Desert Island Dicks - A GAY AND A NONGAY

Episode Date: November 21, 2017

For this week's episode of Desert Island Dicks we are joined by the hosts of A Gay and A NonGay podcast, James Barr and Dan Hudson. Find us on facebook and twitter @dickspod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lips and Ads. Go to lipsandads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N ads.com. Hello and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and the worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to you. And here to share their Desert Island Dicks with us today is James Barr and Dan Hudson from A Gay and a Non-Gay podcast. Hello, guys.

Hi. It's so hot on this island. Yeah, well, it's up to you. I'm sweating. It's a hot island, is it? It's super hot. Do you mind if I take my top off? No, go for it.

Thank you very much. I'm hoping for some Love Island bods while we're here as well. Nice. Okay, well, that's up to you guys. It depends who you bring to the island. That's true. Shall we dive in? The first one is not a Love Island bod, more of a dad Nice. Okay, well, that's up to you guys. It depends who you bring to the island. That's true. Should we dive in? The first one is not a Love Island bod,

more of a dad bod. Okay, all right. Who's going to be your first choice? We put Tony Blair in. Okay, all right, Tony. Dad bod Tony. Yeah. Oh, my God, he's awful.

Yeah, okay. All right, hit me. Hit me with the... The thing about Dan and I is we find it very difficult to agree on anything. So, as a gay and a non-gay, this was very difficult to decide on. But Tony Blair is universally a twat. Yeah.

He has done some pretty awful things. He has even admitted that he's done awful things. I think this week he did a story. There was a story out about him saying that had social media existed when he was growing up, that he would no way be prime, no way of being prime minister. That's amazing. Just from like what he used to say when he was younger. Yeah, what a dick move to come out finally after all these years and admit what we already knew, that he was a complete twat as a kid and shouldn't have been prime minister. Great.

Thanks, Tony. Thank you for everything that you've done. Wow. Are you both in agreeance on this one or? Yeah, no, 100%. I don't think anyone likes Tony. He must be, objectively, the most unpopular Prime Minister in recent history. And possibly...

Because the thing is, Trump's unpopular, but tons of people like him. Yeah, okay. Objectively. Whereas, I think, with Tony Blair, now, nobody likes him.

No one in the Labour Party likes him. Certainly no one in the opposition ever liked him. I did used to fancy him. Did you? I think I did when now, nobody likes him. No one in the Labour Party likes him. Certainly no one in the opposition ever liked him. I did used to fancy him. Did you? I think I did when I was younger. Yeah, I kind of thought he was quite hot. What was it about Tony Blair? I don't know.

It was when he was Prime Minister. He did have, like, before he aged massively with the stress of the job, he was kind of attractive. Wow. He was all right. So I think in Sherry Blair's autobiography, she said something about the first time that they got together. And she said that he had nice legs and a nice butt in the book.

Oh, I feel really sick now. Sorry, sorry. That's so funny. Yeah. That's not the exact quote, but it's something like that. Right. I mean, I just... And also, he took us to war.

He did. Because he wanted to hold hands with America. I mean it's a lot deeper than that but that's a major dick thing to do. It is. He literally did do it for that reason because he decided and there's a record of this. He decided they were going to do it at whatever cost just so he

because he's obsessed with America and with Americana and the whole idea of America. He's obsessed with America like and with Americana and the whole idea of America he's obsessed with it so he wanted to be part of it so he promised Bush

that we would go to war whatever happened whatever happens we would and we did without a vote that is a dick move isn't it

major dick yeah so there's nothing funny about Tony Blair no no it doesn't need to be funny it just needs to be your choices and's nothing funny about Tony Blair. No, no. It doesn't need to be funny. It just needs to be your choices and your first choice is Tony Blair. Anything else

to say about Tony Blair? Yeah, he's also, he's the worst example of this kind of career politician of an MP who gives no shits about the people that they're supposed to represent or about, you know, being a respectable politician

and this, that and the other. It's just a career move. Yeah. And he was the first one, really, of that kind of politician. OK, I see, yeah. I mean, is that quite rare thing for someone in the Labour Party to be like that? Yeah, I think at the time it was,

whereas now, you know, people sort of go and do other careers and then they get into politics as a sort of, like I say, a career move. Whereas before Blair, it was like an honourable things and be councillors and do things in the community before becoming a representative, whereas he is symptomatic of the career, like, what's the word I'm looking for? Opportunist. Opportunism. Opportunism. I would just say this in his defence. He is the Prime Minister

that removed the very evil Section 28 from the, well, from government. Like he is the Prime Minister. Wow, okay. When he was in power, his party removed that.

That's one good thing that he did. I also think Labour lowered the age of sexual consent for gay men to 16 to be aligned with straight sex.

During that time? When he was Prime Minister. Yeah, okay. So there are, you know, I mean, he's still a dick, but... Yeah. But they could have done anything. Their majority was ridiculous in 1997. They could have done absolutely anything.

And they didn't really do a lot, really. Do you feel like it was the media that built him up to be the celebrity politician that he became? Yeah, absolutely. And also I think Diana dying really helped him because it was that speech, wasn't there? Okay. About the people's princess.

Right. And he really killed it with that. No, he didn't. It was an awful speech. It's such an opportunist speech, isn't it? Because it's like, what's the quote from it? And he says, oh, there's no time for soundbites. We're not having any soundbites today.

But she was the people's princess. So here's a soundbite. Okay. No soundbites, but here's a soundbites. We're not having any soundbites today. But she was the people's princess. So here's a soundbite. No soundbites, but here's a soundbite. Oh my God, he's so hilarious. That speech buys you votes, right? Yeah. From the people, from the people. Oh, completely, yeah.

It does, you're right. He was definitely an opportunist, and still is. I mean, at least, you could argue, at least he can sort of deal with events like that because I can't really see Theresa May being able to. No. OK. Theresa May hasn't got soundbites.

So Blair off the island, Theresa May in the island? I mean, so far you've got Tony Blair on your island. What characteristics do you think Tony Blair would have on the island? What would he be like? So you've just crashed. It's you two and Tony Blair to start with. Oh my God. Would he probably have his guitar with him wouldn't he? Because he sort of... Christ, yeah.

He thinks he's really cool as well, doesn't he, Tony Blair? This is another thing, not just about Tony Blair, but I love politicians talking about music. It's my favourite thing in the world. Most of them don't know anything about it and the ones that do come up with the stupidest things and it's just funny.

When David Cameron said he really liked Radiohead, and Radiohead were like, no, you can't like us. Yeah, you're not allowed. We hate you, so you can't. Yeah, yeah. Didn't Johnny Marr say the same? Johnny Marr was like, yeah, you're not allowed to like the Smiths. Yeah. That's so funny.

He'd also have his legs out, wouldn't he? He'd have those special legs and that tight Jerry Blair-faved butt. Oh, wow. OK, I feel like you've painted enough of a picture there, actually. And the tan. Oh, no, OK. The tan would be out. Who's going to be your second choice for your Des Island?

Owen Wilson. Owen Wilson? Oh, my God, I hate him. OK. Please dive in. Is this a curveball? You seem shocked. No, I'm just interested to know.

It's everything about him. It's his voice. It's his voice. I can't deal with it. Every single movie he's in, I have to leave when he's on. He's like, hang on, I can't see the impression.

I'm going to do the impression. I've got to get into it. Hi, guys. He's the Australian. No, he's the Australian. Hang on a I can't see the impression. I'm going to do the impression. I've got to get into it. Hi, guys. He's the Australian. No, he's the Australian. Hang on a sec. Wow. Wow.

That's quite good. That's awesome. Yes. I'm the quietest actor in the house. It's the intonation, isn't it? Everything is just so quiet and awesome. Okay. And yeah, his intonation is just so irritating yeah okay oh my god

and also you know he'd be that guy at the party who is constantly like um upping you everything you say to him he'd have done it yes he'd be like oh i went on this charity walk and be like oh my god i went on this charity trip to Fiji. I actually, I actually, I invented Fiji water. Fiji water is, Fiji water is, I bath with Fiji water. I think he's one of these actors that,

now, nowadays especially, but I think for most of time, he only plays Owen Wilson. Do you know what I mean? Oh, he's totally typecast. Yeah. Whoever he is, whatever character he is, it's just Owen Wilson. But all those are I mean? Oh, he's totally typecast. Which is so right. He only plays himself. Whoever he is,

whatever character he is, it's just Owen Wilson. But all those lot are the same as well, aren't they? Like, who's in their little crew? Vince Vaughn. Yes.

Come on, help me out. Who else is in their little crew? Will Ferrell. Will Ferrell, yeah. They all play the same. And I hate the way that they're all in the same films together.

It's like, get some, you know, think outside the box. They're like a shit improv team. Wow. Fuck off. Okay. But Owen is the worst.

He is the worst. He's the one that comes out and takes the word. He's like, hi everyone. Yeah. Can we get a word please? He's been in some good films.

He's been in some cool films. No. Right? No? Okay. Do you think, I mean, Between Enemy Lines is good.

Oh. I just hate him so much. What is he doing in Between Enemy Lines? I haven't seen that him so much. What is he doing between Enemy Lines? I haven't seen that. He's a soldier in it. Right. I can't imagine him being a very good soldier. He's the main guy in it.

Is he in Black Hawk Down? Is that another one? I haven't seen that. I think he was in Forrest Gump, actually. That's not a war film. He was definitely in... Am I getting the sense that you don't agree on this, or do you do?

I'm kind of indifferent towards him, really. I don't really have any strong feelings either way, but I do see where James is coming from, that he's pretentious, basically, isn't he? Oh, he's really pretentious, yeah. That's the way you're a little... Although, I think he tried to... He did actually try to commit suicide at some point.

OK. He took a break-up really hard. Right. So in that sense, I feel sorry for him. Yeah, for sure. So I don't want to, like, drag him. I've taken this to a dark place now. No, yeah.

I just don't know quite how to deal with that. But I think... You don't want to drag him back down. He has been in some good movies. Yes. Obviously, like... The Wedding Crashers. The Hangover.

Was he in The Hangover as well? The Wedding Crashers. Even in The Wedding Crashers, that's Vince Vaughn as well, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's still just Owen Wilson yeah yeah and and he's still Owen Wilson in something that is completely different to wedding crashes and the Google film whatever that was oh that's with Vince Vaughn as well yeah

yeah no I mean it literally it's like Ant and Dec isn't it everything together the intern the intern and then but then he's been in Wes Anderson films like that style but he's still just Owen Wilson yeah okay crazy

my impression is so bad isn't it Marley and Me as well actually hold on I love Marley and Me yeah

no you're totally right he only plays himself yeah everything is really drawn out what about so Owen Wilson Yeah, no, you're totally right. He only plays himself. Yeah. Everything is really drawn out. What about Owen Wilson on the island? You're there, it's you two, Tony Blair and Owen Wilson.

I kind of, I'll let you say, but I'm getting the impression that, you know, he's going to sit underneath a palm tree, find himself. Yeah, he'd really enjoy it, wouldn't he? He'd be a yoga teacher. Tony'd be a yoga teacher, wouldn't he? He'd be into it. You know who he reminds me of? Do you know Beavis and Butterhead?

Yep. You know the dude who's the teacher in that who's like... Wow. Hi, guys. Come on. Yes, yeah, yeah. Hey. Laissez-faire teacher guy.

Yeah. Okay. Come and join me on my yoga mat. Yeah, that's it. That would be it. Hey, guys, I've built a love ramp out of some old palm tree. And you get so irritated by his Texas drawl, you try to murder him, and he'd be like,

you're crazy, but I love you for it. Oh, yes. Oh, fuck off. Yeah. What's the guy being so... He goes, okay, at the end of everything. Okay. Okay.

Now, we're just going to calm down now, okay? Yes. Anything else about Owen Wilson before we stick him on the island? He's got Trump hair. Wow. He does, doesn't he? They've got the same hairdresser. Amazing.

I'd never noticed that. Maybe they're the same person. I thought he had quite long hair. No, he's got... Well, no, it's just like floppy blonde shit, isn't it? Right, okay. It might be a little bit longer, but it's the same... To me, it's the same.

They look the same. They look the same. They're the same person. I hate them. Okay. What else do we have? His face is so plasticky and smarmy. Yeah, it's smarmy. I don't hate that many people, but I really do hate him.

It's been with me from a very young age. I remember just seeing him in a movie and thinking, God, I hate this guy. Really? Yeah, I don't know how he gets past. It's deep-seated. He's not acting. I'm really getting the feeling that you picked this one.

Yeah, this is totally mine. I really can't stand him. It's deep-seated. He's not acting. I'm really getting the feeling that you picked this one. Yeah, this is totally mine. I really can't stand him. Excellent. All right, well, there's Owen Wilson. He's there. You just said Owen Wilson and Donald Trump are the same person. So here he is on your desert island. Who's going to be your third choice?

Who's the third dick? This is a James choice, but it's Walt Disney. Walt Disney. Yeah. Interesting. He's done a lot of great things for children. He's made lots of us very happy. Interesting. He's done a lot of great things for children. He's made lots of us very happy. Yes.

But I don't think... I think he's responsible for our failed dreams. I believe that everyone living from our generation is living a life that doesn't match up to the ideals that Disney have given us, and it's depressing. So I think he's responsible for depression in many ways. And also anti-feminism, like Ariel changing who she is for a guy. Fuck off.

It's wrong. There's so many... Disney as a company have turned a corner now. Amazing. Frozen, brilliant film about family love. And that's so great. I'm so happy they've done that. But previously previously it's

wrong. It was always like the princess has to meet a prince to be happy. And he saves her. Yeah he kisses her and brings her back to life. And now I want that. Everyone wants that. We all live our lives thinking we're going to have this Disney ending and it's not real guys. It doesn't exist.

Well it could exist. Also he banned alcohol in his amusement parks in America. You can't drink in the Magic Kingdom. Oh, wow. I've not been there since I've of drinking age. Right. You can't drink there. Would you need to be drinking? Yes. You don't because

if people are drunk on Space Mountain, they're going to be throwing up all over everyone else, aren't they? He makes a good point. Well, I'm just saying he's a dick. You should be able to have the option. Space Mountain they're going to be throwing up all over everyone else aren't they it makes a good point I don't yeah I don't well I'm just saying you should be able to have the option

he'd ban alcohol on the island he'd be a dick he'd be like no drinking guys even if you go for dinner can you not have a drink no I don't think you can

okay I'm pretty sure you can't in other parks yes you can't really go for dinner in Disneyland can you you can get like a no they have restaurants

they do they have restaurants you must be able to get a glass of wine for dinner. I don't know. They'd be missing a trick if not because they can charge a ridiculous fee. But I do think he banned it. I think he banned it. I really do. The other thing that's really bad about him is that

so many people die in his amusement parks. Really? Like so many people have died and they cover it up and there's like if you go on the dark web, if you start digging, there are so many Disney deaths. The first one was in 1964 and it was a 15 year old um who died after he uh fell out of a car on a bobsled wow um but that's probably the case in all amusement parks in the uk you know they hide it oh it's not hide it. Well, it's not good PR, is it? No, it's not. Someone died on It's a Small World.

Okay. Okay, that's quite extreme. I've been on that. It's very slow. Well, what I will say is, without being too dark, is the amount of people in Disneyland at any one time,

inevitably... Oh, sorry, retraction. He didn't die. He just got stuck there. Okay. He got stuck in there for like four hours. That's fine. But that would be like Chinese torture.

It would be, yes. Like waterboarding, just having to listen to that awful song going round and round and round again. I mean, he's a dick just for that ride. It's awful. You queue for hours, and what do you do?

You sit on a sailboat, listen to the worst song going round and round and round. It's a small world after all. It's terrible. Yeah, everyone knows that song, don't they? I'm sorry I interrupted you. No, no, you're absolutely fine. I think I was just going to say, inevitably,

with the amount of people in there at any given time, over a course of time, people will die. People will die, yeah. But it depends if it's the riots that are killing them. I really want to go back to your first point because I think that not only have you chosen someone for the island, but you've caused an epiphany in my own life. And that's why I feel like I've never achieved my goals or dreams because of Walt Disney. Really? Do you feel that?

I definitely feel that. But I just feel like he definitely does create an ideal. Yeah, he did. Yeah. I mean, he's no longer here, but he definitely did create a uh he made us all feel like that's what we should aspire to i mean i think he thought he was giving us dreams but we've all seen inception and some dreams are not a good dream and i don't know like that's not a good dream to put in our heads he's warped us he's made us feel like we'll only be happy

if we meet a princess or a prince and that's simply not true. I heard this great advice recently. You don't meet the one, right? Which is sort of the whole Disney thing. You meet the one they save you forever. You round up to the one. You fill in the gaps and you make it like, you don't see that in Disney

do you? Why is Prince Charming not being a bit of a dick on text? You know what I mean? Not replying quick enough. Well, because he predates text. Why is Prince Charming not being a bit of a dick on text? Yeah. You know what I mean? Like not replying quick enough. Well because he predates text. Why is he not like on Instagram flirting with everyone else?

I'd say most Prince Charmings in Disney films are probably quite sexist. That's quite Yeah I think that's very true. Yeah. Absolutely.

So maybe that's But that is indicative of the times rather than I actually think most like all the James Bond films, pre. Just wrong, isn't it?

Like, even in Cinderella, like he's going around with a shoe and he's forcing women to like put their foot in the shoe to see if it fits them to find out then if they're the one. Right, okay. It's just kind of rude.

It's like, it's not very nice. You're not the one. You should know who the one is from their heart not because of their shoe size and i know he's already met cinderella and that's why he's trying to find her but like can't you remember what she looked like you dick what can you remember what she looks like i can sense that dan's bubbling over with some counter argument well the problem

is for some reason james is in the podcast all the time he always goes on about disney i can't really like i haven't probably seen most disney films the ones i did see was a long time ago so i don't most of these references go over my head right so i can only just remember what cinderella has something to do with his shoe and midnight dan's had a girlfriend for like seven years that's why because he hasn't been this is a great example well you haven't seen these films you haven't been like affected by their lies you're living a very happy life i'm not I'm having a complete meltdown all the time. Well, yeah.

So there you go. That's a perfect example why Walt Disney's a dick because he's ruined my life and yours as well. But Dan over here, non-gay, he's fine.

He's alright. Well, I have watched him, but I watched him like at the time. James did this brief club night. I say brief. It only lasted two. Two nights.

And I was on the door for it and I didn't know it was just playing Disney music. It was called... I think I knew like one of the tunes. It was called Poor Unfortunate Souls. Wow, okay. And it was an amazing club night. I like the concept, like as in it's unique.

I didn't know any of the music. I've got a two-year-old and I, and she's not uh at the stage where she can sit and watch like a whole disney film she can't sit and watch something for that long um but i know that it's on the horizon right she's almost ready to sit and watch like full disney films and so i feel like in my life up to this point beyond being a child i've avoided watching disney films so like at university where there was like people that i live with or groups of girls in like the big shared house that I lived in

would watch Disney films. And I'd deliberately obviously avoid that situation knowing that one day I would like to have children. Oh, really? And for at least the first time that I see those films, it'd be a revelation. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So at least I enjoy it one time because I know I'm going to have to watch them probably lots of times. So you've saved yourself. I've saved myself. Right. There's this whole thing about Toy Story being like the only trilogy ever

that's got three good films in it. Do you know that? Wow. That might be quite... That's kind of... I kind of feel that, yeah. It is really great. By the way, I love Disney.

I'm not... In case they're listening because they are on it with their lawyers. They are on it. A slight retraction. I'm not calling him evil. I'm just saying I think some of his values have underpinned and ruined my life.

Okay, right. I was going to say I quite like Save Mr. Banks. Now, mercifully, among the wreckage of the plane, there was some food and drink left over. Unfortunately for you guys, it's your least favourite food and drink in the world what are they and why are they so bad so this is another one we've had real problems trying to find a food that we both really don't like okay i don't like a lot of food there's so many things i hate i really hate fish massively and if it was like

fish i'd be so unhappy any fish i don't mind like i kind of don't mind, like, I kind of don't mind fried, like, scampi. Okay. Or, like, fish fingers. Nondescript fish in breadcrumbs. Yeah, breadcrumbs. But I cannot deal with, like, salmon. Oh, my God, salmon is the most revolting thing ever. Wow.

At a wedding once, I had to roll it into a ball and down it like it was a shot because I just couldn't do it. But Dan has an issue with all of what I've just said. I don't know. I was just brought up, you get what you're given and you eat it. Do you know what I mean? I'm the same, yeah. It's baffling to me how everyone

can have all this, I don't eat this, I don't eat this, I think it's fine if you're not eating it because you're vegan or you're vegetarian or whatever and you've got an ethical thing. Just to be like, I don't like the taste. It's so bizarre how you'd ever get to that point because I just don't understand. And it's most people I guess Why the parents weren't like

No you can eat that If that's what you're given It's such a first world problem To be like Oh I can't eat that I don't eat that I don't eat that You should like

I grew up on pizza Eat the bloody I was given pizza all the time Eat the bloody thing Okay well that's your parents That's not my parents It's kind of I don't come for me

So we couldn't find anything That we both didn't like Apart from Are you ready for this? Okay, well, that's your parents. That's not my parents. It's kind of, they don't come for me. So we couldn't find anything that we both didn't like, apart from, are you ready for this? Lettuce. Lettuce. That's it. That's the only thing Dan and I both don't like. I mean, I still would eat it.

This is the thing. You know, there's people who are starving. It's my least favourite. Yeah, we're starving. We're on an island. Yeah. Yes. So lettuce wouldn't give you a lot of sustenance on an island. But that aside, what has upset you both about lettuce?

It just doesn't really taste or anything. It's really boring, isn't it? Yeah. It's just nothing. It's like ugly as well. And people describe handshakes as like a wet lettuce or a person as like a wet lettuce. It was like a wet lettuce.

And it makes perfect sense. Yeah. Yeah. It's just, it's horrible. It's in burgers. I don't mind it in a burger. Oh, I do. And it makes perfect sense. Yeah. Yeah. It's just, it's horrible. It's in burgers. I don't mind it in a burger. Oh, I do. It's kind of, I don't mind it.

Go away. No, that's all right. No, it's not. It's in salads. That's annoying when they bulk out a salad with like loads of lettuce. It's in sandwiches. That's true.

It's everywhere. You can't get rid of it. It turns up uninvited and it's gross. But what about in a like a sandwich and it just adds like a crunch to the sandwich yeah i know i can i can go along with that you can blt yeah yeah that's nice come on no no no just no i want bacon in a blt you do want bacon i would order a blt without the l okay i just have a b. A BT. A BT. Or a BTA with avocado. I'd love an avocado in it.

Call me a millennial, but that's what I'd go for. I hate people who, like, I think you go to a restaurant and the menu is what it is. In some places in America, they're like,

and it'll be like, the menu is what it is. Like, it's your issue. I think it should be, you should be banned from being able to say, unless you're like legit,

like I'm allergic to this, that and the other. No, because it's like,, like, I'm allergic to this, that and the other. No, because it's like, cooking is art, just like anything else is. So if the chef of the restaurant has made this meal like it is, for you to come in and go, oh, like, pick holes in it and be like, oh, can I have it without this and that and the other,

is ridiculous. Cooking is art, like everything else is. I just want to talk about that for a second. What else is art, Dan, that I didn't realise? Like music is art or art is art. Okay, right. Yeah, so I shouldn't customise T-shirts because they've been made the way they've been made

and that's not art. Like what if I think it's more artistic to have a BLT with avocado instead of a lettuce? Well, make your own. That's my own artist impression of a BLT. Sorry, we kind of veered off track there. No, that's fine. Lettuce, you know, it's not bringing much to the party.

And actually, it wouldn't be very calorific. You know, you're trying to survive. You'd have to eat a lot of lettuce to get enough calories to live off, right? Oh, yeah. It's just so dull, isn't it? It would wilt quickly. You're on the island with... Yeah, that's another thing about that.

You're on the island with Tony Blair, Owen Wilson, Walt Disney and lettuce. It's like the worst thing ever. I know, that's what this is about, unfortunately. Okay, guys, what is going to be your drinking choice? Again, I mean, Dan wanted to say shots. Shots in general? Yeah.

Yeah, I'd argue most people don't enjoy shots. Shots in general. Yeah. Yeah, I'd argue most people don't enjoy shots. Yeah, but if you're stuck on a desert island and you've got shots, that's the only way through it. Great. And Sambuca, like, removes all memory. So, amazing. Yeah, that's exactly why I don't... Well, you want to remember your chat with Tony Blair?

Yeah, I want to remember everything that's happened. There's nothing I'd hate. I stopped drinking spirits, drinking spirits full-time quite a long time ago, and I remember everything that happens now on nights out, for the most part. I don't remember what happened last night, thank you. Well, I don't ever wake up being like,

oh my god, blah blah blah, anymore. And that's something that is nice for me. I do, and I'm thankful that I can't remember it. We've decided that it's going to be tea. Tea?

I am decided that. It's tea. It is tea. It is tea. It's tea. That's what we're going for because tea is just disgusting. I hate tea.

It's really horrible and smells gross. To me, it tastes of like mould and cigarettes. Um, okay. I do understand somewhat,

but tea is just like, it breaks up the day yeah it does break up the day very well what do you mean it breaks so you're at your desk you need a little excuse just have a wander around and it takes a bit of time to do you take your brain away from what you're doing for a minute get a coffee you could get a coffee that okay it does also serve that purpose you're right is way better and it's like Tea's got coffee in it anyway, but hardly any. There's a limited amount of coffees you can have in a day. It's true. You start to feel a bit jangly after a while.

Just drink some water. It's the tea bag thing that I find most disgusting about it. And there are some really awful people that have bad tea habits, and I bet Tony Blair's one of them. You leave the tea bag in the cup as you drink it gross no you can't be

leaving the bag in people do that people do that and then sometimes people take them out and put them like they just because they're wet

they don't want to put them in the bin they'll just like let them dry off on the side that is gross you're right it's disgusting

and then what you'll also find is people in offices just leave cups of half drunk teaunk tea everywhere. I don't know why. It's like almost people know it's shit. They're drinking it and they just don't finish it and they leave it and then it just stays on the side

and gets really mouldy. That doesn't happen with coffee. Coffee is drunk by hot Italians and they finish it. You don't ever leave a coffee. You don't leave half a coffee. I do. Tea is vile. I'm sorry, leave a coffee. You don't leave half a coffee. I do. Tea is vile.

I'm sorry. Tea is gross. No, tea is nice. It's a staple. No. Okay. You get a nice chocolate digestive and just dunk it in a tea. That's vile.

Putting solids in liquids is vile. Oh, okay. That's interesting. Like the biscuit goes on the side. Do you know what I mean? Never it dunks in the tea. Nah, never ever ever. You get bits of shit in the tea there, don't you? Oh, don't.

I feel really ill. That's what I hate about tea bags. Well, you can have loose tea, so that's solved that problem. Did you have an experience that has affected you when it comes to dunking? No, I've just never really seen the appeal. Like, why would I want bits of biscuit in the tea? And what happens if you drop the biscuit?

And that does happen. There's a high risk of that. That could happen, yeah. If you're not a seasoned pro, you know, not me. But it does, I agree. So I work mainly at Radio 1 and mainly on the eighth floor, which is a long way from the ground floor. And in order to break up the day or between tasks,

there's nothing else to do, is there? Other than... Just nip and make a tea. Yeah, can go outside, but it's not a quick thing. Also, I don't trust people who... You know when you say, oh, do you want a cup of tea? And they're like, no.

I feel like you should be obliged to... Just say yes. Yeah, basically. No, I don't want a tea. I'll have a water, thank you. I don't understand why you would just drink tea to fill your day. Like, what is going on with your lives

that you need to break up your day? I don't know. And then drink the most horrible... Because I don't just want to be sat at tea to fill your day. Like, what is going on with your lives that you need to break up your day? I don't know. Because I don't just want to be sat at a desk for like nine hours a day. So are you putting tea on your island? Yes. Yeah. Tea is on the island. Yeah.

Dan can break up his monotonous day with it, but I'll be disgusted. Okay. Okay, tea. Tea on the island. Right. You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad. Reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from lips and ads choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host

endorsements or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with lips and ads go to lips and ads.com now that's l-i-b-s-y-n ads.com okay fortunately for you guys, you won't be without entertainment on the island. The Plains Entertainment System continues to work. Yay! But just your luck, it's only got two working settings. One is your least favourite film of all time,

and one is the least favourite song. What are they and why? Film. Okay, film first. We've gone for Home Alone 2, Lost in New York. Wow! Which is a controversial choice i'm aware it is i am so many memories i know right it's it's you know in some ways it's a great film it's a great film okay um macaulay culkin's best work but yeah it features a cameo from donald trump

you don't know that? I've completely forgotten that until this moment in time. Macaulay Culkin's like, excuse me, where's the restroom? And he's like, down the corridor to the left. Great cameo. Is that all he says? Yeah, it's literally it.

But I think for that cameo, it's got to be the worst film ever. And also, I don't know if I like Christmas. Christmas makes me quite sad. Okay. It reminds me that I'm single. And I think if you're on an island and you're having to watch a Christmas film over and over again, it's a very harsh reminder that you're not really living your life.

It would be weird to watch in the sunshine, wouldn't it? If it's a nice day. And there's that scary tramp lady. And it's really bad because it paints out, although it has a nice resolution, it kind of makes you scared of tramps in a way. Yeah.

It made me scared of tramps. Okay. All right. And the creepy old dude with the toy shop who loves children. Yes, and gives him the dove. Yeah. Okay. The two doves, the turtle doves.

Right. As a kid, I loved it, because around the time that it came out, or around the time that I can remember watching it, I was about his age, and you put yourself in that frame, and you're like, how cool would it be to do all this stuff? Yeah.

And maybe be reminded of that every day, that you used to live a life somewhere else. Exactly. What I don't like about Home Run 2, I hate Christmas, like, cards on the table. So there's that. But the other thing I hate about it is people who have time to watch things over and over again,

like, where do they find the time to do that? I agree. I just do not understand. No. What happens on their Netflix and they go on and they're like, oh, I don't want to watch any of this amazing stuff. I'm just going to watch something again. Imagine how, I just can't even imagine that.

You're only talking two hours yearly. Yeah, but the two hours yearly, I could watch any number of amazing documentaries or films that had come out that's clogging up my Netflix or my Skype or whatever. And does Donald Trump get money every time that's watched because he's got a cameo in it? I don't know. It's not a nice thing to think about.

If he's thinking about that, he really should reassess his thought processes. Also, yeah. He has bigger fish to fry. I reckon he watches it. I reckon he sits down at Christmas and goes, let's watch my cameo in Home Alone 2. But just the cameo. Just the cameo.

It's just that one minute moment. Also, he's wearing exactly the same outfit that he wears every day and he doesn't really look that different, even though it's probably, what, 30 years ago? He does. I think he looks completely different. He looks a lot younger. Do you?

Yeah. You can really tell it's him. Yeah, you can tell it's him, but I think he definitely looks younger. So just to dive in a bit deeper, Dan, how many times would you say you've watched Home Alone 2? I don't know, like twice maybe? Did you enjoy it when you watched it those times?

Yeah, yeah, I thought it was. But that's a different era. I only watched it second because that was in a different era where we weren't bombarded with stuff to watch. It's a different time. We never had Sky, so it only had four or five channels. So you did have to re-watch stuff.

But now, it just feels mad to do that. It's like re-reading a book. There's all these books that you'll never get to read in your lifetime and you're going to read the same one again. Why would you read the same one? Yes, okay. So that's why you hate Home Alone

or do you just hate every film or is it because everyone... Well, Christmas films are the worst Because it's like Everyone watches them over and over again Right And I don't understand that Does that make any sense?

No, it does make perfect sense I don't know if it does No, because it gives you a happy Like love actually makes me really happy I like watching that Dan is queen of just like Rambling off on different tangents and stuff So just feel free to cut him off at any point

Yeah, okay I'm considering taking out Owen Wilson and putting Dan in. Are you ready? Yeah, but then you'd be sat there together. Oh, no, you're already there together. Oh, God, yeah, we are, shit. Okay, a strong reasoning for the film.

Yeah, we've got to do the song now. So what's going to be your song choice? YMCA, Village People. YMCA, Village People. I hate it so much. Being a gay person, whenever that song would come on, everyone would always point at me

and be like, oh, it's your song. Oh. No, it's much. Being a gay person, whenever that song would come on, everyone would always point at me and be like, oh, it's your song! No, it's not. And everyone knows the moves. And it's really weird because it's like I mean, let's just dive into the lyrics for a second.

It's fun to stay at the YMCA It's fun to stay at the YMCA. It's fun to stay at the YMCA. They have everything for young men to enjoy. You can hang out with all the boys.

Young man, there's no need to feel down. Young man, pick yourself up off the ground. Young man, you're in a new town. There's no need to be unhappy. There's a place you can go,

young man, when you're short on your dough. You can stay there, and I'm sure you'll find many ways to have a good time. Interesting. It's fun to stay at the YMCA. You're looking like you've made some really good point. I don't understand what your point is.

Yes, there are lyrics to that song. What don't you understand about the lyrics to that song? Well, you're not hearing what I'm hearing. I'm not hearing anything. It's very sinister to me. It's saying, come over here and have some fun with some other men, young man. Right. It's fun to stay.

It's saying, come and have sex with us. I didn't realise that was sinister. Yeah, it's sinisterly trying to get young men to come around to the YMCA and have sex. Isn't it? I'm not sure sinister is the word. I think it's a bit sinister. It's a bit much. It's gross. And everyone dances to it at kids' parties. a bit sinister. It's a bit much. It's gross.

And everyone dances to it at kids' parties. It's true. It's really wrong. It's really awful. When you said everyone knows the moves, I had this sort of wood-clad worker men's club in the 70s having their Christmas party, and everyone doing the YMCA amongst a group

of probably the most homophobic, sexist people. Well, yeah, that's the genius of it. Is it? Because, yeah, they're all dark. Also, they have everything for you men to enjoy. You can hang out with all the boys. What are you not getting about that lyric, guys? That lyric is, I mean, it's literally saying, come on down, we've got cock rings, we're ready to go.

You can hang out with us all. We've got everything for you men to enjoy. They're not talking about cigars and... What do men enjoy anyway? I don't know. I don't know. It's not. I don't know, it's quite a generalisation, isn't it?

Yeah, it's... Yeah. So you found growing up that when that song came on, everyone sort of turned to you and were like, James, you love this song. Yeah, like, James, you love this song. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You love this song. You're gay.

Yeah. We'll play you out, shall we? So you've got to be into it. It would come on all the time. Parties. People would like constantly. It's like bullying, really. It felt like bullying to me.

I mean, I do have fond memories of maybe this song being on and like doing the dance and stuff. You have fond memories. No one wants to actually do the dance. I don't know. They're just having fun. I don't mind doing the dance, actually. Really? fond memories. No one wants to actually do the dance. I don't know. They're just having fun. I don't mind doing the dance, actually. Really?

Yeah. Oh, knock yourself out, boys. Knock yourself out. You can have a good time. I don't... And isn't the move as well, when it's like... Are you not doing like a shag move?

I don't... You are. I can't show you it. You are. You're like shagging. It's a shagging move. You're doing the air shag. I don't do that. bit it's fun to stay

at the I am I'm now loving it no it's awful no it is a terrible song I quite like

the idea of forcing people to dance like that's quite a thing I quite like I'd rather do oops upside your head although you ruin your jeans

because you're on the floor, but Oops Upside Your Head is infinitely better. If you want to, or Wigfield, Saturday Night. That's the tune. What about Village People? Did they do anything wrong? They wrote the song. I mean, I don't know them personally,

but their outfit choices were pretty bad. Yeah, that's true. They were owning their truth, I guess. They were out there killing the game. Yeah. They did really well out of the song i don't i don't think i have anything specifically against them it's probably more my personal memories towards this song yes do you know the story of ymca no so it was like a record producer went into a club and there was a guy dressed as an american indian and he went this is new york and the the next week he went in and he was dressed as like a cowboy

or something and yeah well you can see no is this real yeah yeah this is true yeah that's amazing and then this guy

was he asked his gay friend or something to tell him about the YMCA was which is what the young man's

Christian Association is and he was telling him they were just having a conversation about this and he was like oh my god and put the two YMCA was, which is what the Young Man's Christian Association is, and he was telling him, they were just having a conversation about this, and he was like, oh, my God, and put the two things together. Oh, wow. Okay, all right. That is a nice story. I don't think it's, maybe I take back its sinister, but.

You know, only two of them are gay. Really? Yeah. All right. So most of them aren't gay. So what he was saying, it's okay, we can work out your life, come to the YMCA, So what, he was saying, it's okay, we can work out your life, come to the YMCA. Is that what he was saying?

I think it's two separate things, is it? Two separate stories. Yeah, it's two separate, yeah. And he just merged them. I think it's because we've got Grindr now, we don't need the YMCA. Yeah, so he kind of, like, he made up that these things were going on at the YMCA, right?

Yeah, I think so. I wonder how the YMCA felt about that. They didn't like it at the time and they wanted to see but then they came round to it like many years later. Because of the promotion for the YMCA.

Yeah, pretty much. Wow. So, I'm not entirely sure by the way, so someone correct me if I'm wrong. It's not a gay thing, right? The YMCA.

I doubt it. Although I do think that the one in Fitzrovia has a lot of gay members. Right, okay. Apparently the gym's quite hot Is that what it stands for? Young Males Christian Centre

I certainly spent All of my childhood thinking That it was like a gay place Because of the song Which isn't a good thing Even you thought it was a gay song Well no I thought the thing was a gay place I'm still not completely So I'm right Even you thought it was a gay song. Well, no, I thought the thing was a gay place.

I'm still not completely sure. So I'm right. It's horrible. What about in the Navy? Oh, God. James's face has just dropped there. In the Navy. Oh, God. Superman.

Okay. Whatever. We could list them. The YMCA. Based on James's past experiences, you'd have to them but so YMCA based on James' past experiences you'd have to listen to the YMCA village people

for the rest of your life on this island oh god this sounds awful James it does sound awful right okay no one would be happy

with that would Tony Blair and Owen Wilson get roped into doing they would definitely be doing the moves finally gentlemen the island is overrun

by the biggest dick of all the animals which animal is it and why? So I wanted to say elephants. Okay. Because they don't forget anything. That's quite intimidating. That's your worst friend on a night out.

Yes. Like Dan here who doesn't drink vodka so he remembers everything. You don't want to be reminded. So I was going to say that, but then Dan's got major issues with dogs. So we're going with dogs. Dogs. Okay. Talk to me about dogs. I don't want the dogs. Dogs. Dogs. Okay. Talk to me about dogs.

I don't want the dogs charity. It's on me. I think it's fine. I don't think they're going to be listening to this. We've already got Disney, the YMCA, and the dogs charity steering us. That's it, yeah. I just don't like dogs.

I don't like children. I don't like dogs. I don't like things that are loud and annoying and hairy and that's just getting in the way. Awful person. Yeah. Loud and hairy and getting in the way so yeah you were saying you don't like dogs because they they're smelly they're hairy and they get in the

way and they're loud but you're on an island and you're going to be hairy and smelly and getting in the way and loud so i don't really know what your problem with dogs is no but i'm i i try my best not to be loud annoying and and get in other people's way. But you are going to be hairy and smelly. No, but my hair, me being hairy is different because I don't leave my hair

everywhere I go. You're on an island. Right. What are you worried about dog hair for? Why? They're really happy creatures. They like help people

through hard times. Yeah, fine. They can do that in their own time, but they don't need to do it in my ends, do they? In my ends. So dogs are our final dick. I suppose they do try and hump you a lot. That might be kind of annoying.

What I don't like about dogs, because I completely agree with you, by the way, but it's just they're so needy. Yeah, I know. Dogs are really needy quite needy though that's why i like them i relate i just think the dogs like that you can't dogs just need your attention all the time yeah okay i'm not saying i'm a cat person but what i appreciate about cats is they just do their own thing you know they're there for a bit you can

just like maybe stroke them or whatever you If you have to have a pet, then I feel like a cat is a better way to go than a dog. Yeah, I mean, I'm not keen on them either. A cat just kind of comes into your room without you realising, doesn't it? At least I'd rather know where I was and where everything and everything one was. Right.

When I'm going to bed. Yes, sure. Yeah. I feel like there's an obsession with dogs at the minute and i feel like people are hanging on to this obsession just to be part of a thing right do you know i mean the way sometimes people talk about dogs okay fine you love the avocados basically yeah yeah i kind of feel like that yeah or you know people people that are part of beyonce's beehive right you know it may it just for it to be a thing do you know i mean to be part of a thing so yeahive. Right. You know, just for it to be a thing.

Do you know what I mean? To be part of a thing. So, yeah, with dogs, I do feel like the island is going to be overrun with this animal as well. Imagine a lot of dogs. That would be tough. That would be hard work.

Yeah. They'd be wild dogs. You'd have to take them for really long walks as well around the island. They'd probably... Okay, so, yeah, if they're, like, domesticated dogs... You'd have to pick up their shit for them. Oh, no. That's really annoying. Otherwise, there'd just be shit everywhere around the island. Okay, so yeah, if they're like domesticated dogs. Just to pick up their shit for them. Oh no. That's really annoying.

Otherwise there'd just be shit everywhere on the island. That pisses me off about dogs. Like, clean up your own shit. Why do I have to do it? It's true. Why do I have to do that? It's gross. And people that just leave their dog shit on the pavement in London everywhere. Do you know what I mean? You're walking home and you're just like there's just a shit there. And why is it

acceptable for them to piss outside? Yes. I're walking home and you're just like, there's just a shit there. And why is it acceptable for them to piss outside? Yes. I don't really understand that. It is, yeah. If they're so, like, intelligent and happy, just, like, cool. You can go to the bathroom like everyone else. Yeah, okay.

I really feel like this is going to be controversial for people. Yeah. Their teeth are really disgusting as well if you don't brush them. What, dogs? Yeah. Oh, you don't want to be brushing a dog's teeth. They really smell, can't it? Yeah, I've had some weird...

Also, you can't have sex with a dog around because they want to get involved. It's really odd. Have you noticed that? No. Have you never slept with anyone with a dog? No. Okay, I have, and it's kind of gross. It's not okay.

They, like, scratch the door. They're like, let me in, let me in, let me in. And it's just really weird. They want to be part of it. Yeah. I don't know how people with dogs have sex. Oh. I didn't know this about dogs.

It's a revelation. Well, they're so needy and attention-seeking, aren't they? So they're obviously going to want to be there. Yeah. Oh, God. Whereas I think a cat would just stare at you. I think a dog would jump up on bed and disrupt it. Okay, yeah.

All right. Well, dogs. Dogs go on the island. Anything else about dogs? Well, it's a bit annoying how they, the whole dog industry is pretty awful, isn't it? Because the dogs that nobody wants is left to die. Yeah.

Whilst they're breeding more and more. Of the, like, more favoured, good-looking dogs, and interbreeding them to create new, odd dogs. Yeah. It's true. I'm trying to think of a famous dog that I can see as a final thought. Yeah, is there another one?

The bounty toilet paper dog. Dog the Bounty Hunter. Dog the Bounty Hunter. Dog the Bounty Hunter is awful. I think you mean Andrax anyway. Yeah, Andrax, that's it. You made me think of dog the bounty hunter yeah dog the bounty hunter he's not as cool as he thinks he is okay yeah all right dog

the bounty hunter and dogs um thank you very much for coming in guys thanks for having us on the island james and dan from a gay and a non-gay podcast where can people listen to yeah we're on itunes and we're on all android pod apps and also spotify and yeah we're called a gay and a non-gay podcast, where can people listen to? Yeah, we're on iTunes and we're on all Android pod apps and also Spotify. And yeah, we're called A Gay and a Non-Gay. And we have lots of fun talking about all the differences

between Dan and I. Yeah, and we're at Gay, Non-Gay on Twitter. Come and say hi. And Instagram. And Instagram. Any live shows coming up? Not yet, but we're hoping

for some Edinburgh 2018 plans. Amazing. Okay, cool. So watch this space. We're really excited about that. Yeah, so watch this space, Defo. And say hi to us. Okay. There's something else to announce, but not until after this. Oh, right. Okay, cool. So check their social

media channels. Thank you for coming in, guys. Anytime. And you can't just say that, by the way, Dan. Like, tease everyone. Like, oh, we've got some big news, but we can't tell you right now. Well, no, I can, because I can't just say that, by the way, Dan. What? Like, tease everyone. Like, oh, we've got some big news, but we can't tell you right now. Well, no, I can, because I can't. It's kind of annoying for everyone listening. Well. I don't mind telling them.

I'm quite loose here. No, you can't, because we've got to wait. We've got to wait. Why? Because you know. James is telling everyone this thing. I wish he would stop. He's just telling everyone.

Let's just say, you won't just be able to listen to us. On the ground. On the ground. Wow. That's all we're going to say right now. Okay. Maybe you'll be on a plane crashing into a desert island listening to us. Okay.

In fact, a future answer to that question could be that you'd be stuck listening to our podcast over and over again. Oh, I really feel like you've just revealed exactly what's going to happen. I have. I have revealed it. Yeah, I have. Okay. Okay, great. Cool. Thanks, gents.