Death To Everyone - Death To...Australian Celebrity, Gameshows & Feathers

Episode Date: August 27, 2024

Hello Divas! Please enjoy this offering from the celestial void. Love you! Follow us, won't you? ⁠www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠��⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠www.naturalhabitatstudios.com/⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠www.instagram.com/ediecentric/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103/

🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 TEN TO EVERYONE 🎵 🎵 ESPECIAL 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 Especially you. Especially you. Especially. So thank you all to you all.

I was told to sit back from the microphone a little bit this week. So enjoy me at a distance. I'm like the Mona Lisa. Please, enjoy me at a distance. I'm lazy Susan Lisa Please Enjoy me at a distance I'm Lazy Susan That's probably the best way to enjoy you And I'm Zelda Moon I too am a tiny cracked painting Done by an old Italian pedophile

What? What? They were all pedos back then Oh They had their little boys Their children? No back then. Oh. They had their little boys. Their children? No.

They're like, you know, they're little like helpers. Paint mixers or whatever. Yeah. I don't know. Did you ever see this film Artemisia? Artemis Fowl? No. With Judi Dench? No!

Playing the fairy lady. It's this like French film about a female painter who like, I don't know if it was a true story or not actually, but she was like defying the odds and learning how to paint under a master and there was a lot of sex, but I was obsessed with that film when I was a teenager. Artemisia. Artemisia. Wow. Oh, it was so beautiful.

Anyway, welcome to Death to everyone it's a podcast it is but it's also a way of life it is and it's a way of death to everyone yeah okay so it's a show where we two celestial beings have a conversation about um a variety of things and what we think will go into the bunker. Oh, wait, not we think. We know. We're deciding. We're moving it in there right away. It's our divine gift.

Yes, yes. To know what's up. Like when you're putting together a time capsule, you know, for your school fate and then you all, you know, put it under the flagpole, and then you dig it up in 20 years. But this will be dug up never. And all of these things will just be there to preserve an idea of the culture that was, like Pompeii. Ah, Pompeii. Pompeii.

And how are you, listener? What have you been up to? What are you thinking about today? What are you thinking about today? What did you have for lunch? Congratulations to one listener. Cats out the bag. Cats out of the bag. Cats out of the bag.

Listeners, if you don't know, there was a competition in both Sydney and Melbourne run by Poof Doof. I don't know the name of the competition and I refuse to learn it because it's over now. Faggot Doof. Fags. Fags on parade. And, yeah, it was a drag competition and the winner, I think, won $10,000 or they go into the running to win $10,000.

No, $3,000. $3,000. Which is currently more than the prize money for Drag Race Down Under, which is currently more than the prize money for Jack Rees-Danunder, which is great. And so Cadiz Out of the Bag has snatched the trophy. So good. Which was very iconic last night when we were walking through the South Side and we ended up at a Hungry Jack's and Cadiz Out of the Bag was discussed. I know you said last night, but of course you mean a week and a half ago.

Why would the listener be able to know when this? Well, because they went to the event. Oh, true. They're big fans of drags and cats. Anyway, there's like a meeting of drag queens at this gas station, Hungry Drags. It was quite haunting, but good. Good to see you Luma

naughty okay oh it's been a glorious week here in the void oh wait a space car driver hello all aboard oh I like that

hello how are you darling I'm good Hello. All aboard. Oh, I like that, Bourne. Hello. Hello, Matt. How are you, darling? I'm good. Do you have any kind words for caddies out of the bag? Just congrats, I guess. Yeah, that was very kind. So kind. I try it every day.

You couldn't even finish the fucking word congratulations. Congrats. Time is money. And what about any words of disgust for the runner-up? Ugh. You hear that, Victoria Bitter? Yeah. Ugh.

You fucking loser. Ugh. Okay. That's good. That's good. That's good. Okay. Anyway, so last week now, or two weeks ago, I guess,

was former guest of the show Ben Benign Girls, Hens Party. Yes. So we went on a hens party. And let me tell you, listener, we learned so much. So we all rocked up. We got into a Hummer limo. Shiny and black like the night. And we all got inside and it has tinted windows. And when I tell you, I just felt the sweat of a thousand gals on their way to formal sucked into the seat.

Absolutely. Zelda sat on the carpeted floor. I was too tall for the automobile and my neck and head were pressed against the roof so i sat on the floor yes i guess you're like the clown in the clown car huh it is weird to be in a car where there's no foot well you're like yes you're like this is the most glamorous night of my life my knees are to my chin right yeah like i can't breathe. But chic. It was so fun. Oh, it was so good. Also, just those giant long cars are so embarrassing.

Oh. Fabulous. It's like a blessing that you know that they can't, like the people in the street can't see your face. That's why the windows are tinted. Because I'm like, you can't know that I'm in this car. I'd soon die. I don't know who you are, but you can't know that I'm in here.

And they have this terribly embarrassing little step ladder that you have to, they bring out to get you in and out of the hummer. Yeah. And then we got out and we went to a show called Magic Men at Love Machine. All of these words, I'm sure you can tell I'm making up. And it's like a Magic Mike knockoff show. And I think walking in, it was like very laser tag aesthetics. Yes. LED light strips.

Mirrors. Mirrored surfaces. A really thin, like, short pile carpet that had, like, absorbed a thousand shitty cosmos. Yeah. And. Being impacted. Yeah. absorbed a thousand shitty cosmos yeah and uh being impacted yeah young women behind the bar who are like dressed sexy but also dead behind the eyes yes and then the show began and we were up on the balconette because we were in the vip section yeah and from what i have been able to glean, the VIP section gets you unlimited drinks with your wristband.

Yes. And a bit of food. Yeah, on that. Yeah. They brought around like two little... Oh, you mean the meal service? Yeah. Came around.

And that was it. There was a topless waiter that came around. And what was he offering us as part of the VIP package that they'd assured us that there'd be food? It was some meat. It was. What was it? Coles brand salami, pickles, tiny little cornichons. And like, so like three folded pieces of salami staked onto a backyard skewer.

folded pieces of salami staked onto a backyard skewer yeah and like between punctuating the salami pathetic salami folds were these little cornichons and he walked up to me and he's like do you want one and i looked down at it i was like what of this you psycho freak yeah and also he was like doing the classic thing of like being shirtless but with a little bow tie yeah which is very funny it was quite funny and to one of them i said oh i'm no sorry i'm vegetarian and he was like oh vegetarian okay i'll come back with vegetarian he never came back yeah he ain't never gonna come back i mean which is probably for the best it would probably be a iceberg lettuce with half a cherry tomato on it. Here's the stick. Yeah. If that's the meat option.

Yeah. Imagine if they were like little pastitsis. The thing that I don't understand oftentimes about like people that get so defensive about feeding vegetarians is that if I was a venue you meat eaters don't only eat meat correct we understand this so you could just as easily do a very serviceable vegetarian option not call it a fucking vegetarian option and the meat eaters will not know because once again they are not t-rex yes they don't only eat meat yeah they will not fucking die but the way that people act when they're like i'm like eat some fucking salad greg yeah i don't know that greg it's fucking weird like steak steak houses you were the one talking about this I was

At your brother's bucks Yeah so it all came Flooding back to me As we went on our Hen's adventure Because the previous The one and only Other time I've been on

A hen's or bucks Was my brother's And we went to a steakhouse And then we went to a strip club And I called Me and me Made a knockers. Okay, start up.

That's great. Start up, Matt. What the fuck? We're starting a fucking place. Yeah. Beautiful. Can you be the doorman? Or could you put up the little step for the Hummer Limit?

Yeah. And can you wear your little newspaper boy outfit? Oh, yeah, that was good. I like that. Yeah. Anyway, so I called the restaurant beforehand it was on bridge road hello is this meat and knockers i'd like to place a request um no i called ahead because i was conscious that it's a fucking steakhouse and like that's fine but i don't know

i was i had to go there for dinner right so i So I called and I was like, just saying, I'm vegetarian. Like, I don't know what is an option there, but blah, blah, blah. They were like, oh, okay. Yeah, that's fine. No worries. We can have a meal for you. And then I went and listener, when i say the meal literally was iceberg lettuce and halved cherry tomatoes that is what was presented to me on a plate no dressing nothing just clean iceberg lettuce cherry tomatoes you couldn't have done less like truly one ingredient less it's just just lettuce it's not a gross salad i guess um yeah but i mean like it's a steakhouse i suppose that but like i just i'm like isn't steak isn't it better with like other things because everyone else like literally like they were like mixed like they had the same salad option but in a bowl that they would put

on their plate next to their steak. But, like, isn't steak, I mean, I don't know. I don't eat it. But, like, wouldn't it be better with, like, some other flavors to go accompanying it? Absolutely. I don't know. I just am, like, that is so fucking, like, at Meat and Knockers.

Yeah. Like, we will also offer a very nice salad. Yeah. Meat and Knockers and a very nice salad. Bock and Chaney balls. Yeah. But you'll take the dressing on the side. Of course.

I don't really like dressing. It's a bit too tart for me, vinegar. Dressing optional for both the ladies and the show get them out open 10 till 10 what you're just starting to plan the like roster yeah susan we're gonna need you on yeah i don't care if your daughter's sick you gotta get on stage. No. We would, oh, sometimes, like, in another life, I'm like, oh, yeah. Like, running a saloon in, like, the Old West or something. But you're, like, the kind one. Oh, like the burnt out old madame.

Yes. Who, like, rents out the girls by the hour in the top room. Yeah, except that she is on their side. Oh yeah. I love that. Like, yeah. Yeah. Okay.

That's good. I could see that for you. Yeah. It was like coarse little folds around your lips from pursing them so much. So pursed. Yeah. Holy shit. And your high ass.

No lip liner is enough. Beneath the petticoat. Yes. Yeah. Petticoat. That's a hard sell for like like, to bring that back. What do you think? Like, well, not petticoat.

Like, the bustle. The bustle. The bustle. Yeah, like, no one's doing, like, the cunty bustle. Darling, the Kardashians have soft launched the cunty bustle. It's just now the bustle lives beneath the flesh. Yeah, true. Okay.

Oh, my Lord. That's right flesh Yeah, true Okay Oh my lord That's right That's true, oh my You know, Wild West was all ass men Anyway, what I will say is Yeah Like, I am not afraid to admit that I was walking into this situation With a kind of like snide, high-minded

Like, isn't this so funny but in an ironic way Kind of mentality of being at this like laser tag come come den yeah um with these like magic mike like boys yeah but when i tell you that like after one show i was like oh fuck these are like incredible performers like the show like the like the two first guys were like they had such a fucking control over everything that they did yes and like they had audience participation because that's part of the vip package is that your bride gets to go and have her moment in the sun yeah on the little chair and then you get whipped around by legs and

yes but it really is this incredible organized chaos because you have someone who can be doing anything like a an unknown variable in the fact that you're going to have this stranger on the stage. And these men doing these incredibly high risk, like flips and tricks and stunts around them that could result in them getting hurt or the men getting hurt or whatever. And the way that they have rehearsed this to within an inch of it life, that there's no possible way that the bride gets hurt. It was just incredible. And, like, the other thing about it was that they were so aggressive. They, like, pulled the women's hair.

Yeah. And then they, like, pick up the chair, move them around, lift them off the chair, kick the chair away, grab their tits, like, put their hands on their dicks. And I was like, this is so beautiful because it's like, I don't know, it felt like a really safe space for women to objectify and appreciate like manly man or whatever. But like it was still, there was still that hint of like danger

and real sexuality. Yeah, I think that that hint of like danger and real sexuality. Yeah. I think that that aggression, yeah, took it out of being too staged. Yes. Because it was real. Yeah. It pushed a limit. Like it felt like it was genuinely on the line between like what's acceptable.

Yeah. And I think that that's quite, like it was quite scandalizing. My favorite aggressive move was when, it only happened once. There were quite a few repeat moves. That would be my critique. But, you know, I guess there's only so many ways to take off clothes. But he was lying on the ground and she was sitting on, like, his dick. Yeah.

And then he, like, she was kind of, like, squat sitting. And they'd obviously, like, whispered in her ear. But then he, like, thrusted to, like, shoot her her ear but then he like thrusted to like shoot her up to then be like kind of standing oh my god it was so good it was just and like that's the thing i think like as soon as i saw that i was like these men are fucking professional yeah and they are just everything was really good and you know I think if you are doing a Hens, like there's a kind of pressure to try and reinvent the wheel. But I think the people that organized Nick's Hens,

Benign Girls Hens, did such a good job because they just lent in. They were like, you're never going to do this otherwise. You're going to do all of these things. And the thing about putting yourselves in the hands of the people that know the industry, like going to a venue that's set up for hands, is that everyone is there for the same reason. Yes. Everyone's so excited about this being silly and fun that you have that genuine experience. It's not like you're just, yeah, like, oh, now I've got to like somehow invent a way of doing like hands. Like just trust the professionals.

Do the corny thing. You'll have the best night. The more you lean in. It was quite funny. Yeah. Oh, it was good. Congratulations. They're getting married.

Married. Oh, yes. It's quite good And then Well what else has been happening What else We just ate lasagna that you made for a boy We did

I had I've been That's why I'm getting sleepy I have We put sleeping pills in your jesus um you can't put sleeping pills in lasagna did it good winky winky oh my god um no i like of course have like found another like ridiculous scenario with a man yeah who is like on grinder exclusively looking for friends because he's in a closed relationship what do you think about that being on grinder looking for

friends yeah i think it's a lie i think you need to wake up and realize that that's not where you're going to find friends you're going to find people who are pretending to be friends with you because they want to have sex with you it's kind of like going to the calculator app to buy milk or something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But, I mean, like, it's kind of entertaining. So, like, we – and he's a really lovely guy.

And maybe I do need a friend. Maybe I do need a friend at this point. Who knows? Yeah, so we got a coffee the other week which was quite cute but it was like indistinguishable from a date like we went out for coffee like we walked around the city like chit-chatted and like walked along the river like that's a date. Anyway. Which part of it made it a date? Well, it just is like- The river? Adjacency to the river. It's hard, because I would go on walks with friends.

Gladly. I love going for a walk. But, well, just so you know. You're a simple woman. But, I don't know, it's like, also because I don't know this person. So, you're meeting someone and getting to know them it's just like such a it's not how friendships are usually formed

how are friendships formed? well I guess like through friends of friends or like circumstantial like you work together yeah yeah or like you're in a club or something and you meet someone in a situation but to just be like you there we both exist club or something and you meet someone in a situation but to just be like you there that's

we both exist like so let's raw dogging like trying to make friends is weird when it's like just go and join like a theater club or whatever but i mean maybe the mutual interest is being gay so that's why grinder is the club right i don anyway, like, it was very nice and he's a nice guy and whatever. And then that was a couple of weeks ago. And then he came over for lunch on the weekend and we talked about lasagna. And I was like, I love making lasagna. And then I, of course, like, had invited him over. Like, you know, we were like, oh, what should we do when we hang out again?

And we're both like gamer girls. So I was like, like oh we could play video games and you could come over for dinner genuinely not with ulterior motive just like I don't know that's I mean that's what I like to do with my friends or dates is have people over so maybe that's why walking near a river is indistinguishable from a date this is all the same true anyway but he walking near a river is indistinguishable from a date. This is all the same. True. Anyway, but he was like, I don't know, my nights are busy. So we came over for lunch and I got up and I made lasagna

at like 9am on Saturday morning. And yeah, so we had it for a not second date where we sat on the couch very close to each other eating lasagna for two hours. Very strange. Anyway, and then I brought the second lasagna here to the celestial void. And we just had a light dinner before podcasting. And accompanied by a space car driver made focaccia. So you all did so well.

Delish. Yeah, your focaccia was incredible. Yeah. Okay. It was a good combo And that's about enough description of that We'll get an update on this incredible story Did I tell the I didn't tell the hookup story I had the other day

Which one? The Pierce? They heard about the Pierce No, not the Pierce The NRL on YouTube The Pierce? They heard about the Pierce. No, not the Pierce! The, like, the NRL on YouTube? No. Oh, maybe I told someone at work.

Okay, so just quickly. I had this hookup the other day for the second time with this guy who's, like, very, like, discreet. Whatever. But he is... He's very, like, he's very hot and like great in bed and he came over on when was it i don't know the other day and he like comes in and he's like hey sorry i just do you mind if i keep my phone open because i've put bets on this game. And I just want to see what happens. And it's just like it hasn't finished yet. The game hasn't finished.

And he had some like rugby game on his little phone. That makes me want to jump out of a fifth story window into a ball of spikes. The fact that someone would be watching the NRL? Shame. In my proximity. proximity oh even worse and turns out while he was like hammering me in the bed he still had it open actually i came back on board which was so like kind of hot that's so hot he doesn't care if you live or die literally and that's very much the vibe of the first hookup and i'm so glad that it

continued in the second well you know what he was like so like we sat outside and he like smoked a joint and it was there and we were just like kind of chatting and then we went inside and we like started fucking but i was like oh maybe he hasn't like locked his phone and the audio is still coming out. And then I like glanced over and he like propped it up on the pillow. That is amazing. It was so good. And then he's like fucking me for like maybe like an hour. That's too long. And it's just like playing and it was just so good.

Zelda, that's too long. Are you talking about like continuous fucking of your hole for an hour? Yeah. Do you not get chafing? Are you not dying? What do you think? I'm a wimp. Yes.

That's crazy. An hour is too long. It's so good. And his dick is so good. Anyway. But an hour? Maybe 40 minutes. That's too long. I don't know. Oh, it is so good. But an hour? Maybe 40 minutes. That's too long.

I don't know. Oh, it was so good. What are you... I don't know. Anyway, he didn't get his little... Bet. Yeah, he lost the bet. I think you lost a few things too.

Your dignity. No, that's long gone. 45 minutes without coming. No, he came at the end. Just at that's long gone. 45 minutes without coming. No, he came at the end. Just at the end. Yeah. He wasn't coming throughout. He is like a one and done kind of vibe.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Holding, yeah. Yeah. Which like, I don't know, we all have flaws, I guess. Baby, you got 45 minutes. How much more do you want? Oh my God, another 45.

Five minutes later. Oh, Zelda, that is nightmare. How much more do you want? Oh, my God. Another 45. Five minutes later. Oh, Zelda. That is a nightmare. Matt, what do you think? 45 minutes is too long. Everyone would be sore after that. Yeah. I mean, that other person that I sleep with regularly,

like, I'm talking it's like two, three hours. That's just RSI territory. Mama. But he often gets chafed. So like then there's usually like two rounds and then like the next morning, depending on things, he's like, no, I like want to, but physically can't because he's usually chafed anyway. So spend.

Yeah. You can do other stuff for a bit longer. Yeah. I think it's got to be like a mixed review. What, like holding hands? Well, yes, that's it. Yeah, it's holding hands or pounding. Yeah.

There's two options. Yeah, it's like when you go on one of those like travelators and they like take you on the hill. You have the ascent, the climb, coming down the hill, coming up the hill. As I say, there's like two stories back to back it really is back such a hideous snapshot of my dating life at the moment one getting like railed by a guy who's so disengaged that he's watching fucking rugby while he's fucking and then the other i'm baking lasagna at 9 a.m. for someone who has a boyfriend.

Yeah, I mean, listen. Thank God this isn't a therapy podcast is all I'm saying. We could just laugh about it and move on. Next. Shut up. Next. Anyway, we'll talk about it. You can pay $5,000 to a therapist in five years' time and short that out.

No, I'm fine. I'll kill myself first. Oh, good. That's free exactly well depending on how much like razor blades oh rope no i think i would like fling myself off a cliff that is so you return me to the ocean yeah um i mean that i think that's also you because you wouldn't want to like mess in the house. Well, no. And I wouldn't want to like, you know how people like jump off a, like jump. I mean, okay, wait. Are you being sensitive?

Yeah. But there are like, depending on your chosen method of suicide, I guess, there's like repercussions for those around you, right? So I think I would try to choose an option that had the least repercussion. Yeah. Physically, emotionally, there's not much you can do. Trash competitor. I hear ya. But, hmm.

Oh, like in Star Wars. Okay. Well, with that said. Well, with that said, who's going to do the apocalypse? I can't remember whose turn it is. Oh shit. Um. We've had like guests every week. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my with that said, who's going to do the apocalypse? I can't remember whose turn it is. Oh, shit. We've had, like, guests every week. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Matt, do you want to do one? Yeah, Matt. You do. Eeny, meeny, miny. No, no, you do. You, Zelda. Okay, good.

That's you, Zelda. Okay. We're back on. The world is getting fucked by a gigantic fan of NRL. And on Jupiter, this gigantic being has set up their little gigantic space phone and they're watching a game of NRL and they're being quite um handsy yeah I'm not really paying attention and they just fucking decimate the planet yeah yeah they're too distracted God And that's it Literally just

Fucked to death Where did you come up With that idea from You know I don't know Was it over 45 minutes Or He

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45 45 45 45 45 45 45 45 45 45 45 45 45 45 45 45 45 45 45 45 45 45HM space are the same thing, Zelda. And if you don't know that by now, then you're not the celestial being I thought you were. Oh, my God. Yeah, so everything's just like fucked to death. That's so good. That's good. I guess.

The agony and the ecstasy of life and death. Which is a real shame because Mercury was baking lasagna for Earth. So he got a boyfriend. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, who in the soul, like, who do you think's Earth? Oh, Mars. Who's like Earth's boyfriend?

Boyfriend. Yeah, Mars, for sure. What's the moon? Saturn and... The moon is like, oh, ooh, actually, that's so true. No. It's just like a little hanger on. Yeah, the moon is like the X who's like still floating around.

Well, actually, because the moon was born of Earth, it was a rock that was thrown off in like an asteroid collision, I heard, from science. Allegedly. And then it's caught in our gravitational pull. Maybe it's just, yeah, it's like a follower. It's like you're so pull. Maybe it's just, yeah, it's like a follow-up. It's like, you're so obsessed.

You know what? Sometimes you do find yourself in the gravitational pull of someone else. It's really hard to break away. Oh, my God. Okay, with that, we're going to go on break. Goodbye. So who else is dating? I think Saturn and Jupiter would be.

And then what? Does Uranus and Neptune, are they the next couple? I mean, I suppose we're just putting everything that's like in the line Together I don't know I feel like the sun And Pluto Are lovers that could never be They're so different

But they work But they only get to see each other once every 25 years Or whatever Okay well let's pretend like we know about space a little less and talk a little less. Goodbye. See you after the break. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Hello. Hello Listener we've returned We're back I'm so excited You thought oh no the podcast couldn't be up yet Can I say something? I wish you would I after It's the last two nights

Hen's party Yeah And fucking getting this application done i've been like working on this like not application but like getting a document together to kind of present my film yeah that i'm writing that i've written to like potential producers which is very exciting but producers please write in yeah if you're listening give me money i want millions um but the like i'm so like out of my mind tired right now i feel like i'm seeing through space and time so anything i say in this week's episode in particular doesn't count yes yeah i think that goes for both of us

yeah because i was getting railed the other day how long it's still going yeah at the moment yeah it seems like the only one that's fucked you for longer than that guy is your life so our first topic for discussion today is of course Of course, Australian celebrities. Ooh. Which one gets into the bunker? Okay. So, Zelda. Yeah. Australian celebrity. What does that mean to you?

Okay. Well, I instantly think that perhaps we should have saved this for a Benangle episode. True. But you know what? She can revise. Mm-hmm. this for a benign girl episode true but you know what she can revise um i mean in in all honesty the first two things that come to mind the first is holly valance kiss kiss and the second is leigh lynchin okay you absolutely put your finger on it exactly and i'm so glad because australian celebrity is not

a celebrity who's australian like it's not nicole kidman it's not margot robbie they are not australian celebrities no they are celebrities who happen to be australian australian celebrities are weird like odd beings yes that are only famous in Australia, maybe in the UK. Yeah. And they have almost, like, you can't quite discern what it is that they do, but, like, might be singing, might have been acting once. Yeah, maybe. But, like, they just are.

Yes. And in honor of the Logies, which we're recording on two weeks after the Logies. Yeah. Yeah. Or whatever. In honor of the Logies, we're discussing Australian celebrity. Yeah. So brave.

So, like, Liam Hemsworth. Yeah. He is someone who kind of. When he said yes to doing that stupid ad with christina ricci for that stupid game that comes up on instagram sometimes you're kind of agreeing that you're not famous yeah or you're like not a list correct yeah um you know well I think he thought that he could get away with it in that way that like the, you know. Like George Clooney. Like the Merge Manor.

Kathy Bates was in that Merge Manor ad. You remember that? No. Okay, Merge Manor. And you know who else? What's his name? The Mandalorian. Pedro.

Pedro. Both of them did the Merge Man manor ads i don't know what merge manor is it's a mobile game oh but they both did these like merge manor ads and like it was kind of like oh my god what a fucking get to get these two a-listers in your merge manor ad and i think chris hemsworth thought it was like funny in that way, but it was actually like, oh, you're from Phillip Island. I get it. Literally that. Yes.

Like this is you. Yeah. But, oh, what did I say? I said Liam, but I meant Chris. Yeah. Yeah. Chris, I think is off because I think he is a little bit too American celebrity. Oh, yeah.

But Liam feels a bit more in the genre. Yeah. But I don't care about that. We're not doing that. Well, boys, I think we can almost rule out. Oh the genre. Yeah. But I don't care about that. We're not doing that. Well, boys, I think we can almost rule out. All boys. Yeah. I was looking at who's been nominated and won the gold Logie,

which if you're listening in America, Ireland, or the UK, the Australian version, like the highest, most esteemed award that you can win in Australian culture is the one that was made by like new idea magazine literally like just the shithole like supermarket shelf magazine that like speaks on celebrity gossip and they invented an award in the 70s called the logi and they give out the gold Logie to a television personality every year that is like, wow, they won the gold Logie. And it is so not serious that, like, there are people that have won the gold Logie four years in a row.

Like, fucking, like, Hamish Blake. Rove McManus has won the gold Logie many years in a row Burton Newton And what was his wife? Paddy And his son, the abuser Matthew Fox

Matthew Fox So It What a grim task we're Giving ourselves today Well, we've got Delta Delta Can't talk about Australian celebrity without the Queen's people

Siren of our times She's really good Well, she's born to try She's born to try How come she's never had another hit? I don't know. I'd say Delta Goodrum started her career as like a 17-year-old on Neighbours and then launched her musical career with the album Born to Try with the EP of the same name, Born to Try.

And then what was the other one? She had like three. Yeah, all from that first album i believe yes where she's kind of like washed out in a sea of light yes staring at us yeah but then i i mean it's kind of remarkable that she stayed so relevant unlike holly like well holly is crazy i love it i love how insane she i haven't watched the DOA films though Oh my god Are they good? I've seen the first one

Is she in more than one? Or is she just in that first one? I don't know No she's in three I saw her in the She's in the beach volleyball one Yeah Born to try and lost without you

Oh yeah Did you know that I'm lost without you Need you by my side Oh okay But Dead or Alive is such like a Well I mean it's just not for me I'm lost without you. Need you, mama, shine. Oh, okay. But Dead or Alive is such like a, well, I mean, it's just not for me, but unlike Bayonetta, that is like undeniable feminist icon, the characters in Dead or Alive,

that is like some unfortunate male gaze shit Oh yeah Like it's crazy Like the women just stand there and be jiggling But I don't think there's like a frat party where they're like let's watch DOA And fap What I'm Like boys only want to watch like Sean William Scott in the jungle. What?

You know. Sean William Scott. Yeah, the guy from American Pie. Yeah. Yeah. When he went to, was in Welcome to the Jungle. Oh my God. With The Rock.

Well, I mean, I think. The Rock isn't going to find Sean William Scott from his rich parents? Oh, my God. No, but I think DOA isn't targeting like- Rosario Dawson does a weird South American accent. Oh, my God. It's not really targeting like bogan Australians. It's more about like the straighty nerd boys of the world might like DOA.

Anyway, crazy that Holly lance is in that film but yeah that was it for her yeah that was the breakthrough yeah holly lance also started on neighbors neighbors and then had a music career it's funny that neighbors was like for the kind of like less hot people then home and away home and away is like they're all models yeah when they arrive on the show whereas neighbors the people of erinsborough even though some are like pretty it's it's more of a homely melbourne suburb you know and there's old people that live on that street yeah they're not a lot i don't even know anything about home and away like come down to bev's Cafe and we'll go surfing

Yeah I think like when the iconic characters of Home and Away started to leave or whatever Now it's just like Oh my god I actually don't know anything about any of this Wait did you But like Irene or whatever is still around I guess I don't know what you're talking about Cause we never Like my mum would watch Neighbours

But she would never like She was like nah don't fuck with those Home and aways we were a home and away house oh and then transitioned to neighbors but then why did your mom transition i don't know what who who hurt her i don't know i think to be honest i think like because my mom is such a like uk fan yeah oh when the net like because it took the uk based storm i think she perhaps felt like she was missing out on something um and if the royals were watching it then mom would want to watch it yeah right something um astounding that the queen never visited ramsey street i know i always like it disturbs me to think about like the geography of erinsborough in neighbors because it's like one street and then they all go to the same hotel i'm like why

does this shithole have a hotel yeah and then they all go to the pub and there's like a small pond and that's like the only places they're allowed to go and the school is awful but i might i like if i woke up and i was there and you had to live the rest of your life inside of neighbors it would be so like claustrophobic well i think it is unspoken but obviously like it's actually a horror series where like when you follow the road out of the town you re-enter edinburgh were on Neighbours? I was. And that's what it felt like. There is no escape. It was pretty weird because, like, on the,

because it's all, like, exists, right? Like, they just have the set permanently in this location. Wait, is it a set or is it, what's the vibe where you were? No, it's, like, part set part set, but like all of the exterior. So for the context, you were an extra on the Pride episode of Neighbours. Yes, with Courtney Ickt. Yeah. But BJ and I were there.

Banango. Raising our pride flag high, being Drag Queen 1 and Drag Queen 2 behind Courtney Ickt. They didn't need three? You didn't get the call, Robbie? I did get the call, but I had to work that day. Yeah. So I missed out and I watched from a distance. And it's like, I need to now be, like, thank God Neighbours didn't go off the air forever,

but I now need to be on Neighbours at some point to, like, rectify this, like, moment that I missed. Yes. All three Beastie Girls must be from Eddinsborough at some point. Yeah rectify this like moment that I missed. Yes. All three Beastie Girls must be from Edensborough. Yeah. At some point. Erinsborough. Oh, whatever.

Anyway, yeah, it was, yeah, like it's kind of like a town centre, I guess, where all the exteriors of the buildings are all facing each other like a Wild West. I guess, where all the exteriors of the buildings are all facing each other. Like a Wild West. But like they're fake. Kind of. Some are real. Or like some have like a lobby kind of thing. So you do kind of then are able to go into some. Like the actual like bar one.

Yeah. You went through in to then the set was in there oh that's cool yeah why don't they shoot through into the like them walking i don't know um but oh and then there's like this huge costume room with just like rat like racks and racks and racks are like thousands of costumes and like oh we need a police officer today let's get get so funny um yeah but it was a crazy experience that's amazing it was good um okay what are the celebs oh sorry that was the whole story of you on air on yeah what no no we were just like in the background, like being woo girls. I love that.

Behind some misc, like first time in drag for Joshy and Megan or whatever. Okay. Yeah. And Courtney Act was very lovely. Yes. Yeah, that was good. She's a queen. Yeah.

Queen for the people, Miss Act. Yeah. My Australian celebrities, I think Leland Chin's a great option because she kind of straddles the line of being both chic and, like, dank. Yes. Like, in that fabulous. Because, like, the concept of being an Australian celebrity is the opposite of being cool or desirable. Yeah, you do have to be. Like, you can't be both of those things at the same time.

Which is why, actually, I mean, like, we can't not talk about Jessica Malboy, who, like, I think will probably remain, like, the most famous Australian celebrity for all time. Like, if there's going to be an event, Jessica's going to be singing. Yeah. She was one of the young divas. Was she? Yes.

And she was on Australian Idol. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, she won Australian Idol. All right, sure. The other fun fact about Holly Valance is that her Kiss Kiss was a rejected Eurovision song from some country. Isn't that funny? Oh, really?

Next time you hear that song, you can really hear the Eurovision of it all. And I think Holly would be great to go on Eurovision. Yeah. Because like a lot of Europe, she's incredibly racist. Jesus. What about Gretel Killeen? Well yeah Okay so I don't know

If you know about this If you're listening Elsewhere But you probably have A similar relationship To the person That presented Big Brother Yes

In the early 2000s Like I don't know If the Americans Had someone who Was like the centrepiece Of the franchise But I know in the UK They had this one woman

Who did the evictions and did everything. And, like, for us it was this woman named Gretel Colleen and her, like, core quality was, like, a maternal presence where because she was, like, she wrote kids' books and she had kids and that was, like, part of the Gretel brand. And she would, like, do the kind of, of like aftercare after they got kicked out of the house and it just meant that she was kind of at the centre of this whole like explosion of the Big Brother brand.

The whole Australian franchise was, yes, she was the centre of it all because she was part of every announcement, all of those interviews throughout and she was the centre of it all. Yeah. Because she was part of every announcement. Yeah, all of those interviews throughout. And she was the most consistent piece through every season, obviously. Well, that's it. Also, like, Big Brother purposefully being faceless. Well, you can't send Big Brother out on a press tour. No.

But you can send Gretel. Gretel. And Gretel, yes, while motherly was also very like no nonsense. No, she did not put up a shit. No. She wasn't giving out snacks on a weeknight kind of mum. No, snacks are for- That's a Friday night games type of thing.

Yeah, and that's it. Yeah. So you best enjoy them at the designated time. But also the weird way, because in Australia famously had a program that I don't think that they had any in any other franchise called Big Brother Uncut, which is where- No, they did. What, are you insane?

No, they didn't. Yes, they did. In the UK, I don't think they had Big Brother Uncut. But, like, oh, my God, I remember being a teenager, like, being obsessed with Big Brother Uncut. And, like, I had, like, all these different websites where you could go to, like, Big Brother Germany Season 3 Episode 5 for Uncut and, like, like all these different websites where you could go to like Big Brother Germany season three episode five for Uncut and like find all the great dicks because I know okay I don't actually know about whether what the story is with Germany but I think

like in other countries you could watch the live feed in which case you would see the nudity but I think that the I mean like I don't know but I think Uncut was where they just put it all into one location. And this was during a time when like Australian television, they were like for free to air, there still is, but like there was very strict regulation that had been brought in about how much Australian content you needed to have on the air. So they would always be looking for like quick, cheap and easy ways to like turn existing footage that they already had from other shows into new shows,

which meant that there were all these like late night shows where it's like one guy and a girl standing in front of a green screen asking you to like text in and do quizzes. But Big Brother Uncut was kind of like free Australian programming, but it was like the late night after dark. Like any time the contestants did anything X-rated or they had a shower, they would just show full nudity. And Gretel managed to be salacious and titillating, but never undermined her integrity as a presenter. Yes.

Like it's a hard thing to do. Totally. Yes Like it was It's a hard thing to do Totally And then when Merlin One of the contestants Got evicted

And he put up a sign That said Free the refugees She also handled that Really well She did Like while still maintaining A respectful attitude

To what he was trying to do Yes Yeah It's such a like Like iconic and memorable moment of like public protest in Australian history in like a bizarre way to be like mixed in with a Big Brother eviction. Yes.

But it really was. I think for me, and I'm going to finally arrive at where I'm putting my bet. Yeah. I think for me, my favorite Australian celebrity is Rikki Lee Coulter. Oh. So Rikki Lee Coulter, she came like seventh on Australian Idol or whatever. I can't remember.

It might have been the second season. And she is this like GC girl, or at least she is in her vibe. And she's never really had like a breakthrough, breakthrough hit. But after doing Big Brother, she just kept popping up places. And now she does radio full time and has like carved out her whole niche there. But she is so specifically a girl that you went to high school with that like it's just incredible. Like that you couldn't have, you couldn't fake the kind of level

of Bogana, Chadston chick that she is. And it's just fantastic because she represents the suburban Australianralian culture truly yeah um friends of mine are friends of hers and i remember like of the day like years ago being like like out of the peel with ricky yeah yeah Oh my god What did she say about me? She just kept calling everyone faggots Oh my god

If Ricky Lee Coulter was walking around calling But like not in like a ha ha way No You'd get out of my way faggot Yeah Cause that girl would Oh my god because she wants you when you're a fun prop But then she'll fucking throw you away.

And I love that about her. She's the type of girl that in year seven on school camp tried to pierce her own belly button with a stapler. You know, that kind of gal. That kind of gal. Oh, you know what? Actually, though, the Veronicas. Oh.

Come on. Yeah, Come on. What? What do you mean? Twins? Well, they didn't get it on the twins episode, dear. Yeah, but like, listen, Ozyana Bogan twins. Yeah, except like with the Veronica's, I don't know much about the Veronica's,

but they have like the key song. Jess and Lisa. But then what? Which key song are you thinking of? Because I'll tell you five song. Jess and Lisa. But then what? Which key song are you thinking of? Because I'll tell you five more. Oh, God. But do you know what I mean? No, I don't.

Oh, my God. Oh, hook me up. I want to feel the rain in my hair. Anywhere is good enough. Hook me up And then the one Cause you You play me like a symphony

You ruin me Love that Kind of stuff Thank you for proving my point sister What do you mean? I'm on board with them The Veronica's? I mean I board with them. They're great. The Veronica's.

I mean, I love like an edgy haircut, I guess. And one of them being queer. Incredible. Jess and Lisa having fun. And they've managed to do one song that went really well after they came back. They had a show, didn't they? Did they? Yeah, I think they had a show about them. About kind of like the secret life of us. Oh, that's right. They had a show, didn't they? Did they? Yeah, I think they had a show about them,

about kind of like the secret life of us. Oh, that's right. They had a reality TV show. I mean, that's very Australian celebrity to think that you're a celebrity enough to maintain a TV show that didn't fail. Well, the issue was that they, in the place of their personalities, was a sucking void. But they have such big hair

They do Big eyes They do Yeah Untouched I feel so untouched right now Yeah Just so many fucking bangers

I mean And we're like always on a So Fresh CD What about that Take me on the third Yeah that's good I can give you more I think Zelda, you would recognize more songs Yeah, it's a Kelly Clarkson situation

It is, yeah Both, two of these Australian celebrities Have both made a negative impression on my dad Because he was in the film Hating ashley as the librarian in scene three or whatever and um he was like delta goodrum was three hours late to set and she was a bitch and he's like it's just not professional as an actor which also when you hear the story of hating alice and ashley like which is an iconic australian book about a like like 12 year olds and one of them's like the loser girl who doesn't have any doesn't come from any money and

she's just like at a public school and then this new girl starts alice and ashley and she has money and she has all the things that this other girl doesn't and she hates her as a result and it's all about her like like loathing her over the course of a year until she eventually realizes that her life sucks as well and that she doesn't have all the things that she has and it's like a great book it's like because it's once again the thing we were talking about last week about like respecting the interiority of children and like understanding that they're allowed to be petty and mean and cruel and whatever. And then they were like, we wanted to make an adaptation of that book about 12-year-olds.

And instead we held off until Delta Goodrum had gone through her cancer treatment. She famously had breast cancer, which she survived. But they were like, we had to hold off. So by the time they're making Hating Alice and Ashley with Delta Goodrum, she's 25. And the film seems insane. Anyway, justice for that.

They should remake it. And that librarian in scene two, he was incredible. And then also my dad was on Surprise Surprise with Jamie Durie, which was like our punk. Jamie Durie. And Jess and Lisa were being surprised, surprised. Can I tell you truly, when I was doing trivia the other week, I tried to find a funny question about Jamie Durie and like Mondo Grass

or something, but then quickly went down the rabbit hole of trying to find Jamie funny question about Jamie Drury and like Mondo grass or something. But then quickly went down the rabbit hole of trying to find Jamie Drury's nudes and I couldn't find any. He's so hot. He's so hot. Oh, so I was really disappointed. That is really. Jamie, write in. Send us your date.

Do you think Jamie would like this show? I think. I think he's got a good sense of humor. He's not laughing at this, though. No, no. He's like, hey, I actually know Gretel. And, you know, like. Nothing but respect for, yeah.

Yeah. He would probably say that about all the people that we've talked about. So, I don't know that he would know Leland Chin. Do you know who I like? Andrew O'Keefe. Oh, I was going to say Andrew O'Keefe, but then I remembered that he had all the restraining order. He's a bit of a loose cannon. You would like that.

What about Danny Minogue? I like that. Well, Matt, you have a story about Danny Minogue, don't you? What? Do I? Don't you? At the Queen Elizabeth Market. Oh, Camberwell Market.

Camberwell Market. Oh, yeah, because Kylie and Danny grew up in Camberwell, I think. Yeah. And we were playing. The Scrims. Canberra Market. Oh, yeah, because Kylie and Danny grew up in Canberra, I think. Yeah. And we were playing. The Scrims. My band, yeah. We were playing like a bluegrass version of Can't Get You Out of My Head by Kylie.

And she was like filming us. This random woman. While we were busking it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, she was filming us and she was getting a photo taken with us and she had a hood on. And then like she stood right next to me and I was like,

because people do that all the time when we were busking. And then she like turned around and pulled her hood off and she was like, and I was like, I nearly crapped my pants. Wait, you recognised Danny immediately? Yeah, of course. When I said white hood, I of course meant Kylie Minogue's white hood from the music video. Oh my God.

That is not what I thought you meant. As soon as you laughed, I of course meant Kylie Minogue's white hood from the music video. Oh my God, that is not what I thought you meant. As soon as you laughed, I was like, I didn't mean that Danny Minogue's in the KKK. Why is that the angle you're going for? No, exactly. Why would that be? I thought I was like a fabulous cloak, like a wizard. How Kylie Minogue wears that white hood. A pointed white hat.

No. Jesus Christ. No! Listener, I wasn't just tossing off the KKK I was just saying I wish you wouldn't toss off the KKK Please Tossing off everyone, really No

No, just that she might have her sister's outfit on And be like, it's me, Danny It was just a Sunday morning trackie. I'd like to say on behalf of my sister that she only tosses off people who are not racist. You know what? Yeah. Correct.

She has morals. Yeah. Yeah, no, but hopefully she showed it to Kylie because we would have loved Kylie to watch that video of us playing a song. Yeah. Yeah, Danny's a good one because she's kind of like, she's got the name, the famous international name. Kid Man.

But she's the more Australian B-grade version of Kylie. Yeah, absolutely. Kylie, international celebrity. Dani, Aussie celebrity. Yeah. And famous in the UK. Yeah. Yeah, but I feel like it is a little bit of overlap

yeah yeah well they know like you really like if you are in a in america if you grew up in america the thing you missed out on was that you've never experienced being like a beta culture because you were experiencing the main line of the world culture, or the world Western culture. You have direct access to, yeah, if all of your celebrities are just the biggest, most famous people in the world, whereas if you grew up in the UK or in Australia or anywhere else that isn't America,

you know the experience of like, we also have this group of like people that couldn't be famous enough to go and work in America and become stars there. So we kept them and then we treasured them like little gifts and only we know or care about them. It's so good. Also Sophie Monk.

Yeah, Sophie Monk is great. It's really haunting. So I've pulled up the like I just did a quick Google search listener for Aussie celebrity. And this is exactly what we talked about at the start of this segment. We're like Hugh Jackman, Nicole Kidman, Cate Blanchett, love. I'm kind of sad she can't get in for a second time. But like Heath Ledger, like da-da-da-da-da, name me what. And like these are all people who aren't, they don't fit the brief.

No. That's not what we're talking about. They're too famous. Elle Macpherson, maybe. I don't love Elle Macpherson. Mel Gibson, Portia de Rossi. I love Portia, but she hasn't done any, she doesn't have the accent anymore. She's not Australian.

She's lost her right. She lives in a state of terror. Yeah, so I think if you ask the general person on the street in America, like, do you know this person? If they said yes, then that disqualifies them. Absolutely. That's correct. That's correct.

Yes. Yeah, that's why we're kind of losing Troy. Yeah, we are. Troy's gone. Yes. That's correct. Yes. Yeah. That's why we're kind of losing Troy. Yeah, we are. Troy's gone. Yeah. That's fine. Like, he's still, like, this dank moment still happen. Well, he has a brand called Soul Anger.

That's chic. Is it? He's Soul Anger to you. I think of all celebrity brands, Soul Anger isAgnor is up there for like the classiest Least cringe At least it doesn't Like it knows what it wants to be Yeah

Like and it's not being like live You know like on a budget Yeah no and like I think until the bowl came out He's really like I think everything in the Sousyman line thus far has been like good. And then the bowl came out and it was like, well, Troy, you've got to be fucking joking. Put down a bowl without a bottom.

Yeah. Like the spinning top was like a bit silly. Yeah. But that's home decor. And now the bowl, we're like, bitch, what? Listen, I'd just like to clarify for my sister that she doesn't... She's not saying that a dreidel is silly. Just Dre's round.

Yeah, just... Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, I made it out of clay. Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, with dreidel I will play. Oh my god It's like I recently Do you remember in Orgasmo Yes Listener

Trey Parker and Matt Stone's like Movie Orgasmo Whatever There's like this song called like Now You're a Man Do you know that song? Now you're a man A man man man Yes Why do you know that song now you're a man a man man man yes why do

i know that yeah right it came into my head the other day when i was trying to pick a song for the scarf post and i would have done it but it wasn't in instagram weirdly anyway now i really want to perform it but it's quite like fucked up yeah anyway it's just like i i they're just complicated like the whole south park sense of humor is complicated yeah i think it wasn't as complicated when we were kids they had a clearer point of view but now they seem to i don't know i don't i don't even know where they stand on things anymore and And I don't think the humor is. They're libertarian. They're annoying.

Yeah. Um. Anyway. Can I say. Yeah. It's just dawned on me. There is one celebrity. Mm.

Who is both American mainline famous. Yeah. But remains dank enough to be an Australian celebrity. Yeah. And it's like a weird like like, exception to the rule. Weird. Do you know who it is? Sia.

Oh, yeah. Sia! Okay, let me make the case. Yeah. For nine years, there was an award on Survivor, which was called the Sia Award, because she watched the show and she just liked some of the people and she would just give a cash prize to one of the people that she liked. Her muse that kicked off the chandelier era was Maddie,

the little Maddie Ziegler. Yeah. The reason that Maddie Ziegler came into her orbit was because she watched Dance Moms a lot and thought she was like a great contestant. I mean, great character from the show. Because she's like sat at home drinking DC and cackling at the screen with her two-tone wig. And then, this is like the story, but I don't know how to like fully explain the story, but there was a friend of a friend of mine who got hired to help out at Kim Kardashian's

like Christmas party. It was a few years ago when her and Ye were still together. Ye. And Kanye. And she has obviously these like elaborate millions upon millions of dollar celebrity infested Christmas parties. And this friend of a friend from Melbourne was brought over by an artist to help set up this installation.

And they were there for the week beforehand setting up this installation for Kim Kardashian's like a party, Christmas party. And like it was just going to be this massive thing and theirs was just like one piece in it. And like the whole time they were there, like apparently Kris Jenner, no, Kris Jenner was like a bit of a crazy person and not very nice, but then Kim Kardashian was lovely and like gave them water. Very kind, but Kim Kardashian brand water, which is amazing.

But then like they were there the whole week and they kept having these weird experiences. Like one day when they were leaving after like a 12-hour shift at the mansion setting up this installation, they were walking down the hill out of the private gated residence or whatever, and like this black SUV rolled up beside them and the window rolled down and Kanye was inside and he's like, how did you guys get here? And they're like, are we just gonna take an uber

like back to our accommodation he's like no i mean how did you get here they're like what he's like how did you get here to this country and then they were like oh in a plane and he's like yeah that tomorrow meet us at this airport because we're going to take a field trip and then he rolled up the window and drove away and then the assistant called with details to meet at 7 a.m in the morning with all the other creatives currently in kanye and kim's orbit yeah they had two private jets waiting and they had to wait for kim kardashian to land from somewhere else so they're like waiting on the tarmac in these private jets all these bleary eyed seven in the morning like architects artists creatives waiting to go on this mystery field field trip kim kardashian lands gets off her plane comes on the new plane, sits in the front, and everyone's like, okay, we can leave now.

And Kim Kardashian pulls out her phone and presses play on Christmas carols and then just holds the phone near her ear and falls asleep. And then they went to this house in Wyoming to look at the architecture. That was one day. Anyway, so then the Christmas party finally rolls around. Leonardo DiCaprio's there paris hilton's there there's like a fake tobogganing sled ride down a fake

snowy hill in the backyard of a californian mansion there's fake trees there's the installation and they're these two australians who have just been like put into this situation where they're allowed to be at this party that they should never in a million years be allowed to be at. And then there's one other Australian there, Sia, and she's crazy. And she's like, I'm going to sit down and have a chat. And then just chats at them in the most like kooky, energy-fuelled way you've ever heard of in your life. Like, really, really over-familiar.

Like, anyway, so then I said to him, blah, blah, blah, you guys are fucking great. And that is everything I ever hear about Sia is, like, what a crazy, like, crazy lady. Which puts her in that, like spot of like she managed to still be a dank bitch watching reality tv show obsessed with like american culture in that removed kind of way rather than being fully in it yeah and then just wore a wig over her face I don't know. And her song was in the Six Feet Under finale. Oh.

Were you not a Six Feet Under girl? No. That feels so, like, formative Zelda Moon. Yeah, no. I don't know why I never watched it. Yeah. Eh, maybe one day. Okay.

Anyway, so for me it's between Merlin and Leland Chin. Merlin? No, no, that was a funny joke. Leland Chin. Okay. But Sia, no, I don't care about Sia. I literally know nothing about Sia. I just told you all you need to know.

She's a munted bitch at Kim Kardashian's. Let's go to market. But I feel like if we're doing a munted bitch It should be The Bachelorette Wait which one? Sophie Monk She is good I want a real Bo Garner Like her or Holly Valance

No What do we think? Okay Do you know what? You've had a hard week. And a hard life. We can have Leland. Leland!

What's she doing in the bunker? She can read the news. Well, no, she actually retired from reading the news. But she can restate it. Do you know what? Maybe. She could probably tend the bar at Reggie's. She could.

She loves beer. She could. She does. She's obsessed with craft beer. I think she might also love to do some styling work on the nanny set. Oh, yeah. She did have her fashionista TV show. Yes.

And I did bump into her one day in the street, in Collins Street, in the city when I was 19 or whatever. And I said, oh, my God. I was like, you're Leland Chin. She said, yes, I am. And I said, I love your show. And she said, thank you. And then we lived our lives.

Oh, I love her. Oh. Okay, we can have lily lily do you need to quickly explain to people that aren't from australia who she is okay so in australia yes now we have a uh channel of like a broadcasting channel called sbs which focuses on like international news and international media so like growing up all like world movies would be on there and that's where i watched a lot of anime growing up and all that kind of thing and artemisia yes and i truly yes um and lilin was a um immigrant from indonesia uh she moved here when she was 30 so she already lived a life you know then she came here and she, yeah, was a presenter on SBS News, like a news reporter for 30 years.

Yeah, but she was well known and loved for being very eccentric and having a really, really strong personal, like, sense of style and dress, which is like, you know, kind of unique in the australian media landscape because everyone just wears the same kind of genre of like q clothing or whatever yeah um or like carl whatever wore the same suit for a year or whatever he's hot but he is hot um but yeah lillian was a real standout and she just, yeah, I don't know. She was very good at her job and well-loved and received by the public. Yes.

And I imagine she is a good friend of Anton Enos. Oh, other gay. Other gay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Well, you're in the bunker. Next.

That's hot. Goodbye. goodbye welcome back okay it's time for game shows yes okay oh my god so listener something has come upon me

not in that way that happened to you after 45 minutes. No. That was inside me. What? Matt, you're so scandalized. I know. You have a child you know about coming inside.

Oh, my God. That's how it works. Nina taught me. Yes, we found out last week. Before that, I presume you're all coming in. Rams. Yeah. Oh, okay.

I'm sorry. I'm tired, everyone. Okay, okay, Kevin. Calm down. Everyone. So, I don't know if you felt a lack in your life. Listener, not you, Zelda. I don't know if you felt a lack in your life, listener, not you, Zelda. I don't know if you felt a lack in your life,

but when you buy a Samsung product, they have pre-installed on any Samsung TV or projector. I have the Freestyle projector. It's an absolute godsend. I couldn't recommend it enough. It's so good. Oh, because it has built-in speaker. It's an absolute godsend. I couldn't recommend it enough. It's so good. Oh, because it has built-in speaker. It has built-in speaker.

That's good. It's good. It's a little projector. You can just pop it down over. It's got quite good kerning or whatever, so it can sit against odd surfaces. But the secret MVP of the Samsung product is that they've invented like a fake free-to-air television that is just like they've made a bunch of channels with content that they've paid for the rights for

so it's not like as extensive as something like Netflix it's just like there's one channel that only plays Hot Wings there's one channel that only plays The Nanny there's one channel that only plays The Nanny. There's one channel that only plays Wipeout. But like they're playing live. There's no rewind. There's no fast forward. It's just on. And it is incredible. Because do you know what is missing from television?

That. Like that feeling of just plonking something on and not having to think about it. Yeah. Because even in the best case scenario where you're like, I'm just going to watch some trash, you've already made the decision to watch a specific episode. Like, oh, I'm just going to watch something from season six of Gilmore Girls before it got bad.

Like, just plonking it on. So you're already thinking about it subconsciously. So you can't really leave the room or do things as easily without feeling that sense of like connection to your device. Like, oh, I'm missing something or whatever. But with this, if you just put on like Party of Five channel, Party of Five is just playing and there's no way of stopping it. You have no responsibility to it.

But if you catch the last five minutes and see that Lacey Chabert is having a hard time at school, it's incredible. So anyway, Deal or No Deal has been on this. And we started watching the Deal or No no deal channel me and my housemates and it's been incredible oh my god incredible show deal or no deal the american deal or no deal with howie mandel oh it's the american yes which is good because there's this weird like subtext number one americans are insane yes um but there's like weird subtext. Number one, Americans are insane. But every American person knows how to be on television.

The thing that's bad about Australian television, like reality competition shows, is that Australians are not, from an early age, raised to be on television. Whereas when you see an American on television, they're like, so I'm so excited to be here tonight I only wish my mother could be here but she's dead and we're selling cookies just to save up for a new church because the old church got taken away by a tornado and I'm so excited bazinga bazinga that's my new

catchphrase and like it like it's incredible're like, where the fuck did you come from? And so. They're just ready to go. They're so, it's incredible. You're like, I can't take my eyes off you. It's kind of like that, that, that hoctour girl. Yeah. Who's going viral on the internet at the moment.

She just kind of was like, she got a microphone in front of her and she was just like. Ready to go. Straight off the bat. You don't know what hawk tour girl is i've seen a lot of that on like people's grinder profiles and like on like horny twitter yeah like the only text is just i thought it was just people being like spit on me but what am i yeah pretty much that's what she said yeah there was just like a vox pop where a girl like talked about hawk touring on a dick.

To keep a boyfriend or like to get someone interested. You've got to be ready to hock tour. Obviously. Well, you see, this is why. She's a brand that speaks to you. I mean, she's just saying what everyone knows. But that's what Jesus was doing, darling. You know?

But no one's saying it. No one's been saying it until she did. People are thinking she's an industry plant because they've like in the space of a week been like, where else can we put the Hawk Tour girl? Can we get her on like Trisha Paytas' podcast? What else can she spit on? My first thing was just spitting on things. She's actually the worst guest I've ever had.

She spat on my face and she spat on the electricals. I said, I'd just like to show you, we're going on a tour of the Louvre. That's why they put Mona behind you. Yeah, that's the safety glass. She's going to spit on the Olympic torch. Put it out. No. Maybe she'd be great in the bunker. She'd be spitting cum on everything. But that's true. Yeah. No. Maybe she'd be great in the bunker. She'd be spitting cum on everything.

But that's true. Yeah. Hot tour. Yeah. But yeah, so hot tour. And people have used her as the kind of like centerpiece of this thing that like not everyone can be famous. And it's really sad because I'm like, her mouth is dry, but her dreams are strong. Her mouth is dry, but her dreams are strong.

When my friend took a new depression medication, her mouth stopped producing spit. And so she had to start taking around these sachets of synthetic spit. I've told you this. I've told you this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And maybe a Hock Tour girl could start selling that. Hock Tour in a pocket. Yeah, if you want a Hock Tour, here's your spit.

Anyway, so game show show So deal or no deal In the game show, deal or no deal What's the category again? Which game show Oh, which game show Oh yeah, did we not say that? Yeah Which game show

So there's a few elements that make it perfect Number one, Howie Mand mandel the host of deal or no deal is a germaphobe and his whole job is interacting with strangers yeah so watching him on the show be disgusted quietly behind his eyes with every single person that comes up to talk to him yeah and like he refuses to shake their hands or touch them or hug them. He just gives a solitary fist bump because he like, otherwise he'll have like a full nervous breakdown. So that's the stakes are incredible.

Then the show is like an elite group of 20 women who are all in the exact same dress and the exact same heels and the exact same proportions and they're all standing next to a stand and they're not even holding the briefcase they're just standing near it and then these incredible women who used to all be in the same wig which was incredible but But I'll take that nowadays they're all in the most bridesmaid glam makeup and hair with beachy waves. And they open the briefcase. And because there's this tension, this is their big moment. And nowadays on New Deal or No Deal,

they have their Instagram handles down the bottom if you want to follow that case number number 17 and they do this incredible thing when they're opening up their briefcase where they're like I really hope you get it because they get one thing they're allowed to say one word or one thing to the contestant and that's their whole night like good luck I really hope this isn't $50,000. And then they do a little performance. They look in the case first and pretend like it's gone really badly. And then they open it and sometimes it has gone badly and sometimes it hasn't.

And it's amazing. And then the best part of the whole thing nowadays in the new one is that between each round of opening briefcases, the likelihood that they have in their briefcase the large sum of money goes up or down and the bank calls in to make an offer to get them to quit the game and take a payout. And in the new version, there's like an office, like an Oprah shrimp, if you will, that is suspended above the audience and it has frosted glass and a silhouette of a woman on the phone. And she calls down to the main stage and makes her offer and she's just a very fierce silhouette.

Yeah. And it's so chic. silhouette yeah and it's so chic um so i think if it was to be deal or no deal i would just want that woman like making calls and offering money from the bank well we have the the um airline hostess chair phone oh that's good you know she's offering fifty thousand dollars it's so good that's good okay great so that's i'd love deal on a deal it's amazing like the things that i need to say on this topic i have three things i think yes number one is bojo's catchphrase yeah not in the bunker hideous i hate it yeah i don't know if that was just like a weird australian thing i think so but listener we had this fucked up game show that was like um like a picture of

peas in a pod and the game was you look at the picture and you say i think it's peace in the pod and somehow this went for years but they were like years style of illustration that they were like really 90s 90s style yes like. Yes. Every single one. And they were all based on idioms. Yeah. Like, yeah. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. And it would be like an apple and then like a doctor with an X flashing over him.

Yeah. I, oh my God. Absolutely not. You hate, it's like afternoon fun. Yes. Oh, which reminds me of like that tomato capsicum show god i hate that as well oh ready steady cook yes oh and that enthusiastic host oh anyway well that's the thing he's not a germaphobe so he looks like he's actually enjoying himself whereas how he hates these motherfuckers oh my

god oh is iron chef a game show yeah oh my god go on well then it needs to be iron chef but that wasn't one of my three things now i've got four things so number whatever is how fabulous is wheel of fortune when a woman presses her hand against a thing and it changes into a letter. I just think that show has too many things because like- There's a wheel. The wheel. But you forget that it's the same show as The Board.

Yes. Because you're like, certainly that wheel is enough. Oh, right. But then you also have a fabulous giant board. Yes. Oh, that is great. Does that also have the yodeler? Yes, it does.

It's got everything. it's got everything. It's got everything. And I feel like it was very like the prizes would be like wheeled out. Yes. And they would like, if it was a car, it would be next to like a hay bale and a goat or something. Yes. Do you know what?

Oh, sorry. No, just thinking about Vanna White, who like turned the letters on Wheel of Fortune in America And how much like Evie Oddly was really pissed off when she had to be Vanna White for that runway And I was like so

Yeah get into it bitch Be Vanna White Why don't you like Game Show I'm like also if you don't know her like be Vanna White She's camp yeah sorry that's all just because it's a bit disappointed in evie not being like i can get on board with how silly this is no she didn't have to be white vanna white she could be evie vanna white i know i want to see her turn around little letters on her chest I know that's fun Yeah

Then the other thing is Drag Show the Game Show Our show Our show Amazing We had a show We had a show called Drag Show the Game Show Our fringe show But no like it wasn't televised

It doesn't really count Although you can watch an episode of Drag Show the Game Show on YouTube No you can't Oh no you can't Our YouTube doesn't exist Oh true I've got to bring all those like selects back Yeah But yes Yeah on YouTube. No, you can't. Oh, no, you can't. Hey man. How YouTube doesn't exist. Oh, true.

I've got to bring all those like selects back. Yeah. But yes. Yeah. Um, yeah. And then other listener is Iron Chef Japan. Wow. What a fucking show.

Chairman Kaga, the, uh, overseer of the, uh, kitchen stadium. This was a show, if you haven't seen Iron Chef, which I can't imagine anyone on the planet hasn't seen Iron Chef, but I've been proven wrong about gharials. Iron Chef set up. There's three slash four Iron Chefs. Yeah. Masters of different styles of cuisine.

Japanese, Chinese, French, Italian. The only four cuisines on the planet i believe um and the big four um especially in the i don't know late 90s in japan i think in the 90s it wasn't yeah yeah we didn't have food we weren't gonna have like like Iron Chef Nepal. Yeah, Polish. And they are all charismatic and incredible characters on their own. And at the start of every episode, you have a challenger who comes in and picks the Iron Chef that they want to battle against. And then you find out the key ingredient.

And they have both chefs then have an hour to create a multi-course meal each course featuring the key ingredient so it might be potatoes and you have to have like entree like a main and maybe even a dessert that has potatoes um and the chefs were all, like, for the most part, like, well-established chefs. Yeah. But the thing about Iron Chef is that it wasn't sensationalized in a certain way. Like, these were, like, genuinely well-regarded, you know, chefs. And, like, the guests that they would have on would be, like, also really well-regarded. So, it was, like, quite a big deal and everyone took it extremely seriously. Yeah.

And then there was, listener, there's like an incredible version on YouTube of like upload of an episode where like they have a home cook, a woman. And it's just like the wording of it is so horrendous, but very entertaining. Yeah. Anyway, then like while the battle's happening and they're cooking, there's all this incredible commentary and there's a judging panel

who are watching and critiquing all of the, like, preparation. It's just incredible. And the dubs are really good. The dub is incredible. Then you always go into the judging where like the judging panel eats both meals and critique it's amazing the critiques are really funny it's so good and there's always like an old dame japanese woman who's really critical and then there's like a young actress and then there's maybe like some other guys who, I don't know. The flavors in my mouth are very delicious.

That's right. That's like, they'd kind of like do this sort of semi Japanese. Accent. Yeah. For the dub. Oh my God. I was watching a Bollywood film the other day with dubs because I was being lazy. I'm lazy.

I'm sitting around the house being lazy. Look at me. I'm sitting around the house being lazy. Look at me, I'm so stupid. I put yellow hair on and I watch things with dubs. But it is so weird because they all had like a very purposeful Indian accent. I was like, I mean, I guess that makes sense, but it feels weird. Anyway, Iron Chef, great game show. I think as well, it's important to note now that we're not going to be talking about things like Great British Bake Off, because that's a reality competition show where you have people return.

Like, I think a game show, while it can have people return, it needs to be like kind of standalone. Each week is the same game. True, Gladiators. Yeah. But old gladiators not that new version you didn't like it i didn't actually watch it but that's because the costuming was awful i couldn't possibly oh my god how could i support that they might think that i watched it because of the costuming absolutely not did you see fucking jet kelly or whatever his name is with like this disgusting like half cape oh my god it was so not it and then like some of them had their midriff out which was

great but like just like what i need to see the pinterest board because it can't have been influenced by any fucking comic book character video video game character, gladiator, like just a fucking child's doodle then put through a sewing machine. Doodle illustration. Oh, we were talking about doodles last week. So I was just like. Exactly. You got it. What are you putting children's doodles through?

No. And through a sewing machine. Anyway. Are you trying them, you sick fuck? I mean, it's a good insult if you want to go down that road anyway not that not the doodle why are you bringing up also like the idea that eyeliner is the defying factor of like a look is a not it fucking a smudged like diffused out eyeliner. It's like, oh, it's so edgy. Fuck off.

I hate that. She's got rage. Yeah. Yes. Well, I like that. I think that's a great contribution. Your rage there. Oh, right. Yeah.

But I, like, I fucking adore Iron Chef. Chairman Cargo is like it and a bit. Eating a capsicum. Yeah. But I'm very confident that there'll be time to get like Roksaburo Mishiba in there at a future point, you know? Yeah. Well, it's going to be a long show.

We've only got, you know, 10,000 more episodes. Exactly. So I'm not too fussed if that doesn't happen. Okay. Because I know how passionate you are about game shows. Well, I just, I think that's, like, there's obviously actual game shows. Like, I guess Jeopardy is like a real, like, actual game show where it's like about being smart.

But like, there's enough camp elements. No, it needs to be fun. You really have to like sit with it for a long time to like get into it. I love Letters and Numbers. Oh, my God. On Letters and Numbers, the math whiz girl. Oh, that's so weird, that show. I just remembered it's so good.

But you've never watched Letters and Numbers? No, I don't know what you're saying. Okay, just quietly. Quickly on Letters and Numbers. Just quietly. Just quietly and quickly. My dad watches that show for like, for real. It's very dry.

Incredibly dry British. Yeah. Oh, maybe I have seen some. Game show. But like they get like this round where they get letters and they have to make words. And then there's a round where they get numbers. And they have to make bigger numbers? And they have to turn it into a sum that equals the set amount.

Oh, I see. And so there's a woman kind of like Vanna White who's like, and can I get a vowel? And can I get a noun? Can I get a vowel? Consonant. Consonant. And can I get a number? Can I get a number?

Anyway, so then. Two bigs and three smalls. Yes. And there's this woman who works, who is the numbers lady. E. woman who works like who is the numbers lady e and she when they like have to do the sums really fast yeah and figure out the quickest shortest route to get to the set number she's this like stunning incredible woman who is so good at maths that she tells them, well, this is what I had. And she's always like, I made the shortest route there.

So she's like the control. Yes. If you can get what the genius gets. And so you think at first that she's the like woman standing next to a briefcase, but she's actually the woman who runs the fucking show. And it is so satisfying when she just like shows up all these fucking nerds who come on the show and she's like, yeah, it's got like serious Dom vibes. It's so chic.

It's so cool. That sounds great. Yeah. And it's like British, so it's incredibly like there's no frills. There's no talking. They only just got an LED backlight for the numbers board. Before that, it was just a gas lamp um another option amazing oh amazing that's also good if you're listening elsewhere there was a

kids tv show where they like had to like it was definitely not like there was a like there was a had to like it was definitely not like there was a like there was a spate of academic programming for children yeah amazing was the opposite end of the scale where they didn't care if your child was like smart smart or not they got to play mario kart yeah and run through a maze and find keys and the maze was just like jungle themed and you had to like look inside each of these rooms inside of this like giant set. I fucking fantasized about being able to be one of those children running through that maze. I knew all the spots where they would put the letters and the keys. Yes. But I guess once you're in that situation, it's much more stressful.

Yeah. The perspective is different. They dose you up as well. Yeah. Give you some lasagna. Make you all groggy. Yeah, the perspective is different. Well, they dose you up as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give you some lasagna. Make you all groggy. Yeah. Spaced out.

Did we talk about that? My mother used to, like, dose me and my sister up on long flights with, like, a flu medication called Phenergan that makes you drowsy. Phenergan? Yeah. She'd be like, I just couldn't deal with it So I gave you Finergan Oh my god And you didn't know

Well we knew We're like Yeah it's Finergan time I love being on Finergan Finergan like helps you get to sleep Yeah well it helped I was good to sleep Oh my god

Like on long car trips She's like maybe it's time for a Finergan I wish it all I was gonna say shut up But I think I'll I'm a Finnergan Uncle Finnergan's come to town and he wants you to shut up go to sleep but like because of that mode of parenting I think I like nowadays i guess i see people being like i would never do that to little baby patricia like i would never let her near like a milk that had a microplastic potential yeah whereas my mom

was like here's a sleeping drug i don't know does it make my life easier there you go well i mean look at how you turned out yeah I truly think I'm like 98% Finnergan brain. Like something died inside of me. Yeah. But, you know, everybody dies, but not everybody lives. Okay. Okay, let's make a decision. Okay.

Wait, Matt, do you have any contributions? No, not necessarily. What are you watching in your space car when we're out getting linguisines? I just catch up on whatever's on... Samsung TV? Yeah. No, I think the only game show I used to watch with, like, my parents probably was Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

That was such a fucking chokehold that it had on the Australian public. That and Weakest Link. Weakest Link. Goodbye. That also got Dommy vibes. Very Dommy vibe. You are the Weakest Link. Goodbye.

Goodbye. And a little severe red wig. And they all stood at those like pod, like. Podium things. Podium things with their names like lit, but in like ovals. It was very weird. Oh, Spicks and Specks. Oh, see, I didn't go down for that.

Yeah, no. That's very like my cousin in Christmas trying to force us all to play the Spicks and Specks board game. Like, Fergus, back off. I didn't have the board game. But the show was pretty good. I mean, it was just like one of those things you watch with your family. Do you know what I mean? It's not like.

Yeah, I mean, we used to watch Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Yeah. And I watched the whole like doco the other night, which I think I've watched it like, I think I watch it every three years or something, about the couple that cheated at Who Wants to Be a Millionaire UK. And they're pulling, they they're coughing at certain intervals. It's so fabulous.

It's so fascinating. This like sergeant and his wife, like his wife and the wife's brother were obsessed with Who Wants to Be a Millionaire and they went on, like the wife went on, the brother of the wife went on, and they both got up to a certain point and lost. But they were like trivia fanatics. And then they sent the dumb husband on. And he was sucking on the first episode, got brought back,

and then won the full million. And then it came out like immediately after that they'd been cheating by coughing loudly whenever he said the answer. Wow. And it was so, like, rudimentary. And then they had to give Beck the money, and they were like a national disgrace in the UK. Wow.

Yeah. Posh and Beck. That's right. Apparently someone was, like, walking backstage afterwards, and she's like, all I could hear was her yelling at him. Backstage, they've just won a million dollars. Why were they yelling? And then she saw that I was listening and closed the window.

Anyway, I watched this documentary about it every like three years because it's just so cool. Yeah. So which one? Well, I think we know. The maze from Amazing? Stupid bitch. Of course not I also think, just before you answer

I want you to consider that we already have Sabrina's little airport tickle wall Yeah So we do already have letters on a wall I know Okay, I'm just saying I'm not saying Wheel of Fortune Oh, you want the little silhouette room

I want that woman in a silhouette room. I'm down. I like that. Oh, she's so mysterious. All the, like, you know when people are like, my drag is inspired by Lady Gaga. My drag is inspired by, like, Beyonce. Yeah. If I could just be a sexy silhouette.

Yes. Oh, a shadow. An idea of a woman. Our audiences would be so relieved She's so seductive I just think Is there anything cooler than shadows? Oh, it's great Yeah

What kind of hairstyle does she have? Like a bob Hot A blunt bob A little fuck off bob. She's a banker. You know, and during the recession, she jumps out of the... Yeah.

Yeah. Okay, great. Oh, bye. Bye. So. Yeah. Okay, goodbye. Okay, we'll be back.

Hello. You remember at the start of the episode when you talked about how you're going to kill yourself? Now is the fucking time. They're going to say, I don't know, that it got dark. It's been dark this episode Oh what? I was joking Probably Maybe

Everything's a joke with you Follow through I'm a comedy award winner actually Are you? We both are A comedy A comedy award winner Winner

What did you say? We won an award The weekly award for comedy What is cobbity? Oh my god You're not winning the fucking comedy award anytime soon Spix and Spence Okay

Hamish Blake has been nominated for the gold Logie two times Andy Lee, nothing They know where the money's made Which one has the big mouth? Andy Wait, what? Hamish and Andy

Andy Andy's the brunette with the big nose Who's got the big mouth? Darling, I don't look at their mouths I think it would be Andy out of both of them Yeah, I think Hamish is the one that's married to that skin color one I wouldn't look at their mouths I think it would be Andy out of both of them Yeah, I think Hamish is the one that's married to that skincare one I wouldn't define him as a big mouth

No, the other one's the big mouth one You like big mouth? He's hot They're both hot Sure You don't think they're both hot? I think big mouth is hot You don't think the other one's hot?

He's fine These are like Australia's most famous men I don't ever think about those men Hamish and Andy Anyway Sorry, could you hurry up? Which? Australia's most famous men. I don't ever think about those men. Amish and Andy. Anyway. Sorry, could you hurry up? Which feather is going into the bunker?

Zelda has been waiting to do this. I wanted to do feather. You can tell who's picked what topics, hey? Yeah. Yeah, probably every time. The natural world and the animals. And I'm Howie Mandel looking at you in disgust. Different types of celebrities. There's things that I care about.

Yeah, same. Things that I don't. So I don't think it should be a peacock feather. They're bad luck. They're bad luck? And that's so done. It's really bad luck to have a peacock feather inside your house. Yeah.

Why is that though? Witches? Yeah, superstition. What do they do with peacock feathers? Tradition. I don't know. Bitch, I don't know. I'm just wondering.

We just had a lot of peacock feathers around our house. Oh, well that explains the situation. Oh, well, that explains this situation. Yeah, that's why I'm so. So you suffer from chronic fatigue? Lots of things going wrong. That's right. And you're not a millionaire? That should be it.

And how many peacock feathers are in your house? None now. Oh, with the purge. Yeah, but the curse lasts a long time. I like the seven years for one feather. But, yeah, peacock feathers are a bit dumb. Okay. Yeah.

Move on. So, we're not doing that. Yeah. I also kind of think that pheasant feathers are a bit dumb. The long, thin ones. But they're very long and thin and striped. And that's great. But I've seen them.

You know? What did you say? Okay. What? They're very long and thin and striped, which I like, but I have seen them, which I don't like. Why, I didn't interrupt your little game monologue. Maybe you should have, for the listener's sake.

Yeah. Maybe you should have For the listeners sake Yeah But an ostrich feather Very fluffy quite fun Yes But very delicate And you tell And I've seen them Truly

What At the end Very delicate Too delicate Yes What? The end? Very delicate. Yeah. Too delicate? Yes. And they really suffer under the weight of sweat and oil.

And they really just don't come back. And that's an issue. Oh, right. For, like, dressmaking or, like, having an ornament that you can't touch. I'm thinking of getting the dress that I'm going to wear for Benign's wedding. Yeah. Red ostrich feather around the top. But I think I worry that it might look a bit cheap. Not if it's a good trim.

If the red, I kind of want it to be like a deeper red. Well, it can't be like, you can't. Yeah. Yeah. It has to be. Like almost a maroon. Like almost a port wine. Yeah.

We'll see. I'm stressed. I kind of think it should be azure blue that's good oh now i don't know but i think the feather is very important because if you get uh like a down like bit of cheap cheaper like down feather yeah that's just not it it just looks shit so like if you're gonna do feathers you have to do expensive so something like an ostrich well you stressed me out no but that's good because you know the option is there that's good but just don't wear it beforehand because if you get sweaty there's no fucking coming back from that i've never gotten sweaty at doing that uh that's that comedy award right now only one week yeah Like the bisexuals. Did my humor exist?

Your time in the sun. And then that's it. What about you? Well, I thought you'd never ask. Oh, well, I just thought we'd bounce around a bit. Yeah. Well, I. And on the answer.

Like I covered quite a great deal, like feather mattress, not mattresses. It's not like I'm dying of small deal, like, feather mattresses. Not mattresses. It's not like I'm dying of smallpox in, like, the attic. But, no, feather blankets. Yeah. Because my mother was, like, extremely asthmatic. We were never allowed such things in my house. Because feathers, feather anything is a disaster. Like, on to everything and the dust might love it.

But yeah, now as an adult, I can have feather blankets. Now that mother's dead, I can have whatever I like. And so feather blankets, that is so good. Why are they so fluffy? And do you know what's so good about feathery blankets? Is that they crinkle. Yes. That crinkling sound of all the feathers like snapping.

It's like the closest, softest version of having a blanket made out of bones. Yes. Which I love. And kind of like bubble wrap. Once you've broken them all, then you've had your fun. It's time for the new one. Oh. Let them snap.

There is a, like just to cover this, like there's an argument that, because feathers are naturally shed by birds. Yeah. But down, as in like the kind of like how mammals will have like guard hairs and then like insulation fur and all these kind of like different layers of hairs. We all know. Downed feathers, I don't believe, are shed in the same way. They have to be plucked.

Yeah. So ethically, like, because down is considered superior. Like if you go to fucking uniclo and get like the down feather jackets that were such a thing a couple years ago whatever yeah it's ethically worse than feathers but down is more insulated yeah um so more sustainable yeah and more evil i love but it's complicated i don't know everything about animal welfare but there's that too which is kind of interesting. Whereas like peacock feathers or whatever and pheasant feathers,

like they're all farmed in somewhat of an ethical way because they're shed. Yeah. In the peacock shed. And arguably like it's interesting because like when it's in an industry's best interest to maintain the health of an animal they will as in like it makes more sense to keep an ostrich alive for however long they live and collect their feathers then like grow one to adulthood kill it yeah take a ostrich worth of feathers and then raise the next one up which would take two years or whatever. Yes. Just interesting. Are to be a species worthy of being kept alive.

Right? Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. Any other contenders? My other contender is a gorgeous quill, which I kind of, I think Harry Potter has destroyed a little bit. Yeah.

But like the image of Shakespeare writing with his feather is quite fabulous i believe they were usually something of a pheasant feather why did they do that like what how did that how do quills work well i think because like plastic didn't exist well like the quill. When? I don't know if this is correct. How did they make a little gel diary with glitter on the inside if they didn't have plastic? What was that? Trapper keeper.

No, but I imagine the hollow of the, I don't know what it's called, but the firm part of the feather. The spine. Yeah, would be able to hold the ink or, like, the metal, like, writing nib. Yeah, would be my thought. Yeah, like absorbs ink. No, it doesn't absorb, but it's like a little straw. You know when you, like, put your straw in a martini.

Yeah, the nib would definitely be able to be kept there. Cocktail and have a little taste. Because, I mean, that's why they would use like wood or whatever. But a feather is fabulous. That's the thing. I think like fabulous pen technology. You know how they say like the biro has never been reinvented? It's the same product design that it's been

for the last hundred years. Why are we not innovating? Oh, well, they need to watch Peter Drolls on YouTube. Oh, yeah. I realize there's a whole world of pens out there. I think the scale of the feather Oh well they need to watch Peter Drolls on YouTube Oh yeah I realise there's a whole world of pens out there I think the scale of the feather

Flicking around while Shakespeare chortled At himself being like Oh it's so good I like that But listen my pitch For the feather for the bunker Is a feather plucked from the Archaeopteryx Wait The Archaeopteryx for the feather for the bunker is a feather plucked from the um archieopterops wait

the archieopterops you know they're like quintessential like dinosaur bird oh my god you know like you know the one like before like everyone was like or whatever but the archieopterops like, the dinosaur bird that, like, was, like, kind of chunky and had, like, the big long tail with the feathers. And it was always depicted as, like, reds and greens and yellows and blues. Yeah. Okay, Zelda, we don't do that here. Oh, my God.

And it's so cool. And it's so cool. And it's like undeniably like the feathered dinosaur, unlike others where like they've gone back and forwards. I guess on the upside you've never seen it. Yeah. Archaeopterus. I'm not sick of it yet. It's a type of tree.

I just looked it up. Wow, Zara, you've embarrassed yourself here. Oh, my God. Well, two things can be called the same thing. I doubt it. Archaeopterus animal. Oh, here you go oh with an x sorry yeah sure with an x what does the tree look like it's just is it cool it's just like a big tall tree with no leaves on the trunk and then just one little tuft at the top You're looking at a Pikmin? Okay

I'm laughing What about that gorgeous headpiece That Gaga had for the Olympics? Single little feather Dangling off a very long rod What do you think about this Zelda? An Archaeopteryx feather? Quill!

I'm going out And I'm having fun. And on my lash, you spy. Oh, no. A spindly piece of feather stuck onto the outer edge. I don't like it. Could be black and cut to shape. No.

Oh. I, no. Is that a lash or is it a tiny chicken feather that's been dyed and cut to shape? I hate it. You don't like that? I've bought it. I've worn it. I have photos of me in it. You don't like that? I've bought it. I've worn it. I have photos of me in it.

And I don't want to do it ever again. Certainly there's a way. I just think that that's the funny thing about lashes that are feathers is that we keep as a culture being like, these two things should go together and feel expensive and premium. And every time they go together it's so dang never ever has it worked no like no my lord it's so funny though um yeah no i do love yeah just going back on like pillow fights with feathers oh yeah that air. That's fun. Like of the like fascination

with things you could one day be apart from wanting to be a silhouette of a very chic woman. Yes. I would also like to be a woman in a rain of feathers. Laughing, hitting your girlfriend. Hitting my friend.

Pillow fight! Yeah, that's fun. They did that on, was it like season six or something? Season six of Drag Race? Yes. Yes, the first photo challenge. That's so fun. That was so good.

Wait, that was a split season opener. Yeah, it was. And they did a pillow fight for the Bianca Del Rio half. But what did the other girls do? What did those freaks get? They had to do something kind of shit He's always like the good one and the dod Yeah

Was it underwater? Was that the milk one? Because Laganja went underwater, didn't she? No, that was the season before that's detox Anyway Anyway, feathers So many of them Yeah

Such a great category I know People are going to be screaming at their radio right now. Yeah. Why did you do that? Where is this being broadcast? The Vulture Feather. Well, we have a deal.

Underrated. What? What did you talk about? You say. What did you say? No, I was just doing a silly joke. Oh, go on. You're a comedy award winner.

No. Give the ghosting. No. You deserve it. No. Give the girl her shade. No. You deserve it. No. Okay. Rewind. There is a YouTube, like the Snake Discovery YouTube channel that I watch.

Oh my God. She, Emily, has many reptiles in her zoo or whatever. But like her prize possession is her like um macaw bird and it has anxiety so it's like plucked all of its feathers out but people like because people do this to animals yeah no it had anxiety before it was hers jesus and it wears little knitted jumpers to protect itself anyway um god i hate it normalize killing things oh my god natural selection would have done that in the wild i mean right um but people will send in emily like their collected bird feathers and she'll, like, try to guess what feather it is

and it's so interesting and lame. Yeah, you really need a Samsung product so you can get off this shit and just watch a disgusted man touch members of the general public with his fist. Oh, my God. Matt, any favourite feathers? Only probably the only ones that I used to like collecting when I was younger was cockatoo feathers.

Oh, that's sweet. That's nice. You know, like you just find it's like a big white feather. Yeah. With a small tinge of yellow at the top sometimes. That's quite fun. Magpie feathers as well. Yeah.

Are a bit of a treat. And kookaburra feathers are pretty cool Yes Stripey Mmm Blue Nice colours Yep

Yeah The magpies in the bunker I mean I presume they will shed a few feathers every now and then Whatever feather we put in They'll have to have their feathers made of that They'll have to have them reinstalled Yeah They'll have to get a transplant

Yeah Sneak discovery would do it I don't know That's what happened I have to get a transplant. Yeah. Sneak discovery would do it. I don't know. That's what happened. Actually. Just an egg fly covered in ostrich feathers. What about that single white feather that flies down while Forrest Gump is telling his story to that woman at the bus stop? God, you managed to make everything so that.

God, you managed to make everything so that. What about Rachel Zoe wearing a single feather necklace or earring? No, I think a hybrid is in order. My pitch is a quill made of an Archaeopteryx feather. Yes. That's fun, whatever that looks like. And I propose that we then have someone rewriting, someone already in the bunker, we're not adding someone new today,

someone making Michael B. Jordan. I nominate Michael B. Jordan, and he has to rewrite the collected works of William Shakespeare Okay, yeah With the pen From memory Yeah And I also think that Yeah, making it up

Yeah, that's good That's really good Near enough is good enough Yeah But I also think that Leanne is really fucking annoyed by that Because she could actually do it well And instead she has to suffer through watching him Leanne, you all know, is the librarian.

Yeah. Yeah, but he has to make such an obnoxious scratching noise when he's in that library. And she's trying to do her work of dusting the small dick pic. Yes. And is she- Was she dusting the dick pic? Yeah.

With a feather. Oh! But we've got a few feathers. we forgot about feather dusters i fucking love feather dusters oh my god i do but you know what i hate is lamb's wall dusters because like what a lie and like what are you talking about this oh my god what lie you're so good at making things so that oh my god no

because what a lie we've been fed everything you say I love always ends up with like but I also hate well you can't love

unless you've had what is it lambs will feather dust on the car what oh okay well maybe more people

have had those but it's like there's like one faggot screaming at his radio now um no it's like a duster rod but um it's covered in like lamb's wool because it's like fluffy and like collects the dust when you like i'm familiar with the technique the technology but um Why are you angry about it? Because it's not a feather duster. Who the fuck has a lambswool duster? It should be feathers.

Wait, what? You haven't said what's bad about it. No, it's great. I have one. With the lambswool? Yeah. What are you talking about? You freak? Because it's not feathers and it should be. But you can't deny that it's great at the job It's completely practically fine

But it should be feathers Well it You know I wonder how they found that out Just like picked up a lamb and was Dusting the house No I think they probably had like a sheep protector that was lamb's wool And then it got like collected dust at some point

And they were like oh wow that did that so well Yeah I did recently have to wash my lamb's wool and then I collected dust at some point. Coming in pairs. Oh, wow, that did that so well. Yeah. Yeah, I did recently have to wash my lamb's wool fucking protector. Yeah, it's front of mind, okay? It's front of mind. Yeah. So you do a lot of dusting then? No. When do you dust?

Well, no. You wouldn't do that. But I just have it in case. I have one friend who does a lot of dusting. It's like. And the evil stepsisters are out. He makes it look good He makes it look like a moment

He has a lot of nice things that need to be delicately dusted I feel like it's an old fashioned thing Because no one really has precious china on their shelves anymore Literally yesterday morning was dusting But just wiping down surfaces Of my little display velociraptor under the TV And I had to pick it up And of like my little display Velociraptor under the TV. And I like had to pick it up and I like had to wipe down the Velociraptor and then I wiped down the bench and I put it back.

Our ancestors would just hate us. Did you? We had no bread. We had one piece of good China. Yeah. You'd have been dead. The bird would have been dead. Me and Cheyenne.

The bird's name is Cheyenne. You okay? Also Cheyenne in the bunker? You told that story. Like, oh yeah. And then the other day I was dusting my velociraptor. I picked it up, dusted under it. I was dusting my velociraptor I picked it up

Dusted under it I think Whoa That it's really important That we have different styles You know You're kind of like An absurdist piece

You know I'm so sorry I don't have a story about yay Yeah To share with the listener Kanye Well I think you could make a feather duster Why don't you just put a whole bunch of Yeah I think it should be a feather duster

Feathers Feather duster Yeah No make one into a quill No And it shouldn't be Just one feather Fuck that guy

No Oh my god now she's just doing it to her No mate Yes That we're not having that Yeah It'll be chicken feather No

Chicken feather duster Absolutely not Hot potatoes You wouldn't let me have a chicken Yeah We've got an egg We'll just have it's egg I mean we'll have it's feathers

There's a chicken egg We can't Wait We're not having a bunker That has a chicken egg we can't wait maybe having a bunker that has a chicken egg and chicken feathers but no chicken maybe we should have a chicken feather boa for reggie's for the girls at reggie's very on brand having the best night of their lives you know the first piece of drag i probably ever bought was when i was in year 12 and i did my oral presentation in english on the I don't know how I managed to do this but like on the importance of Rookie Horror Picture Show

and I dressed as that reason is it's good yeah could you imagine my argument um and when we were presenting, we like had everyone sat down. Wait, how old were you? I guess 17, maybe 18. Almost like, almost could have been like serving, going to Gallipoli. But instead you're like. Instead I was literally serving sliced meat on like a paper tray so I could slap it down just like they did in that scene.

And that's what we did at the start before I started the presentation. Anyway, I bought a black boa for that. Which was, I presume, chicken feather. And you say, give yourself over to this presentation. My name is Cain.

And this is my presentation on... I'm slapping down this meat I bet you're wondering why If you haven't seen the film I think I would have presumed everyone had seen it You losers Anyway

No, ew Chicken feather boa Chicken feather boa That is Chicken feather boa The most awful version of events I love it What colour is it?

Red I was going to say But like It's kind of bald in parts Yeah It's falling apart You can see the string There's just one feather flying around

When you get to the point where you can see the string I also don't understand the technology that threads feathers into fabric But anyway I think they just Yeah I don't think anyone could know They just peeled off the chicken in one strand yeah like a knitted jumper yeah um like what cheyenne might be wearing how cruel um but i think it like lives like draped around a frame and then it could be plucked off the frame and put around someone's shoulders.

Yeah. Like on a hen's night on a Thursday. Ew, that's so disgusting. Chicken boa for the hen's night. It's what they deserve. That's the chickens. Yeah. Also like, you know, it's very.

Oh my God. More chickens that aren't a chicken. Speaking of like the, the impact of chickens in human culture from an archaeological perspective is already like so significant because like have you heard about this that there's like gonna be a chicken lair post-industrialization because we've just made so many of these creatures and like the like the most common birds. So when archaeologists are going to go back through like the history of humanity recorded in like the three millimeters of sediment

that are representative of when we were here, compressed over millions of years, they'll find this one era where there was just chicken bones because we've just made that many chickens and like there was just chicken bones because we've just made that many chickens and like so many more chicken bones than any other animal than any other thing so the boa is a great testament to the mighty chicken and its contributions sure amazing okay we're done here. Lock it up. All right. Well. This week, Leland Chin, the SBS news reporter slash internet and television personality.

Yes. Then we have the shadow of a woman offering money to you. Via phone call. I reckon that that could be part of her getting people to go to the Pompeii room to go with this week's dark episode. I'll offer you $50,000. Will you do it today? You've run out of coffee tables at the reject shop. You need to assume a fetal position so that your petrified body can- Serve the economy of the bunker.

Yes. Yeah, the phone rings. Whoever picks it up gets onto the banker. She offers you an offer. Is her name the bunker. Yes. Yeah, the phone rings. Whoever picks it up gets onto the banker. She offers you an offer. Is her name the banker? Yes. Oh, that's great. And you take it or you don't.

And like, no, I'm going to keep playing. But like, maybe you don't. $20,000. That's worth it to die. Okay. Okay. And then a chicken feather red bottle. Red.

In Reggie's. For Reggie's, for the girls having the best night of their lives. Hideous. Okay. Thank you. I really thought the dinosaur feather was interesting. It was so interesting. Oh my God.

I was enthralled. But you know, I couldn't let you have it. Do you know why? Why? I realized we were already giving you Lillian. Yeah. Yeah. That was such a pass after Sia's great defense.

Oh. Are you in the Pompeii room? Okay, listener, thanks so much for joining us. Bye-bye. We'll see you next week. Death to Everyone was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Shears. Our theme song and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. If you've got something

to say to us, send it to us at death... death... death... at gmail.com. And won't you support us, please,

at patreon.com slash death to everyone. Our very first movie club went up last week. Bye-bye. That's Jack.