Death To Everyone - Death To...Ice & Dice Feat. Husband Kerg

Episode Date: February 24, 2026

Welcome back listener,This week we listen to a riveting speakhole from a fabulous listener. We discuss various types of frozen water and engage on the topic of dice. All of this while joined by the fabulous husband of Lazy, Kergen.Purchase your tickets for The Witchy Girls premiere here:https://www.comedyrepublic.com.au/event/38:552/38:2056/

Hello, listener. Before we dive into things today, we'd like to remind you to purchase tickets to our upcoming live shows for our new show, The Witchie Girl. The Witchie Girls. The first, of course, is on May 3rd at the Capitol Theatre. May the third be with you. Special guests to be announced soon, probably on here before we were meant to. Yes. And that will be an incredible night, an incredible lineup.

It's at the Capitol Theater, so it's a little bit more expensive. but you will not regret being there for a piece of history. And then two weeks later, another event. And then two weeks later. A piece of history. Another event. Another piece of history. They're all going to be amazing.

So go to our website, thewitchiegirls.com or Comedy Republic's incredible website, and you can find all the details there. Enjoy the episode. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to death to everyone. This is your host, lazy Susan. And my name's Zalda Moon. I'd also like to welcome you. to this our podcast, death to everyone.

And do you enjoy that welcome? Do what? When people come to your house, do you say, welcome to my home? No. I say, hey. Hi. Hey. Can I get you a glass of water?

You do say that. And today we are being driven through the void of space by our Purdue. Producer Matt. Purdue. The Produa. I'm the Purdue. Hi, Matt. Hello.

Would you like a class of water? Oh, I love one. Well, get it yourself. We've passed a convenience station five light years back. Can we stop for ice cream? I'm fully stocked up here. We don't have that much space. Can I tell you?

I've got mince and... Mints, mince buys. Mint's part, oh no. Okay, so I had a friend staying with me recently. No, you did. And he introduced me to this store-bought ice cream. and holy shit, it's so good. Oh God, that's dangerous.

What is it? It is like a peanut butter ice cream, and then it has like chocolate cups filled with peanut butter through it. It's... Are you doing about Ben and Jerry's? No. What? Hang on.

You say something, and then I'll come back to this. And today we're also joined by a fabulous guest, not to me, because he lives with me. I guess a full-time resident That makes me not fabulous? What I call my husband fabulous? No. What would you call me then?

A husband. Blank husband. I don't think that you're fabulous. You know what I mean? He's not Melvulous. It's Melvillus. I think you're amazing. You've offered no replacement adjective.

I just said amazing. Yeah, after like 15 minutes of thought. Yeah, well, it took Shakespeare a while to write those plays, I expect. It's the sweetporium. The sweet porium co. Peanut butter cup, one liter. That does sound delicious. It's really fucking good.

Peanut butter is really making an entree into the Australian palate in such a big way, and I'm so proud. Curgeon, hello, listener. I'm back. Now, he's back again, and you just listen to our first domestic. You're welcome Was that a domestic? That's pretty good Yeah

You're doing well 25 years Yes Oh my wife Oh Borat At 17 Grandpa

My wife Anyway Anyway This is a show About the end of the world which, I don't know if you guys didn't notice, but it always feels like it's happening. Actually, my, something, someone at the fucking TikTok head office bumped a switch the other day,

and my algorithm is out of fucking control. It is so, I don't know, like, you know sometimes, I mean, I don't know if you guys are on TikTok, but you like watch one random video and then it like spirals the entire, like, The algorithm is like, you loved that video. And I'm like, not that much. I mean, like, you're not understanding the nuance of the way in which I wanted to watch that. Like, because I saw one... They don't understand perspective.

No, it was like, I saw an Epstein video and suddenly I'm getting served all this stuff about how everything's a conspiracy. And like, World War III is about to begin. I'm like, could you fucking calm down? The algorithm doesn't understand sampling. Exactly. Like, I just want to try it once. And then not again. I also like, except for that, I want that a lot more.

Yeah. And it should know that without any other input. And sometimes it really doesn't. And if I'm reading the comment, seemingly like it thinks that I really want to know. But I'm like, I want to make fun of this and then never see it again. But like then at the set, it's like when I had that whole fucking stranger things week. And I was like, you've trapped me here. But no.

But also it's trending at the moment. Like you can't just... World War III is trending at the moment? Yeah. It's always trending. I was watching you walk around the house, listening to like half hour conspiracy podcasts on Stranger Things. I know.

That's not, no, no, no. The algorithm, you made those active choices. No, no, no, because the algorithm was like, do you want 500 party pies dipped in chocolate? And I was like, no, that's disgusting. And then it was like presented them. And I was like, well... Are they here?

I have one. Don't want him to go to waste. And then, you know, three hours later, I'm like, Buh. I ate them all. What else does lazy lie about on the podcast? What does she frame herself as, but you know the truth. Do you still listen to Matt?

Because I'm a supportive husband. I... What the listener may or may not know, I probably say this every time I'm on here is that, I'll often ask Robbie Sorry lazy Simple questions About how her day is going

And then I'll be like I'll get home from work And I'll be like So what did you get up to today And she'll look at me and go You'll have to hear about it on the park That's not That's a mischaracterization

And then we'll turn back to her like crafting 10,000 baby ducks Or whatever That's not always true Not always It wasn't 10,000 It was 53,000 Also, mischaracterizing falling down an algorithmic rabbit hole is exactly like walking around the house listening to it.

That's how it, fuck, that's what I'm talking about. I'm saying, yes, I'm not saying that my TikTok is just doing this and I'm not going next. I like it when you come on the show, Curchin. Why is that too? You guys, this is like everybody loves Raymond. I didn't. That's what the show was about, you fuck. Wait, so who's, what's her name?

Maria. Marie. Marie. And who's the other guy? Jeffrey? Frank. Who's Maria and Frank? Matt's Maria and Frank out of the two of us.

Matt's Maria and Frank. And then Zelda's Robert. Robert. Can I be the staircase? Why do all those houses have those staircases? That house, the set design, I know I must have spoken about this when my sister was on, because we talk about this all the time. But the house.

Everybody loves Raymond's set is one of the ugliest most putrid. Like, when I see that set, it makes me feel sick. Like, it's so ugly. And the thought of being in that house makes me want to fucking kill myself. Like, the deep wood paneling. So dark. And the, like, carp-podge-podge mix of, like, objects is, like, an eye spy, but everything you spy is, like, the fucking sick circle of hell.

Do you know a super cozy set that I always? wish I could be a part of, not just for the gigantic slices of pizza, but the Roseanne set. Like, that lounge room is, like, very open and wide and, like, comfy. Yeah. And it still has the fabulous staircase with a handrail. Yeah. Oh, that's good. I want to feel held by a set, but I don't want to feel like Frank and Maria are about to

bust into my shitty suburban home. But also, like, yeah, like, growing up, like, the, the cheers set is, like, below street levels so you'd always have these extras walking past the window and you just see feet walking past and I love that. I've never watched it. Well, meanwhile, I'm sitting here and going, who's Roseanne? What? Oh, no, okay, well, here's a question. Why don't you ever say my wife when talking about lazy? She always calls you her husband, but you say husband. Yeah. Yeah, You have a very like boy relationship. I know this sounds so stupid.

They have such a boy relationship with her. It's weird. Robbie, this is what they talk about when they leave our presence. I know. Everyone's gossiping about us and talking about us all the time. They've got such a boy relationship. Well, yeah. Because like, especially, it's especially weird for me hanging out with you

because your relationship with lazy is as a man. And then hanging out with your. sister, Jennifer Garner. And I always feel a little self-conscious being like, oh, my sister, blah, blah, blah. Because I feel like she looks to be like, he's not your fucking sister. That's my brother.

Like, it's weird. Well, stop hanging out with my sister. No, she's so funny. She is so funny. We'll have to explain to the listener why you and I hang out with Jennifer Garner with our time. Lazy. Yeah.

No, I think. I think also, oh, the other revelation I've had since dating my husband. My way. My wife. Like, I think that Lazy is a supremely funny human being and goes out of her way. And I'm being very interested in my pronouns. I've been told by quite a few drag queens. That, like, I think Lazy surrounds herself with many, many funny and very fabulous people.

And then I met Lazy's... Not you, Matt. I met lazy sister. And I was like, oh, you're like the funny one in the family. It's incredible. It's so good. I don't ever doubt that. I don't ever.

That's what I say. It's not a fact I'm concealing. My sister is the funniest lady. Maybe we should have Jennifer on again. Yeah. Jennifer convertibles. Yeah, she's the best. But I say that with love, like I adore you both.

I mean, we're both better than everyone else. So fuck you also What listener might also want to know is when the two of them hang out they exclusively talk in very obscure TV references

You say that? Like it's not obscure TV It's just TV No one else understands It's a different language It's deep cut It's just

Yeah Deep cut TV And I mean I've Add my grievances About this before But they're just like Cavalcade of like Actor names

And then like This film director who of course is known for this and this and then like the little like you know him from this but this this this oh oh and Zelda's just there googling gougling frantically trying to keep up oh I gave up many years ago oh but it is speaking of oh no it's just it's like you know it's the thank

god for my sister because like you know I had that whole I had that whole week of like feeling weird about Polly Shore and no one to talk to about it. He truly has no idea. Yeah. And then I went and saw my sister and I was like, I feel so weird about Polly Shore. And I've only just kind of started deep diving on him.

And she's like, that he's kind of hot. And I was like, yeah. And then I was like, and then he did this. And she was like, yeah. And what about all that Richard Simmons stuff? And I was like, yes. And we were just going in deep on it. And I was like, why is no one else thinking about Polly Shore

except for me and my sister? Like, thank God my parents had two. children. Yes. But yes, I mean, like, that's my point. It's beautiful when you're both together because you'll meet each other in that. They also look great. Like, like, a lot like twins.

We do, we do get that. Like, when we traveled together, a lot of people thought we were twins, which is either, like, she's three years older than me. So that's either rude for me or kind to her. Hmm. But they do have this, like, glint. in their eyes when they see. Oh, doesn't that look like Miranda Fernandez from the 1963 comedy show?

But you know what, though? The thing about it is, my sister is actually really, like, knowledgeable about very specific, like, things, but not me. Like, I think, like, she knows... What? Like, she actually can call out me,

like, that's that person. Like, it are really, like... You do that all that constantly, all you do. You know that when, I say that, it's like maybe 50% of the knowledge that she would have, or like, 30 percent, because she could be like, this person

from this. It is phenomenal. It's such a brilliant superpower, but it is so intimidating and a little bit spooky when you're both together. It's good. Keep them separate. Goodbye now, magical rings.

And we will see the future. I, speaking of, references that people don't understand my curse but not because people yeah i just choose poor things to reference um you referencing poor things with emerson god um today at work i was like okay we need like a song we need to play a song to like get everyone primed for this fabulous meeting that we ran um she works at the prison yeah Of course, I hilariously said to the broader audience, I was like, tell me the best song and I'll play it.

Didn't really get much. And then just like this experience, thanks so much. It's like, I thought it was a funny question to ask what the best song was. But anyway, then I played four minutes by Madonna and Justin Timberlake. And no one fucking knew what song it was. I was like, what is it happening? Because they're young or because they lose? Maybe both.

Maybe both. I thought that song kind of transcended like a generation though. Yeah. They should know it because of glee. Because the kids watch that. Do you know four minutes? Wickewiki. Four minute.

One of my favorite things that happened today was when we walked in and Matt was fueling up the car before the trip. And we were exchanging in light conversation. Matt was like, yeah, you know, like you're like, you're like, target audience is like queer millennials. And I really had a revelation in that moment that, yes, that's true because I understand. Hmm. There are a few of these references. Yeah.

I think one of the greatest revelations of my life has been just being like, no, that's what I am. Yeah. And there's no like, oh, I can't. I can't do new things. I can't get new points of reference. And I think that like I, I know. more than most about Gen Z culture. Yeah.

Like I keep abreast, but I'm not trying to like, I'm not trying to get in there. Yeah. I witnessed someone trying to do it lately and it was gross. Tell us. Oh, I can't remember. Why? But, did you say why? No.

Did she say why? I can't remember. Why? I'm like an old person. Yeah. No, but okay, so as I said, I, like, ran this meeting today. And I, like, really- Was that hilarious question?

What's the kids listening to these days? What's the best song right now? Sorry, go on, celebrate. And I- Sorry, I was thinking about the question. You asked before the fucking meeting. God. Sorry.

You go, you go. Was that you trying to do it earlier? Was that you trying to be with the Gen Zs? No, I don't think anyone from any generation. Something so stupid. No, but, okay, so listener, yeah, I really can't go too far into this because there's just too much potential for crossover. But you may recall from an episode like a year ago

where I described an experience at work where we had training on like how to present. And there was a diva who famously was like 60% question mark 40% confidence 6040. And today I had to do this thing with her.

And I felt so bad the whole time. Yeah. Because you mocked her. Yes. That's not a good explanation of what that thing you were just trying to recall back to was say it again wait what the 60 40 oh like so because we had to like provide feedback after

like learning about and then doing a presentation of like how to present like the content didn't matter but it was just like an exercise in you know like public speaking presenting information conveying things just like management tip kind of stuff and after only what you mean. As my assessment of her presentation was that she was 40% confident and 60% you know, had some work to do. Could you like give us like a sample? Oh no.

Leave this woman to die. I did think about maybe trying to find it, but that's about maybe trying to find it. But that's about as far as I got. That's all they need. That's good that you do. But I'd say a year in, we're probably at 60, 40. Oh. That's good.

Yeah. Is that better? It's the same. Oh. Oh, sorry. I thought you meant 60 confident. No. 60 confident.

So intelligent. Okay. Well, yeah. You had to present with that woman. Oh, no. That's the end of my story. Well, that's the end. That was a good story.

Okay. Should we get coaching? 40%. I think just quickly at the top of the episode, I'd like to obviously talk about the sad thing that's happened this week, which is the passing of the incredible Maxi Shield. Passing. I hate passing. Maxi died. It's very, very sad.

It's very recent. She died, I believe, of complications because she was battling cancer. which fucking sucks and she had only been diagnosed really recently like five months ago and was in remission and it's like absolutely

fucked and obscene she is like one of the most like to me like like when you look up Australian drag in the dictionary there'd be a picture of Maxi like so incredible and such a good vibe

and like I like only knew her, like, I had only met her a few times, but like her reputation, her entire energy, her run on the show, it's just like she, she was the fucking best and it's just so tragic. And knowing, I don't know that this is like particularly, like, this is telling tales out of school or anything, particularly at this point. But like the, like before her, diagnosis she had been like contacted to come back and do drag race versus the world and was like so primed and ready and like starting to get all of stuff ready to do the show and it's just like ludicrous because yeah i know that world of wonder were really like excited to have her back on the show

and like it's yeah why don't we have that like why don't we get another you know run of maxi and like the the world getting to see her and kind of her going because like I can imagine a world where maxi becomes that kind of international breakthrough diva in the way that like Hannah has and like absolutely she's got that incredible personality and like yeah amazing performance like even like like kind of looking at what she did in season one of drag race where she like had that incredible picnic and hanging rock dress and busted that microphone out of her sleeve it's like like drag queens that can just stand up on a stage and deliver a lip sync in a way that is like that is like that is the Sydney signature is like can you come and deliver a song with no like

tricks or props or anything and just make the audience completely understand what you're trying to say and like give them a full show and she was like masterclass in that every time you sell her perform like just so incredible and it's so sick yeah what the hell. Why is everyone dying? Anyway, very millennial thing to say. No, but... It's true. Yeah. It's credible. Yeah.

Yeah. Crazy. Hectic. Yeah. So, we love you, Maxie. Yes. You leave Max. Yeah. Max, I'll show you. And I can't wait for World of Wonder to use an AI version of you to compete in the show. the first AI one that they do set in heaven or something with all the departed green.

That's dark. Yeah. But it'll happen eventually. I mean, I was thinking what kind of montage are they going to use for her. I would also hate to be first out on the AI season. Jesus. Like, I can't believe the fifth one. The heaven version.

Oh, my God. I have been getting some videos like the other diva. cannot remember her name. Art Simone. No, and she lip syncs to like a modem. It's like season 574 of Drag Race and it's like the Samsung washing machine tune. Do you think they'll keep like Roo hosting the show with AI version? I don't think Roo.

I mean, maybe she would actually. Yeah, I don't know. Do you know what the... Madam Tasards, right? I think that we'd prefer to have the wax version. Slightly kinder. Slightly more animated. Very similar in a lip sync, though.

Yeah, and like would be well preserved in that cold studio. Not in the Down Under version, though. It's such a male. Oh, Jesus. Like a little candle in a wicks sticking out the top. I don't know that I'd like to be a wax figure. if they, people at Two Soods ask. I also don't like that the clothes are made out of fabric,

but the skin is made out of wax. You want full wax. Full wax. Sorry. Have you seen wax clothes before? No, but I'd love to. I've seen a wax. Love too.

I've seen a wax orange. And it had a candle wick in it. If Miss Jassad is listening. Madame, it's a female-run business. Madame Tussaud If she's there and she's listening If my husband were to be offered An opportunity to become

Has to be wax All wax 100% wax And no glass eyes Wax eyes you bitch And no real hair Wax hair Don't skimp

Don't skimp on the wax I'm sorry but at what point is it not a wax museum Well Are you saying that your room will need to be constructed of wax. My little enclosure. Yeah. Yes.

Your little plaque. Are you saying it's not? Wait, everyone else's statues will just be like so lifelike and then it's wet. This is a melting candle. That's lazy Susan. Who do you want to be positioned next to forever? Well, I assume they theme the rooms. I don't want to be in Madam to Sword Sydney.

That means. Like, I mean, no shade to Courtney. She's incredible. But, um, but like, I want to be in like Vegas, like the real chishol. Yeah, but like next to who. Yeah. I want to be in the like freaks and oddities room.

Yeah. Next to a famous gecko. Yeah, like Geico, gecko, I think I would, like the insurance gecko. Like brand sponsorship wax. It's like the gecko and then there's Amy from Amy insurance. Yeah. And then later you, Susan. Exactly.

And grimace. Me, Grimmis and Geico gecko with Amy girls. standing outside. Maybe you could join like the first like taxidermy celebrities. Yeah, Madam Dissoort. Yeah, I'd like that. Oh, I would love that. And and then like they just holl you out and use your skin. Yeah. I think I'd like it if they took the body of a young drifter and then gave me that body and just put my head on that one. I'd also love it if you were like perpetually an ready to spook position. They don't capitalize. I think they know what they're doing, but they don't capitalize

herself from Madam Two Swords as a scary place. No. Like that should be like scary Angelina Jolie jumps out at you from like behind a piano. And it should be like it's like VMA's Jojo Siwa from 2015.

Like spooky Halloween They should do that for Halloween. Yeah, put them all spring loaded. Shoot them across the room. I don't think they have wax springs that could support that. Yes, well, that's right. Well, it's like Legoland when you find out all of them are not really Lego.

I want to see like wax pink fly across the sky. She would too. Wait, but, but you know, it's like the, like they'll make like a polycarbonate shape and then they'll put the Lego around it. Yeah, it's not all full of bricks. No, or they're like, if a building needs to be strong enough to withstand high winds, they'll put a pole and then build the Empire State

building around. Why have they done the Lego like Lego Museum? At Melbourne Airport I recently there is the shittest scale version

of Lego Melbourne Airport outside the Lego store. The scale is so like small that it's just like the studs on the thing is like that's a building. Yeah.

It's so shit. It's just like some flat Lego kind of collected. Yeah. It's so bad. Get it together. Like if they just scaled it up a little bit, not to like mini fig level, although that would be incredible.

Well, obviously we're aiming for that, right? Yeah, but it's like you have your own scale metric. Maybe match that. But, ugh, it's so ugly. Have you seen it? No. It's so shit. But like also,

quietly what is the use case for that store like are you getting on the plane with your jet like death star kit then shoving it in the overhead so many people in that shop yeah so many when you're in your like mid to late 40s and you've forgotten to get your 11 year old daughter her birthday present yeah and you live there's neglectful parents you got Lego at home like there's Lego wherever you go in the world you can find a Lego so why are you doing it like why you're shopping at the airport I don't have time to go to the other shops That's where they get all their presents

Yeah I don't know I feel like the What are you talking about The airport Okay are we ready for the world to end Yeah you do it You're on the guest

What I'd like to imagine Is that this podcast goes viral And And it's kind It's kind It's the world Oh In their ear holes

And Zelda Moon just simply asked the question what is the best song to play. And I was listening to this podcast the other day where they're talking about this laughing disease where people laugh so much that they die and that it triggers mass global laugh disease. And everyone...

The reaction you wanted, Zelda. Yes. True. A good laugh and a half. And that's how the world... I love to laugh. But I wouldn't like to laugh to death, I must say. Love to live, laugh to die Live, love, laugh

So that's how the world end I like that Yeah And we'll be right back Hey, And we'll be right back. Welcome back. And we'll be right back.

We'll be right back. Welcome back, listener. And now for our next... We've got speakhole. It's time for a speakhole. All right, here we go. Oh, my God. So America's next top model is coming back with Tyra Banks.

All right, so my favorite memory from that show was Cycle 5, the Makeover Challenge. They took this beauty queen called Cassandra. She had that long, beautiful hair. And Tyra was like, have you seen Rosemary's baby? I want to give you Mia Farrow's haircut and Rosemary's baby. So she's freaking out and she's crying. And then she gets the cut and, like, I don't think it looks great. It looks okay.

She's crying a lot. And then there's like judging that night and Tyra's like, that's what the heck can I ask for. I wanted Mia Farrow, Rosemary's baby. Like she wanted it like even shorter. So in the next episode, they're like, we want to cut your hair shorter. And she's like crying. And growing more.

And then she refuses. And then they, like, boot her off the set and, like, boot her out. It's so savage. Incredible. Anyway, I think we should all get Mia Farrow from Rosemary's baby's haircuts. All right. Bye. Love the pod.

Zelda. My boyfriend says hi for some reason. That boyfriend's so hot. Who was that? That's the boost guy. Boost guy? You'll use that speakhole too much. Why is that regional New South Wales farmer on speakhold?

It's an act. Was it? He just didn't want to be. He's putting on straight voice. Vidal so soon. It's funny to put on straight voice to talk about something so fucking day. Honey, if that's your straight boys, we got some bigger issues. Big issue.

The big, we got the big issue. Listened to your speaker. Don't message him. Don't encourage this behavior. What's the last thing? That I sent him? What the fuck is this? Oh, Zelda, no.

Get out of there. Well, thank you, listener, for that incredible. Oh, it's because he said that part of my thing looked like a butt plug. Zelda, what the fuck are you talking about? I don't worry. It's too layered. Good. I'm glad we're taking this stuff.

I'm going back to Marketplace. Thank you. listener, I don't think there was a question in there. I don't even think there was an option. I think you just suggesting we all get Rosemary's baby. That haircut is incredible, but you need to be Mia Farrow.

You need to have a small bird-like face. Yes. But I do love in that movie when she's like, I went and got my hair done at Vidal Sassoon. I think about that all the time. Yeah. Classic. Vidal Sassoon.

Volume and smooth. And he got a credit on that film. like hair by Vidal Sosoon and got a shout out in the horror film. You just don't have that happen anymore. Well, it's not often that Vidal does a demon baby's hair. I got my hair done by Unicorn Manes by Mikey. Yeah, it's incredible. Back when hairdressers had a lot more sway in Hollywood, I tell you what.

Well, it was Vidal and then it was Tabitha. That's about it. Tabitha was taking over much in the way the devil did at the end of the Rosemary's baby. Give me your keys. I'm taking over. Anyway, well, I don't really have anything much to say to that. Do you remember this moment? What?

Of Cassandra or whatever? Oh, A&TM. Yes. I watched the doco, the three-part doco. Doco is kind. It wasn't really a documentary. It was so much a trailer for the new season. Well, it wasn't that because they did not spare.

It was kind of like a documentary. a four coloners episode. So, I haven't watched it. I just like lay it, laid it on everyone, didn't it? Yeah. Yeah, I was very sick and I was on the couch. And so I was falling asleep for most of it, which I think is the way it's intended to be.

But, like, it's incredible that, like, they, yeah, they got Tyra. They got all these people that are, like, a place in their careers where I guess you could describe them as thirsty. Hmm. As means. Like, they are definitely in that category. But Tyra comes in and does the talking head while the whole thing is like kind of pointing out how fucking abusive the production of this show was.

And like a lot of people are trying to do a bit of like laundering of their reputations, particularly that young heinous faggot, Mr. Jay, who manages to try and obfuscate all of his responsibility for all the, awful things he did to these girls. I think you forget that he was the victim. And he kind of makes it sound like it was all Tyra's idea or the producers and he had nothing to do with it. I'm like, you're still culpable. You still said it. Oh my God.

One of my favorite bits, because also, listen, I've never watched America's Next Stop Model. Yeah, we watched it together. Who's the evil gay? It's all new to me. Mr. Jay. And so there was this incredible moment when he was like, I think him being blackmailed to

come back for one more season. and this is how awful that experience was. And then literally five minutes later it cuts to. So anyway, I finished up the season 12 years later. And I was like, you made active decisions. It's really easy to reframe it. Oh, that creature. Oh, I don't like that.

Like, I think that there's such a- Jay Alexander is the good one. And the, um, Miss Jay. Miss Jay. Wait, what? Miss Jay. Yeah, Miss Jay. What's the other one?

J. Wait, what? Which one do I hate? Mr. Jay. Anyway, Tyra sits in the like, I mean, like, we need to use this woman for like espionage or something. Because her media training allows her to sit in a full-ass Carmen San Diego trench coat for the entire thing. And let me tell you. She's in a room.

She's in a full-ass room with just a full giant car. cartoon-sized trench coat, like a villain. Oh, my God. But the thing about Tyra is, and like, there's never been a moment where the face card has declined. She looks fucking incredible. In every cutback, in every single moment of her life, she has looked like something, like just the, like, ethereal goddess, even in the 2000s, even in those shitty fucking

digital handicams they were shooting that show on, in the, like, most homofore. phobic lighting where they have these girls like these poor young models who are like already built to be beautiful looking like absolute bin juice and tyra enters and she looks fucking amazing it is incredible that she came back in knowing full well what the temperature was around like the conversation around america's exeter model and she evades any culpability for anything at all that happened my god and like says it all into the camera without missing a beat, without ever looking pressed. She just is like, it's her reality.

Like, it's just incredible. She should be president. She could be. Like, she could be. Put her at the United Nations Economic and Social Forum and watch world poverty become, come to an end. I do think she has a lot of what Trump has. And they came up in a similar time in television. Like, they're both reality stars of the early 2000s.

And I think to be that, like, you have to have a certain, like, she, she, like, alters and changes the story depending on what she needs for the day. Yeah. Two things. The first is I'd love to put in that Swarovsky Vaseline to the bunker. What's Swarovsky Vaseline? What do you mean? What do you mean?

On the Tyro Bank show where she's like, you get Vaseline. you get Vaseline. Vaseline! And she's rolling around in the audience, and then she's swinging it off her finger. Why haven't I done a lip-sync to that? What the fuck? Vaseline!

And then there's a close-up of a bedjured Vaseline container. That's incredible. Have you not seen this? No. Holy shit. What the fuck? Okay. And she's like, oh my God, I'm going to get it.

And the second thing is, the only thing I've seen about the doco is, Miss Jay? Yeah. Saying that like she hasn't visited me in the hospital. Yeah. But then what happens? What does she say?

Oh, she's just like, oh my God, it's actually incredible. She doesn't, like she said that she texted, but she doesn't touch on that. But when they talk about the other stuff with Jay, the other Jay, gay Jay. Yes. She's like, they're like, do you want to talk about what happens? And she's like, I don't think I would like to speak about that. Like, I think I owe him a conversation in person, and I'm not ready to do that here. And, like, he's a really beautiful human being who I love with all.

And it was like, she, it was just incredible, like, for media training. Like, holy shit. Like, I don't know how much of a hand she had any edit. But, like, even though it, every part of it. every part of that show is pointing out how repugnant it is what they did to those girls. There is like she still comes across like and then it's like, and now I have my ice cream empire. Well, she'd love that peanut butter with their little cups.

Do you know that she's not allowed to call her hot ice cream, hot ice cream anymore? Why? Hot cream. Well, because so Matt, you don't know this, but she started in Sydney an ice cream shop called Smies and Dreams. Why do you think I don't know that? Well, you didn't know about her ice cream empire. I'm just fling you in.

I knew about that. And then she started going on about how she'd launched hot ice cream. And it's not melted ice cream. And, you know, she spent a year developing hot ice cream, according to her. Because she'd had this idea of, like, ice cream shops had to close in the, wintertime. But what if they did? Yeah.

But what if you could have hot? It's not a hot chocolate. It's not a moccuccino. Oh my gosh. It's not melted ice cream. It's hot ice cream. But in Australia, it's illegal. It's a lot.

It's not illegal, but it's against consumer law to label something, ice cream unless it meets a certain level of dairy content, I think. So she comes. So now it's called a hot smize and dream or something. Hot smize cream. Okay, so you mentioned that maybe Tyra has had some media training. Yeah. I'd say that it's after this.

It's beauty secret ever. I actually think I might know most of this word for word. I and anything. All right. The door break, we have this to our studio audience. And inside the boxes is my super, duper. for no fell skin saving I and anything crave It only gets better

And this is a room full of women Holding Vaseline She's fucking losing it Oh She's seeing it And then There's a point where like It goes to ad break

She's rolling on the ground She's rolling on the ground She's swinging around her finger and she kind of in a night you guys So I think a lot of those people would be aware that a few years earlier Oprah had given out cars

To her studio audience And then they got a tub of first I really imagine that what happens is It's all just one big crowd waiting outside In somewhere in the studio parking lot They all get marched in by the producers and if you're on like the right side you get to go to Oprah

I'm forced to go to the table any day of the work like if I was going to pick a charlatan to go and watch it's Tyra because yeah I think the hunger makes her more exciting and volatile

one of oh my God yeah no yeah I mean this is it's just it's what we're missing like I didn't see any

footage from that Haley Bieber launching road where she was like screaming and rolling on the floor being like, no. It's a face milk. No. We're missing. I use it morning, noon and night, you guys. But you can't deny that she looks amazing. Yes.

Yes. I also think that they didn't have anything with Janice Dickinson in the dock, really. Like she's not really touched on allegedly because she's like in another doc that's being released later this year. And she just had a fall actually on IMA Celebrity. Get me out of here. The fall with Lee Pace. Yeah, they didn't. One of the nightlights didn't come on.

Now she's suing the TV company and she's like apparently completely disfigured. I'm sorry, one of the night lights didn't come on. On the walking path in the jungle. Janice Dickinson was there at 70 something. Why would there be nightlights in the jungle? So that they can go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Baby, that's what a torch is for. This is a...

Like a flaming torch. You're in the jungle. Thinking about my nana, like, when she was 71, I'd be like so depressed if my nana was off in the jungle. Why did you send her to the jungle? Well, Janice needs to make the money. Anyway, Janice Tickinson is by far the, like, biggest human car wreck of, like, a person on America's sex time model in a way that is like, like, just putrid things would pour out of her mouths. But,

Janice? Dickinson. Awful human being, but amazing, like, presence on television. So beautiful. Oh,

and then now. Like, she would just be like, this troll sitting at the end of the fucking panel saying, like, you look fat and beefy

around the ankles. And then she'd be, like, slurring her words and, like, smoking an invisible cigarette. And it's just incredible. Like, just,

you'd never witness this kind of energy on TV ever again. Imagine like being in the jungle and you stumbled upon it. Tripped over Janice Dickinson. You've been lost in the wilderness for weeks. You find the set of I'm a celebrity. You're like finally a place to piss and shit in weeks. I don't think that's my concern after being lost in the jungle.

Janet. Janice. Janice. Dickinson, like, waiting for you in the cubicle. She's like, hello. Yellowed beef. I watched, okay, I watched that new predator movie recently. Badlands.

And there's a scene where they're like, wait, was that in Predator Badlands? Whatever. They're, like, walking through a forest with, like, spiky trees. That sounds pretty bad to me. And it's like, don't fall on the spiky tree. Oh, that was in Pluribus. Oh, it was in Pluribus. Oh, yeah.

Okay. So, well, now I don't want to be so harsh because I love Pluribus. But Plupus 20 seconds later He falls on the Spiky Tree You saw the circumstances

Of how he got to that point Yeah but it was so soon After I was like Don't fall on spiky tree Oh no I fell on spiky tree You want to be like Season 3

Yes I was like To be honest I thought I found everything to be scared of In the jungle I didn't realize It was spiky tree

That too I was tantalized But then I was rewarded it too soon. Those spikes were so long and he fell so hard and they're covered in bacteria and he was not picked up for quite some time. He's dead.

No, I mean, he's there in infection. Didn't you see him apply his own bandage? That looked hard. And he put their hot stuff on it. Speaking of hot, do we think he's hot? Yeah. Yeah. But it is like with a question mark.

Yeah, like he's been through a lot. Anyway, the question for the listener before we get into the purpose of the podcast. Is bad bunny hot? Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean like, yeah, that's a good question. Yeah. I didn't on the speak hole.

Yeah, I'm like, I think if he came out as gay, I'd think he was hot. He's not gay? I thought he was gay. No, he's not out as gay. What? Yeah. Wait, what? He's like, open to being gay.

Fuck. Excuse me? I'm sick of it. I thought he was gaybo. No. No, he's open to it. Open to be gay. I think Lady.

Gaga's trying to help him. That's why she's close. That's right. No, I mean, now we finally have some Pedro Pascal stuff bubbling to the top. Did you see him arm and arm with that gay guy? He's boyfriend. Yeah. I'm like, Pedro good.

Yeah. You could do such good in the world if you just came out as gay guy. Yes. He should be gay guy. I don't think that that Scars guard is gay. I mean, he's like not gay. But I think that's a shame. He should be gay.

I don't think we need Scars guard. what about the young one? I just need the ones that are gay to be gay. I'm sick of it. And I'm like, people are like, give them their privacy. I'm like, sorry? No, be gay. Be gay.

Visibly gay? Are you fucking kidding me? Do it. Let it go. Yeah. And if you're by, be by. But don't leave it up in the air like that. And also, if you're by, suck dick.

And also if you're by, make a choice. No, wait. It's not the day of this ability. You can't say that. But no, but I will say, I mean, I'm talking about Harry Styles again. You know how he was like by vibes? Yeah, well, he was selling nail polish.

Yeah. Like, oh. And he kept wearing like codigans and stuff that he like knitted. Yeah, no, I think he needs to, he needs to like, yeah. We talked about this. know I know we talked about that. I don't even know why I'm bringing him up. I'm sorry, I'm right.

What do you, like, I think that on the other side, there's like Benson Boone, who's like, he's like, he's like, he's like straight. Yeah, but he's like straight. Yeah. And I think he knows what a penis looks like. He's seen it. He's own. But like, I think, like, I have no issue with Bunei being straight.

Even though he's dressing like that. Is that how you say? Because it's like, yeah. Bune. But it's like, that doesn't annoy me, but Harry Styles really annoys me. Yes. No, I think it's because like the flip tells us everything you need to know. Yeah.

That's a straight moment. Yeah. He's been on like obviously a lot of like camps. Yeah, it's like tight and accurate. Yeah. It's just like you just know like you get a bit hyper with your red cordial. Yeah. And then you dress like that because you're like a fun time gal.

Yeah. and like attention. Yeah. Yeah. But not, I don't think he's even like gay baiting that much. No, no. I don't,

like he's just hot so gay people are into it. Yeah. But he's not, yeah, I don't think he gaybates. No, but I think Harry does. Yes. And I think,

I think Harry, to be honest, is just a straight man. I agree. You know that he's in the MCU. Yeah. Yeah. They talked about this last time. They haven't picked up again.

I know. Sorry, we don't even talk about Harry. I don't need to talk about Harry. But I just wish you were gay. Listener, each week on the podcast, we choose from a range of topics. C-Durban a speech. Speak-hole category. We're putting in Vaseline.

We're putting in the jeweled Vaseline. And we'll be right back. Thank you. Hello and welcome back to the show that we host. Yeah. Death to everyone. And you know who's going to die first? Our special guest for the week.

Hi, Kajun. Hi listener, it's great to be here Well, you should act like that Yeah, I've learned Oh, don't you go conspire Try and push them along Yeah Don't try and push them along

We're not on a ledge Yeah, I'm not a donkey Don't try to push me along anything In fairness, I'm not trying to push anyone along I'm just trying to get it started You know what I mean Sorry, we did a speak hole And ended the world

What the fuck do you want? Provided insight, taught you about Janice Dickinson That was the wrong thing to say you're ticked me right off. Now, if I was more prepared, I wouldn't be doing this. But Kurchin has you the guest, what topic? What we just have? Yeah.

Yeah. Gersen doesn't pick the topics. Yeah, he's the guest. He picks the last topic. Oh, you're right. No, no, no, no. No, no, we have. You guys are getting lazy.

Hurry up. Choose the topic. The topic is very offensive to my husband, Matt. Shut. And I'd ask that you retract to that statement. Don't turn on me now. Matt, retracted that statement or we don't get you on the podcast? Hey, boost juice sent me a message.

Oh, my God. This is a mess, everyone. Okay, I will say the category, okay, you know, the category is which ice gets into the bunker. Now, there's a little bit of context here. So in my household, we... Our household. In my household that I share with my husband.

Oh, God. We have a freezer, like an ice box. Can't confirm. So if you leave, you know, water in there overnight, you'll end up with some ice. Ice is a solid state of water. Now, what I will say is, I, ice water is my top favorite beverage of all time. Like, top up. I can actually confirm this as well as being one of the very first things I learned about.

Yeah. I think ice beverage is best. I also think it's such a, like, crime. that when you go to a cinema and they give those giant like buckets of soda pop out, they don't have a water option.

Sorry, what? I would, I don't want a bottle of Mount Franklin. I want a giant cup of ice water. Steele or sparkling ice water? No, still. Still. Because I think you can't slam it and I want to slam it

with like an ice cold water. You want to slam the ice. He's a, he's a Gusler. In America, when you go to a diner, when you go to a diner in America, they'll bring you a giant 700 mil cup of water filled with ice with a straw with just a little paper left on the top to make sure you have hygienic top. And it is such a delight to slam an ice water before your beverage, I mean, before your meal, before you've even considered a next beverage. Anyway, so we keep ice in. the freezer. Yeah. And just take a little bit of background before we get into one way.

Is this background of the background? It's the Semarillion out here. So. That's my reference. I need to understand that in my household, my household, growing up, we only ever had ice that came in like hard plastic white trays. And it was delivered once a week. And you like took it out.

And if you wanted a cool beverage, in the middle of summer, they had to, like, grab this and, like, slamming! Oh, yeah. To try and, like, get the ice free.

And inevitably, the slamming also caused the, like, plastic to break. But you don't do that. You twist it. It was just such a nightmare

every time. And then a couple of years ago, Lazy and I were traveling overseas and we went into this incredible Happy Panda store. It wasn't a Happy Panda. What was it? It's that new Stockholm place, the flying dingo, flying lotus.

We went to flying. Flying Tiger. They just opened their first shop in Melbourne CBD. It's so good. And we were overseas and we were exploring and looking all the incredible knick-knacks. And I discovered this thing that I'd never once in my life thought could exist. And that was a silicon ice tray. Ah, yes.

We already had one at home. I was so delighted by that. So now we have, so the moment that we got home, I ordered a bunch. So we already had them at home. So we could have silicon ice trays and it was phenomenal. It changed my world. Okay.

Now let's obviously never looked in your freeze box before. So what I will say is that over the months, over the months of my life. Don't ask such private details, Matt. Wait, what did Matt ask? It's, look, I'm, this is turning into something else other than talking about eyes. I'm trying to get this story out, but you guys are stopping me at everything. Did you freeze cum in ice cubes? No.

Oh, in your freeze box? Okay. Simmer down. Okay. So, I had noticed only recently that I had stopped imbibing my favorite beverage. Why you may ask? Well, it's because... Why?

These latex, like, silicon ice cube trays slowly over time, pick up the flavor of the insulin. inside of a freezer. Yeah. They are impregnated with the flavor. Yeah, they taste bad. And then as time goes on, there's not much you can do short of,

like you can heat them in an oven to a certain degree over a certain amount of time and it resets them for a little bit. Or you can put bi-carb soda and it does a little bit. But it just really, eventually the flavor is in the water after like a second of, by the time it's cooled the beverage, the water is now tainted. with the taste of like freezer, freezer burn ice. And I was like, I think I might have fallen out of love with ice water.

And like, that was quite hard for me. And so I realized, you know, every problem can be solved. And I said about solving this issue. That's actually my husband's mantra. It's one of my favorite things about him. Yeah. Every problem to be solved. And so we got new stainless steel ice trays with the handle to levy it open and close.

and break up the little ice pieces inside. And we've had it for about a week, and I can tell you, listener, rest easy. Because I am back, back, back again. And you know what? I even, the other day, had a giant guzzle of ice water, as I'm one to do. Did you slam it?

I slammed it so heartily that it got to the bottom, and there was no water left, there was just ice. And then I... It was off at 3 o'clock in the morning. I walked away, came back. Lazy does ice at three and one. I walked away and came back at, you know, two hours later, and there was just cool water.

For all the ice she'd done. And it was the melted ice. Which was at 5 a.m. It was melted ice, and it was still delicious to drink that ice. Melted ice is cold water. Yeah, but it was specifically melted ice from our freezer that didn't taste like fucking freezer burn. Yeah.

Okay. Thank you. Okay. This sounds incredible. I saw the device the other day. It's a lie. I got two. I got two. Yeah. It's, I'm jealous because I'm still on silicon tray. Get out of there, honey. You're ruining your own life. And if you think you can have one of our trays, try again. You can have all our silicon trays. No, I don't want our silicon trays. I hear they do is like your freezer. Um, first of all, Coach, when you described your experience as a child, you didn't go into the detail about how you would put a single grape in each thing. and then have a little treat of a grape in there. Wow, did you do that? Yeah. And was it incredible?

Yeah. And second of all, yeah, the silicon moment is foul. Like, I need to replace my ones. Yeah, it's, it's, it's, they've reached the limit and it tastes nasty. Um, and that's really hard. It is. So in terms of what ice goes in the bunker.

Oh, dolphin! dolphin ice like dolphin shaped ice yeah we're doing or like a shwan also what about those like ice picks like as in like when i watched the fall last night and not lee pace but someone else is like getting ice from the back of the yute oh yes and like i love the big into the size why do they carry ice like oh i mean i know your hands would get cold but what it's like a spider's fangs wrapped around this giant and how does it not slip out or melt to a point where the spikiness of the metal is no longer like And then I love spike.

I want that. But that's not what we're asking about. I know, but I'm just talking about the product topic. No, no, no. Your question was, what ice goes in the bunker? Yeah, if we had a big chunk of ice. Yeah. Oh, we'd need an ice peak.

What do you think about stabbing someone to death with an icicle? With an icicle? And then no one finds the murder weapon because it's a perfect crime. So, Meltz away. I love the notion that a giant chunk of ice has been dragged into the bunker. Uh-huh. And everyone, if they want their ice, has to go up with like a little peek and chisel

and shatter it little bits away and then collect it into their cup. I really like that. Ice chips. Is it from the North Pole or the South Pole? The ice. What about an iceberg? After what it did to all those people, Matt? Matt, we put it in the ocean area.

Did you also just interrupt Zelda's question? Oh my God. Guys, you need to stop. This is stressing me up. Every time this is what happens. Just geese. Go on, man. You answer.

North or South Pole? Are we doing icebergs or? Who knows? Guys. South Pole. South Pole. Ooh. Controversial.

What about, is Ang in the ice? Or is a grape? That's a nice sphere. I would love it. Like, no, there's a giant ice and the giant ice. Berg? Then one day, my brother and I discovered the new grape. I would think the show would go probably the same if they'd found a grape inside of a giantess.

Yeah. And the grape flies around on Apa? Cute. I mean, I don't, I think it's just a regular grape. It doesn't have a bison friend. I think Appa would probably try and eat the grape. Yeah. And I think it would be hard.

to teach the grape firebending. But you know when they turn grapes into pure plasma in the microwave? Yes. Wait, what? You know, when you microwave the grape and they like turn glow hot with the power of magma. I've frozen my grapes. I haven't microwaved them. Wait.

You haven't done all the elements. She's not going to ever beat the print. The melon lord. Okay, wait, wait, wait. Are you saying that the skin remains intact and the inside turns into molten grape? Mama, plasma. Actually? Yes.

What? Google it. That's cool. Google it. If you put it in an oven, will it turn into a racin? This is enough. Anyway. So giant iceberg where you collect the ice shards with thick and chisel.

So Matt said something that you all breezed right past and I want to come back. That happens a lot. Matt, shut the fuck off. Oh my God. Sorry, I was just trying to help you out here, but you don't need to throw a whole fucking pity party every time. Jesus Christ. Okay.

But chipped ice is such a fabulous type of ice. Yes. Chipped ice. Chipped ice like you get in hospital after surgery. What? Would you like some ice chips? I ran out, more please. Is Zupiduice?

No. Do you know what I hate is when someone's like, cool your drink with this Zupidupe? and they dung a little drink. Oh, I don't like that. It doesn't work. And the cup is like a fifth of the size of the doper duper. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah.

All those moms out there when I was 10 years old in regional Victoria. Yeah. That sucked. Yeah. Get it together. It's invented to suck. You suck on it. Zeller?

I'm afraid you're off the show. It's a super duke. You're not on the show anymore. The show is your big break. You can't have one of these to replace me. No, they're off the show too. Everyone's off the show. Anyway, ice spheres, like one of those pretentious cocktail makers gives you.

That's all. I like it when they put the giant metal bell over the top of them that slowly melts it into a sphere. What do you think about metal in place of ice? Like a metal ball in your drink? No, I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that.

I want some of the water. Like in whiskey I don't want rocks I don't want cold rocks I want a little bit of water To temper the whiskey What about hail? What if you went outside and held out a cup

And filled it with hail? I remember one time when I was 18 or 17 There was such a strong hail storm That it dunked golf ball size hail on everyone Yes And destroyed so many cars that day dinted my brother's car. It dinted my mother's car.

And she got it off the lease plan for quite a bargain. But, um, nothing. I demand more hail storms. I could do one of those a year, I reckon. A full out hail storm. I just think, like, that was so exciting the hail day. And I'm like, nothing has really come close since. And a unifier.

Yeah, everyone had hail damage, except for people with garages. Or people that didn't have cars. Ha ha. Or my friend Charlotte's motor. The whole, like, rearview mirror got, like, taken off the side. Sorry. Charlotte's motorcycle? A woman can drive.

Tell me more about Charlotte riding a motorcycle. What do you mean? Get your way on a go. She played Jack Skellington in our production of Nightmare before Christmas. Cool. She liked Avenge Sevenfold and lots of metal. And she did get into a quite intense motorcycle accident when she was 18. Yeah

And wasn't wearing her leathers So really got shredded Oh Yeah Yaut Yes So that's a type of ice Hale

Yeah But what do we think of the ice sculpture Oh like a majestic Ice Swan Yeah swan I like the idea That at someone's birthday

Maybe a 50 year old woman named Carol There might be a sculpture Of Carol Slowly dripping away right next to an ice sculpture of grimace. Yeah, an ice museum. What about...

I like the way that ice sculptures melt because it just like softens slowly. Yeah. All the details soften until it's just a clump. Yeah. They used to host in Rai a like sandcastle competition. Yeah. But like sculpted sand things like...

I understand the theory. Yeah. And then they moved it to Frankston. Can you believe that? Yeah. Frankston needs it, Zelda. Frankston Beach. I've never, you know, I lived on the peninsula for 18 years.

I've never set foot on Frankston Beach. I've come close. Like, what does Rye have? Rye has, like, the brains and also the most incredible war worth I've ever been to in my entire life. It's the most probably, well, at least when my brother worked there, it was not because of my brother, but just because of, it was a different economical landscape. it was the most profitable safe way in Victoria. So

Ryan has that already going for it. I think Frankston gets something. Frankston gets clockwork orange experience at the train station. That's it. Playing classical music and the most dangerous part of town. What the fuck? It is the most incredible thing

like going there is like going to Madame Cheshard's at Halloween. Oh! But I did spend a lot of time at that aquarium in Frankston. There's actually two aquariums in Frankston. One is really good. The other is subpar. So what do you think of bullet ice?

You know, the one that has... I think it might be... Because that's a lot of the tabletop ice machines that I've witnessed in my life. Because I have spent a lot of time thinking about buying an ice machine. And I'm now... I'm off the dick of that for a little while because I just put those two...

Wait, what? Dick of that? Yeah. What does that mean? Is that a new expression? I think it's an Emmettism. My friend Emmett's always like, I'm really on the dick of rosé at the moment. Like when he's like excited about enjoying drinking rosé.

Why can he just say I'm really enjoying rosé at the moment? Do you know what? I realize, and I'm sure they're going to cut it, but on the first episode of Drag Race Down Under versus the world, like, I'm not going to ride your dick on this one, but. So what are the girls? You said that? Yeah.

Oh my God. I don't want to ride your dick on this one, but what I will say. That's quite vulgar. I know, but quite funny. Yes. What a thing for down. They're not overly vulgar in that way. That's funny.

Yeah. But yeah, really on the dick of... Okay, so bullet eyes, here's my opinion. Too mainstream. It's oversaturated. But here's the pro when you could put your straw through like a half-meltered thing a bullet ice and it goes all the way through and you've got like a little ring on the straw.

Yeah, I love that. I also love when like it's still got like a little cup and it's floating just so so that you can suck it out of the hole. Yes. And then it's like a little... Shuck it out of the hole. Yes.

It's like a little submarine beneath the surface. I love that. And then I hate. Hate. Biting into bullet ice. The hollow makes it easier to bite though. It's better than a cube. It is better.

No. It's like, no. My alternative is, so I remember growing up and having the most fabulous moment when we would go to our family friend's house and they had like this fridge where you could press a cup up against the fridge and it go. And like shard ice would fall out on demand. That's good. It was. And you put your Lido. beverage in there.

I love that. Yeah, that's. Crushed ice or cubed. Can I just say that speakhole Nick has now said, please tell me other people saw the butt plug on your story and asked about it. It wasn't a butt plug. You didn't give context for that, so I don't know how to respond to you. You know, they're like, in my landroom.

Oh, you've got a butt plug. There's the window and there's like the little shelfy thing with plants on it. And your butt plug. The little. decoration on the edge of the wooden thing is like a little topper. Oh. And he thought, winky, winky. It's not a butt plug.

Zelda. Why would I put four butt plugs amongst my plants? I don't know. Why did you do that? Who makes a blood plug out of wood? I don't know. Why? Why did you go to the learning annex?

The man cave and learn how to. The man cave. Ew. Have you ever had anyone to your house and they've been like, nice man cave? No one mistakes my faggy assone from a man cave But your house does have man cave vibes What?

What? No, it doesn't? Yes, it does. Does it? It's got video games everywhere and like, you know, posters of anime. Ew! Or like a goon palace or an ass man. This is your intervention.

And also Zelda, that's how she talks about your house when you're off here. Oh, we're going to the Goon Palace again. Oh, don't make me go back to that Goud Palace. No. No, your house looks beautiful. Yeah.

And the garden is so divine. It's really come together. I wish you could tear up the lawn, though. You hate lawn. Get over lawn, Australia. We've talked about this. I know. You're obsessed with saying that we've talked about this lately.

Get over it. We're going to repeat ourselves for the rest of time. You're right. It's like to come out of the weather. I hate talking about the weather. Okay. Ice. I think giant thing with a pick.

Yes. Well, you don't get the pick. You just get the ice because that's the category. You need a pick. If you get a giant burg, you need a pick. Well, what pick gets in, we can talk about it then. That's fair. All they want is like a gigantic room with a gigantic iceberg.

Oh, like an ice room? Yeah. I don't want to be in a cold room. No, no, no, no, no. But it's not like, it's not an ice room. room. It's like, like this ice. No, it's not made of ice. This chunk of ice is so big. Like, it's got a, it's got a last for the entire apocalypse.

Okay, I know it's become like a bit of a cliche in this show that like my whole role here is just to complain about things. Your role. My whole role. But I will complain about this one thing. You know when you go to a bar? You know when you go to a bar? And they're like, spare, like,

they, they've clearly got, like, a tiny little wine bucket that you might bring someone's wine to the table with, filled with the ice that they've brought up from the downstairs ice machine

or went from their bag of ice. Yes. And they kind of like, we've got a rush in the ice. Like, and you're like, can I get a few, like,

can I get some ice in that? And they're like, yeah, sure. One. Yeah. Because they're like, well,

this has got to last for the whole shift. And I'm like, sorry, what? You're serving beverages. Yeah. you need to have a plentiful amount of ice. Like if you start this shift with just a bucket,

we're not going to get very far. When I was a bussy, I would refill that ice all night. Yeah. Yeah. And it was so fabulous because you get to stab into the big vat of ice with a good scuba. Yeah. Do you know what filled me with you when we saw? What was that?

Final Destination Bloodline? Yeah, that TV show. Yeah. And the bit of glass falls in and I was like, I'm never drinking glass again. I mean, I saw someone who owns a bar recently. I'm not going to name names at their bar, and they reached in with a glass into the ice machine.

And I thought, this is why. Yeah, no, it needs to be a kind of gross plastic scoop. It's got to be the scuba. Yeah. But yeah, anyway, don't make it my problem that you haven't procured enough ice. This is the, like, you're a business. Bars, give me the on. However, I went to.

to the older men the other night, and they were so generous. And I could see that they only had a small amount of ice, but like, they still gave me ample cubes for my chilled red. Okay, so side tangent, my life. Side tangent. You know when you, like, get, like, some chippies? You know when you're at a pub and you get some chippies? Yeah.

And you're like, oh, could, like, you expect that it, like, comes with some sort of like Aoli or tomato sauce. You're perfect for each other. You're sick. And then it doesn't, and they're like, oh, would you like to be? 20 cents for us to squirt some sauce in a little dish. Yesterday I was in Sydney and I was having dinner at this pub by myself. I was told not to say it, but go on.

And I'm like, oh, could I please get like a delicious meal? And she's like, yes. And then she's, chill, chill rosé with eyes. She comes over. And when I say that these are the best chips I've ever had at a pub, I'm not understanding it in the slightest. And this incredible woman, she came over. She laid down my dinner.

And then she was like, I'm just wanting to check, would you like tomato sauce or barbecue sauce? And I was like, excuse me? And she was like, oh, like, we've got others if you want them. But like, those are the most common. I was like, just some tomato sauce would be great. And she was like, amazing. I'll be right back. She goes, she gets a little squirty bowl, brings it over.

And it is plentiful. she gave me choice she looked me in the eyes when she gave me the decision to make I really think that wherever I was last night that pub deserves recognition Sydney

Sydney that's it Well I agree with everything you've just said I'm giant chunk of ice You're in Excellent And we'll be right back I'll let you have it Welcome back.

Curgen. Hi, listen, it's me. It's great to be back. Okay, let's do a Curgeon topic and then we're shutting up shop. We normally do three. Today we're only doing two. Speakle's really taken up one. Spakele has taken up one.

So I would really love to know. Oh. Yeah. What dice gets in the bunker? Oh. Dice. Dice. Dice.

Dice. Dice. Diced carrots, diced onion for your pasta solstay? Andrew Dice Clay. Feeding dicey. I think dice are rigged, and I don't know how to explain it. But why are they always so disappointing? Did you say the dice I tagged you in the other day?

No. Dice you tagged her in. Yeah. Come on, go on. Okay, so we have like the Dagger Heart chat, which. It's in. Yeah, I haven't checked on that. I found these, like, dice that were, like, little cheese cubes.

And they have, like, little Swiss cheese holes. And I was like, this is lazy coated. Yes. And you didn't see that. Well, okay, this is what I will say. This is, like, a great tragedy. But there was, like, a moment where, uh, I was really busy at some point and missed, like, the formative moments of, of this dagger heart campaign that is, um,

Zelda and my sister and gay Tom and straight Tom and I encourage and shout out to Ben and they've they've formed such a fabulous adventuring troupe and I do need to find a time to come and visit them again but I have I've been missing so much of this campaign but I also am like I think that that that the campaign is good and you guys are doing well with just the right amount of people So listen to some background So I don't know if we've ever It's ever come up on the pod before

But maybe just over a year ago Less than a year ago Six months, eight months ago Something around then Yeah Our friend, our dear friend of the pod Gay Tom Ran for myself

Roberto Jemima And straight Tom A session A Dungeons and Dragons Session Yeah And we went in, eyes sort of wide open.

Yeah, I never played D&D before. Yeah. And we went on this fabulous little adventure and it was quite cute and quaint. Could the rain please shut up? Is that rain? I think that's rain. Oh, no, it's atmospheric. How fitting.

And I think we played what, maybe like five or six sessions with Gay Tom. And then I think I. as our DM. Yeah. As our dungeon master for those who have never played before. Unlike us. And then I think I developed like a bit of an obsession on like what does this look like at its like not as medieval fantasy. Yeah.

And then like a fun like. Not a tokenesque. Yeah. And also what if you removed all of the like mechanics which are really hard and boring to learn? And it became like now what happens? you tell. And then we fell and discovered like the dagger heart thing. Yes.

Frame. And I developed by a critical role. And then we started playing that for like the last half of last year. And we've now started with like a full proper campaign and it's going well. Yes. And it's cute. But also we've become those nerds. No.

Nerds. And now. Anyway. Now we're going to choose dice. The chat is still ongoing, but I'm missing the chat because I'm like, I'm talking about when they're going to meet up again and I don't know. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

But anyway. Anyway, I found these dice that was shaped like cheese. I thought you would like them. Do you know what? I think that I love how much Swiss cheese is like the pictogram of cheese. But, like, sad that Swiss cheese is so dud. It's bland. Blan.

Yeah. Like, we should petition to change. It tastes like silicon freezer. Yeah. It does. It does. So does eat them. Yeah.

That's why I don't eat them. So. But I love like a blue cheese. Or Yarsberg is the edible version of Swiss or Eidem. Yeah, Yarsberg has something going on. Yeah, Yarsberg, good. I'm a big fan of like really creamy, like melting blue cheese. Yeah.

I had a moment where I was like, do I really go down a path and become obsessed with like different mouldy cheeses? Because I wanted to know. how deep I could go. Because there are the ones that have like live maggots in them. And I was like, I'm so intrigued. That's my worst nightmare. Oh my God, Matt, do you want to do it together? No.

You want to eat live maggots? I don't know. They're filled with cheese. I think about that cheese at Adelaide Fringe Festival, cheese pasta that's cooked in the cheese. Yes. Holy shit. That's like...

Have you ever had that Zelda? Yes, at Adelaide Fringe Festival. It's delicious. every night. But it's a lie. What do you mean? We discovered it. Well, yes. There's a giant wheel of parmesan. Yeah. And they have it hollowed out and they

cook the... I'm familiar. I've been on food shorts. Yeah, they cook the noki, but then they just like swirl it in the cheese. Yeah. But still, it's good. Oh my, it's good. Wait, what's the lie? Well, it's just that it's pre-sourced. Yeah, it's pre-sourced. Yeah.

So the parmesan is really just for display. Yeah. It's just Like, doesn't it pick up the fabulous Pumason crowns? It doesn't really. Wait, what? That's a lie. It's a lie. It's a lot.

Can you please fact check this for me? We don't need to fact check it because the Parmesan lady told us so. Yeah. She said, Italy. Yeah. Because, you know, we were, when you're part of the Adelaide fringe at the Garden of Unearthly Delights, you become one of the Karnies. Yes. And they tell you your secrets invite you in.

Do you know what's so annoying that I can reveal to you now that I would. want justice for, actually I might get art to get me justice. Because she's at Adelaide Fringe at the moment, go and see Fountain Lakes Y2K. There is the airbrush lady and husband that run their airbrush tent

near the place where you throw a balls for a basketball hoop to win a giant duck. And they were doing airbrush hats or T-shirts or something when I was there last just for the weekend with Wes doing the wash-up with Tina D'Eltwist.

And I was like, oh, I really want this. Can I get like a white t-shirt, one that says Susan, well, lazy one that says Zelda? And I was like one, like with this story? I know. Anyway, so then they're like, oh, we just don't have any, like, I was going to get like big giant ones that we could like crop up and make into fun little draggy outfits.

And they're like, we don't have any like of the size you want. Oh. And I was like, oh. But no, no, it's okay. You can pay for it now and we'll send it to you. What? Bitch, that was a year ago. They never sent to anything.

You paid for it now and they didn't send it to you? Yeah. And it was only like 35 bucks. I was very impressed. But like, never did it arrive. What? Yeah. Get your money spent.

I know. How do you sue a Kani? Life has already sued them. Oh, you got Kahnied. Yeah? Karned. Damn Kahnish. They played the whole.

You pay now and I maybe will give you this. service leader. They were so friendly. I thought they were going to, I was like, I never going to send that fucking t-shirt. Do you think she was a witch? No, I think that a witch had something to do with her. Wow.

At some point, she was cursed to become an airbrushed lady. Anyway, fuck that bitch. Yeah. Fuck that whole, fuck that. Not in the bunker. None of the bunker. Yeah. Tiny witches, you're out.

So, dyes. So, dyes. So there's seven dyes. Oh, God. There's like a classic six-sided one. Yeah, that's a cube that you may remember from primary school, listener. And then there is a pyramid-shaped one, and that's a four-sided dice. I don't believe in that one.

That one's always used for countdowns. Stressful. I also think that that one's rigged. It is rigged. But also, how do you tell which is the winner? Do you have a jerk? Sorry. How do you tell them?

Like if it's the number on the top In a pyramid Yeah There's three tops That what There's three tops No there's four Oh my God

There's not full When in the pyramid lands There's three tops What are you talking No it's a four-sided pyramid What? No it isn't No it isn't It's got like four sides

total because it's a fourth side. Yeah, but the fourth side is on the butt. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So the three tops. You've got a point facing. Oh, I see what you mean. Oh, do you know what I do know.

Holy. It has the number inscribed around all three sides, all three faces. See, if you'd explained it like a fucking normal human being, Zelda. Look, we're all gay here. We know what three tops means. None of us know at all. Matt, is this the best episode? ever? I'm having so much fun.

Thank you. Matt, you said that too quickly. If you were trying to rush us alone. Man, is this the best episode ever? And we'll be right back. Let's just put in the chunky D20 and be done with it. The D20. With maybe on the inside, it's like

a grape. A grape. Yeah. No, I like that one-sided die. A coin. Okay, I just want to lay out all the other dye just quickly. Then you've got a, I think it's an eight-sided one, and it looks like a diamond, and then you've got a 10, and it looks like something, and then a 12, and that is like the one that you use in dagger hard all the time.

Yeah, all the time. And it looks kind of like a pentagon, pentagon, it looks like the top. It looks like the Pentagon. And then you've got a D20, which is like, very interesting. There's also a hundred-sided dies. Did you know that? Are you serious? Oh, my God.

How do you even roll that? I don't know. Anyway, so those are the dice. Dice are cool. I... Yes, I recently purchased my first set of dice so that I could really get in to Dagger Hunt. I'm excited.

Tell us about them. One of them has a golden liquid center that looks like sand slipping through time. And the other looks like a demon's eyeball stuck in a dice. And it looks at you when you roll it. How cool it? Is that?

Yeah. I like the dice or the dye that's in Jumanji when it falls down. Falls down. Like, you know, when the house is being torn apart by the jungle. Yeah. And it now has a giant chasm down the middle. And the dice rolls off the table and off the ledge, and then it goes down, down, down. How do you roll the next one if the dice have slipped away?

Don't lose those dice, honey. You'll never get Bonnie Hunt to be okay again. Um, yeah, I mean, listen, I love, I love watching people make shitty, like, dice on the internet with, like, liquids inside. Liquid chorus, so cool. Liquids chorus, so cool. If it has, like, glow. I don't know about this gold motif, though I'm a bit worried about that. For my one.

Yeah. No, it matches my character's gold wings. Yeah, but in a gold. Oh, I mean, hey, I'm not a gold girl. As if. I'm not a gold medal. But they match. They'll be good.

They'll be good. Listen, we'll see. We'll see. But the eyes will be fabulous regardless. But I was very torn because there was like very green set for like maybe frog eyes or like new eyes. And then a kind of blue set of like lagoon creature eyes. And then more of a like black and red set for like generic evil eye.

Yeah. And I did that one. Sounds like it sounds like you made two very generic choices. It's really stressful I just want them to be dice that you'll use for years to come Not just when this character's alive Well no that's why I got the generic evil eyes

Because they'll suit all evil Okay Listen I think I'm happy to take your lead on this I could you decide You pick I would love a liquid core that looks like an egg Like an uncooked egg Like a runny egg

Could we have that? Yeah, probably, yeah. Ranny egg D4, you're in. Not D4. Rani egg D3. I'm sorry, but it was my choice. Oh, no, it is your choice. Go on.

D4. Rani. Three tops. Rani egg, three tops. D4. Fucking hell. Okay. Curgeon, you're the guest.

You get to put something in, but you only have three seconds. Shit. I forgot about this bit. In the jungle, you. You must wait. We put in Matt's cunt flap already, didn't we? Yes. Matt, can you put something in the bunker for me, please?

Oh, wait, wait, wait. Actually, I take that back. What I would love to put in the bunker is my fabulous swimming cap. Oh. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. All I've heard about, and I've, you know,

Kerch has been swimming almost every day. Almost every day. Which is fantastic. Good for you. And it's come up. For like three months now. Yeah. But this is the first I hear about a swimming cap.

Yes. What do you mean? I went swimming with my husband and he came out of the wet room. The good pool. Like you know, the dressing room. Oh my God. And he had like a little hat on. Oh, it was so cute.

And he was in Speedos and like a little goggles. He was like in the full costume. Little goggles. Googles? Yeah. What did the little hat look like? It was just like a little head. Is it one color or two color?

One, all in black. Everything was black. Black speedo, black goggle, black. Yeah. Black hat. No fun. Just here to swim. What about the flippers?

Yeah, well, I did ask about the flippers. And that was curious. Yeah, it was good. And, like, very necessary because you don't want your hair flip-flop and into your eyes and into your nose. Not when you're trying to race the people next to you. You're racing? You know, you've got to do something fun. So I think that that little black hat to help people when they go to the pool, not get the oceanarium.

Swim with your bag. Once in a lifetime. At least they'll be able to see it better Not hidden beneath all their air floating around in front of their face Because they've got my fabulous swimming cap on Yeah, that's cute Okay Okay

Well this has been an amazing episode And we'd love to have you all here To listen to us speak And to listen to yourself think, I guess This podcast was filmed and recorded live at Natural Habitat Studios Cut his mic! Cut is Mike. Death to everyone was recorded

at Natural Habitat Studios by Matches. Our theme song and music was provided by Edacentric and fingers Leslie. If you've got something to say to us, send it to us at speakpipe.com slash death to everyone.

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