Death To Everyone - Death To... Vegetables, Breakups & Balds

Episode Date: May 7, 2024

Hi. Which vegetable deserves to sit atop the plates of the survivors of the washing apocalypse? Find out here. Also we end our beef with the bald community. AND Discuss heartbreak Follow us, won't you? ⁠www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠www.naturalhabitatstudios.com/⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠www.instagram.com/ediecentric/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103/

🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 TEN TO EVERYONE 🎵 🎵 ESPECIAL 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 You know what maybe we need in the intro theme? One more time? Oh, it's really hard. We were just talking about it.

That's Zelda Moon. I'm Lazy Susan Down with the sickness And this is Death to Everyone And I'm Zelda Moon Unfortunately Obviously Actually Actually

And this is Death to Everyone A podcast for your ears. It's a show, not unlike Neighbors or I'm a Celebrity or ER. Get me out of here. Get me out of here. But it's kind of different to those things because there's nuance, character, because there's nuance, character, and interesting plot lines that continue to evolve over many weeks.

This is a show about two drag queens. In the form of celestial goddesses. And we are in space in the celestial void. We travel around via our space car. We do. It's canon. We have a space car. Chauffeur. What was that? I'm the chauffeur.

There you go. And it is also canon that Matt Shears is the chauffeur when he's not performing at Reggie's. Of course. And we are now contending with the very important conversation of what is going to survive the world's imminent apocalypse. Are you feeling very apocalyptic at the moment? Apocalyptic? Yeah. Because nothing's going right. Guys, can we just get things going right again?

I don't know if you're aware, but things are just not how I thought they would be. I think that's the thing, though. You know, it's like, does it feel? Yeah. Like, things are getting worse. Hey. Yeah. Miss Clavel was right on the money.

Something is not right. She was saying that in the 90s. Yes. She's been warning us. And nobody listened. Nobody listened to the nun. Speaking of the nun. I went and saw Abigail last night.

Is there nuns in that one as well? No, but it's a horror movie. And so I went in. Is it about Abigail Breslin's adult career? After Little Miss Sunshine, before Scream Queens, Lost in the Wilderness of the Hollywood Elite. Scream Queens? Who's she? She's Chanel.

Ah, okay. We knew they were all called Chanel on that show. That was the bit, Zelda! Okay. So, I knew nothing about it. Abigail. I hadn't even seen a poster. All I knew was that the movie was called Abigail. Abigail. And, ooh, it was fun. I really enjoyed it. Like, a bad movie, but it was fun.

A fun, bad movie. Yeah. It was much more comedy than horror, I would say. Like, despite not really, like, it wasn't a comedy, but it had many jokes and it was kind of lighthearted, but it just made it fun. Give me one of the jokes. Oh.

Say one of the jokes to Alice and I was like a little taster for Abigail. Oh, like, oh. Oh, no, they were just kind of like super obvious cheesy things. Like someone's head falls off and she grabs it and then someone else walks in and be like, why are you holding that guy's head falls off and she grabs it. And then someone else walks in and be like, why are you holding that guy's head? It does sound good. That's certainly not scaring me out of my pants, you know? I think if you saw someone decapitated in front of you,

you might be a bit spookerellered. I don't know. You've never seen anyone's head? Decapitated head? I've not. I haven't seen that. Have you seen anyone's head? Decapitated head I've not I haven't seen that Have you seen anyone dead? Have I ever seen a dead body?

Tammy Brown has I've only seen dead bodies in those cathedrals in Italy Oh yeah, like old dead famous bodies Not like fresh dead No, I don't think I have Fresh dead bodies Have you seen a dead body? I've seen two dead bodies

In my life But One was from a distance But no I shouldn't laugh There was a very horrific Motorcycle accident Near my house And I was walking home

And I And I Didn't realise that I'd walked past All the police Cordons Because they shut down Jesus Christ Well because I was walking So like home and I didn't realize that I'd walked past all the police cordons because they shut down. Well, because I was walking, so like all of the traffic was stopped, but there was nothing on the footpaths.

You were like, this is the easiest. Everyone stop for me. Yeah, right. I was like, it was very, it was also like late at night, like 1130 at night. And it was on that road, Queensberry Parade? Yes.

No, it wasn't. It was the other one, Hoddle Street. Near the 7-Eleven in Clifton Hill, and I saw, yeah, they were just covering it with the sheet at the time. Oh. But, yeah. Damn. Yeah.

Couldn't catch me on a fucking motorcycle, I tell you what. Absolutely not. Matt? Freaky. Yeah, yes, I'll tell you what. Absolutely not. Matt? Freaky. Yeah, yes, I saw one dead body once. But it was actually quite beautiful because it was my auntie who passed away and she wanted her body to be brought home and then they laid her in the bed at home with like a cooling blanket over her so she didn't start to go off.

They're like, get the fridge blanket. Yeah, and they have to. And then they put like an air conditioner in the room too to like keep the room cold. And then all her friends and like family all came and just like spent time with her in there. So it was actually quite nice. It was very peaceful.

Wow, yeah. It wasn't like traumatising at all. Yeah, it's nice that they it was very peaceful wow yeah it wasn't like traumatizing yeah it's nice that they have it like set up as well yeah and there was candles and it was like it was a nice space and then we just all went in there and just said goodbye i guess it was very nice way to grieve a body i think because yeah sometimes i feel like you know like death is very like oh hide it away and yes yeah you know funeral parlors are very like, oh, hide it away. Yes. You know, funeral parlours are very like sterile. Yeah, it's very Western thinking to kind of obscure the body as much as possible and obscure the thought of death.

It's like, no. But it definitely helped everyone in the family a lot, I think, too. Yeah, so it was actually quite beautiful. Yeah, but it was sad, very, very sad. Yeah. So it was actually quite beautiful. Yeah. But it was sad. Very sad. I'm going to see Sadie on this podcast. Yeah.

So yeah, maybe Abigail could be more of a delightful experience without accepting death. I did indeed find it quite delightful. Spoiler alert. Spoiler alert for Abigail. You haven't seen it? No. Are you going to see it quite delightful. Spoiler alert. Spoiler alert for Abigail. You haven't seen it? No. Are you going to see it?

Maybe. I don't know what's going to happen. Do you want me to talk about it? Yeah, you can say one thing. Ooh, she's a vampire. Oh, that's Cam. It was so fun. Yeah, it was fun.

It was like very stupid, but it was fun. I like that. That's a good twist. Heaven. Amazing. Yeah. Perfect. Okay. I like that That's a good twist Heaven Amazing Yeah Perfect Okay I will just say

Just a little bit more Because it starts off With like a kidnapping Yeah that bit I knew Yeah they kidnap this kid For like a ransom or whatever But then I don't know

The truth unfolds Every table's a turn Turns out that kid Was not just a kid Uh uh Just Trapped in a child's form yes like kirsten dunst in interview with a vampire think about her all the time

okay anyway so zelda how is the world ending this week well everyone on planet Earth Has just Their washing machines have just gone crazy And they've done a load of washing Darling And everything shrunk And they don't realise until they've put it on And then all of the air is pushed from our lungs

Oh I like that And they all suffocate to death Every one of us And all of a sudden all the animals are wearing little knitted sweaters, which are too tight. You're always obsessed with killing all the animals. Well, because if it's an apocalypse, then they all die. We can't be putting animals in the bunker if the rest of them aren't dead.

I don't know. There's been various apocalyptic events on the world that have not killed everything. And look at us now, scurrying around. You love birds. Yeah. They survived. The comet that killed the dinosaurs. Oh, prove it. But yeah, everyone suffocates due to their shrinked clothing.

Yeah. Yeah. I like that. What if you start wearing, like Ariana Grande is always wearing loose jumpers. Is she the last today? Well, they have to go through a few cycles. She put it on and she's like, oh. It's a bit snugger than normal, but it's still like a big thing.

The next time she's like. I think it's probably the fifth time. Yeah. Yeah. And what about the nudists? Well, it's winter. Everywhere? Yeah.

Famously. Yeah. So, you know. Yeah. I get it. Gotta rug up a little. Yeah. I mean, it can be a longer, slower apocalypse.

They can keep their pants off. Their ass isn't being suffocated, thankfully. And what about the majority of the population that don't have access to a washing machine? Yeah, but they've bought pre-shrunk clothing. You know how it comes, like pre-washed. The companies use that as a thoughtful gesture of kindness. However, it's led to death of everyone. What about people that only wear vintage?

Well, honey, they've been washed so many times. Right, so it's retroactively coming into effect as well. It's really, yeah. Okay. It's unavoidable. Okay. It's a chemical reaction. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. And with that. Let's dive in. All right. We'll be right with it. Tomorrow Tomorrow And you decided that it should be me, the little girl in the car's painting. I'm so excited to go down into the bunker. I like it to be cold. It's always dark where I'm from. I so look forward to enjoying my time after the end of times.

And it couldn't have happened without you and Nova. I love you so much. Thank you. welcome back everyone yeah just putting a bit of stank on it Okay, so Okay Which one would you like to do first? Well, first I just need a PSA

Because I keep seeing this and I'm so mad Do you know Ariana Grande's boyfriend? SpongeBob We've talked about it a little bit Yeah, yeah, we have I just I keep seeing And I get that like the the fans of

ariana grande are like are really angry i don't know people are angry online like everyone's got i don't know if you've seen the boyfriend about the boyfriend like the choice of boyfriend well yeah the choice the choice they basically are just like this man is too ugly to be your boyfriend. And they like all say it and think that like, you know, it's definitely just like people like 17-year-olds on the internet being like, I guess they're mad at Ariana Grande as well. Maybe it's like stans from another community being like, this homewrecking bitch, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I just, it's really weird because he's not ugly like he's weird looking but he's very hot and i just think i don't know and i think it's like the fans it's like who do you want ariana grande today sean mendez like the more like I just In your vision of reality Like You know Jill sitting at home Like who do you think Should be dating Ariana Grande I kind of prefer that she's dating

Obviously weird theatre guys I just don't Like understand why anyone Would care who anyone is dating Right And that's the other part of it It's just like We need to just let people

Fucking live Who cares That's like a byproduct of like Celebrities Right, and that's the other part of it. It's just like we need to just let people fucking live. Who cares? That's like a byproduct of like celebrities. Celebrity culture. Yeah, like some people are like just want to live in their skin, you know, like they're just so overprotective of their favorite celebrities. It's a mix of like living in their skin and then also being like, I would have made better decisions than you.

Yeah, like I knew everything about you and this doesn't work for you. This doesn't work for your story. It's like, okay. Yeah. And it's like I just think Ariana Grande has historically pretty much always dated like weird men. Yeah. Like Pete Davidson, fucking Mac Millerer like these are like not cookie cutter

there's always a little bit of like these men haven't seen the sun for you know 30 years like that's her type yeah yeah okay i don't know you guys are fucking weird like the internet and i know we're part of the internet i know where the problem so i will say this knowing that full well but i'm just like the tone of this entire like moment in time is so smug like everyone's just like and then she did it and i have an opinion about this and i'm complaining about and it's like i get that we're doing that don't even help me i just think however we're better than that yes well it's like like you know we are goddesses from the celestial void. Yes.

Everyone else is just civilians with opinions. And I'm like, shut up. Shut up. Like, if this was like, I don't know, a thousand years ago, you would just not be allowed to voice your opinion. Yeah. We'd cut off your head. I just, yeah, exactly.

We'd Abigail the shit out of you. Or you would be like a milkman. Or you'd be like, you'd be scrubbing the palace floors. Yeah. In your fucking place. Like, and just like. And the thing is that you kind of are doing that. You just don't even realize.

Well, that's it. It's like you getting on your thing and being like, let me tell you something about this, this person's new album that I fucking hate. I'm like, no one cares. And, you know, sometimes the internet tricks you. Like, I'll listen to these little film essay things on YouTube, and they'll just be talking about, I don't know, they'll have pulled me in with an opinion or an idea

that I'm interested in hearing more about. And then I'll be like five seconds in and I'll realize that I'm like, fucking listening to some piece of shit loser, like 19 year old film theorist. I'm like, girl, why am I listening to you? And the thing with that kind of content is the ones that are successful or that like I'll like to engage with are like spending time with you getting to know them yeah and if you care about them and their lives you're like and then you're like yeah i want to

hear your opinion about this yeah but so many of those video essay things about like fucking any topic are just not that but they're presented as fact but it's just someone random shit cunts opinion you're like what's happening here? And the worst part, I don't know if any of you are familiar with like these specific niche of YouTube video, but like when they'll write like what Tarantino did wrong with Kill Bill volume two or whatever the fuck. Yeah. It'll be like a fucking 30-minute video. And the only good thing is when the person has done some deep research and you get some stuff from interviews that you haven't necessarily read or whatever where you're actually like, oh, there's some interesting facts. But on the worst version, they get to the end and they wrap it up

with this sad twinkly piano music or something like that. And they're like and i guess as the century draws to a close blah blah blah and you like the way that they've completely forced this essay to have like some sort of emotional catharsis moment because they've seen someone else do it well yes it's so painful and i'm just like we have too many opinions yeah i hate it and i also fail to see what it has to do with our first topic of discussion, which is vegetables. That's right.

It's so important. It's so important. It's so important. Anyway. We could just sidestep. We're just a little. Vegetable. To which vegetable?

Is getting into the bunker. Yeah. This is the important stuff, right? Yes, exactly. I mean, I feel crazy because everyone says that he's not hot, but he seems fine. I think they can't shake the image of him in that Spongebob. Which is like he's playing Spongebob effectively for children in a kid's show.

Do you know it's like fucking wake up. You fucking idiot. He's a fucking kids performer on Broadway. That's not always how he's going to act. Idiot. Anyway. Do you think Ariana's ever like, leave it on? What?

With the SpongeBob outfit? Like, I'll be Sandy Cheeks and you'll be SpongeBob. No, she should be Ariana Grande getting fucked by SpongeBob. What? Yeah. Do you think? Maybe. Maybe.

Maybe, baby. I like that. Yeah. Do you think? There's a guy, though, that's really hot. Yeah. Do you think? There's a guy, though, that's really hot. Yeah. Like a guy that I've known in real life. Breathtakingly handsome, I would say.

And you know who this person is. Not to say the name. And, like, when you see him online or in photos, you're like, he doesn't look hot. Do you ever have that? Like where you're like, you in photos, you're like, he doesn't look hot. Do you ever have that? Like where you're like, you see someone, you're like their whole energy when they enter a room is that everyone's looking at them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you kind of look at them and you're like, like you look at them in a photo abstracted from that idea and you're like, this person is unimaginably, like if you were in a room with them, you would absolutely see that they're the most beautiful person. But like, because it's just something like what's hot in real life and what's hot in a photo are completely different things. Yeah. Yeah.

So you're saying it's hotter in real life. I'm saying like everyone. It's hot. Everyone is hot. Kind of. Yeah. It is like that Vegetables

Yes Thank you So do you think Yeah That squashes Pumpkin Have ever been popular Squash

Yeah Are you talking about Like the plump little Flattened down Yellow Star Kinda shape When do I eat a squash I don't Exactly I love that they're there though Plump little flattened down yellow. Star. Kind of shape.

When do I eat a squat? I don't know. Exactly. I love that they're there though. Yes. Like I'm like, we need, like I'm just, sometimes I walk into the like fresh fruit and vegetable area. Yeah. The very first location of any supermarket visit.

Which is weird because then what, you're going to crush it with your everything else. The technology is not there yet. Like they don't answer that. They're just like, well, we just want you to feel fresh when you walk in. I'm like, well then do flowers up front and we'll have the... Speaking of flowers up front, how do people buy the plants and flowers that are outside

of Safeway? Yeah. I don't get it. When are you picking that up? When do you get it? It's a tax write-off. They're not actually doing it. I don't get it. When are you picking that up? When do you get it? It's a tax write-off. They're not actually doing it. I can't. That's so annoying. Like, unless you're buying it from, like, the cigarette, like, shop that's on the outer, like, counter.

Which I don't even know if they have that anymore. That is, like, the methadone clinic of supermarkets. It's so fucking rude that they make smokers just stand there at that embarrassing little kiosk. Be like, pack of 40s, and wait for some 16-year-old to pretend to notice them. Yeah. Oh, and God help you if they're understaffed that day. It is evil.

That is public shaming. Yeah. Although they are accompanied by that seeing eye dog statue, and that I really like. Our queen. Oh, I love it. We're putting that in the bunker right now. I think.

Fantastic. Okay, good. Oh, it's so good. I love it. And it's such a good size. Is that like, it might actually be to scale. It is. Yeah.

Oh, maybe just. Maybe a touch small. But you know what? When you're a kid. She's growing up. Okay, let's put a pin in that because we will come back and do statues later. Because I remember that we of course If it's about statues

There's also that fiberglass Ronald McDonald That sits with his arm out That you can sit with in that chair I don't like that Oh I love him And that's also really hard Yeah I love how hard it is It's so hard

So brutal The names are hard And you know that like Fiberglass like I've seen many a fractured surfboard in my life And fiberglass is so unfriendly when it's broken. Splinters. I love it.

And that thick enamel paint that they've put on the outside. It's kind of like, you know that experiment they did with the monkeys and the monkey mother that's a robot? Say more. She's made out of like hard steel and then they like dispenses food and milk. From the robot? Yeah. And the monkeys, there was two monkey mothers and one had like soft fur

placed on her but didn't supply milk. Yeah. And then the hard Ronald McDonald monkey mother did supply milk and the monkeys they found preferred to spend time with the soft, cuddly mother even though they started to starve. Wow. Because the comfort was more important than the actual sustenance. Wow.

Yeah. It's kind of like you and I. Yeah. It's kind of like you and I. Yeah. I give them life and you give them comfort. Yeah. Yes. But I do think that for like children of the 90s, that Ronald McDonald hard fiberglass statue is such a like hard monkey mother.

Like you would go and sit with Ronald as a as a child i hate it and just wait for that fiberglass chips yeah to be kind to you did sometimes did the bench have eyes the bench didn't have no no in your dreams no in your nightmare yeah anyway when like banjo kazooie all of the like various things always had eyes? Yeah. Even the things that weren't friends or enemies, just like there's an egg with eyes on it, or there's a cauliflower with eyes on it. You like that?

I do like that. Thank you. Yeah. Speaking of cauliflower, which vegetable goes into the bunker? So, yeah. So anyway, squash I feel like is maybe too like i don't know what i like apart from maybe chopping up and put it in a curry but i'm like is it bringing like i like the texture yeah but like i don't know but anyway this is my first thought that is okay so this is what i was going to say

about the the when you enter a safe way yeah sometimes it's a bit depressing because you're like i don't know how long has humanity been around, 10,000 years? Why not? Matt, how long is human history? Could you Google that? Do you mean Western civilization? No. What do you mean, Matt?

I just mean all recorded human history. How long is that? Just in the middle of a row. I'm knitting a scarf at the moment. You're really vying for soft boy of the year. Let me. Okay. All of human history.

How long is it? Yeah. I need to know. In one picture? Okay. Approximately 200,000 years. And in that time. A bit more than 10,000

My first guess is under over But it's just, it's like that Like all the vegetables we have now are a result of kind of Like long form genetic modification through, you know, cultivation I guess how long is agriculture? How long is, Matt, did we. I guess how long is agriculture? How long is – Matt, did we ever find out how long agriculture has been going? Modern humans evolved in Africa around 300,000 years ago and initially lived as hunter-gatherers.

Yeah. When did agriculture – Soon after the agricultural revolution began, humans began – where is that? It doesn't say. I guess the internet doesn't know. Age of the human race. Can't know everything I suppose. Agriculture developed worldwide

within a single narrow window between 12,000 and 5,000 years ago. So 10,000 is actually an okay guess. Back in the game! But when I see like we've got tomatoes, we've got tomatoes. Yeah.

We've got broccoli. Zucchini. I'm like, is this it? Yeah. You know what I mean? 12,000 years, this is it? Yeah. Like squash.

30 options. Yeah. Like I'm like 30. And like I know like obviously that's Safeway in Australia. Yes. So it's like when you go to China or when you go, you know, like you're going to see more options. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Different options. Local produce. Yes. go to china or when you go you know like you're gonna see more options yeah yeah yeah different options local produce yes but i'm like for these to be the all-stars of australian vegetables i'm like bitch 12 000 years and i'd be a bit like if someone showed up to me i'm like okay make all vegetables like kind of fashion and chic and someone showed up with like i don't know yeah like 30 options i'd be like um we did give you 12,000 years. Yeah. So could we get a few more? I just wanted to see some like breadth because like the stir fry is looking a bit. Yeah.

What am I going to do? Spring onion, carrot. Yeah. Maybe capsicum. Maybe. Yeah. Broccoli. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. You gave me two different types of capsicum. Maybe while you were thinking about making one red You could have come up with a whole different vegetable Yeah, and then they're so fucking proud about brown onion and red onion Oh bitch Like, okay, but what about like something else? Yeah, what about

Yeah Oh, so you made the shit version and then slightly better version I made one that's impossible to eat And then we made one that's slightly okay to eat Yeah It's just not it Oh, but I do love onion I made one that's impossible to eat. And then we made one that's slightly okay to eat. Yeah. It's just not it. Oh, but I do love onion.

I kind of think onion is a contender. Onion is great. Onion really is. You know, when you take the time to really chop it up really small, that is so worthwhile. That is a good investment of time on the chopping board. Because, oh, it just like melts in my mouth. Yeah.

And also like, yeah, if you don't know, like you're eating onion. Do you know what I mean? Oh, honey. It's in everything. It's fucking in everything. It's fucking, I didn't, we didn't need the swearing. And it makes you cry as well. Exactly.

It's kind of chic in that way. And then you think you've escaped it, but then you touch your eyes with your stinky onion hands, and then you're burning. Putting up a fight. I'm burning up. I love snow peas. Yeah. Snow peas are so good. Yeah.

Also very cute little leaves and little twirly whirls. Yeah. And then so delicious. Although, you know what? We do have to take points off for this stringy bit. Yeah. What's that about? Well, that's the thing. The whole thing of snow peas is that they're a little bit high maintenance.

Yes. You chop both ends. Yeah. It's like peas. There's a thing. Have you ever tried to buy fresh peas? Like fresh, fresh. Fresh peas.

From the pod. From the pod. No, this is the pod. We're on the pod. You know, like frozen peas, plentiful, cheap. Yeah. Fresh peas, tiny punnet, $8. Oh.

Oh. You're right. That's Oh. You're right. That's crazy. That's crazy. But peas come in a pod. Like they're not, they don't just grow like, you know, like someone's shelled them for you. Have you ever bought peas just in a pod?

Yeah. Well, that's kind of good. That is good. But then it's like what am I, I guess that's that we're back to the pistach a pod. Yeah. Well, that's kind of good. That is good. But then it's like, what am I? I guess that's that we're back to the pistachio conversation. Yeah, of like each individual. How much work am I doing? Yeah.

Do you wash your vegetables before you eat them? I wash bok choy and like pak choy. Oh, yeah, you've got to wash. Because there's always dirt in there. Always. Why the fuck haven't they worked that one out? I don't know. Aren't they grown in like hydroponic systems these days?

And what's the difference between Pak Choi and Bok Choi? I don't know. But I know there is a difference. Because sometimes I buy the same thing, but it's labeled something else. That's like 20,000 years, honey. You could have come up with something else. I feel like Bok Choi is like more like stumpy. Yeah.

And more delicious. And the Pak Choi is like the longer one yes pak choy's got to be bigger yeah um they're great though delicious but i don't always do because you fuck you like heat it for a second too long disgusting it turns bad real quick it does you're right um last thing to go in yeah Yeah. And maybe like some spring onion. Yeah. But, oh my God, the dirt. But that I wash. But pretty much nothing else.

Yeah. What's dirt going to do? Kill me? Not likely. No, I mean, most people are scared about the pesticides. Oh. Oh. Well, I mean, I'll grow up.

What? And then you're going to put it on with like some fucking like honey, garlic soy. Famously poisoned honey. No, but like, oh, you're worried. Get real. Fuck off. I just. What would you rather half of it was eaten by bugs first? There's only two options in this life.

Well, there kind of is. But then also, oh, like... You like your pesticides. No, but like I'm living in reality. Join us. But on that, I know that hair is the thing of like... It's like flowing, beautiful, luscious hair in like the like symbol of beauty. Yeah.

But then once it is plucked from the root, disgusting. Grow up. Who fucking cares? Wipe it away. Like, not necessarily in the food away But just like generally Or like People who like Gag at the idea of like Hair in a drain

Or whatever the fuck Yeah It's what they call What do they call They call it The Oh my god The abject

And it's the kind of Sensation of something that Reminds you of The inevitability of death Oh Like the kind of Separate That's a bit of an oversimplification But like that reminds you of the inevitability of death. Oh. Like the kind of separate, that's a bit of an oversimplification, but like the separation of like once something that was you is no longer you, is separate to you,

it kind of makes you aware that you are not kind of special and you are just kind of an organic thing you're like an animal this is the thing you're not fucking special yeah but like the way that the like human ego and the eye like it separates you from the world and from animals like animals fucking is kind of abject in that weird way where you're like it's a reminder that that's kind of too close to home because it is you yeah and so when you see there's a whole thing about like hair and like vomit and it's like when you vomit at what point does the the the liquids that were inside of you that were sustaining you a part of you yeah at what point do they stop being you? So it's like toenails and hair are kind of things that are like, they are you at one point.

They define you. Like your hair can define you and be you and be your identity. And then when it comes away from you, at what point does it stop being you? Also knowing that your hair will outlive your consciousness. Will it? Oh, yeah, I guess so. Yeah.

Not if you shave it all off before you die just to spite your hair um i love when you cut your toenails outside and then ants come and pick them up where are they taking them well i think that's quite a unique experience you've been that that happened before no oh my god so cute they're building a little. I don't think there's a single part of that that I would define as cute. More like a kind of Dolly style nightmare. Anyway, I think mushrooms are quite good. Mushrooms are great. I just think the idea of eating fungus is so weird.

And also like something that's lived its life in the dark. That's good. I was born in the dark. Did you like that? I don't know what that is. It's Bane from Batman. Oh my God. I love comic book movies.

I was born in the dark. Who's speaking right now? Say more. It's Bane Say more Bane I was born in the dark It's just the same thing again Yeah, that's his line

Boo, I hate that I preferred the Bane that was in the Like the camp ones where he didn't really say much at all Well, did he say anything? Born in the dark? I can't remember DC, get real I once hooked up with this guy many moons ago who had a great dig yeah but he was like there was something weird about him and i couldn't quite put my finger on it

something odd but like in a fascinating way, like a fabulous way, like a late night hookup kind of way. Like intrigue. Yeah, it was intriguing, but like there was just something about him. Like he had this kind of sallow skin that was like almost transparent and a little bit too flexible. He was mushroom. Well, then I was like, what do you do?

And he's like, I've just started my dream business. And I was like, oh, what is that? And he's like, I grow mushrooms. And I was like, oh, no. Of course you do. Like sorting hat put on you and was like, yes, mushroom farmer in the dark. And where are the spores now? Yeah, right?

I was like, he was a mushroom. Oh, it was so good. They were growing out of his back. Oh! Yeah, that was good. Did he show you any? No. Okay.

Yeah, that really, yeah. I know there was a period maybe like two years ago where like gift stores, like hip cool gift stores were selling like boxes that you'd slash open, water, and then like mushrooms would grow out. Yeah. I never got one of those. You should have. Seems cool.

That feels deeply like your Emma. I know. That's probably why I tried to avoid it. I was like, this is just too. It's too on the nose. It's too obvious. For my story, yeah. However, I tried to avoid it. I was like, this is just too... It's too on the nose. It's too obvious. For my story, yeah. However, I still think about them.

You can still get them. I know. You know, then I would have just... Maybe you'll get confronted by my own interests. But that's cool. What about... I mean, I fucking love tomatoes and cherry tomatoes, big tomatoes, small Roma tomatoes, all of it.

It's in your blood. I love it. The Italian. Yeah. You know, my dad came and visited yesterday and he was like, oh, gosh, your tomato bushes are still growing fruit. Ours stopped like weeks ago. I was like, well, I guess I won this round then.

What do you attribute that to? Lots of blood and bone? In my garden? How do you attribute that to? Lots of blood and bone? In my gun day? How do you treat this? I didn't because it was the first, I don't know, crop. You haven't taken the nutrients out of the ground yet. No, but I just like did a good upturn. I did put some dynamic lifter in there.

Oh, good. That's about it. Oh, wow. Yeah. So your father lives down in the peninsula I assume that there's Yeah but my father's also a horticulturalist Oh he's a Can't spell horticulturalist without

HORT But yeah he's dealing with different conditions He is You're a full son Yeah and also like the soil down there It's very sandy That's what I was going to say Yeah

They've done like I mean their garden is fucking amazing. But it's not giving tomatoes anymore. It's not still producing tomatoes, is it? That is what I'm hearing. Anyway, tomatoes are great. Yeah. Zucchini. Fucking love zucchini.

I'm just trying to think like what is like least – what has the least flaws? Like going into a bunker, I just kind of think it's like I want something that isn't so hot and cold. Like I just think Zucchini loves Zucchini. But she is so temperamental. Yes. Same with tomatoes. Come on. Be real.

You mean like shelf life? Yeah. And when they go bad, they go bad Oh, there's no, that's it Which is why I kind of I find cucumbers worse than zucchini for that Yes Cucumber is good for like a day in the fridge

Maybe And if it gets bruised, it will spread quicker than, I don't know Your legs on a Friday night? You need something that can be eaten in a variety of ways, I think. Yeah. Which is why I'd like to posit potato. Potato. Yeah.

It is simple. It doesn't go wrong. Like it does get poisonous to the extent that it could kill you. But I think we need that in the bunker But I like that it just starts growing in cupboards Yes That's so good I love that

Speaking of growing in the darkness I was born in the dark Says the potato I think that's so cool And you make vodka from it Yeah, whatever You could make some alcohol. The.

Mash them. Put them in a stew. Wait, what was that? Mash them. Boil them. Stick them in a stew. Stick them in a stew. Did you just come up with that?

No, that's. Are you. She's. She's doing a bit, everyone. She can't keep the fucking smug grin off her face. I'm not the internet. Mash them. Boil them Yeah potato

That's great Grated You can grate it Is that part of your poem? My poem? No no Dig up They didn't have graters

Oh is that where it's from? Yes Oh Of course Everyone knows it's from Lord of the Rings Everyone knows that Truly No one knows that where it's from yes oh of course everyone knows it's from lord of the rings oh my god everyone knows that truly no one knows that oh my god anyone with her don't be ridiculous okay um potato

yeah you just can't eat it raw that's my only qualm yeah you've got a point you've got one needed like an apple yeah you can't eat. Maybe we need a well in the bunker. We have an abyss. Yeah. What's an abyss if not just a giant well? Yeah, maybe if people just chuck a bucket down there and pour some water up. How are they getting water? Well, you put a bucket down there and sometimes water comes up.

Sometimes blood. Sometimes cum. Yeah, there's only one. Just someone was vomiting in there before. Now it's full of cum. Yeah, there's only one. Someone was vomiting in there before. See, like a carrot you could eat, but it's a bit boring. Well, I just had a carrot bagel from the bagel place up the road. Okay, let me tell you, listener, this place, they do do a good beagle.

All the bagels take about 15 minutes. All the beagles. All the beagles. And the halloumi beagle is real good but they have another one on their menu that i was like i'm gonna try i'm gonna try the carrot locks the locks carrot locks carrot locks which you know is meant to be yeah smoked salmon on cream cheese with dill and some capers which all all sounds great. Ooh, the capers were good? They were good. Yeah. But it was just the carrot.

I was like, honey, you're in denial. Like, this is bad. The carrot was not. It had no flavor. It brought nothing to the mix. How do you make a carrot taste like salmon? You don't. No, it's not. Yeah.

It's more of like a texture thing, I think. And the texture was mushy. Yeah. It's not that good, though. No. I just think, and when I asked them, is this this good do you know what i mean is this good and then she said to me yes and i was just like now i know i can't ever trust you again yeah because you actually just lied well she also didn't look either of us in the eye at any point for the 15 minutes we were

in there this bagel shop is very good. However, the people that work there fucking hate us. Yes. Or everyone. I can't tell. If I saw them being really nice to someone, I'd be really mad. No, they're socially awkward. You can't all be socially awkward. They all are.

They're all friends. They just attract each other. It's a cafe built around customer service. I know. That's the problem. Yeah. It is the problem But I'm saying It's not that they hate everyone, I don't think

I think it's that they Don't know how to do human interaction Yeah Or how to make salmon But I think that that experience this morning Has ruled carrots out of the mix Sorry about it I think so

No, that's just, yeah, I don't think carrots. Stop pushing for fucking carrots, Matt. I love carrots. I'm just saying a carrot you can eat raw or you can eat cooked. It's not the best example. I'll give you that. But potatoes. Yeah, you're right about potatoes.

No, I am all on board for the potato though because you can cook it so many other different ways. What about red onion? You can eat that raw because you can cook it so many other different ways. What about red onion? You can eat that raw and you can eat that good. Yeah. No. You know what is kind of like potato but different but delicious is Jerusalem artichoke.

Oh, they're so good. That is good, but that's hard work. It is, and it really takes over your garden. Be careful, everyone. And they go kind of creamy. Oh, they're so delicious, but a lot of prep. Tomato, I mean, potato. Be careful, everyone. And they go kind of creamy. Oh, they're so delicious. But a lot of prep. Tomato, I mean, potato.

Yeah. Fucking easy. Yeah. Well, there's a reason it's become like, I mean, I guess we can't really go past also talking about maize, like corn. Yeah. The, like, number one farmed agricultural product in the United States. I don't want it in the bunker.

I love the look. And I do like the idea of a haunted field of corn in the bunker. And you also can make high fructose corn syrup and doom a generation. But, oh, it's so annoying And you can make biofuels out of coin Coin And popcorn Legals

Popcorn Coin Listen, I'm having a little bit of an issue today I see, but I'm only interested in it And it's got all this little Not in You don't like eating corn? No.

It's so good. I'm flashing back every time now to whenever I've served you corn and you went yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. But that's because you prepared it. I don't like preparing it. Grilled corn is the best. I love a grilled. And you can make popcorn.

Just fuck. What am I speaking to myself here, Matt? Jesus. Did you say that? Sorry. Oh, God, you don't. You haven't listened to me in years. I wasn't listening.

Popcorn with high fructose corn syrup caramel. You know like when you buy the colored popcorn, it never has the little kernels in it to get it clipped on your throat or in your gums. What's that about? How do they cleanse it of that before the dying sugar process? I assume it would be you just put it like a sifter, a general sifter. General sift.

Like that will only allow the smaller pieces to fall through. So I hate when you get that clip on the back of your throat. It's so annoying. I'm sorry about that. You've really got a thing against corn, don't you? It's bad. Corn? You love popcorn.

I like popcorn. You always get popcorn. Yeah, corn, don't you? It's bad. Corn? You love popcorn. I like popcorn. You always get popcorn. Yeah, well, I'm in the movies. You know, when I went to Japan, it was like so standard for like all of the popcorn to come like half-half, half caramel, half regular. Yeah. It was so good. And... I don't like sweet pop it had like it had like in the drink thing like you

could put in a little accessory that would then have a platform for you to put the popcorn and the drink because they know that you may have both or maybe you just got one oh so good i had to go and see however um skyfall because that's what was at the movies when i was in japan and you went and was in japanese no oh no sorry in english not like that time when i went and saw five nights at freddy completely in spanish oh my favorite art house film but we went to the cinema that has godzilla on top And that was great That's before she moved to the bunker Okay Potato

Potato? Potato Sure Okay I think like for The reason I like it Is the self-growing in the dark With those little spider legs

That's good And you can put in a gun Spud gun Spud gun with those little spider legs. That's good. And you can put in a gun. Spud gun. Did you have a spud gun growing up? No, I really regret not having one. I want to shoot people with potato. No. Why not?

Ow, guns? What, you want a spud gun? Yeah. Freak. I love those shotguns where you can put table salt in and shoot flies. What? Have you seen them? Did they do to you?

They're so good. I want to kill those flies. Why? Well, isn't that fabulous? You shoot them out of the air with a machine. No, like a shotty. Yeah, I guess because you don't have any skill, so you couldn't possibly shoot one with your skill set or accuracy,

so you rely on a fucking shotgun. Yeah, just like everyone else with a gun. Anyway, potato's in. Okay, potato. And you can put one in someone's tailpipe and their car explodes. The bait bus. Exactly. Clog up that bait bus with a potato.

Exact window. Yeah. Do you think the Gremlin will fashion one into a butt plug? Yeah. And that's the other thing. You can carve them into most anything. Mr. Potato Head. That's right.

Okay. For versatility, potato, you're in. We'll be back welcome back everyone sorry someone just shot me out of a potato we are ready to discuss our next topic, which of course is... Which breakup style goes into the bunker? Breakup style When you're gonna break up

When the actress who plays Maggie breaks up with Bayonetta, how is she gonna do it? True Text message? Mm Screaming in night to her Murphy bed? Oh, Maggie Sheffield How is she going to do it? True Text message? Screaming in night to her Murphy bed? Oh, Maggie Sheffield I fucking had her with you You witch bitch

I don't think Bayonetta's getting broken up with No, absolutely not I think she's breaking up with people You're right That was her screaming to Maggie Maggie Sheffield She calls her her witch bitch Because she's the witch.

No. And Maggie's the bitch. Maggie, you're just a little nepo baby. Yes. Yeah. Okay. So, breakups. Bye-bye.

What's your favorite of your breakups that you've experienced? Oh, okay. So, my first, I've kind of had two kind of three but first breakup breakup number one was just so heartbreaking like we had been together for two years had like never had an argument wait what like yeah like very little friction. That's a worry. Yes. I now realize that's a bad thing.

But I saw him for lunch on my like uni break. And he was in a really weird mood and he was like unemployed. Where did you go for lunch? Oh my God. A Thai restaurant on Chapel Street. Because you were studying months to make up at the time. Thai for you. Two Thai, two for you.

There should be a park out front. I can't remember. Thai fun for... It doesn't matter. But he was in like this really down mood. And he was just like... I was like, oh, because he was unemployed and he just left uni and he was just like, and I was like, oh, because he like, he was unemployed and he just left uni and he was just in a real rut. And I was like, oh, shit.

Okay. And then I like went back to uni and spent like all afternoon being like, you know, what can we do? And like, how can we help? Like, how can I help him find a job or whatever? And then I went back to his and he was in a much, much better mood. And I was like, oh, I've been thinking about like lunch all day like you know let's talk about it let's like what can we do like let's redo your resume or like let's go putting them at doors or something like what what do you want to do and he was like i uh i want to break up with you turns out it wasn't the resume no um and that's it came from nowhere and i was

like destroyed like i loved him so the very first love yeah the first breakup and yeah but kudos because he did it to my face um okay that's that's one point yeah but then i don't know man and then i forever have thought like what if i didn't pursue it when i got home and just went along with his like newfound good mood like would he have just well maybe that's just how he felt in i mean also we like stayed in communication for a long time afterwards he could have changed his mind but i know it's like just the way that that conversation went was because i pushed it there unknowingly and like you just never know but i were like i left like sobbing and then like went to my brother's house because he lived nearby at the time and just was like. That's amazing.

Destroyed. Destroyed. Walking through fucking Alma Park at like five in the afternoon, tears streaming down my face. Yeah. How long was the whole from go to war breakup moment? Was it a half hour conversation or was it a three hour conversation? Probably an hour. An hour. so that was full on face to face that's good yeah the second one was also face to face but that was more of a mutual breakup it was a bit like

yeah yeah still face to face and then the third i don't know if that really counts with like ben oh right i don't know just a slow it's more like a situational we were never really dating despite dating for a year yeah um and then like well if you're moving away this isn't happening and was it ever happening and goodbye yeah yeah so but all of those face to face face to face is good yeah i'm trying to think of a time tell us about your breakups well first time i broke up was with the aforementioned oh my god i'm sorry first time i broke up was with the aforementioned boy from the the air mattress and I was such like

I was a monster a true monster and I was and in that situation he deserves compensation what did you do? I was like he had his formal coming up he went to a different school

I'm not going with you, faggot Well that was never on the cards I think you had to go with someone from your school Yeah, probably And so I was like, I really want to have a conversation with you Oh my god But wait until after your formal Because I just want you to have a good time

Yuck Is that not demonic evil evil so demonic yeah oh it just makes me ill just thinking about it the thought of being with someone in a period where they don't want to be with you is fucked i just i that's the other thing i think it's like people put put off breaking up for so long that it's like it becomes an act of cruelty. Yes. In the sense of like, yeah, if you don't want to be there,

you're not just wasting your time and you're not making that other person happier. You are denying them the opportunity to find someone that will really love them and appreciate them. Yeah, or just find that in themselves. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just you're forcing them to live a lie find someone that will really love them and appreciate them. Yeah. Or just find that in themselves. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just you're forcing them to live a lie. Yes.

And you know that you're doing that to them. Yes. It's fucked. Yes. And it's like it's very hard to be the bad guy and like do that. Anyway, so I broke up with him and it was really. After the formal? After the formal.

Wow. And. Did you have fun at that? Well. I just think. It was. Yeah. But.

Yeah. And then that was just a shitty one. Yeah. Face to face? Face to face. But he came to me. Yeah. So then you kicked him out.

Yeah. No. I broke up with him and I had paused. But I was watching., but I was watching. I think I was watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. And then he, like, left my pants and, like, and Reese's Peanut Butter Cup on my bed and then left. Wow. And then I pressed play on my movie watch the rest christ yeah monstrous yeah

oh my and number then what then number two was like the like i am in love with this person kind of thing and it was just like a long time coming and like it had been this kind of awful time where his dad was finally visiting from overseas because he was kind of – he was like not an exchange student but he was like a student from France. And so his dad was finally visiting and we'd been dating for quite a while, like years at that point. And he was like, well, I just want to see you for the next few weeks while my dad's in town and there was just like no conversation that there was ever gonna be opportunity for me to meet his dad or that his dad would even know that i existed yeah and it was so heartbreaking because i was just like oh and then that was really heated and i guess it's kind of that same thing where it's like I was like, that sucks and made it such a big deal.

And then I think it just kind of like put the final nail in the coffin of like him being like, yeah, this isn't working. And then he broke up with me. And we, he was like, yeah, let's meet up tomorrow. And I knew it was like in the air yeah it was coming and i went and stayed the night before at my friend jake's house and like just was like he was like sweet straight boy but like he was so like really new like we i knew that night what was coming yeah and i kind of held it together held it together until i was like on the train going into the city that day and he was just sitting opposite me because he was like coming

in with me just to kind of like get me to the location and i just like started sobbing on the train and he just like hugged me and held me and was like it's fine it's gonna be okay and then except unspoken the whole morning was just kind of unspoken sort of stuff And then I got up and we were at this park near Flagstaff Yeah And I think I selected Flagstaff maybe just because You know that wherever you're going to get broken up with Is going to forever have a really strong emotion attached

Yes And so you don't want to ruin a place you go to you don't want to ruin calton garden yeah exactly rather ruin that weird flag yeah exactly so forever that weird flagstaff garden is like that forever the place and he came and then we both were sobbing and he was like i just don't think i can do it anymore and i was like okay that's okay and then that was we just kind of like that was it like and it was just like suddenly it was just 10 30 on the regular day in the city and everyone was just going about their lives and i was like this is impossible they're living their lives while yours yeah it's destroyed yeah exactly um and then i called my friend and like she came out of work on her break because she like worked

at a call center in the city and like came and got me and i was like shopping and then they literally like the friends just kind of pass me off to each other all day and then she's like i'll give it over to the next girl oh yeah it was very good but but again face to face face to face yeah with a bit of preparation um yeah i'm trying to think if there was ever like Because like The boyfriend after that We broke up and then proceeded to live together For three months in the same house Because it was just really hard

To get anywhere But it was so Deeply Not healthy For either of us because it was like There was just too much emotion built up Yeah that was just too much emotion built up. Yeah, that was just not it.

Yeah. Again, face-to-face? Face-to-face. We live together. Yeah. I'll be the one that we text about. Yeah. So then collectively we've had nothing but face-to-face.

Face-off. Face-off. Face-off. Yeah, well, that's the thing. I mean, like, you can't text message breakup. Kelly taught us that from day one. I wonder if, because, I mean, obviously we're talking about, like, proper relationship breakups. Yeah.

For, like, a few dates or a few hookups. I just don't want to see you anymore. Yeah, I had a few of those. I've had enough of your dick. Yeah, I had a few of those I've had enough of your dick Yeah, get out But, yeah I think, like, for those, like, more, like, short-term things Texting is probably fine I think

I think that's fine I just think ghosting is, is like atrocious in any situation i'm trying to think about when a ghost is um allowed i just halloween i think after one date you're allowed to not just you're just allowed to not talk or like one hook up yeah like a block after yeah yeah yes i know that you're on public transport going home with my load in you Or like one hookup. Yeah. Like a block after. Yeah. Yeah. Yes, I know that you're on public transport going home with my load in you, but I am going to block you so that you can't message me.

Yeah, what is it? I mean, like I kind of, I think it's like in all situations, it's obviously best if you're like mature and adult, but sometimes you just don't want to be. Sometimes it's just too much hard work i yes but i think i don't know i just think leaving people on red yeah for too long yeah is like just the worst behavior yeah so ghosting's not going in the bunker also where are you going to hide well

that could be really awkward yeah there are going to be breakups in the bunker and we're going to help these people and also there's not much private space so it's going to have to always pretty much be a public breakup um yeah unless maybe like i don't know i'm thinking of the rooms in the bunker like maybe the back of the library I'm thinking of the rooms in the bunker. Like maybe the back of the library. Yeah, no one's going in the library. Yeah, there's no books in there yet. There's one script or whatever.

And a tiny picture. And a tiny dick. Yeah. What about you, Matt? You've never really done any breakups, have you? I've never really been out with anyone, no. I have broken up with someone. My first long-term girlfriend, I broke up with her. I just went to her house, got my mum to drive me there.

I didn't have my license. Wait, did she wait out front? Yeah. And then I went in, broke up with her and then left. Listening to Radio National. How'd you go? It was bad. It was a bit out of the blue for her,

but I'd been thinking about it for a while. So it was the same thing. It was nothing really that wrong with our relationship. I just wasn't going anywhere, you know. How old were you? I don't know. I must have been like 19 or something. I just wasn't going anywhere, you know? How old were you? I don't know. I must have been like 19 or something. Just wasn't going anywhere.

Yeah. Yeah. I wasn't thinking about it. Long term. Just doing a bit more. Someone, we were dating for a little while, maybe a month or two, so not very long, but we were seeing each other quite a lot. She just drove me to the train station and then as I was getting out of the car,

I was like, I don't think we should see each other anymore. Good. And then closed the door. Waiting until the last minute. Yeah, we were just chatting. I was like, oh, you know, I might see you later in the week. She's like, yeah, maybe. And then as I got out of the car, she was like, bye.

Oh, my God. Never seeing you again. Wow. That was a weird one. That's so intense. But, yeah, I don't know. Nothing too dramatic. But, yeah, I don't know about a text breakup.

You can't text with a breakup. Maybe a nice letter. Write a nice letter. Very high school. Sometimes you can't get all the words out though. So yeah. It's good to prepare something. What do you think about face to face where like,

then they pull up? I like notes. Like notes of like dot points. Okay. But like the texture of a breakup is like, do you want it to be funny? Do you want it to be sad? Like,

I think, well, it sounds like the recurring theme that's going to hit home is sobbing. Sobbing. Like, I love it when you're like, it's like with a mutual love and understanding. sadness it's like with a mutual love and understanding yeah if like i like if this isn't giving you what you want i love you so much that i want you to be happier yeah without me yeah without me um but there's the other thing of like what what's his name? Oh, my God. He's from Midnight Sun. Oh, from Midnight Sun.

So it could be Blade. It could be Wolverines in the Midnight Sun. I have runs of Wolverine. It could be Scarlet Witch. He's in. He's in the team. Anyway, that guy that supposedly hooks up with women and then is like, oh, should we go for a walk at the park?

And then he goes for a walk with them and he runs off. It's just a myth that's going on. They'll be like, and then it'll just like really full pelt run away, which I think is also very good. Just run away. Run away from your problems. I like it. I mean, that is funny.

That's good. Yeah, we have a- Run away, put on a wig, it. I mean, that is funny. That's good. Yeah, we have a- Run away, put on a wig, and then come back and be like, oh, they just put me in. I just knew in the bunker. I just got off the train. The ghost train into the bunker. We have a mutual friend who got invited or had gone out to like the peninsula for a breakup.

But at the time she didn't know it was a breakup. And they like within the first two hours of being at this person's house after getting there, which takes like three hours or two and a half hours. Like, you know, public transport as well. Yeah. They break up. And then what yeah she's just expected to stay there over the night in this kind of like and like there's just no way out i mean breaking up when you don't have a car and you're in the like in the countryside is yeah oh such a genre

yeah oh my god i would like start walking Like that's it Sorry no We're not doing this Yeah Well I Yeah I just The thing about breakups is And the thing that I

Have noticed recently Is Everyone In our generation Seemingly Yeah Breaks up with people And is like

But we're gonna remain friends Ooh And i'm like not yet no you've got to hate each other first you've got to hate each other for three months at least at least before you're like spending time together socially again the friends that show up a week after they've broken up and they're like oh like yeah we just thought we both come to the barbecue because we're going to stay friends. No, you're not. Not yet. No, that's fucked.

Like, are you crazy? Yeah. You can't just be like both bringing tiramisu latte dip and hanging out with all your friends and forcing all your friends to be like, yeah, this is normal. You guys dated for 10,000 years, but now. Yeah, you're free. We're just friends.

And then like make snide remarks about each other. Yeah. Yeah, you're free. We're just friends. And then like make snide remarks about each other. Yeah. So my first boyfriend and I then kind of like went into an era of like seeing each other every now and then and sleeping together and then like petered away.

Yeah. Which in hindsight was terrible. Bad. My second relationship, we literally never spoke to each other ever again iconic like never like no aftercare messages either way yeah like i was kind of like i'm not doing that because i destroyed myself with my first boyfriend afterwards doing that yeah because the breakup situation was a bit more mutual this time as well we just didn't do that yeah and if i like i've seen him

out several times since and been you know like hey how are you and blah blah but kind of very surface level and yeah it's just was so clinical in contrast yeah you wouldn't have that either no it would be nice to like i don't know not uh have that. My philosophy on a breakup is the day of the breakup, you immediately say to each other, I'm going to unfollow you and everything. So it's not a shock. It's not vindictive. It's just like, for now, we do not know each other. Because if I go back on Twitter, if I go back on Instagram

and I see your pictures of you doing anything, I will interpret that as a slight towards me. Because it's like, oh, wait, you can go outside still? Yeah. What about the breakup? Yeah. I see you're not crying 24-7. I see you're eating food. I see you went to your Nana's 90th birthday.

How dare you? I would have loved to have wished Georgia a happy birthday, but I guess I'll never see her again. You know she always kind of tolerated my existence. But like, that's the thing. So I think on that day when you break up, if you're the one

getting dumped, you say you say to them, okay, I'm going to unfollow you. Yeah. And like no shade. It's truly no shade, whatever. But like you just completely need to cut them out and it's going to hurt. It's going to suck and it's going to be stupid, but you actually need to cut them out. And I say for three months at least,

just don't have any contact for three months. And then you can slowly go back back and as far as aftercare goes you have got your friends you have got your family when you get stabbed by someone you don't get them to suture up the wound you need to go thank you yeah you need to go to hospital and find other people who are professionals so like truly let it you know let it heal and then come back together because it's just people just are reckless in that way yeah i think it's bad for all involved yes yes and if your friends don't make them choose yeah what about a handwritten note that's pinned to their mur bed? Like on the inside?

No. Like they swing it down for the night and it's like, I'm nervous. Well, there's just like, because the wall is seamless, right? So during the day, it just looks like a rocky wall. Yeah. But then like there's just a few notes pinned across because, you know, you know, you know where they're going. What if you put it on the wrong Murphy bed?

Well, Mel B is going to have a fucking another heartbreak. Oh. Yeah. I mean, i do like yeah well what otherwise yeah face to face but i mean i like running away like let's go for a walk i think wherever the face to face happens it needs to be in an environment that doesn't have a lot of witnesses okay i think that's really rude yeah um because if you're gonna ugly cry like i think a park is fine because yes you can kind of isolate yourself a little bit and you can immediately leave the situation a cafe no don't make me come to a cafe who's paying for the bill yeah the dumper to dump it the dumper that i'm done um don't do it just before someone's formal

i think if it's a formal like let them have their oh my god you're crazy um okay so we gotta got to just decide. What about people that have been dumped on planes? That's awful. You know, like they're taking off and it's like, I don't think I want to be with you anymore. That happens? Yes, there's a video online of this woman having like an absolute worst day of her life, screaming, crying,

because they were like going on their big trip together and like an hour into the flight he dumped her. Oh, and then she made a social media post about it. No, then people were filming her because they thought she was like having anaphylactic shock or something because she was like, what? Ripley's believe it or not. What about the breakup if you just want to spread your wings

and try out some new things, you know? The new bisexuality is what you're saying? Yeah. I actually really have this like toxic blindness to like when people break up because they're coming out. When people are like, oh, well, they've destroyed their family because the dad came out to go and have sex with men. Yeah.

Yeah, but he was gay. Yeah. He needed to go and be gay now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, they've destroyed their family because their dad came out to go and have sex with men. Yeah. Yeah, but he was gay. Yeah. He needed to go and be gay now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, we have a family friend who came out later in life, and my dad has always been like, oh, just he really just, when he came out and, like, left the family, he left his wife in the lurch and, like, was kind of a shitty dad at that point.

And I'm like, absolute behavior that I fucking hate. But I'm like, he's gay shitty dad at that point and i'm like absolute behavior that i fucking hate but i'm like he's gay he had to go and be gay yeah he had to go to the peel to hook up at 4 a.m he had to suck dick for a long talking about his children don't matter he was going to take the kids to soccer practice no he was getting railed he needs to be railed now like and a sauna yeah he's been straight for a long time he's gay now yeah what there's a lot of catching up to do you don't understand how extensive the itinerary is and then he's like well he's always flying around the world and staying at expensive airs b&bs with his new boyfriend i'm like he's being gay he's making up for gay last time he doesn't

what is he gonna spend his money on? Kids? He's gay. They're going to be fun accessories. Yes. At best. He's gay now. He doesn't like those children. Yeah, that's so weird. Why would people, like, it doesn't even need to be said.

I just don't understand. Yeah. But it's the same if they, like, you know, come out as trans. She is a fierce woman now Yes She doesn't have time Yes For their own life

Yes Friends are a responsibility She's not paying the rent No She's gotta get her nails done Yes and live her life Get her beautiful Dangerfield dress Yeah

Yes God damn it Everyone leave us alone Okay so I'm really quite tantalized By going for a walk and then running away I need to find out the name of the person Who it's after sun Not midnight sun

His name is Paul Mescal Paul Mescal You say something I'm going to look up Look up Paul Mescal imagine him Running away from me Yeah disappearing slowly into the distance He's hot Yeah

Paul Mescal Yeah Well maybe what needs to happen here Is that Paul Mescal goes in And breaks up with everyone And runs away And runs away That's the breakup option that you have in the bunker

You hire Paul Mescal So if Bayonetta messages you Yeah And is like Hey let's hang out tomorrow. And then when you get there, it's Paul Mescal. You know. You're like, oh, shit.

Got to go for a walk with Paul. And then you go on a little trot and all of a sudden he runs away. Take a shot of Mescal. And then you're like, oh, well, I guess Bayo's had enough. Yeah. I think that's good. That's great. Okay.

Paul. Paul, you're getting in. We'll be right back. Bye-bye. Death to everyone. And welcome back. Hello. To the final round of this week's episode of Death to Everyone. A podcast where we...

I'm listening. We're like, dude. I so like you. I so like you. Now, did we talk about the bowls yet? No. The so like you bowls. The bottomless bowl.

Okay, so Troye Sivan's brand, Sulengyor, Sulengyor. Has just released its newest homeware item. A large and small option. A small and a bowl. Well, a suggestion of a postmodern bowl. Yes. An idea of a bowl.

It's really an idea of a bowl. It's a space you're carving out. Yeah. So essentially the bowl is like a rim, a raised rim no bottom so it's it's more just like a circle shape yeah but like kind of a looks like a craggy mountain range kind of like a 3d map yes of the globe rendered in copper um and troy was at his architectural digest carlton home um trying to convince us about the bowl, which I'm still on the fence on because I'm like, maybe this is chic.

It's kind of cool. I just think, obviously, it's post-bowl. We're now post-bowl. And I think the issue of being post-bowl is that it does have a few issues in the sense that you can't like... Pick it up. You can't pick it up. And if you put fruit in a fruit bowl on your surface, it has no like impermeable membrane between your running fruit and the surface of your wooden table.

Because best believe some of that fruit will rot. Well, if it's anything like a regular bowl this post bowl is gonna have rotten fruit in it and that oozing citrus discretion is just gonna get underneath the rim it's gonna come out the fruit flies will just know not know what's up the fruit flies can be very confused they're like oh we do table now yeah i don't think we did table right i just i the image on troy's like little post all i could think about was rotting fruit yes and i think if you use it as a key bowl that's probably the best way but then it's like are you not then potentially scratching up your surfaces. Honey, you are. Indeed you are.

But it was so funny because Troy's released the other homeware items are the spinning top and the bottomless bowl and then the tooth, the oil burning tooth. So as far as like relative like use case yeah the oil burner is still number one actually useless actually useful yes number two bottomless bowl number three the spinning top yeah because the spinning top unless you're getting real hardcore into like high-end Beyblades, it's not happening. Do you think Troy ever had a Beyblade? Yes.

Yeah. Oh, baby. But you know what? He was a Mighty Beans boy, and you can tell. Oh, my God. Okay. Now, yeah, but in his video, he's at his AD home, and he's like, let's just have a little play with the bottomless bowl. Oh, my God. And he goes

and picks some limes off his lime tree and puts them in and just can't seem to organize anything that looks even halfway decent. And it's very funny. Just playing with shape and size. Yeah, I was like, oh, maybe you shouldn't be the one advertising for this.

I'd also love if it's Droid picking it off but then clearly someone else's hands are arranging them. Like the supermarket sticker on there. Yeah. Okay. Well, that brings us quite well to our final topic for the day, which is which bald person goes into the bunker? Yeah.

Okay. So we've made a promise to one of our listeners. A promise. Mr. Frodo. You know how he said that? I promise. He's sobbing when he says that. I made a promise, Mr. Frodo.

What are you talking about? A promise. What are you talking about? Lord of the Rings. About who and what? Sam is saying it to Bilbo when they're fucking whinging about going to the ring of fire. Frodo. Why is Sam saying it to Bilbo?

Because he made a promise. Frodo? Frodo. Yeah. Yeah, so it's Sam saying it to Bilbo? Because he made a promise. Frodo? Frodo. Yeah. Yeah, so it's Frodo, not Bilbo, hey? Oh, what? I'm saying Sam is saying it to Frodo. You heard that right, Matt?

Yeah. Yeah, she said it. Oh, my God. She said the wrong thing. Anyway, he made a promise. Fucking Samarillion over here can't even fucking remember that photo. It's Frodo and Bilbo is Bilbo. Anyway, we made a promise to one of our listeners who said,

can you please? Just the way he says it is so good. You know what I say, Matt. I know what you're saying. Yeah, yeah. Here you go. Why don't you do it? Say it. Say it for me, Matt. You know what I say, Matt. I know what you're saying. Yeah, yeah. Here you go. Why don't you do it? Say it.

Say it for me, Matt. You're late. A wizard is never late. He arrives precisely when he means to. I'm fucking cancelling this podcast. What promise? So we made a promise Get to the end of your story

God damn it I just keep getting interrupted by waves of rage No Seemed I'm full of rage So then We made a promise To Shut up To one of our listeners who was like,

can you just stop going in on bald people for two seconds? Oh, my God. And to which I said, I'm sorry about that. Oh, shut up. And then I said, don't worry. We will bring up baldness only one more time, and that is to discuss which bald person is going to get into the bunker, and then we will never bring up the folliculally challenged folk

in our community ever again. And why did you lie? What do you mean? We're going to talk about this again. I'm never going to talk about it again after this moment. Wow, so you think that we should never discuss bald people ever again. I just don't see hair content, you know? I just see a person.

Yeah, density. Yeah, exactly. More length thereof. Exactly. I just, I see a real person. Okay. Okay. Well, as do I, listener.

Jojo Siwa. Okay, who do you like that's bald? Who do I, listener. Jojo Siwa. Okay, who do you like that's bald? Who do I like? Okay, well, my number one pitch would be that we need to put in the most bald person. The person who most exemplifies the height of baldness. height of baldness. So the baldness is about it's a defying expectations

and subverting norms of masculinity. In my view. Optimal baldness. And that could only belong to one person. Go on. Bruce Willis.

Oh, when you said the height of baldness i thought you meant coneheads bruce willis what don't you like bruce willison he's so charming ew he's such a straight person actor like straight guys would love him like i don't know driving a car or something Everyone loves Bruce Willis You never seen Die Hard? No You've never seen Die Hard? Why would I watch Die Hard? Watch Die Hard and get back to me

Because it's a fucking great time Oh I love it What is it like? It's like Mission Impossible No So basically Bruce Willis plays a guy It's a normal cop. He's a New York City cop.

Cop? Just wait. Just wait. Like Jennifer Lopez is a cop in that one movie? Yes. Anyway, so he's going to visit his estranged wife. They've been having issues in their marriage in LA. He's not spent a lot of time in LA because he's a New York beat cop.

What, he just goes to beats? In LA. He's not spent a lot of time in LA because he's a New York beat cop. And- What, he just goes to beats? She's been, she started her new job at this like corporation, which is like this Japanese company where, you know, it's like the height of high tech. Are you telling the story about that Japanese tree again? And so it survived hiroshima um second chance no and then he goes and he meets up with his wife and then while they're there at

the company christmas party at the company offices in that skyscraper, a evil gang of terrorists arrive and hold everyone hostage. And they are trying to steal stuff from the corporation, but they didn't account for one thing. There was one guy they didn't capture or didn't account for on their files. Bruce. Bruce. Yeah. John McClane.

And he steals away into the building and starts fucking their shit up. Wow. And Alan Rickman, obviously, plays Hans Gruber, the head evil German guy. Ooh. He's like, bring them to me. I was born in this. What else does he say? You do Alan Rickman doing German.

No, he does a great bit where he pretends to be American. And he's like, sorry, I'm American. Like that. It's good. Okay. And the wife is really good too. Is it all set in the building? Yeah.

All of it? Everything. Nothing happens outside. Well, then slowly the police and everyone starts to gather outside and Bruce is still like inside trying to fuck shit up. It's good. Die hard. Die hard.

And then die hard with a vengeance. That is a naming convention that we would, you know, get around. Absolutely. What was the third one called? I think it's A Good Day to Die Hard. Die Hard. And then it was just Die Hard 4. Wait, let me have a look.

Die Hard. And then the next one was Die Hard 4.0. Actually? Yeah. And then the last one was Die... Die Hard to Death? Another Day or something. No.

No. Another Day. It's just much changed. Yeah, because the second one's just Die Hard 2 maybe. Yeah, it's Die Hard, Die Hard 2, Die Hard with a Vengeance, Live Free or Die Hard, and A Good Day to Die Hard. That is great. That's really funny.

That makes me want to watch. Die hard? Except I won't because Bruce Willis. Bruce Willis? What have you disliked Bruce Willis in? I don't know. Sixth Sense? He's great in that.

I think I'm confused by who Bruce Willis is. Is he the one that has that hair that's a bird? Is that Bruce Willis? The hair that's a bird? He doesn't have hair. That's the whole point. The whole thing is that he's peak baldness. Please bear with me while I try to understand what the fuck you're talking about.

Bruce Willis bird. Okay, tell the listener what you're looking at. Okay, so I think I'm thinking of someone else i'm thinking of nicholas cage he's also great yeah but also has a picture of his hair being a bird that's what i was thinking about but i just typed in bruce willis bird and i've produced an image of a duck with Bruce Willis' bald head. Matt, look through the window. Look at this. It's really good.

That's such bad photoshopping. What do you mean? God, Ashley did a great job on this. Anyway. Anyway, so that's my first bitch. Bruce Willis. I like Bruce Willis. Yeah, he's funny.

He is in The Meg. And The Meg 2, isn't he? No, that's Jason Statham. Oh, God, all these bald people look the same. He's a Bruce Willis. He's like an English Bruce Willis. Yeah, he's making money off the Bruce Willis legacy. I thought that was Bruce Willis. Willis.

Well, you're mistaken. No, he talks like this He's British Yeah So who's your bald person? Who's your bald person? Well Or Danny DeVito, I love Danny DeVito

He's famously cool and bald Yes, and friends with Arnold And he was so good in Big Fish. And? And Always Sunny in Philadelphia. And Batman and Robin. With Arnold. As the penguin.

That is good. And Mr. Freeze. So good. His skin in that looks so good. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yes. What about the penguin? Nothing for his skin

yeah i guess who's your bald person okay so cassandra nova is charles xavier's like evil twin from from the womb there they had a telekinetic battle of mind and body and spirit. And somehow she survived. Wait, what? And in the comic books, she's the cause of the massacre at Genosha. It doesn't look like she's going to be the cause in X-Men 97. It looks more like Bastion. But she is the villain in Deadpool and Wolverine, which is really weird.

Wait, what's her name? Cassandra. And she was a twin? Yeah, kind of. Is she a twin? Yeah. Did they share a womb? Yes.

What the fuck are you talking about? Anyway, she's bald. And they were babies. Just like her brother, Charles Xavier. They were babies. Yeah. And they fought. There's a really, really stupid couple panels of them having a little mind battle in the womb.

And he was always smart, even from when he was born. Yeah. Like he remembers that time. It's really stupid. Anyway, this is just a funny thing. I'm just saying. It's funny. It's not actually my pitch.

So Patrick Stewart. I do love Patrick Stewart. That was my guess of who you were going to put in. Because I didn't yet know about Cassandra Nova. But he's always been bold. Just like Maggie Smith has always been old. And he just seems like such a kind man. And like has such a good friendship with Ian McCallum.

Just like whoopee. All of it. Just fabulous. But he did do that weird stuff with like Family Guy or whatever the fuck that was about. What? Listen, if I was Patrick Stewart, I mean, he does everything. Yeah, yeah. He was in the end of Robin Hood Men in Tights.

He's got a great voice. Yes. That's why they probably employed him. That's why they probably got that job on Family Guy because of his great voice. Not because of his illustrious career and reputation. Oh, bald head. His voice is iconic. It's like no other person's voice.

Like us. Yes. But my pick would actually be, oh my God. Did you say my pig? Because bald people aren't pigs. No, I didn't say that, actually. Okay, we'll roll the tape. Hang on.

What am I saying? What's his name? I'm forgetting his name. Oh my God. See, this is the issue. You having to pretend like you care about bald people for two seconds. My pick. Vin Diesel.

It's Christopher Maloney. Oh, yeah. Would you consider him bald? These days Yeah these days He's always been like Yeah If not bald

Thinning Christopher Like he was thinning on Oz And that was like 20 years ago That's true He is bald and he's great He also seems like a really nice guy Who's a great ally And I guess is bald and he's great. He also seems like a really nice guy who's a great ally.

I guess so. Yeah, he's bald. Ferociously handsome. He is so hot. And I just think he would go off in the bunker. Everyone would love him. The gays would want to like You know confide in him

And dream about him And all the women at Reggie's Would want to ride him And he's also in Laura Noda SVU So he could solve crimes With Mariska Hagete Maybe she gets in as well

She needs to be put in separately She's going to go in. In the criminal justice system, there are two different yet equally important groups. There's the police who investigate... I mean... There's the detectives who investigate crime and the lawyers who prosecute them.

These are their stories. Dun dun. Dun dun. And then what's the one for SVU? Oh, we didn't even get the SVU one And that kangaroo is in it That's so weird What? Ice tea

You need to take your medication Everyone knows that ice tea was a fucking kangaroo in Tank Girl What? Anyway Wait, I need the voice Sorry, because the Thank go. What? Anyway. Wait, I need the voice. Sorry, because the... This is the voice? Yeah.

This bit. In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories. Good. This is so much reverb on that sound. Just imagine it's a world where sexual crimes are taken seriously by police officers.

Yeah. What about Stanley Tucci? Do you like him? I love the Tucci. Tucci? Do you like him? I love the Tucci Tucci He's pretty cool Come on, mate Get it together

Mate, hang on I'm one Google search away from understanding who that is Tucci Devil is Prada Oh He's also fiercely handsome Yes Is he gay?

No No He should be gay Christopher Maloney Yeah, welcome to the culture, darling Oh, he's also fiercely handsome. Yeah. Oh, is he gay? No. No. He should be gay. Christopher Maloney. Yeah. Welcome to the culture, darling. He's the straight man that acts gay. No, that's what I know.

I think Christopher Maloney doesn't act gay. Apart from those gay characters he plays. Yeah. No. You don't like that? No. I mean, I like that, but I would only allow that if he was gay. Who's the gay Baldy that you want in?

Hmm. Gay. Bald. Do you have any, like, iconically... Oh, do you know who my other kind of technicality baldy is? It's Christine Taylor from The Craft. When Nancy and the girls like curse that blonde bitch for being a racist piece of shit. Yes.

And she's in the shower and she's like, it just keeps coming out. It just keeps coming out. And all her hair falls out. Yes. I don't know whether that awful racist girl should be in the bunker. But it is quite iconic. Just her sitting in the shower going, just keep. I almost feel like instead of that, we should have, like, wiping away scars on people's backs well when it comes to which

wiping away which thing do we wipe away it goes into the bunker it can be scars the girl's name is laura lizzie in the craft okay um yeah christopher maloney is so good. Yeah, but what about Bruce Willis? Ew. What? Well, The Rock. The Rock's another one. The Rock is famously bald. Who's using, what about the Blue Man Group?

They're all shaved head. No. And I feel like. David Cross. Oh, David Cross is a good one too. Do you think Amber Tamblyn would come? Because then maybe not I really like Amber Tamblyn in

In Secret Sister of the Travelling Pants When she hangs out with that Girl who's dying of cancer Who's also another iconically bald girl What about when Natalie Portman shaved her head For V for Vendetta oh natalie portman

but only in v for vendetta oh what about when chalice sarone shaved her head for furiosa fury road can we put in a pool for the jador film clip well this is the thing. Shaved head isn't bald. No, it isn't. No, it's a choice. Yeah. Yeah. What about Jason Alexander? He's another iconically bald person from fucking Seinfeld, George Costanza. Okay.

Yeah, he's great. I just want someone who exemplifies baldness not just as like a physical feature but as like a way of life. Like someone who is like. Who is known for looking like that. Yeah, who kind of gives bald as a. Like poster child for bald. A poster child and the energy of bald.

Like I think that's what's so good about Bruce Willis is that he kind of reclaimed baldness from like he changed the trajectory of bald men in the world. It is blowing my mind that Bruce Willis and Jason Statham are different people. They're like completely different ages too. Sure. John Travolta. Shame. The shame in baldness.

Oh, yes. Yeah. I thought you meant. Yeah, I couldn't have that kind of liar. What about John Waters? John Waters isn't bald. Yeah, but it's okay. Have you seen anyone ever?

I'm looking at the list right now, darling. I'm learning it all for the first time. I also just love a bald spot. Is Michael B. Jordan bald? I think he's shaved. Oh, yeah. That's a different thing. That's different.

That's a different thing. J.K. Simmons. Oh. Also from Oz. That's also very good. But I feel like they're all just iterations of the same thing, and that's why Bruce Willis is so different. Because what?

He's the first bald one. He's the leading man. Well, he was like a pretty big action star And kind of made it, like made his look kind of popular Do you know what I mean? Like he led the way It's just important to note that Bruce Willis was a sitcom star first And was like a heartthrob and he had hair

And then by the time he's doing Die Hard It's a whole different kind of scenario and he was not the type of man that was allowed to be the face of a film do you think we can what if we put him in but with bruce willis head but the body of a duck i'm listening because it kind of i don't, what could be more iconic than a duck with the bald head of Bruce Willis? What about Angelica Houston in the film The Witches? Yes. Yes.

Because that's bald. Oh, and she knows how to apply a wig. Yes. And prosthetics. Yes. Okay. Oh, Angelica. Yes. And prosthetics. Yes. Okay. Oh, Angelica. Okay.

It's Angelica Houston from the film The Witches. Wait, what's her name in that? Hickport? The head witch. Grand High Witch. The Grand High Witch. While we're on this topic, do you have anything nasty to say about Anne Hathaway? Nothing but nasty things to say about her.

I loved her recent suit look that she did for Vogue. It boiled my blood. Again, she looks so fucking crazy in that Vogue video with that makeup. What makeup? Recently. She was doing one of those, those like watching back my old films. Oh, yeah, yeah. But her makeup was so not her.

It was really bizarre. Like too light or too heavy? No, like kind of like a vampire's eye and a dark lip. It's like, why? What? And then she's talking about Princess Diaries. Her best film. You don't like Confession. I'm devil was proud of you. Well, you do. Her best film. You don't like Devil Wears Prada, do you?

No. No, you don't. I think she's bad for that film. Meryl is incredible. I don't know about Emily Blunt, but Stanley Tucci is great. I just think people see something that I do not see in that film. And I wish in an alternate reality where that film is made in the 90s,

I would not cast Anne Hathaway. I'd cast like a Janine Garofalo type, Heather Mooney from Romeo and Michelle's High School Reunion. Like someone who is like full Daria. Because the point of the character of Andy is that she's meant to be someone who started wanting to be like a quote-unquote real journalist and finds it an affront to be working at runway magazine and so i think that anne hathaway looks like someone who does want to work at fucking

runway magazine and has the energy of a girl even though they have that fucking stupid montage at the start where she's like well if she don't wake up looking like a model, she's eating a bagel. Yeah. Fuck off. We were eating bagels before and look at us now. I want someone who like kind of feels like, yeah, like they want to be like a war correspondent.

Like that should be the energy of the film. And I think it's like we need to turn her like even emily blunt i think would do a better job playing that role because i think the other thing that doesn't work is that the assistant the emily blunt role not to say that emily blunt is not tremendously beautiful yeah but i think you could have gone like insane with how much of a like model-esque person she was. To have a stronger contrast. And I think that the contrast is too close. Like they just look like they're good friends.

Yeah. And I love in the book, and I've said this before, how the only reason she's able to get the job at runway magazine is because she was just like traveling and got a tapeworm or some like worms and so she lost a shit ton of weight because she was really sick and i think that that's fantastic and that should have been the energy of the start of the thing is that it's just like she got really sick like lost all this weight and that's the only way she could be a size zero to fit into the impossible standards of this kind of sick environment. Yeah.

But instead we just got Anne Hathaway. Can I ask what lighting will be applied to Angelica? Could she be floating, followed exclusively by... The Morticia Light? Morticia Light. Well, no, because she's not playing Morticia. I know, but she... She's playing the witch.

The Grand High Witch. Wait, wait, wait. So are we putting in Angelica Houston? In. Or are we putting in the witch? Well, we can't put in the witch. She doesn't exist. Hmm.

Because the answer would be Angelica Houston then. Well, Angelica Houston playing the witch, the Grand High Witch. Okay, well. Can confirm the Grand High Witch is going into the bunker. And what a glorious time she'll spend there eating all the potatoes she wants. And the children. And what's the other thing? Oh, well, I hope she doesn't get invited on a date

by Pedro Pascal or whatever. Because he'll run away. Paul Mescal. Yes, Pedro. And wait, so we're putting in the guide dog statue? Oh, yeah, that's it. Yeah, yeah. Good, good, good, good, good, good.

Where is that? I don't think, like, Grandtive Hitch would walk past that and be like, I will not give money to the little dog. Obedient. Would we put it outside the Wendy's or outside of the reject shop? Well, it's got to be chained wherever it is. Yes. Yeah, I don't know. We can discuss thatained wherever it is. Yes. Yeah.

I don't know. We can discuss that at a later date. Yeah, okay. At the doorway where the sliding doors are. Yeah. And then I guess I can just figure out how to get that fabulous Ronald McDonald in there later. I think that has a place in the bunker.

I just don't know under what category. Yeah. We'll find a time. Statues. Oh. Well, the dog is the statue. Oh, is it? Category done already?

Well, that's it. Is it coin vessel? In which case the bottomless bowl might be in. Okay. Well, I don't know. Okay. Thank you so much for joining us listener and have a lovely time with your life yes no matter you keep at it no matter how much hair you have or don't have as i said this is the last time we talk about baldness oh my god what i don't have an issue with bald people.

No one was saying that, Zelda. Oh, my God. The fact that you interpreted it as that is like you're telling on yourself. Jesus. You're like, stop telling me I hate all bald people. No one said it, Zelda. Oh. Okay.

Good. Adios. Adios. Death to Everyone was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Shears. Our themes and our music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Redlick. Adios Adios.