it's owned by a gay liberal. Yeah, it's fucked. I'm confused. It's a gay liberal.

Yeah. What are you talking about? Also, I just don't like places that's mean to my gal pals. Yes. The peel has a pretty bad reputation in Melbourne, rightfully so, because they profile women at entrance. There was a period where it was like they were spoken to, like you can't leave your gay friends and like be just in the venue.

You can't like make out with a guy like you're straight or something like it's a gay venue for gay people and if you're going to be here you will be an accessory to them and like it's just such a weird overcorrection for like an invisible issue yeah um but anyway we ended up there and then we're like this is late is late into the night, like 4 or 5 a.m. And my friend is drunk, but we're just hanging out, catching up. And we bumped into some of our other friends at another venue and they had ended up there. Oh, I know exactly what you're going to talk about.

Oh, go on. Sorry, pardon me. Then, so we're in this quite large smoking area, right? And we're just like, go on. Sorry. Pardon me. Then, so we're in this like quite large smoking area, right? And we're just like hanging out, having a good time. Like not like we're just sitting next to each other talking. And then this faggot comes up and he's like, hey, to my friend. And he's like a handsome guy. He's like really jacked. He's got this like thick mustache. he's like a handsome guy he's like really jacked it's got this like

thick mustache he's like very handsome guy yeah and like in a gay venue so like got it even in that case he's there with me yeah like we're sitting back off sister like we're sitting facing each other clearly in a like we're not in a group situation yeah body language we're sitting facing each other clearly in a, like we're not in a group situation of open body language. We're just two people sitting at a bar having a drink. Yeah. And he just comes up, literally stands between us and is like, hey, to my friend. And my friend, like the whole night, you know, like he's just like, there's a reason he wanted to go to a gay bar of just like,'s hot and everyone's just like yeah who's that

guy um i don't know straight people are complicated i guess or something anyway so then he's just like talking at my friend like you know where are you from why are you here what are you doing here i'm like hello and then every now and then he'll like glance at me and give me like a hey like he was just so just keep saying hi to you hi so rude it's still here why is it still next to you yeah and then it kind of like has exhausted like we're five minutes in. And I'm like, okay. Five minutes is too long. It's too long. And, like, this guy was drunk. My friend is drunk.

That's already tiresome for me. But, you know, like, it's like we have nothing else to say to each other. We're not going anywhere. He's not flirting with you because he's genuinely straight. Yeah. And I'm like, dude, like, my friend is straight. And he was like oh what what and then he's like falling over in the crowd and the smoking area is being like everyone he's like i

you shouldn't be here you should like he's joking but he's like you should get like this is fucked i can't believe it you're straight oh my god like yes congratulations This is the best SNL sketch I've ever seen. You're hilarious. Yeah. I can't wait to talk about how funny this is on my podcast. I can't imagine all those people that laughed and laughed at you in grade school. And there was a point where one of his friends came over to just like sniff around and like picked up my vibe very quickly of like, back the fuck off. Can we end this?

Can we just stop this? Like if he were gay, it would still be fucking rude because I was obviously there with him. Like it was just outrageous. But it's just like he is expressly here for something that he's not going to get. Yeah. And it's not like he's adding to because it's like i i don't there's been times in my life when i've been out with group of friends where we've met strangers and had a good time totally because it's like being like oh like

and like you know but it's like if you're just full-on baby gazelling this straight guy plucking him out and then just ignoring your whole existence like well you've added the timer onto this entire social interaction by being a fucking putz yeah yeah it was cooked then he like oh he was just so like um like obviously like you know does this kind of shit all the time and just like has the the situation so he's like can you look this does this kind of shit all the time and just like has the situation. So he's like, can you look this up on your phone? And then like my friend pulls out his phone and then he's like, give me that. I'm going to add myself on Instagram.

And so then he like follows. Maybe it was the other way around or something. But he like follows my friend and me on Instagram and like asks for my friend's Instagram. Then he's like, uh, and I guess I'll get yours as well. And what do you have? Then he, I type in my like boy Instagram. Cause I was like, I can't have you in my actual life. Yeah.

Um, you might find the podcast. And then, and then he looks at the first photo, which is a photo of me from like six months ago. And he's like, that's not you. I was like, what? He's like, that guy is way hotter than you are. Like, not joking. I was like, that is just me in my lounge room six months ago. Like before I was burnt by acid, you cunt.

Like what? What the fuck is wrong with people? Like genuinely what the fuck is wrong with people? It was just so fucked. And like kind of saying it to my friend, like this isn't the same person. Isn't that so embarrassing my my friend at this point is like uh like i don't know man what what else you want from me but like this conversation has exhausted itself you are the buyer yes and i was and by that point i was like dude like nothing's gonna happen here like my friend you're

gonna annoy him into having sex with you right he's gonna be so exasperated by your insanely banal presence that he's gonna be like well this is the only way to escape you is to have a loving three-year relationship with you right and then i um was like and by this point it was really late and i was like maybe it's just time to like bounce and so then we get up to go and he's like oh god oh don't go don't go and then he's looking at me and he's like i thought you were like on my side with this like aren't you on my side i was like no no one is on your side, dear. Yeah. And just the way he was talking to my friend. The fucking far right and me can agree on. We need to end this.

Being like, you know, oh, you like you've tricked, you've tricked us all by coming here and like, you shouldn't be here. And I was like, my straight friend can be here with me. Actually. Like, it's fine. Actually. He's an ally.

Actually. It was just so fucking toxic. And this guy, like it was like a relatively handsome guy from like South America, whatever. But like, I just like, Oh,

you just like have had so many of these interactions go your way, but like, fuck you. I just need to explain this man to you. Cause I've seen a picture of this man. Is that he is one of those people that's just like, fuck you. I just need to explain this man to you, because I've seen a picture of this man. Is that he is one of those people that's just like, just like a vapor of like the most misc person. Like the most just like,

like him to say a single thing about another person when he's just like two seconds away from being like the most ordinary thing that you've ever seen it's just like darling this is insane you're not you're not this exalted being that can be like running around telling other people how to live their life when you clearly have been socialized by like the rudest wolves in the fucking forest like i don't understand what the fuck is wrong with you and it's like people like that it's like you will not learn this lesson because someone at some point told you that being sassy was a good look on you and that it meant it overrided any need to

have a shred of empathy or dignity or whatever. Your little sketches, your little fucking nightly performances at the one gal, like, laughing at you at a hen's party one time has suddenly created this monster faggot that's, like, crawling around doing this and nagging people. Just, like, who are you? You are, like, disgusting, toxic influence in the world. And it's just, like, get away. Foul.

Anyway. Yeah, truly, don't laugh at these people. You need to just like spend three years ignoring their presence and call them shadow people and allow them to just vanish and recede and then be humbled by the experience and then they can emerge. So this week we have a vendetta against that gremlin and mugs. He is the mug.

Yes, and then as we left, I smashed a mug over his head. And if you ever hear this, I hope it gives you pause to think about why you're such a rotted piece of shit. I imagine. It's incredible to me. And it's such a 1998 brand of being a sassy little cunt. It's like, how dare you? Like, at least adapt for the future learn

to be passive aggressive it was just like we had like we'd been out at that point for like six hours and had had a really nice time like i haven't seen this friend in like like eight years or something and then we're walking back to his house and it's like he was like so i was like i'm really sorry like that was just so shit and he was like i'm sorry like that whole interaction was just fucking weird yeah and i was like yeah some gay guys just don't you know i don't know they just think that everyone is actually not yeah straight or like yeah it can just be coerced into like oh it's just no you're ruining it like but that's it's like i don't know it's just it is really frustrating when you're trying

to be like this is the community welcome like and then you have like just super aggressive yeah relentless like and it's like, yeah, with your straight friends that are like just coming in to like, you know, have a night or whatever, but like that kind of intensity that can get really fucked up and out of hand. It's so sad.

It's crazy. Anyway, then we went back to his place and he let me jerk him off. So it was great. So take that sister. Yeah. I guess one of us did get it. And with that, Lazy Susan,

how are we going to destroy this fucker this week? Well, I would say we are going to take that gremlin and vaporize them into a fine powder. And then they're going to just try to be distilling the, like the shittiness as like a, like bioweapon.

They're like, we need to get to the bottom of this. But then accidentally they're like, get too close to it. And they're like, ugh. And then they're like, ugh. And then they throw the vial containing the dust particles of this awful gay guy and it like infects the world. And suddenly there's like a whole world where everyone gets transformed into that gay guy's personality.

Oh, my God. And because there's no one to laugh at his like stupid sketches and like references to like his favorite episode of love Island. Yeah. Um, they all like Harry carry and kill themselves because it's just like, well,

who's going to think I'm fabulous. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Imagining that man dressing for his friend's wedding, his best friend from high school's wedding makes me want to kill myself oh my god when i think about the suit oh and like two fitted oh and they're posing in all the photos no oh and like they're like walking in while she's getting her makeup done in the morning be like hello ladies it's time to have some bubbles. And then like the maid of honor being like,

he can stay, it's fine. That is extremely the energy. I'm going to hit on the, you know, best man. Show me him kind of thing. Yes. I'm going to get some dick tonight, ladies. I've been douching all morning. Like, why are you here?

You're sitting next to my mother. You look fabulous, Deborah! Boo! Into powder. Yeah. Yeah. Love it. Oh, that's just fabulous. Matt, have you ever been sexually harassed by a gay person? Uh, yes. Oh, shit. It's true. It's happened a few times, but I don't go to gay bars very often. For that reason. Not that that only happens there, but. No, I've been with Matt.

When Matt came to perform with me at Greyhound, the girls were thirsty in the dressing room. I was in the dressing room. They were like, who's that? I said, back off, ladies. I did have my fake moustache on. Yeah, well, that's it. That helped.

We're terrible people. No, but I think the only time I like it, and this is why it's sad when it happens to people like Matt, who's obviously a delight, but when it happens to guys that don't think twice about how they behave towards women in straight clubs. Yes. And it's like, for one night only, you get a little taste of your own medicine. Yes.

Like now the tables have turned and you can learn what it feels like to be physically intimidated by someone who's sexually harassing you. Totally. I've actually been harassed more by women in bars and clubs. feels like to be physically intimidated by someone who's sexually harassing you. I've actually been harassed more by women in bars and clubs, I reckon. Oh. Like in a way that I didn't like. Damn women. In a way that you didn't like. Yeah, like they were just being just really off, like that guy, you know.

It was the women that are in the bar in the bunker, wasn't it? Well, no, the women in red shoes, oh, yeah, no, they're probably quite intense. Yeah. They're having a laugh. Like if you walked in there and you were like, yeah, Michael B. Jordan, it's going to get quite intense. Well, Matt does play there every Thursday. Yes, but that's why they had to put in that mesh.

Yeah. Like that Blues Brothers mesh Yeah Chicken wire Play it again, you sexy little pocket rocket Get off him, they've got a whacking stick Okay, okay We'll see you all after this break It's time for a break

I'm about to break I'm about to break Tomorrow But tonight, I'm a... Tonight. Lazy, do we have a good news story this week? What? I feel like we just complained for the whole intro. That's good. We would never do that. I like it.

But that's a good segue into my next complaint, also my next topic for discussion, is weather. Welcome back. Because weather, what weather patterns are going into the bunker? Yes. The weather rule. Have you been to one of those wet rooms? I've been to wet.

It does have its own climate. Yes. The condensation on the ceiling. Tripping, tripping, tripping. So weather, Melburnians. What wet room it's like they have like a room that has like rain in it the shower everyone has a mini version in their own home yes um no two person showers what do you think two person showers um look i I Jesus I do not like

Having sex in the shower I like having Showers with People I think that's cute To like cuddle Like Flip that switch

With Mitch Way to go Joe Have a flower shower With your fellow Stella What? It's about saving water And I know you're not Going to cut out the bit where I fucked it up no I shan't

I wish I was editing if I've ever sounded confident it's because I edited it flip that switch Mitch way to go Joe have a shower with your fellas Stella there we go that's a good take use that one

yeah we'll see I'm thinking of like Have a shower with your fellas, Stella. There we go. That's a good take. Use that one. Okay, sure. Yeah, we'll see. I'm thinking of like, oh my God, what is it? It's like this. Decoray. Oh, decoray? Yeah. Is that a shower ad? Yeah, it was a shampoo.

Yeah. Decor. Yeah, that. I'm thinking of that. Decoray. Anyway. So six in the shower doesn't work. Also, when you come in water

it sticks to you awfully and it gets stuck in your hair yes yeah well who's asking you to have sex in the shower i'm so often no that's for after it just like and like all the lube washes away and then you just oh it's just terrible it's like fucking a pool yeah water and sex just no yeah anyway so that's why so to answer two person shower i just don't see the function if i can't be fukin why is there someone else here but it is nice to i like like a cuddle in the shower and like a wash cuddle in the shower yeah i just think that two percent i mean like this and my my boyfriend knows this better than anyone. He's like, we're coming out of a shower. I'm like, I don't want to have a shower.

It's not the first month of the relationship anymore. The time has passed. I don't want to stand freezing watching you enjoy a shower. Like a voyeur to your good time. Yeah, because it's only one person who enjoys. Yeah, but not wealthy. No, see, I love that. God, I would have a shower with, oh, yeah.

What are you talking about? You want to stand there getting the occasional spritz in the face. Yeah. Because then you're like cuddled to like... And then you're in the hot water. Yeah. Half the goodness of a shower. But I just love being in the shower.

I could just be in the shower all the time. Yeah, I do like a shower. When I didn't have a bath at my house in Footscray i would just go and i'd just been through a breakup so i would go into the shower and i'd turn it on and then i'd light a candle and then i'd play elvis to presley and then sit on the floor of the shower for hours i love it i think just to feel something jesus i think like a good metric for how close of a friend to me you are is if you've ever received a selfie of me in the shower of my face because only my good friends will so often like i've sent that to you sure yes and like yeah like this is the whole beastie girls group chat

truly um i you're also like you're like someone's coming over at six i better jump in the shower at three to six i just i've probably been in there for many three to six yeah the amount of times i'd be like showed up and be like hello and you're like shari i was in the shower and i'm like you knew i was coming yeah but i just oh i love the episode. You're in like a sexy long necklace, like I didn't realize you caught me again. That situation has happened to me many times. And I'm like, I'm not trying to seduce you. I just always am in the shower. I'm not trying to seduce you.

I'm not trying to seduce you. I'm just filthy. You're absolutely covered in mud. What do you think about this washing the leg thing? Have we spoken about that? Washing the leg. You know how it became a big discourse that was apparently cut along race lines where it was like white people don't wash their legs in the shower

and black people do. Oh, because suds just wash it down. Well, that's what, you know. White people do. Yeah, that's what white people be like. But I'm not washing my legs No I got in the shower yesterday

And I've been doing some spray painting And my legs were blue And I was like Maybe I will wash my legs today And did you? Just Just But yeah

Gorgeous No I'm not washing my legs Because it's like Even if they're dirty I'm not eating off my legs. They're inside pants most of the time. Like, who cares? Yeah, sure.

Yeah. Got to feed those organisms somehow. Well, how dirty are they going to get? Yeah, fine. I know. I never, yeah, no. Anyway, that brings us to weather. Weather.

We're currently experiencing extreme heat. Extreme. I'm sweating yeah, no. Anyway, that brings us to weather. Weather. We're currently experiencing extreme heat. Extreme. I'm sweating out of everywhere. Everything. So, like, I guess the kind of weather conversation for the bunker is we can synthesize some weather indoors because obviously you can do that. And then also just about temperature, like the general vibe. We know that the drag race set

is always at 18 degrees because rupal grew up inside the arctic tundra and she likes to have things set like how she likes it yes from the the heart stone because she was actually frozen for 100 years with her bison michelle visage yes And now it's their job to stop the fire nation. That's right. And the hilarious Zuko. And her small friend, Carson, a.k.a. Momo. Okay, so I'm tantalized now that you've said something of a room. Maybe there's like a weather room.

To go next to the Pompeii room? Yeah. Only because I feel like the bunker, like I already have a picture of that temperature. It's cool and it's mild. Cool and mild. It can't be muggy. I'm not condemning these people to muggy weather.

Why would you make these poor people uncomfortable? Well, I mean, make your case for cool and mild then. I mean, if you are making assumptions. Well, that's not my preferred weather, of course. But I'm just thinking about bunker general ambiance. But then we could have the good weather in like a specific location. Like a holodeck for weather. Yeah.

See, I think because we have. Sorry, just a holodeck, did you say? Yeah. Oh, my. How are you the one to suggest a holodeck? I'm kind of the geeky one at the moment. Oh, my God. Okay, dear listener, I presume you all know what a holodeck is,

but just in case someone else listening is overhearing this, Star Trek, famously inferior to Star Wars, is... Is that...? No, two things can coexist. I also just think the cultural legacy, like Star Trek has been going for longer. It sure has. And it feels like,

even though it's never hit the heights of the original Star Wars series, the consistency of like fun new ideas being added to the canon of that show has been better. It's really apples and oranges. Just because they're both sci-fi, like it is a weird thing to compare because they're quite, different well i didn't compare them so the holodeck dear um over here is this room on most uh spaceships where you can like load up a program and the actual reason is that like hiring medieval

costumes and putting some huts in a dirt field is cheaper for a sci-fi show than prosthetics for aliens um so there would be all these random episodes in star trek series where they're like go on the holodeck or like every planet is somehow in medieval stage um but the holodeck you can like load up a program and then you just like do whatever you want like today i want to go skiing in the 1940s in america and you load that up or you want to go and practice you know like the danger room in x-men and you want to practice your battle skills or whatever anyway it's fucking cool you can do whatever you want. And then did you have anything to say about the holodeck?

Is that... Just that that's cool and we should put in a holodeck. Okay. Anyway, we could circle back to the holodeck episode. Well, yeah, maybe there's a future technologies thing. Star Trek tech. Yeah. Okay, anyway.

But that is a potential for... I mean, you could have all weather, but that's really not what we're doing here, is it? My pitch for the bunker weather system would be this. Maybe there is a default almost absence of weather that you're discussing, this mild kind of being in a like cellar kind of vibe. Yeah. Cool cave vibes.

But that at a certain time of day, perhaps twice a day. Yeah. At five ambipers and 12 ambipers, there's like a weather event. Yes. That takes place, whether that's extreme heat or monsoon. Hang on. Is it El Nino? El Nina? El Nina?

Where it's like one weather and then the other weather and that's it. Yeah. Yeah. Is that it? Well, those are weather systems that affect the broader Australian... Jesus. Well, I mean, the world's weather. So you have like neutral bunker and then you have like the one. Yeah, like, you know, like at Smorgies or Rainforest Cafe where they're like, now the show is beginning.

Ah, yes. But it's like everything is like wet or whatever. What's your favorite type of weather? Okay. So my favorite weather, I need to imagine kind of going back to the smell thing where it's like that smell when it's about to rain and the asphalt is hot. And then the first few drops come down and kind of sizzle on the hot asphalt. the asphalt is hot and then the first few drops come down and kind of sizzle on the hot asphalt. But then a torrential downpour where it's like sheets of rain,

but it's been hot. So it finally breaks the heat, kind of like Darwin weather, where it's just like whoosh. And then you're like, and then it kind of stops for a second, you know, like that kind of moment of everything is wet. The world has woken up a little bit. That sort of weather. I love that.

You know, and when you're inside for that. And it's like sheeting with rain. Lashes the windows. Yeah. I love that. Run in. Don't want to get wet. But also when you like embrace it like Drew Barrymore

Walking in the rain is so chic Raindrops Just like I'm already wet What am I going to run into the droplets sooner? Yeah that's how I ruined my passport one time I'll bet I was actually with that boyfriend that I broke up with That I ended up having floor showers about

We were at his birthday Which I'd been invited to It was like we hadn't started dating yet Maybe Happy birthday And it was like He'd be like Do you want to come to my birthday

And I was like I don't really know you that well But okay And then It started raining And everyone like Was dancing in the rain And I forgot that I had my passport

In my pocket Because I didn't have ID at the time Because I didn't have a car I see Because I was in uni yeah um but yeah worth it um so when i was in year seven or eight can't remember doesn't matter um i was studying italian and we came to the weather lesson and i so distinctly remember pressing my italian teacher mr pussy um pussy yeah i'll get there um to to be like what is um sun shower in italian because i was like that's the weather that i want to say for my little sentence and he

was like i don't know i don't think we have that i was like well you're italian so what is sunshower in italian and he just like couldn't produce the answer so if you speak italian if anyone in the world speaks italian could you let me know what's a fucking sunshower but anyway sunshine no i know what like what's it in italian i don't i don No, I know. I'm not asking you. Anyway, then also, he was so bullied. Because his name is a portmanteau of both cunt and pussy. Correct. And I remember sitting with my friend Claire in Italian.

What the fuck? Teacher is going into a school being like yeah i'll stick with the real name kushi kushi and what was his first name oh what was his first name i don't remember i don't know the junior book um and she had turned like the side of the italian book into like a little flick book with cruel comics of Mr. Cussy. And like you flick through and it was just him being like, oh. But it was like, Mr. Cussy is a pussy. And he confiscated it and did it.

And everyone looked and laughed. And there was so many times where he like left and cried. He just, he had a really hard time. Wow. Oh, my God. Meanwhile, Mr. Vajrusi was going fine down the hall. Oh, pussy is a pussy. Pussy is a pussy.

Did anyone ever make fun of your name? No Yeah, that's interesting Did people make fun of your name? Well, they did in the previous generation So my dad got made fun of for having the last name Tenike Which you think, what? And they're like, you've got ten ton twinkle toes What?

Yeah, they're just calling him fat In the 50s was a different time My dad got really bullied when he was Because he was Italian Italian in the 70s and 80s Yeah, they were brutal Yeah, when my dad turned 18 He changed his name legally from Giuseppe to Joseph

Your dad's name is Giuseppe? It was But if you could please respect his new name That would be great. I will not respect the legacy of racism in this country. Yeah. You changed it from Giuseppe. Yeah.

Yeah. God. No, Joe works for him. Yeah. I was talking to an Italian guy on Grindr the other day, and he told me his name was Giuseppe and I typed into the chat oh my dad's name is Giuseppe and then I deleted it and didn't send it because you like dad's gonna find out somehow no I was like you need to get it together and try to actually learn how to flirt with people

oh yeah well we'll see how you go yeah okay that weather um rain I fucking love rain i mean listen the the heat is obviously uh just just insane when it lands on you however i think i am partial to just like being hot yeah do you know once i'm hot like i think it's like because we spent so much time now trying to avoid being uncomfortable at any point yeah it is like so much of we're just trying to optimize the human experience down to like the fewest inconveniences as possible but now it's like a shock when there's something unavoidable like weather but once you're hot you're hot it's over it's done and we could just it can just be and i i like that i like just like like day five of being far too fucking hot yeah i'm just being like well fuck we're hot preference for dry heat or wet heat

like muggy i like wet heat i like the thick sticky. Yeah, just because I'm like the dry heat is too much. It's like I'm going to die. I almost think I prefer dry because I like wind. That tropical feeling when you're like it's like water in the air. Yeah. But all the plants like living. Yeah, that's not nice. It's not like desert-y

What do you think about snow? Okay snow is a fucking goddamn lie I'm sure I've talked about this before I must have But snow it's like It's a nice idea Looks cute in pictures And little funny like Christmas ornaments

But it's cold Snow I It's just not for me. No, it's frozen water. It's not for any human being. And then as soon as it gets inside your clothes, if there's one little catchment, then it melts and then you're wet,

trapped in heavy clothes. So you're wet and cold and oh my God. It's sick. It needs to be shoveled. People die in it all the time. I remember. So when I was in year nine, maybe we like, it was so like, now, just so you know, this is the year that it was.

That's important. Maybe. We went on a school camp to the snow And I did not want to go skiing You've told this story Have I? Where I went down the slope and crashed And then went down the next slope and crashed Oh wait, no, maybe you didn't

Sorry Is that it? That was good Is that more the pace of the stories you'd like me to tell? There it is Okay, and I guess No, but what year was it you crashed twice yeah so like shut up but i just like couldn't get it and i just went down

the hill once and everything i just crashed into and then when i got to the bottom i was like well i did it and i'll never do it again that's important i never have yeah i've never even returned to the snow well why would you know exactly we the snow is there for a reason to tell us where not to go yeah just stay away um i would like to perhaps put snow in my mouth and drink it did you see i saw on tiktok there's a bunch of women who are showing their recipes for snow ice cream. Where they take snow, put it in a pot and then add sweetened condensed milk and stir it until it like turns into like a gorgeous slushy. What can't condensed milk do?

And a little bit of vanilla essence. And then in the comments people are like, you know that's filthy, right? And everyone's like, you know how many microplastics are floating around in the atmosphere that just came down with that fucking snow that you're eating yeah i don't like to think about that you can't you know because purest snow literally means the purest thing possible now snow is ruined wow yeah remember when we put Snow White in the bunker? Yeah. I was curious. Coffee table. Yeah, true, true, true. What do you think about, you know, in Mamas of a Geisha,

how she gets the sweet ice? No. Oh, okay. Well, she kind of says it in a certain way. It sounds pretty good. I like that when it's like still nighttime warm and then you see lightning in the distance. Lightning. Yeah. That's good.

Except, you know, it's like I feel like this people might have been getting struck by lightning more in the like early 2000s because I feel like that was like a major way to die. There were like three people that died getting struck by lightning when I was like in the hills. Damn. And they had flowers and plaques and stuff about how they were like a kid waiting for the school bus and they got struck by lightning. Jesus Christ. And it just seemed to be like all the time people were just getting struck by lightning. Wow. What was happening there?

Yeah, I don't know. You tell me. Why weren't you filled with magnets to attract them? I'm like now, like there was one of those still nights where there was lightning in the air, and it was majestic and kind of awe-inspiring. And Kurjan was like, let's go outside and look at the lightning. And I wouldn't, like, leave the doorframe because I was like,

you know, number one cause of death around these parts is getting struck by lightning. Well, you know what I'm hearing is that my childhood everyone's talking about the great wall of china is your childhood everyone's getting struck by lightning everyone's getting struck by lightning um i think i mean see it's a shame that so when mystique takes the form of other mutants, she doesn't necessarily gain their powers. So she can't transform into Storm to generate whatever Storms we feel like. Oh.

Which is a shame. Right, I see what you're saying. I think that's good because we will be sticking to the... She doesn't have any powers. Enough. She's just hours in the makeup chair. Enough. Out of you.

Free. Oh, Rebecca. They're up. No. Okay. So, yeah, on a certain, it's this weather and, you know, a little downpour. I think, yeah, this would be like at seven Ambipurs,

there could be a big flash flood, kind of like the Universal Studios theme park tour thing where they're like, you're driving on the little cart and then they're like, better watch out. There's some flash flooding. And then they dump all this water and shows you like how they make flash floods in movies. And they dump it down this like fake road. and then it looks like it's just a giant flash

flood has come down and they do it like every hour and they just have a catchment that pumps it all back up to the top and it's very cool please stop saying dumps and pumps so close to each other dumps pumps in my little kussie. Doc's kussie. Where's kuss? Bring me the kuss. Right. But it can also flush away some little demons.

The microplastics. Yeah. But the little bugs filled with that stuff, it all gets flushed down the abyss. Yeah. Yeah, maybe. So it's like I think that that's a nice flash flood, torrential downpour, and then that's it. Yeah, and that will also provide that fresh water on top of the ocean area

just in case any of those sneeze snakes snuck in. Great. Okay, so flash flooding. Yeah. No, no. No, like torrential downpour, hot day. So it gets really hot first. Then there's a few droplets that sizzle on the little slice of bitumen.

Yeah, I think we put in like a little footpath. Yeah. Like five meters worth. Yeah. Yeah. The walking area. Yes. This is your hollow deck, bitch.

And then, yeah, they can enjoy the torrential downpour at seven ambipers. That's great. Okay. Matt, do you have any thoughts on weather? I think it's probably, well, I always say it's easier to get warm than it is to get cold. So I think. It's not true.

Colder weather is easier. No, it's definitely easier to get warm than it is to get cold cooler. No, your body has a whole, like, fabulous regulatory sweat system that cools you down. Yeah, but it just doesn't feel very nice. You don't like sweating? You have to, at a certain temperature, like, your body's not going to. My sister was saying this yesterday.

You can't take off all your, like, you can't take off your skin, Robbie. If you take off all your clothes, then can't take off your skin rubby if you take off all your clothes then that's it she is a lizard under there yeah but like once you're cold i don't know i feel like you die a lot more clothes on you can just keep putting more and more clothes on yeah well in the when it's hot you can just go into a gorgeously air-conditioned room what are you talking about if you don't have? Well, what if you don't have extra clothes? I was going to say, what luxuries are we going with and without? Well, you could put anything on you, I guess.

Like snow? Nice, warm... Frozen icicles? Yeah, a snow blanket. I just think I would rather die of heat stroke than I would freezing to death. I think it's quite nice to freeze to death, isn't it? I think a little shining freeze to death would suit you quite well.

I think people just go to sleep. They don't. They do not. I was listening to a woman explain. So this woman was hiking up the Mount Everest. The Mount Everest. The Mount Everest. And she died.

What? She was explaining this. Well, no, she didn't explain it, but they discovered her camera film in the snow like 30 years after her death because four men and her went up into the snow to hike, not in the snow, just up into the cold, and then only two men came back and then they found her body years later and she was like explaining the experience of going into like hypothermia and like having the what's the frostbite on her fingers and she's like it's just an immense

amount of pain and a tingling in your extremities because the cells are like exploding inside of you and turning black. What's that sound? It's just, oh, I can imagine it. It's scary. I guess, yeah, I guess that's bad. Tell it to her. You know, like I'm.

And they think that she was murdered by the men. Oh, so what happened to the other two men? So one of them, they think both the man and the woman were murdered. The other man had turned around and come back earlier. I forgot that detail. Oh, okay. Yeah. He was the lucky one.

But, you know, so like backyard ponds, right, where you have like true four seasons, need to be deeper than four foot. What are you saying? Backyard ponds? Yeah. True four seasons yeah like if it snows oh my god i thought backyard ponds was like a restaurant or something no i'm talking about a pond in your backyard please keep up so when you have a backyard pond it is uh it is enjoying all the seasons well if you were in a location where there's like four you know distinct seasons like

in like new york or something um or anywhere or australia we didn't have four seasons here like distinct like it doesn't snow here you know what i mean sometimes it does anyway my point is it has to be like kind of like deeper than four foot because the ice can freeze down that far and the fish need to be like protected underneath but that freaks me out the fish well they know who you know yeah did you know that crocodiles and alligators they just freeze freeze with their little snouts poking out yeah poking out of the fruit like i can't imagine an animal i'd want to be less than a crocodile or an alligator they They just, they seem so, like their suffering is just immense. What about a gharial?

Wow. She looks confused, this one. Doesn't even know what a gharial is. And with that, we'll be... Okay, seven ambipose, a flood. Goodbye. Do you know Girls are like

They have this long Skinny snout For catching fish Is it a type of crocodile Well Yeah kind of Okay so I said it Fell into a category

It's like It's a different No it's like You have crocodiles I know Like Gay Gay

Everyone knows What that is That's why I wouldn't even dignify it Oh god Let's also talk about other things we all know That's a light switch, that's a door That's a car Hey

Hey Okay okay hey welcome back hello it's uh oh only six more spares to the damper uh dear listener how do you sleep at night?

You don't sleep at night. Yeah, true. Zelda Moon has the worst sleep hygiene of anyone I've ever met. No, my sister does. Oh, Jennifer. Um, it's, yeah, it's a real issue. But anyway. Why don't you think you sleep at night?

Anxiety. Do you think it is just anxiety? It, uh, probably. I don't know think you sleep at night? Anxiety. Do you think it is just anxiety? Probably. I don't know. Oh, my God. What if you get medicated for anxiety and then you become boring? Yeah, no, I can't do that. No, you should.

I'm fine. Explore your options. If you can't sleep at night. It just, it's occasional, you know. Sometimes it's so good. How often is occasional? Like it comes in waves there'll be like six months on six months off but anyway suffice to say i didn't sleep last night what do you do

watch tv or anything i was trying to be sleepy but i was not and then like at hour three of trying to be sleepy do you well like open up the nanny i did oscillate between some like youtube videos um what else i don't know i just couldn't fucking sleep but in my new house right the there when i moved in i might have talked about this already but there's like security cameras and they turn on they're like got sensor lights on them. And last night I'm lying in bed, Katy Perry wide awake and fucking at 3am ish. I was like, Oh,

I must've gotten a text message on my phone. Cause all of a sudden I can see everything in my room. And then I look at my phone and the screen was not lit up. That's dark as night. But there was a light illuminating the room through the blinds because the fucking sensor light on the porch had turned on. That happens every night at three o'clock. Oh my God.

That's when he comes. Don't! He needs to check. Don't! Shut up! And it's just, it was probably possums, but there's also like possums live in the wall. So I'm constantly hearing them like scratch and knock.

And then the lights came on. It was really fucking scary. So then I like. I don't know how you live alone. I don't think I could. I was spooked. I was spooked. But anyway, our next topic for discussion is.

That's a big yawn. I'm just thinking about this theme. Oh my God. Is beds. Beds. Because my bed's very comfy so it wasn't a bed. Maybe it was. How much

do you think is reasonable to spend on a bed? Mattress. I think the whole bed has to be like a grand. Yeah, I'd say that's reasonable. And then that's it My friend's parents will spend literally like $8,000 on a mattress It's just Is that not insane?

Like I've slept in I presume like hotel beds are like fancy Like no but like You would presume wrong But like fancier hotel beds would be semi-decent beds Like they feel firm or whatever but like i don't know i like my mattress yeah i just can't believe like i think just the the evolution of getting fussier as you get older is so tragic i used to be able to just

sleep on a yoga mat on the floor and it's like now i'm like well how many duvets do you have dear and i just need to make sure we got the microfiber and uh yeah foam pillow what about a little like race car shaped bed well i have had like a few novelty beds in my day well not novelty beds but i would categorize the one that I currently have as a novelty bed. And then, like, bunk beds. Yeah, bunk beds. Like, I lived, like, when I was a kid, I had a bunk bed,

but with, like, under bed storage because I didn't have a brother. And, yeah. and uh yeah but like i think a bunk bed if i if i ever bought an apartment which would be the only piece of property that i would ever be able to afford in this godforsaken real estate market but i would be so into just getting a big old loft bed. I don't, I think if you can make the footprint of the bed, cause when you're in the bed, it's not as essential. You know,

it's like, it just feels like you could really eat up your footprint of your house with a bed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I have never touched or experienced a water bed, but I just, I want to try it. I have never touched or experienced a waterbed. My friend's dad had one.

I just want to try it. It's so bad for you. Is it? Yes, of course. Fun is bad for you now? Yes. Living life to the max? Yeah, to the Ava Max.

You're getting wet. No, that's a nightmare. Yeah. And air mattress technology is like how? Like I would say that like I've never slept on an air mattress that didn't feel like a prototype for a new technology called air mattresses. Because you're like, oh, yeah, no, it's like I get the theory. It worked really well, but then it was deflated by the time I got up in the morning.

Like what's that about? Maybe when you actually put this to market, you should have troubleshooted that out of it. And we're all just living with it as if it's correct and okay. Like the tiny mugs. Jesus. It's like, what? It's shit.

My brother recently stayed over at my house and their new mattresses self-inflate. Are they the thin ones? Yeah, they're kind of thin. That's bullshit. Foam. No, that's bullshit. That's a lie.

Anyone that tells you that those little fucking things self-inflate are lying. I've been, they're like, yeah, they just, you just put it down and then like the foam expands and they self-inflate. No, it doesn't. No, it doesn't. Stop lying. It goes from three quarter inch to one inch. Yeah.

What? You're full of shit We're not like I'm imagining like a Mary Poppins ripcord Like why don't they use those ripcords That they have on the jackets for the plane That's self-inflating Have you seen one of those slides in the planes

Inflating? You should watch a video of it on YouTube Because they're like essentially like creating a chemical reaction that creates a bunch of CO2 or something, right? I don't know how it works, but it goes up so fast. See, that's sick. If you accidentally like let one off somewhere, it would just destroy the place.

Wow. Well, don't have to tell me. I would love that. You just let one out in like the middle of Maya or something. Yeah. Everyone's pressed up against the walls. Oh my God. I could do it in that guy's face.

I'd be like, come here. I want to show you this ripcord. Swallow this tiny little pill. Oh. Yeah. Yeah, that'd be good. But see, that's what I imagine. But like anytime someone's like, yeah, like all their like camping mattresses for their like

hikes and you're like well what what's the point honey growing up we had um like we had normal mattresses and then we had these two like foam mattresses that like these weren't like memory foam they were just like mat like slabs of foam in the shape of a mattress and we used to take them camping so like we like my brother and i would sleep on those and then it kind of transitioned i think i was infatuated by them during camping and then i transitioned to sleeping on them as a teenager and i slept on two foam mattresses on top of each other but like i would lie in the bed and i would like be swallowed in the center because they had no springs or support. It was just foam that would like cocoon me.

And I always thought that's how I deformed my ribs, but it's not really. It's just like one of those fun things. But I don't know. Sometimes when I would lie in that bed, I'd be like, well, that's the shape of my rib cage is taken. Oh, yeah. Maybe it is.

Maybe that's correct. Maybe I should tell the doctor about that. Yeah. If you're a doctor listening to this. if a doctor listened to this oh my god i don't think this is safe i think we could probably have like i don't know a washer woman and like maybe someone that works in like a very low stakes office job but like we can't have people that have responsibility filling their brains with this information. Do you think that anyone that like works in a record store would listen to this? No.

Oh. No. They just listen to records. Unless you put this on a record. Yeah. They will wait until it's released in vinyl. Once Adele's finally given the vinyl back to the people. All 2,000 episodes.

Yeah. Oh, Adele. Yeah. Yeah, so the other bunk bed experience that I had was in uni What was that song? It was Matt laughing at you Am I crazy? Oh my god, that's so scary

What was that sound? It just sounded like a woman was talking Oh my god There it is again. What's your co-host? It's a Laugh-O-Rama. But when I was in uni and trying to save money, me and my friend Nina had a queen-size bunk bed built into our tiny room that left just a tiny little walkway around the bed,

which was the whole room. And we paid $80 a week rent, maybe less, $70. And you shared the bed? Yeah, we each had our own queen-sized bed on top of each other. Oh. Oh. A queen bunk bed. Yeah, we had it built custom by my friend family friend gavin who

he just did it for really cheap he said he was gonna do it for 500 bucks and he built it in the room like you couldn't get it through the door yeah and he built it in the room and it took up the majority of the room And we both just brought our mattresses that we had from our other lives. And then, yeah, we lived there for uni. When I've heard this story before, I thought you were like top and tailing. No, no. She had the upstairs queen size bed. And you were on bottom.

And I was in the bottom. Because I still was like sleepwalking for a little bit. I'm sorry. Pardon? Well, I had a habit of rolling out of bunk beds as a child my house at 3 a.m this morning that's when he comes oh my god but you know he just watched you while you sleep fuck shut up um three to four check the tapes oh my god there are tapes i can't look what if his face is distended in a way that you can't quite describe stop and his body moves just like the the limbs and the the bits are broken oh my god like his knees kind of bend backwards like an amy yeah and he's got kind of like

sickly skin that looks a bit bruised i'd take an emu over some creepy man and a day. Emus staring in your window. Really? But, yeah, because I would roll out of bunk beds. And I fell out of a bunk bed when I was young. And my mum came into the room and then I, like, was still asleep on the ground. And one time I came out of, I was sleepwalking at my friend Cameron's house. He had a three-story house.

I fell down the first flight of stairs, got back up, still asleep. Fell down the second flight of stairs, got back up, still asleep. And then went into the bathroom and walked into the glass shower door. Didn't break, but just was like, until the parents found me. And like what the fuck is and i was still asleep they put me back to bed and i didn't know when i woke up in the morning they were like we just heard this like oh my god what was the sound the sound of a small blonde boy tumbling down two flights of stairs. Dumbling, dumbling. Yeah. Jesus.

Yeah. Wow. Lucky to be alive, really. But thankfully, I was asleep for the whole thing. But bunk bed, yeah, partial to a bunk bed. And also when me and Nina had our boyfriends at the same time, we had an overlap. It was like the occasional night where there'd be all four of us,

that room would be hotter than this room. Yeah. And it was like, good night. Good night. Neko. Good night. Nina.

Good night. Robbie. Good night. Jesus Christ. Wow. That's quite a vision. Grandpa Joe. It was deeply.

Wow. Okay. What about, um, that's quite a vision Grandpa Joe it was deeply that wow okay what about like a hammock that's what I was thinking of how did you think hammock is in a bed

yeah okay I fucking knew you would say that as well I've slept in a hammock before I've slept in a plane is in a bed. Yeah, okay. I fucking knew you would say that as well. I've slept in a hammock before. I've slept in a plane. Is it a bed? I was going to bring that up as well. It's not horizontal. I've been slept on for my entire career.

Am I a bed? Bunk bed. Can't remove from the room. It's built in. Okay. So. What about futon? Yeah, futons need to go.

You don't like futon? No, they're not correct. They're not comfortable, they're not good, and I'm glad that the culture has fallen out of love with them. We all got swept up in futon mania. I think you're sitting on a futon right now. And now futons are over The click clack Click clack

Click clack couch is out What? Okay, so bed Like just an actual bed Wait, so let's all just get back to Point one Day one Beds, people

Beds What beds? I think just a bed I'd probably say Like a bed Like I don't know Maybe queen size Maybe a rectangle

With a king Just a queen Yeah that's right Rough and benign They've got the California king What about all the types of beds Yeah Four poster

Oh love four poster When you are allowed To get a cot In a hotel room And you're like, idiots. About to have three people sleep in this two-person room. Oh, yes. I love a fly net over a bed. Oh, my God.

Like a jungle, like in the 50s. I want to be, yeah. Or like Miss Havisham. Yeah, you could do that. Yeah. This would all track. Oh,isham. Yeah, you could do that. Yeah. This would all track. Oh my God. Yeah, I love that.

And then in the morning you'd notice it's slightly. Oh, don't. Yeah, don't make your house more haunted. Yeah, no. You don't need netting. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

So currently like the bed that I'm thinking and it's almost time for getting a new bed yeah it's almost time you have like quite a beautiful antique brass i've couldn't it's giant antique brass bed that is actually only a double bed that squeaks well unfortunately yes and it's just impossible to happen Well, unfortunately, yes. And it's just impossible to have. What's happening in here? You open the door and it's just you like, I don't know, texting. I'm driving it like a sled.

No, I love that bed. And I still love that bed. So I don't want to get rid of it, which is the reason that I'm like finding it hard to, but I just need like a big block bed that has like drawers under it. Because I just. Practical. Yeah. Older person bed.

Exactly. And like, I always like, you know, as a single person, a double bed is ample space. That is fine. Like I never feel a need for more space in a bed and i hate when you walk into someone's room and that room is bed yeah like i know that i said this at the end of my story about how the room was bunk bed but as you can hear this word bunk in there so we're trying to save money of extra flavor yeah the bunker bed bunker bed um

and so but like when you're like the whole room is mattress what are we doing you don't need this much space just to sleep yeah come on what if your room is only as big as a double bed well that's it yeah then i would go a single i think if i if i was living in like new york city and i was like a you know like single person i would just absolutely get a single bed like one of those cupboard apartments be like a cute like i think nuns have got it right in that way but it's just now that there's two people that are inhabiting that bed it's like that's too much the nuns and jesus yeah exactly well there's three of us me the nun jesus god and the holy spirit yeah but that dove just sits at

the end yes yes too much space yeah yeah yeah i, so I don't know what everyone should be sleeping in in the bunker. Well, okay, so in the bunker, I think we. What about a Matrix style pod? A little fluid pod? Yeah, like a little Japanese capsule hotel. Hmm. Well, that's the question is how much are we encouraging people into Fookin? Well, no, they need to have sex.

They need to have sex. They need to have sex. Maybe there's just one bed that you can rent out. Like the Hugh Hefner-like bed. Like a big circle bed. Give these people some dignity. You're the one dropping sandwiches on them. You've got to save space. I reckon just like floor-to-ceiling bunk beds,

just like seven or eight high. Squid Game. Yeah, these really high bunk beds. Full metal jacket. I like. Kind of like, hmm. But just really tall. Yeah.

Lots and lots. One singular bunk bed. And at the top there's one queen bed. Yeah, it's like it actually starts really small and then gets further and further out slightly wider as it goes up all those ones that go into the wall yeah like ones that fold up you know oh what are they called um like a fold away like a they're called a oh my god it's on the tip of my tongue i don't know what they're called uh i think that's amazing. And then all the walls just like look like rock,

but then you pull the little thing, kind of like the drawstring on the fucking airplane slide. There's just a brass knob on every. And you pull out, everyone pull out your little bed. That's great. Also, I think I've been thinking about like putting some glow worms into this bunker But anyway

Is that not an enchanting idea? What type of worm is getting in? I think that's really good It's called the Murphy bed Sorry I had to Google it Yes Yeah what about just like All the walls are Murphy beds

Okay I'm into it I like the idea of getting trapped inside Yes And you know Romeo would be Playing that prank on someone Well it's like Okay. I'm into it. I like the idea of getting trapped inside. Yes. And, you know, Romeo would be playing that prank on someone. Well, it's like when you have a lover and you, like, fold the bed up while your wife comes in. And then you fold it down and she's like, thank God she's gone.

Yeah. You fold me up again, I'm not going to come back to you this time. You hear, ah! Louise, you're back. And I think, what about like a humble double bed size? Humble, indeed. Humble, or should we go queen? No, double.

I'm a real queen. We'll be like koala mattress queen. Koala mattress queen.ala mattress queen koala mattress double you know when the koala mattress comes and it's got the little stuff toy i hate that that makes me i'll never buy it it just for that i'm like i don't need this and i don't know what am i doing with this the thought of these people who like saw the ad on instagram they're like i could have that too fuck off i hate it i do be like that i hate it i just like these this is so like i would rather you like give me like koala branded pillowcases or something what about like the money that goes to the plushie you're like i don't know fund a fucking koalas. No, that's stupid.

I hate that. Oh, God. Why don't you give it to charity? What a fucking original concept. Well, like, better than a fucking plushie. I get it, but it's like knowing, like, when you see the brands that do just give the money to charity, it's like it doesn't have the impact. You know what I mean? You're just like, no one actually cares. impact.

You know what I mean? You're just like, no one actually cares. No one cares. They're like an abstract concept of you giving to charity, which is kind of like hard to trace. It's like,

yeah. Prove it. Yeah, prove it. Where is the koala? But I just think the plushie is like, I'm like, what am I doing with this?

And it's like the amount of them that are just going to end up in fucking savers. It's so depressing. Yuck. Ugh. Or like even worse, a chopper cabinet in your house

what imagine if there was a koala mattress koala stuff to top a cabinet a top a cabinet yes that would be quite horrific yeah um gathering dust until i die no thank you just reiterate there are possums living in the wall of my bedroom at home and i listen to them morning and night when they wake up i think that that would actually be rats not possums i i'm so sure it's possums i hate to break it to you they are they sound big yep and no because i've seen possums but but I haven't seen rats They are sneaky Sneaky? Sneaky

I don't think that it would be possums I don't think they'd get in the walls Maybe in the roof But it's up high where the tree is Okay, anyway I should probably investigate and tell my landlord Yeah, maybe Yeah

Okay, so Murphy Bear Maybe it's your landlord Or maybe they're the only thing keeping him away. Don't. I think it's the landlord in there. Yeah. Yeah. What if there's a secret family that lives in your walls?

Don't. Oh, I'm also having trouble keeping the front door locked. Oh, hi. Because, I don't know. Just gets unlocked. Just like pushes open sometimes. You're going to die. Everyone, shut up, shut up, shut up Okay, Murphy bed, the walls are all Murphy beds

And everyone pulls down a little But they have to get folded up Like they don't sleep with them out They get in and they fold them up Like vampires Yeah, or like people trapped inside Murphy beds At least there'd be a fucking moment of peace Yeah

Once they're trapped in bed Yeah You'd be like If you had a full face of makeup on Your face would be pressed up against the wall You'd fold it down You'd just see an exact replica of Vanity's face Pressed up

Like that's obviously my bed I like that Yeah Okay Okay, great Well, beds A replica of Vanity's face pressed up. Like, that's obviously my bed. Yeah. I like that. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay, great. Well, beds.

We did it. We'll be right back. So this final segment is inspired by something that's now going to be in the past because it's happening on day of recording, which is probably a little bit too much information for you listeners. But I would like to now ask you all, which Super Bowl halftime show is getting in the bunker? Which Super Time Super Bowl halftime show is getting in the bunker? So I think what this means is this person will now be duped on the like 4,000th ambi-per.

Will re-perform this in like the probably the like the Abyss Chamber. Yeah. Just like that large big Abyss Chamber, the abyss chamber. Yeah. Just like that large, big abyss chamber room. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Who like has to re-perform their iconic. 15 minutes of.

Performing. Yeah. So, so what do you think? Katy Perry. Katy Perry had left shark. I don't, I don't, I don't. She did have left shark. She had the raw moment on that hideous thing.

Was she on a giant lion? Yeah, like... Wasn't that Madonna? No, they both rode things. They both had giant things. But Katie came out to a big, like, yeah, tiger-y kind of vibe. That's right. It was a giant puppet. You're gonna hit me.

And she was holding the reins of the lion. Yeah, sounds about right. It was a good year for Katie. It was great. Great show. People have to pay to do this, you know? Yeah, that sounds about right. It was a good year for Katie. It was great. Great show. People have to pay to do this. You know that? Yeah.

What? They pay. Wow. Because oftentimes the Super Bowl will not cover the costs of their production. True. To the extent. True. So if you're going to do the Super Bowl, you have to fork out, or your record company or whatever,

for your own giant lion.'re not gonna pay for it like the olympics yeah i think it's like they go down their list of like people that would be acceptable to do it and sometimes that list is taylor swift actually right now she's doing it oh my god you don't think taylor swift has the discography to back that up i know nothing about this woman we were both young when i first saw you hello maybe yeah little did i know i'm like are you ready for it you're falling down the stairs again. At work today, I was going through our retail calendar. Bragatha Christie over here with a job. Oh my God.

Because I was managing things as I oft do. And what did I discover? Cousy. Fucking Taylor Swift's concerts were in our retail calendar. Of course. But like, doesn't that just make you angry?

That makes me so angry. Did you not hear about the E6000? She's ruining everything. She's ruining this. You work in the cosmetics industry, and there's going to be one night when every single young woman and faggy gay man and her mother are going to be putting on that extra little special bit of makeup it's true it's going to be a wild time what do you think the like

number one go-to product for a t-tay fan is going to be oh probably a little eye glitter something a bit fun i just want to be fun but good god i was eyes were assaulted by the sight um she did it today did you have any special guests i don't know asha asha asha is i'm like doesn't this sports stadium have a few ushers? Usher is part of the reason we have Justin Bieber. Did you know that? I don't know that. He discovered him. Oh.

Well, like put him on. Gay. Wait, no. He's so... Oh, God. I don't know when Justin Bieber was discovered. He is so handsome. Usher. Yes.

Yeah. Well, he's having quite a week because he was in the um skims campaign oh well good for you usher yeah so madonna i really like madonna's show because she had like good outfits mia mia and nikki and oh my god they're like am i like flipping the bird and then it blurs two seconds too late love that what a rock chick and that song's so bad it's really funny why are you you wanna yeah that song's great oh my god and like i see you coming in. How did the Beastie Girls never do that song? We must have. I think we did do it. But imagine those three in a room. I mean, okay, so this is the reason that that sucks, though, is because Madonna doesn't have like a legacy with those people. I like it when the acts feel like cohesive because it's like,

oh, what a historic, fabulous moment. Like Katy Perry and Lil' Kim, you know? cohesive because it's like oh what a historic fabulous moment like katie perry and lil kim you know who did missy do it with oh no that was missy that was missy yeah yeah yeah um yeah that was weird um well no they obviously are good friends oh my god uh who had met before that um no but i mean, this is the thing. So it should be Lady Gaga for me, but I thought that was one of the most underwhelming. Yeah.

I was like, is this it? Like, she knew how to do the, like, the jumping from the ceiling with the drones that made the American flag was good. Yes. And then the jumping and catching the football was incredible. Yeah. They made a whole deal of how her makeup, football as she was incredible. Yeah. They made a whole deal of how her makeup, she had the magnet makeup.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that wasn't. That wasn't. Who cares? Yeah. I couldn't see, babe. Yeah, if it's not good, just because it's in effect, doesn't. Yeah, it's like what?

She had a cat wing and now it's a smog, yeah. It's like, okay. Okay. It's like there are 10 billion people in this stadium right now not no one could see that tiny change that you made she changed her nail color didn't you see wow um yes but um that's like that was unfortunate because it's like that was such a kind of moment where she didn't know what her career was doing and she was like kind of desperately trying to like be like,

well, I might not get this chance later on because my career is kind of waning. Bruce waning now that she's going into the extended universe of Batman. Yeah. But it's the Beyonce one. Oh, Beyonce? Beyonce? Beyonce? Beyonce. Beyonce. Has there ever been such a fucking great Super Bowl performance?

It's like all the hits. I hope it's this one. With Shakira. Let's get loud. Let's get loud. She put her daughter in a cage. Yes. She did.

Dirt on top of it. Give us a message. Yeah, no. No. a daughter in a cage yes do it on top of it give us a message oh yeah no no um look the image of those fucking children bouncing out of those holes the destiny's child the destiny's children yes right when she flew into the air when beyonce missed that one mark where she was meant to be on the digital screen that was on the stage and they were shooting her from above and then it started fanning out all these repeat beyonces but she was just one a touch and she would probably still think about that to this day i hope so she'd like be mad oh yeah she'd just wake up one morning and just start shattering

vases around her like and also would be like like the person who put my mark in the wrong spot. They've been fired from that role, but she's like, fire them again. Whatever they're doing now, fire them again. Yeah. She's working with a travel agent in Omaha. We'll get her out of there. Not anymore. Yeah.

Sorry, Donna. Time for her to hit reset once more. She will be fired and let her get comfortable, and then I'll fire her again. She will be fired and let her get comfortable and then I'll fire her again. But like the giant flaming effigy of her silhouette that like goes up before she's even appeared to the crowd. Imagine seeing that. It's like seeing the sun god appear.

Like she's just there. And then she finishes with Halo and they have those two weird faces that are like the stages and everyone runs out onto the field. Anyway, it's so good. It was amazing. It's just like the Destiny's Child reunion of it all, the Lady Kravitz. Yeah, it was good.

And then she came back and did the fucking Lemonade spoiler. Yeah. And did Formation. That was. Yeah. And did formation. That was so good. But you haven't. I mean, Madonna's did have LMFAO and that person jumping on a tightrope. What about that? Yeah, it really makes you worry.

But also then like the Whitney, Whitney Houston. Oh, did she just do the National Anthem? She might have just done the National Anthem. And I relate to Whitney Houston because I'm also sweaty. Jesus Christ. What about Janet? Oh, Janet and JT. What have you done for me lately? Yeah, that was sad.

No, I'm asking. I bought was sad. No, I'm asking. I bought you that. No, I didn't. I took you to Hungry Jack's. True. Delicious, succulent meal. Look, there's no argument, really. Yeah.

Wait, so what does this mean? It means Beyonce. This bunker is stacked. No, but here's the thing beyonce doesn't he's the thing beyonce doesn't live in our bunker oh she's not sleeping in a murphy bed she comes over on the four thousandths ambipur yeah performs and then goes back into her far superior bunker elsewhere yeah yeah she's like, and then Oprah's like, hey, Beyonce, can I come back? No.

No. No. So she... We were going to give you all more rooms, but then Blue said, why don't we turn this into a gallery or something? She's got the most beautiful paintings. Jesus Christ.

So they all pop up from the floor, right? Kind of in front of the audience. Oh, yeah. Well, the Destiny's Child, they are in the bunker. Those two stay in the bunker. But Beyonce just appears. She just choppers in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, okay. That's good. So what's that then? Oh, my God. Kelly and Michelle. Yeah. Yeah.

With my girl, Drew. And who is Lativia in the crowd? Oh. Yeah. Yeah. With my girl, Drew. And who is Lativia in the crowd? Oh. Watching. She's maybe, she's already in the bunker, actually. She's in the bar. She's at Reggie's. Having fun at Reggie's.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck, that's such a good one. That's pretty hot. Yeah. Now, they are all wearing beehives with micro bangs of course And I do quite enjoy that image Maybe it's the Dreamgirls as well Yes, yes

Dreamgirls will never leave you It's so weird that Beyonce played the villain in that film And they were like Let's give her another song about listening And I'm like She well, she never listened to Jennifer Hudson. Jennifer. I obviously, none of the men matter. From the Superbowl?

No. Oh no. No. Yeah. I can't even think of any of them. There's like weird, just like fog years where like... Bruce Springsteen did it, you too. What the fuck are we doing with you two?

That's why I'm glad they died in that sphere incident. Yes. No, that's, I'm like... Why? But you know what? I listened to an interview with Billy Joe Armstrong from Green Day. And I was like, the chokehold that green day had on the culture when i was a child yeah it's just crazy i'm like that would be weird to be

the center of culture to now be almost nothing in it yeah that happens with men but not oh no yeah there's not really men That stick around that long Yeah maybe actors But even like the Yeah the bands It's more like The fan base ages And get more pathetic

And still obsessed But like With the divas They just remain Ever good Well that's the thing about like Even just thinking about Taylor Swift coming

It's like There are gonna be 13 year olds at that concert And there will for sure be like 60 year olds at that concert because it's like she's picked up all of those people and continues to be part of youth culture so it's like she just will own those generations because she's still part of people's formative years so as they get older they're still going to be like tay tay yeah yeah it's like pink why is pink not done super bowl can't afford it she would be so good she would like she would like despise pink oh she would do a good show. And she's got bangers going back. Bangers going back. Like she could do, Get the party started on a Saturday night.

And it used to be a fun house. Yeah, imagine all the people, the fans that run onto the thing and dress like clowns. But now it's filled with evil clowns, clowns, clowns, clowns. Yeah. Is that the pyrotechnics? No, that's like the extra like brass band, like drum hits, steel drums that they add to like juice up the songs. I realize J-Lo's daughter is still in that cage. Oh, shit.

Also Reba McIntyre. Reba. She was doing the national anthem today. I haven't seen it yet, but I'm so excited for my girl. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's all. That's good. That's good.

Okay, well, B. And you know what? She can communicate with the Bs. Maybe they're the messengers. That's how she knows when the 400th question is coming. I don't know that she would partake in that kind of like, oh. You know, the beehive? What a funny joke.

She'd be like, you think you're the first. I'm seeing why none of her snatch game attempts really worked. You can see my name is Bee, not a literal bee. I'm just B. It's nothing to do with the insect. And then she'd walk away from you like, you might be a celestial goddess, but I'm B. But I'm Beyonce.

And then she just disappears. Your powers don't work here. This little fantasy is nice. Goodbye. You might get me on the 400th click, but I will always leave. Yeah. Yeah. Poor Michelle.

Kelly. From Justin to Kelly. Okay. Well, that's quite fabulous. So good's good okay okay super ball beyonce murphy beds in the walls yes and torrential downpours and just like the seventh click i mean seventh ambipair yeah and just like the possums in my walls you can hear the people scratching around while you're trying to sleep yeah i i need to record that sound it's really yeah i hope to see you again oh my god you're a good friend of mine jesus and i'd prefer it if you lived oh my god

dear listener thank you so much and if it you, we're glad you're listening too. I'm talking to him. Oh my God. He's long followed you. The details of your life absorbing him. Until finally, he absorbs you. Jesus. So scary.

I'll sleep so well tonight. All right. so scary oh oh yeah I'll sleep so well tonight alright okay well goodnight friends farewell death in a realm was recorded in Habitat Studios by Matt Shears.

Albums and music provided by E.D. Center and Angus Leslie. You got something to tell us? A fanfic perhaps? Well send it through to deathtoeveryonepod at gmail.com Why don't you support us at ktm.com slash deathtoeveryone Goodbye death to everyone goodbye