Desert Island Dicks - ALEX SIEVEWRIGHT

Episode Date: April 11, 2019

We're back! And with an awards nomination... Desert Island Dicks has been nominated for a British Podcast Award and I am delighted. Apologies for the delay, my guest for this week is writer and comedian Alex Sievewright. Be sure to follow the podcast @dickspod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad. Reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Lips and Ads. Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements, or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lips and Ads. Go to Lipsandads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-NAds.com. Hi, I'm James Deacon and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable.

Who they are and why they're a dick is up to you. And here to share their desert island dicks with us today is writer and comedian Alex Ivright. Hello. Hello, how are you? I'm great, yeah. Thanks for coming in. Sorry it's taken us a while to get to this point. That's quite all right. It's been an adventure. Of sorts. Of sorts, okay Back and forth Okay, great How did you find picking your choices for? Quite easy, actually Yeah The only difficulty I had was like narrowing it down, you know

There was a bit of back and forth in about who I should have And still is I'm sat here now, there still is I'm wondering whether to throw you a curveball But no, I don't think I will Okay, alright I'll be alright I'll be interested, okay

Maybe I'll know But listeners might not know But I'm wondering whether to throw you a curveball, but no, I don't think I will. Okay, all right. I'll be all right. I'll be interested. Okay, maybe I'll know, but listeners might not know, but I'm excited to hear. Alex, who's going to be your first choice? Well, she's a popular choice, I believe. The GC. The GC. Gemma Collins, of course. The GC.

I chose her because I think she best represents that whole reality TV that I just cannot abide. I cannot stand the clearly scripted or at least storyboarded kind of, you know, she's the figurehead for that, in my opinion. She is the queen of the useless crap that is that. I think you probably are right, yeah. And the thought of being stuck on a desert island with any of them all of them in fact and that's an idea for a program actually just stick them all on a desert island all the ones from taoi and made in chelsea

don't film it just leave them on there that'd be great i mean uh that's good i mean i was gonna say oh they've got it it's called love's called Love Island. But a very different beast, I think. Very. She appears to be the figurehead, right? She is her face on the money of that sort of thing. Okay. The GC. Currently in Dancing on Ice?

Yeah, one of them. Yeah, one of them. And that's the other thing that really bugs me as well, is when you have these reality shows. I can't use air quotes on a podcast because you can't see me but i'm using reality shows this podcast uh air quotes um they they go on other reality shows and they always say oh it's a chance for him to see the real me yeah what what were we looking at no we're not we're not we're able to see the real you we're never going to see the real you

because you're always playing to the camera you're always being this thing that's unless there's a script yeah they're winging it and you can tell

they're winging it because Gemma is winging it by being a complete diva on Dancing on Ice ah yes I think she hasn't

got the script she hasn't been told what to do so she just you know that's what she, yes. I think she hasn't got the script. She hasn't been told what to do. So she just, you know, that's what she does, I think. I think that she, yes. Actually, ironically, you are seeing the real her and it's quite nasty.

It's horrible. Yeah. But, I mean, I haven't watched any of it. I've just seen the highlights. Well, I haven't watched any of it either. By highlights, do you mean the fall on the face? Yeah, that's exactly what I mean. That was the highlight.

I saw it on TV that they were saying, is it a fake? Did she fake falling over? Well, I mean... Is this where we are in life? It's possible. I mean, that fall she did

at the, was it the Brits when she fell through the stage? Yes. I mean, she does her own stunts and you've got to applaud her for that. You know, You really do. Do you think she did it deliberately? No.

No, I don't think so. I don't think so. I just think... I don't. Probably. I don't know. Maybe, yes, she did, yeah. Maybe.

She could easily have done it. I don't know. Who cares? If she didn't do it on purpose, it's a shame it wasn't worse than it was yes it's harsh

but I mean she's got I mean she went on I'm a Celebrity and lasted 72 hours yeah that's crazy she wouldn't parachute she wouldn't do that whole thing

at the beginning and she's just what are you doing yeah a waste of space she's a used car salesman that's what she used to be do you know that really

I was reading about her today a used car salesman that someone on TOWIE said, I should see my mate Gemma. She's funny. And they went and saw her and got her in the show. As if. I know. But that makes perfect sense.

It does. Right? Yeah. You want to buy a car, babe? Yeah. We'll buy a car. It's got seats in it and everything and wheels. It's pink so car. It's got seats in it and everything and wheels. It's pink, so it goes faster.

It's red, isn't it? The GC, okay, yeah. Giant. The Gemma Collins, yes. The Gemma Collins. Okay. I think that would be painful, wouldn't it? You're having that.

That's absolutely fine. Yeah, yeah. That would be hard work. I it? You're having that, that's absolutely fine. Yeah, yeah. That would be hard work. I mean, she'd leave after a few hours anyway, I'm sure. Exactly, yeah. It'd still be bad. As if you can't just do it. You know what you sign up for.

You go into the jungle somewhere. Yeah. Right, and also, I mean, your moment in the sun is only going to last a very short time. So, you know, you might as well make the most of those opportunities while they're there. Absolutely, yeah. I mean, she is...

People like her. I really don't know why. Obviously, people like her. I saw one this morning that her boyfriend, Arj, another one who was from the TOWIE one. Oh, Arj. Oh, good old Argy. Argy Bargy.

He was saying that Valentine's Day is going to be really special with her. And they were like, what are you doing? It's like, why do I care about this? Why do I care? But the fact that he said, oh, she's booked a room at the Dorchester. She demanded that.

And she's sorted out a present that she's going to be getting as well. And we're doing this as she desires. So she organised the whole thing. Wow. It's going to be really special. Really special for her. Yeah, really special. What a special day.

Yeah. But that's news. Wow, that's great. OK, cool. I mean, at least you'll have some pictures for her Instagram, eh? I know. This is going to make you feel sick. OK, cool. The GC, that's going to be on. it making you feel sick? Okay, cool.

The GC, that's going to be on. I won't eke that out any longer. Who's going to be your second choice? David Walliams. Walliams. David Walliams. David Walliams. Okay.

Don't you mean David Williams? No. Go on. Due to... No, that doesn't mean David Walliams. David Walliams is... I've never found him funny. Never found him funny. I don't get hiss. David Walliams is... I've never found him funny. Never found him funny.

I don't get his appeal. I don't understand it. He seems like quite a horrible person as well. And I mean, I'm using the Jake Yap line here. He's probably really nice. I don't know him. But that basically means you can say anything about them. Caveat that.

Yeah, exactly. It just strikes me as being someone who's very up himself and got where he is just by not... Lazy, lazy writing. I found Little Britain one of the laziest written things ever. It's the same thing over and over and over again, literally over and over again. And this man has

skyrocketed with his children's books it's not, to be honest, it's not that hard to write a children's book, it can't be that hard to write a children's book, no, really but you just have to have the name I think especially when you have someone else writing it with you oh exactly yes, there is that yeah, that's got to be

a lot easier hasn't it really another example as well there is that, yeah. Okay. But, yeah, that's got to be a lot easier, hasn't it, really? He's, I mean, another example as well, I was at a screening of Stan and Nolly the other week. Oh, great.

And it was a Q&A screening, so they had, like, the director and people there. And David Walliams was there. And I saw him very briefly and I was like, oh, there's David Walliams. And a guy went up to him

and just went, can I have a photo with you, Mr. Walliams? He went, shoo, go away. And shooed him off. Did he? And I was like, oh, you've cemented it, sir. Wow. You are indeed a horrible person.

I mean, you don't get more concrete evidence than that. No, you don't. I mean, he wasn't doing it. He was just standing there. You saw that with your own eyes. Exactly. There's a lot of speculation on this podcast and a lot of people, but you've seen it.

You were there, man. I have seen it, yeah. It confirmed it. It made my decision a lot easier. Oh, my God. Okay. The reason I said David Williams at the end is I think that's his original name. He changed it to Williams, right?

It could well be, yeah. Yeah, I think he changed it to Williams to, well, I guess, to stand out and seem zany and wacky. Well, that's it. I remember him when he first started out. I remember seeing him on Games World, which was on Sky, which was like their computer games. Was it Games World he was on?

I'm sure it was. It was one of them. And he was this, he played this like, basically like the Lou and Andy character. It was like his character in that. It was working for the guys on Games World. I'm not sure. And I remember watching it and I was thinking

even then, back in the day, I must have been about 10 or 11, I was like, ooh, no, he's not very good. My dad went, he's a tit, isn't he? So it's like from then on, it's like he knew. My dad knew back then as well. I mean, actually, yeah. My dad knew back then as well. Yeah.

I mean, actually, yeah, I think that my family sat around and put Little Britain on and I don't remember. I remember being, I'm one of four kids being sat there with my parents and just looking around and thinking, what is this? Yeah.

What are we doing right now? Yeah. It's sad. I think actually the reason we're watching it is Matt Lucas because he's a genius. But it's true. Yeah. I think actually the reason we're watching it is Matt Lucas because he's a genius. It's true. Yeah. I mean, it is true.

As I say, I grew tired of Little Britain quite early on, but it's mainly because of the laziness. But yeah, Matt Lucas has... I mean, George Dawes. Exactly. You can't be annoyed at him. I know. But he is not going on the island.

David Welliams. David Welliams is going on the island. David Walliams. David Walliams is going on the island. I mean, they haven't done anything together for ages, so Matt Lucas will be all right. Yeah, he'll be fine. He'll be fine, because David Walliams will be on the island with me. I mean, when you see clips of him doing Britain's Got Talent, it's just, it's embarrassing. Yeah. It's the way he plays to, like, Simon Cowell.

I know. It's just like, oh, I'm going to do this zany character, so then, you know. But actually, Simon, please like me. Yeah, it's that faux campness as well, which is... I mean, I don't... I don't buy it for a second. I really don't. No, OK.

I just don't buy him for a second. Yeah, fine. David Walliams is going to be your second choice. He is. And who's going to be your third choice? The third choice is Mr Michael McI is Mr. Michael McIntyre. Michael McIntyre. Afraid so.

Go on. Well, observation comedy. I've never really been a huge fan of observation comedy. And he's, once again, he's someone who is, it feels, I mean, he probably has deserved what he's got by working hard, but to me it feels like people, the same people that kind of like Mrs. Brown's boys and like that whole kind of end of the pier type thing,

and I just don't think they deserve to have that much money thrown at them. Yeah, okay. And also the main other factor is when I did Panto a few years back, I was wishy-washy in Aladdin. Okay, yeah. It was great. But I was clean-shaven, had floppy hair, and the amount of time people said,

oh, you look like Michael McIntyre. And it really, really pissed me off. Really, really, really got on my tits. Did you get a lot then? Yeah, I did. And it still me off. Really, really, really got on my tits. Did you get a lot then? Yeah, I did. And it still happens now. Really? People see me when I haven't got a beard.

They'll be like, I did a recording of a podcast called Numbskull Island a couple of years back, which was like an improvised comedy sketch thing about a group of people on an island. And we were two random people I hadn't worked with before and they went do you know you look like Michael McIntyre I went

oh and he went can we do a sketch with your Michael McIntyre it's like this is an audio thing does it matter can we do a sketch

with your Michael McIntyre aww I went fine I'll do it and I just did this did this and then

doing that for a day they got more and more high pitched and I just and then doing that they got more and more high pitched and more annoyed and then started swearing at people and then getting really angry and they didn't use it in the end mainly because I said do not use that yeah you wrote it out it's crap

as if they were like you look like Michael McIntyre can you sound like him I know that's what really got me no that's not a combination that should work I am not Michael McIntyre, can you sound like him? I know, that's what really got me. I was just like, I don't... No, that's not a combination that should work. I am not Michael McIntyre. Here's a question for you. Go on then.

Do you think you look like Michael McIntyre when you're clean shaven? Unfortunately, yeah. Okay, yeah. Unfortunately, I've got... You just didn't want it confirmed. I've got the slight chubbiness of the cheeks. I've got the squinty eyes

and I'm painfully unfunny without my beard as well so he's I mean of all my choices he's the he's the person I hate

the least if that makes sense so it's like it's a case of if he was on the island with me I would tolerate him yes but I'd say he started going is he that palm tree Right, yeah. So it's like, it's a case of, if he was on the island with me, I would tolerate him. Yes. But I'd say,

he started going, is he that palm tree? No, no, no. No, no. Don't make any jokes about coconuts or palm trees or sand. We've heard them all now.

Yeah. We've heard them all. Oh no, it's just like, just chuck a funny word onto the end of something. And it's like, gazebo or whatever.

So you do it, how you can't drink the seawater around here because you go insane. No, I know. I get what you mean with thatawater around here because you go insane. I know. I know. I get what you mean with that. There's only so much of that I can take

before it's like... Yes, I know. People go and see his big shows and stuff like that. I just don't... Yeah. Okay. All right. Michael McIntyre is going to be your third choice.

Thank you very much, Alex. Floppy-haired goon. Anything else on him before we... No! OK. OK, we'll cut him there. Now, mercifully, among the wreckage of the plane, there was some food and drink left over.

Unfortunately for you, it's your least favourite food and drink in the world. What are they and why are they so bad? OK, well, the food is olives. Food is olives. OK. How do you feel about olives? I like olives,

but I like very salty food and I like snacky things. Oh, go on. Talk to me. No, no, no. It's fine. I'm intrigued. I like snacky food.

I didn't like olives until I was maybe about 20 and then my girlfriend really liked them. 20, 21. I'm just trying to remember when we met and then uh she used to have them all the time and so i think i had a few and then eventually got into them i you see i've tried that have you given it yeah yeah my wife really loves olives ah

and i've tried so hard it's like whenever she gets olives i go oh i'll i'll have one and it's every time i do this and i just talk it makes me shiver and i'm not quite sure one. And it's every time I do this. And I just start going... It makes me shiver. And I'm not quite sure why that is. It's the same... Because it was tossed up between olives and celery. Because celery is another one where I'm like, that's just a foul tasting thing. But I think the popularity of olives

makes it more of a relevant choice. I think like... You say picking celery as a possible second kind of makes sense because they've both got this weird kind of like this perfumey almost flavour that gets right up your nose. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Celery more so. Celery is more like eating a stinging nettle or something. It's got that kind of... It's so weird. Makes your nose... But, yeah, olives, can't get behind them. I've tried them soaked in everything,

every sort of vinaigrette or whatever, sort of topping or whatever, and no, can't get behind them. What about cooked on a pizza? I try to avoid it. Yeah. I try to avoid it. It's better because it's hidden by a lot of cheese and a lot of tomato or whatever, but yeah, if the

choice was there not to have it on, I wouldn't have it on. I wouldn't have it on. Have you tried the thing, I think it's like, eat seven or 11 in one sitting and then it changes your whole. Changes my whole? I imagine it would, yeah. I imagine it would.

It changes your... My perspective, yeah? Your perspective. No, because I can't get through... I think the most I had in one sitting was three. And that really was... That's just too much. I don't know why I'm doing this to myself.

I mean, I'll try it for you. I'll give it a go and I'll let you know. Oh, I wish I'd known. I would have brought some of this. I know I did know. I should have brought some we didn't know we knew in advance what about other salty foods anchovies anchovies are fine yeah yeah i really like seafood and that kind of thing and the saltiness is great olives it could be the texture i don't know it could be okay um but the whole combination of that texture and the salty thing i'm not a fan of okay

but anchovies are great yeah all right i love anchovy okay good okay olives are going to be food choice and what's going to be a drink choice alec drink choice um controversial controversially even um most alcoholic beverages yes okay so talk to me about this. Well, I say most alcoholic beverages and I mean literally most. I don't like the taste of alcohol. Ah, any alcohol? Pretty much. Yeah, pretty much.

And I was drinking, I drank quite a bit and, you know, on a night out and enjoyed it. But then I slowly realised that I've never actually been 100% satisfied with any alcoholic drink I've been given. Really?

Yeah, I've never gone, oh, that's lovely. That's really nice. I've never done that. I've just sort of gone, ah, thank you. Oh, just kind of got through it. Yeah, that's it. But yeah, I'd much rather have like a glass of water or a Coke or a lemonade or something like that on a hot day.

A lot of people crave a beer. No, I do. I actually, I do know where you're coming from because I often crave a beer and then think to myself halfway through it, like a lemonade would be so much more refreshing right now. Yeah, it's just not refreshing. An appetizer. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's not refreshing. I find, I mean, it's the same reason I gave up smoking as well

because I felt I'm only doing this as, you know, to fit in almost on a night out. Yeah, right, yeah. So, yeah, I stopped smoking and pretty much stopped drinking. I do occasionally have a drink like Christmas time. Okay. And say a wedding or a funeral or something like that. Right, yeah, yeah.

But it's, yeah, it's not really a case of I really want this, I'm enjoying this. No, yeah. At Christmas, my tipple seems to be, me saying any alcoholic drink is the um cinnamon fire whiskey the the um fireball yeah oh nice i really like it yeah because i think that hit is enough to hide the alcohol i think do you think i've got the burn yeah exactly yeah it's quite nice okay so if i had to have it i'd like i'd like to say on this island can I just have fire whiskey

but that's probably not going to count because I'd like it so it's going to have to be those cheap knock-off German beers you get in those tiny bottles the fun-sized Stellars I call them that you get in the supermarket and they're like £3 for like £20

and you drink one and you've got a headache afterwards alcohol man when people do the dry January as well, I find it quite... Because on my Facebook feed, all I get is people just going, oh, I'm craving, oh, do like day four in my dry January. I'm like, come on.

Come on, you'll be all right. Yeah, you'll be fine. You'll feel better. Yeah. I did dry January once and I did feel better. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God.

Me and my girlfriend, I didn't have any kids at the time and me and my girlfriend went to the cinema at half ten on a Saturday. Amazing, isn't it? Just from not drinking. It's amazing what you can do

when you don't drink. Yeah. Was that in the morning or the evening? In the morning, sorry. It's even better. It's a half ten in the morning. In the morning, sorry.

In the morning, yeah. In the morning, yeah. Well, yeah, that's amazing. A half ten at night, it wouldn't be impressive at all. It'd still be quite impressive. You'd be able to take it all in. You'd be completely sober still. Yeah. I was wondering, was there a moment?

Was there an experience? Well, I remember... Not really. It's just kind of, I just, not really. It's just kind of, I just sort of weaned, I just thought, why am I doing this? Why exactly am I doing this? I mean, when I was younger, at college, I got quite drunk, quite a lot. And there's one occasion, I don't get, I tend to drink myself sober in a way.

I don't know if anyone else experiences that, where you drink something and then you just sort of go. At the end of the night, you're like, I need to get home now. You know, I'm fine. I'll just call a cab. But this one time, I mean, we're talking like, this will age me now. It was like 1996. So I was at college.

And I had, we were drinking Thunderbird. Right. If you remember that. At Mad Dog 2020. Wow. Nice. And I thought, it was going quite well. It was like four hours into the evening of this party, this house party,

and I was like, yeah, yeah, I really need to go to the toilet, but someone's in there. I've got an idea. I'll go to the toilet in the hedge across the road where the person lives. That's fine. So my friend went with me to have a pee. And I fell through the hedge while I was urinating. My friend just laughed and ran off.

But I actually fell forward through the hedge while I was urinating. And I was wearing, it was 90s, mid-90s, so I was wearing white jeans. Nice. Nice. Nice. Peed all down there. Staggered back to the party, still hanging out with my flies. Just covered in piss. So I got my dick out with piss all down the front of my trousers,

apologising to everyone I saw. Then the next thing I remember, I woke up in my house in completely different clothes Wow the next day and I was like well that's I'm not doing that again

I'm not going to drink like that again that's the only moment I can think of where it's been really bad really bad yeah okay yeah wow

can I suggest you an alternate Christmas beverage sure low alcohol but it does have some alcohol but it's my Christmas tipple. Okay. It's a ginger wine and lemonade.

Ooh. Right. Ginger wine is so cheap. I don't know why it isn't the most popular Christmas drink. It's so Christmas tasting and it's fucking great. It costs like £3.50 for a bottle, so Christ knows what's in it. But the alcohol's quite low.

And I'd say a third of a glass ginger wine, fill the rest up with lemonade and put a slice of lemon in there nice holy moly that's good really could you have that hot oh my god

I've never tried it hot but it would be good I imagine it would yeah ginger okay yeah I could get behind that yeah that sounds Christmassy

yeah I mean it's not Christmas time right now no it's not but I could just try it I could build myself up to it I'd hate to be the person

that brought you back into alcoholism. Just from that. Just come back, back here going, I love a thing. By the time this podcast comes out,

you message me saying, you fucking ruined my life. Sorry, I can't listen to the podcast. I'm in AA. I'm in rehab. Okay, well,

thank you very much, Alex. Alcoholic beverages are going to be your drink choice. You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad. Reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Lips and Ads. Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements, or run a reproduced ad like this one across thousands of shows to reach your target audience with Lips and Ads. Go to lipsandads.com now. That's L-I-B-S-Y-N ads.com.

Now, fortunately, you won't be without entertainment on the island. The Plains Entertainment System continues to work, but just your luck, it only has two working settings. One is your least favourite film of all time and the other your least favourite song. What are they and why? Well, the least favourite film... Film first.

Yes, is Frozen. Frozen. Hello. song or are they and why well the least favorite film film first yes is frozen frozen hello yes okay i thought long and hard um and i i could have gone with like and i'm a big film fan you see so it's very hard for me to say a film i haven't enjoyed at some level. Even the bad films are bad. But the problem I've got with Frozen is there's a problem with a lot of films like that. Like, say, The Greatest Showman or the one that was quite popular recently, Bohemian Rhapsody, for example.

Yes. Which I haven't seen. I haven't seen Bohemian Rhapsody. I haven't seen The haven't seen me in rhapsody i haven't seen uh gretta sherman and the reason for that is because my friends on facebook all think it's amazing it's like my timeline is filled with oh it's the best thing ever oh it's the best and you think no it can't be it can't be the trailers make it look awful it can't be um and so the reason I chose Frozen is because that was another one of those films

but I have actually seen it interesting okay and I just thought it was very poor just standard just and the song

Let It Go is just everywhere as well. And that really, really bugged me. I know. I recently did a stint at the Winter Wonderland Hyde Park. Okay, yeah. I was an actor there, Huntsman, outside the Magical Ice Kingdom.

Nice. Unfortunately, it was outside an area where that song was played quite a lot oh no you didn't hear the start of it you go please just no i've been stood here for 12 hours please um and that's that's part of it the song is a big part of it but also i find the annoying thing is um i mean i presume you've seen Frozen I've got a daughter and she is obsessed yeah it's that that

the kiss bit at the end okay yeah that revolutionary kiss bit at the end where the true love's kiss is between the two sisters that was done in

Maleficent Maleficent oh yeah that was done in that same year the Angelina Jolie one another Disney one that was the exact same ending

oh um i've not seen that yeah one of angelina jolie pretty much the same sort of ending where the true love's kiss is between a woman and a woman really so it's like i well i don't you know i didn't know that yeah so they've just rehashed that. Yeah, that's quite quick for Disney, to rehash something in the same year, as opposed to what they're doing. Oh, my God. And this is quite timely, because yesterday my girlfriend came through to where I was sitting,

and she said, Oh, no. And I was like, what? She was like, there's a trailer out. And I was like, what for? She was like, Frozen 2. I was like, no. And I was like, what? She was like, there's a trailer out. And I was like, what for? She was like, Frozen 2. I was like, no. Not another one, please.

Yeah, afraid so. And the trailer is awful. Haven't seen it. Oh, my God, it's bad. I can't bring myself to watch it. It's crazy. I was watching it. I was thinking, what actually happens in this?

It's like they've tried to make it look like an action film or something. Really? It's so weird. Well, let's give it a watch now. You'll have to watch it, and I'd be interested to hear your feedback. But, yeah, just like I have no idea what they're getting to. When she started showing me it, I was like, this is a fake. Someone's just cut this together.

And then as it goes on, I was like, no, this is real. She said it's on the Guardian website. And I was like no this is real she said it's on the Guardian website and I was like no it's actually fucking happening I know

man it's just I went on the the ride in Orlando okay the Frozen ride technically

it's very impressive oh right very very good but there's a lot of let it go in there have you ever done I don't know if you've ever done the Pirates of the Caribbean I have Impressive. Oh, right. Very, very good. But there's a lot of let it go in there. Have you ever done, I don't know if you've ever done the Pirates of the Caribbean.

I have, yeah. That's great. Yeah, it's good. And It's a Small World. I think It's a Small World, Cross the Pirates of the Caribbean, and the fact that you've got these very impressive animatronics, very impressive sort of, you want like a watertight track thing. But it's got the thing of It's a Small World where that song is played quite a lot and it's sort of you want like a watertight track thing but it's got the

thing of it's a small world where that song is played quite a lot and it's kind of looped almost and it just feels like a bombardment of the senses if you hate something that bad and you go on to a ride like that it's hard oh no yeah funny thing about it's a small world i've only been on it once and we got stuck on there for 20 minutes. Oh, my God, that is awful. I've been on there. That's hell. Yeah, it's a small world.

If there's an option to have what ride would be on there, it would be it's a small world. But, yeah, Frozen, unfortunately, yeah, is a misfire from Disney there. I mean, they've had lots of misfires, but... For how big it is and how... Yeah. Oh, God, yeah.

I mean, I'm bombarded with it all the time. In my daughter's room, right now, she has... And I am not kidding. She has frozen bed covers with a frozen side table next to her bed with a little drawer in it, a frozen canvas picture on the wall and lining the wall on that side

is Frozen stickers. Like, when you said Frozen, I thought, holy fuck, this is so good. This is exactly what needs to happen. How old is she? She's three. She's three.

She's probably target demographic. Yeah, I think so. She don't care. No, she doesn't care. It's probably target demographic. Yeah, I think so. I think so. Yeah, she don't care. No, she doesn't care. She don't care. No, she's all over. It's a nice song. Yeah, I know.

Yes, okay, Frozen, very much justified choice. And what's going to be your song choice? Song choice is Breakfast at Tiffany's by Deep Blue Something. Yes, okay. Wow. Yes, okay, wow. Simply because it is a very twee song and very, when you listen to it, it's very annoying and whiny and a horrible sort of,

this guy is clinging on, saying, what about that film we watched once? Oh, it was all right, yeah, so we got that. Yeah, stay. And yeah, I just, no, all right yeah so we got that yeah stay and yeah i just no it's i'm pretty sure that i mean anything when i think of breakfast at tiffany's anything i really think of is that the racist mickey rooney in it when he's playing the chinaman oh right yeah um so i think that's the bit they liked yeah i think every time they say that, I just imagine an extra verse

for them saying, what about when the white man played a gentleman? That was really good. He pronounced his words funny. Oh,

that was almost the tune as well. It was. Yeah, I know. I hate myself for doing that. I think that song

is, you know, very much of the time. Yes. It almost sounds exactly like the theme tune to Friends. It does. Doesn't it?

Yeah. It's got that kind of jangly guitar-ness going on. Yeah. I'm actually trying to think why it's so popular. It's not actually that catchy. No. It's only that chorus, and it kind of tails off. You're like, that's the word, breakfast,

it's been a member of the film, and I recall you both kind of tails off. You're like, that's the Warped Bar, Breakfast, the Tivoli, the film, remember the film, and I recall you both kind of liked it. So that's the world. That's exactly. That's one thing we've got. And that's like, you know.

That's it, isn't it? It is. And they were like a one hit wonder, those guys. And that was their one hit. Yeah. Wow.

Do you think that they toured the hat? I imagine they probably did. Yeah, probably. They might be doing those 80, no, it'd be 90s revival festivals and stuff now. wow do you think that they toured the hat I imagine they probably did yeah probably they might be doing those 80 no it'd be 90s revival festivals

and stuff now yeah oh my god yeah okay ugh but I mean like

it's just a fucking it's such a weird thing it seems like are there as many one hit wonders now as there was at that time well the 90s is full of it isn't it isn't it unbelievable what's that what's the guy's It seems like, are there as many one-hit wonders now as there was at that time? Well, the 90s is full of it, isn't it?

Isn't it? Unbelievable. What's the guy's... The New Radicals? The New Radicals, yeah. Get What You Give? Yeah. They just had that one as well.

That's come up on this... Weirdly enough, that's come up on this podcast a lot. I mean, that's a doozy, isn't it? Yeah, it's a doozy. The video of that makes me laugh because the guy just blinks so much. You watch it. You watch it. He just blinks so much.

He's like constantly blinking. Oh, my God. That guy from the New Radicals wrote Life is a Rollercoaster for Ronan Keating. Did he? Yeah. I did not know that. There you go. Take that with you.

Bless him. He went after the New Radical him. He went after new articles. He went on to write loads of songs for pop people, a lot of which were sort of album fodder. But that's the only other one that I know for sure. I love it when they do that. When they go off and do other things, you're like, I had no idea.

I had no idea. Kathy Dennis, I think, was one of the main ones. I mean, you might be too young. I don't know. I'm 30. Yeah, I'm 40. But I think the 10 years the main ones she was I mean you you might be too young I don't know I'm 30 yeah I'm I'm 40 but I think the

10 years might make the difference yeah she was big in the 80s big singer in the 80s and then she was like been writing Kylie's songs and stuff like that

very odd it's great it's great yeah it is good yeah it's nice that they've got a career after that you know and they can one of the other ones that I...

Would they fall into this bracket? You know, The Water Boys? The Whole of the Moon, that song. Oh, yes. I love that song. Yes. But it's that... I don't think they've got any other songs.

And that makes me feel a bit sad because I really fucking love that song. You could be right there. I don't think they do. I don't know. I think that's it, yeah. I mean, I'm not expecting it to be a Fountain of Nice

about London Wonders. But yes, okay, so Breakfast at Tiffany's. Also, you know, it just conjures up images of like Audrey Hepburn

sat there with a cigarette but actually, does it have much to do with that? I don't know. Not at all. Yeah. It could have been any film. It really could have been any film.

They could have said, you know, what about, you know, Braindead, the Peter Jackson film. It really could have been any film. They could have said, you know, what about Brain Dead? The Peter Jackson film. What about that? What about The Exorcist? Is it from a film? No. Is this the soundtrack to a movie?

No, not at all. I mean, it could literally have been. I said, what about The Exorcist? You said, I think I remember that film. I recall we both kind of liked it. That's the one thing we got. It could have been that. Okay.

What about Debbie Does Dallas? What about Two Girls, One Cup? What about that? It could have been anything. I said, what about Pineapple Pen? Yeah, exactly. Okay. Thank you very much.

Breakfast at Tiffany's by Deep Brew something? Yeah. It's going to be your song. And that's actually their name. How do you just give up? Or did someone mispronounce it

one time? Or one of them thought it was really poignant. Yeah. Wow, that's deep. Yeah, it is deep. That's deep actually.

And glue. We should go with that. Yeah. Okay. Thank you very much, Alex. And finally, the island is overrun

by the biggest dick of all the animals. Which animal is it and why? You probably had this come up before. Go on. Wasp. The wasp. It doesn't come up as much as you think, actually.

Go on. The wasp. The common garden wasp, which is a real pain in the backside, sometimes literally. Yes. Interesting story. Well, I remember a friend of mine was once stung on the knob by a wasp. How? I didn't ask. I didn't ask. I didn't ask. I was just like, oh, oh, dear. How mine was once stung on the knob by a wasp. How? I didn't ask.

I didn't ask. I didn't ask. I was just like, oh, oh dear. How did he get stung on the knob? I mean, this is the same guy that got a twisted testicle and stuff like that. He had a lot of things going wrong with his genitals. Okay. Yeah, once got stung on the tip.

And I don't know how. I don't know why. I don't know if he was having a pee outside or peed on a wasp nest. I don't know. I didn't ask. I did not. Okay, the thing that I don't understand more I didn't ask. I did not. Okay, the thing that I don't understand

more than the fact that he got stung on the knob is why the first thing that you asked wasn't how? Yeah. Because I'd just love to know. He just,

oh, I got stung on the knob by a wasp and I went, ooh, that sounds painful. And that was it. That's great. Yeah. Maybe it's better not to know.

Yeah, I think it's probably because it was him. Anyone else had been like, how did that happen? I like to think he went round and caught it in a jar and then put it in there because that had been his life's ambition to get stung. Yeah, this was years before YouTube, so he wouldn't have filmed it or anything. It'd be great if he just filmed that and it cropped up. But wasps, yeah, because they're just...

I mean, I understand every insect and every sort of animal on the planet has something to do with our ecosystem. I understand they have something to give. I understand that. But the only thing I can get is if you have food or a drink, they like to hover like in front of your face or in the drink or I mean I was at oh what was it we went to a Toby Carvery a bit of free advertising

for Toby Carvery which is which is great and we were outside it's a nice hot day eating our food and then a wasp came we were like

oh no you do that little dance where you're sort of like no no no go away and then another one came as well and you do that little dance where you're sort of like no, no, no, go away. And then another one came as well. Oh no, two now.

What do we do? What do we do? And three. Oh, three. Why? And it just multiplied and got more. By the end of it

we'd finished our food and put it on the other table and it was just covered in wasps. It was one of the grimmest things I've ever seen in my life. It makes me feel itchy. I know, I know. It's horrible.

And also last year I got stung by a dead one. Stung by a dead wasp? A dead wasp. How? Well, I was at my mum's just checking some old photographs out and I felt something on my leg. I was like, oh, what's that? And I just kind of brushed it and it st felt something on my leg and I was like oh what's that and I just kind of

brushed it and it stung me on the it was a dead wasp but it stung me on the finger and I was like you fucking what

and I didn't even I don't know how long it had been there or what and I don't know where it had come from it could be like a 20, 30 year old wasp

that's it a little bit of venom in there and it really stung. Oh, no. And then, unfortunately, it was my dad's funeral last year. And the wake was outside a bar. And, unfortunately, that was run by wasps as well. Oh, no.

So, occasionally, like, oh, I'm really sorry for your loss. Yeah, just moving out the way. I'm sorry, I'm getting attacked. Yeah, no, it's a really sad day. Please stop attacking me. It's a really sad day. Stop attacking me. So, yeah, it was tinged with stings.

Oh, no. But, you know, it's what he would have wanted. Well, I'm sorry to hear about that. That's all right. No, it's fine. It happens, man. It's life. It's life. It's life.

But yeah, stripy bastards can get in the sea as well as I'm concerned. Yes, they can. Yeah, they're awful, aren't they? It ruins things.

Like you said, you're eating outside and you just want to sit there and you don't want to be thinking about a fucking wasp. You want to be having nice conversation

with your friends or your family, eating, drinking, enjoying yourself. They take the focus away from that. As soon as conversation with your friends or your family, eating, drinking, enjoying yourself. They take the focus away from that. As soon as a wasp appears near your head, you're like, ugh. And everyone's got an opinion on it as well.

Everyone's like, just don't react. Yeah, or, oh, I hate them as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My favourite one is don't react. Don't react. Yeah, don't react to it. It'll be all right. And my friend did that at the funeral and it landed on his face. And he was like, I'm not reacting. I'm not reacting. And it don't react to it. It'll be all right. And my friend did that at the funeral, and it landed on his face,

and he was like, I'm not reacting. I'm not reacting. And it was crawling on his face. I was like, dude, dude, please react. Did it something? Did it sting? No. No, he was lucky.

Okay. But yeah, he just, he wasn't bothered. And then when it landed in his drink and drowned, he was a bit upset. Yeah. That's revenge. That's it. Yeah, take that.

Okay, Wasp. It's a fantastic choice. An island overrun by wasps would be awful. Imagine. Yeah, I mean, you say that, but then if you've got Gemma Collins on there and I did put the whole of TOWIE on there, maybe it would be some good telly.

That would be good TV. Or with breakfast at Tiffany's blasting out on a TOWIE system. Now that is a reality TV show, right? Wasp Island. Wasp Island. Coming this fall, Wasp Island. I mean, some of them, like, they probably need the work they're doing.

Yeah. Right? Imagine it'd be like Lord of the Flies, but with wasps. Now that I'd watch. Oh, yeah. Oh, my gosh. Okay. Get on the ITV commissioning. Yeah, that's it. If you're listening, the ideas are right here. Oh, yeah. Oh my gosh. Okay. Get on the ITV commissioning. Yeah, that's it.

If you're listening, the ideas are right here. Oh yeah. Just tweet me. Yep. Tweet us. Thank you very much, Alex. That's fantastic. Thanks for coming in. If people want to find you, where can they find you? On Twitter. At Alex Sivrites.

I do a lot of stuff for BBC Radio Kent with John Holmes' show so I do I do things there but yeah get him

Twitter's I think Twitter's the main bit really just get me on there yeah and tell us about I'd like

because I very much enjoyed your Jeremy Fine Agony Uncle yes over Christmas time that was very funny thank you

tell me how that came about John Holmes that's literally literally his baby he kind of said to me if you've got any over Christmas time. That was very funny. Thank you. Tell me how that came about. John Holmes. Ah. That was literally his baby. He kind of said to me, if you've got any ideas for it, throw them my way.

We had a pilot last year that was on BBC Radio 2 as part of their comedy shorts thing. And that was in July, I think, last year. That went really well. Apparently, it was the most downloaded thing on Radio 2, apparently. I don't know. It's hilarious. Yeah, it was the most downloaded thing on Radio 2, apparently. I don't know. It's hilarious.

Yeah, it's just a thing that was added. So yeah, they gave us a Christmas special, so I did additional material for that, which was quite good.

And where can people find it if they want to check that out? It's on YouTube. Oh, great. It was on BBC Sounds, but they're taking it off now. But yeah, you can find it on YouTube.

You can find both episodes on YouTube, actually, if you just type in Jeremy Vine, Agony Uncle. I am in the episode, the Christmas special, twice. Oh, are you? I play a foreign person, a vox pop. Okay. Who says he doesn't speak English well.

And I also play a caller regarding fracking as well. I do play that. Okay. Well, it's very funny and you should check it out. Thank you so much for coming in, Alex. A pleasure. Thank you.