Death To Everyone - Death to...The Peninsula , Stepmothers & Phone Feature feat. Sammy the seal

Episode Date: June 9, 2026

Hello Listener, Please enjoy this fabulous episode of our show - DEATH TO EVERYONE. Leave us a comment with your thoughts on SammyxFollow us, won't you? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.patreon.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/deathtoeveryonepod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/mslazysusan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/zeldamoon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ You can send us a voicemail at ⁠⁠www.speakpipe.com/deathtoeveryone⁠⁠Death To Everyone is recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matt Sheers. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.naturalhabitatstudios.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Our theme and music was provided by Edie Centric and Angus Leslie. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/ediecentric⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠www.instagram.com/pir_ingi103⁠

I want to see the backrooms What's with all the taped out doors or whatever That's how you get into backroom Like a magic door Kind of Except into your worst nightmare Wait, what? This backrooms aren't good for you honey

Oh I think you might like going into the back rooms I don't know, you're getting a divorce or something What? I think that's the thing about the film Through like the wall and the 7-Eleven Yeah honey Okay.

Do you know what is so weird? The last few months. Just, I'm being force-fed a diet of people telling me about young people making films. How do you think that feels? As an old-grown. He's trying to make a film. Oh, you're 19 and you made a film? Good for you.

Yeah, I hate that. Kind of stuff. Kind of stuff. Yeah. Yeah, wait, say more. Oh, just that they were like, The backrooms was made by an 18-year-old. That's worse than 19.

Well, they were like, oh, he's 19. They were like, he was 18 when he started shooting. And I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? What, as in the director? The director. What credential? He was making the YouTube content around the back rooms because he was really involved in creepy pasta.

You know what's creepy about pasta? Nothing. It's a little light. But. And it's delicious. Yeah, there's just been, you know, because obsession, obviously he's 26 and a YouTuber. Yeah. The fucking Raka Raka boys.

Waka, Waka. Yeah, exactly. This time for Africa. And this time for Australia. Oh. But yeah. Can you say, sorry. No, I'm just sick of it.

I just, I'm like, and I know why that's the main conversation. It's because every company is trying to figure out how to target Gen Z. Jim Henson Company is trying to target Gen Z. I'm going to have a little sip in my ice Coke. You said every company. Jim Henson is trying to get on board with them. Oh, yeah. Do you know that so many gals in my life went to see obsession and loved it?

I know. And to all of them, I said, oh, wait, really? That's so interesting. Lazy hated it. But you're a woman, so I believe you more than I believe her on. I think we should. But have you had any of that feedback? Well, I went and saw it with some gals who also loved it.

And I was like, oh, well, listen, I'm, yeah. Yeah. And so, I'm, I still haven't seen it. I'm really curious too, because I think that's so interesting. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. I mean, listen, I think that that's probably the people to listen to. No one's offended.

I also, like, I think separate to. Not to harp on obsession again, but the thing to, like, separate to the critique of it being kind of shitty kind of misogynist, like, fair. Yeah. I think that it is also kind of just shit. The writing is bad and the dialogue is stupid. And the people don't behave like anyone. Yeah. And so there's no opportunity, despite the best efforts of the actors who are good,

to do anything interesting because they're delivering lines like, I've dropped my crystal necklace down the hole in the floor. Oh, gee. Wait, it's a crystal necklace? Yes. Cool. It doesn't appear on screen. Oh.

I know. But these back rooms. Oh. But can't wait. Yeah, cool. Okay. Well, yeah, that's good. The gals loved it, though.

What did they say? Back room. Oh, obsession. They said, I was obsessed. Yeah, just like glowing good times. Well, listen, I don't know. Also, probably, like, when you see the horrors of your heterosexual life depicted on screen, you're like, wow, it's just like the real thing. Oh, they're Stockholm.

I can relate. Yeah, you're like, now let's go home and watch Love Island. Oh, God. And see more of the horrors. What? Do you think, okay, so like Jersey Shore was obviously like a hit at the time, but it didn't really go for that long. Like there were a couple gold seasons of Jersey Shore.

Then there was like other. Yeah, I just love the idea of you starting this episode going, there's a couple gold seasons of Jersey Shore. There are things that make you say, J. Wow, etc. And snooky. But like it seemed crazy to me that like those, sex on the beach or like that one you said what did you say love island love island that wouldn't exist without jersey shore i presume sure so like it seems crazy and unfair to me that jersey shore had

its time and is now looked upon after mentioning by two people laughing at the mere thought of it being golden which of course it is yeah and then it didn't survive but all of its children have had such incredible success that have been sure sure still going zada what isn't it we dream of for our children that they live a stronger. There's a different type of shore for every country now. Well, yeah, it was Geordy Shore. But I'm not interested in that. I feel like Love Island's a real winning market has been in discovering, like, the putrescence of British people. Yeah, being hot and being in bathers.

And awful. Do you know about the Marvel swimsuit edition? No. So often, maybe annually, Marvel do like swimsuit edition, like, a course. comic run of yeah like they're all like having fun at the beach um and it's been like a thing for a long time but so fun and i someone told me recently that that i should get someone to explain this to me but they were like when in witchie girls season two is there the volleyball competition episode yeah swim's food edition of the richie girls and i was like what is that and i was like at first i was like that sounds great yeah and they're like no no it's like it's like an anime thing the volleyball

episode. Yeah. I mean, there is that. There's even like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a thing. Maybe we should go to the beach. Oh my God. What is that? What's the Japanese island? Beach Island, Amber Island. Amber Island. Um, you'll forget all your worries. It's Amber Island. Amber Island. Oh, God, I love that episode. Oh, it's so sad. And they're arguing at the beach and Zuka's so hot. At the beach.

They're wearing bathers at that beach. What beach? Amber Island. Amber Island. Oh, yeah, they do. And Azula breaks the volleyball. Yes. I love it.

Her and that guy. She's crazy. That's what I'm like in a relationship. And out of her. How's your date? You're referring... Wait, tell us what the show is first. Oh, this is death to everyone,

a show where two cross-dresses who are gigantic stumble their way through the celestial void and occasionally decide to help humanity by taking various elements of their human civilization

and putting them into a doomsday bunker to save them for all time and of course we are joined as ever by the inexorable matches. Hey. Our producer Matt, who drives the space car through space. I kind of keep you on track. Do you?

I kind of like this, man. Yeah. Well, today we've already spoken about obsession, the back ooms, the Jersey Shore, the Jordy Shore, and Love Island. So I don't feel very on track, actually. On tracks? You know, I bought two pair of OnTracks underwear. They're very comfy, but they were so obscenely expensive. Do you know what I'm talking about?

Is that two Xs? Is it on tracks with two X's? No, it's like on tracks, like just the words, but it's like faggotware. I don't know about that. I haven't heard of that. It's like Lee does some modelling for them and stuff. Oh. It's very like...

How much was it for this expensive? Oh my God, it was... I pulled it maybe a year ago. But it was like outrageous. Also, the shipping was probably equal to the amount that I spent. The little waistband looks so thin. Yeah, but that's cunty. Is it?

It depends. It's no Rio, honey. It's no Rio. Speaking of Rio, kind of, I watched Zootopia 2 because we talked about Shakira so much and I had to know. Did you watch it alone? Yes. I thought you might have been with your nephews? No, and I did think, like, this is kind of weird to sit down of an evening and be like,

well, I best switch on Zootopia 2. Well, someone needs to tell it to all gay men. But I had a really good time with that movie. It was fun. What? That's a really good chance of it. It was fun. Maybe you can get a Judy Hopper plushy.

I don't want a Judy Hopper plushy. Thank you. Clap if you want Zelda to have a Judy plushy happy. But then last night with Gay Tom, I watched G. G.T. Mario Galaxy. Zelda, what the fuck?

Okay, we watched... What the fuck? We watched two films. We watched They Will Kill You, which was incredible. It was so fun. Oh my God, that is good. You have to watch it. Like, you have to.

Okay, well, that balances the scales a little bit. And then we were going to watch. I want to watch the Grace Jones Doglo 7 because I've never seen it. But I forgot about that and then was decided on watching House, the 1977 Japanese. House. But after, I don't know, after our little slash-a-thon, we then said, settled on Mario Galaxy. And holy shit, that movie was so fucking bad.

Boy, did you settle. And also, because, listener, I realized, too late, Zelda already had plans, that Little Shop of Horrors was playing at the Palace, Westgarth. And I was like, because I'd put it in my calendar, but not told Zelda that I was like, oh, we have to go. Because Zelda has never seen Little Shop of Horrors. And then I realized all too late on the day. And I was like, what are you doing?

No, the day before. What are you doing? and she's like, I'm spending time with G.T. Gay Tom. And if you were just been hanging out with friend GT and watching Mario Galaxy instead of at the cinema, enjoying fucking Ellen Green singing her heart out, I would have had to kill myself. Yeah, but no, it was...

But that's okay. You watch something good. Domino from X-Men was in it. So, you know, sorry about that. But she was fantastic. She carried the whole film. I mean, she's like the center point of every single scene. but oh she was amazing well i can't wait to see it and i've not seen her in anything other than dead peel too um but she was great you like you have to see it i'm excited yeah lazy

you have to see that movie i had a great time with it yeah i had a great time with it but Mario galaxy too holy shit it wishes was Zootopia what is i just i can't believe after seeing Mario what was it called Mario? The Super Mario movie? Was it called the Super Mario movie? Number two? No.

Then, like, Galaxy is the sequel to the Mario film we saw with your nephew. Yes, yes, yes. Fuck me. I would have, like, blown up the studio after that. That film was fucking terrible. And for them to be like, and I know it made a billion dollars. Yeah. But I don't think that a billion dollars is worth that film

getting a sequel. Oh my God. It's so bad. It was awful. And then for the, yeah, for them to do another one. Just like the most. But you watch the whole thing. Yeah.

Well, and. Oh, Mama. Oh, Mama. First of all. You're crazy. I'm not your mama. My name's Bianca. Good.

Holy shit. That every joke was. so expected. Like if you, it's as if the script was written in 2015. For children. Unchanged. Yeah.

Like the jokes were so tired. Is he right behind me? Eh, and the look of those, what is it? Illumination, imagination. Illumination. I just hate it.

Like, and also, like, Mario, as a look, yeah, has incredible art direction. It's carried the franchise through 40 years.

And this is a deviation of that into that illumination lens, which is so soulless because it just looks like every other character they've ever made. Yeah. Which is so weird because you already have really strong character design and art direction. Yeah. So why you would then water it down by making it look like everything else is insane to me. I had to suffer through a little intro scene of like the, studio logo or whatever with the fucking minions,

which already made me want to kill myself. And then, like, the story is completely nonsense school. GT made a good point of, like, every single scene has the most epic score and action. So there's no pacing. It's just, and now this, and now this, and now this. Oh, oh, this. Oh, oh, awful, awful, awful. Listen, I couldn't agree more.

Oh. That's why we deprive children of screens now. Because it's better than the alternative. Yeah. Yeah, because it's so full on. Everything is just like rammed down your throat. And not in the good way. No.

We're not expected like Mario Galaxy. No. I also hate that they went for Mario Galaxy as the second title. And can I just say, you can. The second scene isn't from Mario Galaxy. That's from Mario Odyssey. So what are we doing? now what?

Now when they want to do the Mario Odyssey film, which would not be a delight, they can't visit that place. It's actually a real shame that they didn't go straight for Mario Sunshine. Well, some of those Delphino divotrons were in this film, just hanging out at the airport or whatever. Do you know I would fucking rather like take a potato peeler to my mid-calf

than ever have to contemplate, making one of these films. Yeah. Like if someone was like, like even with... Well, you're too old anyway. Yeah, I could never do it. I'm so fucking old. But the, just like getting in trouble from a fan

because like the Minecraft blocks don't technically stack like that. Eat my fucking hole. You know what I mean? And then... No, I don't know. I just, I think... They have a way that they stack. Well, listen.

And if you don't fall into that trap, then you're going to fall into 10 others. You know that the blue one was. wasn't actually out until that, exactly what you just said about Odyssey. Oh. And I'm like, this is why we can't have anything. Well, you know, that's why the fucking Mario movie that they made in the fucking 80s with Bob Hoskins was the superior film.

Yeah. Because they said, we don't give a shit about your stupid fucking game. Yes. It's set in the future dimension. Yeah. Where there are boots that make you fly. That's cool. And Yoshi's a dinosaur.

Yes. And the Cooper's are evil dinosaurs. Yes. And Bowser's not even, he's a scientist. Yeah. And Peach is actually Daisy. And Daisy's actually a woman who lives in New York City. It's good.

I bring back Coke-addled not giving a shit about the source material. The one thing I liked in Galaxy was Brie Larson. She did a great job. That's a lie. She was. Voice actor. She did good. What about peach?

No, woeful. I don't like it. She's no peach. Uh-uh. But also that peach? That's not peach. Yeah. Fidey peach.

Fighting peach? Fide peach? No. Girl power peach. I fucking hate it. Love peach. I love peach. You know who loves peach?

Call me by your name. I haven't seen that. And I actually never will. Yeah, you will. Can I just say I'm not going to see it. You're going to see it, bitch. Because my stupid. person I was seeing this year, he loved that movie.

What does that have to do with it? I don't want to see that. Sorry, that person you were seeing earlier this year can't just waddle into your life and snatch away my joy. Sorry, it's not about you. It's not about him. It's about me. Yeah, but no.

We're watching it. That movie is going to depress me. I could give two hoos. You know what depresses you? Everything. If we shut down everything that depressed you, the other. The only thing that would be left would be 7-Eleven. And Marvel Rivals.

What would be in that? I think Marvel Rivals is depressing you. You just don't know it. You came over to my house and you played that game and I saw into the heart of darkness. No. I downloaded that game as a funny bit to force your husband to play. It's so ugly. All of those games are ugly.

Why are they so ugly? I don't know. They're so ugly. You're not wrong. But. I now have a skin where I'm rogue But as a cowgirl I've got a cowgirl hat

When will you be satisfied? Never, never Cyclobs comes out next week No, no We need to delete this off your fucking What is it on? I'll never tell you I'll just have to destroy everything in your home

Planted in her brain Yeah Um God damn Yeah So on Sunday The final episode of The Witcher Girls came out Did you enjoy it listener?

It hasn't come out Oh yeah I mean, yes. Winky, winky. Oh, my God. Isn't that cool? Isn't that fun? Six episodes.

It's the right amount. Could you imagine? 24 episodes. Of half an hour, to an hour. Do you know what is hard? How many people have asked me when season two is coming out? Yeah, that's not happening people. Yeah.

I'm like, why, you've got half a million dollars or what? Yeah. Do you know, okay, I will tell you, listener, the original sum we were asking for to do everything by the book at like lowest. Like, because if you get government money, you have to pay everyone industry. Real. Industry set. Industry minimum.

Okay. So not even like, not lavish, like, by any means, but just like the minimum. Instead of like instead of biscuits. Instead of sweet fuck all and a poke in the stick and having your name forgotten on stage. Who got poked by a stick? Uh, someone will. That was their payment, so. I know I'm jealous.

But the original fee we asked for was $360,000. Mm-hmm. What was it? And Matt, when I tell you, when I tell you, if you've ever seen a Screen Australia web series, that is how much that was generally made for. Yeah, yeah, of course. $360,000. I don't, I'm not, it's just like. It's crazy.

I just can't believe that you made the show. We made it for. for 40,000 years. And that was up from what we originally thought it was going to be. Casually, double or triple. And that was literally just because every single person was doing it for no money. But the thought of doing another one, it's like we can't do another cheap version. It's actually just like, even if we were able to fundraise $40,

$40,000 or whatever. Like, I just would never want to put people through that again. Not like it was traumatic, but it was so much work. No, everyone did it with such goodwill. Yeah, exactly. And it's like, that's a finite resource. You can't be like, oh, that was fun. Let's do it again.

Yeah, we'll just not pay you. Like eventually there has to be a time where the money comes. Yeah. But you've got a great proof of concept now. Excellent. You know, like in 50 years, it might come back. Hey, listen, in 50 years we might be able to make a TikTok. Yeah.

Baby, baby. Yeah, so, yeah, basically unless we get actual money. Yeah, so stop going to Zelda and Susan. Oh, no, no one's asking me. I just look at them and go, get out of my way. Stop going to them unless you've got the money, ready to go. You've got a cool 350,000, just sitting around, wanting, just needing to. to do something with it.

Maybe it's a tax break, I don't know. Yeah, right? Just send it over. Oh, my God, I'd love that. So, yeah. Do you know anyone with that kind of pocket money? Do I? No one that wants to give it to me.

I'm not wrong. I mean, like, yeah. You know. But we're so proud of our show. Oh, they ever see. The six is so good. Yeah, yes. Oh, it really, I hadn't seen,

as much of the final edits of five and six. Yeah. And so it was, yeah, really nice seeing it all together, together together. And it's a great show all over. Yeah. People learn lessons. It's got tiny. Do any of your spells work in the whole series?

They all work. They all work. Do they? Well, yeah. They all go wrong. The girl's invisible. Yeah, she's invisible forever. The,

The time was stopped. Time does stop. And unstops. We saw the future. Yeah. Yep. We won the tickets to killing Heidi. Mm-hmm.

That didn't go right. Hey. Hey. That was not right. We cursed Ella Hooper. True. Maybe that did go right. And...

Cline Zelda. And we managed to... That didn't go right. Yes, it did. She got on a date. Yeah. Well, oh, true. Yeah.

We're actually the most powerful beings in that show, most overpowered. What I wanted to ask was, with the witchy girls, are any of your classmates witches? No. What gave you that impression? No, no, I just was wondering if any of the other ones had powers. No, we had a long conversation about, before we even started making the show about what the magic was like in the show. and we basically landed on these two are the only two that they know of and that they might there's like a kind of shitty brand that sells magic goods

hagboards eggboards of course and that that is sold by like a sheister snake oil salesman but that they because of their amazing innate magicality are able to make fake spells work real yeah um Although I think, and we also had like a big conversation about whether there was like demons or an afterlife or, you know, any of these things. Supernatural stuff. Yeah. If there's other supernatural things outside of them.

And we're not conclusive because that's why we haven't shown anything except for us. We did. Yeah. I think I, yeah, I like the idea that it's all. I think we had a conversation one day about like it's all there, but it's just so incredibly. lame that most people don't touch it. Yeah, exactly. So it's like there.

It's like in real world. Yeah, basically. It's like there's just the cooks who are like, no, it's real. Yeah. But then like in that world, it's like, no, it's actually real, except it's still lame, so people avoid it. And then, um. So you like the outcasts.

Yeah. Well, did you watch the show? I have. Did you watch the show, Tamar? They are cars. I watched it every day, yeah. Um, but the, have you showed your child yet? Oh, yeah.

Oh. He doesn't like it. Oh, Miro. Too loud, too exciting. Yeah. He prefers Mario Galaxy. He's only a shit in milk. But I think in season two,

there's a hint to that that there's a warlock later on. Yeah, true. And the key thing that I never want to do in Witcher Girls is have a losing power episode that's so boring. We're losing power for a whole season. Oh, they've been humbled because now they don't have the magic. Shut up. I show about magic.

That's why it's cool and fun. I just want to have fun with my characters. Oh, don't limit. But I was very impressed with episode six because you both sing in it a lot. Thank you for your cajoling, yes. Well, I didn't say that I was impressed by that. No, I actually was impressed by that. Because when we were starting the music, that was one of the first things we did, really, wasn't it?

Because you were shooting that episode and you needed all the songs already recorded so that you could lip sync to them on the set. I've just seen that Lazy's posted the image of Matt wearing the face mask. It's so good. Sorry, yes. Sorry, back. Yeah, no, and go on. Sorry, they're posting because on Instagram. Yeah, so we sat in the studio and recorded all of the musical episode,

in episode six. And Zelda, you'd never sung before. No. No. No. No. Well, not since. I was Grandpa Joe, of course, in the grade six show.

No, it was actually grade five. Charlie in the Choccofactory. No, it wasn't. I was in year nine. Charlie in the Chalkafety. Well, that's better, I guess. I've got a golden tick and I've got a golden twinkle in my...

So we did all of Lazy's vocals first. And we know Lazy can hold a tune. She... We've recorded things together before. So I knew that you could, in theory, muddle through, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you can hit.

You hit the right notes. You hit all the right notes. It's just, you know, it's not every time. It's just a bit of a gamble. Yeah. But we got there in the end. Hey, listen. Yeah.

But originally I had said, because like the episode is a musical episode. I don't know if you made that clear. But the, the originally I said to Zelda, we should get, like, voice doubles and have it. Like, I was pretty adamant that it would be great. for that to be the case. Like to really polished. Yeah, like just for them to have like obscenely good vocals would be really funny. And Zelda was like, absolutely not.

We're doing it. I was like, oh, at least we've got that idea as a backup. Yeah. But then we came in and then Zelda just like, just nailed it out of the box. Well, she was hitting these notes that like were just so high and so low and just just smashing it. Oh, well, you know. So if you need someone on your next single,

Yeah. Get up Zelda. Hello. I condemn, I condemn, I condense, I can't, second, Feet Zelda, Yeah, that's what that says on Spotify. That's what your Google search term says. Feet.

With Matt, feed Zelda moon. No, Fee A-T-Dutch. Sorry. Okay. Whatever you say, Matt. All right. Oops, me. I'm over.

Matt, can you destroy the planet? I don't want to think of it. You don't want to think about your feet. You don't want to think about singing? No, I don't want to come up with the apocalypse this week. All right. Well, Zelda gets so good at singing that she starts practicing doing really high-pitched operatic notes and trying to shatter glasses. And she goes on, America's Got Talent or Australia's Got Talent or whatever.

One of them. Planet Got Talent. Planet Got Talent. Yeah. Yeah, the global one. Yeah. And it's being broadcasts all around the world. Yeah.

And she hits such a pure note that the earth just shatters. Oh, that's a good one. Yeah, that's cool. It just breaks into a million pieces. Okay, we've ruined it now. Oh. Gilding the lily. A million pieces.

Oh, you're crazy. Okay. Cool. Okay. All right. All right. We'll be right, mate. Come right.

Oh, Matt, do you know what that sounds like? Do you know what that sounds like? No, I don't know. It sounds like the Echo in Echo the Dolphin for the Sega game gear. One moment. Because there's this particular, when she does like that, you've really ruined my intro. That's okay.

I can't find it. Anyway, listener, you know what I'm talking about. Hello and welcome back. Hello, listener. Are you still listening? You're listening? If that's the case, why? I need to ask yourself.

There are now 28 million people in Australia. How do you feel about that? That's a lot. What was there before that? 27.9. When was that though? Like yesterday? I don't know.

Like it's been quite slow, honestly. Value. Yeah, what was it 10 years ago? Well, I don't know, Matt. I'm not a calculator with a special feature that tells you what the population of Australia was 10 years ago. Which would be weird. Other thing. Yeah.

We're doing Comic-Con. We've just done Comic-Con yesterday. Yeah. Zelda is kind of the comic book drag queen of Melbourne. Yeah. And so I just can't wait for everyone to see the incredible outfit cosplay that she's put together for Comic-Con. Wow.

No pressure. Because this is the first time she's ever gone in drag to this event. And Melbourne is watching, to be honest. I'm sure you'll be reading about it in the paper today. Oh, thank you. What do you? Give me a sneak peek. No, what is the fabulous God?

I don't know what I'm going to do. What? Oh, you're being coy. Oh, my God. And Lazy's decided on Mandaloraleigh. Mandelora like Gilmore. La La La. La.

We have to do it through the mask. La. Had to do it through the mask. Rory, he's a married man. He's Dean. He's my dean. Through the mask, though. Yeah, well, that was through the mask.

So, what was I going to complain about first? Yeah, you complain. Yeah. I don't know. It's gone. It was too enraged by what you were saying. So, speakhole. It's time for a speakhole.

The first speakhole today is. We need a speak-hole theme. I'm sick of not having a speak-haul theme. E.D. Hello. Angus Leslie. Hello. Could you write us a speak-hole theme?

Please. You'll never do anything for us. Please. They just play the theme song every week. Live in the studio and they never do any other songs. Yeah. That would be so funny. Okay.

So the first big hole is from Anonymous. Anon. Anon. Hello, Celestial goddesses. It is me, Brenda Brest. I just have one point of order that I would like to address. More glasses to take up and the most recent episode and the discussion of which-witch,

and the discussion of Wizards of Waverly Place came up. And my point of order is that I'm disappointed, not disappointed, but maybe concerned, be concerned, particularly that Zelda did not bring up the fact or discuss the lead to nudes of, I don't know the actor's name, but the guy who plays the dad in Wizards of Way to replace. I'm just concerned that that wasn't brought to everyone's attention. And as Zelda being the connoisseur of, I would say, explicit material.

Yeah, I would just like to express my concern. That is all. Love and Light, your reigning snatch game winner of Down Under Season 4. Oh, sorry, dear. Sorry, lazy. Do you know how I've decided is my new snatch. Thank you, Brenda, for calling in.

That was fabulous. Yes, I've decided my new snatch game is going to be Alan Car Chattyman. David Deloise, the dad from Wizard of the Wayfilly Place. No, that's David Henry. The dad is the dad. David Henry is the one that's like very Christian. So the reason Brenda that I didn't know that is that I don't know what you're talking about. I've not seen that show.

Yeah. I said that I prompted that because I was looking through like which shows and I saw it and I knew that that was a lazy Susan special. But I don't know anything about that. I should have brought it up. This? This guy's bulge is huge. No, what? That's not.

He's a dad. Think a stocky man in his 40s. Look at this dude's bulge. Here it's jiggling. Are you... Is that David Henry again? Yes. Yeah.

Is he in Waverly Place? He's the older brother. Oh. He just can't get things right. He seems to have a huge dick. Yeah. But he's very Christian. You're never going to see it.

You are going to see Zeke's dick. Zeke. Because Zeke now has an only fans. That's why he wasn't invited back for the reunion. Zeke. Waverly Place. Dick. Feet.

D. Dan Benson? Dan Benson. You can buy his dick. Dan Benson. Yeah. You can buy his dick. I could get fucked by that dick.

You could. Not I rather. It looks thin. I don't look at like a long, skinny one. Yeah. And he's like got such a tight little waist. Yeah. He's such a tiny man.

Oh. Wait, this is the dad? Daniel Deloese. Daniel? Dan Deloese. Son of Dom Deloese. Okay, nothing. Right.

Great. I'll fucking kill us. Who's a Don Deloise? Dom Deloise. He was an entertainer, comedian of the kind of golden era of American TV. And tell me. Oh, he's handsome. Dick.

Feet. Don DeLois, Dick. Where is this? Oh, you know what? Selena Gomez has probably buried it because she's got the power to control the internet. Now, what was it going to... Oh, yeah.

Alan Carr, chatty man. Okay, let me go... Hello, it's me, Alan. Oh, is that good? No. Okay, let me try again. Oh, no, I'm a traitor. Oh, God.

Is that good? That's good. Oh, I'm a... Oh, I'm Alic Carr. Hello, Michelle Vise. No, that's terrible. Well, now I'm just looking at Bonn. on the pot

porn on the part hello it's me Alan car chetty man I was with my good friend Adela off the weekend that's okay that's getting there It's good

It's on the way Okay I'm a traitor Paloma Faith So I'm good friends with Paloma Faith I don't know Sometimes they have Alan Alan

Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan If um okay So Michelle Vassage Isha

Oh, God, you're terrible. Is traveling to the moon. What's in her coin purse? Oh, I just had her big fucking pussy. You know, she loves her cats. What can I say? I saw her audition for cats before as well. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, God. I have nothing. All right. I've got nothing. I'm Alan Carr, chatty man. Okay.

What if, okay. Hello, Zelda Moon. My name is Alan and I have some questions for you because this is my show. Okay. So, first question for you, what do you think is Rooball's secret to success? Hi, Alan. Hi, hi, Alan.

Yes. I would say it is... Go on. It's Alan. I would say it's eclipsing those around him relentlessly and aggressively. Zelda, well, she doesn't want to be on the show. Oh. Yeah.

Yeah. Say something nice about RuPaul now. Love her music. Did you see Rupal's latest post on TikTok? Which one? The one where she's walking as the president from Stop That Train. Yes, I did. It's so good.

All of her social content is good. Cupcake. I'm sorry for that, everyone. Okay. You know what? I'm so ashamed. I thought I had a good Island car and I don't. It's kind of worrying when you have to say who you are.

Well, sometimes you've got to have a trigger word that gets you into it. Yeah. And saying Alan. Alan. I'm Alan. You know, I took maybe 10 minutes out of a team member's work day yesterday, explaining to her the origin of AIDS. Not the disease, of course, the pronunciation by Victoria Beckham. Yes, I was going to say.

Yeah. Because wasn't it? And it was good. Did they enjoy that? Yes. And was it hard? No. No, because they were familiar with 73 questions, but weirdly not with the Victoria Beckham one.

I meant, was it hard when you got fired shortly after that? Well, you can't fire a gay person for talking about AIDS. Raising awareness is what you'd call it. Yes. Amazing. Oh, that's brilliant. Brilliant. Oh, that's great.

Oh, that's excellent. Maybe it's lower. Is it lower? Hall and car. Chat him out. God. Okay. Now can't I get this?

Let's do the next speakhole. Okay. Just a sec, everyone. Just a sec. Wait, why? I'm suspicious of. Jonathan, did you see how he dug his grave? Wait, it is pretty good.

Do you know what I'm suspicious of? David, the way he dug his grave. Oh, it's Alan Carr. I'm just pushing too hard. I need to do less. Honestly, I've needed to do less as an entire die. Oh, God, this is great. Yeah.

Oh, kind of. No, I'll keep losing it. But it's there. It's there. It's better than my homer. I do think it's better than your homer, which your homer is not bad, my sister. Guys. But it's...

Guys, I'm working on it. I'm working on it. Okay. She took her giant minge. Excuse me? To space, you asked me, I'm telling you. She took her giant bloody minge. That would get a...

Man? Could you even say? something like that. Could you play the next speak part? Sorry about that. It's from James. Here we go.

Hello, James. Hello, it is me again. James here. I've got more of a question this time. I am going away to the peninsula. Hey. Next month. So specifically, I guess, Zelda.

Yeah. Since you are, you know, born and bred there. More bread if you know what I'm going to learn. What are some fun things to do that I should go see? Like, I don't know, places, food, things. You know, in the local goss. So I guess my question is, what thing from the peninsula goes in to the bunker?

Specifically, I am going to Rosebud. And I guess, lazy, just, you know. Oh, don't throw me pity. So all this shit idea is like normal. Oh, and hi, Matt. Hi. Bye, Matt. Bye.

We've got a good thing going. Okay. Ah, I feel like I felt the... Matt has recently had a second child, so back off. Back off. Yeah. Queen of the harpies. He's your crown.

So, do you have an answer for our listener, James? Yes, my favorite thing. My favorite thing to do on the... peninsula is leave. Never asked the local. Okay. So, okay, sure. I actually spent this weekend on the peninsula, if you could imagine.

I can't. I bloody can't. It was my dad's birthday. How old? 62. Oh, 62 years young. Yeah. Isn't that fun?

If you were doing a bingo or whatever, would you say to 62. 62. 62. You know? All right. Very good. 62. I've got the flu. Ah, there she is. Okay. So I went down, had dinner at the Flinders Hotel. How was that? Which was so fucking awful. Holy shit. It was so bad. I got a pumpkin yoki, which was like four parcels of yokey and I wanted to slip my wrist. I think it's a mistake. I think you need to stop. But it shouldn't be.

Just give me a bowl of food. Don't get pasta at a pub. Give me a bowl of food. It was either that or an eggplant palmer and I did not trust it. But an eggplant palmer is at least going to be the correct scale. Yeah. You at least know you're going to walk away full. I did not walk away full.

I walked away a fool. Eggplant palmer's a real risky. Yeah. I gotta know that it's good. What if it's dry? I would, I mean, like, listen, that's why I'd go for a fish on chaps, but you can't get that. I don't do fish and chips. Yeah.

So that was bad. What about an Aronini ball? There's some fries on the side. I didn't have Aaron Cheney balls with fries on the side. Okay. Well, yeah, I do think this is the number one value of the Pescitarian diet is that it does give you one extra option in a country pub. Yeah.

But, holy shit, I've been to this venue many times. What's the decor like? It's rank. They renovate. I've hate it every couple years. What's the name of the venue? I want to look. Oh my God.

Wait. Is it Flinders, Flinders Iris? No, it's not an Ariselle. Flinders Hotel. Flinders Hotel. Fuck me.

I actually hate it. Okay, I'm looking at it now. Ooh, what a huge building. It could only be described as, um, kind of like a, they mistook the plans for a penitentiary.

Oh. And so it's been recently renovated since I was last there. Oh. I see it. Oh no, no, no. This is different. Okay. So it's got a wood exterior. Yeah, kind of. And kind of a, yeah, go on. Anyway. But the restaurant room, which is like the main bit, is exclusively downlighting, but like directional downlighting. Half the room, like people had their phone torches out to like read a menu. Read a menu is there?

there was no like tea light candles or like little lamps on all of these dark tables and then our tables I was like my whole family had turned into Skellington's because of the lighting everyone looked like they hadn't slept in 17 weeks like it was just awful and then the food was shit the service was worse um I just hated it but okay so the options you had were what could you've got in country for culture the font of on this menu is absolutely unbelievable. Yes. Like it's barely legible.

Yes. And it's also, they've gone really, this is starters and sharing. And there's nothing, it's one thing below $15, which is pretty obscene. The knocking I got was like $36. I mean,

my brother paid for it. Fish and chips is $36. Fish and chips in Kalamari is $41. The Flinders Cheeseburger is $30. And I don't think it comes with cider fries. No, it does. Yes, but sister, when I tell you the cider fries, it was like if I cut off all of my fingers and put them on a plate.

It was like 10 chips if you're lucky. 10 tips if you're lucky. A chicken schnitty is $33, which is crazy. Yes. Eggplant Palmer is 32. That's crazy. Frank's Hot Sauce chicken burger, 2950. A plant burger, beetroot, patty, butter, lettuce, picket,

white onion mayo skin on chips. No, I had B-Trip risotto for lunch. I made it. It was good. It's pretty crazy to have a B-Troop patty in this day and age. Yes. Anyway, so don't go there, is my point. Then on Sunday I went to my nephew's football game in Sorrento.

Stop describing hideous things. Stop it. So you could do that. Wait. Sister, wait. I know what I want to put in the bunker. I know what I want to put in the bunker. The bunger, everyone shut up.

Well, I already kind of got my way with that one. My husband started playing the Pub League footy, and so I went to, he had his first game on Saturday. Really? Yeah. And, you know, he was a footy boy. He's not. I'm going to show you. But he's just trying.

Something so fucking incredible right now. And they, I had done the pride round, half-time show entertainment the previous weekend. Oh, what do you have to be proud of? And then I met a lot of these people. And I tell you what, I love meeting this whole other pocket of Melbourne culture. I love finding where all the lesbians are and the bisexual men who are in relationships with women. I need you to prepare yourself. So I went to, I haven't sent to yet because I'm letting you prepare yourself.

I'm prepared. I went to my nephew's footy game at Sorrento in the morning. We go there at 7.30 a.m. Mama. It was early and cold. That's in Sorrento. It was fucking red. Yes.

Girl. What are you talking about? But you know what made it all worth it? What? They were versus the Sorrento team because my nephew plays for Red Heel. And do you know the delight that filled my heart? And I mean, I've probably seen this for my entire life, but I blocked it out because of football. Look at the mascot for the Sorrento Sharks.

Okay. She's an angry girl. Look at that shark. That's pretty chic. Look at its mouth. It's horrific squiggly mouth. She just has a one side of her face mouth. But also not an angry eye on this shark.

This shark, you know, typically a mascot is quite determined. Yes. Aggressive even. But this one is just kind of like... With a downward eyebrow. Yeah. I guess, yeah, they've been. a bit quite realistic with the eye.

And look at its flared nostril. Look at its uneven fins. It's got his penis out as well. What? Okay. Did your nephews win? Okay. Yeah.

Rich kids win again, I guess. If you're listening, fucking Red Hill wankers. Red Hill is a much more groomed area than Sorrento. Trento is posh. Yeah. Well, posh kids fight posh kids, I guess.

Oh, yeah. But anyway, don't do, any of those things, unless you'd like to go and see the Sorrento Football Club hall where you can see that shark. Yeah, I would say perhaps this listener, James, shouldn't go to a children's football match of no kids he's affiliated with. Maybe the training. There was the coach of the, wait, what?

Go on. Come on kids. The coach of the Sorrento Sharks was a guy who dated one of my. friends Jess in high school. Our things are going well for him? Well, he's coaching an eight-year-old's footy group, so no. Listen, that's pretty cute. No, I don't know if he has kids.

I don't think you get a salary for that, Zelda. That's what I mean. It's bad. No, he probably has a kid in the team. I don't know that he does. Did he say maybe he doesn't know? I didn't talk to him. You didn't talk to him?

Absolutely not. Why? Didn't you have a history together? Yeah, but I don't know if he recognized me. Because your hair's shorter. Did you just like glance over in his direction? He wasn't in our year level and I was trying to remember his name and I think I got it. I think it's Little John.

But all like that was obviously his nickname, I guess. Because he's so tall? Yeah, he's pretty tall but he's ginger and fucking hot as. Really? And I was like, I mean he's not. He's like very mid, but I think he's extremely hot. And I always did. But, um, wait so you got all the tea tea about him from your GF.

Yeah, yeah. But then I couldn't remember if just dated him or if he was just into Jess. Everyone was into Jess. She was so hot. She still is. But sorry, she's got kids and her husband. So back off. Back off.

Don't. You can't. That can't be the activity you do. James, you can't go and hang out with Jess. No matter how much you want. Yeah. Okay. I made the controversial statement a few months ago.

Yeah. Because I was at a script reading. Uh-huh. And the script reading featured a straight man. in his 30s and a straight woman in her 30s. And they were going, like, they were camping together and their best friends. And I was like, okay. But like, what's the history here?

No, like, no, like, what's the, what happened? Yeah. That, like, you know. And they're like, no, no, there's just nothing. They've just always been friends. I'm like, because one of them was dating someone when they met and they just have never. Yeah. And they're like, no, no, no.

They just met and became friends. Yeah. I'm sorry. That doesn't fucking happen. Yeah, I didn't know about that. I, like, listen, and they were so shocked when I said it, but I was like, honestly, there is not a man and a woman that I have known that have just, like, picked up and become friends without at first being, like, a little something.

Either there was a conversation, there was, like, a complete reason for why it couldn't happen at the time. Or that's about it. Yeah. When? When do they ever just slip into these, like, people want to pretend that they're mature enough to have these kinds of like, obviously we just are friends because men and women can be friends. I'm like, see, I want to believe that, but that's not fucking true. Okay. There's a circumstance through which they can become friends, but it's not like the natural default setting.

Yeah. Yeah. Matt? Yeah, well, maybe. Because you've always been in a relationship. Not always. I wasn't born in a relationship. Well, thank God.

When did you enlist get together? I think it's been like 12 years and I'm 36 this year. So when I was like early 20s. Yeah. So like for the majority of the time when you've been like making new friendships with women. Women. Like, you know, it's just they've been like, well, Matt's in a relationship with Liz. Yeah.

Yeah. And is that, is that okay? Of course. I'm not saying it can't happen eventually or for some other reason. Well, yeah. But either they like do the like, we're dating or we're thinking about it or something. So in the movie they were two single people who were friends. Yeah.

And there was no context for why they hadn't considered. And they were both like, yeah, I don't know. Yeah. Like if you. I think I have some friends from school, like from school times. So like we grew up together through primary. school into high school. Yeah.

Like friends that are girls, women. Yeah. Now. Women. And they just feel more like sisters to me. Like I don't think that anything romantic was ever on the cards. Was that because why do you think that was? Because I was just never attracted to them.

Uh-huh. But you did think about it. No. Then how do you know that you're not attracted to them? Well, I guess the opportunities never really. really, uh, no,

there was plenty of opportunities, probably. Oh, you know, parties or whatever. Yeah. But I think it was just like that, yeah,

it's just like, it was a bit weird. Bit weird. It'd be like kissing your sister and just feels a bit weird. What's weird about kissing your sister? Open on the mouth. No,

not a pat, not a French kiss. Not a French. Love. Um, yeah, but I guess now I'm making friends with lots of women. Good for you.

because we have kids. Yeah. So like, play. Women are always hanging around those guys. Yeah. Kids. Kids.

They're obsessed. The dads are just never around. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Why do you think that is? I don't know. I like, I would prefer to be a stay-at-home husband.

Yeah. I would love to be that all the time. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe men just don't really want to do that, though. I love to stay at home. Would you like children to be there as well?

No. Okay. So you're like a stay-at-home husband who just doesn't have children. Stay-at-home dad. That's what I should have said. Yeah. Okay, well, sorry, Zelda. I completely derailed up.

The shark is going in. Yes. Oh, what about Sammy the seal? Have we talked about Sammy the seal? What? I feel like Sammy the seal is a Cape Patterson thing. Am I crazy? Sammy the seal.

Or was that Andre? I think there's a seal for every sort of... Yeah, there's like... The big coastal down. It's kind of, there's not a lot happening. But you know what happened with Sammy the seal? Me and my wife. Mawai.

I knew you were going to do it. We were down, down Ryeway when Sammy the seal was there. Sammy the seal was a seal that comes to the morning potential every summer. Prove it. I lived there for 18 years. I never saw a seal. You weren't going outside at the time. You were a stay-at-home dad kid.

It doesn't sound like you liked doing anything down there. So you hated everything. What about making a cubby house? Actually, James, that's my recommendation. Best thing I ever did down there. Made a coffee house. Yeah. I don't know.

Do the Peninsula Hot Springs, I guess. It's around the corner from my dad's house. But the seal comes every summer and they have to block off like a whole section of the beach. No, they don't. Zelda, why are you so angry? Because of what are you doing now? This is a true story. It's not true.

Zelda, you don't know about Sammy. And you know what happened. Text your dad. Is Sammy sometimes... In Rye? Yeah, well, anywhere, just on the morning peninsula. Oh, well, it's a big place. Rai.

It goes all over. And then he would also go onto the Napaean Highway and stop traffic for a while as well. Just sit in the road. Napian Highway. Zelda's infuriated. Keep going. Oh, go on. Isn't that the highway down there?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow, look at that guy's butt. And then, I'm sort of focus. I'm trying to message my dad. I'm that more than his butt. Hey, dad, I'm just recording a podcast right now.

And Matt is saying that there was some seal that used to visit the beach in Rye or like once a year. And they would have to section off a part of the beach for it to sunbathe, etc. and that once it went on a Pian highway, do you know anything about a seal that visits the peninsula? Because I have no recollection. Sammy the seal. It was what it was called apparently. I really was hoping that you wouldn't reveal the name.

So then your father would be like, Sammy! I love Sammy! This is the sad part. In May, he was found dead. Oh my God, what happened to see? On the beach. And now the locals.

The locals are calling for an investigation. I'm a local. They're locals calling. You're not a lot. local, shut up. Their locals are calling for an investigation because they think it was suspicious. No, I'm not. I do, I think several things about this are suspicious.

What? So there's a murder investigation going into a nerd investigation. A murder. A murder investigation happening right now about Sammy the Seal. How many used to be visited? This is like three weeks ago. He got killed. And they found his body.

I think so. You're not really in connection with your hometown. This is ridiculous. I was there when a whale exploded on the back beach. Well, maybe that would have taken a little bit of shying away from Sammy. Was that a suspicious death as well? No, that's what happens. They get bloated and they blow up.

And the blubber. I mean, that's the second animal murder in however many years. So maybe this could be a new crime show. Oh, my God. Back Beach murders. God, calls for more. following the suspected death of Sammy the seal. Mornington icon Sammy the seal.

Icon! What the fuck? The ABC just did an article about it. Well, James, in Rye. Why are you going to Rosebud? Okay, first of all, why are you going to Rosebud? Maybe there's a good Airbnb up there. Not likely.

We don't even have houses up there. We don't have houses, love. But, okay, Rosebud. I mean, there's not even the roller skating rink. That's now a service station. There's like nothing to do in Rosebud. Like not as a funny joke. There's like nothing to do there.

Also, this person will have already been to Rosebud by the time that this episode comes out. True. And they'll be wondering why the answers never came. Sorry, James. You made some choices. Yeah. So, okay. The beach.

It's the fucking beach. What do you want? Oh, right. You're going to the beach. If, if you were, oh, what's this? Hey, that's not my dad. That's Matt. I'm sending you videos of Sammy the seal.

I don't need to see it. I lived there. What a fabulous soundtrack. Hey, this does look like it's on the peninsula. It is. I've tell you, it's a true thing. What kind of instrument is this, Matt? I think that's it.

Ivo. Hobo. Oh, it even has a funny name. Okay. Can we just wrap it? it up. Okay, go to dinner at Paul Louis-Chinese restaurant so that you can say, oh, that's the restaurant where Zelda Moon was. That is on the like maps to the stars. Yes. Of the history of this show is how often Paul Louis Chinese restaurant gets in.

And I went to Baked and Sorrento on Sunday. Yeah, you should go in the bunker. Yeah. Baked. What? Baked. Baked. Was there a guy that was trying to get you in a cult? Yes. Yes. Yes. That Iris cult. Yeah, but you could also do like Arthur's seat. Arthur's seat is nice. You could go to the maze.

It's not Arthur's. It's mine. Sorry. Oh my God, you could take the chairlift up. You have to edit this whole section. This episode is terrible. Hey. We all know it.

Learning to say that. This episode is garbage. All right. It's a lot of us on our phones looking at your dad's fat ass. If you're still hearing all of this, it means I haven't had time to edit it. Don't edit it. It's just gone on that. What the fuck you do?

I mean, I never do. I never edit it. People know. Yeah, they're away. I love an episode like this way. They're like, wow, it goes for four hours. That's going to be great. It's just not good.

People sleeping to this. I can't wait to hear what's happening at Marvel Rivals. Really? I could tell you. Dad, as if he's always on his front. phone. How could he not have responded to this incredible voice message? We'll get an update later in the show. Okay, let's head along

please. Put in that shark. Okay. Sorrento sharks. Yeah, sure, no shark. Yeah. To arrive to every world. Hello and welcome back.

Hello, listener. We're back, back, back, back, back. And guess what? For another speak-all. Woo-hoo! Tom. Oh, is this GT? No. Okay.

It's another Tom that we know. What type of Tom? Play it. Hello, divas. It is Tom Oxnum. Congrats on the witchy girls, blah, blah, blah. And congratulations to you. My question to you is,

what's your favorite thing said by an evil stepmother? I'm quite partial to ugly girl. Anyway, bye. Oh, what a great. great question. Step mothers. Is that what your stepmother said to you, Tom? Ugly God.

Tom, I think Tom has quite a singular voice, and it's not just a gay voice. It's got a fabulous font to it. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's got a semi-bold. Yes. Yeah, it's kind of a proper, he could have, like. Not full bold.

Yeah, it's on the road to, like, you could narrate an episode of Thomas the Tank Engine and no one would flinch. Do you ever think? So I bought a belt recently Don't do it Oh well I had to I know girl I know I hate them I hate them Oh

Oh Sorry I thought you've been something else I just think belts are ugly Well you're not gonna have to see it for long But it's really quite long And when it dangles down By design I suspect

God sell it don't do it But it kind of dangles down. And don't you ever think that like something dangling in that area might get mistaken with something else to fruition. Why did you bring this up? We're talking about stepmothers. Because I'm playing with the belt here and I feel like it might look like I'm playing with something else.

Okay. I have. Do you know that experience? We can't see you, Zella. Yeah, that's why I described it so beautifully. No? No, okay. So, I am going to just try and pull up one of the Angelica Houston quotes from Ever After,

which is one of the single greatest films ever made. Baroness Rod Miller de Gant. Obviously, Ever After, Zelda, have you seen Ever After? No. Ever After? Ever After? Ever After the Drew Barrymore. Cinderella story.

Cinderella? She plays Cinderella. Hmm. Okay. So she is... What? Yes. She's got fairy wings.

Oh my God. Don't even. Crying time. Okay, so Ever After, Cinderella, Angelica Houston plays the evil stepmother. Oh. Oh, mate.

Iconic yellow jackets. Yeah. Melanie Linsky plays one of the evil step sisters. It's so good. And Drew plays Cinderella, who does this incredible British accent the entire film. Can she do it? Maybe.

And the very stepmother is Leonardo da Vinci. Anyway, so this is the scene where Cinderella has once again disappointed her evil step-sissors. I'll be playing all the roles. And I'll tell you. Oh, no. Marguerite. I said I wanted four minute eggs, not four-one-minute eggs. And we're in God's name.

as our bread. Louise, taking Marguerite's heads. It's just coming out of the oven, my lady. Rod Miller, and this is Angelica Houston. Marguerite, precious. What do I always say about the tone? Jacqueline, a lady of breeding ought never to raise her voice any louder than the gentle harm of a whisper in the wind. Rodmiller, Jacqueline, dear, do not speak unless you can improve the silence. A lady of breeding? Marguerite, I was not shrill. I was resonant. A girl. I was resonant. A woman. A lady of breeding. I Courteer knows the difference. Rudmilla, I very much doubt your style of resonance would be permitted in the royal court.

Marguerite, I'm not going to the royal court. Am I, mother? No one is except for some Spanish pig they had the nerve to call a princess. Rudmiller. Darling, nothing is final until you're dead. And even then, I'm sure God negotiates. Is that not the best fucking thing you've ever heard? I liked all of that.

Yeah. It's incredible. And now this. Hello, I'm out of. Yeah, it's true about Sammy the seal. What? He would frequent the peninsula beaches, come onto the road, hang out. What?

Sadly, Sammy died a few weeks ago. Last scene on the road at Dramana. You've really ruined Joe's day. He just got over thinking about Sammy, and then he brought him up again, and he's devastated again. He has to grieve all over again. Yeah. I dare you. Don't mention Sammy again.

Not again. Last scene. On the highway. Wow. Well, I guess I can't know it all. Look, Zelda. Yeah. I don't want to act like I'm more knowledgeable about the peninsula than you,

but it sounds like you don't really know what you're talking about. I don't think you can never truly know your hometown, you know. It's like how you can't see the belt you're wearing. It's impossible. What? What? My issue was that I could see too much of it And so could everyone else

Oh, well Just thank God you lived another day Oh my God Anyway, you should watch Ever After After We Watch, call me by your name Oh, will you be hanging up with gay Tom again that night? That's okay Do you want to have a movie night, lazy?

Perhaps I deserve a movie night We actually should do a movie night Yeah Sometimes they feel like we take our friendship for granted I don't But we will be watching Call me by your name We need to watch Zolbon

First Yeah that's my Yeah we've been We've been to own these people Okay we'll lock that in now Anyway, okay Okay Now what was the question?

Oh yeah Obviously it's everything That That was said in the entirety of that film Yes Like it's incredible I'm going to give you one more Which is when

Angelica Houston is paying for information on who's getting with the prince. And she goes to a royal page who's very, like, crutchly looking. Ooh, that's fun. And she's caressing the side of his face. And she says, a skin of such elegance, concealing such ruthlessness. And then she gives the little pinch to the pig boy's nose. Pig boy. And then I've grown rather fond of our intrigues together.

Surely you must know that. Then the royal page says, I have an inkling, my lady. Is it Alan Carr? Kind of. Rod Miller about Marguerite. When my daughter is queen, perhaps we might come to a new arrangement. Oba.

Okay, so what about this? We put in sides. Sides of Angelica Houston's script from the film ever after. Everything else is blacked out, and it's only Angelica Houston's lines. And do you know, we've explained to you on this. podcast before what sides are. Yeah. Little A4 pieces of paper that are easy to carry with the script here.

I'm sorry about her, everyone. She's new to film. Well, listen, yeah, I'm no backrooms. I'll never be back rooms. No. You old bitch. Yeah, old hag. Old hag made a movie.

What was it about? Dust. Yeah, good one. Don't make me be Alan. again. Oh, no. Nothing's funny than that. We'll be right back.

We'll be right back. Hello, everyone. It's me, Alan Carr. I'm here to talk about a new show called Death to everyone. Sounds kind of funny

as me. How do you get the authentic Lisp? Hello, because it's a combo of Lisp and Gaptooth. Gap of Lus is he? Yeah, that's hard.

I'm damn it. He doesn't really have a list. Okay, well, he kind of just has a loud voice. Oh. Which I don't.

They say I do. But I don't. But I don't. Okay, Zelda, the final thing that I have comes from my heart. Which artery goes into the bunker? No, no, no.

Like so many lovers before, they are blocked. Here, I have the question. What's the thing that your phone can do? Goes into the bunk. thing that your phone can do. All right, all right.

Not calling, that's for sure. You don't like phone calls? No, I don't. What about just receiving calls? No, I don't like that. What about looking like a zippo lighter? What? Well, you know, you can get that app, and you can open it, and it lights up like a zippo lighter.

Isn't that cute? No, I don't like that because it's not a zippo lighter. Why don't you just get one of those? I can't afford it. I see. What if you don't have one? Yeah. And you're in an emerging.

agency. Okay, the torch. What do you think of the torch? The torch is very, it's, it could be improved, I think. You know what's so funny about the iPhone just generally? It's like the torch actually feels like an extra gadget added on that I know it needs for the camera and stuff, but they've just stopped adding gadgets that are like anything more than inside of it. Like, why haven't they put? You want like a knife on the side? Yeah, like a little knife or something. Some kind of fabulous knife. Sammy stopped traffic by sunbathing on the road at Anthony's nose in Dramana. Thanks, Dad. See? He's still sending me messages. R-R-IP. I think the torch is really funny because it kind of give us and take us away. Like, obviously, I've used that torch before to genuinely help me, like when I drop things

or when I need to get into the back shed at night. Oh my God, I use it all the time. And so it is very helpful, but I've never known something so helpful that can also share. me so thoroughly because when it's still on, why does that feel so sad? Oh, you fucking idiot. Your torch is on, you lose a freak. And when everyone else can see it in your car, and you realize. And do you know what... And someone comes up and just whispers like,

your torch is on. I'm glad you have the benefit of friends who protect you by whispering. But what do you think about this? Like, because these days you can like control. Like I'm doing it right now. You can do like a wide torch or a more like targeted torch? Yeah. See, I didn't even know about that.

Have you held down? No. Hold down. I'm holding. Can you hold down please? And you can go adjust the brightness now as well. Okay. I knew about the brightness, but.

You can make it wider range or more like targeted. What do you mean? If you're looking through a keyhole. No, mine doesn't do that. We've got an old phone. Yeah, mine doesn't. do that at all. Okay.

Mine is on 5% battery and it's only been an hour and a half. Don't put the torch on. But the, like the, also what the fuck are, is going on with flash on phones? Yeah. What, like, why is it like fucking playing mahjong to try and get it to turn on? Oh, I hate that. I hate that. I'm like, just fucking have it on or off.

And it's, why is that now hidden? Yeah. It's like, it should be on the camera menu. It's like, have it always on auto mode. Yes. Then have me either turn it on or turn it off. But you have to swipe up and... And as someone who's now taken,

I would say probably close to a gazillion photos with different people's phones at like meat and green moments. Oh, Breg. I will tell you, it is not easy to explain to a 50-year-old woman why her phone won't light up when she's trying to take a picture. Yeah. And she'll be trying to put that X inside of that other X, long before you're like, put the flash on Diva,

and then she'll be like, it is on. I'm like, no, it's not flash. Do you ever use the compass? No, I gave up. I assumed it doesn't work now. I'm using it right now. It's working very well. But I assume like...

It clicks every like 10 degrees. Cliques. 30 degrees. I don't know about that, Matt. My phone is clicking while I'm turning it around. I'm going to, I want my phone to click. I'm facing south, which way are you guys facing? I'm facing south.

a terrible episode of this show. I can feel it clicking. It's clicking now. It's like a real compass. I like the measuring one. I like. Because that's cool. And so convenient.

Yeah. What? Because how does it know? Now I'm upper wall and now I'm on the ground. But it knows. Yeah, I don't trust it either. I don't think that's real. Well, it is.

Have you checked that against a real tape measure? Yeah. And it's, it's got limited success. But relatively, it's all right. Continue to move iPhone. What's it saying? It needs to learn the room. Oh, I like the level.

Can you teach it the room? Yeah. The back rooms. Read the room guys. Wait, Matt, this table next to me that you put isn't level. None of that. None of the studios level. Fuck me.

There's a reason I feel so, you know, this sense of unease. Like I'm in the back rooms in here. Oh. When does the movie come out? It's out. Oh. I'm in the back rooms. Okay.

Well, what, okay. Okay. So that's obviously a feature. What about pedometer? That I don't trust. How does it know if I'm going upstairs? I think my grandma just wanted a new phone so that she could count her steps. That was the main reason she got a phone.

She should have gotten a bowl of NutraGrain in 1998. Because they had a pedometer then. True. It was so good. We haven't really moved forward as a culture. Okay, if you're going to add one thing to an iPhone, what would it be? Go. What?

Add one thing. Yeah, like you're like, you're like. Like Tim Cook or whatever the fuck. Mm-hmm. What's your new feature? And they have to implement it in the matter what. What about a stylist? Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ill.

Taking notes with your little tiny little pen. Pathetic pen. Like your Nintendo de yes. Yes. Oh, good times. I don't know. Do people ever get you to sign a package at the door and you're like, it's like, we're playing Nintendo's to.

You can't do a good signature on those screens. No. I sign for things almost every day at work. No one's looking at signatures anymore. Are you fucking out of your mind? The thing I will put on that, it's like here is a one swipe. Like, it's just the most. It's like a line.

Yeah, it literally one line. You know what you should do, Zelda, is like one of those little devil faces. I'm cheek. Chicky devil. Chicky devil. Chicky devil. Yeah, that should be your signature. Do you know?

Packages? Do you know? One of my friends at work said to me the other day, it makes you feel really uncomfortable. She listens to the podcast. And she goes, Kane, you don't do those faces anymore. Is that because of the conversation on the podcast? And I was like, yes.

It felt like I was a fucking predator. I'm sorry. How am I now just learned? that we have the ability to influence your actions. It takes a while. You still have a back lawn. You're still playing fucking Marvel rival. Yeah, I take some things on.

You've got to really shame her. Yeah, God. You've got to make it feel like... It's cheeky devil. Super long. Yeah, you just... Don't even start this. We're not relitigating.

Obviously, somewhere inside of you, you knew that it was creepy. It was cheeky, not creepy. You sound like someone in court. Oh. I'm not guilty. Your Honor. I was being cheeky. Because they dragged you away.

This is a crime. Don't be cheeky. Just a little tongue stuck out the side. I'm a cheeky. You know that. You know that? You know that? I don't know.

It's footage from like the voice insert country here where it's like the divas after their performance and like the guys there with the microphone. And she's like crying. and sweating and then she looks at the camera and goes, you know that? Really? No. Oh, my God. Oh, well, never mind then.

So what are you going to add to a phone? Oh, switchblade? Yeah, Matt? Yeah, some little scissors. Like, make it just a pocket note. What about a taser? Oh, that would be good. Yeah, I feel like that's working with the electricity inside it.

Yeah. That would zap your battery, though. You know what? I would, what about this? What about this? Okay, what about this? AI? As in like, that's a thing or like Siri or whatever.

Yeah. And I don't like that. It's annoying. But you know what I do like, Star Wars and droids? I would like an iPhone that instead of talking to me like fucking Siri goes, like little droid noises. You know what? Right.

I think you can have your wish. I think the whole world is set up for people like you to have. that wish. Yeah. To have it granted. And you're like, shut up. Would you speak droid to understand your phone? When I...

Imagine it? Like, okay, say Sammy the seal has just been hit on the road by your father. Sammy interview. By your father. He's the local legend of the pinch thing. He's like sobbing or he's like, oh, grandma's dying. And then you get that message read aloud to you as like, Well, at the moment, if I got that message,

it would be the fanfare from Final Fantasy. No, but if it was read aloud. Yeah, that's good. Soften the blow. What about these new little dots, the vehicle motion dots? Have you seen these? Vehicle motion dot. What are you?

You can turn these on when you're driving. Uh-huh. So you don't get sick in the car. Like if you're a passenger What? And you're like reading something Or looking at apps on your phone Like looking at Instagram or whatever

There's these little dots that go on your phone now And they move around like the screen In the same motion of the car Or whatever you're however fast you're travelling Yeah So basically you get sick in the car Because you're looking at something still Yeah

Your body's moving In inertia In inertia Yeah So your eyes and your body Like are doing two different things Oh, that's crazy. So now there's these little dots that move around the screen to help you with.

Oh, that's really good actually. Am I meant to look at the dots? No, don't look at them. You'll explode. I was thinking about looking at this on the other day. Like, as an option? Yes. What a bad idea.

Yeah. Isn't it crazy, though? That would permanently damage your eyesight. Yes, but you can like, if you want to do, like, feel something. You could stare at the sun and so quickly damage yourself. She just got a belt. That's crazy. I was confused why I was worried.

Wait, she got what? What? What did he say? I'm just saying all the warning signs are here. If you want to feel something. No. She just got a belt and I got it. No.

No. But isn't it crazy that the sun is so strong. She's a nuclear explosion. Yeah. I learned recently from that Ryan Gosling film. Was it good? It was great. Great.

Because do you know why? The Hail Mary one? Yeah. Were there alien? No, because there's a woman in it that you're going to be obsessed with. Sandra Hula. Yeah. Like the character or the woman?

Well, the woman. Have you seen anatomy of a fall? Anatomy. Anatomy of a fall is about a woman who may or may not have pushed her husband out of a window. Good for her. Right? But she brings that energy to this as a scientist who's, like, trying to save the world. But you've never seen this role done so well because she's just so good.

She's just a very uptight, scandy woman who's like, yeah. I like that woman. She's like, do it. She's like, do it. And then they're singing in karaoke at one point. And she's like, okay, thank you. That's enough. I don't know.

Just an incredible woman. That's good. Sandra Gula. Hula. Okay. Okay. So the... Music, camera, none of those things?

I'm still confused about how to get music onto my iPhone. Like, I can't. Like, I have Spotify. But like I don't know how to, like, if I wanted to just use my phone as an iPod. Yeah. I can't do that. That's become really hard. Oh no, you can download them on your phone, but you have to, if you've got them on your computer, you have to transfer them.

Yeah. What? That's too much. Now, when I'm, oh, sorry. Oh, no. When you're trying to download something and it's like, download to files, and I'm like, files. I know. What the fuck is files?

Yeah. It's a picture. It goes in pictures. When I'm in crossy training now, I, like, a spot number. No response for that. Oh, my God. I don't know. She's just started doing drag.

Yeah. I, because I've now got everything on the I cloud, famously. I can access everything anywhere all at once. And so I can just like, I put things on the desktop to like rehearse the weird edits or whatever. Instead of having to, because I used to put them in like iTunes. That's not really an option in the same way anymore. I hate it. It's ugly.

I hate how, when it's like you run out of ICloud space. Well, that's... I'm never doing that. All right. I'm not. Yeah. Piss off. Fair.

Fuck off. Oh, okay. I want it on this device so that. When I lose this device, all those files are gone. I don't need to be haunted by things. Information from a knife? No. Yeah.

What about maps? You know that's it probably. Oh. I love maps. Can you get anywhere without them? I can. Sometimes. What?

Sometimes. Something wish no. Sorry. I'm about to be accused by something for someone who doesn't drive. Go on. She's a generous provider of vehicular transport.

And I really appreciate that. No matter what roads we take. I took us, I've taken us home many times. You've taken me all around this country at this point. That's right. It took us to Adelaide. No maps. Sorry.

So stop your crap. Anyway. Okay, fine. Maps. I hate it when they talk, though. I fuck. cannot stand it when they talk. What if they talk like a little droid?

No. Hey. I just, I can't. Also being, how do people live? Yeah. With things constantly be like, turn left in 300 meters.

Turn left in 250 meters. Yeah. Turn left in 100 meters. It's like, you don't, are you okay? Yeah. My mother drives around like that and gets so frazzled. And,

but the thing is, she refuses to not talk. So she'll just be carrying a conversation. Over the top of that. Yes. And I'm like, I'm not, I'm not doing this right now.

It's so stressful, yeah. Like, turn it off. I think it's definitely an older generation sort of thing. Oh my God. Because they had tomtoms. Is TomTom like BlackBerry where it was like, oh yeah, that's the thing people had,

but whoever had that? Yeah. Well, my dad had a Tom Tom Tom. Tom. Yeah. And what, where is it now?

With so much e-waste, my dad has produced through. E-waste. several just lifetimes of being an American man. Yeah. He's just like, I need that. That's cool. Yeah.

Okay, well, I mean, I'm into this. I want to try this travel sickness thing. That sounds good. The motion dots. The motion dots. What about voice memo, though? The last one. Oh, I love voice memo.

I use voice memo the most. Oh, I use it all the time. See, this is the thing. It's like, what do you want? want in the bunker. I want the dots, but I want them to be sentient. Two big dots. People dressed up as dots?

No, two big dots. You want to hang out. Probably with angry faces Dorothy. No, look, the dots are boring. I just thought it was. Matt, you've got to show us the dots. I didn't even know about the dots. It was like a cool feature.

It's cool, but I didn't even know. No one told me. And then someone was like, turn the dots on. You'll feel better. And I was like, what's a call, Matt? It's called vehicle. motion cues and they can turn on automatically in the car

wow so when you get in a car and you start moving fast the dots happen god I didn't know so that's the thing I'm really scared of all the things I don't know from from the phone they add all these features but who's going to tell me about them well that's what you need me for why I didn't know about this flashlight thing but I my turns out I can't do it anyway

it doesn't matter hey I can turn this on right now automatically in vehicle tick we'll see what happens when lazy kind of drives me somewhere I actually don't think I can drive you today I'm gonna I'll go to where you're going and then I'll go home from there

oh good because it's on the journey so stop you crying it's the son of the time just say something and then we end the podcast I would like to say that's the dots get in the dots yeah I've never heard of that and I'm so

There's two in my mind's eye. There's two, Matt. Is that true? No, there's so many. So many. How many? How many? Bouncing.

Bouncing. Bouncing. I thought it was two. No, there's like, there's probably about like 16 dots. Okay, well, we're putting in two. Just two of the motion dots. Yeah. To help with motion sick.

I'm worried that they won't be effective. Matt, do you get motion sick? I get a bit, I get a bit queasy if I look at my phone for too long. Yeah. Well, you should probably be enjoying life, enjoying the road trip, watching the wheel. gush through your... After a few hours

I'm so much you've talked and talk about. No, we can put in 16 dots. But maybe they're on a screen in the... What's the car again? The Valantis. Volantus. Yeah, okay.

Thank you so much at the end of the episode. Death everyone was recorded at Natural Habitat Studios by Matches. Our theme song and music was provided by two dots. If you have something to say to us,

send it to us. at Dead to Everyone part of Gmail.com and say it to us at speakpipe.com and won't you support us please at Patreon? There's a little yon there.

There's downtrack under this. They won't be able to pay you there. Patreon.com slash dead to everyone. Bye-bye. That's that. Shulang-Yor. Hey, I tried to use Sulang Yore fragrance today.

He's released a little gay garden collection. They're so nice. Oh, really? Yeah. Good you did it, Troy.